ZEN: In The Court Of Karrg

[Pteroid]

24 hour prediction warning, Way of the Poet will be going up tomorrow (had to use my reward points on straight talk to buy a few gigs of hotspot data to make sure this happened. Frontier is run by idiots and con men)

[Teasenitryn]

Karrg

Kalliope

Knight's Mystery Team

Pink Spider

Aukland Raider

Devilfish

Sky's The Limit

Vortex

[Pteroid]

ZEN PRESENTS: WAY OF THE POET
LIVE ON WRESTLEWORLD OCEANIA FROM THE RELIQUARY OF SCALE
ATTENDANCE: 947

We are once again live from the Reliquary of Scale for ZEN Way of the Poet, the cameras running along ringside to film excited members of the ZEN Faithful cheering the events to come. We follow one camera all the way to the announce table now set up next to the stage usually used for convention panels that's been repurposed for entrances, at the table as usual are sat our two faithful commentators!

"WELCOME ZEN FAITHFUL TO ANOTHER THRILLING TRIP INTO THE REALM OF ZEN! Tonight Way of the Poet is set to be an explosive little set of free verse as The Futuristic Phenom HalloWarped tries to free our 'verse from the clutches of the vile Karrg the Insidious in a Last Man Standing match for the Master title! I'm Sparky Sparks here alongside my erstwhile colleague, Dustin Thane!"

"Thank you Sparky and that isn't our only title match her tonight as Pink Spider goes for Deathwatch Beetle's Conceptual Title and the newly formed Skies the Limit attempt to unseat the Alien Fleet from their lofty perch as Harmony Champions! It's an action packed night from us tonight and goodness knows that's only the title matches, almost every other bout here tonight is a collision between rivals old and new!"

Sparky:
"Speaking of we're kicking off the night with Skullduggery's Vortex attempting to deal with a man he's been at odds with a fair few times over the past few months, former ZEN Master ZERO."

Dustin:
"ZERO and Vortex have had a standoff or two recently, most notably after Cyanide's match with the blank slate sadist where the blank slate sadist was having trouble with both Cyanide and Hez Jendell."

Sparky:
"Both men are set to beat the living crap out of one another and frankly I hope Vortex gives that bully whatfor, especially after that pretentious letter he sent the newswire."

ZERO VS VORTEX

Both men came into this match with something to prove, ZERO wanting to begin his winding road towards forming ZEN back into the image he tried to cultivate in 2020 while Vortex was out to...well he said he wanted to prove himself to Skullduggery at any rate. The opening moments were an arms race of frankly exemplary high-flying maneuvers ending in Vortex sending ZERO tumbling to the outside with a dropsault before smashing into him with a suicide dive! Vortex began a Skullduggery approved streak of rudo roughness, tossing ZERO into a cornerpost, the ring steps, and the barrica-ZERO leapt atop the metal fence and waylaid his opponent with a flying moonsault press! Flirting with hitting the twenty-count, ZERO forced a dazed Vortex's forearm onto the apron and unleashed a sickening series of stomps onto the offending arm which left Vortex howling in pain on the outside. Slipping into the ring and back out with a dismissive gesture to a peeved Herbie H. Reedman, ZERO reset the count in order to throw a headbutt to the recovering Vortex and pin him against the barricade for some rough knee strikes before finally tossing him back into the ring for more.

Taking a moment to dismissively glare at the crowd, ZERO accidentally gives Vortex time to kick the middle rope and make the blank slate sadist lose his composure enough to clutch his groin in agony. Battering the stunned veteran, Vortex bashed ZERO's face into a turnbuckle pad repeatedly before introducing his face to new environs by bulldogging him down to the mat. With ZERO very much in a daze, Vortex dragged him back to his feet and hit the SWINGING DDT-but he didn't make the cover! Instead he picked ZERO up a second time and hit another swinging ddt! With Herbie H. Reedman warning Vortex he was flirting with an excessive punishment DQ, the masked man shoved him away and made to pick up ZERO for a third-only to get a low blow from the veteran as Reedman stumbled away! Slipping behind Vortex, ZERO trapped the same one of opponent's arms he'd stomped into oblivion in a hammerlock and dropped him on it with a backdrop! Vortex had little time to thrash on the mat as ZERO locked in a wicked high-angle fujiwara armbar that threatened to break the whole thing off, making Vortex tap out to avoid a total dislocation.

WINNER VIA SUBMISSION: ZERO

Sparky:
"A reversal of fortunes for ZERO, picking up his first win of 2022!"

Dustin:
"A lot of dirty tricks in that matchup, Sparky, but in the end ZERO's experience won out. Cyanide probably isn't gonna be happy about this wherever he's licking his wounds."

Sparky:
"Well from one faction's henchman to another's duo, ZEN Faithful we have ourselves a Harmony Title match up next!"

Dustin:
"Can the fledgling duo of Sky's the Limit find their feet when they have nothing to lose and everything to gain? There's only one way to find out and it's to put them in the ring against Man O'War and Laguna!"

HARMONY TITLE MATCH


THE ALIEN FLEET (c) VS SKY'S THE LIMIT w/MOLLY CUDDLE

A curious rematch from earlier in the year as the now more unified (and rebranded) Sky's The Limit took on the devious duo that overcame them at Way of the Dreamer. This time there were no bits of coppish paraphernalia to distract the referee and Brain Buster had come a long way since then, showing the rudo duo that D was for dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge (some lessons are remedial) before Stratos lived up to his name with a massive double dropkick to the champs with a ludicrous amount of air time that sent Laguna into a corner and Manny tumbling from the ring. With the aquatic assailants thoroughly on the backstep, Stratos took even greater initiative by using a knelt over Brain Buster as a launch pad for a poetry in motion-but Laguna caught him and smashed him down onto Buster with a sideslam! With one tecnico smashed down onto the other, Laguna beckoned Manny back into the ring and proceeded to back body drop him into a senton onto the stacked together tecnicos!

Dragging Stratos off of Buster and kicking the larger man out of the ring, the champions isolated Stratos and began a showcase of their own tag team acumen by doing everything in their power to keep Brain Buster out of the ring while tormenting the isolated Stratos with every dirty trick in the book. Rakes, rabbit punches, fish hooks (the actual hooking maneuver, not Laguna's finisher), and the dreaded...Manhattan Drop/Handspring Back Rake combo! Needless to say the rudo duo had everything in hand until Laguna's hands dropped the ball...by which I mean he triesdto eye poke someone with an eye shield, the dolt. This gave Stratos the opportunity to fire off a series of kicks into Laguna as Brain Buster climbed onto the ring apron, but the momentum was cut off by Manny throwing an axehandle between Stratos' shoulder blades! Eager to keep Stratos down and Buster away from the fray, Manny grabbed Stratos by the head and went to throw him into his partner-

But Brain Buster ducked and widened his stance, grasping the ropes to use his back to act as a platform for Stratos to land on back-to-back before rebounding into the ring! Sensing something amiss, Man O'War and Laguna turned around from looking to the latter's jammed thumb and right into a double clothesline from the wouldbe Sky King! As Laguna rolled out of the ring, Stratos finally tagged back in Brain Buster and tossed Manny into the ropes and ducked out of the way for Buster to hoist him up into spinebuster position for the Assisted Back Cracker (identifed by Dustin as the 'ABC 123')! However, as Stratos rolled Manny off of his knees, Laguna grabbed his partner by his flopped over arm and yanked him out of the ring having retrieved their belts from the timekeeper, retreating towards the back. As Stratos and Buster looked on aghast at this brazen cowardice, the Harmony champs lifted their belts -Laguna tauntingly, Manny in a daze- while Herbie H. Reedman's count hit twenty and we had a controversial victory for the challengers.

WINNERS VIA COUNT-OUT: SKY'S THE LIMIT
STILL HARMONY CHAMPIONS: THE ALIEN FLEET

Rather than get thoughts from Sparky and Dustin, we follow the Harmony champs to the back as they stumble away from their intentional defeat.

Man O'War:
"This ent good, me bucko..."

Laguna:
"Blllblblblbl..."

Man O'War:
"Not just us headin' full sails away from yon title match, but it's been a MONTH! We haven't found a single bleedin' bilge rat on these isles what can fix Karrg's whosimawhatsit."

Laguna:
"Blbl..."

Man O'War:
"Oh don't go bringin' up what he does t'failures now, ye'll get me timbers shivered. There's gotta be someone around here who knows about alien technology..."

"GENTLEMEN!"

Man O'War:
"Eh?"

Laguna:
"Blb?"

Popping out his head from a nearby restroom is-

"I couldn't help but hear you're in a bit of a pickle!"

Man O'War:
"Aye, a pickle it be, now speak yer business afore I introduce your head to a different sort 'o brine!"

Booster, Boy Genius:
"Now now, none of that will be necessary! I just think you've been looking in all the wrong places. To deal with highly advanced alien technology, you need someone whose talent is...shall we say...out of this wooooorld? Ehhhhhh?"

Man O'War:
"Guna, gut him."

Laguna grabs Booster by the collar of his hoodie.

Booster:
"NO WAIT PLEASE! I just...loooook, you have need of someone with mechanical acumen, I have need of...talents tonight. What's say we don't trade a favor for a favor? We're both in desperate positions, why don't we look out for each other?"

Laguna looks at Manny, who thinks it over before pointing a figure in Booster's face.

Man O'War:
"Fine, favor for a favor, bargained and done, but if ye make a fool of me before Karrg..."

Manny slides his thumb across his throat.

Booster:
"E-excellent, wonderful even. Just uhm...stick around and be ready for when I give the signal! I'll stay in my carefully chosen hiding place til then..."

Booster is released and slides back into the restroom, giving them finger guns.

Laguna:
"Blblb?"

Man O'War:
"Aye tis a nerd's natural habitat, the bathroom. Specifically yon turlet."

Laguna shrugs and the two walk away.

We abruptly cut to just outside the F.E.A.R Locker Room where someone is waiting to speak with us:

"Well hello, ZEN Faithful, how long's it been since you've had a chance to chat with your one and only venomous bon vivant. We've had our ups, we've had our downs, and lately I've been more down than up. But when it comes to skill I'm anything but itsy bitsy and it's about time I pulled my weight around here. Last month, Deathwatch Beetle, you got a taste of what the Spider can do but that's only the start. I know you haven't been on earth long enough to educate yourself so here's some entomology for beginners: Bright colors aren't a sign of weakness, they're a warning, a warning you and your whole gang of interstellar fashion faux-pas have refused to heed. So while my comrade cuts your boss' reign short tonight, I'm coming back for the belt that set me on the path to being a triple crown champ all those years ago! Tonight I show the world that the food chain exists for a reason, though if you taste anything like you fight, I'll probably spit you out, Beetleboy~."

Spider blows a kiss to the camera and traipses out of view of the camera.

Sparky:
"Strong words from the challenger in tonight's Conceptual title bout!"

Dustin:
"We've seen one set of titles slip out of tecnico hands tonight thanks to some dirty dealings, let's hope that Spider's own experience as a rudo lets him see any potential shortcuts coming."

Sparky:
"Meanwhile fans our next bout is quite the grudge match as Devilfish takes on Rekha one on one!"

Dustin:
"Rekha has come closer than any other member of Skullduggery to fulfilling Cyanide's mission to 'gut the fish', especially after that powerbomb through the table she performed at Way of the Healer."

Sparky:
"On top of all that she also managed to defeat Lone Shark last month before Lerone Slim challenged Devilfish to this match on her behalf. Can the Master of Mischief bounce back from this or is it all over for one of ZEN's most storied tecnicos? Let's find head to the ring to find out!"

REKHA w/GURU VISHNI VS DEVILFISH

With Lerone Silm presumably prepping for his own match with Kalliope Woodchuck later tonight, Rekha would only have Guru Vishni as back up for her showdown with Devilfish. Still clearly feeling the effects of his slam through the table two months ago, Fish found himself on the backstep early on as Rekha's raging offense sent him from pillar to post with raw power and killer instinct. However, Devilfish didn't spend most of his career fighting among the top dogs of ZEN to the tune of three Master Title reigns for nothing and an attempted corner splash by Rekha saw the Devilfish bring his boot up to catch her in the chin before a second attempt got Rekha's head caught between Fish's legs and sent tumbling to the mat with a headscissors. With Rekha scrambling to get up, Fish began blitzing her with swift hit and run tactics that kept the big woman off balance. Cross chops, dropkicks, and forearms of the flying variety all smashed into the wrecking machine of Skullduggery, with Devilfish looking to finish the combo he was racking (and potentially the match) with a Barrier Brief Blockbuster. He is, however, blocked from this by Guru Vishni who grasps onto his boot until the High Priest of Enlightenment, Tranquility, and Low Blows was suddenly pulled off by an interloper:

LONE SHARK!

It would appear that the other aquatic avenger wasn't as incapacitated as was thought from last month and he yanked down Vishni from the apron! This whole debacle, however, gave Rekha enough time to seize Devilfish and toss him off the top rope, punishing him with a follow up senton for a nearfall. Shouting a warning to Lone Shark, Rekha resumed her big bad bullying ways as Vishni retreated to the side of the ring away from Shark, cheering on as his charge planted Devilfish with her signature DDT for another nearfall. With the resilience of the long-tenured tecnico on full display, Rekha tries to break him with a torture rack, hoisting him on her shoulders and looking like she'd nearly rip him in half. Desperately slamming an elbow into his opponent's head again and again, Fish managed to make her stumble towards the ropes in order to grab them and force a rope break, weathering the long count to four from Herbie H. Reedman until Rekha dropped him. With Lone Shark getting the fans behind him, Devilfish began to stand but found himself forced to his knees for flurry of clubbing blows from Rekha who tossed him to the other side of the ring and went for a clothesline that he ducked, and a backfist that he ducked again on the second rebound, and a back body drop that he leapfrogged on the third, but it was the gut kick on the fourth that got him! Rekha panted and tossed Fish from the ring to get a bit of breathing room/allow Vishni to apply some more punishment before Shark could break it up.

Only...as Vishni tried to sneakily choke out Devilfish with prayer beads and plead innoncence as Herbie investigated...Lone Shark entered the ring. Rekha, not noticing it, casually turned away from the scene outside to-GET CLOCKED BY A RIGHT HAND FROM THE FORMER ZEN MASTER! Tucking something back into his tights, Lone Shark slid to the outside as an oblivious Devilfish limped back into the ring, not questioning why his opponent was laid out (possibly chalking it up to his exhaustion tactics working). Climbing to the top rope, Devilfish hit a Sea Star Shuffle (that is to say a shooting star fist drop) and flopped atop Rekha for the unknowingly dirty win. Post-match Lone Shark dives into the ring and lifts Devilfish's arm as Rekha is left to glare at both men while Vishni helps guide her to the back.

