WWE Goes WrestleCrap - **** Sells!

Greylocke · February 16, 2014

Before I finish the rest of Smackdown, I just wish to post this survey for any possible readers (I hope!) who might not have an account to vote here:

<a href="https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/Q5SQY27" rel="external nofollow">https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/Q5SQY27</a>

In addition to the poll that went unanswered from the last list of predictions/polls I posted here (Swagger/ Del Rio Title match stips), I've also added the new poll question I had planned to make after Smackdown (who's Steve Austin's opponent for the next PPV?), since Cody, Khali and Booker had all made their last attempts to tin votes from the fans, so the voting can begin now! Also, I've put in the question for Steiner's Talk Show name, in case there are new and better suggestions for it.

And last but not least, I will be starting to plan the End-of-Year Slammy Awards. Rather early, I know, but those awards are for year-long accomplishments, so it makes sense to start early. Those will be polled every week for all the new matches. Basically, I will be putting up polls for Match of the Week for every week's worth of shows. The winner for each week will be compiled at the end of each game-month to compete for Match of the Month, and those in turn will compete for Slammy's MOTY come December.

I have only 2 basic criteria's for which matches I put up for voting: 1) the match scored an A* rating in the game, and 2) it was not booked/written to be a squash. You can vote on whatever criteria you wish, as long as it's the match you like most (whether because you think in contains the best action from the write-ups, the most well-built, or just because it's the most crappy and fitting for this dynasty, it's all up to you).

There will also be polls for your favourite characters and returns, and these will also play a part in the Slammy for Superstar/Return of the Year.

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In other news, TNA seems to be doing its best to out-crap us by ripping off our idea of men-vs-women action! The last main event of iMPACT! featured the team of Bobby Roode and Austin Aries taking on the team of.......Velvet Sky and Brooke Tessmacher (yes, you heard that right). Meanwhile, their best match of the night (a B-rated match featuring Jeff Hardy vs Kazarian, which would definitely have helped improve their popularity if it had headlined the show) was shoved to the midcard. And people wonder why TNA hasn't been real competition to WWE. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/rolleyes.png.4b097f4fbbe99ce5bcd5efbc1b773ed6.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

If you're gonna rip off our crap, at least rip off those that brings in ratings! Like that Live Sex segment. That really did give RAW a rating spike on every channel! A Live Sex segment featuring Velvet Sky would absolutely have drawn better than a wrestling match featuring Velvet Sky, that's for sure!

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Thanks in advance for any fan participation that I hope I will find! Come in and "Smack Down your votes"!

Greylocke · February 23, 2014

To the couple of you who took the time to participate in the survey, many thanks. It's really good to know that I do still have a couple of readers for this diary.

Smackdown Hour 2 report should be finished and posted by tomorrow (I only have the main event left to write).

The votes for Steve Austin's opponent is pretty much unanimous. Steiner's talk show got an interesting new suggestion from one of the voters, but unfortunately the second voter voted the same option as Russelrules did, so I counted that as a deciding tie-breaker.

The problem right now is the issue with the Swagger/Del Rio match stips. That still needs a tiebreaker between options 1 & 2. If there's no tiebreaker by next week, I'll determine the outcome via some random generator and go ahead with booking RAW. In fact, I'll be booking the rest of the segments throughout this week and leave some free TV time for the final outcome of this poll.

Once again, to the survey participants, thanks!

Greylocke · February 24, 2014

Match: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns defeated Edge, Christian and Rhyno in 14:43 when Roman Reigns defeated Rhyno by pinfall with a Spear.

Rhyno starts off the match for his team as he faces Seth Rollins. A lock-up and a quick series of exchanges between the two ends with Rhyno scoring with a big shoulder-block off the ropes, displaying his power and explosiveness as he sends Rollins tumbling head-over-heels across the ring. Rollins quickly makes the tag to the powerhouse of his own team, Roman Reigns, who walks up to the Manbeast and challenges him to try the same move with him. Rhyno obliges with another big shoulder-block off the ropes that sends Reigns reeling slightly……but doesn’t knock him down. Reigns screams another challenge at Rhyno, who goes charging off the ropes a third time……and this time Reigns mirrors his move and crashes into the Manbeast, taking him down with a huge shoulder-block of his own! Reigns turns to the crowd and roars in triumph before charging off the ropes again at his rising opponent, this time for his patented Superman Punch, but Rhyno catches him and plants him with a scoop powerslam!

It’s Rhyno’s turn to roar in triumph at the crowd as Roman Reigns writhes in pain on the mat. Wrenching his opponent off the mat by the arm, the Manbeast drags Reigns over to his corner and tags in Christian, who scores with a big double axehammer off the second ropes onto Reigns’ arm. Christian tries to work on the arm a bit more, but Reigns breaks free with his power advantage and stuns Christian with a big knee to the gut. He turns to his own corner and tags in Ambrose, who tries to rush the stunned Christian, but the latter catches him with a big hiptoss. Christian works on the arm and shoulder of Ambrose for a bit, then points at Edge, which prompts a huge cheer of approval from the crowd. Christian obligingly makes the tag to his Hall-of-Famer tag team partner, who finally steps into the ring to an overwhelming roar of support from the fans. Edge reaches for the arm that Christian had been working on a moment ago, but Ambrose scores with a quick kick to the shin that staggers the Rated-R Superstar. J.R. and JBL reminds everyone about Edge’s well-known medical history of various injuries, including a torn Achilles'’ Tendon, which the Shield clearly know about and have no qualms about using it to their advantage. Giving Edge another kick to the vulnerable spot for good measure, Ambrose turns and makes the tag to Rollins, who tries to take advantage of his stunned opponent, but Edge sidesteps his rush and shoves him to the ropes, where Christian pulls the ropes down and low-bridges Rollins to send him tumbling over out of the ring! Ambrose gets back in the ring and charges at Edge in a rage, but runs right into a high back body drop. Edge runs over to the Shield’s corner and dropkicks Reigns off apron. Turning around, Edge spots Rollins on the top rope just in time to counter his high-flying attack, catching him in the gut with a big kick, and going off the ropes with a huge boot to the face that knocks him down for a 2-count before Ambrose breaks up the pin! Rhyno immediately rushes in to his partner’s aid as he catches Ambrose with a big shoulder-block that sends him tumbling back towards his own corner. Christian enters the ring at the same time Roman does, and Reigns charges in with a huge swing at his opponent, but Christian ducks the blow, and Reigns quickly turns around only to walk straight into a double-team flapjack from Edge and Christian that drops him on his face. As all 3 members of the Shield struggle to pick themselves up from the mat, Edge, Christian and Rhyno simultaneously drop into a crouching position, and it looks like we may be seeing a Triple Spear/Gore from them to the Shield! The crowd goes crazy at the sight, but all 3 Shield members react swiftly as they drop prone and roll under the ropes out of the ring as soon as they spot their opponents charging in! Team R.E.C stands tall in the ring as the Shield hurriedly gets into a huddle on the outside to re-think their strategies.

The referee calls for order as he tells Rhyno and Christian to leave the ring and Rollins to get back in as the legal man. Rollins makes sure that Edge is the only member of the opposing team left in the ring before getting in to continue the match. A “You Still Got It” chant breaks out from the crowd as Edge locks up with Rollins and exchange a brief series of holds. Rollins tries to quicken up the pace, but Edge slows him down by catching him off the ropes with a big inverted atomic drop. Rollins staggers back into a corner to regroup, but Edge doesn’t give him a moment of respite as he charges in and Spears Rollins against the turnbuckles! The crowd explodes in cheers, but Edge doesn’t follow up on the attack as he pauses and clutches at his neck and shoulder in apparent pain. Once again, the commentators remind the audience that Edge had been forced to retire 2 years ago due to the condition of his injured neck, and speculate that the Spear might have re-aggravated the old injury. Roman Reigns tries to take the opportunity for a cheap shot, but Edge still retains enough presence of mind to block the shot and fire back with a shot of his own that knocks Reigns off the apron. But before he can turn back to Rollins, Ambrose grabs his head and snaps his neck over the ropes! As Edge collapses in agony, Ambrose tags himself in quickly and tries to finish Edge off, but the referee cuts him off and orders him to stay back as he checks to make sure Edge can continue. Despite his apparent agony, it appears that Edge is adamant to continue the match, waving the referee off. The GM tries to pull himself up, but Ambrose now pounces on him like a vulture drawn to a carcass, dropping him with a big neckbreaker for a 2-count. Practically salivating at having scored on his opponent’s vulnerable spot, Ambrose continues on what he started, nailing Edge with one neckbreaker after another, taking his time with each one while taunting Edge’s partners and soaking in on the ecstasy of inflicting pain on his opponent. It’s all Edge can to keep his shoulder off the mat during each pinfall attempt, as he’s unable to summon any kind of offense as Ambrose relentlessly works on his injured neck.

Sadistic pleasure eventually turns into frustration as Edge stubbornly refuses to stay down no matter how much damage Ambrose tries to inflict on his neck. Crazed with anger after several minutes of seemingly-futile efforts, Ambrose makes the tag to Rollins and screams for him to finish Edge off. Measuring up the exposed neck as Edge struggles to get back up, Rollins comes off the ropes with a huge Curb-stomp aimed at the neck, but Edge sidesteps it at the last moment and floors him with a big clothesline! Edge tries to crawl for his own corner, but he’s too far away, and unable to reach them before Rollins makes the tag to Roman Reigns, who comes in and picks up Edge bodily to toss him hard into a neutral corner. Clearly angered at having been knocked off twice by the Rated-R Superstar twice during the match earlier, Reigns charges Edge, looking to break him in half with a devastating Spear, but Edge hurls himself out of way just in time to save himself, and Reigns goes shoulder-first into the ring post! Edge drags himself to his corner and tags in Christian while Reigns is still stunned in the corner. Clapping his hands to rile up the crowd further, Christian gets into position behind Reigns while the latter slowly and painfully drags himself out of the corner. Captain Charisma hooks Reigns’ arms from behind for the Killswitch, but despite the bruised shoulder Reigns powers out and counters the attempt with a back suplex. Christian flips out and lands on his feet behind Reigns, and catches him with a back heel kick as he turns around. He hops onto the second ropes to prepare for his signature diving sunset flip, but Ambrose rushes him from the apron to cut him off. Christian blocks a cheap shot and scores with one of his own, but Reigns uses the distraction to pick Christian off the ropes onto his shoulders for an Electric Chair! Christian counters that with a Victory Roll to get a 2-count on Reigns, then catches him with a drop-toe-hold that sends him throat-first into the second ropes, before slingshotting himself over the ropes to the outside to hit Reigns with a stinging slap to the face!

As Reigns staggers dazed into the centre of the ring, Christian gets back in and scores with a missile dropkick off the second ropes. Rushing into the Shield’s corner and knocking both Ambrose and Rollins off to prevent their interference, Christian then gets on the top rope and scores with a big European Uppercut on Reigns for a close 2-count! Christian circles to a corner and crouches for the Spear as Reigns pulls himself slowly up in the opposite corner. With Ambrose and Rollins still down and recovering on the floor, it looks like victory is close at hand as Christian hurls himself at the turning Reigns……and runs into a devastating SUPERMAN PUNCH! Captain Charisma looks to be out cold as Reigns once again roars in triumph to the crowd before going for the cover, but somehow manages to get a shoulder up just a split second before the count of 3. Ambrose and Rollins are now back on the apron, and both are now screaming for the tag, each eager for vengeance at the shots Christian took at them earlier. Both get their chance to inflict their vengeance over the next 3-4 minutes as the Shield completely isolate Christian in their corner and pummel him double and triple-team assaults. Meanwhile, out on the apron, Edge still looks to be in pain as he continues to hold his neck, but still summons up the energy to shout encouragements at Christian as the latter struggles to weather the storm of punishments from the Shield. With Rollins holding Christian in place against the ropes, Ambrose slams into Christian with a big running dropkick, then turns and taunts Edge and Rhyno c0ckily. This distraction almost cost him, as Christian begins to battle out of Rollins’ grip and stuns him with a big slap to the face! Ambrose turns around and eats a slap as well, and Christian tries to capitalize as he runs for the ropes……but Ambrose is right on his heels, cutting him off with a big knee to the guts that leaves him gasping for air against the ropes. Eager to get revenge for the slap earlier, Rollins tags himself in and tells Ambrose to hold Christian still, but as he runs for the ropes, once again Christian breaks free and knocks Ambrose off the apron with a big back elbow! Christian then seizes Rollins by the legs in mid-dropkick, slams him to the mat, and gives him a slingshot that sends him crashing into Roman Reigns on the apron!

With all 3 Shield members down, Christian buys himself the time to crawl for his own corner. Rollins shakes off the collision, and tries to reach for a tag, only to find both of his partners down on the floor outside. Thinking quickly, he turns and launches himself at the opposite corner, beating an exhausted Christian to it and dropkicking Rhyno off the ring apron! With only the injured Edge left on the ring apron, Rollins, turns and grins triumphantly at Christian before charging at him……and gets planted with a huge spinebuster! With a last surge of adrenaline, Christian dives to his corner and tags in his only available partner, and the crowd erupts as Edge gets back into the ring. Despite still holding on to his neck with one hand in apparent pain, Edge doesn’t waste any time as he capitalizes on his stunned opponent, dropping him with a series of running clotheslines. Ambrose and Reigns get back into the ring to aid their partner, but Edge battles back valiantly against all 3 off his opponents, seeming to temporarily block out the pain of his injury in the adrenaline rush. High back body drop to Rollins! Half Nelson Face-plant to Ambrose! Edge-O-Matic to Reigns after a ducked clothesline! Edge has all 3 Shield members down on the mat as his circles to the far corner and drops to a crouch as the crowd breaks into a “Spear!” chant. Edge charges at Rollins (the legal man) for his devastating finishing maneuver, but Rollins leapfrogs over it at the last second! Edge manages to catch himself at the corner to avoid a collision with the turnbuckles, then sidesteps Rollins’ lunge to send him crashing into the turnbuckles! Edge rolls up a stunned Rollins from behind, but Ambrose breaks up the 3-count.

Ambrose goes berserk as he hammers repeatedly down on the back of Edge’s neck, but Rhyno finally gets back into the ring and gives Ambrose a huge powerslam! Rhyno then takes Ambrose out of the ring with a big clothesline, the momentum carrying himself over the ropes as well! Meanwhile, Edge struggles to get back to his feet, once again feeling the pain of his aggravated neck injury, and Rollins tries to capitalize with another attempted Curb-stomp, but as he bounces off the ropes, Christian grabs him from the ring apron and snaps the back of his neck over the ropes to give him a taste of the Shield’s own medicine. As Rollins topples over, Christian climbs to the top rope. Roman Reigns gets back up just in time to eat a missile dropkick from Captain Charisma that sends him out of the ring! Christian then goes for the Killswitch on Rollins, but Ambrose rushes back into the ring and cuts him off with a kick to the gut! Ambrose and Rollins give Christian a double-team irish whip into their own corner, but Christian catches himself at the turnbuckles, catches a charging Ambrose with a back heel kick, then Rollins with a corner pendulum kick! He grabs Rollins by the head and positions him for a tornado DDT off the second ropes, but doesn’t notice Reigns getting back on the ring apron and making the tag! As he launches himself off the second ropes, Ambrose rushes up to catch him in mid-air. Christian improvises quickly by letting go of Rollins as Ambrose heaves him up onto his shoulders……and then twisting off Ambrose’s shoulder and giving him a big hurricanrana that hurls him through the ropes out of the ring! As soon as Christian gets back up, however, he turns around right into a spine-shattering SPEAR from Reigns that nearly breaks him in half. Meanwhile, across the ring, Edge, still the legal man for his team, tries to pull himself up with the ropes……only to fall back down again in agony, hitting the back of his own neck hard against the turnbuckles. Fortunately, Rhyno is now back up on the ring apron, and quickly reaches to tag himself in. Even as Reigns is kicking Christian out of the ring and screaming verbal abuses at him, Rhyno positions himself behind the Shield’s powerhouse, signaling for the GORE! GORE! GORE! The Manbeast looks to break Roman in half with a taste of his own medicine……but Rollins rushes into his path and takes the bullet for his partner, eating the Gore from Rhyno! Even as Rhyno is getting up from the Gore, Roman Reigns rolls skillfully and swiftly across the ring and rises up to his feet behind Rhyno, and the Manbeast turns around into another devastating SPEAR from Reigns that knocks him out for the 3-count!

Rating: A

After the bell, both Rollins and Ambrose make it back into the ring to join a celebrating Roman Reigns, and all 3 of them converge on Edge, who’s still slumped in his seated position in the corner, seeming barely aware of what’s going on around him. With Rhyno and Christian both still incapacitated by Reigns’ Spear, there’s no one to stop the Shield except referee Mike Chioda……who looks like he may try to intervene for a moment, but then takes one look at the expression on the faces of the Hounds of Justice and promptly flees from the ring, shouting for reinforcements from the back. No one comes out fast enough to stop the Shield from dragging Edge’s half-conscious body out of the ring, however, and as they start to take the tops off the announcers’ table, their intents are clear. J.R. is heard pleading for the Shield to stop, reminding everyone that Edge’s neck can’t possibly withstand more punishment, and even JBL starts to voice his objections at the Shield’s action as the 3 of them hoist Edge onto Roman Reign’s shoulder and drives him through the table with their trademark Triple-team Powerbomb. Security, medics, and more officials finally pour out from the locker rooms to separate the Shield from their victims, but the damage has been done. Looking proud of their work, the Shield allow themselves to be escorted out of the building by security while the medics, trainers and Edge’s recovered partners check on the unconscious GM. Edge does not respond to any of their calls as he’s placed on the stretcher and wheeled out of the arena.

Angle: The Shield annihilates Edge. (Rating: A*)

Backstage, Fandango is seen speaking to Brad Maddox, complaining about how no one seems to understand that he can’t compete at his full potential when incompetent announcers keep getting his name wrong. Maddox tells Fandango that he understands perfectly how he feels. The least any person can do to show his respect for another is to get his name right, and he can see why Fandango is so upset about this. He tells the dancer that he’s more than happy to offer his services tonight as Fandango’s personal ring announcer.

“That’s great, Braden,” Fandango tells him, looking delighted, “but first, why don’t we rehearse this a few times? See, it goes like this: FAAAAAAAHN……..DAHHHH-”

“Woah, woah, woah! Hold on a second! What did you just call me?” Brad demands.

“Braden……”

“Braden? BRADEN??!!! Listen, my name is Brad Maddox! BRAD MADDOX! Not Braden Walker, dammit!”

“Yeah, Brad, whatever. Listen, we gotta rehearse this……”

“Whatever? That’s MY NAME that you just got wrong! You know what, maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you don’t deserve to have me as your own personal ring announcer. You don’t deserve to have people get your name right, not until you show the same kind of respect that you want people to give you. Go find yourself another ring announcer, if you can ever get one……FAN-MANGO!”

Brad Maddox turns and stomps off, leaving the dancer glaring after him indignantly, as the latter shouts after him:

“It’s FAAAAAAAHHHHHHHN……..DAAAAAAAAHHHHHHN……GOOOOOO!”

Angle: Fandango doesn’t remember Maddox’s name. (Rating: C+)

Meanwhile, Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston are seen in the locker room, looking like sullen kids as AJ addresses the both of them. AJ tells them that they need to stop fighting each other like petulant children. They need other, and they’re better off as a team than on their own. Ziggler scoffs at this, and tells her that he doesn’t need the big lump of deadweight holding him back. Big E takes exception to that almost starts a fight before AJ gets between them and screams shrilly for both men to listen to her. This finally gets their attention, and AJ proceeds to remind Dolph about what happened on RAW, when Dolph teamed with Jack Swagger to take on Alberto Del Rio and Antonio Cesaro. Ziggler reminds her that he won that match without Big E. AJ points out that things didn’t go well for him when he decided to cash in his Money-in-the-Bank contract on Swagger after the match. He had Swagger down and out on the mat, he was that close to becoming World Heavyweight Champion, but Alberto Del Rio ruined it. Ziggler says that Alberto will pay, but AJ tells him that that’s not her point. Just think what would have happened if Big E had been there to watch his back, to keep Alberto Del Rio at bay while he cashed in his title shot? Dolph could have been World Heavyweight Champion right now!

As Dolph is apparently considering this, AJ turns to Big E and tells him that they all know Big E has what it takes to become a World Champion one day. This past Monday night, he almost beat a former World Champion. Not just that, but the first ever Undisputed Champion! He came that close! Just imagine what could have happened if Dolph had been there to help him. Big E tells AJ that he can beat Chris Jericho without anyone’s help, and AJ tells him that she has no doubt he will……eventually. But Dolph can help him speed up on the road to the top. They can help each other. Together, they are unstoppable, they should rule the WWE together as only they deserve. All they need to do is to put their differences aside, and work together.

At this point, Jim Cornette walks into the room and tells them that they need more than that. In fact, they deserve better than that. He says that he looks at the 3 of them standing before him and he sees 3 young competitors with a bright future ahead of them……or at least, they would have a bright future if they were working for a company that actually values talent. He sees one of the best, and arguably the best pure athlete in the entire WWE in Dolph Ziggler, Mr Money-in-the-Bank, and practically guaranteed future World Champion. He sees unmatched power and raw potential in Big E, a world-class power-lifter who made the transition to pro-wrestling with ease. And he sees AJ, one of the few young women in this company who actually got here through hard work and dedication to her craft rather than through some silly popularity contest like several of those divas who are more concerned about smudging make-up on their butter-faces than their in-ring competition. What the 3 of them deserve is a proper platform designed to showcase the talents they have. Not a Sports Entertainment show that’s more concerned about media stunts like Live Sex Celebrations and circus acts like dancers, objects on poles and breakfast cereals. With that in mind, he’s here to make them an offer that they can’t possibly refuse, if they would just spare him a few minutes to hear him out.

Ziggler and AJ both look intrigued, and follow Cornette out of the room, AJ pulling Big E along with her. Big E actually doesn’t look particularly interested in what Cornette has to say, but goes along with AJ and Dolph anyway.

Angles: AJ makes peace between Ziggler and Big E. (Rating: B)

Cornette makes an offer to Dolph and Big E. (Rating: B-)

We then head over to an interview set, where Renee Young introduces her guest at this time, the WWE Champion, John Cena! Instead of wearing his usual cap tonight, Cena is wearing a familiar looking bandana……as well as a bright red and yellow sleeveless T-shirt, although he’s still wearing his trademark jean shorts below the shirt. With Brooke Hogan on one arm, Cena cheerfully greets Renee and tells her that she looks great tonight. Renee curiously asks him what’s with the new outfit. Cena tells her that it’s Brooke’s idea, and she thinks he looks great dressed like this. Brooke confirms that as she fondles Cena’s bulging biceps lovingly, looking completely smitten with the champ.

