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EWA: Why People Almost Care About Wrestling In Europe, But Hate Themselves For It


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<p>Quick Picks:</p><p>

<strong>Byron</strong> vs. Haiti Voodude</p><p>

<em>The boss won't tolerate jobbing.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Barry Vechio (MOSC) vs. <strong>Adam Matravers©</strong>: EWA European title</p><p>

<em>No way the visitor takes it away.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Jeri Behr vs. Anna Ki vs. Miss Information vs. <strong>Geena The Warrior Princess©</strong>: EWA Female title</p><p>

<em>No title changes without a storyline.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Eddie Cornell vs. <strong>Sergei Kalashnov</strong></p><p>

<em>Main Event guy, and Eddie just doesn't have what the EWA wants.</em></p><p> </p><p>

The Force vs. <strong>Marat Khoklov</strong></p><p>

<em>Because he's huge. Duh!</em></p><p> </p><p>

Louis Figo Manico vs. Spiros The Mighty vs. <strong>Bam Bam Johansson©</strong>: EWA Universal title</p><p>

<em>BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM! BAM BAM! BAM BAM BAM!</em></p>

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<p><strong>Byron</strong> vs. Haiti Voodude</p><p>

Barry Vechio (MOSC) vs. <strong>Adam Matravers©: </strong>EWA European title</p><p>

Jeri Behr vs. Anna Ki vs. Miss Information vs. <strong>Geena The Warrior Princess©: </strong>EWA Female title</p><p>

Eddie Cornell vs. <strong>Sergei Kalashnov</strong></p><p>

The Force vs. <strong>Marat Khoklov</strong></p><p>

Louis Figo Manico vs. Spiros The Mighty vs. <strong>Bam Bam Johansson©: </strong>EWA Universal title </p><p> </p><p>

Hmm that bad Spanish/Latin accent seemed familiar lol. btw Thought of a nice tag team Beast Bantom + Danny Patterson = The British Beasts/Bruisers perfect foil for the russians East vs West. You could stable em up with Matravers/Hercules Johansen and Bam Bam. Then all you need is a midcard contender for the Russians Kalashnov maybe or bring someone in (Bad News Bruno/Scheming Behemoth/Oleg Dorosklov/Pavel Vanzycha). (sry I love stable wars hehe.)</p>

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Hyde Hill" data-cite="Hyde Hill" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="22574" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><p> Hmm that bad Spanish/Latin accent seemed familiar lol. btw Thought of a nice tag team Beast Bantom + Danny Patterson = The British Beasts/Bruisers perfect foil for the russians East vs West. You could stable em up with Matravers/Hercules Johansen and Bam Bam. Then all you need is a midcard contender for the Russians Kalashnov maybe or bring someone in (Bad News Bruno/Scheming Behemoth/Oleg Dorosklov/Pavel Vanzycha). (sry I love stable wars hehe.)</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> 1. Hey, it sounded like a good idea to me</p><p> 2. I have thought about teaming Patterson and Bantom, but both of them are in solid teams at the moment. Not my fault Patterson and Thompson and then Bantom and Washington have good chemistry together.</p><p> 3. I've always wanted to bring in Scheming Behemoth... but Byron is a dick and wont' let me. Oh, and Dorosklov got signed off to that national GCG... bugger.</p>
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<p><strong>Byron</strong> vs. Haiti Voodude</p><p>

Barry Vechio (MOSC) vs. <strong>Adam Matravers</strong>©: EWA European title</p><p>

Jeri Behr vs. Anna Ki vs. Miss Information vs. <strong>Geena The Warrior Princess</strong>©: EWA Female title</p><p>

<strong>Eddie Cornell</strong> vs. Sergei Kalashnov</p><p>

The Force vs. <strong>Marat Khoklov</strong></p><p>

<strong>Louis Figo Manico</strong> vs. Spiros The Mighty vs. Bam Bam Johansson©: EWA Universal title </p><p>

<em>If you don't take it off Bam Bam now, will anyone ever be able to?</em></p>

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<p>Wow, I didn't even know this diary existed until the last few days. This is fantastic! Finally someone who can appreciate the fine art of the big lug. Speaking of which, if you need a midcard title, allow me to suggest something I came up with but never used. The Hoss Title... an anti-X Division/anti-Cruiserweight title for the Midcard Hosses!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Byron</strong> vs. Haiti Voodude</p><p>

<em>- Pretty blonde locks over black voodude mojo.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Barry Vechio (MOSC) vs. <strong>Adam Matravers©</strong>: EWA European title</p><p>

<em>- A 'fluke roll up' for Matravers as Vechio gets a chance to see if he has a chance in the land of the Alpha Male(s.)</em></p><p> </p><p>

Jeri Behr vs. <strong>Anna Ki</strong> vs. Miss Information vs. Geena The Warrior Princess©: EWA Female title</p><p>

-<em> Seems like a good excuse for a title change since Geena can lose without losing. And I picked Anna Ki just because.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Eddie Cornell vs. <strong>Sergei Kalashnov</strong></p><p>

<em>- Cornell is a tag wrestler, Kalashnov has some solid singles potential.</em></p><p> </p><p>

The Force vs. <strong>Marat Khoklov</strong></p><p>

<em>- Darth Khoklov shows the power of the dark side.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Louis Figo Manico vs. Spiros The Mighty vs. <strong>Bam Bam Johansson©</strong>: EWA Universal title </p><p>

<em>- Bam Bam is too much fun to lose the title yet. He's just hitting his stride.</em></p>

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Beeker" data-cite="Beeker" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="22574" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Wow, I didn't even know this diary existed until the last few days. This is fantastic! Finally someone who can appreciate the fine art of the big lug. Speaking of which, if you need a midcard title, allow me to suggest something I came up with but never used. <strong>The Hoss Title... an anti-X Division/anti-Cruiserweight title for the Midcard Hosses!</strong><p> </p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Not sure if there's quite room yet for a full fledged title...</p><p> </p><p> But something else to help focus on the lumbering big guys?</p><p> </p><p> <img alt=":cool:" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/cool.png.f00d2562b2c1d873a09323753efdb041.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>
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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><span style="font-size:14px;"><span style="font-size:14px;"><span style="text-decoration:underline;"><strong><span style="color:#000080;">EWA Kollision Kourse!</span></strong></span></span></span></p></div><p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><em>November 2010 Week 4</em></p><p><em>

From Catt Stadium in front of 7026 fans and LIVE on PPV by V-Corp!</em></p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

