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Freaky Deeky: The Ballad of Minnesota Madhouse Wrestling (Tverse Platinum)

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"If I'm Lucky, In A Month From Now, Best Case Scenario, I'm Managing A Cinnabon In Omaha."

-Saul Goodman


You ever get the feeling that whatever runs the universe just doesn't like you? I mean, if there is a God, it'd be in character, don't you think? I mean, hell, look at Job, that poor guy got the crap kicked out of him over a bet and the less said about Greeks the better. Then again, it was mostly Greek ladies getting the bad end of that stick, or at least a certain end of Zeus' stick, so since I'm a guy that would just leave me to end up with myself and all my kids dead...y'know, if I could find a girl.


Honestly being in prison makes that a touch hard.



My Name is Dax Deekins, This is My Story

Spoiler Alert: I Get Hit. A Lot.


For the past few months I'd been in a federal penitentiary because my boss and idol, Ezekiel Trillion-



Ezekiel Trillion

Lotsa Cash, Lotsa Problems (The Hip Hop Song Was Right)


-turned out to not have been 'Tax Sidestepping' but 'Tax Evading' and that's a big no-no as far as the government's concerned and somehow I got implicated in this whole mess when I'd been stuck managing Zeke's vanity project the whole time!



The Awesome Wrestling Federation

AKA: Hell


Two whole years I worked at the hellhole, having to deal the biggest bunch of prima donna egotistical jerks on the planet, not to mention the fans who just weren't happy unless you gave into their latest internet obsession and a psychotic fatty running a 'Real Wrestling' promotion in Boston that wanted me dead because...I don't know, our color scheme was blue and his was red? I think that guy needed anger management classes. Worked wonders for my Uncle Steve. In any case, if there was one thing I was happy about, it was that in jail I didn't have to worry about managing my boss' dumb wrestling federation anymore.


But I wasn't in jail anymore, I was in a dark room in a small chair across from a television that I suspected had been used to more often than not to inform someone that whoever was on the tv wanted to play a game. Speaking of which, the situation sounded like a bad joke, yanked out of jail by thugs in suits who proceeded to give me my own (immaculate) suit back, told I was being given a conditional release, and plopped down in front of the Grudge TV.




Which had turned on while I was in thought about early 2000's horror movies revealing...





A Couple of Clowns (Fun Fact: Deeks hates clowns)


What appeared to be Guy Lothario after too many deep dish pizzas and someone with a small animal stuck to their face.


"Dax Motherhumpin' Deekins!" The Lothario cosplayer said with a grin, his voice sounding like a mix between a pack-a-day smoker and a clogged ice chipper, "Pleasure to meet'cha buddy."


"Mr. Deekins, I trust that your trip from prison was comfortable," The man who thought wearing a dead squirrel on his upper lip was a good fashion statement said, shuffling a stack of papers in his hand.


"Uhm...sure," I replied, looking from one to the other on the screen, they didn't appear to be in the same place, the screen split down the middle between them, "Who...are you people exactly?"


"Oh right, how rude," Fat Lothario chuckled.


"Oh well, I mean, I'm not going to hold it against you-" I started.


"He means how rude of you not to know," Furface interrupted, "My compatriot is Beauregard Fauntleroy Jr., the third richest man in the world. I am Gregory Rosewart, the fourth richest man in the world."


"Oh..." I adjusted my collar, "...is this the Illuminati? I feel like this is the Illuminati."


"Hahahaha!" Fauntleroy Jr.'s jowls jiggled as he laughed, "Ohhh...oh no, this isn't that, the Illuminati's bunk, buddy. People WISH the world had that much order to it. Nah nah, we're just rich, like crazy rich."


"Yes, rich enough to supersede the justice system," Rosewart cut off my question before it even exited my mouth.


"So uhm...is there a reason I'm here or-" I once again tried to get a word in edgewise buuut-


"You're here to settle a gentleman's wager between Mr. Fauntleroy Jr. and myself," Rosewart adjusted his glasses, leaning in.


"We wanna see if what they're saying is true, that you really are..."






"...were the voice effects and volume really that necessary?" I asked meekly, "And what do you mean, worst booker? I didn't book AWF at all!"


"That's not what we heard~" Fauntleroy Jr. purred, a horrifying sound before the screen switched to something else...



A Parade of Judases...Judasi? Judas but plural like deer?


"Yeah Deeks he wasn't really a smart guy when it came to the business, according to what I heard it was his idea give Hollywood the ax, now look where he is."


"Hooooo boy, that kid was two cents short of a dollar if you get me, seems every week Skym was coming to us saying 'Deeks says this' or 'Deeks doesn't like that direction', just on and on with him."


"That Pencil-Necked geek couldn't book a hotel, much less a wrestling promotion. I could do it better with my little finger."


On and on it went, it seemed like every member of the roster was getting there licks in...and then it happened.





"Now look, I've always been pretty extreme, I mean c'mon, it's me. But that kid, that kid had no respect for the bodies of the boys in the back. I mean, really, you think *I* would book poor old Marshall Law in a Hungarian Nails match? That little nerd had a thirst for blood, probably because his heart couldn't pump enough of the stuff to his tiny brain."


After that, the screen flipped back to the two gazillionaires in time for me to be giving the tv both middle fingers as hard as I could...which I sheepishly put down when Rosewart glared and me and Fauntleroy Jr. guffawed.


"So, Mr. Deekins, you are to make a choice, you can either return to your sentence in the federal prison or..." Rosewart began.


"Ya can open your own promotion and prove these pricks wrong!" Fauntleroy Jr. grinned wide.


Now, looking back, I really should have said no. Opening a wrestling promotion when I both didn't know a lot about and outright hated the whole business in order to satisfy the whims of a shadowy cabal was very much a bad idea.


But all I could think was the words 'F*** Them' over and over again.


"I'm in."


"Splendid," Fauntleroy clapped his hands together, "So how do you like Minnesota?"


"Minnesota?" I could barely get the words out before a black bag got dropped over my head and I was yanked away.


To Be Continued...

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>A WEEK LATER...</strong></p><p> </p><p>

So Minnesota is cold, shocking, I know, especially when you're being kept in a crappy little shack out in the snow being told to 'Wait for the all-clear.' and have absolutely nothing but a bunch of tv dinners, a microwave, a couch, and an outhouse as amenities. At least in jail I didn't have to worry about frostbite when all I want to do is use the damn bathroom. Though I did have to worry about my cellmate, Frost, biting me occasionally but that's beside the point.</p><p> </p><p>

On this particular day, however, I was roused from a spirited game of 'Digest the microwave nuked chicken slop' by a banging at the door. Sluggish and trying to hold down my dinner, I limped to the door and unlocked it to reveal-</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>White Trash Hagrid</strong></p><p><strong>

"Yer a Redneck, 'arry."</strong></p><p> </p><p>

I, being me, reacted to his presence with dignity and grace.</p><p> </p><p>

"Urrrrp...hi."</p><p> </p><p>

"Lemme in," He grunted, shoving past me, a briefcase and what appeared to be the case for a laptop clutched in his hand. He placed the briefcase down on the sole table in my humble abode and gestured me over.</p><p> </p><p>

"Yer wrasslin' company's set up," The big man grunted, placing the laptop case next to the briefcase and opening it up, "Took the liberty of namin' for ya, hope ya don't mind."</p><p> </p><p>

"Uh...who are you?" I asked, shutting the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p>

"Ross, Ross McGinty, bossmen sent me to help ya with the business bits of this since I know the area," The big man didn't even turn to look at me, instead booting up the laptop and typing in a password.</p><p> </p><p>

"Well that's nice," I scratched the back of my head.</p><p> </p><p>

"Also to snap yer neck if you try to run," He added with a low growl.</p><p> </p><p>

"Considerably less nice," I gulped, noticing one of Ross' hands could probably envelop my whole head.</p><p> </p><p>

"Website fer it's up, here," Ross pushed the Laptop in my direction, the bright light of its screen shining to show a pretty sparse website for.</p><p> </p><p>

"Minnesota Madhouse Wrestling?" I tilted my head, "Seriously?"</p><p> </p><p>

"If yer not s***, it won't matter what it's called, won't it?" Ross countered, "Briefcase has yer cash to start with, I got some sponsors for ya so there'll be more comin'."</p><p> </p><p>

"Really? Alright!" Like a kid on Christmas morning, I opened the case to find, "...this...how much is this?"</p><p> </p><p>

"'bout twenny-five hundred," Ross shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>

"Wh-how am I supposed to run a show with twenty-five hundred dollars?!"</p><p> </p><p>

"Smartly," Ross grinned, "Bosses said you were gonna have a show, never said they was gonna pamper ya like yer fat cat bosses used ta. Laptop's got a database on it, scouting reports on every wrestler in the world."</p><p> </p><p>

"That's a...bit overkill, don't you think when you're only giving me that much?" I grimaced, looking over the laptop.</p><p> </p><p>

"When you got more money than god, there's no such thing," Ross stepped over to the couch and took a seat, leaning back, "Bosses say you need to have a show put on by the end of the month, I suggest you get to work, boy."</p><p> </p><p>

Heaving a sigh I looked at Ross, at the money, and finally the laptop. Taking a deep breath...I got to work.</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong><span style="font-size:24px;"><span style="font-family:Impact;">MINNESOTA MADHOUSE WRESTLING</span></span></strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

THE PRODUCT</strong></p><p><strong>

MINNESOTA MAYHEM</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>KEY FEATURE:</strong></p><p>

Mainstream</p><p> </p><p>


Traditional</p><p> </p><p>


Comedy, Cult</p><p> </p><p>


Risque, Modern</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>THE ROSTER</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

<span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>BABYFACES</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong> </strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>

</strong></span><span>http://i.imgur.com/2Mg8XMv.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>