WINNER VIA PINFALL: DEVILFISH

Sparky:
"A rather...unseemly set of tactics on display from Lone Shark there, what exactly did he just use and where'd he get it from?"

Dustin:
"If you ask me he probably grabbed it off Vishni in that struggle and decided what's good for the goose is good for the gander."

Sparky:
"Possibly, those robes are quite voluminous. I'm not sure Fish will be happy if he finds out about this however."

Dustin:
"Speaking of not happy, apparently something's going down in the Skullduggery locker room, let's go there now."

The Skullduggery locker room, a den of indecency, debasement, and-

CRASH!

Thrown chairs.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"

Cyanide, wrapped up like a mummy with an arm in a cast (signed by all the members of Skullduggery of course) and his neck in a brace, storms around the ring throwing whatever props come to hand. Vortex is icing his arm and Trevor is...hiding behind Vortex while Lerone Slim keeps his cool near the door.

Cyanide:
"THEY'RE MAKING JOKES OUTTA US! AND NOT THE FUNNY KIND!"

"Boss calm down, you're gonna pop your stitches open."

Cyanide:
"First Woodchuck woodchumps out him-!"

Cyanide points at Trevor, who ducks behind Vortex.

Cyanide:
"Then you-"

Cyanide's accusatory finger switches to Vortex, who looks up from the icing.

Cyanide:
"-your hot head cost us that three-way then you go and almost get your arm yanked out by Jimmy No-Mates!"

Vortex:
"I-"

Cyanide:
"I don't wanna hear it! Rekha...Rekha's wasn't her fault that suckerpunching shark will get his soon enough, I knew that Fish wasn't as squeaky clean as he presented, especially if he associates with that kinda scum."

Slim:
"How about me?"

Cyanide:
"Lerone, you know you're my number one guy. I need you to close the book on Kalliope tonight before this gets out of hand, especially now that we have a second target on our plate."

Trevor:
"Yeah...you mentioned something like that last month, who exactly does your mystery client want us taking out?"

Cyanide:
"Lil Miss Pink Hair, the lady with the stupid George Lucas name."

Trevor:
"What's her name, Hank-?"

Vortex:
"Why are you sending us about Hez Jendell of all people?!"

Vortex has stood up, staring at Cyanide.

Cyanide:
"Because money? Because money."

Vortex:
"You're taking money from ZERO!?"

Cyanide busts out laughing.

Cyanide:
"Don't be ridiculous, I don't even think that Darwinist dillweed even knows what money is. No no no..."

Cyanide's next words make Vortex go stock still.

Cyanide:
"We're working for Karrg. We were working for him to take out Woodchuck too but according to him this is a much more important."

Vortex:
"What...?"

Cyanide:
"Yeah, what's the big deal? He's the champ, he's got dosh, we got fists."

Vortex begins advancing on Cyanide, eyes wide.

Vortex:
"Do you have ANY idea what you're doing-!?"

Vortex is intercepted by Lerone, who glares down at him.

Slim:
"Ease up, Goth-Boy, this ain't your house."

Cyanide looks out from behind Lerone.

Cyanide:
"You get morals all of a sudden, kid? Maybe you ain't cut out for being part of our little club."

Vortex narrows his eyes.

Cyanide:
"And if you ain't with us, you're against us."

Trevor steps up behind Vortex, the two fresh men making Vortex think better of this confrontation.

Vortex:
"...we're gonna regret this, all of us."

Cyanide:
"Never look back, kiddo, it distracts from the now. Wile E. Coyote never falls as long as he don't look down. Now ice up and get ready, I got plans in mind for next month..."

The four separate, Vortex being watched by his stablemates as he tries to heal up...

Sparky:
"Tensions seem to be high among the wildest stable in ZEN."

Dustin:
"Taking money from Karrg, and I thought ZERO was low."

Sparky:
"Ever since F.E.A.R broke up Cyanide's really been one to play all sides, but it's important to remember at the end of the day he only cares for himself. Speaking of people out for themselves, Booster: Boy Genius has been trying to promote his ludicrous inventions for months now and lately that came at the expense of Auckland Raider's shot at the Conceptual Title."

Dustin:
"And tonight payback is going to be so sweet as Raider runs through that annoying pretentious pri-"

Sparky:
"Dustin!"

Dustin:
"-nce of pugnaciousness?"

Sparky:
"Let's just get to the match before you lose your temper again."

AUKLAND RAIDER VS BOOSTER: BOY GENIUS

Booster started this match with more stalls than a farmer's market, constantly dipping out to avoid Raider's wrath until Raider began to follow him out and got some glancing blows to the self-proclaimed genius before chasing him around the ring and seemingly setting him up for his big field goal by shoving him into the timekeeper's chair-

But Booster evaded by ducking under the ring and popping up on the other side, tapping his head! Raider frustratedly ran to the other side only for Booster to repeat the stunt, cackling at his genius maneuver! Raider threw back his head and roared:

"FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLDDDDD GOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!"

And then jumped up on the apron and waited. Sure enough Booster popped out on that side and taunted the crowd about Raider's stupidity before promptly turning around and screaming like a small child as Raider crowned him with an axehandle and tossed him into the ring. The catharsis of the little weasel finally getting tossed from pillar to post with power move after power move while he weirdly tried to make hand signals at the back. It was only after he finally gave up and started screaming 'HELP ME!!!!' at the top of his lungs that help appeared-

These two jerks.

The Alien Fleet interjected themselves into the match as Man O'War hopped up on the apron to distract Steven Yale after Raider hit the STO on Booster and seemed to have the match in hand. As Raider moved to yell at Manny for getting involved, he found himself caught by the Fish Hook from Laguna who directed a dazed Booster Boy to the top rope for his finisher: The Moon Landing, a top rope butt drop. Yes we were just as surprised to learn that was his finisher as you were. When Yale turned around he was as shocked as anyone to find Booster pinning Raider but he made the count all the same.

WINNER VIA PINFALL (and stupid stupid finishing move, seriously what the hell): BOOSTER: BOY GENIUS

Post match, Laguna and Man O'War enter the ring and immediately start jawing at Booster, the cameras get in close enough to pick up what's being said.

Manny:
"-a move on, ye blonde bilge rat! We put up our end of the deal, now ye do yours!"

Booster:
"Just a moment, Manfred, I'm making sure I won't be bothered by this lummox ever again!"

Booster pulls something out of his trousers and plants it inside Raider's shoulder pads. He then stands and pulls out a small device, giving a smug grin.

Booster:
"Try and waylay me when I can track you wherever you go you big oa-OW!"

Laguna kicks Booster in the same part of his body he does his finisher with.

Laguna:
"Blblblb!"

Booster:
"Okay okay, lead the way, gentle-OW!"

Manny also kicks Booster.

Booster:
"What was that for!?"

Manny:
"Calling me Manfred!"

With Booster in tow, the two members of the Armada flee the scene before Raider manages to get back up and stomps the mat in a rage, storming back after them.

Sparky:
"Favor for a favor, huh? I suppose we should've seen that coming."

Dustin:
"Booster saved his own skin tonight but I don't think Raider's gonna take the Armada's interloping lying down, that is not a man you want to be on the bad side of."

Sparky:
"Desperate men make desperate deals, Dustin, let's hope it comes back to bite him."

Dustin:
"Well ZEN Faithful it's time for our second title match of the night as Conceptual Champion Deathwatch Beetle defends against Pink Spider!"

Sparky:
"Spider is no stranger to the Conceptual belt while Beetle's on his first ever run, will we see a record-tying third reign with the belt for ZEN's Prince Charming or will Beetle extend his reign with a fourth successful defense!?"

Dustin:
"Wow and I thought I was the trivia guy."

Sparky:
"What can I say, even I know my history. Let's watch ourselves a title match!"

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH


DEATHWATCH BEETLE (c) VS PINK SPIDER

The clash between the raging boll (weevil) of a champion against the crafty triple-crown winner of a veteran with the former spearing the latter down to the mat only to get caught in a guillotine choke! This would set the tone for the match as Beetle's hardscrabble high impact style would find itself running repeatedly into a brick wall of pure technique solidified by Spider's years of experience up to and including:

• A Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker countered into a highly acrobatic flying cross armbar.
• Spider throwing his momentum into a samoan drop to turn it into a crucifix pin on the big mutant for a nearfall.
• And an attempted back body drop turned into a Code Red for another nearfall.

With his usual roughneck stylings not sealing the deal, Beetle began fighting dirty with cheap shots that wouldn't be out of place in an underground arena, particularly trying to gouge at Spider's eyes with whatever fingers he could manage it with and choking him against the ropes. As Spider struggled to keep himself in the fight against an opponent both bigger and more dastardly than himself, he still managed to keep ahold of his instincts and eventually ducked a big lariat from Beetle and waylaid the genetic freak with a big flying crossbody! Rolling with the momentum of the move to the apron, Spider swiftly climbed to the top turnbuckle as Beetle scrambled around, trying to locate him and leapt off-only to be caught on the broad shoulders of Karrg's enforcer! As the fans watched on in horror, it seemed like the Death Valley Driver would be the fate of the triple crown winner-but a flurry of elbows put the big man off balance enough for Pink to slide into perfect position for a crucifix pin!

1!

2!

Thr-

Beetle powered out, scrambling up, seeming legitimately panicked for the first time he was seen in ZEN, and that panic was well founded as he found himself turning directly into a superkick by Spider that dazed him enough to give the tecnico an opening to lock in the Web of Destruct-no! Beetle was thrashing too much even in his weakened state, Spider couldn't lock in his finishing hold!

But he could transition it into a sudden pinning predicament!

1!

2!

3!

Both luchadors were up in a moment and -thanks to the fact the Conceptual Title wasn't tangible- Spider immediately slid out of the ring and into the crowd to both evade Beetle's fury and to celebrate among the fans as he began a record-tying third reign with the belt! Beetle attempted to pursue the man who'd just defeated him but another would intervene-

THE MALOTHIAN

Accompanied by Buckminster Snark and Toady, the mindbending merchant of misery stepped down to ringside and directed Beetle to return to the back. Beetle hesitated, even making to advance on Malothian when the Claw was threatened but the presence of Toady and Snark made the brutish member of the Armada think better of it, walking away as his more composed comrade prepared his mind-controlled minions for their match...

WINNER AND NEW CONCEPTUAL CHAMPION: PINK SPIDER
(BEGINS THIRD REIGN)

Sparky:
"It turns out that Spider has more Webs in his arsenal than just the one of destruction and he made Beetle pay for treating this like a street fight."

Dustin:
"Not just that but I don't think The Malothian is at all pleased with Beetle dropping the ball like that, to say nothing of Karrg."

Sparky:
"Well Malothian had better keep his eye on his own charges as it's time we find out just who Halloween Knight has chosen to face the two of-"

"PARTY PEOPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!!!!"

Dustin:
"YEAH!"

Boombox on his shoulder, Urban Fox struts his stuff onto the stage with Super Coolio following behind, ropey steps threatening to see him tumble end over end at any moment if it weren't for his supreme composure and balance. Striding down to ringside, the beloved revelers get the fans going with their mix of high energy and chill vibes.

Dustin:
"Halloween Knight is a genius, who better to chill out the Malothian than a team including the coolest guy in all of ZEN!"

Sparky:
"Uhhh hang on now-"

Dustin:
"If I were Karrg I'd be very worried, the entire invasion could be ended right here and now if Coolio has his way!"

Sparky:
"Dustin, were we not doing a bit a few months ago, you know Coolio's-"

Dustin:
"The best wrestler in all of ZEN? Agreed!"

Sparky:
"I...really hope Knight knows what he's doing."

TOADY & SNARK VS THE PARTY PEOPLE

Coolio started the match off against the feral frenzy of Toady, looking like nothing less than a cat attempting to pounce a graceful (and possibly drunk) swan as Toady's lack of tactical acumen kept him one step behind Coolio's effortless -one could say random- evasion tactics. Getting fed up with Toady's ineffectiveness, Malothian ordered him to tag in Snark with a gesture, hoping to fight fire with fire as it turns out free spirited disinterest and utter brain-death are more similar than you'd think. Snark managed to grab his foe and send him into the ropes for a back body drop-only for Coolio to stop, walk around him, and then bump rumps to send Snark stumbling into the ropes and back himself as Coolio nonchalantly faceplanted on mat forcing Snark to leap over him and bounce off the ropes again into an inside cradle by the coolest guy around for a nearfall. As Coolio stood up he looked around to the cheering crowd and worked them up in his own...special way.

Coolio:
"Did I leave my oven on...?"

Fox:
"NAH YOU'RE ON FIRE ALL BY YOURSELF!"

Coolio:
"I am? Bogus."

Coolio immediately tagged out to Fox and dropped to the floor, rolling around attempting to put himself out in what was definitely playing along with Fox and not him taking that seriously. We hope. Fox meanwhile turned up the tempo on Snark with an array of high velocity aerial moves that were only halted when Malothian directed Toady to distract the ref and gestured at the back, bringing out.

Sparky:
"Black Flash!? He's bringing out Black Flash for these two!?"

Dustin:
"See!? Even Malothian isn't underestimating the threat here!"

The newest mind-controlled thrall of the Armada slipped out from the back, seemingly far more composed than either of his fellows as he turned Fox around from a hammerlock on Snark and nailed him with a koppu kick! With Fox feeling the pain, the Malothian's minions began working him over with corner strangles from Snark and two-fisted acrobatics from Toady, the youngster's spirit the only thing keeping him from succumbing to the nonstop aggression as Coolio peeked up from ringside, having finally 'put himself out'. The momentum would shift as Fox would be hurled with a double flapjack into his own corner, reaching out for help from his partner when...

Coolio:
"Oh yeah...time to use that thing they gave us, right? Here ya go, duder."

He pushed something against Fox's face and gave him a thumbs up as his partner was dragged back to the center of the ring by Toady and picked up. As Fox staggered around, Toady lined up a big palm strike and-

HONKA!

Smacked Fox right in the big red clown nose Coolio had put on his face. The effect is immediate as Toady, Snark, and Flash all scream with a fury and as one storm the ring to begin a beatdown on Fox that has Steven Yale immediately calling for the disqualification.

WINNERS VIA DISQUALIFICATION: THE PARTY PEOPLE

Post-match, Coolio enters the ring, only to find himself pounced upon by the three minions as Malothian makes his own entrance, brandishing the claw as he gestures for Snark and Flash to bring Coolio to him. Fox is held in place in a corner by Toady, shouting for help as Malothian looks down at the limp body of the Coolest man in ZEN, pointing at Fox as if to say 'You're next' as he slides his hand into the lampshade and-

...

