Pteroid Posted January 3, 2022 Share Posted January 3, 2022 "Attention denizens of the planet you call Earth, I am Queen Xyzklblblzax of Mars, but you may simply call me The Martian Queen! For Millennia upon Millennia I have led my armies across the stars in glorious conquest of the galaxy, only to now return and see my homeworld has perished in the intervening years! I of course have no use for a lifeless dustball so since you've decided to have the nerve to evolve while I was away I'm going to ask politely...render your planet unto me and I'll have you relocated to the habitable of my many extrasolar mining colonies. Refuse or dare to fight back and I will have no choice but to unleash the full might of the MARTIAN EMPIRE upon you! GYOHOHOHOHO~!" "Mr. President, esteemed members of Hexagon High Command, I will not sugarcoat it, we are in a battle for not only our country, but our very world. This Martian Queen's demands are unacceptable but we've already seen the effects of refusing her across the world, according to preliminary reports Moscow, New Delhi, and Helsinki have already fallen to her forces-" The assembled generals and politicians mutter among themselves as the man giving the presentation clicks through a series of photos- "Man-eating lobsters." "Monarchal Monkeys." "Hippies!" Man: "The situation is getting out of control and we're running out of options. The Russians dumped their entire nuclear arsenal on the alien fleet and didn't land a single hit. Without drastic action we could very well be seeing the end of mankind-and more importantly America's-dominance over Planet Earth." "I see...Commander Nimrod, is there any way for us to stand against this menace?” Voice: “Indeed there is, President Gant.” All eyes turn to a shadowy figure sitting in the corner of the war room. Nimrod: “I thought I told you to wait until you were called…” President Gant: “Also there’s no smoking in here, mate.” Mystery Man: “You’ll find I’m not breaking any rules here, my name is Dr. [REDACTED] K. [REDACTED] and I am here to save the world.” Nimrod: “But mostly America.” Gant clears his throat. Nimrod: “Also Australia, for reasons.” Dr. [REDACTED]: “Of course of course, in any case I have studied the abilities of the invading Kaiju-” Gant: “Kaiju? I thought they were martians!” [REDACTED]: “The Queen is the Martian, her army of creations known as Kaiju, think of it as a catchall term for giant monsters. Now thanks to the efforts of certain allies, we have been able to reverse engineer the means to take on these monstrosities from the remains of two UFOs.” Gant: “Aces, Doc! What’s the technology?” [REDACTED]: “It is a machine I’ve invented I like to call…THE MEMETOMACROCTIZER!” DUN DUN DUHHHHHH! Gant: “Memetomacrotizer?” DUN DUN DUHHHHHH! [REDACTED]: “YES, THE MEMETOMACROTIZER!” DUN DUN D- Nimrod: “I TOLD YOU MAGGOTS TODAY WASN’T ORGAN PRACTICE!” “S-sorry sir!” [REDACTED]: “You see my friends, my machine-when deployed in a combat zone-will enable the extraordinary capabilities of a chosen warrior to expand their skills, heighten their endurance, and -most importantly- grow their bodies to a level that would violate the square-cube law under normal means! All it takes is a passionate reaction from a large enough crowd to create a warrior strong enough to do the work of an entire fleet of conventional war machines!” Gant: “Ingenious, but what form of conflict could we possibly justify rounding up a crowd to spectate?” [REDACTED]: “Way ahead of you, Mr. President-” Nimrod: “Uh that bit’s classified.” [REDACTED]: “You see we’ve contacted the Martian Queen-” Nimrod: “Ix-nay!” [REDACTED]: “-and challenged her army to battle our special group of anti-Kaiju warrior through Professional Wrestling!” Nimrod: “Son of a cussing cussword…” Gant: “You’re going to fight the aliens…through Pro Wrestling?” [REDACTED] “Indeed, sir, this blending of combat and spectacle will heighten the passion of the American Public and enable our warriors to fight the Kaiju on their own terms!” Gant: “I see…Commander can you lean over here for a little one on one?” Nimrod: “Sir?” Gant: “This man is…” Nimrod: “Sir I understand he’s a bit unorthodox-” Gant: “A GENIUS! I’ll be putting all fifteen gorillion of this year’s military budget into funding this defense effort immediately!” Nimrod: “I…really, sir?” Gant: “Indeed, I just need to know the name to put on the check!” [REDACTED]: “If I may-” Gant: “Oh you need the pen? Here.” Gant hands the Dr. a pen…and blinks as it passes through. [REDACTED]: “Hologram, Mr. President, hence my smoking not being a health concern. As for the name of our task force…” WRESTLESAURUS X: SCIENCE FICTION DOUBLE FEATURE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 THE WRESTLE-X AIR FORCE HIGH COMMAND Anderson Nicholas Nimrod Rank: Commander Combat Experience: Every War That Ever Happened Ever Fun Fact: Thinks they should be called Hard Facts Geoffery C. Westminster Rank: Air Chief Marshal Combat Experience: Initial Martian Invasion (2 Confirmed UFO’s Downed) Fun Fact: Speaks like an Englishman, actually from Long Island. TASKFORCE BEETLE Power Beetle Magma Rank: Leader of the Bunch Combat Experience: He Knows It Well Fun Fact: On The Attack, To Kick Martian Tail Power Beetle Earth Rank: Heavy Hitter Combat Experience: Hitting Heavily Fun Fact: Hobbies include walking softly and carrying large sticks Power Beetle Rose Rank: Girl Boss Combat Experience: Applied Force To Skylights Fun Fact: All glass repair bills come out of her salary. Power Beetle Aqua Rank: Science Team Liaison Combat Experience: Noted Away Team Regular Fun Fact: Knows so many facts it’s considered un-fun. Power Beetle Ghost Rank: Stealth Specialist Combat Experience: High Stakes Hide And Seek Games w/Other Beetles Fun Fact: Ghosted every attempt to find out his fun fact. Power Beetle Grass Rank: Junior Member Combat Experience: Rushing In Fun Fact: Just discovered this funny youtube video ‘Leeroy Jenkins’ SCIENCE TEAM Dr. [REDACTED] K. [REDACTED] Rank: Head Scientist Combat Experience: [REDACTED] Fun Fact: Also [REDACTED] Drake Dixon Rank: Research Assistant’s Assistant Combat Experience: Physically incapable of not getting wedgied. Fun Fact: Voted most likely to snivel in High School PAL-5000 Rank: Training Dummy Combat Experience: Getting beat up a lot. Fun Fact: Made from the Memory Banks of the Visitor and Venusian’s ships. Kinetic Research And Science Helper Rank: Training Even Bigger Dummy Combat Experience: Getting beat up a lot and enjoying it. Fun Fact: Made from the stuff under the seats of the aforementioned ships. CIVILIANS & OUTSIDE ASSETS Guang Wei Rank: Junior Clerical Technician, ‘Referee’ Combat Experience: Staying well away from it. Fun Fact: Knows Dr. [REDACTED]’s true identity, will never tell, believe us we tried. Luigi Rank: Proprietor of Luigi’s Pizza Combat Experience: Getting his many restaurants smashed every time there’s a battle. Fun Fact: We let him cater our operations so he’ll shut up about the above bit. “Big” Albert Roosevelt Lincoln Jefferson Washington Rank: Liaison Officer Combat Experience: Veteran of multiple Applebee’s brawls, also shot down a UFO w/a pistol Fun Fact: Named After Five US Presidents, including Albert Einstein! Blue Man Rank: Blue Man Combat Experience: The Chromatic Conflict of 2007, will not elaborate Fun Fact: Somehow from Earth, says he isn’t a ninja, nobody’s buying it. The Visitor Rank: Space Cop Combat Experience: Decades of battling The Venusian across Space. Fun Fact: Would totes call the Galactic Federation to help us but Earth’s not invented 7G Yet. Behemoth the Brave Rank: Special Asset Combat Experience: “To be like me is to know only combat, Earthman.” (So a lot???) Fun Fact: Turned on the aliens when his ‘control collar’ was destroyed by a missile from Westminster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 THE MARTIAN QUEEN’S ARMY THE ROYAL COURT The Martian Queen Rank: Martian Monarch Combat Experience: Multiple Millennia of Galactic Conquest Fun Fact: Current candidate for her seat of power is Fiji, loves the beaches apparently. Yukito Rank: Court Jester, Auxillary Fighter Combat Experience: Piñatadon’s Constant Beatings Fun Fact: Was kept in cryostasis prior to the Earth Invasion, only let out to tell the Queen jokes. THE KAIJU HORDES King Kongor Rank: Deposed Planetary King Combat Style: Going Bananas. Fun Fact: Favorite Movie is King Kong, always destroys movie theater before ending. Piñatadon Rank: Bio-Engineered Enforcer Combat Style: Bullying Kaiju Into Compliance Fun Fact: Blood is apparently candy? Taste-testers in short supply. Nightmare from the Lagoon Rank: Ancient Evil Combat Style: Amphibious Annihilation Fun Fact: Is on its last tour of duty before retirement. Lobster Warrior Rank: Giant Enemy Crustacean Combat Style: Devour and Conquer Fun Fact: Has eaten every single member of the WrestleX Fun Faction sent to ask its Fun Fact. Aquasaur Rank: Spongy Seabeast Combat Style: Aquatic Assailance Fun Fact: Knows one word of English: ‘Nerd’ which is uses exclusively at Power Beetle Aqua Militant Centipede Rank: Insidious Insectoid Combat Style: Non-Gorilla Guerilla Tactics Fun Fact: Only known volunteer for the Kaiju forces. Nautilus Rank: Elder Statesaur Combat Style: Classical Crushing Fun Fact: It's apparently pronounced 'Nau-tee-luss' MERCENARIES & ASSOCIATES ROOSTER-3000 Rank: Contract Killer Combat Style: Boneless Wing Chung Fun Fact: Does hitman work to fund his Sci-Fi Fan Commentary side business. Brutus Rank: Killer, Contracted Combat Style: Brute Force Fun Fact: We’re too scared of him to ask him a fun fact. Sympathizer Jarrett Rank: Unofficial Cheerleader Combat Style: Van Fu Fun Fact: Spreads Pro-Kaiju propaganda via hijacking Luigi’s Pizza wifi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 PERSONS OF INTEREST THE VENUSIAN SYNDICATE The Venusian Rank: Self-Employed Combat Experience: Career as an Intergalactic Peace Keeper before turning to Crime Fun Fact: Cut off from his supply of super weapons while he’s stranded on earth. Puzzle Rank: Minion Combat Experience: "This guy kicked my butt at a Applebee's once..." Fun Fact: Member of the DiMartino Crime Family, they prefer him here. Missing Piece Rank: Minion Combat Experience: "Oh yeah I saw that fight, that dude messed you up." Fun Fact: Also a member of the DiMartinos, similarly happy to be rid of him. THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA President Charles Gant Rank: President of the United States of America Combat Experience: Hollywood, nuff said. Fun Fact: Ran on a platform of “I’m not an American!”, won in a landslide. FREE AGENTS Leon Nightshade Rank: Platinum Combat Experience: More than you'd actually think. Fun Fact: Theorized to be immune to sunlight through constant spotlight exposure. Name Unknown Flavor: Movie Theater Style Combat Style: Poppin' Off Fun Fact: Is Fun, That's A Fact Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 4, 2022 Author Share Posted January 4, 2022 ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! KAIJU ATTACK IMMINENT ON: NEW YORK CITY! DEPLOYING WRESTLE-X COUNTERMEASURES TARGET #1: JEFFERSON PYRAMIDAL GARDEN ENEMY FORCES: LOBSTER WARRIOR DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENT: BLUE MAN! TARGET #2: CENTREPIECE PARK ENEMY FORCES: PIÑATADON & YUKITO DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENTS: POWER BEETLES MAGMA & GRASS (CODENAME: MIGHTY DIFFERENT POWER BEETLES) TARGET #3: THE IMPERIAL STATE BUILDING ENEMY FORCES: KING KONGOR DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENT: "BIG" AL TARGET #4: THE STATUE OF AUTONOMY ENEMY FORCES: BRUTUS DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENT: AIR MARSHAL WESTMINSTER MORE ENGAGEMENTS POSSIBLE, MULTIPLE AGENTS HELD IN RESERVE FOR NEW DEPLOYMENT! Reference Guide For Emergency Perusal: Lobster Warrior Opposes Blue Man Piñatadon & Yukito Opposes Mighty Different Power Beetles King Kongor Opposes Big Al Brutus Opposes Air Marshal Westminster MONSTERS ARE REAL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KyTeran Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Lobster Warrior Opposes Blue Man Piñatadon & Yukito Opposes Mighty Different Power Beetles King Kongor Opposes Big Al Brutus Opposes Air Marshal Westminster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberious Posted January 5, 2022 Share Posted January 5, 2022 Lobster Warrior Opposes Blue Man Piñatadon & Yukito Opposes Mighty Different Power Beetles King Kongor Opposes Big Al Brutus Opposes Air Marshal Westminster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 6, 2022 Author Share Posted January 6, 2022 WrestleX Operation: GLASS VANGUARD Civilian Witnesses: 119 COMMENCE RECORD OF EVENTS Civilian Recording File L-4552 A portly gentleman in a chef’s getup carrying a pizza runs among the fleeing populace of New York City, looking this way and that in a panic. A nametag on his chest reads ‘Luigi’. Luigi: “Mama mia, why did I decide to film a commercial for my pizzeria in the middle of an alien invasion!?” Before his cameraman can respond an explosion is heard in the background, Luigi frantically gestures offscreen. Luigi: “In there, in there!” Luigi and the cameraman sprint their way into a conveniently placed Luigi’s Pizza where they barricade the door behind them. Luigi collapses into a booth and rubs his head, idly having a slice of pizza. Luigi: “Well now what?” The Cameraman nudges the camera in the direction of a tv hung up in the corner of the room where there appears to be a Presidential Address going on… Footage Taken from XYZ News: US President Charles Gant stands at a podium before an anxious gaggle of press, some snapping pictures of America’s first Australian president. “My fellow-er my Americans, as you all know the world is facing an unprecedented crisis in the form of a massive alien invasion. The Martian Scourge has done irreperable damage to fellow nations across the world and today they’ve come for us. New York City is now the first battleground of what could be an endless war for the very survival of our kind, but take heart for-” A voice is heard off screen. Voice: “GYOOOHOHOHOHO~!” The cameras turn to see- -the terrifying Martian Queen! Queen: “Such proud words from a man who has already been defeated. You stand where so many braver and stronger leaders than you have stood and you will fall all the same.” Gant: “You may think humanity is weak-” Queen: “Oh no mostly just you in particular.” Gant: “-but within the human spirit lies a warrior’s heart! Today we make the first stand against you and all yoru monsters and when this is over you’ll have to find another planet to sink your…surprisingly well manicured nails into!” Queen: “Hah! Fie (and thanks) upon you, bring out your champions…” A Secret Serviceman shouts from Gant’s side. Serviceman: “Mr. President, a giant monster is attacking Jefferson Pyramidal Garden!” Gant: “Jefferson Pyramidal Garden!? Get me a live feed immediately, and seize that wo-” Gant turns to see the Martian Queen has disappeared. Queen’s Voice: “Teleporters, President Dundee, like I’d let myself get captured by you~” Gant: “Blast, get WrestleX on the horn, they have got to get this situation under control!” Person of Interest Recording File J-11 As chaos reigns in New York City a man is surveying Jefferson Pyramidal Garden, his voice is heard on the other end of his camcorder. Man: “Come on…come on…where is it?” A sound somewhere between a clacking and thumping stride answers the man as he sets his gaze at the street where the sound appears to be coming from…only to see a red leg smash into the concrete. Slowly the camera raises to reveal the leg’s owner… “SKREEEEEEEEEE!” The mammoth lobster scuttles forward, dwarfing the buildings around it and making the populace below scream. The man however begins to laugh… Man: “Heheheheh…hahahahaha…AHHHH HAHAHAHAHA!” The man turns the camera around and reveals himself, a manic grin on his face. “DO YOU SEE THAT!? DO YOU SEE WHAT OUR LIBERATORS HAVE TO OFFER! My god what a beautiful creature, I guess it is true that everything’s evolution eventually carcinizes, even kaiju. If you’re watching this then know that my name is Jarrett and I hereby pledge my loyalty to the Martian Queen and her benevolent rule! Look at that beast, there’s no being on earth that could possibly take it on, not the military, not the navy, and definitely not the-” Audio Record NY-1.20.21 Recorded Persons: Research Assistant Drake Dixon, Dr. [REDACTED] K. [REDACTED] Dixon: “D-doctor we have confirmed Kaiju Sighting, there’s a Lobster-like organism currently preparing to strike at Jefferson Pyramidal Garden!” [REDACTED] “Just as we thought, is our operative in position?” Dixon: “Yes sir!” [REDACTED] “Then commence the bootup sequence of the Memetomacrotizer, let’s show the Queen we mean business.” Dixon: “Right away, Doctor. Stabilizing didactive interocitors, Lotharium levels are holding, lightning audial resonance off the charts! Deploying the collateral damage reduction towers!” Rumbling is heard in the distance. Dixon: “Deployment successful, Doctor!” [REDACTED]: “Excellent now to lock on to the primest candidate to unlock a passionate response and-” Dixon: “Doctor, there’s-the Memetomacrotizer’s already locked onto someone! It’s…it’s activating on its own!” [REDACTED]: “IMPOSSIBLE, WHO COULD IT HAVE POSSIBLY CHOSEN OVER OUR PRIME CANDIDATE!?” Drone Camera Footage Provided By NYPD “SKREEE!” The massive crustacean menace rampages towards Jefferson Pyramidal Garden, claws clacking as it sends people running in terror. The lobster towers over the famed arena and lifts a giant claw over its head when- KA-THUNK! KA-THUNK! KA-THUNK! KA-THUNK! A series of four gargantuan pylons embed themselves in the ground equidistant from each other. The Lobster looks around and screeches before a series of LAZER ROPES sprout from each pylon and create a squared off region of the city around it! A low thrum begins to be heard from the surrounding area as the Lobster clacks its claws and charges at one of the sets of ropes, bouncing off it with a shriek before what appears to be a bolt of lightning cracks into an alleyway and-” The Following Audio Has Been Taken From Multiple Sources “What-” “-the-” “-actual-” “-FETTUCINI!?” Drone Footage Resumes: “SKREEEE!” (again) The Lobster is now faced with a hulking figure that rivals it in size. The figure sways uncertainly as if trying to get used to its new stature… “Where’m I? Bob? Barbara? Bobara? You steal m’keys ag’in?” A quite literal giant hobo, clutching a now kaiju-sized beer battle staggers around and tries to focus his vision. Hobo: “Whoa this is…this is a new one lemme tell ya heh heh hehhhh…” Lobster: “SKREEEEEE!!!” The Hobo finally notices the Kaiju glaring at him from the other side of the Garden. Hobo: “Y’ain’t a pink efflefant what’re-*hic*-y’doin’ here?” The Lobster clacks its claws in answer and the Hobo narrows his eyes. Hobo: “Ohhhh…want m’booze doesn’ts yas? Well you can pries it from’y cold…dead…hands…” Official Statement from the Martian Queen: “GYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-” Record is roughly twenty minutes long, fast-fowarding for brevity. “-oooo….THIS IS GONNA BE EASY!” TO BE CONTINUED… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJ Posted January 6, 2022 Share Posted January 6, 2022 HOLLY KINTARO KINJO! This is the best thing - EVER Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPlus Posted January 7, 2022 Share Posted January 7, 2022 Chucking in my predictions even though I know Blue Man aint showing. Lobster Warrior Opposes Blue Man Piñatadon & Yukito Opposes Mighty Different Power Beetles King Kongor Opposes Big Al Brutus Opposes Air Marshal Westminster Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 8, 2022 Author Share Posted January 8, 2022 Apologies for the hold up on the next part, just a touch under the weather and some issues with…well the weather that caused me to be under it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 9, 2022 Author Share Posted January 9, 2022 WrestleX Operation: GLASS VANGUARD RESUMING RECORD OF EVENTS Drone Footage of Altercation Belligerents: LOBSTER WARRIOR VERSUS SOME…RANDOM DRUNK Events are as follows: What was already an inauspicious start for the WrestleX Air Force becomes even more farcical as the random supersized drunkard squares off with the terrifying crustacean from beyond the star. Armed with only a bottle and the liquid courage it had imparted on him, the giant man had one thing going for him: He did not give a rat’s [REDACTED] about New York City and its various buildings and was keen to use them on the kaiju he was facing along with his bottle. However, after a sustained barrage of foreign objects makes it pretty clear the thing was far from a softshell, the bum is forced to throw all his power behind an overhand swing that shatters his bottle on the carapace of the Lobster. When even THAT proves ineffective, he tries to flat out jab the half of it he still has into soft underbelly of the monster only to find it seized by a claw and tossed away (presumably to cause a big insurance headache somewhere) before the Lobster shows why it was the one who started the invasion. It accomplishes this by beating the living crap out of this poor lush with its massive claws. From pillar to post the poor guy is smashed around and thrown like a ragdoll by his foe before being bodily suplexed onto one of the faces of the Jefferson Pyramidal Garden. With the entire objective WrestleX was trying to protect damaged, the Lobster climbed the to the top of the nearest pole and leapt off for a punishing body slam that crushed the Hobo (and even more importantly, the Garden) and put him down for the requisite 3 second period WrestleX had formulated to denote total defeat. THE WINNER: LOBSTER WARRIOR Post-Battle Analysis, courtesy of Dr. [REDACTED] K. [REDACTED]: ”It is apparent that we will need to tighten the focus of the Memetomacrotizer or increase public consciousness of our operatives in order to make sure a repeat of this debacle doesn’t take place. My sincerest apologies to President Gant. Post-Battle Video File J-11a “Hah! Did you see that!? That’s the best WrestleX can do!? Some filthy bum!? See what I mean ladies and gentlemen? This is the end for all of us if we don’t do the right thing and bow to her highness and-wait what’s it…?” Jarrett turns his camera back to where the fight had been going on and sees the Lobster now alone among the wreckage. Delicately it buries its claw into the remains of Jefferson Pyramidal Garden and pulls out a miniscule limp form that it…tosses into its mouth! Jarrett: “Was that the hobo? Did it just EAT the hobo!? S-see? What’d I tell you? It’s even worse, surrender now or-oh jeez it’s coming this way, IGOTTAGO!” As the Lobster starts lurching towards his position with a squeal, Jarrett hightails it to a fire escape and starts trying to evacuate as the screen cuts out. Taskforce Beetle Tactical Transmission File R-G #43b Recorded Persons: Power Beetles Magma & Grass “Just got word from the Doc, Big Mac had a misfire and the Jefferson mission’s gone completely FUBAR. Radar’s picking up seismic readings heading for our location so it’s probably part 2 of the attack.” “Yeah yeah, I got it, I got it.” Magma: “Grass I’m serious, this entire Operation is gonna go pear-shaped real soon if we don’t put these clowns down.” Grass: “Come on, hothead, this is Centrepiece Park, it’s nothing but nature. I’m in my element against anybody.” Magma: “Did the swamp op not count as nature?” Grass: “Oh HERE we go, again about the swamp mission!” Magma: “I’m sorry, JUNIOR Operative, did you not want me bringing that up?” Grass: “Like you were a fat lot of good there, Mr. I’ll Heat Up The Swamp Water To Make A Steam Shroud!” Magma: “It would’ve WORKED if you hadn’t gone running out of it!” Grass: “The steam fogged up everyone’s visors, running out of it-” Magma: “And INTO the enemy!” Grass: “-was the only way I could see again! Ugh, you are the absolute worst, you know that? Why couldn’t I have gone with Ghost and Aqua on that secret mission at the docks?” Magma: “BECAUSE THIS IS A MISSION NOT A VACATION YOU LITTLE IDIOT!” Grass: “OK THAT’S IT LAVABRAIN, IT’S ON!” Magma: “BRING IT!” A Transcript of Miscellaneous Kaiju Noises Translated by the Xenolinguistics Department Note: At this juncture the Power Beetles had been hit by the Memetomacrotizer and were in the process of an unauthorized scuffle. [“AHA, I have spotted the foooooolish earthlings! Look at them both, entangled in some kind of courtship ritual before our glorious battle! Such poor standards do the Earthling generals have for their warriors, it makes me sick. I, Piñatadon, have seen better discipline in the scumbroods of Maklakor than this horrendous lovemaking I witness before me. Does it not sicken you, my proud confederate in our Queen’s glorious army, to see such a display of carnal lust on what is meant to be a battlefield?! …well? Doesn’t it?! HELLO!? YUKITO!?”] At this point Piñatadon turns to see the kaiju identified as Yukito on its belly posing with a gaggle of schoolchildren for a picture. [“Hokeedokums little kiddles, when Yuki counts to three, we’ll take a big group snappy shot, hokee? One…two…thr-EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”] Piñatadon has stepped on Yukito’s tail and the ensuring shriek of pain makes the schoolchildren scatter. Piñatadon: [“Why couldn’t I have been given a proper battle brother to make war with instead of this miserable jester!? YOUR FRATERNIZATION ENDS HERE OR I’LL END YOU INSTEAD, UNDERSTAND!?”] Yukito: [“Awww…and Yukito was gonna discovered what a cottoned candy was…”] Piñatadon: [“Enough games, it’s time for war! CHARGE!”] Tourist Footage of Altercation Belligerents: MIGHTY DIFFERENT POWER BEETLES VS PIÑATADON & YUKITO The infighting between the two Power Beetles is enough to give the Kaiju an advantage in the early goings, with the less urban environs of the Park enabling Piñatadon to use the lazer ropes to its advantage with punishing mobile attacks. Also it has a penchant for using its own partner as a battering ram, which it uses to great effect until the Beetles get their act together and meet a tossed Yukito with a double high kick. Understandably knocked Silly(er) by the blow, Yukito is out of commission as the Beetles begin to take on the now allyless Piñatadon, though with a habit of shoving one another out of the way for solo assaults rather than a united front. With the llama-dinosaur hybrid on the ropes the moment comes for a finishing blow…one that doesn’t arrive as Grass and Magma begin arguing over who should be the one to deliver it. As Piñatadon stumbles about like an Immortal Battle character waiting for someone to ‘FINISH HIM’, Magma and Grass start shouting, then pushing, then outright punching at each other with no one able to keep the peace. This escalates into Green attempting a high kick on Magma which is dodged…but what isn’t dodged is the DDT Piñatadon plants Magma with while Yukito regains enough sense to roll up Grass in a way that wouldn’t ease anyone’s anxieties and get the win in a rather sneaky fashion. THE WINNERS: PIÑATADON & YUKITO Post Battle Analysis , courtesy of Commander Nimrod: ”THOSE TWO MAGGOTS ARE A DISGRACE TO THIS ENTIRE UNIT! LETTING A PETTY ARGUMENT STAND IN THE WAY OF PROTECTING THIS IMPORTANT LANDMARK!? MAGMA’S ON THIN MELTING ICE AND GRASS CAN KISS HIS REINSTATEMENT OF FULL OPERATIVE STATUS GOODBYE UNTIL HE FIXES THAT ATTITUDE! PUT HIM WITH ANOTHER TEAMMATE FOR FUTURE DUO MISSIONS, THAT’S AN ORDER!” Surveillance Footage File From New York Docks Unexpected Contact With Enemy & POI Recording Follows: In a dingy warehouse on the docks something devious is afoot. While the rest of the city is in chaos and uproar it seems as though criminality will always find a way to conduct business, be that criminal element organized…or intergalactic. The Venusian, the most wanted man in the galaxy, a former member of the Intergalactic Peace Keepers now a wanted criminal and arms dealer finds himself in a strange world but tonight his circumstances are all too familiar as he hauls in a bunch of crates on a dolly… Inside a man leans against the wall, surrounded by a cadre of goons, as the Venusian approaches he lifts his gaze and grins. “Heh, and here I didn’t believe the Family when they told me ya’d look like a freak. There’s egg on my face, eh?” The Venusian’s reply is processed through his suit’s onboard translator, a deep guttural electronic growl that sets the mafia enforcers on edge. Venusian: “I can look like a freak or a supplier, your choice.” Blue Hat: “Settle down, settle down, I was just breakin’ ya balls. So uh…this score, it’s legit?” Venusian: “Nothing about me is ‘legit’ but I do not shortchange paying customers, Mr...” Blue Hat: “Sal, Big Sal DiMartino. Still, ya gotta think I’d be a little skeptical considering your askin’ price.” Venusian: “Chalk it up to me not understanding your primitive forms of commerce. You have what I need and I have what you want, surely there is no issue here.” Big Sal: “We’ll see, show me da goods.” The Venusian grabs the crate he hauled in and yanks it open with a crack, revealing… An energy weapon of some kind. Venusian: “A Kragvarn Plasma Bombard, fully divorced from the need for ammo consumption, full atomization on projectile contact with the enemy, its use is considered a war crime in most intergalactic rules of war.” Big Sal whistles. Big Sal: “And uh, none of them rules’d be the Geneva Conventions, yeah?” Venusian: “Best to ask forgiveness than permission when it comes to violence in my experience.” Big Sal: “Heh…take it, boys. You got a deal, Moonman, the two you wanna talk to’ll be at the coordinates I’ll have Mickey text to your phone.” Venusian: “Excellent, I presume this is but the start of a beautiful relationship. You have my thanks.” Big Sal: “Heh, nah the thanks is all ours, the Don’s been needing to get rid of those two [REDACTED]head nephews of his for a while, forking them over to the space warlord’s a dream come true. Ah crap I didn’t just break this deal did I?” Venusian: “I need bodies, Mr. Sal, I do not require them to be of pristine quality.” Big Sal: “Well alright, boys get this sucker on the truck, I think the Russians and Irish are gonna enjoy our little late Christmas gift-AH!” As Big Sal goes to brush his hand on the Plasma Bombard, a beetle-shaped throwing star clangs against it and makes him withdraw. As the gangsters reach for their weapons a smoke grenade goes off and envelops the entire warehouse in smoke! Sal coughs and goes back to back with the Venusian as all around them the goons begin to drop from assaults by obscured figures in the gloom… Big Sal: “This better not be you selling me out, Spaceman.” Venusian: “What reason would I have to disrupt a deal I already got what I wanted out of?” Voice: “Maybe you wanted to cause some chaos before your mark realized you were selling him an oversized cattle prod?” Big Sal: “A what!?” Venusian: “You…” The Venusian’s tone is one of overwhelming hatred even behind the artificial voice as the figure steps out from the shadows, flanked on either side by others… “But it’s more likely you wanted fodder for when your past caught up with you, Ex-Peacekeeper Tyrzaath.” Venusian: “Visitor, I should have known the Federation’s Hound wouldn’t give up his chase so easily.” Visitor: “You’re out-numbered, Tyrzaath, give yourself up now and I’ll ensure the High Council shows what little leniency it can for your crimes.” Aqua: “As for your associate, Mr. DiMartino, Underboss of the DiMartino Crime Family, I would wager the other boys in blue would be interested in speaking with him about his various misdeeds and intent to use an unknown weapon of interstellar origin on his rivals.” Big Sal: “...well is pale boy there gonna get a line in or?” Aqua: “He prefers to let his actions do the talking. It makes ordering takeout a bit of a chore. Now please come along quietly.” Big Sal: “Howsabout I…do this instead!?” Sal grabs the Plasma Bombard and hucks it at the three heroes, making a run for the door with the Venusian right behind him. The Visitor and his Beetle compatriots toss the Bombard aside and give chase out onto the docks where Sal and the Venusian are making for a group of shipping containers rather conveniently arranged for a fight scene. Visitor: “We must go after them if we have a hope of ending Tyrzaath’s machinations for your world. Please follow m-” A rumble comes from the waters near the docks, one that shakes the ground and almost knocks the trio over. As the Visitor and Beetles try to keep their balance a gargantuan form emerges from the water, its spongy blue skin absorbing as much water as it lets run off back into the bay. As it roars a series of spotlights illuminate it fully, just as it brings a massive finger down to point at Power Beetle Aqua… “NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!” Aqua: “Ah not this guy again!” Visitor: “Operative Aqua-” Aqua: “Way ahead of you, pursue the target with Ghost, I’ve already sent a signal for Doc to fire up the Macrotizer, I’ll keep this spongy simpleton busy!” Ghost gives a thumbs up and begins sprinting towards the containers, Visitor in tow. Aqua turns back to his nemesis. Aqua: “Alright you overgrown gacha toy, this nerd’s…” The launched containment poles bury themselves half in the bay and half in the docks, the lazer ropes activate, and in a flash Aqua grows to match his enemy in size. Aqua: “ABOUT TO STUFF YOU IN DAVY JONES’ LOCKER!” TO BE CONTINUED… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJ Posted January 10, 2022 Share Posted January 10, 2022 Love the way you introduce each match, which makes this universe so palpable Great work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 12, 2022 Author Share Posted January 12, 2022 WrestleX Operation: GLASS VANGUARD RESUMING RECORD OF EVENTS Surveillance Footage of Altercation Belligerents: POWER BEETLE AQUA VERSUS AQUASAUR While there was no way he could know about the failure of his two brothers elsewhere in the city, Power Beetle Aqua’s performance certainly feels like an attempt to make up for that defeat. Eschewing the instinct to strike directly at the super shock (as well as generally) absorbent skin of the Aquasaur, Aqua instead uses the battlefield to his advantage by keeping Aquasaur in the water and pelting it with various shipping containers stacked nearby on the docks. His rival finally has enough of this and throws a big tail whip that forces Aqua further inland before grabbing a nearby tanker and chucking it into Aqua’s hands. As Aqua tries to keep from dropping the ship onto the docks below, his foe lunges in and envelops his head in an attempt to clamp his jaws down. INCOMING TRANSMISSION TO FORWARD OPERATING BASE “Operative Aqua to WrestleX command, please advise, is the tanker I’m currently holding manned.” “Uh Command to Operative Aqua we believe the docks were evacuated earlier today, biometric scans are reading negative, why?” Aqua: “No reason.” Aqua proceeds to ram the bow of the ship directly into Saur’s belly, forcing it to release him and opening himself to the tanker getting rammed into its open maw, causing it to stumble around gagging before its stubby arms manage to yank it out. Angry now, Aquasaur looks around for Power Beetle and- Aqua: “Up here, spongey!” -finds him standing atop one of the containment poles, which he leaps from and nails a sunset flip into a group of warehouses, keeping it down for the three second period that forces Aquasaur to be teleported back to the Martian Queen’s armada. THE WINNER: POWER BEETLE AQUA Post Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Power Beetle Rose: ”Thank goodness not all my bros are as hotheaded as Mags and Grass, I swear if Aqua wasn’t as obsessed with helping the Doc, he’d be the one leading us right now.” Surveillance Footage of Parallel Altercation Belligerents: THE VISITOR & POWER BEETLE GHOST VERSUS THE VENUSIAN AND BIG SAL The Venusian and Big Sal put their backs to one of the shipping containers in the conveniently placed group of them they’ve taken refuge in. Sal: “What the [REDACTED] was that big blue barney ripoff!?” Venusian: “I believe the terrestrial authorities are not the only ones attempting my capture. My services as a supplier of arms are in high demand and some would rather use fear to attain a discount.” Sal: “Right right…you seriously try to sell me an alien cattle prod you rat?!” Venusian: “That gentleman was merely attempting to sow distrust using your lack of experience with extraterrestrial weaponry. Is this the face of a liar?” Before Sal can point out his partner is wearing a helmet, another Stag Beetle shaped Shurkien buries itself in the metal between them. Sal and the Venusian jerk their heads to where it came from to see Ghost vault the containers and strike a fighting stance before launching himself at the duo. Venusian tries to yank Sal closer to him (or possibly in the way of Ghost) but a kick from the Power Beetle breaks the grip between them, Sal attempts to throw a punch but Ghost blocks it and twists him into a hammerlock, preventing Venusian from striking without hurting his ally. The Venusian backs up, trying to get a good vantage but yowls out an agonized scream processed through his helmet as the Visitor catches him in a nerve pinch to the base of the neck. However, the Venusian’s training as a Peacekeeper means he’s not easily taken down by such attacks and a judo throw takes out all three of the other participants in this brawl. Venusian: “A nerve pinch, Visitor? Please, I TAUGHT you that tactic. You’ll have to do better to stop me.” The Visitor goes to stand but eats a kick from his old partner who retrieves a raygun from his belt and points it at the other alien. Visitor: “You’ll regret this, Tyrzaath…” Venusian: “Hmph, I didn’t regret any of my other deeds, killing you would be noth-ACK!” Visitor: “I meant not watching your back.” Venusian soon finds himself knocked onto his back by a sweep kick from Ghost, who’d slipped into a crouch as Venusian took aim. The Venusian barely rolls out of the way of an axe kick from Ghost and tries to scramble up, ducking low to avoid another nerve pinch from Visitor, leaping high to dodge another sweep kick from the Power Beetle, falling hard to a combo of chopblock and high kick from the duo! Crawling over to his ally, the Venusian barely manages to get them both vertical, almost using Sal as a platform to lean on as Visitor and Ghost charge in for a spear and a flying kick respectively! Shoving his partner out of the way, Sal grabs Visitor and slams his prodigious dome against the shipping container. The Venusian, while momentarily saved from Ghost’s attack, soon finds himself barely blocking as the Power Beetle leaps off the side of the container he was meant to slam into and throws a forearm to Venusian’s gauntlets. Knocked back and stumbling onto his rear, Venusian begs off from his foe…and in a show of swift reflexes, Ghost crosses his arms overhead to block a 2x4 blow from a likewise recovered Sal before twisting around and slamming a palm strike to his gut that sends him stumbling back. Sal pants and glares at the hero, dropping his weapon and pointing threateningly… Sal: “You…freaks don’t know who ya messin’ with! One phone call’s all I need to put ya both six feet under!” Sal starts rifling through his pockets. Sal: “One…phone…call…where the-“ Sal looks up and past Ghost and a rising Visitor, where the Venusian waggles a cellphone and disappears around a corner. Sal: “YOU SON OF A-OOF!” Sal is sent sprawling into a group of barrels by a push kick from Ghost. Visitor turns too late to realize the Venusian has made a run for it. Giving chase he finds himself outside of the containers with Aqua’s battle with Aquasaur finishing in the distance. Sadly there’s no sign of the Venusian, except- UNAUTHORIZED COMMUNICATION DETECTED ON WRESTLEX FREQUENCY! “Oh Visitor, did you truly think I’d be so easily caught. No no, this is only the beginning between you and I on this miserable ball of dirt. Enjoy the scraps I’ve gifted you, I’m off to rebuild my empire in miniature. See you soon, partner.” Back in the containers, Ghost has handcuffed Big Sal and nods at Visitor as he returns. Visitor nods back but slams a fist against the container in frustration. WINNERS (Technically): GHOST AND THE VISITOR Post Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Dr. [REDACTED] K. [REDACTED]: ”While our capture of Mr. DiMartino has won us friends in the polite society of New York, allowing the Venusian to once again slip through our fingers represents a major failing in this operation. Still I suppose we should be applauding the victories of our three operatives, small though they may be.” RESUMING RECORD OF REGULARLY SCHEDULED HOSTILITIES Civilian Recording File L-622b “I haven’t a-heard anything in awhile, do you think we’re safe?” We rejoin Luigi at his pizza place as he and his cameraman cower in rather understandable fear. Luigi: “Jefferson’s flattened, Centrepiece is a giant monster playground, what monuments are we missing still?” Cameraman: “Well there’s uhm…uh…Cohen Tower?” Luigi: “You think that place got destroyed?” The camera shifts to a smartphone in the user’s hand showing a Squawker feed… Cameraman: “No. And also he’s bragging about how it hasn’t fallen yet.” Luigi: “Not destroying that gaudy platinum monstrosity, that Queen really IS evil-” A loud banging comes at the door of the pizza parlor, causing both Luigi and the cameraman to jump. Voice: “COME ON MAN LEMME IN, IT’S URGENT!” Luigi: “Uh, nobody’s here, we’re closed!” Voice: “I CAN SEE YOU IN THERE!” Luigi: “I am-a the Ghoooost of Luigi’s Piiiiiza, vamoose or be cuuuuursed~!” Voice: “Then who’s the other guy?!” Luigi: “My ghost cameraman of course!” Voice: “COME ON ALREADY!” The Cameraman walks over and opens the door, there’s a blur of movement as whoever was at the door rushes past- Voice: “Thanks pal, you’re one in a million, hey does this place have wifi?” Luigi: “Wait a minute I KNOW YOU!” “Yeah hi, Pizzaface, gimme the wifi password.” Luigi: “YOU’RE THE GUY WHO JUST BUYS A LARGE SODA AND MOOCHES OFF THE INTERNET ALL DAY!” Jarrett: “Oh Luigi I am so much more than that now. I’m the guy who buys a large cola, mooches off the internet all day, and is the vanguard for the NEW RULERS OF THE WORLD!” Luigi: “Loud.” Jarrett: “YES I AM LOUD! FOR I AM THE MAN WHO PROCLAIMS THE GLORIOUS REIGN OF OUR QUEEN FROM THE MOUNTAINTOP! SOON ALL WILL BOW AT HER FEET AND I WILL SERVE AT HER SIDE AS A LOYAL-MMPH!” Luigi, having had enough of this, has shoved an entire calzone in Jarrett’s gaping mouth. Luigi: “Don’t worry, I used the vegan options.” Jarrett: “Thmph yph…” Before this bickering can continue much more, a thunderous stomp is heard in the distance. Luigi: “Oh now what?” Cameraman: “Uh boss, I think I remembered a monument.” Luigi: “Which one?” The Cameraman’s finger enters the shot to note that the Imperial State Building is just down the street. Luigi: “Oh…in retrospect I really need to strangle my real estate guy.” As in answer to this a rather large apelike foot smashes through half the roof before continuing on its way, causing all involved to scream like small children and clutch each other in terror. Luigi: “Quick! Get in the delivery van, we’ll-” The other shoe-well, foot-quite quickly drops on the delivery van parked outside, a cheerful Luigi’s pizza jingle warbles before sputtering out entirely. Luigi: “Oh nuts to this, I’m-a fleeing to the west coast on foot! C’mon Ted!” Camerman: “You got it boss!” Jarrett: “Wait before you go, the password!” Luigi: “It’s BITEMY[REDACTED]JARRETT1234!” Luigi and Ted the Camera Guy flee outside in time to see the owner of the livelihood-destroying feet standing next to the Imperial State Building. MONKE! The big gorilla beats his chest and makes to climb the building…despite being about the same size as it, he howls out to all of New York: “HARK!” …huh, who knew space monkeys had British accents? “I, KONGOR, FIRST OF MY NAME, HALLOWED BE IT, DO HEREBY DECREE THIS THE SEAT OF POWER FOR MINE NEW KINGDOM! BASK BEFORE ME FOR I AM A MOST BENEVOLENT DICTATOR, AS I AM MAMMALIAN I AM INCAPABLE OF BEING DRACONIAN, NOWST STAND IN TRIBUTE OF ME (and also that duplicitous pigwitch, the Queen) OR FACE DESTRUCTION!” The King sets his sights directly at our two heroe…well, bystander really. They look at one another. Luigi: “Ok well…we’re kinda boned, ain’t we?” As if in answer, the containment poles suddenly come down on the cityscape around them, and a voice calls in answer to the King. Voice: “HEY BANANA BREATH!” Kongor: “Who dares mock the great King Kongor!?” “ME! NAME’S AL, AND I’M AN-” “-AND IN AMERICA WE DON’T TAKE KINDLY TO TWO THINGS! MONARCHY AND MALARKEY! AND YOU’RE NOTHIN’ BUT BOTH! SO EITHER YOU PUT YOUR HAND OVER YOUR HEART AND START SINGIN’ THE ‘OLE STAR SPANGLED BANNER OR SO HELP ME I’LL SHOVE YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR [REDACTED] YOU’LL HAVE TO CLEAR YOUR THROAT TO [REDACTED]!” Luigi and Ted have both started saluting the gigantic somewhat dumpy shirtless man and his very very patritotic speech. Kongor: “HAHAHAHA! FOOOOOOLISH FATMAN, THE ONLY BANNERS I WISH TO SEE ARE THAT OF MY NOBLE HOUSE FLOWING OUT FROM THIS PATHETIC MONUMENT TO YOUR INSIGNIFICANT SPECIES! HAVE AT YOU!” Al: “FOR AMERICAAAAAAAA!” Quite possibly two of the largest combatants in this war charge at one another, Luigi and Ted go running back into the demolished restaurant to watch the battle in (relative) safety. Jarret: “Oh hey, that WAS the wifi password, cool beans!” TO BE CONTINUED… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 14, 2022 Author Share Posted January 14, 2022 WrestleX Operation: GLASS VANGUARD RESUMING RECORD OF EVENTS Footage From Multiple Sources Of Imperial State Building Incident Belligerents: BIG AL VERSUS KING KONGOR The clash between these titans begins with a flurry of hard blows, neither combatant backing down as they batter each other with clubbing strikes that would fell lesser men (or gorillas). The first to break off is Kongor, reeling back from a right hook to lean back against the Imperial State Building, glaring at his opponent before slipping behind it in an attempt to make some distance between himself and the portly patriot. Not keen on letting that happen, Al chases the big gorilla around the massive skyscraper until his monarchal nemesis pulls an about-face and clobbers him with a clothesline. Enraged at even having to pretend to flee his foe, Kongor goes on an angry spree of kicks and clubbing blows to the downed hero that seem forceful enough to pummel him into the subways and sewers below the streets. However, Al is nothing if not a fighter and with all the power and fury of the Founding Fathers behind him he performs a comeback that’d make George Washington, Abe Lincoln, and Terry Thunder (the coolest Founding Father) proud. Just like Ulysses S. Grant at Gettysburg he dodges a foolhardy move from his opponent-in this case a body splash-and seizes the element of surprise in the form of a giant Hot Dog advertising a fast food joint on top of a skyscraper which he uses to smash atop Kongor’s dome as he stands. Just like how Grant took out Stonewall Jackson, read a book. Unfortunately for Al, King Kongor is a monarch, a born ruler and if there’s one thing any feudal lord (or Crusader Kings player) will tell you it’s this: When you can’t get the job done yourself, hire a mercenary. In this case a hitman. “More of a Rooster but I’ll do the hittin’ all the same!” Invading the Lazer Ring comes the nefarious ROOSTER-3000, the Martian Queen’s personal contract killer who’s apparently in cahoots with the King. Sneaking up on Big Al as the heroic American tried to cram his improvised weapon down Kongor’s mouth, he’d smash his mantis-like forearm claws into the portly patriot’s back in a move that’d make Benedict Arnold proud. Forced away from his foe, Al can only stagger around to face ROOSTER as he charges to the Lazer Ropes and comes back with a stainless steel cross chop to the face! Capitalizing on this, Kongor yanks Al around and clobbers him with a ripcord lariat for the pinfall victory! In the ultimate show of disrepsect, both kaiju lift Al over their heads and toss him into the Imperial State Building to demolish it utterly. WINNER: KING KONGOR Post Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Commander Nimrod: ”You fought to the end, son, a true American hero. I’ll have a burial plot set up in Annapo…wait he’s still alive? UP AND AT ‘EM SOLDIER, WE’LL GET ‘EM NEXT TIME!” EMERGENCY UPDATE THE STATUE OF AUTONOMY IS UNDER ATTACK! NYPD Drone and Statue Surveillance Footage: We cut to the Statue of Autonomy to find that this is very much the case, for in all the confusion and chaos it appears that someone has strung it up with an almost comical amount of dynamite. As the writer of this diary speculates on whether changing the name of the Statue will keep him off an Federal Bureau of Investigation Watchlist, a nefarious plot is unfurling within the Lady standing sentry over New York harbor: “The bombs are primed and ready, your highness.” The mammoth mercenary known only as Brutus stands with a holographic communicator in his hand, on the other end of this conversation in none other than… “Excellent, this will teach those perfidious humans that I am the only woman they should be making statues of. Stand by for retrieval.” Brutus: “Nah.” Queen: “Nah? Is this some Earth colloquialism I am unfamiliar with?” Brutus: “Means no. I got business to handle.” Queen: “Unless that business is getting blown to bits when the timer on those bombs reach zero I don’t see how you’d refuse me.” Brutus: “Gotta take care of the twerp Commander Nimrod sent to defuse the bombs. Call you back.” Queen: “The what-!?” Brutus turns off the communicator and turns towards the shadows of the observation deck in the crown of the Statue where a rather dapper gentleman is attempting to do just what he described: Poised to cut one of the extremely large red wires all around the statue with a comically large pair of scissors.” “Oh beans.” Brutus: “Wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Geoffery Westminster, Air Marshal of the WrestleX Air Force, looks skeptical. Westminster: “But if you were me you’d know I wouldn’t listen to the words of an Evil Doer!” Brutus: “But if I were you I’d also know that if I blew up the Statue of Autonomy it’d probably get the entire project I’m part of scrapped by President Aussie.” Westminster: “But if I were me then you’d know that I couldn’t believe a word I said to you-er you to me…we’re a bit in the weeds aren’t we?” Brutus: “Weeds, trenches, I’ve been everywhere, kid.” Westminster: “I’m thirty-” Brutus: “Now drop the scissors and listen. I know you’re Nimrod’s man, his top man. So I’m going to give you an opportunity.” Westminster: “Opportunity you say?” Brutus: “Fight me, one on one right now. You win, I’ll deactivate the bombs. I win, well…I’ll get some satisfaction knowing I took out one of Nimrod’s favorite vacation spots AND his new puppet.” Westminster glares at that last comment but adopts an old timey fisticuffs stance. Westminster: “Very well, you sir have yourself a ma-” Westminster has to duck as the holocommunicator is hurled at his head, when he straightens back up he soon finds Brutus has left his previous position. With a speed usually reserved for someone’s first edgy original character, Brutus appears behind the most British man in Long Island. Brutus: “First lesson:” Buruts slams an axehandle blow that nearly smashes Westminster all the way across the observation deck. Brutus: “On the battlefield the only place you can complain about dirty tricks are the fiery pits of Hell.” Record of Statue of Autonomy Battle Belligerents: BRUTUS VERSUS AIR MARSHAL WESTMINSTER Westminster recovers from the first blow, swiftly dodging the attempted strikes of his far larger opponent; he uses his agility to his advantage and forces Brutus back with a leaping kick. Still Brutus’ powers of endurance don’t leave him on the backstep for long and he breaks off an attempt at pressing the attack by grabbing