LARRY LIGHTNING</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Lightning Strike (Superkick)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: Shock 'n Awe (w/Drew Martinez), The Living Legends (w/Drew Martinez, Larry Lightning)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/LbPvzxz.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>SHAUN REED</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Powerbomb</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: None</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/68jzyRi.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>"SHOWBIZ" BILLY ROKZOV</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Twelve O'Clock Rock (Tornado DDT)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: None</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/TxupXAD.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>"THE LONE WARRIOR" SPIRIT WOLF</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: War Cry (Spear)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: None</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/a66BOvK.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>STACKS ARMSTRONG</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Tower Stack Bomb</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: None</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/OX25GEk.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>DREW MARTINEZ</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Big Boot</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: Shock 'N Awe (w/ Larry Lightning) The Living Legends (w/Guy Ferrario and Larry Lightning)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/UbKbFcS.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>FAST ACTION RESPONSE MAN</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Double Dragon Screw Leg Whip</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: Hackers Anonymous (w/Virus)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/HF4yETW.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>GUY FERRARIO</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Sleeperhold</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: The Living Legends (w/Larry Lightning and Drew Martinez)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/XNJx8sq.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

</span><span style="color:#0000FF;"><strong>VIRUS</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Finisher: Trojan Force (Moonsault)</span></p><p><span style="color:#0000FF;">

Affiliation: Hackers Anonymous (w/FARM)</span></p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:right;"><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>HEELS</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/earzaqV.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>"THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS" BLACKBIRD</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Prophylaxis (Cobra Clutch Backbreaker)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: The Vermin (w/Carrion and Stain)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/QQhbBXw.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>"HELL'S FAVORITE HATER" HADES</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Drop To The Underworld (Sidewalk Slam)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: The Ten Ton Terrors (w/Squash)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/4NsinSI.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>SQUASH</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Squash Splash</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: The Ten Ton Terrors (w/Hades)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/juyglIK.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>PUNK D</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Disorderly Behavior (Flat Liner)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: Los Lobos Del Diablo (w/Hardcore Hilito and Diego Martinez)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/orldUJ5.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>HARDCORE HILITO</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Double Arm DDT</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: Los Lobos Del Diablo (w/Punk D and Diego Martinez)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/HyhHnOu.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>DIEGO MARTINEZ</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Cartel Crush (Codebreaker)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: Los Lobos Del Diablo (w/Punk D and Hardcore Hilito)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/9k2TTw4.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>STAIN</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Filth Cleanser (Fisherman Brainbuster)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: The Vermin (w/Blackbird and Carrion)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/O8OFPns.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>LORD JEREMY VILE</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: DNA Test</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: None</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/31RZ9FM.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>CARRION THE ELIMINATOR</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: Food For The Vultures (Chokeslam)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: The Vermin (w/Blackbird and Stain)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;"> </span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/0rbVo0g.jpg</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

</span><span style="color:#FF0000;"><strong>JOHNNY MOORE</strong></span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Finisher: The A-List (Diamond Cutter)</span></p><p><span style="color:#FF0000;">

Affiliation: None</span></p></div><p></p><p></p><p> </p><p>

</p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>THE STAFF</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Dax Deekins (Owner)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Smokin' Stevie Gunn (Commissioner)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Dr. Phil Goode (Announcer)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Rollin' Rick Robard (Road Agent)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Lofty Jackson (Referee)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Cassia Charisteas (Manager of Shaun Reed)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Lea K. Wiki (Manager of Virus)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


Hannah Gold (Website Manager, Junior Creative Team Member)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>





THE GARBAGE MAN | MUTT</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW PRESENTS:</strong></p><p><strong>

HELL FREEZES OVER</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

MAIN EVENT </strong></p><p><strong>

10 MAN US HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BATTLE ROYAL</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Featuring: Alan Impact, Billy Rokzov, Blackbird, Hades, Larry Lightning, Mutt, Punk D, Sami Switchblade, Spirit Wolf, and Stacks Armstrong</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Opening Contest</strong></p><p>

Shaun Reed vs Stain</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW Hell Freezes Over</strong></p><p><strong>

Attendance: 90</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

FIRST SEGMENT</strong></p><p><strong>

A ROKZOV CONCERT</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/UhO081W.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

The inaugural MMW show started with Billy Rokzov performing his first single 'She Was D.O.A But I Was Still D.T.F' to the raucous crowd at the Whammy Bar in downtown St. Paul. The risque ode that somehow goes from touching ballad to a graphic description of necrophilia, to describing a relationship with a zombie is well received...but he's suddenly attacked by The Vermin! Stain and Mutt beat him down while Blackbird grabs a mic, shrieking the group's mission to eradicate joy and happiness wherever they go and that tonight they'll throttle this organization in its cradle in order to keep Minnesota a bleak hellhole.</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/earzaqV.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/hnhcJ6g.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/9k2TTw4.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>


"But let's accelerate the process, boys! Rip him to shreds!"</p><p> </p><p>

The trio grab Billy and seem poised to give him a devastating triple powerbomb when-</p><p> </p><p>

"Ohhh yeaaah, brutha!"</p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/2Mg8XMv.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

Larry Lightning dashes down to ringside with a chair, swinging for the fences and managing to swat Stain with it before the trio of thugs can regroup on the outside and beat a retreat to the back. Larry helps Billy up and the duo pose for the crowd before heading to the back.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Deek's Thoughts:</strong></p><p>

These five are going to be among our power players in the future. Larry's schtick of aping Terry Thunder got less applause than I wanted, in fact some people started chanting 'Thunderhips' at him during his run in. However, the rest of this is going well, it helps that Mutt's familiar to any die-hards that watched The Club.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>FIRST EVER MATCH:</strong></p><p><strong>

STAIN VS SHAUN REED</strong></p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/9k2TTw4.jpg</span>vs<span>http://i.imgur.com/LbPvzxz.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

Stain looked less than happy to wrestle a match directly after getting whalloped by a chair, but as Royce on commentary noted 'It's his own fault for starting a fight when he had one scheduled'. Shaun Reed got a...less than stellar greeting from the fans, but he won them over with a brawl that saw him getting the victory over Stain after his patented Powerbomb. </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNER BY PINFALL: SHAUN REED</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

Less than stellar is putting it mildly, the fans were shouting 'Stupid Jacket' at Shaun the whole match. Guess they don't like the overcoat badass look in the Mid-West. Thankfully their ring work kept things steady and what happens next justified keeping Shaun's act around...</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ANGLE: CASSIA SHOOTS T-SHIRTS</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Shaun's main squeeze, Cassia Charisteas-certainly not dressed for the Minnesota winter-shot t-shirts out of a specially made slingshot to the crowd to a very positive reaction...mostly for when she bent over to get a new one.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

In the future if Shaun bombs, we're certainly keeping Cassia, because damn if she doesn't know how to get the boys going, I think I even caught Ross staring.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ANGLE: HADES 'THE HATER FROM HELL'</strong></p><p> </p><p>

A projector was wheeled out to play a vignette on the wall, styled after a trailer for a horror movie, the fans were treated with visions of hell itself as apparently the devil himself narrates the deeds of his favorite sinner:</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>HADES</strong></p><p> </p><p>

As the video goes on we're treated to a really bad looking set for a hellish arena as Hades beats on masked men and demons who are totally not just members of the roster in costumes. Satan narrates that Hades had come to personify the sin of Wrath and that to keep him in hell would be to squander talent better used in torturing the people of Earth (and that he was running out of demons to throw at the behemoth). As the lord of darkness summons a QUALITY BUDGET CGI portal for Hades to return to Earth through, the massive man points his finger at Satan (who we should note is definitely not Road Agent Rick Robard in makeup) and declares:</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>"WHEN I'M DONE ****IN' UP EARTH, YO RED ASS IS NEXT, PUNK!"</strong></p><p> </p><p>

As the projector dies down the audience cheer, because Hades is a baaaaaaaaad baaaaad man.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

Ok, so I'm a weird accent away from being Tommy Wiseau here, but ya gotta admit it made Hades looks like a killer after that! Which is good because it took like ninety takes for us to get that down, guy really needs to work on his cardio...</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>PRE-MAIN EVENT ANGLE:</strong></p><p><strong>

A COLLECTION OF SHORT PROMOS</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The Projector comes on again, this time with promos from four of the participants in tonight's main event.</p><p> </p><p>


"tonight, i will win the mmw us heavyweight championship for the honor of traditional wrestlers everywhere. i am alan impact and tonight i make one...an impact, i make an impact."</p><p> </p><p>


"Minnesota Madhouse Wrestling, the Spirit Wolf is coming to you tonight to honor a legacy of warriors, of kings. For too long my people have been seen as weak, sequestered away in reservations and casinos we're remembered as a tragic footnote in history, as victims. Well I am not a victim, I am a WOLF, and tonight you will hear me howl."</p><p> </p><p>


"Nine men step in, nine goin' home bruised and abused. I'm no stranger to a brawl in a bar or a brawl in a ring SO HOW THE HELL YA THINK I'M GONNA DO IN A BRAWL IN A RING IN A BAR!? Get ready, ****ers, I'm comin' for that belt, and you KNOW I'm gonna get it."</p><p> </p><p>


"This match is gonna come down to raw physical strength and that's something everyone in this building knows that Stacks Armstrong has in spades. I'm not like these other chumps, I'm not like that tub of lard, Hades, I'm in the gym all day every day clangin' and bangin' to keep myself in top physical condition, so watch out, because punks are gonna be flyin' outta that ring when I'm done."</p><p> </p><p>

Deeks Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

Some good promo work here to cap off that trio of angles we had before our main event. Most of them impressed...give you five bucks if you can guess who didn't. Actually no, you back off, I need that cash.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>





<span>http://i.imgur.com/Yeq1SMH.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

This match was an absolute madhouse from the start. Of course most everyone took their licks in Hades to start with (exception being The Vermin brawling with Larry Lightning and Billy Rokzov) but the big man had none of it, at one point grabbing young Sami Switchblade and tossing him out of the ring through the announce table to a massive pop from the 90 bar goers. Hades would rack up an elimination on Stacks Armstrong afterwards, as Spirit Wolf took advantage of a dazed Punk D to eliminate him. Hades then took out Alan Impact by a massive clothesline until he and Spirit Wolf faced off. </p><p> </p><p>

