Pteroid

There is no justice in this world T_T

ZEN: The Art of Grappling MAIN EVENT Pumpkin Jack & ??? vs Bradley Blaze, Deadly Deadshot, & Big Hoss Robbie Wright vs Amazeing Grace The Golden Fox vs SUPREME Yoshida Tyrone Gray vs Samhain Crash Test vs Glitch PLUS: SUPREME Yoshida has a special message for the 'ZEN Faithful'

THE ZEN NEWSWIRE NEWARK NEWARK EDITION ZEN CONQUEROR TITLE MATCH SET FOR UNITED STATES OF SHAMROCK...OR IS IT!? Following a rather intense encounter at Art of Grappling Sheriff Duke Hazard had apparently agreed to give Pumpkin Jack a ZEN Conqueror title shot with Harry Allen for United States of Shamrock. However, in the days following this turn of events, Hazzard has declared an intention to renege on it as the match was made under duress. In a prepared statement delivered from an undisclosed location, Hazzard said: "I don't know how things work down in New Zealand and the loose ship Frankie Bendis runs down there but here in AMERICA we believe in meritocracy and that freak is going to have to earn his spot! At the next Art of Grappling it's gonna be Pumpkin Jack and a partner to be revealed against my Regulators in a 3-on-2 handicap match and if he somehow manages to win THAT, then he'll get his match! Some people are gonna tell me this is unfair but guess what? I'M THE SHERIFF! I'M THE LAW! THIS! IS! MY! SHOW! DEAL WITH IT!" DETAILS ON THE TORTUGA STREET FIGHT FOR THE KINSHIP TITLES SET FOR SHAMROCK! The apparent Hail Mary pass by the Legends of the Sea to deal with The Golden Glory permanently, the Tortuga Street Fight is a match mired in mystery but according to historian on Piratical Pro Wrestling, Cap'n Crush, it was used to settle scores back in the legendary pirate city of the Caribbean. The most famous instance of this matchup was apparently to settle the feud between Blackbeard and Long John Silver, which is how the latter REALLY lost his leg to the world's first Figure Four! ...we at the newswire find this dubious considering Silver only existed in the book Treasure Island and the (superior) movie Muppet Treasure Island. Citing budgetary concerns, the head honchos at ZEN: Boston have elected to bring a little bit of Tortuga to Trenton rather than fly the four men down to the Caribbean for an impromptu vacation for their match. A NEW FACTION IN ZEN: BOSTON? "NO!" SAYS ARONA "IT'S A FAMILY!" Following a group beatdown on QT PI and Cheetah Boy at the last Art of Grappling, The Outrageous Arona expanded his alliance with Glitch to include the newcomer known as Samhain. Seemingly among trend of going out and getting a big strong guy for an edge, Arona has contested the idea that this was a recruitment and not an 'adoption' of Samhain as a 'New Son' in his growing family of which he is father and mother. For his part, Glitch was exuberate at the process of getting a 'baby brother' and we at the newswire are too scared of the three of them to really dispute all this beyond sarcastic quotation marks. Hope they don't read this...

Alternatively he’s making the big brain play of convincing NOTBPW to sign Ricky to get him out of his face

ZEN: The Art of Grappling "Matches Given, Matches Taken" Attendance: 669 Viewers: 97,116 On The ZEN Network ASH BARNABY VS DEADLY DEADSHOT A thrill-a-minute highflying contest started off this edition of Art of Grappling as Ash Barnaby and Deadly Deadshot clashed in a bout that rivaled Diamond Deuce vs Tyrone Gray in terms of acrobatics. With only J.T Crockett at ringside (Rob and Mac theorize due to Duke Hazzard wanting the rest of the team protecting him from Pumpkin Jack), Deadshot had less backup than he probably would've wanted and seemed to falter at points requiring Crockett to get him focused back on the match, this gave Ash more than a few opportunities to take control of the bout and Crockett's presence had to be used in other ways such as tripping the Frat member up with his cane to get Deadshot an advantage. However, Crockett would stick his nose in one too many time for Barnaby's liking and a triangle dropkick sent him off the apron as he tried to distract Arelene Lawler. Deadshot attempted to get revenge for his manager with an attempted splash into the corner but Barnaby managed to duck it, backdrop the assassin, and leap to the top rope for a match-ending Barn Burner on the masked man. WINNER VIA PINFALL: ASH BARNABY Post-match Crockett interrupted the celebrations by angrily calling for backup Big Hoss, who came running down to waylay Barnaby with a lariat that nearly took his head off. This prompted Ade Nelson and Zach Rudge to head down to the ring and double team the big man...until Harry Allen and Bradley Blaze got involved and a chaotic brawl ensued! As backstage personnel and security tried to get this near-riot under control... The camera cut to the backstage area where Duke Hazzard's door was hanging open and the Sheriff was shouting after his underlings to get back and protect him. With no one around, Hazzard beckoned the camera man inside and shut the door behind them, barricading it with a chair and launching into a manic promo that Pumpkin Jack's little stunt was unprofessional and unbecoming of a ZEN Legend like himself. He declared that there was no way Jack was getting a title match so long as he lived and nobody over the age of ten was actually scared of him- "But I thought my resume spoke for itself, Sheriff." Against all logic, Jack was sitting at Hazzard's desk, feet kicked up casually and he gave the Sheriff a look of put-upon confusion. Hazzard yelped and began trying to pry the chair he'd barricaded the door with away as Jack leapt over the desk and into Hazzard's face. "Hush now, I'm not so scary, am I? You just said so. So why are you scared of giving me a match with your man Allen?" Hazzard stammered out some incoherent excuses, only to find something shoved into his chest: A contract. "Go on, Sheriff. You're the champion's manager, aren't you? Sign on the dotted line...and I'll be on my way." Hazzard, with Jack looming over him, shakily signed his name onto the contract and offered it up to the masked man. "Good boy, I look forward to representing your company. I hope I get fun little parties as well. Though I prefer...pumpkin spice to liquor." The lights cut out with a cackle and when they came back on, Jack was gone. Hazzard took a moment, realized what he'd done, and kicked the chair out of the doorway, angrily telling the cameraman to get out. As the operator did as he was told, Hazzard slammed the door shut behind him and we faded back to ringside where peace had been reestablished and it was time for our second match up of the even. THE GOLDEN GLORY VS LADY DEVONSHYRE & KASHMIR SINGH The new team woes for Kashmir Singh & Lady Devonshyre only grew in this match against the old rivals of True Elegance in Fox and Pig. Immediately attempting to bribe the duo with her oodles of cash, Devonshyre was again faced with Singh who tried to get her to knock her profligate behavior off only for both members to take Palm Strikes from the super heroes! As the dollars went flying, Fox and Pig scooped them up and left the ring to get their Robin Hood on, passing out handfuls of cash to the fans at ringside. Seeing this, Singh freaked out in the ring and threw himself out onto Fox and then the fans, trying to claw back the money as Devonshyre leaned out of the ring trying to get him to focus on the matter at hand. Unfortunately for her, her own lack of focus allowed Pig to slip back into the ring and grab her for an irish whip and follow up headscissors that sent into the middle ropes, easy prey for another palm strike from Fox (who had recovered while Singh was focused elsewhere), which sent her stumbling back and into a backdrop driver from Pig for the nearfall. Finally giving up on retrieving all the money, Singh dove back into the ring and began throwing lefts and rights at the heroes, trying to regain some momentum from his team but was cut off by a double enzugiri and a superkick/sunset flip combination that Devonshyre had to break up! Devonshyre's assistance was short-lived however as Fox sent her tumbling from the ring with a dropkick and together with Pig hit 'All That Glitters' on Singh to secure a three-count. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: THE GOLDEN GLORY Post-match GG's celebrations were cut off by the arrival of Swashbuckler and Cap'n Crush, who sarcastically applauded the superheroes on their victory. However, they were out here tonight because they knew that when they won the ZEN: Kinship Titles in January (this got a LOT of heat considering what really happened) they knew they were just in the eye of the storm and had to weather things out fully. That was why they were throwing out the challenge for United States of Shamrock, Golden Glory vs The Legends of the Sea in a TORTUGA STREET FIGHT! Fox and Pig took a moment to confer with one another, before making belt motions around their waists to signal their agreement to the bout. The pirates for their part held up their belts and retreated the bat, soon followed by their future challengers. After Singh and Devonshyre also limped their way to the back, Modern Justice made their way out, Travis Century leading the pack with Ollie Basham and Johnny Chapman close behind while T-Bone Tucker took up the far rear of their protest procession. Taking a mic, Century declared that if there was anywhere in the world that was contributing the most to the muck and mire polluting the atmosphere, it was New Jersey, a veritable nucleus of everything that was going to send the planet into a freefall. But with the boos of the fans drowning out his message he would never have a chance to truly speak his mind, that was why he needed the Right to Party, to be able to MAKE the ZEN Faithful listen for once in their miserable lives. At United States of Shamrock he was laying it all on the line, he wanted one more shot at the Right and he wanted it for Ollie Basham! The heir apparent nodded and took centerstage in the ring, declaring that unlike SOME people (he glared at Tucker), he knew how to get the job done and he could trust the likes of Reverend Century and Johnny Chapman to help him secure the Right to Party- "And who said you fools were gettin' another shot?" Stereo had made his way out onto the stage looking annoyed at the gathered stable before him. He laid out how month after month, show after show Century and his goons had hounded him for his Right to Party and he was tired of it. Not of defending the Right, no no no, about the loudmouths in the ring monopolizing the shots. Stereo said he could be having matches with Diamond Deuce, with Arona, he'd even give Tyrone Gray a shot if he was feeling froggy, but no it's all MJ all the time and he knew he was tired of it and so were the fans. So if Century wanted to give his lil toady a go, he was gonna need to sweeten the pot. Century smirked at this and named the special stipulation he had in mind for the match: If Basham loses, none of the men in the ring ever challenge for not just the Right to Party, but any title in ZEN: Boston again so long as they identified as a member of Modern Justice. Chapman and Tucker gave Century a side-eye while Basham nodded along, being identified as the one who gave Century the idea. Stereo mulled it over but decided the prospect of kneecapping his personal nemeses outweighed the risks of losing the Right and agreed. The match was on for United States of Shamrock! HAWKEYE CALHOUN VS THE OUTRAGEOUS ARONA Both men came into this bout with poor recent fortunes they were looking to turn around, with Hawkeye getting defeated twice now and Arona retreating from his tag team showdown with his father and QT PI. For his part the brawling Calhoun beat Arona from pillar to post in the early goings, sending him into the arms of his 'Son' Glitch at ringside more than once. That idiom became quite literal as he ended up leaping Scooby Doo-like into those arms forcing Glitch to carry him bridal style until Calhoun slipped behind them and grabbed Glitch in a waistock, tossing both men over the metal barrier at ringside. Playing to the crowd, Calhoun grabbed Arona up and dragged him to the ring, tossing him in only for the Outrageous one to recover quicker than expected and begin stomping him out before planting him with a quick DDT to the mat. Taking the time to grind the heel of his boot into the back of Calhoun's head, Arona cackled and applied a camel clutch to try and wear out his foe, knee forced hard into the masked man's back and trying to force a submission. With the crowd behind him, Calhoun managed to throw elbows back into Arona and slowly finding his way out of the hold and taking Arona down with a snapmare! As Arona desperately tried to stand, Calhoun hit him with a left and a right and a wiiiindup uppercut that sent Arona stumbling into a corner! Making the taunt for his baseball slide, Calhoun ran the base and went running for home when- Arona showed that he had a killer pitching arm by tossing his wig right in Calhoun's face, forcing him to go wide with his slide and miss Arona entirely! As Calhoun struggled to get the flourescent pink eyesore off his face, Arona scrambled up to the top rope like a spider monkey as leapt off with a high crossbody onto the unknowing baseballman! As Calhoun struggled to forced Arona off, Glitch held his boots down from outside the ring and Arona scored himself a dirty victory! Ripping the wig off Hawkeye's head, Arona and Glitch dove into the crowd and seemingly disappeared from view, the camera glitching out to cover their retreat. Shaking his head and stepping out of the ring, Calhoun looked to the crowd and shrugged before heading the back, apparently not yet having his head around ZEN. WINNER VIA PINFALL: THE OUTRAGEOUS ARONA QT PI VS SAMHAIN Big man Samhain (who got VERY annoyed with the ring announcer calling him 'Sam-hane' and not 'Sow-in') took on QT PI next with Cheetah Boy at ringside cheering her on. Just as much of a david vs goliath setup as his last bout, Samhain managed to not fall for the trick-or-treat strategy this time but still his lack of experience in a ZEN ring left him unprepared for the brainiac's blistering blitzkrieg and the high-flyer eventually managed a low dropkick that put him in range of her Knee+Head=Defeat for the pinfall victory for PI. WINNER VIA PINFALL: QT PI QT stayed in the ring to celebrate with Cheetah Boy but neither of them noticed that Glitch and Arona had not really left for the backstage as they hopped the guardrail and conferred with Samhain as he recovered at ringside. Pointing to the two in the ring, whatever they said sent Samahin into a rage and he stormed the ring to take out both tecnicos out with lariats from behind! Joining the light heavyweight in the ring, Arona and Glitch put the boots to their rivals before climbing to the top rope and hitting a combination Moonsault Senton to CB and Glitch in the Matrix to QT! As they stood, Arona and Glitch embraced Samhain, the former declaring that his son had 'A new baby brother'! We cut from this to rather ridiculous looking newsroom style setting where Garry the Entertainer was sat at a desk with a pair of glasses. Franklin The Monkey was sat next to him, a rotten banana peel on his head, his big simian smile looking more sarcastic than ever tonight. Garry declared that it was a special 'Breaking' edition of the Garry and Franklin show tonight as he had breaking news for Robbie wright: Garry the Entertainer was NOT in Jersey City tonight. No, he had taken a bus to Newark ahead of schedule to make sure he'd escape Robbie for certain tonight! Even if it meant rubbing elbows with the horrifying citizens of New Jersey! He was giving himself a week to plan, to plot, and to have something very special waiting for Robbie once he made it to Newark, because it was high time that Robbie Wright learned a lesson...and Garry was gonna teach it to him. ZACH RUDGE VS BRADLEY BLAZE Spoiling for a fight after the brawl at the start of the show, both of these men came into the match with fists flying. Lacking as pronounced of a size advantage as he had with Ade Nelson, Blaze didn't dominate as easily as he could without using his dirtier tactics so naturally at every turn he could he went right to them. Rudge's eyes went through enough torment to require an optometrist and the rakes to his back probably left ditches deep enough to irrigate a garden, if it weren't for the support of the ZEN Faithful he might've buckled under the combination of that and the hard fists of the Dallas Cowboy. However, Zach Rudge did have that support as well as some lucha stylings to fall back on as he threw himself into a flurry of offense that put Blaze on the backstep and eventually on his back for a surprise Custom Ade Swanton Bomb for a nearfall! Blaze scrambled out of the ring, apparently shocked at Rudge using his stablemate's finisher, thankfully not to the same effect but Rudge's smirk made it clear that he had other bullets in the chamber. Looking to regroup, Blaze circled the ring with a snarl on his face, seeing Rudge hop onto the apron he attempted to swipe the Frat member's legs out from under him only for Rudge to leap over them and kick him in the face! As Blaze stumbled back, Rudge leapt back with an Optimus Moonsault that took the cowboy down and left him open to be tossed back in the ring. Feeding off the crowd, Rudge scaled his way to the top rope and attempted a Barn-Burner Tornillo...only for Blaze to slip out of the way! As Rudge landed hard, Blaze pounced on him -eyes wide- and dragged him up into a Dallas Drop DDT for a pinfall victory! However he didn't stop there, he pulled Rudge up for a second, then a third Dallas Drop, keen on punishing Rudge for making a fool of him. The bell rang frantically trying to get the cowboy to come to his senses- WINNER VIA PINFALL: BRADLEY BLAZE Blaze slipped out of the ring, invading the commentary table to steal a steel chair from Rob and Mac, laying it in the ring and preparing a fourth and easily more devastating Dallas Drop. Suddenly, Robbie Wright hit the ring and shoved the cowboy off! As Blaze came up looking for a fight, he quickly weighed the odds and slipped back out of the ring, shaking his head... That's when Robbie got smashed from behind by Garry the Entertainer! Taking him down and smashing Robbie's face into the mat, Garry took the chair Blaze had brought into the ring and slammed it into Robbie's back once, twice, three times! Smiling smugly, Garry commented that the lesson he wanted to teach Robbie was 'Garry is smarter than you think!' before pulling Wright up and nailing him with a package piledriver to lay out the King of Charisma and end Art of Grappling with the rest of the Frat rushing to the ring (or crawling across it in Rudge's case) to check on their leader...

