The Depression thread

[Warhawk8492]

Is there anyone else here with depression issues? Lets just say over the years I have made a lot of mistakes I have alienated myself from my friends and it has driven me into a deep depression. I am not talking about people here but in general in my life. It sucks and causes me to feel terrible most of the time and has for years now.

[mitsukaikira]

<p>I used to let depression get to me. I lost a lot of important things and nearly lost my own life a few times. I've had a number of therapists and all but one just wanted to feed me pills. The one good one made me face my fears, my past, and myself.</p><p> </p><p>

I still get bouts of lowness, but I don't succumb to the abyss anymore. I've been on that ledge too many times to go back.</p>

[cappyboy]

Oh absolutely. The early 90's were a terrible time for me with depression issues. And worse yet I went completely without an official diagnosis. But I sure as heck knew what I had. My parents just thought that I was in a rush to complete my coming of age and get married because all my classmates were doing it. I don't think they ever saw the whole picture. Or if they did they never acknowledged it. Got so low I toyed with suicide a time or two. Thankfully I could never figure the logistics out well enough to make an attempt. If I had figured it out, who knows if I'd ever be here now? And I doubt that consideration is even known to anybody else. I did a pretty good job of keeping my own counsel about the depths I was in. I've had other bouts over the years as well but nothing like that plunge in the early 90's thank God.

[mitsukaikira]

I wonder, daily, what would have happened if I were successful in just one attempt. I don't like to think about it but it keeps me level.

[Warhawk8492]

I find it hard to find motivation to do things.

[moon_lit_tears]

<p>I think a great deal of people go through depression to some degree. </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="mitsukaikira" data-cite="mitsukaikira" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43047" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I wonder, daily, what would have happened if I were successful in just one attempt. I don't like to think about it but it keeps me level.</div></blockquote> I've had the same thoughts. I've the scares from failed attempts. <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Warhawk8492" data-cite="Warhawk8492" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43047" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I find it hard to find motivation to do things.</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> I know this feeling a great deal. Without going into detail, but having no reason to get up at a certain time, or sleep at a certain time, and no reason to have a set schedual...makes actually doing anything...hard...</p><p> </p><p> I have my own issues, as do most. But I'm always around if anyone needs an ear...or a set of eyes as it were, to talk. <img alt=":)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>

[cappyboy]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="moon_lit_tears" data-cite="moon_lit_tears" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43047" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><p> I know this feeling a great deal. Without going into detail, but having no reason to get up at a certain time, or sleep at a certain time, and no reason to have a set schedual...makes actually doing anything...hard...</p><p> </p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> I don't know I'd say this at all. In short spurts, I tend to welcome this scenario. But even when it drags on, it tends to be more a symptom of the situation demotivating me rather than the cause. Typically lack of work as I haven't had a job that wasn't seasonal since about 2002.</p>

[CMPunkBubble]

<p>I don't know how to beat depression. I can't tell you how to make the pain stop or give you the secrets of happiness but you can live with depression. I've had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I didn't let on to anyone as I was embarrassed and I didn't act on them until just under two years ago when I made my one and only attempt. I was first diagnosed with depression three months before the suicide attempt. My GP put me on an anti depressants called setraline, It didn't agree with me and instead of changing or stopping my med's the dosage just got upped. Within a year I had taken my medication daily and got far worse than I had ever been in over two decades of living with depression. I was then diagnosed with mixed mania and personality disorder. I stopped taking the medication and after a month of hell I started to notice myself again. My friends and family said they couldn't believe they where speaking to me again and that they had missed me. I had turned a corner after a year and a half of living in isolation, almost exclusively confined to my bed. </p><p> </p><p>