The Native American would not be intimidated by Hades and instead would launch a brawling assault on the Hater from Hell that seemed to have the big man rocking. With a massive shout, Wolf would go to bounce off the ropes (presumably to deliver his signature War Cry Spear)-only for Punk D to smash him in the back with a chair, angry at his own elimination earlier. Wolf stumbled forward into a Drop To The Underwolrd by Hades and a swift elimination there after as Punk D mugged for the booing fans.</p><p> </p><p>

However, Hades streak was not built to last as a surprise attack from Larry Lightning and Billy Rokzov saw Hades get sent tumbling from the ring after both men combined their strength to get him over the top rope as he jawed at the crowd. This left a final four of the same men who started the night, and they proceeded to beat the living hell out of each other for the remainder of the match. For all his goofy songs, Billy Rokzov is a two-fisted brawler when it comes to a fight and while he tussled with Blackbird, Larry had his own hands full with the rabid feral manimal known as Mutt. Back and forth their struggles went until stereo clotheslines on either side of the ring dumped out both Blackbird and Larry and we were left with two.</p><p> </p><p>

Mutt dominated Billy at first, throwing in power move after power move that had the songwriter rocked, but he could never seem to get rid of him for good. Meanwhile on the outside, always staying out Lofty Jackson's watchful (if small) eye, was Blackbird, biding his time, waiting for a chance to give his compatriot assistance. Billy rallied with help from the crowd, his fists finding their mark on Mutt's shaggy dome one after the other until the beastly man was felled with a roaring elbow to the jaw. Billy played to the crowd, getting their support as Blackbird swept in close to his ally, giving him a foreign object to use on the unsuspecting rockstar before...</p><p> </p><p>

"OHHHH YEAH AGAIN, BRUTHA!"</p><p> </p><p>

Larry Lightning intervened, chasing Blackbird off and leaving neither man in the ring with an ally. This was all well and good, but Billy still had to deal with Mutt and as he was turning around he found himself jabbed in the eye with a shard of wood from the same table Sami Switchblade had been thrown through. Mutt regained control, beating on Billy, working his opponent's eyes with a harsh ferocity honed from years of illegal fights. Billy, bloodied and beaten, was tossed into a corner, with Mutt primed to end the match. The big man charged at the hero, only to meet a boot to his face! Billy yanked Mutt's head under his arm and climbed to the second turnbuckle to go for his Twelve O'Clock Rock Tornado DDT which he hit dead center in the ring! Mutt, nigh comatose after such a hard move, was picked up with great effort from Billy and dumped out of the ring to cheers from the crowd as we crowned our first MMW US Heavyweight Champion.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNER: BILLY ROKZOV</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

This. Match. Was. Perfect. Ok, not perfect, but I mean for a federation our size? It's what we needed, a shot in the arm to start ourselves up and running. Billy's easily our top guy at the moment and with where the storyline with The Vermin is going to go, it'll definitely be a good enough feud for us starting out.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>FINAL ANGLE: BOOKENDS</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Billy celebrates with his title in the ring, holding it up above his head to cheers of the appreciative audience! However, with all his posing, he doesn't notice one extremely pissed off Mutt coming up from behind him, steel chair left behind by Punk D in his hands. The crack is heard well over Billy's music and he falls to the mat to receive two more before Mutt angrily climbs to the top rope and comes off with his Unrestrained Mauling headbutt. The crowd's boos are loud and clear as the night ends, and this battle may very well have become a war...</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

Welp, there's the show and there's the closing angle. Like I said, this feud'll be good for us while we get our footing. Speaking of, I wonder what our net profits were for our first mo-...a dollar. We made *A* dollar total...this may be harder than I thought...</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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After our first show I was flying high, flush with the knowledge that despite what people said about me, I was NOT the worst. In fact if I had some kind of rating system I'd give it a...D. A solid D. Ok, that sounds bad but like...proportional to us like being like an F-? And also including an imaginary grade of E? Yeah, in that system I just made up we're golden, baby, golden.



"Yer flat f***in' broke, ya dips***."


Aside from...from that, from the abject poverty.


"So I may have overspent a bit," I gulped, sitting across from Ross at one of the tables at the Whammy Bar, "The sponsors can cover this, right?"


"You already spent the sponsor's money, stupid," Ross crossed his hamhock arms over his flabby chest, "Yer f***ed."


"No...no way, you gotta be kidding me! That was just one show!" I refrained from grabbing at Ross' shirt, afraid of him clubbing me in response, "There's gotta be something else I can do to get more money!"


"Keep your panties on, city boy," Ross rolled his eyes, "I got a proposition for ya."


"You...do?" I tilted my head.


"Yep, and here he comes now..." Ross gestured to a rather...peculiar looking gentleman walking our way with an attache case.



They didn't cancel 'To Trap A Predator' did they?


"Mr. McGinty," He said in an unreasonably calm voice, handing the case to Ross, "I've calculated our earnings for tonight and they are quite substantial."


"S'what I figured, Phil," Ross put the case on the table and opened it, grinning at the piles of cash neatly stack inside, "Oh yeah, this is gonna go nicely."


"Uhm...where'd you get all that cash?" I asked timidly, "And who is this guy?"


"Good evening," The weirdo said, "I'm Dr. Phil Goode, Mr. McGinty's business associate."


"I-...that can't be real," I tilted my head incredulously.


"I assure, I predate the song," The Good Doctor waggled his stache at me.


"And this is from a little business deal we had going on in the back, while your little show was going on," Ross leaned back in his chair, "Selling a very valuable product."


"Oh Christ," I muttered, "Was it coke? I feel like you're going to say it's coke."


"Pff, nothin' like that," Ross rolled his eyes, "What kind of guy you take me for?"


"The shady agent of the Uber Rich who literally told me he'd break my neck?"


"Point, but nah, not coke. Just...supplements," Ross shrugged, "We were paid to help get them somewhere a little less against their sale, y'know?"


"What kind of supplements are illegal here?" I grimaced.


"Blue Rhino Energy Drink," Goode said in a flat monotone.


"...didn't...didn't they used to sponsor AWF?" I blinked, "Wait, yes they did, they totally used to sponsor AWF."


"Yeah, you didn't know? That ****'s poison," Ross grinned, "Musta come out while you were in the slammer. More dangerous than a 2 Liter of 4Loco, put ya 6 Feet Under if ya drink too much of it."


"The company is trying to get rid of its tainted product," Goode shrugged, "I have...contacts in South America and Europe who could make a more practical use out of it than your average college student."


"...I'm an accomplice to this, aren't I?" I asked, suddenly getting flashbacks to my stay in prison.


"Not if yer outta business yer not, which reminds me...here," Ross dug into the case and handed me a stack of bills, "That should be more than enough to cover yer debts and then some."


"Wh-you're helping me stay afloat?" I asked, incredulous that this bearded cretin gave half a damn about me.


"These little events make a good cover for our work here," Ross smirked, "So I'm gonna help ya stay afloat long enough for me and Phil here to get our business done, then? You're flyin' solo, pal."


"Uh, thanks, Ross, that means a lot to me?"


"Aw cram it, nerd, I just know a good mark when I see one," Ross grunted, getting up and handing the case back to Phil, "And remember, you breathe a word of this to the cops, you'll be in a ditch and our mutual friend's'll have me off the hook faster than you can say 'Making A Murderer', got me?"


"Uh...g-got ya..." I stammered.


"Good," And with that both Ross and Phil were out the door, I sighed.


"Ok, so I got the psycho hillbilly bankrolling me but...I still need to cut costs to make sure I don't need him when the stuff runs out..." I looked over to my new laptop and began running the numbers...guess our site would already have an alumni section.

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW ROCK YOU TONIGHT</strong></p><p><strong>

Attendance: 86</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

FIRST SEGMENT</strong></p><p><strong>

DUELING PROMOS</strong></p><p> </p><p>

MMW's February Event kicked off with an unpleasant and unwanted bit of party crashing by The Vermin, namely Stain and Blackbird.</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Jerks...</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Blackbird gloats that tonight the Vermin will rebound from their infuriating losses at the last show by strangling Larry Lightning with his own bandanna, ripping Stacks Armstrong's precious muscles to shreds, and finally having Mutt (who was backstage) maul Billy Rokzov and tear out his vocal chords so he'll never sing again! The ensuing maniacal laughter was cut off by a sudden royalty free version of Terry Thunder's theme and the arrival of Larry Lightning and Stacks Armstrong!</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>The Mouth and The Muscle</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Lightning shot back on behalf of Billy, himself, and Stacks, declaring that the Vermin were nothing but a 'Buncha Emo Little Girls Done Up In Bondage Gear' and while Blackbird was talking about yanking things outta people, him and Stacks were gonna yank the wagging tongue out of his (Blackbird's) mouth, give Stain a black eye to match his tattoo, and in the main event Billy Rokzov's gonna neuter that big bad wolf and then use him as a castrato singer for his next song! Stacks concluded the promo by shouting that tonight The Vermin are going to be stomped like the roaches they are!</p><p> </p><p>

Needless to say, tensions were running high and when the eventual brawl broke out, Lofty Jackson came running to the ring in order to officiate our opening match.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Cracking opening segment to get the show going, I've seriously lucked out there are so many good talkers at budget prices on the indy scene. I mean, Stacks was the weak link but at least he's not...Impact, eugh.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>FIRST MATCH!</strong></p><p><strong>


<span>http://i.imgur.com/earzaqV.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/9k2TTw4.jpg</span>vs<span>http://i.imgur.com/2Mg8XMv.jpg</span><span>http://i.imgur.com/a66BOvK.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

Without the hectic atmosphere of the battle royal or the handicap of a pre-match chair shot to affect things, we get a clearer picture of the fighting styles of each of the four men in the match. Lightning is a clear emulation of his idol, Terry Thunder, sometimes almost to a fault as his focus on the showboating that made Thunder famous clearly opens him to cheap shots from the devious duo of Blackbird and Stain. Armstrong, however, relies on power and is a little more no-nonsense and intense than his partner, tossing the two members of the Vermin around like nobody's business. But there's a certain lack of finesse in his movements, to the point that when he loses control of the match, his ponderous movements and lack of dominant athleticism puts him at a disadvantage.</p><p> </p><p>

