Spikerdude Posted March 8, 2010 Share Posted March 8, 2010 kkk for a twist Mr. orton with a deck of cards Bobcore Holly the posse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 10, 2010 Author Share Posted March 10, 2010 John Cena‘s Wrestling School Presents: Brutal Metabolism http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/9816/2qwodht.png You are young and so am I. And this is wrong, but who am I to judge You feel like heaven when we touch I guess for me this is enough We're one mistake from being together But let's not ask why it's not right You won't be seventeen forever And we can get away with this tonight You are young and I am scared You're wise beyond your years, but I don't care And I can feel your heartbeat You know exactly where to take me We're one mistake from being together But let's not ask why it's not right You won't be seventeen forever And we can get away with this tonight Ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh Will you remember me You ask me as I leave Remember what I said Oh how could I, oh how could I forget We're one mistake from being together But let's not ask why it's not right You won't be seventeen forever And we can get away with this tonight We're one mistake from being together But let's not ask why it's not right You won't be seventeen forever And we can get away with this tonight One mistake from being together But let's not ask why it's not right You won't be seventeen forever And we can get away with this tonight Ooh ooh, ooh ooh Ooh ooh, ooh ooh Ooh ooh, ooh ooh Michael Cole: Oh my, is it time King? Jerry King Lawler: No we have about thirty more minutes. Cole: Oh. 30 minutes later. Cole: Oh my is it time King? King: Yes. Yes it is. Cole: Welcome to the first episode of John Cena’s Wrestling School ladies and gentleman, I’m Michael Cole and this is Jerry King Lawler. King: I wonder who will win our first contest. Cole: I know who won’t win. King: Who? Cole: Your big fat mother. King: Heh. Every man in Uncle John’s Battle Royal is in the ring, about to begin the contest, when Lance Storm appears on the stage. Lance Storm: I will win this match. Cole: Lance Storm is entering himself in Uncle John’s Battle Royal! King: But he has no partner-- OH THAT’S WHY MIKE KNOX WAS IN THERE ALONE OOOOOH! Cole: That was a very smart booking decision by John Cena. Uncle John's Big Bad Battle Royal Team Survival Match for the World John Cena Tag Team Championships Shelton Benjamin & Rodzilla vs. Dolph Ziggler & Kenny Dykstra vs. Mean Street Posse © vs. Chris Kanyon & Mark Henrita vs. Mike Knox & Lance Storm As soon as the match begins, Mike Knox decides he does not want a partner and eliminates Lance Storm. Elimination One: Lance Storm. The Mean Street Posse form a mutual alliance with Kenny and Dolph, and immediately begin to assault Shelton Benjamin and Rodzilla. Kanyon hides behind Mark Henrita, who is sitting on a stool reading his favorite book, The Big Black Sheep. Rodzilla grabs Rodney by his sweater vest and dunks him outside of the ring. Elimination’s Two & Three: Rodney & Rodzilla. Without warning, Brock Lesnar rolls into the ring and gives Mark Henrita an F5, then throws her out of the ring and runs backstage. Elimination Four: Mark Henrita. Mike Knox grabs the now defenseless Kanyon and gives him a Testdrive. He then throws him out of the ring. Elimination Five: Chris Kanyon. Shelton grabs Dolph, Kenny and Joey Abs, and gives them all a Tbone Suplex over the top rope. Elimination’s Six, Seven & Eight: Dolph Ziggler, Kenny Dykstra & Joey Abs. The remaining three men, Shelton Benjamin, Mike Knox and Pete Gas, square off in the center of the ring. Gas tries to punch Knox, but receives a big fat boot to the face, sending him over the top rope - BUT HE HOLDS ON! Knox runs at him once again, looking for a boot, BUT GAS DUCKS, SENDING KNOX OVER THE TOP ROPE! Elimination Nine: Mike Knox. Cole: OH MY OH MY! Shelton looks at Gas on the outside of the ropes, and decides he’ll never be able to move the man because he is obviously much too fat. So he quits. Elimination Ten: Shelton Benjamin. Cole: What an impressive victory for Pete Gas and the Mean Street Posse. King: What a title defense, I’m sure Tha Black Phenom will be pleased. The cameras cut backstage where John Cena is talking on his cell phone. John Cena: Hello. Karlito Karribean Kool: I will end you tonight John Cena. John Cena: Who is this? Karlito Karribean Kool: I will become champion John Cena. The caller hangs up. John Cena: I had better go get ready for my match. John goes to get ready for his match, but runs into Shaq Pack. Shaq Pack: Hey John. John Cena: Shaq? Shaq Pack dunks over John, knocking him out. Shaq Pack: Sorry. King: I have just received word that Shaq Pack has challenged Rodzilla to a Dunk Off tonight! Cole: That’s not right King! Inferno Match Matt Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly The fire blazes on as the bell rings. Matt Hardy: Hardcore, you’re a *****. Hardcore Holly: No you’re the ***** Matt Hardy. Hardcore gives Matt a big dropkick straight to the dick, sending him back into the flames. Matt catches on fire and falls out of the ring, ending the match. King: Well, I guess Matt Hardy is a *****.