Renee then asks Cena his thoughts on his upcoming title match against a man he’s never beaten before, Ryback! Cena says that he’s always looked forward to one day facing the monstrosity known as Ryback, he just didn’t expect that it’d be so soon. He says he has to hand it to Edge, whom he admits caught him completely off guard this past Monday night……by the way, he sends his best wishes to Edge and hopes he makes a speedy recovery. Moving back to the matter at hand……Ryback, a man who had an undefeated streak last year, a man whom many felt should have won the WWE Title at Hell-in-a-Cell, a man whom some think would one day become the new face of the WWE. All these praises and accolades are well-deserved. Cena himself tasted first-hand how much of a freak of nature that monster is. A monster who’s constantly hungry, hungry for competition, who demands more of it night after night. Tonight, Ryback will be a happy man, because if you’re looking for competition, there’s nowhere better to look than at the WWE Champion, and a WWE Title match. Ryback wants the title……and apparently wants the Fruity Pebbles on his newly-designed championship. Well, Ryback, these Fruity Pebbles aren’t going anywhere. If you want some, come get some!

At this point, Brooke starts whispering something in Cena’s ear……or at least that’s what it looks like. Cena looks a little distracted by this briefly, then turns back to Renee apologizes for the lapse before continuing with his interview. He says that Ryback wants the title, and he wants competition from the champ, and that’s all fine with him, because if you’re in the WWE, that’s exactly what you should be working for, day in and day out. He understands that, he doesn’t have a problem with that……hell, he doesn’t even have a problem with Ryback kicking his ass and throwing him over the top rope. Let’s face it, this is a grown man’s sports, and a tough men’s sports. Ryback isn’t the first man who tried to make a statement to the champ in this manner, and he won’t be the last. What he does have a problem with, is Ryback’s timing. He interrupted Cena when Cena was right on the brink of fulfilling a beautiful woman’s childhood dream, and then went on to intimidate that same defenseless woman. That was totally uncalled for, and unprofessional. To make this up to Brooke, Cena promises that, after he has successfully defended his title against Ryback, he and Brooke are going straight back to the hotel room where he’ll finish what they started on Monday night, and this time there will be no unwanted interruption.

A delighted Brooke engages Cena in a passionate kiss, pawing at his shirt and pecs, but Cena breaks off after a few seconds, telling her that there will be ample time for that after his match. As to Ryback, Cena says that he understands that Ryback is a simple man of simple wants, so he’ll try to make his message simple so Ryback can understand. Ryback wants Fruity Pebble? Well, brother, he’s got some advice for the big guy. He’s better off taking his vitamins…….and say his prayers while he’s at it, because Fruity Pebbles are staying where they belong, right here (he points at the belt hanging drooped just below his waist). So Ryback: Whatcha gonna do, when the Cenamania runs wild on you?

Angle: John Cena hypes his title match. (Rating: A*)

We head briefly back to ringside, where the announcers give the audience an update on the condition of Randy Orton, who was sent to the hospital after a re-aggravated concussion suffered as a result of his match against Sheamus at Randy Orton. J.R. informs us that Orton is estimated by the doctors to be out of action for at least a month.

Orton himself is shown lying in a hospital bed via satellite, awake but clearly still in pain. Orton thanks his fans for the support they’ve shown through various forms of social media, and promises that he will be back the very moment he is able to. In fact, he would have already been back tonight if the doctors hadn’t refused to release him from their charges. Randy says that he’s not going to let a little thing like a concussion stop him from doing what he loves more than anything else in life, and that is compete in the ring. Randy then addresses a question that many have raised via social media, asking him if he blames Sheamus for his current condition. Orton says he’ll be lying if he says he doesn’t feel the least bit bitter at the fact that the man who put him in the hospital, Sheamus, is now facing the man that he himself wanted to fight at Extreme Rules, the Big Show. However, Orton then stresses that he understands perfectly that Sheamus didn’t do anything that he himself would not have done, and that’s capitalizing on any possible weakness that your opponents show. This ain’t ballet, and every Superstar who competes in the ring understands the risk. Therefore, instead of wasting time and energy putting the blame on or getting angry at Sheamus, he’s going to focus all this energy in getting better, and getting back sooner. He promises that it won’t be long before the fans will see the return of Randy Orton, and more men falling to the R-K-O!

As Orton’s face fades out from the screen, the cameras move to Sheamus standing in the back, where he’d been watching Randy’s satellite interview, while Renee Young stands at the side with a microphone held ready. Sheamus says that he’s glad that Orton doesn’t blame him, but he can’t help feeling bad about what he just did. He’s been fighting nearly all his life, but never has he felt this guilty about kicking someone in the head. That’s not the frame of mind he wants to be in come Extreme Rules, because if he heads into Extreme Rules in that frame of mind, Big Show is just going to be putting him in the hospital just like he put Randy in there. Therefore, he’s going to do exactly what Randy will be doing, and that’s taking all that pent-up frustration and energy, and focus it on something positive, and that is kicking the Big Show’s arse at the PPV. Sheamus brings up the fact that this whole thing started when the Big Show decided to turn on his own partners at Wrestlemania, and knocking out Randy Orton to give him that concussion. Big Show is the one responsible for all this. So at Extreme Rules, Sheamus is going to kick the giant’s arse, not just for himself but for Randy. He’s going to kick that oversized arse, snap a picture of his boot-print on that arse, and he’s going to send that picture along with his Get-Well wish card over to the hospital as the gift to wish Randy a speedy recovery!

Angles: Update on Randy Orton. (Rating: B+)

Sheamus vows to avenge Orton. (Rating: A*)

Meanwhile, it appears that Fandango is still looking for a ring announcer……and he’s now trying his luck with former tag team champion and DX legend, Road Dogg. Fandango tells the Dogg that he’s been watching him on TV since he was a kid, back when Road Dogg was a part of the great Degeneration X. You know what was his fondest memories of DX? It’s Road Dogg’s in-ring introduction of the group. Nobody does it better than the Road Dogg. The Road Dogg has done just about everything in his career, he’s a multi-time tag team champion of the world, and he’s tried his hand at commentating on Main Event, proving what most people already knows, that he’s a man of many talents. However, Fandango feels that if there’s one thing Road Dogg does better than anything else, it’s being a ring announcer. Let’s face it, DX would never have been as successful as it became without Road Dogg’s special in-ring introduction every week. Road Dogg has the ability to make anything look special via his introduction, and Fandango can’t think of a better person to choose for his personal ring announcer.

Road Dogg tells Fandango that he’s actually quite flattered by all the praises that Fandango’s heaping on him……but he also knows that the moment Fandango loses a match, he’s just going to put all the blame on the ring announcer. He’s sure he can make Fandango look great with his introduction……but until Fandango actually wins a match, all the best introductions in the world won’t hide the fact that he’s a loser. So as far as Fandango’s request goes……he’s got two words for Fandango! The crowd out in the arena let out a resounding cheer of “SUCK IT!” as Road Dogg gives Fandango his trademark crotch-chop taunt before turning his back and living. Fandango looks incensed at Road Dogg’s words, but before he can do or say anything, he’s informed by the backstage staff that his time is up, and he needs to go out to the ring for his match, right now!

Angle: Road Dogg refuses to be Fandango’s ring announcer. (Rating: C+)

After the commercial break, Fandango is shown making his entrance for his match while Zach Ryder is already waiting in the ring. As Fandango gets into the ring, scowling and shaking his head at Lilian’s “inept introduction” of him while the referee signals for the bell, Chris Jericho’s music hits, and Y2J comes out on the entrance ramp with a mic in his hand. He apologizes for the interruption, and tells Fandango that he heard Fandango hasn’t been able to find himself a personal ring announcer tonight. He knows that Fandango can’t possibly compete at his best when people are “butchering his name”, so he’s decided to come out here and offer his services to Fandango just for tonight, because as everyone knows, Jericho’s the Best in the World at Everything He Does, and that includes being a ring announcer. So just bear with him a few seconds so he can give Fandango the proper introduction that he deserves. Ladies and gentlemen……FAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHN-JUNK-HOLE!

Fandango looks livid at the introduction as he glares at Jericho from the ring. Jericho says that Fandango doesn’t look satisfied with his attempt. He apologizes if that introduction wasn’t perfect, after all, this is the first time he’s done ring announcing, so he might still need just a little more practice. Let him try this again to make it up to Fandango. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome……FAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHN-DUMB-HO!

Fandango screams at Jericho to stop butchering his name, and Jericho feigns confusion and asks if he still didn’t manage to get it right. He apologizes to the dancer, and tells him to just give him one more chance. After all, third time’s a charm, right? So let’s try this again: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome……FAAAAAAHHHHHHHN-

Fandango is now trying to leave the ring to stop Jericho from butchering his name further, but while he’s stepping through the ropes, Zach Ryder sneaks up from behind and rolls him up with a schoolboy (the bell has already sounded earlier)! Caught off-guard, Fandango is unable to kick out before the referee reaches his 3-count, and Ryder has just beaten Fandango! Fandango goes crazy as he screams at the referee, protesting at his decision while Ryder runs out of the ring celebrating his victory, exchanging a fist-bump on the ramp with Jericho as Lilian Garcia announces Ryder as the winner. Jericho then raises the mic to his lips again as he announces to the world, to the delight of the fans:

“And the LOSER……FAAAAAAHHHHHN-DAAAAAAAHHHHHN-GOOOOOOO!”

Angles: Chris Jericho butchers Fandango’s name……again. (Rating: B+)

Ryder pins Fandango! (Rating: C)

We head backstage once more, where Renee Young introduces her guest at this time: Wade Barrett! Renee asks Wade if he feels any kind of regret, or remorse, at what he did to the 16-time World Champion and Hall-of-Famer, the Nature Boy Ric Flair, this past week on Superstars. How can he possibly justify this sort of treatment to someone who’s not only a legend, but also a 64-year-old man? Barrett smirks at this, and says that Ric Flair brought this all upon himself. He should have stayed retired, stayed at home, where he belongs. Instead, he came back, because he wanted the spotlight. What makes it worse is that he wanted to take Wade Barrett’s spotlight. He was the one who cost Barrett the Intercontinental Championship at WrestleMania. He was the one who decided to come out and risk his own health when Brock Lesnar was in the ring. Ric has no one to blame but himself, and if Barrett could go back in time to this past Tuesday night on Superstars, he’d gladly do what he did to Ric all over again. The only thing that might have changed his that he might have hurt Ric even more, because if it means Ric Flair would never come back again, it’d just be doing the old man and everyone else a favour……well, everyone except the Miz, because let’s face it, the only reason he has the Intercontinental Championship is because of Ric Flair. He’s way too soft on his own. He can’t even come back to work tonight after the beatings he took from Seth Rollins at Main Event, and that proves that he’s not worthy of holding that championship. Barrett assures everyone that he’s still entitled to a rematch for his IC Title, and when he finally cashes it in, he’s going bring the title back to where it belongs, because Miz will not have Ric Flair in his corner to save him from Wade Barrett.

Angle: Barrett taunts the Miz. (Rating: B+)

John Cena is now seen leaving his locker room with Brooke on his arm, heading to the ring for his big title match, when Matt Hardy intercepts him. Matt asks Cena if he watched Matt’s match against Ryback on Superstars. Cena says that he did, and compliments Matt for his “good effort”. Matt tells him that he was “this close” to beating the monster, but he knows that Cena is a true competitor and wouldn’t want Ryback to be damaged too much before their big title match, so Matt had to “hold back a little” against the monster. Even so, he took the monster to its limits, and after that match, he knows Ryback like the back of his hand, so he’s here to offer some advice and strategies to Cena. He can even be at ringside to give Cena some pointers during the match later. He knows Cena doesn’t need it, but he can make it a lot easier for Cena so he can conserve for energy for his celebration with Brooke later. Cena looks amused, but does his best to hide it. He tells Hardy that he really appreciates the offer, but this isn’t the first time he’s been in the same ring with Ryback, albeit never in a one-on-one match. He understands what to expect, and Matt doesn’t have to worry about him. He’s got this covered. Matt says he respects Cena’s wishes, because he knows Cena respects him too, and if this is what Cena wants, so be it. He just wants Cena to know that if he needs any help, Matt will always have his back. Cena thanks him once more before continuing on his way to the ring with Brooke……but not before rolling his eyes at Brooke (while Matt isn’t looking), indicating that he doesn’t really think much of Matt’s offer.

Angle: Cena declines Hardy’s help. (Rating: A*)

“Rats......seen by many to be little more than a pest and a nuisance…..”

Video footage of rats feasting in the sewers.

“Yet with the right numbers they’re the biggest threat to all….”

Some special documentary footage of a pack of rats feasting on the carcass of a large animal.

“……even those whom might be considered their nemesis.”

Documentary footage of a large rat pack actually overcoming a cat and killing it.

“The prey shall become the predator…….”

Connor O’Brian’s face is shown on the screen, wearing a sick-looking smirk.

“Zodiac is coming.”

Angle: More hype for O’Brian and “Zodiac”. (Rating: C-)

It’s now time for the main event! John Cena makes his entrance first, with Brooke on one arm and his new championship belt cradled in the other. Cena is still dressed in Hulkamania gear (plus jean shorts) as he enters the ring, while Brooke is in a short mini-skirt that actually looks awkward when paired with the over-sized John Cena T-shirt she’s wearing on top. As his music does down, Cena signals to the back……and Hulk Hogan’s “Real American” theme starts playing instead! Once again, Cena is performing Hulkamania’s signature poses, much to the delight of Brooke, who looks absolutely smitten at the sight. She clutches at her heart breathlessly as Cena tears his red-and-yellow sleeveless shirt apart to reveal the bulging pecs underneath. Tossing the torn shirt and his bandana to his fans, Cena turns to Brooke and gesture for her to take the centrestage. Brooke prances happily to the centre of the ring……and proceeds to rip her oversized T-shirt apart, Hulkamania-style, leaving her in just her skimpy bra and mini-skirt, to the whistling and cat-calls from the male fans. Cena then joins her as the 2 of them perform Hulkamania poses together. As the music finally dies down, they end the poses with a passionate embrace and tongue-kiss before Brooke leaves the ring and Cena prepares to face his opponent.

Angle: Cena impersonates Hogan with Brooke. (Rating: A*)

Match: John Cena defeated Ryback in 9:03 when Ryback was counted out after being distracted by Paul Heyman. John Cena makes defence number 1 of his WWE title.

The two men lock up in the centre of the ring in a test of strength. Each strain to push the other back for several seconds, but neither seem to be able to get the upper hand. Finally, both give the other a big shove simultaneously and separate. With Brooke cheering him on from ringside, Cena flexes him arms in classic Hulkamania fashion at his opponent, much to the delight of Brooke, who literally swoons at the sight. Ryback doesn’t look impressed, and responds by waving his arms and chanting “FEED ME MORE!” at Cena, prompting the fans to do likewise. The two lock up once more, and this time, after several seconds, Cena shoves his opponent to send him staggering back several paces. Proud of his effort, Cena once again turns to the fans to showcase his physique with Hulkmania poses for a few seconds. He turns back just in time to see Ryback lunging back at him, and quickly meets him with another collar-and-elbow tie up……and this time Ryback shoves him down to the mat with such power that Cena bounces off the mat to land a short distance away in the corner. Cena looks stunned as Ryback beats his own head with a roar of triumph and screams: “THAT’S WHAT I DO!”

Looking a little shaken by the fact that he just got overpowered by his opponent, Cena cautiously reaches out to meet Ryback’s attempt at another lock-up, then quickly switches behind the monster to grasp a waistlock, but before he can lock it on fully, the monster grabs him by the arms uses brute force to pry his arms apart! Shocked, Cena abandons his attempt and transitions into a side headlock, but Ryback quickly powers out by shoving him into the ropes and knocking him over with a big shoulder-block! Cena drops prone as Ryback then proceeds to leap over him and rebounds off the ropes from the opposite side, then hops up just in time to leapfrog over the charging monster. He tries to catch Ryback with a hiptoss off the second rebound, but the monster blocks it with sheer power and floors him with a vicious short-armed clothesline!

Brooke looks on in concern as Ryback hauls Cena up by the head and shoulder-rushes him all the way into the corner before hammering away at the champ’s torso with heavy blows. He then whips Cena into the opposite corner with such force that Cena literally bounces off the turnbuckles before falling flat on his face. Relentless, Ryback picks Cena up and whips him back and forth into opposite corners two more times before going for the cover, which gets him a 2-count. As he tries to pick Cena up again, the champ attempts a rally as he fires back at Ryback’s torso with some hard shots of his own. Ryback reels a little from the rapid-fire shots, but when Cena tries to capitalize as he rushes off the ropes for a running clothesline, Ryback greets him with a big boot to cut off all his momentum. Grabbing the champ by his ears, Ryback literally hauls Cena off the mat and flings him into the air……but Cena counters on the way down as he seizes the monster’s head and drives it down onto the mat with a DDT!

Struggling to shake off the cobwebs in his head, Cena uses the opportunity to crawl over to the ropes and start to pull himself up……only to notice that Ryback is already back up on his feet, shaking off the DDT like it was nothing! With a roar, Ryback advances on the shocked Cena, who hangs on to the ropes and shouts for the referee to keep the monster away. Ryback grabs Cena by the ankle and almost drags him off the ropes, but the referee gets there in time to force a break, allowing Cena to slip out onto the ring apron. Ryback pushes the referee aside and reaches for Cena once more……but Cena grabs his head and snaps his throat over the ropes! As Ryback stumbles back to the centre of the ring, Cena rushes back in and comes off the ropes with his trademark flying shoulder-block. The monster reels from the collision, but doesn’t go down. Cena immediately runs off the ropes and scores with a second flying shoulder……and the monster still refuses to go down! Undaunted, Cena tries again a third time……and jumps right into the arms of the monster, who turns him over and drops him with a huge, ring-shaking powerslam!

Ryback starts channeling Tarzan as he beats his chest and roars in triumph before turning back to Cena……who abruptly hoists the monster up onto his shoulders in positon for the Attitude Adjustment! One big elbow to the side of the head allows the monster to break free, however, and Ryback picks up Cena in vertical suplex position before marching around the ring to show off his power, then drops him down hard with a delayed suplex for another 2-count. Ryback now circles to the far corner and flexes his arm to signal for the Meathook, and it looks like it will all be over at about the 5-minute mark! Cena rises unsteadily to his feet, and the monster charges in for the kill……but Cena counters at the last moment with a drop-toe-hold. Grasping his opponent by the foot, Cena goes for the STF, but Ryback turns over and powers out by using his legs to shove Cena all the way across the ring. Cena falls over and quickly rolls under the ropes out of the ring. As he staggers over to the security wall to regroup, Brooke hurries over to check on him. She backs away with a scream of terror as Ryback follows his quarry out of the ring and grabs his opponent by the head. Cena tries to battle back against the monster as he goes to slam Ryback’s head into the security wall, but Ryback blocks the attempt and slams Cena’s head into the wall instead! Ryback continues to dominate the ringside brawl, slamming Cena head-first into a variety of hard surfaces including the ring steps, the announce table, and the ring apron. Brooke screams encouragements at her man, which seems to have gotten Ryback’s attention, as the monster turns to her briefly to look her over. This slight distraction is just what Cena needs, as he hurls himself bodily into Ryback from behind to send him crashing into the ring post shoulder-first. Seeming to be dazed an in real pain for the first time in the match, the monster is unable to break free as Cena grabs him and slams his injured shoulder into the ring post a second time. Cena rolls Ryback quickly back into the ring and goes for the cover, forcing all his weight on the injured shoulder to hold it down, but Ryback manages to lift his other shoulder off the mat at the count of two.

Having finally located a weak spot, Cena works on the arm and shoulder of the injured monster, twisting and hammering away on it for all he’s worth. He manages to keep the monster grounded for approximately a minute before Ryback rouses himself and starts to fight his way back up to a vertical base. Firing heavy blows at Cena’s torso with his good arm, the monster finally frees himself and rushes off the ropes at the champ……and runs into a dropkick that nails him right in the injured shoulder. The commentators talk about how Cena is pulling out all the stops to deal with the monster, performing moves that he isn’t normally seen doing. As if on cue, Cena steps out to the apron and starts to climb to the top rope for his flying legdrop. Throwing caution to the wind in his gamble, the champ launches himself off the top turnbuckle at Ryback……who catches him on his shoulders before dropping him with a sick-looking powerbomb. Ryback falls back onto the mat after delivering the powerbomb, and it appears that the immense pain in his injured shoulder prevents him from capitalizing and going for the cover immediately. Nevertheless, Ryback is now back on the offense as he barrages a groggy Cena with his one good arm, knocking him down with running clotheslines and side elbows. He scoops Cena onto his shoulder and goes for a running powerslam, but Cena manages to slip off behind him and shoves him shoulder-first into the corner turnbuckles! As Ryback staggers back from the collision, Cena picks him up and drops him with his signature spinning side slam.

Cena lifts his open palm into the air to signal for the 5-Knuckle Shuffle, and the crowd breaks into a mixture of cheers and boos. Pausing to wave his palm tauntingly at his fallen opponent, Cena turns and springs off the ropes…..only for the monster to pop back up and catch him with a massive spinebuster!

“STUPID!” the monster roars down at his prey as the latter writhes on the mat in agony. Once again, Ryback heads into the corner to signal for the Meathook, to a growing chant of “FEED ME MORE!” from the crowd! This time, Cena has no counter for it as the monster crashes into him with the deadly move, nearly decapitating him.

“FINISH! IT!” the monster announces, signaling for the Shell Shocked, and it looks like we’re going have a new WWE Champion crowned tonight! At that moment, who should come down the ramp but Paul Heyman……and he's holding a giant box of Fruity Pebbles in his hands!

“Hey, Ryback, look! FRUITY PEBBLES!” Heyman calls out, waving the box over his head so that monster can see it. Slowly, the monster turns and stares at the Paulrus……or rather, at the gigantic box of breakfast cereal in his hands.

“ME……WANT……FRUITY PEBBLES!” Ryback bellows, and promptly leaves the ring and heads for Heyman. Still waving the box invitingly towards the monster, Heyman scurries back up the ramp and heads for the entrance, baiting the monster to follow him. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Cena is slowly sitting up and shaking his head, seemingly unaware of what’s going on as the referee starts his 10-count. Ryback doesn’t look back even after Heyman has disappeared from the arena’s entrance, striding with a purpose up the ramp in pursuit of the Paulrus and his Fruity Pebbles. The referee completes his count and declares Cena the winner via countout. Finally seeming to realize that he just won his title match, Cena gets up unsteadily with some help from Brooke, and the two of them celebrate to Hulkamania’s music, with Cena somewhat groggily and clumsily trying to mimic Hogan’s poses once more (and Brooke seeming to love it just the same) as Smackdown goes off the air.

