Simply Awesome Wrestling: May God Have Mercy On Our Souls (Cverse2k14)

[Pteroid]

TEW.com EXCLUSIVE: GIMMICK JOBBERS WIN LOTTERY, OPEN WRESTLING PROMOTION?

 

You read that right, folks, retired wrestlers, Rocco the Plumber and Rod Beams, best known for being in the top 10% of Wrestlejunk, have apparently won the Florida lottery and are soon bringing a...unique form of professional wrestling to the sunshine state. Little is known of this promotion, dubbed 'Simply Awesome Wrestling' by the duo, but we do know that it sports bar none the strangest logo we here at TEW.com have ever seen.

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW_zps8332acf7.jpg

Seriously, look at this thing.

 

When asked about their project, the tag team had this to say:

 

Rocco: It's always been our dream to get wasted on a beach in Maui, but then I realized volcanoes were a thing so we settled for here.

 

Rod: The bath salts capitol of the world.

 

Rocco: But ever since we got here, we've been tryin' to figure out what to do with ourselves, yanno?

 

Rod: So we spent most of our retirement fund on lottery tickets.

 

Rocco: And beer.

 

Rod: And beer.

 

Rocco: But we nevah thought we could evah win the thing, yanno? And then we had more money than we knew what to do with.

 

Rod: Thought about buryin it, but Captain Crush won't answer our calls no more.

 

Rocco: So we just said 'Fuhgeddaboutit' and opened ourselves a wrestlin' company!

 

Rod: Gonna be great, we know how to book a company, we been in this business so long, we've forgotten more about it than any smart mark mook!

 

When we pressed them about the type of product they'd be delivering, they responded, quote: "Anything we think's funny, it's gonna be great."

 

We'll have to wait and see where this little federation goes, but in the opinion of this reporter, probably somewhere Mr. The Plumber is well acquainted with.

[Pteroid]

<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW_zps8332acf7.jpg</span><p>

<strong>SAW PRESENTS: DAY OF THE DOOM MONKEYS!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Main Event!</strong></p><p><strong>

Captain Hugh De Aske vs A Mystery Opponent!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Mr. Electricity vs Pamela Rojo</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Cheetah Boy vs Tennessee William</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Too Hot and The Tic vs Joanna Silver and Mr. Quibbs</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Clash Rotten vs El Sultan</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Doctor Michael O'Haire vs Chess Maniac</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p>

[jongredic]

<p>Colour me intrigued!</p><p> </p><p>

Predictions:</p><p>

Main Event!</p><p>

<strong>Captain Hugh De Aske</strong> vs A Mystery Opponent!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Mr. Electricity</strong> vs Pamela Rojo</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Cheetah Boy</strong> vs Tennessee William</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Too Hot and The Tic</strong> vs Joanna Silver and Mr. Quibbs</p><p> </p><p>

Clash Rotten vs <strong>El Sultan</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Doctor Michael O'Haire vs <strong>Chess Maniac</strong></p>

[Occasional_Z]

<p>Predictions:</p><p> </p><p>

Main Event!</p><p>

Captain Hugh De Aske vs <strong>A Mystery Opponent!</strong></p><p>

<em>Mystery man rule</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Mr. Electricity</strong> vs Pamela Rojo</p><p> </p><p>

Cheetah Boy vs <strong>Tennessee William</strong></p><p>

<em>Gotta go with 'The Evil Elvis'</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Too Hot and The Tic</strong> vs Joanna Silver and Mr. Quibbs</p><p> </p><p>

Clash Rotten vs <strong>El Sultan</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Doctor Michael O'Haire vs <strong>Chess Maniac</strong></p><p>

<em>I love the good doctor, but he ain't gonna win against someone better known</em></p>

[Boltinho]

<p>SAW are brilliant. Best of luck sir</p><p> </p><p>

Captain Hugh De Aske vs <strong>A Mystery Opponent!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Mr. Electricity</strong> vs Pamela Rojo</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Cheetah Boy</strong> vs Tennessee William</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Too Hot and The Tic</strong> vs Joanna Silver and Mr. Quibbs</p><p> </p><p>

Clash Rotten vs <strong>El Sultan</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Doctor Michael O'Haire</strong> vs Chess Maniac</p>

[KnowYourEnemy]

<p>Main Event!</p><p>

Captain Hugh De Aske vs <strong>A Mystery Opponent!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Mr. Electricity </strong>vs Pamela Rojo</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Cheetah Boy</strong> vs Tennessee William</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Too Hot and The Tic</strong> vs Joanna Silver and Mr. Quibbs</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Clash Rotten</strong> vs El Sultan</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Doctor Michael O'Haire</strong> vs Chess Maniac</p>

[Uncrewed]

Main Event!

Captain Hugh De Aske vs A Mystery Opponent!

 

Mr. Electricity vs Pamela Rojo

 

Cheetah Boy vs Tennessee William

 

Too Hot and The Tic vs Joanna Silver and Mr. Quibbs

 

Clash Rotten vs El Sultan

 

Doctor Michael O'Haire vs Chess Maniac

[Peppermint Rage]

<p>Main Event!</p><p>

Captain Hugh De Aske vs <strong>A Mystery Opponent!</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong></p><p>

<strong>Mr. Electricity</strong> vs Pamela Rojo</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Cheetah Boy </strong>vs Tennessee William</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Too Hot and The Tic </strong>vs Joanna Silver and Mr. Quibbs</p><p> </p><p>

hell yeah too hot</p><p> </p><p>

Clash Rotten vs <strong>El Sultan</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Doctor Michael O'Haire vs <strong>Chess Maniac</strong></p>

[Pteroid]

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW_zps8332acf7.jpg

SAW: DAY OF THE DOOM MONKEYS!

From the Rainbow Bar and Grill!