On the other side of the ring the Vermin have an almost shared fighting style that can be best described as 'Desperate'. Stain is a reckless wild man, throwing hard punches and kicks and almost using his body as a weapon against the opposition while Blackbird takes every opportunity to dig his long gnarly fingernails into any part of his opponents he can-especially the eyes-and generally picking up the pieces Stain leaves behind like a real carrion bird.</p><p> </p><p>

In the end the clash here is decided by the bane of heroes everywhere: Cheating. A near fall on Lightning leads to Stain screaming in Lofty's face, distracting the ref from a hot tag from Lightning to Armstrong. Armstrong manages to get some serious strikes in on Stain and Blackbird before the pint-sized referee manages to get him out of the ring under pain of DQ, allowing a rising Lightning to get cheapshot with a low blow by Blackbird and nailed with the Filth Cleanser by Stain for the victory for the baddies.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNERS BY PINFALL: THE VERMIN</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Very good opener for a company our size. Honestly our in-ring talent is...lacking in some departments but companies like us live and die by angles angles angles so it's only up to the matches to pull their weight and let the angles flow from them. That's not a stupid thing, right? I'm scared that's a stupid thing.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ANGLE: HELL'S HATER MEETS CASSIA</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/ZsfmFMG.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

After Lightning and Armstrong limp away from the ring, Cassia is out for the same t-shirt slingshot routine as last month. However, this time she's joined by an unexpected guest.</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Oh Christ...</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Showing a level of stealth seemingly absurd for a man his size, Hades stalks around behind Cassia as she prances around ringside. When she finally realizes he's there at the urging of the crowd, he's well within reach of her, bearing down with glare.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>" 'sup, b****, how 'bout'cha come on back ta my house, lemme show ya what I learned in circle of Lust on down in Hell?"</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Cassia screams and tries to flee, but Hades advances on her until...</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>The Cavalry Arrives!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Shaun Reed comes running down with a chair in hand, slamming it into Hades' back. Hades...is NOT fazed by the shot, turning around to glare at Shaun. This gives Cassia a chance to escape and she and Shaun regroup at the entrance to the locker room, running off as Shaun hurls insults at the Hater from Hell who just glares at them as they go.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Cassia's Hot, Hades is scary, we're going full horror movie with this folks. Shaun isn't really my first choice for a leading man but I figure it would've killed morale to release three guys, especially one attached to one of our highlights.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ANGLE: SPIRIT WOLF RANTS AGAINST PUNK D</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Ahead of his match with the aforementioned Punk, Spirit Wolf stalked out to the ring with a mic in hand. He cut a scathing promo declaring that Punk D's disrespect for him is nothing new, he's been disrespected most of his life, told to go back on the reservation, to go work in a casino. He talks about how he's watched friends and family succumb to alcoholism and despair, seeking for a way out because they couldn't find a life for themselves among their own people. But like he said, Punk's disrespect is nothing new, it's the same shown by a certain infamous general by the name of Custer and if he wasn't careful, Punk D would face the same fate.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Not exactly lighting the world on fire here, but Spirit Wolf's not a bad talker, I put it down to the subject of his promo having only been here for one show like him and the fans not being as invested as they could be.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>SPIRIT WOLF VS PUNK D</strong></p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/TxupXAD.jpg</span>vs<span>http://i.imgur.com/juyglIK.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

Punk D comes into this match angry and arrogant, stopping at the Whammy Bar's...bar in order to steal a fan's shot and down it before going to the ring, doing the stereotypical hand over mouth gesture you'd see many Native Americans doing in old cartoons and westerns. Spirit Wolf is hot out of the gate to take Punk D to task but Punk craftily uses the ref to his advantage, giving Spirit Wolf the double birds behind the back Lofty Jackson as the pint-sized ref tried to calm the angry Native down. When the two finally come together, it's an all out slugfest with both men laying into each other with hard shots as they trade blows and big moves on each other. Near falls are nigh constant as both men seek to put each other away to prove their superiority. </p><p> </p><p>

Finally, when it seems like Spirit Wolf has the upperhand, Punk D craftily puts Lofty between Spirit Wolf and himself, keeping Lofty's head down, he pulls out a flask and takes a swig before spitting an alcoholic mist in Wolf's eyes! As Wolf claws at his eyes and stumbles around, Punk D tossed the flask out of the ring and grabbed Wolf for his Disorderly Behavior, getting the dirty win right under-well, over-Lofty Jackson's nose!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNER BY PINFALL: PUNK D</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Par for course on this show, y'know my imaginary rating scale? Just go ahead and give all the matches an E and you'll be right. Wolf needs to work on his cardio though, somehow it's worse than Hades'...</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ANGLE: PUNK D'S DISRESPECT</strong></p><p> </p><p>

After the match, Punk D got on the mic to lambaste Wolf, calling him a 'Featherheaded S***bird' and telling him to 'Get on the Warpath on outta this company!' before holding up his flask and asking the enraged but dazed Wolf how he liked his 'Firewater'! Giving Wolf another pair of birds and talking trash to the fans on the way out, Punk left Wolf behind to lick his wounds.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

Damn if Punk D isn't a talent worth having...that whole thing with the fan's shot wasn't planned though and we had to reimburse them. Might want to keep an eye on that...</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>

MMW US HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

BILLY ROKZOV © VS MUTT</strong></p><p>

<span>http://i.imgur.com/UhO081W.jpg</span>vs<span>http://i.imgur.com/hnhcJ6g.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

Mutt was out first, pacing and tearing at his own hair as he snarled at the fans. The feral fighter howls out and stomps around the ring, seemingly even more crazed than usual at the opportunity to take away Billy Rokzov's title at the very first hurdle. He very nearly goes after Lofty Jackson when the diminutive ref tries to get him under control.</p><p> </p><p>

Mutt's mood is not improved by the appearance of Billy Rokzov with an ear mic and a guitar, playing an acoustic version of brand new song called 'Mr. Mutt Goes To The Vet', which is almost nothing but a string of insults and descriptions of awful things about how Mutt looks bad for a dog let alone a man and ends with a declaration that he's better off put to sleep like the sick puppy he is. Mutt, enraged, goes after Rokzov outside the ring before the bell and gets the guitar smashed over his head for his troubles! Tossing away the ear mic, Rokzov tosses Mutt into the ring and starts pounding on the wild man with reckless abandon before trying for an early pin which sadly leaves him open to a bite to his forehead after a kick out.</p><p> </p><p>

Mutt takes advantage of Rokzov rolling around in pain by lifting the rockstar up and pounding him around the ring with punishing blows before tossing him outside the ring. From there the two begin brawling even more, eventually going to the bar where an attempted clothesline by Mutt is countered into a back body drop over the bar by Rokzov, who limps back to the ring to recuperate as Mutt tries to follow after. Thankfully both make it back inside before a ten count and the match continues with Rokzov targeting Mutt's back that was harmed by the back body drop. </p><p> </p><p>

Mutt, however, proves a very game competitor and doesn't fall easy, retaking control with hard power moves which garner several near falls before he makes the mistake of going for a spinebuster that Rokzov cuts off with an axehandle blow to his back. With great effort, Billy yanks Mutt to the corner to hit his 12 O'Clock Rock DDT and pin the big man to retain his title!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNER BY PINFALL: BILLY ROKZOV</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts: These two really gave it their all for this one and I appreciate it. Billy's very much our number one guy at the moment and I foresee quite a reign for him. I got a lot riding on this feud to move us forward so it's good they aren't giving out stinkers.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>FINAL ANGLE: CALLING OUT THE BLACKBIRD</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Posing with his title once more, Billy Rokzov hoarsely demands a mic, glaring at the locker room as he cut a promo on the Vermin, calling them nothing but a bunch of gatecrashers to the greatest party on earth and that he intends to play the roadie and kick them all out. He's already taken down their dog, so why not move on to the birdbrain in charge. He says he'll put the title on the line for a match with Blackbird next month, if the leader of the Vermin hasn't laid an egg at the thought of it. As his music pllays, he holds up the title again as we go off the air.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Remember what I said about talented talkers? Bingo. Pretty soon we'll be big enough that I won't need Ross' damn drug money...Gotta start planning for the next show, we need to expand or we're gonna be stuck in this purgatory forever.</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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"Hi everyone, we here at MMW are proud to accept a high honor here on the internet. We've apparently been graced with something that most threads don't even get the luxury of receiving: Our very first star. We'd like to thank the lovely person that gave us this star and are looking forward to gaining more stars in the future."




"Ya realize that's a f***in' one on a scale of five, right?"


"...well. Crap."



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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW ADRENALINE RUSH</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MMW US HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

Billy Rokzov © vs Blackbird</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><strong><strong>St. Paul Street Fight</strong></strong></p><p><strong>

Stacks Armstrong vs Stain</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Shaun Reed vs Hades</strong></p><p> </p><p>

I smiled to myself as I finalized the match card for Adrenaline Rush, eager at the fact that I'd gotten to my third show at all. I mean I had to get into a faustian deal with what I'm pretty sure was some kind of drug smuggling operation that'd make Gus Fring blush, but I was a survivor! I was a scrapper! I was a warrior!</p><p> </p><p>

"Ey, Mister Deekins?"</p><p> </p><p>

I screamed like a little girl, whirling around in my office chair to come face to face with-</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Rollin' Rick Robard, Road Agent Extraordinaire</strong></p><p> </p><p>

"..." Rick stared at me with a mixture of disdain and disappointment.</p><p> </p><p>

"...yes?" I asked meekly, half embarrassed and half happy he wasn't a cartel enforcer.</p><p> </p><p>

"Shaun and Stacks have called in, they're wondering when the show is," Rick crossed his arms, looking down at me.</p><p> </p><p>

"Oh, it's uh, in just a couple of days actually, I got the card right h-"</p><p> </p><p>

"They aren't gonna make it," Rick shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>

"...why not?" I blinked up at him.</p><p> </p><p>

"Stacks' is gonna be in Japan and Shaun's down in Canada."</p><p> </p><p>

"THE HELL ARE THEY DOING THERE!?" I asked, mildly (Just mildly) shocked at this turn of events.</p><p> </p><p>

"Working for companies that pay better and give more exporsure than you."</p><p> </p><p>