Whenever you feel down just try to remind yourself you will have ups to come. When you feel lonely pick up the phone and call someone you care about. Talking about your depression is a key I found. The more people who you trust that know you suffer the better. You may find its the weight of carrying a secret as big as depression that is making you feel so down and isolated. Then isolation, I found forcing yourself to go out the house normally helps. I had a bout three weeks back where I was in bed for four days. I forced myself to go for a five k run. I cried the whole way round but when I got back it kick started me feeling better and I went back to work shortly after. You don't need to run just a walk around a nice park should help but exercise is brilliant to get your natural endorphins going. Food is something I've found can effect mood. Try and eat healthy. Being properly nourished helps elevate mood and helps with sleep. Sleep patterns are important and hard to stick to so stay clear of drugs and alcohol as they throw your sleep patterns out and are depressants (not all drugs are depressants but any unnatural mental activity can be a set back). I also take niacin (vitamin B3) every morning I read it helps. Not sure if it's a placebo but I always seem to have worse days when I forget to take it.</p><p> </p><p>

Like I say there's no right or wrong answer but these are things that help me deal with the monster that we call depression. I've lost a friend to it. I have friends who suffer with it or they have family members who suffer with it. You are never alone as much as you may feel you are. If anyone needs to talk or wants to get they're problems off they're chest feel free to pm me. Trust me I'm not judgemental and if not me and you are alone call a helpline. I'm in the uk and I've used crisis and calm before and they helped a lot.</p>

[Blackman]

<p>I can confirm (from theory, not experience) that exercise and healthy eating can energize you which contradicts the generic depression mood. Sitting in your bed with a pack of cookies will nearly always make it worse. Having a purpose in life (like a job) helps to get you through it. If you can't find a job, find something else to do. Set goals and try to achieve them, no matter how dumb it looks.</p><p> </p><p>

The hard thing is to pull the trigger to - for instance - make the run, so if you have acquintances or people in the same boat who can join you for that, it could help you (provided they don't procrastinate).</p><p> </p><p>

A lot of the depression with youngsters nowadays is because their expectations are unrealistic. Through exposure to facebook they seem to believe everyone else leads near perfect lives, though what they see is a collection of daily peak moments. At their job, they expect to excel because they were always told they were awesome at home or at school. People can hardly wait for anything anymore. This disappointment feeds depression and boosts the suicidal rate.</p>

[cappyboy]

I can confirm (from theory, not experience) that exercise and healthy eating can energize you which contradicts the generic depression mood. Sitting in your bed with a pack of cookies will nearly always make it worse. Having a purpose in life (like a job) helps to get you through it. If you can't find a job, find something else to do. Set goals and try to achieve them, no matter how dumb it looks.

 

The hard thing is to pull the trigger to - for instance - make the run, so if you have acquintances or people in the same boat who can join you for that, it could help you (provided they don't procrastinate).

 

 

Not saying you are incorrect but I can't really speak to the exercise thing. I've never found that kind of logic motivational. Depressed or not, I've never done a particularly good job at doing something to just do it. If it's a part of the job or will help fulfill a goal, all well and good. Just for the sake of it? Yeah. Never been much into that.

 

Absolutely with you on the part about having a job or purpose though. One could easily claim the last half of last year was a nightmare for me. My mom had a case of drug induced dementia because of a prescription she had been left on overly long. Had her hearing voices she thought were angels, fighting demons that weren't there and thinking she wouldn't even live to see Christmas. But the silver lining for me in that scenario was that I was badly needed. I was Mom's primary emotional support during that time. Had I not been around she could easily have wandered off and who knows what could have happened? And then when we did get her help and diagnosed, I was on house duty making sure everything was in good shape while Mom was in the hospital detoxing. So it might not have been an easy time from the outside looking in. But the turmoil was balanced out by the fact I was needed and could contribute to getting things right again. Which thankfully they are now. Mom hasn't heard a thing she shouldn't since spring and all is back to normal on that front.

 

This year I've hardly worked at all and really felt useless. Superfluous to the world outside my family circle. Needless this hasn't been the greatest year of my life. Although thankfully I haven't down to quite the depths I was in the early 90's. So can't wait for 2017. The buzz is the work situation should straighten itself out and give me more opportunities for productivity. I'm so much more myself when I'm useful and have a target I'm shooting for.

