WWE Goes WrestleCrap - **** Sells!

mistaken · July 3, 2013

nice show

Greylocke · July 13, 2013

WrestleMania: Part 3!

To all readers: I'm really, really sorry for the long delay, but now the wait is over, for FINALLY, WRESTLECRAP HAS COME BACK TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!

WrestleMania Part 3: Of Caskets and Fruity Pebbles!

Triple H is standing backstage cutting a promo about his upcoming match. He talks about how he will be having his best friend Shawn Michaels at ringside in his corner, and briefly goes through his friendship with the Heartbreak Kid. He talks about how Shawn was the guy that taught him more than half the things he’d leant in this business, and how he can always trust Shawn to watch his back. On any other night he’d be bragging about how with the 2 of them on the same side, they’d be unstoppable. However, tonight’s not like any other night. Tonight, he’s facing the beast known as Brock Lesnar, a man who took out both him and Shawn and broke both their arms, the man who at Summerslam beat him down so badly that he was nearly convinced that it was time for him to hang up his boots. And maybe Brock and Heyman are right, perhaps it really is time for the Game to call it quits, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t go down fighting. It’s possible that after tonight, his career may be over, but he wants Brock and Heyman to know that if he’s going down tonight, he plans to do everything he can to take the beast down with him.

Shawn Michaels then walks into view and demands to know why he’s making all these talks about retirement and ‘going down fighting’. Triple H is not going to retire tonight, because like he said, with the 2 of them together on the same side, they’re unstoppable. Triple H tells Shawn that there’s something he’d been wanting to talk to Shawn about. He tells Shawn that he appreciates the support, and that him being at ringside in his corner means a lot to him, but he wants Shawn to know that tonight is not his fight. Tonight is between Triple H and Brock Lesnar, and he wants Shawn to promise him that under no circumstances will he physically involve himself in the match. HHH says that the months he spent rehabbing his arm after it was broken by Brock Lesnar was a long painful process, but what hurt him far more than that was when he had to face Shawn’s wife and kids crying over Shawn when his arm was broken by Brock simply because the beast wanted to send HHH a message. He’s not going to apologize to Shawn for getting him involved in this, because he knows that’s what best friends do for each other. But he wants Shawn to promise him that he’ll stay away from the monster tonight. He’s retired, and he did it so that he could spend the rest of his life with his family without having them worried about him ending up in a wheelchair or in a vegetative state on a hospital bed one day. He wants Shawn to remember that, and leave the beast to him.

Shawn looks Triple H in the eye and tells him that he understands what he’s saying, and that he appreciates it……but he ain’t gonna promise him anything tonight. He then walks off the screen while HHH stare after him in concern.

(This segment lifted the crowd. The fans are probably shocked and in awe at the fact that for the first time tonight, it appears that we’re actually going to give them a ‘serious’ match with no WrestleCrap involved.)

Angles: Triple H hypes his friendship with HBK. (Rating: A*)

HHH warns HBK not to physically get involved in his match with Lesnar. (Rating: A*)

A video plays hyping the storyline that’s been going on from way back last year, highlighting briefly all the encounters and altercations between Triple H, Brock Lesnar, Shawn Michaels, and Paul Heyman.

Angle: Obligatory PPV match-hyping video package. (Rating: A*)

No-Holds-Barrred Match: Triple H vs Brock Lesnar

Brock Leanar walks out to the ring with Paul Heyman as always by his side, looking confident and eager for the upcoming fight. Shawn Michaels then gets his own introduction as he makes his entrance, and Lesnar goads him to get into the ring. Despite what he told Triple H earlier, Shawn appears to be taking the Game’s advice at the moment, and keeps well away from the ring until Triple H makes his entrance, and the 2 of them walk to the ring together. Triple H isn’t grinning with c0cky confidence the way Lesnar is, but he seems just as eager for the bout to begin.

The bell rings, and HHH literally hurls himself at Lesnar, but Lesnar catches him head-on and powers him straight into one of the corners. He delivers a series of shoulder-thrusts to HHH, but the Game battles back with big right hands, which seems to drive the monster back for a few moments, but Lesnar quickly cuts him off again with a series of big knees to the head and torso. He sends HHH over the top rope with a big clothesline before marching around the ring in celebration and raising his arms in triumph. HHH lands on his feet on the outside, but nevertheless looks a bit disorientated by the furious flurry of offense from his opponent. Shawn Michaels hurries over to him to ask if he’s ok. HHH waves him off and gets back into the ring slowly. Lesnar stands grinning in contempt in the centre of the ring and does nothing to stop his opponent getting back in.

Triple H steps forward to deliver a big swing, but Lesnar ducks behind him and take him down with a waistlock. He works over HHH on the mat with a few simple holds before letting go, still grinning. It seems like he’s only toying with HHH at the moment rather than trying to hurt him. HHH is clearly trying to keep calm as his opponent doesn’t appear to be taking him seriously. However, the Cerebral Assassin quickly regains his composure and smiles back at his opponent. Lesnar reaches out tauntingly as if inviting him for a classic test of strength, and HHH looks like he’s going to take the offer……only to kick Lesnar right in the guts and unleash a flurry of punches that drives him back into a corner. But Lesnar catches his right arm in mid-punch and almost locks in the Kimura Lock before HHH hurriedly pulls away and rolls out of the ring yet again.

As HHH leans against the ring apron and seems to be checking his arm for damage, Lesnar reaches through the ropes to grab him, but it appears that HHH was baiting him, and quickly grabs the monster’s feet and pulls them out from under him. It looks like he’s planning to use the ring posts to do damage to Lesnar’s legs, but the beast is too strong, and pulls his legs back with such force that HHH is pulled face-first into the ring post himself. The Cerebral Assassin staggers away to the announce table, and this time Lesnar decides to follow him out. He walks over to Triple H, who’s doubled over the table……and HHH NAILS him with one of the TV monitors! Finally taking advantage of the No-Holds-Barred rules, HHH tries to capitalize on the dazed monster, as he picks up a steel chair from ringside and goes for a knockout blow to the head……but Lesnar grabs the chair before it can connect! Before HHH can attempt to pull away, the beast swings the chair around with such force that he actually takes HHH off his feet and hurls him into the steel steps!

Lesnar stares at the chair that’s still in his hands for a moment as if contemplating using it, then looks over at his opponent writhing in pain on the other side of the steel steps, before he tosses the chair away in obvious contempt. He turns and walks over to HHH……who kicks the steel steps right into his knee. As Lesnar’s leg buckles under him, HHH steps onto the steel stairs and hurls himself off on top of Lesnar, finally taking the beast down. He pounds away at Lesnar’s head with punch after punch, forcing the monster to cover up. Lesnar reverses the position by brute force for a moment, getting on top and getting in some punches of his own, but HHH quickly reverses it again. Lesnar finally manages to shove HHH off him, but the Cerebral Assassin comes right back, grabs the leg that he attacked earlier, and slams it into the ring steps again.

Lesnar struggles back up and hobbles his way back towards the ring, but HHH has picked up the chair that Lesnar dropped earlier, and slams it hard into his back. Screaming in pain, Lesnar tries to get away, but HHH relentlessly pursues him, hitting him with chairshot after chairshot to the back until the beast rolls back into the ring. HHH puts the chair down for a moment as he slides it into the ring before climbing back in himself, and Lesnar tries to capitalize on what he sees as an opening as he charges his opponent before the latter has time to pick up the chair again, but the Cerebral Assassin ducks and pulls down the rope, and Lesnar hurls himself over the ropes to a painful landing on the floor outside.

Lesnar grabs the ring apron and quickly pulls himself back to his feet, but HHH slams the chair down onto his fingers. Lesnar staggers over to the security wall clutching his hand, and HHH steps out onto the ring apron with steel chair in hand. He hurls himself off the apron with the chair aimed at Lesnar’s head, but Lesnar catches him bodily and drives him hard into the ring apron, causing him to drop the chair in pain. Still not letting go, Lesnar turns around and drives HHH back-first into the security wall as well, then turns around and slams him into the apron again, then the wall again, and repeats the process for another 2-3 times before slamming him into the ring post. HHH appears to be almost completely out cold by the time Lesnar drops him on the floor.

Lesnar throws HHH back into the ring, then grabs the steel steps and throws them into the ring as well, stopping briefly to grin nastily at HBK as the latter looks on in concern. Setting up the steps in the corner, Lesnar picks up Triple H and tries to whip him into the steps, but the Game blocks the collision partially with his hands. As Lesnar rushes over to do further damage, the Game counters with a drop-toe-hold into the steps! This buys him a few moments of time as the monster is now dazed, but somehow still standing. Triple H unloads on him with a series of big clotheslines and a Harley Race high knee before going for a Pedigree, but Lesnar powers out and backdrops HHH over the top rope to the outside.

Shawn Michaels heads over to check on his friend, but Lesnar rolls out of the ring, grabs HBK, and hurls him out of his way! The crowd boos loudly as Michaels lands hard on the floor, stunned, and Lesnar grins at the response, clearly proud of what he just did. Unfortunately, this assault on his best friend seems to have stirred up the fire inside HHH, and as Lesnar turns around, HHH hurls himself right into the beast, sending both of them sprawling over the announce table. HHH unloads on the stunned monster with a flurry of right hands on the table, then grabs a water bottle lying close at hand and slams it over Lesnar’s head. As Lesnar staggers away, HHH picks up Michael Cole’s laptop and slams it over his head as well! HHH then removes the cover off the announce table, which drives the fans into a frenzy. He drags the monster onto the announce table and tries to go for a Pedigree through the table……when Lesnar powers out with another backdrop, this one sending the Game crashing through the Spanish announce table behind him!

Lesnar takes a few moments to shake off the remnants of the effects of his opponent’s attacks before hopping off the announce table to go after his opponent again. He picks up HHH from the ruins of the Spanish announce table and rolls him back into the ring. The beast seems ready to end this as hauls the Game up onto his shoulders for the F5, but Triple H somehow finds the strength to wriggle out and slip behind him and locks on the Main Event Sleeper Hold of Doom! Brock struggles to free himself and it looks for a moment as if the Cerebral Assassin might actually put the monster to sleep, but Brock abruptly throws himself back towards the corner and drives HHH back-first into the steps that were set up there earlier. Gasping for a few moments to recover his breath, the beast sets his eyes on the steel steps and proceeds to drag them to the centre of the ring. He pulls Triple H over and slams his head repeatedly into them until the Game’s busted open. Grinning at the sight of the blood, Lesnar heaves HHH onto his shoulder and gives him a twisting powerslam onto the steps. He then goes for the pin for the first time in this match, but Triple H somehow manages to kick out at the count of 2.

Looking a little irritated, Lesnar picks Triple H up by the head and slaps him, telling him to stay down, but Triple H spits in his face. In a rage, Lesnar hauls him up again for the F5, but Triple H counters into a DDT onto the steel steps! The camera zooms in on Lesnar’s face to reveal that the monster, too, has been busted open! With the fans cheering them on, both Triple H and Lesnar rise shakily up to their feet, the former using the steel steps for support and the latter making his way to the ropes which he uses to pull himself back up. Lesnar turns and sees his opponent still leaning against the steps, and immediately charges at him, but the Game catches him and plants him with a HUGE spinebuster onto the steel steps! The monster struggles back up weakly, but the Cerebral Assassin is waiting to greet him with a kick to the guts before finally connecting with the PEDIGREE! The beast has been slain……

……or not, as Lesnar somehow kicks out of the pinfall a split second before the count of 3! Paul Heyman almost has a heart attack outside the ring as a shocked HHH questions the referee on his ruling. The referee reassures him that it was only a 2-count. Unable to believe that his most lethal move didn’t work, HHH picks Lesnar up again to deliver a second Pedigree, but Lesnar hoists him up and drops with the F5! Brock takes a few seconds to recover before going for the pin, however, and this might have cost him, as HHH somehow gets his feet on the ropes at the count of 2!

Lesnar is shocked and irate as he literally grabs Referee Charles Robinson by the shirt and threatens bodily harm on him for not making a 3-count. Heyman manages to persuade Lesnar to let the referee go and focus on his opponent. However, by the time Lesnar turns back to look for HHH, the Game has rolled out of the ring. Lesnar walks over and bends through the ropes to pull him back in, but the Cerebral Assassin nails him right in the jaw with the sledgehammer that he just pulled from under the ring! The crowd goes crazy as the Game has finally found his trusty equalizer. Heyman screams for Lesnar to get away as HHH gets back into the ring and looks to go for a finishing blow to the skull with the hammer, but Lesnar ducks the swing at the last moment and counters with a takedown into the KIMURA LOCK! The Game screams in anguish as the referee asks him if he wants to quit, but HHH refuses. Lesnar wrenches away at the arm relentlessly as HHH struggles for the ropes. The announcers remind us that reaching the ropes will not help HHH, as this is a No-Holds-Barred match with no rope breaks. Then it dawns on everyone that HHH is in fact trying to reach for the sledgehammer he just dropped! He’s barely a fingertip away from it when it was snatched away out of his reach……by Paul Heyman from outside!

Heyman shakes his finger at HHH and laughs triumphantly……before he’s spun around by the Heartbreak Kid, who lays him right out with the Sweet Chin Music to a huge pop from the crowd! Seeing what just happened, Lesnar lets go of Triple H and heads over to HBK, who stands over the fallen Heyman holding the sledgehammer that he just seized from Heyman’s hand. Lesnar reaches through the ropes and grabs HBK by the hair, dragging him into the ring, but also bringing the sledgehammer back in at the same time. He hoists up the struggling Michaels up for an F5……but HHH stops him with a LOW BLOW! The Game then picks up the sledgehammer and drills Lesnar right in his already-bleeding head before giving him another Pedigree……this time on the sledgehammer! The beast is finally put down as HHH makes the pin and gets the 3-count and the victory.

(I hope HHH and Lesnar enjoyed their last Crap-free storyline. Mr McMahon has already given me the stamp of approval for the post-Mania storyline I have for the 2 of them, and boy are they in for a surprise.)

Triple H defeated Brock Lesnar in 16:26 by pinfall following interference from Shawn Michaels. During the match we also had Paul Heyman run in and attack Triple H.

Rating: A*

As the announcers hype the next upcoming match, the lights dim, and a group of druids push a large casket down to ringside for the imminent match between CM Punk and The Undertaker in which one of competitors will be forced inside. Even as this is happening, a short video package plays to highlight the recent events between the two, placing extra emphasis on how Punk disrespected the memory of Paul Bearer by not only mocking his death but also desecrating his resting place on live TV.

The video package barely ended when ‘Cult of Personality’ blares from the speakers and out comes CM Punk……in a truck. Dragging another casket behind the truck. All the way to ringside. The same casket that he dug out from the graveyard this past Monday, by the way. Punk steps out of the truck still holding Paul Bearer’s urn in his hand and tells the fans that he’s a man of his word: after he beats the streak tonight, not only is he sealing the Undertaker and his legacy away in the casket, but he’s going to take Taker out for a ride behind his truck alongside Paul Bearer, just like he’d promised before! He then plays around with the urn (which Lawler once again questions how it can possibly contain Paul Bearer’s ashes if his body was, in fact, lying in the casket that Punk dug out) a bit before setting it down in a corner and waits for the Undertaker to make his entrance. Paul Heyman, meanwhile, is nowhere to be seen, and we’re told by the announcers that Heyman is still getting examined by the doctors after being knocked out by the Sweet Chin Music during the last match.

Angles: Druids bring casket to the ring. (Raring: A*)

CM Punk comes out dragging Paul Bearer’s casket and playing with his urn. (Rating: A*)

Casket Match: CM Punk vs The Undertaker

As the match is about to start, the announcers bring up the fact that this might be the only Casket Match in history to involve not one, but two caskets at ringside (one brought out by the druids and one dragged out by Punk). They question whether the match can end with one of the competitors stuffed into either one of the caskets, or only the one that the druids brought out first. Meanwhile, despite his obvious outrage at Punk’s disrespectful behaviour, the Undertaker doesn’t rush his opponent the way Triple H did at the start in the previous match. Instead, he advances slowly and purposefully, trying to gradually box Punk into a corner before he makes a lunge. Even within such close quarters, Punk somehow manages to duck under his arms out of the corner, hopping from one foot to the other c0ckily. Undeterred, the Undertaker attempts the same strategy again, but once again Punk ducks out of his reach, this time getting in a kick to his thigh before dancing back from the Deadman’s riposte. The Phenom isn’t so much hurt than he’s infuriated by the kick as he stalks Punk around the ring even more aggressively.

As Punk tries to duck behind him a third time, the Undertaker catches him in the act and tosses him back into the corner. He goes for a big right hand, but Punk again ducks the blow, and proceeds to pepper the Deadman with a series of punches and kicks to his torso in the corner. The Undertaker covers up for a moment from his blows, then fires back with huge right hands that stagger the self-proclaimed Best in the World. He drives Punk back with a flurry of blows, then whips him off the ropes, but Punk hangs on to the ropes on the rebound. The Undertaker charges forth with a big boot, but Punk dodges out of the way, and the Deadman’s leg is hung awkwardly on the ropes. Before the Phenom can withdraw his leg, Punk kicks the ropes hard into his hamstring. Taker falls down clutching at his leg, and Punk quickly rolls out of the ring, grabs the leg from outside, and wrenches it down hard over the ring apron. He turns to the crowd and poses for heat, then turns back and grabs the leg again to repeat the attack, but this time Taker powers out and shoves him into the security barrier.

The Undertaker than rolls out of the ring to go after Punk, but Punk slips back into the ring from another side, using his better mobility to his advantage. As Taker turns around to get back in, Punk slingshots himself over the ropes at him, but the Deadman catches him in his arms! He turns and tries to ram Punk head-first into the ring post, but Punk slips out and shoves the Phenom into the post instead. Gloating at the groggy Phenom, Punk grabs the Undertaker by the head and drags him around to the ring to the side facing the ramp, where both casket are lying. Instead of heading for the druids’ casket, Punk pulls Taker over to the casket strapped to the back of his truck. It looks like Punk really wants to give Taker the same ride that he gave to Paul Bearer. Unfortunately for him, the Deadman appears to have been playing possum a bit, as he abruptly seizes Punk by the head and slams it into the lid of the casket.

The Undertaker then takes over the match as he proceeds to drag Punk around ringside, slamming his head into every available hard surface that he can find. After using the ring apron, the security wall, the ring steps, the ring post, the casket lid (again), the second casket’s lid, and his own head, the Deadman aims Punk’s head at the truck’s window, looking to throw him right through the glass, but Punk blocks the collision at the last moment, and climbs quickly onto the back of the truck instead. As the vengeful Deadman moves forward to pursue his opponent, Punk slips off the truck from the other side, then slides himself under the truck. With the truck blocking his view, the Undertaker doesn’t see this, and as he tries to climb onto the truck himself to follow his opponent, Punk crawls out from under the truck below him and slams his leg into the side of the truck!

The Undertaker falls off in pain, the injury to his leg further aggravated. Punk zooms in on the leg like a hyena is drawn to a carcass, bending, twisting and pounding away on it in every fathomable way. After working on it for several minutes, Punk once again tries to drag his opponent to the casket behind his truck, but with a surge of effort, the Undertaker hoists Punk up and drops him face-first onto the lid of the casket! Punk stumbles away, leaning against the casket to support himself, but as the Undertaker tries to capitalize on this opening, Punk grabs the lid of the casket and swings it open to slam it into Undertaker’s face! The dazed Deadman slumps back against the truck, and Punk quickly grabs his injured leg and slings it over the edge of the open casket before slamming the lid down onto the injured leg! The Undertaker screams in agony as Punk opens the casket again and tries to tip him inside, but Taker hangs on by gripping the edge of the truck firmly with one hand while repeatedly punching Punk in the head with the other. Finally, Punk gives up on trying to force him into the casket for the time being, and drags him back towards the ring, where he throws the Phenom into the ring steps.

As Punk taunts the fallen Deadman, he spots the urn lying just above the ring steps on the ring apron, and he picks it up to wave it in front of the Deadman to add insult to injury. Unfortunately for him, seeing the urn appears to have giving the Undertaker a surge of adrenaline, and the Phenom abruptly seizes him by the throat and hurls him back hard into the ring apron! As Punk leans gasping against the apron in pain, Taker heads over to and proceeds to pummel him over and over with huge haymakers. He then slams Punk into the side of his own truck, then rolls him halfway into the ring but leaves his head sticking out from under the ropes. He sizes the head up as he backs away a few paces, then nails it with a huge running big boot!

“VINTAGE UNDERTAKER!” Michael Cole screams, as Taker pulls himself up onto the ring apron with some difficulty (due to the injured leg) and drops a big leg across CM Punk’s throat. This moves appears to have aggravated his leg injury further, but the Deadman doesn’t let that stop him, as he proceeds to drag Punk around to the ring to the announce desk, where he clears what little is left on the English announce table (the Spanish one was already broken the previous match!). He then grabs CM Punk by the throat to chokeslam him through the announce table, but Punk counters in mid-air with a huge DDT onto the floor! Both men appears to be out for a few moments, but Punk eventually gets up again and rolls the Undertaker back into the ring with some difficulty. He then begins to climb to the top rope to signal for the Macho Man Elbow Drop. Punk launches himself off the top rope with his elbow aimed straight at the heart of the Deadman……when the Undertaker sits up and catches Punk by the throat! The crowd goes crazy as the Phenom stands up still holding a struggling Punk by the neck, when Punk breaks the chokeslam attempt with a HUGE roundhouse kick to the skull! The Undertaker releases the chokehold and stumbles away on spaghetti legs, and Punk hoists him up for the GTS! But wait……the Undertaker battles out of it and has Punk by the throat again! CHOKESLAM!

The Undertaker drops down on one knee beside his fallen opponent, clearly spent as well, but he knows the match is not over until he can place his opponent in one of the caskets. He grabs Punk by the arm and drags him painfully across the ring, but the progress is slow as the Deadman seems to be having difficulty walking. As he’d almost reached the far side, Punk manages to grab a handful of the ropes and refuses to let go. Frustrated, Taker goes to grab Punk by the head, but Punk hits him with a jaw-breaker! Punk goes for the GTS once again, and once again Taker battles out. Taker stuns Punk with a kick to the gut and goes for the Last Ride, but Punk hits him with repeated blows to the injured leg to free himself. Punk tries to whip Taker to the corner, but Taker reverses it. Punk hits the turnbuckles chest-first and staggers back out of the corner into Taker’s arms, and the Deadman then drops him head-first into them again with the Snake’s Eyes! Taker then charges in for another running big boot, but Punk goes low and dropkicks the Deadman’s legs out from under him.

Punk laughs at how he’s regained control time and again using the injured leg. He gets c0cky, and grabs Taker’s arm, twisting it around and mocking him as he goes for the Old School rope walk, but the Undertaker pulls him off balance and crotches him on the rope, buying himself a few minutes. As both men slowly pull themselves back up, Undertaker wrenches Punk’s arm and goes to demonstrate the original version of the Old School, but his injured leg slows him down, and Punk kicks his leg out from under him and knocks him into a sitting position on the top turnbuckle. Punk climbs onto the second ropes and goes for a superplex, but the Undertaker battles out and grabs Punk by the throat! The crowd erupts as it looks like Punk is about to take a chokeslam off the top rope, but at the last moment Punk breaks free and gives the Undertaker a Frankensteiner off the top rope instead!

Punk is slow to get up, but the Undertaker is still down when Punk’s back on his feet. Instead of going for the casket, Punk climbs back to the top rope again and this time successfully drops the Flying Elbow off the top rope onto the heart of the Deadman! Once again, he’s slow to get up, but the look on his face is triumphant as he signals for the GTS. But as he turns back to Taker, the Deadman sits up! Punk recoils in shock, but only for a second, as he immediately lashes out with a roundhouse kick to the side of Taker’s head, knocking him back down……only for Taker to sit up again. Punk looks agitated, and quickly bounces off the ropes and hit a low dropkick to Taker’s chest to knock him back down……and he sits up again! This time, however, Punk is ready, and slaps on the ANACONDA VICE! The Undertaker struggles furiously for nearly a minute before he starts to weaken, and after another minute or so his movements cease completely, and it appears that the Deadman has passed out from the Anaconda Vice. Taking no chances, Punk keeps the hold on for almost another minute before letting go. He looks at the 2 caskets outside the ring and contemplates for a moment, before deciding that it’ll be easier to move his casket closer to ringside than to drag the Undertaker all the way to it. He rolls out of the ring and unhooks the casket from the truck before wheeling it to stand against the ring apron. Getting back into the ring, he rolls the Undertaker over to the casket and tips him in. The crowd has been buzzing throughout all this, and now boos and chanting for Taker are growing louder with every passing second as it seems like the Undertaker is about to lose. Punk grabs the lid to shut it, but the Undertaker sticks an arm out to stop it from being closed just in time to keep the match going!