"...ok fair enough, but...but can't Shaun just come here when his show is done?" I wasn't panicking, YOU were panicking, shut up.</p><p> </p><p>

"Ontario to Minnesota in one night? To wrestle Hades? Pardon my french but you'd have a better shot of getting Jess Thunder to **** Guy Lothario in a truckstop bathroom," Rick said flatly.</p><p> </p><p>

"Ok...ok, this is an issue," I muttered, trying not to vomit at that lovely mental image, "But we can figure this out, it's no big deal I just need to rearrange the card a little..."</p><p> </p><p>

"A little? Two of our god**** matches are out of town, one's on a whole different continent, how are you going to rearrange the card a little?"</p><p> </p><p>

"I'll think of something, don't worry," I waved him off.</p><p> </p><p>

"Somehow I doubt thinkin's your strong suit, but you sign the checks...somehow," He turned his back and left my office in the back of the Whammy Bar.</p><p> </p><p>

With a hefty sigh I tried to figure out how I was going to get out of this. Taking inventory I knew that this put me down to a whopping three babyfaces: Larry, Billy, and Wolf. Wolf and Punk D were to be kept away from each other for now, Billy and Blackbird one hundred percent HAD to face off on this show.</p><p> </p><p>

"Oh my god it's like that damn riddle about the chicken and the fox and the river..." I grumbled then sighed, this was gonna be a puzzler...</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW ADRENALINE RUSH</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

MMW US HEAVYWEIGHT</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong><strong><span style="color:#8B0000;">FIRST BLOOD MATCH</span></strong></p><p><strong>

Billy Rokzov © vs Blackbird</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Punk D vs Larry Lightning</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Spirit Wolf vs </strong><strong><span style="color:#800080;">A MYSTERY OPPONENT~~~</span></strong></p><p> </p><p>


"Nailed it~"</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW ADRENALINE RUSH</strong></p><p><strong>

ATTENDANCE: 83</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

FIRST MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>


<span>http://i.imgur.com/TxupXAD.jpg</span>vs<span>http://i.imgur.com/XqYmAbH.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

The mysterious El Individuo is neither well known nor well liked by the fans here in Minnesota, especially when he starts the match by raking Spirit Wolf's eyes and throwing out every dirty trick int he book. However, this doesn't stop Spirit Wolf from reversing an irish whip only a few minutes into the match and laying him out with a War Cry Spear for the quick victory.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNER BY PINFALL: SPIRIT WOLF</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

El Individuo is totally a real wrestler that totally works under that name and is definitely not some Japanese man in a samurai getup I found at a bus station trying while trying to figure out what I was gonna do. Shut up.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ANGLE: GETTING PUNKED</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Spirit Wolf howls to the crowd's delight, beating his chest and pacing around the ring. Royce Valentine comments that he may be waiting for Punk D to come out so he can get some revenge for the shady victory last month, but this plan get laid to rest when Wolf begins making towards the locker room area, seemingly to go grab Punk himself when a fan starts accosting him. Wolf and the fan trade insults at each other, eventually getting into a shoving match before the fan slaps Wolf across the face, causing the native american to pounce on him and start throwing fists until road agent Rick Robard yanks him off and drags him to the back.</p><p> </p><p>

Fans are aghast at this turn of events as the fan limps over to ringside in a daze...in time for Punk D to make his entrance...</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Despite the picture, he's looking smug for some reason.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Punk struts over the fan and gives him some light pats on the cheeks before giving him something else that makes the fans catch on to Punk's scheme: A fifty dollar bill. Shoving his decoy towards the bar, Punk makes his way into the ring and taps his head, talking trash to the absent Wolf.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>SECOND MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>


<span>http://i.imgur.com/juyglIK.jpg</span>vs<span>http://i.imgur.com/2Mg8XMv.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

Larry Lightning's entrance is met with a large amount of cheers following Punk's scandalous dodging of a deserved beating, the charismatic tribute to Terry Thunder slaps hands with the fans before rolling into the ring and pointing a threatening finger at Punk who blows him off. Before the bell can ring, Punk freaks out, grabbing Lofty Jackson by the shoulders and pointing at the locker room, angrily shouting that Wolf is trying to come back. As Lofty looks away to see if this is true, Punk turns to Larry and smashes him with a hard PUNT between the legs. As Larry sinks to his knees, holding his crotch, Punk shouts insults in his face and slaps him across it. Lofty turns around and hurriedly calls for the bell as Punk nails Lightning with a ddt and goes for an early pin that almost secures a three count for the disrespectful wrestler before Lightning flops up a shoulder at the last second.</p><p> </p><p>

Punk D is quick to try and capitalize on his opening assault, punishing Larry with his hard hitting brawling and an array of slams that have Lightning on his back and knees more than upright for most of the early goings. However, Larry carries more than just Terry Thunder's colors (attire colors, at least), he carries the same heart of a champion inside...by which I mean we get a good old fashioned no-sell comeback that has Punk D reeling with hard punches and a big boot that gets Larry a near fall of his own. Larry starts 'Calling Down The Thunder' for his Lightning Strike superkick-but Punk bails from the ring, retreating towards the bar with Larry in hot pursuit! Punk disappears into the rowdy crowd of fans as Larry looks for him, growing frustrated until Punk appears in front of him! Thinking quickly, Larry lashes out with the Lightning Strike-</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>CRACK!</strong></p><p> </p><p>


Larry looks horrified as Punk laughs, having yanked his patsy from earlier in the way to serve as a human shield. Punk is quick to level Larry with a Punk And Disorderly before kneeling down to yank his fifty out of the fan's back pocket. Punk frogmarches the near unconscious Larry to the ring, rolling him into it before nailing him with another of his Flat Liners to finish him and the match. The crowd are incensed by this even as Punk bathes in their hatred. What a jerk.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNER BY PINFALL: PUNK D</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Man, we have something special with Punk, no bones about it. He has got our fans haaaaating his ass and by the time I'm done, he may be banned in the state of Minnesota...wait, no, that's bad if that happens. Scale that back.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>ANGLE: "When yo' man comes back..."</strong></p><p> </p><p>

We're treated to Cassia coming out rather hesitantly to perform her t-shirt routine, stopping midway through to call up Shaun on his cellphone and privately voice some concerns about when he's coming home. It's at this point where a thin white fellow in a red and gold uniform showed up bearing a 'Late Valentine' for Cassia: A bouquet of red roses, wilted from not being attended to since last month. Cassia screw up her face in disgust, then fear as she reads who sent her the roses before tossing the bouquet in the delivery man's face. A deep-voiced chuckle rings over the speaker system as Cassia freezes in terror. Hades has only a few words to say, but they strike Cassia to the core.</p><p> </p><p>

"When yo' man comes back, I'm gonna beat him so bad, you'll end up as broken as these flowers, girl. Then you'll be mine."</p><p> </p><p>

With a scream, Cassia runs to the back, haunted by another laugh from Hades.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

Roses are Red</p><p>

My Uncle's named Dennis</p><p>

We're being carried</p><p>

By Cassy's ass and Hades' Menace</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>PRE-MAIN EVENT ANGLE:</strong></p><p><strong>

ROKZOV CONCERT TIME!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Backed by the house band for the Whammy Bar, Billy Rokzov took to the stage to recite a new song for us: "Blackbird Blues". It's a touching ballad about how a blackbird falls in love with a dove...and proceeds to get the crap beaten out of him by the doves much bigger and cooler boyfriend because he's not a whiny goth wanting to burn everything down because he had to take his mom as his prom date. However, midway through the second chorus, Blackbird suddenly attacks, as the Vermin seem to try EVERY time Billy wants to sing something. While the face=painted miscreant has the early advantage, Billy rallies and cracks a cymbal from the house drummer's set onto Blackbird's head. Billy yanks Blackbird to the ring and the match is on!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>


FIRST BLOOD MATCH!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


<span>http://i.imgur.com/UhO081W.jpg</span>vs<span>http://i.imgur.com/earzaqV.jpg</span></p><p> </p><p>

These two are throwing haymakers from the very beginning, Billy's theatrical brawling clashing with the desperate and dirty stylings of Blackbird. With the title on the line, both men are quick to resort to drastic measures to bust their opponent open, and for every flashy piece of offense Billy throws out against the the despicable madman, Blackbird responds with a rake of his dirty fingernails across some part of his anatomy or a callous shot to Rokzov's crotch. Lofty Jackson was smart enough to realize there was no controlling the madness of this match and recused himself to whichever corner the two fighters were furthest from to avoid getting hit.</p><p> </p><p>

Eventually the match spilled to the outside where the weapons came into play. Fans were driven away from their folding chairs as both men swung for the fences at each other, narrowly avoiding taking a cracking blow until a kick to the gut opened Blackbird up to a thunderous chair shot to the back that pops the crowd huge! Billy calls for a beer from the audience, cracking it open and taking a swig before pouring it onto Blackbird's head! Growing in confidence, and with the crowd cheering him on, Billy goes to raise the chair again, only to receive another shot between his legs and a hard right to the jaw when he doubles over in pain.</p><p> </p><p>

Blackbird, through screwing around, lays into Billy hard with a series of hard chair shots to the back, before heading towards the locker room. He's met by...</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>STAIN!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Stain who hands his leader a baseball bat which Blackbird wields with relish. Returning to the ring, he finds that Rokzov has managed to get up with assistance from the chair Blackbird abandoned, using it as a makeshift crutch. Blackbird smirks with a sadistic glee, entering the ring and approaching Rokzov while patting the bat to his free hand. He raises it up to bring it down-but Billy raises the chair as a shield! Blackbird tries it again and again but each of his blows land squarely on the steel! Growing frustrated, Blackbird tries a final homerun shot with it, but finds himself getting a face full of thrown chair that lays him out!</p><p> </p><p>

Panting, desperate to end the match, Billy positions the chair and drags Blackbird to the nearest corner...12 O'CLOCK ROCK ONTO THE CHAIR! Billy rolls off his opponent as Lofty rushes in to check and...yes! Blackbird has been busted open, the champion retains in another brawl that showed he is nothing short of resilient in the face of the Vermin!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>WINNER BY MAKING HIS OPPONENT BLEED:</strong></p><p><strong>

