praguepride Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 BIIIIIIIG BAAAAAD GET TITLE SHOOOOOOOOT!!! BIIIIIIG BAAAAAD NEW CHAAMMM-PEEEEEEE-OOOOOONNNN Marat is frickin' awesome! "I watch show through hole I punch in door...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted July 9, 2009 Author Share Posted July 9, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA12.png Quick Picks: Marat Khoklov vs. Spiros The Mighty Hugh de Aske vs. Toby Juan Kanobi Hercules Johansson vs. Haiti Voodude Jed High vs. Eddie Cornell White Knight vs. Louis Figo Manico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyde Hill Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Marat Khoklov vs. Spiros The Mighty Hugh de Aske vs. Toby Juan Kanobi Hercules Johansson vs. Haiti Voodude Jed High vs. Eddie Cornell White Knight vs. Louis Figo Manico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Stranger Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Marat Khoklov vs. Spiros The Mighty Hugh de Aske vs. Toby Juan Kanobi Hercules Johansson vs. Haiti Voodude Jed High vs. Eddie Cornell White Knight vs. Louis Figo Manico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 9, 2009 Share Posted July 9, 2009 Marat Khoklov vs. Spiros The Mighty Marat needs a nice push before challenging Luis...Figo....MANICO Hugh de Aske vs. Toby Juan Kanobi I predict pirate shenanigans Hercules Johansson vs. Haiti Voodude Voodoo shenanigans aren't up to par with shenanigans of the pirate persuasion Jed High vs Eddie Cornell The student becomes the master White Knight vs. Louis Figo Manico derrrrrr. No seroiusly, Louis whips the crap out of the EWA jobber. Put that into your fitness machine, White Knight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman2k3 Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 **** you Byron for making Adam job to you and for making signing Larry Wood impossible. Marat Khoklov vs. Spiros The Mighty Hugh de Aske vs. Toby Juan Kanobi Hercules Johansson vs. Haiti Voodude Jed High vs. Eddie Cornell White Knight vs. Louis Figo Manico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWAAlpha.jpg EWA ALPHA!January 2011 Week 3 From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and TAPED for Euro Cable Sports 1! Dark Show: Cyber-Beast vs. Soviet Union Soviet Union defeated Cyber-Beast in 5:11 when Boris Kiriyakin defeated Clinton Washington by pinfall with a Red Square. D Mystery Segment #1 D- Mystery Segment #2 C- Main Show: http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg Marat Khoklov vs. Spiros The Mighty Strength versus strength in the opener, with neither worker giving the other much ground! The match become a contest of who could dish out, and receive, more punishment from his opponent and the Russian Giant Marat Khoklov proved superior in that department, dropping Spiros with the Moscow Lariat and getting the three count. Marat Khoklov defeated Spiros the Mighty in 9:43 by pinfall with a Moscow Lariat. C http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LawrenceYoung.jpg A metal chair soars across the room, colliding with the wall with a violent clank. Lawrence Young slams his fist down on the table centered in the room, pointing accusingly at the unseen party on the other end. Lawrence Young: The jig is up! We have the evidence, we have the witness, and now all we want to know is. Why did you do it, you sick son of a gun! Tell me, or so help me God I’ll come over this table and make sure you’re the victim of a little “accident”, ya understand?! The camera pans over, revealing a terrified Sergei Kalashnov sitting on the other side. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SergeiKalashnov.jpg Sergei Kalashnov: Balls in yo jaws? Lawrence Young: Wise guy, eh? Well, this is how Commissioner deals with wise guys... Young starts to climb over the table, but is immediately restrained by Louis Figo Manico who came bursting through the door! http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg Louis Figo Manico: Easy, my main man, easy. Please, Commissioner Young, allow me to speak to the suspect, si? Lawrence Young: Alright, Manico… but I’m keeping an eye on you. Young exits, grumbling loudly along the way. Manico stands the chair back up and proceeds to sit across from Kalashnov. Louis Figo Manico: Would you like a drink of cool agua? Who am I kidding, of course you do my main man. Pulling a glass from underneath the table and a bottle from a pocket in his jacket (who says Manico can’t have a cool jacket?), Manico pours a glass of water and slides it over to Kalashnov. Sergei Kalashnov: Balls in yo jaws… Louis Figo Manico: Don’t mention it. It is okay, my main man, you are safe here. In fact, you are among friends, no? Sergei Kalashnov: Balls in yo jaws. Louis Figo Manico: Good, good. So please, among friends, tell me: what do you know about this… mystery assailant. After taking a sip of water, Kalashnov leans forward, signaling Manico to do the same. Sergei Kalashnov: … Balls in you jaws. Again, the door is flung open and Lawrence Young storms in, pointing at Kalashnov. Lawrence Young: Listen here, you… The card table prove to be a poor obstacle, as Young kicks it aside as he rushes past Manico, grabbing Kalashnov by the collar of his shirt and shoving him against the wall. Lawrence Young: Enough with these games, you scum! Tell me what you did it already and maybe I’ll leave you with the ability to walk! Sergei Kalashnov: BALLS IN YO JAWS!!! BALLS IN YO JAWS!!! Louis Figo Manico: Easy, Commissioner, easy! Lawrence Young: Easy? It’s too late for easy… There’s only the hard way left, and this punk made it his choice. And once again, Manico manages to pull Young off of Kalashnov. Lawrence Young: This isn’t over! We keep you in here all day until we get that confession. All day, I say! B- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HughdeAske.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg Hugh de Aske vs. Toby Juan Kanobi A solid technical match up with both workers show a certain degree of flash that the EWA fans’ eyes are typically used to. A Kanobi Kutter caught de Aske out of nowhere, putting a quick end to a solid match. Toby Juan Kanobi defeated Hugh de Aske in 5:50 by pinfall with a Kanobi Kutter. C- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg No sooner than the referee can raise Kanobi’s hand, the music begins to play… that vile, sinister, evil Dutch music. Wild Hagues emerge from the official EWA entrance, the two more diminutive members of the trio with microphone in hand. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/FrankDePain.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ScottVanDenBerg.jpg Ruud Van Anger: I’m sorry, Kanobi, did we ruin your little celebration? How RUUD of us *pause for the pun laugh!*. Toby Juan Kanobi: Ah, “Wild Hagues” is it? Frank De Pain: Well, we ARE THE WILDEST!!! Toby Juan Kanobi: Is there something you need, because I’m sorry to say, if you’re attempting to simply stand around and look pretty, I sense the audience believes you to be failing. Ruud Van Anger: Oh ho ho, an insult! And here I was thinking I was the only one who could be… RUUD! No, my dear “Jedi”, we have come for what is rightfully ours… the EWA Tag Team titles! Toby Juan Kanobi: Rightfully yours? The EWA Tag Team titles are, rightfully, only the possession of those who earn them in a match. Frank De Pain: Oh, silly space geek, you do not understand. We wish to allow you, a fellow high flier, to transfer ownership of the titles to us without suffering any undue PAIN *pun, pause, laugh*. I mean, doing so would be for the greater EVI-… er… good of the EWA! Ruud Van Anger: This is a limited time offer, Mr. Kanobi. Please… *with puppy eyes* it IS for the greater EVI-… er… Good. Toby Juan Kanobi: Quite the tempting offer, Van Anger. Neither my partner nor I have to worry about actually fighting you, and only at the price of our EWA Tag Team titles. Ruud Van Anger: So you accept? Double Dutch of Wild Hagues are new tag team champions? Toby Juan Kanobi: Well… no. I am most sorry, Double Dutch of Wild Hagues, but I sense much deception in your words. That, and I feel if you are truly worthy to hold these belts you wouldn’t be making such silly demands. Please leave, and do not return until you can properly ask for a means to prove your right to these belts. Kanobi grins somewhat smugly at Wild Hagues, who yell angrily at the Jedi Master as they retreat backstage. C- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HaitiVoodude.jpg Hercules Johansson vs. Haiti Voodude Both workers looked a bit off tonight, screwing up spots they normally would execute to perfection. The fact two big guys were bludgeoning each other was enough to make it watchable, but not much beyond that. A Hercules Lift later and Voodude’s submission ends the match. Hercules Johansson defeated Haiti Voodude in 8:14 by submission with a Hercules Lift. D http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HaitiVoodude.jpg The fans urge him to, and are rewarded by some mad flexing from Hercules Johansson! He’s looking more and more like his brother in his prime every day! Soon they start showering Hercules with cans of Bull Shark Testosterone Soda, and he climbs the turnbuckle to chug three cans at once! He drops down off the turnbuckle to retrieve more cans… AND FISTFUL OF VOODOO DUST RIGHT INTO THE EYES!!! Hercules Johansson drops to his knees, blinded and Voodude throws a series of right hands down into his face before pulling him to his feet at and hitting a Voodoo Spiral! The fans start chanting for Bam Bam Johansson, but there’s no sign of “The Alpha Norwegian”. With a