Punk is irate at how close he was to victory only to have it denied from him. He flings the lid open and stomps away at the Phenom in the casket, screaming at him to stay down. Taker starts to sit up again, but Punk sits down on the ring apron and locks on the Anaconda Vice again on Taker while he’s still sitting in the casket! Despite the agonizing hold, this time Taker hangs on and somehow manages to stand up with the Anaconda Vice still locked on! Punk clings on with the hold even as the Undertaker steps onto the ring apron with Punk hanging on to him, and the Deadman runs into the ring post, ramming Punk into it! Both men fall off the ring apron, and both appear to be out cold. The referee is clearly wondering if he should be stopping this match. The crowd is in a state of frenzy as the Undertaker slowly begins to stir. Slowly and painfully, the Phenom gets up and drags Punk over to the casket that the druids brought in. Clearly too exhausted to lift Punk into the casket from outside, Taker rolls Punk into the ring instead before getting on the ring apron himself……when Punk gets up and snaps his head and neck over the ropes! Undertaker barely managed to stop himself falling off the ring apron again by weakly clinging to the ropes. Looking just as exhausted, but still determined, Punk starts to drag Taker onto the top turnbuckle for another superslex attempt, but the Deadman battles out of the attempt once again with powerful punches to the face. Punk stumbles off the second ropes, but the Undertaker grabs him by the arm to stop him from going too far. Keeping a firm grip on the arm, the Undertaker gets up and manages to walk on the ropes, injured leg and all, and finally delivers the Old School to Punk! The crowd roars in approval, but the Undertaker is not through! Still holding on to the arm, the Undertaker steps onto the ropes once again and hits the Old School a second time! Finally letting go of Punk’s arm, the Undertaker then goes off the ropes and floors Punk with a big boot, and follows up with a hug legdrop!

Once again, the legdrop appears to have hurt Taker’s injured leg just as much as it hurts his opponent, but the Phenom fights through the pain as he stands up and signals for the Tombstone! The Undertaker hoists Punk up onto his shoulder to deliver the devastating move, but Punk slips out behind him. The Undertaker turns around right into a big roundhouse kick……ducked! The Undertaker seizes Punk by the throat, but Punk delivers a hard kick to his injured leg to break the hold. The Undertaker stumbles back and bounces back off the ropes……straight into a GTS from the waiting Punk! The Undertaker falls back from the knee to the face, but is caught by the ropes behind him, which bounces him right back to Punk, who picks him up and delivers another GTS! Once again, the Undertaker falls back onto the ropes, bounces back, and Punk hits a third GTS! This time, the Undertaker falls through the ropes instead and lands right into the casket brought out by Punk earlier, as it still stands open! Punk leans against the ropes for a few moments to regain his breath, and it takes a moment before he realize that he has the match won. Limping forward to the side of the ring, Punk stoops to close the casket……when he spots the urn lying in the nearby corner. With a sick smile on his face, Punk goes over and picks up the urn before heading back to the casket. It looks like he plans to bury the Undertaker and the remains of Bearer together, just as he’s promised! Slowly, he drops down to one knee beside the casket and poses mockingly with it, then starts to lowers it into the casket……when Taker’s hand shoots out and seizes Punk by the neck! Screaming, Punk brings the urn down hard on Taker’s head, but the Deadman refuses to let go! Punk hits Taker with the urn a second time, then a third time, and the Deadman finally loosens his grip. Punk staggers back, laughing manically and hugging the urn to him……

……when the urn explodes in his face!

Punk screams in agony as he stumbles around the ring, clutching his face with one hand and flailing about blindly with the other. As the crowd buzzes in shock and confusion, the Undertaker rises from the casket once again and steps back onto the ring apron. A blinded Punk staggers over right into the arms of the Deadman, who flips him over into position for the Tombstone. Instead of delivering the move on the ring apron, however, the Undertaker walks over to the casket that his druids brought out, and Tombstones Punk on top of the casket!

KA-BOOOOM!!!

“VINTAGE WSX!” Michael Cole exclaims, as the casket blows up and both competitors are momentarily engulfed by sparks, fireball and smoke. The referee stares in apparent confusion for several moments until the smoke starts to clear. Little is left of the casket’s lid, and both Punk and the Undertaker are lying in the remains of the casket. The Undertaker slowly gets back up and stares down at his victim. There’s no way his victim is getting up from this, not even the most delusional fan expects him to. However, the match can’t end until one man is sealed inside a casket, and there isn’t enough left of the casket’s lid to seal it shut! How can the match end?

But of course, how convenient is it that Punk brought out a second casket earlier! How thoughtful of him to have literally dug his own grave! The Undertaker drags the lifeless carcass of Punk out of the charred remains of the first casket and rolls him into the second casket without any opposition, and shuts the lid. The match is over and the Streak remains unbroken, 21-0!

The Undertaker defeated CM Punk in 18:51 when CM Punk was Tombstoned onto an exploding Casket and locked into a second Casket.

(- “CM Punk and The Undertaker have great chemistry, and it showed in their performances”. Great. I get to exploit this 1 year later. Why can’t this happen to 2 wrestlers who wrestle actively and actually need the ratings boost instead?)

- “The match suffered because of the lack of selling on display. The announcing job done by Jerry Lawler was pretty weak. The announcing job done by Michael Cole was pretty weak. The announcing job done by Jim Ross was pretty weak. The announcing quality wasn't up to the same standard as the match. The match deserved better colour commentary.” I guess the commentators aren’t used to calling matches with explosions in it. And Punk needs to learn to sell explosions better. Note to self: make Punk and the announcers watch old WSX or FMW tapes and learn. Or watch how R-Truth sold MacGruber blowing him up.)

Rating: A*

And now it’s finally time for the main event! But of course, first we have to go through the obligatory main event hype video package that crams the 2-year-long rivalry into a span of 3 minutes, with extra emphasis on the events of the past week, with Cena revealing the Rock’s secret childhood phobia of spinning objects.

Angle: Video package hypes Rock vs John Cena II. (Rating: A*)

John Cena is shown walking up the corridor on his way to the ring, and he’s holding the toy pinwheel that he showed to Rock on Smackdown in his left hand, while his right hand holds……Fruity Pebbles??!! Yes, he has his right arm wrapped around a extra-big box of Fruity Pebbles, hugging in possessively to his chest. Every few steps, he would reach into the box with his left hand (while still holding the pinwheel) and scoops out half-a-handful of the breakfast cereal and cram them into his mouth, munching away on them happily. John Cena looks point-blank at the camera as he’s about to step through the curtains, and tells the Rock that tonight, he will force the Rock to face the greatest fear of his life (and here he blows on the pinwheel to make it spin) and then replace it with an even bigger one. Tonight, the Rock will endure such humiliating and embarrassing defeat that he will have an entirely new reason to wake up crying in the middle of the night! He then takes one last mouthful of Fruity Pebbles before stepping through the curtains into the arena.

Angle: John Cena taunts the Rock with spinning pinwheel and a box of Fruity Pebbles. (Rating: A*)

WWE Championship Match: The Rock vs John Cena

John Cena leaves both the pinwheel and the box of Fruity Pebbles in the corner on the steel steps before entering the ring, but not before eating another mouthful of the breakfast cereals. As he stands in the ring playing to the crowd, the Rock enters the arena to a huge ovation. The Great One enters the arena with his WWE Championship belt slung over one shoulder……but wait, he has brought a little something to rub in Cena’s face as well! He’s brought out the charred remains of the barely-recognizable Spinner on the old WWE title belt. He waves it tauntingly at Cena, whose face turns into a mask of rage as he sees the remains of his beloved Spinner, before dropping it on the floor at ringside before entering the ring. He does his signature turnbuckle pose as Referee Charles Robinson warns Cena to stay back. Cena bristles with rage for a few seconds, but then calms down, and he steps back waiting for the referee to start the match.

As can be expected, the match started with plenty of stalling and the two men circling and gingerly “testing” each other for a few minutes as the crowd impatiently waits for them to go at it. Finally, the two of them gets locked up in a test of strength. Cena has the obvious advantage here as he backs the Rock into a corner. The referee orders a break, and Cena waves his hand in front of his face tauntingly before backing off. The Rock looks annoyed for a moment, then grins as the two gets into another lock-up. This time, the Cena seizes a headlock, but the Rock shoves him into the ropes, and Cena comes back with a big shoulder-knockdown, which the Rock sells with a big backflop on the mat. Cena stands and flexes his biceps tauntingly to generate some boos and cheers. The two men lock up for a third time, and this time it’s the Rock who grasps a headlock, and Cena who shoots his opponent into the ropes. The Rock tries to return the favour with a big shoulder-block of his own, but Cena only reels slightly from it and doesn’t go down. He challenges the Rock to try again, and the Great One obliges……again, without much effect. Cena laughs at the Rock’s failed attempts to knock him down, and the Rock challenges him to return the favour as well. Cena obliges and runs off the ropes……and the Rock catches with a double-armed suplex! Cena gets back up quickly, but the Rock charges in before he can regain his footing, and sends him over the ropes to the outside with a big clothesline!

Cena lands on his feet, but looks a bit disorientated. It takes him a few seconds to realize where he is. He looks back into the ring at the Rock, who now mocks him by waving his own palm in front of his face to a huge pop from the crowd. Looking outrages, Cena charges back into the ring and rushes his opponent. He ducks under a big right hand, rebounds off the ropes, and hits a huge flying shoulder block! Cena’s going for his trademark 5 Moves of Doom in the early goings of the match! He bounces off the ropes for a second flying shoulder, but this time the Rock ducks, and Cena goes flying over his head and crashing hard on the mat. As Cena struggles back up, he turns right into a barrage of big right hands from the People’s Champion, which drives him all the way to the ropes. The Rock pauses briefly to spit into his palm, before delivering one more big smack to the face that knocks Cena over the ropes out of the ring again!

This time, the landing outside the ring is more awkward than the last one, and Cena spends a few moments picking himself up as the Rock gestures for him to “bring it” back into the ring. Cena looks like he’s going to go charging back into the ring like he did last time……then he stops and thinks it over. A smile breaks out over his face as he goes over to the corner instead and picks up the pinwheel that he left at ringside. Holding the pinwheel, he gets back on the ring apron and blows on it to make it spin. Something about the spinning toy clearly agitates the Rock, as it’s the Rock who comes charging over at a waiting Cena. Having successfully baited his opponent, Cena grabs the Rock and snaps his neck over the ropes. He then steps back into the ring and picks up the staggering Rock and drops him with a huge spinning side slam before raising his hand to gesture for the 5-Knuckle-Shuffle. But before he can even begin the move, the Rock rolls out of the ring to regroup. Now it’s Cena’s turn to tell the Rock to “bring it” back in. The Rock stands seething outside the ring for a few moments, then decides to return the favour of mind games, as he walks over to where he’d dropped the burnt Spinner and kicks it into the security barricade! Now it’s Cena’s turn to get upset as he charges out of the ring to a waiting Rock who unloads on him with a flurry of right hands before slamming his head onto the ring apron, then into the ring steps. He rolls Cena back into the ring, and crouches in preparation for a Rockbottom, but Cena quickly fights his way out of it and goes for the Attitude Adjustment instead. The Rock slips out behind Cena, and Cena turns to charge at his opponent, who pulls the ropes down and sends Cena toppling off-balanced over the ropes to the outside.

This time, the Rock follows his opponent out of the ring while the latter is still recovering from the fall. He stomps down on Cena, who scrambles to get away from him. The Rock grabs Cena and drags him over to the English announce table, which by some miracle is somehow still standing despite competitors in the last 2 matches making attempts to put their respective opponents through it. The referee warns the Rock that this is a regular match, unlike the previous 2, and that the table can’t be used as a weapon. Despite this, the Rock slams Cena’s head into the table. Cena stumbles over to the corner where he left his pinwheel and cereal box. As the crowd looks on, the Rock stares at the box of Fruity Pebbles, reaches into it, and pulls out a handful of cereals himself! He stuffs a handful into his mouth, munches on them for a couple of seconds……then spits them into Cena’s face! (“VINTAGE CARLITO!”) Cena sells the face-ful of breakfast cereal as though someone poured acid on his face, and the Rock “takes pity on him” by grabbing a bottle of mineral water and pouring it over his face to wash off the cereal. Then spits a mouthful of mineral water in his face. Cena grabs the steel steps for support, and the Rock grabs him by the head from behind. He looks like he’s about to slam Cena’s head into he steps again, but Cena manages to turn around and holds up the pinwheel in front of him, then blows on it.

The Rock stares at the spinning pinwheel, and his eyes go wider than a goldfish’s. He seems to be mesmerized by it as he lets go of Cena, shaking his head slowly and mouthing “no”. Cena continues to keep the Rock in what appears to be a hypnotized state as he leans on the steps to catch his breath for several seconds. Then he puts the pinwheel away, picks up the seemingly defenseless Rock, and gives him a Fisherman Suplex on the floor! This seems to have snapped the Rock out of the entranced state, as the Great One writhes in pain on the floor. Cena rolls the Rock back into the ring, backs him into a corner, and proceeds to pummel away at him with blows to the head and ribs. He whips the Rock hard into the opposite corner, then catches him on the rebound with a running bulldog for a 2-count. Cena slaps on a rear chin lock to wear down the Rock as the crowd tries to stir the Great One back up. The Rock starts to struggle up to his feet and tries to fight out of the hold with elbow-shots to the ribs. He finally shoves Cena off into the ropes and goes for a back body drop, but Cena stops short to avoid it and hits him with a hard kick to the shoulder. He then lifts the Rock up onto his shoulders to deliver the AA, but once again, the Rock slips out of it. In return, the Rock scoops Cena up onto his shoulders……and drops him with a Samoan Drop!

Cena crawls back into the corner as the Rock makes his way back to his feet. The Great One turns and charges at Cena in the corner……only for Cena to pick up the pinwheel again from the corner and hold it in front of him! Once again, the Rock is mesmerized by the spinning toy, allowing Cena the chance to come charging out of the corner with a massive clothesline that nearly knocks him out of his boots! The announces speculate whether the spinning pinwheel brings back the Rock’s childhood memories of being trapped in the Ferris Wheel, and talks about how the Rock needs to overcome his greatest fear in order to save himself from Cena’s mind games. Meanwhile, Cena works on the Rock’s back with a kneeling surfboard. Once again, the Rock starts to rally under the crowd’s encouragements, and he abruptly twists out of the move and drops Cena with a back suplex! Both men are down for a while, but both make it back to their feet at the referee’s count of 6. The Rock goes on the offensive once again and he gets in a flurry of big right hands that drives Cena back into the corner. He pauses again for another of his signature spit-punch, but Cena uses the opening to grab the pinwheel from the ring apron again and holds it up to stop the Rock in mid-strike. This time, he waves the pinwheel really up close to the Rock’s face, and the Rock actually backs away with a look of terror on his face as he shakes his head mouthing “no” again. After slowing backing him up to the centre of the ring, Cena turns and runs back to the ropes, pausing briefly just to put the pinwheel down on the apron again before bouncing back off the ropes to hit his signature flying shoulder block! He hits another flying shoulder, followed by his spinning side slam, then again signals for the 5-Knuckle-Shuffle. This time, he connects with the move, and scoops the Rock up once again for the AA. Once again, the Rock manages to slip out of the deadly move at the last second, and this time he spins Cena around and catches him with a spinebuster! The Rock then locks on the SHARPSHOOTER in the centre of the ring!

Cena screams in pain and struggles to make it to the ropes, but as he’s mere inches away from touching it, the Rock drags him back to the centre of the ring. Cena raises a hand as if to tap out……then clenches it into a fist as he refuses to quit. Once again, he makes it to the ropes, and this time successfully grabs it to break the hold. As the referee gets the Rock to back off, the cameras show that Cena has picked up the pinwheel from the apron again. Pulling himself up to his feet on the apron with some difficulty, Cena weakly raises the pinwheel to his mouth again, but this time, the Rock smacks him with a big right hand before he can “activate” the pinwheel, then grabs him and suplexes him back into the ring! Cena writhes in pain from his already-injured back as a result of the extended time in the Sharpshooter earlier, still holding on to the pinwheel. The Rock pulls Cena up, and Cena abruptly hoists the Rock onto his shoulders in position for the AA, but his injured back gives out on him, and he drops his opponent back down, allowing the Rock to land on his feet and nail another spinebuster! The crowd is electrified as the Rock whips off his elbow pad to signal for the People’s Elbow! The Rock bounces off the ropes to deliver the electrifying move, but Cena catches him with a drop-toe-hold into the STF!

Now it’s the Rock’s turn to struggle for the ropes, and after several agonizing moments, he makes it! The referee tells Cena to break the hold, which he does, but he immediately grabs the Rock by the foot and pulls him back to the centre of the ring. This time, he locks on a modified version of the STF, not only locking the Rock’s face with his arm but doing it in such a way that the pinwheel (still held in his hand) is held right before the Rock’s eyes! The Rock’s eyes bulge as they focus on the spinning pinwheel even as Cena is torturing him with the painful submission, and Cena screams for him to tap. The sight of the spinning toy appears to drain the Rock’s will to fight as he slowly raises his arm……but instead of tapping out he lets his arm drop. It looks like the Rock has passed out from the combination of the STF and his childhood nightmare! The referee gets down and lifts the Rock’s arm, letting it fall limply twice. But on the third time, the Great One returns to life! Still staring at the pinwheel but appearing now to be fired up by it instead of weakened by it, the Rock once again struggles his way to the ropes! Cena looks shocked as the referee forces him to break the hold, and the announcers rejoice that the Rock finally appears to have “overcome his childhood nightmare”! Still unable to believe how his mind games have backfired, Cena strides over to the Rock and grabs his foot to pull him back again, but this time the Rock turns over and shoves him away with his free foot. Cena quickly scrambles back up and charges his rising opponent, but runs straight into a flurry of right hands followed by an irish whip attempt, which he reverses, only for the Rock to bounce back with a huge flying forearm!

The Rock continues to ride his momentum as he unloads on Cena with a series of clotheslines that causes Cena to spend the next minute or so just falling down and getting back up again, only to repeat the process. The Rock finally drops Cena with another spinebuster, then once again signals for the People’s Elbow by throwing his other elbow pad into the crowd! This time, the People’s Champion successfully lands the Elbow on Cena, and the crowd counts along with the referee as he makes pin……and Cena kicks out! The Rock stares in disbelief and questions if the referee made a mistake. The referee assures the Rock that it was only a 2-count. The Rock accepts the decision and turns back to Cena……and spots him trying to use the distraction to pick up the pinwheel that he dropped earlier. Just before he can grab it, however, the Rock strides over and steps on the toy. He shakes his head at Cena and picks up the pinwheel himself. Holding it up, he blows on it and makes it spin……then snaps it in half to a huge pop! As Cena looks on it shock, the Rock tosses the broken halves of the pinwheel out of the ring and drops Cena with the ROCKBOTTOM! Once again, the crowd anticipates victory for the Rock as they count along with the referee, but Cena again kicks out!

The Rock seems at loss as to what he can do next to keep Cena down. Finally, he decides on more of what he’s already tried, and stalks Cena for another Rockbottom. This time, however, Cena battles out with a couple of elbows to the side of the Rock’s head, and then picks him up to hit a sidewalk slam! Cena gets up and stares down at the Rock……then pulls off one of his armbands and tosses it into the crowd! The announcers question on the wisdom of this move as Cena signals for the People’s Elbow in mockery of the Rock. Michael Cole reminds everyone that this was the same move that cost Cena the match last year. With a definite sense of déjà vu, Cena bounces off the ropes and leaps over the Rock’s body, only for the Rock to kip up on the rebound……except this time Cena stops short out of range before the Rock can grab him for another Rockbottom! Cena just baited the Rock in as the Great One misses his Rockbottom attempt, allowing Cena to pick him up and hit him with a thunderous ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! Cena makes the pin, certain that he’s finally avenged his defeat from last year……only for the Rock to kick out on 2!

It’s Cena’s turn to question the referee’s decision, but like the Rock did earlier, he was finally convinced that it was only a 2-count. With the Rock still down on the mat, Cena turns and heads for the corner as he proceeds to climb to the top ropes for his flying legdrop. As the Rock slowly gets back to his feet, still doubled over as if inviting for the inevitable legdrop to the back of his head, Cena launches himself off the top rope……and MISSES! Cena crashes and burns on the mat as the Rock staggers out of the way just in time. Looking at his fallen opponent, the Rock decides to go for high risk himself as he steps out onto the ring apron and head for the top turnbuckles. The announcers comment on how rare it is for the Rock to head for the top ropes, and wonder what move he had on his mind. We never find out what the Rock was intending to do, however, as Cena rushes to the corner and cuts him off. He ascends to the second ropes and hauls the Rock onto his shoulders, going for a Super AA off the top! The Rock battles out of the attempt, however, raking Cena in the eyes in desperation to escape the move. As Cena reels on the second ropes, the Rock grabs him and gives him a SUPER ROCKBOTTOM OFF THE SECOND ROPES!

The announcers scream that it’s all over, and the crowd certainly appears to think so too, even though the exhausted Rock takes several seconds to recover before he manages to drape an arm over Cena for the pin, but once again CENA KICKS OUT! The Rock lies exhausted and spent as he stares in utter disbelief at his opponent, wondering what he can possibly do next. Slowly, he pulls himself back up using the ropes, and spends several seconds leaning against the ropes, muttering to himself. Cena is still down and out, but the Rock seems unable to decide how to take advantage of that. Finally appearing to make up his mind after nearly 2 minutes, the Rock walks over to Cena to pick him up……and Cena hoists him up onto his shoulders for the AA! The Rock grabs the ropes to block the AA attempt before fighting his way out of it with several elbows to the side of Cena’s head. As Cena drops the Rock, the Great One spins him around and picks him up onto his own shoulders in position for the AA! Cena frantically grabs for the ropes as well, but the Rock has had the foresight to step away from the ropes. In desperation, Cena grabs the referee instead just before the Rock drops him with his own finishing maneuver. The Rock makes the pin before he realizes that Cena had dragged the referee down with him as he took the AA, and there’s no one to count the pin!

The Rock stares at both the unconscious referee and Cena in frustration……when out comes John Laurinaitis in a referee’s shirt! The Rock stares at him in confusion as Johnny Ace grabs a steel chair from ringside before sliding into the ring. He hands the chair to the Rock and urges for him to use it! The Rock stares at the chair, then at the fans, who reacts with a mixture of cheers and boos. John Laurinaitis gives Rock a fist-pump and screams “PEOPLE POWER!” as he thrusts the chair at the Rock again. Slowly, the Rock takes the chair……then drops it and plants Laurinaitis with a ROCKBOTTOM! With Big Johnny laid out, the Rock looks down at the chair before picking it up again, clearly contemplating using it on Cena, and once again the crowd responds with mixed reactions, though with more cheers than boos this time as the Rock made it clear that he’s not on Laurinaitis’ side. Suddenly, PAUL HEYMAN comes running down to ringside and gets on the ring apron, pointing at the Rock and screaming foul. The Rock looks enraged at the repeated run-ins from unrelated individuals, and steps towards Heyman holding the chair menacingly, Heyman quickly slips off the ring apron, but continues screaming at the Rock and denounces him as a cheater. Meanwhile, Cena is seen getting back up behind the Rock. Keeping his eye on Rock and Heyman, he stumbles over to the corner and reaches for……the box of Fruity Pebbles??!! The crowd goes crazy and begins to scream their warnings at the Rock, but it’s too late for the People’s Champion as he turns around just as Cena swings the gigantic box at his face in full force.

KA-POOOOOW!

The box bursts from the impact of the blow, scattering Fruity Pebbles all over the ring! The Rock sells the blow almost as much as Cena sold that mouthful of Fruity Pebbles spit on his face earlier, as he staggers around the ring in a daze before stumbling right back into the waiting Cena, who gives him a HUGE AA onto the bed of Fruity Pebbles that are now scattered all over the ring. Cena makes the pin as Heyman wakes the referee just in time to make the 3-count! Cena has beaten the Rock at WrestleMania!

As his music plays from the speakers, Cena gets back up slowly, looking exhausted but ecstatic at his victory. Meanwhile, Heyman is seen backing up the ramp, smiling and applauding Cena’s win. The new Champ stares at Heyman as the latter walks back up the ramp, and his expression is unreadable. The announcers begin speculating whether Cena and Heyman had been in cahoots, but no one has a definite answer.