 

Segment 1: Rod Beams Introduces Simply Awesome Wrestling

 

Fans are still milling into the Rainbow Bar and Grill, gawking-er, admiring the state of the art wrestling ring and overall set up of the show. Generic 80's rock blares through the very prestigious venue (that's our story and we're sticking to it) as one of our founders, the illustrious (again, story we're sticking to) Rod Beams steps out from the backstage, devouring a plate of those delicious Rainbow Chicken Wings. Realizing there's actually a show going on, Rod messily wipes off barbecue sauce on his jeans and grabs a mic.

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/RodBeams_zpsf4372487.jpg

Rod:YO! Who's here tonight to see some pro wrestling?

 

The sell out crowd give an appreciative cheer.

 

Rod: Yeaaaa, you're here to see some wrestling! Well we're gonna give it to ya! We're gonna give the most serious-

 

Unbeknownst to Rod, a motley assortment of the SAW roster begins to form right behind him.

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/DoctorMichaelOHaire_zps49c1b520.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ChessManiac_zpsa91110ff.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TennesseeWilliam_alt1_zps14f290c3.jpg

 

Rod: -professional-

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/CheetahBoy_zpse790e94c.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/PandaMask_zpsad2f85d7.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TheTic_zpsb57e1aa4.jpg

 

Rod:-just plain awesome federation to...ever...uhm...

 

Rod notices the six individuals standing behind him.

 

Rod: ...y'know what, nevermind! Two of youse get in the ring and try not ta embarrass me!

 

Chess Maniac and Doctor Michael O'Haire look at each other, shrug, and head to the ring!

 

FIRST MATCH IN SAW HISTORY

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/DoctorMichaelOHaire_zps49c1b520.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ChessManiac_zpsa91110ff.jpg

VS

 

The inaugural match in SAW history is rather taciturn in its makeup, considering the two combatants are a fellow in scrubs and a man decked out entirely in chess-themed regalia. That said, it's very much a battle of wits as the PHD in Punchology faces the Grappling Grandmaster's technical prowess. Chess Maniac almost manages to put his foe away with a Bobby Fisherman Suplex but the mad doc managed to slip his boot under the ropes! Incensed, Maniac argues with head official Dace Lavoie, angrily berating him in a mixture of English and Spanish! However, this is his undoing as the Doc manages to use this distraction to roll Maniac up and gets the three count!

 

O'HAIRE WINS BY PINFALL!

 

Segment 2: Mr. Electricity Walks To The Ring

 

We cut backstage as a pair of tasseled yellow boots are laced up. Slowly the camera pans up, past tasseled tights, tasseled elbow pads, and a tasseled jacket, to the face of a man obscured by gaudy golden sunglasses and an extremely tacky hat.

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/KashmirSingh_alt2_zps03c78cf5.jpg

MR. ELECTRICITY!

 

Mr. Electricity stands up and grins.

 

Mr. Electricity: Oh baby baby baby, Simply Awesome Wrestling, it's time to get...ELECTRIFIED!

 

Windmilling his arms, Mr. Electricity struts out of the locker room!

 

Segment 3: Baron Forthdyke hypes El Sultan vs Clash Rotten

 

After O'Haire and Maniac make their way to the back, a rather gentlemanly theme begins to play as a rather gentlemanly fellow makes his way to the ring...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ErnestForthdyke-Hume_zpsea4b3fe4.jpg

 

The man bows to the audience, taking the microphone...wiping the chicken grease off of it, and beginning to speak.

 

Man: Hello and good evening to you all. My name is Baron Forthdyke, and I am a gentleman of means. What does it mean to be a gentleman of means? You can buy literally anything.

 

The crowd boos.

 

Forthdyke: No, really, watch! You, boy! I'll give you fifty dollars for your balloon!

 

Awestruck, the child in question hands his balloon to a security guard, who gives it to Forthdyke, who in turn gives the kid a fifty dollar bill.

 

Forthdyke: And it gets better! I totally bought...a person! An actual person let me buy them! Now granted, I'm actually renting him for about a year, but still! Oh...I guess I should introduce you to him, he's fighting some guy named Clash Rotten next, here's El Sultan!

 

SECOND MATCH:

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ElSultaacuten_zps5a92816f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Spike_zps407763b9.jpg

EL SULTAN VS

 

Keeping with our running theme of just plain weirdness we have a lucha sheik against a punk rocker, and keeping with another theme from the last match, another brawler versus luchador match! However, lucha seems to fare much better here as Rotten can't seem to get his hands on the much more agile Sultan, who batters him with an array of high-flying maneuvers. Forthdyke amuses himself on the outside, giving people egregious amounts of money in exchange for trivial items. Back in the ring, Rotten seems to have finally gotten the advantage with a Punk-handle Slam! However, Forthdyke sees this and climbs up on the apron...not to distract the referee but offering to give Clash five hundred bucks if he loses on purpose. Clash, blinks, takes the money, and promptly drags Sultan on top of himself for the victory in another odd bout that some might call a wrestling match.

 

EL SULTAN WINS!

 

Segment 4: Mr. Electricity Is Walking..

 

Just as the title says, Mr. Electricity is still strutting about the halls of the Rainbow Bar and Grill...strut strut strutting away...uhm...

 

Mr. Electricty: Ooh baby baby baby...am I lost?

 

Mr. Electricity looks around, swinging his arms wildly, until they knock into the mop handle of...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/RoccothePlumber_zps9a33f4bc.jpg

Rocco the Janitor!

 

Rocco: *indecipherable grumbling*

 

Mr. Electricity: Easy easy easy baby baby baby, Mr. Electricty's just tryin' to find out where the ring is, y'know~?

 

Rocco grumbles and points towards a hallway.

 

Mr. Electricity:Ohhh yeah, baby baby baby, I like the way you think! That way, hoooooo~!