chuckle, Haiti Voodude lays a few more boots into Hercules ribs, no longer fearing any form of reprisal from his older brother. C http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EddieCornell.jpg Jed High vs. Eddie Cornell So Eddie Cornell has bad chemistry with half the roster? When he actually is capable of working with, say, someone like Jed High, the results are impressive. A beautiful technical showcase, punctuated by the high flying anti-EWA antics of Jed High. Like El Brisa and the late Joey Beauchamp before him, Jed High is proving once again that, once a blue moon, the fans will respond to a Cruiserweights style. “Rugged Due Process” couldn’t keep Jed grounded for long, and soon fell victim to the Sky High, leading to a pin he was unable to kick out of. Jed High defeated Eddie Cornell in 9:39 by pinfall with a Sky High. B- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/FrankDePain.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ScottVanDenBerg.jpg No sooner than Jed High gets back to his feet, Double Dutch springboard off the ropes and collide with him, pinning him down until Scott Van Den Berg can bumble into the ring and lay a series of vicious stomps and ham-sized fists to the downed Space Aussie. Frank De Pain: Now Jed, before you ask we’re not the guys you should be asking for an apology for this most unexpected physical PAIN *you know*. Ruud Van Anger: How RUUD of him to even think of blaming it on us! No Jed, this is simply part of our “re-negotiations” with your partner. What do you say, Toby Juan, care sit down and have a friendly chat with the wildest of all possible Wild Hagues? The cheesy Sci-Fi music starts to play, and an angered Toby Juan Kanobi quickly emerges from backstage. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg Toby Juan Kanobi: Step away from him, Wild Hagues! Jed High has nothing to do with this. Frank De Pain: Oh, you mean this guy? *De Pain mule kicks Jed in the chest* I’m sorry, Kanobi but as the other half of the tag team champions it DOES concern him. Ruud Van Anger: Now, if he wasn’t one half of the tag team champions… maybe then we could leave him alone. Toby Juan Kanobi: I already told you, The Force will not simply give the belts away thanks to some twisted threat or demand! Ruud Van Anger: Well… how RUUD… Oh Scott! On command, Scott Van Den Berg lifts up Jed High preparing to him a Powerbomb! Toby Juan Kanobi: Curse you, you evil Dutchmen! Fine, if you want the titles… Ruud Van Anger: a-Yyeeeeeesss? Toby Juan Kanobi: Then… then we’ll defend them against Double Dutch at Berlin Brawl. Deal? Ruud Van Anger: Ah, you are a shrewd negotiator Mr. Kanobi! Deal! Just, one more thing… Toby Juan Kanobi: Yes? Ruud Van Anger: Scott, oh due continue! Toby Juan attempts to raise the microphone in protest, but is too late as Scott Van Den Berg sends Jed High crashing to the canvas with a brutal Powerbomb! Kanobi rushes to his aide as Wild Hagues stroll out of the arena, laughing at the carnage. C- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LawrenceYoung.jpg Lawrence Young: It was a stale night… the air on my tongue like too much bad toffee. Not the kind your grandmother used to give you for mowing her lawn, but a more dastardly, evil kind… the kind that makes a man’s soul twist and burn, wishing it was never ripped from the wretched womb of the woman called “mom”. And this “mystery assailant” had the whole town on edge. The place is a powder keg, and all it needs to ignite is… Young, monologuing to himself as he walks through the hallways of the arena, turns a corner blind to the camera’s ever watchful eye. Lawrence Young: Is… he you, what are you doing here? Hey… hey what are you doing with that chair!? WHACK!!! WHACK!!! The cameraman rushes around the corner, just in time to see a silhouette hitting the exit of the building and the crumpled body of Lawrence Young on the ground! C http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/WhiteKnight.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg White Knight vs. Louis Figo Manico Hey, this is really the best reason to keep White Knight around. When there’s room for a great match, Knight and Louis Figo Manico are capable of putting on, hands down, some of the best old-school style European bouts on the continent. Yeah, suck on that UEW. As is always the case, White Knight’s slower, power based offense was soon rendered useless against the unparalleled technical prowess of Louis Figo Manico. Grappling on the mat soon lead to Manico managing to hook Knight’s arms and hit the Madrid Maul for a hard earned, if expected, victory. Louis Figo Manico defeated White Knight in 10:19 by pinfall with a Madrid Maul. B http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg Manico begins his celebration, but his soon pulled aside but a random member of