ZEN: Art of Grappling MAIN EVENT Bradley Blaze vs Zach Rudge QT PI vs Samhain Hawkeye Calhoun vs The Outrageous Arona Lady Devonshyre & Kashmir Singh vs The Golden Glory Ash Barnaby vs Deadly Deadshot PLUS: Travis Century offers an incentive for one more Right to Party Title Shot and updates on Garry the Entertainer and the ZEN Conqueror Title Situation

THE ZEN NEWSWIRE JACK IS BACK EDITION PUMPKIN JACK LOOKING FOR CONQUEROR TITLE REIGN!? At the conclusion of the latest Art of Grappling, renowned ZEN Master champion and former ZEN Supreme Ruler, Pumpkin Jack made a surprise appearance. Running through the inebriated ranks of the Regulators, Jack finally cornered Duke Hazzard and made his intent to claim the Conqueror title clear while terrorizing the Sheriff. Having recovered from the scare, Hazzard has contended that Jack has no right to challenge directly for the belt and nothing he says or does will keep him from rising the ranks. Critics have noted that Hazzard had no problems giving Jack a shot when it was really Garry the Entertainer under a mask at United States of Love but Hazzard responded to those critics by having Big Hoss punch them in the face. Very hard. GARRY THE M.I.A-TAINER...THEY CAN'T ALL BE WINNERS Following a rough backstage assault by Robbie Wright, neither hide nor hair of Garry the Entertainer has been seen by members of the ZEN: Boston roster. Some are speculating that Garry has fled the country rather than face Robbie Wright one-on-one, others are pointing to his cryptic declaration that Robbie's use of the Wright Move will 'Free his (Garry's) mind', still more are positing he's lying in wait to return the favor like the snake he is. When reached for comment in the Jersey City Municipal Dump, Franklin T. Monkey had this to say: "QUIT YAPPIN' AND GET ME OUTTA THIS GARBAGE PILE! HOW DOES COUSIN OSCAR LIVE LIKE THIS!?" Mr. Monkey was freed after several moments of Newswire correspondents pointing and laughing at him. MODERN JUSTICE OUT OF CHANCES? Following the two failures of Johnny Chapman at gaining the Right to Party from Stereo, the champion has expressed he's tired of only defending his Title against members of the Modern Justice stable. Quote: "Yeah, I get it, next up I gotta teach Basham white can't jump? I already did some b-ball and I'm sick of the same song and dance with these guys. Ain't they got some actual activist stuff to do?" For his part, Travis Century, has informed members of the Newswire he intends to give Stereo an irresistible offer at Art of Grappling, what exactly that entails remains to be seen.

ZEN: Art of Grappling "Taking Out The Trash" Attendance: 669 Viewers: 106,012 On The ZEN Network Jersey City, New Jersey was on fire for Art of Grappling as the show kicked off with a furious Robbie Wright storming his way out to the ring with a furious look in his eye. As he paced around the ring he laid out his grievances with Garry the Entertainer, from his annoying presence trying to make out he isn't a real friend to the other members of the Frat, to his association with Duke Hazzard, to his help in screwing Wright over in his title match with Harry Allen. He realized last night the only way he's going to be rid of Garry is to beat him one-on-one in a match, and with Duke Hazzard signing off on it, he was going to put the Entertainer out to pasture once and for all. But tonight, Robbie was intent on giving Garry a taste of what was to come at United States of Shamrock, and he knew Garry was in the back so before the night was out The Entertainer was gonna meet his familiar friend: The Wright Move. With that Robbie stormed to the back, the fans cheering the prospect of him beating the tar out of the ever-annoying Entertainer before the night was out. DIAMOND DEUCE VS HAWKEYE CALHOUN Back for another shot in the ZEN: Boston ring, Hawkeye Calhoun got a positive reception from the New Jersey crowd, far more than Diamond Deuce did at any rate. For his part, Deuce came into this match with the same focus he showed in his bout with Gray at their showdown in Pennsylvania, something that the masked Calhoun wasn't able to keep up with. While Hawkeye did manage to get Deuce in position for his home run baseball slide, Deuce freed himself and got out of the way at the last moment, leaving Calhoun to slide out of the ring and disorient himself on the outside-which meant he was wide open for a slingshot crossbody from Deuce! Tossing his stunned opponent back into the ring, Deuce was quick to take the Brooklyn native down with the Deuces Are Wild Electric Chair Driver for the pinfall win. WINNER VIA PINFALL: DIAMOND DEUCE Post-match, surprising everyone -but most of all Deuce-, Tyrone Gray came out with mic in hand. Gray said it was pretty obvious no one was satisfied with how their second match turned out, not himself, not the fans, and definitely not Deuce. So Gray put out the challenge in front of everyone for United States of Shamrock: Deuce vs Gray III. With the prospect of one more shot at proving he's on Gray's level or even superior to him dangling in front of his very eyes...Deuce nodded eagerly and pointed a finger gun at High Energy, getting a grin in return as Mac and Rob put over the prospect of a conclusion to their trilogy. THE GHOSTS OF RETRIBUTION VS LADY DEVONSHYRE & KASHMIR SINGH A young team despite their alliance in trios action, Devonshyre and Singh came into this match with the obvious experience disadvantage against one of ZEN: Boston's most tenured (if undecorated) teams in Phantom and Poltergeist. While Rob and Mac noted the Ghosts hadn't been on a roll in 2022, they came into this with intent to regain some momentum which they seemed on track to do in the early goings until Devonshyre was tagged in and revealed her secret weapon: A COMICALLY LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY! Showering her opponents in dolla dolla bills, Devonshyre attempted to bald-facedly bribe her the Ghosts into letting her win. Singh, seeing money HE could be putting to better use (like more caviar), dove in and began scooping up the money before turning to Devonshyre and trying to explain why she couldn't just spend her money willy-nilly! While this was going on the Ghosts looked at one another, shrugged, and Poltergeist tossed Devonshyre out of the ring while Phantom waistlocked Singh (who was still holding the money). As the surly veteran struggled, Poltergeist got a running start and the duo hit their Heaven's Crash Finisher (a german suplex/lariat combo) on Singh that sent the bills exploding everywhere and got the 1! 2! 3!...which was a touch slower because Arlene Lawler kept pausing to pocket some between slaps of the canvas. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: THE GHOSTS OF RETRIBUTION SPOTLIGHT SEGMENT (AKA PTEROID WANTS TO IN-DEPTH WRITE AN ANGLE ON HIS MOSTLY SUMMARY TV SHOW) The camera cut backstage, following the still focused Robbie Wright as he stormed through catering. Stopping briefly to grab a pizza slice, Wright leaned on a comically oversized garbage can and considered his plan. "Hmm...the pineapple and banana pepper pizza is missing. He's been through here..." Stopping to swipe his free hand along the floor and sniffing it like a manhunter in a made for TV Thriller, Robbie looked around and snarled before fixing his eyes on the camera. Wright: "I've got the scent, you stay here for now." The camera nodded and watched as Robbie left, the operator casually leaning over and grabbing a little slice for themself since they were now on break...that was when one of the garbage can lids rose to reveal- "Dangit, Franklin, I told you not to take that pizza into your can!" -which prompted the other lid to rise. "It's not my fault! Bananas that are spicy!? AND Pineapple on pizza!? I'm in heaven! OOK-AH! OOK-AH! OOK-MMPH!" Garry clapped his hand over the mouth of the annoying puppet, then jolted when he noticed he was being filmed. Clearing his throat, he attempted to act casual, leaning on the edge of the can and shooting a finger gun at the audience...before realizing there was a banana peel on the offending hand and waggling it off. Garry: "Hey there, boys and girls, welcome to a very...special edition of the Garry and Franklin show! Right from Franklin's cousin Oscar's summer home in beautiful-er, presentable-errrrrr...habitable Jersey City." Franklin: "And people say you're a jerk, you are being WAY too kind to this place. I thought Three Mile Island was the radioactive wasteland, have ya SEEN the kids around here!? OO-MMPH!" Garry: "Ix-nay ix-nay! Now we don't have a guest today because like I said it's a very special episode because we're covering a heavy topic today, it's called: Garry: "You know, that thing heroes are supposed to do. Robbie should do that with me, as a matter of fact. He's supposed to be a hero, a role model, a guy who doesn't give undue head trauma to people named Garry!" Franklin: "But just with the two r's, one r'd Gary-s can fend for themselves." Garry: "See, sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes people think it'll be good for their career to choose sides in a fight...sometimes people get very very happy when it seems like that side has no chance of losing so sometimes those people commit to helping the winning guys in order to secure a position among the major players and then SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET LEFT HIGH AND DRY TO TAKE MULTIPLE OF A WAR CRIME OF A FINISHING MANEUVER AND THEN GET LEFT ON THEIR OWN TO HITCHHIKE TO JERSEY TO FIND OUT NOW THEY HAVE A MATCH WITH THE GUY WHO ALMOST MADE THEIR FACE FLAT AND THEIR ALLIES AREN'T ANSWERING THEIR CALLS ANYMORE! DUKE! WHERE! ARE! YOU!?" Garry panted and groaned, rubbing his face. Franklin chomped on another slice of his pizza. With a shake of his head, Garry looked at the camera again. Garry: "Remember kids, always forgive people who you think wronged you. Because they didn't, they never have, it's all in your tiny pea-brain under that ridiculous curly mop you call hair, ROBERT! I JUST WANTED TO TEACH YOU THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP! I MADE FRIENDS AND USED THEM WHEN YOU COULDN'T, AND WHERE ARE YOU NOW!?" Voice: "Standing behind you with a comically oversized garbage can lid." Garry: "THAT'S RIGHT-what wha?" Garry turned around and indeed, Robbie was standing there with the lid to the comically large trash can he was hiding in. Garry: "...mother." WHAM! Garry went spilling out of the trash can and onto the floor in a heap of cartoon fishbone props and various silly pieces of trash (not including himself). Franklin flailed helplessly in his can until Robbie slammed the lid down on top of it, trapping him. Garry struggled to stand up, throwing wild swings at Wright who dodged them easily and seized Garry's head! Garry: "NO NO NO NO! YOU GOTTA STOP! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'LL HAPPEN IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS TO MY HEAD!" Wright: "Oh yeah, what?" Garry: "You'll free my miiiiind..." Wright: "..." And a Wright Move laid the Entertainer out. Robbie stood and grinned down at his rival. Wright: "More where that came from, buddy, more. Where. That. Came. From." Walking away, Robbie made a point to kick over Franklin's can and sent him spilling out. Franklin: "Noooooo, Oscar just paid off the lease on these bad boys!" And with that, the camera cut back to the arena... T-BONE TUCKER VS CHEETAH BOY Notably in the doghouse with most of his stablemates, it was a wonder Tucker managed to come out to this match accompanied by Travis Century, let alone Oliie Basham. Facing off with fellow veteran, Cheetah Boy, Tucker's early powerbased maneuvers were good at sending CB around the ring until an attempted snake eyes onto a turnbuckle exposed by Century earlier in the match was countered by Tucker being smashed face first into it. As the loopy bodyguard stumbled around, CB climbed to the top rope and hit the Flying Cheetah Pounce while Basham threw up his hands and stormed off after giving Century a meaningful glare. The pin was quickly followed by CB getting out of dodge, mistakenly expecting a post-match assault, leading to him being very confused as he ran past Basham on the rampway. WINNER VIA PINFALL: CHEETAH BOY Post match, Century stormed into the ring and berated Tucker for his many failings towards the stable. As the bodyguard attempted to get up, Century shoved him back down and told him that the WORLD was at stake and he was just about finished letting the likes of T-Bone screw up his holy mission. He demanded Tucker follow him to the back, head hung low and practicing contrition, and the bodyguard...did as told, clearly dejected. ASH BARNABY VS SUPREME YOSHIDA Looking to rebound from the bout his team had with Hammer and Scalpel at United States of Love, Ash Barnaby came into this match with a fire that took Yoshida by full on surprise in the early goings, flying around the ring and keeping the #1 SWF fan on the backstep unable to unleash her tribute act offense. This changed however when Yoshida realized she could unleash the ultimate tribute to every single SWF heel in the history of the company: A thumb to the eyeball! Taking advantage of the ensuing opening she began to 'Strong Arm' the high-flier, shrugging off punches before firing off her own and irish whipping him into the ropes for a big boot...that Ash grabbed and spun her around into a reverse ddt for a nearfall. Calling on the support of the fans, Barnaby for a lionsault which Yoshida rolled out of the way of only for Barnaby to land on his feet and nail her with an elbow drop! As Barnaby went to pick Yoshida back up, the SUPREME one slammed a fist into his abs and caught him with a jawbreaker that sent him stumbling into the ropes. Emulating Bruce the Giant's legendary chokeslam pose, Yoshida attempted to emulate Bruce's legendary chokeslam...unsuccessfully. She tried again...unsuccessfully. Then she got an idea! She grabbed Arlene Lawler by the wrist and added her hand to the choke, a double chokeslam! Just as Bruce would've intended if he wasn't in a better place...aka Australia (we are in Jersey, it's a low bar). Celebrating gleefully, Yoshida pounced onto Ash for...a nearfall that leaves her screaming like a horror movie victim and attempting to bash Barnaby's head into the mat before setting her sights towards the corner she began to climb it for her big elbow drop. However, once up there, Yoshida got caught up in taunting the ZEN Faithful and noticed too late that Ash had recovered enough to move out of the way as she launched herself from the top rope! As Yoshida thrashed in pain and clutched her arm on the mat, Barnaby scrambled up the exact same corner with a spider monkey-esque agility and launched himself with his Barn-Burner Tornillo for a sudden pinfall victory over the SUPREME Starlet! WINNER VIA PINFALL: ASH BARNABY Post-match, Ash's victory was suddenly cut off when J.T Crockett III made his presence known. Just as polite and courteous as he was at United States of Love, the handler for Deadly Deadshot and Big Hoss informed Ash that he had been singled out for elimination next week and would be taking on Deadshot in the opening contest of Art of Grappling. Apparently his mercs don't work by the hour and he'd prefer to get out on time to go over to NYC where there's a semblance of civilization. Barnaby's body language clearly showed he was spoiling for a fight and if he wasn't gonna get another one tonight, he was definitely keen to have it happen next week... AMERICAN JUSTICE VS TYRONE GRAY After laying down the challenge to Diamond Deuce at the start of the show, Tyrone Gray took on American Justice to keep himself at the top of his game and his high-flying showdown with Justice showed just how towering that game can be. Easily outclassing the rookie vigilante in the early goings, Gray took to the top rope...and then began walking that rope in an impressive show of athleticism! However, Justice was as clever as he was ruthless and he grabbed referee Arlene Lawler and held her between himself and Gray...who began trying to walk further along the ropes to get an opening as Justice kept a grip on the official. Eventually Lawler managed to wriggle away and dove to the side in time for Gray to hit a springboard missile dropkick that sent Justice sprawling out of the ring! Gray took a a moment to work the crowd, commenting to the camera that he hope Deuce was watching, not noticing behind him that the infuriated Justice had grabbed his trademark baseball bat. Apparently too angry to care about a disqualification, Justice stormed towards Gray as High Energy turned around had to think fast to avoid a homerun shot to the noggin, combat rolling to the side and leaving Justice to slam his bat down on the top rope and rebound it directly into his own face. With the Rudo stunned by his own gaff, Gray leapt onto his shoulders and smashed him with the Tumbleweed for the win! WINNER VIA PINFALL: TYRONE GRAY After the main event a large amount of the backstage crew rushed out to begin setting up the ring for Sheriff Duke Hazzard's celebratory party for Harry Allen. Horseshoe-shaped balloons, a dip-bowl fashioned to look like a cowboy hat, and a large cake with 'CHAMPION 4 EVER' written in frosting on it took centerstage as Hazzard led his Regulators down to the ring. It was clear from the outset that all of them had pre-gamed a bit on some alcohol or another aside from Mr. Crockett as they swaggered and stumbled their way down to the ring. Once inside the festivities began in earnest and Hazzard took a mic to congratulate 'Good 'Ole' Harry Allen on remaining the ZEN Conqueror champ with an AMAZING victory over Pumpkin Jack and Robbie Wright. Hazzard taunted the other branches of ZEN, telling them that he didn't care if some of them didn't like how he ran things because HE was the law in America as far as ZEN was concerned and unless Mammoth was gonna waddled his prehistoric posterior down here to try and say otherwise, he was the law in all of North America as well! Hazzard told his men that he felt for the first time like his crusade against absurdity was finally paying dividends: Wright and Garry were distracted with each other, the Frat was never gonna get past Blaze, Hoss, and Deadshot, and nobody in the back had the stones to try and step up to the plate! They were invincible, they were unstoppable, and they...were... Suddenly bathed in shadow as the lights went out. When they came back on, Big Hoss and Deadshot were knocked loopy outside of the ring with Crockett on top of them Then they went off again. Once illuminated once more, Blaze was shown to have been tossed over the dip table, taken by surprise by the unknown assailant. Harry and Hazzard stood back to back, the Sheriff angrily demanding whoever was here to show themselves. The lights went off a final time... And when they came on Harry Allen was face first in his victory cake and a very different person was standing back to back with Hazzard. The Sheriff angrily declared that whoever this was wasn't about to take down Harry Allen so easily and patted behind him for assurance from his champion...when he felt at him though, his eyes went wide and ever so slowly he turned around in sync with the interloper, coming face to face with- "Hi." Hazzard screamed and nearly jumped out of his cowboy boots as the genuine article, the Tricky Treat himself, Pumpkin Jack loomed over him. As the ghoulish gourd took a step forward, Hazzard backpedaled and tripped over the ZEN Conqueror belt. Jack knelt down to pick it up and grinned down at Duke, gently laying it across his lap. "What a pretty belt this is. Enjoy it while you can. It'll be mine soon. Buh-bye~" The lights flicker on and off one last time and Jack was gone. Art of Grappling ended with Hazzard clutching the ZEN Conqueror belt like a security blanket as 'Jack is Gonna Kill You!' chants rang out through the audience. For the first time in a long time...Hazzard looked terrified.