 

Mr. Electricity struts off, leaving the Janitor to glare conspiratorially in his wake...

 

Segment 5: The Dread Pirates Arrive!

 

Quite suddenly a catchy piratical tune begins blaring through the SAW Boom Box and upon a mighty cardboard ship that is most certainly not shoddily built around a lawnmower come three dastardly yet quite dashing pirates.

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/HughdeAske_zps9551a25b.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/JoannaSilver_zpsb8da29d4.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/GrimmQuibble_zpsf5b007cc.jpg

THE DREAD PIRATES (CAPTAIN DE ASKE, JOANNA SILVER, AND MR. QUIBBS!

 

Captain De Aske stands at the bow of the ship, Joanna Silver at his side, with Mr. Quibbs acting as driver-er, helmsman! Captain De Aske poffers forth a microphone as the weird sound that happens whenever their ship sails subsides.

 

De Aske: Yar, steady on, Mr. Quibbs, the waters may be noisy and scented of seafood, but we will not fail! Do not forget, me hearties, we're on a mighty quest fer precious booty!

 

Silver: Cap'n! What kinda of booty do we, like, seek out here? Is it better than mine? ARE YOU LOOKING FOR BETTER BOOTY!?

 

De Aske: Nay, Ms. Silver, what we seek is not THAT kind of booty, we seek the fabled treasure of Cap'n Samuel Keith hisself! A mysterious and fabled prize that can be ours and ours alone! TELL NO ONE OF IT!

 

Quibbs: Er, permission to speak cap'n?

 

De Aske: Aye?

 

Quibbs: If no one's supposed to know what we're lookin' for, why'd ya shout it loudly into a microphone in a packed building?

 

De Aske blinks...looking at the people all around...then at Quibbs and Silver. He then roughly shoves Quibbs off the boat and motions for Silver to get off.

 

De Aske YAR! WE'VE BEEN FOUND OUT! DISTRACT 'EM, ME HEARTIES! I'LL FIND THE TREASURE!

 

Silver: AYE AYE!

 

Quibbs: Ungh...aye aye...

 

De Aske quickly backs up the SS Not-A-Lawn-Mower and the Dread Pirates are ready for action!

 

MATCH 4:

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/GrimmQuibble_zpsf5b007cc.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/JoannaSilver_zpsb8da29d4.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TooHot_zpse74cd364.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TheTic_zpsb57e1aa4.jpg

THE DREAD PIRATES VS

 

We think you've already got the memo about the strangeness, so we won't dwell on it. What we will dwell on is the dance stylings of Too Hot and the goofy shenanigans of The Tic! The two run roughshod after storming hte ring at the pirates and it's quite apparent that Mr. Quibbs, while talented, is no match for two men...we bring this up because Joanna Silver doesn't seem to realize she's IN the match as she spends the entirety of it running around the ring shouting that the audience "HEARD NOTHING!" and that "THERE IS NO TREASURE YA POXY CURS!" While this serves the purposes of causing a distraction, it's of little help to poor Quibbs, who gets hit with a Bloodsucker DDT by the Tic, followed by a Heat Seeking Missile Dropkick from Too Hot puts him down for the three!

 

TOO HOT AND THE TIC WIN!

 

To be continued...tomorrow, presumably...

[Occasional_Z]

Damn you, I always wanted to team de Aske and Joanna Silver in EPW. Owner goals blocked it though damn Alanis Devine!

 

Good show so far, looking forward to part two.

[TeflonBilly]

I just want to say that the Bobby Fisherman Suplex is a stroke of genius.

[Pteroid]

Just a heads up my wifi connection is on the fritz (I'm on my phone to post this) so I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow to post the rest of the show, featuring Mr. Electricity finally finding his way to the ring and the epic clash of Pirate and...whatever it is a Pirate would fight.

[Big Roguey]

Just a heads up my wifi connection is on the fritz (I'm on my phone to post this) so I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow to post the rest of the show, featuring Mr. Electricity finally finding his way to the ring and the epic clash of Pirate and...whatever it is a Pirate would fight.

 

Pirate vs Dignity?

[Pteroid]

Segment 6: Cheetah and Tennessee Williams Argue

 

We cut live to an argument in progress!

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TennesseeWilliam_alt1_zps14f290c3.jpg

Tennessee Williams: No YOU look ridiculous!

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/CheetahBoy_zpse790e94c.jpg

Cheetah Boy: No YOU look ridiculous!

 

Williams: No you!

 

Cheetah Boy: No YOU! Ref, you were the Wizard of Ottawa, you're an expert on looking ridiculous, tell us who looks more ridiculous!

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/DaceLavoie_zps835c924b.jpg

Senior Official Dace Lavoie strokes his chin, scrutinizing them both.

 

Dace: Hmm...welllll, Elvis ain't been in style for a long time...but Cheetah Print ain't never been in style...can I make a suggestion?

 

Both wrestlers nod.

 

Dace: Ya'll are in a wrestlin' ring, settle it with a match!

 

The camera zooms out to reveal that, yes, both of the arguing wrestlers were doing this in the ring the whole time.

 

Cheetah Boy:Huh, y'know he's got a poi-

 

 

MATCH 5

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/CheetahBoy_zpse790e94c.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TennesseeWilliam_alt1_zps14f290c3.jpg

CHEETAH BOY VS

 

Well this one was off with a rollicking start considering Williams clobbered Cheetah Boy with his guitar before the bell started. Sadly this yielded only a two count for the Memphis Miscreant, forcing him to try and actually fight his opponent. Williams is quick to use dirty tricks, but Cheetah Boy proves to be just as fast as his namesake and is able to counter a running knee drop with catlike agility! Williams would try to rally with several more dirty tricks afterwards, but Cheetah's agility would get him out of trouble like the Flash (or Speedy Gonzales). Finally taking no more, Williams managed to rake the Kitty Crusader's eyes before producing ANOTHER guitar from under the ring! However, his attempt to apparently disqualify himself came to not as Cheetah Boy ducked out of the way of Williams' overhead swing, causing the guitar to rebound back into his face! Williams' stumbled about in a daze, open to Cheetah Boy's Cross Claw Cross Chop that toppled the Tennessian for the three count!