John Cena defeated The Rock in 30:53 by pinfall following interference from Paul Heyman and an AA onto a pile of Fruity Pebbles. During the match we also had John Laurinaitis run in and attack John Cena. John Cena wins the WWE title.

(“John Cena and The Rock don't seem to click, and it made for an awkward bout.” Who needs chemistry when you can have an A* match with Fruity Pebbles involved. It’s gotta be the Fruity Pebbles making up for the lack of chemistry! Who doesn’t love a match with Fruity Pebbles in it?

“The announcing job done by Jerry Lawler was pretty weak. The announcing quality wasn't up to the same standard as the match.” Clearly, he needs more practice calling matches that involve Fruity Pebbles. He’ll have plenty of opportunity in the future. JR doesn’t have such a problems because he had months of experiences hyping FRUITY, FRUITY, DELICIOUS, FRUITY, FRUITY, SKITTLES back when they were RAW sponsors, so he only had to make some minor adjustments.)

Rating: A*

Holding up the WWE Title in victory, John Cena stands in the middle of ring and soaks up in the mixture of cheers and boos from the crowd, while above him pyros go off from the huge WrestleMania logo. Then colourful confetti start falling from the rafters around him……wait no, those aren’t confetti……those are FRUITY PEBBLES! Fruity Pebbles are falling from above like confetti, filling the ring! In fact, they’re getting so thick that the Rock’s half-buried under them. Grinning in ecstatic pleasure, Cena bends down and grabs a handful of the breakfast cereal and walks over to the Rock. He stoops and reaches down as if to help the former champion up……wait no, he’s not; he’s reaching for the Rock’s trunks! The Rock still looks too dazed to do anything to stop him, and as the crowd looks on, Cena grabs the back of the Rock’s trunks and lift it up just a little with his free hand……and shoves the handful of Fruity Pebbles into them! The Rock writhes and squirms in apparent agony on the mat as Cena stands above him proudly, once again holding up the WWE Title.

And thus ends WrestleMania, with John Cena standing triumphant over the fallen Great One as the latter lies half-buried beneath a rain of Fruity Pebbles, and a handful of breakfast cereal shoved up his candy ass!

Angle: John Cena celebrates amidst a rain of Fruity Pebbles……which he then shoves up the Rock’s candy ass. (Rating: A*)

Overall Rating: A*

(“This show can be considered a success, it should have improved our popularity.” Once again, WHO SAYS WRESTLECRAP DOESN’T DRAW??!!

“Vince Russo was used far too much.” THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT! Mission accomplished!)

PPV Buyrate: 1,103,430 buys.

Russelrules44 · July 17, 2013

XD, Incredible WrestleMania! From beggining to end! 5 stars man! Keep it up bro! Woo woo woo! You know it! <img alt="

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Greylocke · July 22, 2013

WrestleMania Fallout <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>WrestleMania Fallout! Less than 24 hours after the biggest victory of his career, the newly-crowned WWE Champion John Cena will be in action of RAW, as he takes on the Intellectual Saviour of the Masses, Damien Sandow, in singles competition. Sandow was robbed of the opportunity to showcase his skills on the grandest stage of them all after when new WrestleMania Guest Host Vince Russo removed him from the 8-person tag team match that he was scheduled to be in last night, and you can bet that the Intellectual Saviour plans to make full use of this opportunity to prove himself in the ring against the new WWE Champion! Two other Superstars that never got to compete in their WrestleMania match that they were originally scheduled for are the Celtic Warrior, Sheamus, and the World’s Largest Athlete, the Big Show. After the Big Show turned on his own team and K.O.ed one of his partner in the 6-man tag match against the Shield, Randy Orton, before the match even got started, he became engaged in a massive brawl with his remaining scheduled partner, the Great White Sheamus. The brawl went on over backstage and lasted over 30 minutes before it as broken up by Smackdown General Manager Booker T. Now, they look to settle their unfinished business in the ring via an official match. Will the Great White gain revenge on the traitorous giant for turning on his own team, or will the Big Show prove once again that his size and power are all the ‘partners’ he needs? After having his official WrestleMania debut end in humiliating defeat, the man known as Fandango vented his frustration on the unfortunate ring announcer, Justin Roberts. In a scene that was eerily familiar to a certain event nearly 3 years back, Fandango choked out Roberts with his own tie, putting the announcer out of commission for an as yet undetermined amount of time. Despite the rumours rampant all over social media, we have be assured that Fandango had somehow managed to convince the WWE Board of Directors that he had a legitimate gripe, and therefore will NOT have his contract terminated despite his action. One man who did not take this news well was one half of the Tag Team Champions, Daniel Bryan, who actually DID have his contract terminated due to a similar attack on the very same ring announcer. Incensed at what he considers to be biased treatment, Bryan has demanded a match against Fandango on Monday Night RAW! Will he gain some measure of satisfaction over this apparent injustice by making Fandango tap out in the middle of the ring? Or will Fandango erase the memory of his humiliating defeat at WrestleMania by picking up a huge win over one half of the Tag Team Champions? Also, after the unbelievable way his match ended last night, being Tombstoned through an exploding casket, will CM Punk’s career be in jeopardy? And how will Paul Heyman react to both of his clients’ losses. And will either he or John Cena give an explanation of his controversial actions during the WWE Title match at WrestleMania? What exactly is the relationship between the two? What was Ricardo Rodriguez’s reason for turning on his employer, friend and countryman by aligning himself with the duo who had declared their hatred of Mexicans and all other foreign immigrants over the past month, Zeb Coulter, and the new World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger? How will Vince Russo respond to having been taken out in embarrassing fashion by the Nature Boy Ric Flair? All that, and more, LIVE on Monday Night RAW!</div></blockquote> Monday Night RAW Predictions: After taking on every possible combinations of ‘Super-Teams” formed by some of the greatest singles Superstars in the WWE, and emerging victorious each time, the Shield will finally take on an actual great team, in the form of a legendary stable on RAW, one that has found as much as, if not more successes than the Hounds of Justice as a team! Which legendary stable will the Shield face? (HINT: It’s not 3MB.) Sheamus vs The Big Show John Cena vs Damien Sandow The Shield vs ??? Fandango vs Daniel Bryan Wade Barrett vs Zack Ryder Fan Poll on wwe.com: John Cena wants to redesign his newly-won WWE Championship belt! And as always he wants to get the WWE Universe involved! What should be the design of the brand new Spinner? Should it be: a) A Spinner designed to look like a Ferris Wheel? b) A multi-coloured rainbow Spinner, encrusted with Fruity Pebbles? c) A Spinner that resembles the Rock’s ass, with an artificial middle finger shoved into it?

Russelrules44 · July 24, 2013

Monday Night RAW Predictions:

After taking on every possible combinations of ‘Super-Teams” formed by some of the greatest singles Superstars in the WWE, and emerging victorious each time, the Shield will finally take on an actual great team, in the form of a legendary stable on RAW, one that has found as much as, if not more successes than the Hounds of Justice as a team! Which legendary stable will the Shield face? (HINT: It’s not 3MB.)

Sheamus vs The Big Show

John Cena vs Damien Sandow

The Shield vs ??? (I'm guessing either N.W.O or D-X.)

Fandango vs Daniel Bryan

Wade Barrett vs Zack Ryder

Fan Poll on wwe.com:

John Cena wants to redesign his newly-won WWE Championship belt! And as always he wants to get the WWE Universe involved! What should be the design of the brand new Spinner?

Should it be: B?

a) A Spinner designed to look like a Ferris Wheel?

b) A multi-coloured rainbow Spinner, encrusted with Fruity Pebbles?

c) A Spinner that resembles the Rock’s ass, with an artificial middle finger shoved into it?

Greylocke · August 4, 2013

Uggh...I've run RAW in the game over a week ago, but I fell sick before I could do the show write-up. Just sticking a bumper post so that this doesn't get deleted from inactivity.....I'll try to get RAW up with the upcoming week.

I'm actually still a little dopey from the medications atm, but hey, this is WrestleCrap, it probably should be written while I'm high! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Russelrules44 · August 8, 2013

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Greylocke" data-cite="Greylocke" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Uggh...I've run RAW in the game over a week ago, but I fell sick before I could do the show write-up. Just sticking a bumper post so that this doesn't get deleted from inactivity.....I'll try to get RAW up with the upcoming week. I'm actually still a little dopey from the medications atm, but hey, this is WrestleCrap, it probably should be written while I'm high! <img alt=":p" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></div></blockquote> Then why not write it? If your high on dope, Write it! It's WrestleCrap for christ's sake!

Greylocke · August 9, 2013

Monday Night RAW - Hour 1

^Ask and ye shalt receive!.....well, not exactly, but you'll be getting 1/3 of your wish! >_>

Yeah, I'm splitting the RAW updates in parts agin, just like what I did for WrestleMania (*grumbles about the 3-hour format). So here's the Monday Night RAW Hour 1 Report!

---

Monday Night RAW, held in front of 21830 people, LIVE at the TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts!

Pre-show Dark match

6-Person Mixed Tag Match: Brodus Clay, Sweet T and Naomi defeated Primo, Epico and Rosa Mendes in 9:58 when Brodus Clay defeated Primo by pinfall.

Standard mixed tag match here with the men wrestling only the male competitors from the opposing team, and vice versa for the divas. After getting tossed about by their bigger opponents for a couple of minutes, Primo and Epico tag Rosa into the match to avoid Tons of Funk. Naomi dominates Rosa for a bit before some distraction from Epico allows Rosa to take advantage. Rosa does her best to keep Naomi in the ring so that Brodus and Tensai can’t get involved in the match, but eventually Naomi battles her way out and makes the tag to Brodus, who cleans house. He squashes both Colons in the corners and gets a nearfall with a T-Bone suplex on Primo before Rosa breaks up the pin. She screams abuses at Brodus to keep him distracted while Epico goes for a high-flying attack. Epico jumps off the top rope right into a big headbutt from Brodus that sends him flying out of the ring. Meanwhile, Rosa gets tackled out of the ring by Naomi, Sweet T drops a recovering Primo with a Baldo Bomb, and Brodus finishes it with a big splash.

(This match brought the crowd's mood down, because who cares about a wrestling match when there’s no WrestleCrap involved?)

Rating: C-

Main Show:

As Monday Night off kicks off, Lilian Garcia (who’s taken over ring announcing duty due to Justin Roberts being choked out by Fandango last night), introduces Brooke Hogan and Aksana, who are already standing in the ring. As the crowd responds with a mixed reaction, the lights are dimmed, Aksana’s theme music starts playing, and once again, the two women in the ring start to perform a seductive strip-tease/HLA segment that’s very much like the one they performed last night at WrestleMania, fondling and undressing each other until they are both left in their underwear. The segment also ends in the same manner, with Brooke teasing a kiss with Aksana, but their lips never quite touching as the music ends.

(“Aksana performed poorly in this segment”. Hogan must be proud; her daughter’s already totally outclassed her partner as a stripper on her second night! She’s clearly a natural at this.)

Angle: Brooke Hogan/ Aksana HLA segment. (Rating: A*)

Vince Russo then walks out into the arena, limping slightly and he heads down the ramp to remind everyone that he was a victim of Ric Flair’s Figure-4 Leglock last night. In fact, a short video clip recap of that is played as the announcers (Jim Ross, Lawler and Michael Cole) talk about how exciting and unpredictable WrestleMania had been last night. Russo gets into the ring with some effort, and walks over to the two scantily-clad ladies and puts his arms around their waists as they each plant a kiss on either side of his cheeks. Russo compliments Brooke and Aksana on the performance they just put up, telling Brooke that “If your Daddy had been as good at his job as you are, I’d never have publicly fired him like I did in WCW years ago!”

Russo then goes on to hype what a great job he did last night at WrestleMania……or rather, RUSSOMANIA, as he puts it. He tells the fans that last night was a an example of what they can expect every week from this point onwards, because as everyone knows, the name “Russo” is synonymous with “excitement” and “unpredictability”. With him in charge, every RAW, Smackdown and pay-per-view will be the show to watch! He tells the fans that he has not forgotten what the Miz and Ric Flair did to him last night, and they can bet that there will be consequences for their actions. But let’s not talk about these depressing matters for now, the night’s only just got started! He asked the crowd if they’d enjoyed the little show put up by Brooke and Aksana earlier, and if they want more. With a solid portion of hormone-driven guys solidly behind this idea, Russo proudly states that he always gives the fans what they want to see, so therefore, it’s time to let Brooke and Aksana finish what they started!

(Vince Russo looked dreadful in this segment. Brooke Hogan was a real star in this segment. O RLY?)

Angle: Vince Russo hypes himself and his strippers. (Rating: B-)

But before the ladies can proceed, they are interrupted by none other than the Chairman of the Board, Vince McMahon himself! Russo greets the chairman with open arms, telling the owner of the WWE that he’s glad that he can join them, and that no doubt Mr McMahon is here to congratulate him to the great job he’s done. Mr McMahon looks at Russo with a big smile on his face, and tells the Guest Host that he’s really got to hand it to Russo. He reveals that he had a big announcement that he was intending to make tonight right at the beginning of the show, but when Russo brought out the ladies to start off the show, the Chairman just had to stay in the back to finish watching the show put on by the ladies. That was hot! He’d never enjoyed being upstaged this much. Russo quickly apologizes to the Chairman, telling him that he had no idea the owner was here tonight. Mr McMahon says that he’s not blaming Russo for that, because as he said he really liked what the ladies were doing, and he almost regrets having to come out and interrupt the rest of it, because his big announcement just can’t wait any longer. Russo says that he understands completely, and tells the chairman that the stage is all his. Mr McMahon tells Russo to bear with him for a second because his announcement won’t take too long. In fact, it consists of only 4 words: “Vince Russo, YOOUU’RRRRRRRE FIIIIIIRRRRRED!”

The crowd erupts in a mix of cheers, boos, and general buzz of confusions, while Russo looks completely flabbergasted. He asks Mr McMahon what just happened. He thought Mr McMahon hired him back to bring excitement, unpredictability and attitude back to the WWE. That was what the Chairman told him! Mr McMahon tells Russo that he did say those words, and what better way to bring such excitement and unpredictability than to fired Russo on the very second night of his job? He bets no one saw that coming, not even Mr Unpredictable himself, Vince Russo! Russo screams that Mr McMahon can’t do that to him, that he has dozens of idea that will bring his company to greater heights, just like he promised. Mr McMahon asks if Russo really believed that he was going to let the man who killed WCW run his show, and that Russo was a bigger fool than he thought if he did.

“BUT WHAT ABOUT RUSSOMANIA??!! YOU NAMED THAT SHOW AFTER ME! YOU SAID THAT I WILL BE THE HOST EVERY SINGLE YEAR! YOU SAID THOSE WORDS YOURSELF LAST NIGHT!” Russo screams.

“I did say those words. And you know what? I also told Bret Hart at Montreal that I won’t screw him.” Mr McMahon says calmly. “But I’ll tell you what, if it amuses me when the time comes, maybe, just maybe, I will hire you as the guest host again for next year’s WrestleMania. But until then, you’re fired. Security, get him out of my sight!”

Security then swarm into the ring and literally carries a struggling, screaming Russo out of the arena.

Angles: Vince McMahon fires Russo! (Rating: C+)

Russo is escorted out by security. (Rating: B)

With their boss so unceremoniously fired, Brooke and Aksana are looking nervous in the ring, wondering if they’re about to share the same fate. Brooke sidles close to the chairman and clasps at his arm pleadingly, and Aksana quickly follows suit, both eager to convince the Chairman to let them keep their jobs. Vince looks pleased with the attention from the ladies, and tells them that if it were up to him, he has no problem with letting the ladies continue with their show every single week. However, this matter is now out of his hands. You see, Vince Russo was right about one thing, and one thing only, and that is the fact that Vince McMahon wants to bring excitement and unpredictability back to the WWE. So after much consideration, he’s decided to bring back a concept that was introduced a few years back: weekly Guest Hosts! What better way to shake things up and keep the fans guessing at what comes next than to bring in a different person in charge to run the shows each and every week? From now on, every week, both RAW and Smackdown will be under the authority of the “GM of the Week”. However, unlike Donald Trump, Vince will not be bringing in people like movie stars, reality show hosts, or “sports stars” outside the Sports Entertainment business. Because let’s face it, nobody really wants to see those so-called “mainstream celebrities”. The Superstars of Sports Entertainment are all the celebrities that matters. Who wants to see Bob Barker or Seth Green when you can see the Brooklyn Brawler and Doink the Clown?

The Guest GM of the Week can be anybody involved in the Sports Entertainment business. It can be a legend, a Hall of Famer, a new rookie, or even someone from the current active roster. That’s right, absolutely anyone in this company may wind up in charge the next week, even commentators and managers! Which brings him to the two ladies once again, because like he just said, he’s not the man in charge tonight, the Guest GM is, so if Brooke and Aksana want to keep their jobs, they’d have to persuade the GM for this week’s RAW and Smackdown, who will have complete and undisputed authority for this week. So without further ado, please welcome the GM of this week’s RAW and Smackdown……STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!

Angle: Stone Cold named GM of the week. (Rating: A*)

And thus the Weekly Guest GM concept kicks off with a bang, or rather a crash, as the GM of the Week enters in the building to his signature entrance theme of shattering glass. Despite their confusion over the rapid turn of events for the past several minutes, the crowd is on fire as the Rattlesnake enters the ring and does his signature poses in every corner. Brooke and Aksana huddle close together in the centre of the ring looking uncertain as the Rattlesnake makes his poses. Finally, Austin stops in the middle of the ring and stares down the two women. He says he’s gathered that both of them want a job in the WWE. Brooke and Aksana both nod eagerly. Austin walks around them looking both of them over for a few seconds before telling them that he’s got something they can do for him, because they remind him of his ex-wife. The ladies look unsure if they’re supposed to be happy about that. Austin asks them if they know what he and his ex-wife used to do together. Brooke takes the hint and walks up to him seductively, putting her arms around his neck and leaning close for a kiss……and takes a STONE COLD STUNNER!

Aksana looks shocked as her partner is laid out on the mat. Austin tells her that he used to beat up the b**** that was his ex-wife, just like this, and it feels good to beat up more painted whores like her. Aksana tries to leave the ring, but Austin grabs her violently by the hair. Shoving her down into a seated position in the corner, he proceeds to do his signature stomping on her, while the crowd chants “WHAT!” along with him after each stomp. Or at least, those in the crowd that aren’t absolutely shocked and horrified at the non-PG stuff going on in the ring. Meanwhile, at the announcers’ booth, JR enters the state of orgasm that he’s always in every time Steve Austin’s in the building.

JR: “STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! BAH GAWD STONE COLD’S IN THE HOUSE!”

Michael Cole: “Vintage Steve Austin! Dean of Domestic Violence, Beater of Wives, Tormentors of Girlfriends, no one does it better than the Texas Rattlesnake, ladies and gentlemen! Hide your wives and daughters!”

Finally, having had his fill of beating up women, Steve Austin ends the beatdown and once again poses in the ring in celebration, as medics rush to the ring to check on the women.

(The performance of Steve Austin was fantastic. Steve Austin’s ‘Woman Beater’ gimmick gets a B+ rating, which makes sense, considering he’s had lots of practice in real life. Actually, it should have been A*. Just ask Debra.)

Angle: Austin beats up the strippers. (Rating: C)

While the women are being carried out on stretchers, a video package plays to recap the end of the main event of WrestleMania, involving John Cena, The Rock and Paul Heyman. The announcers return to their normal personality after the bizarre display of enthusiasm during the man-on-woman violence earlier, and begin to speculate about the relationship between Cena and Heyman.

Cole ends the segment with an announcement that the Rock is not here tonight, as he’s not been medically cleared after all the damage he took last night. Cole then notes emphatically that the Rock, among other things, is suffering from acute Anal Bleeding, after having a handful of Fruity Pebbles shoved up his ass by John Cena.

Angle: Replay of match ending to Rock vs Cena at WrestleMania. Oh, and the Rock suffers from Anal Bleeding. (Rating: A*)

The camera cuts backstage to show John Cena walking backstage wearing his newly-won WWE Title. He seems to be on his way to the ring, when he runs into his buddy, the Long Island Ice Z, Zack Ryder.

“Are you serious, Bro? Paul Heyman??!! Of all people, you’re selling your soul to that snake?” Ryder exclaims.

Cena tells Ryder impatiently that he doesn’t have the time for this. He knows Ryder wants an explanation, he knows all the fans want an explanation, so rather than explaining himself to every guy who asks him one by one, he’s going to make his explanation out there, in the ring, where everyone can hear him. Now if Ryder’ll excuse him, he’s got a match with Damien Sandow coming up. Cena then turns his back on Ryder and continues his way to the ring.

Angle: Ryder asks for an explanation. Cena says he’ll give it in the ring. (Rating: B)

John Cena comes out to the usual mixed reaction, although with a distinctly heavier portion of the crowd doing the booing after seeing the WrestleMania match recap. Getting hold of a mic, he tells the fans that he has a match with Damien Sandow coming up in just a moment, but he feels that before the match, he needs to address all the questions that have been directed towards him since last night regarding his relationship with WrestleMania. People have been questioning whether John Cena has finally broke under the pressure, that he’s finally shown his darker side, that his desperation at not being able to beat the Rock last year had finally caused him to abandon his principles, turn his back on his fans, and sell his soul to the devil. He says that these speculations can’t be further from the truth. He says that he hasn’t turned on his fans, and he hasn’t changed. He didn’t do anything last night that was against his conscience. Last night, he and the Rock took each other to the limit. He took everything the Rock could threw at him, and more, everything the Rock could do to him within the rules, he did, and Cena took them all like a man, and got up from them, never giving up, just like he’d always said.

Then the referee got knocked out, and for that he’s going to apologize like a real man, because he’s man enough to admit that in the heat of the battle he lost his bearings for a moment, and accidentally took out the referee. He assures the fans that he’s personally apologized to Charles Robinson for that, and Charles had accepted with good grace. Anyway, as he was getting back up, recovering from his own finishing maneuver that the Rock performed on him, he turned around and what did he see? The referee out cold, and the Rock, his opponent, with a chair in his hand. Oh, and Paul Heyman was there too, though he had no idea what he was out there for. What he did know was that he saw his WrestleMania opponent standing behind him with a chair in his hand, so he did what any sensible man in his position would have done, and he took a pre-emptive strike. Because, let’s face it, no matter how the Rock’s going to spin it, everyone knows what the Rock truly had in mind, and that was contemplating using that steel chair on John Cena. He knows it, the Rock knows it, and clearly the WWE Universe knows it, in fact a good portion of them were practically begging for the Rock to do it! He knows what people are going to say, that the Rock never actually used the chair, but the way he sees it, the Rock didn’t use the chair because John Cena never gave him that chance. He could see it in the Rock’s eyes. The Rock did absolutely everything he could do to Cena, he threw all his best shots: the Sharpshooter, the People’s Elbow, the Rockbottom……even a Rockbottom off the second ropes! Hell, he even stole John Cena’s own finishing maneuver. None of that worked. The Rock knew that there was nothing else he could do within the rules that could possibly have kept him down. He needed that steel chair, and he wanted the win almost……almost as badly as Cena did. Cena claims that he did the right thing, and that if the Rock was about to step outside the boundaries of the rules, than Cena’s more than happy to step out there with him, and all’s fair in a war. The only difference between them is the fact that John Cena made the shot that counted, and that’s why he won. The fact is, the better man won last night, whether the Rock and his fans want to admit that or not!

And as for Paul Heyman, Cena says that he doesn’t know why he got involved, and he doesn’t care. Maybe it’s because the Rock ended the 400+ days’ title reign of his client CM Punk. Maybe it’s because both of Paul Heyman’s clients got destroyed last night, and that snake wanted another ally to protect him from all the enemies he’s made over the years. If that’s so, Heyman’s looking in the wrong place. Cena wants nothing to do with Heyman, not as his client, not as his friend. John Cena re-emphasizes that he’s still the same John Cena that he’s always been, that he will never abandon his own principles, and that he’ll always be the upholder of Hustle, Loyalty and Respect!

