WWE Goes WrestleCrap - **** Sells!

[Greylocke]

“But, Mr McMahon……why me?”

 

I stared across the table into the eyes of the multi-millionaire who owns the world’s biggest pro wrestling company, still half-convinced that this is all a big joke.

 

“Why not you?” If this was a joke, the chairman of the WWE is doing a great job at keeping a straight face. But then again, this is Vince McMahon. Telling a good lie is probably second nature to him, anyway.

 

“Well, for a start, I have absolutely no experience in booking a wrestling show……”

 

“Sports Entertainment.”

 

“……or a Sports Entertainment show, for that matter.”

 

“But that’s just it.” The millionaire leans forward earnestly. “You see, boy, I have no use for ‘experts’. I have no use for guys who have learnt the limits of ‘possibility’. I don’t want people with all those pre-conceived notions of ‘what will work’. I want someone like you. I read those ideas you submitted. I want someone who thinks like you.”

 

I almost groaned aloud at the mention of those ‘ideas that I’d submitted’. It had seemed like a mildly funny joke at the time. After all, did anyone really believe that that Vince McMahon was even going to read those entries in the mini-competition hosted on WWE.com personally, much less take any of them seriously? Certainly, if I did, I would never have submitted what I wrote.

 

“I’ve spent year after year trying create shows that the ‘fans’ will enjoy, that the public will deem ‘acceptable’, that the kids will find it ‘cool’, that the parents won’t find ‘inappropriate’, that media will deem ‘worthy of mainstream attention’, that the government can’t use as excuses for persecution…….and you know what, I’m sick of all that. Hell, I’m Vince McMahon, and I can do whatever the hell I want. And from now on, that’s exactly what I’m going do! To hell with the fans, the critics, the media……I don’t care what they think. From now on, I’ll be running shows that I enjoy, and that’s all that matters! I’ve spent almost my entire life building up WWE into the global juggernaut that it now is, and I think it’s about damn time that I have some fun with it!”

 

I listened to the rant with my mouth half-open in bewilderment, completely at a loss for words. It was only when he fell silent and looked at me expectantly that I managed to squeeze out the question again. “But……why me?”

 

“Like I said, I like the way you think. Clearly, just like me, you have little care for what others think, for what they’d find offensive. I like your……your audacity. All those ideas you submitted on WWE.com prove that you have the potential. You just need to……tweak them a bit more. Add on to them. Turn them up a notch, so to speak.”

 

“You want me to make them even sillier and more offensive?” I blurted, then almost kicked myself for saying that without thinking it through. After all, if a multi-millionaire is willing to pay you an astronomical amount of money for your ideas that he clearly liked, it’s probably not a good idea to tell him that those ideas are silly or offensive. Even if that were the case.

 

To my surprise, he beamed. “Exactly! After all these years of trying to please those ‘critics’ and armchair bookers who’ve got nothing better to do with their lives and who’re never going to be satisfied no matter what I do, I’m going to turn the tables on them! Those snotty ‘mainstream media’ are never, ever going to see us as anything more than a low brow circus freak show, and those so-called ‘wrestling columnists’ are always going nit-pick and take offence at the smallest things. Instead of falling over ourselves trying to please those idiots and letting them make a fool out of us, this time we’re going to be laughing at them! Let them give all the ‘minus 5 stars’ they want to my shows! Let them have a fit and foam at the mouth all they want for all that ‘offensive, obscene trash’ they’d just witness! Let them claim that they’re ‘losing IQ just by watching the rampant stupidity on my shows’, only to come back for more next week anyway! Because let’s face it, they never had any IQ to begin with, so they had nothing to lose! But most importantly, I’m gonna prove one thing, once and for all: that no matter what crap I book on my shows and how many ‘minus 5 stars’ critics place on them, people will still pay for it, they will tune in to watch it, my company will continue to thrive as the greatest promotion in Sports Entertainment, and that I, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, will always have the last laugh!”

 

I wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with me. Here I am, sitting with a millionaire with an apparent interest in giving me the highest paying job I can possibly dream of to ruin his shows with horrible ideas, and somehow I was still trying to think of a reason not to take the job! Maybe it’s because some part of me still believe that this is a massive joke being played on me, and was trying to save me from the inevitable disappointment later.

 

“I’d just like to re-assert the fact that, despite my last name, I’m in no way related to Vince Russo……”

 

“Good! Wouldn’t have it any other way. That man outlived his usefulness over a decade ago. If he were any good, TNA wouldn’t have hired him.”

 

“What about the veterans? And those other writers? I don’t think they’ll be willing to be told what to do by some new guy they’ve never heard of with zero experience in the business.”

 

“They’re not going to have a choice in the mater. See, I’m not just putting you in charge of the booking team. I’m giving you full authority over the entire roster. Anyone who defies your authority will be defying me, and therefore, I give you the full power tell anyone, to their face, the three words that I made famous: YOU’RE FIRED!”

 

I made one last, valiant effort. “Mr McMahon, surely you must realize that you have a show coming up this very evening, and there simply wouldn’t be enough time for me to……”

 

“Don’t worry about that, boy. Most of tonight’s show has already been written, and since we’ve already advertised some of the matches, I won’t be asking you to change them. You don’t have to do much tonight. However, I do expect at least ONE significant idea from you for tonight’s show. It can be anything you want, but whatever it is, I want people to sit up and take notice when it happens.”

 

 

“You realize also, I take it, that Wrestlemania is coming up this Sunday, which means you’re going to completely change the directions of your company’s booking plans literally one week before its biggest selling event of the year.”

 

“That’s right! What better way to kick off a new era than at the greatest event in Sports Entertainment!”

 

I gave up the fight. A man can only attempt to talk himself out of making a lot of easy money for so long before he starts questioning his own sanity. Taking one more look over the contract in front of me that I’ve already painstakingly read through twice, I signed on the dotted line. “Very well, sir. I accept your offer. Thank you for this opportunity.”

 

“Then be sure to seize it by the neck.” Vince McMahon exclaims, as he accepts my handshake with a firm grip.

 

As I turned to leave the room, however, the millionaire stuffed a book into my hands. “I understand that you’re new to the job, and even the most creative artist need a bit of inspiration. Here’s something that might get you started for tonight.”

 

I looked down at the cover of the book in my hands. The heading reads:

 

“WRESTLECRAP – The Very Worst of Pro Wrestling, by R.D. Reynolds and Randy Baer”

[Greylocke]

Dead silence hung over the meeting room. No one had spoken since the new plans of the show had been given out. Finally, I decided to break the silence.

 

“So……I think you’ve all had sufficient time to read the revised scripts. Is there anything anyone of you has to say about it?”

 

Still no one spoke. To be fair, I completely understand what everyone else is thinking right now. I had experienced those exact same thoughts myself, that very morning. Is this a joke? Am I the only one who isn’t in on it?

 

The awkward silence went on a bit longer before one of the writers answered, “Uh……Mr Russo? You’re not actually being serious about this, are you?”

 

Having a last name like that probably didn’t help. Perhaps the only thing that had prevented everyone from s******ing or giggling at the mention of it during my introduction was Mr McMahon’s stern warning that I’m his highest representative in this meeting, and that they are to treat me with the same amount of respect that they bestow on him. I doubt anyone could be certain if he was serious about this, myself included, but nobody wanted to take the chance, either.

 

I looked at the writer who’d just spoken up, but I didn’t recognize the face. Mr McMahon hadn’t bothered to introduce any member of the writing team to me, reiterating to me that I was the only one that mattered in that meeting. His own daughter, Stephanie, and his son-in-law, Paul “Triple H” Levesque, did not attend this meeting. Vince had ensured there was no one present on the first day of my job that could possibly attempt to override or challenge my authority. “What makes you think I’m not serious?”

 

“Because this……” he gestures at the new script in front of him, “……this is just plain silly. Especially that very last segment. I daresay some are going to find offensive, especially taking into consideration who’s involved in this. There’ve already been some considerable negative comments about this storyline, as it were.”

 

I stared hard at him. “What’s your name?”

 

“That’s David Kreizman, sir. He was the newest writer on our creative team, before you, of course.” The speaker is actually someone I recognized this time, since he’s appeared in an onscreen role for a couple of years. It’s Dave Kapoor, better known as Ranjan Singh, brother and translator to WWE Superstar the Great Khali. There’re a few other faces that I’d recognized as well, mainly those who had been active competitors at some point in their career, such as Pat Patterson, the first ever Intercontinental Champion, and Michael Hayes, retired wrestler who’d also spent some years as an announcer in the WWE.

 

I retained my stony expression while I whispered from the side of my mouth. “Sophie?”

 

“Yes, Mr Russo?” asked my new personal assistant promptly.

 

“How long is this guy signed for?”

 

“He’s got nearly 2 years left on his contract.”

 

“Damn……how much are we paying him?”

 

“$50 a month, sir.”

 

“What, how can anyone live on that? Oh, never mind, that’s pocket change to Vince, even if we have to pay off his remaining contract. I’m probably doing him a favour anyway, so he can find a better job.”

 

I turned back to Kreizman. Despite my initial reservations about the “full authority” that Vince McMahon had given me, there’s also a perverse part of me that had been longing to try out Vince’s catchphrase on someone. And if I have to test it on someone, it’s probably safer for it be on a cheap dispensable writer than on a cash cow Superstar like John Cena. I stood up and did my best Vince McMahon impression.

 

“David Kreizman, you’re fired!”

 

The poor man looked so stricken that I took pity on him immediately. Which is probably why I’d never own a multi-million dollar company like Vince McMahon. “Alright, just kidding. APRIL’S FOOL! Got you there, didn’t I?”

 

No one else laughed. I coughed and tried to regain what little dignity I could muster.

 

“However, from now on you’re off the creative team! You can get us coffee instead! That’s probably a more appropriate job for the kind of money we’re paying you anyway.”

 

I looked round at the rest of the booking team as the unfortunate Kreizman left the room with his head hung low. “As a matter of fact, after this week, the entire creative team will go through an overhaul. As for which of you are to stay, or to leave, that’s yet to be decided. But,” I added meaningfully, “your performance over the next few shows will play a significant role in my final decision. Now, does anyone else have anything to say?”

 

Any possible objections that any of them might have had prior to this were probably quelled by my not-so-veiled threat. With that out of the way, I ordered the meeting dismissed and for everyone else to get to work immediately to kickstart the new era of the WWE. Already, I had several plans and storyline arcs in mind that I felt sure Mr McMahon will deem appropriate for future shows in the upcoming months.

 

Assuming, of course, that the TV network will actually allow us to keep running our shows on their channels after the series of stunts we’re about to pull in the next several shows......

 

 

Tonight on Monday Night RAW!

 

The Big Show, Randy Orton and Sheamus will team up to take on 3MB in a 6-man tag team match in preparation for Wrestlemania! How well will they work as a team?

 

One half of the Tag Team Champions Daniel Bryan will face one of half of the No. 1 Contenders to the tag titles, Mr Money-in-the-Bank Dolph Ziggler, in singles action!

 

Chris Jericho takes on United States Champion Antonio Cesaro in a non-title match!

 

Also on RAW tonight:

 

The Undertaker calls out his Wrestlemania opponent CM Punk!

 

Hall of Famer Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels will be on RAW to express his thoughts on his good friend Triple H’s career-threatening match against Brock Lesnar!

 

John Cena and WWE Champion the Rock to speak on their title match at Wrestlemania!

 

How will Ryback respond to having his throat crushed by Mark Henry with a barbell during the Bench Press Challenge last week on SmackDown? Can he contain himself enough to adhere to the no-contact rule between himself and the World’s Strongest Man?

 

All that and more on the very last RAW on the Road to Wrestlemania!

[Russelrules44]

*Takes a caprisun and some popcorn* This should be good.

[Greylocke]

“What do you mean, they’re not here?”

 

“What I said, Mr Russo, the Bellas aren’t here. In fact, they aren’t even on contract.”

 

“Then why the hell have they been booked in a Wrestlemania match?”

 

“Apparently, Mr McMahon handled the negotiations with them for all their previous appearances personally, and no one else knew they didn’t sign a contract. He only told us a few minutes ago and said that it was his ‘April Fools’ joke. He’s been kind of……strange……lately. Anyway, they were originally scheduled for a match tonight. We thought you might know what to do, his you’re now Mr McMahon’s highest representative and all.”

 

I sighed. I should have known this was too good to be true. With a temperament like that in my new boss, it seems like this job might be harder than it first seems.

 

“Hand me the scripts, and I’ll see what I can do…”

 

(OOC: turns out that the Bellas aren’t set to be on contract with the WWE in the data I downloaded, for some reason. I only realized this after I started the show. I will hire them, but it’s too late to get them onscreen for this week, so this one of the things I’ll literally have to improvise on.)

-------

 

 

Monday Night RAW: LIVE from the Barclays Centre!

 

Pre-show Dark match:

 

Santino Marella defeated David Otunga in 4:42 by pinfall with the Cobra.

 

This match was pretty much standard Santino affair. Santino goofed around for the first minute or so showing off his style of “Marella Martial Arts” before getting punched in the face. Otunga controlled the offense for a couple of minutes before Santino made his usual comeback, pulling of his series of signature spots before hitting the Cobra for the win.

 

Ratings: C

 

Main Show:

 

As soon as the RAW theme song ended to start off the show, John Cena’s music hit the arena, and the man himself hit the ring to the usual mixed reaction. Cena talked about how everything had gone downhill for him ever since losing to the Rock at Wrestlemania, both professionally and personally, and that this year was his chance at redemption. He emphasized on his series of ‘failures’ that piled on him after his Wrestlemania loss, including how he had been powerless to stop CM Punk from surpassing his record as the longest reigning champion in the modern era, how he’d become the first man to lose a MitB cash-in, how he’d failed to win another MitB title shot from Dolph Ziggler, how he’d been pinned by John Laurinaitis, how he’d had to sit back and watch the Rock accomplish what he couldn’t do by winning the WWE Title from CM Punk, and how he had to watch the Rock debut his own personal championship belt and discard the Spinner belt that he, John Cena, brought in……

 

……and here’s where Cena suddenly got emotional, ranting about how much that Spinner belt meant to him and how it represented his constant presence and accomplishments in the WWE Title scene, and now the Rock had attempted to erase all of that by replacing that title belt. He said that both him and the Rock and stated that they’ve found new respect for each other during the Q&A segment with the legends last week, but it’s obvious that the Rock had been lying through his teeth. Replacing the title belt was the biggest show of disrespect anyone has ever shown to him. He could tolerate the Rock making jokes about his mother, about how he has no balls, calling him Fruity Pebbles……but replacing the Spinner was the last straw! After Wrestlemania, he will not only have exorcised his demons by defeating the Rock, but he will bring back the Spinner!

 

This triggered a chorus of boos from the haters, and even the Cena fans seem a bit confused by this outburst and weren’t sure how to react to it. And of course, with Cena mentioning Fruity Pebbles, a “Fruity Pebbles” chant broke out. Cena seemed ecstatic, and tells the fans that they’re right. Maybe he shouldn’t bring back the old Spinner Belt. After all, it’s been 8 years, and maybe it’s time for a change. But if anyone’s going to change it, it’s going to be him, not the Rock. You people want Fruity Pebbles badly? Then he’ll give them Fruity Pebbles! How about a new Spinner encrusted with Fruity Pebbles cereal? Or maybe a Spinner designed to look like Fred Flintstone’s head? Cena tells the fans how excited he is, and how he already has a few dozen possible designs for a new Spinner, thanks to all the inspiration the crowd is giving him. He go to the back right now and give all his ideas to WWE management and get them prepare to update the championship belt design after he beats the Rock at Wrestlemania! Cena left the ring with a big simile on his face to a decidedly confused reaction.

 

Angle: John Cena promises revenge against the Rock, redemption……and more Spinner Belts! (Ratings: A*)

 

While the announcers are still discussing Cena’s……unusual outburst, Sheamus’ music hits the arena to a hug pop, and the fans finally turn their attention back to something they could understand better, a good-ole 6-man tag match! After Orton and Big Show join Sheamus in the ring, their scheduled opponents, the 3MB, entered the arena. But they also entered with a mic in hand and stopped at the entrance ramp.

 

Heath Slater got on the mic and tells his opponents that this is a joke. Everyone knows that Sheamus, Orton and Big Show don’t trust each other. They’re not a real team, and it’s quite clear that it takes a real team to take down a group like the Shield. And there’s only one 3-man group in the entire WWE that’s more united than the Shield, and that’s the 3MB, baby! Nobody wants to see Big Show, Sheamus and Orton fight the Shield at Wrestlemania, because everyone will know the results. Sheamus’ team doesn’t stand a chance. What Vickie Guerrero and Booker T need to do is to book the match that everybody wants to see: the Wrestlemania encounter between the 2 most dominant 3-man group in the WWE: the Shield vs 3MB at Wrestlemania! Tonight, 3MB is going to steamroll their opponents in the ring and prove the GMs that they should be the ones going to Wrestlemania to face the Shield, and they’ll not only beat the Shield, but they’ll bring the Rock-n-Wrestling back to Wrestlemania! WOO!

 

Angle: 3MB cut a promo to hype up their “Wrestlemania Showdown with the Shield”! (Ratings: C+)

 

Match: The Big Show, Sheamus and Randy Orton defeated Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre in 5:33 when The Big Show defeated Heath Slater by pinfall with a WMD.

 

Heath Slater starts off against Orton. He dances around with his “air guitar” like a ninny and Orton just dropkicks him right in the face. Orton does his methodical stomping over Slater, then tags in Sheamus. Jinder Mahal hits Sheamus in the back when he bounces off the ropes. Sheamus acted like a mosquito just stung him and swats Jinder right off the apron. Drew McIntyre tries to attack but Sheamus just holds him against the ropes and begins clobbering away on his chest. After the tenth blow, Slater drops Sheamus with a neckbreaker from behind. 3MB controlled the match for about a minute with quick tags, before Sheamus powers his way out of the corner and catches Jinder with the Irish Curse. Both sides make the tag, and the Big Show enters the ring from his corner and clean house. Slater manages to barely save his own life when he avoids a running avalanche by Big Show in the corner, but then gets killed by a giant spear anyway when he tries to capitalize. Big Show signals for the finish, and both Jinder and Drew rush into the ring only to get grabbed simultaneously by the throats. Orton and Sheamus enter the ring as well, and Show shoves McIntyre right into a Brogue Kick, then shoves Mahal into an RKO. Slater gets back up but goes right down again from a WMD, and the 3MB lost the match and their chance to go to Wrestlemania.

 

(On a side note, Big Show, Orton and Sheamus all improved their ring skills in this match, while the only 3MB member who improved was Heath Slater. This is the match I will be showing to anyone who tells me that I should push the ‘younger talents’ and give them more opportunity. Then I’ll laugh in their face.)

 

Ratings: B

 

Backstage, Cody Rhodes seems upset with his friend and partner, Damien Sandow. They have an 8-person tag match with Tons of Funk at Wrestlemania, and tonight, Cody was supposed to team with one of the Bellas to take on Brodus Clay and Naomi, and now Damien is telling him that the Bellas are not here tonight? He wants to know exactly what happened. Damien looks embarrassed and tries to avoid giving a direct answer, but after much questioning he finally reveals that due to a small ‘accident’, one of the Bellas burst her new implants, and the other one had gone with her to the hospital. He tries to wrap all that in complicated and sophisticated vocabulary as he describes that, of course, as befitting his great intellect. He tells Cody that Vickie Guerrero has stated that he can find another diva to be his partner for tonight.

 

Angle: Team Rhodes Scholars argue about Bellas’ absence and Cody needing a partner for mixed tag match. (Ratings: B+)

 

Match: Mark Henry defeated Zack Ryder in 4:50 by pinfall with a World's Strongest Slam.

 

This match should have been over in 2 minutes, but Mark Henry dragged this out by taking his time, pausing every few seconds to scream “THAT’S WHAT AH DO!” at the crowd. After all, this is a 3-hour show, and I need to fill time. Zack Ryder got literally one offense move in the entire match after countering a running splash in the corner with a raised boot to the face, but when he tries to capitalize with a dive from the second ropes, he gets caught and planted with the World’s Strongest Slam, and it’s all over.

 

(Mark Henry improved in skills in this match, Ryder didn’t. Who says the WWE should be pushing the younger talents again?)

 

Ratings: B

 

After the mach, Matt Striker enters the ring to interview Henry about his actions during the Bench Press Challenge last week. Henry interrupted him and tells him smugly that he didn’t violate the no-contact clause Booker T placed on him and Ryback. He never touched Ryback, he only touched the barbell. He then grabs the mic from Striker and tells him to get out of the ring.

 

(“This segment suffered as it came across as a let-down after the previous segment.” This segment also suffered as a result of Matt Striker being involved. JBL is right, Matt Striker should just be used for fodder and punching bag in the future.)

 

Angle: Matt Striker interviews Henry. (Ratings: C+)

 

Mark Henry then takes the opportunity to taunt Ryback further for the throat injury he’s caused with the barbell. He says that Ryback likes to chant “Feed Me More”, so it must be really bad for him to have a crushed throat that means he can only feed on liquid supplements for the past week. He says that after Wrestlemania, Ryback will actually need someone to feed him more since he won’t be healthy enough to feed himself after Henry is done with him.

 

Angle: Henry taunts Ryback for his injury. (Ratings: B+ due to the lack of Matt Striker stinking up the segment.)

 

Ryback then makes his entrance and the crowd goes wild. Ryback confronts Henry in the ring, but Henry isn’t intimidated as he knows that Ryback can’t touch him due to the no-contact rule. He continues to get in Ryback’s face and dare him to take a shot. Ryback is seething, but holds himself back. Smirking, Henry turns his back and starts to leave……and Ryback hits him in the leg with a lead pipe he’s hidden in his ring gear!

 

“I’M NOT TOUCHING YOU!” Ryback screams as he whacks Henry in the leg again with the pipe. He’s correct, he never touched Henry, he only touched the pipe. And thereby the stupidity of the no-contact rule is exposed for how meaningless it really is due to the narrow definition of what ‘contact’ means. With Henry down from the injury to his leg, Ryback tosses the pipe away, leaves the ring, and grabs a steel chair before going back in and beating the hell out of Henry with the chair, all the way screaming “I’M NOT TOUHCING YOU! I’M TOUCHING YOU!”

 

Finally, Ryback drops the chair and goes back out again to look under the ring apron. Henry takes the opportunity to roll out of the ring and hobbles up the ramp to escape Ryback’s wrath. When he’s halfway up the ramp, Ryback finds what he’s looking for, and he pulls out a SHOTGUN that looks just like the one Brian Pillman threatened to used on Stone Cold years ago.

 

“I’M NOT TOUCHING YOU WITH THIS, EITHER!” Ryback screams, and Henry literally pisses himself as he runs for his life. Ryback chases after him to the back, still screaming like a madman.