BILLY ROKZOV!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p>

Easily match of the night, I may be booking the Vermin a bit on the weak side considering they're supposed to be our only heel stable but I want the reign of our firsts champ to mean something and until we can afford more that five faces, we'll need to simply put them at a certain level in the food chain.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>FINAL ANGLE: NO REST FOR THE WICKED</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Billy is awarded with the US Heavyweight title once more as the crowd cheers him. Blackbird is down and out center ring as Billy climbs the turnbuckles to pose with his prize...</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Oh Come ON ALREADY!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The fan's cheers adulation turns to shrieks of warning as Stain rushes down to ringside with Billy's guitar from his performance earlier. As Billy turns away from his posing, he takes a V-Neck to the dome and falls to the mat, out cold as Stain picks Blackbird up off the canvas and shouts insults at the downed champion! As Loft goes to check on Rokzov, Stain and Blackbird make their escape, ending the night on the Vermin once again raining on Billy's parade.</p><p> </p><p>

Deek's Thoughts:</p><p> </p><p>

What can I say? Gotta keep them coming back, right? Right? Seriously, I'm asking, that's how it works, yeah? ...wait, what am I doing, nobody's going to answer this! Ah well, see you next time, people who don't exist!</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p>Ha Ha Ha enjoying this but well done for getting some poetry in there too!</p><p> </p><p> Really liking the narration from within his head, works well here</p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43154" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Roses are Red<p> My Uncle's named Dennis</p><p> We're being carried</p><p> By Cassy's ass and Hades' Menace</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=535413" rel="external nofollow">SNP-Thistle in the ashes</a> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=534138" rel="external nofollow">SWF: Sins of the Father</a> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=536833&page=3" rel="external nofollow">GSW: Boyz-N-The-Ring</a> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=536677" rel="external nofollow">AWA: Changing History</a> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=537148&page=18" rel="external nofollow">WCW: Heart and Soul</a> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=537279" rel="external nofollow">WCW: Hogan Knows Best</a> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=537327" rel="external nofollow">COTT – The Territories strike back</a> |</p><p> These are both worth reading just for the laughter they will give you: <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=536378" rel="external nofollow">The Worst idea yet</a> | <a href="http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=537364" rel="external nofollow">Freaky Deeky: The Ballad of Minnesota Madhouse Wrestling</a> |</p>
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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p>In the professional wrestling business-no, in any business in general, it's important to keep a professional and harmonious workplace. Or is that professional wrestling in particular? I mean, when your entire business is about pretending to bash someone over the head with a chair, you need to at least respect the guy doing the bashing. Actually, I wonder if it's the opposite for MMA, I mean that's actually TRYING to reduce the other guy's face to a fine paste so then you'd want people to be as dickish as possi-</p><p> </p><p>



"Of course I was!"</p><p> </p><p>

I wasn't.</p><p> </p><p>

"In all my years as an announcer I have never been so disrespected!" Our head announcer, Royce Valentine huffed, crossing his arms. Honestly, considering his male model background, I was surprised he wasn't trying to Blue Steel me into submission.</p><p> </p><p>

"Haven't you only been an announcer for five years?" I asked, tilting my head.</p><p> </p><p>

"Yes, in all my five years of announcing I have never been so disrespected!" He threw his arms in the air, frustrated, "You need to keep that animal in line!"</p><p> </p><p>

"For the record...which animal?" I scratched the back of my head. Just before Adrenaline Rush I'd been treated to not one, not two, but three incidents of backstage BS:</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>IT'S TIME TO GO BACK IN TIME!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

TO THE MMW ADRENALINE PRE-SHOW!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MATCH 1!:</strong></p><p>


"Hey fatass, lay off the free donuts!"</p><p> </p><p>


"Wh? 'll kll yf!!!"</p><p> </p><p>


"Uh guys, we have a show we need to do?"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MATCH 2!:</strong></p><p>


"Grrr..."</p><p> </p><p>




"Wh-Mutt!? Down boy! Heel! Heel! NO THAT DOESN'T MEAN BITE HIM!"</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>AND THE MAAAAAIN EVENT 3!:</strong></p><p> </p><p>


"You shut your damn mouth, shorty, everyone knows Pretty Princess Rainbow Striker is vastly superior to Love Grappler!"</p><p> </p><p>




"...I don't even."</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>AND NOW, BACK TO THE FUTURE!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

"...the second one," Royce said, annoyed, "Y'know, the one that actually involved ME!"</p><p> </p><p>

"Right yeah," I said sheepishly, "I uh, I should've put that together."</p><p> </p><p>

"So what are you going to do about that big brute?" Royce folded his arms, glaring.</p><p> </p><p>

"Oh Mutt? Nothing," I said flatly.</p><p> </p><p>

"WHY!?"</p><p> </p><p>

"Because he could grab you by the neck and lift you halfway to the ceiling and you're bigger than me, the hell am I gonna do!?"</p><p> </p><p>

"You're his boss!" Royce was getting in my face, "Fine him! Suspend him! Fire him!"</p><p> </p><p>

"Are you kidding me? That guy could come in here with his bare hands and people would mistake what came after as a workplace shooting," I shook my head, "No way am I pissing him off!"</p><p> </p><p>

"Then you're going to have to run your crappy little show without me because I QUIT!" Royce threw down his headset and stormed off...then came back and picked up the headset, "This is actually mine, you were too cheap to get me one off your dime! So NYEH!"</p><p> </p><p>

And he was gone again.</p><p> </p><p>

I sighed, guess it was time to update the alumni section again...</p><p> </p><p>

"Mr. Deekins."</p><p> </p><p>

A chill ran down my spine at the creepy voice coming from behind me.</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>Oh no...</strong></p><p> </p><p>

"I am in no mood, Doc," I grumbled, pushing past him.</p><p> </p><p>

"I was told by Mr. McGinty to come apologize to you for...indiscretions on my part," Goode said, "And to deliver your cut of our profits for this month."</p><p> </p><p>

"Indiscretions, what indiscretions?" I looked over my shoulder at the little freak as he put the briefcase on the table.</p><p> </p><p>

"My contacts in the former USSR required certain...assurances on the effects of our product-"</p><p> </p><p>

"The energy drinks."</p><p> </p><p>

"Yes, Blue Rhino. I concluded that it would be a simple matter to convince them: Give the product to one of your wrestlers and shoot video of the results. It appears that this has lead to the departure of your announcer."</p><p> </p><p>

"WHAT!? YOU GAVE THAT GIANT PSYCHOPATH THE TAINTED ENERGY DRINK!?" I whirled on the doctor, exasperated.</p><p> </p><p>

"Indeed," He nodded, "It was of course not my intention for him to turn on any of your staff, merely to show the product was effective. Mr. McGinty has informed me that I was to apologize even prior to finding out about this turn of events."</p><p> </p><p>

"Doc, you are a sick sick man, you understand me? A sick man."</p><p> </p><p>

"I have been informed of this," Dr. Goode steepled his fingers, "I have a proposition for you, to make good on my mistake."</p><p> </p><p>

"Doc what the hell do you think you could do that would POSSIBLY help-"</p><p> </p><p>

"I can replace your announcer," He interrupted, the neutral expression and tone never changing.</p><p> </p><p>

"...explain."</p><p> </p><p>

"I have notable experience with the human anatomy," Dr. Goode explained, "And the effects of various forms of trauma on it. I believe I can bring a unique perspective to your events."</p><p> </p><p>

"But, what about your 'Product'?" I grimaced skeptically.</p><p> </p><p>

"My main concerns in the deal are over with, Ross will be making the sale from here on," Goode waved his hand, "You will of course need to pay me, but I will simply funnel cash back in through your monthly payments."</p><p> </p><p>

My mind raced, trying to find something, anything else to do. I'd picked Royce because he was young, somewhat talented, and -most importantly- cheap. This man here was offering to do that job for free, practically paying ME to do it if we're honest. On the other hand he was the reason Royce wasn't around in the first place and he'd doped up one of my own workers...not to mention the connections to the guy hired to kill me if I tried to run.</p><p> </p><p>

...when in hell, perhaps it's not such a bad thing to make deals with devils.</p><p> </p><p>

"Ok, you're hired."</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p>Loving this mate I've only recently discovered the tverse mysealf, dont know i will be able to get back into cverse again lol. loving the Vermin stable three people I'd recon ya should look at Canadian Wildman Candaian Pitball & Asmedia. Billy had me in laughing with his songs brillliant.</p><p> </p><p>

Consider me a hooked mate keep it up</p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW NEWS: WE HAVE A NEWS PAGE</strong></p><p> </p><p>

After three months of operation, we finally have the cash to hire someone to add a news section to our website!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>TOP STORY: AN MMW COMMISSIONER?</strong></p><p> </p><p>

As the MMW faithful may have noticed things have been a tad bit chaotic as of late. Be it our top champion being on the receiving end of repeated beatings by a gang of thugs, to a fan being the victim of both an attack by our competitors AND being the patsy of a particular jerk, to even our resident only female star being followed by a literal stalker from hell.</p><p> </p><p>

Things have gotten just a touch out of control, and a string bean like our owner isn't in a position to do much about it. So instead we've hired a commissioner in order to get a handle on all this. Mr. Deekins hasn't given us the specifics but he assures us they are a veteran of the business and can easily throw their weight around when push comes to shove. They'll of course need to if they want to keep our rowdy MMW Maniacs in line.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MAIN EVENT FOR 'ONE WILD NIGHT' SET</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Despite the savage attack on our US Heavyweight Champion, Billy Rokzov, at the end of Adrenaline Rush, we here at MMW.com have been informed it will not be Vermin Member Stain challenging the champion. This comes straight from our new and mysterious commissioner who says he refuses to allow mere ambushes to justify a title match. Instead Rokzov's challenger for One Wild Night will be...</p><p> </p><p>


<strong>PUNK D</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Boasting an undefeated record in singles competition (all 2 matches he's had), Punk D -while quite obviously less than honorable in his tactics- has been consistent in his performance here in MMW. Bonus points for not being one of the Vermin, and having a better record than 0-0 which is what Hades has.</p><p> </p><p>