Savage sacrificed himself to send Hogan to the shadow realm, aka WCW Bacstage Assault for the N64, he will be remembered for his bravery.

ZEN: Art of Grappling MAIN EVENT American Justice vs Tyrone Gray Ash Barnaby vs SUPREME Yoshida Cheetah Boy vs T-Bone Tucker The Ghosts of Retribution vs Lady Devonshyre & Kashmir Singh Diamond Deuce vs Hawkeye Calhoun PLUS: A Celebration of ZEN Conqueror Champion Harry Allen featuring Duke Hazzard & The Regulators

THE ZEN NEWSWIRE WE CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY THE FAKE PUMPKIN JACK MASK WAS STOLEN FROM A CLOSED DOWN SPIRIT HALLOWEEN CONTROVERSY SPREADS ACROSS ALL OF ZEN FOLLOWING CONQUEROR TITLE SHENANIGANS! In a move that our colleagues in other ZEN branches are calling 'Despicable', 'Criminal', and 'Actually Pretty Funny', Duke Hazzard conspired with Garry The Entertainer to impersonate ZEN: Original star Pumpkin Jack in order to stack the odds against Robbie Wright in the main event of United States of Love. Calls to convene a World ZEN Council to address the behavior of the Sheriff have been heard by Supreme Ruler Frankie Bendis but we currently have heard of no plans for punitive action to be given to Hazzard. For his part, we were unable to reach Pumpkin Jack himself, members of ZEN: O's newswire only finding a note in his personal cave of solitude that read 'Ok :)'. ZEN:B'S TOUR OF THE TRI-STATE INVADES NEW JERSEY! Just what it says on the tin, we'll be traipsing through the Garden State on our way to a big showdown in Trenton for United States of Shamrocks! We'll be hosting Art of Grappling events in Jersey City and Newark prior to this so get your tickets now! WRIGHT/GARRY ON A COLLISION COURSE As part of the aforementioned controversy with the ZEN Conqueror belt, Robbie Wright ended United States of Love by delivering an unprecedented three Wright Moves onto Garry the Entertainer! Wright has made it clear he wants Garry at United States of Shamrocks and Duke Hazzard was more than happy to comply, saying 'It takes his eyes off prize, might as well give Harry the month off!'. How this deviation will effect the war between the Frat and the Regulators remains to be seen, but if USL was any indication, the lack of leadership from Wright might be affecting his stablemates.