Angle: Cena denies being in league with Heyman. (Rating: A*)

Damien Sandow finally comes out for his scheduled match against the Champ. As usual, the Intellectual Saviour of the Unwashed Masses comes out with a microphone in his hand. Stopping at the entrance ramp, he says that he knows many people see him as the underdog in this match. After all, John Cena is the new WWE Champion, coming off what’s probably the biggest win of his career last night at Wrestlemania. Certainly, momentum is on Cena’s side. At least, that would be true if Cena were facing any other competitor tonight. Unfortunately for Cena, he’s facing the Intellectual Saviour tonight. Being the great Intellectual that he is, he’s gone back to study tapes of all of Cena’s matches, and of course, his towering intellect enables him to see what no other competitor could see before, not even the Rock! To Damien Sandow, even the most intricate puzzles are but an open book when laid out in front of him, and John Cena, for all his mystique and aura of an unstoppable force, will have all of his weaknesses exposed under the scrutiny of the Intellectual Saviour. You see, under his intense scouting, the great Damien Sandow has uncovered this: all of John Cena’s victories are hinged on the same 5 Moves. 5 simple Moves, always delivered in the exact same predictable sequence, which he has scouted and studied, and come up with at least a dozen counters to each of them. Tonight, John Cena will find himself embarrassed by the Intellectual Saviour of the Masses when he finds every single one of the 5 Moves from his limited and predictable arsenal anticipated, countered, and turned against him as Damien Sandow puts an end to the myth of the unstoppable John Cena!

Angle: Sandow insults Cena’s “5 Moves of Doom”. (Rating: A*)

Match: John Cena defeated Damien Sandow in 5:49 by pinfall with an Attitude Adjustment.

Sandow is all smug and confident as he enters the ring, certain that he has he opponent well and truly scouted, but Cena clearly isn’t amused by his breakdown analysis of his “limited, predictable arsenal”, and immediately lays into the Intellectual Saviour with a flurry of punches as soon as the bell rings. Despite all his preparations, Sandow finds it necessary to bail out of the ring to regroup and escape Cena’s wrath. Cena follows his opponent out of the ring, and chases Sandow halfway around the ring before Damien rolls back into the ring. In typical heel fashion, he tries to pounce on Cena as the latter’s entering the ring, but Cena just floors him with a massive clothesline. He whips Sandow hard into the corner and catches him on the rebound with a fisherman suplex for a 2-count. Damien scrambles for the ring apron and hangs on for dear life as Cena tries to drag him back up to continue the punishment. Referee Scott Armstrong backs Cena off, telling him that Sandow is in the ropes. Cena obeys the referee, giving Sandow some time to catch his breath as he pulls himself up on the ring apron. Cena comes back and tries to grab him through the ropes, but Sandow scores with a big knee lift as Cena pokes his upper body through the ropes. The Intellectual Saviour hops off the apron and hangs Cena hard over the second ropes in the same motion. Cena snaps back from the impact and crumples to the mat, and Sandow rushes back into the ring to take control of his opponent.

Sandow works over Cena with a rear naked choke for about a minute, but it doesn’t take long for Cena to struggle his way up and power out of the move. Cena knocks Sandow away with a series of big elbow shots to the guts, then bounces off the ropes for a big flying shoulder-block……which Sandow ducks! It seems that Sandow wasn’t lying about having Cena’s 5 Moves of Doom scouted. Sandow takes advantage of the missed shoulder-block, picking up Cena hitting him with a series of knees to the head. He then bounces off the ropes and comes charging at Cena……and runs into a flying shoulder-block. Damien scrambles back up quickly, only to be floored by a second flying shoulder-block. Cena then picks up Sandow for his signature spinning sideslam, but Sandow slips out and counters into a huge DDT! Once again, Sandow has broken the 5-Move sequence! He goes quickly for the pin, but Cena kicks out on 2. His confidence bolstered by his success in countering Cena’s signature attacks, Damien signals for his own signature neckbreaker finisher, the Idolizer. As he tries to twist Cena around, however, Cena counters by lifting him up and dropping him with the spinning sideslam! He then bounces off the ropes and hits the 5-Knuckle Shuffle before picking up the dazed Sandow for the Attitude Adjustment……only for Sandow to counter once again as he slips off Cena’s shoulders and hits the side Russian Legsweep! Damien rolls back up to his feet with the momentum of the move and gestures to the crowd with a flourish before dropping the Elbow of Disdain on Cena. Getting back up, Damien prances around smugly, pointing to his head and mouthing “I told you so” to the crowd, unaware that Cena has just popped back up right after the Elbow of the Disdain and is now waiting patently behind him for him to turn around. Having finished showing off his great intellect to the crowd, Sandow turns around and walks right into a thunderous AA from Cena, and it’s all over.

Sandow may have found the solution to the 5 Moves of Doom. Unfortunately for him, 1 Move was really all Cena needed.

(Damien Sandow came out of this squash match with more momentum and higher popularity then he did coming into the match. Who says being squashed by Cena is a bad thing? A few more squashes like that, and he’ll be ready to headline WrestleMania next year!)

Rating: A*

We head backstage to the GM’s office, where former RAW GM Vickie Guerrero is seen approaching new GM Stone Cold Steve Austin. She tells Austin that as former GM who’s done a great job running the shows for years, she feels that she can still be of service to the new GM, and suggests that she will make a great assistant to the GM. Austin stares at her coldly without saying anything, then walks up close to her and starts to scrutinize her closely. Vickie understandably gets nervous about this, considering what happened earlier tonight.

“I, uh, don’t remind you of your ex-wife, do I?” she asks.

“Hell no, I’d never marry anyone as butt-ugly as you!” Austin tells her.

Vickie clearly isn’t sure she ought to be relieved or offended. She asks once again if Austin would consider hiring her as his assistant this week. Austin says that he only has one use for skanks, even the ugly ones, and that’s to be something soft for his itching fists to land on. He tells Vickie that he’s only holding back out of respect for her ex-husband……well, one of her ex-husbands, at least. His respect for Eddie only goes so far, however, so Vickie’d better get her ugly mutt out of his office before he loses control. Vickie scurries out of the office in terror as Austin laughs after her, clearly proud of his success at intimidating the helpless widow.

Angle: Vickie offers to be Austin’s assistant. Austin scares her off by threatening violence. (Rating: A – After the initial shock earlier, the fans are ready to root for Woman Beater Austin again. Sick bastards.)

As soon as Vickie left the office, in comes the Viper, Randy Orton. He walks up to GM Austin and tells him that after the Big Show cheap-shotted him at WrestleMania last night, he should be the on facing the The Big Show tonight, not Sheamus. He knows that Booker T booked the match last night, but as Mr McMahon said earlier, Austin is the current GM and has full authority this week, so he should be able to change tonight’s main event to Randy Orton vs Big Show. Austin tells Orton that he indeed has the power to do that, but he’s not going to, because Randy isn’t medically cleared to compete tonight after suffering a concussion from the WMD last night.

“Really? Since when has you, Stone Cold Steve Austin, cared about my physical well-being?” Orton demands.

“You’re right, Randy, I don’t care.” Austin replies. “I just enjoying pi$$ing you off, though, so no, you still don’t get your match tonight.”

Randy looks ready to explode, but Austin warns him not to do anything he’ll regret. “You saw what Russo did to Cody Rhodes last night? I have the same authority tonight. How would you like to be in a Lingerie Pillow fight against the Bellas tonight?”

Even the normally hot-tempered Viper would rather die than suffer the indignity of being put in a Lingerie Pillow fight, so with some effort, Orton resists his urges to strike the GM, choosing instead to smash a table lamp on the floor to vent his frustrations before storming out of the office.

Angle: Orton wants to fight Big Show tonight, but is denied. (Rating: A*)

Back in the ring, the former assistant to the former GM, Brad Maddox, is standing in the ring all smiles despite the fact that he’s no longer the assistant to the RAW GM due to Vickie Guerrero being removed from position. He talks about how he got his very first win last night in the Pre-show Battle Royal. He had always known that his hard work and dedication to this business will eventually pay off, despite everyone telling him that he doesn’t have what it takes to be a Superstar. Last night, he proved all his doubters wrong by not only outlasting 20 other men (not mentioning the fact that he was actually sitting at the announcers’ booth for majority of the match), he even personally eliminated the United States Champion. As a result of his accomplishment, Maddox proudly announces that he’s finally been officially signed as a WWE Superstar. Not only that, but his victory over the US Champion last night has convinced the Board of Directors to grant him a shot at the United States Championship. Therefore, this Wednesday night, on WWE Main Event on ION Television, the featured ‘Main Event’ will be the United States Champion Antonio Cesaro defending his title against the one and only Brad Maddox!

Angle: Brad Maddox boasts about his win in the WM preshow Battle Royal, and his upcoming US Title match. (Rating: C+)

Match: Brad Maddox defeated Justin Gabriel by pinfall in 8:08.

Brad gets a warm-up match before his big title opportunity this Wednesday night as he takes on the Cape Town Werewolf, Justin Gabriel. Gabriel uses his quickness to gain the early advantage, picking up two nearfalls with a legsweep and a heel kick. Maddox turns the match around at the 3-minute mark by using the referee as a shield and forcing Gabriel to slow down and break his own pace, before catching him with a drop-toe-hold that sends him throat-first into the second ropes. Brad controls the match for some time before Gabriel fights back and turns a headlock into a spinout powerbomb. Gabriel quickens the pace once again, breaking out his high-flying moves and getting another nearfall with an asai moonsault off the ropes. Maddox catches Gabriel with a raised boot in the corner and tries to capitalize, but walks right into an STO. Justin then climbs to the top rope for the 450-Splash, but Maddox rolls out of the way at the last moment, and Justin crashes and burns. Maddox then rolls up the stunned Gabriel and grabs a handful of ropes to secure the 3-count. Brad Maddox one again celebrates his hard-fought victory with tears streaming down his face, but the crowd doesn’t care, because once again, who cares about a wrestling match when there’s no WrestleCrap involved?

Rating: C

Backstage, Cody Rhodes runs into Kaitlyn, and greets her happily, but Kaitlyn stares at him coldly and turns away. Cody stops her and asks her what is wrong. Kaitlyn responds that he shouldn’t be the one asking, as he knows very well what he had done over the past week. The whole world saw what happened at WrestleMania, and also on last week’s Smackdown. She can’t believe Cody would stoop so low as to dress himself up as a woman to take advantage of the divas in the ring. Cody protests that it was all Damien’s ideas, but Kaitlyn tells him angrily to stop using his friend as an excuse. She says that the recent actions of Cody Rhodes have crossed the line, and that she doesn’t want to have anything to do with a perverted cross-dresser who takes advantage of other women in the ring. Their friendship is over. Kaitlyn then walks away as Cody looks upset.

Angle: Kaitlyn is angry with Cody about his crossdressing antics. (Rating: C+)

We head back into the arena, where Alicia Fox, Tamina Snuka, Layla and Natalya are all in the ring for a divas tag team match. Michael Cole is telling everyone that this match is the first official match that the new GM Stone Cold Steve Austin made tonight. Just as the match is about to start, the sound of glass shattering fills the arena, and GM Austin makes his way out to the ring once again. The divas all look terrified at this entrance after what they saw Stone Cold did earlier tonight. Alicia, Tamina and Layla all huddle up in the corners as Stone Cold enters the ring. Only Natalya stands her ground, but she, too, looks nervous as the GM approaches her and looks her over. Austin tells everyone that he made this ‘match’ for one reason, and one reason only, and that is to get all these skanks out in the ring at the same time so he doesn’t have to hunt them down one by one. He asks the fans if they really want to see a tag match between the 4 b******, or if they’d prefer to see Stone Cold Steve Austin whoop some skanks’ ass right here in this ring. The crowd cheers wildly, because this is Stone Cold, and he can do no wrong in their eyes. Natalya looks outraged and shouts something at Austin, but she’s drowned out by the fans screaming for Austin to whoop her ass. Austin raises the mic and says if they want to see Stone Cold whoop the b******s’ ass, give him a Hell Yeah, and the crowd responds with a resounding “HELL YEAH!”

Natalya has had enough of the insults, and finally slaps Austin across the face. Austin looks stunned for a moment, not so much from the pain but more from the fact that a woman stood up to him. He actually smiles at Natalya in amusement before hitting her with the Stone Cold Stunner. Layla runs forth to check on her friend and partner, and Austin is only too happy to give her a Stunner as well! Alicia and Tamina quickly try to leave the ring, but in one move Austin lunges across the ring and grabs both of them by the hair. Dragging them back into the ring, he shoves the two of them down, flips them both off, then drops them both with a dual-Stunner, one across each shoulder. Standing over the carnage, Austin then calls for some beer as his music hits, and proceeds to perform his trademark celebration. He opens up two cans of beer, pours half of them down his throat, and dumps the rest over the 4 fallen divas in the ring before he allows the medics to come in and clear them out of the ring while the sick perverted fans continue to cheer and scream their voice out.

Angle: Austin insults and beats up more divas. (Rating: A* - Woman Beater Austin = ratings!)

We’re now nearing the end of the first hour, and it’s time for a major segment. So here’s your Hour 1 ‘Main Event’……a Triple H promo! Just like the good old times, hey? Triple H comes out to talk about his WrestleMania match with Brock Lesnar, bragging about how he finally “slew the beast” despite the hellacious fight it put up last night. Not only did he beat the monster Lesnar, he beat it up so bad that Lesnar can’t even make it here tonight, but had to stay at home licking his wounds. He says that Brock Lesnar may be one of the most dangerous men on the planet, but just as he, and everybody else, found out last night, there isn’t anyone more dangerous than the Cerebral Assassin when you mess with his family and friends. When you make beat up his father-in-law and make the mother of his child cry, when you break the arm of his best friend, you can be damn sure that the Game is going to make you pay.

He then goes on to say that he does have his best friend Shawn Michaels to thank for being at ringside last night. Even though he said he didn’t want Shawn to get physically involved last night, and he meant every word when he said that, it was seeing Shawn being manhandled by Brock last night, seeing him in danger of taking an F5, that finally made HHH go the extra mile and finally took down the beast. It’s not an experience he wants to go through ever again, but fact of the matter is, it happened, and for that he has Shawn to thanks for, and it goes to show that, just like Shawn said last week, when he and Shawn are on the same side, nothing in the world can stop them……

The Game is interrupted when the Shield’s entrance theme is heard from the speakers, and the crowd goes crazy as Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns make their usual entrance through the crowd towards the ring. Triple H knows that he’s in great peril but he refuses to back down from the Shield as they vault over the security wall and systematically surrounds the ring to prepare for the impending 3-on-1 massacre. After a moment’s suspense, Rollins steps into the ring first, and the Game fires the first shot, drilling him with a big knee-lift while he’s still halfway through the ropes. Ambrose charges in from behind, but HHH spins around and catches him with a big right hand. He then turns around to meet the charging Reigns, but the biggest member of the Shield uses his brute strength and momentum to drive the COO all the way into the corner. The two of them trade blows for a bit before Rollins and Ambrose rejoin the fight and inevitably turns the fight into another 3-on-1 beatdown.

Just when all seems lost for the Game, Shawn Michaels’ music blares from the speakers, and the Hall of Famer comes rushing down to the ring to the aid of his best friend. The Shield turns their attention to Michaels, and after holding them off for about half a minute, the Heartbreak Kid succumbs to the numbers game as well, and quickly gets stomped down to the mat by the Hounds of Justice. Reigns signals for the finish as his two partners pick up the limp body of HBK to set him up for their Triple-team Powerbomb, but while they’d been busy with Michaels, Triple H had rolled out of the ring and pulled out his mighty equalizer – the sledgehammer! The Game gets back into the ring just in time to save his friend from the Triple Powerbomb attempt, nailing Rollins right in the guts with the hammer and sending him tumbling out of the ring. Reigns turns around to face Hunter, and takes a hammer-shot to the guts as well! Ambrose leaves the ring before the hammer can be used on him, and the Shield is in full retreat as HHH stands tall holding the sledgehammer, helping Michaels back to his feet. The Game challenges for the Shield to come back in as his music plays in the arena, and the Shield wisely chooses not to take up the challenge……for now.

Angles: HHH talks about his WM match with Lesnar. (Angle: A*)

The Shield Attacks HHH. (Rating: A*)

HBK helps HHH fight off the Shield. (Rating: A*)

----

Will somebody finally stand up for the divas against the Dean of Domestic Violence and GM of the Week, Stone Cold Steve Austin?

Will the retired Shawn Michaels be stepping back into the ring to aid his friend Triple H against the Shield, or will he have to look for other partners? Will they truly be as unstoppable as the Game said they are, even against the undefeated Shield?

Will Ricardo Rodriguez's status as a Real American be explained?

Stay tuned and find out in the next update!

Russelrules44 · August 11, 2013

................Well, You're right again Greylocke.........***** really DOES sell!

Greylocke · August 13, 2013

Here's the Monday Night RAW Hour 2 Report! Enjoy!

----

After a commercial break, The Great Khali and Hornswoggle are shown standing in the ring. Hornswoggle is holding a microphone and speaking on behalf of the Great Khali. He says that the after seeing what the bully Stone Cold Steve Austin did to their dear friend Natalya, the Great Khali wants vengeance. In fact, the Great Khali was making his way out to the ring immediately after he heard what was happening to Natalya earlier. Unfortunately, by the time Khali walked all the way out to the ring, not only was the divas’ beatdown over, but so was the Shield/DX confrontation. Hey, it’s not Khali’s fault! He’s got problems with his knees, and a big guy like him can’t walk too fast! Anyway, Khali is challenging Steve Austin to come out and face the consequences, right now!

Angle: The Great Khali challenges Austin for hurting Natalya earlier. (Rating: C+)

Stone Cold doesn’t come out to the ring, but he does show his face on the TitanTron, which shows him sitting comfortably in the office. He asks if Khali and Hornswoggle have a problem with him beating up worthless skanks. Hornsswoggle screams at Austin that the Great Khali doesn’t appreciate Austin insulting their good friend Natalya like that, even though Khali probably doesn’t understand a word Austin just said. Austin says that he has better things to do than waste time on the two freaks in the ring, but if they’re looking for a fight, he’ll give them one. Except they won’t be fighting Stone Cold Steve Austin, they be fighting this man……RYBACK! Right on cue, Ryback’s music starts playing, and the monster comes out to the ring for this impromptu match.

Angle: Austin sics Ryback on Khali. (Rating: A)

Match: Ryback defeated The Great Khali in 4:36 by pinfall with a Shell Shocked.

Ryback and Khali locks up in the ring, and Khali uses his size advantage to push Ryback back into the corner. Holding Ryback in place, the Great Khali raises his palm and slaps it hard across the chest of Ryback. Instead of wincing from the pain like most opponents will do, Ryback just screams like a wild man and beats his own chest Tarzan-style. Looking puzzled Khali grabs Ryback and slaps him in the chest again, which prompts the same reaction as the slaps seem to fire up Ryback rather than hurt him. Khali tries for a third time, but this time grabs his wrist and stops him in mid-slap.

“STUPID!” Ryback screams and unleashes on Khali with a flurry of blows that drives him back. With the giant tottering from the fury of his opponent’s blows, Ryback launches himself off the ropes and collides with Khali with a huge shoulder-block. This staggers the giant, but doesn’t quite knock him down, so Ryback goes for a second attempt, but this time, Khali manages throw a massive forearm and smashes Ryback in the face, knocking him down. Khali uses the opportunity to stagger across to the ropes and leans on them to recover from the monster’s attack, but almost immediately, Ryback pops back up to his feet, still screaming like wild man and hitting his own head. Khali goes for a big boot, but Ryback grabs the leg, swings it aside, and explodes on Khali with a big clothesline to knock him down. Khali struggles groggily back to his feet only to get blasted with another massive charging shoulder-block, which knocks him back into the ropes. The giant stumbles off the ropes and walks into a huge spinebuster from Ryback. Relentless, Ryback heads into the corner and signals for the Meathook as the crowd chants “FEED ME MORE!”. He nearly decapitates Khali with the Meathook, and then, with a roar of “FINISH. IT!” picks up the 400+ pounder and annihilates him with the Shell Shocked for the decisive pinfall victory.

(Ryback and The Great Khali don't seem to click, and it made for an awkward bout. Ryback came out of the match looking good.)

Rating: B-

After the match, Hornswoggle gets into the ring to check on his friend Khali, while Ryback is still celebrating his win with chants of “FEED ME MORE!” As Ryback turns around, he spots the midget trying to wake his giant friend, and walks up slowly behind him. Hornswoggle is so concerned about his injured friend that he doesn’t sense Ryback behind him at all until Ryback is so close that one of his knees is prodding the midget’s back. Looking around, Hornswoggle finally notices the monster, and for the first time looks afraid as Ryback has a malicious grin on his face. He raises his hands and pleads with the monster, but Ryback just grabs him by the upraised hands and pulls him up. Lifting the struggling midget onto his shoulder, the monster marches around the ring for a couple of seconds before dropping him with a huge SHELL SHOCKED!

The crowd is stunned at this behaviour, but Ryback isn’t finished. Leaving the ring, he grabs a steel chair from ringside before getting back in. The Great Khali is finally starting to stir at this moment, but with barely a glance at him, Ryback puts him back down again with a vicious chair-shot to the skull! He then walks over to Hornswoggle and grabs one of his arms before dragging him into a corner. As the crowd watches on in horror, Ryback places the chair on top of the midget and, in an eerily familiar scene, comes to the second ropes and comes off with a modified Vader Bomb on top of the steel chair – and Hornswoggle!

Officials and EMTs rush to the ring and beg Ryback to leave as they try to check on both Hornswoggle and Khali. Still grinning sadistically, Ryback mercifully doesn’t continue his attack, but he bends over Hornswoggle and shouts at the top of his voice:

“WELCOME TO THE HALL OF PAIN!”

(Ryback’s heel turn was a complete success.)

Angle: Ryback inducts Hornswoggle into the ‘Hall of Pain’. (Rating: B-)

Moments later, Ryback is shown backstage being approached by a very nervous-looking Renee Young. Renee asks Ryback if there’s any explanation for his behaviour out there in the ring, not only for what he did to Hornswoggle, but also for what he said to his victim at the end. Ryback stares at the interviewer, who looks like she’s ready to bolt any time now, and says, slowly and deliberately, in a cold, emotionless voice:

“That’s what I do.”

Angle: Ryback acts like Mark Henry and freaks out Renee Young. (Rating: A)

Meanwhile, Triple H and Shawn Michaels are shown in the COO’s office. Michaels is looking excited and tells Triple H how great it is that the world is finally about to see the titanic collision between them and the Shield. The Shield think it’s ‘their yard’ now? Not if Shawn Michaels and Triple H have a say in it. This has and always will be their yard! Triple H doesn’t seem to share Michaels’ enthusiasm. He tells HBK that he needs to get something clear. It’s true that he just got Austin to book a 6-Man Tag Match between him and the Shield, but Michaels can’t be in that match, remember? He’s retired, after all, and he wouldn’t want to go back on his own words now, would he? Shawn looks upset at his best friend’s words and asks him what did he take Shawn for? Yes, he’s retired and can’t wrestle in the match, but he’ll still be out there with Hunter, just like at WrestleMania, because like he said before, when they’re on the same side, they’re unstoppable. Triple H says he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Michaels looks agitated at this and asks Triple H what he was thinking. He helped Triple H beat Brock Lesnar, did he not? Does Hunter still think he’s a liability out there? Triple H quickly says that’s not his point, but there’re too many things that can happen out there. He doesn’t even know who he’ll be teaming with later tonight yet! Michaels tells him proudly that he’s already taken care of that, and he knows exactly who to call. One of them is already here, and he’s someone the both of them know they can trust.

The door opens and in comes Kevin Nash. Triple H stares at Nash and doesn’t look happy at this. Nash asks Triple H what’s wrong, and if he’s still thinking about what happened between them nearly 2 years ago. Last he remembered it was Hunter who hit him in the head with a sledgehammer in the match, so if anyone should be upset, it’s him, not Triple H. HBK quickly gets between his 2 friends, and tells Nash that they agreed not to talk about that anymore. Triple H tells Nash that he’s not thinking about 2 years ago, they’ve all agreed to put that behind them, but he’s not sure Nash is ready for this. Nash declares that his knees are fine, and he’s in the best shape of his life. Triple H questions this bold statement, considering Nash hasn’t competed in the ring since Triple H beat him 2 years ago. This nearly starts another quarrel between the two, but once again Michaels steps between them to play peacemaker, telling them that they need to be on the same page because they’re facing the Shield tonight. Triple H says that even if Nash is ready to compete tonight, they still need one more partner. Nash tells him that he’s already taken care of that, too. He’s just called Scottie, and he’s on his way.

“Scottie? As in Scott Hall? You’re kidding me, right?” Triple H exclaims.

“What’s that suppoed to mean?” Nash says angrily. “What’s wrong with Scottie? He’s one of us, too!”

“Oh, I don’t know……maybe it’s the fact that he might be the one guy I know who’s probably in worse shape than you are. Hell, we don’t even if he’s going to show up tonight!”

“I’d expect to hear that from anyone…….but you, too? Look, I came all the way down here to show that I have your back tonight when I could be sitting comfortably at home collecting pay cheques, and this is how you treat us? I see what this is about. You think you’re too good for us now, huh? Too good, for the Clique, now that you have the Chairman’s daughter behind you, is that right?”