<span style="font-size:18px;">Dark Show:</span></p><p>

<strong>Devastation United vs. Cyber-Beast</strong></p><p>

Devastation United defeated Cyber-Beast in 5:42 when Poppa Punisher defeated Clinton Washington by pinfall with a Punishing Bomb.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#A0522D;">D+</span></strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Danny Patterson & Hercules Johansson vs. Double Dutch</strong></p><p>

Double Dutch defeated Danny Patterson and Hercules Johansson in 6:12 when Ruud Van Anger defeated Hercules Johansson by pinfall with a Dutch Courage.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#A0522D;">D+</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<span style="font-size:18px;">Main Show:</span></p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Byron.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HaitiVoodude.jpg</span><p><strong>

Byron vs. Haiti Voodude</strong></p></div><p></p><p>

<em>The fans who paid either to be here or watch this on PPV were treated to a solid start to the night, with Byron and Haiti Voodude slugging it for the crowd’s delight. Punches, bodyslams, and pointless taunting and posing galore as they two made anyone still saying wrestling is real look even more foolish. C’mon, one guy took time to pose mid-match so a girl good take a picture of him and the other one tried to defeat him with a voodoo doll (which was promptly tossed out of the ring, causing Byron to pitch himself to the mat.) The voodoo trickery wasn’t enough, and Byron managed to lift Voodude for the Upper Class for the victory.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Byron defeated Haiti Voodude in 10:30 by pinfall with an Upper Class.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF8C00;">C</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p>

<em>Kneeling in a spotlight and otherwise engulfed in darkness, Spiros The Mighty (II, for you 1970s buffs!) addresses an unknown entity somewhere in the abyss before.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#00FF00;">Spiros The Mighty:</span></strong> While a great champion in the mortal realm, I come today as a humble servant of the Gods, willing to obey their bidding as a small human child would mine. What word comes from Olympus on this turbulent hour?</p><p> </p><p>

<em>Before Spiros, a pair of beady red eyes pierces through the darkness. While lacking in overall wattage, the red light is enough to illuminate the other half of the conversation: The Owl.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>The OWL:</strong> SPIROS LANDRAKIS, JR., SON OF SPIROS LANDRAKIS AND CHOSEN CHAMPION OF THE MORTALS, TONIGHT SHALL BE YOUR FINAL TEST…. UNTIL THE GODS GET BORED AND DECIDE UPON A NEW TEST!!! THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH TESTS!!! THE WICKED MAN OF THE WEST AND THE GREAT BETRAYER MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO PREVEAL!!! IT IS ZEUS’S WILL THAT THE EWA UNIVERSAL TITLE FINALLY BE RID OF THEIR FOUL TAINT!!!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#00FF00;">Spiros The Mighty:</span></strong> But, oh humble messenger, the dark powers of the wicked man and the betrayer are great! Alone, neither possesses the might to defeat me, but together… together I fear a thousand years of darkness shall reign over humanity, as I very well may fall in combat!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>The OWL:</strong> DO NOT FEAR, GREAT CHAMPION! THE GODS HAVE FORSEEN THE COMBINED DARK POWERS OF THE WICKED MAN OF THE WEST AND THE BETRAYER, AND HAVE PROVIDED FOR YOU A GREAT WEAPON!!!</p><p> </p><p>

<em>A chubby, chocolate covered hand attached to a cubby German man is noticeably seen as it flings something into the hands Spiros The Mighty (thanks to one of The OWL’s eyes exploding and lighting up the room for a flash). Spiros looks into the glittering object to see he now possesses…</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>The OWL:</strong> BEHOLD THE GOLDEN FLEECE!!! USE IT WISELY, FOR ITS POWER IS GREAT AND OFTEN TIME UPREDICTABLE!!!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#00FF00;">Spiros The Mighty:</span></strong> Fear not! It seems befitting that a tool of the Gods themselves very well may be the key to defeating the evil ones. Tell the Gods that I thank them for their support in this most dire of times! However, I must go prepare for the coming storm!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>The OWL:</strong> GOOD LUCK, SPIROS!!! IN THEIR DARKEST HOUR, YOU ALONE ARE THE LAST HOPE FOR THE MORTAL REALM!!!</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#008000;">B+</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_European.jpg</span><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BarryVechio.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AdamMatravers.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Barry Vechio (MOSC) vs. Adam Matravers©: EWA European title</strong></p></div><p></p><p>

<em>Shockingly, the fans seemed highly interested in a match between a high flier and a guy from MOSC that’s here simply to fill space for the evening. From the start Vechio displayed his “Ground and Pound” style offense, putting Matravers on the mat with a headlock takedown and working him over with stiff punches and painful submission holds. Using his own technical prowess, Matravers managed to wiggle free permanently and unload with a nice kicking combination, ending with a spinning heel kick. With Vechio dazed on the ground, Matravers went up top and hit the Mile High Moonsault to prove that he doesn’t have to cheat to beat some guy EWA brought in with the talent trade.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Adam Matravers defeated Barry Vechio in 8:02 by pinfall with a Mile High Moonsault. Adam Matravers makes defence number 14 of his EWA European title.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF8C00;">C+</span></strong> (excellent chemistry, hah!)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AdamMatravers.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p>

<em>Celebrating his first clean win in a couple months, Matravers bounds onto the second rope (in the middleish) and attempts to get the fans to start cheering for him. They do burst into celebration, but unknown to the smiling Matravers it isn’t because of him. After dropping back down in the ring, Matravers turns around…</em></p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

<em>And is immediately knocked horizontal by Hercules Johansson!!! Taking a play out of his brother’s book, Hercules celebrates the single punch by flexing for the audience in a way only a Norwegian can. Dazed, Matravers slowly starts to try and crawl out of the ring… but unfortunately, Hercules’s flexing routine ended in time for him to spot Matravers and pull him back into center ring by his ankle. Flipping him over and using his other hand to grab Adam by his neck, Hercules power lifts Adam Matravers up and over his head in one smooth motion! After using Adam for a couple reps of military pressing, Johansson uses his immense strength to pitch Matravers as high up as he can, who then comes crashing face first into the mat below (a maneuver better known as the Hercules Lift.) Satisfied that justice had been served, Hercules Johansson left Matravers gasping for breath on the mat as he walked off, flexing for all of Europe.</em></p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF8C00;">C-</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_Female.jpg</span><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JeriBehr.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AnnaKi.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MissInformation.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Geena.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Jeri Behr vs. Anna Ki vs. Miss Information vs. Geena The Warrior Princess©: EWA Female title</strong></p></div><p></p><p>