backstage staff who whispers into his ear. Manico rolls out of the ring and sprints backstage, the cameras following him as he makes his way through the labyrinthine hallways of the arena, finally reaching a group of medics circled around a stretcher, the current location of Lawrence Young. Louis Figo Manico: Lawrence, what happened? Tell me the children were not subject to the sight of the great violence which has left you in this state! Lawrence Young: He… he got me… too fast to see who it was… too fast… Louis Figo Manico: Please, Young, you must try to remember! Lawrence Young: No… not it’s too late for me, Manico. It’s up to you now… you have to stop him… you have to make sure no one else ends up like me… you must… you must… Louis Figo Manico: Stay with me, my main man. The paramedics are here, they will help you, si? Lawrence Young: They’re… they’re too late… stop him Manico… for the EWA… for… for the Commish… do it… do it for the Commish… With a loud gasp, Lawrence Young lets out a breath. Louis Figo Manico: Mi Dios… he’s dead. Doctor *looking at him*: Nah, he’s just doped up on enough painkiller to put a bull elephant in a coma. He’s just got a concussion, he’ll be okay in a week or two. Louis Figo Manico: Hear me, mysterious man! I… Louis… Figo… MANICO will find out who you are! Your crimes against this company and its noble employees will not go unpunished. There will only be justice, there will only be… MANICO!!! B+ Overall Rating: C+ OOC: A C+?! With a B Main Event and B- co? Stupid tag feud! See, this is what happens when a good chunk of the show is focused on a pair of Lightweights and a pair of Small guys in EWA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Or this is what happens when Bam Bam isn't being Alpha? I thought it was a good show, especially surprising with that last match between White Knight getting a B!? White Knight's your opening jobber and puts on a better match then a lot of your main event Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted July 10, 2009 Author Share Posted July 10, 2009 Or this is what happens when Bam Bam isn't being Alpha? I thought it was a good show, especially surprising with that last match between White Knight getting a B!? White Knight's your opening jobber and puts on a better match then a lot of your main event Him and Manico have excellent chemistry. Meanwhile, I have about one good chemistry note in all of my Main Event area, that being between Spiros and El Brisa. Unfortunately for White Knight, his charisma capped at a D. With him unable to cut promos, I simply can't justify pushing him beyond the midcard. Shame, as I originally intended to make him a star. Oh well, he still delivers excellent matches against Manico, and his B- in brawling means he can help my other brawlers skill up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 10, 2009 Share Posted July 10, 2009 Speaking of El Brisa, awesome character, terrible push. But I guess when you're up against muscle bound brutes you can only do so much. It is a neat gimmick though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted July 11, 2009 Author Share Posted July 11, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA13.png Quick Picks: Danny Patterson vs. Marat Khoklov Devastation United vs. Double Dutch The Force vs. Adam Matravers & Eddie Cornell Byron vs. El Brisa Sergei Kalashnov vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Stranger Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Danny Patterson vs. Marat Khoklov Devastation United vs. Double Dutch The Force vs. Adam Matravers & Eddie Cornell Byron vs. El Brisa Sergei Kalashnov vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyde Hill Posted July 11, 2009 Share Posted July 11, 2009 Danny Patterson vs. Marat Khoklov Devastation United vs. Double Dutch The Force vs. Adam Matravers & Eddie Cornell Byron vs. El Brisa Sergei Kalashnov vs. Louis Figo Manico© Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman2k3 Posted July 13, 2009 Share Posted July 13, 2009 Danny Patterson vs. Marat Khoklov Devastation United vs. Double Dutch The Force vs. Adam Matravers & Eddie Cornell Byron vs. El Brisa Sergei Kalashnov vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Damn that sucks about Matravers. He may be taking time off. Wanda Fish mentioned. Maybe she is the mystery attacker??????