 

Angles: Mark Henry & Ryback confrontation. (Ratings: B+)

Ryback beats down Henry with wrench and steel chair. (Ratings: B+)

Ryback chases off Henry with a shotgun. (Ratings: B+)

 

Backstage, Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox (aka Team Brickie) and shown watching the show from their officer looking bewildered at what just happened. Vickie mentions how rare it is to see the World’s Strongest Man running for his life like that from anyone. Maddox comments that Ryback has this of effect on people, then bragged about how he himself faced Ryback in his very first WWE match, and although he lost, he never ran. This proves that he has the spirit of a true fighting WWE Superstar, and while he’s very honoured to be Assistant RAW GM (“No, you’re assistant TO the RAW GM.” Vickie comments), he thinks he has the ability to pull double duty and be a Superstar at the same time. He begs Vickie to give him a match to prove it. Vickie agrees, and tells him to go prepare for his match. Brad asks about his opponent, and Vickie says he’ll find out once he’s in the ring.

 

Angle: Brad Maddox asks Vickie for opportunity and match. (Ratings: C)

 

Meanwhile, we’ve been told by the announcers that Zeb Coulter had requested for a match against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio. Coulter is shown with Swagger, and he says that even though he’s not contracted to be a WWE Superstar, and he hasn’t been in a physical fight for the past decade, he’s confident in his match against the World Champion, because the Real American spirit can overcome anything, especially when pitted against the thieves and criminals who came sneaking across the borders. (Swagger: WE. THE. PEOPLE!)

 

Angle: Zeb Coulter had an interview hyping his upcoming singles match with Alberto Del Rio. (Ratings: A)

 

Meanwhile, Ricardo Rodriguez is seen heading out to join his friend and employer Alberto Del Rio for his match against Coulter, when he’s approached by the man known as FAAAAAAHHHHHNN-DAAAAAAHHHHN-GOOOOOO. Fandango (shortened for the rest of diary for convenience) tells Ricardo that he’s sick of all the incompetent ring announcers getting his name wrong, and that it’s clear that he should be getting his own personal ring announcer every time he goes out to the arena. He wants Ricardo to dump Del Rio and work for him instead, because he’s the best ring announcer in the WWE ringht now. Fandango promises to pay him even better than Del Rio does. Ricardo says no, he’s not abandoning Del Rio, as Alberto is not only his boss, but also his friend. Fandango tells him to consider it further, and that he’ll wait for an answer.

 

Angle: Fandango wants Ricardo to be his personal ring announcer. (Ratings: C)

 

Match: Alberto Del Rio defeated Zeb Coulter via DQ after Jack Swagger attacks.

 

This match barely got started, with Coulter doing lots of stalling to avoid actual physicality. Once Alberto gets his hands on Coulter, Swagger attacks to cause the DQ.

 

(Zeb Coulter is improving in Performance skills. Boy, the old guys are making me proud tonight. Screw the younger talents.)

 

Ratings: B+

 

After beating down Del Rio in the ring, Swagger and Coulter set their eyes on the helpless Ricardo. With his boss down and out, it seems like there’s no one to save the poor ring announcer……when Fandango rushes out to his rescue! Swagger and Coulter back off from the dancer and leave. Fandango shakes a finger at Ricardo and reminds him to consider his proposal, before leaving. Ricardo looks uncertain as he goes to check on Del Rio.

 

Angle: Fandango rescues Ricardo from Swagger and Coulter. (Ratings: B-)

 

Backstage, Cody is seen approaching Kaitlyn and asking her to be his partner. Kaitlyn makes some sarcastic remarks about him dropping the Bellas because they lost their b00b job, and looks a little offended that Cody only came to him because the Bellas aren’t available. Cody apologizes and says that his relationship with the Bellas are actually strictly professional, and that it was all Damien’s ideas to form a partnership with them. He asks if Kaitlyn will be his partner. Kaitlyn says she’ll think about it.

 

Cody asks Kaitlyn to be his partner for the mixed tag match. (Ratings: B)

 

Brad Maddox is in the ring talking about how good he is, and how he’ll win his match tonight and maybe go on to compete at Wrestlemania after he impresses Vickie.

 

Angle: Brad Maddox talks (and nobody listens. – Ratings: C)

 

Match: The Great Khali defeated Brad Maddox in 4:47 with the Punjabi Plunge.

 

Brad gets tossed around, gets in a move on Khali’s notoriously weak knees, works on it for a bit, then Khali powers out and beats him with a Brain Chop and a Punjabi Plunge. In other words, your basic Khali vs jobber match.

 

(Brad Maddox is improving in Rumble skills. That’s right, someone learnt to wrestle better from the Great Khali.)

 

Ratings: C

 

Match: Cody Rhodes and Kaitlyn defeated Brodus Clay and Naomi in 6:37 when Cody Rhodes defeated Brodus Clay by pinfall.

 

Kaitlyn didn’t give Cody a definite answer, which is why Cody looks nervous and uncertain as he enters the ring. It looks like Kaitlyn was just deliberately making Cody fret a bit, as she enters the ring as Cody’s partner, after all. The men started the match, and Cody gets thrown around a bit before he practically scrambles for his corner to make the tag,, forcing Brodus to tag out and let the girls continue. Naomi uses her athleticism to gain the upper hand for a while, but Kaitlyn uses her power to battle out and plants her with a powerslam as she goes for a high-risk move. The men are tagged back in, and Brodus dominates, but Cody counters a corner charge with a drop-toe-hold into the turnbuckles before hitting the Disaster Kick for the win, while Kaitlyn drops Naomi with a huge spear to prevent the latter from breaking up the pin. Cody celebrates happily with Kaitlyn after the match.

 

(Cody Rhodes and Kaitlyn had great chemistry when teaming together. Future tag team champions, baby! Oh, and for once every single member in a match improved in something. Too bad 3 out of 4 still suck in the ring, though.)

 

Ratings: C+

 

The Miz makes his entrance to a decent reaction. He’s not dressed to compete, as he’s heading for the announce table for commentary in the upcoming match that involves his Wrestlemania opponent Wade Barrett. As he takes his seat, the announcers welcome him and question him about his appearance, and he responds by talking about how he will win the IC title from Wade at the Mania because he’s AWWWWWEEEESOOOOOOME!

 

Angles: Miz joins announce desk before Barrett’s match. (Ratings: B)

The Miz hypes his upcoming Intercontinental Title match with Wade Barrett at WM. (Ratings: B+)

 

Match: Wade Barrett defeated R-Truth in 8:35 by pinfall with the Bullhammer.

 

The first match that was actually booked to last longer than 6 minutes, and I find out that they had bad chemistry together……damn. While this isn’t a completely one-sided affair like most of the previous matches, Barrett was still the clear dominant competitor, and picked up a convincing win over Truth with the Bullhammer.

 

(Wade Barrett and R-Truth don't seem to click, and it made for an awkward bout.)

 

Ratings: B-

 

After the match, Wade poses with his title and has a staredown with the Miz, but fight broke out.

 

Angle: Post-match staredown between Miz and Barrett. (Ratings: B)

 

THE ROCK IS IN HOUSE! The crowd is going crazy as they eagerly wait to hear what the Great One has to say to Cena. Will he make more breakfast cereal references? Will he talk about the size of his package or Cena’s lack of them again? Will he talk about his dates with Cena’s mom? Will he advocate intercourse in someone’s butt or some other forms of lobotomy? No, he did none of that old stuff. Instead, he brought the old Spinner belt to ring in response to what Cena had to say earlier. The Rock cuts a scathing promo on how much he hates stuff that spin, with a side story about how much money he once lost at Vegas many years due to a stupid spinning roulette game, and how no matter how many different new designs of Spinner belts Cena comes up with, he’ll stop at nothing to have them removed. Cena was wrong when he said the Rock was lying about respect last week, because the only reason this Spinner belt still exists is due to his respect for Cena. But after what happened earlier tonight, the Rock has no more respect for Cena, and he’ll give an example of what will happen to his precious new Spinners when Cena brings them in again. He’s going to take the Spinner, polish it bright, turn it sideways, pour gasoline over it, set it on fire, and stick it up Cena’s candy ass! (okay, so he actually did advocate some of that old lobotomy stuff). The Rock then did a literal demonstration of what he said he’s going to do, except for that bit where he sticks it up Cena’s butt, no doubt to the disappointment of smarks across the world. Instead, he dumps the burning belt into the trashcan he brought into the ring earlier.

 

Angle: The Rock destroys Spinner belt to further antagonize Cena. (Ratings: A*)

 

Cena’s music hits and he rushes out looking enraged. It’s clearly that the Rock destroying the Spinner is a bigger outrage to him than anything he have said about his mom or his ass, and he tackles the Rock in the ring at full speed. Security rush out to the ring to hold them apart as each man struggle to get at the other. Meanwhile, at the announce booth, Michael Cole is doing his best to make a big deal out of how much that Spinner meant to Cena, and how the Rock had “gone too far” and finally “made it personal”.

 

Angle: Cena madly attacks the Rock to avenge his precious Spinner. (Ratings: A*)

 

The Shield then appears on the Tron to deliver their usual message via handycam. Just like 3MB they mock their Wrestlemania opponents for calling themselves a team, predicting that the so-called team will break down to their individual egos. Unlike 3MB, the crowd actually takes them seriously. After Wrestlemania, their opponents will have no choice but to “Believe in the Shield”!

 

Angle: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns cut a promo hyping their Mani match. (Ratings: A*)

 

Non-title Match: Chris Jericho defeated Antonio Cesaro in 16:24 by submission with a Walls of Jericho. During the match we also had Fandango run in and attack Chris Jericho.

 

For the first time tonight, we have a match that goes on for a solid amount of time. Jericho is using his quickness and experience to outmaneuver the US Champion when Fandango’s music hit. Jericho is distracted just enough by Fandango’s appearance on the entrance ramp for Cesaro to blast him with a huge uppercut. Cesaro takes control of the match for a good amount of time while Fandango continues to watch the match from the ramp. Jericho tries to make a few comebacks, but Cesaro cuts him off by sheer power each time. After about the 11th minute or so, Jericho finally gets his big break when he flips out of a gut-wrench and connects with a big enziguri. Jericho starts to build up a head of steam as he takes over the match, and that’s when Fandango starts walking down the ramp. This distracts Jericho a little, but this time he doesn’t allow Cesaro to take advantage, throwing the US Champion shoulder-first into the turnbuckles after countering a missed charge. Jericho plants Cesaro with a bulldog when Fandango reaches ringside, but the dancer doesn’t enter the ring. Instead, he circles around it and grabs a mircrophone. Back in the ring, Jericho nails the Lionsault, but Cesaro kicks out. He grabs the legs of Cesaro to signal for the Walls of Jericho, and that’s when Fandango speaks up.

 

“CHRIS......MARIGOLD! CHRIS……..JELLY DOPE! CHRIS ……CAMEL TOE!......”

 

It appears that Fandango is looking to return the favour to Jericho by butchering his name and giving him a taste of his own medicine. For some reason, he clearly thought it was going to rattle Jericho. Jericho does what any sensible man would do, and ignores him, and shortly after that he wins the match by submission. As Jericho is celebrating his triumph, Fandango, clearly upset that his genius plan hadn’t worked, storms to the back in a huff.

 

Ratings: A

 

The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels arrive at the arena to great cheers of the fans. He says that he’s been following the events between Lesnar and his friend HHH closely, and that he has a sense of déjà vu with his friend putting his own career on the line at Wrestlemania. HHH comes out to the ring and tells his friend that he appreciates the concern, but if he’s here to try to take him out of the Wrestlemania match, then he can save his breath. HBK warns him that the truth is HHH’s match with Lesnar is nothing like his own match with the Undertaker 3 years ago, because unlike taker, Lesnar has no respect for HHH, or anyone for that matter. HHH says that he understands it better than Michaels think. HBK then reveals that he’s in fact not here to talk HHH out of the match, but to announce that he’ll be in HHH’s corner for his match with Lesnar at Wrestlemania! After all, somebody needs to make sure the walrus doesn’t get involved in the match!

 

(Since HHH wasn’t at the creative meeting that day, and most likely is unaware of my existence, I decided to play it safe in his Wrestlemania storyline and let it go on as previously planned for the time being. Vince may have granted me full authority, but it’s too early to test the amount of ‘stroke’ I have against the son-in-law and COO and risk having him veto all my plans in my very first show. The HHH/Lesnar storyline is safe from WrestleCrap……for now. After the Mania, though, would be a different story……)

 

Angles: HBK warns HHH against facing Lesnar at the Mania. (Ratings: A*)

HBK announces that he’ll be in HHH’s corner at Wrestlemania for his match. (Ratings: A*)

 

Match: Dolph Ziggler defeated Daniel Bryan in 22:13 by pinfall after interference from AJ Lee. During the match we also had Big E. Langston run in and attack Daniel Bryan.

 

Daniel starts this off like a house of fire, tearing into Ziggler with such intensity that Mr. Money-in-the-Bank nearly through himself out of the ring to get away from his opponent just 3 minutes into the match. AJ panics and tries to get involved, but is stopped by the referee. With the ref distracted, Bryan leaps off the apron at his opponent, but Big E just stepped in front of his leader and Bryan crashes into a brick wall. Big E floors Bryan with a massive clothesline before Kane comes rushing around the corner to his partner’s aid. The ref warns both Kane and Big E to back off while Ziggler drags Bryan back into the ring to continue the punishment. Ziggler does what he does best, beating up his opponent while showing off and looking good at the same time. Bryan gets short bursts of comebacks, and on a few occasions almost looks like he had it won, but Ziggler always turns it back around. Finally, after 15 minutes of back and forth action, Ziggler missed a Stinger Splash in the corner, and Daniel turns him inside out with a flying rebound clothesline. Having turned the momentum around completely, Daniel blasts Ziggler with a series of kicks before nailing a knockout blow to the head. Big E tries to get involved again, but this time Kane is there to cut him off with a big uppercut. Bryan has the No-Lock locked in, but AJ once again distracts the referee while at the same time slipping the MitB briefcase into the ring. While Bryan is screaming at the ref, Ziggler tries to take a shot with the briefcase, but Bryan scores first with a roundhouse kick to the head. Bryan goes up top for his diving headbutt, but Ziggler not only moves out of the way but also pulls the briefcase into the way so that Bryan land on it head-first. On the other side, Kane manages to get the ref’s attention back to the match by simply carrying AJ bodily off the ring apron, but by then Ziggler’s managed to throw the briefcase back out of the ring. He nails the Zig-Zag to add injury to injury, and pins Bryan for the win.

 

(Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan don't seem to click, and it made for an awkward bout.)

 

Ratings: A* (despite bad chemistry)

 

AJ is still screaming at Kane to put her down, and Big E promptly comes to her rescue, flooring the Big Red Monster while his arms are full. He then throws Kane back into the ring, and the No. 1 Contenders proceed to beat down the Tag Team Champions, while AJ scream encouragements and gets in a few kicks of her own. Big E drops both members of the Tag Team Champions, one after another, with the Big Ending. After the beatdown, Team Big Z pose over their opponents with the tag titles held above their heads, and AJ makes out with Ziggler.

 

Angle: Team Big Z beats down Team Hell No. (Ratings: B)

 

And while technically that last match can be considered the “main event” for tonight, the REAL main event is only just getting started. The Undertaker enters the building to a huge standing ovation. Taker says Punk's historic title reign may have lasted over 400 days but the pain coming to him at WrestleMania will last an eternity. Taker says that Punk has made this personal after all the disrespect he has shown the late Paul Bearer. The Streak may come to an end on Sunday because of his current state of mind, but only if Punk actually makes it to Wrestlemania. Taker challenges Punk to come out right now!

 

CM Punk does not come out to the ring, but instead appears on the TitanTron, and is shown standing in a graveyard. A large hole has been dug over the nearest grave, exposing a casket. The casket is shown hooked to a truck by a chain. CM Punk taunts The Undertaker about the death of Paul Bearer and tells him that he’s actually doing Bearer a favour by getting him out of his grave now, because he doesn’t want Bearer to be made to turn over in his grave after Punk beats taker and ends the Streak at Wrestlemania. Punk then gets into the truck and drives off, dragging the casket along behind him.

 

The announcers are all horrified at Punk’s action, and only Jerry Lawler manages to get in a logical question:

 

“Wait a minute, I thought Paul Bearer was cremated and his ashes were in that urn Punk stole. So why the hell does he have a casket??”

 

No one has an answer for him, and it was probably the last thing Undertaker has on his mic, as he glares at the screen in outrage.

 

"Punk, you want to mess with the dead, your wish will be granted. At Wrestlemania, not only will you suffer pain and agony for what you have done today, but I will send you 6 feet under so that Paul Bearer himself can mete out the punishment to you personally! CM Punk, our match at Wrestkemania will be a CASKET MATCH!"

 

But that’s not the end yet! The last view before RAW goes off the air is an overhead camera view of the casket bumping along the uneven road as it’s dragged through the graveyard. Suddenly, the lid falls off the casket, and Paul Heyman is shown lying in the casket dressed up as Paul Bearer, screaming,

 

“Save me, Mark, SAAAAAAAAVVVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

Angles: The Undertaker calls out CM Punk. (Ratings: A*)

CM Punk digs out Paul Bearer’s casket and drags it out of the graveyard with a truck! (Ratings: A*)

The Undertaker challenges CM Punk to a Casket Match at Wrestlemania! (Ratings: A*)

 

Final Ratings: A (This show can be considered a success, it should have improved our popularity. WHO SAYS WRESTLECRAP DOESN’T DRAW?!)

[Greylocke]

*Takes a caprisun and some popcorn* This should be good.

 

I've got a reader! Nice to know that I have at least one. Thanks!

 

Hope you enjoy the first show!

[Russelrules44]

Np, And damn, That is one good read.

[Greylocke]

“Well done, Shane! Not a bad job for your first day at the job!” Vince laughs as he puts an arm warmly around my shoulder as we head for the parking lot. “Although I must warn you, I’ll be expecting even more of that from you in the future.”

 

I laughed along with him. Despite my initial reservations when I first signed the contract for the job, I was actually feeling a little high and ecstatic at the moment. I had just run my very first show on WWE Live TV! Sure, there’ll be repercussions later, such as complaints from the network about our content, and possibly from Paul Bearer’s family members too. But all that can wait till tomorrow. For now, it’s time to celebrate!

 

But alas, it was not to be.

 

“Mr Russo, wait!” one of the producers is running up behind us. “You can’t leave yet! We’ve got a show to run!”

 

“What? RAW’s over, isn’t it?” I asked, bewildered. I looked at Vince, and he seemed to be just as puzzled as I was.

 

“There’s still the taping for Superstars. We’ve got a bit of leeway with the time for this, since it’s a taped show and won’t be broadcast till earliest tomorrow. But we need to finish the tapings tonight.”

 

“What? Superstars? That show still exists? Nobody told me!”

 

“Wait a minute, I remember the network canceled that show.” said Vince. “It’s not on air!”

 

“Uh……they’re still airing in certain places outside the U.S, Mr McMahon, especially Europe. And we upload the shows on Youtube and Hulu every week.” says the producer nervously.

 

“Oh, internet fans. Who cares about them?” Vince says dismissively. “Well, Shane, I guess you still got a job to do, and I’ll just leave you to it, then.”

 

“But wait, I haven’t kept track of Superstars for lord knows how long! I have no idea what’s going on in that show! What are featured storylines? What are the existing feuds? What are those Superstars fighting over?”

 

“Look, it’s a show for internet fans and Europeans. Who cares what they’re watching? They don’t count. Just book anything you want on that show as long as it fills up the required timeslot. If you’re out of ideas, just give them Daniel Bryan vs…..well, one of those other indy darlings……I can never remember all their names. Anyway, yeah, just give them one of them flippity or boring ‘technical’ matches, and those nerds will be happy. Good luck to you!”

 

Vince turned and continued heading towards the parking lot. I sighed and headed back towards the arena. At least there’re two things of comfort: a) since Vince clearly wasn’t even aware of the existence of this show, I don’t have to worry about him pulling another “April Fools” joke on us during the show like he did earlier; and b) since he clearly doesn’t care about this show, I don’t have to worry about him watching it later and be dissatisfied with what I’ve done…….

----

 

 

*To all viewers (if any): WWE apologizes for the relative lack of WrestleCrap on the following show. But then again, who the hell watches this show anyway?

 

WWE Superstars! – taped in the Barclays Centre!

 

Main Show:

 

Matt Striker and Josh Mathews welcome the viewers to Superstars. They hype the upcoming match between Justin Gabriel and Darren Young. Why are these two guys fighting? Well, we’ve got some exclusive footage to highlight how this match came about!

 

Angle: Josh and Striker hype a match. (Rating: C)

 

A video clip then plays, showing Darren Young and Justin Gabriel backstage staring each other down. The tension and hostility is obvious, neither says a word. Suddenly music starts playing in the background. Music for the Song “Anything You Can Do” from the Musical “Annie Get Your Gun”..

 

Darren (sings): Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you!

 

Gabriel (sings): No, you can’t.

 

Darren (sings): Yes I can.

 

Gabriel (sings): No, you can’t.

 

Darren (sings): Yes I can.

 

Gabriel (sings): No, you can’t.

 

Darren (sings): YES I CAN! YES I CAAAAAAAAN!!!!

 

Angle: Darren Young and Justin Gabriel sing a musical together. (Rating: C+)

 

Match: Darren Young defeated Justin Gabriel in 7:52 by pinfall following interference from Titus O'Neil.

 

This probably wasn’t a bad match, but the crowd seems to be more interested in watching them sing then watching them wrestle. The ratings don’t lie. Lesson learned: less wrestling, more musicals. Anyway, Young wins after his partner Titus shoves Gabriel off the top rope while Young has the referee’s attention.

 

Rating: C (the singing got a C+)

 

AWWWWEEEEESOOOOOME! The most must-see Superstar in the WWE, the Miz, welcomes the fans to an impromptu edition of Miz TV! He explains that he’d just received news that a certain legend is in the building tonight, and that he can’t let an opportunity like that pass. The Miz tells the fans to rise and welcome the 16-time World Champion, Nature Boy, Ric Flair!

 

Flair enters to a huge ovation, and exchanges an embrace with the Miz. The Miz says that Wrestlemania is less than a week away, and asks if the 16-time World Champion has anything planned on Wrestlemania night. Flair replies that he’ll be watching Wrestlemania and enjoying it, especially looking forward to Miz beating Wade Barrett for the Intercontinental Championship. Miz says he appreciates the confidence, but that wasn’t quite what he meant. He was asking if Flair planned to be live at the event itself and actually be involved in Wrestlemania. Flair says no, and that he’s wrestling career has been over since 5 years ago. The Miz says that he understands Flair wants to honour his match with Shawn Michaels by staying true to his retirement, but nobody says Flair can’t be at Wrestlemania. He says that it will be an honour to have Flair in his corner when he battles Wade Barrett at the Mania! Flair thanks Miz for the offer, and says that he’s flattered, and that he’s been watching Miz paying tribute to him by using the Figure-4 Leglock to make his opponents submit. Flair says that he’s proud of the Miz, that he’s the future, but as for his offer……

 

……Flair gets cut off as the Shield’s music begins to play! Miz and Flair take off their jackets and get ready to fight as Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns make their way down to the ring, but they know that they don’t stand much of a chance in the 2-on-3 encounter. The Shield swarm into the ring and attack both men, quickly overwhelming them by sheer numbers. Just when all seems lost, out comes Kofi Kingston to the aid of the babyfaces! The Shied beats a hasty retreat now that numbers are no longer in their favour.