<em>Because who doesn’t want to see four hot women have a fourway (giggity)? The match quickly evolved into organized, but good looking, chaos with Jeri Behr displaying her amazing flexibility, Anna Ki and Miss Information grappling as tightly as they could with their opponents, and Geena bulldozing any of the ladies unlucky enough to be in her way. Unfortunately for her, Miss Information used her own momentum against her and managed to toss her slightly larger opponent out of the ring! Jeri Behr even capitalized with a diving plancha. Miss Information laughed at the aching champion… but didn’t notice Anna Ki stalking behind her. She turned around into a boot to the stomach followed by the Ki-D-T! With Jeri and Geena both incapacitated outside the ring, Anna Ki managed to get the pin and win the EWA Female title!</em></p><p> </p><p>

Anna Ki defeated Jeri Behr, Miss Information and Geena The Warrior Princess in 7:54 when Anna Ki defeated Miss Information by pinfall with a Ki-D-T. Anna Ki wins the EWA Female title.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#A0522D;">D+</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>In the same Justice League like voice of before:</strong> MEANWHILE, IN THE SECRET LAIR OF THE EVIL SOVIET UNION…</p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#8B0000;">Boris Kiriyakin:</span></strong> They are but small and stupid capitalist! What does man whose blood is redder than the rest of world’s do to small, stupid capitalist?</p><p> </p><p>

<em>Boris Kiriyakin and The Big Bad stand over Marat Khoklov while he bench presses a statue of Joseph Stalin.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF0000;">Marat Khoklov:</span></strong> Khoklov will BREAK THEM!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#696969;">The Big Bad:</span></strong> THEEEEEEM!!!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#8B0000;">Boris Kiriyakin:</span></strong> Foolish Westerners, they try to make up for small size with silly and foolish high flying antics! Man is meant to be strong like bear, yes? And Russian men real men, and fight like bear!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF0000;">Marat Khoklov:</span></strong> Hah! Silly high flying! Khoklov BURY little capitalist who think they defeat him by getting to equal height on turnbuckle, like how Khrushchev buried Kennedy!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#696969;">The Big Bad:</span></strong> TURNBUUUUUCKLE!!!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#8B0000;">Boris Kiriyakin:</span></strong> Exactly! Capitalists are greedy pigmen, and pigmen only one quarter human. Even together they are only half the man of a son of the Motherland! Indeed, you face them in handicap match where they are handicapped by own elitism and mockery they call free market!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#696969;">The Big Bad:</span></strong> MAAARKEEET!!!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF0000;">Marat Khoklov:</span></strong> Do not lecture Khoklov, Comrade Boris, on the wrong doings of capitalism! KHOKLOV SHALL CRUSH CAPITALISM!!!! KHOKLOV SHALL BRING ABOUT GLORIOUS RED DAWN FROM WHICH THERE WILL NEVER BE A DUSK, YES?!!! Tonight mark rise of the working class against first capitalism here in EWA, and eventually even against ridiculous Hollywood movies fat pigs admire! Tonight shall be glorious for Khoklov, for Soviet Union, and for proletariat everywhere!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#8B0000;">Boris Kiriyakin:</span></strong> Yes, yes, Comrade Khoklov! The spirit of Lenin smiles upon Soviet Union tonight! Come Comrade, let us pray…</p><p> </p><p>

<em>After his 100th rep, Khoklov pitches the Stalin statue aside (which lands perfectly upright, of course), and the three Soviets cross the Red Room of Doom to the giant portrait of Vladimir Lenin in the back. The Big Bad and Marat Khoklov bow their heads, while Boris Kiriyakin grabs a red book emblazoned with a golden Sickle and Hammer and turns into the middle of the book.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#8B0000;">Boris Kiriyakin:</span></strong> Oh heavenly Marx, and your one true son Lenin who you sent to this world to bless its people with communism, tonight we pray for your strength. As we walk through the valley of the shadows of capitalist greed, may your wisdom protect from the temptation of a free market economy. May the Soviet Union once again prevail, and may her nonbelievers either see the Crimson Light or freeze in the endless tundra of Siberia. Hail Marx, father of our leaders, Lenin is with you. Blessed is the proletariat and the transfer of power to the working class. Hail Marx, father of our…</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#008000;">B+</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<em>Boris Kiriyakin continues to read from the Soviet Bible (or whatever it is) as the scene transfers to a small, 12” television being watched by Marat Khoklov’s opponents tonight… The Force. </em></p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#00FF00;">Jed High:</span></strong> Oh my… master, I can feel the power resonating from the words in that book in my very bones. I fear… perhaps the power of the Dark Side may yet be strong enough to destroy us both with him.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#0000FF;">Toby Juan Kanobi:</span></strong> Fear not, young apprentice. Time and time again, the forces of the Light have triumphed over those who would turn to the Dark seeking power and glory. Darth Khoklov is no different than any other tyrant we have faced in the past together. </p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#00FF00;">Jed High:</span></strong> Perhaps… but I cannot shake this feeling, Master Kanobi. Something is wrong, but the Dark Side has blocked me from seeing what it is. </p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#0000FF;">Toby Juan Kanobi:</span></strong> Hmm… difficult to see is the future, with or without the vile smog of the Dark Side. While I am confident we can defeat him, I do not know what efforts we must take to turn Khoklov from this darkest of paths.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#00FF00;">Jed High:</span></strong> If I may say so, Master, I do not believe Khoklov is worth saving.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#0000FF;">Toby Juan Kanobi: </span></strong>Remember your lessons, padawan! Every living thing, including Darth Khoklov, is worth saving. What if I had decided that you were not worth saving, Jed High, when you began to turn to the Dark Side? Today, the Light Side would be without one of its most noble and powerful warriors.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#00FF00;">Jed High:</span></strong> I understand, Master Kanobi.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#0000FF;">Toby Juan Kanobi:</span></strong> Still… we should not underestimate the power and treachery of Darth Khoklov. Let us meditate and seek guidance from The Force. Violence should always be a last resort, Jed High, and utilizing it should never be taken lightly.</p><p>

</p><p><em>

Using the Force (or a remote control), Toby Juan Kanobi shuts off the TV as he and Jed High sit on the floor in a meditative stance.</em></p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF8C00;">C</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EddieCornell.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SergeiKalashnov.jpg</span><p><strong>