 

CHEETAH BOY WINS

 

SEGMENT 7: Mr. Electricity just keeps on struttin'...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/KashmirSingh_alt2_zps03c78cf5.jpg

Gold Shades, Tacky Hat, Tasseled Everything Else

 

Mr. Electricity continues to strut about the backstage area, apparently not having received good enough directions to the ring.

 

Mr. Electricity:Ooh baby baby baby...where am I supposed to go?

 

Mr. Electricity turns his head to find a couple saloon style doors next to him, he folds his arms.

 

Mr. Electricity:Okay okay okay, I'mma go through that door, and I'mma ask the first person I see just where that ring is!

 

Mr. Electricity struts his way through the doors...

 

Segment 8: Mr. Electricity Arrives!

 

...and into the ringside area! Mr. Electricity looks astounded that he's found what he's been looking for through sheer luck. He struts his way to the ring and grabs the mic from Rod, doing a twirl before bringing it to his lips.

 

Mr.Electricity: Ooooooh baby BABY BAY-BAY! It's good to here in SIMPLY! AWESOME! WRESTLIIIIIIING! And it's gonna be exciting! It's gonna be amazing! It's gonna be AWWWWWESOOOOME! And IT! WILL! BE! EEEEEEELECTRIC!

 

Mr. Electricity soaks in the adulation of the fans, posing and preening atop one of the turnbuckles until his opponent shows herself...

 

PENULTIMATE MATCH!

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/KashmirSingh_alt2_zps03c78cf5.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/PamelaRojo_zps2d168606.jpg

VS

 

Mr. Electricity seems quite perturbed to be fighting a woman at first, but it's made quite clear that we here at SAW care not for the boundaries of gender. We believe that it is the rights and privileges of all sentient beings to beat on each other with impunity because frankly, it's how it should be. Who are we to say that a man cannot wrestle a woman? A Cheetah Man cannot wrestle and Elvis Impersonator? A Tick and a Dancer not do battle with Pirates? No, to say NAY to this most human (and animal...and plant...and rock) of rights is just not considerate.

 

...oh, the match? Uhhhh...well it seems this guy:

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Knuckles_alt2_zps0e04b35c.jpg

 

Stormed the ring while we were summarizing our distaste for gender boundaries and started beating on Mr. Electricity...our bad.

 

MR. ELECTRICITY WINS BY DQ

 

Segment 9: That Big Guy beats up Mr. Electricity

 

The great big ruffian proceeds to beat the everloving bejesus out of Mr. Electricity as Pamela leaves the ring, aghast. The big monster roars and delivers a sickening powerbomb to our poor hero. Dace and Rod as well as some twiggy Canadian guy we got announcing this usher this as another figure watches from the saloon doors...

 

Watches and dips his mop into his water bucket.

 

FINAL SEGMENT: ONE PERTURBED PIRATE!

 

The strange roar of the SS Lawncare heralds the arrival of a very perturbed Captain De Aske, Joanna Silver at his side as they sail up to the ring and enter it via the ship's bow! Once inside, De Aske grabs a microphone and growls.

 

De Aske: Right, I've been all over this cockamamie building and I haven't found hide nor hair of Samuel Keith's treasure! I can only put it down to two things, either A, I've been lead astray and Samuel Keith never had any treasure and probably wasn't even a pirate to begin with, or B -much more likely- ONE OF YOU LOT WENT AND STOLE THE TREASURE I WAS TRYIN' TA STEAL! So which of ya was it, huh? Which of ya filthy rotten buggers stole my gold!?

 

POOF!

 

No, we didn't hire Vikki Victoria, a smoke bomb goes off in the ring! In the haze a shadowy figure begins to emerge, quickly and artfully dodging wild strikes from equally shadowy figures presumably belonging to our pirates. The interloper tosses the skinnier one out of the ring before striking a pose at the other as the smoke subsides revealing...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/FumihiroOta_zpsbfbcf0a0.jpg

A NINJA!?

 

The Ninja snaps off a high kick that slices through the air between himself and pirates before revealing that he's holding a key...a key engraved with the image of one man applying the proton lock to another!

 

De Aske: You! I shoulda know it'd be a ninja! Right ya flippy fop, c'mere so I can beat the stuffin' outta ya!

 

MAIN EVENT MATCH!

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/HughdeAske_zps9551a25b.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/FumihiroOta_zpsbfbcf0a0.jpg

CAPTAIN DE ASKE VS

 

Who could have forseen this match coming? Not I, that's for certain! This match is all about the fluidity and grace of this mysterious Far Eastern Assailant versus the Caribbean Cutthroat's thuggish and brutal onslaught! In terms of sheer technique, the ninja appears to have the upperhand, but you can never count on a guy who scurries up rigging for a living to be unathletic! Something that tips this into the pirate's favor is his confederate, Joanna Silver, on the outside, who constantly trips the ninja up when she can, and distracts the referee with really bad Wizard of Oz jokes.

 

Still, the ninja is not perturbed in his quest to grief the everloving hell out of his sworn nemesis! ONE INCH PUNCH! TWO INCH PUNCHES! THREE INCH PUNCHES! HEART PUNCH! Down goes De Aske, but again, it's Silver who distracts the ref with an abysmal rendition of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'! The shinobi seems to have had enough, snatching the pirate hat right form Joanna's head, but he doesn't seem to notice the scoundrel sneaking upon him from behind! The ninja gets turned right into a Sloop Slam that puts him down and out on the mat. De Aske, however, doesn't go for the pin, instead he opts to try and search the ninja's pockets for the key he seeks!