Rating: A*

(Once again, the ever-reliable John Cena and Fruity Pebbles gave me an A*, where skilled wrestlers like Shield and Edge & Christian failed. This main event was booked to be a relatively one-sided affair with Ryback dominating, and it still scored better than the competitive match earlier. It is now official: Fruity Pebbles = ratings, good wrestling = overrated. Fruity Pebbles shall be the new face of the WWE. That’s good for business!)

OVR Rating: A (This show can be considered a success. It should have increased our popularity.)

Greylocke · March 2, 2014

Voting's now officially closed. Since there's been no new votes to break the tie, I've used an online random generator to determine the outcome for the Swagger/Del Rio match stips.

Coming up on the next episode of Monday Night RAW:

As per decision of GM Edge last week on Smackdown, the Big Show will go one-on-one with Christian........If the Big Show walks out of his match again, his Ironclad contract will be declared null and void, and he will be fired!

Also, Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger will compete in a Beat-the-Clock Challenge to determine which of them gets to name the stipulations for their title match at Extreme Rules! Both men will get to name their respective rival's opponent this upcoming Monday night!

After the controversial ending to the WWE Title match on last week's Smackdown, will Ryback receive another shot at Cena's WWE Title?

With his opponent at Extreme Rules finally being unveiled this week, Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to Monday Night RAW in a special interview with his good friend JR to speak on his thoughts on the match, and why he accepted it in the first place!

After having their challenge denied by Stephanie McMahon last week, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman have demanded a face-to-face meeting with the Game himself to hear the answer from the mouth of the Cerebral Assassin himself. Triple H have agreed to the meeting. Will the King of Kings overturn his wife's decision and accept Brock's challenge at Extreme Rules?

Vince McMahon will make a personal appearance on RAW to introduce the newest GM of the Week!

After the Shield's invasion of Main Event last week, the No. 1 Contenders to the Tag Team Titles have still yet to be determined! How will the new GM of the Week resolve this issue?

All these and more, coming up on next Monday Night's RAW!

---

RAW Predictions:

Christian vs The Big Show

Beat-the-Clock Challenge: Alberto Del Rio vs ???

Beat-the-Clock Challenge: Jack Swagger vs ???

Ryback vs Titus O'Neil

Kharma vs Nikki Bella

Who will be revealed as the GM of this upcoming week?

Hints:

- He's NOT a Hall-of-Famer.

- He's a returning Superstar and a former Intercontinental Champion.

- He's made some appearances in TNA, but not for long.

Greylocke · March 23, 2014

Monday Night RAW Hour 1 Report!

Sorry for taking this long, had some problems with getting internet access recently. Might persist for the next couple of weeks, so updates ight be more sporadic (than usual). But here's part 1 of RAW!

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Monday Night RAW, held in front of 22371 people, LIVE at the PNC Arena, Raleigh, North Carolina!

Pre-show:

We start off tonight with a Divas’ dance contest in the pre-show. The participants are the Funkadactyls, Aksana, Layla and Brooke Hogan (who once again is wearing an oversized John Cena T-shirt). The Funkadactyls start first, and they perform as a team (even though it’s an individual competition), pretty much doing their regular pre/post-match routines. Aksana goes next, and it seems like she’s trying to get Brooke to perform with her as a team as well. Brooke shakes her head and declines. Looking a bit annoyed, Aksana signals for her music before performing a shortened version of the strip-tease she did with Brooke back when they were managed by Russo. It isn’t anywhere near as effective without a partner and all the lesbian implications that come with it, though, judging by the crowd reactions. Layla comes next, and she utilizes her dancer background to actually perform a decent dance, but after the last performance, the crowd is too busy chanting for “puppies” to notice. Finally, Brooke takes the stage……and she performs a Hulkamania impression that she and John Cena did on Smackdown last week, starting with ripping her oversized T-shirt apart, Hulkamania-style. Except this time she isn’t wearing a bra, only two tiny pieces of decorations on the nipples to cover them from sight……and as the camera zooms in on those “decorations”, it seems that they have been cut and painted into cutouts of John Cena’s head (on the left nipple) and Hulk Hogan’s head (on the right). The crowd, having gotten their wish (almost) of puppies, enthusiastically vote Brooke as the winner! No one really cares that she didn’t perform an actual “dance”. Meanwhile, in the commentary booth, Jerry Lawler is getting checked on by the trainers as it looks like he’s on the verge of getting another heart attack. Michael Cole started to make some remarks about “Vintage Hogan”, then corrects himself, as he says that Hulk Hogan never looked this good.

Brooke Hogan came out of this looking excellent. This segment lifted the crowd.

Angle: Pre-show Divas’ dance contest. (Rating: A)

Dark Match: Damien Sandow defeated Brodus Clay in 4:50 when Brodus Clay could not beat a ten count.

Sandow comes out looking really ticked off, probably due to the falling out last week with his partner Cody Rhodes……but also might have something to do with the crowd’s reaction, who clearly considers his appearance to be a letdown after the hot divas segment that went on before this. Sandow tries to take out his frustrations on his opponent tonight as he aggressively attacks the Funkasaurus right after the bell rings, but Brodus manages to absorb all the blows and fights back by overpowering the Intellectual Saviour, literally running him over. Sandow gets the upper hand when he avoids a corner avalanche and then takes out the left leg of the big man. He spends some time working on it, but Brodus battles back and shoves Sandow away with his good leg. Brodus gets back on offense as Sandow rushes back at him and throws himself straight into a big headbutt from the Funkasaurus. Running corner avalanche! T-Bone Suplex out of the corner! Sandow just manages to avoid the finishing blow as he rolls out of the ring even as Brodus prepares for a running splash off the ropes that would have flattened him. Sandow stalls for time on the outside until Brodus gets impatient and tries to follow him out. Sandow takes out the same leg he was working on earlier, causing Brodus to fall painfully on the apron (aka “hardest part of the ring”). Sandow then hooks his arms and drives him down off the apron to the floor with a modified elevated Idolizer neckbreaker before getting back into the ring, pointing at his own head and celebrating the fact that he just outwitted his opponent. Brodus has been knocked out and is unable to get back into the ring before the 10-count, giving the win to Damien.

It may seem like Sandow is getting the short end, being relegated to the pre-show while his partner gets a heavily-hyped PPV match. The truth is Team Rhodes Scholars is far from over, and Damien already has a major storyline written up for him. It just needs to right moment to pull off, and he should be getting a lot more focus and air time when it does.

Rating: B-

Main Show:

It’s probably to no one’s surprise that the show kicks off with the arrival of Vince McMahon. After all, it’s been hyped that he’ll be announcing the new GM of the Week, and the show can’t really start without the new boss. Vince doesn’t make the announcement immediately, however, but instead talks about the PPV that’s coming up in about 3 weeks’ time. The PPV has been known as “Extreme Rules” for the past few years, and what makes it special is the fact that for that one night, every single match will be under “Extreme Rules”. The word “Extreme” has always meant something special to a lot of people, including many of the fans watching in this crowd and at home. And you know what it means to Vince? He hates it! That’s right, he holds that word in the utmost contempt! He absolutely despises it! He spits on this “Extreme-style crap” that’s coined by a certain conman who though he could run a twisted version of Sports Entertainment and who managed to brainwash a tiny bunch of people that’s barely enough to fill small bingo halls into buying into that ridiculous ideology. It’s to no one’s surprise that the small backyard sorry excuse for a company known as ECW went bankrupt, but what’s ridiculous is that till this day, there are people who probably never watched ECW in their lives talking about it, talking about being “extreme”, as if it was some kind of legend, some kind of miracle, as if it actually led to success! Vince says that he’s never wanted to be associated with that “dirty word”, but because the Board of Directors seem to be convinced that there was a market for it, convinced that it was “best for business”, he gave in, and he gave them Extreme Rules. It took him years to finally destroy the ECW brand and he finally “put the last nail in the coffin” when he canceled the show on ScyFy and replaced it with the vastly superior NXT. So with that in mind, it’s time to finally put an end to the silly “Extreme Rules” name as well! As of now, he hereby announces that the Extreme Rules PPV will be no more!

As a good portion of the crowd boos at the announcement, Vince tells them not to get him wrong. He’s not going to cancel the PPV, he’s got nothing against the money people are paying to watch his shows. There will still be a PPV coming up 3 weeks from now, but it will not be named Extreme Rules. So what’s going to be the new name of this PPV? Well, ironically, when this idea of “ECW revival crap” first came up many years ago, there was actually one good thing that came about because of it, and that was the name of the first event of this revival. It was a name that he actually kind of liked, as it’s something that he enjoys a lot of. He is, of course, talking about the first ever One Night Stand. It reminds him of the good old days when he was young and women were throwing themselves at him every single day, and every night would end with him holding a different woman in his arms, sometimes more than one……actually, no, who’s he kidding, those things are still happening even now! He’s lost none of the sexual appeal he had when he was young. No, actually, he’s like good beverage, he gets better when he gets older! But we’re not here to talk about his sexual prowess or his appeal to women. Those ladies in the crowd who are getting excited can come to him after the show to talk more about those later. As he was saying, the upcoming PPV needs another name, so as of this moment, he’s returning it to the original name that it was changed from: One Night Stand!

As this announcement sinks in with the fans, Vince moves on to his next announcement. As everyone knows, he was here to reveal the GM of the Week. Now, for those of you who thought he’d gotten sidetracked, he really hadn’t. The change in the PPV’s name is in fact extremely……no, screw that word, the name change is highly relevant to the identity of this new GM, because you see, this new GM is a man who knows a thing or two about “one night stands”. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the GM of the week, the Big Valbowski, Sean Morley!

GM Morley comes out and shakes hands with Vince, before the latter leaves, having made his announcements. Morley says hello to the ladies……oh, and the guys are welcome too, by the way. Now, as Mr. McMahon just told everyone, GM Morley is a man who knows a thing or two about One Night Stands, which is why he puts his utmost support behind the change of name for the next upcoming PPV. But don’t worry, he knows what the fans want. The name of the PPV may have changed, but theme of it shall remain. He understands that the fans want more than just a regular match for that special night. Therefore, just like the old Extreme Rules, One Night Stand will still be a PPV where every match will be something special. Every match on the card will have a special stipulation. As everyone knows, Alberto Del Rio and Jack Swagger will be competing in a Beat-the-Clock Challenge tonight to determine which one of them gets to name the special stipulations for their World Heavyweight Title match at the PPV, and that will remain unchanged. Also coming to you live on PPV at One Night Stand will be, as already announced 2 weeks back, Mark Henry facing the monster Ryback in a Monsters’ Ball match. Tonight, he will be announcing the stipulations for a third match that will also be taking place at One Night Stand, a match many of you have been anticipating. Tonight, we’re finally going to know who Stone Cold Steve Austin will be facing at the PPV, his very first match since WrestleMania XIX! Who will have the privilege of being the first man to face the Rattlesnake on his first match in 10 years? Well, WWE Universe, the choice had been yours, and right now he’s here to reveal the results. Drumroll, please……

As the crowd waits with bated breaths, the TitanTron displays the result of the online polls……and the man whom the fans have voted to face Steve Austin at One Night Stand is Cody Rhodes! GM Morley thanks the fans for their participation in the votes, and tells them that at One Night Stand, not only will they be seeing the match that they voted to happen, but just like every other match on the card, this match will have a special stipulation! He will be announcing that stipulation later tonight, during the contract-signing between Stone Cold and Cody Rhodes! That’s right, Stone Cold Steve Austin will be here tonight in person to sign the contract. In fact, he’s also been scheduled for a special interview with his good friend and the voice of the WWE, good ol’ JR, later tonight! So stay tuned, and enjoy the show!

Angles: Vince McMahon changes PPV name to One Night Stand. (Rating: B+)

Sean Morley revealed as GM of the Week. (Rating: C+)

GM Morley reveals Steve Austin’s opponent. (Rating: B+)

As the GM heads to the back, the announcers goes on to hype the fact that Stone Cold Steve Austin will be coming soon, as JR of course is practically wetting himself at the thought as he announces that he’ll be hosting this very special interview. The King adds that the reason JR has been chosen to host this interview is because their broadcast colleague who usually handles the interviews, Renee Young, has flat out refused to go anywhere within 10 feet of the Dean of Domestic Violence, Steve Austin, and JR is deemed the one person who would be safe from Austin.

Angle: Upcoming interview with Austin hyped by announcers. (Rating: A*)

After the commercial break, a recap video package airs, highlighting the WWE Title match between John Cena and Ryback on last week’s Smackdown. It looked like Ryback was about to become new WWE Champion, but some distraction from Paul Heyman, who lured Ryback away from the ring with a box of Fruity Pebbles, allowed Cena to win via countout and retain his title. Cena once again appeared to have no idea about Paul Heyman’s shenanigans at the end of the match, but the announcers are of course in earnest speculation of whether Cena and Heyman are really in league behind the scenes.

Angle: Video recap of Cena vs Ryback (Rating: A*)

Meanwhile, Ryback is shown in the back, cutting a promo in front of the camera. He says that last week on Smackdown, he was denied his food. The time of the month is drawing near, and he gets hungrier. His hunger must be satiated by “feeding time”, because when Ryback gets hungry, he gets angry, and when he gets angry, bad things happen. The hungrier he gets, the less picky he gets about the source of his food. Titus O’Neal will be the ‘sacrifice’ for tonight, because he’s in the wrong place at the wrong time. Feed him more!

Angle: Ryback talks about feeding time. (Rating: B)

Match: Ryback defeated Titus O'Neil in 6:17 by pinfall with a Shell Shocked.

Although Ryback doesn’t have quite as much of a size advantage over his opponent in this match as compared to most of his other matches, Titus looks just as reluctant to get in the ring with him as most of his previous opponents, rolling out of the ring as the monster makes his entrance and taking some time to get back in when the referee urges him to do so. Ryback once again overpowers his opponent right from the start, sending Titus staggering backwards all the way into a corner with a mighty shove. As Titus tries to recover from the shock of being out-powered so easily, Ryback begins another “Feed Me More” chant, before charging at Titus in the corner. Titus catches him with a big boot to the face, staggering the monster briefly, and tries to capitalize on that, but Ryback catches him coming and drops him with a powerful bodyslam. As Titus writhes on the mat in pain, Ryback marches around the ring screaming “THAT’S WHAT I DO!” The commentators start speculating on whether Ryback’s recent behaviour that seems to be mocking Mark Henry is supposed to be a message to the World’s Strongest Man.

Meanwhile, Titus manages to roll out to the ring apron, causing Ryback to head over to the edge of the ring to go after him. Titus tries to go for the classic trick of hanging his opponent’s neck over the ring ropes……but the monster blocks his attempt by sheer power, and then follows up with a huge bail that hurls big Titus right over the ropes back into the ring! Struggling back to his feet, dazed from both the pain and the shock, Titus stumbles around right into a massively running shoulderblock that not only knocks him over but also sends him bouncing nearly a metre across the ring! Ryback goes for the pin, but Titus is just close enough to the ropes to grab them and break the count at the last moment. As the referee explains to Ryback about the rope-break, Titus once again rolls out of the ring, and this time heads up the ramp, clearly wanting no part of the monster. Ryback is having none of it, however, going after Titus and catching him on the ramp. Grabbing his panicked opponent by the head, Ryback sends him crashing into the security barriers before dragging him back towards the ring. Rolling Titus back into the ring to break the referee’s 10-count, Ryback starts to get back in the ring himself……when Titus struggles back up and catches him with a desperation boot to the face that sends him crashing off the ring apron to the floor! Promptly collapsing in exhaustion himself, Titus screams frantically for the referee to count Ryback out. By the count of 4, however, Ryback is already up to his feet and getting back into the ring, much to the despair of Titus. Desperate to keep the monster down, Titus pounces on Ryback as soon as he’s back in the ring, raining blow after blow down on the back of the still-dazed-looking monster. The referee tries to call for a break to get Ryback away from the ropes, backing Titus off for a brief moment, but as soon as Ryback is clear from the ropes, Titus comes back with big kick to the side of the monster’s head. Not giving the monster any breathing room, Titus goes on a barrage of kicks and stomps on the kneeling Ryback’s head as the latter keeps trying to get back to his feet, and this actually seems to work for a while, as after the twelfth kick or so, he finally manages knock the monster down on his back……for a 1-count. Agitated at the monster’s resilience, Titus springs off the ropes for another big kick to the head as Ryback starts to get back up again, but this time Ryback catches him by the foot!

“STUPID!” the monster screams, and sends Titus tumbling back across the ring with a mighty shove! Scrambling back to his feet, Titus charges back at the monster……who catches him in mid-charge and lifts him right off his feet, driving him back all the way into the corner with a bull-rush! As the commentators exclaim about the display of power from Ryback by manhandling a big guy like Titus, Ryback drives the wind out of his opponent with a series of big shoulder-thrusts, then whips him across the ring with such force that Titus bounces off the turnbuckles in the opposite corner and falls with a crash in the centre of the ring. Relentless, Ryback heads over to his fallen opponent and literally hauls him to his feet by the ears, then scoops him onto his shoulder for a running powerslam. Titus slips out at the last second and somehow manages to use Ryback’s own momentum to shove him hard into the corner. As the monster reels from the collision, Titus hurls himself at the monster in desperation and sandwiches him against the turnbuckles with a running avalanche splash! Titus drops the monster with a huge back suplex before getting back to his feet, all fired-up in his adrenaline rush as he performs his trademark dog-bark at the crowd. This brief distraction costs him dear, as Titus turns around only to realize that the monster is already back on his feet, grinning at him maliciously! Shocked, Titus charges back into the fray, only to run straight into a running side elbow smash from the monster. Ryback goes on to hit a big running shoulder-block, a huge spinebuster, and running scoop powerslam that leaves Titus barely conscious and defenseless as the monster nearly decapitates him with the Meathook! With a scream of “FINISH! IT!”, Ryback picks the unconscious Titus up and destroys him with the Shell Shocked for the win.

“Ryback and Titus O'Neil don't seem to click, and it made for an awkward bout.” For a heel vs heel squash match with bad chemistry involved, I’m actually more than happy with the rating it brings.

Rating: B-

Titus is barely stirring after the bell has rung. Instead of his usual post-match celebration, Ryback is now staring intensely at his fallen pray, licking his lips as he slowly walks around the defenseless man. Much to the commentators’ horror, Ryback then proceeds to get down on one knee beside his fallen prey and lifts Titus’ head up, eying his victim’s neck hungrily and literally baring his teeth at the sight! Referee John Cone makes a move as if to stop him……but one look from the monster is enough to send him fleeing from the ring in terror as the official screams for security to come to his aid. With a scream of “FEED ME MORE!”, Ryback lowers his head and is about to sink his teeth into Titus’ neck when……

……Darren Young comes running out to the ring, waving a packet in his hand, screaming to get the monster’s attention. As Ryback turns his gaze to Darren, the latter reaches quickly into the packet and pulls out……a chocolate chips cookie. His gaze transfixed on the cookie, Ryback slowly lets go of Titus and heads over to the side of the ring. Looking terrified, Darren slowly edges closer to the ring and holds out the cookie, keeping it just out of range of the monster so that Ryback will have to leave the ring to get it. Ryback slowly steps out on the ring apron, and reaches for the cookie……and Darren drops it on the floor and backs away hurriedly. Hopping down onto the floor, Ryback stoops and picks up the food, gazing at it intently for a few seconds behind shoving it into his mouth. Munching on it slowly to savour the taste, Ryback licks his lips and nods approvingly, then looks up to stare at the packet in Darren’s hands. With a nervous smile on his face, Darren pulls out another cookie from the packet and waves it invitingly at the monster before dropping it on the floor and backing away further. Once again, the monster goes to pick up the food, and Darren proceeds to bait him with another cookie. In this manner, Darren slowly lures Ryback further and further up the ramp away from the ring.

Finally, with a shout of “You want this? Go get them!” Darren hurls the whole packet to the side of the ramp and makes a quick dash via the other side, past the monster, for the ring. Not even looking in his direction, Ryback eagerly makes his way to the packet of cookies, allowing Darren to reach the ring safely and pull a still-groggy Titus out of the ring. As he supports his half-conscious partner and assists him up the ramp, he tries to give the monster a wide berth, but the monster still isn’t paying them any attention, pulling cookie after cookie out of the packet and cramming them all in his mouth. Finally, with a scream of “COOKIE!”, Ryback shoves the entire packet into his mouth and munches away on it, before spitting out chewed remains of the paper bag. Looking freaked out by this, Darren manages to safely lead his partner to the back as the monster spits out the last of the chewed-up packet from his mouth and proceeds to chant “FEED ME COOKIE! FEED ME MORE!” at the crowd.

“The performance of Ryback looked good.” Who would have thought that Ryback would be good at playing Cookie Monster?

Angle: Darren saves his partner with cookies. (Rating: B-)

Meanwhile, John Cena and Matt Hardy are shown in the back watching Ryback’s antics on a monitor. Matt looks highly amused at what just took place, and tells Cena that he can’t believe an imbecile like Ryback was given a title match last week. But then again, Edge was the guy who made that match, so he guess it’s not that surprising. Cena notes that it was actually pretty gutsy of Darren coming out to Titus’ aid like that. Ryback isn’t too bright, but the guy’s still a wrecking machine, and Darren could have been killed out there if it didn’t work. Matt said that Darren clearly got the idea from Cena after watching last week’s title match……by the way, that was a brilliant idea of Cena’s to lure Ryback away with Fruity Pebbles. Cena tells Matt sharply that it wasn’t his idea……he has no idea Paul Heyman was going to do that. He’s not going to deny that it was clever, but Cena didn’t need that to beat Ryback. Matt quickly apologizes to Cena for suggesting that it was his idea……obviously, Cena is way too honourable to use a low-down trick like this. He’s not Darren Young, and he’s certainly not Mark Henry. He can fight the monster Ryback head-to-head like a real man, and he doesn’t need to resort to any tricks. Nor does he run like a pansy like Mark Henry. Speaking of which, can you believe how big a coward Mark Henry is? He calls himself the World’s Strongest Man? He should be called the World’s Biggest Pu$$y, running away from a man smaller than himself. Hell, even Matt Hardy himself had the guts to stand and fight like a man against Ryback last week! Matt is 10 times the man Mark Henry ever was……and of course, so is Cena, because he can beat Ryback any time, any place, just like he proved last week.

Cena says that speaking of which, he knows there’ve been people who think Ryback deserves a rematch for his title due to Paul Heyman’s involvement last week. Like Matt just said, Cena can beat Ryback any time, any place, so if Ryback still wants some, he’s welcome to come get some! However, the WWE Title is way too important, way too prestigious to be dragged in the mud through one controversy after another. It’s obvious that despite everything he’s said to Paul Heyman, that snake decided that he wasn’t finished with Cena. Meanwhile, it’s clear that Ryback still has unfinished business with Mark Henry. Cena says that he looks forward to the day when he and Ryback meet again in the ring for this titles……but only after the both of them have settled their unfinished businesses with Henry and Heyman. Because only then will they be able to have a real match with no controversy, and determine which of them is truly the better man.