Eddie Cornell vs. Sergei Kalashnov</strong></p></div><p></p><p>

<em>Even though there was absolutely nothing riding on it, the fans didn’t mind getting this little filler match with the stuff they paid to see. Kalashnov had the brilliant strategy of playing to the crowd rather than fighting Cornell, infuriating “Rugged Due Process” into abandoning any sense of a technical approach and charging Kalashnov with a head of steam. Naturally, Sergei planned for this and proceeded to counter Cornell’s wild punches with some slick takedowns, including a sweet looking springboard arm drag (and leading to some high flying action from Sergei). Not to say Eddie didn’t’ get a few hard shots in, of course, and even did his best to snap Kalashnov’s arm with an arm bar. Sadly for Eddie, his attempt at the Black Lightning Bomb was countered by a hurricanrana. Discombobulated by the move, Cornell stumbled up and right into the Eastern Block for Sergei Kalashnov, who picked up the predictable win.</em></p><p> </p><p>

Sergei Kalashnov defeated Eddie Cornell in 12:04 by pinfall with an Eastern Block.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF8C00;">C+</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p>

<em>Chugging bull shark testosterone like an alcoholic manic depressive with a six pack of beer, Bam Bam Johansson is busy getting himself into top form for tonight’s triple threat match! With each chug of bull shark testosterone, another muscle grows on the layers of mounds that cover the part of his body that most people simply have biceps!</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#006400;">Bam Bam Johansson: </span></strong>ALPHA, BABY, ALPHA!!! THAT is what the EWA is all about, that’s what the WORLD is about BABY! It’s about being a winner, and I AM a winner!!! GENETICALLY DIFFERENT! SUPERIOR! Alpha is the beginning, it’s the top! You can’t get any higher than the top because then you’d just be back at the bottom baby, YEAH! That’s totally proven by like physics and stuff!</p><p> </p><p>

<em>With his cans empty, Bam Bam Johansson walks over to the fish tank that houses his pet bull shark, who he starts to… uhh… milk into one of the empty cans. You know, ring the shark like a wash rag until testosterone pours out its gills. Literally.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#006400;">Bam Bam Johansson:</span></strong> And tonight, “The Alpha Norwegian”, the epitome of human size, strength, and style, has to face off with a couple of guys are still at that bottom. I mean, maybe Manico was an Alpha male back in the 1970s and he hadn’t started collecting social security, but there’s nothing that says Alpha when it comes to dentures. I mean c’mon, it’ll almost turn me into a beta if I become known as the guy who broke his hip. But ONLY ALMOST, because nothing can stop “The Alpha Norwegian” from being Alpha BABY, YEAH!!!</p><p> </p><p>

<em>Satisfied with the level of BST he’s milked from his shark, Bam Bam takes a big swig of it.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#006400;">Bam Bam Johansson:</span></strong> And then you got that other guy. You know, the one with the owl. Most birds are already Delta level animals, and within that Delta subgroup owls are TOTALLY only Gammas! That makes them, like… LIKE SOMETHING THAT I CAN’T EVEN MEASURE,YEAH!!! And if you hang with something like that, then you clearly lack player… style. And if you lack player style, then you’re not ALPHA BABY, YOU’RE NOT! But I am! I’m a carefully chiseled human masterpiece with the soul of a friggin’ lion! And LIONS, they’re Alpha baby, they’re ALPHA!! Top predators, man! And the top predator doesn’t get pecked to death by a pair of Deltowls!</p><p> </p><p>

<em>Chuggy chug chug goes some more bull shark testosterone!</em></p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#0000FF;">A</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><p></p><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpg</span><p><strong>

The Force vs. Marat Khoklov</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p><p>

<em>The Force are waiting patiently in the ring for Marat Khoklov, and sure enough we go through the usual routine of the ground shaking, Japanese people running in fear of Godzilla (or other kaiju), and muscle by muscle Marat Khoklov emerges from behind the EWA tarp… with a microphone?</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF0000;">Marat Khoklov:</span></strong> So Khoklov hear about little capitalist discussing match against Khoklov… and Khoklov not realize, stupid fat cat Wall Street pigs not smart enough to understand beautiful nature of Communism. So, allow Khoklov moment to explain, yes? With Communism, all who believe in great red dream equals with one another. So Khoklov equal with…</p><p> </p><p>

<em>From behind the tarp, Boris Kiriyakin and The Big Bad emerge and stand on either side of Khoklov, they too decked out in their ring gear.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FF0000;">Marat Khoklov:</span></strong> … Comrades Boris Kiriyakin and The Big Bad. Much like how term handicap match equal in meaning of one versus two, or… two versus three. So you understand now, yes? Little fat pigs, now you face three of Russia’s big, good, wolves! And Soviet Union… shall…. BREAK YOU!!!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpg</span><p><strong>

The Force vs. Marat Khoklov, The Big Bad, & Boris Kiriyakin</strong></p></div><p></p><p>

<em>The Force showed no fear as the wall of giants made their way into the ring, immediately jumping The Big Bad (the first legal man) as he entered, with Jed High eventually staying in to be their legal man after the double team. Using lighting fast strikes, Jed High was able to confuse the dimwitted Big Bad, who soon started to stumble from the repeated assaults. Naturally, all it took was for one of The Big Bad’s slow, heavy clubbing blows to connect to send Jed High tumbling to the mat, and allowed The Big Bad to tag in Boris Kiriyakin. </em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Displaying his super awesome pre-1980s wrestling style, Boris powered the small Aussie around with ease, though his sloppy (er, awesome!) attempt at an abdominal stretch failed with Jed High escaping and tagging in Toby. Kiriyakin tried to power TJK against the ropes, but Kanobi slipped behind him and used a legsweep to drop Boris down! Boris stood up… and right into the Kanobi Cutter!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

1…</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

2...</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Marat Khoklov picks Kanobi up off of Kiriyakin, and hit a monstrous fallaway slam! This became a turning point, as The Force simply were outnumbered, and overpowered, by the raw might of all three Soviets. Alas, they fought on! After Toby got planted with the Red Square, Jed High broke the pin up with a dive off the turnbuckle onto The Big Bad’s back! Using TJK’s back to jump off of , Jed High hit The Big Bad with enough force to send them both tumbling out of the ring (though Marat Khoklov simultaneously slapped The Big Bad on the back in the process). With his partner taking a series of punches, Boris Kiriyakin charged over and sent Jed High crashing into the metal barrier outside the ring. Seeing HIS partner in trouble, Toby prepared to charge and dive out of the ring… but was blindsided by Marat Khoklov with the Moscow Lariat, nearly taking his head off!!! Just stepping on Toby Juan Kanobi, Khoklov pinned TJK for…</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