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWAAlpha.jpg EWA ALPHA!January 2011 Week 4 From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and TAPED for Euro Cable Sports 1! Dark Show: Miss Information vs. Jeri Behr Miss Information defeated Jeri Behr in 4:45 by pinfall with a Lore. D Mystery Segment #1 C Mystery Segment #2 D Main Show: http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg El Brisa: And then, the winged sssssserpent chicken god Quetzalcoatl told me “El Brisssa, look upon the moon on the winter of it becoming like blood.” And I sssaid “Si, Quetzalcoatl, but the coyotessss grow ever hungry for the bonesssss of noble Gila monstersssss.” And when I awoke, the goddessssss of… Louis Figo Manico: That’s very interesting, my main man, but do you recall anything of relevance on the night of The Great War? El Brisa: … and her bosssssom was heaving at the sssssight of… Louis Figo Manico: NEXT!!! Escorted by EWA security out of the interrogation room, El Brisa continues to talk about winged serpents, bosoms, and how to hold the letter “s” for as long as possible. As the door opens, a small group of EWA superstars can be seen waiting in a rather cushy waiting room, conversing amongst themselves and reading out of date magazines. Manico emerges from the room as well and begins scanning the small gathering. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DannyPatterson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JeriBehr.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Byron.jpg Louis Figo Manico: Okay, do we have any volunteers to come answer a few questions from Louis… Figo… MANCIO!? With a (literally) slow motion flick of his hair, Byron rises from a couch (shirtless) in a fashion sickeningly like that of a swimmer from a pool. Louis Figo Manico: Ah, Byron! Come on back, my main man, so we may use teamwork to get this vile mystery solved, si? Both men make their way back into the room and Manico promptly takes a seat. Byron, however, proceeds to stare at the mirror in the interrogation room. Louis Figo Manico: So, my main man, where were you on the night of The Great War? Byron: I’ve got a better question for you… who IS that sexy devil staring back at me? Louis Figo Manico: E… excuse me? Byron: Yeah, you’re hot. You’re too hot and you know it. Everyone is totally jealous of your flowing golden hair and well sculpted abs. Yeah… yeah you like it when I rub oil on those abs? Louis Figo Manico: Are you asking me, my main man? Because I do not feel this manner of conversation is appropriate for the children watching this program. Perhaps behind closed doors with a group of close, trusting friends you may ask such things but here… Byron: Everyone’s totally jealous of you, Byron. That’s right, they wish they were as beautiful as you. But they’re not, and that’s why you get all the beautiful women and influence other women to seek becoming beautiful, too. I bet you’re a great lover, too, huh. Even if you’re not, it doesn’t matter because you’re beautiful. With a heavy sigh, Manico face palms. Louis Figo Manico: Mi dios… this is going to be a long night. B+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DannyPatterson.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpg Danny Patterson vs. Marat Khoklov Recently people have been saying that the EWA is starting to fail at its goal of showcasing awesome matches featuring big, plodding super heavyweights rather than smaller, “talented” types. So we booked a match JUST TO PROVE THEM WRONG!!! Bah gawd it was a slobber knocker, with Patterson shocked when he was locked in the Russian Giant Bear Hug, and ultimately was forced to submit! Marat Khoklov defeated Danny Patterson in 8:01 by submission with a Russian Giant Bear Hug. C A door recognizably belonging to a room backstage opens, and through it appears Hercules Johansson who immediately grimaces at the horrific scene in front of him: his brother, Bam Bam Johansson, lying face down next to an empty bottle of vodka and wearing nothing but a pair of slightly stained tight, white underwear. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson2.jpg Hercules Johansson: Brother! BROTHER, WAKE UP!!! A sharp kick to the rips does the trick. Bam Bam raises himself off the floor just high enough to speak. Bam Bam Johansson: WHHOOOOO…. Alpha… yeah… baby…genetics and shuch… Hercules Johansson: Brother Bam Bam, we must have a talk. Bam Bam Johansson: A talk? How about we have a… a… a party!!! Hercules Johansson: No, brother, we shall not be having any parties. *Cutting off Bam Bam before he can speak* And no par-tays, either. Bam Bam Johansson: How about… a shin *hic*… a shin *hic*… box social? Hercules Johansson: No… no, there shall be no partying for you for a while. I have grown concerned that you are… and it pains me greatly to say this… but no longer Alpha. Bam Bam Johansson: WHAT?! I’m still TOTALLY… ALPHA!!! YEEEEEEaaaahhhh!!! If I wasn’t ALPHA… could I do… thish?! Bam Bam attempts to flex his right arm, with most of the mass sinking downwards. Bam Bam Johansson: It’s just… just… not in the mood to flex… because it’s so ALPHA, YEAH!!! Hercules Johansson: I am afraid you have descended towards Beta or possible even… Bam Bam Johansson: NO!!! Don’t you shay it, Herc… don’t you call me… Hercules Johansson: Possibly