 

Unfortunately, his greed proves to be De Aske's undoing, as the ninja rolls him up for a two count, but is quick on his feet! Before De Aske can defend himself, he gets a kick to the gut and a Shinobi Shiranui that puts him down for a count that a despondent, hatless Joanna Silver cannot possibly break up! A black day for the Dread Pirates as the ninja holds his mysterious key aloft, before slamming down another smoke bomb that triggers the fire alarm, and sends everyone in the building running out to avoid getting damp from the sprinkler system. What a way to end a show!

 

THE NINJA WINS, GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!

[Big Roguey]

So Dignity's mortal from is A Ninja Esquire.

 

Interesting.

[Occasional_Z]

Cracking show - you had me giggling at the Williams/Cheetah Boy discussion. Looking forward to the next show!

[Pteroid]

TEW.com EXCLUSIVE: Simply Awesome Wrestling debut 'Not that Bad'!?

 

Last time we spoke of Simply Awesome Wrestling, we'd written it off as a vanity project between two past their prime nut jobs doomed to failure. Now will the first half of that is true, we've been receiving reports from fans and internet pundits that the company's first event, Day of the Doom Monkeys (seriously, what?) was actually quite entertaining. Of particular note was the main event match between Hugh De Aske and Fumihiro Ota (both under gimmick names) and the match between Pamela Rojo and Kashmir Singh...which no one seems able to actually describe prior to it being crashed by Ex-SWF wrestler Knuckles under a monster heel gimmick.

 

Right now we've decided to score the event as a D. While entertaining it remains to be seen if the off the wall humor of this new promotion can also be carried by the talent pool they're amassing.

 

Though if they're honestly intending on pushing Joanna Silver, we don't have high hopes.

[Pteroid]

OOC: Bit of a peak behind the curtain here, in order to reflect the nonsense of such things as the SS Not-A-Lawn-Mower, smoke bombs, and all those damned tassels, I've decided to invest '5,000' dollars into the special set thing under the events. Just seemed right.

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW_zps8332acf7.jpg

SAW PRESENTS: HOW TO KICKSTART A TIME MACHINE

 

Main Event!

A Ninja & ??? vs Captain De Aske and 'Some Hired Muscle'

 

Ten-Man Battle Royal

Featuring: Chess Maniac, Clash Rotten, That Big Guy, Doctor Michael O'Haire, El Sultan, Pamela Rojo, Tennessee Williams, The Pilgrim, Too Hot, and The Tic.

 

Combat By Proxy!

Mr. Quibbs' vs 'The Ninja's Ally'

 

Why Isn't This a Dark Match?

Cheetah Boy vs Joanna Silver

[Peppermint Rage]

Main Event!

A Ninja & ??? vs Captain De Aske and 'Some Hired Muscle'

Ten-Man Battle Royal

Featuring: Chess Maniac, Clash Rotten, That Big Guy, Doctor Michael O'Haire, El Sultan, Pamela Rojo, Tennessee Williams, The Pilgrim, Too Hot, and The Tic.

 

Combat By Proxy!

Mr. Quibbs' vs 'The Ninja's Ally'

 

Why Isn't This a Dark Match?

Cheetah Boy vs Joanna Silver

[Pteroid]

Just a brief report on the goings on in the world while I do the usual clicking forward in TEW (work put me behind schedule):

 

CGC held their Elimination PPV and not a single babyface won a match, including the main event that saw Trent Shaffer, Eddie Chandler and Dan DaLay beat the DeColts. It's pretty nuts.

 

GSW grew to small, immediately set about buying everyone and their grand mother from IPW.

 

USPW is apparently circling the drain, sucks to be them. Guess Tyson Baine isn't a draw, brother.

 

Also I've hired two new wrestlers for the upcoming event, though I've got to be careful not to overbloat my roster like I tend to do in private games but...these two just fit this promotion to a T, even if their skill sets don't reflect it.

[3rdStringPG]

This diary is...Simply Awesome. And a whole lot of fun!

 

I'll be watching, and if time permits, I'll be predicting.

 

Ah screw it. I'm lazy to work so here's my predictions for the next event.

 

Main Event!

A Ninja & ??? vs Captain De Aske and 'Some Hired Muscle'

Yarrrr. My diary's proven that you don't always have to bet for the question mark, but you can't go wrong with Some Hired Muscle.

 

Ten-Man Battle Royal

Featuring: Chess Maniac, Clash Rotten, That Big Guy, Doctor Michael O'Haire, El Sultan, Pamela Rojo, Tennessee Williams, The Pilgrim, Too Hot, and The Tic.

Because the Bobby Fisherman Suplex is such an awesomely named move.

 

Combat By Proxy!

Mr. Quibbs' vs 'The Ninja's Ally'

They call him MISTER Quibbs!

 

Why Isn't This a Dark Match?

Cheetah Boy vs Joanna Silver

Make it three-for-three for the pirates. Though I prefer Joanna Silver's booty than the one Hugh de Aske and Mr. Quibbs! chase after.

[Pteroid]

Okay guys, small update here, but long story short, I'm an absolute idiot and I lost a lot of progress I made on the last show, so I'm going to try and get it together for hopefully at most Sunday night. Many apologies and if something else ends up happening I may just give you guys the cliff notes version so the story can still come through.

[Pteroid]

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW_zps8332acf7.jpg

SAW: HOW TO KICKSTART A TIME MACHINE

From the Rainbow Bar and Grill

 

Segment 1: Captain De Aske prepares his 'Secret Weapon'

 

We fade in to the employee parking lot of the Rainbow Bar and Grill where chicanery and deviltry are afoot!