 

Angle: Ric Flair appears as guest on Miz TV! (Rating: B+)

Shield interrupts Miz TV and attack Flair and Miz. (Rating: A)

Kofi saves Flair and Miz from the Shield. (Rating: A)

 

Ambrose, Reigns and Rollins didn’t go far, and Ambrose manages to grab the mic as they back off up the ramp. He tells Flair that he should have stayed at home, but since he just can’t stay out of the spotlight, the Shield will put him out of it! Ambrose challenges the 3 men in ring to a match tonight on behalf of his stable. Miz and Kofi look eager to accept, and nod earnestly, but Flair is silent and looks troubled as we go into commercial.

 

Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins challenge Miz, Kofi Kingston and Ric Flair to a match. (Rating: A)

 

After the commercial break, Antonio Cesaro is in the ring complaining about being left off the Wrestlemania card despite being the United States Champion. He says that he challenges anyone who already has a Wrestlemania match right here, right now, to prove to WWE management and the GMs that he’s better than anyone already on the WM card, and that he deserves a spot on the biggest event of them all!

 

Angle: Cesaro makes an open challenge. (Rating: A)

 

Match: Ryback defeated Antonio Cesaro in 8:38 by pinfall with a Shell Shocked.

 

Ryback probably wasn’t the kind of opponent Cesaro had in mind when he made his challenge, but to the US Champion’s credit, he didn’t back down, and tried to take the fight to Ryback. He actually succeeds for a few minutes and grounds the monster, but Ryback powers out of a neutralizer attempt and turns the match around. Cesaro gets in a great counter when he blasts Ryback with his signature uppercut just when he’s charging in with the meat-hook clothesline. But just when he thought he’d stopped the monster short, Ryback shakes it off and nearly beheaded him with a second meat hook. Ryback then finishes his opponent off with the Shell-Shocked.

 

(The announcing quality wasn't up to the same standard as the match. I should have listened to JBL and just use Matt Striker as punching bag instead of keeping him at the announce table. Not that Josh is a lot of help, either.)

 

Rating: B

 

The Shield is doing another one of their shaky-cam promos. This time, they’re talking about Ric Flair. They talk about how it isn’t justice that a guy who retired 5 years ago is still getting more spotlight and better treatment than young guys who deserve them more. For every has-been like Flair who returns at Mania for a nostalgia trip, there’re probably at least 3 young promising future stars who are being denied of their Wrestlemania payday. Tonight, they will correct that injustice.

 

Angle: Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins speak of ‘injustice’ regarding Ric Flair. (Rating: A*)

 

The Miz is shown with Kofi Kingston backstage and tells the fans that as much as he would love to tag with his hero and idol, Ric Flair, Flair has declined to wrestle tonight, and he wants to stay true to his word about not wrestling another match in the WWE again. Miz says that he respects Flair’s wishes, but thanks to Flair’s recommendation, he and Kofi has found a great replacement for their tag team partner tonight against the Shield. He will be revealed when the time comes.

 

The Miz and Kofi Kingston announce new mysterious third partner. (Rating: B-)

 

Meanwhile, back in the arena, the Nature Boy makes his entrance once again, this time to join the commentators at the announce table. Josh and Striker question him about Miz and Kofi’s mysterious 3rd partner, and Flair says that they’ll find out soon, and that Miz and Kofi couldn’t have found a better partner to watch their backs.

 

Angle: Ric Flair joins announce booth. (Rating: A*)

 

The Miz and Kofi Kingston enter the arena, and say that while it’s unfortunate that they are unable to tag with the Nature Boy, Flair has more than made it up to them by recommending the best possible replacement for them. He’s one of the toughest guys in the world, and one of Flair’s closest friends. He’s the Enforcer, Arn Anderson!

 

Angle: Arn Anderson revealed as mysterious third partner. (Rating: C+)

 

Match: Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins defeated The Miz, Kofi Kingston and Arn Anderson in 9:42 when Dean Ambrose defeated Kofi Kingston by pinfall.

 

The Miz plays the face in peril for most of the match, allowing the Shield to show off their effectiveness as a team when they control the match while putting over the Miz as a resilient competitor as he repeatedly kicks out of the nearfalls and refuses to stay down. Finally, Miz dodges a running dropkick attempt from Rollins, ducks an attack from Ambrose as the latter tags himself in, and plants him with a neckbreaker. Miz makes the tag to the Enforcer, who runs roughshod over Ambrose in the ring while the latter is still groggy from Miz’s neckbreaker. Anderson literally plants Ambrose with his signature spinebuster and seems to have the match won, but Rollins breaks up the pin. All hell breaks lose from there as all 6 men swarm the ring. The Miz clotheslines Rollins over the top and the momentum carries himself out of the ring as well. As he lands on his feet outside the ring, Reigns nearly breaks him in half with a devastating spear. Meanwhile, Arn Anderson staggers back into his corner, where Kofi tags himself in. Kofi comes flying off the top with a huge superman punch on Ambrose to set him up for the Boom Drop, but Reigns enters the ring and intercepts him, scooping him up for a big samoan drop. Kofi slips out behind him and shoves him to the ropes, where Arn drags him out and begins to brawl with him. Ambrose uses the distraction to get back up and try to capitalize, but Kofi catches him with the SOS for a 2-count. Kofi signals for the Trouble in Paradise when he spots Rollins on the top rope. He literally twists around in mid-air and nails the leaping Rollins with the Trouble in Paradise, but just a split second later Ambrose spikes his head onto the canvas with his finisher, and the Shield remains undefeated in 6-man tag matches.

 

(And what a difference one man makes. Ric Flair’s presence at the announce booth saves the match from being dragged down by the ineptitude of Josh and Striker like the previous one did, as he carries their asses to a satisfactory result.)

 

Rating: A

 

Overal Rating: B+ (This show may have hurt our popularity. Probably because there was not enough WrestleCrap in it.)

 

(OOC: Unlike later versions, TEW 05 wasn’t really made to handle ‘B-shows’, so I’m not quite sure what to do with Superstars. I actually have plans for Main Event, but I may actually end up canceling Superstars. I don’t really feel like running 4 major shows a week, and I can’t run it as a B-show without killing the WWE’s popularity and ratings. The fact that I had to send in Ric Flair and the Shield to help boost it this week and still didn’t quite manage to save it says a lot.)

[Russelrules44]

I'd say you cancel Superstars, Who the hell watches that show anymore anyways?

[Greylocke]

“Hire him!”

 

I nearly jumped out of my skin. I hadn’t realized that Mr McMahon was standing right behind me and looking over my shoulder. I had been busy looking over a pro wrestling news website, after hearing that TNA released a bunch of talents yesterday. I felt a little guilty to have been caught by my own boss while reading news about another company during work hours. Fortunately, Vince didn’t look upset. His attention was drawn to what’s currently displayed on my computer’s monitor screen: the list of talents that TNA just released. I’ve never seen him look this excited. Although to be fair I’ve only ever seen him outside my TV screen for all of one day.

 

“Hire him! I don’t care how much money you spend, but I want him under contract before Wrestlemania!” Vince exclaimed.

 

I glance at my computer screen and looked over the list again. “It’ll be pretty interesting to have Sting on Wrestlemania for the very first time, but I wonder if it might be too late to build up a good match for him. Other than the time constraint, most his ideal ‘dream match’ opponents, like the Undertaker, have already been locked in their own feuds with other guys……”

 

“I’m not talking about Sting, dammit! Sign him if you want, I don’t care. I want you to sign this guy.” He points at the screen impatiently.

 

I looked, and blinked, rubbed my eyes, and looked again. “Jeff Jarrett?”

 

“Damn straight!”

 

“Founder of TNA?”

 

“That’s the man!”

 

“Last seen in the WWE losing the Intercontinental Title to a woman?”

 

“The very same, dammit! How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

 

“But……he hates your guts!”

 

“Lots of people hate my guts. Most of them ended up working for me anyway. Just find a way. I’ve found throwing a few bucketloads of cash at them usually works, although I’m not gonna stop you from getting creative, as long as you get the job done. I don’t care if you have to blackmail him with nude pics of his wife. Just sign him.”

 

“But what do you want me to do with him? Make him a surprise opponent for someone at Wrestlemania? Be the special guest host? Get squashed by the Divas Champion? Badmouth TNA live on PPV? Clean the toilets?”

 

“I haven’t figured out that part yet, although that last one sounds good.” Vince admitted. “We’ll come up with something after he’s signed. If you don’t, I’ll do it personally, and then I’ll know exactly he’s going to do.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“Your job.”

 

“Right. I’ll contact him immediately……”

 

 

 

Announced on wwe.com:

 

The following matches have been announced for WWE Main Event, this Wednesday night on ION Television:

 

After learning of Fandango’s attempt to steal his personal ring announcer, World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio has requested a match against the man with the hardest name to pronounce! Will Fandango finally make his in-ring debut on Main Event?

 

Also on Main Event, Kane seeks revenge on behalf of his team as he takes on Big E Langston! Will he be able to avenge the loss that his tag team partner Daniel Bryan suffered against Dolph Ziggler this past week on RAW?

 

All that and more, on WWE Main Event!

[Greylocke]

Main Event!

 

WWE Main Event – held in front of 20124 people at the Amway Centre, Orlando, Florida!

 

Main Event kicks off with the announcers, Michael Cole, the Miz and ‘Road Dogg’ Brian James hyping the ‘featured main event’ tonight, which is a match between World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio and the newcomer known as Fandango. Miz and Cole also briefly welcome Brian James as a new member of their broadcast team.

 

(OOC: This serves primarily to introduce Road Dogg as a new commentator, since neither Cole nor Miz have the ‘Respect’ level to play a good lead announcer. For some reason, you need to be respected to be able to do really good play-by-play commentary in TEW 05. Road Dogg was by default a Road Agent, but I have more than enough guys who can do that job better than him.)

 

Angle: 3 Announcers hype the main event. (Rating: B-)

 

Right on cue, Ricardo Rodriguez appears at the entrance and proceed to perform his lengthy introduction of the World Champion, his friend and employer, the excellence of excelencia, ALBERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEL RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOO!

 

(“Ricardo Rodriguez had major problems due to the language barrier.” For some the reason, the fans suddenly have a problem with Ricardo speaking Spanish, despite the fact that he’s been introducing Alberto in that language every single week.)

 

Angle: Ricardo introduces Alberto for his entrance. (Rating: C+)

 

A short Video Recap of what happened this past Monday night on RAW is shown while Alberto makes his way to the ring. The clip shows Fandango trying to persuade Ricardo to leave Del Rio and serve him instead. The camera then cuts back to Alberto standing in the ring, and he does not look pleased at what Fandango did.

 

Angle: Video Recap of Fandango requesting for Ricardo to be his ring announcer. (Rating: C)

 

Fandango then makes his way down to the ring, and Justin Roberts announces his entrance, but once again, Fandango cuts the ring announcer off. He says that it’s clear that Justin Roberts is just too incompetent at his job to pronounce his name properly. He wants Ricardo to do it instead. Ricardo, who’s standing in the ring beside Alberto, shakes his head in refusal. Fandango makes a few more attempts to persuade him, but without success. Fandango tells Ricardo that he hopes Ricardo is happy; because of Ricardo’s stubbornness, the WWE Universe have once again been denied the opportunity to witness the in-ring debut of FAAAAAAAAAAHHHN……DAAAAAAAAAHHHHHN……GOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Fandango then turns and leaves the ring, while Alberto shouts after him to come back and fight like a man. Fandango doesn’t come back, though, and the ‘main event’ on Main Event never got started.

 

Angles: Fandango asks Ricardo to introduce him, but Ricardo refuses. (Rating: C+)

Fandango blames Ricardo’s refusal to introduce him as an excuse, and walks out of his match……again. (Rating: B+)

 

Backstage, in the divas’ locker room, Layla and the Divas Champion Kaitlyn are shown together. Layla is questioning Kaitlyn’s decision to agree to become Cody Rhodes’ partner this past Monday night on RAW. She thought the two of them already broke up. Kaitlyn corrected her and said that she and Cody never broke up, since they were never “together”. She says that Layla is reading too much into it, that she and Cody are ‘just friends’, and that she was just helping out a friend in need. Layla doesn’t look convinced.

 

Angle: Layla questions Kaitlyn’s relationship with Cody Rhodes. (Rating: C-)

 

Match: Kane defeated Big E. Langston in 11:43 when Big E. Langston was disqualified when Dolph Ziggler ran in and attacked Kane. During the match we also had AJ Lee run in and attack Kane.

 

Kane slugs it out with Big E immediately after the bell rings, trading blow for blow for nearly a minute, but Big E shockingly seems to be gaining the upper hand in the slugfest. Kane is sent staggering to the ropes and Big E charges in for a knockdown blow, but the veteran Kane pulls the ropes down and lets Big E’s momentum carry him over the top rope and fall hard outside. Kane controls the match outside the ring for a while before rolling Big E back in. But as he’s getting back into the ring himself, AJ distracts him by screaming at him from the side, and Big E capitalizes on the opening as he crashes into Kane like freight train and send him flying off the ring apron into the security wall.

 

Big E dominates his opponent with power moves for several minutes, but can’t quite put Kane away. Kane finally finds an opening as Big E misses a corner charge and collides with the turnbuckles. Kane hits Big E with 2 consecutive corner clothesline, drops him with a sidewalk slam, then goes up top and hit his flying clothesline. He signals for a chokeslam to finish this off. AJ tries to get on the ring apron again, but Daniel Bryan pulls her off and screams “NO!” at her.

 

“YES!” AJ screams back at Bryan.

 

“NO!”

 

“YES!”

 

“NO!”

 

“YES!”

 

“NO!”

 

“YES!”

 

“NO!”

 

“YES!”

 

This goes back and forth for a while, and the audience of course joins in, and naturally the referee is distracted as well. Ziggler tries to use this opportunity to interfere, but Kane spots him on the ring apron and shoves Big E right into him, and this time it’s Ziggler’s turn to go flying off the apron into the wall. Kane grabs Langston again for the chokeslam, but Big E powers out literally by brute force as he forces Kane’s hand right off his throat! He drops Kane with a big belly-to-belly slam. The referee is still distracted trying to tell Bryan and AJ to knock it off, and Big E solves this by going outside and throwing Bryan straight through the security wall. Big E gets back into the ring to see Kane getting back up, and charges at him, but Kane drops with a big boot to the face. Kane seizes Big E by the throat for a third time, and it looks like this time he might pull off the chokeslam, but this is when Ziggler gets back in and drops Kane from behind with the Zig-Zag and causing the DQ. With Bryan still down and out amidst the ruins of the broken security wall, there’s no one to stop Team Big Z and once again they stand posing in the ring with the Tag Team Championships held over their heads, while AJ skips happily round and round them.

 

Rating: B

 

Ricardo Rodriguez is shown walking in the parking lot, presumably to join Alberto in his car, backstage when a mysterious black car stops beside him, and he’s grabbed by a masked man and dragged screaming into the car. The car speeds off.

 

(“Ricardo Rodriguez had major problems due to the language barrier. This segment brought the crowd's mood down.” I guess the fans really wanted to hear Ricardo scream for help in English.)

 

Angle: Ricardo gets kidnapped. Rating: E

 

Next up is our weekly obligatory RAW recap segment, which highlights the main storyline surrounding the main event of Wrestlemania. The Rock destroyed the Spinner. Cena wants to avenge the destroyed Spinner. The Rock hates Spinner belts and everything that spins. Cena wants to design new Spinners. The Rock lost money in Vegas thanks to a Spinning roulette. Who will prevail? Watch Wrestlemania and find out!

 

Oh, and the announcers hype that the Rock will be on Smackdown! Tune in this Friday night for more stories about the Great One’s hatred for Spinners!

 

Angle: Obligatory RAW recap segment. Rating: A*

 

Backstage, CM Punk is interviewed about his ‘heinous action’ this past week on RAW. Punk says he has no regrets or remorse about what he did, and that it’s appropriate that the Undertaker has named their match at Wrestlemania a Casket Match. People might think that this match favours the Undertaker, but they’ll be wrong. At Wrestlemania, Punk will not only put the Undertaker in a casket, but he’ll be giving it a proper burial along with his beloved Paul Bearer. They can even share the same grave, now that he’s dug up Bearer’s old one, and he’ll make it up to them by digging them a bigger one to fit both of them. Not only will he be burying the Undertaker, he’ll be burying the Undertaker’s legacy along with him as well by finally breaking the Streak. However, before he does that, maybe he’ll do the Undertaker an additional favour by taking him for a ride behind his truck, just like he did to Paul Bearer……

 

Punk gets interrupted by the Big Show, who seems to be fuming in rage at what Punk has said and done. He tells Punk that he’s done a lot of nasty things to people, but one thing he’s never stooped to is to desecrate the dead. He tells Punk that he’s gone way too far by bringing the deceased members of his opponent’s loved ones into this.

 

“Woah, I guess what you saw last week touched a nerve, didn’t it? How could I forget, you saw your own daddy’s casket been dragged across the street by a vehicle too, didn’t you? Well, I guess it’s appropriate, because both you and the Undertaker let your loved ones down, and because of you, they will NEVER REST……IN……PEA-”

 

The Big Show can take it no more and grabs Punk by the neck, threatening to snap it. A bunch of crew members and agents rush in to break it up, and as Big Show and Punk are being held apart, Show shouts at Punk that he wants Punk in a match on Smackdown! Punk shouts back that he accepts!

 

Angles: CM Punk taunts the Undertaker in an interview. (Rating: A*)

Big Show takes exception to Punk’s action and challenges him to a match! (Rating: A*)

 

Meanwhile, Alberto Del Rio is shown looking for Ricardo, asking various backstage staff whether they’d seen him. He’s so intent on his search that he bumps right into the World’s Strongest Man Mark Henry coming round the corner. Mark tells the ‘little man’ to watch his step, and Alberto takes exception to that. Already in a bad mood due to Ricardo’s disappearance, Alberto tells the ‘big jackass’ that he came here tonight for a fight but didn’t get one because that Fandango was a big pu$$y with no cojones, and he’s now aching for a fight, so if Mark wants a fight, he’ll give it to him. Or maybe Mark is just a big coward like Fandango, because he saw Mark running away from Ryback this past Monday night looking like he wet his pants. Henry tells Alberto that he’s just made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

Angles: Alberto looks for Ricardo. (Rating: A)

Confrontation between Mark Henry and Del Rio leading to match. (Rating: A)

 

Match: Alberto Del Rio defeated Mark Henry in 14:07 when Mark Henry was counted out after being attacked by Ryback.

 

Alberto looks bothered by the fact that Ricardo isn’t there to introduce him during his entrance, but this frustration only seems to add on to his aggression, as he takes the fight right to Henry early in the match by peppering him with low kicks and actually taking him down to one knee. As he goes for the finishing kick to the temple however Mark grabs him by the foot and shoves him head-over-heels onto the mat. Alberto gets back up quickly, but Henry runs him over like a tank.

 

Henry then uses his strength and size to torture Del Rio, taking his time and relishing every moment of pain he deals out. Del Rio makes a few attempts at comebacks, but Henry always shuts them down quickly with a single blow or slam. Finally, Henry goes for a big running splash off the ropes that would have flattened the World Champion, but Alberto gets out of the way. Alberto finally makes his comeback and hits Henry with a barrage of running clotheslines and kicks, but Henry is too big, and stays on his feet despite multiple blows. He catches another superkick attempt and shoves Alberto back into the corner, but as he charges in, Alberto drop-toe-holds him into the turnbuckles. Alberto then hits a jumping armbar take down before going for the Cross Armbreaker, but Henry lifts him right off his feet and drop him into the ropes. Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Alberto counters in mid-air into the Cross Armbreaker! Henry fights his way to the ropes despite the pain, and the referee forces Alberto to break the hold. Henry struggles back to his knees, and Alberto nails with his superkick. Henry slumps back into the corner, and Alberto follows up with his corner enziguri kick! Henry goes down, and Alberto goes for the pin, but Henry kicks out on 2 with such power that Alberto is flung through the ropes out of the ring! Henry is getting back up when……

 

“FEED ME MORE!”

 

Henry stares in shock as Ryback enters arena with his shotgun still in hand. Henry runs for his life through the crowd, giving Alberto the win by countout after the latter manages to get back into the ring. Alberto might have won the match, but he does not looked pleased, probably due to the fact that Ricardo isn’t there to announce his big victory. Ryback, meanwhile, has followed Henry through the crowd into the back.

 

Rating: A

 

The camera catches up with Mark Henry in the parking lot as he looks around nervously. Suddenly, the roar of engine is heard, followed the screeching of tyres, and we see Mark Henry dodging barely out of the way as a truck screeches past him and smashes into a nearby car. The truck begins to back up from the ruined remains of the car, and Ryback sticks his head out of the truck’s window.

 

“I’M STILL NOT TOUCHING YOU!” the monster screams as he tries to maneuver his vehicle around to aim it at Mark again. Mark Henry quickly gets into a car and escapes before Ryback can finish positioning his truck, and Main Event goes off the air with the scene of Ryback chasing after Henry’ car out of the parking lot in his truck.

 

Angle: Ryback tries to run over Henry with a truck in the parking lot. (Rating: A).

 

Overall Rating: A (Might have hurt popularity)

 

 

(OOC: Ok, I’ve found another bad error in the data that screwed me over. For some reason, Ricardo Rodriguez is set as being ‘Fluent’ in Japanese……and NOTHING ELSE! I’m assuming that the mod-maker mistook Japanese for Spanish when they set it. But even so, Ricardo is RL is at least passable, if no fluent, in English, so it’s clearly wrong for his English skills to be set to ‘None’, which is the main reason why that kidnap angle scored so horribly. And considering even the Great Khali is set to be ‘fluent’ in English, and Ricardo is considerably more articulate than Khali, I think it’s fair to consider him ‘fluent’ as well. I’ve corrected these via the editor.)

 

 

From wwe.com:

 

After CM Punk’s heinous actions on this past Monday night’s RAW, the Big Show, who clearly sympathizes with what the Dead Man has gone through due to having been a victim of similar circumstances 14 years ago when his own father’s casket was dragged through the streets by his own hated nemesis, has taken it upon himself to challenge Punk to a match on Smackdown to mete out some well-deserved justice to the self-proclaimed Best in the World. Will Punk get his comeuppance at the hands of the giant, or will he prove that he’s indeed the Best in the World?

 

Also, with his personal ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez abducted by unknown assailants, Alberto Del Rio seeks to wring out the truth from the two men whom he consider to be the biggest suspects for the crime: the man known as Fandango, and the Real American Jack Swagger, Del Rio’s Wrestlemania opponent. He may get his opportunity on Smackdown, as he teams up with Chris Jericho to take on Swagger and Fandango!