Angles: Matt Hardy makes jokes about Mark Henry. (Rating: B+)

Cena welcomes a rematch with Ryback. (Rating: A*)

Elsewhere backstage, AJ looks ecstatic as Dolph Ziggler and Big E, at her urgings, grudgingly shake hands as a sign of burying the hatchet. She tells the two of them that united, it’s only a matter of time before they all become champions. However, the World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger has something to say about that as he walks into the scene with Zeb Coulter. He accuses Ziggler of taking a cheap shot at him like a coward after their tag match last week on RAW, while Coulter adds that Ziggler is a perfect example of what new lows America has sunk to today. This is why America needs an honest, honourable man like Jack Swagger as their World Champion and role model, not a lazy sycophant who takes the easy and underhanded way out like Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler scoffs at that, and reminds Coulter that Swagger actually won his first World Title the exact same way Ziggler tried to do last week: by cashing in Money-in-the-Bank on a weakened opponent. Swagger snaps that it was a long time ago; besides, he did it to Chris Jericho and Edge, two Canadians. It’s not wrong to mete out just punishments to those thieving foreigners who sneaked across the borders to steal roster spots from honest Real Americans!

AJ tells Zeb that it doesn’t matter how Ziggler does it, but there’ll be nothing stopping him from taking the World Title away from Swagger the next time he cashes in MitB. Swagger got lucky last week, but Alberto Del Rio won’t be saving him the next time, not with Big E here to watch Dolph’s back. Who knows, Ziggler might just decide to cash in his shot tonight! Zeb tells AJ that Ziggler may try, but Big E will be too busy to watch anyone’s back tonight. He’ll be too busy saving his own skin, because tonight, in the Beat-the-Clock Challenge, Jack Swagger gets to pick Alberto’s opponent, and he chooses Big E! Swagger and Coulter walk away looking smug while Ziggler looks infuriated. Big E doesn’t look too worried, and actually seems intrigued at the prospect of taking on another former World Champion and the No. 1 Contender.

Angle: Swagger names Big E as Alberto’s opponent. (Rating: B)

Cody Rhodes is now shown walking down a corridor, looking excited at the fact that he won the fan poll to become Stone Cold’s opponent at One Night Stand. He soon finds Kaitlyn, and excitedly asks her if she saw the announcement earlier. Kaitlyn says she did, and congratulates Cody on winning the fan votes, and tells him that she knew he would win the fans over with his sincerity, and that at One Night Stand, he fights not only for himself, but also on behalf of the entire divas’ locker room.

Natalya walks into the scene with the Great Khali and tells Kaitlyn that she can’t believe the fans are buying into this garbage that Cody’s been sprouting, but what she finds more shocking is the fact that Kaitlyn actually believes him, too! Anyone with brains can see that Cody’s just doing all these to get into Kaitlyn’s pants, he’s no better than Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Kaitlyn needs to open her eyes and see Cody for the liar and woman-beater that he truly is. Cody takes a step towards her as he starts to protest about what she just said, but Khali shoves him back, mistaking his movement for an attack. Kaitlyn tells Natalya angrily that she needs to keep her pet Neanderthal under control, and that she’s just bitter about the fact that Cody beat her man in the fan poll. Natalya is now angered at Kaitlyn’s insult on Khali, and a screaming contest ensues, with the men barely holding the ladies back to prevent a catfight. Natalya says she knows Kaitlyn is still mad about her hitting Kaitlyn with that discus clothesline that was meant for Sharmell last week. That was an accident, but maybe she needs to hit her again, harder, to knock some proper sense into her head so that she can finally see through hypocritical mask that Cody is wearing. Kaitlyn shouts that if that was a challenge, then it’s on! She’ll go to Sean Morley right now to get him to make a match between the two of them! Natalya then challenges her to make it a title match, and the Divas’ Champion says that she accepts!

Angles: Kaitlyn congratulates Cody. (Rating: A)

Natalya challenges Kaitlyn to title match. (Rating: C-)

Match: Kharma defeated Nikki Bella in 2:03 by pinfall with an Implant Buster. During the match we also had Brie Bella run in and attack Kharma.

Back from commercial break, as the returning Nikki Bella stands in the ring with her sister, waiting for her opponent, JR inform us that GM Morley has made the Divas’ Championship match between Natalya and Kaitlyn for this Friday night, on Smackdown! Meanwhile, the King observes that after having her implants busted twice within the past 3 weeks, it looks like Nikki Bella has finally given up on further enhancement to her “assets”. The Bella Twins has finally gone back to looking completely identical, and Michael Cole wonders if they’d done this to make it easier for their “Twin Magic”, which they might very well need when they face an opponent like Kharma in the ring.

Speaking of which, Kharma now makes her entrance, and the Bellas promptly bail from the ring. After she’s completed her entrance, the referee tries to tell Nikki to return to the ring so he can start the match, but neither Bella are willing to enter the ring, each pointing at the other and claiming that the other one is Nikki. Unable to tell them apart, the referee tells them that he’ll have to award the match to Kharma via forfeit if the real Nikki doesn’t get in the ring. Finally, with obvious reluctance, one of the Bellas get into the ring, and the referee calls for the bell. Grinning, Kharma heads right for her opponent, who immediately sticks her upper body out through the ropes and calls for the referee to back her off. As the referee complies, the other Bella slips into the ring from behind Kharma and leaps onto her back, screaming and pounding away on her! The first Bella slips out of the ring, and it appears that she’s not the real Nikki, after all!

Kharma staggers slightly from the screaming opponent pounding on her back, then quickly dislodges her with a mighty shrug. Nikki quickly picks herself back up before the monster can turn around, wrapping her arms around the monster’s neck to choke her out with a sleeper. Kharma struggles against it for a few seconds, then hurls herself back into a corner and crushes Nikki against the turnbuckles so that she loosens her grip. With her opponent slumped weakly against the corner, Kharma turns and drives her against the turnbuckles again with a huge avalanche splash. Grasping a handful of hair and hurling her limp opponent down to the mat, Kharma climbs to the second ropes and looks like she’s about to squash Nikki with a big splash. Brie rushes onto the ring apron to distract her, and is promptly intercepted by the referee. Nikki tries to use the distraction to slam Kharma off the second ropes, but the monster is too big and powerful, and promptly sends her sprawling back down to the mat. Hopping lightly off the second ropes, Kharma catches Nikki with a deadly spinning backfist that knocks her out cold as the latter tries to charge back to the attack.

Brie is still on the ring apron distracting the referee, and Kharma starts to go after her. With a scream of terror, Brie leaps off the ring apron and starts to crawl under the ring. Kharma follows her out, and seizes her ankle just before she’s about to disappear under the ring apron, but the referee hurries out of the ring and tries to persuade her to get back into the ring before he has to count her out. As he does his best to keep the monster under control, Brie wriggles free and disappears under the ring……and crawls out from the opposite side, slip into the ring, and rolls her unconscious sister out! Kharma finally follows the referee back into the ring, and reaches down to haul her opponent up……and Brie tries to surprise her with an Inside Cradle! Except Kharma proves to be way too sturdy, and easily blocks the attempt. Grinning maliciously, Kharma powers out of the cradle attempt and hooks Brie by the arms to position her for the Implant Buster! Brie screams and struggles desperately, but to no avail, as the monster simply lifts her up by brute force and drives her down to the mat with the deadly maneuver before pinning her for the win.

Kharma seemed off her game tonight.

Rating: C

Backstage in the GM’s office, Mark Henry is seen engaged in an intense argument with GM Morley. Mark Henry tells Morley that they both saw what happened last week on Smackdown. Ryback was screwed out of the WWE Title by Paul Heyman, and he deserves a rematch. Morley should just cancel the Monsters’ Ball match between him and Ryback, and make John Cena vs Ryback for the WWE Championship. It’s only fair. Morley replies sarcastically that he never knew Henry had such a sense of justice. He’s really impressed……but not quite as impressed as he is by the number of excuses Henry can come up with in order to try and get out of his match with Ryback. Henry shouts angrily that this isn’t about him and Ryback, it’s about Ryback getting the fair shot that he deserves. Morley tells Henry to give it up, because the truth is that he’s afraid to face Ryback again at One Night Stand. He has to agree with his ex-brother-in-law Edge here……what happened to Mark? He used to be the biggest, baddest monster around here, and now all he ever does is run away. Does he know what people are saying about him now? Hell, did he hear what Matt Hardy just said about him earlier tonight?

Henry apparently hadn’t heard, and asks Morley what he meant. Morley repeated what Matt Hardy said almost word-for-word, that he’s the World’s Biggest Pu$$y, and that Matt Hardy thinks he’s 10 times the man Henry ever was. Mark is enraged at the insult and promptly storms out of the office to search for Matt Hardy, seeming to have forgotten what he came here to do in his anger. Smiling at his own cleverness in getting rid of the World’s Strongest Man, GM Morley is then interrupted by another monster, this time in the form of the World’s Largest Athlete, the Big Show. Show asks Morley if he wished to see him. Morley says that he just wants to remind Big Show once again of the terms in his “ironclad contract”. Big Show is scheduled to compete tonight, and he needs to fulfill the terms of his contract and compete in the ring as he’s required to in order to maintain the validity of the contract. Now, he wants to assure the Big Show that he doesn’t have any personal vendetta against the giant. Contrary to what Edge told him last week, Morley is not going to be putting Show in handicap matches. But as the authority of the week, he will not tolerate having his Superstars walk out of their scheduled matches, so he needs Big Show to understand that he will not hesitate to take this to the courts if Big Show tries to pull the same stunt he did last week on Edge. Big Show doesn’t look happy at the veiled threat, but Morley reminds him that he’s the World’s Largest Athlete, surely he can’t be afraid to face Christian, a man who’s half his size? Big Show just glares at Morley and stomps out of the room……

……and finds Jim Cornette waiting for him outside. Cornette tells him that he heard everything that just transpired in the office, and he tells Show that it’s about time the giant gets the respect he truly deserves as the World’s Largest Athlete. Face it, ironclad contract or no, these people in the Sports Entertainment business are never going to see him as anything more than a sideshow freak. He never going to get the chance to become the face of the company or get the fair shots at the World Title that he deserves. Only with people who appreciate actual athleticism and authentic competition will he be truly respected, and the Big Show is more than welcome to join his crusade, as they can really do with the support of the World’s Largest Athlete.

The Big Show looks at Cornette thoughtfully for a few seconds, before telling him that he’s heard something about what Jim’s been planning. He tells Cornette that if he can promise him a bigger ironclad contract, without the current obligations for him to compete every week, and a guaranteed World Title match, then he’s in! Cornette balks at this, and tells him that they need to talk further about this. Big Show doesn’t seem interested in negotiations, however, and tells Cornette to come to him again if he changes his mind and decides to pay Show what he’s worth.

Looking upset as he watches the giant walk away, Cornette turns to try his luck elsewhere……when he spots Mason Ryan coming down his way. Cornette heads over to Ryan excitedly, telling him that it’s great to see him back, and he can’t believe that he’s decided to return after how he left. Not that he could blame him, of course, after the way he was treated, but it was still a huge loss to the pro-wrestling world for a great star like him to be gone. Looking a bit puzzled by this outburst, Ryan thanks Cornette for his warm welcome, and says that he’s been working to rehab from a groin injury, but he should be able to return to the ring soon. Cornette exclaims that it’s wonderful news, and he knows the fans will be ecstatic to see him back. He himself has been a great fan, and he would like to extend an invitation to the returning Superstar to join his crusade. Ryan looks confused about what Cornette is talking about, and apologizes for it, reminding Cornette that he hasn’t been around for a while, and needs to be updated on the recent stuff. Cornette is more than happy to invite Ryan to come with him so he can explain in detail. Ryan tells Cornette that he’s scheduled to check with the doctors on his condition, but he can meet Cornette after that to talk about this.

“That’s great, we’ll meet again outside the locker rooms when you’re done.” Cornette says happily. “See you later……Batista!”

It takes a few seconds for Cornette’s parting words to sink in.

“….Wait, what……Batista? Uh, Jim, I’m not……” Ryan turns to tell Cornette about his mistake……but Cornette is already nowhere to be seen.

“The performance of Mason Ryan looked good. Mason Ryan is improving at acting. Mason Ryan is developing better performance skills.” See, I just knew the Batista clone gimmick is perfect for this guy!

Angles: Henry tries to get out of his match……again. (Rating: B)

GM Morley reminds Big Show of his commitments. (Rating: B+)

Cornette tries to recruit Big Show (Rating: B+).

Ryan gets mistaken for Batista. (Rating: B)

3MB (and “apprentice” Jeff Jarrett) are then shown talking about their upcoming match. Apparently they’ve been scheduled in an 8-Man tag match against Santino Marella, Zack Ryder, R-Truth and Kung Fu Naki! Jeff Jarrett is the most enthusiastic of the 4, clearly excited that he’ll finally get the chance to compete in the same ring as his mentors. Heath Slater is seen warning Jarrett not to screw up, as tonight will be the chance for him to prove that he’s not a liability to the team, and that he deserves the opportunity that they’ve given him. Jarrett tells Slater that he won’t let them down, and that tonight, he’ll win the match for the team. McIntyre looks highly offended by that last statement, and he screams at Jarrett, asking him if he’s implying that 3MB needs him to win their matches for them. A flustered Jarrett quickly tries to explain that it’s not what he meant. Slater and Mahal manage to hold McIntyre back and calm him down. As Slater drags McIntyre away, Mahal turns to Jarrett and warns him to do as they tell him later during the match and not get in their way!

Angle: Jarrett gets his debut match as a 3MB member. (Rating: C)

Match: Santino Marella, Zack Ryder, R-Truth and Kung Fu Naki defeated Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal and Jeff Jarrett in 9:50 when Santino Marella defeated Jinder Mahal by pinfall with The Cobra.

Jarrett is eager to start off the match for his team, but McIntyre is having none of it, and orders him to get out. Reluctantly, the apprentice leaves the ring. McIntyre starts off against R-Truth, who reaches through the ropes to exchange a hi-five with “Lil Jimmy” on the ring apron. Somehow offended by this gesture, McIntyre charges across the ring and delivers a boot through the ropes at “Lil Jimmy”! R-Truth goes crazy……I mean……crazier, as he throws himself on top of the Scotsman and pummels him with big rights on the mat until he squirm to the side and grabs the ropes. As the referee backs Truth off, Drew pulls himself back up, but Truth is quickly back on top of him again, smacking him with a big right hand before whipping off the ropes into a big heel kick off the rebound. Drew dives for his corner and makes the tag to Slater, who comes in and prances around as he shows off his air-guitar skills. R-Truth responds by smacking him across the face with a big right hand before dragging him into his own corner and tagging in Kung Fu Naki.

The Kung Fu Master showers Slater with a series of martial arts chops across the chest and neck before whipping him to the ropes. He strikes up his pose to prepare for the Crane Kick off the rebound, but Slater manages to cling on to the ropes to avoid in and roll hurriedly out of the ring. He refuses to get back into the ring with the Kung Fu Master in there, opting to circle back to his corner before crawling back in for the tag. Jarrett reaches eagerly for it, but Mahal slaps his hand away and tells him to stay out of the way before tagging himself in. Across the ring, Kung Fu Naki makes the tag to Santino. Seeing easy opponent, Mahal lunges eagerly forward at Santino……who catches him by surprise with a big legsweep and a couple of deep armdrags to take control of the match. Pulling his opponent up to his feet, Santino points at Kung Fu Naki, before delivering a couple of “martial arts chops” to Jinder himself to showcase his own brand of “Marella Martial Arts”. Kung Fu Naki tags back in and proceeds to show Santino how it’s done by delivering his own chops to Mahal while the latter is trapped in their corner. Not willing to be out done, Santino tags back in and tries to mimic the Kung Fu Master’s chops, but doesn’t seem to quite get it right, hurting his own hand a bit in the process. Kung Fu Naki duly tags back in to continue the demonstration. This goes back and forth between Santino and the Kung Fu Master, using Mahal’s body as their target for their little friendly competition, until a dazed Mahal somehow manages to escape from their corner and practically dives for the tag to get Drew McIntyre back in.

Seeing the man who kicked Lil Jimmy now back in the ring, R-Truth tags back in from his side and charges at his opponent, flooring him with a series of big clotheslines. Dropping him with a face-first suplex, R-Truth comes off the ropes with his signature dancing legdrop for a 2-count before Slater breaks up the pin. As the referee orders Slater to leave the ring, R-Truth catches the rising McIntyre with a kick to the guts before going off the ropes for the Axe Kick……but Mahal nails him with a cheap shot from the apron. Annoyed, R-Truth turns around and retaliates with a big right hand that knock Jinder off the apron. McIntyre tries to capitalize on the distraction, but Truth anticipates it, and catches him with a backdrop that sends him flying over the ropes out of the ring. But even as he falls over the ropes, Jarrett makes to make a blind tag by tapping his falling mentor on the back. Not realizing this, R-Truth turns and catapults himself over the ropes on top of both Drew and Mahal to take them both down on the outside. Getting back up, R-Truth shouts “Wats Up!” at the crowd, before Jarrett (who’s now the legal man), comes charging across the ring with a big baseball slide that sends Truth crashing into the barricade!

Having finally taken control of the match for his team, Jarrett is eager to show his mentors what he’s capable of, as he rolls the stricken R-Truth back into the ring. Unfortunately, Slater does give him much in the way of opportunity, as he tags himself in after a few seconds, telling Jarrett to leave. Reaping the fruits of their apprentice’s work, 3MB now gleefully takes control of the match, making quick tags between themselves (but not to Jarrett) as they work on R-Truth to keep him isolated and wear him down. R-Truth looks like he’s starting to fade from Slater’s sleeperhold until Kung Fu Naki points at “Lil Jimmy” on the ring apron, as R-Truth's “little friend” is apparently shouting encouragements at Truth! Clearly re-energized at the sight of his little friend, R-Truth battles back up to his feet and wriggles out of Slater’s grasp. Slater tries to catch him with a leaping heel kick as he comes off the ropes, but Truth ducks the kick and comes back off the rebound with his twisting corkscrew cross-body known as the “Lie Detector” to take him down! Both men crawled for the tag, and Truth makes it to Ryder even as Drew comes back into the ring! Ryder goes on a burst of offense, knocking Drew down repeatedly with running clotheslines, knocking a screaming Mahal off the ring apron, and backdropping an interfering Slater over the ropes as the latter tries to get back into the ring. Momentarily clearing the ring of 3MB members, Ryder drills McIntyre with a flying punch in the corner and set him up for the Broski Boot. But as he’s about to deliver the devastating kick, Jarrett drags his mentor out of the ring! As Jarrett checks on Drew, Ryder launches himself out of the ring at both of them. Jarrett selflessly shoves his mentor out of the ring and takes the bullet himself, as Ryder flattens him on the floor outside. As Ryder picks himself up, he gets turned inside out by Drew with a running big boot to the face!

Once again, 3MB has gained control thanks to the contributions of Jeff Jarrett……but none of them checks on him as he lies dazed and recovering on the floor, focusing their attention on Ryder as they once again work on their isolated opponent with 3-on-1 quick tags. Ryder weathers the storm for over a minute before he rallies up to the chants of encouragement from his fans, struggling back to a vertical base before Drew cuts him off with a big knee to the gut and drags him back into 3MB’s corner. Slater makes the tag and signals for Drew to hold Zack still as he prances to the centre of the ring, pausing once again to showcase his air-guitar expertise. This slight distraction gives Ryder the opportunity to fight out of Drew’s grip with back elbows to the face. He frees himself just in time to sidestep Slater’s lunge as the latter goes crashing into his own partner McIntyre, and dives to his own corner to make the tag to Santino even as Slater rushes up to stop him! Santino proceeds to pummel Slater with a series of big right hands that drives him back to the ropes before staggering him with a swinging right hook! He whips Slater off the ropes, ducks under a rebound clothesline with a well-timed split, and drops his opponent with his signature hiptoss before scoring with a big falling headbutt off the ropes! Santino goes for the cover, but Jinder and McIntyre come rushing in simultaneously to break up the 3-count! This brings R-Truth into the ring, as he fires away on both Jinder and Drew with big right hands before clotheslining Jinder out of the ring. He turns around and walks into a huge flying boot from Drew that knocks him through the ropes to the floor outside as well! Drew gets back up and screams in triumph, not realizing that Kung Fu Naki has entered the ring behind him and struck up his signature pose. Drew turns around and promptly eats a Crane Kick from the Kung Fu Master, collapsing onto the mat with a glazed look in his eyes. Before the Kung Fu Master can celebrate his success, Slater gets up behind him and drops him with a big jumping neckbreaker! As Slater gets back up, he’s immediately floored again as Zack Ryder comes charging back in and hits the Rough Ryder!

As Slater falls back, he lands near his corner, where Jeff Jarrett is finally back up and waiting on the apron, and tags himself in. Not knowing about the blind tag, Ryder is still getting back up after hitting his finisher, and he turns around into a big dropkick from Jarrett that sends him rolling out of the ring, dazed. Jarrett looks around and realizes that for once, none of his mentors are on the ring apron screaming for him to tag any of them back in. He looks ecstatic, not seeming to notice as Santino (the legal man on the opposing team) is getting back up behind him and whipping out the Cobra! Santino goes for the lethal maneuver as Jarrett turns around……and Jarrett counters! Seizing Santino by the arm, the 3MB apprentice twists his opponent around and drops him with the Stroke! Jarrett has the match won for his team! But before he can go for the cover, Jinder Mahal gets back on the ring apron and screams for Jarrett to tag him in. Jarrett tries to tell his mentor that he already has the match won, but Mahal is having none of it, screaming for Jarrett to do as he’s told or he risks being kicked out of 3MB. Reluctantly, Jarrett obeys, and Mahal gets in and stands over the fallen Santino arrogantly, signaling for the Camel Clutch. Jarrett shouts at Mahal to just go for the cover, but Mahal tells him that he’s the apprentice, and he can’t give his mentor instructions. At that moment, R-Truth drags Jarrett off the ring apron, leaving Mahal and Santino alone in the ring. Mahal reaches down for his opponent, but Santino wriggles out from under him. Confused, Mahal bends down and looks between his own legs for his opponent……and Santino strikes him in the face with the COBRA from the below! Stunned, Mahal snaps up straight before toppling over backwards, and Santino rolls him up with a schoolboy for the win!

As the winning team celebrate their victory, 3MB are shown surrounding Jarrett and loudly berating him for “costing them the match”.

“Jeff Jarrett is improving in Rumble skills. Jeff Jarrett is improving in Technical skills.” 3 young guys and 1 old guy on the same team, and the old guy is the only one who improves. Looks like he can really learn a lot from 3MB. I knew it was a great choice to put him as their apprentice.