Yay

The United States of Love Attendance: 1,919 Viewers: 114,266 On the ZEN Network "Love is in the air and so are our luchadors, welcome everyone to ZEN: The United States of Love, I'm Rob L. Miskovsky here with Mac Smith!" "Pleased to be here, mate, after the month we've had I'm beyond ready to see the powder keg we've witnessed blow the roof off this building!" Rob: "We're starting off tonight's action with a double feature of tag team action!" Mac: "That's like four matches for the price of two! First off it's Cheetah Boy and his newfound partner QT PI against that no-good son of his Arona and his little toady, Glitch!" Rob: "Both Arona and QT are among ZEN: Boston's most promising young wrestlers and it's only natural CB turned to her for help with the numbers game." Mac: "But that's enough talk, it's time for a bout!" THE OUTRAGEOUS ARONA & GLITCH VERSUS CHEETAH BOY & QT PI A high-flying frenzy from the word go, Arona and Glitch worked together like a well-oiled machine while the clunkiness of the opposing pair was obvious from the get-go, a lack of chemistry that clearly worked against them as the bout drew on. However, the individual prowess of CB and QT more than made up for their failings as a team as they kept Arona and Glitch off-balance until the veteran was startled off the top rope by a sudden pyro explosion that from his snickering was Glitch's handiwork. The rudo pair began isolating and working over CB with double team move after double team move, of particular note being a diving axehandle blow on CB by Arona while the former's belly was exposed in a Mexican surfboard hold by Glitch. However, the cockiness of Arona would come back to bite the outrageous one as he had Glitch put his father in a non-Mexican surfboard hold and began slapping him in the face while ranting about his failures as a father before CB had enough and lurched forward with enough power to send Glitch flipping over into his mother/father figure! With the crowd rallying behind him, CB made the tag to QT PI who scaled to the top rope and launched herself with a high crossbody that took out both rudos! The momentum on her side, QT PI ran roughshod, kicking Arona out of the ring and waylaying Glitch with an astounding five rotation flying headscissors before taking him to the mat and applying her PI's Paradox (Chikara Special) submission hold! It looked for all the world like Glitch was going to tap...and he did, but not before a familiar pink wig was plopped onto the noggin of referee Arlene Lawler, blocking her vision! Infuriated by his son's trickery, CB entered the ring and began brawling with Arona as PI released her submission hold and came to help, slamming the Outrageous one with a double suplex, followed up with a double dropkick (CB's landing a full two seconds after QT's just btw), and finally they shot him off the ropes for a big stereo superkick- That Glitch dove in front of! As his lackey crumpled to the mat, Arona looked at his father and QT PI, weighed his options...then dipped out of the ring, yanking his wig off Lawler's head as he did so. With nothing for it, and Glitch slowly rising to his feet, QT PI got a running start as CB went to the top rope, the former hitting her Knee+Face=Defeat before CB smashed Glitch with the Flying Cheetah Pounce for the pinfall victory for the rather uncoordinated tecnico squad. Arona yanked the body of Glitch out of the ring, carrying him on his shoulders to the back and shouting vows of vengeance on both CB and PI as they celebrated. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: QT PI & CHEETAH BOY Mac: "Crackin' match there and a big win for QT and CB!" Rob: "Yes but you can't help but think things are far from over between Arona and Cheetah Boy, especially with him leaving Glitch to the dogs like that." Mac: "I get ya there, Rob, but I'm being told we have footage of a sort of 'Going Away' party for Jean Reinhardt thrown by Lady Devonshyre." Rob: "Yes for those of you who missed out on the episode or understandably heeded the content warning on the network, in the main event of our last Art of Grappling episode, Jean Reinhardt suffered a broken leg and will be out for six months. Whatever you're feelings on this luchadora, you have to at least believe that this is a heartbreaker for someone so early on in her career as Ms. Reinhardt. We of course wish her the best." Mac: "Well said, Rob, now let's go to that footage." The camera cut to the lavish gardens of stately Devonshyre Estate, where an almost disgustingly opulent scene was taking place. A massive fifteen layer cake topped with an enormous 'Get Well Soon' message was sat out on a limousine-length dinner table, pieces taken out of it that didn't even begin to account for its bulk, while cans of caviar were strewn about on the table. At the far end of this mess stood- Two Jerks and a wounded jerk. Lady Devonshyre fussed over her best friend Jean Reinhardt, who was leaning on a diamond-encrusted crutch while Kashmir Singh watched on, shoveling his eighth can of caviar in his mouth. Devonshyre: "Now Jean, darling, do call me when you arrive at Dr. Vermögend's clinic, alright?" Jean: "Oh please, mademoiselle Devonshyre, I would not dream of letting a single detail of my recovery slip past you." Devonshyre: "Oh my dear Jean, how I'll miss you. Mr. Singh, do come over and say farewell to Jean!" Singh looked up and grunted, stepping over and waving unenthusiastically. Singh: "Uhhhh...goodbye." Jean: "Oh Mr. Singh I can hear the care dripping from your voice...and your mouth. No-no wait, that's the caviar." Singh: "So uh...what happens now, exactly?" Devonshyre: "Why I imagine you and I are now teammates with Jean being absent!" Singh: "We didn't really...do much as a duo, did we?" Jean: "This is true, but you'd agree that a fraulein like Devonshyre needs protecting, no?" Singh: "Are you French or German...?" Devonshyre: "Not to mention with you moving into my estate and availing yourself of my vast fortune, I'm certain we'll be able to find some chemistry together!" Singh looked at Devonshyre, then at Jean, then at the caviar and the huge cake...he proceeded to shovel in another mouthful of fish eggs and give Devonshyre a thumbs up. Devonshyre: "Now then, Jean, darling, my darling Jean. Do make haste to the helicopter that will fly you to the airport!" Jean walked offscreen, the sounds of a helicopter that was definitely there began to come into focus. Jean: "Yes I am getting into the helicopter now! Thank you so much, Lady Devonshyre, you are so generous!" Devonshyre: "And rich!" Jean: "Very rich!" Devonshyre: "Very very rich!" Singh [through a mouthful of caviar]: "Very very very rich!" As the sounds of the helicopter faded away, the camera too faded away back to Rob and Mac Rob: "Well Mac, what do you make of all that?" Mac: "I think Lady Devonshyre is very rich and we have ourselves a new tag team in the divison. Perhaps they'll prove good enough to make a run at whoever comes out as champs tonight!" Rob: "An excellent segue, Mac. Folks, Swashbuckler and Cap'n Crush stole the kinship belts in a fit of petty larceny last month and have 'defended' them in three open challenges since then! It was only on the last Art of Grappling that the champs reclaimed what was theirs but now the gold is on the line in tonight's match!" Mac: "We'll see whether Pig and Fox can keep their regained property or if possession really is nine-tenths of the law as far as the pirates go, let's head on down to ringside!" ZEN KINSHIP TITLE MATCH THE GOLDEN GLORY (c) VS THE LEGENDS OF THE SEA The champions came into this one with a fire unlike anything they had shown before, probably due to being very very angry with the piratical duo that had held the titles hostage for the past month. For their part, Swashbuckler and Cap'n Crush were thoroughly on the run for the early portions of the match, barely avoiding multiple attacks from their rivals before taking a powder out of the ring, mockingly declaring they were fighting smart to the fans...before both being taken out by a Space Flying Tiger Drop from The Golden Pig! Deciding to focus his ire on Swashbuckler, Pig tossed the pirate into the ring where Fox was waiting to stun him with a running palm strike! Then in came Pig with a superkick! LEAPING HEEL KICK/LEG SWEEP COMBO! Swashbuckler was knocked for a loop and seemingly ko'd already, leaving Fox to pounce atop him for an early pin that was only broken up by Cap'n Crush's sudden return! Pig stepped in to punish the pirate for his interference only to find his head seized and smashed into a turnbuckle pad! Finding his partner more or less out of action for the time being, Crush did the thing that made the most sense and picked up Swashbuckler to use as a battering ram against the two heroes! Buckler's head met the sternums of both heroes, doubling them over and leaving Crush to toss Buckler at Fox, resulting in an instinctual sunset flip that garnered a nearfall! Annoyed at his maneuver not working, Crush grabbed up Pig and attempted a big powerbomb on the smaller wrestler-but found himself laid out by a sudden facebuster! As Crush flopped like a fish on the mat, Pig saw a chance for the When Pigs Fly, climbing to the top rope and pointing to the dazed pirate- -only to find himself face to face with a recovered Swashbuckler, who stunned the porcine luchador with a slap across the face and sent him toppling to the mat with a super hurricanrana! Looking to the crowd as he stood, Swashbuckler picked up Pig, pulled him into a vertical suplex position while hooking a leg, and proudly called for the: "SWASH! BUCKLE! SUPLEEEEEEEEE-" He very quickly took a palm strike from Fox, causing him to release Pig's leg and left him wide open to a double suplex from the champs! Leaving Pig to rest in their team's corner, Fox took it upon himself to punish the rudo with a barrage of knee lifts before planting him with a falcon arrow for a nearfall broken up by a foot on the rope helped along by Cap'n Crush on the outside. Fox takes time to trade insults with the Cap'n before turning his attention back to Swashbuckler, picking him up and tossing him to the ropes-where he dived out to save himself as Crush slid into the ring and waylaid Fox with a lariat to the back of the neck! Clearly losing his patience with the Heroes, Crush pulled a coin pouch full of doubloons out of his tights and went to take a swing at Pig on the apron-but was intercepted by Jay Fair who yanked the coins out of his hands and reminded him this was not a no dq match. Stomping the mat in a tantrum Crush...grabbed the cutlass he brandished on the way to the ring as Buckler slid it in and made to bash Pig in the face with the pommel! However, Pig was warned by the very feint that distracted the ref and dodged the blow, ducking low and cracking Crush in the head with a kick to the face! Dazed and stumbling, Crush staggered into a Manhattan Drop by Fox, who held the corsair in place for a springboard palm strike from Pig! Both heroes piled on top of the big man for a pin that got them a two count as Buckler returned the favor from earlier and pulled Crush's leg under the bottom rope! Ducking below the apron to avoid notice, Buckler laid in wait as Fox and Pig nodded at one another and went for 'All That Glitters', Fox pulling Crush into the wheelbarrow position as Pig climbed to the top rope and-was knocked off balance by Buckler, who shook the ropes, leaving Pig crotched up top! As Fox and Jay Fair's attention was taken by this, Crush wriggled free of the wheelbarrow and slammed a low blow kick right between Fox's legs! Tossing one opponent from the ring, Crush turned his attention to the other, grabbing up Pig and slamming him down with a superplex before rolling out of the way for his partner to scramble up to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault! The pin is academic by this point...but that didn't stop Swashbuckler from putting his feet on the ropes to keep the hero down for good. As the bell rang, Crush and Buckler greedily retrieved the Kinship belts as though they had always belonged to them and held them up for the booing crowd. Pig and Fox could only recuperate on the outside as the pirates celebrated their officially won -but no less ill-gotten- gains. WINNERS VIA PINFALL AND NEW KINSHIP CHAMPIONS: THE LEGENDS OF THE SEA Rob: "An absolutely disgusting victory by the Legends here tonight, these two buccaneers don't have a single honorable bone in their body!" Mac: "Pig and Fox have got to be thinking 'rematch' after that one and frankly who can blame them? I swear karma is building up for those two rule-breaking bogans, and I hope it comes swinging back their way soon enough." Rob and Mac were interrupted from further lambasting the brigands by the arrival of a different kind of evil... THE TECHNICALLY CORRECT BUT VERY RUDE ABOUT IT KIND Travis Century: "My brothers and sisters, tonight is the night that the greatest injustice in ZEN is corrected! Tonight the Right to Party will be fought for and won by my organization's own Johnny Chapman. Now Johnathan, I know for a fact that you're conflicted tonight, who wouldn't be? Forced to break an object made of the very trees you love, but listen to me, to make an omelet, you have to break eggs and tonight that egg's name is Stereo, you understand me?" Chapman nodded and looked to be about to speak when- "Hey man who's that cat comin' down the street?" "I don't know but it sounds to me like that whistlin' man with the ball." "Sure has himself a ball!" Clad in Harlem Globetrotters cosplay, Stereo dribbled a basketball directly into the group and proceeded to crossup Ollie Basham, sidestep a charging Johnny Chapman, bounce the ball over the head of Travis Century, and finally dunk on T-Bone Tucker. Spinning the ball on the tip of his finger, Stereo mugged for the audience-until Chapman slammed into him from behind and started walking him to the ring with the other members of Modern Justice in tow (T-Bone keeping the ball for...some reason). ZEN RIGHT TO PARTY TITLE MATCH STEREO (c) VS JOHNNY CHAPMAN With Stereo under control int he early goings, Chapman proceeded to try and brutalize the champ with every power move in his arsenal. Slam after slam, bomb after bomb, clubbing blow after clubbin blow were used to great effect, especially considering how Stereo had just recently suffered a beatdown at the whole group's hands. Convinced he'd given him enough punishment already, Chapman went for a table at ringside and set it up just past the apron. To the shock and horror of everyone, Chapman attempted to powerbomb out of the ring onto the table only find himself huricanrana'd over the ropes, only avoiding an early loss due to Basham and Tucker quickly shoving the table out of the way-Tucker taking its place and getting smashed flat. As Century stormed over to yell at Tucker for not being quick enough to avoid his fate, Stereo zeroed in on the gathering of Modern Justice and got a running start for a suicide dive onto all three standing members! As Stereo stood up to the cheers of the fans he took notice of two things: 1) T-Bone Tucker was getting up, and 2) The basketball was in grabbing distance. Showing off his skills again, Stereo spun the ball on the top of his head and laughed as Tucker stepped up and...challenged him to a 1 on 1? Goading Arlene Lawler to stand up on the apron and hold her hands out in a circle to act as a hoop, Stereo and Tucker faced off and -to everyone's shock- Tucker snatched the ball, bounced it with such force it stayed in the air long enough for him to get on the apron, and returned the favor for Stereo dunking on him earlier! Looking around with a kind of appreciative bewilderment, Stereo was left wide open for a tackle from Chapman as Tucker's celebration (complete with getting his hand raised by Lawler) was cut short by Century and Basham yanking him off the apron and yelling at him for his antics. Dejected, Tucker took his ball and went...well not home but away from the rest of his stable as Chapman put the hurt on Stereo once again, tossing him into the ring and planting him with a running powerslam. As the crowd booed, Chapman called for Basham to slide in the table, which he set up in a corner for a repeat of his Apple Gore from a few weeks ago. Taking up residence in the corner opposite, Chapman played to the crowd for a moment before sizing Stereo up and getting a running start- "YO T-BONE PASS IT TO ME!" As if on instinct, T-Bone shot the ball into the ring and the waiting hands of Stereo who lobbed it into Chapman's face and dodged to the side! Chapman barely managed to avoid putting himself to the table but turned around into a kick to the belly and the Emancipation Proclamation axe kick! As Century and Basham screamed insults at a shocked T-Bone Tucker, Stereo took advantage by setting up the table and rolling Chapman onto it! As Century and Basham suddenly realized they took their eye quite literally off the ball, Stereo launched himself off the top with a Hip Hop Drop that drove Chapman through the table and retained the vaunted Right to Party. Century and Basham threw tantrums at ringside as Tucker shrugged and tried to sneak away to avoid more lambasting. For his part, Stereo retrieved his B-Ball and made sure to dunk it directly onto the heads of Century and Basham, much to their chagrin. WINNER VIA PINFALL AND STILL HOLDER OF THE RIGHT TO PARTY: STEREO The camera cut backstage where it found: THE REGULATORS Prepping for their respective matches, the quartet was soon joined by- "Hiya-whoops, right, cowboys, HOWDY fellas!" Franklin on his hip, Garry shook hands with all four of his unenthusiastic 'stablemates'. Garry: "I gotta tell ya, it's been a real dog day afternoon on my end, these Philly Fanatics have been chasing me all over the city!" Franklin: "I think I even saw their butt-ugly mascot coming after us with a sledgehammer!" Garry: "Gritty?" Franklin: "Worse, Charles Barkley! OOK-AH! OOK-AH! OOK-AH!" Hazzard: "Ah, Mr. Walker, how...wonderful to see ya made it to the building." Franklin: "What're you his math teacher? That's Garry The Entertainer to you!" Harry Allen stepped in and pointed a finger in Franklin's felt face. Harry: "The Sheriff'll call him whatever he wants, you little freak!" Hazzard: "Now now, Harry it's fine, Garry here is going to be a big help to us tonight." Garry: "That's right!" Garry sidled over and put an arm around Deadly Deadshot, who immediately shrugged him off with his one visible eye narrowed. Garry: "Deadly, Deadders, Deadhead, cannot WAIT to partner up with you tonight. Don't worry, pal, I'll make sure you get some good shots in, I won't just hog the spotlight." Deadshot: "What?" Garry: "Oh sorry, luchador, Franklin do you speak flippy doo?" Franklin: "I majored in Spot Monkey at College, lemme try! Moonsault, pele kick, 450 splash..........dive!" Bradley Blaze: "He speaks English just fine ya goon, he's wonderin' why on earth you think yer his pardner." Garry: "Uh who WOULD he be teaming up with? I'm the only guy left unless one of you two's taking double duty!" Franklin: "Much like the end of dodgeball draft in gym class, you have no choice but Garry!" Voice: "Ahem." Garry blinks and looks over to where the voice came from to find- "I believe you'll find that isn't the case, Mr. The Entertainer." Garry: "Who are you?" Franklin: "And who's your haberdasher!?" Man: "That, little monkey, is classified. As for my name I am Johnathan Thomas Crockett The Third, owner and operator of Crockett Contract Solutions. I'm the reason Mr. Deadshot is in the sheriff's employ." Garry: "Is that why Brad to the Bone is here too?" Blaze: "Nah, I just go back with Hazzard, I ain't as 'fficial as those boys." Hazzard: "Mr. Crockett, glad you're here, does that mean...?" Crockett: "Indeed, sir, Mr. Handley should be along any moment." Garry: "Aw come on, Dukey, you really gonna put all your eggs in an unknown basket!? This fella and his fancy hat has you fooled if you think there's anyone in the world that...can...outclass...me? Why is it so dark in here now!?" Garry had been eclipsed by a rather large shadow, Franklin looked behind them and his mouth dropped. He began violently shaking his handler and pointing, prompting Garry to turn around to go face to chest with- "Grrrrr...." Garry: "Oh. H-howdy there