[/color] Cole: A valiant effort, nevertheless by the man who will not die. King: I have just received word that Matt Hardy has gone into a pain induced coma. We expect he will be dead by morning. Cole: How ironic. Mr. Cena is back in the parking lot, trying to get into the building. Mr. Cena: Dagnabbit I can’t get in. Why is this door locked? On the other side of the door, Randy Orton is standing - holding a key. Randy Orton: Once………… Randy Orton: Again……….. Randy Orton: I…………….. Randy Orton: Have……….. Randy Orton: Over……….. Randy Orton: Come……… Randy Orton: The……….. Randy Orton: Odds……….. Randy Orton: And………… Randy Orton: Out…………. Randy Orton: Smarted…….. Randy Orton: My…………… Randy fails to speak quick enough to finish the promo in the allotted time, and he is cut off. Cole: What a sly viper that Randy Orton is. King: If Mr. Cena is locked outside of the building, who will Randy defend his title against. Randy Orton’s music begins to play and he begins to slither toward the ring. He continues his monologue after arriving in the center. Randy Orton: Opponent………. Randy Orton: You……………. Randy Orton: See………………. Randy Orton: With…………….. Randy Orton: Out……………… Randy Orton: An………………. Randy Orton: Opponent……….. Randy Orton: I…………………. Randy Orton: Can……………… Randy Orton: Not……………… Randy Orton: Lose……………… Randy Orton: My……………….. Randy Orton: World……………. Randy Orton: John……………. Randy Orton: Hard…………….. Randy Orton: Core………………. Randy Orton: Champ…………… Randy Orton: Ion……………….. Randy Orton: Ship……………… Randy Orton: Hah………………. Randy Orton: Hah. Before he can take another long pause, Randy is assaulted from behind by JBL, who quickly proclaims he wants his torch back and calls for the bell to ring. Cole: JBL may be our next World John Cena Hardcore Champion! World John Cena Hardcore Championship Match Randy Orton © vs. John Bradshaw Layfield JBL lifts Randy up to his feet, only to be hit with an RKO. The referee notices JBL has been completely knocked out and calls for the bell, and a stretcher. Cole: THAT VIPER!!! Randy slithers out of the ring and to the back with his title. Backstage, Akon is drinking some grape juice. Akon: Mmmmmm. When all of the sudden, Kurt Angle gives him an Angle Slam down a flight of stairs, pours himself a glass of milk, and takes a seat in a metal folding chair, and phones John. John Cena: Hello. Kurt Angle: The dead is done. Kurt hangs up as the cameras head to the ring where a Basketball goal has been set up. Rodzilla and Shaq are standing a few feet away from the net, each holding a ball. The bell rings, and both men run up to the net, ready to dunk. But before they could, they saw a ball coming from behind them, soar into the net. They look back, only to realize The Animal is shooting free throws from his seat in the crowd. The Animal Batista: Hey boys. Taking advantage of the confusion, Rodzilla hits Shaq with a Blackhole Slam and dunks the ball, winning the contest. The Animal joins Rodzilla in the ring, celebrating his victory. Cole: What an impressive win for Rodzilla and The Animal. King: Why is Batista in the ring? Cole: I don’t think I’ve ever seen somebody dunk a ball that hard. King: Why was Shaq even here? Cole: Oh my it’s time for the main event. King: Why aren’t you acknowledging me? Cole: I think I’ll check my Twitter. Cole begins to Tweet on his phone. King: You can’t update your Twitter during the show, we’re supposed to commentate the main event. John Cena and Tha Black Phenom make their way to the ring as Michael Cole stands up and leaves. King:…*checks Cole’s Tweet on his phone.* Cole’s Tweet: batista looks rly gud 2nite, goin 2 masturbate brb King: Oh that makes sense. Just as the match is about to begin, the lights dim and out from under the ring comes Karlito. He slides in and catches Tha Black Phenom from behind - BACKSTABBER! Karlito Karribean Kool: I told you I’d win the title John. John Cena: You were the mysterious caller, I presume. Karlito Karribean Kool: I was. John simply chuckles. John Cena: You want some…… John removes his shirt and jacket. John Cena: Come get some. World John Cena World Heavyweight Championship Main Event Tha Black Phenom © vs. John Cena vs. Karlito Karribean Kool John grabs Karlito and hits him with a Protoplex, followed by the 5-Knuckle Shuffle, followed by the Attitude Adjustment. He covers, 1- 2- but Phenom breaks it up! He grabs Cena and whips him against the ropes, only for him to return and hit a strong clothesline, causing Phenom to choke