...

...

The screams from all three minions are deafening as they and Malothain fall to the mat, holding their heads in obvious agony as Fox rushes over to embrace Coolio.

"NOW!"

"On it!"

Pumpkin Jack and Halloween Knight come running from the back, pouncing onto Malothian and seizing an arm between themselves. Fox meanwhile pins down Toady and Coolio just kinda flops on top of Flash. Jack makes sure Knight has Malothian secured before going for Snark but a sudden onset of his bizarre brain pains give the zombified rudo romeo a chance to slip out of the ring after sharing a look with Malothian. Likewise, Fox's getting worked over meant Toady's wild thrashing manages to allow the wildman to escape and run in the opposite direction of Snark. Working together the tecnicos drag the struggling alien and his goons to the back as his minions slip away into the crowd.

Sparky:
"Holy crap. Well now I know why Knight sent those two out there..."

Dustin:
"COOLIO'S MIND IS AN IMPREGNABLE FORTRESS!"

Sparky:
"Mooooore like a beartrap but I'll let the Faithful put the pieces together for themselves. In any case, the Malothian has been put under lock and key, this is a huge victory for ZEN against Karrg's invasion!"

Dustin:
"The Fleet are busy with Booster, Beetle's in time out, Malothian's in jail...Sparky I think Warped may have a shot in this title match tonight!"

Sparky:
"From your mouth to God's ears, Dustin. That title match gets closer by the moment but we've still got one more stop on the road to it, our semi main event match between two of ZEN's brightest young stars."

Dustin:
"Lerone Slim's got nothing but promise -despite his associations- but Kalliope Woodchuck is a woman on a mission. Then again I guess Slim's also on a mission, to stop Kalliope's mission. But Kalliope's got a mission to stop Skullduggery's mission to stop her mission in order to continue her miss-oh dear I've gone cross-eyed."

Sparky:
"Maybe drink some water and get your mind back on track, Dustin, you're gonna need it to keep up with the action we're about to see!"

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS LERONE SLIM

A bout that brought to mind Kalliope's clashes with both members of Casual Violence back in 2020, Woodchuck and Slim knew each other well by this point and even without the world's only belt-less title belt on the line they would go all out. Slim's technical expertise and mastery of Slim-Plexes put him ahead in the mat game but Kalliope's experience with fighting him kept her from letting herself be put down decisively, managing to counter out of the more dangerous 'plexes at Slim's disposal. Unable to get a decisive victory with his technical skills, Slim switched it up by moving on to a more brawling approach, utilizing his longer reach to get in cheap shots where he could and follow it up with the Slim-Plexes he could manage to keep the pace of the match under his control.

This didn't get him much farther as Kalliope went to her own wheelhouse of acrobatic high flying that turned up the tempo when she smacked the top of Lerone's noggin with her knee cap in the middle of a delayed vertical SlimPlex and countered into a big DDT! With Lerone rattled, Kalliope sprang into action as well as onto the top rope to deliver a massive missile dropkick to swiftly return him to the mat as he tried to stand. Kalliope attempted to cinch in her La Magistral cradle but Slim managed to shove his shoulder into her lower back as she moved to complete it, sending her into the ropes and bouncing back to catch Slim's boots and leg drop him right in the 'Lower Abdominal Area'. As Slim thrashed on the mat, Kalli called for the Woodchipper beckoning Slim to stand up which the lanky man obliged to, walking right into-

Slim caught the Woodchipper and spun Kalliope around, looking to yank the dizzy tecnica into his Slimliner-but Kalliope slammed her elbow into the side of his head until he shoved her back and threw a clumsy right hook that Kalliope ducked and twisted into a Woodchipper that landed on the money this time! Slim collapsed to the ground and a quick pin later and he was taking home a fat L.

WINNER VIA PINFALL: KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

Post match Kalliope grabs a microphone as Lerone limps to the back.

Kalliope:
"Cyanide I'm not the naive rookie I used to be! I may not know why you lowered yourself down so far you came out the other side of the earth by working for Karrg, but I do know how this goes! As long as you're dishing out orders I'm never getting back on the frontlines of this fight against Karrg, so hide behind your cronies all ya like but I'm calling my shot:"

Kalliope looks into the camera and points a finger gun.

Kalliope:
"This ends no later than Way of the Warrior, understand me? Call your people off or I guarantee you, you will regret it."

Kalli tosses the mic down and makes for the back.

Sparky:
"A stern warning from Kalliope here tonight for Cyanide."

Dustin:
"No fury like a woman scorned, Sparky, and Cyanide's been scorning up a storm, a scorm if you will."

Sparky:
"With her running through most of Skullduggery at this point, you gotta think the ZEN Council would be more than happy to give her a shot at their boss once he's done convalescing."

Dustin:
"We can only hope, just like we're hoping HalloWarped comes out of this title match with the Master belt."

Sparky:
"Heckuva segue, Dustin but yes we're looking down the barrel of tonight's main event and you better believe it's gonna go off with a bang! "

ZEN MASTER TITLE LAST MAN STANDING MATCH

KARRG THE INSIDIOUS (c) VS HALLOWARPED

Coming out first in his signature entrance cloak was the apprentice to Halloween Knight, the Futuristic Phenom, the man who upped the stakes to the maximum with this Last Man Standing match, HalloWarped to a raucous welcome by the ZEN Faithful! Raising a fist in acknowledgement of them, HalloWarped as otherwise all business as he entered the ring to do or die lose for the cheering throngs of fans packed into the Reliquary. As his music died down, he threw off his cloak and readied himself for the match of his life...

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAK-HAK-HAK!"

If one thought taking his first pin since returning to ZEN would put a dent in Karrg's braggadocio, then they were wrong. If one thought his strongest warrior losing the Conceptual title would halt his bright burning comet-like momentum, then they were very wrong. If one thought the fact his ace in the hole just got suckerpunched and captured by his arch enemies would-ok yeah you get it. If anything he was even more in your face than before, getting in arguments with fans at ringside as he made a circuit around the squared circle, clutching his belt as the sight of Warped waiting for him made him grit his teeth as he rolled into the ring and-

CHARGED WITH THE BELT RAISED TO LAY WARPED OUT!

BUT WARPED DODGED!

AND THE GOLDEN SYMBOL OF EXCELLNCE IN ZEN SMASHED RIGHT INTO STEVEN YALE'S FACE, SHATTERING HIS GLASSES!

As Karrg took a moment to register what he'd done, the timekeeper rang the bell and the Insidious one turned directly into a Warp Factor 5 just like he'd done in the main event last month! The crowd went nuts as the ZEN Master champion crumpled to the mat mere moments in but Warped was not happy in the least because the KO'd Yale meant we had no official to make the count! Trying in vain to wake up the senior official, Warped finally had not choice but to call for some medical staff from the back to come get literally blind referee out of the ring. Along with the men who loaded up Yale on a stretcher trotted down Herbie H. Reedman who spared a pained look at his superior before getting to business and starting a count that reached all the way to six before Karrg managed to get up to his feet.

Warped advanced on him to keep the pressure on but suddenly found himself clutching his throat after a swift thrust of Karrg's hand, the vicious champion yanking the him into a hard DDT to the mat before mounting him for a flurry of clubbing blows that he rained down with reckless abandon. Warped covered up to weather the storm of elbow smashes as best he could before knocking Karrg of his rhythm with a sudden headbutt and a palm strike to force the invader off of him, both fighters standing up and properly facing off for the first time in the match. This is of course fleeting as Karrg immediately went for a Mafia Kick on Warped and finding his leg hooked over the top rope for his trouble, bouncing in an almost comical fashion before Warped got a running start and dropkicked him into a tumble to the outside! As Karrg floundered, trying to stand up, Warped bounced off the far ropes and came back with a vicious suicide dive to the outside that bowled the bigger of the two luchadors over!

Warped didn't stay down for long, standing up and using his astounding sense of balance to stand atop the barricade to bang his chest for the appreciative audience, feeding off their reaction as he launched himself with a moonsault off the thing onto Karrg below! Taking a seat on the apron, Warped waved Reedman over for another count, this time yielding a five before Karrg managed to get to a knee and glared at his challenger (Sparky noted this was probably an intentional insult on Warped's part). Warped leapt to his feet and kicked Karrg in the face as he stormed into range, going for an Asai Moonsault onto the champion-but this time he found himself caught on Karrg's shoulder and the champion kept an iron grip on his foe as got a running start and smashed Warped's face into a cornerpost before twisting and powerslamming him onto the thin mats at ringside! Point a finger in Warped's face and growling threats, Karrg stood and demanded Reedman count out the Phenom, flying into a rage when it appeared that Warped was going to stand at four and stomping out the challenger before demanding another count.

Reedman counted once more but only got to a five before Warped began to rise again, causing Karrg to run to the far end of the part of the ringside area they were located before going to run back with another big Mafia Kick that Warped sidestepped into a superkick that sent Karrg against the barricade in a daze. Shaking off the cobwebs, HalloWarped stepped in with a flurry of furious knees to Karrg's abdomen before a rising one directly to the champ's chin, going to grab him by the mask and drag him towards the ring apron. The champion wasn't completely out however and swiped something from the ring as he passed it before suddenly wrapping Warped's entrance cloak around his neck and trying to choke him out with it! Shouting incomprehensible alien insults in Warped's ear, Karrg cranked back on his vicious attack in a way that threatened to do far more than just knock Warped out, the apprentice of Halloween Knight flailing and grasping behind him for something to hold onto before the life faded from his body. He finally found what he was looking for when he jabbed a thumb into Karrg's eye, his old rudo days coming in handy in this battle to the finish as Karrg was forced to drop the choke to hold his eyes, throwing the cloak at Warped to gain a bit of breathing room as he stumbled back up entranceway towards the stage.

Warped pursued the champion, catching up to him near the announce table and battering him repeatedly with lefts and rights before Karrg seized Sparky Sparks' water bottle and splashed it in the Phenom's eyes to blind him long enough to shove him back and SMASH him with the Mafia Kick at last! Warped fell to the ground, body limp as Karrg cackled in glee and almost manhandled Herbie Reedman over to the body of the challenger. Reedman looked rebelliously at the champ and began his count.

1!

2!

3!

4!

5!

Warped began to stir...

6!

7!

He rolled onto his front...

8!

9!

He got to his knees-INTO AN AXEHANDLE BY KARRG! The champion turned to Herbie and began haranguing him for not going fast enough as Warped began to call away. Reedman maintained he was going at an acceptable pace and soon found himself shoved away as Karrg grabbed Warped from behind and frogmarched the challenger onto the stage. With the eyes of all the ZEN Faithful upon him, Karrg held Warped by the throat and began growling in his face, the camera picking up some of it.

Karrg:
"-n't care who you are, I don't care who trained you, I don't care how much guts you have! YOU WILL NOT STOP ME! I WILL FIND IT! I MUST FIND IT! YOU AND THE REST OF THESE DREGS CANNOT STOP MY ASCENSION!"

Warped spat in his face.

Karrg roared in frustration and yanked Warped over to the portion of the stage overlooking the announce desk. Yanking Warped head between his legs and hoisting him up for a Conquest Bomb, the crowd horrified at the possibility of the Phenom meeting a fate like this-but Warped began raining down punches onto the top of Karrg's head, causing the champion to stumble and alley-oop Warped over his head just to get breathing room. Warped landed on his feet but Karrg whipped around and shoved the challenger away towards the wall-

Which Warped jumped off of and turned mid-air to hit Warp Factor 5 on the rebound!

The collision between the two men sends both hurtling off the stage and through the announce table below, champion and challenger landing in a heap as Sparky and Dustin look on in shock and Herbie H. Reedman steps in to begin the count.

1...

2...

3...

4...

Neither man stirred.

5...

6...

7...

HalloWarped began dragging himself from the wreckage...

8...

9...

Warped reached for the stage to try and get something to stabilize himself-but flops forward, spent.

10!

NEITHER MAN COULD ANSWER THE TEN COUNT
KARRG THE INSIDIOUS RETAINS

Sparky:
"I...I can't believe it..."

Dustin:
"Somebody get those medics back out here, we need some serious help!"

Sparky:
"Warped threw everything he had into this match but his body betrayed him, but I don't see Karrg moving either...ZEN Faithful, I need to help see to Warped, for Dustin Thane this has been Sparky Sparks, we'll see you at Way of the Jester."

Sparky moves along with Dustin to help coordinate with some medics to bring Warped to the back. Some of the medical staff move to help Karrg but out of nowhere Snark and Toady appear to drag him away, the latter hissing and swiping at the meds to keep them at bay. The champion is taken away as we fade to black...

And fade back in to a barely lit room somewhere in Aukland, a door opens to illuminate what's inside, broken up by a silhouette in the doorway.

"Warped and Karrg was a bust, your boy got trigger happy with his new move."

Halloween Knight looks up from a tray of odd-looking instruments.

"I see, unfortunate. What condition is he in?"

Pumpkin Jack:
"Medics were dragging him off along with Sparks and Thane. Karrg's not doing better for what it's worth."

Knight:
"Get in contact with Spider, tell him the coordinates of our little hideaway and to bring Warped here when he's in better health."

Jack:
"And what are you gonna do?"

Knight:
"I'm going to get what I've been looking for all this time..."

The camera pans over to a pair of cells and their occupants.

"..."

"Wh...what happened? Where am I? L-lemme out of here! I don't belong here!"

Knight:
"Answers."

Jack nods and leaves the room, Knight stands before his prisoners.

Knight:
"Well gentlemen, let's begin."

Cut to black.

Edited August 21 by Pteroid
missing picture

[Pteroid]

THE ZEN NEWSWIRE

KARRG AND WARPED ON THE SHELF, TITLE SHOT ON THE LINE IN MASSIVE MASTER MATCH
Following the events of their chaotic Last Man Standing match, both Karrg the Insidious and HalloWarped have been confirmed to be in no condition to compete for the last stop on the road to Way of the Warrior, Way of the Jester. However, Karrg the Insidious has provided to the ZEN Council another #1 Contender's Match: The Master Challenge! The contest will be a ladder match with the condition that only former ZEN Masters can participate, with a shot at Karrg at Way of the Warrior hanging above the ring in the form of a contract for the match itself. Confirmed already for the match is Pumpkin Jack, ZERO, Devilfish, and Lone Shark. Pink Spider will be defending the Conceptual Title earlier in the show and Halloween Knight has simply declined to take place due to 'Other Commitments'. Up until bell time, though, any former ZEN Master is eligible to enter so who knows, someone might surprise us~

REKHA TO WOODCHUCK: "TO GET TO THE BOSS, YOU GO THROUGH ME."
As you might have guessed Cyanide will not be facing Kalliope Woodchuck at Way of the Jester, what with him entering the Master Challenge. Instead, Rekha has stepped up to the plate after her failure to finish off Devilfish at Way of the Poet, possibly trying to get some rebound momentum going but almost certainly to weaken Woodchuck on her quest to take down the main man of Skullduggery. The two have faced off before, notably feuding over the Conceptual Title in 2020 with Kalliope mostly coming out on top outside of Rekha's shocking win over Woodchuck that catapulted her into challenging Pumpkin Jack for the Master title. Can Rekha's raw power keep this rabid Woodchuck at bay, or will she too be knocked out of the way on Kalli's long road back to Buckminster Snark?