fella..." Crockett: "Mr. The Entertainer, this is Big Hoss Handley. Happy to see we could pry you away from your attempts to wrestle every bear in Yosemite National Park, Mr. Handley." Hoss: "Rrrrrgh..." Garry: "Heyyyyy...big guyyyyy...ya like puppets?" Hoss: "No. Ah hate puppets." Franklin: "M-More a Howdy Doody guy, huh? Understandable..." Crockett: "I believe we should be on our way, gentlemen, say goodbye to the children's performer. Sheriff Hazzard I will expect prompt payment of our fee once business has concluded." Hazzard: "O'course, o'course, check's in the mail." Crockett: "Please, I'm not a caveman, I have a paypal. Come on, then." Crockett walked offscreen with Hoss and Deadshot in his wake, the massive Texan taking a moment to snarl at Garry and Franklin who hid behind Blaze, causing the cowboy to snicker. Hazzard: "That should be enough to rid me of the tag team...now then, Bradley you ready to take Nelson outta the equation?" Blaze: "Yep, sidekick's good as six feet under." Hazzard: "That's what I like to hear, Harry I know yer good, and uh...Garry? C'mere boy!" Garry poked his head out from behind Blaze, who grabbed him by the hair and yanked him towards the Sheriff, who casually placed his cigar in Franklin's mouth and threw his own arm around Garry's shoulder. Duke: "I don't rightly want you to think yer unwanted around here, I actually view you as a valued member of this here posse...that's why I've kept yer role under wraps. Now tell me, pardner...how do ya'll feel about...gourds?" Before the camera can find out what that's supposed to mean, Bradley Blaze stepped in front of it and smirked. Blaze: "I think that there's about all yer gonna be allowed to see, bucko. How 'bout ya'll watch them fellers in red get what's comin' to 'em?" Abruptly the camera cuts back to ringside for the next match... DEADLY DEADSHOT & BIG HOSS VS HOUSE PARTY (ASH BARNABY AND ZACH RUDGE) By far the biggest man to ever set foot in a ZEN: Boston ring to date, Big Hoss as NOT what Barnaby and Rudge were expecting when they set out to take on the Regulators. Still, working in USPW (or at least its feeder league) is a good way to figure out how to take on a big man and they make an admirable show of it...but that's where Deadshot came in. Wherever Hoss' bulk failed him, Deadshot was right there to fill in the crack with agility and pinpoint assaults that left House Party on the backstep. Even when the two members of the Frat managed to get in some double team offense on the masked man, his partner stormed in like the proverbial bull in a china shop and smashed them flat! Desperate for some form of momentum, Rudge and Barnaby managed to kick out Hoss' legs and go to town with superkicks to the big man's chin that had him wobbling...only for Hoss to shove them back into a springboard double bulldog from Deadshot! With J.T Crockett III nodding along at ringside, Hoss hauled up Rudge on his shoulders while Barnaby laid down in the middle of the ring, Deadshot climbed the ropes and leapt off to land on Rudge's back then sprung off for a double stomp to Barnaby as Hoss hit an F-5 on Rudge! The pinfall afterwards was sadly academic for the rudo duo, whose surprising debut left their opponents down and out. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: DEADLY DEADSHOT &- "Ahem, their operating team designation is 'Hammer and Scalpel', thank you." SORRY, HAMMER AND SCALPEL Mac: "Crikey, that lad there's big as a bunyip and no mistake!" Rob: "The acquisition of this Crockett's services has already paid dividends for the Sheriff. I wonder how on earth he is justifying all this to the higher-ups, even Hazzard has to answer to someone." Mac: "I dunno, Rob, maybe the barmy folks in charge like this kinda stuff. In any case up next we have ourselves a matchup between one of our most promising newcomers and the man he beat in his debut!" Rob: "Tyrone Gray triumphed over Diamond Deuce at United States of Action and Deuce hasn't been able to let that fact go. Gray remains an arch-competitor so agreed to the rather juvenile request of Deuce for a rematch and here we are tonight!" Mac: "I'm certain if Deuce gets himself a win here tonight he'll never let any of us hear the end of it, Rob. I'm pulling for ya Tyrone, give that egomaniac a good thrashing!" DIAMOND DEUCE VS TYRONE GRAY II It became clear from the outset that Deuce attributed his loss last month to the breakneck pace he tried to cut with Tyrone, as he opted for a more methodical approach this go around. Utilizing some superior technical skills, Deuce sought to ground Gray with a series of holds targeting the legs of his opponent that served him well in the early goings until he found a german suplex attempt flipped through by his opponent. Picking up momentum like a rock rolling down a moutainside from there, Gray began blitzing Deuce with an array of high-flying attacks with a particular flare for springboards maneuvers that finally forced Deuce out of the ring to regain his bearings. This proved to be a mistake as Gray leapt to the top rope and smashed into him with a very VERY high crossbody that wiped both men out on the floor. As Jay Fair's count threatened to reach the dreaded number 20, both men slowly got to their feet and exchanged blows on the outside until they realized that Jay had hit 19 and almost helped each other dive back into the ring, panting and briefly sharing a 'That would have SUCKED' look before getting back to business. The match resumed with a renewed fire as the two men went hold for hold and move for move, keeping fans on the edge of their seats as they tried and failed to keep complete control of the match. Just when it seemed Deuce had found the hold that would ground Gray for good, 'High Energy' would find a way to escape and begin waylaying him with move after move. Likewise when it looked like Gray's superior high-flying stylings would win the day, Deuce would find a move that would put him on the mat for more punishment. Finally, Deuce managed to catch Gray on a springboard and seemed poised for his Deuces are Wild electric chair driver, only for Gray to slam repeated punches to the top of his head and attempt the Tumbleweed poison rana- But Deuce lurched forward towards a corner and sent Gray tumbling down into a turnbuckle facefirst! With his opponent dazed, Deuce lifted Gray up and climbed to the top rope with him, trying to hook him for a Back Superplex, but soon found himself eating multiple punches from Gray! The two struggled for a moment as the crowd watched with baited breath until...Gray cracked Deuce in the face and the rudo fell back- WHILE HOLDING ONTO GRAY! The crash of bodies hitting mat was like a gunshot as Deuce dazedly kept ahold of Gray, trying to bridge... 1...2...3! Both men flopped to the mat as Jay Fair conferred with the timekeeper and... AS A RESULT OF A DOUBLE PINFALL...THIS MATCH IS A DRAW! It took a moment for that announcement to resonate fully with both men in the ring, particularly as they were trying to recover from the move they just took. Gray was the first to rise and looked to the crowd and then to a kneeling Deuce who...began slamming his fist on the mat and shouting in anger at falling short in a slightly different way this time. Gray strode up to the angered rudo and stuck out his hand, clearly impressed with Deuce's skills this go around. Deuce slapped the hand away and rolled out of the ring, shaking his head and muttering at himself in annoyance. Mac: "Classy move by Gray but you should expect that kind of behavior from Diamond Deuce." Rob: "Yes he is clearly furious at not getting his way again this month but...did you notice he didn't really try to cheat the whole match?" Mac: "Now that you mention it, yeah, I didn't see him go for a cheap shot the whole match. He could've even screwed over Gray on the outside but just slid back in happy as you like. That is...well that ISN'T what I'd expect from him, to be honest." Rob: "Folks this rivalry is far from over but neither is the war between the Frat and the Regulators and up next another chapter in that war will be written as Ade Nelson takes on Bradley Blaze in what's sure to be a hotly contest match up." Mac: "Ade is a canny sort to be certain, a scrappy fighter like no other but Bradley Blaze is a man who knows his way around a brawl and you gotta think Duke Hazzard did not bring him into ZEN: Boston for his genteel personality. He's rough, he's ready, and he is not the type to feel remorse for his violence." Rob: "Well said, Mac, let's get down to ringside for the matchup!" ADE NELSON VS BRADLEY BLAZE Blaze went into this match clearly not taking Nelson seriously, batting away the smaller man with languid punches and kicks that Nelson avoided with an annoyed look on his face until he managed to slap the sunglasses directly off Blaze's face. That got Blaze to stop messing around -for better or worse as far as Nelson was concerned- and he began putting his brawling acumen to use against Nelson. The cheap shots that were required to go toe-to-toe with Wright here are used to torture and demoralize Nelson, making the point the cowboy is trying to make clear: Nelson is a sidekick. However, that arrogance once again crept into Blaze's actions as he took to beating on the smallest member of the Frat in a corner, shrugging off the warnings of Arlene Lawler until he found his fist connecting with turnbuckle and Nelson quickly rolling him up for a nearfall! Blaze scrambled up from the maneuver, disoriented, and immediately took a flying forearm from Ade, then another as he got up from it! Ade began to feed on the support of the fans, nailing Blaze with a jawbreaker, a cross chop, a springboard hip attack which surprisingly gave him another nearfall! With Blaze reeling there was only one thing Ade could think to do. With the fans behind him, he planted the cowboy with a swinging neckbreaker and began to scale the ropes, looking to the fans chanting the name of his finisher. Nodding along with them Ade leapt from the top rope for the Custom Ade Swanton Bomb and...landed hard on a pair of raised knees. As Ade thrashed around on the mat in pain, Blaze stood with an enraged sneer on his face, playtime was very clearly over as he ripped Ade off the mat and hooked him for his Dallas Drop DDT that laid Ade out for the pin...at least it would have been if Blaze didn't yank him back up for a second Dallas Drop just to put an exclamation point on matters. An abrupt and some would say cruel end for the underdog. WINNER VIA PIFNALL: BRADLEY BLAZE Mac: "Bradley Blaze with a sadistic victory in that one, man is probably more vicious than both those mercenaries he's teamed with combined." Rob: "Ade Nelson brought his all to that match but it wasn't enough in the face of a man fully committed to doing anything to win. If he wasn't busy playing lapdog to Sheriff Hazzard, I'd expect that win to put Blaze in title contention." Mac: "Speaking of, it's time for our main event and here comes Robbie Wright!" The leader of the Frat headed out to the ring to check on his recovering buddy, Ade Nelson. After some conferring, Nelson began limping back up to the backstage area as Wright entered the ring and got himself a microphone. Wright: "Philly lemme feel that brotherly love!" The crowd cheered loud for the beloved King of Charisma. Wright: "So that piece of trash Sheriff thinks he's gonna throw me a curveball tonight with this secret third man in my title match. But one thing you gotta know about Robbie Wright is that he lives for the unknown. He eats danger for breakfast right next to the leftover hot pocket and whatever's in the to-go box from Waffle House in the Frat House fridge, and if that ain't the breakfast of champions I don't know what is. So Hazzard, you and that old man you call a champion get on out here and bring your mystery fella with ya, because you're about to learn that all it takes is one Wright Move to put down anyone in this business!" Wright threw down the mic and paced around the ring, looking determined. Soon his challenge was answered... "Boy I rightly pray for the day you learn the same lesson I keep havin' ta teach you and yer dog turd little friends, that this is my house and it's my rules! But 'til that day comes yer gonna have suffer the righteous whuppin' comin' yer way courtesy of YOUR ZEN CONQUEROR CHAMPION: HARRY ALLEN!" Allen stepped out onto the stage, holding up his title belt to the boos of the crowd. Hazzard: "Yeah yeah, boo all ya like it ain't goin' nowhere...or is it? Cuz we got ourselves a third dance partner here tonight, someone who is known throughout the world of ZEN and wrasslin' at large! He's a former holder of the ZEN Master and ZEN Supreme Ruler titles, hailin' from the Pumpkin Patch, he's the Tricky Treat, that's right it's PUMPKIN JACK!" Mac: "MY GOD, ROB! PUMPKIN JACK!? DUKE HAZZARD HAS BROUGHT PUMPKIN JACK TO ZEN: BOSTON!? UNBELIEVABLE!" Rob: "Mac." Mac: "WE HAVEN'T SEEN JACK HERE SINCE BACK IN THE DAYS HE WAS DEFENDING THE SUPREME RULER TITLE!" Rob: "Mac!" Mac: "WHAT A FANTASTIC MATCH HE HAD WITH-" Rob: "MAC!" Mac: "What?" Rob: "Have a good look at 'Pumpin Jack', would you?" Mac: "Huh it's...oh...for the love of god, Hazzard you rotten piece of garbage..." Indeed there were clearly some issues with this so-called Pumpkin Jack, let's list them off, shall we? 1) Pumpkin Jack is a known lightweight while this fellow seemed to be a full weight class above him. 2) Pumpkin Jack is a white guy, this Jack was very obviously not. 3) "Hey hi how are ya, I'm the third thing wrong here." He was carrying a very familiar monkey puppet. Needless to say the ruse was cottoned on to by everyone but Mac immediately. Duke and Harry shared an annoyed glance at Franklin making their obvious deception clear to everyone with functioning brains. Still, they allowed the 'visiting champ' to enter the ring first, where he was immediately socked in the face by Robbie Wright, sending poor Franklin flying again as he'd had just about enough of this farce. At Hazzard's urging, Allen slid into the ring and attacked Wright from behind and the match was on! ZEN CONQUEROR TITLE MATCH HARRY ALLEN (c) VS ROBBIE WRIGHT VS 'PUMPKIN JACK' Wright and Allen traded blows furiously with Wright getting the upperhand and planting the champ with a snap ddt! With both Allen and 'Jack' down, Wright began dropping elbows on them both before grabbing Allen by the hair and lifting him up to drag him to a corner and go for a ten-punch spot to the crowd's delight. However as he reached the tenth punch, the masked interloper clubbed him on the back and yanked him off Allen by the tracksuit, forcing Wright's eyes against the top rope and draaaaaagging them across the ring to a face slam into the top of the nearest turnbuckle! Waving off Allen to let the champ get his rest, 'Jack' began laying into Wright with rights and lefts before going to pick the King of Charisma up on his shoulders and calling for a running powerslam-only for Wright to slip free and shove the impostor into the ropes, hitting him with a sling-blade on the rebound! Wright pounced on him for a cheeky early pin, but quickly rolled off as Harry Allen ran in with a knee drop that landed flush across 'Jack's chest, leaving the champ open to a backdrop from Wright who Rob and Mac noted was fighting for his life against two of the craftiest competitors on the roster. After his backdrop only secured a one, Robbie kipped up and stepped away from Allen, who glared at the upstart and (to everyone's surprise) proceeded to kip up himself with a smug 'Anything you can do' look on his face. Champion and challenger faced off...then noticed that 'Jack' was attempting to emulate them but really only flopping around like a fish. Choosing to ignore the masked man for now, Allen and Wright locked horns and the veteran managed to leverage his body into pressing Wright into the ropes before irish whipping him across the ring (and over the still flopping Jack) and going for a back body drop that Wright in turn leapfrogged and butt-bumped him into rolling over Jack and coming up to bounce off the very same ropes, capturing a back elbow and leaping up for a crucifix pin that nearly landed on Jack! The champ managed a surprising two-count that was broken up when Jack finally kipped up and stumbled over head official Jay Fair, which did not endear him to the champ whatsoever. As Allen stood up to give Jack a piece of his mind, Wright recovered enough to stand and put a plan of action together... That plan was grabbing them both by the heads and slamming them forehead to forehead! As Allen reeled, Wright kept ahold of Jack's mask and turned it around backwards, leading to the mysterious man flailing in surprise and stumbling around the ring! Wright then went on the attack, brawling with Allen as both men attempted to avoid the uncoordinated swinging arms of the largest of the three, attempting to use the momentary turn towards a singles match with a big obstacle to his advantage. Both men took turns wrestling around 'Jack', Allen eventually throwing a knee into Wright's midsection and tossing him between the stumbling luchador's legs, sidling around to kick Jack in the rump and initiate a sunset flip...only to realize that the pin would count and punching Jack in the face reversing it, before realizing that would give Wright the win and kicking him back down instead....then another punch to Garry's face, then another kick to Wright! Punch! Kick! Punch! Kick! Both men suddenly lashed out and tripped Allen up, pouncing on him for a double pin until realizing who was where and shoving each other off. Trying to get his ace in the hole back in business, Duke Hazzard rolled into the ring to try and get ahold of Jack's mask but soon found himself locked up in a collar and elbow by the blinded buffoon and tossed into the ropes at the exact same time Allen was by Wright leading to champion and manager colliding and falling out of the ring! As Jay Fair went to check on the two men on the outside, the blinded luchador doubled over and panted for breath, Wright finally decided it was time to end this farce and grabbed for the mask, yanking it off to reveal: GARRY! SHOCK! HORROR! Pawing at his face in terror at being found out, Garry turned around as Wright tossed the cheap mask out of the ring and began laying into the Entertainer with rights and lefts, tossing him around the ring with suplexes, slams, and a few headbutts as well! Meanwhile on the outside, Hazzard slithered away after whispering something to Allen, who began loudly complaining about his leg and keeping Jay Fair from reentering the ring! As Garry and Wright fought it out, the Entertainer was suddenly smashed with a kick to the midsection and hooked for Wright Move spinning brainbuster...but Garry threw himself back with all his weight and sent both men into the ropes-and out of the ring as Hazzard pulled the top one down! Allen then shoved Fair aside and rolled into the ring at the same time Hazzard slid something else in- "WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS!?" Pouncing on the inanimate primate crammed into a Pumpkin Jack mask, Harry did his best to hide the entirety of the body from Jay Fair, howling at him to enter the ring! Jay swiftly did and as Garry sandbagged Wright's legs to prevent him from reentering the ring, counted the three on quite possibly the dirtiest win in ZEN history. WINNER VIA PINFALL AND STILL ZEN CONQUEROR CHAMPION: HARRY ALLEN Tossing the evidence out of the ring before Fair could cotton on to what he'd done, Allen grabbed the belt from the ref and bolted from the ring as a furious Wright tried to give chase, already up the ramp and into the backstage before he could get much farther than the ring. Garry entered in after him, looking around and shouting for Franklin when Wright whirled on him, eyes wide and unforgiving. Garry visibly gulped and backed off, holding up his hands...which Wright seized and yanked him into the Wright Move! The crowd erupted as the King of Charisma yanked Garry up a second time and hit him with a another Wright Move! Then another! Three Wright moves in swift succession as Wright roared in frustration and stormed out of the ring, pointing at the prone Garry and declaring simply: "NEXT MONTH, I END YOU!" As United States of Love goes off the air...