a second kick from Westminster and lifting the rest of him into a powerbomb! Following up with a swift kick to the ribs, Brutus surveys his handiwork, a smirk on his face. Brutus: “Your Commander’s let his standards slip over the years. I guess desperation will do that.” Westminster: “Don’t…count me out yet.” Brutus: “Counts won’t be necessary, this isn’t one of those pathetic ‘wrestling matches’ your eggheads made the Queen agree to.” Brutus grabs Westminster by his uniform and hoists him up. This comes back to bite him when Westminster swiftly slams their noggins together in a headbutt that leaves Brutus stumbling back…and Westminster barely standing on spaghetti legs. Desperation moves sometimes aren’t the best… Westminster: “Perhaps not the soundest tactical move…” Brutus roars and charges the Air Marshal who gasps and grabs his hat, which he flings into Brutus’ face. As the big man stumbles and tries to halt his momentum, Westminster slips behind and dropkicks him towards the nearest window where- CRASH! He smashes through onto the arm of Lady Autonomy! Flinging the hat to fall to Emmet Island below, Brutus turns to see Westminster stepping out onto the arm, readopting his fisticuffs stance. Westminster: “Still think standards have slipped?” Brutus wipes a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth and smirks, raising his arms. Brutus: “Son, the last thing you want me to do is take you seriously.” Wesminster: “Still thirty years ol-” Brutus throws another axehandle but this time Westminster has it scouted, dodging around behind him and leaping on his back to lock in a sleeperhold! Brutus growls and thrashes as Westminster tries to cinch in his hold, eventually falling back to slam the both of them against the stone arm of Lady Autonomy. Brutus is the first to stand and glares at the downed Air Marshal, he charges him for a body splash but to the surprise of everyone (including the drones which struggle to catch it fully) Westminster manages to monkey flip him into the observation platform around Lady Autonomy’s torch. Stepping in after him, Westminster soon notices something…all the wires connected to the dynamite on the statue stem from the torch, where an oversized clock is counting down! Westminster: “A bit tacky don’t you think? And I don’t recall our deal involving a time limit.” Brutus: “Heh, tick-tock, Marshal. Any hero worth his salt can beat the clock while beating the bad guy.” Westminster launches himself at Brutus in a crossbody that the big man catches with a fallaway slam that threatens to toss Westminster from the torch! Brutus grabs Westminster as he lies on his front and applies a camel clutch, facing the clock as it rapidly ticks down. Brutus: “A little motivation to break out of this, Jeffy boy. Show me how you handle the pressure.” Westminster wriggles and writhes, trying to find a way out of the torturous hold. Brutus: “Tell ya what, give up now and I’ll give you enough time to go back to your boss with a little message from me. I’m sure the Commander would love to know about how Operation Minuteman is coming alo-” Brutus’ monologuing proves his undoing as Westminster seizes one of his legs and yanks it, causing him to overbalance and slam face first into the clock as it strikes one second to detonation. Suddenly the clock begins to rapidly vacillate between multiple numbers, no longer a countdown but a random sequence that could hit the magic mayhem number of zero at any moment! Brutus shakes his head and goes to stand, seeing Westminster now standing on the ledge of the Torch with a smirk on his face. Westminster: “I may not have the same strengths you do, Brutus, but I do have one thing you don’t: Adaptability. I see I can’t defeat you just yet but…I do know where the nerve center of this plot is located and I have backup ready for an…unorthodox solution.” Westminster pulls out a radio. Westminer: “Marshal-Actual to Purple Stuff, do you read?” The radio crackles to life. Voice: “OF COURSE I KNOW HOW TO READ, FOOLISH EARTHMAN!” Westminster sighs. Westminster: “There’s been a change of plans, I need you to use the Doctor’s device and go to Lady Autonomy’s torch to-OOF!” Westminster is tackled off the torch by Brutus, the two of them tumbling in the air as Westminster fumbles with his bulky airman’s uniform. Gritting his teeth he pulls a cord, causing a parachute to pop out from the back and send both men floating slowly towards the ground. Brutus tries to lock his legs around Westminster and strangle at the leader of the WrestleX, who gags and wriggles before SLAMMING a headbutt into Brutus’ face again! And again! And again! Brutus’ head lolls back and slowly he releases Westminster and falls long and far… SPLASH! Into the Atlantic Ocean. Panting, Westminster lands on the island below. Seeing his radio on the ground nearby he groans. Westminster: “Oh please let that big purple buffon know how to improvise as well…” WINNER: INCONCLUSIVE Post-Battle Analysis Courtesy of- ANALYSIS OF THIS BATTLE HAS BEEN DISABLED BY ORDER OF THE COMMANDER Intercepted Enemy Audio File 44-M Recorded Entity: Martian Queen Queen: “Where is the kaboom!? There was supposed to be an Autonomy-Shattering Kaboom! Ugh, I knew I should have just let one of my Kaiju handle this. Hmm…Eenie Meenie Miney…THIS ONE!” BWOOP~! Queen: “We’ll see how they deal with this little plot twist~! GO MY MONSTER, ENSURE THAT GAUDY LAWN ORNAMENT IS DESTROYED LIKE IT SHOULD BE! OHHHHHHHHHOHOHOHOHOHO~!” Drone Footage In Autonomy Bay: A massive form not unlike a meteor slams into the bay, causing a plume of water to erupt from the ocean. As the briney depths explode upwards, a shadow rises in the murk, towering at a greater height than even the Statue itself. A pair of bright white glowing eyes cut through the gloom and an ear-splitting roar is heard… ”SKEEEEEEYYYYYRRRRRORRRRK!” BEHOLD, THE NIGHTMARE FROM THE LAGOON! Trundling through the bay, the Nightmare sets a path towards Lady Autonomy, a walking embodiment of doom ready to deal the final decisive blow of the first battle against the Martian Queen… “NOT ON MY WATCH, SEA BEAST!” A new figure erupts from the waves, a giant purple fist smashing into the chin of the Nightmare’s maw. As the mist clears the challenger is revealed. “I AM BEHEMOTH THE BRAVE, PROTECTOR OF THESE FRAGILE EARTHLINGS!” The Nightmare shrieks as the Poles fall and the Lazer Ropes forma an arena with the Statue in the center. It all comes down to this, the last vestige of New York’s majesty defended by an alien warrior against his former masters. One shall stand. One shall fall. Did anyone teach Behemoth about Bomb Defusal btw? No. Uh oh. Drone Footage of Altercation Belligerents: THE NIGHTMARE FROM THE LAGOON VERSUS BEHEMOTH THE BRAVE The Nightmare is swift to recover from the uppercut sent its way by the defector, responding with a flurry of claw strikes the warrior parries and counters with a hard kick that sends it into the ropes and bouncing back. Behemoth attempts a clothesline to put Nightmare on its back but the beast ducks and lunges to slam into the Statue of Autonomy, causing it to shudder. Behemoth twists around before the Nightmare can assault it even more and seizes the Nightmare’s tail swinging it towards one of the containment polls which it collides with head first, putting it in a daze. INCOMING COMMUNICATION! “Good work Mr. Behemoth sir, now quick disarm that bomb!” Behemoth: “DISARM!? HAHA, VERY WELL PENCIL NECKED HUMAN!” Behemoth seizes the statue but its arm and tugs. Drake: “W-WAIT NOT LIKE THAT! THE BOMB NOT THE STATUE!” Behemoth: “SPEAK PLAINLY, SMALL MAN! I CANNOT-ACK!” Behemoth is tackled from behind and locked in a bearhug by the Nightmare. Kicking and thrashing in sort of heinous embrace of the alien menace, he is shoved on a collision course with the monument that only quick thinking averts. Turning around to find Nightmare charging at him again, Behemoth ducks low and back body drops the creature over both himself and the statue, causing a massive splash on the other side. INCOMING COMMUNICATION! “Behemoth I have been tapped to assist you in the disarming process.” Behemoth: “AHA, TINY BEETLE MAN, YOU SHALL ASSIST ME!” Aqua: “Indeed, if my calculations are correct you need to cut the red wire.” Behemoth nods and looks at the various wires connecting the absurd amount of explosives strapped to Lady Autonomy. Behemoth: “...THEY’RE ALL RED!” Aqua: “Oh…oh dear.” It’s at this point a rather large tanker comes sailing back over the statue and clocks behemoth on the noggin. Staggering back, Behemoth soon finds Nightmare running around the statue, flipping forward, and slamming its tail directly into his face. With the hero down and out, Nightmare rooooooars once more and begins…charging up some kind of terrifying beam weapon with its mouth. As the masses look on in terror, the massive beast lets loose a blinding gout of atomic fire...into the air as Behemoth yanks its tail at the last minute. Climbing up his foe’s body for support, Behemoth headlocks the Kaiju and bulldogs it into the water, causing it to boil with the heat of Nightmare’s breath. Slowly, Behemoth stands, shaking his head and glaring at the bane of his existence at the moment: The stupid statue. UNKNOWN TRANSMISSION “Oh, I got through? Neat!” Behemoth: “WHO IN THE [REDACTED] ARE YOU!?” Popcorn Guy: “Me? Oh I’m nobody important, just a guy with a popcorn bucket for a head, how are you?” Behemoth: “I AM FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE AND THE LIVES OF THESE PUNY MONKEYMEN!” Popcorn Guy: “Oh dear that sounds like a pain. What’s the problem, big fella?” Behemoth: “THE PERFIDIOUS QUEEN OF MARS HAS HAD HER MINIONS STRAP MANY BOMBS TO THIS STATUE OF A HUMAN FEMALE! I AM TO DEFUSE THIS THING BUT I KNOW NO WAY TO DO THIS!?” Popcorn Guy: “Oh. Have you tried just doing the first thing that pops in your head? It usually works for me.” Behemoth: “POPS IN MY HEAD!?” Popcorn Guy: “Yeah, Occam’s Lazor how whatever it’s called. Oh bee-tee-dubs the pink thingy’s getting up so I’mma let ya go. We’re all rooting for ya, big guy!” Behemoth looks over his shoulder and sees that indeed Nightmare is standing once more, charging another shot from its lazer breath. Glaring from it to the statue and back…he shoots his hand out- And grabs the torch from the Statue’s hand, twirling it over his head like an exceptionally flamboyant Italian man with a spaghetti fork he gathers all the explosives around it via the clock at the center and charges at Nightmare, hucking the entire thing into the beast’s mouth just as it lets loose another blast of flame! KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The explosion rocks the harbor, but when the smoke clears, the Nightmare is barely standing with scorch marks around its face like a Looney Tunes character in the same situation. Eager to end this, Behemoth rushes in and lifts the Nightmare on his shoulders, spinning around fast enough it’s a wonder he doesn’t create a whirlpool, he tosses the Nightmare out to sea, KO’ing the biggest threat to New York yet in climactic fashion. WINNER: BEHEMOTH Post-Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Dr. [REDACTED] K. [REDACTED] ”While his methods resulted in some damage to the Statue of Autonomy, the quick thinking of Behemoth managed to win us the day and prevent a total rout of our forces from New York. Still…who was it that gave him that advice? If resources weren’t stretched as thin as they are I could start research into this mysterious popcorn-headed benefactor.” Video File 67-L In the wreckage of Luigi’s Pizza, our portly purveyor of the ‘za looks out at the ruined city of New York and sighs. On the tv the voice of President Gant is heard. “My Americans, today marks the first victory in our war against the alien menace…” Our view switches to the throne room of the Martian Queen herself, who angrily calls for a retreat of her troops from New York following Nightmare’s defeat. We get shots of Lobster Warrior breaking off from devouring more New Yorkers to scuttle towards the sea, Piñatadon ushering an utterly cowed Yukito towards a teleporter light, and Kongor rebelliously muttering alongside ROOSTER-3000 as they’re taken up. Gant: “Though I cannot say this did not come without cost. So many of our beloved monuments have fallen today and I will not fault you for blaming our WrestleX forces for failing to protect everyone…” At the WrestleX FOB, Power Beetles Grass and Magma are in the grips of a shoving and shouting match as Big Al is pushed towards an infirmary on a gurney in the background. Gant: “But hold fast and look to the sea, where our beautiful Statue of Autonomy yet stands and know that this is only the beginning. Our enemies want you to feel that resentment, that despair, they want you to feel helpless. But you are Americans (and I’m an Australian) and we know that we do not break easily.” Somewhere in New York a Taxi Cab pulls up to an apartment block and out of it steps the Venusian. He strides up the stoop to the front door and knocks, we cut to the perspective of those inside who open the door and…the sight of them takes the Venusian aback. Shaking his head, he shrugs and ushers them to join him outside, his new minions now fully under his wing… Gant: “Together we shall rebuild, together we shall bounce back, together we will make our stand against the Alien Menace and bring our world back from the brink of subjugation. You have my word and the word of every member of the WrestleX team.” On Emmet Island, a de-macrotized Behemoth meets with Westminster in the shadow of Lady Autonomy. The duo exchange terse words before Westminster cautiously offers a hand to the massive purple warrior. A big grin splits Behemoth’s face and he takes it…making Westminster fall to his knees clutching his wrist as Behemoth gives a big belly laugh, not realizing his own strength. Gant: “This. This is only…the beginning…” In a high-rise apartment in downtown New York a man abruptly switches off the President’s Speech on tv and goes to survey the wreckage of New York outside. Raising his hands he claps twice to activate the lights of his room as the sun goes down illuminating him. “This…I think, is a golden…opportunity. Heh…heheheh…HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHA~!” TO BE CONTINUED…IN ISSUE 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Levinux Posted January 15, 2022 Share Posted January 15, 2022 Sweet baby Jesus this is amazing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Roguey Posted January 15, 2022 Share Posted January 15, 2022 Really enjoyed the format of Issue 1. Helps with getting over how a promotion like WrestleX would be presented as well as making it so there isn't one massive post with all the content! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 15, 2022 Author Share Posted January 15, 2022 <p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>THE DAILY HEADLINE</strong></p><p><strong> Tomorrow's Gross Speculation Today!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> VELOUR CORP. WINS BIDDING WAR FOR REBUILD OF NEW YORK CITY</strong></p><p><strong> CEO: "We'll make it the country's first Kaiju-proof city!"</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> HOLLYWOOD MOURNS FOURTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF ROCKER'S PASSING</strong></p><p><strong> Leon Nightshade the final victim of the 1980's grisly blood-draining 'Mosquito' Murders still tops uTunes shop rankings.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> ANTI-GANT PROTESTS FLOOD DC</strong></p><p><strong> Spokesman: "We just remembered non-Americans aren't allowed to be president!"</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> VICTIM OF LOBSTER DEVOURANCE STILL ALIVE?</strong></p><p><strong> Bottle found in Kaiju excrement w/message: "Send Booze!" WrestleX organizing airdrops.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> JAPAN DISAPPEARS!</strong></p><p><strong> Only remains a large pole with a note in former territorial waters, reads "Good luck, we've been waiting to dodge this bullet for decades lol"</strong></p></div><p></p><p></p> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 16, 2022 Author Share Posted January 16, 2022 ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! KAIJU ATTACK IMMINENT ON: LOS ANGELES! DEPLOYING WRESTLE-X COUNTERMEASURES TARGET #1: SANTA MADRIGAL PIER ENEMY FORCES: NAUTILUS, AQUASAUR, & YUKITO DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENTS: MIGHTY MUTANT POWER BEETLES GRASS, EARTH, & ROSE TARGET #2: THE GOTTY MUSEUM ENEMY FORCES: LOBSTER WARRIOR DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENT: POWER BEETLE AQUA TARGET #3: DODGEMS STADIUM ENEMY FORCES: MILITANT CENTIPEDE DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENT: POWER BEETLE GHOST TARGET #4: THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN ENEMY FORCES: KING KONGOR & ROOSTER-3000 DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENTS: BIG AL & BLUE MAN WARNING: MEMETIC ENEGY LEVEL IN REGION DANGEOUS HIGH, CAUSE UNKNOWN TARGET #5: LA BREA TAR PITS ENEMY FORCES: PIÑATADON DEPLOYING ANTI-KAIJU AGENT: BEHEMOTH THE BRAVE MORE ENGAGEMENTS POSSIBLE, MULTIPLE AGENTS HELD IN RESERVE FOR NEW DEPLOYMENT! Reference Guide For Emergency Perusal: Nautilus, Aquasaur, & Yukito Oppose Power Beetles Earth, Grass, & Rose Lobster Warrior Opposes Power Beetle Aqua Militant Centipede Opposes Power Beetle Ghost King Kongor & ROOSTER-3000 Oppose Big Al & Blue Man Piñatadon Opposes Behemoth The Brave MONSTERS ARE REAL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 18, 2022 Author Share Posted January 18, 2022 <p></p><div style="text-align:center;"><img alt="3qTqMCD.