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/HughdeAske_zps9551a25b.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/JoannaSilver_zpsb8da29d4.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/GrimmQuibble_zpsf5b007cc.jpg

 

De Aske Yar, of COURSE it was a ninja, it's ALWAYS a ruddy ninja!

 

Captain Hugh De Aske paces back and forth angrily as Mr. Quibbs and Joanna sit on the SS Not-A-Lawnmower.

 

Quibbs: Cap'n, what do ya think we should do? That ninja's slippery as an eel!

 

Joanna: Ooh, don't worry then, captain, I've experience with that kinda business!

 

Quibbs facepalms.

 

De Aske That won't be needed, Ms. Silver, I've seen to it that we won't be botherin' with this nuisance much longer..now where is that delivery?

 

As if on cue, a UPS delivery van rolls up to the trio, a delivery man wordlessly opening the back, kicking out a crate and speeding off into the night! With a toothy grin, De Aske opens the crate and looks inside.

 

De Aske Yes...yes this will do nicely...you lot! Get ready fer yer matches! I've got some...assembling ta do. Mwahahahaha!

 

OPENING MATCH

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/CheetahBoy_zpse790e94c.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/JoannaSilver_zpsb8da29d4.jpg

CHEETAH BOY VS JOANNA SILVER

 

We're welcomed to the show as Joanna makes her way to the ring by the man Rod Beams dubs 'Toronto Terry' (he says he's from Winnipeg, but don't listen to him), who recaps tonight's card as Joanna-ditz that she is-shows off her booty and, ahem, cannonballs for the men in the audience, instantly getting them on her side. Cheetah Kid gets his own share of hurrahs but...well, man in a cheetah-print one-piece versus a sexy pirate lady, who would YOU cheer for?

 

Joanna prances about, using her feminine wiles to her advantage...which mostly amounts to utilizing her fingernails on Cheetah Boy's face and back after suckering him into thinking she's going to kiss him. However, Cheetah Boy rallies in short order and it's simply a matter of a Cross-Claw Cross Chop to get the victory for the wild animal.

 

CHEETAH BOY WINS

 

Segment 2: A Ninja's Best Friend...

 

Joanna slowly recovers from her loss, swaying and stumbling about in a manner more reminiscent of Jack Sparrow than Elizabeth Swan. Mr. Quibbs walks past her, visibly worried as he jaunts down to the ring. He enters the ring and looks about, grabbing a microphone.

 

Quibbs:Uhm...hello! Uhhh...so I'm supposed to fight the opponent that ninja fellow picked out for me...so...if you could, uhm, come out now, that'd be great?

 

heralds the arrival of Mr. Quibbs' opponent...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/PandaMask_zpsad2f85d7.jpg

IT'S PANDA MASK II!

 

Mr. Quibbs' mouth goes slack as the mysterious manimal rushes to the ring and the fight is on!

 

COMBAT BY PROXY

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/PandaMask_zpsad2f85d7.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/GrimmQuibble_zpsf5b007cc.jpg

PANDA MASK II VS MR. QUIBBS

 

Panda Mask II initially blitzes the pirate with a series of rapid fire kicks and high speed maneuvers that chew through Quibbs faster than the masked man's namesake can chew through bamboo! Quibbs desperately goes to the outside to try and escape the ferocious panda's assault, but only manages to get himself in place for a suicide dive! Panda Mask takes a moment to do a little dance with a couple kids at ringside before chasing Quibbs' around and into the ring! Quibbs' desperately begs off from his opponent, but to no avail as a Bamboo Cutter followed by a Pandamonium Moonsault put the pirate away for the pin.

 

PANDA MASK II WINS

 

Segment 3: Baron Forthdyke hypes El Sultan

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ErnestForthdyke-Hume_zpsea4b3fe4.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ElSultaacuten_zps5a92816f.jpg

 

After Panda Mask celebrates and disappears into the night, Mr. Quibbs' limps his way towards the back in a daze as Baron Forthdyke comes through the curtain with El Sultan at his side. The Baron offers to fan Quibbs with what appear to be a set of hundred dollar bills, but the pirate just snatches them and runs away. The Baron, for his part, simply shrugs and continues to the ring, poffering a microphone.

 

Forthdyke: Eh, I'm not bothered, I got a ton of these things at home, I burn them in a gold-plated furnace during the winter.

 

The crowd boos.

 

Forthdyke: Well I do! But no matter, we've a battle royal to get to, and no one is better than my man Sultan at a battle royal! He has won many battle royals in his homeland of...uhm...Mexi...Afghani...Ecuadoristan, yes! Ecuadoristan! He is a great wrestling champion in that place I made up, but uhm...in case anyone wants to...you know, make a few hundred bucks? All you need to do is eliminate yourself! Please?

 

10 PERSON BATTLE ROYAL!

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ElSultaacuten_zps5a92816f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TennesseeWilliam_alt1_zps14f290c3.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/PamelaRojo_zps2d168606.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/DoctorMichaelOHaire_zps49c1b520.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ChessManiac_zpsa91110ff.jpg

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TheTic_zpsb57e1aa4.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/ThePilgrim_zpsc199a38f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TooHot_zpse74cd364.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Spike_zps407763b9.jpg

 

The eight of the other combatants for the battle royal make their way down to the ring in short order. Doctor O'Haire and Chess Maniac engage in a philosophical debate in the corner, Tennessee Williams tries to teach newcomer Pilgrim Pete some 'authentic dance moves', but only gets him to do the truffle shuffle, Too Hot and The Tic gape at the statuesque Pamela Rojo, who blows them off with disinterest, and finally Clash Rotten attempts to take up Baron Forthdyke on his offer to lose to El Sultan. The general scene of wackiness appears to be a cross section of SAW itself until...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Knuckles_alt2_zps0e04b35c.jpg

That Big Guy arrives...