United States of Love MAIN EVENT ZEN CONQUEROR TITLE MATCH Harry Allen (c) vs Robbie Wright vs ??? Ade Nelson vs Bradley Blaze Tyrone Gray vs Diamond Deuce Deadly Deadshot & ??? vs House Party ZEN RIGHT TO PARTY TITLE TABLES MATCH Stereo (c) vs Johnny Chapman ZEN KINSHIP TITLE MATCH The Golden Glory (c) vs The Legends of the Sea The Outrageous Arona & Glitch vs QT PI & Cheetah Boy

THE ZEN NEWSWIRE YOUR PRE-UNITED STATES OF LOVE NEWS CENTER UPDATE ON THE STATUS OF JEAN REINHARDT In the midst of a heated trios match between The Frat and the team of True Elegance and Kashmir Singh, a slip on the top turnbuckle resulted in a very nasty spill for Jean Reinhardt. Updates from the local hospital have confirmed a broken leg and probably six month absence from in-ring activity. We at the newswire wish Ms. Reinhardt a speedy recovery in whichever top of the line facility her friend Lady Devonshyre ends up booking her in. IDENTITY OF THIRD TRIPLE THREAT PARTICIPANT REMAINS ELUSIVE Since the start of this past Art of Grappling wherein Duke Hazzard announced the involvement of a third competitor in the ZEN Conqueror title match based on their resume, we've desperately been hounding the Sheriff for information on the person's identity. Hazzard remained tight-lipped however as did ZEN Conqueror Champion Harry Allen, who threatened us with a bullrope should we even attempt to discover the identity from him. Communiques with our colleagues in New Zealand, Andorra, Yamaguchi, Saskatoon, and London have similarly turned up dead ends but the description of the person having a storied career have lead us to have three suspects: 1. ZEN Supreme Ruler Champion, Frankie Bendis FKA Halloween Knight- easily the most storied and decorated competitor in all of ZEN, let alone the Original incarnation. 2. Notorious F.R.E.A.K - ZEN Andorra's strangest competitor has tasted Virtuoso gold twice, perhaps conquest could be in their future? 3. Henderson Whoopass - The man on a mission to save the world from the evil Slynet could perhaps be looking to for the Conqueror belt to regain his memory on the killterm for Slynet's systems. But those are just theories. LUCHA THEOR- Our legal department has informed us we can't use that phrase, sorry. GARRY THE ENTERTAINER PERSONA NON GRATA IN PHILLY (shocker) After his disgraceful interview with Whistler in Pittsburgh this past edition of Art of Grappling, Garry the Entertainer has apparently been hounded by natives of Philadelphia up one side of the town and down the other as they've all been trying to get their hands on the rotten edutainer. When reached for comment, Garry threw our reporter at the mob out for his head and kept running. When asked for their side of the story, the mob just shouted 'GET HIM!' very loudly while waving torches and pitchforks. And they say Santa has a hard time in that town... WHO WILL THE THIRD MAN BE!? WILL GARRY SURVIVE THE NIGHT!? WILL THE TABLE IN THE STEREO/CHAPMAN MATCH HAVE RECLAIMED WOOD!? LEARN ALL THIS AND MORE AT UNITED STATES OF LOVE!

Yaaaaay

ZEN The Art of Grappling "Tough (Brotherly) Love" Attendance: 589 Viewers: 91,063 on the ZEN Network CONTENT WARNING: During the events of this episode, a serious injury occurred to one of our luchadors in the main event. Viewer discretion is advised. Art of Grappling began with the Sheriff Duke Hazzard making his way to the ring with a snarl on his face and little time for the boos the ZEN Faithful sent his way. Getting down to business, Hazzard announced that since The Frat clearly wanted to fight it out with his Regulators so bad, he was gonna give them what they wanted. Ade Nelson would go one-on-one with with Bradley Blaze and House Party would take on Deadly Deadshot and another member of the stable. After Mac and Rob speculate a bit on who it could be (what with Garry The Entertainer being the only remaining member), Hazzard moved on to note that while Robbie Wright had indeed tussled his way into another Conqueror Title Match with Harry Allen, Hazzard had received a request from another branch of ZEN to include one of their best and brightest in the title match and the man's resume spoke for itself. He refused to elaborate on who exactly was coming to United States of Love but declared they would have no affiliation with the Regulators. His business concluded, Hazzard thanked the crowd, looked at them all like he just bit into a lemon as they booed him and strode off. ZEN KINSHIP TITLE OPEN CHALLENGE THE LEGENDS OF THE SEA '(c)' VS THE SPEED RACERS The final obstacle to the Legends 'defending' their belts prior to United States of Love, The Speed Racers came into this match with their trademark breakneck pace that made them multiple time champions in ZEN: Yamaguchi as they blitzed Swashbuckler and Cap'n Crush with high-flying super junior offense. Stereo (as in at the same time, not the guy) Japanese Armdrags sent the pirates stumbling from the ring and as they attempted to recover, Speed Racer Blue took up position at the ropes and Speed Racer Red took an alley oop into a tope onto the rudos! Basking in the cheers of the fans, Red tossed Swashbuckler back into the ring and took his place in his team's corner, slamming a hand on the turnbuckle pad to get the crowd chanting as his partner began waylaying Buckler with a series of low kicks followed up by a rolling solebutt that sent Buckler onto his hands and knees. Blue began to run the ropes to finish off his combination but soon found himself tripped up by a recovered Cap'n Crush and dragged out of the ring into a scoopslam to the outside mats. Seeing his partner in trouble, Red began to run around the ring via the apron to rescue Blue but found himself waylaid was well when Swashbuckler caught him with a clothesline from inside the ring that sent him crashing to the apron. Dragging the Racers back into the ring, Swashbuckler picked him up and began mocking Blue's early mannerisms while throwing kicks to the body of his opponent. To his surprise, Red began to fire up and call for more kicks! And more! And more until Buckler threw an overzealous high kick and found himself turned around and shoved into the ropes for an O'Connor roll...before Cap'n Crush came up from behind and reversed the momentum to put Buckler on top! 1! 2! But then Blue slid into the ring and hit a kick to Buckler's face that put Red back on top! 1! 2! Crush punched Red in the face! 1! 2! A knee right to the mouth of Buckler! 1! 2! Cap'n Crush grabbed Blue and forced him to headbutt Red! SWASHBUCKLER HAS THE TIGHTS THIS TIME! 1! 2! 3! WINNERS VIA PINFALL AND 'STILL' ZEN: KINSHIP CHAMPIONS: THE LEGENDS OF THE SEA Swashbuckler floped out of the pin and embraced Cap'n Crush as they grabbed the Kinship Titles and held them over their heads! Suddenly to a pop from the crowd, the titles were wrenched away and into the hands of The Golden Glory! Dropping the belts down, Pig and Fox advanced on the pirates who begged off...directly into the Speed Racers who were none too pleased at the way they lost their match. The ZEN: Yamaguchi stars shoved Crush and Buckler into a double superkick from their rival that send them crashing out of the ring. The belts were retrieved and secured by the champs but they would still need to defend them properly at United States of Love... MODERN JUSTICE VS MELANCHOLY MOLLY & THE GHOSTS OF RETRIBUTION A bizarre trio by any measure, Melancholy Molly teamed up with Phantom and Poltergeist surprisingly well in a battle with the most obnoxious activists in the world, with Molly's despondent sandbagging of moves creating multiple openings for the spooky duo to get in double team offense (usually on T-Bone Tucker to everyone's annoyance). However, despite their chemistry, Modern Justice had the silver bullet that is Travis Century on their side and he cornered Molly on the outside, angrily lambasting her for her part in Stereo's title reign. This brought the Ghosts to her defense which distracted them from being waylaid by Johnny Chapman and Ollie Basham which saw Phantom thrown over the guardrail and Poltergeist tossed into the ring. As T-Bone Tucker kept Molly from entering the ring with his prodigious strength, Chapman and Basham hit their tag finisher -a running samoan drop followed by a running senton known as the Climate Change- on Poltergeist for the pin and the win. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: MODERN JUSTICE Post-match, Travis Century procured a mic and declared that Right to Party Holder Stereo had foolishly agreed to a rematch with Johnny Chapman at United States of Love. Furthermore he demanded it be a tables match and as loathe as Century was to contribute to the lumber industry's corrupt destruction of natural resources, he had agreed! Century noted that Stereo has never been more hurt and as long as EVERYONE DID THEIR JOB (here he glared at Tucker), the Right was as good as theirs and they would hold a memorial for the trees that contributed the wood to the broken table as their first act as the collective Right holders. CHEETAH BOY VS SAMHAIN Debuting wrestler Samhain carried himself with a bizarre mixture of creep factor and out and out goofiness in the little time he got with Cheetah Boy as he used his size advantage over the veteran to toss him around the ring before finding himself stopped in his tracks when CB suddenly cried out 'Trick or Treat'! As Samhain scoured his person for candy to hand out, CB snuck over to a corner, climbed to the top rope, and waylaid the surprised newcomer with a Flying Cheetah Pounce for a swift -if silly- victory. WINNER VIA PINFALL: CHEETAH BOY Post-match, Cheetah Boy called out...QT PI!? When the brutal brainiac made her way to the ring, CB commended her on standing her ground when things got shaky last week. He's been looking for someone to help him take on his no-good son and the minion he brought along to the party and he thinks QT PI's the gal for the job. After some consideration, QT agreed and shook hands with the veteran, making a tag match for the duo and Arona and Glitch at United States of Love then and there. As the two of them strode back to the backstage, they passed the set of the Garry and Franklin show where The Entertainer and his best buddy were on hand to reveal their guest tonight, and what a guest it was: PPPW, SCCW, AND NYCW LEGEND WHISTLER The legend of the Tri-State area and all around beloved figure in wrestling cordially greeted the bizarre duo, making an aside that's this was the third weirdest interview set he's been on (shoot interviews are a strange and bizarre land, folks). After fielding a few questions about his career from a seemingly starstruck Garry, the interview turned hostile when Franklin began to make 'Whistler's Mother' jokes to the amusement of literally only himself and Garry. Seemingly wanting to diffuse the situation, Garry managed to convince Whistler to field one more question: "How come the only companies you worked for are PPPW that died, SCCW that died, and NYCW where careers go to die?" That was a bridge to far for the veteran who stood up and marched over towards Garry who picked up a chair (which due to the set, had googly eyes on it) and threatened the sixty-year-old with it until he was suddenly waylaid by Hawkeye Calhoun who got a pop from those who remembered his run in the SWF and tenure in NYCW as well. Pounding the disrespectful Entertainer all the way to the ring, Hawkeye tossed Garry in and we had ourselves an impromptu match! Meanwhile Whistler grabbed Franklin (as well as the stagehand manipulating him) and clobbered the monkey with a right hook that made both him and the stagehand go flying. HAWKEYE CALHOUN VS GARRY THE ENTERTAINER An early advantage by the brawling Calhoun was cut short by an eye rake from Garry that put the match back in the rudo's control. Engaging in every dirty trick he could think of, Garry beat down on the masked man until Whistler at ringside rallied the fans with a 'USA' chant (despite Garry being from literally the nation's capitol) that set Calhoun back on track with a flurry of offense that ended with Calhoun hitting a death valley driver into a corner! Pantomiming a baseball bat, Calhoun got Jay Fair to play the part of pitcher before 'hitting' an invisible ball and running the circumference of the ring for a baseball slide to the face of Garry! Hawkeye began calling for his finisher, The Grand Slam, but at ringside Franklin and the stagehand began trying to wrestle away Old Glory from Whistler! This distracted Hawkeye long enough for Garry to sneak up behind and yank his mask around backwards and pick him up for a devastating jackhammer that kept Calhoun down for a three. Garry had little time to celebrate the dirty win as Whistler began chasing both himself and Franklin (and the stagehand) with his flag which sent them running! WINNER VIA PINFALL: GARRY THE ENTERTAINER MAIN EVENT TRIOS MATCH THE FRAT (ROBBIE WRIGHT & HOUSE PARTY) VS KASHMIR SINGH & TRUE ELEGANCE A chaotic match that cut an early frenetic pace between the Frat boys and their 'Elegant' enemies, an early double suicide dive took out Reinhardt and Devonshyre at ringside and left Robbie to absolutely dominate Kashmir Singh in a fistfight. With the veteran on the ropes, Robbie looked to run them when he found himself tripped up by both members of True Elegance who put the boots to him on the outside until Barnaby and Rudge intervened and rolled the rudo duo into the ring. However, in the ring the numbers advantage favored the rudos, especially when Kashmir gets involved, tossing Rudge out onto Robbie at ringside. With Devonshyre and Singh restraining Barnaby, Reinhardt climbed to the top rope and...that's when it happened. It was a slip, a simple slip, but it was enough for Jean to fall to the outside, flailing wildly. Robbie and Rudge lunged to try and catch her but they came up short and she landed directly on her leg. The world seemed to stop for a second before Jean started screaming in pain and Arlene Lawler put up the X. The crowd was hushed as the match quickly fell apart, opponents and partners quickly trying to check on the fallen luchadora until the EMTs from the back ran out with a stretcher to assist her. The last episode of Art of Grappling before United States of Love ended with the image of Mac Smith and Rob L. Miskovsky recapping the card for the event as offscreen Jean Reinhardt was stretchered away to receive medical attention... MATCH THROWN OUT DUE TO INJURY