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/3qTqMCD.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><p> <strong>WrestleX Operation: VULGAR MADONNA</strong></p><p><strong> Civilian Witnesses: 137</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> COMMENCE RECORD OF EVENTS</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="53915" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div style="text-align:center;"><div><strong>Video File 477z: Alien Broadcast</strong><p><strong> Context:</strong></p><p> <em>The following footage was retrieved from a signal hijacking performed by the Martian Empire prior to the beginning of hostilities in Los Angeles.</em></p><p> </p><p> <img alt="QPsMp1N.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/QPsMp1N.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> The Martian Queen is sat upon her throne, casually filing her nails as before regarding the camera with annoyance.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Queen:</strong></p><p> “Well well well, here we are again, Earthlings. You know I didn’t expect this war to last beyond that first battle but then again I also didn’t expect you to use one of my own warriors against me. Nobody likes a cheater, Mr. President.”</p><p> </p><p> The Queen holds up a rather strange-looking remote device and presses a button, a tv screen lowers from beside her and flickers on to reveal…</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="RHyPLZm.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/RHyPLZm.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> <strong>President Charles Gant! About to eat a Luigi’s Pizza pizza!</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Gant:</strong></p><p> “What the hey!? This isn’t my daily presser!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Queen:</strong></p><p> “Really you B-Movie buffoon, Los Angeles is about to be Lost Angeles and you’re porking out on pepperoni? Some leader you are.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Gant:</strong></p><p> “How’d you sneak…what is this thing, some kinda camera drone? How’d you get this into Air Force One!?”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Queen:</strong></p><p> “I can teleport beings of immense size onto your major cities, does this surprise you at all?”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Gant:</strong></p><p> “Ahem, yes, quite, well you’ll never succeed you horrible Space Tyrant! WrestleX is ready and waiting to intercept all of your vile monstrosities!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Queen:</strong></p><p> “Hah! We’ll see soon enough…also are you going to eat that pizza slice or just hold it up to your mouth all night like a ninny?”</p><p> </p><p> Gant blinks and quickly lowers his slice of ‘za.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Queen & Gant:</strong></p><p> “Stop calling it that!”</p><p> </p><p> Sorry.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Queen:</strong></p><p> “Where was I? Ah yes, soon my monster’s shall turn your California Dream into a Nightmare, even if my one from the Lagoon is still healing from the beating it got! For now it’s time for a series wrap on tinsel town, CUT! END SCENE! FADE OUT!”</p><p> </p><p> The Queen leans back in her chair looking smug. Gant looks around in confusion.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Gant:</strong></p><p> “Are we still on or-?”</p><p> </p><p> The Queen remembers to turn off both his screen and the cameras with her remote.</p><p></p></div></div><div></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="53915" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>Archival Footage 37-B, Codename: “Beachapalooza”</strong></p></div><p> </p><p> We fade in on the Santa Madrigal Pier, more specifically the top of its iconic ferris wheel where a certain Junior Operative of Wrestle-X has a keen eye on the horizon.</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="Cuupq86.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Cuupq86.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> “Gaia Beetle Sigma to Gaia Beetle Alpha and Epsilon, still no sign of enemy movement, over, requesting another five dollars for ticket procurement once this ride is over.”</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="UGN9vGI.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/UGN9vGI.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> “Oh my god, Greeny, will you please just join us on the beach already!?”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “Codenames!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “Hon I know you’re high strung because of what happened last time-”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “I’m NOT HIGH STRUNG!”</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="04CjhB5.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/04CjhB5.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> “Calm.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “What Earth said, we’re up against gigantic skyscraper-sized monsters, you’re not going to get a vantage point on them whether it’s the ferris wheel or that jank rollercoaster they got over there.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “You heard what the Commander said in his report, I’ve gotta be a model operative if I want to even think about being on the same level as that Hothead! I’m NOT about to get ordered around by him again…”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Earth:</strong></p><p> “Brothers.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “Exactly, you two are acting like children, we’re all siblings here and we don’t need this infighting. It leads to stuff like us being all split up like this.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “I mean I guess, I just…I’m sick of feeling so inferior.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “Well if ya wanna feel superior you can join us in schooling these civvies in beach volleyball.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Earth:</strong></p><p> “Spike.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “Heck yeah, big guy. You can’t see it, Greeny, but we fist bumped.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “I wanna fist bump…”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “THEN GET DOWN HERE YA GOOF-WHOA!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rrrrrrruuuumble-SPLASH!</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Earth:</strong></p><p> “Enemies.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “AHA! MY VANTAGE POINT WAS USEFUL! DR. [REDACTED] WE’VE GOT VISUAL CONFIRMATION, ACTIVATE THE MEMETOMACARONI!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Earth:</strong></p><p> “Memetomacrotizer.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “THAT TOO!</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “Hoo boy…”</p><p></p><p></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="53915" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>A Transcript of Miscellaneous Kaiju Noises</strong></p></div><p><strong> Translated by the Xenolinguistics Department</strong></p><p><strong> Note:</strong> These noises were captured as Power Beetles Team Gaia was being Macrotized and the arena was been prepared for Anti-Kaiju Combat.</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="Uy014Kx.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Uy014Kx.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> “Alright troops, fall in!”</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="Sn1F5bu.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Sn1F5bu.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> “Nerd! Nerdnerdnerd! Wherenerd? Squashnerd! Smashnerd! Thrashnerd!”</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="rE4dS55.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/rE4dS55.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> “Oh goody goody gadzookles, Yuki’s always wanted to learn how to surf! Feel the swell on my bellywell-!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>SMACK SMACK!</strong></p><p> </p><p> Aquasaur and Yukito yelp in pain, video recording suggests from blows to the back of both their heads.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Nautilus:</strong></p><p> “Listen up you whippersnapping washouts, we aren’t here for personal vendettas or a vacation! I’m here to keep the both of you in line as we set up a beachhead for her highness! Do as I say and you might just get outta this alive! I’ve been destroying cities since before you were eggs and I’ve been around as many blocks as I’ve leveled, am I clear!?</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Yukito:</strong></p><p> “H’okey dokum…boomer.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>SMACK!</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Yukito:</strong></p><p> “YOWCH!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aquasaur:</strong></p><p> “Huhuh…boomer.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>THWACK!</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aquasaur:</strong></p><p> “ARRRRRGH!”</p><p> </p><p> Before it can do much more harm to its allies, Nautilus seizes them by what can be assumed to be their ears and marches them towards the Lazer Ring for their battle with the Beetles.</p><p></p><p></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="53915" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>Tourist Footage of Altercation</strong></p></div><p><strong> Belligerents:</strong></p><p><strong> </strong><img alt="Cuupq86.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Cuupq86.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="04CjhB5.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/04CjhB5.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="UGN9vGI.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/UGN9vGI.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong> </strong><img alt="Uy014Kx.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Uy014Kx.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="Sn1F5bu.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Sn1F5bu.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="rE4dS55.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/rE4dS55.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p><strong> POWER BEETLES GRASS, EARTH, & ROSE VERSUS NAUTILUS, AQUASAUR, & YUKITO</strong></p><p> </p><p> A battle of teamwork vs dictatorial control unfolds in the first skirmish in the greater war for Los Angeles as the Power Beetles were forced to contend with two inexperienced kaiju propped up with the vast knowledge of the ancient Nautilus. Constantly manhandling its charges, Nautilus shows its tactical cunning by always being there to break up any attempt by the Beetles at securing victory but always being out of reach when it came time to take any offense. That isn’t to say the elder kaiju never got its hands dirty, instead opting to take dirty shots at any and all Beetles in its vicinity when they weren’t looking, ruling the ring like a dastardly dino desperado in a fashion usually reserved for the very upper echelons of the Queen’s ranks. With the citizens of LA looking on in awe and terror, the beast even climbs to the top of one of the containment towers and flew off onto all three of the opposing team in a crossbody it could have potentially taken a plane out with, a move that on any one opponent might have ended a life let alone a match but thankfully only results in a nearfall on all three of the Beetles at once.</p><p> </p><p> So successful are these hit and fade tactics that at one point one of Nautlius’ partners, Yukito, fades entirely from the containment ring in order to try and teach proper swimming safety to a horribly out of place toddler. Incensed at this breaking of ranks, Nautilus storms out of the containment zone in order to give the good natured fuzzball an angry talking to. This has the unintended effect of leaving Aquasaur open for a three-on-one pummeling from the Beetles which culminates in a double superkick from Rose and Grass into a powerbomb from Earth! As Nautilus realizes what’s going on, it makes to scramble back towards the ring but soon meets a suicide dive from Grass that sends both of them into the surf, leaving Rose and Earth to make the pin as Yukito seemingly disappears from view…</p><p> </p><p> <strong>WINNERS: POWER BEETLES GRASS, EARTH, & ROSE</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Post-Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Dr. [REDACTED] K. [REDACTED]:</strong></p><p> <em>”It would appear that without the exacerbating influence of Magma that Grass is more than happy to be a team player. We will need to work on this matter if we’re to see the Power Beetles achieve the efficiency they are truly destined for.”</em></p><p></p><p></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="53915" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>Post-Battle Incident Footage</strong></p></div><p> </p><p> As our heroes stand tall over the opposing forces, Nautilus throws a tantrum as the Lazer Ropes deactivate. It looks like the elder statesaur will storm the ring before two beams come down to teleport it and Aquasaur back to the Martian fleet. As the Beetles are shrunk back down to human proportions, Earth and Rose high five.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “Good work out there, my bros, that’s how we get it done!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Earth:</strong></p><p> “Agreed.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM WRESTLE-X FORWARD OPERATING BASE</strong></p><p> </p><p> <img alt="LGOrib2.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/LGOrib2.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> “Good work, team! I’ve got orders from command, you’re to stay in the area just in case of any surprise attacks from the Queen’s forces!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “Got it, bossman, we’ll make sure the coast is safe and secure, right Grass? …Grass?”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “YOU’RE NOT GETTIN’ AWAY THAT EASY!”</p><p> </p><p> Grass is running down Santa Madrigal Boulevard, angrily pointing further down where a fuzzy blue tail disappears into an alleyway.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “GRASS TO COMMAND, GRASS TO COMMAND, YUKITO IS STILL AT LARGE HE-HE SHRUNK SOMEHOW! I’M IN PURSUIT!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dixon:</strong></p><p> “Yukito? H-hang on, Grass, wait for backup!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Grass:</strong></p><p> “NO WAY, THAT GOOBER IS MY ONE WAY TICKET BACK TO OPERATIVE STATUS!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “G-Grass! Get back here! At least wait for us!”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Earth:</strong></p><p> “Pursuit?”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Dixon:</strong></p><p> “Uh-well-I guess Command wouldn’t be happy to have one of the Queen’s minions running around LA even if it is…that one.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Earth:</strong></p><p> “Acknowledged. Commencing pursuit.”</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Rose:</strong></p><p> “So much for a mojito and a tan…”</p><p> </p><p> Earth and Rose begin running after both Grass and Yukito as the screen fades out.</p><p></p><p></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> </p><blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="53915" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div><div style="text-align:center;"><p><strong>PoI Video File 55-J</strong></p></div><p> </p><p> A camera view steadily focuses and unfocuses before showing the Gotty Museum in all its glory.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Voice:</strong></p><p> "Ok we rolling? Yeah yeah yeah, we rolling."</p><p> </p><p> The view turns to reveal who's talking.</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="gWvt0Zf.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/gWvt0Zf.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> "Hello people of earth it is I, the evangelist of your saviors, Jarrett. I am here today in this...disgustingly opulent monument to humanity's own inflated sense of self worth! Phew, between you and me I hope our glorious Queen annihilates it before the day is out. But that isn't why I'm here, why I'm here is because I know one of those obstacles to progress: The Wrestle-X Air Force is inside and I am going to give them a piece of my mind. Now let's uh-does this place have wifi? Oh yeah...really? Hah, what're the odds?"</p><p> </p><p> Jarrett starts towards the museum and the camera cuts ahead to a view of the inside of the building, specifically its art gallery where Jarrett is scanning the patrons for his target.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Come on...come on...aha!"</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="Kk2QRGx.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/Kk2QRGx.