SHAKEUPS IN ALIENA ARMADA AFTER FAILURES AT WAY OF THE POET
Following a major series of setbacks this past event, Karrg the Insidious has shaken up the lineup of Alien Armada members involved in matches at Way of the Jester. Attempting to retake the Conceptual title will be Man O'War, while Laguna the Loyal faces a recovered Hez Jendell, and Deathwatch Beetle will team with Toady in a four-way elimination match against The Sky's The Limit, The Party People, and a special return of two ZEN Originals (gee, I wonder who it could be on Way of the Jester, golly) to decide who will face off against the Alien Fleet at Way of the Warrior for the Harmony Title. When asked about this Karrg stated:

"If Beetle's going to play with his food, he will be asked to take a load off other's burdens."

As for Buckminster Snark, he's been seen wandering the streets of Aukland, presumably trying to figure out where The Malothian got off to when he was captured by Halloween Knight last month, when asked for comment on that Karrg just chuckled darkly and ominously then told us to get out.

CLOWNS BACK IN TOWNS, TO FACE DOWNS A BOWNS...TY (Bounty, we mean bounty)
For the entire time since Way of the Philosopher the entire island has been full of bounty hunters attempting to find and apprehend the duo of Celestina Cherish and C-W-A in order to cash in on a bounty that the Alien Armada put on them for daring to counter the Malothian Claw with honking rubber noses. However it appears they're tired of running and both Celestina and C-W-A are back to face down the most dangerous of these bounty hunters in a tag team match! Bon chance, yon pierrots, bon chance.

ZEN PRESENTS: WAY OF THE JESTER

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
PUMPKIN JACK VS ZERO VS CYANIDE VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS MORE?

REKHA VS KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS BOUNTY HUNTERS

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS MAN O'WAR

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS MYSTERIOUS ZEN ORIGINALS

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

[1PWfan]

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
PUMPKIN JACK VS ZERO VS CYANIDE VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS MORE?

I could see you going away from FEAR/Armada to mix things up a bit but Pumpkin Jack looks like Hallowicked and as a Chikara fan I feel obliged to vote for him

 

REKHA VS KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

I can't see a logical reason for this to go the other way.

 

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS BOUNTY HUNTERS

These two are enormously entertaining.

 

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS MAN O'WAR

This could absolutely go the other way but I don't like hot-shotting titles

 

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS MYSTERIOUS ZEN ORIGINALS

A lot of tecnicos have gone over already so we give this to the returning guys as a rudo unit.

 

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

Any other time I'd give this to Laguna to help balance things out but Hez has been gone a little while and should remain strong.

[Tiberious]

ZEN PRESENTS: WAY OF THE JESTER

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
PUMPKIN JACK VS ZERO VS CYANIDE VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS MORE?

I think X-Calibre and Necromancer are the only two former ZEN masters not on your roster and Necromancer is probably a bit expensive given he has nationwide popularity in Japan with WLW. X-Calibre winning would be interesting since his longtime tag team partner is the treacherous Man O'War, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say Devilfish takes this. He hasn't been pushed super heavily this dynasty, but I think him winning due to Lone Shark assisting him behind his back in a heelish manner would be an interesting way to continue that storyline. Plus Devilfish is really good and it's weird that his bio mentions him being phased out for a new generation of tecnicos when he's the same age as HalloWarped and younger than the rest of F.E.A.R.

REKHA VS KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

Torn here, Skullduggery is going to be pulling out all the shenanigans to try to win here after their poor showing last month, but I think it'll backfire and Kalliope Woodchuck will continue to be built up and potentially even be the one to finally unthrone Karrg.

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS BOUNTY HUNTERS

I'm guessing the Mercenaries will be Jester & Eraser? I like that you're finding angles to bring back old ZEN originals, and those two in particular are actually pretty good if you wanted to bring them in for a longer stay, but I think The Clowntourage are too important (and entertaining) to be losing to opponents who may only be here for one night only.

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS MAN O'WAR

Man O'War has his tag titles to worry about and I'd hope you wouldn't be having Pink Spider break his losing streak just to drop the title back immediately.

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS MYSTERIOUS ZEN ORIGINALS

This is an odd one since Sky's The Limit already have a pretty valid claim to another shot after a countout win over the champions, so I feel like maybe Beetle & Toady will put their effort on them and they'll basically eliminate each other to delay them getting another shot. Party People had one shot earlier, so I think I'll go with the Zen Originals who I'll guess are Shaolin and Quick Silver.

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

Hez is a lot more important than Laguna in storyline.

Edited August 21 by Tiberious

[White Dolphin]

Gotta say I love some of the comic book renders in this diary cause it got me to care more about the green talent ZEN has on the books far more than if it were just the normal renders. Celestina doing the cowboy thing in particular is awesome, as well as Snark looking like the most unwilling to do stuff lackey in the history of lackeys. Kinda wish Kalliope had a comic book version of her AI multicoloured hair sparkle princess thing going on in the default database instead of being Blonde Woman #70 but eh.

 

Lerone Slim and Rekha come off so much better in this diary too than they do in game, its kinda great. Rekha's attribute screen is such a disappointment when you look at it from a "mark for Awesome Kong" type perspective, but in a diary where you care about the numbers far less than the story shes awesome.

Edited August 21 by White Dolphin

[KyTeran]

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
PUMPKIN JACK VS ZERO VS CYANIDE VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS MORE?

REKHA VS KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS BOUNTY HUNTERS

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS MAN O'WAR

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS MYSTERIOUS ZEN ORIGINALS

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

[alpha2117]

ZEN PRESENTS: WAY OF THE JESTER

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
PUMPKIN JACK VS ZERO VS CYANIDE VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS MORE?

I know Knight doesn't want to push himself but logically this story goes with him taking on Kaarg for the future of ZEN eventually I am unsure if he is one of the More ... if not him then Jack wins but I think theres a twist

REKHA VS KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

Love me some Woodchuck

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS BOUNTY HUNTERS

Eventually Cherish & C.W.A will end up feuding but for now they need a win for this story to progress

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS MAN O'WAR

Man O'War is basically a jobbing machine right now and I cant see you hotshoting another conceptual title change.

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS MYSTERIOUS ZEN ORIGINALS

I legit hate the new gimmick but I think they will probably win here and it makes the most booking and story sense.  looking forward tot he return though

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

I like Laguna but Hez needs to go over for story purposes

Weirdly I am going with a total Technico domination with a twist at the end where Kaarg and the Armada destroy Pumpkin Jack post his win putting the Number 1 contendership in doubt.  

[AboardTheArk]

ZEN PRESENTS: WAY OF THE JESTER

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
PUMPKIN JACK VS ZERO VS CYANIDE VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS MORE?

REKHA VS KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS BOUNTY HUNTERS

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS MAN O'WAR

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS MYSTERIOUS ZEN ORIGINALS

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

[Pteroid]

Small heads up and an admission this next show may not be up to standards. My internet woes have forced me to use wordpad to write it out and its refusal to work with the boards in turn is going to force me to format everything from the ground up.

I mean I got hit with one of those bad production events this go around so we can pretend it’s method acting.

[alpha2117]

38 minutes ago, Pteroid said:

Small heads up and an admission this next show may not be up to standards. My internet woes have forced me to use wordpad to write it out and its refusal to work with the boards in turn is going to force me to format everything from the ground up.

I mean I got hit with one of those bad production events this go around so we can pretend it’s method acting.

Look we've all been there.  Just do your best and we'll understand if it's a bit shorter and less polished write up wise.

[Kieran_Lives]

Pumpkin Jack

Kalliope Woodchuck

Celestina Cherish & C-W-A

Pink Spider

Sky's the Limit

Hez Jendell

I'm really looking forward to Way of the Jester. I'm sorry to hear that you have internet shows, but the story is there and while your presentation is terrific, it's the story is what brings us back.

[DarK_RaideR]

On 8/21/2024 at 8:08 PM, Pteroid said:

Never look back, kiddo, it distracts from the now. Wile E. Coyote never falls as long as he don't look down.

Way of the Poet indeed.

[Teasenitryn]

Pumpkin

Kalliope

Celestina and CWA

Pink Spider

Sky's the Limit

Hez

[Pteroid]

Net got fixed today and the show is back to being forum-format. Looking for a Wednesday release

[Pteroid]

Annoyingly the forum deleted my progress from last night so I’m cautiously moving back intended release date to friday. I apologize.

[alpha2117]

56 minutes ago, Pteroid said:

Annoyingly the forum deleted my progress from last night so I’m cautiously moving back intended release date to friday. I apologize.

No need to apologise. As always just do it when you feel like - these things always need to stay fun not feel like hard work and losing what you did would be annoying.  I usually did them in a doc and sort of dropped them in and cleaned them up to avoid that happening.

[HiPlus]

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
CYANIDE 

A nice way to build the story and incorporate more Skullduggery at the top of the card. 

 KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A 

I really love odd pairing teams and this one in particular has been so much fun. 

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c)

I am a big fan of Man O'War and love him long term but new champion won't lost. 

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
SKY'S THE LIMIT 

New gimmick tag team, even though they don't have cool on their side. 

HEZ JENDELL 

Hez keeps building

[Astil]

ZEN PRESENTS: WAY OF THE JESTER

MASTER CHALLENGE #1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH
PUMPKIN JACK VS ZERO VS CYANIDE VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS MORE?

Always bet on more.

REKHA VS KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

She seems like she is being pushed

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS BOUNTY HUNTERS

Now hold on a minute, I thought the Hunters got the boot?

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS MAN O'WAR

FOUR-WAY TAG ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS GET HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS MYSTERIOUS ZEN ORIGINALS

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

[Pteroid]

Note: Due to my word processor randomly deciding that some words can be bolded and others can't I've opted to not use any bolding in this event to keep visual consistency. I. Hate. This. Show.

 

ZEN PRESENTS: WAY OF THE JESTER
LIVE FROM THE RELIQUARY OF SCALE ON WRESTLEWORLD: OCEANIA
ATTENDANCE: 1000 (SELLOUT!)

 

Before the the logo for Way of the Jester can spend more than a moment on screen we cut to where we left off last month, with Halloween Knight stood before the cells containing the Malothian and Black Flash. Flash is splayed out over a cot, holding his head less in some sort of mental strain and more in frustration as a series of devices sit discarded outside the Malothian's cell as the alien stares impassively from behind its mask at its captor.

 

"This isn't going to plan, you're a tough nut to crack to be certain. The lack of communication isn't helping."

 

"Why didn't I listen to my mum? 'Never work for Kiwis, Flash, you'll end up in a cell in some warehouse in Auckland!' I thought she was being Xenophobic, turns out she was a prophet."

 

Knight:
"Aukland."

 

Flash:
"That's what I said, wasn't it?"

 

Knight:
"Nevermind."

 

Flash:
"Can I please go? I swear I haven't heard this freak say anything in my head, it cleared up just as soon as I got here. Maybe something here's jamming him? I dunno, but I just need to-"

 

Knight:
"What you need to do is trust my process, Mr. Flash, we have no idea how long people affected by this monster can retain their faculties after contact."

 

Flash:
"This whole island's mad, I bet the northern one ain't much better..."

 

Knight sighs and kicks a device with his boot.

 

Knight:
"You really didn't like the text-to-speech, hm? Not a fan of communication, is that it?"

 

The Malothian just stares...until the door opens to find an odd pair enter.

 

"Knight, got a new inmate."

 

Pumpkin Jack drags in Buckminster Snark by his collar and shoves him against the bars.

 

Jack:
"Caught this one sniffing around outside, think he might've been trying to track Malothian down to alert the rest."

 

Knight looks back at Malothian.

 

Knight:
"Odd that the one that doesn't act like a hound found us first. Guess that means I'll have to up the timetable in case they deploy Toady to look for us too. Who's ready for another 24 hours of Entry of the Gladiators on repeat?"

 

Flash:
"NOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THE CLOWN MUSIC!"

 

Voice:
"That will not be necessary, Sir Knight."

 

All three men suddenly snap their attention to a voice they haven't heard in a while, well for two of them a voice they haven't heard cognizant anyway...

 

Buckminster Snark stares at Halloween Knight from where he's pressed against the bars, unblinking, a small placid smile across his face.

 

Snark?:
"I admit it took longer for this one to find me than I would have liked but I find him to be the superior talking-pet as compared to the masked one. His consciousness remains attached to his mind after I did my work, a rush job if I must admit, shoddy workmanship but it is a poor craftsman who makes excuses. Hmhmhmhmhm..."

 

Knight's eyes go from Snark to the Malothian who tilts his head.

 

Knight:
"Jack?"

 

Jack:
"Yeah?"

 

Knight:
"Strap this one to the chair there...I think it's high time our guest and I had a chat."

 

HEZ JENDELL VS LAGUNA THE LOYAL

 

Our opening contest saw a returning Hez Jendell finally take on a member of the Alien Armada directly in the form of the ever-formidable Laguna the Loyal. Laguna's usual turn in the tag team ranks didn't have a major effect on his abilities as a singles competitor as he dominated the early goings with dirty tricks and power moves his opponent's lighter frame allowed him to pull off. Hez, however, had already proved herself with a victory over a former ZEN Master in ZERO and the prospect of being in the thick of the invasion again clearly affected her form in the ring as she hurricarana'd her way out of a powerbomb and quickened the pace beyond what the aquatic assailant could handle on his own before a springboard bulldog performed off the corner set the alien up for her Cosmic Singularity for the pin!

 

WINNER VIA PINFALL: HEZ JENDELL

Hez takes a moment to celebrate with the fans as Laguna limps around ringside when suddenly two figures run down from the back.

 

LERONE SLIM AND VORTEX

 

The two members of Skullduggery circle the ring, their intentions seemingly on coming at Hez from both sides. Hez looks from one to the other, her gaze briefly lingering on Vortex before turning to face Slim, the camera focusing on him too when-

 

"SLIM! SLIM HELP!"