 

With the Bellas missing in action on Monday night due to a little ‘accident’, Cody Rhodes had to look for a replacement partner. Now, Damien Sandow faces a similar problem, as he’s scheduled to team up with one of the Bellas to take on the team of Sweet T and Cameron on Smackdown! Will the Bellas return to action in time to take their spot? Or will Damien have to look for a replacement as well.

 

Also:

 

The Rock to make an appearance on Smackdown!

 

Team Hell No will be in action!

 

Paul Heyman to deliver a message on behalf of his client Brrrrrock Lesnar!

 

All that and more, this Friday Night on Smackdown!

 

Smackdown Prediction Contest for anyone who might be interested:

 

CM Punk vs Big Show

 

Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho vs Jack Swagger & Fandango

 

Damien Sandow & ??? vs Sweet T & Cameron

 

Team Hell No vs Primo & Epico (w/ Rosa)

 

AJ vs Layla

 

Who kidnapped Ricardo Rodriguez? Is it:

 

a) Jack Swagger

b) Fandango

c) Someone else (state who)

 

Who will Damien Sandow’s partner be in the mixed tag match?

[Russelrules44]

Smackdown Prediction Contest for anyone who might be interested:

 

CM Punk vs Big Show

 

Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho vs Jack Swagger & Fandango

 

Damien Sandow & ??? vs Sweet T & Cameron

 

Team Hell No vs Primo & Epico (w/ Rosa)

 

AJ vs Layla

 

Who kidnapped Ricardo Rodriguez? Is it:

 

a) Jack Swagger

b) Fandango

c) Someone else (state who)

 

Who will Damien Sandow’s partner be in the mixed tag match?

 

Naomi. (Heel turn for Naomi perhaps?)

[Greylocke]

<p>SmackDown!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Friday Night Smackdown! – held in front of 21130 people in the UNI-Dome, Cedar Falls, Iowa!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Pre-show segments:</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Dark Match: Prime Time Playas defeated The Usos in 5:42 when Titus O'Neil defeated Jimmy Uso by pinfall after using a foreign object.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Standard fare here with the heels controlling the match with quick tags for a bit, the other Uso (can’t tell them apart) getting the hot tag and cleaning house, then Darren Young (the illegal man) sticks his comb into the Uso’s eyes from the ring apron while Titus has the referee distracted, and Titus hits his finisher on the blinded Uso for the win.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: C+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Aksana comes out and fires T-Shirts into the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(Pure filler segment, since Aksana has been complaining about not being used. She’s about to be used a lot more often starting from Wrestlemania……but probably not in the capacity she wants to. Be careful what you wish for……this is my message to all complainers.)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Diva shoots T-Shirts (Rating: B)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Main Show:</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Smackdown starts off with……the Chairman of the Board, Vince McMahon himself! The owner of WWE gets a huge ovation as he comes swaggering out with a big smile on his face. He asks if the fans are excited for Wrestlemania, and the crowd pops in response. Vince tells the fans that he’s excited too, and he’s out here to announce an even bigger reason to be excited for Mania! He has just signed a major Superstar earlier this morning. This man was a major power player in TNA and a former World Champion in WCW! This causes a buzz in the crowd, not least because a portion of the fans are busy asking each other “What the hell is TNA?” Vince then goes on to announce that this major new signing will be unveiled at Wrestlemania, where he will be the guest host! Vince promises that this new guest host’s appearance will make the biggest event in Sports Entertainment history, hell, even bigger than the Rock being WM’s guest host 2 years ago! Vince then takes his leave as the announcers try to figure out whom he might have been referring to. Immediately after the owner leaves, Kane’s music hit the arena, and Team Hell No make their way out to the ring for their scheduled match!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Vince McMahon announces major signing. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Non-title Match: Team Hell No defeated Primo and Epico in 6:26 when Kane defeated Epico by pinfall with a Chokeslam. During the match we also had AJ Lee run in and attack Daniel Bryan</strong>.</p><p> </p><p>

Daniel Bryan starts off with Primo and immediately takes him down to the mat where he completely out-classes his opponent with some chain-wrestling. Primo breaks free with a rake to the eyes and makes a quick tag to Epico, but Bryan takes him down just as easily and puts him through a series of painful holds. AJ’s music hits the arena and she comes skipping down the ramp and proceeds to skip round and round the ring. As Bryan stares at her in confusion, Primo and Epico take advantage and floor him with a double dropkick. The Colons control the match with a few quick tags while AJ skips her way back up the ramp out of the arena. After about 3 minutes, Bryan battles his way out of a hold, does a corner backflip to evade Primo, and floors him with a flying rebound clothesline! Both side make the tag, Kane cleans house on both Colons, then grabs Epico for the chokeslam. Primo runs in to break it up, but Kane floors him with a big boot. Rosa distracts Kane, and Epico goes for a sneak attack, but Bryan intercepts him with a missile dropkick. Bryan then goes out and hits a diving knee off the apron on Primo while Kane chokeslams Epico for the win.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: B-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Backstage, Jack Swagger is shown in Smackdown GM Booker T’s officer demanding a new tag team partner for his match tonight against Chris Jericho and Alberto Del Rio. He says that Fandango has a history of walking out of matches, and he’s not going to risk his tag match being turned into a handicap match. Booker T agrees, and tells him that he has the perfect replacement partner for Swagger: <strong>Antonio Cesaro</strong>, who’s been begging Booker for another chance to prove that he deserves to be on the Wrestlemania card. Swagger is not pleased with Booker’s choice for his replacement partner, complaining that Booker is putting him in the ring with 3 non-Amercians, who will not doubt gang up on a Real American like him! Booker tells Swagger that he can either take Cesaro as his partner, or take the handicap match! He then tells Swagger to get out of his office!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Booker T gives Swagger a replacement partner: Antonio Cesaro! (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

We then see Damien Sandow talking to AJ backstage, and it looks like he’s asking AJ to be his partner for tonight against Sweet T and Cameron. He tries to flatter her by telling her that out of all the divas backstage, she’s the only one with the mental capacity required to work with the Intellectual Savio-</p><p> </p><p>

“MENTAL???!!! DID YOU JUST CALL ME MENTAL??!!!!” AJ shrieks at Damien. Damien quick tries to tell her that it’s not what he meant, but it’s too late, as AJ goes ballistic and pounces on Sandow, clawing and hammering and screaming shrilly. Several staff members rush in to help pull the crazed woman off Damien as the Intellectual Saviour of the Masses runs off with his tail tucked between his legs.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Damien asks AJ to be his partner. AJ goes crazy and attacks Damien. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Meanwhile, we see Brad Maddox backstage asking Vickie for another opportunity as a wrestler. Vickie agrees, probably just to get Maddox to stop pestering her. She says she will speak to Booker about getting him another opponent.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Brad Maddox requests another match from Vickie. (Rating: C)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Match: Sheamus defeated Brad Maddox in 2:35 by pinfall with a Brogue Kick.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Running axe-handle smash, 10 clobbering blows to the chest against the ropes, battering ram off the ropes, corner shoulder-thrust, running knee lift, White Noise, Brogue Kick, 1-2-3, and the Sheamus arse-whopping exhibition is over.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: B</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro are shown in the locker room, and neither look happy. Zeb Coulter tells Cesaro that he’s watched Cesaro over the past month bad-mouthing Americans and calling them lazy despite the fact that it’s foreigners like Cesaro who’s been stealing the jobs from honest Americans. Cesaro tells Coulter, <strong><em>“Maybe if you American aren’t so lazy and incompetent, it wouldn’t have been so easy to lose your jobs to foreign talents like us! You Americans are lazy and complacent and believe everything is owed to you and should be handed to you. Unlike you, people like me don’t wait for handouts, we reach out and take what we want!”</em></strong></p><p> </p><p>

Swagger looks like he’s about to attack Cesaro, but Coulter holds him back. Coulter tells Cesaro that if he dares to stab the Real American Jack Swagger in the back in their tag match later tonight like the illegal criminals that Coulter knows his kind to be, Jack Swagger will make sure he won’t live to regret it! Cesaro tells him that the only reason he agreed to take the match is because he wanted Booker T to give him another chance to prove that he’s superior to everyone else on the Wrestlemania card, including Swagger. He tells Swagger that he wants to win their match even more then Swagger, and that Swagger should stop worrying about him stabbing Swagger in the back and concern himself with not screwing up like the typical American always does and cost Cesaro his WM spot! Cesaro then leaves the room as Swagger and Coulter stare daggers into his back.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Jack Swagger doesn’t trust foreigners as his partner. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal come down to the ring. Heath Slater says that what happened on Monday night was a fluke, and that Sheamus, Big Show and Randy got luck. Footage is shown of how 3MB got beat by the afore-mentioned 3 men this past Monday night. Slater complains about how 3MB has been left the Wrestlemania card. They’d gone to both GMs to request a Wrestlemania match, but all they’ve been given are spots in the pre-show Battle Royal. Slater says that 3MB are better than this, and that they should be the ones going to Wrestlemania to face the Shield. To prove that, they’re making an open challenge to any 3 Superstars backstage. In fact, they’re so certain of victory that if they lose, they will put one of their Battle Royal spots on the line! That’s right, if one of them gets pinned, he is out of the Battle Royal!</p><p> </p><p>

Kofi Kingston’s music hits to a decent pop from the crowd. Kofi waits at the entrance for 2 more partners, and R-Truth comes out to join his friend and some-time partner. 3MB challenges for them to get into the ring, when Brodus Clay’s music hits! 3MB finally look a little concerned, but they’re still game for the match, waiting for their opponents to enter the ring!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: 3MB makes an open challenge and put one of their Wrestlemania pre-show Battle Royal spots on the line. (Rating: C)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Match: Kofi Kingston, R-Truth and Brodus Clay defeated Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre in 5:44 when Brodus Clay defeated Drew McIntyre by pinfall with a Running Splash.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

R-Truth starts off against Slater, who does his air-guitar gyrating with an “WOO!” Truth responds with a few jiggles and pelvic thrusts, which pops the crowd, and baits Slater into taking a swing, which Truth avoids with a low split followed by a jumping heel kick. Tag made to Kofi, who jumps on Slater in the corner and throws him out with a monkey flip. Truth is tagged back in, and he stuns Slater with some heavy shots to the face, but then gets tripped up from the apron by McIntyre as he goes off the ropes. Truth turns and sticks a boot through the ropes into Drew’s face, but gets floored from behind by Jinder with a running knee to the back of his head. 3MB use quick tags to control the offense for a bit, but R-Truth comes back with a Lie Detector that knocks down Drew. Tag made to Brodus Clay before Drew can make the tag, and the Funkasaurus runs wild on McIntyre. Slater comes in and runs straight into a big headbutt to the chest. Jinder comes in as well but doesn’t fare much better. Brodus hits both Mahal and Drew in opposite corners with running avalanches, then drops Drew with a T-Bone suplex. Slater breaks up the pin attempt, and Kofi comes flying over the top rope with a big superman punch on him. Kofi hits the Boom Drop on Slater, who rolls out of the ring. Jinder goes for his running knee on Kofi, who pulls the ropes down and sends Jinder flying out of the ring. R-Truth then gets in and slingshots himself over the ropes onto both Slater and Mahal outside. In the ring, Drew goes for his Future Shock DDT on Brodus, but Kofi hits him with the Trouble in Paradise. Brodus finishes him off with a big splash.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: C+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

After the match, Slater gets back into the ring and screams at the PA to cut the music. He says that Kofi and gang got lucky, and that McIntyre was suffering from a bad flu. He says that the match didn’t count, and their making another open challenge. They still have 2 more spots in the Battle Royal, and they’re going to put another one on the line! This time, Jinder and McIntyre don’t seem happy with Slater’s decision, and start to argue with him, but Slater is adamant about it. Santino’s music starts playing, and Slater laughs at his new opponent. Santino is joined by Zack Ryder, and the other 2 member of 3MB start laughing as well. Then the final kicker: Hornswoggle’s music starts to play! All 3 members of 3MB and laughing so hard that they’re nearly out of breath as their 3 new opponents hit the ring!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: 3MB makes another open challenge and put yet another of their Battle Royal spot on the line. (Or rather, Slater did, but the other 2 didn’t like it). (Rating: C)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Match: Santino Marella, Zack Ryder and Hornswoggle defeated Heath Slater, Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre in 5:45 when Hornswoggle defeated Jinder Mahal by pinfall with a Tadpole Splash.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Slater challenges Hornswoggle to start the match with him, and the midget obliges. Slater laughs at him, and Hornswoggle kicks him hard in the shin. Hornswoggle rolls out of the ring with an enraged Slater in hot pursuit. He circles back into the ring and makes the tag to Ryder in the process, and Slater runs straight into a flapjack as he follows the midget back in. Ryder hits a running splash in the corner, then makes the tag to Santino, who gets in and starts to pull out the Cobra. Jinder and McIntyre distract him from the ring apron, and Santino goes to hit them with the Cobra, but they jump off the apron to avoid it. Slater hits the distracted Santino with a neckbreaker. He pulls off the Cobra and stomps on it. 3MB control the offense for a bit, and Mahal gets tagged in while Drew holds Santino still for him to take a few free shots. Santino elbows his way free, however, then does his signature splits, which causes Mahal to miss and hit Drew in the face instead. Mahal turns around and gets hit by Santino’s signature hiptoss. Santino makes the hot tag to Ryder, who takes both Drew and Jinder down, then knocks Slater off the ring apron. He hits the Broski Boot on Jinder and goes for the pin, but Slater breaks up the pin. Santino gets back in, and he has retrieved the Cobra! Slater turns around and takes the Cobra in his neck and falls out of the ring. McIntyre gets in and throws Santino out of the ring. He turns and grabs Ryder for the Future Shock, but Hornswoggle gets in and stomps hard on his foot to break it up. The irate Drew lets go of Ryder and chases the midget around the ring until Jinder gets back up and block off Hornswoggle’s route. Thhinking they have the midget cornered, they both lunge simultaneously, but Hornswoggle ducks between Jinder’s legs, and the 2 3MB members collide headfirst. Ryder clotheslines Drew over the top, then hits Mahal with the Rough Ryder. He makes the tag to Hornswoggle, who comes off the top with the Tadpole Splash on Jinder for the win.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: C</strong></p><p> </p><p>

After a double-dose of 3MB, the crowd needs something to get their moods back up, and who better than The Rock? The Great One comes out as the crowd virtually erupts. The Rock briefly recounts what he did on Monday Night RAW, destroying Cena’s old Spinner belt and the root of all evil. He then proceeds to elaborate further on the evils of spinning objects, suck as a giant Ferris Wheel he once saw at a fairground many years ago. He talks about how the Ferris wheel had malfunctioned and stopped, trapping dozens of innocent kids and their parents up in mid air. Of course, being the Great One that he was, he climbed up the wheel and rescued the kids, one by one……</p><p> </p><p>

John Cena’s music hits! Cena had come to Smackdown unannounced. He comes out and tells the Rock to cut the crap. He’s done some research, and he knows what the Rock’s been spewing is just that, crap! He proceeds to expose the Rock’s little secret: the truth is that the Rock didn’t rescue anyone. In fact, he was one of those kids riding on the Ferries wheel himself! The wheel never malfunctioned, but the Rock had got sick while riding a in it and had thrown up on his own pants, and has been traumatized by the experience ever since. That’s the real reason why the Rock hated the Spinner, because it brought back horrible childhood memories. However, he assures the Rock that after Wrestlemania, he will forget all about his childhood trauma, because John Cena promises to make Rock go through an even more horrifying and humiliating experience at Wrestlemania that will overshadow any past trauma that the Rock’s ever suffered. After Wrestlemania, the only thing that will be causing the Rock trauma will be him, John Cena! The Rock is speechless for the first time as Cena then takes out a toy pinwheel and blows on it, then raises the spinning pinwheel tauntingly at the Great One.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: The Rock talks about his experiences with a spinning Ferris wheel, and why spinning objects suck. (Rating: A*)</strong></p><p><strong>

John Cena exposes the Rock’s childhood secret and phobia. (Rating: A*)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

AJ Lee and Layla are shown walking backstage via split screens as they both head out to the arena for their upcoming match against each other, up next!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Divas walking backstage to hype upcoming match. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Back from commercial break, we find Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes arguing over something. Damien still has bloody scratch marks on his face caused by AJ earlier. Damien has a plan, and he insists that it will work, but Cody tells him that it’s a stupid idea and there’s no way he’ll go along with it. Damien looks offended that Cody will ever associate the word ‘stupid’ with any of his ideas, but he continues to plead with Cody as the two of them walk off the scene.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Damien tries to convince Cody to go along with his secret plan. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Match: Layla defeated AJ Lee in 5:48 by pinfall following interference from Kane. During the match we also had Daniel Bryan run in and attack AJ Lee.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

AJ comes out all bouncy and cheerful as she skips around her opponent after the bell has sounded. Layla looks like she isn’t sure how to react, and AJ strikes while she’s still confused, taking her down and assaulting her viciously. AJ dominates most of the match, and looks like it’s only a matter of time before she wins, when suddenly Daniel Bryan’s music begins to play! D-Bryan runs out to the ring and starts running sideways as he circles around the ring screaming, <strong><em>“NO! NO! NO! NO!”</em></strong> at the audience, who chants along with him. AJ is confused, just like Daniel was earlier when AJ ran in during his match, and Layla rolls her up for a nearfall. AJ kicks out and floors Layla again, but she’s still constantly distracted by Bryan, who’s still running around outside. Suddenly, pyros go off from all 4 corners of the ring, and Kane’s music starts playing. AJ panics and tells the referee to stop Kane. Kane doesn’t appear, but Layla uses the distraction to sneak up behind AJ and hit the Lay-out for the win!</p><p> </p><p>

After the match, Kane finally appears in the entrance. Daniel meets him there, and the Tag Team Champions hi-five each other while AJ throws a temper tantrum in the ring.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: C+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The announcers then reminds the viewers that we'll be seeing CM Punk take on The Big Show later tonight in the main event, while graphics are displayed to support their words.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Graphic hype for main event. (Rating: A*)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

“Hallelujah” begins to play, and it’s time for the mixed tag match! Damien Sandow comes out and says that it is time for him to reveal who his substitute partner for his upcoming tag match. Because there isn’t a single female in the locker rooms back there, or in fact in this entire city of unwashed masses that posses the mental prowess to match his own towering intellect, he has invited a woman from far across the globe to come here to be his tag team partner. Ladies and Gentlemen, rise to your feet and pay your respects to a woman of outstanding intelligence, the only female with the mental capability to match his own, all the way from the Middle East, <strong><em>Akilah Saaed!</em></strong> </p><p> </p><p>

Some Arabic music starts to play, and out comes someone wrapped from head to foot in a <em>burkha</em>, with only his eyes and hands showing. The crowd isn’t fooled and starts chanting “CODY RHODES!” at the person in the <em>burkha</em>. Damien Sandow sternly calls for silence before inviting ‘Akilah’ to go down to the ring with him. He even holds the ropes open for Akilah as ‘she’ enters the ring (rather clumsily, due to the <em>burkha</em>).</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Damien introduces his replacement partner: ‘Akilah Saaed’, who is clearly Cody Rhodes dressed in a </strong><strong><em>burkha</em></strong><strong>. (Rating: B)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Mixed Tag Match: Damien Sandow & ‘Akilah Saaed’ defeated Sweet T and Cameron in 6:01 when ‘Akilah’ defeated Cameron by pinfall with a Cross Rhodes.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Sweet T complains to the referee about ‘Akilah’ not being a real woman and demands that the <em>burkha</em> be removed to prove it. Damien acts outraged, claiming that Sweet T is violating the custom of his partner’s homeland. Sweet T tries to remove the <em>burkha</em> by force himself, but Damien attacks him from behind to start off the match.</p><p> </p><p>

Damien controls the match for a few seconds, but Sweet T quickly fights back and dominates with power moves. After being thrown around for 3 minutes, Damien makes the tag to ‘Akilah’, and the referee rules that Cameron must now enter the match. Sweet T refuses to leave the ring, but Cameron tells him it’s okay. ‘Akilah’ seems to be uncomfortable moving around in her thick cumbersome clothing, and Cameron uses this to her advantage for a while, catching her with some quick hit and run attacks and baiting her into tripping over her own <em>burkha</em>. Cameron then tries to capitalize, but Damien trips her from ringside. Sweet T rushes around the ring and flattens Damien with a big clothesline, but Akilah uses the opportunity to grab Cameron and hit her with a move that looks very much like Cody Rhodes’ finishing maneuver, the Cross Rhodes. Damien holds Sweet T back outside the ring to prevent him from breaking up the pin as Akilah pins Cameron to win the mixed tag match.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(“The performance of Cody Rhodes stood out as being good.” I guess wrestling in a burkha really works for him!)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: B-</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Paul Heyman comes out to the ring and says that he brings a message on behalf of his client, Brrrrock Lesnar. He thinks that most people will be expecting that the message is for Lesnar’s Wrestlemania opponent, Triple H, but it’s not. For Triple H, the time for talking is over, and no amount of words will change the fact that at Wrestlemania, Brock Lesnar will end Triple H’s career. The message he’s about to deliver is intended for Triple H’s best friend, the man who announced this past Monday night that he would be in Triple H’s corner, the Hall of Famer Shawn Michaels.</p><p> </p><p>

Heyman reminds everyone what happened the last time HBK attempted to get involved in the rivalry between Brock and HHH. Michaels had his arm broken by Brock. Heyman says that, out of respect for the Hall of Famer, he’s here to give Michaels a final warning, and tells him not to show up at Wrestlemania. He knows for a fact that HBK is in the arena tonight, and he knows he’s listening, and he implores that HBK will listen to reason, because at Wrestlemania, there’ll be no reasoning with the beast that is Brock Lesnar. To Brock, Michaels will be just an additional obstacle to be demolished before he gets to Triple H.</p><p> </p><p>

HBK appears on the Tron, and he appears to be standing in the parking lot. He tells Heyman that he appreciates the concern, but since Heyman knows that he’s here tonight, why doesn’t he come and deliver that message to his face. Heyman laughs and tells HBK that him showing up is a mistake, and that he now has Shawn exactly where he and Brock wants him! That’s right, Brock Lesnar is here tonight as well, and he’s gonna make sure Shawn doesn’t make it to Wrestlemania! Shawn looks concerned and runs off camera. A moment later, Brock appears in front of the camera, and at Heyman’s urging heads off after Shawn in the direction he just went. </p><p> </p><p>

The camera follows Brock for a minute and soon locates Shawn not far ahead, leaning over a security fence and facing the opposite way. Brock charges forward and drives his shoulder straight into Shawn’s kidneys before he can even turn around. He hits a few more shoulder-thrusts against the fence, then spins Shawn around……only it isn’t Shawn! It’s Heath Slater, dressed up in the jacket and cowboy hat that Shawn was wearing a few moments ago. Shawn must have somehow knocked out Slater and dressed him up like this as a decoy!</p><p> </p><p>