even Gamma status. Please understand, it hurts me greatly to tell you this, but it is for your own good. Bam Bam Johansson: LIES, bro, LIES!!! I’m TOTALLY AAalllllphaa….shtill…. Hercules Johansson: Then come with me, brother, and prove it too me. Because right now, all this Norwegian from a town by the sea sees is a once great man who has a great deal of cellulite and damaged genes to look forward to in the future. Bam Bam Johansson: Not Alpha… I’m Bam Bam Johansson baby, yeah. I’ll prove I’m still The Alpha Norwegian… I’ll prove it to all of you! Bam Bam “lunges” to his feet, and thankfully the production team manages to throw a black box in front of his waist as it is no longer concealed between the rest of his body and the floor. He “rushes” past Hercules, heading straight out the door. Hercules Johansson: Wait brother, put on clothes before you spend night in prison for indecent exposure! Bam Bam Johansson *off screen*: There’sh NOTHING indecent about THIS exposure, baby, YEEEAAH!! B http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Puffy.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/PoppaPunisher.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/FrankDePain.jpg Devastation United vs. Double Dutch Who cares? Double Dutch not only controlled most of the match where their evil high flying ways, but even felt the need to cheat to win, despite the fact they didn’t need to. A Dutch Death Kick to the crotch later, and Ruud Van Anger pinned Puffy The Sand Iron Player. Double Dutch defeated Devastation United in 7:45 when Ruud Van Anger defeated Puffy The Sand Iron Player by pinfall by using underhanded tactics. D http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AdamMatravers.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EddieCornell.jpg The Force vs. Adam Matravers & Eddie Cornell Hey, Eddie Cornell found something he can do without getting bad chemistry notes from the road agents! The British duo put up a tough fight, but Matravers was simply unable to keep up with his high flying brethren, The Force, due to the knee injury he’s attempting to work through. Clearly hobbled, it prevented him from breaking up a pin after Toby hit the Kanobi Kutter, which ultimately put down Cornell for the three count. The Force defeated Adam Matravers and Eddie Cornell in 8:07 when Toby Juan Kanobi defeated Eddie Cornell by pinfall with a Kanobi Kutter. C- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JedHigh.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TobyJuanKanobi.jpg With victory in hand, The Force raise their hands in, well, victory. DOUBLE WHAM!!! http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ScottVanDenBerg.jpg But dear lord, IT’S SCOTT VAN DEN BERG FROM BEHIND!!! With a giant hard plastic sturgeon in hand, Van Den Berg proceeds to beat the midichlorians out of the duo, showing no mercy with vicious plastic fish shot after plastic fish shot! Both members of The Force are left bloody and beaten on the ground with Scott Van Den Berg raising his sturgeon high above his head. He starts to turn to leave the ring… but instead turns around and drops the sturgeon, picking up Jed High instead for a vicious Powerbomb, and then does the same to Toby Juan Kanobi! Scott retrieves his fish and rolls out of the ring, his mission complete! C http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Byron.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpg Byron vs. El Brisa Maybe Byron should do less looking at himself in the mirror and more actual preparation for his matches. With a Siesta Bomb off the top rope, El Brisa quickly put a bruise both on Byron’s ego, and possibly on his well oiled and perfectly sculpted chest. El Brisa defeated Byron in 9:36 by pinfall with a Siesta Bomb. B http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson2.jpg In a vast, empty parking lot a pair of car doors can be heard almost shutting simultaneously. The Brothers Johansson walk into view, looking up at the sign in front of a what appears to be some sort of zoo or amusement park: http://www.sealifeeurope.com/images/local/welcome/en_welcome_oberhausen_girl.jpg Quietly they enter the Sea Life Park, quickly making their way to a very, very large tank of frigid, dark water and are soon standing on a railed platform hanging over the tank. Hercules Johansson: So you say you are still the Alpha, brother? Bam Bam Johansson: Bro…you KNOW I’m Alpha baby, yeaa- *hic*… yeeeaa- *hic*… yep! Hercules Johansson: Fine, then prove your still the Alpha. If you are still Alpha, then you shall be able to PUNCH… On cue, a surge of water rushes over the brothers as a Sci-Fi channel quality CGI whale (or is it a REAL WHALE?!) bursts from the depths below them!!! The great beast comes eye to eye with the Johanssons, possibly wondering what these two small (how often