Once again, HBK tries to get in between his 2 friends as a violent argument breaks out, and he literally has to hold them apart to stop fists from flying. He tells Nash to leave them for the time being, and let him talk to Hunter. Nash storms out angrily even as Triple H and Michaels start to argue loudly behind him as well while the camera cuts away to commercials.

Angles: HBK finds HHH partners against the Shield for tag match. (Rating: A*)

Clique reunion……and argument. Rating: A*)

Elsewhere backstage, 3MB are seen heading to the ring as they chat with each other.

“Can you believe what WWE management did?” Heath Slater is complaining to his two partners. “I withdrew myself from the Pre-show Battle Royal last night to show solidarity within 3MB, and what did they do? They replaced my spot with Jim Duggan! Can you believe that?! They tried to replace 3MB with JIM DUGGAN? Are you kidding me? No one can replace any member from 3MB, and least of all an over-the-hill, out-of-shape has-been like the Hacksaw. Tonight, I’m going to beat Jim Duggan, and we’re going to show that the 3-M-B is irreplaceable!”

They are approached by a guy carrying a guitar, and he’s none other than TNA’s founder and former Intercontinental Champion, Jeff Jarrett! Jarrett tells them excitedly that it’s great to finally meet the great 3MB, and that he’s been watching them and is a great fan of theirs. It’s great to finally meet fellow Superstars who also share an interest to expand into the music industry, just like him! He offers to share his own expertise in this area, and to join their group. Together, they will dominate not only Sports Entertainment, but the musical business as well!

3MB stares at him incredulously, then start laughing. Heath Slater tells Jarrett that they don’t need a washed up has-been like him with them. Besides, they’re Rock Stars and Jarrett does country music. Who the hell listens to country music these days? And he’s carrying a REAL guitar? And an accoustic one at that! How lame is that? Air guitar is where it’s at these days, baby! Slater tells Jarrett that they don’t want him, nobody wants him around here, so why doesn’t he go and start some other lame little backyard company that nobody watches and then gets fired from it again? 3MB walks away laughing while Jarrett looks heartbroken.

(This segment suffered as it came across as a let-down after the previous segment. This segment brought the crowd's mood down. Nothing like a dose of 3MB to reliably kill a hot crowd!)

Angle: Jarrett wants to join 3MB, but gets rejected. (Rating: C-)

Match: Heath Slater defeated Jim Duggan in 6:49 by pinfall following interference from Jeff Jarrett. During the match we also saw Jinder Mahal run in and attack Jim Duggan, and Drew McIntyre do the same to Jim Duggan.

Slater thinks he has an easy match with the aged Duggan, and goofs around c0ckily with his air guitar antics, but the Hacksaw just floors him with a punch to the mouth. Slater rolls out of the ring, which prompts Duggan to follow him out to where his 3MB buddies are waiting. McIntyre and Mahal approach Duggan with evil intentions, but Duggan grabs his patented wooden bat, which scares them into backing off. The referee calls for order as he tells Jinder and Drew to back off while telling Duggan to put down the weapon, but with thise distraction, Slater catches Duggan with a jumping heel kick.

Slater then controls the offense for a few minutes, but eventually Duggan starts to fight his way back up, fueled by chants of “USA” from the fans. Duggan breaks free from Slater and unloads on him with big clotheslines. Slater once again rolls out of the ring to try to bait Duggan into enemy territory. While McIntyre keeps the referee distracted, Slater baits Duggan, while Mahal tries to do a sneak attack on the Hacksaw from behind with a high running knee. Unfortunately, the sneak attack backfired, as Duggan moves out of the way and Jinder nails Slater in the face with the hig knee. Duggan floors Jinder with a big punch, then rolls the dazed Slater into the ring in preparation for a 3-Point Stance. Mahal tries to get back into the ring to break this up, but out comes Jeff Jarret, guitar-in-hand as he goes after Mahal. He raises his guitar threateningly, causing Mahal to back away in fear……then smashes it over Duggan’s head! He leaves the ring as Drew finally leaves the ring apron, allowing the referee to turn around just as Slater makes the pin on the unconscious Duggan for the 3-count! After the match, 3MB still look confused as they stare at Jarrett, who stands on the entrance ramp applauding Slater’s win.

(My orginal plan was to debut Jarrett as a babyface and have him team up with the Honky Tonk Man for a 3-on-2 handicapped feud against 3MB, but apparently HTM hates Vince McMahon so much that he refuses to even negotiate, so plans were changed. Jeff, if you’re not happy with what you’re doing now, blame Honky Tonk Man!)

Rating: C

Backstage, GM Austin runs into Mark Henry who tells the GM that they need to talk. Mark Henry wants to know if the rumours are true: that WWE Management has decided to book a rematch between him and Ryback at the next PPV, Extreme Rules. Austin tells him that it’s true, because their match at WrestleMania didn’t have a decisive winner. Mark Henry tells Austin that he needs to cancel the match, that Ryback is a dangerous lunatic, and Henry wants nothing to do with him. Austin tells Henry that he can’t do that, he wants to see the match just like everyone else. Henry is getting increasingly agitated as he begs Austin to reconsider. He’ll fight absolutely anyone at Extreme Rules……but not Ryback. Austin once again tells him that he can’t do that. Not only does WWE Top Brass want the match, the fans want it, too. And Ryback wants it, too. In fact, he came personally to Austin earlier to ask for the match, which was how Austin was able to get him to go out and deal with the Great Khali and Hornswoggle in exchange for this favour.

“Did you see what he did at WrestleMania? That maniac bit me on the arm! And did you see what he did earlier? He was mocking me! He’s obsessed with me for some reason! What the hell does he want with me? He got his win at WrestleMania! What more does he want?” Henry shouts.

Austin looks him over for a moment, then shrugs and replies, “I don’t know, maybe he’s hungry……hungry for some SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!”

Austin then walks away laughing as Henry stares after him in shock at what he just said.

Angle: Henry still doesn’t want to fight Ryback. (Rating: A*)

Elsewhere backstage, John Cena is shown walking along the corridor when none other than Paul Heyman shows up. The former owner of ECW is all smiles as he greets Cena, but Cena tells him to stay away from him. Heyman just laughs and asks him why the show of such hostility. Cena says that he knows Heyman heard what he said out there earlier. He meant every word he said. He doesn’t know why Heyman went out to the ring last night during his match, and he doesn’t care. He wants nothing to do with Heyman. He’s not a “Paul Heyman guy”, not now, not ever. Paul Heyman doesn’t look upset, but tells Cena that he shouldn’t make statements like this, nobody knows what will happen in the future. Besides, he’s not asking Cena to be a Paul Heyman guy. He just wants Cena to know that he is a John Cena guy. Cena tells Heyman that he doesn’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Heyman nonchalantly tells him to suit himself, but maybe someday, they’ll be able to talk business. Heyman then walks away with a smile of his face while Cena stares daggers into his back.

Angle: Cena wants nothing to do with Heyman. (Rating: A*)

Meanwhile, Zeb Coulter and the new World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger are shown talking in the Champion’s locker room when Ricardo Rodriguez comes bursting in babbling excitedly and breathlessly in Spanish. Zeb Coulter sternly tells him to stop and says, “What did I say about speaking English?”

Ricardo quickly switches to English as he apologizes to Zeb about the ‘relapse’, saying he got too excited. He then tells Zeb and Swagger that Alberto is here in the building. Zeb tells him to calm down, and that they have everything under control. He tells Ricardo to get ready, and that they will make their big announcement later as planned. The three of them then put their hands on their chests and says solemnly together: “WE. THE PEOPLE!”

Angle: Real Americans talk backstage. (Rating: B-)

Match: Wade Barrett defeated Zack Ryder in 8:01 by pinfall with a Bullhammer Elbow.

The former Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett is clearly in a foul mood after losing his title the Miz last night, and he looks set to take his frustration out on the Long Island Iced Z in this match. Wade starts the match aggressively, pummeling Ryder into the corner with blow after blow until the referee threatens to disqualify him. Barrett backs off for a moment, and Ryder leaps back at him in retaliation, but Barrett catches him and drops him hard across the turnsbuckles in the corner, then strikes him in the gut with a huge knee lift. Barrett continues to punish Ryder for several minutes before Ryder starts to battle back. The Long Island Iced Z fights out of a front facelock and charges off the ropes, but runs into the Winds of Change slam that nearly puts him down for a 3-count. Wade Barrett picks Ryder up and drills him with a series of knees to the head while holding him against the ropes, then backs off before charging at him with a vicious boot that would have knocked him right through the ropes, but Ryder half-falls out of the way at the last moment, and Barrett’s foot is hung up on the ropes. Ryder seizes the opening and kick Barrett’s remaining leg out from under him. Barrett gets up quickly and limps over into the corner to use the ropes for support, and Ryder launches himself at him and nails with with a big superman punch. Barrett falls into a sitting position, setting himself up for the Broski Boot, which Ryder obligingly nails him in the face with. Ryder then goes for the Rough Ryder, but Barrett catches him and hurls him into the turnbuckles behind him. Ryder, catches himself on the second and hits Barrett with a back heel kick to the face as the latter comes for him. Ryder then turns around and leaps off the second ropes at Barrett and WHAM! Barrett strikes him full in the face with the Bullhammer Elbow, knocking him out cold! Barrett then makes the cover and the 3-count is mandatory.

Rating: C+

After the match, Barrett doesn’t look satisfied, as he picks up the semi-conscious and helpless Ryder and drops him with the Wasteland before getting down on him and continuing to pummel away at him, ignoring the refree’s warning and frantic bell-ringing. Clearly, he wants to send a message to the Miz by making an example out of the Long Island Iced Z. Suddenly, John Cena’s music starts playing, and the Champ comes running out to the aid of his Long Island Broski. Barrett tries to meet him with a vicious swing, but Cena ducks the blow and comes back with a huge flying shoulder to knock him down. Barrett gets back up groggily, and stumbles back into Cena, who picks him up and gives him an AA over the ropes to the floor outside! Cena then helps Ryder to his feet as Barrett beats a hasty retreat to the back.

Angle: Cena rescues Ryder from Barrett. (Rating: B)

Match: Mark Henry defeated Kofi Kingston in 8:57 by pinfall with a World’s Strongest Slam.

Mark Henry still looks upset over the fact that he’s been booked in a rematch with Ryback at Extreme Rules, and seems to be distracted and unable to focus on the current match. Of course, the fact that at least half the crowd is now chanting “SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!” at Henry after watching that segment between him and Austin earlier only serves to distract him even more. Kofi, on the other hand, looks eager to compete despite being the clear underdog in this match agains the World’s Strongest Man. Henry starts with a half-hearted lunge, which Kofi easily avoids, and gets behind the big man with a waistlock. Henry grabs Kofi’s wrists around his waist and tries to break the hold by force, but for some reason seems to be having problems doing so. Finally, he changes strategy and backs into a corner instead, making Kofi break the hold by driving his hips and posterior back into Kofi’s gut. Henry then takes control of Kofi in the ring and hits him with some punches and headbutts, but again his offense seems half-hearted, as he keeps stopping to glance towards the entrance. This gives Kofi the opening to fight back with a flurry of punches that momentarily drives Henry back, but Henry knocks Kofi back into the corner again with a headbutt. Henry backs off and charges at Kofi for a corner avalanche, by runs into a pair of raised boots. Kofi pulls himself onto the second ropes and comes off with a huge flying uppercut that staggers the monster.

Seeing his success, Kofi continues to press his fast-paced attack, hitting Mark with a big jumping clothesline and a high dropkick, both of which stagger the monster further, followed by a low dropkick to the knee which finally brings the monster down to one knee. Not letting the opportunity slide, Kofi follows that with another low dropkick that hits Henry squarely in the face, finally knocking the World’s Strongest Man down to the mat. Kofi goes for a quick cover, and Henry powers out just before the count of 3, coming dangerously close to what would have been an upset loss. Henry slowly tries to pick himself up, but Kofi peppers him with a shower of kicks to the head, keeping the monster on his knees for several seconds with the sheer frenzy of his attack. Henry finally gets lucky and catches one of his legs in mid-kick, shoving him away. Kofi bounces off the ropes and comes back for another attack, but Henry floors him with a big clothesline, finally regaining control of the match. Henry puts Kofi in a modified backbreaker hold across his knees for a few minutes, but Kofi eventually battles out with some high kicks to the head. He tries to go back on the offense, but Henry puts him down again with a huge scoop slam. Looking to finish his opponent off, Henry launches himself off the ropes for a big splash on Kofi……and misses!

Kofi uses this moment of reprieve to recover a bit from the damage the World’s Strongest Man did to him. He pulls himself up in a corner and leans against the turnbuckles as Henry gets up groggily. Seeing his opponent in the corner, Henry charges forward to squash him, but eats a corner pendulum kick for his troubles. Kofi quickly scales the top rope and launches himself at Henry with a huge crossbody……but Henry catches him in mid-air. Glowering maliciously, Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Kofi somehow slips out and flips over Henry to land on his feet on the ring apron behind the World Strongest Man! Henry turns around to face Kofi, who hits him with a modified version of Trouble in Paradise from the ring apron! Henry stumbles back dizzily, givng Kofi the time to climb to the top rope and come off with a Super Superman Punch that takes him off his feet! The crowd is in a frenzy as Kofi poses and hits his signature Boom Drop on the World’s Strongest Man, and it seems like an upset is about to occur. Kofi signals for the Trouble in Paradise as the crowd chants along with his claps. As Henry staggers around, Kofi launches his high crescent kick……and is caught! Henry drops Kofi with the World’s Strongest Slam to finally pick up the win. Henry stands victorious, but looks exhausted, while the commentators talk about how close Kofi came to scoring an upset, and how Henry doesn’t seem to be ‘quite his usual aggressive self’ tonight.

(Mark Henry and Kofi Kingston just don't click at all, and it showed in their performances. That’s 5 bad chemistry issues in 6 shows, and two of them were in my Main Events. And so far the only good chemistry I’ve discovered are tag chemistry between a guy and a diva, and singles chemistry between a guy who wrestles once a year and a guy who’s popular and skilled enough to get 4* matches out of half the roster irregardless of chemistry. I swear someone ‘up there’ is trying to screw with me, dammit!)

Rating: B-

Even as Mark Henry is still standing in the ring recovering from his hard-fought match, the words “FEED ME MORE” blares from the speakers as the monster known as Ryback comes walking down the ramp. Henry looks freaked out and immediately rolls out of the ring to avoid his scheduled opponent at Extreme Rules. He tries circle around the ring to get to the back, but Ryback cuts him off, grinning maliciously. Henry backs away from him fearfully, shouting at Ryback to ask him what he wants. Ryback swings his arms and shouts “FEED ME MORE!” as he continues to advance on the World’s Strongest Man, who keeps backing away. Fortunately for Henry, after backing away from Ryback and edging around the ring at the same time, he finds himself on the side of the ring that actually leads to the entrance ramp, allowing him to quickly move up the ramps towards the entrance. Ryback stares after him, but fortunately seems to be in no real hurry to actually get his hands on Henry immediately. Instead, he picks up a mic and chants towards Henry:

“FEED…ME…MORE……FEED…ME…MORE……FEED…ME…CHOCOLATE!”

Henry shakes his head in bewilderment and disbelief as the crowd breaks into a mixture of “FEED ME MORE” and “SEXUAL CHOCOLATE” chants. Turning around, he once again runs for his life away from the crazed, hungry maniac known as Ryback in the ring.

Angle: Ryback is hungry for Sexual Chocolate. (Rating: B+)

Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger come out to the ring and Coulter has a mic in his hand. He says that since last night, there’s been a lot of rumours regarding the relationship between Ricardo Rodriguez and them. There are even some ignorant people suggesting that Coulter had somehow “brainwashed” Ricardo into believing he’s something that he really isn’t when he supposedly got “abducted” last week. Coulter says that those rumours couldn’t be any further from the truth, and so tonight, they’re going to reveal the truth about the man known to most people as Ricardo Rodriguez.

Zeb tells the fans that the only people doing any form of “brainwashing” are Alberto Del Rio and his family. For all his life, the man known as Ricardo had been fooled into believing that he’s a dirty Mexican by Alberto and his family. Well, he’s not, and his name is certainly not Rodriguez. Ladies and gentlemen, Zeb would like to introduce you all to Zeb Coulter’s long-lost brother, Richard Coulter!

Jack Swagger’s entrance theme starts playing in the arena once again, but this time, it’s the man formerly known as Ricardo Rodriguez who comes walking down the ramp to the ring to join his long-lost elder brother and the World Heavyweight Champion, wearing the “Real American” T-Shirt that he unveiled last night at WrestleMania. Zeb tells the world that Little Richard had been separated from his family at a very young age. He was too young to remember what actually happened, but most likely he was abducted and sold by one of those thieving Mexican slave traders that everybody knows about. Anyway, Richard wound up working for Alberto’s family, and being Mexicans, they naturally made him a slave. Even though he’s displayed more than twice the talent young Alberto Del Rio showed when they were training together as kids, Alberto’s legendary father and uncle were determined to make their precious protégé the star at his expense. In order prevent Ricard from outshining their protégé, they did everything they could to deprive Richard of any chance of in-ring exposure on the big stages. Even when Richard came back to his own homeland to work in the WWE with Alberto Del Rio, they made sure that Richard was used strictly as a cheap labourer who’s limited to glorifying Alberto by announcing his entrance and doing other menial chores like carrying his bag.

Zeb tells the fans that he and Swagger did not “abduct” Ricardo last week. All they did was to try to get Ricardo away from his abusive slave master in order to prove what they already suspected. While Richard was with them, and away from the influence of Alberto, they took the opportunity to gain his DNA sample for a simple test. And thus Richard Coulter for the first time in his life found out that he has a real family and where he truly belongs. From this point onwards, Richard is one of them, and he will finally find the warmth and caring that he had been denied of since childhood. Just like how America was liberated from slavery many years ago, Richard Coulter has now finally been liberated from his Mexican slave masters by his real family! From now on, just like them, he will help to spread the values of the Real Americans that so many Americans have forgotten about!

With tears in his eyes, Richard Coulter embraces his brother, then Swagger as well, before taking the mic from his brother, putting a hand over his chest, and proudly proclaims: “WEEEEEEEEEE, THE PEEEEEEEEOPLLLLEEEE!”

Alberto Del Rio’s music starts playing in the arena, and the former World Heavyweight Champion comes running out to the ring. He has no words for any of the Real Amercans, charges straight in for the attack. Zeb Coulter immediately leaves the ring, while Swagger tries to meet Alberto’s assault, but the sheer viciousness of the frenzied attack drives him back into the corner, where Alberto unloads on his with a barrage of kicks and stomps. The man now known as Richard Coulter jumps on Alberto from behind, trying to choke him out with a sleeper, but Alberto hurls him off and drills him with a superkick that knocks him out cold. This brief distraction allows Swagger to charge back to the attack, but Del Rio sidesteps it and hits him with a big enziguri that knocks him out of the ring! Alberto then looks down at his former ring announcer with hatred in his eyes, then grabs him by the arm and screams for Zeb and Swagger to come back in. Zeb and Jack want no part of him at the moment however, and start to retreat back up the ramp. Alberto then locks on the Cross-Armbreaker on Richard Coulter, who immediately taps out while he screams for his brother and Swagger to come to his aid, but Zeb clearly thinks there are things that are more important than the safety of his long-lost brother, and he and Swagger retreat to the back to find out just what those things are. After keeping the hold on for another minute or so, Alberto finally releases the hold and stands tall in the ring as his music plays in the arena.

Angles: Ricardo revealed as Richard Coulter, Zeb’s long-lost brother. (Rating: B)

Alberto attacks the Real Americans, who throw Richard to the wolf. (Rating: B)

----

And here's the end of the Monday Night RAW Hour 2 Report!

Still to come:

Sheamus vs the Big Show in our main event!

Daniel Bryan vs Fandango!

Will Scott Hall actually show up for his match tonight??

All that coming in the RAW Hour 3 Report!

Greylocke · August 20, 2013

Monday Night RAW: Hour 3 Report!

And now, here's the final hour of the Post-Mania edition of Monday Night RAW!

----

We return to the backstage area, where Kevin Nash is shown talking to someone on his cell phone, looking very upset.

“What do you mean you can’t make it? Look, I vouched for you, and so did Shawn! You’re making both of us look bad, you know that? Hey, a simple apology isn’t going to work here! We’re counting on you! You gotta show up tonight, just this once, alright? Scottie, are you there? Scottie? SCOTTIE!”

It looks like whomever that’s on the other side of the line just hung up. Kevin Nash looks disgusted. He turns around and kicks a pile of crates lined against the walls to vent his frustration……then falls over with a scream of pain as he holds his knees. Several staff members rush into the scene to check on him, some calling for the doctors. As they do their best to help him up and assist him to the sick bay, Nash screams out loud that he’s torn his quads.

(This segment lifted the crowd. Of course, why would they not cheer for a man tearing his quads? These are the same sick fans that cheered to see Austin beating up women!)

Angles: Scott Hall doesn’t show up for his match (VINTAGE HALL! – Rating: B+), and Kevin Nash tears his quads……again. (VINTAGE NASH! – Rating: B+)

Back in the ring, Lilian Garcia is announcing the next match when she’s interrupted by a beaming Scott Stanford, who tells Lilian proudly that he’s honoured to have been personally hired by one of the competitors in the next upcoming match to introduce his entrance. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome FAAAAAAAANDAAAAAAANGOOOOOO!

(OOC: “Scott Stanford performed poorly in this segment.” Even TEW recognizes the fact that Standford isn’t skilled enough to pronounce FAAAAAAAHHHHN-DAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHN-GOOOOOOOOOO properly.)

Angle: Scott Stanford hired by Fandango to introduce him for his entrance. (Rating: C)

Match: Daniel Bryan defeated Fandango in 8:32 by submission with a No Lock.

As Fandango is making his usual extended entrance to the ring, the announcer briefly go through how this match came into place. We are shown a short clip of Fandango losing his official debut match at WrestleMania last night in humiliating fashion, pinned by Chris Jericho almost immediately after the bell sounded. Fandango took out his frustration on Justin Roberts by choking him out.

As Daniel Bryan makes his entrance, we are then shown a short interview clip where Daniel is asking someone off-screen whether Fandango is going to be fired for his action.

“What? You mean he’s not going to be fired? Hey, I got fired for doing the exact same thing and he’s going to get away with just a fine……wait WHAT?! You mean he’s not even going to get fined? Not even a warning? How can he not get punished? THAT’S NOT FAIR! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!......”

The camera cuts back to the ring, where Daniel is watching the screen and shaking his head at the injustice. Fandango looks smug, and Bryan looks eager to wipe that smile off his face, and the referee is only barely managing to hold him back long enough for him to officially start the match by ringing the bell. He signals for the bell as soon as the music stops, but Fandango calls for a pause. He turns to Scott Stanford, who’s standing in his corner, that he saw a lot of potential in his new ring announcer, but so far he hasn’t seen it been delivered when Scott introduced his entrance. How many times have they gone through and rehearsed this backstage? Scott needs to get his name right to earn his keep, and this is the last time he’s going to remind Scott: It’s FAAAAAAHHHHHN……DAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH……

……and Daniel Bryan spins Fandango around and floors him with a big roundhouse kick to the head! Fandango goes down like a sack of bricks and Bryan makes the cover. Are we about to see a repeat of what happened at WrestleMania? Almost, but not quite, as Fandango manages to get a foot up on the bottom rope just half a second before the 3-count! Fandango groggily drags himself back up to his knees, but Bryan isn’t about let him off lightly, as he drills the dancer with a barrage of kicks to the chest, each one accompanied by a scream of “NO!” that’s loudly echoes by the fans. Daniel tries to end the combo with another devastating kick to the skull, but this time Fanango ducks the kick and rolls out of the ring. He stumbles over to the end of the ramp, where Scott Stanford rushes over to check on him. He fusses over Fandango for a couple of seconds, but then runs away with a scream of terror as Bryan launches himself off the ring apron to connect with a flying knee to Fandango’s face. Daniel pummels Fandango with more kicks outside the ring before rolling his opponent back into the ring. As he tries to get back into the nring himself, however, Fandango uses the ropes and catches Bryan full in the face with a rope-assisted enziguri kick that sends Bryan flying off the apron and crashing down to the metal ramp! This finally gives Fandango the opportunity to recover from the barrage of assault he received from the start of the match. The fall on the ramp has taken a lot out of Bryan, as he’s still down and out when Fandango’s back on his feet. The referee nearly counts Bryan out, but Fandango rolls out of the ring and brings Daniel back in to continue the punishment. With his new personal ring announcer cheering him on, Fandango controls the match while still doing everything he can to showcase his dancing skills, at one point doing a little hip-swivelling and jigs while he locks on a modified armbar. The turning point comes when the over-confident Fandango tries to perform a little dance standing on Bryan’s stomach while the latter appears to be out cold, when Daniel flips over, drops Fandango on his face, and seizes a single leg half-crab. Screaming in pain, Fandango struggles his way to the ropes, where Scott Stanford pushes the ropes in to help his new employed get a relatively easier rope-break. Bryan releases the half-crab, but still maintains a hold on Fandango’s foot as he drags him to the centre of the ring to torture him further with a surfboard. Scott Stanford gets on the ring apron to argue with the referee, causing enough of a distraction for Bryan to break his hold and try to get rid of him. Fandango tries to take advantage of this, but Bryan sidesteps his lunge and causes him to crash into the turnbuckles. Bryan peppers Fandango with kicks in the corner, then goes for an irish whip, which Fandango reverses. Bryan does his step-up backflip over the corner before catching Fandango with a big rebound clothesline. Fandango dazedly pulls himself up in the corner, setting himself up for not one, but TWO consecutive running dropkicks in the corner from Bryan, the second of which took him down long enough for Bryan to get a 2-count. Bryan then goes up to the top rope to deliver the flying headbutt, but Fandango moves out of the way at the last second, causing Bryan to come crashing down hard on his own face. With Bryan seemingly knocked out by his own missed maneuver, Fandango climbs to the top rope as well despite seeming to be on spaghetti legs for a few moments. He launches his flying legdrop off the top rope, but Bryan moves out of the way as well, leaving Fandango to crash and burn. Bryan then rolls the stunned Fandango over and snags him in the No Lock to make the dancer tap out for the submission win!