[Fleisch]

I'm not going to go into too much depth but I was at my lowest when I was an active and outgoing person. No idea at the time why (although I do now). There is no "fixing" someone with depression and the clichés by people who have never experienced it are infuriating. They do not help. It took me nearly 2 years to learn how to cope with depression and how to not let it interfere with my every day life. I still have days where I feel really low and probably will have the rest of my life but I'm now better equipped to deal with these moments. I can't tell you how to deal with your own because everyone is different and everyone reacts differently to things.

[moon_lit_tears]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="cappyboy" data-cite="cappyboy" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43047" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Not saying you are incorrect but I can't really speak to the exercise thing. I've never found that kind of logic motivational. Depressed or not, I've never done a particularly good job at doing something to just do it. If it's a part of the job or will help fulfill a goal, all well and good. Just for the sake of it? Yeah. Never been much into that.<p> </p><p> Absolutely with you on the part about having a job or purpose though. One could easily claim the last half of last year was a nightmare for me. My mom had a case of drug induced dementia because of a prescription she had been left on overly long. Had her hearing voices she thought were angels, fighting demons that weren't there and thinking she wouldn't even live to see Christmas. But the silver lining for me in that scenario was that I was badly needed. I was Mom's primary emotional support during that time. Had I not been around she could easily have wandered off and who knows what could have happened? And then when we did get her help and diagnosed, I was on house duty making sure everything was in good shape while Mom was in the hospital detoxing. So it might not have been an easy time from the outside looking in. But the turmoil was balanced out by the fact I was needed and could contribute to getting things right again. Which thankfully they are now. Mom hasn't heard a thing she shouldn't since spring and all is back to normal on that front.</p><p> </p><p> This year I've hardly worked at all and really felt useless. Superfluous to the world outside my family circle. Needless this hasn't been the greatest year of my life. Although thankfully I haven't down to quite the depths I was in the early 90's. So can't wait for 2017. The buzz is the work situation should straighten itself out and give me more opportunities for productivity. I'm so much more myself when I'm useful and have a target I'm shooting for.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Ive been told that exercise and food help too, but I found it worse fir me. It made me feel that ontop of all my other problems that I don't eat right and need to lose weight. Not a good attitude for someone at their lowest.</p>

[CMPunkBubble]

<p>Every case off depression is different and is personal to the person suffering. Things that help one person may make the next person worse. I've found over the years that certain things help me and others lead to bouts of depression. The one thing that we all share are the symptoms. Lonleyness, worthlessness, self hate and a complete lack of motivation to name a few. It's a mental illness no different an illness to cancer or a broken bone you can just snap out of cancer nor can you run on a broken bone but it is mental. It's in your head. It's in my head but I can't stop it. I just live with it and I live in pain. I don't take meds. I refuse to. I don't believe in them. I tried them and they failed me. I'm in pain I would try anything to make the pain stop. I've worked out how to dull the pain to a level I can live with. Not always is it dull but if I behave a certain way and do certain things it helps, other things bring it out. I've learned this over time and I hope I can help others by sharing my experiences. </p><p> </p><p>

Getting diagnosed helps me understand that my behaviour is normal because I'm ill. I talk to myself out loud and I have ticks. It makes life awkward to say the least. Some people understand and support me, others think I'm putting it on or attention seeking. I don't really understand their logic as it's unbearably embarrassing. What I do when I feel weird is read my diagnosis and it helps me feel less weird and alone. Understanding the illness is a great help to me. There is help out there you just need to find it. There is ways to live with this you just have to find what fits you. Suicide would hurt a lot of people after you've gone. There are ways to dull the pain. To do that you just need to force yourself to find the ways that work for you.</p>

[Poputt]

Is there anyone else here with depression issues? Lets just say over the years I have made a lot of mistakes I have alienated myself from my friends and it has driven me into a deep depression. I am not talking about people here but in general in my life. It sucks and causes me to feel terrible most of the time and has for years now.