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> Nearby Power Beetle Aqua is taking in some fine art, stroking the chin of his helmet as regards it all.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "HEY YOU!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "Hm?"</p><p> </p><p> Jarrett storms up to Aqua and shoves his cameraphone into his face.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Jarrett of the Martian Support Army, how does it feel working against the liberators of humanity? Does it not make you feel empty inside knowing you're propping up the establishment against the unimpeachable force for good known as the Martian Queen? How do you sleep at night, sir? Honest question, why are you dodging it sir? Why? The public demands an answer!"</p><p> </p><p> Aqua tilts his head and tries to speak-</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "No answer, just as I thought, you can see it in his dead eyed stare he doesn't even know what he's fighting for. It's sad, really, tragic. Sir how do you cope knowing how completely wrong your cause is?"</p><p> </p><p> Jarrett shoves his cameraphone further into Aqua's face, Aqua goes to gently push it away.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Hey hey hey, don't touch me, that's assault, that's assault with a deadly weapon!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "I'm unarmed."</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "I don't know what's in those gloves, could be brass knuckles! You hear that everyone, the Wrestle-X Air Force uses BRASS KNUCKLES that's a documented fact AND they want to assault journalists."</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "You're a journalist?"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "I got my degree at Cohen University! And I'm the one asking the questions here!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "I see, Mr. Jarrett was it?"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "ONLY I GET TO ASK QUESTIONS!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "Right well allow me to answer some of them. One I do not believe in any sense of the words a quite literal interstellar feudal monarch could be considered a liberator. The corruption of the current establishment is irrelevant in the face of outside intrusion on humanity's development as a species. Very easily while listening to a True Facts playlist. And-"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Enough! I don't wanna hear your mealy mouthed excuses, I want to-"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>RRRRRUMBLE!</strong></p><p> </p><p> A distant rumble, the unmistakable sound of a Kaiju's footsteps.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "Well you won't need to hear many more excuses, sir, I believe it's time you evacuate the premises while I handle the incoming threat. I would be sure to make a quick escape as I believe this particular specimen to be a known maneater."</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Oh jeez not that thing again!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "Oh you're familiar? Very good, please make for your camper van Mr. Jarrett."</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "HOW'D YOU KNOW I LIVE IN A-Er, ha, no you won't get rid of me so easily!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "Well then I suppose the food court is structurally sound enough for you to upload your ramblings. Farewell."</p><p> </p><p> Aqua jogs off to confront the oncoming arthropodal terror.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "YEAH YOU BETTER RUN! Uhm...food court...food court..."</p><p> </p><p> The feed cuts ahead again to where the world's most antagonistic protagonist has found the food court and set up a basecamp in the otherwise abandoned building.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Let's see here...HAH, same password here too, that guy really doesn't like me."</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Voice:</strong></p><p> "C'mon Ted, we need to get a-going if we wanna leave before that thing gets here!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Other Voice:</strong></p><p> "I'm going I'm going!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "No way..."</p><p> </p><p> Jarrett looks up to a nearby Luigi's Pizza stand to see it is, in fact, way.</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="UGjzoxJ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/UGjzoxJ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> "YOU AGAIN!?"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "HAH, we just keep running into each other don't we Pizzaface?"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Luigi:</strong></p><p> "You no good leech, what are you doing here?!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "I came here to be up close and personal to another glorious victory by my Queen, what are you doing here?"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Luigi:</strong></p><p> "I thought going to the other side of the country would spare me from these awful monsters, clearly I was wrong!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "You idiot, they're aliens! The Martians will attack whereever whenever!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Ted:</strong></p><p> "Though for some reason only once a month."</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Quiet you."</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Luigi:</strong></p><p> "Enough of this, Ted let's go before!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>"SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"</strong></p><p> </p><p> All three of our trio look up to see a shadow pass over the skylight above. A stalked eye peers in through the glass...</p><p> </p><p> <img alt="0B5Jqf6.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/0B5Jqf6.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> <strong>This guy again.</strong></p><p> </p><p> <strong>Jarrett:</strong></p><p> "Uh oh."</p><p> </p><p> Thankfully before the Lobster can try to put its big mitty claw into the proverbial cookie jar, a glove hand lashes out and clocks it in the face. Aqua's voice is heard from outside.</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "Not so fast, crustacean! I've already taken down one seafood special, I'll gladly make you a combo platter! Surrender before I'm forced to do so!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Lobby:</strong></p><p> "SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"</p><p> </p><p> <strong>Aqua:</strong></p><p> "Well it was worth a shot. Activate the Lazers, Doctor!"</p><p></p><p></p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> <img alt="3qTqMCD.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/3qTqMCD.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> <strong>TO BE CONTINUED…</strong></p></div><p></p> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJ Posted January 18, 2022 Share Posted January 18, 2022 <p>This totally reeks of awesomeness</p><p> Yukito's kindness to children, Green's eagerness to prove himself (can't wait for him to make a major screw up or go all emo "Power Beetle Dark")</p><p> </p><p> This is a great read</p> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberious Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 Reference Guide For Emergency Perusal: Lobster Warrior Opposes Power Beetle Aqua Militant Centipede Opposes Power Beetle Ghost King Kongor & ROOSTER-3000 Oppose Big Al & Blue Man Piñatadon Opposes Behemoth The Brave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 21, 2022 Author Share Posted January 21, 2022 WrestleX Operation: VULGAR MADONNA RESUMING RECORD OF EVENTS Drone Footage of Engagement Belligerents: Power Beetle Aqua versus Lobster Warrior With a major hub of the arts at stake, Power Beetle Aqua goes into this battle with a gameplan, having seen the monstrous kaiju’s fighting abilities from the footage at the last attack, he sets out to overtake his foe with a flurry of agile offense that tries to keep the fight from endangering the Museum and civilians within. However, the Lobster Warrior is far more of a cunning competitor than its brawl with the drunken lout from last month would have one believe and it’s more than able to keep up with the Beetle in a battle for the skies, ultimately causing onlookers to feel a horrible dread as it catches the Beetle in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker that doesn’t even seem possible with its giant claws! Taking full control of the fight, Lobster Warrior stretches, pounds, and eventually attempts to outright strangle Aqua with its claws! Could the war see its first casualty here…!? THWACK! Aqua’s fist lashes out and slams into Lobster’s soft underbelly, forcing it to stumble back, screeching and thrashing until- ”HHHHHHCK-TOOEY!” “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” A small figure is spat out from the massive maw of Lobster Warrior and slams into the faceplate of Aqua’s helmet, slowly sliding down. Aqua staggers back and examines what’s been spat onto him he suddenly receives a communication: “Operative Aqua, I don’t know what’s going on but the Memetomacrotizer’s starting up again! I think there’s someone intruding on the battle!” Aqua: “Can you not stop it?” Dixon: “I’m sorry, sir, but it seems like it has a life of its own, stay frosty out there-!” BYOOOOOOM! Aqua is suddenly bowled over as the figure sliding down his suit suddenly expands and falls on him in a tangle of limbs. As the two try to separate, Lobster Warrior looks on with confusion, snapping its claws at the display. Finally one of the two stands and- “AHA! THOUGHT YA’D SEEN TH’LAST OF ME YA NO GOOD SCORPION!? WELL THINK AGAIN!” The drunk from last month, somehow no less inebriated, staggers up and puts up his dukes as the Lobster seems to recognize and get VERY angry that this is happening again…or that it’s being called a scorpion. Either/or. Aqua tries to stand, raising a finger to the drunk’s ravings- Aqua: “Actually, sir, that would be a lobst-” Drunk: “GAH! LIL BLUE SPACEMAN!” CLONK! Aqua: “OW!” It turns out the drunkard has managed to get a new bottle of booze in the belly of the beast and smacks it directly over poor Aqua’s dome, letting the poor Beetle stagger back and almost flatten Jarrett’s camper van when he falls on his rear. Turning his attention back to Lobster Warrior, the drunk circles in a familiar tango of destruction that leads to the latter tackling the arthropod down and trying to bash its underbelly with his booze bottle. His foe, however, isn’t easily pummeled and soon the both of them are rolling around the containment zone like Starlets division catfight, flattening multiple buildings and threatening the Gotti itself! Weighing the needs of the many over the needs of the slovenly few, a recovering Aqua leaps into the fray, kicking the two struggling battlers away from the museum and trying to disentangle them, eventually eating a double kick to the belly in the process before barely slipping out of an attempted double suplex! Swiftly wrapping his arms around the necks (or upper carapace in one case) of the other two he puts them both down with a reverse ddt! As Lobster and the Drunk roll apart, Aqua scales to the top rope and stalks the slow to rise Lobster… Before he gets a spray of alcohol from the drunk right to the faceplate and tossed to the ground! The angry lush doesn’t get much time to press the attack however as his head is soon caught between the claws of Lobster Warrior! As the citizens of LA look on in horror, the kaiju applies more and more pressure to its foe in a horrifying head crush that not even the Memetomacrotizer’s influence can make his cranium withstand for long! As the drunkard flails at the claws with his everpresent bottle, the fight seems to slowly leave his body and it’s only a matter of time before… “STOP! WE SURRENDER!” WINNER: LOBSTER WARRIOR Post Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Dr. [REDACTED]: ”I can’t say I’m happy about the Memetomacrotizer malfunctioning once again. What is it I missed when I created this infernal thing? Could it be that it predicts a passionate response by the general public and works on someone automatically? This requires further research…” Drone Footage of Battle Fallout: Aqua’s voice rings out, the Power Beetle holding up a hand to try and stop the hold. Acknowledging the surrender, the containment poles power down and in an instant both Aqua and the drunken hobo are shrunk down to human size. With a tiny barely conscious man in its claws, Lobster Warrior regards Aqua for a moment…then devours his rival again. Aqua: “NO!” Aqua’s distress at the beast’s lack of respect for surrender doesn’t last long as it’s rapidly replaced by terror when the monstrosity advances on him. As Lobster looms, Aqua steels himself for the end… RATTATATATATATATATATAT! NYRRRROOOOM! An end that doesn’t come as the sound of an aeroplane and accompanying machine gun cuts through the screams of the bystanders. Bullets pepper the carapace of Lobster Warrior, who shrieks in a mixture of fury and annoyance, flailing at the Wrestle-X biplane that’s hit the scene, its pilot? “NOT TODAY, YOU SCOURGE OF THE DEEP!” The Air Marshal’s on the scene and airborne! The Lobster glares with as much hatred as its eyes can manage and shrinks back, not to retreat but to smash a claw into the Gotti and begin tearing it apart. Westminster grits his teeth but keeps a patrol over Aqua. Westminster: “Aqua, old chum-did not mean that to be a pun- evacuate mission area, quickly!” Aqua: “But what about the civilians still in the-?” The Camper Van screeches to a halt next to Aqua, Jarrett is hanging out the back with his cameraphone. Ted’s voice comes from the driver’s seat. Ted: “Need a lift, pal?” Aqua shrugs and dives in as the biplane makes a circle around Lobster Warrior (currently pigging out on the food court). Westminster: “Enjoy victory while you can, foul beast, for I pledge I SHALL bring you to justice for the horrible destruction you’ve wrought! I’ll have your claw meat with a delectable Earl Grey!” The Lobster looks up as the biplane follows the Camper Van’d retreat and screeches in challenge after it, eager to add another victim to its resume… Surveillance Footage Preceding Incident We fade in on a street in downtown LA, where the Power Beetles’ embattled leader is finishing taking a picture with a group of children. Waving as they walk away, Beetle takes out a radio and makes contact with the Wrestle-X Forward Operating Base. “Magma to base, checking in on the status of the operation, over.” “We read you, Magma, current results have us at one victory and one defeat. Operative Aqua is currently evacuating from a defeat by Lobster Warrior, over.” Magma: “Seriously? Why are you guys using Grass but not me!? It’s not my fault we lost to that pastel punks last month, it was all him! …oh, over!” Wei: “The Commander wants you in reserve in case of unexpected attacks like with Aquasaur. We need rapid response teams. This isn’t a punishment, it's a vote of confidence, over!” Magma: “I’m a frontline kinda guy, Wei. I’m supposed to be the leader, the quarterback, the star of the football game, not the goalie over!” Wei: “I think you’re getting your footballs mixed up, operative. Besides this is non-negotiable, if you have a problem with this take it up with the Commander. Over and out.” Magma grumbles as the radio fades to static, he kicks a rock on the sidewalk. Magma: “Stupid Grass, stupid Wei, stupid Commander…what does he know anyway, just because he’s old doesn’t mean he’s smart!” Voice: “You don’t know the half of it, bugboy.” Magma gesticulates wildly. Magma: “I mean it’s just ridiculous, I can fight with the best of them, I should’ve been at the Gotty instead of Aqua! Heck why do we have to do these fights with the same numbers anyway? It’s war not a-ok it IS professional wrestling but I’ve seen AWF, people run in all the time!” Voice: “There are worse things than being kept in the backline, little bug. Be thankful you are not in the trenches, being led to the slaughter by that man.” Magma: “Worse than this? I don’t think I know anything that could be worse…than…this…” Magma finally turns around and sees who he’s talking to. “Let me demonstrate.” EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! UNSCHEDULED BATTLE UNDERWAY! BELLIGERENTS: POWER BEETLE MAGMA VERSUS BRUTUS On reflex, Magma tries to fire off a leaping spin kick but Brutus blocks it and bashes him with a forearm to the faceplate. The rough and tumble mercenary throws haymakers at the smaller fighter, who barely avoids the blows until one smashes into his gut! Doubled over and vulnerable, Magma is hoisted up and tossed bodily into an alleyway, slamming into a group of trashcans with a loud clatter! Magma’s radio goes sliding away from him, the Power Beetle leader tries to crawl for it but soon finds a boot stomping down on his hand! Brutus: “No calling home, freak, you’re mine.” Magma shakes his head, trying to yank his hand free as Brutus digs his heel in. Desperate to escape, Magma kicks out at one of Brutus’ knee caps, forcing the big man to drop to one knee before throwing a second kick to the chin! Magma goes to stand and goes for a knee strike but finds his leg seized with one arm and his throat by the other! As Magma