 

"BLBLBLBLBLB!?"

 

The camera looks back to where Vortex was and he's suddenly grappling and brawling with Laguna, thrashing around with the  -frankly surprised looking- alien. Taking his eyes off Hez, Slim sprints around the ring to help his fellow Skullduggery member as Jendell slips out of the ring and to the back. A beatdown of Laguna ensues as Slim checks his stablemate over.

Slim:
"What was his problem?"

 

Vortex:
"I uh...I dunno, guess he was angry at losing? Tried to take it out on me?"

 

Slim:
"Crap...What're we gonna tell the boss?"

 

Vortex:
"I dunno...get her again next time?"

 

Slim:
"Psh, yeah you tell him that, especially if his plan don't work tonight."

 

The two start towards the back, meanwhile a quick cut backstage sees Hez linking up with someone not set to compete tonight...

 

"Jendell."

 

Hez:
"Warrior of the Warped. I have heard you fought the tyrant to a standstill, I am sorry to learn you did not defeat him."

 

Warped:
"Yeah well...he'll get his, soon enough. But first I need you to come with me, we got one."

Hez:
" 'Got one'? Got one of what? Karrg's minions?"

 

Warped:
"Yeah, last month my master managed to capture the Malothian, he's being interrogated as we speak but we'd like someone who knows more about the situation to-"

 

Hez's expression goes dark and she leans in close.

 

Hez:
"Bring me to him. Now."

 

Warped:
"I uh...yeah, right away, I got a car ready."

 

Waving her along, Warped leads the way to an exit as Slim and Vortex come through the curtain, averting a confrontation by seconds.

 

"Explosive events starting Way of the Jester tonight, welcome ZEN Faithful this is Sparky Sparks alongside by broadcast partner Dustin Thane and Dustin what a show we have lined up tonight!"

 

"That's right, Sparky, at the behest of ZEN Master Karrg the Insidious we have opened the doors for every former ZEN Master here tonight for the first ever Master Challenge Ladder Match! Pumpkin Jack, ZERO, Devilfish, Lone Shark, and Cyanide are all confirmed for it and we may be seeing even more joining us tonight!"

 

Sparky:
"And that's not-"

 

KZZT

 

We cut abruptly back to the interrogation room where Buckminster Snark -seemingly now being used as a puppet by Malothian- is strapped to a chair with a smirk on his face. Knight and Pumpkin Jack nod at one another as Black Flash looks on nervously and the Malothian impassively sits on his cot.

 

Knight:
"I suppose we should start with a simple question. What is a Malothian?"

 

Malothian (via Snark):
"Hmmmmm?"

 

Knight:
"What are your people like? What is their culture? Is it normal for your people to do what it is you do?"

 

Malothian:
"Ohhhh the presumptions of the ignorant. Sir Knight, you've made an error. Malothian...is not a species, it is a title. An insult. One given to me by my people."

 

Jack and Knight share a look then nod to Malothian to continue.

 

Malothian:
"Among my people, they who communicated entirely through the power of the mind, I alone held the power to witness their impurities, their failings. I alone could enter the mind and correct these mistakes. To take and give traits, personalities, even whole consciousnesses at will. Malothian was their name for me after they locked me away, afraid of my power, before Mighty Karrg discovered me in that dark dungeon and revealed the possibility for glory, the closest translation would be...hmhmhmhm..."

 

Snark smiles wide.

 

Malothian:
"Mind-Sculptor."

 

Jack slams a forearm against the bars of Malothian's cell.

 

Jack:
"And that's what you did to them? Did to me? Sculpt our minds?"

 

Malothian:
"Them? Yes. For my other charge I assisted him by substituting his reasoning and logic centers with that of a Ixnarian Scythe-Fly. Lovely creatures, tore one of Lord Karrg's enemy's to shreds in a mere thirty seconds. But you..."

 

Malothian points at Jack as Snark continues to speak.

 

Malothian:
"You my friend have been chosen for a great honor. The seed has been planted within your mind, I can tell from observation that it's taken glorious root within your psyche. You feel it, don't you? The fullness of Karrg's glory?"

 

Jack kicks the bars and shoves his hand between the bars to grab at the alien.

 

Jack:
"Tell me how to get it out, you little freak!"

 

Malothian:
"Ohhhhh yes, that vitality will serve great Karrg well. Hmhmhmmmm...fine, I shall tell you the cure. The Seed of Karrg's Might takes power from Karrg's hold over a mind, growing until the time is right. If one were to simply defeat him in combat, then it would die upon the vine."

 

Jack:
"...all I gotta do is beat him in a match?"

 

Malothian:
"Of course, might makes right. Buuuuut...a word of caution. Should the opposite happen, should you fall to Karrg yet again...then the seed will grow and the time for it to flower will only shrink."

 

Jack:
"I'll take that risk, first thing's first, I have a ladder match to win."

 

Jack turns to Knight.

 

Knight:
"I can't really advise caution here considering the stakes. I can only wish you well."

 

Jack:
"You gonna be alright?"

 

Knight:
"Yes, my apprentice is bringing Ms. Jendell along to get even more information from a reliable source. You can meet them outside and get to the arena with the car."

 

Jack:
"Good."

 

Malothian:
"You should be thankful, Mr. Jack, what is coming for you is an honor beyond anything you could possibly know."

 

Jack doesn't answer as he walks out the door, leaving Knight alone with the three men.

 

Knight:
"Well then...any of you fancy some tea?"

 

Malothian:
"I am sustained off psychic agony, I have no need for-"

 

Flash:
"Earl Grey please, three sugars!"

 

Malothian:
"I know not of earthling beverage customs, and yet I know that decision sickens me."

 

KZZT

 

Sparky:
"-at dastardly Cyanide really thinks he can get away with this?"

 

Dustin:
"I'm not really one to call bullcrap on something but the wheelchair was a bit much."

 

Sparky:
"Schemers gonna scheem I guess, well in any case fans it's time for our four-way elimination match to decide who will challenge for the Harmony Titles at Way of the Warrior 2022!"

 

FOUR WAY TAG TEAM ELIMINATION MATCH
WINNERS RECEIVE TITLE MATCH AT WAY OF THE WARRIOR 2022



DEATHWATCH BEETLE & TOADY VS SKY'S THE LIMIT VS THE PARTY PEOPLE VS ???

 

The two tecnico duos grouped up to keep Beetle and Toady from trying anything funny before the fourth team could arrive -something Beetle had a hard time with as Toady seemed eager to leave the ring for some reason- and everyone in the arena certainly knew what was coming. It was obvious who would be coming out for a tag match at Way of the Jester, clearly.

 

THE HORROR SHOW!
(Hah, you thought we were that tacky? Get real)

 

Nightmares Slasher and Stalker head down to the ring, slapping hands with fans who are happy to see them again. The...mimes?...metalheads?...does this universe have Juggalos? Well whatever they are they pose for the fans before entering the ring...

 

Just in time for Deathwatch Beetle to nearly spear the both of them out of their boots! Steve Yale called for the bell in a panic as Toady came running over to be picked up by his partner into a military press onto both men for a shockingly quick elimination.

 

THE HORROR SHOW ARE ELIMINATED.

 

The shock of the moment barely had time to register before Toady made to leap at Urban Fox, but got yanked back by his collar by Beetle who headbutted him and very audible growled.

 

"YOU. LISTEN TO ME. NO ONE ELSE. UNDERSTAND?"

 

With a bloody nose, Toady's eyes briefly came into focus and a wide grin crossed his face as he formed back up with Beetle to face off with both tecnico duos. Of the two, Sky's the Limit valiantly stepped forward, by which we mean Coolio flopped out of the ring and Fox swiftly followed him. A rather bizarre mirror match of two teams consisting of a brawler and a high-flier apiece, the clash between Sky's The Limit and the rudo duo saw swift tags in and out for both teams as they showed a surprising amount of acumen for such new pairings, utilizing the toughness of each side's heavy hitters to endure some real punishment while the more agile members of the duos sank their teeth (metaphorical for Stratos, distressingly literal for Toady) into any weakpoints they could find.

 

However while it takes two to tango it actually takes three to get a rather awkard hokey pokey going and no man could make being the third wheel be cool more than Super Coolio, who blind tagged in on a Stratos springboard dropkick on Beetle -or just felt like touching the futuristic boots, who can say?- and awkwardly attempted a running senton on the downed behemoth for a nearfall. Tagging Urban Fox in, the Party People pulled off some seriously cool moves like a flop toehold with a shotgun legdrop follow up and a flapjack-assisted splash the both got them two counts. However, as Urban Fox brought Beetle up onto his shoulders (incidentally it turns out Fox is 6' 1" and was certainly not being written as being far smaller until now) and Coolio wobbled his way on top rope, Toady shoved the cool customer off the top rope and Beetle smashed a fist into Fox's afro'd head forcing him to drop the big man. With Fox stunned, Beetle hit his Death Valley Driver followed up by a big frog splash from Toady for a double pin Steven Yale was too intimidated to contest!

 

THE PARTY PEOPLE ARE ELIMINATED!

 

With the valiant effort of the Party People soundly quashed, we returned to the previous battle as Brain Buster took it upon himself to give Toady an anatomy lesson, sing along kids!

 

The knuckle bone's connected to the cheek bone.
The knuckle bone's connected to the jaw bone.
The knuckle bone's connected to the nose bone.
Dem bones dem bones dem bones~

 

Ok maybe he needed to stick to vocabulary but he certainly got results. Enough that a pin off a spinning sit-out spinebuster (brought to you by the letter S) goaded Beetle into breaking it up with an vicious penalty kick to the back! As Beetle put the boots to Buster, Stratos took it upon himself to come soaring off the top with a tremendous missile dropkick that managed to send the big man sprawling. With Toady crawling out from his pin, Stratos suddenly found himself eating a headbutt and having his own head shoved between Toady's leg for an attempt at a piledriver-but Stratos swiftly countered into a Northern Lights Suplex and Steven Yale -either caught up in the chaos or deciding one illegal pin deserves another- counted to give Sky's the Limit the pin!

 

BEETLE & TOADY ARE ELIMINATED!
SKY'S THE LIMIT WIN A HARMONY TITLE SHOT AT WAY OF THE WARRIOR!

 

Stratos and Buster have little time to celebrate as Deathwatch Beetle suddenly boots a rising Buster right in the Brain he's so proud of. Stratos moves to assist his partner but Toady recovers in time to nail him between the legs with a low blow and send him staggering into a Death Valley Driver from Beetle. Directing traffic, Beetle likewise hits another Driver on Brain Buster before Toady comes sailing off the top rope onto both with a frog splash! As the crowd boos viciously, Toady jerks his head towards the back emphatically, like a dog that's caught onto a scent. Beetle all but shoves him out of the ring and follows him to the back...

 

Sparky:
"Beetle and Toady viciously assaulting the future challengers to the Harmony Titles!"

 

Dustin:
"Beetle's a rough customer but that was beyond the pale even for him. I can't help but think him and Toady weren't out here to win but to punish Sky's the Limit before their title shot!"

 

Sparky:
"For that matter what was up with-"

 

KZZT!

 

Dustin:
"-eally getting more interference?! This broadcast is cur-"

 

KZZZZZT!

 

Oddly enough this go around we're not wherever Knight is holding Malothian and his Malothiminions but in Karrg's mothership where a mysterious machine that looks more or less like the unfortunate product of a passionate night between a phonebooth and an electric chair is currently under maintenance by-

 

"Okay, I think I almost...got it!"

 

Booster: Boy Genius, who received some timely assistance from the Alien Fleet to gain a victory over Aukland Raider last month exits the machine with a face covered in oil stains and a monkey wrench in his hand.

 

Booster:
"Quite the impressive machine, if I do say so myself, how'd you make it."

 

The camera turns around to show who he's talking to.

 

"That is for me to know and you to never ask about again, Boy-Human."

 

Booster:
"That's Boy Genius."

 

Karrg looms over the little annoyance and he flinches back.

 

Booster:
"Boy-Human it is."

 

Karrg:
"Good. Now let me see if your workmanship justifies going to war with that ludicrous lineman..."

 

Karrg casually tosses Booster into the machine and locks it behind him.

 

Booster:
"HEY, WAIT LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS."

 

Karrg:
"Cease your complaints, if it works you should have naught to worry about..."

 

Karrg approaches a keypad attached to the machine and tappy taps in a series of numbers. Fog fills the machine and the lights flicker as Booster pounds on the glass. The machine rumbles and eventually gives a chipper ding before the door opens again and out stumbles Booster, obscured by the fog...

 

Booster:
"What...what did you do to me?"

 

Karrg:
"Observe for yourself."

 

Karrg holds up a mirror that conveniently hides Booster's face.

 

Booster:
"...huh."

 

Karrg:
"How do you feel?"

 

Booster:
"Certainly not worse...what did you change exactly?"

 

Karrg:
"I enhanced your musculature with some leftover genetic material harvested from an earthling we abducted some time ago, Dominik Destrucity or whatever his name was. A small change like that would keep you alive to fix what you broke if you failed me."

 

Booster:
"I...see, fair enough. There is one more thing I have to ask about, tough."

 

Karrg:
"Go right ahead."

 

Booster lowers the mirror.

 

"Why the stache?"

 

Karrg:
"Your pseudo-adolescent aesthetic unnerved me, now you look like you have left the human developmental stage known as 'puberty'. You may thank me later, I have business to which I must attend."

 

Booster:
"Yeah, sure, I'll see you around."

 

Karrg:
"Yes, around this mothership which is now your home, you will bunk with Beetle."

 

Booster:
"Ah...aha! I see, can I maybe go get my stuff from my apart-?"

 

Karrg grabs Booster by the face and shoves him towards a door.

 

Karrg:
"Attire shall be provided, along with the proper tools. Welcome to my Armada, Boosted Boy, we are like family! Question me again and you will come out of that Recombinator with more than a moustache and even less of a mind! As you earthlings say, toodles~!"

 

Karrg marches off, leaving Booster to look on in horror.

 

Booster:
"I have made a serious mistake."

 

KZZZT!

 

Sparky:
"-swear something's nibbling on the electrical cables-wait we're back? Great! Just in time for the Conceptual title match!"

 

Dustin:
"Thank goodness these interruptions never seem to happen during a match. Fans the Conceptual Title currently has a three-way tie for most reigns between Kalliope Woodchuck, current champion Pink Spider, and tonight's challenger Man O'War! Could the Traitor to ZEN become the undisputed King of the Conceptual or will Pink Spider extend the deadlock another month?