on his gum. The crowd goes crazy as John pulls off his belt and begins to spin it in the air - but before he can do anything with it, Karlito grabs it and ties it around John’s neck, beginning to strangle him. Karlito spins John around, Gutwrench Powerbomb! He climbs to the top turnbuckle, Shooting Starpress! Karlito covers, 1- 2- John reverses the pin into the STF!!! Karlito is about to tap, as Phenom locks in the Crippler Crossface! Within moments, Karlito is tapping - but the referee isn’t sure who to declare the winner! Confused as to what he should do, senior official Charles Robinson pulls out his magic eight ball and shakes it while asking who should win. Magic Eight Ball: Karlito. Charles decides this sounds right, and calls for the bell. Cole: Oh my, Karlito Karribean Kool is our new World John Cena World Heavyweight Champion! King: What a twist! Cole: I can’t believe it, Karlito Karribean Kool is our new World John Cena World Heavyweight Champion! King: Yeah. Cole: Karlito Karribean Kool is our new World John Cena World Heavyweight Champion! King: Comment on the show. Tell your friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Shape Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Did you delete that then bump it with the same post? Bad ZTR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prophet Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Did you delete that then bump it with the same post? Bad ZTR! Oh thank goodness ... I thought I'd dreamt this before, with amazing accuracy! This explanation is better. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nobby_McDonald Posted March 10, 2010 Share Posted March 10, 2010 Brilliant. Just side splittingly brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Did you delete that then bump it with the same post? Bad ZTR! You don't get anywhere in life without shoving some John Cena's Wrestling School down peoples throats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheOmniWarrior Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 Needs moar nasty boyz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kainlock Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 I love Randy Orton and drive by RKO's. Just say-in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 Arc One of John Cena's Wrestling School has ended. Thank you for your patience. Arc Two will now begin. Momentarily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 In John's Sweet Ride, West Newbury, Massachusetts. August 3rd, 2009. 2:33 PM EST John and JBL are cruisin' down the street in John's Sweet Ride. It has no roof. John Cena: So JBL, did you get the ratings for our first show? JBL: No. John Cena: Oh my God, where the fff could they be? JBL: I'm lying I have them. John Cena: Oh you. John pulls out a knife and cuts JBL in the arm twelve times. John Cena: So how'd it go down? JBL: Well, we managed to sell eighteen tickets. We had to give the rest away for free, otherwise we would've looked like a bunch of pussies, having only eighteen seats full and all. John Cena: I hope that didn't set us back too much money. JBL: It did. Moving on, every well known wrestling critic in the United States rated our overall matches, segments and storylines negative two stars. John Cena: We'll bounce back. JBL: Our fans view Michael Cole as our number one babyface, we should probably begin to focus the shows around him. John Cena: I'd rather put my spot in the World John Cena World Cup Tournament on the line right now against Cryme Tyme in a handicap match. Suddenly, Cryme Tyme pop up in the backseats and begin to choke out John as he's driving. John pulls over and steps out of his car, only to receive an exploder suplex through a nearby picnic table from Shad. He covers John, 1- 2- 3. Shad Gaspard and JTG take John Cena's place in the World John Cena World Cup Tournament. The two brutally assault JBL, give him a G9 into a lamp post, and quickly drive off in John's Sweet Ride. John Cena: Dang it. JBL: What will we do now, John? John Cena: I dunno JBL, but it looks like we have some more bad guys to deal with. We'd best go find some new partners to help us take them out. John and JBL head over to Burger King. John Cena: I'd like a Whopper. JBL: I want a Whopper too. John and JBL pay exactly five dollars for their Whoppers, eat them, and leave - unsure of where their next destination may be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterHilton Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 John Cena: So JBL, did you get the ratings for our first show? JBL: No. John Cena: Oh my God, where the fff could they be? JBL: I'm lying I have them. John Cena: Oh you. John pulls out a knife and cuts JBL in the arm twelve times. Oh my Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfectedGT Posted March 14, 2010 Share Posted March 14, 2010 John and JBL head over to Burger King. John Cena: I'd like a Whopper. JBL: I want a Whopper too. John and JBL pay exactly five dollars for their Whoppers, eat them, and leave - unsure of where their next destination may be.