Zen: The Art of Grappling MAIN EVENT The Frat (Robbie Wright & House Party) vs True Elegance & Kashmir Singh Cheetah Boy vs The Debuting Samhain Modern Justice vs Melancholy Molly & The Ghosts of Retribution ZEN: KINSHIP TITLE OPEN CHALLENGE The Legends of the Sea '(c)' vs The Speed Racers PLUS: THE GARRY AND FRANKLIN SHOW W/A TRI-STATE LEGEND AND DUKE HAZZARD ANNOUNCES SOME MATCHES FOR UNITED STATES OF LOVE

THE ZEN NEWSWIRE GO WATCH GLASS ONION WHEN IT COMES OUT LATER THIS YEAR, TIME TRAVELERS SAY IT'S GREAT! CONQUEROR TITLE REMATCH SET FOR UNITED STATES OF LOVE Following a tremendous match with Bradley Blaze at the last Art of Grappling, Robbie Wright has earned his second chance at the biggest prize in ZEN: Boston, the ZEN Conqueror Title currently held by Harry Allen. When reached for comment, Allen said nothing but Duke Hazzard decried Robbie Wright as "A jumped-up little mama's boy!" and declared "Harry Allen WILL leave USL with the Conqueror Title!". GARRY GETS A BIG STAR FOR SECOND PITTSBURGH SHOW? Ringing the phone at the Newswire offices of its hook this past week was Garry The Entertainer who has claimed that his next edition of the 'Garry and Franklin Show' will include a legend of the Tri-State Region! Dropping several hints of him being a veteran of both the defunct Philly Power Pro Wrestling and powerhouse NYCW, Garry was insistent that we promote his big get for his big show because he is a big boy. What a weirdo... STEREO STEAMED POST-TABLE SMASH One man who was not happy coming out of our first Pittsburgh sojourn was Right to Party holder Stereo, after a match for said right with Johnny Chapman saw him get put through a table after a beatdown with one of Modern Justice's infamous weaponized picket signs. From the ZEN Infirmary, he has declared his intention to get Modern Justice back for this, and another match with Chapman may be around the corner. Travis Century, when reached for comment, rubbed his hands together and said 'Good...gooooood...', which we think means he's gonna accept. OPEN CHALLENGE CONTROVERSY CONTINUES WITH YAMAGUCHI REPRESENTATIVES You read that right, two members of possibly ZEN's strangest chapter, Yamaguchi are coming to Pittsburgh this week to challenge for the ill-gotten Kinship titles. The Speed Racers have stepped up to the piratical plate to take on The Legends of the Sea in tag team action. Meanwhile, the champions are chomping at the bit to get their belts back and despite the antics of Swashbuckler and Cap'n Crush, the scheduled title match at United States of Love will settle this ownership one way or another. TRUE ELEGANCE AND KASHMIR SINGH SEEK TO PLAY SPOILER FOR UNITED STATES OF LOVE On-again off-again allies for Duke Hazzard, True Elegance and Kashmir Singh were roundly insulted by Garry the Entertainer a couple weeks ago but it seems that the opinions of the most outspoken 'Member' of the Regulators are not reflected by Duke Hazzard. The Sheriff has booked a trios bout to main event the next Art of Grappling with the rudo squad facing off against Robbie Wright, Ash Barnaby, and Zach Rudge. Will the aristos and their cantankerous comrade ruin the momentum of the Frat going into USL? Tune in to find out!

ZEN: The Art of Grappling "Showdown In Steel City" Attendance: 589 Viewers: 107,710 On The ZEN Network Robbie Wright started off the show coming to the ring with mic in hand. He called out Harry Allen making it clear that things are NOT finished between the two of them and he wants another shot at the ZEN Conqueror belt for United States of Love so he can get his stupid cowboy hat to the ring and accept the challenge like a man or get ready for Robbie to scour this building for him. Allen remained in the back but Robbie's challenge was answered by a different guy in a stupid cowboy hat-oh god don't tell him we said that- Bradley Blaze. Rough and ready as always, Blaze let Robbie know that Sheriff Duke Hazzard is a man who believes in earning your way in this world and if Robbie wanted to have a shot at the belt that slipped out of his hands, he was gonna have to go through Blaze. Wright admitted that after Blaze and Deadshot left Garry The Entertainer high and dry last week, he was still itching to get his hands on the mercenaries. The match was made then and there, Wright vs Blaze in the main event for Number One Contendership...we're sure Arona was totally cool about this and not throwing a fit backstage. HELEN HYWATER VS TYRONE GRAY Having taken on two of the male members of the ZEN: Boston roster, Tyrone Gray now had to contend with the intergender aspect of our little company in Helen Hywater. The former tag standout made it pretty clear she wasn't interested in her opponent acting gentlemanly by responding to a handshake with a kick to the gut and an attempt to blitz Gray with an early onslaught of high-flying maneuvers. However, Gray quickly showed his last two wins were far from flukes and countered an attempted swinging neckbreaker into a backslide for a quick pin on a shocked and furious Hywater. WINNER VIA PINFALL: TYRONE GRAY Post-match, as is becoming a theme since Gray debuted, Diamond Deuce made his way out to the entrance way, pulling along the ever-unamused Melancholy Molly. Bragging that the gaps in Gray's style were all too apparent to his practiced eyes, Deuce decided to show him how it's done and 'recruited' Molly for a special exhibition match. With Molly protesting meekly all the way, Deuce dragged her down to the ring and tossed her in, waving Gray off and calling for the bell. DIAMOND DEUCE VS MELANCHOLY MOLLY More keen on showing up Gray than actually winning the match, Deuce toyed with his put-upon opponent through most of the early goings until he suddenly found himself getting rolled up by Molly for a nearfall. Infuriated at the almost-upset and catching sight of Gray looking amused at ringside, Deuce's game became quite sloppy as Molly's anxious stylings deftly avoided move after move and nearly caught him with three more nearfalls. Losing his patience entirely, Deuce raked his opponent's eyes and waylaid her with a flatliner before putting her away with the Deuces Wild electric chair driver. Deuce sprung off the pinfall afterwards to trashtalk Gray, who casually walked his way back to the entrance ramp. WINNER VIA PINFALL: DIAMOND DEUCE ZEN: KINSHIP TITLE OPEN CHALLENGE THE LEGENDS OF THE SEA '(c)' VS A STORM IS COMING Beloved goofs from ZEN: London, Christopher Storm and The ZEN Fairy got a positive reaction from the ZEN: Faithful in Pittsburgh as they tried to wrest away the stolen ZEN: Kinship title. As the certified 'Hardest Man in Wrestling', The Fairy had the pirates ping-ponging off his fists for most of the early goings, but a chopblock from Swashbuckler after Cap'n Crush dodged a yakuza kick set the tone for the rudos to work over ferocious fae. However, The ZEN Fairy was not only considerably tough, but clever as well -not to mention acrobatic- and he baited a corner splash from Crush that he deftly dodged and got the two pirates to knock into one another before rolling across the ring and bringing in Storm. Unflappable to a fault, Storm sauntered into the ring, faced off with a recovering Cap'n Crush, shrugged, and gave him a smoldering look from over his sunglasses. Crush bumped for this. Realizing they're gonna need two men for this job, Swashbuckler entered the ring and shoved Storm's glasses back up as Crush recovered to throw hands at the coolest man in all of ZEN. With all the grace of a thoroughly disaffected cat, Storm dodged their various attempts at double-teams before nailing them both with a dropkick (one foot for each) and leaving them open for the Fairy to launch himself off the top rope for a splash. A double pin sadly only got a nearfall and the tecnico duo were shoved back as they lifted up the 'champions' and waylaid with a pair of superkicks on the rebound followed by double snap suplexes. Piling the duo onto each other, Crush and Buckler hit an 'Assisted Senton' (read: Crush uranage'd Buckler onto them) for their own near fall. Looking to get a numbers advantage, Crush attempted to toss Storm out of the ring but soon found himself tumbling to the outside and leaving Buckler alone with the Fairy, who booted him in the gut and attempted a powerbomb...only for Buckler to catch him with a sudden sunset flip for a surprisingly clean win! WINNERS VIA PINFALL AND 'STILL' 'ZEN: KINSHIP' 'CHAMPIONS': THE LEGENDS OF THE SEA Mac and Rob briefly marvel at Swashbuckler showing an ability to win without cheating before the post-match celebration is interrupted by The Golden Glory hitting the ring! Buckler and Crush have to scramble fast before the vengeful superheroes get their hands on them, just barely avoiding losing what they rightfully stole. ZEN RIGHT TO PARTY CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH STEREO (c) VS JOHNNY CHAPMAN The most rugged member of Modern Justice, Johnny Chapman came into this match with Stereo all business and it showed in the early goings as her manhandled the charismatic luchador with all of his rough and tumble strength. As Travis Century, Ollie Basham, and an unenthusiastic T-Bone Tucker stood at ringside, Chapman stayed on the champ with an aggressive style that seemed to have Stereo firmly on the backstep. However, Stereo had held the Right to Party for too long to go and lose it without a fight and managed to duck a clothesline then come back for a running heel kick that swung the momentum back in his favor. With the crowd behind him, Stereo unleashed his patented crowd-pleasing offense on the Eco-Warrior, up to and including a Hip-Hop Drop that only failed to secure a victory due to Century putting Chapman's foot on the rope. Letting himself get distracted arguing with Century, Stereo didn't see it when Basham slid Chapman a picket sign ('Stop Discrimination Against International Objects!') and walked directly into a shot to the face for the disqualification! WINNER VIA DISQUALIFICATION AND STILL HOLDER OF THE RIGHT TO PARTY: STEREO Post-match, Modern Justice puts the boots to Stereo, Basham taking the sign from Chapman to wail on Stereo with it some more. This frees up Basham to grab a table from under the ring and slide it in on Century's instructions. As the crowd boos, Chapman set it up in the corner and threw Stereo against it before getting a running start and hitting is Apple Gore through the table! Stereo is left lifeless in the ring as Mac and Rob theorize this was never really about winning the Right but softening up Stereo for another shot... QT PI VS THE OUTRAGEOUS ARONA The match had little time to start before Arona demanded a microphone from ringside, waving off QT PI he began to say his piece. Clearly miffed about losing the main event slot to the number one contendership match, Arona declared that ZEN: Boston didn't appreciate talent like himself and to a much much much much much lesser extent Ms. PI so he was leaving the ring in protest, like Modern Justice but better because he's better than everyone. He invited QT to join him in this but he was through dancing on the puppet strings of uncaring management and...just as he said, he left the ring, head held high, nose in the air. ...8...9...10. QT PI won...wait what was going on behind her!? WINNER VIA COUNTOUT: QT PI Glitch had entered the ring with a steel chair in hand and a manic look on his face! As Arona suddenly turned and cackled at the clueless genius in the ring- THWACK! Glitch was suddenly taken out by a Flying Cheetah Pounce out of nowhere! Cheetah Boy stood over the fallen Glitch as QT PI turned around, nodding at the other tecnico and gesturing to the laid out goon still holding the smoking seat that clued her in on what happened. Arona's cackle quickly turned into a shriek of outrage and he made a run at the ring before thinking better of tangling with this newfound alliance, instead leaving Glitch to writhe in pain. The two technicos shook hands and left together, clearly something brewing between them and the Outrageous One... NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP MATCH ROBBIE WRIGHT VS BRADLEY BLAZE The battle of two of the finest wrestlers in all of ZEN was an all out brawl from start to finish as Wright and Blaze laid into each other with hard fists and harder slams, the Dallas Cowboy's roughneck stylings clashing with the scrappier Florida native's devil-may-care approach. Both the Dallas Drop and Wright Move were attempted in the early goings but each were countered until a cheap shot from Blaze opened Wright up to be tossed outside. From there, Blaze attempted to bash Wright's head into a cornerpost but found himself countered and tossed over a guardrail at ringside! Recognizing the importance of the match, Jay Fair kept his count slow as the two men traded fists in the rowdy crowd, Wright eventually gaining the upperhand by 'borrowing' a fans soda and splashing it in Blaze's face! Soon the two tumbled back into ringside and Blaze scurried into the ring and dropped a knee onto Wright's back as he tried to reenter. Taking control of the match with vicious efficiency, Blaze made it his mission to pour on the punishment with a combination of weardown holds and dirty blows that kept Wright on the backfoot until the Cowboy attempted to get greedy. Stunning Wright with a knee to the belly and a smash of the face against the turnbuckle pad, Blaze attempted to go for -of all things- a Super Dallas Drop DDT by lifting Wright onto the top rope! However, Wright managed to recover and began exchanging blows with the Cowboy on top of the corner, eventually stunning him with a headbutt and sending him staggering back on the mat. Knowing it was now or never, Wright launched himself off the middle rope to pounce across the ring and hit Blaze with the Wright Move spinning brainbuster! With Blaze down and out on the mat, the pin was academic and Pittsburgh came unglued as Wright punched his ticket to United States of Love! WINNER VIA PINFALL: ROBBIE WRIGHT Post-match, a distraught pair of Duke Hazzard and Harry Allen came out onto the stage and angrily jaw-jacked at Wright, who glared at them and- Sidestepped an incoming Deadly Deadshot who'd attempted an ambush, smashing him to the mat with a Wright Move. This made Hazzard and Allen even more furious as Wright smirked angrily and made belt motions to end this edition of Art of Grappling.