 

Sparky:
"Well what're we waiting for? Let's find out!"

 

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH

PINK SPIDER VS MAN O'WAR

 

In another time, another place, this match would've seen the fans cheering the challenger and booing the champion. Oh what a difference a few years can make, though some things never change and that Pink Spider is faaaaaaaaabulous~! ZEN's own Prince Charming came into this bout with a return to his classic look complete with pink sequined ring rope with an outline of the Conceptual belt around the waist. Man O'War pantomimed stealing the belt before the bell and climbed the ropes to hold it high to boos from the crowd, Spider grabbed one of Manny's boots and yanked him back down to retrieve the belt and go for his own pose with it on the top rope to a much more happy reaction. Furious, Manny went to shake the ropes to dislodge the Spider but soon found himself caught in a big flying headscissors that sent the traitor flying. As Steven Yale called for the bell, Pink kipped up, donned a pair of fashionable sunglasses to match the ref, and did a supermodel strut along with him across the ring to a flurry of flashbulbs.

 

Refusing to be taken for granted, Man O'War sprung up and interrupted Spider's vogueing with an axehandle between the shoulderblades. Stomping out the champion, Man O'War would begin trying to prove himself the superior luchador by applying a series of torturous submission holds that Spider's technical acumen barely kept himself from succumbing to. Countering an attempt at a Boston Crab by kicking Manny into the ropes and hitting a monkey flip on the rebound, Spider would  spring up and move to bounce off the ropes himself directly into a back body drop from Manny. However, Spider would twist and land on the apron and bide his time as Manny decided to mock Spider's strut across the ring with an exagerrated cocky head waggle. He did not heed the warnings of Steven Yale and soon found himself blinded by the flashbulbs due to his lack of sunglasses and thrashed around the ring, blinded and would fall victim to a springboard rana from Spider for the pin and the win!

WINNER AND STILL CONCEPTUAL CHAMPION: PINK SPIDER
(DEFENSE #1)

 

Sparky:
"Pink Spider proves he isn't a one hit wonder here tonight, what a first defense."

 

Dustin:
"The deadlock continues in the Conceptual title records, maybe next time Manfred."

 

Sparky:
"Don't let him hear you call him that, he might kick you in the pants like he did Booster."

 

We cut backstage to find a pair we haven't seen in a month:

 

"Keep your eyes peeled, kid, danger could be around any corner."

 

"I'm peelin' I'm peelin'..."

 

C-W-A and Celestina Cherish (still in her own clown solidarity getup) cautiously make their way through the backstage area back-to-back, a pie in the veteran's hand and a comically large bowling pin in his rookie protege's.

 

Celestina:
"Y'know when I picked you to be my mentor I did NOT expect to get a price on my head-"

 

C-W-A:
"That was your first mistake, I have many enemies. Not even just in ZEN. The Clowning World Association, the population of the town of Mayor's Income Tennessee, the entier profession of Miming. Enemies all around."

 

Celestina:
"-...just for wearing a red nose."

 

C-W-A:
"Oh. Well you're still enemies with the Mimes even on that qualifier, that blood feud runs deep."

 

Celestina:
"I'll be on the lookout for invisible walls, speaking of you're losing your touch, teach, there's some red on your white paint."

 

C-W-A:
"Huh?"

 

C-W-A goes cross-eyed trying to look at the red dot now interrupting the sloppy expanse of white on his forehead.

 

C-W-A:
"What in the-wait a minute, GET DOWN!"

 

Voice:
"Target marked, executing."

 

Celestina rushes forward instead of doing as her mentor demands and shoves his own pie in his face!

 

C-W-A:
"MMPH!?"

 

PAK! PAK! PAK!

 

This quick-thinking saves the elder clown as the pie-plate suddenly blossoms into red...then green, then yellow. Celestina and C-W-A duck behind a pair of catering tables as staff members scatter. C-W-A yanks the pie plate off his face and examines the other side.

 

Celestina:
"Gotta admit after havin' guys try and jump us all month, paintball snipers are almost a refreshing change of pace."

 

C-W-A:
"That no good wetwork weasel, HE'S coming after me now?!"

 

Celestina:
"That guy's a friend of yours?"

 

C-W-A:
"Hardly, his name's Eraser, like the second biggest no-fun-allowed sadsack I ever met behind-...oh no. Kid we gotta run."

 

Celestina:
"What the heck, I thought we were here to fight the bounty hunters, not keep running!"

 

C-W-A:
"You don't understand if Eraser's here then that means his partner is too and that guy-"

 

C-W-A is cut off abruptly by the first few notes of every Jack-In-The-Box hater's least favorite song 'Pop Goes the Weasel' being whistled in the now empty backstage. A figure is walking towards our heroes...

 

"All around 'ole Aukland town~"

 

The camera zooms in on his boots as he stomps forward, every step punctuated with the jangle of the bells at the curled end of his shoes...

 

"The hunters chased the clownies~"

 

The camera then cuts to a different set of bells, skull-shaped and dangling from the green head-covering cap of this mysterious man.

 

"The hunters thought 'twas all in fun~"

 

The man SLAMS his hands on the table and leans over to leer down at the two taking cover, Celestina's eyes wide while C-W-A looks resigned to his fate.

"POP! GO THE CLOWNIES~!"

 

oh crap we are that tacky.

 

C-W-A inhales deeply and looks up at the looming form of the ZEN Original.

 

C-W-A:
"Heyyyyyyy Jester..."

 

Jester:
"Howdy doo, dead man~."

 

Celestina:
"Dead!? I thought that interstellar spoilsport wanted us alive or...was it intact?"

 

Jester:
"Oh that was for the noses, I can do whatever I want with rest of ya~"

 

C-W-A:
"Can we maybe talk about this?"

 

Jester:
"Certainly, old friend, certainly. I'll give ya the full five-star treatment. Here ya go..."

 

Jester pulls out two large laminated pieces of paper, on them are various torture methods with with tiny cartoon Jesters demonstrating them on each other along with...prices?

 

Celestina:
"YOU CHARGE PEOPLE TO TORTURE THEM!?"

 

Jester:
"Have you seen the economy lately~?"

 

Celestina:
"Ok fair."

 

Jester:
"Pick your poison~ I reccommend: The poison~"

 

C-W-A:
"Can't believe this is how I go out...well at least it's you and not Eraser, he's boring."

 

Jester:
"I knowwwwww riiiiight~?"

 

A static crackle makes Jester retrieve a walkie talkie from his belt.

 

Jester:
"WHAT!?"

 

"Report."

 

Jester:
"I got 'em, I got 'em, they're perusing the menus~"

 

Eraser:
"Elminate."

 

Jester:
"See this is why I hate you, you have no creativity!"

 

Eraser:
"They're going to just choose the wrestling match. They always choose the wrestling match."

 

Jester:
"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!"

 

Celestina points at a small doodle of one Jester giving another a Palo Special.

 

Celestina:
"Hey I'd like to choose the wrestling match, please!"

 

C-W-A:
"Ditto!"

 

Jester:
"..."

Eraser:
"...they chose the wrestling match."

Jeter:
"SHUT UP!"

 

Eraser:
"Take the menus out and get rid of the wrestling match. They always choose the wrestling match."

 

Jester:
"DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE IT IS TO LAMINATE SOMETHING THESE DAYS!? Anyway that'll be thirty dollars apiece, pay up."

 

Celestina and C-W-A grumble and fork over the money.

 

Jester:
”And the menus~”

 

Celestina:
”Aw man I wanted to solve the maze.”

 

Jester:
”Well that’s what you get for knowing your order right away, gimme.”

 

They hand over the menus too.

 

Celestina:
"This better be a good match or I'm asking for a refund..."

 

Eraser:
"There are no refunds."

Jester:
"..."

 

Eraser:
"...there ARE no refunds, righ-?"

 

Jester:
"JUST GET TO THE RING!"

 

CELESTINA CHERISH & C-W-A VS THE MERCS

 

Easily some of the roughest customers to come through the doors of ZEN, the Mercs were keen to parlay that experience to isolate and beat down on their fellow ZEN Original C-W-A by tossing Celestina out of the ring at every opportunity. The bounty hunting brutes worked over their old peer with a combination of ruthless efficiency (Eraser) and unhinged brutality (Jester) that contrasted each other so much it looped back around to complimenting one another. However, their counting out of Celestina came back to bite them quite literally in their respective rumps as the Trailblazer snuck back into the ring as they hit simultaneous boots to C-W-A’s belly and dropkicked them both from behind and sent them stumbling into a double back body drop by the killer clown.

 

Taking the momentum for the first time in the match, the teacher/student duo showed their own growing teamwork as C-W-A picked Celly up in an atomic drop setup to slam her boots into the faces of the reeling roughnecks before flipping her over his shoulder and letting her shove him into a double clothesline on the stunned bounty hunters! In another show of C-W-A’s strength pairing well with Celly’s agility, the big clown tossed the petite pierrot up into the air and shoved down on her back as she fell to get more momentum on a big splash to Eraser for a nearfall. It was this point that Herbie H. Reedman had had enough of the wanton 2-on-2’ery going on and demanded both teams have a single member legal at a time, a rule he was moving to enforce on C-W-A when Jester waylaid Celestina from behind with a wicked forearm shot.

 

Reclaiming the initiative, the deviou duo tried to make up for lost time by pummeling Celestina with vicious double team maneuvers, trying to keep her isolated in their corner. Many were the times that Celly’s attempts at reaching C-W-A for the tag were cutoff, notably Eraser countering an attempt to slip between his legs into a wicked half crab that Celestina had to get the crowd to rally behind her to fight her way out of! Eager to really bring the pain to the rookie’s lower back, Jester undid the middle turnbuckle pad of the Mercs’ corner and worked with Eraser to build up what would be a devastating double irish whip directly into it-were it not for the fact that C-W-A has shoved his big Clown Shoe into the ring while holding the tag rope! Reaching out with her shoe on the final windup of the whip, C-W-A leaned in as far as he could to slap it for a legal tag and snuck into the ring as Celestina barely managed to vault the ropes onto the apron.

 

The Mercs made to charge who they still believed the be the legal woman only for C-W-A to hold on to Jester’s waistband to yank him back into a big lariat to the back of the neck while Celestina pulled the ropes down to let Eraser go sailing to the outside! Capitalizing on this, C-W-A picked Jester up and positioned him in the corner for the Clown Killer Deluxe which left the assassin prone on the mat for Celestina’s top rope leg drop! Celly swiftly neutralized a returning Eraser with a dropkick as C-W-A made the pin to give the victory to hi mself and his student. Both clown posed for the audience…before Celly pickpocketed their collective sixty dollars back from Jester and received an appreciative headpat from the elder clown. Guess there were refunds after all.

WINNERS VIA PINFALL: C-W-A & CELESTINA CHERISH

 

-KZZZZZZT-

 

Sparky and Dustin don’t even get a chance to commentate this time as the camera cuts to what appears to be a hallway wthin whatever building Knight was keeping the Malothian in. Down the hall walk HalloWarped and Hez Jendell, the both of them looking determined as they approach the door to impromptu jail.

 

Hez:
”Your companion was eager to leave this place, he must truly be keen to face Karrg.”

 

Warped:
”Nah he always drives like that, makes me glad we ain’t holding shows outside Aukland for a while, carpooling with him is gambling with my life.”

 

Hez:
”Hm, indeed. Warrior of the Warped, I must ask of you a favor.”

 

Warped:
”Shoot.”

 

Hez:
”I must ask that when we enter this room that you restrain me. I will…not be myself when I behold the Malothian.”

 

Warped:
”Hate run that deep?”

Hez:
”I know it sounds like I am giving in to base emotion but you must understand, I…I have fled from him and his master since I was but a child. I have seen many who named themselves my protector fall to the Armada before I learned to defend myself. This scourge, I will try my best to focus on assisting Sir Knight but some fifteen of your earth years weighs heavily upon my mind.”

 

Warped:
”Well I’m more experinced with getting into fights than keeping people out of them but hey, what are friends for? Now c’mon.”

 

Warped doesn’t noticed Hez’s eyes lingering on him for a moment as he opens the door, leading the way into the holding area where Halloween Knight and Black Flash are both enjoying a cup of tea while the still tied up Buckminster Snark and caged Malothian look on disapprovingly.

 

Knight:
”Ah, there you are, Ms. Jendell! I presume some introductions are in order. Ms. Jendell that gentleman in the cell is Black Flash, Black Flash, Hez Jendell. Then there’s dear Bucky here, full name Buckminster Sna-”

 

Malothian (Via Snark):
”Hez Jendell.”

 

Hez:
”Mind-Sculptor. These earthlings are truly more clever than expected to trap your slippery hide.”

 

Malothian:
”Clever, yes, this Knight is a worthy foe to put in my path one with a head so empty as to turn my Claw’s ability to steal one’s consciousness against me. Far more worthy than your previous allies, ohhh how they all scream within the prison I’ve made for them in my mind.”

 

The Malothian taps the helmet of his full body outfit.

 

Malothian:
”It assists me when I have trouble sleeping.”

Hez moves towards the other alien but Warped obeys her early request and restrains her.

 

Hez:
”You will release them before this is over, monstrosity, I’ll see to that.”

 

Knight:
”Well now, seems there’s a richer history between you two than I previously thought. I’d ask you to spill the tea but I’m pretty sure if Flash there followed suit the sheer amount of sugar in his cup would eat through the floor.”

 

Flash:
”That guy just admitted to being a war criminal and I’m the one you insult? I see how it is, bone boy…”

 

Hez:
”The ‘tea’ is that this vile minion of Karrg saw personally to the burning of my world, the hunting of my people, only few of us yet remain.”

 

Knight:
”Going so far as to wipe out an entire species? Repulsive, yet it makes me wonder…why? Up until now it seemed Karrg was keen to recrui auxilaries and collaborators, you’re a living testament to that. Why did her people have to die?”

 

Malothian:
”For the same reason that I will see to the destruction of that foul subspecies you had me face two months ago. They of bulbous nose and capering gait. “

 

Knight:
”Clowns, you’re talking about clowns.”

 

Malothian:
”Yes, all clowns will suffer the punishment of defying my Claw, just as Jendell’s people did for their infuriating immunity.”

 

Knight:
”Immunity, now we’re getting somewhere!”

 

Malothian:
”Ever closer to your grave, perhaps. Sadly the same cannot be said for little Hezzy’s brother~.”

 

Malothian’s deflection works out for him as Hez takes the bait.

 

Hez:
”Skaeth yet lives? Where? Where are you monsters keeping him!?”