As Brock and Heyman both stare in confusion, the crowd pops as the real HBK slips out from the crowd (sans jacket and hat) and gets into the ring behind Heyman. Sensing that something is wrong, Heyman turns around just in time to eat some Sweet Chin Music! Michaels then tells both Heyman and Brock that he’ll see them at Wrestlemania, before his music starts playing as he leaves the ring, dancing his way up the ramp, while Lesnar glares from the Tron in frustration.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Paul Heyman warns HBK not to get involved at Wrestlemania. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong>

Brock attacks ‘Shawn’ backstage buts finds out that it’s Heath Slater being dressed up as HBK. (Raring: A*)</strong></p><p><strong>

Shawn Michaels lays out Heyman with a SCM in the ring whilst Brock was lured away backstage. (Rating: A*)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Antonio Cesaro and Swagger make their separate entrances as they come out for their tag match against Alberto Del Rio and Chris Jericho. As the referee wait to start the match, Swagger and Cesaro can be seen arguing. It seems like Swagger wants Cesaro to stay in the corner as he doesn’t trust him. Cesaro is having none of it, and soon the two of them stand nose-to-nose in a heated argument. Coulter finally calms Swagger down, and somehow manages to get him to leave the ring, leaving Cesaro to start the match against Jericho.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Pre-match argument between Swagger and Cesaro. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Alberto Del Rio and Chris Jericho defeated Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro in 7:47 when Chris Jericho defeated Antonio Cesaro by submission after Swagger walks out on his partner.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Cesaro and Jericho exchange some technical holds on the mat, then Cesaro tries to seize the advantage with brute force, power-lifting Jericho up with a gut-wrench, but Jericho slips out and hits him with an elbow shot to the face, followed by a drop kick that send Cesaro scurrying out of the ring to regroup. Jericho goes for his signature springboard drop kick, but Cesaro catches him mid-move with a big-time uppercut.</p><p> </p><p>

Cesaro takes over the match and makes a point of showing off his array of painful holds to his own partner, Swagger. Swagger doesn’t look impressed. After dominating the match for about 3 minutes, Cesaro goes for the Neutralizer, but Jericho pulls his legs out from under him and goes for the Walls of Jericho. Antonio powers out of the hold and throws Jericho off, but as he tries to rush his opponent, Jericho catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Both men are down and crawl to their respective corners for the tag. Jericho makes the tag to Alberto first, but Del Rio doesn’t try to stop Cesaro from making the tag, as he wants Swagger in the ring. As Cesaro reaches for the tag, however, Swagger jumps off the ring apron and walks backstage! Cesaro can’t believe it, and neither can Alberto. Frustrated that he can’t get his hands on Swagger, the World Heavyweight Champion takes out his frustration on the betrayed Cesaro, blasting him with kicks, clotheslines, and a big running enziguri in the corner, before he signals for the finish with the Cross Armbreaker.</p><p> </p><p>

Swagger and Coulter are then shown backstage on the Tron with a tied-up Ricardo, who’s screaming for help in Spanish. Alberto immediately leaves the ring to rush to his friend and employee’s rescue, but he still has the presence of mind to tag Jericho back in before running backstage. The camera then follows Alberto as he runs through the backstage area to reach Ricardo. He finds Ricardo alone, tied and gagged, in a chair in a storeroom, but Swagger and Coulter are nowhere to be seen. Alberto steps in cautiously and quickly looks behind the door for his ambushers, but there’s no one there. Then a pile of boxes by the side collapse on top of him and Swagger is revealed to be standing behind the boxes. Swagger stomps away on him in front of the helpless Ricardo and screams “WE. THE. PEOPLE!” before leaving.</p><p> </p><p>

Back in the ring, we’re now down to a 1-on-1 match, but Alberto has already done enough damage. Cesaro struggles back up with some difficulty but Jericho immediately takes him down again with a bulldog, hits the Lionsault, then locks on the Walls of Jericho for the submission win.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(Jack Swagger is improving in Technical skills. There’s nothing like standing on the ring apron for 5 minutes doing absolutely nothing or pushing over a pile of boxes for improving your wrestling skills!)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: A</strong></p><p> </p><p>

CM Punk is backstage cutting a promo on the Undertaker while playing with the urn. Yes, the urn is somehow still supposed to contain Paul Bearer’s ashes despite the fact that he also supposedly had a coffin that Punk dug up this past Monday night. Why let logic get in the way of a WrestleCrap story, after all! Anyway, Punk continues disrespect the memory of Paul Bearer, saying it’s quite fortunate that Bearer died when he did, because if he’d lived to see Punk break the Undertaker’s Streak at Wrestlemania, he would never have REST……IN……PEACE! (Punk rolls his eyes back and mocks the Undertaker’s tone as he does that) In fact, the Undertaker should feel happy that Paul Bearer will never get to see their match, because even if Bearer had lived long enough to see it, he might very well have died of a heart attack on witnessing the Undertaker’s defeat at the hands of Punk. Now Taker can be thankful that he’d never have to live with the guilt that he inadvertently caused Paul Bearer’s death. All he needs to deal with is the fact that after Wrestlemania, no one is going to remember the Undertaker or his legacy. Everyone is going to remember how CM Punk solidifies his claims to being the Best in the World by doing what no one else can do, and that is end the Streak.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: CM Punk’s promo on the Undertaker and Paul Bearer. (Rating: A*)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Paul Heyman makes his way down to the announcers’ booth, sporting an ugly bruise on his face due to the Sweet Chin Music he took from Shawn Michaels earlier. He refuses to answer any queries from Josh or JBL about what happened earlier, and all we learn is that Brock Lesnar has already left the arena. He tells the commentary team that this isn’t about Brock Lesnar right now, and calls their attention back to the main event, which features his other client, the Best in the World, CM Punk.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Paul Heyman joins the announce booth before main event. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Match: CM Punk vs The Big Show ends in a no-contest at 10:51 following interference from Roman Reigns, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

CM Punk brings the urn with him out to the ring. Punk uses his agility to stay about of the Big Show’s way for the first minute or so, getting in a couple of kicks to Big Show’s legs and frustrating the giant. Finally, however, the giant corners him and promptly bestows a big red handprint on Punk’s chest by way of a series of big open-handed chops in the corner. Punk rolls out of the ring to escape the giant’s wrath, and Show follows him out. As he follows Punk round the corner of the ring, Punk dropkicks the ring steps into his knees. The injured giant rolls back into the ring, but Punk is now the predator as he viciously targets the Big Show’s injured legs.</p><p> </p><p>

Eventually, the Big Show battles back by sheer size and power, breaking out of a hold and dropping Punk with a sidewalk slam. The Big Show starts to build up momentum as unloads on Punk with a series of big clotheslines and shoulder-blocks. He goes for a big spear, but Punk counters with a low dropkick to the injured knees. Punk goes up top and drops a Macho Man flying elbow on the Big Show, but Show kicks out on 2. Punk then stalks Show for a knockout roundhouse kick, but Show catches the legs and shoves Punk hard into the corner. Punk then narrowly avoids a running avalanche splash from the giant, then nails Show with 2 consecutive running high keens in the corner. Punk goes for a bulldog out of the corner, but Show powers out and just dumps Punk hard down on the mat. Show grabs Punk’s throat for a chokeslam, but Punk counters into a giant DDT. Big Show struggles back up to his knees, but goes down again to a big roundhouse kick to the temple. Punk goes for the pin and gets a 2.5 count. Punk goes for the Anaconda Vice, but Show struggles to his feet and lifts Punk up while Punk still has the hold locked on, then drops down with Punk underneath him, crushing him into breaking the hold. Punk pulls himself up by the ropes and gets squashed in the corner by a running freight train. Show goes for the chokeslam again, but Punk counters by locking on the Anaconda Vice in mid-air. Show collapses in the centre of the ring and slowly fades under the pressure of the Vice, but as the referee goes to raise his hand, the giant stirs and pulls himself back up, then charges Punk hard into the corner to break the hold.</p><p> </p><p>

Show goes for the chokeslam again, and third time’s a charm as he finally nails it, but Punk gets his foot on the ropes. Show looks exhausted, but rallies as he signals for the WMD. The Shield’s music starts playing, distracting the giant and enabling Punk to roll out of the ring out of range. The Shield make their way down to the ring and circles the ring. Big Show decides to go for a pre-emptive strike, and the referee throws the match out.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(“The announcing quality wasn't up to the same standard as the match.” Even Paul Heyman’s presence isn’t enough to save it. Add Josh Matthews to my list of exclusively-reserved-for-punching-bag role alongside Matt Striker. The announce teams all need a major overhaul.)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: A*</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Randy and Sheamus rush down to the ring to Big Show’s aid, and all 6 men engage in a chaotic brawl into the crowd, all the way to the back.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Massive 6-man brawl. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

CM Punk is left alone in the ring and he celebrates as if he just won the match. The lights go out and a casket gets wheeled down by druids. Punk watches tentatively as the druids leave the casket at ringside, then goes over and opens it...and the casket is empty. The lights go out again for a brief second, then the Undertaker is shown standing behind Punk when they come back on! CM Punk gets beaten around the ring, but Paul Heyman leaves the announce table and rushes into the ring, hitting Taker from behind with the urn. The blow has no effect on Taker except to make him angrier, and the Dead Man chokeslams Heyman in the ring. Punk escapes before Undertaker gets another chance to get at him, grabbing the urn (which Heyman dropped) as he heads up the ramp. Taker draws his thumb across his throat and tosses Heyman into the casket, closing the lid, then points at Punk and at the Wrestlemania sign, indicating that at WM it’ll be Punk’s turn. </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Casket attack from the Phenom on Punk. (Rating: A*)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Overal Rating: A (can be considered a success, and should have increased popularity.)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

And now, finally, it’s time to get ready for Wrestlemania!</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<span style="text-decoration:underline;">Wrestlemania Predictions</span></p><p> </p><p>

WWE Championship Match: The Rock © vs John Cena</p><p> </p><p>

Casket Match: The Undertaker vs CM Punk</p><p> </p><p>

No Holds Barred match: Triple H vs Brock Lesner – if Triple H loses his career is over!</p><p> </p><p>

World Heavyweight Championship match: Alberto Del Rio © vs Jack Swagger</p><p> </p><p>

6-Man Tag Team Match: Randy Orton, Sheamus and the Big Show vs The Shield</p><p> </p><p>

Ryback vs Mark Henry</p><p> </p><p>

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan) © vs Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston w/ AJ Lee</p><p> </p><p>

Chris Jericho vs Fandango</p><p> </p><p>

Intercontinental Championship match: Wade Barrett © vs The Miz</p><p> </p><p>

8-person tag team match: Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bella Twins vs Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls</p><p> </p><p>

Who is the ‘major signing’ that Vince McMahon will be unveiling at Wrestlemania as the guest host (hints given: he was a major power player in TNA and a former WCW World Champion)? Is it:</p><p> </p><p>

a) Jeff Jarrett?</p><p>

b) Sting?</p><p>

c) Someone else? (Make your own guess!)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Fan Poll on wwe.com:</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Should WWE sign Akilah Saaed to the full-time roster?</strong></p>

[mistaken]

<p>Wrestlemania Predictions</p><p> </p><p>

WWE Championship Match: The Rock © vs <strong>John Cena</strong></p><p><strong>

</strong></p><p>

Casket Match: <strong>The Undertaker</strong> vs CM Punk</p><p> </p><p>

No Holds Barred match: <strong>Triple H</strong> vs Brock Lesner – if Triple H loses his career is over!</p><p> </p><p>

World Heavyweight Championship match: Alberto Del Rio © vs <strong>Jack Swagger</strong></p><p> </p><p>

6-Man Tag Team Match: Randy Orton, Sheamus and the Big Show vs <strong>The Shield</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Ryback</strong> vs Mark Henry</p><p> </p><p>

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan) © vs <strong>Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston w/ AJ Lee </strong> - but my dq so titles do not change hands</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Chris Jericho</strong> vs Fandango</p><p> </p><p>

Intercontinental Championship match:<strong> Wade Barrett ©</strong> vs The Miz</p><p> </p><p>

8-person tag team match: Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bella Twins vs <strong>Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Who is the ‘major signing’ that Vince McMahon will be unveiling at Wrestlemania as the guest host (hints given: he was a major power player in TNA and a former WCW World Champion)? Is it:</p><p> </p><p>

a) Jeff Jarrett?</p><p>

<strong>b) Sting?</strong></p><p>

c) Someone else? (Make your own guess!)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

Fan Poll on wwe.com:</p><p> </p><p>

Should WWE sign Akilah Saaed to the full-time roster? no</p>

[Russelrules44]

<p>WWE Championship Match: The Rock © vs <strong>John Cena</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Casket Match: <strong>The Undertaker</strong> vs CM Punk</p><p> </p><p>

No Holds Barred match: <strong>Triple H</strong> vs Brock Lesner – if Triple H loses his career is over!</p><p> </p><p>

World Heavyweight Championship match: <strong>Alberto Del Rio</strong> © vs Jack Swagger</p><p> </p><p>

6-Man Tag Team Match: Randy Orton, Sheamus and the Big Show vs <strong>The Shield</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Ryback vs <strong>Mark Henry</strong></p><p> </p><p>

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: <strong>Team Hell No</strong> (Kane & Daniel Bryan) © vs Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston w/ AJ Lee</p><p> </p><p>

Chris Jericho vs <strong>Fandango</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Intercontinental Championship match: Wade Barrett © vs <strong>The Miz</strong></p><p> </p><p>

8-person tag team match: Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bella Twins vs <strong>Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Who is the ‘major signing’ that Vince McMahon will be unveiling at Wrestlemania as the guest host (hints given: he was a major power player in TNA and a former WCW World Champion)? Is it:</p><p> </p><p>

a) Jeff Jarrett?</p><p>

b) <strong>Sting?</strong></p><p>

c) Someone else? (Make your own guess!)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

Fan Poll on wwe.com:</p><p> </p><p>

Should WWE sign Akilah Saaed to the full-time roster?</p><p> </p><p>

Hmm.......let me think............HECK NO! That girl Akilah Saaed.........is CODY RHODES!</p>

[Greylocke]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Russelrules44" data-cite="Russelrules44" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Hmm.......let me think............HECK NO! That girl Akilah Saaed.........is CODY RHODES!</div></blockquote><p> </p><p> That didn't stop Santina Marella from being signed as a ful-time diva! <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p> </p><p> But that's alright, the fans have spoken! Akilah won't be a long-term character. Now I'll have to think of even crappier things for Cody Rhodes to do post-Wrestlemania... >.></p><p> </p><p> You guys just screwed him out of a tag title run with Kaitlyn!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Anyway, Wrestlemania will probably take a bit longer than usual to be posted. Not just because it's longer and probably more detailed, but also because I have a ton of contract negtiations to deal with before the weekend. Yeah, I made a lot of contract offers on the first day and now I'm buried by them. >_<</p>

[Russelrules44]

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Greylocke" data-cite="Greylocke" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>That didn't stop Santina Marella from being signed as a ful-time diva! <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><p> </p><p> But that's alright, the fans have spoken! Akilah won't be a long-term character. Now I'll have to think of even crappier things for Cody Rhodes to do post-Wrestlemania... >.></p><p> </p><p> You guys just screwed him out of a tag title run with Kaitlyn!</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Anyway, Wrestlemania will probably take a bit longer than usual to be posted. Not just because it's longer and probably more detailed, but also because I have a ton of contract negtiations to deal with before the weekend. Yeah, I made a lot of contract offers on the first day and now I'm buried by them. >_<</p></div></blockquote><p> </p><p> If your thinking of an idea, Give Cody a sister named Princess Codette (Also Cody Rhodes) and have him team with Kaitlyn and make them win the tag team titles!</p>

[Psycho Sam]

<p>WWE Championship Match: The Rock © vs <strong>John Cena</strong></p><p>

<em>SUPER-CENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wins again and again and again and again. </em><img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/mad.png.69834f23b9a8bf290d98375f56f1c794.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></p><p>

Casket Match:<strong> The Undertaker </strong>vs CM Punk</p><p> </p><p>

No Holds Barred match: <strong>Triple H</strong> vs Brock Lesner – if Triple H loses his career is over!</p><p> </p><p>

World Heavyweight Championship match: <strong>Alberto Del Rio ©</strong> vs Jack Swagger</p><p> </p><p>

6-Man Tag Team Match: Randy Orton, Sheamus and the Big Show vs <strong>The Shield</strong></p><p>

<strong>Ryback </strong>vs Mark Henry</p><p> </p><p>

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: <strong>Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan)</strong> © vs Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston w/ AJ Lee</p><p> </p><p>

Chris Jericho vs <strong>Fandango</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Intercontinental Championship match: Wade Barrett © vs <strong>The Miz</strong></p><p> </p><p>

8-person tag team match: Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bella Twins vs <strong>Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Who is the ‘major signing’ that Vince McMahon will be unveiling at Wrestlemania as the guest host (hints given: he was a major power player in TNA and a former WCW World Champion)? Is it:</p><p> </p><p>

a) Jeff Jarrett?</p><p>

<strong>b) Sting?</strong></p><p>

c) Someone else? (Make your own guess!)</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

Fan Poll on wwe.com:</p><p> </p><p>

Should WWE sign Akilah Saaed to the full-time roster?</p><p>

<strong>It's Wrestlecrapmania XXX! Of course I want you to!</strong></p>

[Greylocke]

If your thinking of an idea, Give Cody a sister named Princess Codette (Also Cody Rhodes) and have him team with Kaitlyn and make them win the tag team titles!

 

Nah, without the burkha, he's gonna have to shave off the love-stache in order to pretend to a female. And that love-stache isn't going anywhere as long as Shane Russo is head booker!

[Russelrules44]

Nah, without the burkha, he's gonna have to shave off the love-stache in order to pretend to a female. And that love-stache isn't going anywhere as long as Shane Russo is head booker!

 

Oh.

[Greylocke]

<p>Mr John Laurinaitis, Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, former Interim General Manager of Monday Night RAW, and former full-time General Manager of both Monday Night RAW and Friday Night Smackdown, has been accused of many things over the years. Mostly, he’s been accused of being a yes-man and ass-kisser to his boss, bowing to Vince McMahon’s every whim and never having the guts to point out how outdated or ridiculous his ideas may be. He has also often been blamed for being responsible for the downward spiral of the Divas’ Division, due to his tendency to hire bikini models over trained female competitors for the division.</p><p> </p><p>

Tonight, however, his only mistake is being the unfortunate bearer of bad news.</p><p> </p><p>

“Don’t you come tell me that it can’t be done!” Vince bellows at the former Interim General Manager of Monday Night RAW, and former full-time General Manager of both Monday Night RAW and Friday Night Smackdown. “Anything can be done with the right amount of money! You’re just not trying hard enough!”</p><p> </p><p>

“I tried, Mr McMahon! I made every offer we could possibly have, but Bieber’s manager told me under no uncertain terms that his client has no wish to be involved in Wrestlemania, or in anything that has to do with the WWE, for that matter!” Johnny Ace stammers, casting a nervous glance at me. “He says that after watching our programs this past week, he doesn’t want to risk his client being associated with the……uh……<em>controversial</em> nature of our programs.”</p><p> </p><p>

Vince slams his fist on the desk. “DAMMIT! That was the most vital part of Wrestlemania! It was our master plan for the main event! Just think about! Justin Bieber was rumoured to be our guest host for Wrestlemania 2 years ago, wasn’t he? And then the Rock came back and took that guest host spot. Now the Rock is headlining Wrestlemania in a title match, wouldn’t that make this the perfect opportunity for the Wrestlemania debut of Justin Bieber in our main event? Bieber can interfere in the main event, costing the Rock the WWE Title, and finally getting the revenge for Rock stealing his spot as Wrestlemania Guest Host 2 years ago! I mean, just think about it! Picture it! Wrestlemania ending with Justin Bieber raising John Cena’s hand as they stand tall over the beaten Rock as confetti falls from the rafters…….that would have been the perfect ending! Did you not tell him all these? It’s pure genius!”</p><p> </p><p>

“Yes, yes, of course it is, Mr McMahon……it’s……it’s just too bad that Mr Bieber can’t appreciate your creativity or your vision, sir.” says Johnny Ace.</p><p> </p><p>

“And did you tell him that our plans are to involve in a year-long storyline building up to <em>next year’s</em> Wrestlemania? The Rock will be looking for his own celebrity ally to counter Bieber’s presence in John Cena’s corner, and he will finally sell his soul to the one celebrity who’s beaten John Cena: Kevin Federline! The main event for next year’s Wrestlemania would be Cena vs Rock III, with Bieber in Cena’s corner and K-Fed in the Rock’s corner. That’s <em>money</em>, dammit. Surely Bieber and that thick-headed manager of his can see how much money they’ll be making with this!”</p><p> </p><p>

“Yes sir, I did tell them, but I’m afraid mentioning Mr Federline’s involvement only strengthened their stance in their refusal, sir.”</p><p> </p><p>

“Goddammit, I can’t trust any of you to do things right! Get the hell out of my sight!” Vince hollers. </p><p> </p><p>

Mr Laurinaitis scurries out of the room, probably relieved to leave his boss’ presence.</p><p> </p><p>

“Can you believe that!” Mr McMahon fumes at me. “This is what I have to deal with, incompetent subordinates and “mainstream” celebrity snobs who think they’re too good for my business. Well, it’s their loss! I hope you got a Plan B for the main event, Shane, it looks like we’re gonna need one.</p><p> </p><p>

I didn’t tell him that I’d always had a ‘Plan B’, since I’d never expected ‘Plan A’ to work. “Yes, sir, I do. It’s not going to be as monumental as your ingenious Master Plan A, I’m afraid, but I hope you’ll find to your liking.”</p><p> </p><p>

He spends a few minutes reading through my new plans, before giving a grudging nod. “It’ll do.” he grunts.</p><p> </p><p>

“Thank you, sir. If there’s nothing else, I’d get back to the preparation for Wrestlemania. There’s still a lot to do……”</p><p> </p><p>

In truth, other than the newly-approved plans for the main event, there’s not much left for me, personally. Most of the details for the rest of the shows have already been worked out. I was just looking any excuse I can to get out of Mr McMahon’s presence.</p><p> </p><p>

After all, you never know when he might suddenly get the inspiration to come up with a new ‘Plan A Beta’, and expect the rest of us to carry it out……</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong><em>(OOC: I’m finally ready to run the show! After hours and hours of dealing with contract negotiations and resetting the roster positions and gimmicks! >_< I was hit by about 70+ emails of complaints from workers about their card positions over the weekend because the roster suddenly grew a lot bigger, and I don’t use the Auto-Push system much. Hopefully, I can get Wrestlemania up by the next couple of days.</em></strong></p><p><strong><em> </em></strong></p><p><strong><em>

Hopefully.</em></strong></p><p><strong><em> </em></strong></p><p><strong><em>

Oh, and Wrestlemania will be where the WrestleCrap Era REALLY begins. The shows have been fairly tame by WrestlcCrap standards, but from Wrestlemania is where the Crap content really gets tuned up.)</em></strong></p>

[mistaken]

looking forward

[Greylocke]