Rating: C

After the commercial break, the Shield’s music hits as the Hounds of Justice make their entrance through the crowd. As they enter the ring, video footage is shown on the screen to recap what happened on last week’s Smackdown, where former GM of the Week Edge was Triple-Powerbombed through the announce table after his 6-Man Tag match against the Shield, and had to be stretchered out and taken to the hospital. Ambrose points at the footage and tells the crowd that let that be an example to any future GMs who think they have the power to subject the Shield to their rule of tyranny. The Shield is not bound by any rules, and no authority is going stop them from carrying out what they do best, and that is to bring justice to the WWE. Clearly, GM Morley has already gotten that part of the message, as one of his first actions was to lift the ban that Edge placed on them last week and allowing them free access to the entire building. Not that it would have made much of a difference, as you can all see from what happened last week, as no ban or restraining order can keep the Shield from going where they want, but he appreciates the fact that Morley isn’t the stubborn, power-drunk fool that Edge was. However, there’s one other issue that Morley has yet to address, and that is the fact that the Shield laid their claims on the No. 1 Contenders’ spot for the Tag Team Championship last week, and so far, the GM has not acknowledged that. Ambrose said that after what the Shield had to go through last week, they’re not in a patient mood, so the GM needs to give them their answer before their patience run out. As they can all see from what happened on Main Event last week, when they destroyed the Usos and Team Air Boom and ruined the No. 1 Contenders’ match, the Shield is willing to do anything to see that justice is served, and what’s justice is giving the best tag team in the WWE their rightful shot at the WWE Tag Team Championship.

At that moment, the Shield is interrupted by a voice over the speakers.

“Justice? What do you three know about Justice?”

As the Shield look around trying to locate the speaker, a familiar sign is seen on the Tron.

“STAND BACK……there’s a HURRICANE coming through!”

The crowd pops as WWE’s Resident Superhero makes his return, dressed in his trademark green cape and mask. The 3 members of the Shield exchange bemused glances as the Superhero enters the ring with a mic in his hand.

“Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns, for months the 3 of you have gone around, wreaking havoc and destruction in the name of justice. WAT’S UP WIDAT?! You call yourselves the Hounds of Justice? You three know nothing of justice! A true vigilante fights with honor, he does not bully the weak into submission with the threat of violence or unfairly abuse the advantage of superior numbers in his fights. Tonight, the Hurricane will right the wrongs that you 3 have committed and bring REAL Justice by punishing the 3 of you for all the crimes that you’ve committed in the in its name. You will not pervert the name and spirit of Justice for your own twisted ends!”

The Shield laugh at the Hurricane, clearly seeing him as nothing more than a joke. Ambrose tells him tauntingly to go back to whichever fantasy land he’s been living in for the past few years and leave the serious stuff to the real adults who aren’t suffering from delusions or hallucinations like he is. The Superhero responds by hitting him with a big uppercut to the face! Rollins and Reigns immediately converge on the Superhero, quickly overwhelming him and beating him down. Shaking off the blow he took to the chin, Ambrose screams as he joins his 2 partners on the beatdown, clearly wanting revenge for the humiliating blow. He shrieks at Reigns to finish him off as he and Rollins haul the battered and bruised Superhero into position for the Triple-team Powerbomb.

But before they can execute the devastating maneuver, pyro explodes at the entrance of the arena, as Kane and Daniel Bryan come charging out to make the safe. Bryan looks particularly fired up as practically throws himself on top of Rollins and pummels away on the Shield member so rapidly that the latter isn’t able to throw a single blow back in retaliation as he scrambles frantically for safety to the outside. As Reigns squares off against Kane, Ambrose grabs Bryan and turns him around……and eats a big roundhouse kick to the temples! As Ambrose topples over like a rock, Bryan turns his attention to Reigns, who now has to fight off both Kane and the recovered Hurricane. For once it’s a Shield member who finds himself in a 1-on-3 situation, and Reigns finds himself on the receiving end of a big uppercut from Kane, a superman punch from the Hurricane and a big running dropkick against the turnbuckles from Bryan. Rollins manages to pull Reigns out of the ring to safety……or so he thought, before Bryan hurls himself through the ropes to take them both down on the outside! Rolling back into the ring, Bryan raises his hands and screams “YES! YES! YES!” with the crowd as Kane and the Hurricane embrace each other behind him. As the Shield beats a hasty retreat, Bryan turns around to face his partner……but he does not look pleased as he sees Kane and the Hurricane exchanging a hug……

Angles: The Shield demands a Tag Team Title shot. (Rating: A*)

The Hurricane returns and challenges the Shield! (Rating: A)

Team Hell No helps Hurricane fight off the Shield. (Rating: A)

-----

Coming up in Hour 2 of Monday Night RAW:

The Shield battles not only Team Hell No but also a re-united Team Hurri-Kane in a massive 6-Man Tag Team match! Will the Hounds of Justice continue their undefeated streak against the Tag Team Champions AND a team of former Tag Team Champions at the same time?

Alberto Del Rio faces Big E Langston in the Beat-the-Clock Challenge match!

Special interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin, to be conducted by Hall-of-Famer, Good 'Ol JR!

Contract signing between Stone Cold and Cody Rhodes for their big show-down at One Night Stand......where GM Sean Morley reveals the special stipulations for the match!

Stay tuned!

Greylocke · April 14, 2014

WrestleMania is over and this diary is approximately 1 year behind real time! Yeah, one year had passed and my game still hasn't progressed past the first month. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/redface.png.900245280682ef18c5d82399a93c5827.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> That has to be some kind of record. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Anyway, my internet access issue should be resolved by the end of this week. Will try to get my next update up then.

Greylocke · April 23, 2014

The Long-Overdue Monday Night RAW Hour 2 Report!

After the commercial break, Kane and the Hurricane are seen backstage reminiscing about the good old times when they were Tag Team Champions together, and the Hurricane tells Kane that he’s looking forward to teaming up with the Big Red Monster again when they take on the Shield in a 6-Man Tag Team match later tonight. Daniel Bryan walks into the scene to break this up as he clears his throat loudly and in a meaningful manner before telling the Hurricane to excuse them as he needs to speak to his current tag team partner and other half of the Tag Team Champions……alone.

The Hurricane takes the hint and leaves, telling Kane that they’ll talk again after the show. Kane looks annoyed by Bryan’s show of hostility towards Hurricane, and asks him what’s wrong with him. Bryan snaps back that nothing wrong with him, but Kane needs to remember that Bryan is the one who’s currently holding the tag titles with him, and not the Hurricane, and maybe he needs to keep that in mind the next time he goes around hugging other people. Kane looks bewildered and asks if that’s what Bryan’s upset about: Kane hugging someone else other than him? Is he jealous? Bryan snaps that there’s nothing for him to get jealous about. What he’s concerned about is the Tag Team Titles. In case Kane hasn’t heard, Sean Morley has just announced that Team Hell No will be defending their titles against the Shield at One Night Stand if the Shield can beat them in the 6-Man tag match later tonight, so Kane had better keep in mind who his real partner is, where his loyalty lies, and make sure that his little Superhero friend doesn’t screw things up for them tonight.

Kane tells Bryan that he and the Hurricane have teamed together in the past, and he knows for a fact that the Hurricane is reliable……which is more than can be said for Bryan. Bryan looks agitated by Kane insinuating that the Hurricane is a better partner than him, and screams that he can make that green masked moron tap out any time, any place. Kane tells Bryan that that’s exactly what’s wrong with him. They have a match against the biggest threat they’ve ever faced in the Shield, and like him or not, the Hurricane is their partner tonight, and all Bryan’s thinking about is trying to hurt the man who’s going to team with them. Bryan shouts that they don’t need the Hurricane to beat the Shield. He wouldn’t trust the Hurricane to beat anybody. Just look at the guy! He thinks he’s a Superhero. That guy is totally nuts! Speaking of which, why is it that Kane’s always having the craziest people as tag team partners? There’s his brother, who apparently walks around acting like some undead zombie; there’s that deranged Mankind, who’s got multiple personalities; there’s that male p0rn-star who dated a man; and now there’s this delusional superhero wannabe! What is he, anyway, some kind of magnet for crazy people? Oh, he forgets, maybe it’s just that Kane’s a deranged, twisted lunatic himself, and he guesses that’s why he draws in people like that!

Kane stares at Bryan and replies sarcastically, “Yeah, tell me ‘bout it!” Bryan realizes the implications, and tells Kane angrily that he’s nothing like the rest of Kane’s former partners, and all he had was some minor anger management issues, and that was resolved long ago! Kane finally gets tired of Bryan’s tirade and tells him that he doesn’t care if Bryan is crazy or not, he just wants to make sure they’ll get the job done later tonight! They’ve already seen several great teams comprising of some of the best individuals going up against the Shield, but the Shield beat them all, and you know why? It’s because, as good as those guys are, the Shield was simply the better team. So tonight, it doesn’t matter how good Bryan is, or how good the Hurricane or Kane is. What matters is that they need to be the better team. They need to work as a team. What Kane knows is this: he knows he can work with the Hurricane, because they’ve been Tag Team Champions before; and as much as he can’t stand Bryan at times, he knows he and Bryan can work with each other if they have to, because they ARE the Tag Team Champions. So the only question that remains is: can Bryan be enough of a professional to work with the Hurricane? Because if he doesn’t then they don’t stand a chance tonight, so he wants Bryan to think real hard about what his priorities are! In the meantime, he’s going to talk some strategies with the Hurricane for their match later, and Bryan can join them when he decides to stop acting like a petulant big kid! Kane then turns and walks off, leaving a disgruntled Bryan glaring after him before the latter throws a tantrum and screams “NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO!” as the camera cuts away.

Angles: Team Hurri-Kane reminisces backstage. (Rating: B+)

Team Hell No argue about Kane’s “loyalty”. (Rating: B+)

Elsewhere, Mark Henry walking through the backstage area with a purpose, and he finally finds what he’s looking for. Screaming for Matt Hardy to stop, the World’s Strongest Man walk up to Matt, towering dangerously over him and telling him that he heard Matt’s been running his mouth about him earlier. Did he call Henry a coward, and claim that he’s 10 times the man Henry ever was? How about he shows Matt how much of a man he can be right now?

Matt admits that he said those things, and you know what, he’s not taking any of that back! Mark Henry’s running away from his opponent, the same man that Matt Hardy himself came so close to beating on Superstars last week. Mark reminds Matt that he got his ass kicked, and Matt replies that at least he stood and fought like a man! Mark Henry doesn’t have the guts to do the same, and in fact, he’d better start running again because Ryback is right there behind him! Henry freaks out and runs for a few steps before he looks over his shoulder that realizes that Matt had him duped. Outraged, he tries to go after Matt, but a number of Superstars and officials get between the two of them. Henry screams at Matt to meet him in the ring, and they’ll see who’s gonna be running! Matt tells Henry that he accepts the challenge, and he’ll go to GM Morley to make the match official right now!

Angle: Matt Hardy accepts Mark Henry’s challenge. (Rating: B+)

Alberto Del Rio is then shown cutting a promo backstage about his upcoming “Beat the Clock Challenge” match. He acknowledges that it was pretty smart of Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger to choose Big E Langston as his opponent, pitting two of the threats to Swagger’s World Heavyweight Title against each other and letting them wear each other out. He says that they haven’t seen too much of Big E in the ring thus far, he’s only had 3 matches, but what little he’s shown has been very impressive, and one can only guess how much more the big guy is capable of, and how much more he’ll be able to accomplish when he gets better with more experience. And he knows Big E is hungry to get his first victory in the WWE. But unfortunately, he’s not going to get that victory tonight, because his opponent is Alberto Del Rio. The question is not whether Alberto will win tonight, but long it will take for Alberto to make Big E tap out and set the record time in this BTC Challenge!

As for Jack Swagger, he’s already chosen the opponent for the Real American Jackass, but he’s not going to reveal it yet. He wants to leave it as a surprise for Swagger and Zeb, because he doesn’t want to give them the opportunity to steal the opponent’s DNA sample so that Zeb can claim another long-lost brother and persuade Jack’s opponent to lay down for him……oh wait, who’s he kidding, that’s never going to work……not on anyone with brains, at least…….which sadly Ricardo clearly doesn’t have any……

At that moment, Del Rio is approached by Lilian Garcia, who tells him that she still hasn’t had the opportunity to properly thank Alberto for saving her from Fandango last week. Alberto kisses Lilian on the back of her hand and tells her gallantly that it’s his pleasure to help a lady. Lilian tells him that she’s prepared a “Thank-you gift” for him, and that she’ll present it to him later tonight, before his match. With a suggestive wink that Del Rio himself often uses, Lilian takes her leave.

Angle: Del Rio talks about BTC Challenge. (Rating: B+)

Lilian thanks Del Rio for help last week. (Rating: C)

Match: Mark Henry defeated Matt Hardy in 6:39 by pinfall with a World's Strongest Slam.

For the first time weeks, Henry looks like his usual aggressive self as he makes his way down the ramp accompanied by Mae Young. It seems like his anger towards Matt Hardy has, for the time being, blotted out his fear of Ryback, as for once he isn’t seen to be constantly looking over his shoulders. As the bell ring, Matt taunts the World’s Strongest Man by making a motion of “running away” with his fingers. Henry isn’t amused, and lunges for his opponent, but Matt sidesteps the lunge and proceeds to shower Henry with a series of rights and lefts to the face. Staggering the bigger man with the ferocity of his attacks, Matt comes charging off the ropes with a big running crossbody……and slams straight into a brick wall.

“THAT’S WHAT AH DO!” Mark Henry screams as Mae Young cheers him on in approval. Hauling Matt up to his feet by the hair, Henry wraps his arms around his victim and drives him back spine-first into the corner turnbuckles, then backs off before hitting a corner avalanche splash on his opponent, and then follows up with a short-armed clothesline that floors Hardy for a 2-count. Henry then comes off the ropes with a huge running elbow drop that would have flattened Matt, but Hardy rolls to one side at the last moment and Henry lands hard on his elbow. Hardy tries to capitalize on the miss, hitting Henry in the head with a series of low running dropkicks to knock him back down each time the World Strongest Man attempts to pick himself up. With the large man groggy, Matt quickly pulls himself onto the second ropes and performs his signature taunt before leaping off with a big elbow aimed at Henry’s skull…..and lands right in the arms of his opponent as Henry snares him in a Bear Hug! Mark roars in triumph as he proceeds to squeeze the life out of his victim. Matt struggles futilely against his opponent’s iron grip for some time, before resorting to sinking his teeth into his opponent’s arm out of desperation.

With shattering scream of agony, Henry drops Hardy and staggers to one side. As he leans against the corner holding his arm, his screams just keeps getting louder! The referee tries to check on his arm, but Henry is now cowering and screaming in a panic, telling the referee that he can’t continue. The referee finally manages to get him to uncover his arm, and sees that there’s no bleeding. The commentators wonder if Matt’s bite had really hurt Henry that much…….or did it simply remind Henry of how Ryback bit him on the arm at WrestleMania and brought back the horrible memories. The referee tells Henry that his arm really isn’t injured, but Henry insists that he’s hurt and can’t continue, and he appears to be almost on the verge of tears as he begs for the referee to declare him to be unable to compete. While they’re busy arguing, Matt seizes the opportunity as he slams into Henry with a huge running dropkick against the turnbuckles! With the big man stunned, Matt mounts the second ropes and pounds away on his head in the corner with a series of right hands, then grasps a front headlock before leaping back and driving Henry down face-first into the mat with a modified version of a DDT out of the corner.

Matt goes for the pin, but Henry kicks out on 2. Matt immediately slaps the front headlock back on to cut off his opponent’s air, and Henry slowly fades under the hold. After almost a minute, the referee lifts Henry’s arm to check if he’s still conscious enough to continue. On the 3rd and last check, Henry finally stirs to life and starts to battle his way back to his feet. Matt desperately hangs on to the front headlock as Henry slowly gets up and lifts Matt off his feet! Matt continues to hang on for a few seconds, until Mark, in a burst of effort, swings him up and slams him back down with such force that finally breaks the hold. Taking quite some time to get his wind back, Henry tries to pull himself up with the ropes, but Matt once again barrages him with a series of low running dropkicks to take him back down. He grasps Henry once again by the head before mounting the second ropes to drop him with a big tornado DDT! Matt goes for the pin and gets a 2.999 count as Henry literally gets his shoulder at the last millisecond! Mark groggily crawls for the ropes, and Matt catches him with a slingshot legdrop over the ropes, slamming down onto his neck out on the ring apron as the World’s Strongest Man sticks his head out from under the ropes!

Mae Young pleads for the half-conscious Henry to keep fighting as Matt poses proudly to the crowd outside the ring. Hardy turns and mocks Mae, telling her, “This is the man you want? I guess that’s the best you can possibly get, grandma!” Mae Young responds with a vicious slap to Matt’s face, which angers him. As Matt advances on the old lady, Henry finally stirs to life once more as he pulls himself out of the ring, grabs Hardy from behind, and throws him hard into the barricades! It seems that the sight of Hardy trying to put his hands on his beloved has finally angered the World’s Strongest Man to point of turning back to his aggressive old self! Henry picks up Hardy and military-presses him over the ropes back into the ring, then gets back into the ring himself and unleashes his wrath, flooring his opponents with huge clotheslines, another corner avalanche, and a big scoop slam that sets him up for a running splash off the ropes! This seems to have knocks all the air out of Hardy, and as he struggles slowly and dizzily back to his feet, the World’s Strongest Man scoops him up and plants him with the World’s Strongest Slam……

……for a 2-COUNT!!! Hardy just survived the World’s Strongest Slam by getting a foot on the bottom ropes! Henry is shocked as he questions the referee’s ruling, giving Matt the precious few seconds to recover and take his right leg out with a low dropkick to the back of his knee! Matt then seizes the kneeling Henry by the head and plants him with a huge Side Effect for another near-fall. Matt looks fired up and signals for the finish as Henry slowly struggles back up……then runs off the ropes with a big flying shoulder-block that staggers the big man! Even though Henry does not fall, Matt isn’t discouraged in the slightest as he continues to channel John Cena by hitting his opponent with a second flying shoulder. Matt then goes for Cena’s trademark spinning sideslam, but is only just barely able to lift the groggy big man off his feet by a couple inches, and forced to make do with a common back suplex. Still undeterred, Matt stands over Henry and waves his palm in front of his face, screaming “You Can’t See Me!” before running off the ropes and dropping the 5-Knucke Shuffle on Henry’s face! Matt then ”pumps up his boots” as he waist for Henry to get back up to his feet before trying to hoist the massive man across his shoulders for the Mattitude Adjustment. He manages the feat for a brief second before his back give out on him and he falls flat on his face with Henry on top of him. Shaking off his grogginess, Henry picks himself up, scoops up the lifeless remains of his crushed opponent, and hits him with a second World’s Strongest Slam to finally get the win.

“Mark Henry is improving in Rumble skills. Mark Henry is improving in Performance skills.” At the rate the old guys have been improving, maybe I should just put Mae Young back in the ring. She’ll probably develop into a better wrestler than “young talents” like the Usos in a couple months’ time. Seriously, screw the younger talents.

Rating: B

We cut to backstage again, and this time, Booker T is seen talking to Alicia Fox, who tells the Hall-of-Famer that she’s always been a big fan of his, and she even modeled her finishing maneuver after his trademark Axe Kick. She asks Booker if he can teach her a couple of moves. Booker is happy to oblige, but while he’s demonstrating a wrestling hold on the diva, his wife Sharmell walks in and catches them in what seems to be a “compromising position”. Booker realizes the awkwardness of the situation and hurriedly releases the hold and explains to his wife what he was doing. Sharmell tells Alicia coldly that she needs to talk to her husband in private, and the diva takes the hint and leaves. Booker isn’t happy with the tone his wife is using and reiterates that he wasn’t doing anything wrong behind her back. All he’s doing is obliging a fan’s wishes and teaching a fellow worker a move or two. Sharmell tells her husband that instead of wasting his time getting friendly with the divas, he ought to be putting more effort in getting a job! Does he know how hard she’s been working to get Booker on this show? Does he know how hard it was to convince Sean Morley to give Booker a spot on this week’s RAW? Booker tells his wife indignantly that he doesn’t need her to get him a job, and he’s not exactly thrilled with what they’ve been given tonight, either! Did she saw what happened on Scott Steiner’s talk show last week? Did she hear all the stuff he said to Vickie Guerrero? Why the hell would Sharmell want to put him and herself as guests on that talk show tonight? Does she expect him to stand there and take those insults from Steiner for 5 minutes like Vickie did? If that’s what he has to do to “get a spot” on tonight’s RAW, he’d rather not be there at all!

Sharmell says haughtily that Vickie Guerrero wasn’t a 5-Time WCW Champion, and that Steiner would know better than to treat them with that kind of disrespect. Besides, if Booker had done his job and actually beat Cody Rhodes and the Great Khali last week on Smackdown, he wouldn’t have had to be relegated to Steiner’s talk show. He would be hyping his big match against Stone Cold Steve Austin at One Night Stand! Booker looks irritated at the mention of last week’s match, and tells his wife that she’s been going on at him about the match for the entire weekend. He messed up last week, and he’s sorry, what more does she want from him? Sharmell tells Booker that she wants her man to be THE Man again. When she married Booker, she married a multi-time World Champion and bona fide legend and Hall of Famer, not just some retired and forgotten relic of the past. If he wants her to stop going on about his failures, than he’s better stop making these failures, and start reminding everyone again why he’s a multi-time World Champion. Show her that he’s still the MAN that she once knew and married!

Angles: Alicia is a fan of Booker. (Rating: C)

Sharmell wants Booker to become THE Man again! (Rating: C)

Back in the arena, Alberto Del Rio’s music hits as Lilian Garcia announces that it’s time for the first Beat-the-Clock challenge match of the night! As the Mexican Superstar makes his entrance, Lilian switches to Spanish as she gives Del Rio the special in-ring introduction that he’s been lacking ever since Ricardo Rodriguez turned on him at WrestleMania. Del Rio looks delighted at having his own special Spanish introduction again, and points to Lilian, nodding in appreciation at her and giving her his trademark wink as he enters ring. It looks like this is the special “Thank-you gift” she was telling him about earlier. Del Rio looks all pumped and fired up as he awaits his opponent in the ring!

Angle: Lilian does special introduction for Del Rio. (Rating: C+)

Match: Alberto Del Rio defeated Big E. Langston in 13:14 by pinfall. During the match we also had Fandango run in and attack Alberto Del Rio.