 

Malothian:
”Hah, upon our mothership, foolish girl. Great Karrg keeps the so-called Great Hero frozen in cryogenic sleep, a monument to the fool who thought he had bested the Master of this and every universe.”

 

Hez breaks free of Warped’s grasp and slams herself against the bars.

 

Hez:
”Vile defiler of minds, hear me now, I swear upon the shattered moon of my homeworld I will set my brother free!”

 

Malothian:
”Such loyalty to a failure, but you know all about those who failed to stop us by now, yes? Perhaps once victory here has been achieved, Karrg shall freeze you as well, the eldest and youngest Jendells frozen for all eternity.”

 

Hez spits at Malothian who barely bothers to wipe it away.

 

Malothian:
”But there, that wouldn’t be the whole set now would it? I recall there being three of you pathetic whelps…where oh where did the middle brother skulk off to? Perhaps I shall make that a pet project, I’m rather adept these days at…bringing families together. Hmhm…hmhmhmhm…HmhmhmHAAAAH HAH HAH HAH!”

 

Snark erupts in the laughter of a man who thinks he’s told the funniest joke in history.

 

Flash:
”…well that’s creepy.”

 

It is.

 

Knight:
”Enough of this tit-for-tat tête-à-tête. It’s high time I bring this farce to an end and your smug little facade crashing down around your ears.”

Malothian:
”And just how do you intend to do that?”

 

Knight:
”Elementary, my dear Malothian. Once I’ve cleaned up these teacups…”

 

Knight fixes Malothian with a steely glare.

 

Knight:
”I’m going to reveal what I’ve figured out about the horrible creature you call your Master.”

 

-KZZZZZZZZT-

 

Sparky:
”Are we…yeah we’re back, this is getting untenable.”

 

Dustin:
”Hey at least these aren’t interrupting the matches.”

 

Sparky:
”True, fans I hope you’re not minding these broadcast interruptions, WrestleWorld is assuring us it’s a very unfortunate accident that this is going on. However, we have you back in time for a good old fashioned grudge match.

 

Dustin:
”Kallioope Woodchuck and Rekha have been at odds for years now and we’ve seen some serious wars between the both of them. Rekha never succeeded in unseating Kalliope during her reign as Conceptual Champion. However, Rekha did defeat Kalliope in a #1 Contenders match to leapfrog her to being the first woman to challenge for the ZEN Master title! With Kalliope making it clear she’s coming for Cyanide next, Rekha may be his last best hope to avoid a showdown with the woman he’s been paid to keep out of the invasion!

 

Sparky:
”Needless to say there’s a lot riding on this so no more waiting around, let’s get to ringside!”

 

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS REKHA

A match up both the fans and the competitors knew well from Kalliope’s reign with the Conceptual title, Rekha seemed keen to play the hits from that particular little feud-by which we mean pummel her opponent about the face. Kalli however wasn’t about to be bludgeoned so easily and took to harrying her foe with less damaging but harder to counter strikes. Still, Rekha managed to catch an early attempt at high crossbody from Kalliope smash her smaller foe with a backbreaker she swiftly turned into a torturous submission hold that Kalliope endured until Rekha frustratedly deadlifted her back up out of before smashing her into the mat with a running powerslam for a nearfall.

 

Avoiding a clubbing blow as she tried to get up, Kalliope sent a series of kicks to Rekha’s legs while avoiding return shots from the bigger woman before throwing a big dropkick after Rekha shoved her into the ropes and sending her bouncing back into a drop toehold! With her stronger foe grounded, Kalli would attempt an early go at her Magistral Cradle but Rekha had it scouted and shoved her away for yet another bounce off the ropes that would be met with a leaping shoulder tackle from a kneel by Rekha that nearly sent the tecnica flying from the ring! Swift to capitalize on this brutal move, Rekha dragged Kalliope to the middle of the ring and put the boots to her longtime rival before going to bounce off the ropes and all but squash her with a senton which she moved to parlay into a cocky pin.

1!

2!

Kalliope suddenly flipped her into a crucifix pin!

1!

2!

Thr-Kickout!

 

Rekha scrambled up, furious at nearly getting caught in an upset, going to nail a more slowly rising Kalliope with a spinning backfist only for Kalliope to duck and try for her Woodchipper! Rekha had it scouted though and blocked the roundhouse kick before trying to fully lift her up into position for the Sit-Out Powerbomb only for Kalliope to flip over into a sunset flip that Rekha immediate kicked out of and scrambled up to confront her again only to find-

Kalliope had slipped behind her, seizing her head into an inverted DDT position and hitting the Snark Bite! Rekha had no chance to prepare for Buckminster Snark’s finisher and fell victim to the follow up pin to give Kalli the match.

 

WINNER VIA PINFALL: KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK

 

Sparky:
”An astounding victory here tonight by Kalliope Woodchuck, using the finisher of her own lost love to triumph over Rekha!”

 

Dustin:
”And it doesn’t seem like she’s done either, she’s got a mic!”

”Cyanide! That’s the last one of your thugs! The only one standing between me and going after Bucky now is you! I know you got your eye on winning a shot at Karrg’s title at Way of the Warrior. You better hope you weasel your way into getting it, because if you don’t I spoke with the ZEN Council and they’re ready to give me what I’m after: Your head on a silver platter.”

 

Kalli throws the mic down and makes a throat cutting gesture to the cameras before heading to the back.

 

Sparky:
”Well the stakes for Cyanide just go upped tonight!”

 

Dustin:
”His crackpot plan had better work out because if not he’s got one angry Woodchuck waiting for him on the other end…”

 

Sparky:
”Well we’re on track to find out as it’s time, ZEN Faithful! Time for the Master Challenge! A who’s who of former ZEN Masters vying for a shot at Karrg the Insidious at Way of the Warrior, our technicians have successfully hung the contract for the match above the ring so let’s not delay!”

 

ZEN MASTER CHALLENGE
WINNER GETS A SHOT AT KARRG AT WAY OF THE WARRIOR 2022!



PUMPKIN JACK VS CYANIDE VS ZERO VS DEVILFISH VS LONE SHARK VS ???+

 

As the various former ZEN Masters made their entrances to the ring, fans at home finally got to see what on earth the plan Cyanide had was that’d be alluded to earlier that they didn’t get to see thanks to the braodcast interruptions:

 

He came out somehow even more bandaged up than last month and in a wheelchair pushed by a very nonplussed looking Herbie H. Reedman. Sparky made a snide reference to a ‘Kākāpō incident’ as Cyanide was awkwardly put inside the ring for the match to begin and immediately got accusatory points from the other occupants. All of this was put to the side when a familiar theme song suddenly hit the speakers…

 

The fans cheered ferociously as the theme song of Necromancer blared through the speakers. The cheers for the return of one of ZEN’s Founders suddenly turned to boos when he actually came out…

 

Pictured: What he’s SUPPOSED to look like.

The man strutting down to the ring was a good 4 inches shorter, around 30lbs lighter, and was struggling to keep what was clearly a wig on his head. The only person who seemed happy to see ‘Necromancer’ was Cyanide who attempted to hold open the ropes for him despite basically being a mummy at this point. Necromancer accepted the help, mostly because it kept a hand free to secure the wig…With it being apparent that no other former Masters were showing up, Steven Yale called for the bell and the ring erupted into chaos as Cyanide quickly bullied Herbie H. Reedman and the technicians that put the contract up over the ring into dragging him to the outside away from the fracas. ZERO was quick to hone in on his old enemy Pumpkin Jack while Devilfish and Lone Shark understandably went after their rival in Necromancer.

 

Jack and ZERO exchanged martial arts kicks and full on closed fists all around the ring, with an early attempt at a Pumpkinhandle Suplex countered into an inverted DDT by the Blank-Faced Fury. Elsewhere, Necromancer was on the defensive trying to dodge a constant flurry of attacks from DevilShark that threatened to quite literally split his wig, ultimately dodging an attempted clothesline by Lone Shark and tossing him from the ring before snapping off a superkick at Devilfish. Sparky applauded the athleticism of Necromancer while Dustin noted it’s admirable considering acccording to TEW.com he apparently competed in WLW a mere…FIVE MINUTES AGO!? Capitalizing on his kick to Fish, Necromancer planted the Technicolor Tecnico with a double underhook ddt and made to join ZERO in putting on some punishment on Pumpkin Jack but received a headbutt from the other rudo for his troubles, distracting ZERO long enough for Jack to sweep his legs and spring up into a flying forearm to Necromancer’s face!

 

With the ‘ZEN Founder’ stumbling back, Jack looked to a rising Devilfish and grabbed ZERO by his mask while nodding towards Necromancer. Fish grabbed Necromancer as well and both men moved to toss their foes out of the ring, the rudos both flew to the outside and so did something else but the camera couldn’t catch it as Necromancer scrambled to put it back on. Jack and Fish seemed about ready to vault over the ropes for a double plancha onto their opponents when Cyanide began gesticulating extremely wildly for such an injured man and got them to look behind them where Lone Shark was setting up the ladder. Fish shook his head and gave an ‘oh you’ gesture but Jack was much less understanding, approaching Shark who began begging off -which caused an opening for Devilfish to quickly scamper up the ladder only for Jack to yank him down, thereby causing another opening for Shark to make his move and get yanked down.

 

Jack pointed at both men and then at the contract, shaking his head, the cameras picking up his words:

 

“I need this.”

 

Devilfish tilted his heads but Shark was the first one to act, throwing a superkick to Jack’s chin and a dropkick to make him fall out onto the apron! Fish stepped back in shock but Shark pointed up towards the contract and apparently was offering to allow his partner to head up first when he suddenly found himself waylaid by a returning Necromancer and shoved into his partner. With both members of DevilShark down, Necromancer put the boots to them as ZERO came back into the ring to give his own bit of punishment to the downed duo before Necromancer performed a celebratory…peacock strut!? Not realizing his faux-pas, Necromancer gave ZERO finger guns, which the Featureless Fiend reciprocated…before seizing his mask by the horns and sending both it and the wig flying to reveal:

 

TREVOR FEATHER!? SHOCK! HORROR!

The decidedly NON-former ZEN Master clutched at his now revealed pink hair and tried to quickly scamper up the ladder before ZERO yanked him back down and palm struck him in the nose! It was at this point DevilShark recovered and noticed the ruse as well, putting off their enmity with ZERO to join in a beatdown on the interloper and begin frogmarching him towards an oddly smaller than you’d expect assembly of security officers who were filing out from the back.

 

Which is exactly what Cyanide had planned for them to do! Shedding his various bandages and casts like the world’s most cantankerous caterpillar becoming a brutish butterfly, Cyanide took this opportunity to scamper into the ring and up the ladder. Taking a moment to point and laugh at the other luchadors he’d duped outside the ring, Cyanide reached up for the contract-

 

And found himself suddenly tumbling onto the top rope groin first as a recovered Pumpkin Jack toppled the ladder over! Noticing the commotion and that they’d almost been fooled, DevilShark and ZERO came rushing back towards the ring, fighting one another to get back inside as Cyanide tried to get himself off the ropes above them. He was assisted in this by Jack who dropkicked him into falling atop DevilShark as ZERO slipped into the ring. Picking up immediately where they left off, both fighters began a strike exchange as the fans yay’d and boo’d along until Jack abruptly dropped to his knees, holding his head and crying out in pain-opening himself up to an axe kick to the top of the dome by ZERO!

 

Setting the ladder back up, ZERO would callously step on the back of the laid out Jack’s head as he began making his way to the top of the ladder. This seemed to snap Jack out of his daze as he suddenly shuddered and slammed his fist into the mat, going to stand up and hook ZERO’s tights. Shocked that his rival had recovered so fast, ZERO was unable to counter what happened next:

 

A MASSIVE CONQUEST BOMB OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE OTHER COMPETITORS!

 

With all four of his foes down and the fans at a fever pitch, Jack climbed to the top of the ladder and emphatically yanked down the contract. The fans cheered uproariously but Sparky and Dustin questioned why he chose to use the Conquest Bomb to finish the match. Was it a statement or was something else at play here…?

 

WINNER VIA CONTRACT RETRIEVAL: PUM-KZZT-N -KZZT-ACK

 

-KZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT-

 

We have little time to process Jack’s big victory here tonight as we cut back via broadcast interruption to the sight of Hallloween Knight gingerly placing his tea set away. Malothian, Flash, and Buckminster stare at him intently while Hez and Warped share a look.

 

Warped:
”So uh…ya done, master?”

 

Knight:
”Hmmm? Oh yes yes, I was done a couple minutes ago, I just wanted these three to stew in what I asserted for a while.”

 

Flash:
”Be nice to me.”

 

Knight:
”Never. Anyway, yes, it’s high time I reveal my theory!”

 

Knight claps his hands together and takes a seat across from Malothian. Snark speaks up from the chair, still speaking for his brainwasher.

 

Malothian:
”Yes indeed, please, enlighten us all of the revelation you have about Mighty Karrg. I cannot wait to laugh at your ridiculous-”

 

Knight:
”Karrg is a human.”

 

Silence.

 

Warped:
”What?”

 

Flash:
”What?”

 

Hez:
”…”

 

Malothian:
”…HmhmhmhmhmHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YOU FOOL! YOU INFANTILE RUBE! YOU CANNOT SERIOUSLY SIT THERE AND THINK THAT ONE SUCH AS KARRG WOULD BE FROM THIS BACKWATER MUD PUDDLE!”

 

Knight:
”Let me rephrase. Karrg’s body is human.”

 

That shuts Malothian up.

 

Warped:
”That doesn’t make any sense.”

 

Knight:
”Oh but it does, just look at him.”

 

Warped:
”Master, Hez here looks like us aside from the anime hair but we know from the hospital she doesn’t have our anatomy…”

 

Knight:
”Not his appearance, my boy, his actions. You’ve seen it first hand, he fights with reckless abandon. All out aggression tempered only by a predator’s malicious cunning. Even Ms. Jendell here has survival instincts but Karrg…Karrg fights like someone who knows he has a backup plan where others would be physically destroyed…”

 

Hez:
”…”

 

Malothian:
”No…no you are wrong! Cease your foolish jabbering at once!”

 

Warped:
”Wait…then that would explain-”

 

Knight:
”The need for him to plant this so-called seed in Jack. The need for him to goad Jack into another match in order to speed up the process of whatever’s being done to our friend’s mind.”

 

Warped:
”You’re not suggesting…”

 

Knight:
”Karrg isn’t the body he inhabits. He’s something else, not physical but…mental.”

 

Knight stands and points at Malothian.

 

Knight:
”Your master is a psychic parasite, isn’t he!?”

 

Malothian:
”GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH! HOW DAAAAAARE YOU!?”