Rating: B+

After the match, Scott Stanford quickly gets into the ring to help his fallen employee. Partially leaning on his personal ring announcer for support, Fandango manages to get back to his feet……and then grabs his ring announcer and plants him with a swinging reversed STO! With his new employee laid out in the ring, Fandango climbs to the top rope again and comes off with a huge flying ledgdrop, which he does not miss this time, crushing poor Scott Stanford’s throat. After that, Fandango leaves the ring and grabs a microphone before returning to the ring to stand over his fallen ring announcer, and tells him:

“It’s FAAAAAAAHHHHHN……DAAAAAAAAHHHHHN……GOOOOOOOOOO!”

(Fandango is now my official solution to crappy/ useless ring announcers and commentators who aren’t good enough to add anything to my shows but still expect to be used on TV. It gives them a storyline reason to be effectively written off TV before I turn them one by one into backstage staff.)

Angle: Fandango takes out another announcer for mispronouncing his name! (Rating: B-)

Another commercial break later, the Shield makes its way out to the ring for their scheduled match against the Clique……except that, as we learnt earlier, neither Kevin Nash nor Scott Hall will be available for the upcoming match. As a result, Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns are understandably looking smug as they call for a mic. Ambrose says that they were going to come out and talk about the all the injustice that Triple H and his buddies had been responsible for, but c’mon noew, do they really need to go into details about the Clique’s long history of backstabbing and politicking to get to the top and keeping everyone else down in order to protect their own spots? For those of you who really want the details, go talk to Bret Hart, and he’ll probably be more than happy to spend over 12 hours boring you to sleep talking about what exactly happened in Montreal 15 years ago. And that only barely scratched the surface of all the despicable things that the Clique has done. The fact that we’re now in the year 2013 and Triple H and Shawn still thought they could rely on Nash and Hall to watch their backs is a testament to how the Clique has still, till this day, refused to ackonowledged the fact that they should have stepped down and let the next generation take over years ago. Instead, they’re still trying to take up TV time with a drunkard, a man with like 30 surgeries done on his knees, a man who retired 3 years ago, and a man who is the COO of this company but still insists on hogging the spotlight instead of staying in his posh office where he belongs. Ambrose tells Triple H that he should take a good look at his ‘partners’, Hall and Nash, because they should serve as a warning as to where he’s going to end up if he still doesn’t know when to quit: in the gutter, or in a hospital bed. The Clique’s time is long past, and right now, the Shield is the dominant force in the WWE. Tonight, on behalf of each an every Superstar in the past 2 decades who’d had their careers ruined or jeopardized at the hands of the members of the Clique, the Shield will serve out justice. Believe in the Shield!

Triple H’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ramp. The announcers note that Shawn Michaels had gone with Nash to the hospital at HHH’s insistence, so it appears that the COO is on his own against the Hounds of Justice. Triple H has a mic in his hands and he tells the Shield that he can see they’re confident about the current situation because, big surprise, Big Kev and Scott aren’t here to compete right now. And they should be, because everyone knows that no one person can stand against the Shield. Everyone who tried so far failed. So it appears that Triple H would be heading into suicide if he decides to go on into this match without his friends by his side. Fortunately for him, over the past 20 years, he’s made a lot of friends, and quite frankly even before Big Kev had his accident, he’d taken the precaution of calling in a couple more of those friends. So right now, he has this to say: “Are you ready?”

“OHHH, YOU DIDN’T KNOW?”

The older members of the crowd go crazy as ‘Road Dogg’ Brian James and ‘Bad Ass’ Billy Gunn show up on the ramp to join their former DX team leader and as one, the reunited Degeneration X make their way to the ring as the Shield look on in visible anger now that the odds are seemingly even.

Angles: The Shield talks about the Clique and the injustice they’ve perpetuated. (Rating: A)

The New Age Outlaws show up as HHH’s surprise partners. (Rating: C+)

Match: Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins defeated Triple H, Road Dogg and Billy Gunn in 12:40 when Roman Reigns defeated Billy Gunn by pinfall with a Spear.

HHH and Rollins start off the match, and Rollins tries to use his quickness to outmaneuver the Game, but the wily veteran catches him off the ropes with a big side elbow to knock him down. The Game powers Rollins into the corner and pummels him down with rights and lefts until Rollins scurries out of the ring for safety. He gets back in again quickly, and makes the tag to the biggest Shield member, Roman Reigns. Reigns enters the ring and tries to use raw power to run over the Game, but Triple H sidesteps him and sends him crashing into his corner. He works on Reigns a bit in the corner before the referee tells him to get out of the corner. Triple H backs away obligingly, but keeps the referee distracted at the same time so that the New Age Outlaws can get in some shots on the helpless Reigns behind the referee’s back. Ambrose and Rollins complain about this, which gets the referee’s attention, but that only serves to let DX add more punishment to Reigns while the referee is busy arguing with them. HHH makes the tag to Billy Gunn, who tries to maintain control of the match, but Reigns powers out and drives Gunn into a neutral corner before taking the opportunity to make the tag. Ambrose comes in and charges Gunn, but runs into a raised boot. Gunn tags in Road Dogg, and the two do their trademark pose before flooring Ambrose with a double-punch. Rollins runs in to the aid of his teammate, but the NAO catch him with a double-team hiptoss that drops him right on top of his own teammate Ambrose. Reigns comes charging in, but the veteran tag team use his own momentum to throw him straight into HHH’s raised boot in the corner. With all 3 members of the Shield dazed, all 3 DX members get in the ring and take them all out of the ring with simultaneous clotheslines to a thunderous pop from the crowd.

The Shield hurriedly regroup on the outside while the referee calls for order. Finally, Rollins gets back into the ring while Triple H and Billy exit the ring to let the tag match continue. Rollins falls prey to a few more double-team maneuvers from the NAO to highlight why they were once considered one of the greatest tag teams of all times, and for once it’s actually a Sheid member that falls prey to the numbers games, as Road Dogg and Billy Gunn use quick tags to isolate Rollins in the ring. Rollins finally finds his opening when Road Dogg hits him with with 3 consecutive jab punches, then pauses to do a little jig before going for his trademark Shake, Rattle & Roll, but this brief opening is all Rollins needs as he nails the Dogg in the head with a leaping enziguri kick to the head. As Road Dogg goes down, Rollins wastes no time dragging his opponent into his own corner, where the Shield takes over like they usually do. Taking turns to methodically beat down the Road Dogg, the Shield start showing off their own double-and-triple-team moves, as if trying to make a statement that they are now the greatest tag team in the WWE, not the NAO. Road Dogg does his best to withstand the onslaught for several minutes before getting a second wind. He starts to fight back in the Shield’s corner, striking out at all 3 opponents with consecutive right hands, but Reigns grabs him and holds him still as he calls for a running dropkick across the ring from Ambrose. Road Dogg battles out at the last moment, half-falling to one side so that Ambrose nails Reigns by mistake. He uses the opportunity to crawl for his own corner, but Rollins beats him to it as he dashes across the ring and dropkicks Billy Gunn off the ring apron. He laughs tauntingly at HHH, who tries to get into the ring, but is stopped by the referee. Unfortunately for Rollins, he turned his back on Road Dogg just a moment too long, and the Outlaw catches him with an atomic drop followed by an inverted DDT! Road Dogg makes the hot tag to HHH as Rollins quickly makes the tag to Reigns. The Game is on fire as he meets Reigns in the centre of the ring, trading blow for blow until he drives Reigns back with the sheer ferocity of his attack. He goes for an irish whip, which Reigns reverses, only for him to come back with his trademark facebusters that leaves Reigns reeling. HHH follows up with a high knee that sends Reigns spinning 270 degerees in a daze, then follows that with a massive clothesline that knocks him clean off his feet. Ambrose gets into the ring, but the Game just grabs him and flings him right over the ropes out of the ring again. Rollins comes in as well, and walks straight into a Double-A spinebuster. HHH raises his arms in a pose of triumph as he signals for the Pedigree!

Reigns struggles back up groggily, and promptly takes a kick to the gut as the Game goes for his patented finishing maneuver, but Reigns counters by bullrushing the Game into the corner and ramming him against the turnbuckles! Reigns backs away and comes charging back in for a devastating spear but HHH sidesteps it at the last moment and sends him shoulder-first into the turnbuckles. As Reigns staggers back from the collision, the Cerebral Assassin plants him with a huge DDT, but Ambrose comes back in breaks up the 3-count just in time! Billy Gunn comes charging in and takes both Ambrose and himself out of the ring with a huge clothesline. Triple H gets back up just in time to see Rollins on the top rope. Rollins leaps off the ropes right into a big kick to the midsection by Triple H, who grabs him for the Pedigree when……SUPERMAN PUNCH! Reigns smashes HHH across the face to break up the deadly finishing maneuver. Triple H staggers back against the ropes, which gives Rollins the opening to hit a reversed STO that drives his face hard into the turnbuckles in his own corner!

Road Dogg gets back into the ring, and Rollins charges at him, but the veteran drops down and pulls down the ropes so that Rollins goes flying over his head and crashing down to the floor outside! Road Dogg gets back up and promptly turns right into a huge Samoan Drop from Reigns that seems to have knocked him out cold. As Reigns kicks the Dogg out of the ring, Billy Gunn gets back to his corner and sees the Game lying stunned against the turnbuckles, and the Ass Man quickly tags himself in. Reigns turns around and eats a kick to the gut and a jackhammer, before Gunn bounces off the ropes to go for the Fam-Asser. Reigns dodges the attempt at the last moment however, shoving Gunn towards his own corner towards a waiting Ambrose. Gunn beats Ambrose to the punch and knocks him off the ring apron with a big knee, but as he turns around he’s nearly broken in half by a huge SPEAR from Reigns. Triple H is seen trying to get back into the ring as Reigns makes the pin, but Rollins grabs his legs from outside to hold him back just long enough for his partner to get the 3-count. The Shield has defeated the legendary DX!

Rating: A

It is now time for the Main Event, and the Big Show makes his way out to the ring. He gets on the mic and says that people have been asking him all day why he’d turned on his own team at WrestleMania. He says that the answer was obvious: Randy Orton refused to follow his lead, even though he knew very well that the Big Show was the most important member of that team. The Big Show was not just the largest man on that team, he’s the largest athlete on the planet. He’s the only man on the team to have knocked out a Shield member, the only man in the world to have held the WWE, WCW and ECW World Title, and currently the only man who has an iron-clad contract in the WWE. He can do anything he wants, yet the little punk Randy Orton had the audacity to try to give him orders at WrestleMania. Randy must have been an idiot to think he’d stand for that. Big Show says that getting into this so-called ‘team’ was a mistake in the first place. The Big Show doesn’t need a team, he’s an army all by himself, and anyone who challenges that claim can argue with this fist (he raises his closed fist at this).

Sheamus music hits and the Celtic Warrior makes his way out. He, too, has a microphone in his hand. And he starts to tell one of his famous stories about his Irish home and family.

“Ye know, fella, back in Ireland, me uncle had this farm that was built not far from the woods. And living in those woods there once lived this big ugly ole grizzly. It was the biggest beast living in those grounds, and it had a paw so big and strong that it could behead a man with one swipe of its claws. So it ran around doing whatever it loiked, bullying animals smaller than itself, and smashing any that tried to stand up to it.

“Then one day it broke into me uncle’s farm and terrorized the herds, just because it could. That is, until it ran into me uncle’s Great White Bull, and the Bull shoved its horn right up the ole grizzly’s ARSE.”

“……you have a point, ginger?” The Big Show demands.

“Oh, you want a point, fella? Well, here’s a point, right here on the tip of me boot. And just like the Great White Bull did to the grizzly, I’m gonna shove this point right up YOUR ARSE!”

Sheamus then drops the mic and charges straight into the ring, and the match begins!

Angle: Sheamus tells story about his uncle’s farm, a Great White Bull, a grizzly bear, and its ARSE. (Rating: A*)

Match: Sheamus drew with The Big Show in 10:50 following a double count out.

The fight breaks out even before the bell has sounded, as Sheamus lays into the Big Show with a flurry of heavy blows, driving the giant back. The Big Show tries to get a few shots of his own in, but Sheamus dodges most of them while scoring most of his own. As Show staggers back towards the corner, Sheamus drives him hard into it with a charging shoulder-thrust, followed by a big running knee lift. Sheamus then literally hurls his entire body at Show, crashing into him and sending the both of them toppling through the ropes to the floor outside.

Big Show still looks dazed as he picks himself outside, but Sheamus is ready and waiting as he positions himself on the ring apron before leaping off like a huge battering ram that once again knocks the giant off his feet. The Celtic Warrior doesn’t let up as he grabs the Big Show by the head and proceeds to slam it into every available hard surface withing reach. After a couple minutes of the onslaught, the Big Show summons up the strength to push Sheamus away with a huge shove that sends the Celtic Warrior crashing spine-first into the steel steps, finally buying himself some time. Taking advantage of his hurting opponent, Show drives Sheamus spine-first into the steel steps again, then into the ring apron, before rolling him back into the ring. Big Show gets on the ring apron as he prepares to step back into the ring, Sheamus struggles back up and rushes over to hang his head hard over the ropes. Sheamus then turns Big Show around on the apron with some effort and proceeds to light up his chest with loud, clobbering blows. After the 6th blow, the Big Show swings his head back and headbutts Sheamus right in the nose to break free. Sheamus staggers away, but shakes off the headbutt quickly. He rushes back to the attack, but gets stunned by another giant headbutt, this one to the front of the forehead. As Sheamus falls back, the camera closes in to show that his nose has been busted by the first headbutt. We’re barely 4 minutes into the match and already blood has been shed, and the crowd roars in approval.

The Big Show steps back into the ring and takes control of his opponent. He proceeds to avenge the clobbering blows to his chest earlier by lighting up Sheamus’ chests with a series of open-handed chops that leave a giant red palm-print on the chest of the Celtic Warrior. The Big Show backs away from the corner and charges in for an avalanche splash, but Sheamus catches him in the face with a pair of raised booths. Sheamus then shows off his tremendous arm strength as well as agility as he swings himself backwards onto the top turnbuckle. He leaps off at the giant, but Big Show catches him with a wince-inducing slap to the chest! Sneering in contempt, Big Show steps on Sheamus chest and puts his full weight on it for a second, as if trying to add a shoe-print to complement the palm-print, then steps over the corner and starts to climb to the second ropes for a modified Vader bomb, but Sheamus gets back up and positions himself under the Big Show before, in an amazing display of strength, heaves Show into a sitting position onto his own shoulders for a moment before dropping him with a giant electric chair drop! Both men seem to be out for several seconds, but both manage to beat the referee’s 10-count and make it up to their feet. Sheamus seems all fired up once more as he throws another flurry of heavy blows at the Big Show while ducking a few clumsy swings from the giant at the same time. He comes charging off the ropes with a huge flying shoulder-block that finally knocks the Big Show off his feet. The Big Show crawls over to the apron outside the ropes, which he uses to pull himself up, but in the process places himself in position once again for Sheamus to tie him up in the ropes and delivering another 10 clobbering blows to his chest. The Big Show slips off the apron after the barrage, and staggers over to the announce table. Sheamus gets out onto the apron and goes for another battering ram, but Big Show catches in head-on into a Bear Hug! Keeping his opponent locked tight, the Big Show rams Sheamus spine-first into the ring post. He turns around and tries to ram him into the announcers’ table as well, but Sheamus battles free with blows to the head before hit the Big Show with a giant DDT on the floor!

The crowd is fired up as Sheamus gets back up, rolling briefly under the ropes just to break the referee’s count before getting back out again, beating his own chest to signal for the Brogue Kick! As the Big Show slowly turns around, Sheamus launches the kick……and misses! Sheamus barely stops his own momentum and turns around right into a giant hand that seizes him by the throat! The Big Show goes for a chokeslam through the announce table……but Sheamus slips out behind him! The Big Show turns around quickly, but not quick enough to stop Sheamus from throwing his entire body at the giant once again, this time sending both men sprawling over the announce table and causing JR, King and Michael Cole to scurry away from their seats to avoid collision. The announce table itself tips over under the weight, hurling both men onto the floor, and while they’re both recovering, the referee finally reaches the 10th count, and rules the match to a double count-out.

Rating: A*

Sheamus and Big Show don’t seem to realize that the match has ended as they continue to brawl with each other after the bell has sounded. Perhaps they just don’t care. The referee can do little to stop it as the chaotic fight spills all around the ringside area, with neither man seeming willing to quit. Finally, the Big Show picks up Sheamus and slams him into the security wall, which shakes under the impact. As Sheamus is recovering from this, the Big Show backs away, and it looks like he’s sizing his opponent up for a Spear through the barricade, when suddenly Randy Orton comes running out ringside to attack the giant. The Viper lays into the giant with a flurry of rights and lefts before slamming his head into the ring post. Meanwhile, Sheamus has picked himself back up, and spots the giant leaning dazed against the ring post. Quickly, he launches a Brogue Kick straight at the World’s Largest Athlete……but the Big Show gets out of the way at the last moment, and Sheamus inadvertently nails Orton (who’s standing behind the Big Show) right in the head with his deadly finisher! Orton goes like a sack of bricks, and the Big Show takes the opportunity to head quickly up the ramp away from ringside, looking back with a smug smile on his face. Meanwhile, Sheamus gets down to check on Orton, looking concerned, while doctors and trainers rush down to the ring as well to provide medical assistance, as RAW goes off the air.

Angle: Sheamus Brogue-Kicks Orton by accident. (Rating: A*)

Ovr Rating: A (This show can be considered success and should have increased our popularity. Steve Austin was used too much).

(OOC: My only regret is not putting the Cena squash match as my semi-main event instead of the 6-man tag match. That would likely have gotten me an A* show. It seems that, contrary to popular belief amongst most internet fans, the live crowd would much rather see a boring, predictable Cena squash match than a competitive match involving fresh, young and competent talents like the Shield.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering about the new Spinner belt, it won’t be debuted this week. Championship belts take time to be made, especially an artistic piece of work like the proposed multi-coloured, Fuity Pebbles-encrusted rainbow spinner.)

Russelrules44 · August 21, 2013

Amazing as usual Greylocke. 10/10.

Greylocke · August 24, 2013

“So what do you think, Mr McMahon? I think that came off pretty well.” I asked, my eyes still fixed on the monitor screen where Randy Orton is shown being ‘assisted’ to the back by trainers. “I like it.” Vince agreed. “Putting him with 3MB is a stroke of genius, I have to say. Did you tell him about it before the contract was signed?” “Sort of,” I reply, “I told him his very first storyline will involve him trying to join a major 3-Man stable of young upcoming stars that will be featured in major angles on our main TV shows every week.” “Somehow, I don’t think 3MB was the stable he thought you were referring to.” Vince said with a chuckle. “Maybe not,” I acknowledged, “but every word I told him was true. I can’t help what he thinks.” We look each other in the eye, and finally burst into laughter simultaneously. It was a while before either of us recovered sufficiently from the laughing fit to continue the conversation. “Like I said, I like what you’ve done with him on this show,” says Vince, still laughing, “but when did I say you needed to get him signed?” Despite his apparent display of mirth, something in his tone caused me to stop laughing immediately. “You said to get him signed before WrestleMania.” “Exactly,” Vince stuck his grinning face so eerily close that I flinched involuntarily, “and you failed.” “We……uh……there were some disagreements about the amount of money……” “No, stop, I don’t want the excuses, only the results. Besides, I did tell you I didn’t care how much money you spent, didn’t I.” “Yes, sir.” I said in a small voice. “Well then,” Vince said happily, “what are we going to do about that?” “Uh……you’re going to fire Russo, just like you did onscreen?” I asked resignedly. That made him pause. “You know, that idea sounds strangely appealing. Firing Russo, the man in charge onscreen, and then firing Russo, the man writing the shows offscreen, on the same night……that’s, strangely, appealingly symbolic.” He stares off into space as he considers the idea. I wasb already getting ready to go pack my bags when the chairman continues, “However, I’m not going to fire you. Not tonight, at least. Maybe when I do, I’ll bring Vince Russo back onscreen for that night just to fire him again as well. But for now, let’s just say that……you got 2 more strikes left.” I let my breath out in relief. “Thank you, Mr McMahon. I promise you that I won’t fail you again……” “Like I said, I care about the results, not the speeches or promises.” Vince told me. “Let’s just get one thing straight. I’m giving you full authority over everyone else, even members of my own family, on the running of this show. But when I demand something, you do it, without fail. Get it?” “Yes, Mr McMahon.” “Good,” he said with a nod of satisfaction. “now, let’s talking about your next ‘goal’ in the future booking plans. Mostly, I don’t have a problem with what you’ve already done. But there’s been an idea that’s been inside my head for years, one that no one else has had the guts to see it carry out. You remember the internet rumours when my daughter Stephanie was pregnant?” Stephanie McMahon Levesque is the mother of 2 kids, born in different years, but I had a good idea which timeframe Vince was referring to. “Are you referring to the rumours that you wanted to use the pregnancy as a storyling on your shows and that……um……that either you or your son Shane was the……uh……father of the child?” “That’s the one!” Vince exclaimed happily. “That was a brilliant idea, wasn’t it? That’s why you remember it so well!” “So, you’re saying that those ‘rumours’ were, in fact, completely true?” “Of course! Who else could have come up with them? Those smarks on the internet? They don’t have the brains for that! Too bad Stephanie was vehemently against it, and so was Shane. So I tried to make a compromise by transferring the idea of the brother-sister incest angle to a Superstar and a Diva on my roster……2 British, I think……can’t quite remember their names……” “The Burchills, Paul and Katie Lea?” I offered. “That might be them.” Mr McMahon acknowledged. “But my point is, those 2 aren’t even really related, and still my gutless creative team didn’t have the balls to pull that off. Now, I want you to finally bring that idea to fruition.” “Uh……the father-daughter incest, or the brother-sister one?” I asked nervously. “Either one, preferably both if you can manage. Hell, you can do an incest storyline between father and son, or grandmother and grandson, for all I care! I just want you to come up with an incest storyline and get it onscreen within the next month! Is that clear?” “Crystal.” I replied, even as my heart sinks to the bottom of my chest. “Good! Like I said, I don’t care what kind of incest, or which Superstars or divas are involved. You’re more than welcome to write yourself into the shows and bring your own mother or sister into it if you prefer. Just remember: you got 2 strikes left, and failing this will mean another……” I watched the chairman leave the office and lean back into my chair with my head throbbing. I began to wonder how long I can do this job before I turn as mad as the boss himself…… ---- WWE Headlines: <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Jim Ross signed to 10-year contract! After being brought back for what many believed to be a one-off special appearance by the Chairman of the Board, Mr McMahon, at WrestleMania as a special gift to the fans, JR once again made his appearance on the announcers’ booth the following night on RAW! Approaching the Hall of Famer to enquire about his status in the WWE after the show went off the air, we were told that he had been brought back by his best friend, fellow HOFer, and Special Guest GM of the Week, Stone Cold Steve Austin. In fact, the GM’s very first act as the acting authority figure was to sign his good friend to an ironclad 10-year contract, with an added clause that he will be calling every RAW, Smackdown, and Pay-per-view as long as he’s physically able to within the next 10 years! GM Austin himself confirmed this news later in the night. When asked if JR will also be calling Superstars and Main Event, the GM responded with a loud “WHAT?”, implying that he had no idea that either of these shows existed. When made aware about the existence of these shows, the GM decided that his old friend and most loyal fan will not be calling either of them because “nobody watches them anyway”. Tag Team rivalry continues on Superstars! At WrestleMania, the team of Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston made a spirited, but failed attempt at capturing the WWE Tag Team Titles when Dolph Ziggler was pinned by the Big Red Monster, Kane. Now, the Show-off and Mr Money-in-the-Bank looks to gain some measure of revenge as he goes one-on-one with Kane this week on Superstars! Will the Show-off regain his momentum, and perhaps convince the WWE authorities that his team deserves another shot at the titles? Or will Kane rid Team Hell No of their formidable challengers once and for all? Will the presence of AJ Lee and Big Langstone at ringside come into play? Tune in to Superstars and find out! Fandango’s hunt for personal ring announcer continues! Having been disappointed by the performance of Scott Stanford on RAW, the man with the most difficult name to pronounce has vowed that he will never rest until he finds a personal ring announcer that can get his name right, even going as far as declaring that “the day I find such an announcer will be the day I break my losing streak and become unstoppable”. Will he find such an announcer when he faces the monster Ryback this week on Superstars?</div></blockquote> Superstars Predictions: Kane vs Dolph Ziggler Fandango vs Ryback Who will Fandango hire as his personal ring announcer for his match against Ryback? There will be a Superstar showing up for guest commentary on Superstars! Who will he be? (Hint: this Superstar has been on the active roster recently, but was not featured on this week’s RAW) WWE Extreme Rules card (no predictions yet, card will be added to over the weeks): Mark Henry vs Ryback

Russelrules44 · August 25, 2013

Kane vs Dolph Ziggler

Fandango vs Ryback

Who will Fandango hire as his personal ring announcer for his match against Ryback?