1…</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

2…</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

3!!!</em></p><p> </p><p>

Marat Khoklov and Soviet Union defeated The Force in 10:07 when Marat Khoklov defeated Toby Juan Kanobi by pinfall with a Moscow Lariat.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#008000;">B-</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p>

<em>The medics are still carrying Toby Juan Kanobi out on a stretcher, just to be sure his neck isn’t broken of course, and “The Pain From Spain” Louis Figo Manico is already heading to the ring a couple of minutes early for tonight’s main event. Seemingly fueling himself on the positive reaction of the audience, Manico looks to be in great spirits for a man about to wrestle arguably the toughest match of his long career.</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#FFA500;">Louis Figo Manico:</span></strong> Ladies, gentlemen, and of course the children, I come before you tonight as but a man… a man who is not fighting in the name of his religion, a man who is not fighting simply for his own ego, but as a man fighting for you! A man fighting to so that wrestling in Europe can have not only a successful future, but a future devoid of the travesties, treachery, and corruption that runs so rife through many other parts of the world! It was this dream that brought me to open UCR *a small pop from the mentioning of the defunct company*, and it is that same dream that was brought me here to EWA, that has brought me here tonight.</p><p> </p><p>

Win, lose… it is all the same as long as the man who does so does so with honor! Bam Bam Johansson, your actions these last few weeks tarnish your own name, and that of this company! I am no coward, and shall not allow such actions to simply go without me seeking satisfaction for your transgressions. Tonight, tomorrow, next year… either you will finally prove yourself a real man, not one who gets by thanks to his freakish amounts of muscle mass and utter lack of trained ability, and defeat me as a man defeats another man. Perhaps that will be tonight, or perhaps even the crazed lunatic Spiros shall walk away the superior to the both of us! But you and me, my main man, you and me are a long ways from being okay with each other, si? Come and face me, Spiros and Johansson… let us decide who is truly the best man, and the man deserving of representing this great company in the eyes of these great people!</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#0000FF;">A</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_Universal.jpg</span><p><strong>

</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg</span><strong>VS</strong><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson.jpg</span></p><p><strong>

Louis Figo Manico vs. Spiros The Mighty vs. Bam Bam Johansson©: EWA Universal title</strong></p></div><p></p><p>

<em>Naturally, Manico and Spiros both went for Johansson first, and after a brief struggle “The Alpha Norwegian” was finally overwhelmed and sent slouching into the turnbuckle. And, also naturally, the moment this happened Spiros turned his attention to Manico and started trying to beat him down with his right hand. Spiros made a critical mistake in attempting to grapple with Manico… who suplexed him to the ground and started working him over on the mat.</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Eventually Johansson recovered, shaking the ring with a shoulderblock that sent Manico down to the mat hard! The match went into Johansson walking around the ring, taking turns smacking either Spiros or Manico around as he pleases, with them both getting only a minor amount of offense against each other… usually because Spiros would ruin any effort Manico put forth. Eventually, Manico managed to see an opportunity after Bam Bam clotheslined Spiros out of the ring. With Johansson distracted with his flexing, he could do little to stop Manico from putting him on one knee with a chop block, followed by a standing front face lock thingy! With Johansson not even Alpha enough to keep moving without being able to breathe, Manico hooked the arms and hit the Madrid Maul!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

1..</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

2..</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

NO!! Spiros managed to get into the ring and break it up in time with a stomp… and carrying with him the Golden Fleece! Spiros tossed the Fleece in Manico’s direction, but Manico managed to catch it! It was but a distraction, or the power of the Fleece, as Spiros sent Manico tumbling out of the ring with a powerful right cross. Spiros then stalked the ailing Johansson, hitting a boot to the gut and the Wrath of the… no, Johansson shoved him off and he rebounded off the ropes… and right into the Spinebuster! Bam Bam with the pin!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

1…</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

2…</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

3!!!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Manico slides into the ring, only in time to stomp Spiros as Bam Bam rolls out of the way with the three count!</em></p><p> </p><p>

Bam Bam Johansson defeated Louis Figo Manico and Spiros the Mighty in 17:40 when Bam Bam Johansson defeated Spiros the Mighty by pinfall with a Spinebuster. Bam Bam Johansson makes defence number 18 of his EWA Universal title.</p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#008000;">B</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg</span><span>http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson.jpg</span></div><p></p><p></p><p>

<em>With Spiros rolling out of the ring in agony and shame, Louis Figo Manico and Bam Bam Johansson stay in, staring each other down intensely. Turning cautiously, Johansson steps over to the ring ropes to retrieve the EWA Universal title… and he immediately flings himself around, attempting to blast Manico with it! But LFM ducks under and comes back with a flurry of right hands, which are soon greeted by rights from Johansson as well!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Right punch Manico!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Right punch Johansson!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Right!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Right!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

An odd left!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Right!</em></p><p><em> </em></p><p><em>

Bah GAWD, it’s turning into a slobber knocker in here! The bell rings helplessly, as the two wrestlers continue trying to beat the hell out of each other! Finally dozens of officials and roadies hit the ring, and after a couple dozen of them are beaten unconscious in the crossfire they manage to subdue both Manico and Johansson! Thank you for paying whatever amount of Euros it was to watch EWA Kollision Kourse! We’ll see you next week on Euro Cable Sports 1!</em></p><p>

<strong><span style="color:#0000FF;">A</span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong><span style="font-size:18px;">Overall Rating: </span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:18px;"><span style="color:#008000;">B</span></span></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>OOC:</strong> I couldn't help but go a little more all out for the PPV! Hope yall enjoyed it.</p>

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EWA Flashback

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWApast.jpg

EWA European Wrestling June 2009 Week 4

 

Having dispatched Greg Keith with ease, Manico plays to the crowd briefly before rolling out of the ring and acquiring a pair of chairs from underneath it. He slides them both in the ring and sets them up before taking a seat in one of them.

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManicopast.jpg

 

Louis Figo Manico: Ladies, gentlemen, and children, despite the best efforts of a man who attempted to discredit me, a man who said that I taint the very title and company that I love so much, I, Louis… Figo… MANICO am still your EWA Universal champion! Alas, I humble enough of a man to know that I was not the only EWA superstar who pleased the fans at European Union of Doom. I am not the only one here that the children look up to, and that I have no shame in acknowledging. Seeing as how we are both the faces the people of this company love, and both of us were successful in our struggles at European Union of Doom, I would like that man to join me! Bam Bam Johansson, please my main man, join me for a little fiesta, si?!