can you call either of these guys small?) creatures are doing here at this hour. http://weblogs.cltv.com/entertainment/tv/metromix/whale_cartoon.gif Hercules Johansson: THE WHALE!!! Whale: Mooop. Bam Bam Johansson: Uh… yeah… YEAH!!! Bam Bam can TOTALLY punch thish fish! Hercules Johansson: It is a mammal, brother. Bam Bam Johansson: Whatever, bro, let’s put a whale on the barbie, yeah! After cracking his knuckles, Bam Bam rears back, reading to strike like a rabid mongoose on steroids! A wild right fist is fired off with Johansson’s full force behind it, on a wicked collision course with the whale and… Thump. Whale: Mooop? At first a look of shock and confusion comes across Bam Bam’s face, followed by a volley of equally ineffective punches aimed at the whale. Hercules Johansson: The whale is still standing, brother. A true Alpha would’ve knocked this whale out with a single decisive blow! Bam Bam Johansson: I’m not the problem, bro, thish… thish whale is just being a Moby DICK is all, yeah!!! C’mon whale, fall down! After a brief stretch, Bam Bam fires off a few more punches, but again the whale remains unharmed by the assault. Hercules Johansson: Step aside, brother. Bam Bam, breathing very heavily, limps out of the way as Hercules Johansson pops his neck, knuckles, and pecs (yeah, he popped his pecs!) Hercules gets into a battle stance, aiming his left fist directly as the whale. Time slows to a crawl, seconds becoming like hours. In super slow motion, Hercules fires a truly terrifying punch at the whale. It collides. A thunderous crack rips across the planet. To this day the terrible sound is blamed for an earthquake in California and is rumored to have been heard on Mars. Whale: MOOOOOOOOP! With a crash of sea water, the whale is sent down into the depths of its tank, knocked out cold by a single punch from Hercules Johansson. Bam Bam Johansson: What… but… the… the whale… Hercules Johansson: It is because I am still Alpha Norwegian, brother, and sadly the only one in EWA. You have fallen, my dear Gamma Norwegian. But hope remains, brother. Now that you accept you are no longer Alpha, we can find out the cause of your ailment. With luck my brother, we may yet be able to cure you of this most terrible disease! Come Bam Bam, so that I may teach you what you taught me: How to be ALPHA baby, YEAH!!! The Brothers Johansson leave the tank, as an angry whale is beginning to stir somewhere in its depths. Hey, at least it wasn’t a narwhal. B http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_Universal.jpg http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SergeiKalashnov.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg Sergei Kalashnov vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title How hard is it to beat a man with apparent brain damage? Well, harder than you might think, but it still isn’t that difficult. Despite the head trauma, Kalashnov seemed to be about as capable of a wrestler as he’s always been, but was still far from being a match for Louis Figo Manico! With a Madrid Maul, the Pain From Spain picked up yet another victory. He’s good at that, ya know. Louis Figo Manico defeated Sergei Kalashnov in 11:37 by pinfall with a Madrid Maul. Louis Figo Manico makes defence number 2 of his EWA Universal title. B http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico.jpg The referee hands Manico the EWA Universal title, and Manico begins to stare at the glorious golden belt. After a few moments he springs to life and asks for a microphone from ringside. Louis Figo Manico: Ladies, gentlemen, and children… I believe I… Louis… Figo… MANICO have just figured piece of this mystery. As well all know, every crime has a motive. From robbing a bank because you are either greedy or desperate, to killing a man for saying something foul about your mother or because you want his shows, there is a reason for every ill deed in this world. And as I stand here before all of Europe, I believe I understand the motive that lead to that brutal assault at The Great War. This, *raising the belt high*, the EWA Universal title! It occurs to me that it was not personal, there was no passion behind the attack, that either myself or Bam Bam Johansson would’ve been the victim that night and it was totally dependent upon which of us walked away with this belt. So I ask the yellow-bellied boy hiding in the shadows: Is this what you want? Is all of this for the EWA Universal title? Manico pauses, hoping that perhaps someone will be brave enough to answer. Louis Figo Manico: Ah, perhaps you believe that if you reveal yourself now you will never get an opportunity to hold the EWA Universal title, si? Well, allow me to make this easier on you my main “man”. I do not know who you are, or ultimately what you truly plan to accomplish, but tomorrow night, at Berlin Brawl, I… Louis… Figo… MANICO will be at the arena, EWA Universal title in hand. Should you find your manhood, then a shot at the EWA Universal title will be as simple as revealing to me who you are. Now, if you don’t- THE LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN!!! The Euro-tron flickers to life after a few long seconds of darkness, revealing a blackened silhouette on the screen. In a voice covered in heavy electronic distortion, he speaks. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Mystery.jpg Mystery Man: Louis… Figo… *****ily* Manico! How good it is to finally speak to you. I’ll give you credit, you’re far smarter than you appear. You’re right, I do want your EWA Universal title… but only because it should be MY EWA Universal title, and it should’ve been months ago. Louis Figo Manico: Who are you!? Why not be a man and confront me face to face? The secrecy, the treachery? Just… why?! Mystery Man: Hahahaha… all in good time, my dear boy, all shall be answered in good time. Enjoy your time with the EWA Universal title, for its final hours are drifting away on the winds. See you at the Brawl, “my main man.” In a flash the lights come back on and the Euro-tron returns to its typically lifeless state, leaving an angry Louis Figo Manico alone in the ring. A Overall Rating: B- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlameSnoopy Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Alpha angles were awesome! Good job on both Alpha Norweigians (or Gamma ones) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rathen4 Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 He punched a whale... fantastic stuff. I hired him in my BCW game in homage to your adoration of him - but I don't think I can ever top whale punching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Self Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Wow. I just jumped in on a whim and decided to read the latest episode. Yeah. Cool stuff. The Alpha stuff is great, so great is probably doesn't even need to be brought up. I also really liked the Byron mirror scene. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ping von Erich Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 I actually laughed out loud here at my office. Trying to explain to someone what was so funny was a bit of a task. "Yeah, there's this wrestling game and, I mean, these two Norwegian guys and.. " *sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 The next evolution of jumping the shark: PUNCHING THE WHALE! Awesome, just awesome. Your legacy is spreading. In the DUST mafia game one of the items was Bull Shark Testosterone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 The next evolution of jumping the shark: PUNCHING THE WHALE! Awesome, just awesome. Your legacy is spreading. In the DUST mafia game one of the items was Bull Shark Testosterone! Woah, seriously?! Thanks for all the feedback guys, I always appreciate having my ego stroked. At the same time, if there's any creative criticism you'd like to throw down I'd be more than happy to recieve it as well. But seriously, Bull Shark Testosterone was in DUST and I was scum who got lynched on the third day? Criminal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted July 23, 2009 Author Share Posted July 23, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA14.png Quick Picks: Joss Thompson vs. Marat Khoklov: Pointless Filler Match! Double Dutch vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles Danny Patterson vs. Bam Bam Johansson Beast Bantom vs. Hercules Johansson©: EWA European title Haiti Voodude vs. Spiros The Mighty ??? vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Stranger Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Joss Thompson vs. Marat Khoklov: Pointless Filler Match! Double Dutch vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles Danny Patterson vs. Bam Bam Johansson Beast Bantom vs. Hercules Johansson©: EWA European title Haiti Voodude vs. Spiros The Mighty ??? vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praguepride Posted July 23, 2009 Share Posted July 23, 2009 Joss Thompson vs. Marat Khoklov: Pointless Filler Match! Double Dutch vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles Danny Patterson vs. Bam Bam Johansson Beast Bantom vs. Hercules Johansson©: EWA European title Haiti Voodude vs. Spiros The Mighty ??? vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyde Hill Posted July 24, 2009 Share Posted July 24, 2009 Joss Thompson vs. Marat Khoklov: Pointless Filler Match! Double Dutch vs. The Force©: EWA Tag Team titles Danny Patterson vs. Bam Bam Johansson Beast Bantom vs. Hercules Johansson©: EWA European title Haiti Voodude vs. Spiros The Mighty ??? vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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