struggles to breathe, Brutus lifts him up and tosses him at a wall, leaving him to slide down into a sit as Brutus cracks his neck. Brutus: “And I thought the fake Brit was an embarrassment.” Brutus pulls out a holographic communicator which hums to life with the visage of- “Aha, there you are, Brutus. How goes your mission?” Brutus: “Easier than expected, where’s the transport?” Queen: “En route to your location, let us hope you do not disappoint me this time.” Brutus: “Please, last time was me letting emotions get in the way of business, there’s no such problems here.” Queen: “See that there isn’t. Your prey is starting to stand, I’ll leave you to focus on him.” Just as the Queen said, Magma is starting to get up. Casually, Brutus pockets his communicator and goes to throw the mother of all palm strikes to the Beetle’s head which he barely dodges. A group of cracks form in the side of the building as Brutus turns to face Magma, who rolls his way over to the radio and brings it up to his helmet. Brutus points at the Beetle. Brutus: “You do that and I stop playing nice, kid.” Magma: “...Magma to forward command I’ve engaged the enemy mercenary, send backup quick-” Brutus charges in and Magma barely avoids his shoulder tackle, dropping his radio to the ground as he focuses on fighting the mercenary. His various martial arts blows fail to do lasting damage to his foe, however, and the big man’s brutish style overwhelms his defenses and he takes a headbutt that sends him stumbling back and open for another palm strike that- CRACK! Splinters the faceplate of Magma’s helmet! “Nngh…Commander…team…anybody…” The Beetle drops to his knees, barely conscious as Brutus looms over him. Brutus: “Your commander won’t help you here, he’s too busy sending fools to die in his name. Problem with that strategy of course are those who refuse to fall.” Magma: “Who…are…you?” Brutus: “That’s not for you to know. Now…” Brutus seizes Magma and brutally powerbombs him to the ground. Brutus: “Stay down and hope the Queen’s plans for you don’t involve dissection.” Voice: “GET BACK HEEEEEEERE!” Brutus: “Hm?” At the mouth of the alleyway a figure flees past. “YUKIYUKIYUKIIIIII!!!” Pursued by three more who stop to catch their breaths. “How…is that chubby goof so speedy!?” “Forget Sonic, that guy’s the fastest thing alive.” “Magma...” Grass: “We are NOT calling in help, especially not…from…him…?” All three Power Beetles turn to see what’s happening in the alley. Brutus grits his teeth and lifts his fists as he stares them down. Brutus: “Come on, Queen, where’s that transport?” Rose: “MAGMA!” Magma: “Guys…don’t…he’s too…strong…” Grass: “Let go of him, beardo, otherwise this is gonna get ugly!” The cavalry tries to take a step towards Brutus but he places his boot on the back of Magma’s head. Brutus: “Not one step closer or I squash him.” Earth: “Regret.” Grass: “Yeah what Earth said, you’ll regret it!” Brutus: “I doubt as much as you will. Keep your distance and-ah.” Brutus and Magma are bathed in white light, the mercenary smirks at the trio. Brutus: “It appears our ride is here, farewell freaks, give my regards to Nimrod.” Grass: “NO!” Grass flings himself at the two but they’re gone in a flash, teleported to a hovering flying saucer that zooms away. Grass scrambles around, finding Magma’s radio and diving for it. Grass: “Grass to command, Grass to command, something’s gone horribly wrong please respond, please respond!” The feed fades out… WINNER: BRUTUS Post-Battle Analysis, Cour- POST-BATTLE ANALYSIS EXPUNGED BY ORDER OF HIGH COMMAND TO BE CONTINUED… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 23, 2022 Author Share Posted January 23, 2022 WrestleX Operation: VULGAR MADONNA RESUMING RECORD OF EVENTS Tourist Footage of Altercation Note: Timeframes put this at concurrent with the abduction of Operative Magma Belligerents: POWER BEETLE GHOST VERSUS MILITANT CENTIPEDE A clash of the Mysterious and the Militant at Dodgem’s Stadium is underway as Centipede has appeared at homeplate and Ghost has taken the Pitcher’s mound, lobbing his Beetlerangs at the alien invader with a speed that’d make all the greats proud. Unfortunately his opponent is quick to storm the mound and sends the stealth specialist flying with a many-legged lariat, sending the bout outside the admittedly too small stadium and into the surrounding boroughs! However, for all its macho mania, the centipede gets ahead of itself by leaping for a super body press that only results in its soft underbelly getting smashed onto a pair of knees, allowing Ghost some much needed breathing room. While Ghost goes to stand up, Centipede begins to convulse on the ground like a cat with a hairball and -before the Power Beetle can put up a guard- splatters his faceplate with some unknown green goo! With Ghost blinded, Centi twists around with a multi-legged mulekick that slams Ghost into one of the Containment Towers! Its foe in a daze, the spacebug climbs to the middle lazer rope and unleashes a punishing…hang on, doing the math, HUNDRED PUNCH SPOT ON THE BEETLE! Screeching in glee at the destruction it’s unleashing, Centipede takes time to do several poses over Ghost…only for those shrieks to turn to ones of terror as Beetle seizes his foe and powerbombs him off the corner! Finally getting the goop off his helmet, Ghost takes this opportunity to climb to the top of the containment tower and launch himself with a massive moonsault that puts the mulit-legged menace out for the count! WINNER: POWER BEETLE GHOST Post Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Blue Man: ”Well that’s one way to deal with a goop-spewing baddy from the beyond. But y’know who wouldn’t have even had to deal with that gross stuff? Maybe someone covered in a non-stick bodysuit? Eh? Ehhhh? I know you got my number, Nimrod, I gave it to you multiple times! I even faxed!” Surveillance Footage of Incident Occurring At WrestleX FOB Memetomacrotizer Operation & Research Facility “J-Jeepers, things sure are getting intense out there!” We fade in on Research Assistant Drake Dixon in the mobile facility housing the Memetomacrotizer. Fussing about the various live feeds of what’s happening in the city while keeping track of the various sciency things occurring on the machine’s many monitors, our dear Dixon makes notes on his clipboard. Dixon: “Keep it together, Dixon, the Doc’s counting on you to keep this thing running while he examines the Cognitomaximazation process. Now where did the Lotharium samples get to?” A quick knocking on the door makes Dixon jump, he turns to it and tries to compose himself. Dixon: “Who-uhm-who is it?” Voice: “Sir, Private First Class Hugh Jazz reporting, sir, I have important orders from the Commander.” Dixon blinks and goes to open the door then stops himself… Dixon: “Hang on a minute…uhm, authorization code please?” PFC Hugh Jazz: “Huh?” Dixon: “Y-your authorization code, soldier! The three word code!” PFC Hugh Jazz: “Uh…Interior…Crocodile…Alligator?” Dixon: “Who are you!? Who’s out there!?” Another Voice: “Oh for-get out of the way.” BOOM! The door explodes and Dixon is sent flying back among the various tables of instruments. When the smoke clears a trio of menacing figures enters… “Honestly, Interior Crocodile Alligator?” “It was the first thing that popped into my mind, boss!” “I woulda said Chevrolet Movie Theater!” Venusian: “Enough, secure the scientist while I see to the machine.” The two jigsaw-faced lackeys salute as the Intergalactic Kingpin, The Venusian goes towards the Memetomacrotizer, reaching in his suit to bring out a handheld device… Venusian: “Now let us see…” Lackey #1: “Hey Vinny-” Lackey #2: “It’s Puzzle when we’re on Missions, Missing Piece!” Missing Piece: “Oh uh right, hey Puzzle…you see where that mook fell?” Puzzle: “Nope, so get looking, chucklenuts.” Dixon, for the record, is crawling along the floor towards a big red button labeled ‘Emergency Security Measures’, one that is distinctly on the other side of the oblivious Venusian. Venusian: “Hmm…hmmmmmm…indeed, yes. This is an extraordinary creation, centuries ahead of this world’s advancement…just where did this ‘Redacted’ fellow get it?” Dixon gulps, trying to slowly crawl past the enraptured kingpin when- Puzzle: “THERE HE IS!” Missing Piece: “GET HIM!” Venusian: “Hm?” KA-LOBBER! The two lackeys fling themselves at Dixon, who lunges for the button, leading the former two to slam into their boss in a pile on the floor! Dixon slams his palm into the button as klaxons blare and red lights flash. From two unseen compartments in the facility come a duo to resist this invasion: “Scanning for intruders…” PAL-5000 robotically shuffles its way across the floor, looking this way and that…and never bothering to look down. PAL-5000: “No intruders detected. Shutting down.” “WHOA WHOA WHOA! SLOW YOUR ROLL BROSTOPHER JONES!” KRASH-well, crashes into his ‘brother’ and turns him around, pointing towards the pile of villains on the ground. KRASH: “Not gonna rain on that logic parade you’re on but lookey lookey, three prime reasons not to go back to sleep! This is our moment, my computational compadre, now we can prove we’re just as heroic as those fleshbags!” PAL-5000: “Rerouting subroutines to offensive programs.” KRASH: “That’s what I wanna hear, this is LA, offensive stuff goes upsettingly far here!” Puzzle: “You seein’ this, Piece?” Missing Piece: “I do, heroes! Just like I told ya!” Puzzle: “Nuh uh, I told YOU that those giant monsters were just the start, and here we are, super heroes! Knew getting in with this villain would put us on the ground floor!” Missing Piece: “We’ll be the most famous minions in history!” Venusian: “Get off of me and take care of those robots you imbeciles!” As his lackeys scramble to do as he commands, Venusian notices Dixon trying to inch his way to the door and tackles him! Dixon: “Hrgh!” Venusian: “You are very much about to regret pressing that button, my four-eyed friend.” Dixon: “Oh no…” RECOVERED SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE OF ALTERCATION Belligerents: THE SCIENCE TEAM VERSUS THE VENUSIAN SYNDICATE Puzzle rushes at PAL-5000 and-gets punched to the ground because PAL’s a robot. He scrambles up and runs in again and-gets punched to the ground because PAL’s a robot. Learning absolutely nothing, Puzzle rushes in again and we’re just gonna let you know when something else happens. Meanwhile, Missing Piece and KRASH are having a much more even battle since KRASH is made of things about as mysterious as the Krabby Patty formula (mostly the stuff they put in car seats) and the acrobatics of the two is impressive considering they’re fighting in a place the size and dimensions of a high school science lab. As for the remaining combatants, Venusian has Dixon in a position the latter knows well: The classic headlock/noogie combo that Dixon’s felt so many times in his life it’s a wonder he wasn’t bald before age 19. Seeing his creator in peril, PAL trundles over to the situation as Puzzle aimlessly pounds at his chassis. PAL: “I see you are falling prey to high school bully tactics, would you like help with that?” Dixon: “YES! PLEASE!” PAL: “Don’t fall prey to high school bully tactics. Please stand up for yourself.” Dixon: “I MEANT HELP ME MATERIALLY!” PAL: “Ah. Loading intel on subject: Venusian. Sir it would appear to me that your life of crime is a result of your long career as an enforcer for a galactic order that is inherently vulnerable to corruption through the sheer size of its governing body. Surely in your time as a ‘peacekeeper’ there have been uncountable wrongs you’ve been unable to right leading to a nihilistic outlook taking root in your psyche, but I assure you sir noogie-ing my creator does no good and you can be better than this.” Dixon: “...” Venusian: “...” Puzzle: “DIIIEEEEEEEEEE!” Venusian: “Yeah, nah, I’m just kind of a jerk.” Venusian resumes the noogie. Dixon: “FOR GOD’S SAKE PUNCH HIM!” PAL: “Ok!” TWHACK! Venusian is sent stumbling back into a server bank from the blow, barely dodging a follow up punch as Dixon becomes the new target of Puzzle’s ire and desperately tries to flee a wet willy attempt. KRASH flies onto the scene with a dropkick to Puzzle as Dixon dodges, Missing Piece tripping over the latter as he tries to help his brother. With the two jigsaw-themed minions reeling, KRASH uses his creator as a living springboard for a flurry of aerial maneuvers that are only brought to an end when the two duo catch him with a double chokebreaker and advance on Dixon who shuts his eyes and flails randomly at the two of them…which surprisingly works a treat, slapping the two around until they grab both his arms and pull him into a double knee to his belly. Confident in finishing off the research assistant, the duo go for a double DDT on Dixon only to find themselves grabbed by the heads and knocked noggin to noggin. As the two of them collapse, PAL stands tall with KRASH slowly coming to join him. PAL: “Creator secured, cessation of hostilities imminent.” KRASH: “Good work, brochacho, I knew ya had it in ya.” Dixon: “Yeah…thanks PAL, where uh…where’d Venusian go?” PAL: “I ended engagement with the crimelord when I saw you were in danger, was this a mistake?” Before Dixon can answer both PAL and KRASH jerk and fall to the ground. Venusian regards the scene from over by the big red button. Venusian: “Huh, turns out I just needed to press the button again, good to know. Gentlemen, seize the nerd, please.” Dixon tries to protest but he’s pounced on by the recovered duo, hammerlocking and pinning him to the ground as Venusian resumes his business in front of the Memetomacrotizer. Dixon: “Please! You can’t steal the machine, it’s our only hope!” Venusian: “Steal it? Little man I’ve got no intention of any such thing. These little brawls of yours are the best cover my operation could ask for. No no, I am merely…looking off the smart child’s homework, so to speak. Huh, guess I am a bully, isn’t that something?” The device chirps a few times before displaying a check mark. Venusian: “Ah, here we are, release the nerd, gentlemen, we’re done here.” The two minions grin and release Dixon (and kick him a few times), turning to join their boss in leaving. Dixon pants and tries to stand, shaking his head. Dixon: “We…gotta get better security.” WINNERS: THE VENUSIAN SYNDICATE Post-Battle Analysis, Courtesy of Commander Nimrod ”I agree with the geek, better security is the only way we’re gonna avoid this happening again…either that or we teach the nerd Krav Maga…nah, definitely better security.” TO BE CONTINUED… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted January 25, 2022 Author Share Posted January 25, 2022 WrestleX Operation: VULGAR MADONNA RESUMING RECORD OF EVENTS Recovered Footage from Groffman’s Incan Theater Our footage comes from a cameraphone of a patron of Groffman’s Incan Theater in Hollywood, we see the camera wave around furiously for a few moments before focusing on the screen whereLady America: And Justice For All (in theaters now, obviously, we’re in one) is playing- “It’s over, Dr. Delirium, time to turn in your medical license.” “Kssssh-hrrrrr fooooolish Lady America, do you really think you can stop me now? My canisters of BioTox are already primed to be released across the PharmaMax corporate retreat!” Lady America: “My god, no, why would you do such a thing!?” Dr. Delirium: “The Pharmaceutical Industry has withheld life-saving medicine for too long, when my decimation of their ranks is complete I shall release the information Candy Striper has collected on the rampant corruption among the people that threw away the hippocratic oath for simple avaricious profit! I shall ensure the slate is wiped clean and the American people know who tried to rule over life and death!” Lady America: “My god…” Dr. Delirium: “Also I’m going to shoot this random baby because I’m craaaaaaaazy~!” Lady America punches the crazy bad man before he does those equally crazy and bad things. Lady America: “First do no harm, Doc.” The music swells as Lady America does a heroic pose…and the roof of the building is torn off. As the viewer attempts to dodge the rubble, a shrill voice screeches out in annoyance. “What’d I tell ya about collateral damage when we’re watchin’ the flicks!?” “I AM CONFUSED! WHYFOR DID THIS CANDIED STRIPER COMPLY WITH THE DEMANDS OF THE DEMENTED DOCTOR IF HE WAS THE ONE WHO COMMITTED MALPRACTICE UPON HER SISTER!?” ROOSTER: “Oh dang, I thought you’d seen The Punitor series on WonderPlus.” Kongor: “WHY WOULD I WATCH A SERIES ABOUT A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SUPERHERO!?” ROOSTER: “I might need to start you slow on the Splendor Cinematic Universe…” Kongor: “BAH, SUCH FRIVOLITIES, WHY CANNOT ALL STORIES MERELY START AT THE BEGINNING INSTEAD OF THESE CONSTANT CONUNDRUMS OF CONTINUITY!?” ROOSTER: “Ok note to self, introduce him to PC…” Voice: “HEY, CHICKEN LITTLE!” ROOSTER: “My beergut sense…tingling!” The civilian stumbles out of the theater through an emergency exit and makes it to the street to see- “BEERGUT!? THAT’S RICH COMING FROM THE WALKING BUFFALO WILD WINGS PLATTER WHO HANGS OUT WITH BARON BANANA GUT!” Big Al is standing defiantly in the street next to the theater, megaphone in hand as he faces down the two kaiju. Kongor growls and shoves a massive finger in Al’s face. Kongor: “THAT’S KING BANANAGUT TO YOU, PEASANT! I THOUGHT I’D HAD DONE WITH YOU BACK IN OUR LAST