 

The fans don’t have to wait long before the screeching of 80s hair metal electric guitar and motorcycle tires rip through the air.

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohanssonpast.jpg

 

With a roar of the engine, “The Alpha Norwegian” Bam Bam Johansson emerges from behind the EWA tarp, riding his motorcycle like a surfboard… while flexing. Indeed, how he’s steering it is anyone’s guess. After doing a couple of laps around the ring for the fans amusement, Johansson leaps off the bike directly to the ring apron, easily stepping inside the ropes. Raising his massive arms high, Johansson signals for the crowd who throw him a pair of Johansson’s Brand Bull Shark Testosterone Soda! He cracks one open and starts to devour it, while pitching the other to Manico… who just kinda looks at it.

 

Louis Figo Manico: Please, Bam Bam, take a seat.

 

Still drinking from his can of BSTS, Johansson complies with the request.

 

Louis Figo Manico: Last Saturday, Bam Bam, as I managed to climb to the top of the ladder and retrieve the EWA Universal title, therefore defeating Spiros, you yourself had quite the challenge. You faced off against The Russian Giant, Marat Khoklov, in a steel cage no less! Tell me… how did you manage to overcome such incalculable odds to defeat such a skilled and powerful opponent?

 

Bam Bam Johansson: Well, you know bro! He just wasn’t Alpha enough baby, YEAH! He like, tried to pull some of that Red Army stuff on me but I was just all like BU-BAM, BU-BAM *flexing an arm for each of the BU-BAMs*!!! You see, I’m genetically different, YEAH! I mean, yeah, Khoklov is a big guy, right? But he’s still just a BETA MALE! And all the time in the weight room he spent did nothing, NOTHING, to allow him to be physically stronger than a true Alpha! And I’m The Alpha Norwegian baby, YEAH!!

 

Bam Bam returns to flexing for the crowd, much to their delight. Meanwhile, Manico stands up, staring at the can in his hand.

 

Louis Figo Manico: You know, Bam Bam, I trained my whole life to be where I am today. I remember when I was a young child, like the ones in the audience today, and I got to watch such European wrestling legends Commandant Markus Maier and William Riley compete in the ring. Watching them from the front row with my father in 1974 when I was just 8 years old, I knew then and there that I wanted to be just like them. Well, I didn’t want to play a **** like Markus Maier, but you get my drift. The point is, they were trained to a level of technical perfection that I myself have strived for, for that is the true heart of professional wrestling! I even got my opportunity to train with Maier, and in 1986 as just a teenager I began to work, doing what I could to learn all that I could. And you…

 

In one smooth motion, Manico drops the can and picks up his chair, cracking it over Bam Bam’s head! Bam Bam looks at Manico dazed, with a second chair shot sending Johansson tumbling to the mat.

 

Louis Figo Manico: And YOU spend a couple of years living in a weight room and filling your body with… with… bull shark testosterone?! Do you have any clue how much I have suffered through physically, how many hours I have put in to be where I am today?! And young men like you today think you can just take a shortcut, and that becoming a great professional wrestler can be easy if you just bulk yourself up into a walking pile of muscles!

 

Manico punt kicks the last can of BSTS out into the audience before smacking Bam Bam with another chair shot.

 

Louis Figo Manico: You, Johansson, do not possess the true wrestling ability to represent these people as their champion! In fact, I find it an atrocity that one such as yourself is called a professional wrestler! I am a professional wrestler, Johansson, and you are nothing more than a bodybuilder who wandered into a ring! And when I think about the children in the crowd looking up to someone like you, rather than a true wrestler such as myself… it sickens me. Mark my words, Johansson, before I am done I shall show the world that shortcuts lead you nowhere in this business!

 

Manico jams the chair into Johansson’s ribs a couple of times before dropping it on his body, walking off as the fans boo the sudden and bloody assault from their champion.

B+

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http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA5.png

 

Quick Picks:

Sergei Kalashnov vs. Adam Matravers

Donna Marino vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title

Soviet Union vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles

Louis Figo Manico vs. Frank De Pain

Byron vs. Bam Bam Johansson

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Sergei Kalashnov vs. Adam Matravers - Non title to set up challange

Donna Marino vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title - first defense

Soviet Union vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles - draw/no contest to keep things intresting

Louis Figo Manico vs. Frank De Pain - Duh

Byron vs. Bam Bam Johansson - Duh Duh

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http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWAAlpha.jpg

EWA ALPHA!

December 2010 Week 1

From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and TAPED for Euro Cable Sports 1!

 

Dark Show:

Thompson & Patterson vs. Cyber-Beast

Thompson & Patterson defeated Cyber-Beast in 5:52 when Danny Patterson defeated Beast Bantom by pinfall with a Choke Slam.

D

 

Hugh de Aske vs. Hercules Johansson

Hercules Johansson defeated Hugh de Aske in 5:40 by submission with a Hercules Lift.

D-

 

 

 

Main Show:

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SergeiKalashnov.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AdamMatravers.jpg

Sergei Kalashnov vs. Adam Matravers

Apparently someone spiked the… uhhh… beer? Do they drink anything else in Germany? Anywhoodle, the fast paced, high flying showcase of Kalashnov and Matravers actually managed to get the fans almost on their feet. Okay, both are also proficient technical workers and maybe that helped… it’s less sissy than leaping off of turnbuckles, after all. A wayward spinning heel kick from Sergei nailed the ref, sending him tumbling to the mat. Kalashnov turned around… and got blasted by a brass knuckles shot from Matravers! Matravers went for the pin, but the referee was still out.

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpg

 

Out of nowhere, Hercules Johansson hit the ring stalking the frustrated Matravers from behind! Matravers turned around… and got nailed with the Hercules Lift! Johansson revived the ref and rolled out of the ring, and watched with joy as Kalashnov added an Eastern Block to the list of things that hurt Matravers in the last minute, followed by the pin. Come to think of it, maybe Johansson showing up is why people enjoyed this match.

 

Sergei Kalashnov defeated Adam Matravers in 10:20 by pinfall with an Eastern Block. During the match we also had Hercules Johansson run in and attack Adam Matravers.

C+

 

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpg

Standing in a random hallway backstage, with a microphone in one hand and plastic lightsaber in the other, it’s The Force!

 

Toby Juan Kanobi: Let it be known that the treachery of those who embrace the Dark Side knows no limits! I suspected Darth Khoklov had ill intentions when we agreed to that match, and my failure to sense his deceit has cost us both dearly.