<p>WrestleMania, Part 1!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><em>(OOC: Okay, I've run the show, but writing the show up has been even slower than I first thought. Instead of leaving this hanging for over a week, I'm going to post Wrestlemania in 3 parts, one every few days!)</em></strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

WrestleMania 29 - Part 1: Rise of the Russo Era!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Held in front of 53548 people at the MetLife Stadium, LIVE on Pay-Per-View!</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Pre-show:</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome the fans to the biggest event in Sports Entertainment, Wrestlemania! They hype the upcoming match between The Rock and John Cena for the WWE Title, briefly going through the 2-year-long feud between the two, and how things had taken a turn for the……weird, this past week..</p><p> </p><p>

As they prepare to go through the rest of the card line-ups, Brad Maddox strolls onto the set and takes a seat beside the commentators. Cole and Lawler look confused as to why he’s there, while Maddox simply acts like nothing out of the ordinary happened, and proceeds to introduce the Wrestlemania card excitedly. Cole and Lawler try to ask him why he was there, but Maddox either ignores or diverts their questions to the upcoming matches. After a few attempts, Cole and Lawler give up and get back to the regularly scheduled programming, while at the same time doing their best to pretend that Maddox isn’t there.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Cole and Lawler hype the main event (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong>

Brad Maddox joins announce booth. (Rating: C+)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Lillian Garcia enters the ring to announce the Pre-show Over-the-Top-Rope Battle Royal. Superstars who aren’t involved in matches on the main card of the PPV begin making their way to the ring, mostly in groups but a few of the more popular guys came out to their own individual entrance themes. Out of the latter groups, the ones that stood out most include the United States Champion Antonio Cesaro (who’s still upset at being the only male champion not being booked on Wrestlemania), the Punjabi giant the Great Khali (who comes out with both Natalya and Hornswoggle, the latter also involved in the Battle Royal), Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Zack Ryder, Santino Marella, and the “Road Dogg” Brian James!</p><p> </p><p>

The last contestant to come out is Heath Slater, who comes out with his 3MB buddies. All 3 of them were supposed to be in this match, but Drew and Mahal lost their spots when they put up those spots on the line in matches during Smackdown. Slater doesn’t get in the ring, however. Instead, he takes a mic and says that 3MB is too good for the pre-show match. They deserve better than this, and if the WWE isn’t willing to give them what they deserve, they’re going to take it. Slater announces that he’s officially taking himself out of the Battle Royal as a show of solidarity to his teammates. 3MB is there for one reason only, and that is to make an impact on the biggest show of them all: Wrestlemania! They promise that the fans haven’t seen the last of them tonight, and that by the end of the night, no one’s going to be talking about John Cena, the Rock, the Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, or anyone else. They’ll be talking about 3MB!</p><p> </p><p>

3MB then leave the arena, having delivered their message. However, a couple seconds later, Lillian Garcia announces that she’s just been informed that a new entrant has been entered to replace Heath Slater’s spot in the Battle Royal, and it is the legend known as ‘Hacksaw’ Jim Duggan!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Slater forfeits his Battle Royal spot to show solidarity, and 3MB promises to make an impact. (Rating: C)</strong></p><p><strong>

Lilian introduces Hacksaw Jim Duggan as Slater’s replacement in the Battle Royal. (Rating: C-)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Dark Match: Pre-show Over-the-Top-Rope Battle Royal</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Featuring: Antonio Cesaro, Darren Young, Titus O’Neil, David Otunga, Epico, Primo, Justin Gabriel, Tyon Kidd, Zack Ryder, Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston, Jey Uso, Jimmy Uso, R-Truth, Yoshi Tatsu, the Great Khali, Hornswoggle, “Road Dogg” Brian James, and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The bell rings, and everybody goes after Khali. All except Hornswoggle, that is, who rolls quickly out of the ring under the ropes to hide under the ring. Khali fights back against the mass of the humanity and finally battles out with a big shove that sends Superstars flying across the ring. He picks up Yoshi Tatsu and dumps him right out, proceeds to knock down several guys with clubs and clotheslines. Meanwhile, other individual battles also break out between other superstars as they quickly forget about teaming up against the big guy for the time being. Primo and Epico are seen double-teaming the Road Dogg, and almost get him out before the Usos come to the aid of the former DX member. One of the Usos drills Primo with a headbutt that sends him staggering into Road Dogg, who chucks him out. Epico tries to avenge his partner, but the veteran backdrops the charging Colon over the top rope.</p><p> </p><p>

Road Dogg then does a little celebratory dance in the ring with the Usos……who end the dance with a double superkick that knocks the Dogg out to eliminate him, drawing some boos from some of the older fans at ringside. The Prime Time Playas then sneak up behind the Usos and dump them out simultaneously as well! Darren and Titus continue to use their teamwork to their advantage as they gang up on Duggan, but can’t quite get him out.</p><p> </p><p>

Across the ring, Tyson Kidd foolishly decides to go for a high-risk move, but an opportunistic David Otunga shoves him off the ropes to eliminate him. Otunga does some flexing to get heat from the crowd, unaware that Santino has gotten out the Cobra behind him. Otunga turns around, sees the Cobra about to strike, and cowers back……but he’s saved from it by Antonio Cesaro, who nearly uppercuts Santino’s head off. As Santino slumps back against the ropes, Otunga relaxes and points at him, laughing. He acts like he’s buddies with Cesaro, but the US Champion just grabs him and throws him into Santino, send them <em>both</em> out! Antonio then has a mini stand-off with R-Truth, who taunts him with his jigs and gyrating, baiting him into taking swing, which Truth avoids with a low split before nailing him with a jumping heel kick. Cesaro is quick to get up, but gets turned inside out with a Lie Detector. R-Truth tries to get the stunned Cesaro out, but the US Champion fights back and refuses to go over the top.</p><p> </p><p>

Meanwhile, the Prime Time Playas are double-teaming Justin Gabriel, who uses his agility to avoid their double-team attempts. Khali is dealing out chops to both Kofi and Duggan, but can’t quite get them out either despite his size advantage. R-Truth gives up on Cesaro for the time being and goes to help Gabriel against the PTP. Zack Ryder spots Cesaro slumped against the corner and runs over to deliver a big superman punch on him, causing him to drop down into a seated position. Ryder does his fist-pumps to pop the crowd, then delivers the Broski Boot to Cesaro! As Cesaro stumbles back to his feet, Ryder runs at him to deliver the Rough Ryder, but Antonio counters it by pure strength, catching Ryder and giving him a powerbomb over the top rope out of the ring, much to the displeasure of the crowd.</p><p> </p><p>

The Prime Time Playas have taken down both Gabriel and Truth with superior teamwork, and are now ganging up once again on the Great Khali. Already visibly tired from the match, the Punjabi giant is clearly reeling and is slowly getting forced over the top……when Hornswoggle pops out from under the ring and grabs Darren by the arm. Already off-balance from his attempt to push out the giant, Darren lost his footing and gets pulled out of the ring. Darren Young has been eliminated by the midget! Incensed, he tries to go after Hornswoggle, who finally gets into the ring (to avoid Darren). Officials at ringside force Darren to leave and go backstage. </p><p> </p><p>

Hornswoggle is celebrating in the ring when he bumps into Titus’s leg. Clearly wanting to avenge his tag team partner, O’Neil chases Hornswoggle around the ring. The midget leads him to a recovered R-Truth, ducking between Truth’s legs and baiting him straight into a ‘Lil Jimmy’ from Truth. Truth chucks Titus out, and high-fives “Lil Jimmy” on the ring apron. Cesaro walks up, takes one look at what R-Truth is doing, then turns and kicks “Lil Jimmy” off the ring apron! R-Truth is shocked and bends over the ropes to check if “Lil Jimmy” is okay, and Cesaro just flips him over the top rope out of the ring! Cesaro turns around and walks right into a spinning heel kick from Gabriel. Gabriel unleashes his array of quick high-flying attacks on Cesaro, keeping him off balance, but as he goes for an asai moonsault off the second ropes, Cesaro rushes up and <strong>drills</strong> him in he back off the head with a big uppercut, knocking him out of the ring and seemingly out cold, too! Cesaro turns around again……and gets squashed in the corner by a charging Hacksaw. Duggan goes to the opposite corner and signals for the 3-point-stance, but Cesaro leaps out and counters him in mid-charge with a vicious uppercut. Cesaro then does another incredible feat of strength as he dead-lifts the dazed Hacksaw with a gut-wrench and dumps his limp body over the top ropes! Cesaro has taken out nearly half the guys in the ring by himself!</p><p> </p><p>

Cesaro turns again and finds himself face-to-face……er……face-to-chest with the giant Khali. The US Champion isn’t intimidated, however, and fires away on Khali with heavy blows. Khali shoves him away, but the US Champion keeps coming back, actually forcing back the giant. Cesaro backs away a bit, then charges in for a clothesline that will hopefully send the giant out……and runs into a massive Brain Chop. Khali raises his arms in triumph and signals for the Punjabi Plunge. He seizes Cesaro by the neck, but Cesaro powers out and stuns the giant with a big uppercut! He stand grabs the staggering giant and somehow manages to lift him off the mat to deliver the Neutralizer!</p><p> </p><p>

The giant is down and out, but Cesaro’s celebrating doesn’t last long, as he realizes that even he isn’t strong enough to pick up Khali’s lifeless carcass to get it all the way over the top rope. As he wonders what to do, Hornswoggle runs over and wraps his arms around Cesaro’s right leg in an attempt to “protect” his giant friend. Cesaro smirks at the midget and picks him up by he scruff of his neck……and Kofi bursts into view with a big dropkick to take him down! Kingston builds up a full head of steam as runs wild on Cesaro, flooring him again and again in a “controlled frenzy” that ends with a big superman punch that sets Cesaro up for the Boom Drop. Kofi hits the Boom Drop and signals for the Trouble in Paradise that looks set to knock Cesaro right over the ropes. But Cesaro ducks and catches Kofi in mid-air! Cesaro dumps Kofi over the ropes, but Kofi grabs the ropes and hangs on. Thinking that Kofi was eliminated, Cesaro turns back to Khali, who’s pulling himself up slowly by the ropes. Hornswoggle tries to cut him off as he leaps off the second ropes at the US Champion, but Antonio simply catches him and dumps the midget over the ropes. Finally getting rid of the little distraction, Cesaro turns his attention back to Khali……and gets a boot to the face. Cesaro stumbles around, putting himself in perfect position for the Trouble in Paradise. Kofi goes for the high kick, but Cesaro ducks again, and Kofi’s kick scores on Khali! Cesaro grabs Kofi and throws him over the tope rope, then turns and charges at the stunned Khali with all his might, finally knocking the giant over the top with a huge clothesline!</p><p> </p><p>

Antonio raises his arms in celebration, then realizes that the bell hasn’t sounded. He turns around and sees Kofi hanging on from the ring apron and slowly getting back into the ring. Antonio charges at Kofi, but eats a corner Pendulum kick. Kofi then comes off the top with a huge crossbody on Cesaro! Kofi then goes for the Trouble in Paradise a third time, but again Cesaro catches him in mid-air. Cesaro heaves Kofi onto his shoulders and tries to powerbomb him over the top, but Kofi counters with a hurricanrana, and both men wind up on the ring apron. As the two of them trade blows on the apron, <strong>Brad Maddox</strong> leaves the announce table and enters the ring! He rushes over to the 2 men on the apron and knocks them both off before either of them realize what’s going on! Cole and Lawler are shocked as they had no idea Maddox was supposed to be in the Battle Royal. Maddox falls to his knees in the ring and raises his arms in celebration, tears streaming down his face, while Cesaro and Kofi look on from the outside in a mix of shock and outrage.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Winner of Battle Royal: Brad Maddox in 9:31. The final four competitors also included Kofi Kingston, Antonio Cesaro and the Great Khali.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: C+</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Main Show:</strong></p><p> </p><p>

What better way to kick off Wrestlemania than with the Chairman of the Board and the man who started ncit all, Vincent Kennedy McMahon himself? The owner of the WWE heads to the ring with a microphone in hand and welcomes the fans to tonight's event. After thanking them for attending, Vince tells the fans that he really, <em>really, REALLY</em> wants the fans to enjoy Wrestlemania tonight, because it’s the last time they’ll have the chance to do so. That’s because tonight is going to be the very last Wrestlemania.</p><p> </p><p>

This causes a puzzled buzz among the crowd, and some boos, but Vince tells them that he’ll get to that part later. For now, he’s starting of with a special gift that he’s sure the fans will appreciate. Ladies and gentlemen, joining the announcer’s booth for the rest of tonight, please welcome WWE Hall of Famer, Good Ol’ JR, JIM ROSS!</p><p> </p><p>

The fans let out a great cheer as Jim Ross makes his way out to his entrance music. He briefly exchanges a handshake with Vince on his way to the ramp before walking all the way to take his seat at the announcers’ booth beside Cole and Lawler.</p><p> </p><p>

Vince waits for the fans to quieten down a bit then proceeds to tell them that JR is not the only surprise appearance he’s got for the fans. As he’d said before this past week on Smackdown, he’s made a major signing who’s going to make his debut tonight as the Guest Host of Wrestlemania. With this being the very last Wrestlemania, he wants it to be someone really special. He’s a man of his word, and like he said before this new signing was a former major power player in TNA, as well as a former WCW World Champion. He’s the greatest Superstar that Vince has ever signed from either of those two companies, and not only will he be the Guest Host to the very last Wrestlemania, he will be the annual Guest Host to the new event that will be replacing Wrestlemania, starting next year! Ladies and gentlemen, please rise to your feet and welcome the 2nd greatest WCW Champion in history behind David Arquette, the man who pioneered the Attitude Era, <strong>VINCE RUSSO</strong>!</p><p> </p><p>

Fans who have any idea who Vince Russo is boo aloud as the new Guest Host makes his way down to the ring. Russo tells the fans that Mr McMahon was correct. This will be the very last Wrestlemania. As rich in history as this event is, every great thing must come to an end. And everyone knows that Vince Russo is the guy that pioneers changes. Ladies and gentlemen, say goodbye the Wrestlemania, say hello to the event that will eclipse Wrestlemania as the greatest show in Sports Entertainment: <strong>RussoMania!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<em>(Even though Mr McMahon believes that Vince Russo “outlived his usefulness” as a creative writer, he nevertheless finds the idea of having Vince Russo as the onscreen Authority Figure while having another guy named Russo legitimately writing the shows behind the scenes to be highly amusing. Therefore, the other Russo was signed. That arrangement suits me just find, since I’ll be writing crappy ideas for money while the other Russo shows his face and gets all the blame and hate for them! And possibly take a few eggs to the face in my stead.)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Vince McMahon thanks the fans. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p><strong>

Vince McMahon brings out Jim Ross as announcer for the night. (Rating: B-)</strong></p><p><strong>

Vince McMahon announces new Big Event to replace Wrestlemania. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p><strong>

Vince McMahon introduces Vince Russo as Guest Host (Rating: C). </strong><strong><em>(‘This segment suffered as it came across as a let-down after the previous segment.’ If anyone ever needs evidence that Russo is a ratings killer, this is it!)</em></strong></p><p> </p><p>

Bewildered by the series of unexpected announcements, the crowd are now hoping to finally get to enjoy what they came for, a good wrestling match! Thus the entrance of Sheamus, Randy Orton, the Big Show and the Shield gets an even more enthusiastic reaction from the crowd than it normally might have. As the Superstars get set for the 6-Man Tag Team match, Ambrose and Reigns leave the ring while Seth Rollins remains where he stands. It’s clear that the Shield has come to an unspoken agreement about who should start the match for their team.</p><p> </p><p>

The team facing them from the opposite corner, unfortunately, does not share the same unity. Orton seems all set to start the match for his team, but Big Show seems to disagree, and the argument begins. It gets more heated within a few seconds, and quickly turns into the shoving contest. Surprisingly, it’s the normally hot-headed Sheamus that appears to be playing Peacemaker this time. The referee urges them to come to an agreement quickly, and it appears that the Big Show finally agrees to give in. As Sheamus steps out onto the ring apron, Big Show looks like he’s about to follow him……when he suddenly turns around and punches an unsuspecting Randy Orton right in the face! Orton goes down like a rock, out cold, as the crowd erupts. Big Show just stares down at the motionless Orton for a few seconds before leaving the ring. Sheamus grabs hold of him and demands an explanation, but Big Show just shoves him away. Sheamus isn’t about let it go, however, and runs after the giant, and the brawl breaks out right there on the ramp, working its way quickly towards the backstage area. The match hasn’t even started yet, and the “super-team” of Big Show, Sheamus and Orton has completely fallen apart!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><em>(Big Show’s heel turn is a complete success!)</em></strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Angles: Argument between Orton and Big Show before 6-man tag. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong>

Big Shoe K.O.s Orton with a WMD. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong>

Sheamus and The Big brawl to the back. (Rating: A*)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Meanwhile, the Shield is still standing in the ring, laughing their ass off at the sight of their opponents’ implosion. They gather around the unconscious Randy Orton, who’s still lying in the ring, and it looks like they’re considering doing some additional damage, when Vince Russo makes his way back out to the ring!</p><p> </p><p>

Russo says that he can’t have the very first match of the Russo Regime go down like this. The fans came to see a 6-Man Tag match, Russo is going to make sure they get one, because he’s the greatest guest host in WWE history. Not only will he give them a 6-Man Tag match, he’s going to give them the match that the WWE Universe <em>really</em> wants to see, the dream match between the 2 greatest stables in the WWE! It’ll be like DX vs the nWo, Nexus vs Main Event Mafia, the 4 Horsemen vs the Fabulous Freebirds, the Mean Street Posse vs the Dungeon of Doom……that’s right, it’s gonna be the Shield vs 3-M-B, baby!</p><p> </p><p>

3MB then come out to a chorus of boos, as they excitedly shake Russo’s hand while making their way down the ramp. </p><p> </p><p>

“<strong>VINTAGE RUSSO</strong>!” Michael Cole exclaims.</p><p> </p><p>

Slater then takes the mic and thanks Russo for the opportunity. Just like he promised earlier tonight, the 3MB will make an impact, and by the end of the night, they will be the ones that everybody will be talking about!</p><p> </p><p>

The Shield, for their part, simply stand staring at their new opponents in a mixture of amusement and befuddlement.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(This segment suffered as it came across as a let-down after the previous segment. Once again, Vince Russo does what he does best: kill the ratings! Vintage Russo, indeed!)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Vince Russo books 3MB vs the Shield! (Rating: C+)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

6-Man Tag Team Match: The Shield vs 3MB</strong></p><p> </p><p>

What better way to kick off the RussoMania Era than a classic bait-and-switch in the very first match? Drew McIntyre starts off the match for his team, and he plays to the crowd by showcasing his Air Guitar skills. Roman Reigns literally cuts him off as he almost bisects the Scotsman with a devastating spear. Heath Slater and Jinder Mahal rush into the ring simultaneously to make the save, but Ambrose and Rollins are right there waiting for them. The referee doesn’t even bother to maintain order as all 6 men brawl it out, but in less than 2 minutes the chaotic brawl turns into a 1-sided massacre, with the Shield taking their turns in delivering beatdowns to each member of 3MB. Roman Reigns holds Mahal in place for Rollins and Ambrose to deliver consecutive running dropkicks, one after the other, to the Indian superstar. Rollins and Ambrose in turn hold up an already-half-dead McIntyre for Reigns to deliver a second spine-shattering spear. Finally, after the 5th minute, the Shield tire of their games, and put away Heath Slater with their trademark Triple-team Powerbomb off Reign’s shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Winners: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns defeated Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal in 5:50 when Roman Reigns defeated Heath Slater by pinfall with a Triple Powerbomb.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: B+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Even as the above match was still going on, the big screen displays the backstage area, where Sheamus and Big Show are shown still engage in a massive brawl, slamming each other into various pieces of equipment that happen to lie within range. The riotous fight spills into the catering area, where the violence escalates into a food fight. The crowd roars its approval. Who wouldn’t love a wrestling show where all the backstage stuff is more interesting than what’s happening in the ring?</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Sheamus and Show are still fighting backstage. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Elsewhere, Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, and the Bellas are shown engage in a chaotic argument. It seems that the……um……“accident” that took Nikki Bella out of action for the past week has still not been “rectified”, as Nikki now stands with one of her……<em>ehem……assets</em> visibly bigger than the other. Cody keeps sneaking glances at it and looks like he can barely restrain himself from laughing at the view, which causes both Bellas to scream at him for being amused at Nikki’s misfortune. Damien Sandow keeps a straight face and berates Cody for his “bad form” before telling the Bellas to calm down. Clearly, Nikki Bella is not in the ideal condition for competing tonight, and that means they need a substitute. Cody brings up the fact that Kaitlyn was a great help to him on RAW, but the Bellas are vehemently opposed to teaming with her.</p><p> </p><p>

Vince Russo then walks into view and tells him that he has the best idea for a substitute: Damien’s friend from the Middle East, Akilah Saaed! Damien quickly tells Russo that Akilah has already returned to her home country and isn’t here tonight. Russo tells Damien that it’s just too bad, because he’s just convinced the WWE Board of Directors that Akilah Saaed will be a great addition to the roster as well as a great diplomatic gesture for publicity to show that the WWE is indeed a <em>Worldwide</em> entertainment company. Russo tells Sandow that by denying him the chance to sign Akilah, he’s making Russo look bad in front of the Board of Directors. Therefore, if Akilah can’t show up to compete tonight, Sandow is fired! Sandow quickly tells Russo that he was mistaken, and that Akilah is in fact nearby and was only planning to leave tomorrow. Cody tries to stop Sandow, but it’s too late, and Sandow promises to Russo that Akilah will indeed show up for their match later!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bellas discuss their options. (Rating: C+)</strong></p><p><strong>

Russo recommends “Akilah Saaed” as substitute partner! (Rating: B-, Akilah Saaed = Ratings!)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Back in the arena, Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls make their way to the ring for the 8-Person tag match against Team Rhodes Scholars and the Bellas. As they wait in the ring, the Bellas make their entrance (yes, Nikki too, lopsided boobs and all), and Brie does her best to shield the evidence of his sister’s “accident” from the crowd, although not with much success. Damien Sandow comes out next, and introduces the crowd to Akilah Saaed, just as he did on Friday Night. After the mysterious woman in burkha makes her entrance, Vince Russo himself enters the arena once again. He asks Damien where Cody is, and Damien hurriedly replies that Cody has suffered an unexpected case of food poisoning, and is unable to compete.</p><p> </p><p>