I believe only man can say Fandango's name..............MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.......................KENNEDY!!!!!!!!!!!!

There will be a Superstar showing up for guest commentary on Superstars! Who will he be? (Hint: this Superstar has been on the active roster recently, but was not featured on this week’s RAW)

Heath Slater?.......C'mon, It's all I got left.

Greylocke · August 27, 2013

There will be a Superstar showing up for guest commentary on Superstars! Who will he be? (Hint: this Superstar has been on the active roster recently, but was not featured on this week’s RAW)
Scott Hall?

Scott Hall isn't really under contract. Which is why he never showed up.

And when I said "been on the active roster recently" I don't necessarily mean he was signed recently, just that he's appeared on recent shows (meaning last week), but wasn't on RAW this week.

Greylocke · September 4, 2013

WWE Superstars!

(OOC: I've switched the shows taping days as I didn't like running 2 consecutive shows on the same night, so from now on Superstars will be taped on Tuesdays.)

----

WWE Superstars, taped in front of 22020 people, in the Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.!

“BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!”

The crowd erupts as the Ayatollah of Rock & Rollah makes his way down to the ring while Josh Matthews welcomes the fans to this episode of Superstars. Slapping hands with the fans as he walks down the ramp, Y2J heads straight to the announce table to take the empty seat beside Josh. Matt Striker, Josh’s usual partner, is nowhere to be seen, and Josh explains to everyone that Jericho is here for two reasons: first, because Matt Striker is occupied in a different duty for tonight, and as a result Josh needs a partner; and second, because Jericho has a history with one of the 2 Superstars competing in the next upcoming match tonight. He’s referring, of course, to Fandango, the man who made his WrestleMania debut against Jericho just 2 nights ago, and who will be facing off against the monster Ryback in a few moments. Josh tells Jericho that he’s heard that Fandango intends to challenge Jericho to a rematch when he finds a ring announcer that can properly pronounce his name. Jericho scoffs at this saying that he doesn’t believe that Fandango ever intends to really find his ideal announcer, just so that he can continue to blame all his failures on the announcers. But if he does find one, Jericho will be more than happy to grant him that rematch. Josh and Jericho then move on to talk about the match that will be coming up next, and Jericho says that he has a feeling that Fandango will be disappointed in his choice of ring announcer again. Welcome to SUPERSTARS IS JERICHO!

Angles: Jericho shows up as guest commentator. (Rating: A*)

Jericho and Matthews talk about upcoming Ryback vs Fandango match. (Rating: B)

Fandango’s music hit and out comes……Matt Striker??? And we now find out what ‘duty’ Matt Striker is occupied in tonight: as Fandango’s latest Special Ring Announcer! Coming out dressed smartly in a tuxedo like Ricardo Ridriguez used to, Striker proudly introduces his new employer, FAAAAAAAAAHNDANGO!

(This segment suffered as it came across as a let-down after the previous segment. Matt Striker, still the ratings killer. This makes me feel justified in what’s about to happen after the match. JBL will be so happy.)

Angle: Matt Strike introduces Fandango’s entrance as ring announcer. (Rating: C)

Match: Ryback defeated Fandango in 8:50 by count out.

Fandango makes his way down to the ring with his usual extended dance routine, exchanging a glare with Jericho over at the announce table as he enters the ring, but as soon as he’s in the ring, he calls for a microphone. He tells Striker sternly that he’s disappointed in him. He had thought that, being a former teacher and a thoroughly educated man, he’d be different from the rest, but it looks like he’s no different from all the other incompetent announcers who butchered his name with their inaptitude. He’s going to give Striker one more chance to get his name right before the match begins, and he needs to remember to “breathe the As”. It’s FAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHN……DAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH……

“FEED ME MORE!”

The dancer is interrupted as the monster known as Ryback makes his way into the arena. Despite his heel turn on RAW last night, Ryback gets a decent pop from the crowd just for interrupting Fandango. Fandango looks annoyed, and as Ryback steps into the ring, ready to begin the match, the dancer signals for the referee to wait before he can ring the bell. He tells Ryback that he knows the monster lacks the mental capacity to comprehend what was happening in the ring, so he’s going to let the interruption pass, but he needs to talk to his announcer about getting his name right before he competes, so if he doesn’t mind please step aside and let him finish passing his instructions to his ring announcer. Fandango turns back to Striker and tells him that as he was saying before he got rudely interrupted, it’s FAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHN……DAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH……

Fandango is once again interrupted as Ryback grabs him by the wrist and pulls the mic over to his own mouth. Looking suddenly afraid for the first time, Fandango tries to shake free, but is unable to break the monster’s grasp. Staring the dancer in the face, Ryback speaks through the mic that’s still held in Fandango’s hand:

“I don’t care what you call yourself. To me, you’re just FOOOOD!”

And with that he floors Fandango with a huge short-armed clothesline that nearly knocks the dancer out of his dancing shoes. The referee immediately signals for the bell to officially start the match as Ryback stoops and lifts Fandango up by the ears before hurling him into the nearest corner at full force, then follows up with a big clothesline line that flattens the dancer against the turnbuckles. The monster then whips Fandango hard into the opposite corner and charges in for another clothesline, but the dancer catches him with a pair of raised boots to the face. As the monster stumbles away, Fandango climbs quickly to the top turnbuckles for an aerial attack, but Ryback shakes off the blow quicker than he’d expected, and the beast simply walks back to the corner and military-presses Fandango right off the top turnbuckles. Walking around the ring a few times with the helpless dancer pressed high over his head, the monster stops in the centre of the ring, presses Fandango up and down a couple of time to show off his amazing strength, and then just drops the dancer hard on the mat behind him.

Fandango rolls quickly out of the ring to regroup, and Matt Striker hurries over to check on his employer. The dancer manages to get back up as the refree stops Ryback from leaving the ring to go after his opponent. Taking advantage of this, Fandango stalls a bit on the outside, making the monster impatient, before getting back up on the ring apron. Ryback is baited in as he walks quickly over to to bring his opponent back into the ring, only to eat a rope-assisted enziguri to the face. Once again, Ryback shakes off the blow quickly, but this time Fandango is ready for him, and scores with a second enziguri before snapping the monster’s neck over the ropes. This finally disorientates the monster enough for Fandandgo to roll quickly back into the ring and hit a big chop block to the back of his knee. Fandango keeps up the pace and follows up with a running dropkick to the same knee, not allowing the monster any time to recover. Finally grounding the monster, Fandango continues to work on the knee with stomps, kicks and knee drops, doing everything he can to keep Ryback from getting back up to a vertical base. This actually works for nearly a minute before the monster summons up the strength to shove him away. Looking a bit unsteady on his feet, the monster tries to go back on the attack, but runs into a leaping heel kick from Fandango. The dancer c0ckily does a little twirl and a bow before turning back to his opponent, but this moment of slight distraction is enough to end his little luck streak, as Ryback rises back up and grabs him by the throat! Fandango quickly kicks the monster in the knee again to break the hold, then runs off the ropes……right into a Thesz Press!

“STUPID!” Ryback screams at his opponent, before seizing him by the ears again and proceeds to slam his head off the mat repeatedly. If Fandango wasn’t stupid before, he probably is now, or at least his brains are temporarily scrambled from the repeated slamming. The monster then literally lifts Fandango off the mat by his ears, flings him over his shoulder, and drops him with a huge powerslam. Ryback gets a 2-count as Fandango just barely gets his shoulder up before the count of 3. Ryback pulls his opponent up and continues the punishment relentlessly, whipping him off the ropes into a huge elbow knock-down, then a HUGE back body drop, followed by a thunderous spinebuster. The monster then walks to the corner where he flexes his arm and signals for the Meathook. Fandango gets back up in a daze, but somehow still retains enough sense to notice the Meathook coming, as he half-falls out of the ring to evade it, promptly collapsing on the outside. Once again, the referee holds Ryback back he he starts his 10-count. Fandango sits panting on the floor outside as he fully intends to make full use of the referee’s count to recover before he goes back in. On the referee’s count of 8, he gets up and heads for the ring. Ryback makes a lunge for him, but Fandango immediately darts back, clearly changing his mind about continuing the match as he lets the referee finish his remaining counts to rule the match to a countout.

Rating: B+

As Ryback’s music plays in the arena and the monster celebrates in the ring chanting “FEED ME MORE!”, Fandango collapses again on the outside, looking completely worn out by the beating he took from Ryback. Matt Striker hurries over to help him back to his feet, and the dancer manages to get up by partially leaning on his personal ring announcer……only to grab the announcer and shove him into the ring! Fandango then backs away up to the ramp as the monster Ryback pounces on the sacrifice that has just been offered to him, picking up Striker and destroying him with a devastating Shell-Shocked! Not content with the destruction he’s caused, Ryback leaves the ring and comes back in with a steel chair. As the announcers watch on in horror Ryback proceeds to do the exact same thing he did to poor Hornswoggle the previous night on RAW, dropping a modified Vader bomb on the helpless commentator-turned-ring-announcer-turned-food with a steel chair sandwiched between them. The monster then screams his welcome of Striker into his “Hall of Pain” before leaving the ring (with Fandango taking great care to give him a wide berth as he walks past).

After the monster’s gone, Fandango picks up the mic he dropped earlier at the beginning of his match before getting back into the ring to stand over his unconscious ring announcer. He finally gets to finish what he wanted to say to Striker before the match:

“It’s FAAAAAAAAHHHHHN……DAAAAAAAHHHHHN……GOOOOOOOOO.”

Angle: Fandango feeds Striker to Ryback. (Rating: C+)

Former World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio makes his way down to the ring after a commercial break, and Josh and Jericho (Jericho stayed on as commentator for the rest of the night since Striker got taken out) give us a recap of how Del Rio lost his World Title to Jack Swagger after his former employee Ricardo Rodriguez turned on him. A brief recap video of RAW is also shown, where Ricardo was revealed by Zeb Coulter to be his long-lost brother, Richard.

Alberto Del Rio gets a mic and tells the fans that there are 2 people he wants to get his hands on right now: Jack Swagger, who stole his World Heavyweight Title, and the man who now calls himself Richard Coulter, who stabbed him in the back at WrestleMania. Del Rio says that he has spoken to Stone Cold Steve Austin, who told him that he will be getting his entitled rematch next month against Jack Swagger, at Extreme Rules. He doesn’t like having to wait that long, but he will get his title back when the time comes. So tonight, he’s here to call out the other man he wants to get his hands on: Richard Coulter. At least, that’s what Ricardo believes his name to be. Del Rio tells everyone that what Zeb Coulter said last night on RAW was a load of garbage. Ricardo isn’t an American, and Del Rio’s family did not buy any children from slavers. He said he doesn’t know who Zeb Coulter paid off to get those fake DNA test results or what other things he did to convince Ricardo of those lies, but then again, Ricardo has never been all that smart his entire life, so it probably wasn’t that hard to brainwash him, because there isn’t too much of it to wash. Del Rio goes on to talk about how his family had taken Ricardo in as an orphaned child and did everything they could for him. They even tried to train him to become a Superstar, but Ricardo not only lacked the talent, but he was also lazy and complacent. Even then, Alberto’s father and uncle did not give up on him. Even though he wasn’t good enough to impress the talent scouts with his in-ring skills, Alberto’s father found a way to get hm involved in the business by training him to be a ring announcer while he continues to polish up his inadequate ring skills. When Alberto came to the WWE, his father insisted that he brings Ricardo along with him to help him gain the exposure. But now this ungrateful little rat has the audacity to accuse Alberto’s family of trying to hold him down? He wants Ricardo, or Richard, whatever he calls himself, to come out and face him like a man, and repeat all the accusations he made at his family to his face!

But it’s not Ricardo, or Richard, who comes out to face Del Rio. Instead, Mr Money-in-the-Bank Dolph Ziggler makes his way out with AJ on his arm and Big E behind him. Josh and Jericho reminds everyone that Ziggler has a match with Kane later tonight. The Show-Off gets into the ring and tells Alberto that nobody cares about his family story. Alberto should be thanking Ricardo for giving him an excuse for losing the World Heavyweight Championship, because if Ricardo hadn’t cost Del Rio the title, when Dolph Ziggler would have taken the title from him eventually anyway, by cashing in his MitB title shot. And as for Del Rio saying he’ll get his title back at Extreme Rules, well, frankly Ziggler doesn’t think it’s going to happen, but once again it doesn’t matter who walks out of Extreme Rules as the World Champion, because we all know that whomever that holds the title is just keeping it warm for Dolph Ziggler, when he cashes in his title shot. Personally, he thinks the main reason why Ricardo turned on Del Rio is because he realized that Del Rio isn’t good enough to hold on to that World Championship.

Del Rio retorts that as much of a backstabbing rat Ricardo is, at least he never had the audacity to kiss his boss’ girlfriend right in front of him. This ticks both AJ and Big E off, and Ziggler has to hold AJ back to prevent her from jumping on Del Rio and trying to claw his eyes out. Del Rio continues to taunt Ziggler, telling him that he and Jack Swagger have a lot in common, since they both have to rely on little girls to help them win their matches. This finally sets Dolph off as well, and he turns and rushes at Del Rio, only to get floored by the No. 1 Contendor. Big E rushes to Dolph’s aid, but Del Rio meets him with a barrage of kicks while dodging the heavy swings from him. Alberto is taking the fight to both Ziggler and Big E until Jack Swagger comes rushing to the ring from the back and floors him with a clubbing blow from behind. Zeb Coulter, who’s followed Swagger to the ring, shouts instruction as Swagger, Ziggler and Big E team up to beat down the No. 1 Contendor. Richard Coulter, though, is nowhere to be seen. Just when all seems lost for Alberto, Kane’s music hits, and both members of Team Hell No come running down to the ring. The heels stand their grounds for a few moments, but when Alberto recovers enough to rejoin the fight, the heels realize that they no longer have the advantage and hurriedly retreat from the ring and head to the back. Alberto’s music hits as he stands tall with Team Hell No in the ring, while Josh and Jericho continue to hype not only the World Title Rematch between Alberto and Swagger at Extreme Rules, but also the Kane/Ziggler match that will be coming up soon, later tonight!

Angles: Del Rio calls out Richard Coulter. (Rating: B)

Ziggler and Del Rio trade insults. (Rating: B+)

Ziggler, Swagger and Big E attack Del Rio. (Rating: B+)

Team Hell No rescues Del Rio. (Rating: B+)

We head backstage after another commercial break, and Lilian Garcia is shown trying to conduct an interview with Ryback. She tells the monster that there are a lot of people asking the same question that Mark Henry was asking this past Monday night: What exactly is Ryback’s obsession with Mark Henry? What more does he want from Henry when he’s already defeated the World’s Strongest Man? What does he stand to gain from this determined pursuit of him?

Ryback stares at Lilian coldly, making her shrink back, before taking the mic from her. He turns to address his answer to the camera, but instead of speaking, he begins to bob his head to the rhythm of the music that suddenly begins to play in the background......music for the song “Food, Glorious Food” from the famous musical, “Olliver!”

And then the monster starts to sing:

“FOOOOD, glorious FOOOOD!

We're anxious to try it.

Three banquets a day --

Our favourite diet!

Just picture Mark Henry’s leg --

Fresh, juicy when chewed.

Oh, FOOOOD,

Wonderful FOOOOD

Marvellous FOOOOD,

Glorous FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

FOOOOD, glorious FOOOOD!

Don't care what it looks like --

Big, crunchy to boot!

Dark, fleshy, chocolate-like!

Just thinking of all that fat --

My mouth starts watering!

One moment of tasting that

Cho-colatey feeling!

FOOOOD, glorious FOOOOD!

What wouldn't I give for

That extra bit more --

That's all that I live for

Why should I be fated to

Do nothing but brood

On FOOOOD,

Magical FOOOOD,

Wonderful FOOOOD,

Marvellous FOOOOD,

Fabulous FOOOOD,

Beautiful FOOOOD,

GLO-RI-OUS FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!”

After seeing how successful that little musical segment between Darren Young and Justin Gabriel went (it rated higher than their wrestling match), I’ve decided to make the musical parody segment a weekly item on Superstars. After all, as of this moment, Superstars is still The Show Where Random Stuff Happens.

Angle: Ryback sings about food. (Rating: B)

AJ Lee is shown backstage with Dolph Ziggler as the latter is preparing for his upcoming match with Kane. AJ notices that Ziggler is bothered bby something, and asks him if he’s worried about the match. Ziggler says he isn’t worried about Kane. Big E Langston walks into the scene, and there’s a palpable moment of tension between the men. Big E tells Ziggler that he knows what he’s thinking, and he’s only going to repeat it this once: what happened at WrestleMania was an accident. Ziggler says that for an ‘accident’, it went on a little too long, and Big E seemed to be enjoying it a little too much. Big E looks angry and says that he didn’t see Ziggler complaining when he was using AJ’s kiss to distract his opponents. AJ quickly gets between the two, and asks Big E to go to the ring while she talks to Dolph. AJ asks Ziggler if he trusts her, and Dolph replies that he doesn’t trust Big E. AJ tells Ziggler to forget what happened at Mania, all he has to know is that she only has eyes for him. The two of them then lock lips, and Ziggler finally seems to have forgotten about his jealousy, at least for the time being.

Angle: AJ pacifies Ziggler. (Rating: A)

Match: Dolph Ziggler defeated Kane in 16:59 by pinfall after interference from AJ Lee. During the match we also had Big E. Langston run in and attack Kane.

Dolph shares another kiss with AJ for good luck before starting off the match, and the Show-Off outmaneuvers his bigger opponent for the first minute or so before getting c0cky and starts celebrating prematurely with a moon-walk, only to eat a big uppercut from Kane. Kane powers Dolph into a corner and fires away on him with big right hands before whipping him to the opposite corner. Dolph tries to counter a corner clothesline attempt with a raised boot, but Kane catches his foot, shoves it to one side, and floors him with another big uppercut. Dolph rolls out of the ring to regroup, and Kane follows him out. Big E steps between Dolph and Kane, and the two big men engage in a stare-down. The referee warns Big E not to get involved. Before things can get violent between the two, Daniel Bryan comes vaulting over the steel steps around the corner and floors Big E with a huge flying knee!

AJ runs over and begins a shouting contest with Bryan. Meanwhile, Dolph had used the distraction to sneak back into the ring from another side, and now he comes out with a big baseball slide that knocks Kane down on the outside! Ziggler rolls Kane back into the ring and takes control. He locks on a Sleeper and does a headstand, trying to wear down his opponent and show off at the same time. He then continues the showing off by flipping over into a bridging sleeper, but Kane abruptly rolls over on top of Ziggler and pins his shoulders down for a 2-count! This forces Ziggler to break the hold nas he struggles out of the pin, but quickly regains control with a perfect dropkick that floors the monster again. Dolph then proceeds to drop multiple consecutive elbows on his opponents, pausing briefly after the 9th elbow for a c0cky pose before dropping the 10th for a nearfall of his own. After controlling the match for another minute or so, Ziggler locks on an abdominal stretch, and grabs Big E’s hand from the outside for extra leverage behind the referee’s back. Daniel Bryan quickly gets on the ring apron on the opposite side to point it out to the referee. Big E releases Dolph’s hand before the referee can see the cheating attempt, but the refree suspects something, and issues him a warning. As the referee is talking to Langston, AJ gets into the ring, and Daniel Bryan quickly gets in there as well to intercept her in an attempt to prevent whatever she plans to do. But one thing he clearly didn’t expect her to do is to grab him by the face and plant a lip-lock on him! After the kiss, Bryan looks disorientated for a few moments……and AJ slaps him across the face! Dolph immediately releases the Abdominal Stretch on Kane and falls down on the mat holding his face as the referee hears the slap and turns around. He sees Bryan standing in the ring, Dolph down on the mat holding his face, and AJ pointing at Bryan and screaming foul at him, and jumps to the natural conclusion. He throws Bryan out of the arena! The crowd boos out loud as Bryan protests by screaming “NO! NO! NO!”, but the referee believes only what he saw and orders Bryan to leave. Bryan storms to the back angrily, continuing to scream “NO! NO! NO!” as he walks up the ramp, and the crowd voice their agreements by chanting along with him.

Back in the ring, Ziggler looks smug at how his genius plan paid off, but in his joy he took his eyes off Kane a moment too long, and turns around right into a big uppercut! Kane takes over the match as he unleashes his wrath on Ziggler with a huge back body drop, 2 consecutive corner clotheslines, and a sidewalk slam for a 2-count. He boots Big E off the ring apron to thwart his attempted interference, then grabs Dolph for the chokeslam, but Dolph counters in mid-air and SPIKES his head into the canvas with a huge DDT for a 2.5 count! As Ziggler questions the referee on the speed of his count, Kane starts to pull himself up in a corner. Ziggler sees that his opponent is in ideal position for a Stinger Splash, and promptly goes for it……only to get UPPERCUTTED out of the air just like at WrestleMania! Kane steps out to the ring aprong and climbs to the top rope before coming off with a HUGE flying clothesline on Ziggler. He signals for the chokeslam again, and this time AJ gets on the ring apron, screaming abuses at him to distract him. Glaring at her, the Big Red Monster walks over the diva……and counters Big E’s attempted sneak attack from the apron by grabbing hold of his throat! Grinning madly, the monster pulls Big E’s face along the apron……and sticks it into AJ’s! That’s right, Kane just literally forced a kiss between AJ and Big E! Both AJ and Big E stand on the ring apron looking at each other in shock after Kane releases Big E. Laughing at the view, Kane turns around……and eats a beautiful dropkick from Ziggler. But instead of capitalizing on his attack, Ziggler starts screaming at Big E for kissing his girlfriend (again). AJ and Big E tried to tell him that it was Kane who forced the kiss, but Dolph is too enraged to listen, and orders Big E to “Get the hell out of here”. Big E looks outraged, and promptly turns around and walks to the back. AJ runs after him and pleads with him to stay and help Dolph. Amongst all these distractions, Kane has sat up behind Ziggler, and Dolph turns around right into a CHOKESLAM! AJ screams and comes running back down the ramp, but she’s too far away to do anything as the referee counts Ziggler down……

……for a 2-count as Ziggler gets his foot on the ropes just a split second before the count of 3! AJ looks like she just had a heart attack. Kane can’t believe it either as he questions the referee to confirm that it was only a 2. After the referee’s reaffirmation, he turns to the crowd the signals for the Tombstone! He turns back to Ziggler and scoops him off the mat……but Ziggler slips out and locks in the Sleeper! Kane seems to fade from the hold after struggling against it for nearly a full minute……then abruptly rises up again so that Ziggler is lifted off his feet in a piggy-back position on the monster’s back. The monster hurls himself backwards and squashes Ziggler in the corner to break the hold. Kane turns around to face his opponent, but gets drop-toe-holded into the turnbuckles. Ziggler then heads to the opposite corner and starts to remove the padding on the top turnbuckle, and the referee hurries over to stop him. However, this turns out to be a ploy to distract the referee’s attention, as while the ref is busy with Dolph, AJ gets quietly onto the ring apron with Dolph’s MitB briefcase in hand. She raises it to clobber Kane, but the Big Red Machine grabs the briefcase to stop her. Looking scared for a moment, AJ suddenly breaks into a smile and lets go of the briefcase, then wraps her hands around Kane’s neck to pull him into a kiss! The commentators once again start talking about how AJ has once again “kissed every man involved in the match besides the referee”. AJ then hops off the apron and skips away happily, leaving a puzzled Kane staring after her while still holding the briefcase. The refree turns around and spots Kane holding a weapon, and begins to admonish him while snatching the briefcase away. While he’s busy returning the briefcase to ringside, Ziggler sneaks up behind Kane pulls his mask out of place, which momentarily blinds the monster, before hitting him with the ZIG-ZAG which finally puts him donwn for a 3-count! AJ rushes happily into ring to celebrate with her man as Dolph’s music plays in the arena. She gets down beside the unconscious Kane and gives him another kiss for good measure to add insult to injury, and this time the sight of his girlfriend kissing another man does not seem to bother Dolph.