 

I just realized that pretty much everyone I've hung out with over the past few years have been people trying to get in my pants.

[Hive]

Hell darkness my old friend...

 

Yes, depression is an old mistress of mine. It hits from time to time, causing me to, when at its' worst, wish myself dead.

 

I think perhaps the most important thing to remember - which this thread showcases very well - is that while you may feel as though you are alone, you are not. There are many, many, many others who feel the exact same pain. Most of them are able to shrug it off and get by, and so can you. So can we all. We are not black sheep freaks of nature, we are like countless others. It's nothing highly unusual and there's nothing wrong with it. You are not to blame. Just hang in there and make the best of it. It's all you can do. It's all we can all do.

[K-Nection]

I've lurked this particular thread for a bit and while I don't feel like talking about my own experiences I can say that it helps to keep your mind busy. Sometimes skulking in your thoughts can impact you way worse. If I feel myself slipping I use the power of distraction until I'm equipped to deal with the situation properly. It might not be the best but it is what works for me.

[moon_lit_tears]

<p>Hive I'd have to say I'm a freak of nature. I've got vision problems, and while I'm not the only female to suffer from it, only about .02 percent of women have it, buts it's majority man that suffer from it. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />. </p><p> </p><p>

But yes I know I'm not broken, but on my bad days I'm broken, beat down, and worthless. I have learned to reach out for help. The best thing to do is have friends or family who know the signs of a me,tdiwn and can pull you through.</p>

[KidFantastic]

Like the OP my choices in life have left me friendless, alienated from those not in my imediate family, divorced, and barely able to get through the day without breaking down. For me, if my mind is not 100% occupied then I slip into the darness. 3 months ago it got pretty bad when a girl I liked rejected me and cut off communication, cliche I know. I was getting better after reconnecting with a girl I had a crush on in grade school, it even seemed like we might go out on a date...but she rejected me in favor of another guy so I've been in the pits the last week. My daughter is the only reason I don't attempt suicide...

[moon_lit_tears]

<p>So holidays suck fir me. I e never liked Christmas, but since I lost my brother I've dreaded the day even more.</p><p> </p><p>

Now as the day approached my mood got worse, then you get a call no one wants to get.</p><p> </p><p>

Mom has cancer.</p><p> </p><p>

My moms been battling stomachs issues for about a year and a half with doctor visits and such, but they never found anything. Well she went to a new doctor who had some suspicions, ran tests and found it. The problem is, it's been going on untreated do long, and has been able to spread. Her health has rapidly gone down. From an energetic always busy woman, to someone who can't do really anything, and looks like skin and bones.</p><p> </p><p>

That coupled with this being the first Christmas I am spending 400 miles away from my strongest support system has not been good for my battle with depression.</p>

[cappyboy]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="moon_lit_tears" data-cite="moon_lit_tears" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43047" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>So holidays suck fir me. I e never liked Christmas, but since I lost my brother I've dreaded the day even more.<p> </p><p> Now as the day approached my mood got worse, then you get a call no one wants to get.</p><p> </p><p> Mom has cancer.</p><p> </p><p> My moms been battling stomachs issues for about a year and a half with doctor visits and such, but they never found anything. Well she went to a new doctor who had some suspicions, ran tests and found it. The problem is, it's been going on untreated do long, and has been able to spread. Her health has rapidly gone down. From an energetic always busy woman, to someone who can't do really anything, and looks like skin and bones.</p><p> </p><p> That coupled with this being the first Christmas I am spending 400 miles away from my strongest support system has not been good for my battle with depression.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Certainly understandable the holidays hit you this way but it's such a shame things have to be this way. I find that the Christmas season is one of my saving graces. Heck, in my family, Christmas for me can be summed up in one word. SHOWTIME!! I am well noted in my family for how much I relish the chase of Christmas shopping and finding all the best gifts to give everyone. Not that's it's easy. I budget the rest of the year to be able to have as much leeway as possible come Christmas. And when Christmas Day itself comes, I'm playing package distributor with a big smile on my face all amped to see people open what I got them.</p><p> </p><p> This year I wasn't quite as fortunate in that regard. Because I hadn't worked hardly at all, I had family members trying to "ease my burden" by telling me I could spend less and not give as much and it would be okay. Which only served to make me feel worse. I wasn't going to be able to pour my heart into the holiday I love most because I had lacked work all year? Made it hard to to figure out what I was going to do or if I even wanted to bother Christmasing this year. Even last year when all the chaos was going on with my mom, I was able to do Christmas up right with full holiday spirit. This year I wasn't so sure. I did finally get all the ideas I needed and was able to gift normally. And nail the process in typical Cappy fashion. But talk about hard. I was so thin on imagination it took me to within days of Christmas to even figure out the last person on my list, my mom. Someone I typically have figured out early. So glad it's over this year. I pray that I never see another Christmas this hard again. As long and hard as this year's been, I could really have used the joy the holiday season typically brings and it's been in far too short a supply. But 2016 is almost over and hopefully I never have to suffer a Christmas season like this ever again.</p>