Big E overpowers Del Rio from the start as the two combatants lock up, pushing him all the way back into the corner before the referee calls for a break. Big E obeys the referee’s order to back off, knowing that the pressure is on Del Rio instead of him in this Beat-the-Clock challenge, and is therefore in no hurry. Del Rio tries to use his quickness to outmaneuver his opponent as he stays out of the big man’s reach while peppering him with quick stinging kicks to the legs and arms of his opponent. Big E finally puts a stop to it as he catches Del Rio by the leg……only to get nailed with a big enziguri to the side of the head by the other leg. Shaking off the blow, Big E rallies and charges his opponent, but Del Rio ducks down and low-bridges him by pulling the ropes down, and the big man goes tumbling over the ropes to the outside. As Big E picks himself up, Del Rio catapults himself over the ropes to take him back down on the floor!

As Del Rio gets up and poses in triumph, Fandango’s music hits! The man with the most difficult name to pronounce in the WWE comes dancing his way down to the ring, distracting Del Rio for a brief moment and allowing Big E to get back up to his feet. Del Rio turns back just in time to see Big E charging at him with a massive clothesline, and ducks the blow to narrowly avoid getting decapitated. Catching Big E with a spinning back heel kick to the guts, Del Rio rolls his opponent back into the ring before climbing to the top rope. Still glaring at the dancer outside the ring, Del Rio leaps off the top rope with a double-handed chop onto Big E’s back to take him down for a 2-count. As Del Rio tries to work on Big E’s right arm, Fandango continues to dance his way around the ring until he comes to where Lilian Garcia is sitting. It looks like he still hasn’t given up on trying to convince her to be his personal ring announcer. Lilian is seen shaking her head at his request, but Fandango refuses to be dissuaded, and as he appears to be getting more forceful, Lilian tries to get up and leave, but Fandango blocks her way and slowly backs her all the way to the front of the announcers’ table…….when Alberto Del Rio comes flying through the ropes with a huge dropkick that sends Fandango sprawling across the desk! Del Rio then turns and bows gallantly to Lilian before getting back up on the ring apron……only to come flying off again, this time thanks to Big E, who comes crashing into him with such force that the Mexican Superstar is sent crashing into the side of the announcers’ table.

Lilian checks on Del Rio in concern, then backs off in fear as Big E exits the ring and stalks over to his fallen opponent. Picking up his limp opponent, the big man drives Del Rio spine-first into the ring apron, then into the ring post, before rolling him back into the ring. At least Del Rio’s timely intervention hasn’t been in vain, as a couple minutes later, Fandango, who’s apparently too dazed to continue pushing Lilian for her service, is assisted to the backstage area by a trainer. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Big E continues working Del Rio’s injured back, picking him up and hitting him methodically with three consecutive backbreakers across his knee, apparently taking his time as he watches the timer go up, each passing second causing Del Rio’s chances of winning the BTC Challenge to grow ever slimmer. Getting a 2-count off the backbreakers, Big E maintains his focus on his opponent’s weakened back, pummeling with elbow drops, knees and even headbutts to damage it even further. Big E then hits another backbreaker, but this time instead of letting after that, he continues to hold Del Rio across his knee, stretching his back and putting ever more pressure on the spine. After several moments of agony, Del Rio fights back with well-aimed kicks to the head despite his awkward positions, and manages to loosen the hold. With Big E seemingly dizzy from the series of kicks to the head, Del Rio runs for the ropes for a rebound attack……but Big E charges right after him and nearly bisects him with a HUGE tackle through the ropes! Both men land with a wince-inducing THUD on the outside, and neither is quick to get up, but Del Rio clearly got the worst of that landing, as he still appears down and out when Big E gets up at the count of 6. Deciding to get his win in the ring rather than be satisfied with a countout win, Big E rolls his opponent back into the ring, but only manages to get a 2-count off the pin.

Setting his opponent up in the corner, Big E charges in and crushes Del Rio’s ribs as he drives his shoulders into them with a massive spear! He then whips Del Rio across the rings and hurls him spine-first into the turnbuckles with suck force that Del Rio rebounds off it into a huge belly-to-belly suplex from the big man. Signaling for the finish, Big E runs across the ring and goes for a big splash off the ropes……but Del Rio manages to move out of the way at the last moment, buying himself precious time to recover as Big E almost knocks himself out with the missed splash! Once again, both men are slow to get back to their feet, and Big E makes it first as he stumbles over to his opponent to pull him up. Del Rio fires back with a series of kicks to the ribs of Big E that just got bruised from the missed splash, driving the big man back and capping it off with a roundhouse kick to the side of the head that has the big man tottering on the brink of collapse. Del Rio charges off the ropes for a final knockdown blow, but Big E catches him and launches him 3 feet into the air and sends him crashing down face-first to the mat. Big E then comes off the ropes himself and comes down with the big splash on top of Del Rio……for another 2-count!

Looking rather surprised that it didn’t get him the victory, Big E pulls his strap down and signals for the Big Ending. He stoops to drag Del Rio back to his feet, but Del Rio grabs his arms and hits a jumping armbreaker! Staggering back and holding his arm in pain, Big E leans against the ropes briefly to regain his bearings before charging back to the attack, but Del Rio sidesteps the corner splash attempt and sends the big man crashing into the turnbuckles. Before Big E can recover from the collision, Del Rio runs up and delivers a huge running enziguri kick to the same injured arm! As the big man goes down on one knee, Del Rio seizes the arm and locks on the Cross Armbreaker!

Howling in agony from the painful submission hold, Big E struggles against it for nearly a minute, and looks like he’s about to tap as the timer reaches the 10-minute mark. Abruptly, the big man struggles back up to his feet, lifting Alberto Del Rio clean off the mat by sheer power, with the latter still clinging on to the Cross Armbreaker. With a roar, Big E slams Alberto back down onto the mat with tremendous force, finally breaking the submission hold. Still favouring at his injured arm, Big E staggers over to his stricken opponent and stoops to pick him up……and Del Rio tries to lock on the Cross Armbreaker again! This time, they’re standing close to the ropes, and Big E quickly grabs a handful of ropes to for a rope-break. Unwilling to release the hold, Del Rio wriggles under the ropes and continues to stretch Big E’s arm out over the ring apron for a full 4-count before letting go to avoid disqualification. Pulling himself up on the apron, Del Rio makes his way unsteadily to the corner and climbs to the top rope before leaping off to take Big E down with a missile dropkick! He slaps his own arm to signal for the Cross Armbreaker again, but this time Big E powers out of the attempt and shoves him into the ropes before turning him inside out with a massive lariat!

Screaming in triumph, Big E scoops the limp body of Del Rio up onto his shoulders for the Big Ending……but Del Rio slips out and counters with a Backstabber! As a kneeling Big E clutches at his back in agony, Del Rio drills him in the side of the head with a Superkick! Big E topples over like a rock and Del Rio dives for the cover……for another 2-count. Del Rio stares at his opponent in utter disbelief and frustration as the clock continues to run. Unable to figure out what else he can do to Big E to keep him down, Del Rio grabs him by the arm to go for the Cross Armbreaker yet again, but this time Big E blocks his attempt with brute force. The two combatants struggle against each other for several seconds with neither side seeming to be able to gain the upper hand, and Del Rio finally abandons the attempt……and promptly flips over to the other side of Big E and seizes his other arm for the Cross Armbreaker! Once again, Big E blocks Del Rio’s attempt to take him down and fully lock on the maneuver, but the veteran Del Rio quickly transitions his move into a La Magistral Cradle that traps Big E in a pinning combination just long enough to keep him down for a 3-count! Del Rio has finally gained a hard-fought victory, setting the clock’s time at 13:14, which is the amount of time Jack Swagger will have to beat later on tonight, in his own Beat-the-Clock challenge match!

Rating: B

Backstage, Jim Cornette is seen doing his little “sales pitch” to Wade Barrett. Cornette tells Barrett that he’s just the kind of competitor he needs, a former legitimate bare-knuckle fighter, just the kind of guy who can help bring credibility and respect to the brand that he and his band of “crusaders” are looking to build. Barrett tells Cornette that he’s honoured by the invitation, and that he’s always had much respect for Jim Cornette, and quite frankly, there are a lot of things Cornette has said about the state of this business that Barrett can’t help but agree with. But as far as Cornette’s offer goes, his answer is-

Barrett never gets to finish his sentence, because at that moment the Miz comes charging into the scene and tackles the former bare-knuckle fighter to the floor, raining blows down on his head and face and screaming that this is for what he did to Ric Flair! There’s little Barrett can do but to cover up and try to block the ferocity of Miz’s attack. Cornette screams for help, and officials and agents quickly rush into the scene to attempt to separate the two men on the floor. Even with their joint efforts, they barely manage to keep the 2 men apart, especially the Miz, who continues to scream abuses at Barrett as he’s held back by the sea of people before the camera cuts away.

Angle: Cornette makes offer to Barrett, and Miz attacks. (Rating: B)

Heading back to the ring, Good ’Ol J.R. is now standing in the centre of the ring, where his special interview set has been set up, and the Hall-of-Famer announces that Stone Cold Steve Austin has just arrived at the building and will be here any time now! No sooner has the words left his lips than the sound of breaking glass fills the arena! The crowd goes crazy as the Rattlesnake makes his entrance, swaggering to the ring and posing on every corner with his trademark middle-finger salute to everyone while J.R. goes into Vintage JR mode with ecstatic screams of “STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!” at everything the Rattlesnake does. The music finally dies down, and Austin heads over to the centre of the ring to begin his interview……except J.R. still seems to be in full mark-out mode as he continues to scream “STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! BAH GAWD STONE COLD!” in a voice that’s rapidly going hoarse and isn’t showing any signs of stopping. Austin stands there staring at his old friend with a look of amusement on his face for several more minutes before he finally reaches out and slaps JR across the face to finally snap him out his mode of StoneColdgasm. JR apologizes for his behaviour, and tells Austin he just can’t help himself whenever he sees old friend, and thanks him for slapping him out of it.

The interview finally officially begins, and JR tells Austin that it’s great to not only see him back in the WWE, but more importantly, that he’s finally ready to get back into the ring again and whoop some ass like the good old times. But as excited as he knows everyone is about it, he’s sure that what many people want to know is……why? Why has Steve Austin chosen to return to the ring now? Does this have anything to do with what Brock Lesnar said to him 2 weeks ago on Smackdown? Does he resent the fact that he got retired by the Rock? And was this why he and Lesnar had attacked the Rock on that very same night on Smackdown?

Austin says that first, he’d like to make one thing perfectly clear: the Rock never retired him. He just happened to be the last person to get his ass whooped by Stone Cold Steve Austin before Austin decided to take a break from the business. Stone Cold Steve Austin will whoop ass whenever he wants to, and no one but Stone Cold gets to decide when and where, not the Rock, not Vince McMahon, not Sean Morley, and sure as hell not these bunch of sorry excuse for people here in Raleigh, North Carolina! Stone Cold is coming back to the ring because Stone Cold chooses to, and it doesn’t matter who the “WWE Universe” had voted for, because Stone Cold is certainly not going to have those idiots tell him who to fight. However, as it is, he’s actually happy with the choice the fans had made. They chose Cody Rhodes to be his punching bag, and quite frankly that’s the one Austin wants fight.

Austin says that the people have always known this about him: there’re 2 things Stone Cold Steve Austin likes to do more than anything else in life, drinking some beer, and whooping some ass! But what they hadn’t known before is this: he enjoys whooping a b*tch’s ass more than any other kind of ass! He also enjoys doing other things to those asses, but that’s beside the point now. What’s important now is this: Stone Cold watched WrestleMania 2 weeks ago, and on that night, he saw a man named Cody Rhodes put on women’s clothing to get in the ring to whoop some b*tch’s ass. Not that it’s what Stone Cold would ever do himself, but he got this say: that Cody Rhodes got some guts, and he’s got some creativity. That’s exactly the kind of guy Stone Cold wants to fight when he makes his official comeback in the ring: a man after his own heart, a man who’s willing to go to extreme measures to gain the satisfaction of giving a good ass-whooping to those pair of b*tches called the Funkaducks, or whatever their names are. That’s the only kind of man worthy to step into the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin; not that hen-pecked sorry excuse for a man Booker T who lets his wife call all the shots, and probably takes all the shots too; not that dumbass giant Khali who has to make a fool of himself just to get some bimbo girls to agree to kiss him. When Stone Cold Steve Austin wants some from a b*tch, he takes it whether the b*tch wants it or not! And Cody Rhodes, clearly, is a man who understands that. But most importantly, the biggest reason why he’s agreed to come back for this match-

The Rattlesnake is interrupted by the theme of “Smoke and Mirrors” as an angry-looking Cody Rhodes makes his way down to the ring, trailed by the Divas’ Champion, Kaitlyn! Before he enters the ring, Cody is seen telling Kaitlyn to stay outside the ring so that she is out of Stone Cold’s reach, but Kaitlyn refuses, insisting on getting in with him. Cody obliges, but positions himself protectively between Austin and Kaitlyn when he gets into the ring. Calling for a mic, he tells Steve Austin that he’s not going to sit back there and listen to Ausitn paint him as the kind of sick perverted brute that Austin is! Cody Rhodes is nothing like Steve Austin, and he’s not proud of what he did at WrestleMania. That’s why at One Night Stand, Cody is going to beat the hell out of Steve Austin to prove the difference between the two of them. He’s going to redeem himself for all the wrongs he did to the divas and punish the b@stard who preyed on the divas’ division.

Steve Austin looks amused and tells Cody that he understands what this is all about, and quite frankly he can appreciate the deviousness of Cody. Whooping a b*tch’s ass is all well and good, but sometimes a man needs a change in flavour, and he wants some willing lass. He was a married man once, and he understands perfectly. In time, however, Cody will find out that it’s still a hell lot more satisfactory to do it the good-ol-fashioned way. That’s best way to “break those b*tches in”, if you know what he means. You see, 2 weeks ago on Smackdown, Stone Cold was about to break that Kaitlyn chick in himself, but when he saw Cody coming down to her rescue, he saw what Cody’s trying to do, and he wants Cody to have the satisfaction of doing that himself, so he left the b*tch untouched for Cody. However, judging by Cody’s actions in recent weeks, it looks like he can do with a little guidance from the Texas B*tch-Pounder, so maybe after their match at One Night Stand, Cody can bring Kaitlyn over to his hotel room, where Stone Cold can give Cody a physical demonstration of how it’s done!

An enraged Cody makes a move to attack Austin, but JR gets between them, reminding Cody that GM Morley has made it clear that there is to be no violence between them tonight. That what Cody agreed to, much like how Austin has agreed not to lay a hand on Kaitlyn or any diva tonight. If either of them violate the agreement, the match at One Night Stand will be canceled! The crowd boos loudly at this, and Cody tells JR that he’s going to do his best to control himself just so that he can have the satisfaction of kicking Stone Cold’s ass live on Pay-Per-View. But Austin needs to shut his mouth about Kaitlyn. Austin says that he has no problems keeping his mouth shut when it comes to b*tches, because it’s always the b*tches who have to open their mouths for him when he works on them! Once again, JR has to hold Cody back as the latter tries to make a lunge at the Rattlesnake. Tauntingly, Austin tells Cody that he can see Cody likes his b*tche’s ass round and chubby, obviously so it’s all the more satisfying when he punctures-

“THWACK!”

BIG SLAP TO AUSTIN’S FACE!

The slap didn’t come from Cody (who’s still held back by JR), but from the Divas’ Champion herself! Michael Cole and King remind everyone that Kaitlyn hasn’t been bound by any non-physicality rule like Cody or Austin, and King wonders if what Kaitlyn did is enough to set Austin off and cause the match to be canceled. Austin looks stunned for a few moments, then grins as he rubs the spot where he got slapped. He tells Kaitlyn that he’ll let that go tonight, because it’s going to be all the more satisfying at One Night Stand when she has to pay the price. As Cole and Lawler wonder what he means, out comes GM Sean Morley with the contracts in his hands. The GM tells both competitors in the ring that he thinks this is quite enough, and before everything gets out of hand and the fans lose the match that they want to see, he wants to get these contracts signed so the match is official and done with. Entering the ring, he places the contract in front of Cody.

Still staring daggers into Stone Cold, Cody barely looks at the contract as he signs his name on the dotted line before shoving it aggressively at Austin. Still grinning in amusement at Kaitlyn, Austin takes the contract and likewise signs without so much as a glance at the contents. Retrieving the contract, GM Morley then passes it to Kaitlyn, telling her that, just like they agreed before, Kaitlyn will be allowed at ringside in Cody’s corner, and that since this was at her own request, any harm that comes to her is not the company’s responsibility, and he needs her to sign this waiver to relieve him and WWE of the responsibilities. Glaring at Austin, Kaitlyn takes the contract and signs it as well.

Satisfied, Morley turns to the crowd and announces that it is now official: at One Night Stand, it will be Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Cody Rhodes……in a One Night Stand Special Challenge! Cody and Kaitlyn look confused at the name of the match, but Austin just grins in amusement, as if this is what he’s been expecting all along. Morley tells Cody that he’d meant this to be a surprise treat to the fans, but he needs to thank Cody for coming out earlier and interrupting Stone Cold from revealing the biggest reason why he agreed to accept this match. You see, like Morley said earlier, every match on One Night Stand will have a special stipulation, and this one is no different. Quite frankly, when Stone Cold Steve Austin suggested the stipulations to him last night, he had no idea how appropriate it was going to be for their new PPV’s name. You see, by signing this contract, Cody and Kaitlyn have just accepted the stipulations demanded by Stone Cold. The match at One Night Stand will be No Disqualifications, No Count-out and No-Holds-Barred, just like most of the other matches on the card……but most importantly, the stipulations state that if Stone Cold were to win, he gets to spend the night with Kaitlyn in the hotel room! Cody and Kaitlyn are shocked as the crowd explodes in a buzz of reaction. Laughing at the success of his ploy, Austin flips them both off as he leaves the ring arm-in-arm with the GM while his music plays in the arena. Cole and Lawler sound just as shocked as Cody, who is now seen trying to comfort the stunned Kaitlyn and telling her that he won’t let anything happen to her, while we go into commercial break.

(“The performance of Steve Austin was fantastic. Jim Ross is learning to show more charisma (??). Jim Ross is developing better performance skills.” All those increasing bouts of StoneColdgasm have really enhanced JR’s acting ability! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! BAH GAWD STONE COLD!)

Angles: JR interviews Austin on his match. (Rating: B)

Cody/Austin contract signing. (Rating: A)

GM Morley announces new stipulations. (Rating: A)

Match: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns defeated Kane, Daniel Bryan and The Hurricane in 13:51 when Roman Reigns defeated The Hurricane by pinfall with a Spear.

The Hurricane tries to start the match for his team against Seth Rollins, but Daniel Bryan is having none of it, telling the Superhero to leave the ring and let him start. The Hurricane tries to reason with him, but Bryan gets agitated, screaming, “NO! NO! NO! I’M THE TAG TEAM CHAMPION!” Looking confused by his partner’s hostility, the Hurricane shrugs and exits the ring. Even as he’s doing so, an opportunistic Rollins sneaks up behind Bryan and rolls him up to gain a quick 2-count. Recovering quickly despite the surprise attack, Bryan rolls out of the pin and seizes his opponent by the arm to put him in the No Lock, but Rollins wriggles free before he can secure the hold. Both getting back to their feet simultaneously, the two competitors circle each other warily for several seconds before locking up. Bryan scores a quick take down and after a quick series of hold exchanges between the two on the mat, gains the upper hand, and puts Rollins in a Bow-and-Arrow-style surfboard, stretching his opponent for a while before double-stomping the back of his knees to the mat. Finally getting free of the hold, Rollins scrambles frantically for his corner and makes the tag to Ambrose. Ambrose charges into the fray, but runs straight into a deep armdrag takedown from Bryan, who drags him by the arm into his own corner. The Hurricane reaches for the tag, but Bryan withdraws his hand and screams “NO!” at the Superhero before deliberately tagging in Kane.

Kane fires away on Ambrose with big right hands and uppercuts before whipping him into a neutral corner and following up with a huge clothesline that sandwiches his opponent between the turnbuckle and himself. He backs up and goes for a second one, but Ambrose catches him with a boot to the face. Ambrose tries to capitalize on his as he comes charging out of the corner, but Kane catches him coming and scoops him up into a sidewalk slam……which the Ambrose in turn counters by flipping out of it and landing on his feet. Ambrose launches himself off the ropes at the Big Red Machine……who meets him on the way with a huge uppercut that sends him tumbling back into his corner. Roman Reigns reaches out and makes the tag, getting in the ring to stand defiantly in front of Kane. He roars a challenge, and Kane responds with another big uppercut that staggers the Shield’s powerhouse. Driving him back with a series of right hands, Kane goes for an irish whip, but Reigns reverses and shoots Kane into the ropes. The Big Red Machine comes back with a big shoulder-block, but Reigns does not budge from it. He poses triumphantly at Kane and challenges for him to try again. Kane takes him up on it and tries for a second shoulder-block off the ropes, but this time Roman mirrors his move and scores first with a big shoulder-block of his own that knocks the monster off his feet! Roaring in triumph, Roman launches himself at a rising Kane with a Superman Punch, but Kane ducks devastating attack before turning and sending Reigns tumbling over the ropes out of the ring with a big clothesline!

Roman lands on his feet outside the ring, but the force of the clothesline sends him staggering back all the way into the security barrier before he regains his footing. Incensed by this setback, Roman tries to rush back into the ring, but his stablemates hold him back from his rash actions and manage to calm him down. After some discussion, Roman gets back to his corner and tags Rollins back in. Rollins tries to use his quickness to outmaneuver his opponent, peppering the Big Red Monster with hit-and-run attacks. Kane finally manages to catch Rollins coming off the ropes, and hoisted him over his shoulder for a Snake’s Eye on a corner turnbuckle, but Rollins slips out and dropkicks Kane from behind to send him face-first into the corner. As Kane leans dizzily against the ropes in the corner, Rollins run up on him from behind and launches himself over the ropes, seizing Kane’s left arm in the same fluid motion and tugging it down hard over the ropes! Screaming in pain, Kane staggers back out of the corner, clutching his hamstring, and Rollins uses the opportunity to climb quickly to the top turnbuckle before leaping off at his opponent……straight into a big uppercut! Still grimacing from the damage done to his arm, Kane drags Rollins by the arm and drags him back to his corner.

Both Bryan and the Hurricane reach for the tag simultaneously, the former glaring malevolently at the latter. After pausing briefly to consider his options, Kane tags the Hurricane, which does not sit well at all with Bryan. Bryan starts screaming, “NO!” repeatedly at his partner, telling him that they are supposed to be partners. Looking tired of Bryan’s behaviour, Kane begins to argue with Bryan, allowing Rollins to use the distraction to pull himself free and run for his corner! The Hurricane quickly gets into the ring and runs after Rollins, but Ambrose comes charging in from the opposite corner, and the Superhero floors him with a flying forearm. Continuing to rush towards his opponent’s corner to stop him making a tag, it looks like the Hurricane is going succeed……only to find out that Rollins had been somewhat playing possum, as he turns and catches the oncoming Hurricane with an inverted STO that drives the masked man face-first into the turnbuckles! Meanwhile, in Team Hell No’s corner, Kane is still in the ring arguing with his partner until the referee reminds him to leave the ring. Only then did Team Hell No realize that the Shield has now gained control of the match while they were busy arguing among themselves, as Roman Reigns now tags back in and proceeds to dismantle the isolated Superhero.