#HirePapaEstandar

ZEN: The Art of Grappling MAIN EVENT The Outrageous Arona vs QT PI ZEN: RIGHT TO PARTY TITLE MATCH Stereo (c) vs Johnny Chapman ZEN KINSHIP TITLES OPEN CHALLENGE The Legends of the Sea '(c)' VS A Storm Is Coming Helen Hywater vs Tyrone Gray Plus: Maybe some matches we DIDN'T know about when we made the card! Interesting!

THE ZEN NEWS WIRE YOUR FRAT/REGULATOR WAR CORRESPONDENCE ZEN ROARS INTO PITTSBURGH FOR FIRST LEG OF A TRI-STATE TOUR! The rumors of a series of shows in the Tri-State region were confirmed rather casually on Art of Grappling as we begin with a duology of shows in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for Art of Grappling with a Philadelphia show in place for United States of Love (we guess this year it's the Brotherly kind)! When reached for comment about us running in his hometown, PSW owner Mitch Naess had this to say: "I don't mind all that much, the only crossover between our shows is brats who steal their mom's credit cards anyway." We think he likes us! Buy your tickets now! TWO TITLE MATCHES SET FOR ART OF GRAPPLING (One of them is even real!) As stated by The Reverend Travis Century on Art of Grappling, Johnny Chapman has been granted a match for the ZEN Right to Party against Stereo in Pittsburgh! Modern Justice's dogged pursuit of the title has been going on for months on end and it doesn't seem like they have any intent to stop no matter how many people would really prefer to have their own shots at the belt. Meanwhile the Legends of the Sea 'Open Challenge' for the Kinship belts is getting overseas attention as two teams from ZEN: Boston's sister companies ZEN: London and ZEN: Yamaguchi have staked their claims towards taking physical possession of the belts! The Yamaguchi pair's identities elude us but we do know that this week the Legends will be taking on ZEN: London's own A Storm is Coming, featuring the ever-unflappable Christopher Storm and The ZEN Fairy! Will these opposites attract championship gold, why are so many people going along with this obviously fake challenge? Who can say! Tune in and watch! ZEN: CONQUEROR BELT BEING DEFENDED AT UNITED STATES OF LOVE? Indeed it seems as though no obvious challenger has come forward for the United States of Love event in Philadelphia, or at least Duke Hazzard hasn't bothered to book one. The obvious choice is of course the recently screwed over Robbie Wright but we at the Newswire doubt Hazzard is going to make that climb easy for him. Other challengers may be forthcoming but until they make themselves known, we at the Newswire are more than a little stumped!

ZEN: The Art of Grappling "War Were Declared" Attendance: 427 Viewers: 96, 740 on the ZEN Network The night opened with The Frat making their way to the ring with Ash Barnaby clearly still feeling the effects of his loss to Garry The Entertainer last week. Robbie Wright took the mic and addressed the Regulators directly, saying that after months of squawking about a 'Fair Fight', Duke Hazzard resorted to the same numbers game he accused the Frat of using. Well he promised the Sheriff a war and his bros are behind him in making good on that promise. TONIGHT it's gonna be The Frat vs The Regulators in the main event and Robbie fully intends to do what he was gonna do at United States of Action and pin the champ! Their piece said, the Frat high five and nod to one another before heading to the back to the support of the fans. ZEN: KINSHIP TITLE MATCH THE GOLDEN GLORY (c) VS MODERN JUSTICE A run back of the very match that got Golden Glory their current title reign, the high-flying tecnicos tried to keep a fast pace against the brawling Chapman and more technically minded Basham. However, Travis Century at ringside remained ever the X-Factor for the rudo duo as he masterfully ran interference to let his men get away with every dirty trick in their frankly voluminous book which saw them dominate the lion's share of the match over their smaller opponents. As Chapman set up Golden Pig for The Climate Change Powerbomb/Neckbreaker combo, the champ managed to counter into a sunset flip before using his momentum to fly out onto Century in a suicide dive leaving his bodyguard T-Bone Tucker absolutely distraught! With the challengers disoriented, Golden Fox used the lucha tag rules to his advantage, running wild on Modern Justice with a flurry of high speed maneuvers and nearly pinning Johnny Chapman by reversing a Double-F Spinebuster into a spinning ddt. The challengers reeling, Fox noticed a familiar sight on the outside as Travis Century was getting back up clutching his picket sign...Fox sprinted to once again take out the leader of Modern Justice, who readied his weapon and- "GET DOWN, REVEREND!" -WAS TACKLED OUT OF THE WAY BY TUCKER! With the reaction speed of a-well, a Fox, Fox grasped the ropes and swung around to land on the apron as Ollie Basham entered the ring. Sensing victory, Fox leapt onto the top rope and flung himself forward with a springboard palm strike that floored the Activist, only to have his pin interrupted by Johnny Chapman who struggled with the Fox towards the ropes and sent them both tumbling to the outside! However, this only allowed for Basham to get SMASHED into by Pig's 630 Finisher, When Pigs Fly for the pinfall win for the champs! WINNERS AND STILL ZEN KINSHIP CHAMPIONS: THE GOLDEN GLORY! The Glory had little time to celebrate however, as The Legends of the Sea showed up at the entrance way with their ill-gotten titles and held them over their heads, making cracks about how with performances like that the champs might be good enough to challenge for 'Their' belts. Infuriated, the Super Heroes gave chase and both teams disappeared into the back! Meanwhile in the ring, Travis Century, Tucker, and Chapman saw to a recovering Ollie Basham. Tucker began berating the 'Twiggy wimp' Chapman for taking his eyes off the ball when we was cut off and berated by Century for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory! He angrily informed the squad that next week in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania(!) Stereo had granted them another shot at the Right to Party and he had decided that Johnny Chapman would be the one to try and take it. Tucker spoke up against it but was quickly shouted down and Century led his soldiers to the back... THE OUTRAGEOUS ARONA VS CRASH TEST A leisureful outing for the estranged son of Cheetah Boy, utilizing a combination of his own dastardly cunning and the assistance of Glitch at ringside to utterly dominate the wrestling Crash Test Dummy. Indeed the poor tecnico can't catch a break as he's beaten from pillar to post and eventually put away with an academic Moonsault Senton. WINNER VIA PINFALL: THE OUTRAGEOUS ARONA Post-match, Arona got on the mic and addressed QT PI: "Now that the donor of my genetic greatness is dealt with, I have other fish to pan-sear! QT PI, just a few weeks ago you made my dearest Glitchling spill salty tears from his eye ducts! This cannot stand, it shall not stand! I am a benevolent and loving figure of mother-slash-fatherhood to this errant boy and I shall protect him from all bullies that would-what did she do again?" "SHE BEAT ME IN A WRESTLING MAAAAAATCH!" "Beat him at that thing we do! You probably used your feminine wiles to undermine him at his impressionable young age you harpy! But you will find me not so easily wiled, no matter how many coyotes you have! FOR I AM ARONA, THE OUTRAGEOUS, THE UNSTOPPABLE, THE ASCENDANT~! OHHHHHH HO HO HO HO~!" His frankly bizarre piece said, Arona strode to the back with minion in tow, unaware that in the wings, Cheetah Boy was watching... We cut backstage to where the members of the Regulators were discussing strategy for tonight when Garry the Entertainer hit the scene. Bradley Blaze and Deadly Deadshot rolled their eyes and avoided contact with Garry's as he approached Duke Hazzard. Shrugging off a snappish demand to know what he wanted, Garry talked to Duke about injustice, particularly the injustice of making a champion caliber athlete like Harry Allen go out there and wrestle with only three weeks away to United States of Love! As a caring member of the Regulators (this caused Blaze to scoff), he was offering his services as substitute in the main event for the champ. Harry and Hazzard shared a look but shrugged and accepted the offer, anything to keep the champ as far away from Robbie Wright as possible. The other two members of the group looked to protest but Allen whispered something in their ears and got nods from them both... MAIN EVENT TRIOS ACTION THE FRAT VS THE REGULATORS The Frat were clearly none-too-happy about Garry replacing Harry Allen but there was nothing for it as both teams clashed in a chaotic mix of brawling, lucha, and whatever you call what Garry does. Action unfolded all around ringside as Jay Fair completely failed to keep order with Ash Barnaby in getting the crowd going with a massive dive onto all the other participants from the top rope to the outside! The free-for-all only gets more and more chaotic as it wears on it becomes clear that while Deadshot and Blaze have each others' backs, Garry's well being is very much not on their minds, as illustrated when the Entertainer went to use Franklin's arm to tag in and nearly got the muppet tossed into the front row! Still, Garry remained absolutely convinced he's a Regulator attempted to hold onto Zach Rudge so Blaze and Deadshot could work him over -only for Wright and Barnaby to hit the ring and shove the Regulators into one another! Blaze and Deadshot fall from the ring and Garry is swiftly slipped behind by Rudge and shoved into a superkick by Barnaby, turning around into a second one by Rudge! As Garry is ping-ponged between the two men's educated feet, Deadshot and Blaze...retreated to the back, leaving Garry to have his torment ended by a Wright Move from Robbie to end the show with a win for the Frat! WINNERS VIA PINFALL: THE FRATERNITY

Oh please let Babylon/KCC tag team have good chemistry