[Dave_Scott]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="moon_lit_tears" data-cite="moon_lit_tears" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43047" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>So holidays suck fir me. I e never liked Christmas, but since I lost my brother I've dreaded the day even more.<p> </p><p> Now as the day approached my mood got worse, then you get a call no one wants to get.</p><p> </p><p> Mom has cancer.</p><p> </p><p> My moms been battling stomachs issues for about a year and a half with doctor visits and such, but they never found anything. Well she went to a new doctor who had some suspicions, ran tests and found it. The problem is, it's been going on untreated do long, and has been able to spread. Her health has rapidly gone down. From an energetic always busy woman, to someone who can't do really anything, and looks like skin and bones.</p><p> </p><p> That coupled with this being the first Christmas I am spending 400 miles away from my strongest support system has not been good for my battle with depression.</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Hey Moon! I'm gonna spare you the bedside BS of saying I know what you're going through because I don't, but all I can tell you is that there's always a reaction to every action. There's a bigger picture, you just have to search for it. Stay strong! <img alt=":)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p>

[moon_lit_tears]

<p>What went from a trip of a few days, and me flung home on the 29th got pushed to the 3rd of Jan, now is an undisclosed time. I'm volunteered to stay for a few weeks to help out after surgery, that isn't scheduled yet. </p><p> </p><p>

It's hard to be around family for me, we've had bad times, and being away from the people I love the most, who help me through my hard times, for more than a month is already weighing on me, and it hasn't been a week yet.</p>

[fullMETAL]

<p>I've been dealing with depression myself for a long time, basically it started at 8, I was diagnosed for the first time around 13, and 4 years ago had bi-polar II tacked on to it.</p><p> </p><p>

My current medications currently manage mostly well most of the time, but I still have down days.</p>

[Warhawk8492]

Because of some events my faith in humanity is being further damaged. I don't know what I might do.

[ThatChizzle]

<p>I've been in depression for a bit over a decade. Was dating the Girl I was in love with, but her pill addiction became more important to her than I was, and when I stopped getting her pills, she left. That lead me into drinking waaaaaaaay too much alcohol, which ended up with me having seizures. One seizure happened when I was on a bicycle, and I was put in the hospital. That lead me into massive seizures that caused me to die on the hospital table. They had to do emergency brain surgery, and the doctors said I would never walk or talk again.</p><p>

I regained walking and talking again, but the big spot they had to remove from my brain was short-term memory, and I have no side vision in my right eye. Last year, my step father died of dementia, and my Mother died a month later due to a heart attack. The medication my neurologist gives me levels me out, but at times I don't feel sad, when I really should, so it's weird sometimes. I have to take Keppra for the seizures every 12 hours, which also makes me tired a lot of the time. Since I've been in the depression for so long, I finally just stopped caring about anything really. I turned into an introverted person, and keep to myself most of the time.</p>