 

Jed High: Do not worry, master. With the power of the Light on our side, Darth Khoklov’s treachery will matter not! We shall face his minions as we promised, and we will defeat them.

 

Toby Juan Kanobi: While I appreciate the enthusiasm, young Jed High, I must also ask you to tone down your over confidence. While in an equal match we may be the more skilled team in combat than the Soviet Union, we must take into account the fact that in their cowardice they are likely to face us in a fair fight. Indeed…

B-

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpg

 

Kanobi is cut off, and a mass of muscles blocks everything else from view! The camera backs up a few feet, revealing a brutal assault from all three members of the Soviet Union on The Force in progress! The Force attempt to battle back, but caught off guard, outnumbered, and in close quarters, the Soviet Union is simply too much for them, beating them down with ease. The Big Bad grabs Jed High by the back of his neck and flings him head first into the wall! Meanwhile, Marat Khoklov lifts Toby up against the wall by his throat, punching him in the gut with his free hand! Satisfied, Khoklov chunks Toby Juan Kanobi away… through a table nearby set up with various forms of snacks and refreshments on it! All three Soviets laugh at their crushed opposition, and walk off with Boris getting a quick, cheap kick in on Jed’s ribs in the process.

B

 

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_Female.jpg

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DonnaMarino.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AnnaKi.jpg

Donna Marino vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title

Whoops, Donna Marino and Anna Ki forgot to wear the most revealing clothes they could! That and it’s hard to top having all three Soviets on screen at once. The match was solid at best, with Marino being ground by Anna Ki’s tenacious technical assault for the majority of it and getting in little more than a few quick kicks on her part. Uneventfully, Anna Ki utilized the Ki-D-T to finish off Marino.

 

Anna Ki defeated Donna Marino in 8:29 by pinfall with a Ki-D-T. Anna Ki makes defence number 1 of her EWA Female title.

D-

 

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_Tag.jpg

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpg

Soviet Union vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles

Somewhat to the dismay of the Soviet Union, The Force manage to limp out to the ring with their heads held high and ready to face off. The Soviet Union attempted to end things early with big power moves, but much to their dismay The Force managed to keep kicking out! As the match wore on, the Soviet Union’s pre-match assault advantage started to disappear as The Force’s gambles on high risk attacks paid off, doing significant and well-coordinated damaged to their larger opponents! Looking to help his allies out, Khoklov started to assault either member of The Force unlucky enough to get tossed out of the ring. Looking to eliminate this threat, Jed and Toby springboarded out of the ring in unison, both crashing into Khoklov and leaving him out cold! Rushing to the aid of their leader, Boris and The Big Bad headed to ringside to pry The Force off of Khoklov, and soon the two duos started throwing wild punches at one another… until the referee got to 10! Double count out!

 

Soviet Union drew with The Force in 10:16 following a double count out. During the match we also saw Marat Khoklov run in and attack Jed High, and also attack Kanobi.

C

 

 

 

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With the bell ringing helplessly, The Force and the Soviet Union continued to battle it out! Working together to stop the numbers from overwhelming them, The Force each drop kicked one of Khoklov’s knees to send him crashing back down, and then went back to throwing punches against the other two Soviets! The Union started gaining the upper hand… but The Force used the Force to sense this, and then used it to retrieve their lightsabers (which were actually quite visibly tossed to them by the ringside security)! Unleashing them, The Big Bad screamed and ran for the exit! Boris looked on in dismay, and was soon being pelted with plastic lightsaber shots! With Khoklov struggling back to his feet, Boris too beat a hasty retreat with The Force in hot pursuit! Naturally, Khoklov managed to get back up and went chasing after The Force as well!

B

 

 

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/FrankDePain.jpg

Louis Figo Manico vs. Frank De Pain

There’s really no such thing as a “bad Louis Figo Manico match”. Even against Frank De Pain, the little Dutch spot monkey who fights just to stay in the Midcard, Manico was one half of a stellar bout. Frank’s speed made him hard for Manico to keep contained, and managed to hit several quick springboardy moves because of it, along with some other flashy antics. Of course, his small size also meant when Manico did grab a hold of him he was easy to suplex across the ring with painful results. Looking to slow him down, Manico started to work De Pain’s left knee, and soon the Dutchman was too badly hobbled to slither out of Louis’s grasp. Unable to sustain a fight in close quarters to Manico, De Pain was soon planted with the Madrid Maul and pinned with relative ease.

 

Louis Figo Manico defeated Frank De Pain in 10:05 by pinfall with a Madrid Maul.

B

 

 

 

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Something that the Main Eventers in EWA should be getting used to, Manico has little time to celebrate his minor victory before someone interrupts him. Indeed, a bad knockoff of “O, Fortuna” plays and Spiros The Mighty steps out on the entrance way! Manico appears very alert as he stares across the way from his long time enemy, yet Spiros… Spiros is… grinning?

 

Spiros The Mighty: HARK and give heed good people of the Barbarian Lands and… Louis Figo Manico! On this day, I am the messenger of news from the Gods! And on this day, the news is for once not of a dire nature. Manico, I come to inform you of a great gift in your name.

 

Louis Figo Manico: Whoa, slow down there my main man. A great gift? What kind of “great gift” would you actually give to a man you have spent over a year calling “wicked” and “vile”?

 

Spiros The Mighty: It is just that, Manico! Now… now you are no longer a wicked man! By the will of the Gods, the dark vileness that tainted your very essence has been cleansed! Behold, footage of the cleansing from Kollision Kourse!

 

Pointing up to the Euro-tron, Spiros signals for the production crew to play a clip. Indeed, the triple threat match between Spiros, Manico, and Bam Bam Johansson plays, specifically the part where Spiros tosses the Golden Fleece into the hands of a confused looking Louis Figo Manico. Over and over, the Euro-tron shows Manico catching the Golden Fleece.

 

Louis Figo Manico: So what? You attempted to cheat by attacking me with a golden, hopefully synthesized, dead animal skin? I do not understand what your own underhanded tactics have to do with me suddenly no longer being the bad guy according to your fictional gods.

 

Spiros The Mighty: A-HA! But that is no ordinary dead animal skin, Manico! It is the Golden Fleece, and upon touching the power of Zeus himself cleansed your very being! And with this most joyous of events, you are no longer a threat to the sanctity of the EWA Universal title! But, your cleansing is not the gift which I bear for the Gods to you tonight, Manico.