 

Snark begins thrashing against his restraints, Malothian throws himself against the bars and even Flash fights to keep from slashing the air beyond his cell.

 

Flash:
”Whoa whoa whoa what is going on!?”

 

Malothian:
”IGNORANT SIMIAN! ABSURD DUNCE-APE! COME CLOSER SO I MAY CLEAVE YOUR VERY MIND FROM ITS WRETCHED HOLE AND TORTURE IT FOR ALL ETERNITY!”

 

Knight:
”Hmmmm…no, gonna go with no there. Ms. Jendell am I on the money with this?”

 

Hez:
”You are far more clever than I suspected, Sir Knight. You must forgive my shared belief with the Malothian that yours was an ignorant people.”

 

Knight:
”Apology accepted, there’s only one more question to be asked. Who…exactly is Karrg driving about like the Mazda I loaned Warped and Jack to gad about in?”

Warped:
”Two questions actually. The other one is what exactly does this all power psychic parasite want with a lucha promotion in Aukland, New Zealand?”

 

Knight:
”…yes, a fine question indeed, what could he want with it?”

 

Malothian:
”Actually…”

 

The Malothian’s voice via Snark comes out hoarse but sinister…

 

Malothian:
”There is a third question you three aren’t asking…”

 

Knight, Warped, and Hez look at one another.

 

Malothian:
”If the masked one’s presence was enough for the talking-pet to figure out where I am…how long do you think it would take for my third thrall to find this place?”

 

Alarms start going off, red lights begin to pulse overhead.

 

Hez:
”You did not capture the feral one!?”

 

Warped:
”I was only supposed to pick you up, I didn’t even know they could track each other!”

 

Knight:
”You sneaky little-”

 

Malothian:
”Trick question…because I have claimed the minds of so many more than a mere three…”

 

Knight brings up security footage on a nearby camera to see-

 

Members of the Alien Armada at the head of…

 

A LOT of security guards with ZEN emblems on their shoulders.

 

Malothian:
”I have so enjoyed our time together, Sir Knight. But this…this is where it ends. I wonder, truly…where you thought to hold me, where did you think would be safe from Mighty Karrg’s all-seeing eye? I hope it was nowhere important…because it is ours now…”

 

Knight:
”No…you rat! You little cretin you’re not turning this around on me!”

 

Malothian:
”Ohhh but I am. Better hurry and run away, I’m sure Jendell can give you pointers.”

 

Hez moves to attack Malothian but Warped shakes his head.

 

Warped:
”Master you know this place better than anyone, is there a way out of here where we can avoid that crowd?”

 

Knight:
”Yes…yes there is a way but, I need to warn-”

 

Warped:
”We don’t have time, we just need to hope they heeded the alarms and had their own way out!”

 

Knight sighs.

 

Knight:
”You’re right…this isn’t over, Malothian. I WILL find a way to save ZEN from you and your master if it means my life!”

 

Malothian:
”Oh I look forward to seeing you try. I truly do.”

 

Knight hits a button next to the computer and a false wall falls away revealing a passage, hurrying inside it with Hez and Warped in tow.

 

Flash:
”Hey no no no no! Take me with you! Come on!”

 

Moments later Karrg and several of the security officers break down the door and stride into the room, the leader of the Armada surveying the scene. One of the officers moves to walk into the secret passage but Karrg waves him off.

 

Karrg:
”No no, let them run…their foolish attempt at gaining superiority is downfall enough for today. Malothian, are you harmed?”

 

Malothian:
”Only in pride, Mighty One.”

 

Karrg:
”Please, return to the language of the mind. Your speaking through this one is uncouth. I take it I have you to thank for setting the Gourd on his collision course with me?”

 

Malothian:
”…”

 

Karrg:
”Excellent, then all is coming together. All I need do now…is wait. Kyahaha..hahahahah…”

 

“KYAAAAAAAAAAAA-HAK-HAK-HAK!”

 

We cut to a side street in Aukland as our trio of heroes emerge from a doorway and make to retreat further into the city. As they leave we get a look at the building that is now being mobbed by the now mind-thralled masses of security:

ZEN TEMPLE DOJO

 

Edited August 31 by Pteroid
I have killed the absurd quarduple spaces, they are dead now

[Pteroid]

Note: An attempt to resize the images for the 4-way tag caused some...issues with the formatting of the show, I will go back and fix it later tonight.

 

THE ZEN NEWSWIRE PRESENTS:
WAY OF THE WARRIOR 2022 PREVIEW!

As is tradition in lieu of our usual news items, this edition of the news wire will be running down the card for ZEN's biggest show of the year: Way of the Warrior! Bizarrely our ZEN Council-approved contact did not deliver the usual parchment and ink missive we're used to but instead a singular flash drive with 'insert' written on a sticky note attached to it. How...modern. We'll start with our opener then move on to our main event.

TAG TEAM GRUDGE MATCH
DEVILSHARK VS CASUAL VIOLENCE
Lone Shark shocked the ZEN Faithful when he returned to the lucha ring at Way of the Dreamer to join Devilfish in his rivalry with Skullduggery's devious duo. Since then members of both teams have clashed in a multitude of matches leading up to this bout. With Skullduggery on the backfoot and DevilShark coming off their own failed attempt at either member gaining a shot at the Master title, which will use this opportunity to bounce back?

ATOMICOS MATCH
CELESTINA CHERISH, C-W-A, AUKLAND RAIDER, AND SHAOLIN
VS
JESTER, ERASER, BLACK FLASH, & BOOSTER: BOY GENIUS

From a certain point of view a rematch of the very first bout we saw this year, we've thrown in two assassins, a very distressed Aussie, and a ninja. Fun! There are three key feuds going into this: Celestina and C-W-A's attempting to evade the Mercs' attempts to win the Alien Armada's bounty on their heads (Or just reclaim the 'refund' the clowns took off them), Raider and Shaolin's issues with Booster, and Black Flash's ongoing feud with life in general since he got here. Sure to be an exciting bout!

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE

Pink Spider defeated Beetle two months ago to embark on his record-tying third reign with the Conceptual Title and has since defended the title successfully against Man O'War at Way of the Jester. Deathwatch meanwhile was kept from pursuing a rematch last month in what we are now sure was a strategy to weaken the frontrunners to challenge for the Harmony Titles, Sky's the Limit. Seemingly in reward for his efforts, Beetle's been granted a second go at the 0kg's of Gold. Can Spider's technical acumen carry the day once again or will the brutish Beetle reclaim what he lost?

HANDICAP MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS ZERO

We're a bit confused as to why this is happening, perhaps ZERO was so mad at losing the Master Challenge he decided to take it out on the Coolest pair in all of ZEN? Maybe this is some object lesson on his weird Darwinist outlook. In any case 2-on-1 remains in the Party Peeps' favor so we'll see if this decision was foolish or not...

HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE ALIEN FLEET (c) VS SKY'S THE LIMIT

Sky's The Limit first came into being under their former identities as Killer B and Crime Buster but have since flourished into a dynamic and dogged duo of do-gooders seeking to take the Harmony belts from the rough'n ready rudos known as the Alien Fleet. Man O'War and Laguna the Loyal's devious ability to stay one step ahead of their foes is well known by this point but in StL's title bout with them months ago they had to resort to a 'fighting retreat' in order to keep the belts. With this new tecnico team take the gold or will we still have to deal with these nautical nasties?

DOJO DEMOLITION NO-DQ MATCH
HALLOWEEN KNIGHT, HALLOWARPED, & HEZ JENDELL
VS
THE MALOTHIAN, BUCKMINSTER SNARK, & TOADY

It is with deep regrets we inform the members of the ZEN Faithful that somehow The Malothian has escaped capture and has resumed direct control of Toady and Buckminster Snark. What's more he has challenged Halloween Knight, HalloWarped, and Hez Jendell to a no disqualification trios brawl at Way of the Warrior. Considering how dangerous Malothian is with just his claw, it's terrifying to think what damage could be done with a weapon in his hands...

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS CYANIDE

Ever since Buckminster Snark was taken from her by the resurgent Alien Armada, Kalliope Woodchuck has been on the warpath. We now know that Karrg the Insidious contracted out Cyanide and Skullduggery to prevent her from interfering in his business and that has come at a great cost for the Merciless Mat Masochist as Kalliope has ran through the entirety of his underlings on the way to facing him tonight. Will this be the final comeuppance for the leader of Skullduggery, or does he have a final trick up his sleeve?

ZEN MASTER TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
KARRG THE INSIDIOUS (c) VS PUMPKIN JACK

From the day Karrg returned from his exile he has been at odds with nearly the entirety of ZEN but none moreso than its self-appointed protector Pumpkin Jack. The two clashed over the belt already at Way of the Scholar, a battle that Karrg won due to the timely interference of the Malothian applying a strange variant of his Mind Claw on Jack to avert an Orange Bowl on his master. Having won the right for another go at the champion in the ZEN Master Challenge, Jack seems more than keen to bring the title back into the hands of ZEN. Karrg for his part has apparently agreed to a steel cage match for this battle for supremacy, where neither man's cohorts can come in or out to interfere. One has to wonder is this a concession made to the ZEN Council...or is Halloween Knight not the only one who knows how to bait a trap?

 

ZEN: WAY OF THE WARRIOR

ZEN MASTER TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
KARRG THE INSIDIOUS (c) VS PUMPKIN JACK

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS CYANIDE

NO DQ DOJO DEMOLITION TRIOS MATCH
HALLOWEEN KNIGHT, HALLOWARPED, & HEZ JENDELL
VS
THE MALOTHIAN, BUCKMINSTER SNARK, & TOADY

HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE ALIEN FLEET (c) VS SKY'S THE LIMIT

HANDICAP MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS ZERO

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE

ATOMICOS MATCH
C-W-A, CELESTINA CHERISH, AUKLAND RAIDER, & SHAOLIN
VS
BOOSTER: BOY GENIUS, JESTER, ERASER, & BLACK FLASH

DEVILSHARK VS CASUAL VIOLENCE

[AboardTheArk]

If there's any consolation about the pain in the ass it was to finally upload, this show was incredible.

 

ZEN: WAY OF THE WARRIOR

ZEN MASTER TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
KARRG THE INSIDIOUS (c) VS PUMPKIN JACK

Part of me hopes this doesn't happen and it's just a declaration of evil plans before they're thwarted forever, it's the company's biggest show after all, but it feels like not every piece has moved right now in this story that affects almost the whole roster. Both results are good decisions really.

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS CYANIDE

No way she stumbles here... right?

NO DQ DOJO DEMOLITION TRIOS MATCH
HALLOWEEN KNIGHT, HALLOWARPED, & HEZ JENDELL
VS
THE MALOTHIAN, BUCKMINSTER SNARK, & TOADY

HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE ALIEN FLEET (c) VS SKY'S THE LIMIT

HANDICAP MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS ZERO

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE

ATOMICOS MATCH
C-W-A, CELESTINA CHERISH, AUKLAND RAIDER, & SHAOLIN
VS
BOOSTER: BOY GENIUS, JESTER, ERASER, & BLACK FLASH

DEVILSHARK VS CASUAL VIOLENCE

 

Mostly tecnico-filled night with the big heartbreaking result on top? Why not.

[Eugh]

Absolutely immense show. Great storyline beats, and teases e.g. family Jendell.  The Karrg reveal was great as it was foreshadowed so well, but I didn't put two and two together. My favourite thing is that down the line we might even end up with a mad comic book style situation of a rudo Pumpkin Jack, who is actually Karrg, and tecnico Karrg who is his original human self (or even Pumpkin Jack through, shenanigans?) in a feud. Loving the direction. 

 

ZEN MASTER TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
KARRG THE INSIDIOUS (c) VS PUMPKIN JACK

No way it's being dropped yet, after that reveal. Much more legs to this.

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS CYANIDE

I'm 50/50 on this. The story says Woodchuck, on her road to Karrg, but 

NO DQ DOJO DEMOLITION TRIOS MATCH
HALLOWEEN KNIGHT, HALLOWARPED, & HEZ JENDELL
VS
THE MALOTHIAN, BUCKMINSTER SNARK, & TOADY

Need some tecnico success. Massive show, need some hope.

HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE ALIEN FLEET (c) VS SKY'S THE LIMIT

Everything seems set-up for Sky's The Limit to take it, there's just an inkling I have that it won't go their way.

HANDICAP MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS ZERO

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE

ATOMICOS MATCH
C-W-A, CELESTINA CHERISH, AUKLAND RAIDER, & SHAOLIN
VS
BOOSTER: BOY GENIUS, JESTER, ERASER, & BLACK FLASH

DEVILSHARK VS CASUAL VIOLENCE

[Tiberious]

Great show! Jester and Eraser have a great dynamic and I'd love for them to rejoin the roster full time.

ZEN

ZEN: WAY OF THE WARRIOR

ZEN MASTER TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
KARRG THE INSIDIOUS (c) VS PUMPKIN JACK

Jack Wins, but is it really Jack or did Karrg already take control of our Pumpkin Hero? And was the Malothian telling the truth about beating Karrg being the cure or was that all a trick?
 

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS CYANIDE

Woodchuck has been being built up throughout this dynasty and I think she gets the biggest win of her career here.
 

NO DQ DOJO DEMOLITION TRIOS MATCH
HALLOWEEN KNIGHT, HALLOWARPED, & HEZ JENDELL
VS
THE MALOTHIAN, BUCKMINSTER SNARK, & TOADY

It feels like the time is right for the heroes to get big wins up and down the card.
 

HARMONY TITLE MATCH
THE ALIEN FLEET (c) VS SKY'S THE LIMIT

I know I'm basically going for a babyface sweep here, but it feels like it's time.
 

HANDICAP MATCH
THE PARTY PEOPLE VS ZERO

Can't help but wonder if maybe ZERO is on his way out and this is a chance to have him elevate a couple of your undercard workers in the process.
 

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH
PINK SPIDER (c) VS DEATHWATCH BEETLE

Can't imagine you'd be putting the belt back on Beetle so quickly.
 

ATOMICOS MATCH
C-W-A, CELESTINA CHERISH, AUKLAND RAIDER, & SHAOLIN
VS
BOOSTER: BOY GENIUS, JESTER, ERASER, & BLACK FLASH

Black Flash banished to the rudo team after asking for three sugars with his tea.
 

DEVILSHARK VS CASUAL VIOLENCE

I really don't want to bet against DevilShark because they're both great, but on the other hand I keep picking faces to win so there probably need to be some heels set up as challengers if I'm right about the tag title change. I could also see Lone Shark turning on Devilfish since he's been acting a bit heelish as of late.