BATTLE, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN STAND AGAINST OUR COMBINED MIGHT!?” Al: “Because in the fight for this country an American never goes it alone! I’ve got a comrade this time so I can take the fight to both of ya!” Rooster: “Hah, bring it on, bandana boy! You can’t step to us, we’ll crush ya flat and maybe feed ya to the lobster after!” Al: “Alright, Egghead, get that meatmetalmackaraltizer up and running!” Surveillance File B-112.X Back at the Science Team Facility, Drake is still trying to get his bearings… “Ugh…they really did a number on a coccyx…I really hope the insurance plan covers random alien muggings…” Al’s Voice: “Alright, Egghead, get that meatmetalmackaraltizer up and running!” Drake jumps at the sound coming through the facility’s radio and whips around, trying to hurry back to the machine-aaaaand trips over PAL’s deactivated body on the floor, clonking his chin right on the ground. All is silent for a few moments before… “Knockedy knock knock, maintenance calling! Here for an appointment with a Mr. I.C Alligator~” The mysterious Popcorn-head looks around the room before setting his eyes on the pile of man and metal on the ground. With a knowing smirk towards the surveillance camera he shakes his head. Popcorn: “These genius types, am I right, ladies, germs, and nonbinerns? Always wanting to look prim and proper in public but when the door get closed they throw some ragers I tell ya hwhat. Don’t worry there lil buddy I got this handled.” Half-skipping to the Memetomacrotizer, the Popcorn man looks over the buttons and the live drone feed of what’s happening in Hollywood. Popcorn: “Yowza, I haven’t seen a disaster this bad at the Incan Theater since Johnny Valleau’s film carreer.” Popcorn stops for a moment, looking like he’s waiting. Popcorn: “Ok the president’s stopped ‘Ohhhhhhhh’ing, I can continue. Testing one two, twenty-three skidoo can ya hear me down there?” Big Al: “Who the heck is this!?” Popcorn: “Oh nobody important, just some popcorn.” Big Al: “WHERE’S DIXON!?” Popcorn: “Currently having snoozy snuggles with a robot that bears a striking resemblance to Euan Reeka. But that’s not important right now, what is important is I’mma get this machine running pal!” Big Al: “Uh…screw it, I ain’t questioning this, just get me and Blue Man up to giant size!” Popcorn: “Blue man? Blue…man…hmm, nah that won’t do.” Big Al: “WHAT!?” Popcorn: “You’re really gonna try and take on these two with a spandex eyesore? Hah, this machine can’t even lock onto him, his crowd response is so low! Nah nah, I got a muuuuch better target. Thankfully the sun’s going down, guess monsters aren’t much for the matinee. Just gotta equalize the Lotharium and lock onto this siiiiignal…” Big Al: “What’re you-!?” Popcorn: “BINGO!” The Popcorn slams its hand down on a button and activates the machine which thunders to life… Live footage of the Hollywood Hills taken via Star Tours As the containment towers rain down from the sky to envelop Hollywood in the protection of the lazer ropes and Big Al is grown to a size that can tangle with kaiju, the Hollywood Hills begin to rumble. As civilians gape and point, a growing wooden mass rises from the ground eventually taking the form of a gigantic coffin! As everyone around gasps in awe of this, it sloooowly creaks open just as the sun disappears from the sky. A shadowy form emerges from the coffin as news helicopters fly in to try and shine spotlights on the mysterious entity, a smooth voice coming from the colossus… Voice: “Los Angeles…I’ve slept for so soooo long…have you missed me? Don’t answer, of course you have…but as I awaken I just have one question to ask…” The copters try to scatter as the being raises their hand… And brings it down for a finger blistering guitar solo! “ARE YOU READY TO ROCK! ALL! NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!?” Audial event registered at unheard of decibels throughout the city of Los Angeles, almost entirely of women over forty. “IT’S LEON NIGHTSHADE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!!!!!!!” Resumption of Star Tours Footage Leon Nightshade, the famed Glam Rocker cut down in his prime via suspicious blood-drainy circumstances struts his way down the boulevard, surveying the situation before him. Nightshade: “Well well well, what do we have here? A bandana’d big boy squaring up to a literal example of Chicken A La King? Hah, must be another night in LA, baby!” Kongor: “WHO ARE YOU!?” Nightshade: “Oh do you need the people to scream my name again? Ok everybody, let’s hear it-” Kongor: “NO! CEASE YOUR PANDERING, BARD! YOU FACE THE MIGHT OF KING KONGOR, RIGHTFUL RULER OF THE UNIVERSE(asavassalofherhighness), FLEE BEFORE ME OR PERISH!” Nightshade: “Yowza, how many banana splits ya have to get your breath that way, my main monkey?” Kongor: “HOWWWWWW DARE YOU!?” Nightshade: “Hey frizzy, ya want some help with these chumps?” Big Al: “Uh…well…uh…can I have your autograph after, sir? For my mama.” Nightshade: “Of course of course, just gotta do the monster mash first.” ROOSTER: “Mash THIS, ya one hit blunder!” Rooster hucks the entirety of the Incan Theater at Leon’s head, forcing the rocker to block with his guitar, smashing it in half. “Oh buddy…” “You’re gonna regret that!” Drone Footage of Altercation Belligerents: LEON NIGHTSHADE & BIG AL VERSUS ROOSTER-3000 & KING KONGOR The initial shock of the fact Nightshade’s apparently a vampire doesn’t last long for the other combatants as he blitzes ROOSTER and lashes out with a hard superkick that sends him stumbling into the Lazer ropes and bouncing back into an armdrag! Meanwhile Al and Kongor pick up where they left off in New York, pounding one another with pummeling blows up and down Hollywood Boulevard before a haymaker from the proud pudgy patriot slams Kongor next to the Hollywood sign…which the brutish primate uses the W of to bash his foe over the head! With Al stunned, Kongor goes to fling the W at Nightshade mid scoopslam on ROOSTER, colliding with the vampiric rockstar’s spine and allowing the hitman to slip free into a reverse ddt! Thoroughly in control, the kaiju duo turn their attention to administering a beatdown on Nightshade for his interloping ways, culminating in Kongor lifting Nightshade up onto his shoulders for a leaping clothesline (clawsline?) from the top rope by ROOSTER! Confident in victory, ROOSTER pounces atop Nightshade for a pin! 1! 2! But no 3! Why? Y, that’s why! That is to say Big Al clobbering the kaiju with the Y from the Hollyw-well, Hollood sign now! Kongor roars in a rage, only to get the massive letter slammed into his belly in turn, sending him in a retreat away from the fracas. Taking the time to throw a spiteful stomp to ROOSTER, Big Al leaves the hitman to a recovering NIghtshade who traps his opponent in a succession of scissor, choke, and arm holds that leave him clucking for mercy until he can scummily poke the point of his claw into Leon’s eye. Clutching his face, Leon releases the monster and goes to stand, eating a hellacious peck to the head and getting set up for a whirlwind claw lariat…that he only barely dodges and counters with a leaping knee! Meanwhile at the Hollywood sign, Big Al is getting Royally D’d…that is to say he’s been caught in the hole of the giant D from the sign. Struggling against his bounds, he’s got no defense against Kongor’s brutal blows and freakish strength, eventually hoisted overhead and slammed hard on the Incan theater! With only Nightshade and Kongor standing, the two come to blows with the natural rhythm of the rockstar keeping him a step ahead of the gorilla’s rage-filled strikes, eventually catching him with a slingblade that lays the gorilla out. Shaking his head he calls out to the patriot: Leon: “Hey big guy, keep ‘em busy, I think I got a plan…” Sprinting towards the Holloo sign, Leon lets a slowly recovering Big Al keep the Kaiju at bay with stomps and elbow drops until Kongor manages to shove his rival away…just in time for Al to take an L. Again that is to say an L thrown his way by a returning Leon! As Kongor tries to contend with both of the opponents at the same time, the rocker and the patriot wield their letters like hockey sticks, using the short ends to seize one of the King’s legs each and- Kongor: ”OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKK!!!!!!” Leon: “Now that’s a banana split!” As the King writhes in agony on the ground, ROOSTER comes rushing back in, only to find a double case of high-sticking waiting for him that leaves him dazed and dizzied. Leon pats Al on the shoulder and points to a corner! Leon: “Mind giving me a boost?” Al: “HECK YEAH!” Standing on the second rope, Al allows Leon to climb onto his shoulders and launch himself at Kongor in a- “STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!” Kongor is smashed flat by Leon, Al spear tackles ROOSTER, and the count is academic. As the kaiju are teleported back to be berated by their Queen, Leon and Al shrink down, the former taking a notepad and pen from the latter and writing down his autograph. Al: “Thanks a bunch, sir, it has been an honor!” Leon: “Hah, no need to heap such high praise, you held your own out there, bud.” Al: “Uh by the way, what’s with the…” Al points at his mouth, Leon grins. Leon: “You know you gotta be a bit of a freak to get anywhere in this town. But anyway I gotta be going.” Leon turns to go but Al stops him. Al: “Hang on, why don’t ya join the Air Force!? Ya don’t like Kaiju like the rest of us, you’d fit right in!” Leon: “Hah, nah, no thanks. I’m not really the combat boots and camo type, besides if this invasion is really all it’s cracked up to be, it’s gonna take some…outside help to see it off if ya get me.” Al: “I uh…I don’t.” Leon: “You will, trust me, later Alligator.” Disappearing into a cloud of bats, Leon Nightshade takes to the skies, disappearing into the night. WINNERS: BIG AL & LEON NIGHTSHADE Post Battle Analysis, courtesy of Commander Nimrod: ”Discounting the fact that buttery nuisance stuck his nose in our business again, am I the only one annoyed that on top of the alien invasion there’s now an (admittedly very attractive) unholy vampiric satanist rockstar running around!? Why didn’t anyone capture him and why didn’t I get to have an autograph!?” Confiscated Enemy Video File 4X7-J We cut to a camerphone view of the road from the back of Jarrett’s camper van, the man himself staggers around trying to keep vertical as Luigi tends to a recovering Power Beetle Aqua. “Can you tell your big lug of an employee that this isn’t a sports car!? Stop trying to drive like it’s a video game!” “A-whata do you want him to do? Go under twenty in a kaiju attack!?” Jarrett: “Yes! I need to get footage of our glorious queen’s conquest of-hang on let me just look out the window…Hooo? What happened to the sign!?” “According to my radio Al and an undead rockstar beat the daylights out of the supersized simian and robot chicken with the other letters.” Jarrett: “Huh!? That’s gotta be propaganda, our Queen’s forces could never fail like that!” Luigi: “She isn’t a-your Queen, I don’t even-a think she knows you exist!” Jarrett: “Of course she does, I’ve been nothing but pivotal to the war effort, shut your marinara stained lips!” ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK! Everyone: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” The phone goes flying as the van screeches to a halt. Jarret: “SON OF A [REDACTED] YOU SASQUATCH LOOKING MORON, WHERE’D YOU LEARN TO DRIVE!?” Ted: “Something ran out in front of the van, I uh…what IS that?” Jarrett: “Is…is it…OHMYGOSH! PUT IT IN PARK! I GOTTA TALK TO THEM!” Jarrett scrambles to pick his phone back up and runs out of the van, out onto the road where he finds a figure standing like a deer in the headlights. Ok maybe more like a Yukito in the headlights but you get what I mean. Jarrett: “Oh I have been waiting for this day, first contact with one of our Queen’s devoted servants!” Yukito: “Yuki?” Jarrett: “I! COME! IN! PEACE!” Yukito: “Yukikikiiiiito!” Jarrett: “I think he understands me! GREETINGS! SIR! I! AM! JARRETT!” Yukito: “YU! YU! YU! KI! TO!” Jarrett: “Interspecies communication, it brings a tear to my eye. I feel like Buzz Armstrong or whatever stepping on the moon.” Luigi: “IT’S JUST SAYING ITS NAME OVER AND OVER YA STUPID!” Jarrett: “SHUT YOUR FACE! YOU’RE JUST JEAL-WHA!” Jarret yelps as he’s shoved away by Yukito who dives to the side, a massive purple foot comes down in front of the van as Yukito skitters off. Ted: “JARRETT GET IN THE VAN YOU MORON, IT’S THE BIG ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A LLAMA!” Jarrett scrambles back into the van and dives in, shutting the door, the feed cuts. RECORD OF FINAL ALTERCATION AT THE LA BREA TAR PITS Belligerents: PIÑATADON VERSUS BEHEMOTH THE BRAVE The tar pits thunder with the imposing tread of Piñatadon, the monstrous llama-dino hybrid roaring out in defiance of its opponent’s arrival. Seizing multiple mammoth sculptures to throw around, it deftly avoids the super sticky tar as the containment towers come down and lazer ropes activate! Soon it is joined by Behemoth the Brave, the mighty alien warrior beating his chest and pointing at the kaiju. Behemoth: “HEAR ME WELL, YOU PAPIER-MISTAKE, I DEFEND THIS LAND SO YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF DESTROYING THESE…PITS OF…TAR? HOW EXACTLY DID THIS GET CHOSEN AS A TARGET OF VALUE!?” From Piñatadon’s control collar a hologram of Martian Queen pops up. “I…may have thrown a dart at a map of the city on this one. Makes a fun arena though, don’t it? Later!” As both combatants nod along with this logic, Piñatadon lashes out with a cheap tail whip that suckerpunches Behemoth back, causing him to barely avoid stepping into one of the pits from the force! Circling awkwardly around this arena, the two grapple in a half wrestle half sumo around this minefield of a fighting ring before Behemoth lifts his lanky foe above his head and tosses him towards a nearby Tar Pit Museum under renovation. As the llamasaurus tries to stand, Behemoth gets a running start to bounce off the ropes but the sheer hopping he has to do over the tar pits gives Piñatadon the time it needs to catch him with a huricanrana that destroys the building! With the brave Behemoth down, Piñatadon stomps a tarhole in him and walks it dry (please do not try that at home) before climbing a nearby containment tower and slamming the purple powerhouse with a big elbow drop for a nearfall. Furious at his opponent not staying down, Piñatadon slams its tail into his body repeatedly before trying a demeaning foot on the chest pin. When this doesn't work, Piñatadon screeches out in anger and slams its tail down with frustrated rage… SPLOOSH! Right into one of the tar pits. Realizing immediately what it’s done, Piñatadon thrashes around and tries to tug itself free before Behemoth can get his bearings and take advantage. However, the pit’s grip is tight as it is goopy and even the freakish strength of the kaiju isn’t enough to break free! When suddenly from the nearby construction sight a savior emerges! Vrrrrrrmmmm! A backhoe! Driven by- “YUKI YUKI YUUUUUKITO!” Oh dear. Any hope leaving its face, Piñatadon begins thrashing around as its inept subordinate blindly drives the backhoe over towards its tail. And over its tail. And then it backs up over the tail again. And over it again. And back again. Piñatadon’s screams of pain engulf the night as it tries to nudge the construction vehicle away with its foot…which then gets run over too. Having enough of this, Piñatadon grabs the vehicle, glaring at Yukito who slowly lifts the helmet off its head to look proudly at his very angry superior seemingly believing it actually accomplished something there. Winding up with a verve that wouldn’t be out of place at Dodgem’s stadium, Piñatadon hucks both the vehicle and poor Yuki over the horizon! “YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiii~!” That distraction out of the way, Piñatadon returns its attention to the matter at hand…only to find its tail is free! It’s also in Behemoth’s hands. Behemoth: “YOUR QUEEN SHOULDA HAD YA ATTACK LAX!” He starts swinging Piñatadon around… Behemoth: “BECAUSE THEN YOU’D’VE BEEN READY TO FLYYYYY!” He reaches terminal velocity and launches Piñatadon over the same horizon it threw Yukito, the Kaiju presumably being KO’d on impact as a UFO flies after it to teleport it back inside. Behemoth dusts off his hands and flexes. Behemoth: “ANOTHER VICTORY FOR THE MIGHTY WRESTLE-X!” As the containment towers shut down the ropes, Behemoth shrinks down to a human size and notices Jarrett’s camper van idling nearby. A grin splitting his face, he puts out his thumb in the universal sign of a hitchhiker. Somewhere a sad piano starts playing…and abruptly starts when he’s let in almost immediately because people aren’t jerks in this universe. As the moon hangs high in the sky over Los Angeles and the Hooo sign, we see the UFO fleet departing off into the distance, trailed by the hulking form of Lobster Warrior. WINNER: BEHEMOTH THE BRAVE Post-Battle Analysis by President Gant: ”A less pyrrhic victory than New York, but one whose wounds will take long to heal…mostly because those dang martians just ran off with one of our beetles! COME BACK HERE YOU JERKS!” TO BE CONTINUED…IN ISSUE 3! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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