 

Louis Figo Manico: Well, I am grateful to hear that my “gift” is not knowing that getting pelted with a dead animal magically cleansed my soul of a mystical wickedness that never existed to begin with. Almost as grateful as I… Louis… Figo… Manico am that no longer will you slander my name with your lies in front of the greats fans here in the EWA *cheap pop*!

 

Spiros The Mighty: Yes, and in front of these same fans you shall have the honor of being their champion! The gift Manico… is the Blessing of the Gods! They say that now I, their true Champion, must fight injustice on other fronts. But you, Manico, you have now been chosen to face the Fallen One and vanquish him for the EWA Universal title! It is now your destiny to defeat him Manico, and yours alone. Challenge him, face him, and defeat him with honor. Only then can the EWA take its first major step in ridding itself of further taint!

 

Louis Figo Manico: And why should I trust you, si? How many times have you attacked or slandered me in the past? And now you say you’re just going to sit back and allow the genuinely honorable man you persisted was “evil” and “wicked” take a shot at the very title you claimed I tainted?

 

Spiros The Mighty: Please, Manico, if not for the sanctity of the EWA Universal title… then for your adoring fans. Think about it, but you know the truth in your know luminous, noble heart: Bam Bam Johansson must not be allowed to taint the title any longer.

B+

 

 

 

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Byron vs. Bam Bam Johansson

Here we go, something a little closer to the kind of match the EWA’s fans look forward too, which is probably why this was the Main Event. Little in the way of strategy or technique, with Byron and Bam Bam Johansson going between trying to power each other around the ring and outright slugging it out… but with a lot of prancing from Byron and flexing from Bam Bam thrown in randomly rather than them pressing the advantage on their opponent when the opportunity presented itself. Hey, Bam Bam can entertain a lot more with his flexing than he can with his actual wrestling ability. Sadly for Byron, he’s just not big enough to fight Johansson like this for too long, and before long he was being sent crashing to the mat over and over again by stiff forearm shots. Flexing to no sell Byron’s attempts to counter his offense, Johansson busted out with the Spinebuster from nowhere (nearly killing Byron with its power and stiffness), and picked up yet another victory.

 

Bam Bam Johansson defeated Byron in 11:46 by pinfall with a Spinebuster.

B-

 

 

 

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The electric guitar starts to rip through the air as Johansson celebrate but… wait for it… wait for it…

 

OH, Spanish guitar music replaces it! With acoustic guitars not being Alpha like electric ones, Bam Bam Johansson is immediately upset, and his flexing goes from the celebratory variety to the angry, vengeful kind. Believe me, there’s a key difference between the two. His flexing grows even angrier, as Louis Figo Manico emerges from backstage!

 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg

 

Bam Bam Johansson: Whoa, what do you think you’re doing bro?! Can’t you see I’m releasing massive amounts of positive Alpha energy right now!? It’s like a frikkin’ supernova of testosterone out here, and like the sun you shouldn’t dare look directly at it bro, YOU SHOULDN’T, YEAH!!!

 

Louis Figo Manico: Johansson… I would like to say first and foremost, I do not say this on behalf of Spiros. He is a disturbed man, and only “gave his blessing” to try and mask his own treacherous ways at Kollision Kourse. I do not even come out here tonight for myself… but I do it for these people here, and for the people watching this at home across all of Europe tonight! I made them a promise, and if a man cannot keep the promises he makes then by definition is very word is worthless, si? I aim to maintain the value of my word Johansson.

 

Bam Bam Johansson: DUDE, you can’t BUY or SELL words! Putting monetary value on things that don’t deserve it is a total sign of Thetaness, bro. You can BUY cars, you can SELL time to a lady who couldn’t normally spend five minutes with an Alpha because she has cellulite hanging off of her hips! But you can’t sell words bro, you can’t!!! ALPHA!!!

 

Louis Figo Manico: It was a turn of phra-… Nevermind. Johansson, I told you that, win or lose, you and me, we weren’t done until one of us had proven himself the superior man honorably. My main man, you haven’t proven yourself to honorably be the better man. Not only did you not pin me… Louis… Figo… Manico at Kollision Kourse, but I was removed from the match when Spiros tossed at a dead sheep at me! With Spiros stepping out of the way, I feel it is only justified that you and I face off like real men, one on one, and prove which of is truly the most deserving of representing EWA as its champion!

 

Bam Bam Johansson: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! Hold on their, bro. I didn’t pin you because it may have harmed my Alpha status to beat you like that, much like if a guy beat up a girl! I mean, C’MON, you got taken out of that match by freakin’ ROADKILL! Even a live sheep taking you down would’ve been sad, YEAH!!! I only fought both of you at Kollision Kourse because I thought “Hey, Gamma plus Delta equals Alpha, but only if you carry the Y bro, CARRY THE Y!” One on one, you’re just another Gamma! And Gamma isn’t Alpha bro, YEAH!!! I’m sorry, but as an Alpha, it’s my duty to tell you that, for your own well being, I totally can’t shattered your ribcage in this ring!

 

Johansson drops his microphone and proceeds to start flexing again, leaving a disgruntled Manico staring him down from the entry way.

A

 

 

Overall Rating: B

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Quick Picks:

Hugh de Aske vs. Jeffery McPeterson

Eddie Cornell vs. Hercules Johansson

Devastation United vs. Soviet Union

Haiti Voodude vs. Bam Bam Johansson

Louis Figo Manico vs. Ruud Van Anger

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Hugh de Aske vs. Jeffery McPeterson

I'm guessing that Jeff's on loan from MOSC, so he'd be perfect for giving Hugh a little momentum

 

Eddie Cornell vs. Hercules Johansson

I like Eddie, but you're lining up a big push for Herc so he gets the win here

 

Devastation United vs. Soviet Union

Because a) I can't remember who Devastation United are, and b) because Boris and The Big Bad actually pull in some damn good ratings for you

 

Haiti Voodude vs. Bam Bam Johansson

Because Bam Bam is quite possibly your finest contribution to the world of TEW

 

Louis Figo Manico vs. Ruud Van Anger

Ruud's a tiny little weedy man, and therefore cannot win

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Hugh de Aske vs. Jeffery McPeterson

Eddie Cornell vs. Hercules Johansson

Devastation United vs. Soviet Union

Haiti Voodude vs. Bam Bam Johansson

Louis Figo Manico vs. Ruud Van Anger

 

One of these picks will stand out, I'm sure. But I figure Matravers will try and pull one back on Hercules.

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