[/size] PRODUCT PLACEMENTTTTTT!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 A Note From The Desk Of John Cena Not Really I Mean Myself Seeing As I Write This **** Not John ****ing Cena As some of you have probably noticed, there are sometimes weeks that will pass without an update for the diary. I don't really have any excuse, seeing as I'm copying/pasting this from my diary on another website and just changing a few details, such as markup and the name of one of the characters (as well as correcting any grammatical errors I've made in the past). John Cena's Wrestling School is actually over a year old, so I have PLENTY of segments and shows to post over here, and could easily do one a day and still take awhile to catch the two diaries up. (on that note, if anyone would like to read the diary in its full, PM me and I'll link them or something like that. I don't recommend it though. People who read it all at once usually crave more of my unique, hilarious, Final Fantasy XIII is a good game writing abilities and become upset when there is not anymore for a week or so. It's kind of like waiting every week for the new Naruto or One Piece manga to come out after you've caught all the way up. You wanna know what happens next, but you hafta wait a whole ****ing week to do so. I guess I could catch up on Bleach in the mean time, but idk tbh. I don't even really like Bleach very much. If anyone knows exactly what the chapter number of the chapter right after the end of the soul society arc is, I'd be grateful. I don't really feel like looking myself, and if nobody tells me, I'll probably never read anymore Bleach manga. Anyway, I digress.) Where was I? Ah yes, it takes me awhile to post the segments that're already finished because it just does. I'm sorry for those who actually do follow the diary and enjoy it or whatever, I'll try to be better in the future. No I won't. Update coming in a few moments. (the next update is a shorter one than usual, so I may be posting another one later today) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted March 22, 2010 Author Share Posted March 22, 2010 Denny's, West Newbury, Massachusetts. August 5th, 2009. 2:33 PM EST John and JBL are eating some good food at Denny's, when all of the sudden, Hunter Hypnosis Helmsly barges in with his World John Cena Hyp Title*. Hunter Hypnosis Helmsly takes a seat over away from John and JBL. John Cena: What a big fat *bleep*. JBL: We should hire him. But before John and JBL could go talk to Hunter Hypnosis Helmsly, Pete Gas burst through the door and shot him in the chest nine times, covered him for three seconds, and ran off with the World John Cena Hyp Title*. JBL: NO HE TOOK THE TITLE GODDAMMIT WE LOST ANOTHER TITLE. Big Bad Angry JBL flips over fifteen tables, stabs a waiter, and jumps through a window, escaping into the parking lot. John Cena: What a series of unfortunate events. The Shape: Read my diary. John Cena: What? The Shape: Read my diary it's funny. John Cena: Funny you say? Where can I find this diary? The Shape: Right here. John Cena: Sounds like a good time. The Shape: Hehehe Thanks. Without a moment to spare, John Cena grabs The Shape and hits him with an Attitude Adjustment. The referee immediately calls for the bell, giving John the win via knockout. John Cena has once again overcome the odds and entered the World John Cena World Cup tournament. Once again again. *: the world hyp title was introduced because a reader of my diary on a different site made the belt using his face and told me to use it. His username was Hypnosis. Some kid. Hmm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlameSnoopy Posted March 22, 2010 Share Posted March 22, 2010 JBL: Our fans view Michael Cole as our number one babyface, we should probably begin to focus the shows around him. This was the best part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfectedGT Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 People who read it all at once usually crave more of my unique, hilarious, Final Fantasy XIII is a good game writing abilities and become upset when there is not anymore for a week or so. PPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lprock Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Nobody bumps my diary just to reveal another dubious item I've plugged because of the enjoyment is causes me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigphesta Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 its too bad.... this showed SOOOO Much promise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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