 

The hulking mountain of a man (comparatively speaking) storms his way out from the back, causing everyone to back away as he enters the ring. The other combatants share a look between themselves...before all charging in at the monstrous man-

 

Big Guy: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

 

In response to the earth shaking roar, five of the combatants promptly run in the other direction, jumping over ropes and heading for the hills!

 

Chess Maniac, Doctor O'Haire, Pilgrim Pete, The Tic, and Clash Rotten have been eliminated!

 

The remaining combatants in the ring have merely been stopped in their tracks. Too Hot attempts to leap in Rojo's arms, being dropped unceremoniously, while Forthdyke is cowering behind Sultan, who is merely looking confused. Apparently abject horror is one of many things that gets lost in translation with him.

 

Too Hot, in an act of chivalry, goes to leap at the masked menace in order to protect Rojo...and is immediately caught and chucked to the outside.

 

Too Hot has been eliminated!

 

Rojo is on the big bruiser in a second after, slamming forearm blows into his chest with everything she's got...sadly all this gets her is a handful of hair in the titan's grip, and a one way trip out onto Too Hot on the floor!

 

Pamela Rojo has been eliminated! (At least Too Hot broke her fall...)

 

Baron Forthdyke attempts to hide behind El Sultan, but this only serves to give the luchador from Ecuadoristan an idea! He headlocks his own manager and attempts to use the rich man's head as a battering ram! This goes about as well as you'd expect at this point, and in short order the two have their heads bashed together and they're tossed right out of the ring!

 

El Sultan (and Baron Forthdyke) has been eliminated!

 

THE HUGE GUY WINS!

 

Segment 4: The Huge Guy Triumphant!

 

The now victorious huge guy let's out another mighty roar as Rod urges Toronto Terry (who is NOT from Winnipeg) over to get an interview with the mammoth madman, and by urge we mean yells at him to do it or he's fired. Tentatively, Toronto Terry enters the ring, a shaking mic in his hand...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/TerrySmith_alt1_zpsf86371ba.jpg

Picture for the Obitruary...

 

Terry: Ahem, Mr...Big Guy? That was quite the impressive win you had there, perhaps I could have a word?

 

Big Guy: CRUSHINATOR!

 

Terry: ...uhm...could I have a few more words? Perhaps in the form of a sentence?

 

Crushinator: IMMOLATE! ANNIHILATE! MAIM! TERRORIZE!

 

Terry: Oooookay...I'm gonna...just...gooooo...

 

Terry goes to back away, but finds himself grabbed by his lapels by the Crushinator! It looks like it might be curtains for our intrepid announcer!

 

Segment 5: The World's Tackiest Cavalry!

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/KashmirSingh_alt2_zps03c78cf5.jpg

Tasseled Boots, Tasseled Jacket, Bedazzled CHAIR!

 

Mr. Electricity runs down to the ring with a (Heavily Bedazzled) chair in hand! Seeing the approaching assailant, the Crushinator throws Terry to the side in time to catch a chair shot right to the dome...which bounces off like it's nothing! Electricity's eyes go wide behind his shades as Crushinator approaches him, before he slams the chair into the big man's belly and nailing the now doubled over giant with a Shocking Bulldog onto the chair! Electricity scrambles up as Crushinator exits the ring and looks ready for round two but something distracts him...the sound of a mop being strained in a bucket. Glaring at Electricity, Crushinator turns and leaves fo the back as Electricity grabs a mic.

 

Electricity: WHY YOU THINK YA GOIN' YA BIG BABY BABY BABY!? Don't think we ain't gonna dance again, and this time you won't be hittin' me from behind! Rod, make that match, next month I want this big bad boy mano y mano in this ring!

 

Electricity throws down the mic, checks on Terry, poses for the crowd, and makes for the back!

 

Segment 6: The Ninja and Pirate reveal their partners!

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/HughdeAske_zps9551a25b.jpg

The very loud approach of the S.S Not-A-Lawnmower heralds the arrival of Captain Hugh De Aske, towing a large crate behind his mighty vessel! The rapscallion halts his ship and stands atop the bow!

 

De Aske: Yar, so here we are again, well here *I* am again, the rest of me crew's in the back with ice packs on their...everything. I can tell ya all right now I'm not leaving this place until I get me hands on Samuel Keith's treasure, and that's that! Now, Ninja, I know yer out there ya scurvy dog, and I know ya got a partner, but I have much more than a partner...I have...A MINION! A minion that will do whatever I say, when I say it! A minion that is hard-wired to destroy ninjas like a younger sibling destroys lego creations! BEHOLD MY MINION!

 

De Aske produces a remote and presses its single big red button and out from the crate erupts...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/InsaneMachine_zpsaaeaab5e.jpg

Oh...craaaaap...

 

De Aske: THE PUROBOT 9000! MWAHAHAHAHA!

 

Purobot: PUROBOT ACTIVE. CURRENT OBJECTIVE: DESTROY ENEMIES.

 

De Aske: What've ya got to say about THAT, ninja!? Hahahaha!

 

As if in answer, a smoke bomb erupts in the middle of the ring, obscuring two figures...one very less human looking than the other. As the smoke clears it reveals...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/FumihiroOta_zpsbfbcf0a0.jpg

 

The Ninja and...

 

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Ford%20Gumble_zpssdkk9b9k.jpg

A COWBOY! ON A HORSE!

 

Captain De Aske freaks out as a cowboy, horse and all, stands at the Ninja's side. The Ninja crosses his arms as his new comrade climbs down from his horse and flashes a cocky smirk at De Aske. Referee Lavoie is less than amused by all this, angrily asking how they intend to get the horse out of his ring, to which the ninja shrugs, places a smokebomb in the horse's mouth, which the beast drops and 'POOF!' we are minus one horse...ninjas, man, ninjas.