Russo says we can’t have that, as it’s unfair for Damien, Akilah and Brie to compete in a 3-on-4 handicap match. He then tells Damien that he’s heard a few rumours about “Akilah”’s real identity. Damien hurriedly assures him that those rumours are completely unfounded, spread by the ignoramuses of the unwashed masses. Russo says perhaps so, but he’s sure everyone wants to see what lies under that burkha. Damien tells Russo sternly that it would be a violation of Akilah’s homeland customs to show her face. Russo says he agrees that the WWE management cannot force Akilah to remove her burkha against her will, but he has the perfect solution. Since Damien’s team is lacking a member tonight, he’s going to change the match. Instead of an 8-Person Mixed Tag Match, he’s going to take the men out of the match on both sides, and make it a fair 2-on-2 divas tag match! Not only that, but it will be a match that gives the fans an opportunity to see the truth under the burkha, as it’s going to be a Bra & Panties match, where a team wins when <em>both</em> of their opponents are stripped down to their underwear! Akilah will not be forced by the WWE to remove the burkha, but she will have the opportunity to defend it. If she can’t stop her opponents from taking it off her, then she has no one but herself to blame! Both “Akilah” and Damien protest frantically against this ruling (although Akilah doesn’t speak, and tries to communicate with frantic gestures), and Tons of Funk don’t look too happy either, but Russo is adamant in his ruling, and orders the men to leave the ring and go backstage right now!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>“VINTAGE RUSSO!”</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Angle: Russo books Bra & Panties match between Funkadactyls and the team of Brie Bella and “Akilah Saaed”! (Rating: C-)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Bra & Panties Elimination Match: Brie Bella and “Akilah Saaed” vs the Funkadactyls (Naomi & Cameron)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

While the men are sent backstage, Nikki Bella is allowed to stay at ringside in her sister’s corner. Naomi starts off the match in the ring for her team, whilst Akilah starts in the ring for her side. Strangely, Akilah seems unwilling to fight Naomi despite repeated goadings. She tries to plead with the referee with gestures, but Naomi takes matters into her own hands by dropkicking Akilah in the face. Naomi goes to rip the burkha off, but Akilah clings on to it for dear life. Unable to take it off, Naomi changes her strategy and pulls the burkha down over Akilah’s face instead, blinding her. As Akilah stumbles around blindly, Naomi takes her down with a quick snapmare, then tags in Cameron, who delivers a running low dropkick to her face.</p><p> </p><p>

Cameron makes her own attempt at removing the burkha, but Akilah finally scrambles free and practically dives for her corner to tag in Brie. Before Brie can even enter the ring, Cameron drags her over the top ropes into the ring and pummels away on her. Brie tries to battle back as she grabs a handful of hair and slams Cameron face-first into the mat. Naomi makes a blind tag as Brie goes to whip Cameron comes off the ropes. Cameron reverses the irish whip attempt from Brie, sending her across the ring to rebound of the ropes, then drops prone as Naomi leaps over her to deliver a big Rear View to Brie! Naomi rips Brie’s top off while she’s still stunned from the Rear View, exposing her red bra.</p><p> </p><p>

Brie desperately crawls for her corner to make the tag, but Cameron grabs her by the foot to stop her. Brie manages to shove Cameron away with her other foot and make the tag. Cameron makes a heroic lunge as Akilah steps back into the ring, but Akilah uses her considerable size and power advantage to catch Cameron and drop her with a body slam. Akilah seems reluctant to do much to Cameron personally, as she picks up Cameron to deliver another rudimentary body slam before tagging Brie back in. Brie, on the other hand, is vicious and eager for revenge and literally rips Cameron’s top apart to reveal the green bra underneath. Brie then spends some time controlling the match and adding punishment to Cameron, before the latter battles with a hurricanrana. Cameron crawls desperately for the tag, but Brie makes the tag to Akilah first, and Akilah quickly drags Cameron back to her corner by sheer brute strength. Akilah still doesn’t seem willing to do too much, but she picks up Cameron and gives her a straight suplex before tagging out again, allowing Brie to come back in and strip Cameron of her pants, leaving her in her bra and panties.</p><p> </p><p>

With Cameron eliminated, Brie is now confident of victory, and taunts Naomi with a “Loser” sign. Naomi doesn’t back down, however, and proceeds to run wild on Brie with her dazzling athletic high-flying maneuvers. She climbs to the top rope for a high-risk move, but Akilah shoves her off the top rope. Akilah then gets into the ring and holds Naomi in place so that Brie is able to rip her top off and expose her bra. Brie then taunts Naomi by waving her torn top in her face, but Naomi rallies and delivers a hard kick to her midsection. Naomi then stomps hard on Akilah’s foot to break her hold before running up to Brie and delivering a hurrcanrana that hurls her right into her own partner, knocking Akilah out of the ring! As the referee goes to check on the fallen Akilah, Naomi rips Brie’s shorts off to reveal her matching panties before kicking her out of the ring.</p><p> </p><p>

Nikki Bella, who’s been standing outside the ring during the match, notices that the referee hasn’t yet seen her sister’s elimination. Quickly, she pulls her own top off and enters the ring and floors Naomi with a clothesline from behind, clearly intending to pull the old Switcheroo Twin Magic trick to take her sister’s place. Unfortunately, the referee turns around, takes one look at Nikki’s lopsided breasts, and immediately identifies her as the wrong one. He orders Nikki to leave the ring, which prompts Nikki to get into a furious argument with him. While the argument is going on, Akilah gets back into the ring and tries to take advantage, but Naomi recovers and unleashes a series of moves on him, including a flying forearm, a hurricanrana, an enziguri and a handspring somersault senton which seems to have incapacitated the burkha-wrapped woman. Just when it looks like she’s finally going to rip the burkha off Akilah, the eliminated Brie gets back into the ring while Nikki still has the referee’s attention. She runs at Naomi, but the latter tackles her down. This opening is all Akilah needed, however, as before Naomi can turn her attention back to her, Akilah grabs Naomi from behind and drops her with a devastating Cross Rhodes. He looks uncertain about what to do next, but Brie solves it for him by pulling Naomi’s pants off before slipping back out of the ring. Finally getting Nikki out of the ring, the referee turns around and sees that Naomi has been stripped, and signals for the bell.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Winners: Akilah Saaed and Brie Bella defeated Naomi and Cameron in 4:38; Cameron was eliminated first, followed by Brie and finally Naomi.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<em>(“Putting Cody Rhodes in a match whose concept is based around being eye candy really turned the fans off.” I think the fans are just pissed that they never got to see Akilah stripped. After all, who can possibly resist the </em><em><strong>DASHING</strong></em><em> one? Or that lovely Love-stache? )</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: C</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Akilah Saaed leaves the ring, shaken and exhausted, but otherwise triumphant as she’s managed to successfully defend her burkha and her homeland customs. Unfortunately, as she backs up the ramp, out comes Tons of Funk from backstage, who grab her and toss her back into the ring! Brodus and Sweet T squash Akilah with a dual running splash that sandwich her between the 2 of then. As Akilah goes down, out comes Damien Sandow, rushing to the aid of his friend from the Middle East. Unfortunately, Tons of Funk are ready for him, and Sweet T shoves him straight into a massive headbutt from Brodus. Cameron and Naomi get back into the ring and join Tons of Funk in beating down Akilah and Damien. As Sweet T and Brodus keep Damien down, the Funkadactyls finally strip the burkha off ‘Akilah’, revealing Cody Rhodes in his pink-polka-dots-designed underpants <em>(Michael Cole: “</em><em><strong>Shades of Dusty Rhodes! VINTAGE RHODES!</strong></em><em>”)</em> underneath it. The Bella Twins have already made themselves scarce the moment Tons of Funk showed up, and there was no one left to help Team Rhodes Scholars. Tons of Funk then strip Damien of his bathrobe as well, and toss the unconscious and humiliated duo of the Rhodes Scholars out of the ring before dancing to their music in celebration.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(And there’s the end of the Akilah Saaed character, as a result of the fan poll on wwe.com!)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Tons of Funk attack Akilah after the match. (Rating: C+)</strong></p><p><strong>

Damien comes out to Akilah’s aid, but is stripped and humiliated along with Cody/Akilah! (Rating: C+)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

After the celebratory dance, Vince Russo makes his way out once again. He asks if the fans have enjoyed the show thus far, and gets a mixed reaction <em>(there’s always that portion of horny teens amongst the crowd that will go crazy over watching girls getting stripped in the ring)</em>, but also prompts a “FIRE RUSSO” chant. Russo pretends not to hear it and thanks the fans for the love they’re showing. He reminds everyone that Mr McMahon had described him as a “former power player in TNA”, and that’s exactly what he’s just given the crowd, T&A! Unfortunately, it turns out that Akilah Saaed isn’t what she appeared to be, and he bet the fans may have felt a bit cheated. To make it up to the fans, Russo has decided to bring them another special gift tonight: more “TNA”!</p><p> </p><p>

Aksana’s music starts playing, and the diva from Lithuania makes her way down to the ring. But she doesn’t come out alone; instead, she’s accompanied by a blond woman, who walks arm-in-arm with her. Russo introduces the two, saying that we all know the Lithuanian beauty known as Aksana, but he also wants the fans to give a warm welcome to the other lady. She may be a newcomer to the WWE, but she’s certainly not new to this business, as she’s the daughter of a Legendary Hall of Famer who’s probably the biggest name in Sports Entertainment! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the daughter of the Immortal Hulk Hogan, <strong>Brooke Hogan</strong>!</p><p> </p><p>

Again, this gets a mixed reaction, as everyone is familiar with the Hogan name. Russo states proudly that he and these ladies right here will usher in a glorious new era of “TNA” to the WWE! He tells the crew to “hit the music” and Aksana’s seductive music starts playing again. This time, Aksana and Brooke start dancing sexily to the music. It’s not really much of a dance, but mostly involve the two girls wiggling their bodies to the music while touching and rubbing each other’s bodies suggestively. After the first minute or so, they start to remove each other’s clothing, and their pawing at each other just keep getting more and more suggestive. When both women are down to their bra and panties, their dance end with them entwined together in a sexy pose, with Brooke leaning forward to tease a lip-lock with Aksana, but stopping about half an inch away from her lips. As the music ends Vince Russo grabs a mic and screams “TNA! TNA!” enthusiastically until his voice goes hoarse. He then goes backstage with his arms around the two scantily-clad ladies.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Vince brings the “TNA” to WWE! (Rating: B)</strong></p><p><strong>

Aksana and Brooke Hogan perform a striptease. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Backstage, the Miz is practically bursting with excitement, not just because he’s moments away from facing Wade Barrett for the Intercontinental Title, but also because his hero, Ric Flair, is here tonight. He tells Flair that he’s really excited about this, as he wasn’t sure Flair was actually going to show up, since Flair never have him a direct answer on Superstars. Flair tells Miz that it’s he who should thank the Miz, for giving him the opportunity to be involve in Wrestlemania again. He tells Miz that he knows Miz can beat Barrett with or without him at ringside, but it’s going to be a big honour to him to personally present Miz the IC Title after he wins it. Miz tells Flair that the honour is all his, and receiving the IC title from the hands of the 16-time World Champion would be simply……AWESOME!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: The Miz marks out for Ric Flair backstage. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Vince Russo is out in the arena again! Most of the fans are thoroughly sick of him changing matches, doing bait-and-switches, and generally of his face and voice too (although there are also some who cheers for him to bring back the strippers), but Russo once again ignores the “Fire Russo” chants and tells the fans about how great a night this has been due his “innovative ideas”, and he’s out to give them more!</p><p> </p><p>

Before he can continue, the Miz’s music hits the arena, and the most Must-See Superstar in the WWE comes out with the 16-time World Champion by his side. The Miz tells Russo that he’s seen what Russo did earlier, and if he dared to take him out of his IC Title match like he did to Tons of Funk earlier, there will be hell to pay! Russo tells Miz to calm down, he’s not taking him out of his title match, he’s just going to tweak the match a title. It doesn’t seem fair that Barrett has to enter this match with everything to lose and nothing to gain, so he’s decided that the Miz will have to put something on the line as well! The Miz asks Russo what he will be put on the line. Russo answers the question with a question of his own: how much does the Miz’s respect and idolization of his childhood hero go? Does he love the IC title more that he loves his childhood idol? We’re going to find out tonight! Instead of a regular one-on-one match, this will be a Title-&-Contract-On-a-Pole match! Suspended from the pole will not only be the Intercontinental Championship, but also Ric Flair’s managerial contract! Whomever gets the title off the pole, wins the title, and whomever gets the contract, will control Ric Flair’s career! Russo then asks the Miz: if he had the chance to take only either the contract OR the title, which will he go after?</p><p> </p><p>

Russo then walks away laughing as both Miz and Flair stare after him in disbelief and outrage. </p><p> </p><p>

JR: BAH GAWD, Russo just completely changed the complexion of this championship match!</p><p> </p><p>

Cole: A pole match?</p><p> </p><p>

King: You know what that means, don’t you?</p><p> </p><p>

All 3 Announcers: <strong><em>VINTAGE RUSSO!</em></strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Angle: Russo turns the IC Title match into a Pole match! Vintage Russo! (Rating: B-)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

The Miz vs Wade Barrett – Title-&-Contract-On-a-Pole Match for the Intercontinental Championship……and Ric Flair’s career!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The match actually take some time to actually begins, as the ring crew sets up not one, but TWO poles, in opposite corners of the ring, hanging the belt from one an a contract on a clipboard from the other. Barrett now has a smirk on his face as he knows that the new stipulations put Miz at a psychological disadvantage. The bell rings, and Miz immediately attacks Barrett aggressively, eager to get the early advantage as he can’t risk Barrett getting either of the items on the poles. Barrett cowers and covers up from the blows, but he’s really just waiting for an opportunity. This opportunity comes when the Miz drives Barrett back into a seated position in the corner where the contract is hanging. After forcing Barrett into a huddled position with a flurry of punches, the Miz rashly tries to climb up the ropes to reach for the contract, but Barrett had taken most of the punches on his arms and isn’t really fazed by them, and he uses to opportunity to take out Miz’s leg from below and then slamming Miz off the second ropes onto the mat.</p><p> </p><p>

The Miz falls down hard on his neck and shoulder, and Barrett immediately zooms in on it, hammering at the collarbones and shoulder with elbows and knees. Unlike the Miz, Barrett is in no hurry, and takes his time delivering punishment to his opponent. The Miz eventually battles upright and drops Barrett with a back suplex. Both men are down, and the Miz begins to slowly crawl his way towards the corner containing the contract. Seeing this, Barrett makes no move to stop him, and instead heads for the opposite corner to retrieve his title. The Miz realizes what’s happening, and is torn between giving up the title or give up protecting Flair’s career for the time being. After a moment’s hesitation, he turns around and just manages to stop Barrett from retrieving his title with a clobbering blow from behind.</p><p> </p><p>

The Miz beats down Barrett in the corner with a flurry of stomps, then backs away and signals for his signature corner clothesline, but Barrett counters into the Winds of Change. Barrett poses proudly and goes to retrieve his title, but Miz grabs him by the foot and refuses to let go. Annoyed, Barrett picks Miz up and hits him with a series of knees to the face. He lifts up Miz for the Wasteland, but Miz slips out behind him and hits his signature backbreaker-into-neckbreaker combination. Miz gets up and staggers for the nearest pole, which happens to be where the title is hanging. Barrett struggles his way up……and heads for the contract! The Miz is only inches away from retrieving the title when he realizes that Barrett is in the opposite corner, and he’s not sure if he has the time to retrieve the belt and still save the contract. He turns and rushes after Barrett, but it turns out that Barrett was only baiting him, and Miz runs straight into a nasty back heel kick to the gut, before Barrett drops him with a Pumphandle Slam! Smirking, Barrett tosses Miz out of the ring, then points at Ric Flair tauntingly before climbing up the corner for the contract! It seems like Barrett is actually more than happy to add insult to injury by gaining control of the fate of Miz’s childhood hero. The Miz struggles back up and climbs onto the ring apron, grabbing Barrett’s legs from outside and pulling them out under him so that the IC Champion lands awkwardly in a sitting position on the second ropes before crotching him against the ring post! Miz then wraps Barrett’s legs around the ring post, gives a loud “WOO!”, then locks on a modified FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK AROUND THE RING POST!</p><p> </p><p>

Since the match can’t be won via DQ or submission, Miz using the ring post to deliver the low blow as well as using it for the Figure-4 is perfectly legal, but can’t win him the match, even though Barrett quickly taps out from the pain. Miz keeps the hold on for several seconds before carefully disentangling himself. As Barrett scrambles back to the centre of the ring in pain, Miz climbs to the top rope and retrieves the contract!</p><p> </p><p>

Miz celebrates with the contract, forgetting for the moment that the match is still not over. Flair quickly warns him, and Miz quickly turns and hops off the ropes……right into a <strong>Bullhammer Elbow</strong> that knocks him out cold! Barrett stands laughing, still limping from the damage done by the Figure-4, but confident now that there’s no one to stop him from recovering his title. Agitated that Miz may have sacrificed his own chance at becoming champion in order to save his contract, Flair gets up on the ring apron and shouts in protest. The referee tries to calm him down, but Barrett arrogantly grabs the 16-time World Champion and drags him into the ring, prompting a chorus of boos from the fans. Barrett gets in Flair’s face tauntingly while holding him by the collar of his jacket, and in a <em>Vintage Flair</em> moment, Flair pokes him in the eye! As Barrett releases Flair to cutch at his injured eye, the referee tries to get Flair out of the ring. In another <em>Vintage Flair</em> moment, Flair pretends to argue with the referee for a bit, and at the same time lifts up his leg and delivers a back kick that scores a field goal between Barrett’s legs while he shields the kick from view! With Barrett doubled over in excruciating pain, a recovered Miz goes up behind him and plants him with the Skull-Crushing Finale, before climbing up the remaining pole and retrieving the Intercontinental Title!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Winner: The Miz defeated Wade Barrett in 9:48 when The Miz retrieved both the contract and the Championship after Wade Barrett had been taken out by Ric Flair. The Miz wins the WWE Intercontinental title.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: B+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

The Miz is ecstatic as the referee raises his hand in victory. Ric Flair enters the ring, and the Miz embraces his childhood hero. He spots the contract lying on the mat, and promptly drops the title to pick it up. He presents it to Flair as if it were a Slammy Award. In turn, Flair picks up the Intercontinental Title and presents it to the Miz, and the two raise each other’s hands in triumph.</p><p> </p><p>

Even as the two are celebrating, however, Vince Russo once again comes out to crash the party. Russo gives himself full credit for creating such drama in what would otherwise have been a boring simple <em>wrestling</em> match, which nobody wants to see, and turned it into exciting TV. While he’s busy bragging, however, Ric Flair sneaks up behind him and chop-blocks him right in the knee! As Russo goes down from it, Flair locks him in the Figure-4 and refuses to let go! Referee John Cone tries to get him to break it, but the Miz holds him back while laughing loudly at Russo’s plight. The referee pleads with the Miz while Russo screams for help, Mommy, Daddy, Granny, Uncle and God. Finally after nearly 3 minutes, Smackdown's GM Booker T makes his way out to the ring and whispers urgently to Miz, who finally relents and helps John Cone persuade Flair to break the hold. As Miz and Flair make their way back up the ramp with championship and contract in hand, the fans chant “THANK YOU RIC!” at Flair.</p><p> </p><p>

Meanwhile, EMT's rush to the aid of Vince Russo who clearly is unable to walk unaided. He screams like a little girl even as the EMTs help him to his feet and carry him backstage, and it looks like the Guest Host will be in no condition to host the show for the rest of the night!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angles: Flair locks Russo in the Figure-4. (Rating: B)</strong></p><p><strong>

Vince Russo is assisted backstage by EMTs (Rating: C)</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong><em>(How will WrestleCrap continue to invade WrestleMania now that Vince Russo is taken out? Stay tuned and find out in the next update!)</em></strong></p>

[Russelrules44]

*Eating popcorn*, Damn, This is the best WrestleMania ever!

[Greylocke]

<p>Wrestlemania: Part 2!</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><em>(OOC: Sorry for the long wait. Life has been busy this past week. Rotation shift jobs suck.)</em></strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

WrestleMania Part 2: Food, Kisses and America!</strong></p><p> </p><p>

While Russo is being carried out of the arena, the cameras bring us backstage, where Sheamus and Big Show are shown <em>still</em> going at it! Both men are now covered by smears of food stains after the chaotic food fight in the catering area earlier, especially the Big Show, who literally has pasta dripping from his head and shoulders. None of this does anything to slow down the fight, however, and the brawl continues all over the backstage area. Big Show throws Sheamus right through a door, which turns out to lead to the divas’ locker room. As the two men enter, several divas run screaming out of the room to get out of the way. Still, neither man show anything signs of slowing down, and the battle rages on until both men are in the showers, where <strong>Aksana</strong> is shown in the middle of taking a shower! Completely nude still covered with soap, the diva barely manages to cover up enough of herself with her hands to remove the necessity for a censor, while she cowers under the showerhead screaming in terror. Sheamus thrusts Big Show’s head under the showerhead (mere inches away from Aksana’s body) and turns on the showerhead, dousing the Big Show with water but also conveniently washing off most of the pasta from his head (and most of the soap off Aksana). Once again, the crowd roars its approval.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(I hope Aksana’s happy with all the “air time” and “exposure” I’m giving her. Maybe this will cause her to think twice before she complains about not being used in the future. Or she may complain more. You never know. Some people are just hard to please.)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Big Show and Sheamus brawl into the showers, where Aksana is shown naked. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Back in the ring, it’s time for another match, and hopefully the audience can finally enjoy a good match without any bait-or-switch or sudden change of rules……or can they?</p><p> </p><p>

Chris Jericho makes his way down to the ring to a huge pop, and Fandango follows with his usual extended dance routine. As Fandango gets into the ring, referee Scott Armstrong immediately signals for the bell to start the match, but Fandango holds up a hand and steps out of the ring again. He tells the referee to hold on a minute as he takes a mic from ringside. Getting back into the ring, he tells everyone that there’s no way he’ll begin his Wrestlemania debut match with his name being butchered the way Justin Roberts did during his entrance. There’s the old saying: if you want something done, you have to do it yourself. Therefore, he’ll do his own introduction, and make sure that everyone will remember not only his big win at Wrestlemania, but also that his name is <strong>FAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHNNNN……DAAAAAAHHHH……</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

……</strong><strong><em>CODEBREAKER</em></strong><strong>!</strong> Jericho has dropped his opponent in the middle of the ring with his finishing maneuver before Fandango can finish announcing his own name! The fans go crazy as Fandango goes down like a rock and the microphone goes flying out of the ring from the impact.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Fandango corrects Justin Robert’s pronunciation of his name……and takes a Codebreaker from Jericho! (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Match: Chris Jericho vs Fandango</strong></p><p> </p><p>

With Fandango out cold in the middle of the ring, Jericho places a foot on his chest and gets the 3-count with a signature cocky pin.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Chris Jericho defeated Fandango in 0:51 by pinfall with a Codebreaker.</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<em>(This match lifted the crowd. Fandango is improving in Rumble skills. Fandango is improving in Technical skills. This is why Jericho is the Best in the World at what he does. Just taking a Codebreaker from him allows his opponent to improve in not one but 2 different skills!)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Rating: B+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