In Vintage Shield fashion, the Hounds of Justice dominate their isolated opponents with rapid tags and double-teams, quickly wearing down the WWE’s Resident Superhero. Kane motions for the crowd to join him as he stomps the steel steps and shout encouragements to his old tag team partner. Seeming a little rejuvenated by the crowd’s cheers, the Hurricane starts to battle out of the corner with a flurry of punches to all 3 members of the Shield. But as he tries to stagger for his own corner, Ambrose, the legal member of the Shield’s team, grabs his mask and pulls it out of place, temporarily blinding the Superhero, and allowing Ambrose to drop him with a face-plant. With his opponent seemingly down and out, Ambrose mounts the second ropes in a corner and measures up his opponent as he waits for the Superhero to rise. Ambrose leaps off the second ropes just as the Hurricane makes it to his feet……and the Superhero catches him by the throat with one hand! With a tremendous surge of effort, the Superhero lifts Ambrose off his feet and plants him with a chokeslam! Too exhausted to make the cover, the Hurricane crawls for his corner while Ambrose lies stunned on the mat. Kane reaches eagerly for the tag, but Ambrose, who’s much closer to his corner, is able to turn over and tag in Rollins as the Hurricane is little more than halfway across the ring. Racing across the ring, Rollins nails Kane with a big dropkick that sends him crashing off the ring apron. Rollins then turns and heads for the struggling Hurricane……who somehow manages to summon up the strength to fling Rollins over his head with a huge back body drop! The Hurricane makes a desperate dive for his corner, and for all his animosity towards the Superhero, Daniel Bryan has no wish to throw the match for his team, and he reaches out to receive the tag even as Rollins tags in Reigns in the opposite corner.

Charging across the ring and ducking a huge lariat from Reigns, Bryan gives Rollins a taste of his own medicine and he dropkicks the Shield member off the ring apron. He turns around jus in time to catch Reigns with a drop-toe-hold that sends him face-first into the turnbuckles, then dropkicks Ambrose off the apron as well! He then kicks the ropes into Reigns’ hamstring as the latter lies slumped against then, then seizes the arm and drags Reigns out of the corner for the No Lock. Reigns powers right out of the move, however, and whips Bryan into the corner, but Bryan does a backflip to land behind Reigns before flooring him with a flying rebound clothesline! Kipping back up to his feet to the enthusiastic cheers of his fan, Bryan heads into the opposite corner as Reigns struggles to pull himself up by the ropes, and delivers not one, but TWO consecutive running dropkicks to his opponent in the corner! Ambrose gets back into the ring and lunges at Bryan, but the latter sidesteps the wild rush and lets the Shield member goes crashing into his own partner Reigns. As Ambrose stagger back from the inadvertent collision, in comes Kane, who grabs him by the throat for a Chokeslam! Rollins comes flying off the top rope at Kane to save his partner, but the Hurricane intercepts him in mid-air with a hand around his throat! Seeing that Kane and the Hurricane have their opponents set up for stereo chokeslams, Daniel Bryan seems to get upset at the fact that the two of them look more like a team than he and Kane. Not wanting to look like the “odd one out”, Bryan tries to imitate his partners as he grabs Roman Reigns by the throat for a chokeslam! This costs him, as Reigns quickly break the grip on his throat by literally forcing Bryan’s hand off his throat! With a roar, he grabs the shocked Bryan and hurls him backwards at Kane, who quickly releases Ambrose to catch his partner, giving Reigns the opening to drop him with a huge SUPERMAN PUNCH! Meanwhile, distracted by what’s happening to his partners, the Hurricane allows Rollins to break the hold on his neck as well, and drop him with a leaping enziguri kick.

Recovering his balance, Daniel Bryan finds himself surrounded by 3 opponents as both his partners lie down and out. With a scream of rage, Bryan fires out with whirlwind-like kicks, holding all 3 opponents off for several seconds with the sheer intensity of his attacks before Reigns catches his leg in mid-kick and hoists him up before dropping him with a sick-looking powerbomb. Much to the powerhouse’s surprise, Bryan kicks out on the count of 2, stubbornly refusing to stay down. Dragging Bryan back to their corner, the Shield continue their tried-and-true isolation tactics to punish Bryan, at one point almost seeming to have the match won when Reigns delivers a flying boot from the floor outside that slams hard into Bryan’s head on the ring apron, but Kane manages to get back into the ring just in time to break up the 3-count. Frustrated at how the match has gone for his team, the Big Red Machine fires out at Ambrose and Rollins with big right hands, knocking the both off the apron, despite not being the legal contestant in the ring. He turns back towards his corner……and walks right into Reigns, who hoists him up to his shoulders and plants him with a thunderous Samoan Drop! Screaming in triumph at his display of power, Reigns stoops and drags Daniel Bryan back up to his feet……and Bryan surprises him with a big roundhouse kick to the side of his head! Reigns topples over like a rock, and Bryan struggles to reach his corner. With Kane still down from the Samoan Drop, Bryan is left with little option but to tag in the Hurricane. Climbing to the top turnbuckle swiftly, the Superhero dives off with a huge crossbody onto Reigns for a near-fall. Getting back up quickly, the Hurricane counters the attempted interference from both Ambrose and Rollins, superkicking the former off the ring apron and backdropping the latter over the ropes back out of the ring. He turns and mounts the second ropes, grabbing the groggy Reigns and planting him with a tornado DDT off the ropes! This almost gets him the 3-count, but Ambrose and Rollins rush back into the ring to break it up at the very last moment.

Rollins and Ambrose beat down on Hurricane for a few seconds before Kane gets back into the ring. The Big Red Machine floors Ambrose with a big boot and charges at Rollins, but the latter ducks down and pulls the ropes down, causing Kane to fall over his head and over the ropes to the outside! As the monster picks himself up, Ambrose charges across the ring to a waiting Rollins, who helps catapult him over the ropes on top of Kane to take him down! Daniel Bryan then comes flying off the top turnbuckle with a missile dropkick to take down both Rollins and Reigns. Ambrose crawls back under the ropes into the ring, but Bryan catches him coming and blasts him with a series of kicks to the chest while he’s till on his knees, screaming “NO!” with each kick. He pauses briefly before going for a final knockout kick to the skull, but Ambrose ducks and quickly rolls out of the ring. He clearly thinks he’s escaped Bryan’s wrath……but not for long, as Bryan races across the ring and dives through the ropes on top of him to take him down on the outside!

Bryan goes to help Kane get back up, but that’s when Rollins in turn comes charging across the ring as well, vaulting himself full over the ropes with a somersault senton to take them both out! Back in the ring, the Hurricane gets back to his feet and sees the carnage outside, with all 4 competitors struggling to barely regain their footing, and decides to join the fun. Looking to the crowd, who roars its approval, the Hurricane comes charging across the ring for a dive to the outside as well……only to be intercepted on the way by Roman Reigns, who breaks him in half with a SPEAR before pinning him for the abrupt win.

Rating: A

Once again, the Shield celebrates a huge victory, having just earned themselves a shot at the WWE Tag Team Titles at One Night Stand. As the commentators speculate on which 2 members of the Shield would actually be competing for the titles, the Hounds of Justice surround the fallen Hurricane in the ring, and their bad intentions are clear. As Reigns rears back and performs his signature pose and roar, Rollins and Ambrose start to pick the Superhero up for the Triple Powerbomb……and gets interrupted as Kane gets back into the ring and lays into all 3 Shield members with big right hands. The valiant stand does not last long, as Ambrose finds an opening and takes out Kane’s right leg with a chop block, and all 3 members immediately converge on the monster like a pack of hyenas. Beating down the large man quickly, the Shield looks like they are about to select Kane as their next victim for their Triple Powerbomb instead……and Daniel Bryan interrupts, diving into their midst and flailing at anything that moves. Unfortunately, once again, the 1-on-3 attack is quickly overcome by superior numbers, and as the Shield seize Bryan as their next victim, it looks like this time there’s no one to come to his aid……

……until the music of the Usos hit, and out comes the twin sons of Rikishi as they charge down the ramp, clearly intent on avenging the sneak attack they suffered at the hands of the Shield last week on Main Event! Rollins and Ambrose leave the ring to meet the new adversaries, and as a wild brawl breaks out at ringside, Reigns is about to join his partners when he senses that something is wrong. Turning around, he is just in time to see Evan Bourne come flying off the top rope with a diving knee to the face! Scrambling back up quickly, Reigns looks up again and sees the rapidly descending figure of Kofi Kingston just before the latter floors him with a Superman Punch off the top rope! As Reigns rolls groggily to the outside, both members of Air Boom comes diving over the ropes onto the mass of humanity outside the ring, and bodies go spilling all over ringside to the delight of the crowd!

The Shield try to rally, but for once the 3-on-1 disadvantage is against them, and even their attempts to make a hasty retreat are foiled, as their enemies gang up on them and force them back into the ring. As Air Boom, the Usos, Team Hell No and the Hurricane swarm the ring after them and beat them down relentlessly to the mat, each of them get to dish out their own brand of “justice” to the Hounds, as Dean Ambrose takes a double-thrust kick to the chin from the Usos, Roman Reigns eat a double-dropkick from Air Boom, and Rollins falls victim to a double-chokeslam from Kane and the Hurricane! As the Shield finally manages to escape from the ring, Daniel Bryan realizes that he’s the only one who’s been left out of the flurry of double-team attacks on the Shield, as the Hurricane took what (he felt) should have been his place in the double-team effort with Kane! Outraged, he starts screaming “NO! NO! NO!” at both Kane and the Hurricane as the Shield retreat into the crowds while the Usos and Air Boom look on with bemused expressions on their faces.

“This segment suffered as it came across as a let-down after the previous segment. The Hurricane performed poorly in this segment. Jimmy Uso looked lost out there. Jey Uso did not come out of this looking good.” This is what I get for trying to involve my young midcarders into my major storyline and give them something to do. They did nothing but drag down the rating for one of my major storylines. Jey, Jimmy, you want to know why I don’t “use” you more? This is why! The next time I hear you complain about the lack of TV time, you’re gonna get hell from me.

Angle: Triple-tag team assault on the Shield! (Rating: C+)

******

Coming up in Hour 3:

- Jack Swagger faces an unknown opponent in his Beat-the-Clock Challenge match! Will he be able to beat Alberto's record of 13:14?

- Christian takes on the Big Show, whose Ironclad Contract will be terminated if he walks out of his match!

- Booker T and his wife Sharmell to appear as the guests on the 2nd edition of Scott Steiner's new talk show - the Steiner Recliner!

- And last but not least Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman calls out Triple H! Will the Beast finally gets his rematch against the Game at One Night Stand?

Greylocke · May 20, 2014

Monday Night RAW: Hour 3 Report!

Backstage, Triple H is seen arriving at the building, no doubt to answer Brock Lesnar’s challenge, when he runs into his old buddy Shawn Michaels. Looking surprised to see HBK here, HHH asks Shawn what he’s doing here. Michaels tells Hunter that he’s doing what he’s always been doing: showing his support for his best friend and standing by his side when he faces Lesnar and Heyman, just like how he did at WrestleMania. Triple H tells Shawn that he thought he made it clear to Shawn that it was supposed to be the last time. Shawn is retired, and his wife Rebecca has been calling Triple H and asking him why he keeps putting her retired husband into harm’s way. Shawn tells Triple H that it’s how all wives behave, and Hunter should know better than him. Wasn’t it Stephanie who denied Brock’s challenge on his behalf? Shawn’s doing exactly what he knows Triple H intends to do: put his woman in his place and make his own decision like a real man, and he wants Triple H to know that he has his back when he goes out there to accept Brock Lesnar’s challenge.

Before Triple H can answer, Stephanie shows up and asks Shawn “is that so?” Steph tell Shawn that she hates to disappoint him, but that’s not going to happen, because her husband will be going out there to do the right thing and deny Paul Heyman’s challenge, because he knows his first responsibility is to his family, something which Shawn should probably be considering right now. Triple H asks Stephanie if she’s heard what Paul Heyman has been saying about him over the week. Stephanie tells her husband that she didn’t hear it because she’s not listening, and neither should he. Paul Heyman can talk his way into anything, Hunter should know better than to pay any attention to him. Shawn tells Stephanie if that’s what she wants her husband to be: a coward who runs from the big scary beast? Stephanie tells Shawn that HHH has nothing more to prove, he’s already beaten Brock at WrestleMania, and besides, surely what happens between her and her husband is none of Shawn’s concern. Shouldn’t he be at home looking after his own family like a responsible family man that he supposedly retired to become? Shawn looks upset, and tells Steph that her husband might never beaten Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania if Shawn hadn’t made it his business to be HHH’s corner. Steph asks if Shawn is implying that her husband needs Shawn to fight his battles for him. Shawn tells Steph that he sees what she’s doing, but she’s not going to drive a rift between him and Hunter. Hunter knows as well as him that together, the 2 of them can’t be stopped. That’s why he’s going to in Triple H’s corner at One Night Stand to help ensure that his best friend beats Brock Lesnar again, just like he did at WrestleMania!

Triple H looks exasperated at both his wife and his best friend and silences them with a shout of “ENOUGH!” He tells HBK that Steph is right: he doesn’t need anybody to help fight his battles for him. Shawn is retired and his first responsibility is with his family, no matter how much he craves to be back in the spotlight again. Shawn looks upset at this and asks Triple H if that’s his way of telling him that he’s no longer wanted. Triple H thinks he doesn’t need HBK? Last week on RAW, he sent Shawn away with Big Kev to the hospital, and what happened? That’s right, the Shield kicked his ass! He still thinks he doesn’t need Shawn or the Clique? They’ll see about that!

As Shawn storms off angrily and Stephanie looks smug, Tripe H turns to her and tells her that Shawn is right, too. He can make his own decisions, and he’s going to do it himself tonight like a real man. Steph will stay right here in the back tonight and watch him go out there and accept Brock Lesnar’s challenge. Steph screams her protests shrilly, but Triple H tells her that his decision is final, and nothing she does can possibly stop him. Steph tells him that actually, she can stop him. She doesn’t want to do this to him, but Triple H has forced her hand. As a principal owner of the WWE, she has the power, and the only reason Triple H is COO is because of her family’s influence over the company and the Board of Directors. She knows her dad will be on her side, too, and together they are more than capable of stripping him of his position as COO. Without that position, HHH is nothing more than another contracted Superstar in the WWE, and he does not have any power to make matches for himself. So the match is not going to happen no matter what Triple H does, so tonight, Triple H will stay right here in the back while she goes out there and denies Paul Heyman’s challenge……for the last time!

Angle: 3-way argument between HHH, HBK & Steph. (Rating: A)

Back in the ring, Scott Steiner has set up the scene for his new talk-show, sitting comfortably in a recliner chair. Welcome to the Steiner Recliner! He’s Scott Steiner……and You’re FAT! That’s right, he talking about the FATASSES sitting right there in the PNC Arena! It’s fitting that his show should held in the city of lazy fat slobs like Raleigh, North Carolina, and those FATASSES are privileged tonight, not only to see Big Poppa Pump and his largest arms in the business, but also his guest for tonight, so get up off your FATASSES for a second to welcome the 5-Time WCW Champion, 6-time World Heavyweight Champion, Hall-of-Famer: Booker T!

Booker makes his entrance to a decent pop, followed by……or rather following his wife Sharmell. Booker enters the ring to shake hands with Steiner, but before he can say a single word, Sharmell takes the mic from him and tells Steiner that before he asks any question, she wants to emphasize that the only reason Booker accepted the invitation to Steiner’s guest tonight is because he wants to remind everyone who he is: a 5-Time WCW Champion, 6-Time World Champion, former King of the Ring, multi-time Intercontinental, US and Tag Team Champion. It’s a joke that these fools voted for Cody Rhodes over Booker as their choice for Steve Austin’s opponent at One Night Stand. Booker is seen trying feebly to take the mic back from his wife, throughout her speech, but without much success. Steiner tells Booker that it’s clear his wife hasn’t been satisfied with his performance lately, and quite frankly she has a point. Booker and him go way back, and he knows Booker was one of the most accomplished man in the business. So why is it that the fans chose not to vote for him? Have they really forgotten who Booker T is? Maybe they have, and there can only be one reason for this: just like all the people here in North Carolina, Booker’s grown FAT!

Sharmell, of course, takes instant offence to this, and starts screaming at him, but unlike Booker, Steiner has no qualms about forcefully ripping the mic out of her hand. Booker looks displeased at Steiner’s actions, but he holds Sharmell back as she lifts a hand to slap the Freakzilla. Steiner tells Booker that age and retirement haven’t been kind to Booker, and unlike Steiner himself, Booker clearly has neither the natural gift nor the drive to keep himself in shape. That’s why he lost his match to Cody Rhodes last week, and that’s why the fans refuse to vote for him. Who would want to vote for a FATASS whose only claim to superiority now is to be able to make his rounds to the buffet table not once, not twice, but 5 TIMES, 5 TIMES, 5 TIMES, 5 TIMES, 5-

This time, it’s not Sharmell who slaps Steiner across the face, but Booker himself! The crowds pops as Booker stands over a shocked, fallen Steiner, looking like he’s tempted to continue the attack. Behind him, Sharmell is screaming for Booker to destroy Steiner, and Big Poppa Pump now raises his hands to beg off, slowing crawling backwards away from the incensed Hall-of-Famer. Finally, Booker manages to control his rage, and turns away. He tells his wife that they’re getting out of here. Sharmell is not happy with his decision, and a furious argument breaks out between the couple……interrupted abruptly as Steiner gets up behind Booker and nails him from behind! Caught off-guard, Booker falls forward into his wife, and both go down in a heap. Steiner stomps on a downed Booker furiously for several seconds before Booker rouses himself sufficiently to fight back. At the first sign of resistance, Steiner bails and leaves the ring, retreating up the ramp as a concerned and frantic Booker checks on his unconscious wife, who seems to have been knocked out when her husband was knocked into her. As Booker screams for doctors to come to his wife’s aid, Steiner shows a hint of regret as he watches from the ramp, while we head into commercial break.

Angles: Steiner Recliner w/ Booker and Sharmell. (Rating: C+)

Sharmell gets knocked down by accident. (Rating: C+)

Back from the break, World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger is now in the ring with Zeb Coulter as they await the opponent Alberto Del Rio has chosen to face Swagger in his upcoming Beat-the-Clock match! The announcers inform us that Sharmell has been taken to a local hospital, but she does not appear to be in any mortal danger, and they will keep us updated on her condition. Meanwhile, Swagger looks fairly confident as he watches the entrance for his mystery opponent……until the music of US Champion Antonio Cesaro hits! Alberto has chosen the man who came close to beating Swagger on 2 separate occasions, and whom Swagger have “disqualified” from his Real American Challenge last week. Swagger does not look pleased at having to face the US Champion again as Cesaro eagerly enters the ring for his match.

Angle: Swagger’s opponent revealed. (Rating: B+)

Match: Jack Swagger drew with Antonio Cesaro in 13:14 when the time limit expired.

Knowing that he not only has to win, but also to beat his opponent within the 13:14 timeframe, Swagger makes an aggressive lunge for his opponent as soon as the bell rings……which is exactly what Cesaro is anticipating, and the World Champion walks right into a series of heavy uppercuts from his opponent. Skilfully ducking and dodging Swagger’s dazed and wild swings Cesaro scores his shots with not only power, but also with pin-point accuracy, quickly driving his opponent all the way back into the corner. Groggy from the series of high-impact blows, Swagger is unable to get out of the way as Cesaro backs up before slamming into him with a charging uppercut against the turnbuckles. With Swagger literally tottering on the edge of collapse, Cesaro drags him out of the corner and positions him for the Neutralizer in the centre of the ring! At the last moment, Swagger recovers enough senses to pull himself free and roll hurriedly out of the ring to regroup. Cesaro doesn’t look too upset at Swagger’s escape, and just laughs at Swagger and points at the clock displayed on the Tron to remind the World Champion that he’s losing more time the longer he stays outside the ring.

Zeb Coulter hurries over to whisper words of encouragement to his champion before Swagger warily gets back into the ring. This time, as he approaches his opponent, he tries for a quick go-behind and takedown before reaching for his opponent’s ankle to set up his Patriot Lock, but Cesaro maneuvers quickly out of the attempt, and after a series of hold-trading between the two, Cesaro comes back up on his feet……holding Jack by the legs in position for the Cesaro Swing! Swagger grabs frantically for the ropes, and luckily for him, they’re close enough to the edge of the ring, and the World Champion seizes the ropes with both hands and screams for the referee to back Cesaro off. As Cesaro obligingly releases the hold to a chorus of disappointed boos from the crowd, Swagger once again rolls out of the ring to reconsider his strategies with Zeb, while looking at the Tron in frustration as he knows the clock is ticking down even as they talk. This time, their discussion is interrupted as Cesaro chooses to take the initiative, and launches himself over the ropes onto the World Champion!

Pulling a dazed World Champion back to his feet, Cesaro drags Swagger over to the edge of the ring and slams his head into the apron. Coulter screams verbal abuses at Cesaro, distracting for a brief second……which is just enough for Swagger to lift Cesaro off his feet and drop him knee-first into the steel steps! As Cesaro hobbles around the ring in pain, a vicious Swagger pursues him and grabs his leg before slamming it into the apron to increase the damage. As he goes after the leg a third time, however, Cesaro sends him staggering back with a stinging uppercut to buy himself some time. Stunning Swagger with a couple more uppercuts, Cesaro rolls Swagger back into the ring before getting pulling himself onto the apron with some difficulty due to his bad knee. He starts to get back into the ring himself, but as he’s stepping through the ropes, Swagger pounces, and wrenches his injured knee over the ropes! With his opponent stricken by pain, Swagger goes to suplex Cesaro back into the ring……but Cesaro resists the attempt, and even starts to reverse it as he lifts Swagger briefly off his feet in an attempt to suplex him OUT of the ring! Swagger barely manages to wriggle free, however, and scores with a hard kick to Cesaro’s bad knee before finally managing to hurl Cesaro over the ropes with a belly-to-belly suplex into the ring.