 

Another person less than amused by this is De Aske, who angrily orders the Purobot into the ring and squares off with his opponents! THE FIGHT IS ON!

 

MAIN EVENT TAG MATCH!

http://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/HughdeAske_zps9551a25b.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/InsaneMachine_zpsaaeaab5e.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/VS2_zps4c0bc19f.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/FumihiroOta_zpsbfbcf0a0.jpghttp://i1276.photobucket.com/albums/y476/pteroid1/SAW/Ford%20Gumble_zpssdkk9b9k.jpg

CAPTAIN HUGH DE ASKE AND PUROBOT 9000 VS THE NINJA AND A COWBOY!

 

This match is less of a match and more of...a drawing by a ten year old in his notebook come to life. Tags are an afterthought in this battle between three examples of history's greatest rapscallions and a robot that has doubtful three laws compliance! The two sides pair off almost immediately with De Aske brawling with the mysterious Cowboy and The Ninja attempting to fend off the Purobot's martial arts acumen with his own! Fists fly into faces! Knees and kicks barely miss their targets!

 

It's all out warfare that only ends when an eye poke by the pirate enables him to throw the cowboy out just in time to interrupt a Shinobi Shiranui and turn it into an assisted cutter for Purobot! Lavoie finally manages to enforce the rules and the match shifts its complexion completely from an all-out brawl to a clinical dismantling of The Ninja! With pinpoint accuracy, the Purobot strikes for maximum damage and dodges any counter attack with the ease of a highly sophisticated AI...no, we don't know how the pirate afforded this thing.

 

However the weak link in their team is the human element, by which we mean De Aske constantly tagging in to cheap shot the Ninja and retreating back to his corner when it seems his foe is getting a second wind to tag in Purobot for further beatings. It's only when the Ninja collapses, the fight seemingly gone from him, that De Aske comes in for one more final tag, cracking his knuckles and preparing for the Sloop De Grace Moonsault from the top rope...ONTO THE KNEES OF THE NINJA! The crowd comes alive as The Ninja, his will to fight returning, lunges for his corner and tags in the mysterious man from the Wild West! The Cowboy runs roughshod over the ring, beating on De Aske like a drum with rough right hands and rawhide boots!

 

Unfortunately a sound beating around the ring means sooner or later that takes the pirate close to his partner's corner and a desperate slap of the hands along with a quick thrusting blow to the cowboy's throat turns things completely back into the favor De Aske and his robotic lackey! The Cowboy stumbles back and with the efficiency of a macine, the Purobot springboard clotheslines him down! The Purobot proceeds to beat down on the cowpoke with measured kicks that hit about as hard as a locomotive and bonebreaking suplexes and slams! De Aske grins on the outside, quite proud of himself as he gives a throat-cutting signal to Purobot, prompting his secret weapon to hoist up the Cowboy and slam him with Recalibrainbuster!

 

Purobot makes the cover, but it's broken up at the last second by the Ninja! The Ninja backs away as, as though having taken no damage at all, the Purobot stands and targets the shinobi! It takes everything the Ninja has to dodge and weave the robotic reaver's unyielding assault as his ally slowly gets to his feet. A look is shared between the two comrades and almost as one, they step to either side of the Purobot and nail the nigh-invincible fighter with a Right Hook/Palm Blow combo on either side of the head! The effect is almost immediate, causing the android to start shaking and sputtering without moving!

 

De Aske is aghast at the sight of his secret weapon actually taking damage, he runs into the ring, throwing out the Ninja and Cowboy, screaming at them for ruining his minion! He desperately shouts commands for the Purobot to reboot and resume offensive operations! Suddenly the Purobot reactivates...

 

...and it's looking right at De Aske, whose eyes go wide. De Aske barely avoids a wild swing from the machine and runs out of the ring with his now ex-partner in hot pursuit! The Ninja and his Cowboy partner roll into the ring as their opponents run around it, De Aske leaping onto the SS Not-A-Lawnmower and driving away as Purobot chases him! The referee, who has been counting during said pursuit, reaches ten and the bell dings!

 

THE NINJA AND THE COWBOY WIN!

 

Final Segment: Payment?

 

As the Ninja's music plays, the victorious team celebrate in the ring after their...unorthodox triumph. The Ninja moves to bring out one of of his smoke grenades but his rustic ally grabs his shoulder, rubbing two fingers together with an arched eyebrow. The Ninja steps away and bows gratefully for the assistance but the Cowboy shakes his head, miming putting coins in his hand. The Ninja strokes his chin under his black garments, before producing a pouch of coins...incidentally knocking out the key to Samuel Keith's treasure from within.

 

The Cowboy knocks the coin pouch away and points at the key, indicating that's the only worthy payment for getting the crap beaten out of him by a robot, but the ninja is...less than accepting of this. In fact he immediately resumes his fighting stance and backs away from the Cowboy, who spits on the mat and jabs a finger at the stealthy fighter. However, a smoke bomb on the mat leaves the Cowboy jabbing a finger at his own horse instead. The lonesome ranger snarls and mounts up, spurring his horse to jump over the ropes (and Referee Lavoie) and ride off into the night via the dining area.

 

To Be Continued...

[3rdStringPG]

This stuff is comedy gold.

[Pteroid]

TEW.com: SAW Continues to 'Impress'

 

Last night SAW put on their second show 'How to Kickstart a Time Machine', and it appears the early success is set to continue for this oddity of the wrestling world. Though there are some wrestling purists that are decrying it as a waste of time, the fact they managed to pull in Insane Machine from his self-imposed exile in Japan means the company has money if nothing else. We've once again scored their show a D, it'll be interesting to see where this new influx of talent along with the ongoing 'Treasure of Samuel Keith' storyline takes the fledgling promotion.