After Chris Jericho leaves to the great cheers of his adoring fans, Fandango slowly gets back up from the Codebreaker. It takes him a while to realize what happened, and after being reassured by the referee that the match is over and that Jericho has won, the dancer storms out of the ring and screams at Justin Roberts in rage. He screams at the ring announcer that it’s all his fault, because he couldn’t get Fandango’s name right. And with that, Fandango savagely attacks the ring announcer, flooring him delivering blow after blow to his face. Not satisfied with that, Fandango then rips Justin’s shirt off and proceeds to choke him out on the floor with his own tie! The announcers act shocked at this behaviour, with Michael Cole screaming <strong><em>“That’s Vintage Daniel Bryan!”</em></strong> while several staff members rush out to ringside to help the abused ring announcer.</p><p> </p><p>

When Fandango finally releases the chokehold, he walks over to where he’d dropped his microphone earlier and picks it up, before walking back to Justin Roberts. The ring announcer is barely conscious as the medics are attending to him, and the latter warn Fandango to stay back. But Fandango isn’t there to continue his attack, but to make a point, as he says to Justin Roberts:</p><p>

<strong> “It’s……</strong><strong><em>FAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHN……DAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHN……GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO</em></strong><strong>!"</strong></p><p> </p><p>

<em>(Justin Roberts is another of those guys who was complaining about “not being used”. Once again, your wish is my command……just be careful what you wish for!)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Fandango chokes out Justin Roberts with his own tie for getting his name wrong. (Rating: B-)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Backstage, Mark Henry is shown arguing with Booker T. It appears that with Russo taken out, the Smackdown GM is back in charge, and he’s telling Henry that he’s not going to cancel the match between him and Ryback. Henry asks Booker if he saw what’s been happening for the past week. Ryback shouldn’t be allowed to compete and he should be suspended. He brought a gun to the ring and tried to run Henry over with a car! Henry not only doesn’t want the match, he wants a restraining order against that lunatic to keep him away from him. </p><p> </p><p>

Booker T tells Henry that the fans paid to watch the match, and he’s not going to cancel the match. However, he had spoken to Ryback earlier, and he assures Henry that Ryback will be banned from bringing any weapons to the ring in their match. If Ryback shows up with any sort of weapon on him, he will be immediately disqualified. Henry still isn’t happy about having to fight the crazed monster, but Booker gives him no choice.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Mark Henry doesn’t want to fight Ryback. (Rating: B+)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Tag Team Titles Match: Team Hell No vs Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston (w/ AJ Lee)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Finally, we have a match that takes place as advertised and doesn’t end in less than a minute! Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan starts off the match with a brief lock-up, a shove to the ropes, and a shoulder knock-down to Bryan from Ziggler, and the Show-off does his version of the Flair strut around the ring for gaining the upper hand before leaning across the ropes for a kiss with AJ. And just like that the match has already lasted longer than the previous one. Daniel gets back up and gets into a series of holds and counter-holds with Ziggler, this time with Bryan coming out on top as he manages to get Dolph into his surfboard hold and stretches the Show-off for several seconds before he struggles free. Bryan immediately takes him down again and almost gets him in the No-Lock before Ziggler wriggles free and dives for his corner to tag in Big E. Daniel tags in Kane in response, and the 2 big men go at it in the centre of the ring with a test of strength. Another shoulder knock-down, this time by Big E on Kane. Big E beats his chest in triumph and challenges Kane to return the favour. Kane obliges, but fails to knock Langston down. He tries again, but Langston floors him with a big clothesline.</p><p> </p><p>

Langston picks up Kane and drives him hard into his own corner. Quick tags are made between Team Big Z as they work on the Big Red Monster. Big E showcases his incredible strength as he picks up Kane and gives him not one, but 3 consecutive backbreakers across his knee. He then heaves the Big Red Machine onto his shoulder for a Big Ending, but Kane slips free being him and shoves him into the ropes before catching him on the rebound with a big boot to the face! Kane falls back and crawls for his corner to make the tag, but AJ Lee runs all the way around to ring to Daniel’s corner and starts screaming at him, prompting him to jump off the apron and warn her to stay out of the match. It’s unclear what the initial screams are about, but it soon develops into a screaming contest of <strong><em>“NO!” “YES!” “NO!” “YES!”</em></strong> back and forth between Bryan and AJ. Bryan is so engrossed in his screaming that he misses his partner’s attempt to tag, and Kane finds his own corner empty and his partner nowhere to be found. Across the ring, Big E makes the tag to Ziggler, who makes use of Kane’s confusion to roll him up with a schoolboy for a near-fall. Kane powers out of the pin, but Dolph catches him with a Rocker-Dropper that drives him face-first into the mat for an even nearer fall.</p><p> </p><p>

Ziggler drills Kane with a series of elbow drops for another 2-count before the referee finally manages to get AJ to go back to her team’s corner. Ziggler then whips Kane hard into a neutral corner before leaping at him for a huge Stinger Splash, but Kane literally <em>UPPER-CUTS</em> him out of the air! Ziggler lands hard, writhing in agony and clutching at his throat while an exhausted Kane once again crawls for his corner. This time, Bryan is there to receive the tag, and he charges into the ring. Instead of going straight for his legal opponent Big E (who also just got tagged in), Daniel ducks under a big clothesline from E and charges all the way across the ring to hit a big running dropkick on Ziggler that sends the Show-off crashing to the floor outside. Bryan then dodges out of the way of a charging Big E, who collides hard with the turnbuckles, then rushes across the ring one more time, this time hitting a big time dropkick on Big E in the corner! Big E goes down from that, and Bryan gets a 2-count before Big E kicks out. With Langston still dazed from the blow earlier, Daniel goes up top and hits a big missile dropkick before going for the pin again, but this time Ziggler gets back in and breaks up in the pin. This prompts Kane to come back in and go after Ziggler, hitting him with a big uppercut before throwing him out of the ring. He leaves the ring to continue the attack on Ziggler, but AJ quickly gets between the two of them, screaming at Kane. Kane hesitates for a moment……and Ziggler pushes AJ into Kane’s arms! AJ than plants a lip-lock on Kane, which disorientates the monster for a few seconds longer, giving Ziggler the time to wrench him away and throw him into the steel steps outside!</p><p> </p><p>

Meanwhile, in the ring, Bryan drills Big E with a barrage of kicks to the chest before going for a finishing kick to the head, but Big E catches his leg and lifts him up to big a big powerbomb! Big E tags Ziggler back in, and the Show-off goes quickly for the pin, but somehow Daniel is able to kick out. It’s now Daniel’s turn to play the face in peril as Ziggler and Big E dominate him with quick tags. Trying to show off again, Ziggler mocks Bryan by giving him a series of hard kicks to the chest while screaming <strong><em>“NO!”</em></strong> after each kick, but as he goes for the roundhouse to the head, Bryan catches the leg and rolls him over into a half-crab! Keeping the hold on, Daniel drags Ziggler across the ring to make a tag, but finds out the Kane is still out on the floor outside! Ziggler uses the moment of hesitation to break fee, shoving Bryan into the ring post with his free leg. Ziggler then drags Bryan back across the ring just as Kane manages to stagger back to his corner, preventing the tag. Big E is tagged back in to do some more damage to the already injured Bryan before the Show-off comes back in. Ziggler goads Bryan to get back up before going for the finish with a Superkick, but Bryan ducks out of the way and counters with a big roundhouse kick to the temple! Both men go down simultaneously as Bryan is too worn out to capitalize on his kick, but he manages to get the tag to his partner before he opponent could. The Big Red Machine comes in like a house on fire, dropping Ziggler with a series of clotheslines before squashing him with another one in the corner. Kane then counters an attempted interference from Big E and gives him a huge uppercut that knocks the heavy off the ring apron. He hits the sidewalk slam on Ziggler, followed by the clothesline off the top rope, and now signals for the chokeslam. Big E gets back on the ring apron and starts to get in the ring, but Kane shoves Ziggler right into him to knock him back out. Kane goes for the chokeslam again as Ziggler staggers back, but Dolph slips out of the chokehold on the way down and hit the <em>ZIG-ZAG</em>! New Tag Team Champions in 1……2……</p><p> </p><p>

……<em>and Daniel Bryan breaks up the 3-count</em>! AJ is irate, and gets on the ring apron to scream at Daniel. Daniel screams back at her, and it looks like another YES-NO screaming contest is about to begin……when Dolph Ziggler shoves Daniel Bryan from behind. Bryan nearly collides with AJ on the ropes, but manages to catch himself. AJ quickly wraps her arms around Bryan’s head and puts him in a lip-lock, holding him in place so the Ziggler is able to run up from behind to deliver a ZIG-ZA……but no, Daniel holds on to the ropes to block the move! Ziggler lands on the mat but rolls back up quickly. He makes another rush at Bryan, but Bryan moves out of the way and shoves him into AJ, knocking her off the ring apron……right into the arms of Big E. Big E carefully turns around and sets AJ down on her feet, when Bryan comes charging across the ring and hits Big E in the back with a dropkick through the ropes! This knocks Big E into AJ, which causes they both to go sprawling across the announce table……and Big E inadvertently locks lips with AJ! </p><p> </p><p>

Lawler then makes a crack about AJ kissing every man in the match besides the referee, and Michael Cole responds with “<strong><em>VINTAGE JBL</em></strong>!” Ziggler sees the kiss between AJ and Big E and goes ballistic, despite him having no problem with AJ kissing his opponents to distract them earlier. He screams at Big E as he hurriedly breaks the kiss with AJ. He starts to explain to Ziggler that the kiss was an accident, but before he can finish, Daniel Bryan comes flying off the ring apron and takes him out with a big knee to the head. Meanwhile, a flustered AJ is trying to calm Ziggler down, when she spots Kane standing behind her boyfriend. She screams a warning, but it’s too late, as Ziggler turns around just in time to take a chokeslam! 3 counts later, the match is over.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Winners: Team Hell No defeated Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston in 12:47 when Kane defeated Dolph Ziggler by pinfall with a Chokeslam. During the match we also had AJ Lee run in and attack Daniel Bryan. Team Hell No make defence number 1 of their WWE Tag Team titles.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: B+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Backstage, Sheamus and the Big Show are <em>still</em> brawling! Finally, Smackdown GM Booker T arrives on the scene with his assistant Teddy Long as well as a bunch of assorted men, ranging from wrestlers (Kofi Kingston & R-Truth) to announcer (Matt Striker) to officials (Mike Chioda). They manage to get between the 2 and hold them apart just long enough for Booker to tell them that they need to settle this properly in the ring like true professionals, and that the following night on RAW, it will be Sheamus vs the Big Show, 1-on-1!</p><p> </p><p>

As he’s saying this, the Big Show, struggling to free himself from the guys holding him back, lashes out and K.O.s the unfortunate Matt Striker, who happens to be standing in the way.</p><p> </p><p>

<em>(This segment lifted the crowd. Matt Striker as punching bag = ratings! This is how I should have used him from the beginning!)</em></p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Booker T and gang break up the Sheamus/Show brawl backstage. (Rating: A)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Match: Mark Henry vs Ryback</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Mark Henry enters the arena for his scheduled match, but it’s clear that he doesn’t really want to be there. The World’s Strongest Man is looking nervous and immediately steps out of the ring the moment “<strong><em>FEED ME MORE</em></strong>!” is heard from the speakers. Ryback comes out looking even more aggressive and hungry that usual, practically drooling at the mouth as he heads for the ring. Fortunately for Henry, he doesn’t seem to be carrying any weapons, just as Booker T had promised. Ryback enters the ring, and the referee tells Henry to do the same so that the match can begin, but Henry insists that the referee search Ryback for weapons before he will get in the ring. Ryback looks eager to go right after Henry, but the official manages to convince him to stand still while he pats Ryback over to check for possible concealed weapons. While he’s doing so, Henry circles around the ring and slips in behind Ryback, knocking him down with a big running forearm to the back, prompting the referee to quickly call for the bell to begin the match.</p><p> </p><p>

Henry takes full advantage of the successful sneak attack on his opponent, stomping Ryback down on the mat and doing everything he can to keep him down and not allowing him any chance to right back. With Ryback seemingly groggy from the repeated assault, Henry backs up and launches himself off the ropes at his opponent, but Ryback pops up catches him with a big Thesz Press!</p><p> </p><p>

“STUPID!” Ryback screams at Henry, and proceeds to slam Henry’s head repeatedly off the mat before the referee gets him off. Henry quickly rolls out of the ring, clearly wanting no part his crazed and monstrous adversary. He throws up his arms in disgust and starts to walk back up the ramp to a chorus of boos from the crowd, but Ryback isn’t about to let him walk out, as he follows the World’s Strongest Man out of the ring and attacks him viciously on the ramp, dragging him back towards the ring and slamming his head into various parts of the security wall on their way back. As they reach the ring, Henry finally manages to use his size and power to his advantage, as he throws Ryback into the ring steps. He then picks up Ryback bodily and drives him back-first into the ring post!</p><p> </p><p>

Henry rolls Ryback back into the ring as he looks to finish this quickly. Ryback fights back with a flurry of blows to the face and the torso, which staggers the big man, but aren’t enough to knock him down. Ryback then launches himself off the ropes for the knockdown blow……and runs straight into a Bear Hug! Henry squeezes Ryback for over a minute, keeping the devastating hold on despite the heavy blows that Ryback rain on his head. The blows gradually become weaker, and the monster Ryback appears to have passed out. Has the monster finally succumbed to the Bear Hug? The referee goes to raise his hand to check for a response, and on the third attempt, Ryback abruptly comes back to life! He screams “<em>FEED ME MORE</em>!” repeatedly, which prompts the crowd to chant along with him. Henry is still struggling to hold on……until Ryback bites him right in the nose.</p><p> </p><p>

Henry screams in pain and lets go, but this time it’s Ryback who refuses to let go of his opponent. The referee almost disqualifies Ryback before Henry manages to struggle free, clutching at his bleeding nose. With blood on his teeth and lips, Ryback seems to have been re-energized even further at the sight of blood, and he charges at Henry and knocks him down with a big double-axehammer, followed by a huge running shoulder-block, and followed after that with a huge spinebuster. With Henry dazed and in pain, Ryback goes into the corner and signals for the Meathook Clothesline, which prompts the crowd to begin another “<em>FEED ME MORE</em>!” chant. Ryback charges in for the Meathook as Henry turns around……and Henry scoops him up at the last minute and counters with a WOLRD’S STRONGEST SLAM! Still half-blinded by the pain from his bleeding nose, Henry manages to drape an arm over Ryback for the 1……2……</p><p> </p><p>

……and Ryback <em>kicks out</em>! Henry is shocked, and argues with the referee that it should have been a 3-count. The referee re-emphasizes that it was only a 2. Screaming in frustration, Henry picks Ryback up and tries to go for another WSS, but the scream of frustration changes to one of pain as Ryback <em>bites him on the arm</em>! He drops Ryback and rips himself away from the beast, holding his arm as he half-falls back out of the ring. As he staggers across to the security barrier to regroup, the referee counts to 5, urging him to get back in to continue the match. Henry starts to walk back to the ring, then changes his mind as he sees Ryback licking his lips eagerly and chant “<em>FEED ME MORE</em>!” Henry turns and practically runs out of the arena, forcing the referee to count him out and end the match. Ryback continues to stand in the centre of the ring in triumph, chanting “FEED ME MORE!” along with the crowd as he celebrates his victory.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Winner: Ryback defeated Mark Henry in 8:34 by count out.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: A</strong></p><p> </p><p>

We head backstage again, and World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio is shown with his ring announcer Ricardo Rodriguez injured. Del Rio tells Ricardo that he is sorry for not being there when Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter kidnapped him, and promises to him that he will make Swagger and Coulter pay for what they did. He asks if Ricardo would perhaps like to stay at the back for tonight so that Swagger won’t hurt him again. Ricardo assures Del Rio that his abductors didn’t actually hurt him, since all they wanted to do was use him as bait to lure Alberto into the ambush last Friday. He tells Del Rio that he’s fine, and that he will stay by Del Rio’s corner no matter what happens.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Angle: Alberto Del Rio swears revenge on Swagger and Coulter for the abduction of Ricardo. (Rating: B)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

World Heavyweight Title match: Alberto Del Rio (w/ Ricardo Rodriguez) vs Jack Swagger (w/ Zeb Coulter)</strong></p><p> </p><p>

Del Rio is out for revenge, just as he’d promised, and starts off the match aggressively, pelting Swagger with blistering kicks to his arm and driving him back until the Real American is practically huddling in a corner to avoid his fury. The referee pulls Del Rio out of the corner, giving Swagger an opening to grab the World Champion and charges him into the corner instead. Swagger works on Del Rio with some shoulder-thrusts in the corner, then backs off for a charging attack, but meets a pair of raised boots. Alberto then grabs Swagger’s arm and almost manages to lock on the Cross Armbreaker in the ropes but Swagger powers out at the last moment and rolls out of the ring to regroup. Del Rio doesn’t give him much of a breathing room, however, and hurls himself through the ropes with a dropkick that sends Swagger into the announcers’ table.</p><p> </p><p>

Del Rio grabs Swagger by the already-smarting arm and slams it into the announce table to soften it further. He then tries to ram Swagger arm-first into the ring post, but Swagger rakes him in the eyes to break free. He then floors Del Rio with a big clothesline outside the ring. Rolling him back into the ring, Swagger tries to work on Del Rio’s ankle to set up the Patriot Lock, but Del Rio catches him with an Inside Cradle for a near-fall. Swagger powers out of the pin, but Del Rio quickly catches him on the arm again with a stinging back heel kick. He goes for the Cross Armbreaker early, but Zeb Coulter gets on the ring apron to distract him. Still upset over the abduction, Del Rio takes the bait and goes for Coulter, but the old war veteran gets off the apron before the World Champion can get his hands on him. Del Rio turns and launches another kick at Swagger’s arm, but this time Swagger catches the leg, turns around, and drops down with an over-the-shoulder knee-breaker, wrenching Del Rio’s leg over his shoulder!</p><p> </p><p>

Swagger has finally found an opening, and he zooms in on it relentlessly, wrenching and pounding away at the injured leg repeatedly for several minutes. Del Rio wriggles to the ropes to break the hold, but Swagger merely lets go for a brief second to avoid being disqualified before dragging him right back to the centre of the ring by the injured leg. Del Rio tries to get back up on his one good leg, but Swagger throws him back down again with a Dragon Screw, adding more damage to the leg. Finally, after another two minutes of agony as Swagger picks apart his abused leg, Del Rio struggles into a standing position and scores with an enziguri to the side of Swagger’s head.</p><p> </p><p>

Unable to capitalize on the enziguri immediately due to the damage done to his leg, Del Rio nevertheless buys himself enough time to crawl to the ropes, which he uses to help himself get back up. Struggling back up as well, Swagger turns and charges at Del Rio, but the World Champion dodges out of the way, and Swagger goes shoulder-first into the turnbuckles, buying Del Rio even more time. As Swagger staggers out of the corner, Del Rio drops him with an Armbreaker, although this seems to aggravate the pain in his own injured leg as well. Del Rio goes for the Cross Armbreaker, but Swagger powers out and sends him to the ropes before catching him on the rebound with a belly-to-belly slam.</p><p> </p><p>

Swagger then backs away across the ring before charging back and leaping over Del Rio’s prone body onto the second turnbuckles to drop the Swagger Bomb on Del Rio. Del Rio kicks out on the count of 2, much to Swagger’s frustration. Pounding Del Rio in the head with a flurry of punches, Swagger then goes for the Swagger Bomb again, but this time Del Rio raises his feet to counter it. However, Swagger anticipated the counter and catches Del Rio by the foot, turning it into the Patriot Lock! Fortunately, Del Rio is close enough to the ropes to get a rope break. He rolls under the ropes as the referee backs Swagger off, but Swagger comes right back for him. As he reaches under the second rope to grab Del Rio, Del Rio seizes his arm and locks on the Cross Armbreaker from the ring apron. He holds on to the arm while dangling merely inches from the floor outside for a full 4-count before breaking the hold. As Swagger staggers to the centre of the ring clutching at his arm, Del Rio somehow manages to climb to the top rope, injured leg and all, and comes off with a missile dropkick on Swagger! Del Rio then unloads on Swagger with a series of running clotheslines that send Swagger scrambling for the corner for safety……putting him in perfect position for Del Rio’s signature corner enziguri! Del Rio runs at him to deliver the enziguri, but Swagger ducks the kick at the last moment and grabs his foot to lock in the Patriot Lock! Screaming in pain, Del Rio struggles for the ropes, and twice he almost makes it, but each time Swagger drags him back to the centre of the ring. Finally, in one last surge of effort, Del Rio twists around and throws Swagger out of the hold……straight into the referee! As the referee goes sprawling to the mat, Swagger turns around on his knees, right into a superkick from Del Rio! Swagger seems to be old cold, but there’s no referee to count the pin!</p><p> </p><p>

Del Rio goes over to the referee to wake him up, and Zeb Coulter sneaks into the ring behind him with a steel chair in his hands. He raises the chair to hit Del Rio from behind, but Ricardo gets into the ring and rips the chair out of his hands! Del Rio senses the commotion and turns around, and Coulter realizes he’s now trapped between the World Champion and the chair-wielding Ricardo with nowhere to run! He raises his hands and pleads for mercy, but it’s clear that Ricardo seeks vengeance. He raises the chair……AND BLASTS ALBERTO BETWEEN THE EYES WITH IT! The World Champion goes down from the chair-shot delivered by his trusted friend and employee, and Coulter and Rodriguez are shown exchanging a smile as the leave the ring together, making it clear that they’re in cahoots all along. Meanwhile, Swagger gets back to his feet, picks up the already-unconscious World Champion, and delivers an unnecessary Gutwrench Powerbomb before pinning him for the 3-count by the recovered referee.</p><p> </p><p>

<strong>Jack Swagger defeated Alberto Del Rio in 16:38 by pinfall after interference from Ricardo Rodriguez. During the match we also had Zeb Coulter run in and attack Alberto Del Rio. Jack Swagger wins the WWE World Heavyweight title.</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Rating: B+</strong></p><p> </p><p>

After the match, Zeb Coulter gets into the ring and celebrates with his client Jack Swagger, and Ricardo Rodriguez joins them as well. Swagger doesn’t look surprised at this, which shows that all 3 of them were in this together the whole time. Ricardo rips off the tuxedo that he’s always worn out to the ring, and unveils a red, white and blue T-shirt labeled “Real American”. He grabs the microphone and announces Swagger as the winner of the match and the new World Heavyweight Champion in English before chanting “USA! USA!” enthusiastically. The announcers are bewildered and confused at why the Mexican would be chanting that. Finally, Coulter signals for Ricardo to stop, and the 3 of them place their fists on their chests in unison. Ricardo then raises the microphone again and shouts “WEEEEEEEEEEE, THE PEEEEEEEEEEEOPLE!”</p><p> </p><p>

<strong><em>(Ricardo’s heel turn was a complete success.)</em></strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong>

Angle: Ricardo is a “Real American!” (Rating: B)</strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>

<strong><em>And this is the end of Part 2! Stay tuned for WrestleMania Part 3: The Stuff that Guys Actually Paid to Watch!</em></strong></p>

[Russelrules44]

I KNEW IT! I knew it all along that Roderiguiz was a traitor! Good stuff Greylocke.