With his opponent down and hurting, Swagger naturally zooms in on the leg that he himself injured, wrenching, stretching and stomping on it for over a minute, using the ropes illegally to increase the damage whenever he can get away with it. Cesaro tries to battle back on a couple of occasions, at one point making it back to his feet……only to go down again as Swagger takes out his injured leg again with a diving shoulder-tackle. Cesaro then manages reach the side to grab a handful of ropes, which prompts the referee to order a break, but Swagger instead tries to pull Cesaro back off the ropes by force. With a mighty tug, he succeeds in yanking Cesaro off the ropes, but Cesaro somehow manages to flip over and land on his feet in an amazing display of athleticism……which is unfortunately insufficient to bring him out of his slump as Swagger immediately catches him with a huge boot to the face to knock him back down! Finally, dropping Cesaro near the corner with a huge belly-to-belly powerslam, Swagger takes a running leap onto the second ropes before hitting the Swagger Bomb on Cesaro! Immediately, he gets back up and tries to do more damage with a second Swagger Bomb, but this time Cesaro somehow finds the strength to catch the descending Swagger in his arms, rise back to his feet, and hit a hug tilt-a-whirl backbreaker across his knee! The crowd explodes from this display of power, as Swagger writhes in pain on the mat. Unfortunately, Cesaro seems to have performed the move on his bad knee, and both men are down for several seconds, each trying to be the first to make it back to his feet as we close in on the 7th-minute mark.

Both men are up at the referee’s count of 8, and begin to slug it out in the centre of the ring. After trading heavy blows for nearly half a minute, Cesaro gains the upper hand, as he throws out vicious uppercuts at a rapidly faster pace and Swagger is soon too dazed and reeling from the strikes to retaliate at all! Driving Swagger all the way back into the ropes, Cesaro goes for an irish whip, which Swagger manages to reverse……only to fall prey to a springboard flying uppercut off the rebound that knocks the World Champion off his feet! A dropkick and a huge double-footed stomp to the gut later, Cesaro grabs both of Swagger’s legs and positions him for the Cesaro Swing as the crowd roars its approval! This time, no amount of struggling on Swagger’s part can get him out of it as Cesaro swings him around for nearly 2 full minutes before dropping him on the mat. Swagger somehow retains the survival instinct to roll himself out of the ring before Cesaro can follow up the attack, but he’s slow to get up despite Coulter’s urgings. As the referee reaches the count of 9, Swagger is still barely on his knees and struggling to pull himself up despite the aid of both Coulter and the security barrier. It looks like he may well lose by countout at this point……but Cesaro stops the referee’s count. It looks like the US Champion wants more than just a countout win, he wants a pin over the World Champion! Against the referee’s objections, Cesaro rolls out of the ring, grabs Swagger, and guides him back to the ring apron……where he slams Swagger headfirst into it, which certainly doesn’t help the champ find his bearings. Getting back into the ring, Cesaro reaches out and drags Swagger onto the apron……then climbs onto the second ropes, deadlifts Swagger off the apron, and super-plexes him high over the ropes into the centre of the ring! The crowd counts along with the referee in anticipation, but Swagger somehow manages to get a shoulder up at the count of 2!

Looking a bit surprised by the World Champion’s resilience, Cesaro goes out to the apron again, this time to climb to the top rope for a high-risk maneuver. His bad knee is clearly slowing him down, and once again Zeb Coulter makes his presence felt as he gets on the ring apron to distract Cesaro. Swagger uses the distraction to rush up to the turnbuckles to go for a belly-to-belly superplex off the top rope, but Cesaro powers out and pushes Swagger off. However, once again his injured knee takes him longer to regain his balance on the top rope, and Swagger manages to pick himself up and rushes to the corner again, this time to take Cesaro’s bad leg out from under him with a heavy blow so that the US Champion falls and lands awkwardly in the corner. Swagger seizes the opportunity and springs up to the second ropes to drop another Swagger Bomb on top of Cesaro, then immediately follows up by seizing the bad leg to put on the Patriot Lock! Cesaro turns and reaches for the ropes, but Swagger is already pulling him away from the corner and the ropes. As Cesaro battles to pull himself free, Swagger once again drops down to the mat and grapevines the leg, and the commentators bring up the fact that this was how Swagger managed to get Cesaro to tap out in a tag match a week ago. This time, however. Cesaro looks determine to fight through the pain, stubbornly refusing to submit no matter how much Swagger wrench on his injured leg. With less than 2 minutes now left on the clock, Swagger looks visibly frustrated as he gets back to his feet while still grasping on to Cesaro’s ankle, and lifts a foot to stomp on the bad knee. This proves to be his downfall, as Cesaro seizes the instant where Swagger’s leverage is lessened with one foot off the mat, and makes a desperate lunge forward that finally brings him to the ropes! Swagger screams in frustration as the referee orders him to break the hold. He tries in vain to pull Cesaro off the ropes, but has to let go when the referee threatens to disqualify him.

Glancing again at the clock urgently, Swagger pulls the straps of his gear down and grabs Cesaro for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Cesaro slips out and lands on his feet behind the World Champion, then spins Swagger from and picks him up with a gutwrench of his own. Dumping Swagger over his head with a gutwrench suplex, Cesaro then keeps his arms locked around Swagger’s waist as his rolls back up on his feet before lifting Swagger again to hit a second gutwrench suplex, then a third! There’s now less than a minute left on the clock, and Swagger looks too dazed from the trifecta of suplexes to press his attacks, but now it seems like Cesaro wants to “Beat the Clock” as much as Swagger does, as he picks up the dazed World Champion to position him for the Neutralizer! Swagger struggles desperately out of the predicament as he counters with a backdrop, but Cesaro in turn counters by flipping over Swagger and rolling him up with a sunset flip. Swagger counters by rolling out of the pinning predicament and seizing Cesaro’s leg for another Patriot Lock attempt, but Cesaro then counters with an Inside Cradle, which Swagger powers out of before the referee can get into position. Both men then made the same decision to charge the other as they get back to their feet, only to collide head-first with each other, causing both to go down in a heap as the time finally runs out. The match is draw……but this means Swagger has failed to beat the Clock, and Alberto Del Rio will get to pick the stipulations for their World Title match at One Night Stand! Neither men look pleased at the result, but Cesaro manages to take some pleasure from the fact that he helped Swagger’s enemy get the better of him. As Swagger leaves up the ramp in frustration with Coulter, Cesaro is seen gesturing at Swagger from the ring, taunting that he came “this close to beating the World Champion.

Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro have great chemistry, and it showed in their performances. The match suffered because of the lack of selling on display.

Rating: A*

Next, we are shown a recap of what took place on Main Event last week, when the Shield took out GM of the Week Edge by triple-powerbombing him through the announce table. The commentators give the fans an update on Edge’s condition, saying that even though his life is in no danger, it is still unknown if he will be able to walk again, as the damage to his already-injured neck has caused a temporary paralysis, and the Hall-of-Famer will be out for an undetermined amount of time.

Angle: Update on Edge. (Rating: A*)

We then cut to backstage, where Christian, who will be facing the Big Show up next, is being interviewed about his best friend’s condition. Christian says that he did try to talk Edge out of the match, but his best friend refused to be swayed, and he felt responsible for what happened to Edge. He promised that he will get revenge on the Shield in good time, but tonight, he has a giant task that Edge has already set for him. Tonight, he faces the Big Show, whom Edge booked in a match against him last week. Christian says that even though the Shield are the ones directly responsible for what happened to Edge, he believes Big Show shares some of the blame. It was the Big Show who openly defied Edge’s power as GM last week by walking out of his match with Roman Reigns. It was Big Show who made Edge feel the need to prove himself as a man again by challenging his authority and power. Tonight will be the first step of his mission to get back at all those who put his best friend in such predicament. Tonight, he dedicates his match to Edge. Tonight he will slay the giant, and no amount of ironclad contract clauses are going to save him. Tonight, he will compete in the last match that his friend made for him last week, and he will not fail him!

Angle: Christian dedicates his match to Edge. (Rating: A*)

Match: Christian defeated The Big Show in 10:12 by count out.

While Christian is a Man on a Mission with vengeance in his mind, Big Show’s mood isn’t much better either, as the giant is clearly upset at being forced to compete in a match and having his ironclad contract status challenged by the GMs. The giant goes after Christian aggressively the moment the bell rings, but Christian just manages to stay out of his reach by utilizing his quickness, ducking and weaving under his grasp and frustrating the giant. After nearly a full minute, the Big Show finally seems to have his opponent cornered. He goes for his trademark big slap to the chest, but Christian somehow manages to escape again and duck under his arm, slipping behind him, before nailing the giant with a stinging slap to the face as he turns around! Infuriated, the Big Show charges at Christian in a blind rage, and gets lured into a drop-toe-hold that sends him face-first into the corner turnbuckles. As the Big Show groggily pulls himself to his feet, Christian nails him from behind with a big running dropkick, staggering the giant and ramming him into the turnbuckles once more! As Big Show staggers back out of the corner, Christian is already on his away to the top rope at the adjacent corner, going for a high-flying move to take the giant off his feet. He leaps off the top turnbuckle at his opponent……and gets swatted out of the air as the Big Show catches him in mid-air with a massive slap to the chest!

Shaking off the effects of the collision earlier, Big Show turns and sees that Christian has fallen out of the ring, clutching at his chest and gasping for air as he leans against the ring apron for support. Walking over to the side of the ring, the Big Show reaches down and palms Captain Charisma by the head with one massive ham-like hand and lifts him right off the floor onto the apron! Christian retaliates by grabbing his head and snapping the giant’s neck over the ropes. As the stunned giant stumbles back, Christian quickly gets back into the ring to press his advantage, taking out the giant’s right leg with a low dropkick to the knee. With the giant down on one knee, Christian presses his attack relentlessly, nailing Big Show in the head with kick after kick to keep him down. Big Show finally staunches the tirade of attacks as he catches Christian’s foot in mid-kick and sends him sprawling across the ring with another big slap to the chest. Christian comes back up on his feet almost immediately, however, and comes charging off the ropes at the Big Show while the latter is struggling back to his feet……and the giant literally bisects him with a gigantic SPEAR that finally puts an end to Captain Charisma’s tirade of offenses.

Still somewhat dazed from the attacks earlier, Big Show is slow to go for the pin, and only gets a 2-count, but the giant now controls the pace of the match, and he locks on an abdominal stretch to work the midsection that had suffered massive damage from his Spear. When Christian refuses to quit, the Big Show clamps one massive hand over a sore spot on his injured ribs to increase the pressure. Captain Charisma endures the pain for over a minute as he reaches up and claws futilely at his opponent to break the hold. Finally, by luck, he reaches his opponent’s face, and rakes him across the eyes to finally force the break. Christian turns and lunges for his opponent……but jumps right into a massive Bearhug, allowing the Big Show to continue the punishment on his abused ribs as the giant squeezes the air out of his smaller opponent mercilessly. Christian finally breaks free once more by literally biting his opponent right in the nose. Landing on his feet, he bounces off the ropes and hurls himself at his opponent, but this time runs into a giant boot that almost takes his head off! Determined to finish off the pesky nuisance, Big Show drags Christian to the nearest corner and proceeds to climb to the second ropes, looking to squash his opponent with a Vader Bomb. At the last moment, Christian rolls out of the way, narrowly avoiding certain death as the giant practically knocks himself out on the mat.

Struggling back to his feet, Christian takes advantage of his stunned opponent, catching the rising giant with a series of clotheslines, but the giant barely budged from any of the. Undeterred, Christian climbs to the second ropes and comes off with a missile dropkick that finally sways the giant. Before the Big Show can recover his balance, Christian makes his way to the tope rope and comes off with a huge European Uppercut that finally takes the massive man off his feet! Clapping his hands to rally the crowd, Christian signals for the KILLSWICTH, but the giant powers out and counters with a back suplex. Christian slips out and lands on his feet behind the giant, but staggers backwards from the fatigue and unable to launch an immediate counter-attack. Big Show tries to capitalize on this as he rushes to squash Christian against the corner. At the last moment, Christian slips through the ropes and counters with a pendulum kick to the face. He then grabs the stunned giant by the head, and quickly mounts the second ropes for a tornado DDT, but once again the giant powers out even as Christian kicks himself off the second ropes, literally hurling the smaller man halfway across the ring. Christian somehow manages to land on his feet again, and catches the charging giant with a drop-toe-hold that sends him neck-first into the middle ropes. In a Vintage Christian moment, Captain Charisma then launches himself over the ropes to land on the floor outside before slapping Big Show hard across the face!

With the giant reeling from the blow, Christian climbs to the top rope again to finish him off……only to jump right into the massive hand of the Big Show, who catches him by the neck and lifts him up for a giant Chokeslam! Christian somehow manages to counter the deadly move in midair and turn it into a giant DDT, driving the Big Show’s face into the mat for a nearfall! The crowd is all fired up as an adrenaline-pumped Christian circles into the corner and signals for the Spear, prompting the audience to break into chanting the name of the move as Christian gestures eagerly for the Big Show to get back to his feet. Instead of doing so, however, the Big Show rolls under the ropes to the outside, much to the disappointment of the crowd. As the giant tries to use the opportunity to regroup, Christian climbs to the top turnbuckle and launches himself at his opponent with a massive flying crossbody! The Big Show manages to catch his flying opponents in his arms, but as he tries for a powerslam on the floor, Christian slips out and lands behind him before shoving him head-first into the ring post! Christian then tries to force his opponent back into the ring, but Big Show is too big to be moved against his will, and the giant counters by hurling Christian into the steel steps! The Big Show then balls up his fist and goes for the WMD, but Christian ducks out of the way at the last moment, and the giant ends up driving his fist into the steel steps! As he clutches at his hand and howls in pain, Christian uses the opportunity to roll back into the ring and prepares for a baseball slide on the giant, but Big Show scurries out of the way before Christian can pull off the maneuver. Christian stops himself as Big Show stumbles away from the ring. Still clutching at his hand, the Big Show starts to walk back to the ring as the referee reaches a count of 6, but as he reaches the side of the ring, he abruptly changes his mind and walks away. Before Christian can pursue him, the referee completes his count, and awards the match to Captain Charisma via countout!

The announcing quality wasn't up to the same standard as the match. This match lifted the crowd.

Rating: A*

As the Big Show walks away from the ring, the announcers talk about how Show has done the very thing that he’s been forbidden to do: walk out of a match, and wonder if GM Sean Morley will carry out his threat and declare his ironclad contract to be null and void. Big Show, doesn’t appear to be worried. In fact, he seems to be looking pretty smug and proud of what he did as he shakes his finger at a disappointed Christian tauntingly while he backs up the ramp……until he’s attacked from behind by Sheamus, who comes charging down the ramp from the entrance behind him and proceeds to batter the surprised giant from wall to wall. The crowd erupts as Big Show is driven back down the ramp by the sheer ferocity of the Celtic Warrior’s attacks, and Sheamus slams the giant’s head into any available hard surface his can find at ringside before rolling the stunned Big Show back into the. As the giant tries groggily to stand, Christian rushes up and slams into him with a massive SPEAR! Not even this deadly maneuver is sufficient to topple the giant immediately, but the force of the blow sends him reeling as he stumbles around right into a BROGUE KICK! This not only takes the giant down but sends him tumbling out of the ring in a daze. As the giant once again retreats up the ramp, beaten and embarrassed by his foes, Christian and Sheamus stand tall in the ring in celebration as the Celtic Warrior’s music plays throughout the arena.

Angle: Sheamus Brogue-Kicks Big Show. (Rating: A)

After the final commercial break for the night, Brock Lesnar and his ‘advocate’ Paul Heyman make their way down to the ring as they await Triple H’s answer to their challenge. Paul Heyman gets on the mic and announces that tonight, we will finally learn the real answer to the question on everyone’s mind. And no, the question is not whether or not Triple H will accept the challenge to face his client Brock Lesnar inside Hell-in-a-Cell. Because, c’mon, let’s face it, we already know that Triple H isn’t going to accept that challenge. Tonight the big question that’s going to be answered is this: is Triple H a real man? Is the Cerebral Assassin going to come out here and personally admit like a real man that he’s afraid to face the Beast inside HiaC? Or is he going to hide behind his wife again and use her as an excuse not to take the match? Will we be hearing from the mouth of the Game himself, or from the woman who actually wears the pants in the family? So come on out now, Triple H, this is your last opportunity to prove to the world that you can speak for yourself! Or send out your wife like you did last week, and prove to everyone that you’re coward that Brock Lesnar already know you to be!

At that moment, the camera cuts to backstage, just in time to see Stephanie McMahon coming out of her office. Before the door closes, the Billion Dollar Princess is seen issuing a stern instruction to someone inside the room (presumably her husband): “You stay right here. I’m going to handle this.” With that, she shuts the door and heads down the corridor, seeming towards the ring to answer Paul Heyman’s challenge. As she walks past a set of double-doors, however, the doors suddenly spring open, and out comes a masked man dressed all in black who seizes her from behind by the neck! Stephanie is dragged screaming and kicking through the door that turns out to be the entrance to the parking lot. As Stephanie struggles helplessly against her captor, who seems to be dragging her towards a black car in the distance, John Cena rushes into the scene and runs after them, shouting at the captor to let Stephanie go. Slowed down by having to bring a struggling woman with him, the mysterious kidnapper is unable to move fast, and it looks like Cena is about to catch up with them……when he gets blindsided by a second masked man, who seems materialize out of nowhere and attacks Cena from behind with an iron bar! Caught unawares, Cena takes a big shot to the knee and falls over painfully. He struggles to get back up again, but the injury in his knee prevents him from catching up with the 2 captors, who have now reached the car and are busy shoving a screaming Stephanie into one of the backseats. As they do so, Triple H is heard shouting at them to let go of his wife. The camera pans to reveal the Game running towards the car from a different direction, but is still way too far to reach it before the kidnappers succeed in forcing Stephanie into the backseat before getting into the car themselves the driving off. Reaching a spot only a couple of seconds after the car has sped off, Triple H picks up the iron bar that the second captor had dropped on the floor and hurls it after the car in one last desperate move, but the missile falls short by a few inches, and the Game can only watch helplessly as the mysterious kidnappers make off with his wife as RAW goes off the air!

Angles: Heyman and Lesnar call out HHH. (Rating: A)

Stephanie gets kidnapped backstage. (Rating: A)

HHH fails to stop abductors. (Rating: A)

OVR Rating: A* (This show can be considered a success, it should have increased our popularity.)

*****

Overall show-grade is good, but a rather disappointing show actually. The Usos' ineptitude just sucked the heat out of one of my major storylines, but even the big stars aren't quite pulling the ratings that's normally expected of them in my angles this week. All of my regular reliable A* players like Cena, Austin, Triple H, HBK, Lesnar and Heyman aren't pulling the A*s in this show for some reason, and HHH/Lesnar storyline has been consistently at A* until this week. And of course, the Shield still fails to show the same magic that they seem to have in RL and lack the ability to carry midcarders to truly great matches. Only the exploitation of the good chemistry between Swagger and Cesaro ensured that I got my A* show this week. I had been rather looking forward to the roster split which I had been planning to build Main Event and Superstars into their own brand, but this just killed my enthusiasm somewhat. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/frown.png.e6b571745a30fe6a6f2e918994141a47.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> Hopefully, things will get better from here.

Greylocke · June 18, 2014

So, over the past week, I found out one of the saddest news concerning the WWE that I've heard in years......

3MB is no more!

Thus ends the WWE's greatest trio in history. It is only of some slight comfort to me that Heath Slater, the icon and Showstealer of the group, is still in the WWE. Nevertheless, WWE will never, ever be the same again without this trio of greatness. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/frown.png.e6b571745a30fe6a6f2e918994141a47.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

When I first started this diary, I actually made a promise to myself that this awesome trio will be featured on my main shows (RAW and Smackdown) at least once each week, just like Shane Russo promised Jeff Jarrett. Their recent departure in RL has only strengthened my resolve to see that to the end.

The memory of 3MB shall live on forever!

------

WWE Headlines:

Best 2 out of 3?

This past week on RAW, the Shield won themselves a shot at the WWE Tag Team Titles when they added yet another huge win to their undefeated streak in 6-Man Tag matches, defeating the team of the returning Hurricane and the Tag Team Champions, Team Hell No! But while the Hounds of Justice seem to be unstoppable as a trio, it remains to be seen whether they can show the same dominance when competing as a regular 2-men tag team. With only 2 of them eligible to compete for the titles at One Night Stand, the Shield has yet decide which 2 of them will be getting the shot. However, we may soon find out if they are as good in regular tag matches as they are in 6-Man Tag matches, as throughout the rest of the week the Shield will be competing against 3 different tag teams, each via a different pairing of its 3 members. The 1st of these matches will take place on Superstars, as Seth Rollins teams up with Roman Reigns to take on Tonnes of Funk! Will the Hounds establish themselves as legitimate contenders to the tag titles without the presence of a 3rd member? Tune in and find out!

Conspiracy to be unmasked?

Last week on Superstars, the Miz TV was crashed by the appearance of the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar, seemingly right before the Miz was about to reveal some “video evidence” involving Paul Heyman and John Cena. Since then, the Miz has yet to speak of what he was about to reveal that night, seemingly distracted by the vicious assault on his idol Ric Flair at the hands of his rival Wade Barrett. However, right after RAW this past week, the Miz has finally broken his silence, revealing that he will speak more on this issue this week on a very special edition of Miz TV on Superstars. What incriminating evidence will the Host of Miz TV present to the WWE Universe against Heyman? Find out on Superstars!

Also on this week:

After seeing his wife sent to the hospital this past Monday night on RAW, former Smackdown GM Booker T now has a fire lit under him as he swore to prove to himself and his wife that he’s still the champion he used to be. Having already been granted a match against Scott Steiner, the man inadvertently who injured his wife, for this week’s Smackdown, Booker will make the first step towards gaining his redemption as he faces the man who beat him one week ago on Smackdown and the man who won the fan votes this week, Cody Rhodes!

Will Ryback received another shot at the WWE Title after the controversial ending to his title match last week? Who will John Cena be defending his title against at One Night Stand? Sean Morley has promised to make a major announcement that will resolve at least one of these questions before the end of his tenure as GM!

How will Triple H react to the mysterious kidnapping of his wife Stephanie on this past Monday Night on RAW?

Before facing each other for the Divas Title on Smackdown, Kaitlyn and Natalya team up to take on the team of Alicia Fox and Aksana on Superstars!

-----

Announced card for this week’s Superstars:

The Shield (Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins) vs Tonnes of Funk

Booker T vs Cody Rhodes

Kaitlyn & Natalya vs Alicia Fox & Aksana

Updated card for WWE One Night Stand:

World Heavyweigtht Championship match (stipulation TBA by Alberto Del Rio on Smackdown): Jack Swagger © vs Alberto Del Rio

One Night Stand Special Challenge: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Cody Rhodes (w/ Kaitlyn) – *if Steve Austin wins, he gets to spend the night with Kaitlyn!

Monster’s Ball Match: Mark Henry vs Ryback

(Stipulation TBA): Sheamus vs The Big Show

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