Meanwhile, the commissioner (whoever he may be), is already working on finding the next challenger with a tag match between Spirit Wolf and Stacks Armstrong versus two of the Vermin in Mutt and Stain. Whoever gets the pin in the match will become the new number one contender for the US Heavyweight belt!</p><p> </p><p>

Expect all this and more when MMW comes to the Whammy Bar for <strong>ONE WILD NIGHT!</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW ONE WILD NIGHT</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>

US HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Billy Rokzov © vs Punk D</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

NEWCOMER BATTLE</strong></p><p><strong>

??? vs ???</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

LARRY LIGHTNING VS HADES</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>


SPIRIT WOLF & STACKS ARMSTRONG VS MUTT AND STAIN</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Pteroid" data-cite="Pteroid" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43154" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW ONE WILD NIGHT</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong> US HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> Billy Rokzov © vs Punk D</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> NEWCOMER BATTLE</strong></p><p><strong> ??? vs ???</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> LARRY LIGHTNING VS HADES</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> WHOEVER GETS THE PINFALL GETS A TITLE MATCH</strong></p><p><strong> SPIRIT WOLF & STACKS ARMSTRONG VS MUTT AND STAIN</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Billy (wonder what his latest single will be)</p><p> </p><p> Jawz vs Bobo Jr</p><p> </p><p> Hades (poor Larry poor poor Larry)</p><p> </p><p> Stacks been glanging and banging</p>
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One Wild Night opens with a rather oddly nautical theme tune bringing out MMW's first commissioner:





Yes, the veteran wrestler and former American Wrestling Council Tag Team champion has a merry stroll to the ring, slapping hands with fans that recognize him from his days of active competition. The Captain heads into the ring and poses for some quick cheers before grabbing a microphone, he declares that the MMW's been struck with 'Stormy Seas' and that 'Nefarious Barnacles Have Stuck To The Hull' but he's been 'Pressganged' into 'Setting The Ship Aright' and it starts tonight. Using even more nautical terms that totally work in Minnesota, he runs down the card for the night and declares that he'll be keeping a close eye on goings on as he's now the MMW Color Commentator too! Taking an absent seat usually reserved MMW owner, Dax Deekins, next to our new (and creepy) announcer, Commissioner Codd lets out one of his big belly laughs before the night's proceedings get underway.


Deek's Thoughts:

...ok, the sailor stuff is dumb but look I brought this guy in to keep a little harmony in the locker room. Apparently guys tend to behave themselves better around a man old enough to be their grandpa with a ton of connections in the business, who knew? Also he was the cheapest one I could get, always an important factor.







Both big men intimidate their respective partners into going first, though Spirit Wolf seems eager to get a chance at a match with -potentially- his nemesis, Punk D, tagging himself in at the earliest opportunity after Stacks gets the better of Mutt in an early exchange of shoulders. Spirit Wolf throws swift and hard strikes at the big dog, but isn't prepared for when Mutt straight up bites his nose. Lofty tries in vain to separate them but by the time Mutt releases, Wolf is weakened to where Mutt can toss him into the Vermin's corner and tag in Stain. Stain's frantic brawling style beats down Spirit Wolf, tauntingly letting Wolf try to tag out only to beat him down further.


A hard shot busts Spirit Wolf open and Stain takes perverse joy in showing off his bloody face to the crowd through the ropes-which allows Mutt to blind tag in and start working over Wolf much to Stain's annoyance. The smaller member of the Vermin points a finger at his bigger cohort, exiting the ring as Mutt roars and punishes Wolf with slam after punishing slam, stopping only to sneer at his comrade, pinning Wolf with one foot which surprisingly only nets him a near fall.


The apparent tension between the two Vermin members (which Codd theorizes is due to him not letting Stain just have a shot for his attack on Rokzov) eventually proves their undoing, as Mutt yanks Stain off a cover on Wolf after an assisted crossbody onto the dazed Native. As the two argue Wolf makes a desperate and much needed tag to Stacks who goes on a tear in ring, smashing into both competitors with his extremely powerful offense that sends Mutt packing and leaves Stain at his mercy. Stacks is quick to hit his thunderous Tower Stack Bomb, but Mutt is able to break up the cover afterwards, leading to a brawl between the two largest men in the match that sees Wolf getting his own blind tag on Stacks when the big man is bulled back into their corner while fighting with the mad dog.


Stain, slow to get up, appears poised for a War Cry when an unwelcome face comes barreling out from the back as Lofty tries to regain order between Mutt and Stacks.



Sticking his tacky tattooed nose into Wolf's business...


Punk D yanks a cane out of the hands of an older fan at ringside and climbs up onto the apron, bashing Wolf in the nape of his neck and sending the Native stumbling forward into the Filth Cleanser from Stain who goes for the cover as Mutt clotheslines Stacks over the top rope...only for Mutt to bodily yank Stain off the cover again and toss him towards the ropes, making his own cover for the pin and the win on Wolf!


As the bell rings, Stain is right in Mutt's face, shouting obscenities at his comrade as Blackbird has to run out to herd them to the back. There's a smug smile on the face of Punk D as he's assured his rival won't be his first opponent should he win the title tonight.


Deek's Thoughts:

A respectable match to be certain (runner-up for match of the night), certainly good to keep our two biggest feuds going and add a little drama to the Vermin who've been an itty bitty bit like a trio of jobbers in our early goings. Mutt's exposure on The Club is what's got me wanting him to challenge next, he can always be relied on to have some name recognition in case we pull in an extra smart mark or two next month. Stain...he's getting there, but not yet, not now, he's a slow burn...provided Ross and Phil's little drug running scheme doesn't get this place literally burning.






The long awaited in-ring debut of Hades saw the 'Hater from Hell' lay absolute waste to sentimental favorite Larry Lightning in a match best described as a mugging as the monstrous man beat down his smaller opponent with hard hammer blows and punishing slams that left poor Lightning reeling. Eventually a running avalanche squashes Larry into stumbling his way into a hard Drop To The Underworld that gets Hades the victory.




Deek's Thoughts:

Oof, and I mean oof. Easily the worst match of the night by far, Hades definitely needs to work on his cardio, his psychology, his...everything really. Guy's good at being a scary monster but...not much else.




Hades is soaking in the boos of the audience when a voice comes over the speakers...





Her Man Came Back


Shaun Reed comes out from the back, mic in hand, Cassia on his arm. He cuts a promo challenging the big man to a match next month at our next event: "Raw Power". Hades mugs at the camera, staring down Reed and Cassia before a terse nod signals that the Hater from Hell has accepted.


Deek's Thoughts:

Shaun can hold his own on the mic and this wasn't a segment that involved Hades actually wrestling so it was a good use of Hades.




Accompanied by a

a new member of the MMW roster makes their debut:



With a mug about as sour as a green apple...


With an obvious disdain for the audience, the man introduces himself as Lord Jeremy Vile, of the Leicester Viles and he's not a very happy man tonight. Vile explains that he was lured to this 'Frozen Wasteland' by Dax Deekins with promises of wrestling 'The Best The World Has To Offer', but so far he's seen nothing of the sort. So tonight he formally challenges his opponent to come out and match skills with a 'proper grappler'.


Deek's Thoughts:

Man, this guy is a real good promo, easily the second best angle of the night in my imaginary F to A rating system that includes F- and F+ along with E. It's kinda bad that his debut was marred by well...




Another faaaaaaaaaar weirder theme song plays...and keeps playing as a far smaller, far fatter little man waddles out in a singlet.





Slurring over the music, the man introduces himself as The Garbage Man. In between belches and scratching himself in improper places, he declares that Vile is nothing more than a disgusting pile of trash and that he was here to take him out...he then audibly farted and waddled in a drunken gait towards the ring as his maddening ring music kept playing.


Deek's Thoughts:







There's snobs vs slobs and then there's snobs vs blobs and this was definitely the latter. It was abundantly clear that the Garbage Man was on something-no, everything as he threw sloppy right hands Vile's way while shouting profanities and making more disgusting noises, at one point leaning out of the ropes to hack up a loogie before continuing the match. What's worse is his damn ring music would not. Stop. Playing. This provided a ridiculous soundtrack to an even more ridiculous match as Vile's various attempts at actually wrestling were thwarted by Garbage Man essentially being a human stink cloud that he did not want to get his hands on. Odd thing is, the crowd were most definitely laughing at the sight of this, but we couldn't tell if it was with or at the tiny lumpy weirdo waddling around the ring.


The match finally comes to an end with Garbage Man burping in Vile's face and rolling him up, celebrating his debut win in MMW as Vile stormed to the back in a huff.


Deek's Thoughts:


I confronted Dr. Goode after the show and demanded to know if he was behind this lumpy little weirdo's 'impaired state'. Goode claimed innocence though admitted he'd thought about it, but he theorized that if he had, Garbage Man probably would have died before he even made it to the ring as he seemed to be more drugs than man at this point. I fired him, by the way, he seemed quiet ok with it, saying he'd just go back to Philly and waddled off into the sunset...I can only assume he'll end up eaten by a bear and the world may be better for it.




Backstage we're greeted to an unfamiliar sight...the Vermin are at odds! Stain hurls insults at Mutt, declaring that he couldn't get the job done against Rokzov twice already, once in the battle royal and once the month after, and it should be new blood that goes after the title. Mutt makes a move to beat on his insolent stablemate but Blackbird intervenes, calming Stain and telling him that his time would come yet, that he shouldn't forget his goal of destroying MMW, no matter which of the three holds the belt when it happens. Stain storms off, looking disgruntled as Blackbird chides Mutt for egging him on, getting a shove in return as Mutt stalks off into the night, leaving the leader of this gang of madmen to ponder the future.


Deek's Thoughts:


Best angle of the night, it had everything! Conflict, Drama, Mutt being terrifying! The Vermin may be jobbers to the stars right now but they're jobbers that can work a stick like...some kind of sex joke! Yeah!







Punk D makes his entrance to a chorus of boos for...well, being Punk D with all the ass-itry that implies. He tosses up middle fingers at the fans as he storms around the ring, trash talking everyone and everything in his way. Getting into the ring he glares at the locker room door until...


"Hey, Punky Spewster!"


Punk D's head jerks to the bar's stage where Billy Rokzov-



Rocking a New Look


-has set up another Rokzov concert, he calls this one 'Two Tears In A Bucket of Beer' which details the story of how after he loses to the champ tonight, Punk D will go a massive bender of every alcoholic drink known to man which Billy lists with every chorus until finally all that's left for Punk D to drink are his own tears and-after attempting to go home so utterly smashed-sewage water from a drainage ditch he'll fall into.


As is usually the case, Punk D is so utterly incensed by Billy's song that he goes after Billy-who manages to avert the usual opening brawl by DIVING OFF THE STAGE onto Punk in a suicide stage dive! The crowd goes wild as Billy beats his chest, dragging Punk to the ring to toss him in and start the match. Rokzov dominates the early goings with the kind of offense that only a man sick of getting attacked from behind for three months in a row can string together.


However, this is Punk he's up against, so it's guaranteed chicanery is right around the corner and that rears its head when he dodges a yakuza kick from Billy that smashes into poor Lofty instead and leaves Billy open to a swift punt to the nads from Punk that puts him on his front holding the 'affected area'. From there Punk rolls out of the ring and grabs the EXACT SAME DAMN CANE from the EXACT SAME old man as before, and goes to town on Rokzov's back with it, shouting insults in the ear of the prone rock star. Punk moves to yank the padding away from one of the turnbuckles and pull Rokzov up to his feet.


However, Rokzov is able to reverse the irish whip Punk D meant to hit him with and send the devious challenger into the exposed turnbuckle instead! Billy advances Punk D as he's stumbling out of the corner but at the last second-




Rokzov is sent crashing to the mat with the devastating Flat-Liner finisher of the challenger! Punk grins, crawling over to shake Lofty Jackson back into consciousness to count the pin!








The fans and Punk alike can't believe it as Billy manages to get a foot under the ropes. Punk immediately starts to punch at Billy's face in a rage, pissed off that his finisher didn't put the champ away! Lofty starts a five count that Punk only barely heeds, shoving Lofty away as he gets up...just enough for Lofty to notice the cane. Lofty grills Punk on whether or not he's used the cane, but Punk just shouts insult at him, leaving him no choice but to remove it from the ring as Punk mugs at the audience-





The fans go crazy as Spirit Wolf slides in out of sight of Lofty and takes down his arch rival with his finisher, sliding out of the ring in one quick motion. Lofty is left clueless as two why both competitors are now down even as Billy slow gets up, yanking Punk up by his hair and dragging him into the ropes for the TWELVE O'CLOCK ROCK! After two finishers, the pin is academic and so is the champ's third successful title defense.




Deek's Thoughts:

An excellent main event, though perhaps a bit too long for the tastes of some in the crowd but when you're getting kickbacks from a shady energy drink sale, you can afford to experiment a little, right? Right.




As Billy raises his belt high above his head, Commissioner Codd rises from the commentary table to congratulate Billy on his successful title defense and hype the match with Mutt next week, adding the stipulation of...




Billy looks determined in the ring before going into the crowd to celebrate as we go off air.


Deek's Thoughts:

Just a little thing to end us off on and get the fans hyped for next month. Dog Collar, get it? Because Mutt? I'm a genius.

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><span>http://i.imgur.com/2gJvptp.jpg</span><p>

"And I sweeeeeear ta yew, we're gunna take those useless nash'nul parks and turn 'em inta good 'ole American pahkin' lots for malls! Tons a'malls! There'll be a mall fer every useless stupid tree I personally cut down!"</p><p> </p><p>

"Mr. Cohen, how exactly are you going to have that many malls in the same pla-"</p><p> </p><p>

"Shut up, you're awful! Always pickin' on me when I just wanna Make America Fierce Again!"</p><p> </p><p>


"Mr. Deekins, why exactly are you watching this?"</p><p> </p><p>

I looked up from the laptop resting on my desk in the Whammy Bar's back room.</p><p> </p><p>

"Huh, oh I'm not, I just like to have the TV on when I work," I explained, "It helps me focus when I got some background noise to tune out."</p><p> </p><p>

"And let me tell YEW, I will personally! PER! SON! AL! EE! Lay every single mine I intend to bury between us and those filthy Canucks sneakin' over our borders!"</p><p> </p><p>

"...some days it's easier to do than others," I sighed.</p><p> </p><p>

"I have come to deliver your cut of this month's sales," Dr. Goode stepped past me to place yet another briefcase full of cash next to the tv, turning it off as he did, "You'll find that everything is in order and I've reimbursed you fully for my part in your show."</p><p> </p><p>

"Oh yeah, how'd you like it by the way, not mad about the whole 'Creepy Doctor' gimmick?" I asked, reclining in my chair.</p><p> </p><p>

"Oh no, in my eighteen years on this earth, I've grown quite used to my manner rubbing people the wrong way, and I've read that the best quote unquote 'Gimmick' is merely one's self exaggerated," Goode's eyes bore directly into my soul as he stared at me through that entire statement.</p><p> </p><p>

"Yeah I guess you got a point th-wait WHAT!?" My eyes bulged out.</p><p> </p><p>

"Hm? I would have figured you would have already known about the gimmick subject, being a booker."</p><p> </p><p>

"No no no, bulls*** you're eighteen!"</p><p> </p><p>

"I am afraid that is quite true, Mr. Deekins," The good doctor steepled his fingers, "I am something of a child prodigy, you see, though dabbling in the creation of a 'youth serum' turned out to have the opposite effect, it's quite distressing."</p><p> </p><p>

I stared at him.</p><p> </p><p>

He stared at me.</p><p> </p><p>

"...really?"</p><p> </p><p>

"No. I just like to tamper with the government's information on me from time to time, I believe it's good to keep any federal organization on their toes regarding me. Honestly, I think they gave up on tracking my movements and are just letting me do it for fun."</p><p> </p><p>

"What the f*** ARE you people?"</p><p> </p><p>

"Cogs in the machine that turns the world, Mr. Deekins," Dr. Goode stood up and stepped past me again towards the door of my office, "And it is a very well oiled one. I look forward to our next show, I hope you've found someone to replace The Garbage Man, charming though he was, he didn't seem long for this world."</p><p> </p><p>

"I'm already working on i-"</p><p> </p><p>

He left before I had a chance to respond, grimacing I looked back at my laptop and the prospective hires...guess it was time to update the alumni page and make some overtures...</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>MMW NEWS: IT'S A DULUTH DOG FIGHT AT RAW POWER</strong></p><p> </p><p>

At the Last MMW show, One Wild Night, our main event for Raw Power was decided when Mutt came out victorious in the opening match and our champion Billy Rokzov retained in the main event. The two men have faced off before but it seems our Commissioner, Captain Codd, wanted to add a little sizzle to the steak by declaring the bout would be contested as a dog collar match! Will the big dog's natural feral state give him the edge in this brutal match, or will Billy prove to be this doggy's master once more? Come on down to the Whammy Bar to find out!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>REED VS HADES TO BE CONTESTED UNDER NEW RULES</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The Commissioner has been a busy boy it seems, having formulated an entirely new match to debut in long awaited bout between Shaun Reed and 'The Hater From Hell' Hades! Dubbing it a 'Minnesota Bar Brawl', the match appears to bear more than a little resemblance to the famous Texas Death Match of...well Texas. The difference here is of course that A) We're in Minnesota and B) We're based out of a bar which the competitor's are urged to 'Make full use of' in this match! Should be an exciting one, folks, you don't wanna miss it!</p><p> </p><p>


After a humiliating loss to The (now fired) Garbage Man in his debut, Lord Jeremy Vile sent a strongly worded letter -yes, snail mail, the envelope was monogrammed- to Commissioner Codd in order to set up a 'mulligan' match for himself to redeem his rather embarrassing burp-into-a-rollup defeat. The Commissioner has of course complied and a new signing will be facing Lord Vile come Raw Power!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>A SIX-MAN TAG BATTLE BOOKED FOR RAW POWER!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Rounding out the card for Raw Power, we will see a clash of six men who have history with one another in MMW. One on side of the ring the Vermin (Stain and Blackbird) will be teaming with the disrespectful Punk D, a chaotic team if ever there was one, especially with cracks forming in the Vermin. Against them will be the ever entertaining Larry Lightning, the extremely muscular Stacks Armstrong, and an incensed Spirit Wolf! Most of these men are no strangers to one another, and tempers will be running high, with the Commissioner at ringside who will come out of this match with the win and some serious point in there favor when it comes to future matches?</p><p> </p><p>

Find out the answers at MMW RAW POWER!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>MMW RAW POWER</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

MAIN EVENT</strong></p><p><strong>

US HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE</strong></p><p><strong>

DOG COLLAR MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

Billy Rokzov © vs Mutt</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

REDEMPTION OR HUMILIATION?</strong></p><p><strong>

Lord Jeremy Vile vs ???</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

MINNESOTA BAR BRAWL</strong></p><p><strong>

Hades vs Shaun Reed</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

SIX MAN TAG MATCH</strong></p><p><strong>

Spirit Wolf, Stacks Armstrong, and Larry Lightning</strong></p><p><strong>


Blackbird, Stain, and Punk D</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>Three days prior to Raw Power...</strong></p><p>


"Hey, Mr. Codd, you and I need to go over what you'll be doing at the show. Mr. Codd? ...Mr. Codd."</p><p> </p><p>

...</p><p> </p><p>

...</p><p> </p><p>

...</p><p> </p><p>

"OH S*** HE'S DEAD!"</p></div><p></p><p></p>

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<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Pteroid" data-cite="Pteroid" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="43154" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>Three days prior to Raw Power...</strong></p><p> </p><p> "OH S*** HE'S DEAD!"</p></div><p></p><p></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> Just perfect! literately laughed out loud at reading this. Hope it was a random event rather than something you edited but either way continues his luck ideally for this story.</p>
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<p>Codd <img alt=":(" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/frown.png.e6b571745a30fe6a6f2e918994141a47.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> :( <img alt=":(" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/frown.png.e6b571745a30fe6a6f2e918994141a47.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> </p><p>

And will we ever hear Meatball Parade again!?</p>

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