Rating: A*

Over Rating: A (This show can be considered a success, it should have increased our popularity.)

Russelrules44 · September 5, 2013

XDDDDD, You Should Do This Every Superstars! This Is Comedy Gold! XDDDD! 20/10!!!

Greylocke · September 6, 2013

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Russelrules44" data-cite="Russelrules44" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>XDDDDD, You Should Do This Every Superstars! This Is Comedy Gold! XDDDD! 20/10!!!</div></blockquote> If by 'this' you mean the musical parody, then yes, I intend to do this every week....at least until I can't find any more appropriate songs. <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Russelrules44 · September 9, 2013

If by 'this' you mean the musical parody, then yes, I intend to do this every week....at least until I can't find any more appropriate songs.

I guess I'd better prepare myself for Daniel Bryan and Kane singing the Bohemian Rhapsody.

Greylocke · September 11, 2013

WWE Headlines: <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>John Cena on Miz-TV! Fans and viewers of WWE Main Event will be in for a treat tonight as WWE Champion John Cena makes a special appearance on Main Event! While the newly-crowned champion did speak out on the controversy involved in his WrestleMania title match as well as deny any alleged association with Paul Heyman this past Monday night on RAW, there are yet many who question the truth of these statements. Not surprisingly, John Cena’s longtime rival and host of Miz TV, the Miz, is eager to get to the bottom of all that, and you can bet that he will be asking all the hard questios! Will the WWE Champion remain firm to the stance he’d already expressed, or will the host of WWE’s most Must-See talk show uncover more information? Find out on Main Event! World Title Contendors collide on Main Event! After a hostile confrontation between the No. 1 Contendor for the World Heavyweight Title, Alberto Del Rio, and the holder of the World Title MitB contract, Dolph Ziggler, this past week on Superstars, both men who plan to become World Champion in the near future will meet 1-on-1 in the ring tonight, on Main Event! Will Alberto Del Rio regain his momentum with a win over the Show-Off as on his quest to regain the World Heavyweight Championship? Will Dolph Ziggler prove that it is indeed only a matter of time before he becomes World Champion, just like he claimed? Will AJ and Big E Langston once again prove to be the deciding factor on the outcome of this match? Find out all these tonight on Main Event! DX seeks vengeance against the Shield! After suffering a loss in a 6-Man tag match at the hands of the undefeated team known as the Shield on Monday Night RAW, DX looks to strike back with a win of their own as they had challenged the Shield to a rematch tonight on Main Event! Only this time, instead of the COO of the company HHH himself, it will be a returning Sean “X-Pac” Waltmen teaming up with his old teammates the New Age Outlaws in the 6-Man tag match! Will the Shield prove once again that they have now taken over as the most dominant faction in the WWE? Or will the New Age Outlaws and X-Pac show everyone why they were once the most powerful faction in the company by finally breaking the Shield’s undefeated streak? United States Championship on the line! At WrestleMania, Brad Maddox got his first official win in the WWE by winning a 20-Men Battle Royal to finally earn his roster spot as a WWE Superstar in addition to a title shot against US Champion Antonio Cesaro, who was eliminated by him in that same battle royal. Maddox has been on a roll since, going on to gain his second victory on RAW over Justin Gabriel. That same cannot be said for United Champion Antonio Cesaro who, despite an impressive performance in the Battle Royal as well, has been on a losing streak for the past week. Nevertheless, none can question the formidability and competitiveness of the champion, and many feel that Brad Maddox had unfairly stolen a victory from Cesaro in the Battle Royal. Will the US Champion avenge this theft as well as recover from the slump he’s in by retaining his title on Main Event tonight? Or will Brad Maddox’s momentum carry him to championship gold? In other news: Barri Griffiths, better known to the WWE Universe as Mason Ryan, has sustained a strained groin, but will be working through his injury. Now working in the WWE’s developmental territory known as NXT, he’s also the current holder of the brand new NXT Arena Championship.</div></blockquote> WWE Main Event Predictions: Dolph Ziggler vs Alberto Del Rio The Shield vs DX (Road Dogg, Billy Gun & X-Pac) United States Championship Match: Antonio Cesaro © vs Brad Maddox WWE Extreme Rules card (no predictions yet, card will be added to over the weeks): World Heavyweight Championship match: Jack Swagger © vs Alberto Del Rio Mark Henry vs Ryback

Russelrules44 · September 12, 2013

WWE Main Event Predictions:

Dolph Ziggler vs Alberto Del Rio

The Shield vs DX (Road Dogg, Billy Gun & X-Pac)

Honestly, I just can't see Brad Maddox as championship material.

Greylocke · September 20, 2013

WWE Main Event – taped in front of 20211 people at the Joe Louis Arena, in Detroit Michigan!

“Road Dogg” Brian James and the Miz welcome the fans and audience to latest episode of Main Event. They talk briefly about the upcoming match between Antonio Cesaro and Brad Maddox, including a recap of how Brad ‘earned’ a US Title shot by winning the 20-Men Pre-show Battle Royal and eliminating the US Champion Cesaro. The recap video also shows how Brad spent majority of the match sitting at the announcers’ table, where no one was even aware that he was supposed to be in the match; while during this time Cesaro dominated the Battle Royal, eliminating over half the competitors in the ring all by himself.

Of course, the Miz being the Miz, he wastes no opportunity, managing to get in a quick plug on his talk show, Miz TV, which will be coming up later, featuring WWE Champion John Cena as his guest for tonight!

Angle: Road Dogg and Miz hype US Title match. (Rating: B-)

Match: Antonio Cesaro defeated Brad Maddox in 10:08 by pinfall with the Neutralizer. Antonio Cesaro makes defence number 1 of his WWE United States title.

Even though this is technically a heel vs heel match, Cesaro’s performance in the Battle Royal has won some of the crowd over, and he actually gets some cheers as he takes down Maddox in the opening of the match and uses his mat skills to manipulate and embarrass his opponent. Antonio ends his sequence of moves with a classic “spinny-head-slappy” (where the opponent lies on his stomach while he spins 360 degrees on his back before slapping him on the back of the head and ruffling his hair) to add insult to injury before getting off his opponent, tauntingly inviting him to get back up. Maddox looks pi$$ed off for a moment when he realizes what happened, but then he suppresses his anger and manages a smile before applauding his opponent’s skill. He offers a handshake, which Cesaro accepts……then goes for a low kick to surprise his opponent, but the US Champion is a wily heel himself, and anticipates the attack! He catches the foot in mid-kick, shakes his finger tauntingly at Maddox, before taking him down with a Dragon Screw. This leads to another sequence of moves on the mat, where Cesaro just casually slaps his opponent around while Maddox thrashes about ineffectively. After another ‘spinny-head-slappy’, Cesaro gets up again, and Maddox scrambles for the ropes.

Brad crawls out onto the ring apron and uses the ropes to pull himself back up. Antonio goes to drag him back in, but Brad hangs on to the ropes for dear life, and the referee quickly goes to separate them. As the official tries to get between the 2 men, Brad reaches behind the referee’s back and scores a THUMB TO THE EYE, which finally causes Cesaro to let go as the champion staggers back holding his eye. Brad quickly gets back into the ring and takes down the US Champion, driving knee after knee into his back before grabbing his arms to lock on a kneeling surfboard. He keeps the hold on for about a minute or so before Cesaro rallies and struggles to his feet to the claps of his fans. He twists around and powers out of the hold, shoving Maddox to the ropes and catching him on the rebound with a back body drop. Maddox tries to pull himself up in the corner, but Cesaro slams into him with a running uppercut against the turnbuckles! Cesaro then drags Maddox out of the corner and tries to pick him up with a gutwrench, but Maddox slams an elbow into his already-weakened back to foil the attempt. Maddox then catches Cesaro with a dropkick to the face to regain control as he picks up a 2-count. Maddox continues to work on the champion’s back for a while, before hitting a knee-drop on his back for another 2-count. Maddox goes back to the surfboard for another minute or so before Cesaro starts to power out again. This time, Maddox quickly releases his arms and leaps onto his back with a Sleeper. For a moment, Antonio seems to buckle under the full weight on his opponent on his weakened back, but then he rallies again and slams himself backwards into a corner to break the hold.

With Maddox slumped against the corner, Antonio charges in for another running corner uppercut, but eats a boot to the face. Maddox grabs his opponent’s head to go for a tornado DDT off the second ropes, but Cesaro powers out and literally hurls Maddox off him. Brad lands on his feet and rushes in again quickly……right into a huge uppercut! Cesaro grabs his stunned opponent for another gutwrench attempt, but this time, Maddox slips out behind him and counters with a roll-up, even grabbing a handfull of ropes for leverage as the referee counts the pin......and Cesaro still powers out at 2! Brad can’t believe it, and in frustration he charges in for a big clothesline on the US Champion……and gets tossed head-over-heels with a big back body drop. Cesaro then hits a dropkick of his own, then picks up Maddox to finally hit him with a thunderous gutwrench suplex. He follows that up with a huge double-foot stomp to Brad’s abdominal region before going for the pin, but Brad is saved by pure luck as he’s close enough to the ropes to grab them and break the count. Frustrated, Cesaro tries to pull Maddox away from the ropes, but of course Maddox clings on to them with both arms as if his life depends on it. Once again, the referee goes to separate the two, and Maddox goes back to what worked for him before, as he rakes Cesaro’s eyes once again behind the referee’s back! With his opponent temporaily blinded, Brad climbs to the top rope and goes for a high-risk move……and jumps straight into a MID-AIR UPPERCUT! Brad is completely knocked out cold after this, but Cesaro picks him up and drops him with a Neutralizer anyway before pinning him for the 3-count and a decisive victory.

Rating: B-

Even as Cesaro is still celebrating his victory in the ring, the camera switches to the announcers’ table, where Road Dogg and Miz remind the audience that there are more to come tonight! Road Dogg, of course, brings up the 6-Men Tag match between DX and the Shield, which he himself will be a part of. The Miz brings up Miz TV once again, before moving on to talk about the match that will happen between Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. A short video package is shown to recap the encounter between the two on Superstars, and how this match came about. The recap also include bits of what happened during the match between Ziggler and Kane, and how AJ and Big E Langston inadvertantly kissed again, adding on to the tension between Dolph and Big E. Road Dogg and the Miz speculate on whether this will play a part in the Ziggler/ Del Rio match later tonight.

Angle: Recap and hype for Ziggler vs Del Rio. (Rating: B+)

After a commercial break, Antonio Cesaro is seen walking backstage, looking ecstatic at not only retaining his title, but also finally breaking out of his recent slump and losing streak. He’s greeted by a beaming Renee Young, who asks him how it feels like to end his losing streak. Before Cesaro can even reply, they are interrupted by the World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter. Coulter asks Renee why is she bothering to interview a United States Champion who isn’t even from the United States. She should be giving the air time to the World Champion and the Real American, Jack Swagger. Is this what America has come to? A Real American won the World Title on the grandest stage of them all, and nobody has bothered to interview him, but when a foreigner gets a lucky win over some rookie who has had a grand total of 2 wins in his entire career, that’s somehow newsworthy? Antonio Cesaro angrily tells Zeb and Swagger that he hasn’t forgotten what the two of them did to him last week on Smackdown, walking out during their tag match when they were supposed to be teaming with each other. Zeb tells Cesaro that Jack Swagger gave Cesaro exactly what he deserved; Swagger’s not going to get his hands dirty by tagging with a foreign criminal who sneaks across borders to steal jobs from honest Americans. Besides, foreigners like Cesaro and Jericho deserve each other, so why should Swagger care what happen to them in the ring? Coulter then announces that Jack Swagger has finally steered the company back in the right direction, now that he represents the WWE as the World Heavyweight Champion, and finally giving them a Real American champion that they can be proud of. Cesaro may hold the United States Title belt right now, but Jack Swagger is the true representative of America, and it will only be a matter of time before the US Title goes back to where it truly belongs, just like the World Title: around the waist of a Real American! Swagger and Coulter then walk off while Cesaro stares after them with hatred in his eyes.

Angle: Swagger and Coulter interrupt Cesaro’s interview backstage. (Rating: B+)

It’s time for another shaky-cam promo from the Shield, and of course they’re addressing their opponents for tonight, DX, and also the COO, Triple H. Ambrose says it looks like the old stories about Triple H not wanting to work Tuesdays are true after all. Or is it because he couldn’t get permission from his wife to be here tonight? Either way, the COO has clearly decided not to put himself in the ring against the Shield, which is actually a wise decision……but c’mon now, X-Pac, really? X-Pac? That’s who Triple H has chosen fill his spot? Why not bring back Chyna, too, while you’re at it. Hey, that might not be a bad choice, actually. At least we know she’s more of a man than X-Pac. She’ll probably put up a better fight, too! Still, at least we can say this much about Triple H: he’s still smart enough to learn that he needs to stay away from the Shield. Unfortunately, they can’t say say the same for his old friends Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, who apprently still think they belong in the same ring as the Shield. I guess that’s what they mean when they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But the Shield will be more than happy to try and beat that sense into them. Again. And as for X-Pac, we’d tell him to stick to what he’s good at……except he wasn’t even that good at making those p0rn movies. Let’s be honest here: everyone knows that Chyna’s the real reason why people were buying that p0rno film. Which is probably why X-Pac had to come crawling back to the WWE and beg for his old buddy HHH to give him a job. But tonight, the Shield will give X-Pac a beating so bad, he’d wish he’d stayed in the p0rn industry and never come back. Believe that, and believe in the Shield!

Angle: The Shield taunts DX. (Rating: A)

Back at the announcers’ booth, the Miz is shown sitting by himself, as he tells everyone that Road Dogg has left to prepare for his upcoming 6-Man Tag match against the Shield. He goes on to once again plug his upcoming talk show, Miz TV, featuring John Cena! At that moment, a man walks into view and takes over the seat where Road Dogg was sitting, putting on the headset. The Miz stares at the man for a few moments before he recognizes the newcomer as Jim Cornette. He looks surprised at Cornette’s appearance but welcomes him back, and asks him what brought him back to the WWE after so many years. Cornette says that he’s here to bring some class and dignity back to the sports that he loves and that the McMahon family had ruined. And the Miz, too, is part of the problems. We have a roster full of some of the greatest athletes in the world providing world-class wrestling matches on this show, and all Miz could talk about was his overrated talk show. But then again, he should have expected that from a former realty TV reject. And you know what makes it even sadder? That reality TV reject actually headlined WrestleMania as WWE Champion just 2 years ago! You’d have thought that it couldn’t get any worse, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately, it did get worse, because just 2 nights ago, WrestleMania was headlined by two Sports Entertainers, one of whom is a Hollywood Movie Star who wrestles no more than twice a year, but somehow gets handed the WWE Title the moment he comes back!

The Miz looks highly amused by Cornette’s ranting, and asks Cornette what he actually intends to do about all those alleged ‘problems’ he just brought up in the WWE. Cornette tells the Miz that he can no longer sit back and watch Vince McMahon and his incompetent daughter and son-in-law continue to ruin the business with their ‘Sports Entertainment crap’, and it’s time to start a crusade. But everything needs to go one step at a time, and tonight, his first step is to step into this announce booth and provide some real good old-fashioned wrestling commentary that the in-ring competitors deserve. The Miz can continue plugging his worthless talk show, but Cornette is here to talk about the wrestling. The Miz looks like he wasn’t sure whether to laugh or retort at that, but at that moment, the Shield’s music begins to play, and he turns his attention back to the ring as the Shield make their way to the ring for their match.

Angle: Cornette bashes McMahon, WWE and Sports Entertainment. (Rating: B)

Match: Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins defeated Brian James, Billy Gunn and X-Pac in 10:38 when Dean Ambrose defeated X-Pac by pinfall with a Headlock Driver.

Rollins and X-Pac, the two most agile men on their respective teams, start the match off, and the match begins with both men trying to out-quick each other in a series of fast-paced maneuvers. Rollins, the younger of the two, proves to be the more athletic one, but X-Pac has the advantage of experience, and the veteran gains the upper hand by catching Rollins on the rebound with an inverted atomic drop. X-Pac drags a stricken Rollins to his corner and makes the tag, and the New Age Outlaws proceed to isolate Rollins and take control with a few double-team maneuvers. Road Dogg goes for the Shake, Rattle & Roll on Rollins, and Rollins try to use this as an opening again like he did on RAW by going for a leaping enziguri while Dogg is pausing to dance, but Road Dogg doesn’t make the same mistake twice, and ducks the enziguri, before grabbing Rollins by the leg and stomping him hard in the groin.

A grovelling Rollins crawls for the corner, and Billy Gunn, who just got tagged in, hit him with a big running splash. He goes for it a second time, and this time Rollins raises a boot. Billy Gunn catches the boot, however, and he shoves the boot aside and charges in again……and gets sent face-first into the turnbuckles with a reversed STO. Rollins finally catches a break, and he makes the tag to Reigns, who comes in and proceeds to maul Gunn with brute force. And of course, as usual, once the Shield gains the upper hand over an opponent the match quickly turns into a 3-on-1 massacre on their isolated opponent as the trio beat Billy down with quick tags and team manuevers. After over 3 minutes of playing the face-in-peril, Billy Gunn starts to rally and fight back in the Shield’s corner, lashing out at all 3 opponents with a flurry of rights and lefts. He knocks both Ambrose and Rollins off the apron with back elbows, but Reigns slams him back into the corner turnbuckles with a running shoulder thrust. He backs up and rushes in again for a corner Superman punch, but Billy dodges out of the way at the last moment, and Reigns eats a face-full of turnbuckles. Billy crawls for his own corner to make the tag, but Rollins quickly gets back up on the apron and tags himself in. He drags Gunn away from his corner and taunts X-Pac and Road Dogg. He turns back to Gunn, who drops him with a big powerslam in a sudden surge of adrenaline. Gunn makes the tag to Road Dogg, who runs across to the Shield’s corner and knock Reigns and Ambrose off the ring apron before taking control of the match against Rollins, who’s still hurting from the powerslam. The Dogg lands his signature knee-drop on Rollins and makes the cover while Reigns and Ambrose still seem to be down on the outside……but Rollins kicks out on 2. The Road Dogg then decides to make a rare trip to the top rope in an attempt to put his opponent quickly while he’s alone. Unfortunately, the high risk doesn’t pay off, as Rollins jumps up and nails the Road Dogg on the way down with a huge enziguri! This almost ends the match right there, but X-Pac breaks up the 3-count at the last second. As the referee tries to get X-Pac back to his corner, Ambrose sneaks into the ring and help Rollins drag Road Dogg over to their corner to continue the beatdown.

It’s now Road Dogg’s turn to play the face-in-peril, and after another 2 minutes of Shield domination, Road Dogg catches a break as well as he gives Roman Reigns a drop-toe-hold into the turnbuckles. Road Dogg crawls for his corner, where a fired-up Billy Gunn eagerly awaits the tag. Reigns makes the tag first, however, and Ambrose charges across the ring and knocks Gunn off the apron! Ambrose then backs away, grinning and mouthing off c0ckily at DX when an enraged X-Pac tries to enter the ring only to be stopped by the referee. Unfortunately for Ambrose, this also gives Road Dogg the opportunity to score with a LOW BLOW behind the referee’s back! As Ambrose collapses in agony, Road Dogg finally makes the tag to X-Pac, who comes in an unleashes a array of spin kicks and heel kicks, not only to Ambrose, but also to Rollins and Reigns, knocking them off the apron. Ambrose tries to capitalize, but X-Pac sidesteps his rush and shoves him into the corner before stunning him with a jumping wheel kick in the corner. Ambrose falls into a seated position, setting him up for X-Pac’s most infamous signature move. The crowd roars its approval as X-Pac backs away, signaling for the BRONCO-BUSTER! As their screams reach a fever-pitch, X-Pac launches himself at Ambrose’s face crotch-first……

……only to get intercepted halfway across the ring when Roman Reigns charges in and BREAKS HIM IN HALF WITH A SPEAR! Reigns stands over his fallen opponent and screams down at him, but this places him in perfect position for Billy Gunn to come in and drop him with a FAMASSER! Billy Gunn gets back up and turns around in time to see Rollins coming off the top rope, but not fast enough to get drilled in the face by the latter’s flying knee! Rollins himself then turns around to eat a kick to the gut from Road Dogg, who picks him up for the Pump-handle Slam, but Ambrose gets up behind him and saves his partner as he pulls Rollins off Road Dogg’s shoulder. Road Dogg turns around quickly, and promptly eats a double-dropkick from Ambrose and Rollins. As Road Dogg rolls out of the ring, Rollins charges to the opposite side of the ring and bounces off the ropes for a dive at the Dogg, but on the way he spots a recovering X-Pac trying to get up, and responds by CURB-STOMPING his face into the mat while at the same time using his head as a springboard to launch himself over the ropes on top of the Road Dogg on the outisde! Ambrose then measures X-Pac up for his Headlock Driver finisher, and with the DX member already half-dead from the Spear and the Curb-stomp earlier, he puts up almost no resistence as Ambrose spikes his head into the mat for the 3-count.

Rating: A

Next up is our obligatory weekly video recap package of the week, showing the events that have unfolded between John Cena, the Rock and Paul Heyman, both at WrestleMania as well as Cena’s explanation on RAW and his interaction with Heyman.

(“Paul Heyman underperformed.” Strange that nobody thought he underperformed when the actual match and segments were actually happening live at WrestleMania and RAW, but his performance somehow got worse in a video package replay. The whole purpose of editing video packages is to make the guys in it look better, not worse, dammit! I need to fire the video guys who edited this video package.)

Angle: Obligatory recap package. (Rating: A*)

It’s now finally time for the most Must-See Talk Show in the WWE, the Miz TV! The Miz introduces his guest, John Cena, who makes his way out to the usual mixed reaction. The Miz starts recap what we just saw from the video package earlier, but Cena cuts him off. He says that the fans aren’t blind, they already saw what happened in the video, and if they also watched RAW, they would also already know what Cena had to say about what he did at WrestleMania, but for the benefit of those at home who missed RAW as well as the video package earlier, he’s going to say this one more time: 1) he had nothing to do with Paul Heyman being out there during the Main Event of WrestleMania; 2) he’s not “sold his soul” to Paul Heyman, and never will; and 3) he doesn’t regret what he did at WrestleMania, just like he’s sure the Rock wouldn’t have regretted if he’d used that steel chair on Cena in order to win the WWE Title. He did what any man in his position would have done, both he and the Rock gave their all, and he walked out as the WWE Champion because, at least for that night, he was the better man.

“Really?” The Miz inquires, and in typical Miz-fashion proceeds to repeat the question multiple times. Cena cuts him off once again, and tells him that the answer is the same no matter how many times he repeats the question. Cena then goes on to say that he didn’t accept the invitation to be a guest on Miz TV so that he can gain the acceptance and understanding of people like the Miz. He knows he’s always going to have his doubters, no matter what he does, just as he’s always going to have his loyal fans. Nothing he says will change anything. He’s here tonight because he wants to take the opportunity to say something to the Rock. He knows that even though the Rock wasn’t there on RAW, he knows he was watching show. He knows the Rock must have heard what he said about him being the better man at WrestleMania. He doesn’t want the Rock to take it the wrong way. He knows that they both entered their match at WrestleMania with a lot of hostility, but he wants the Rock to know that, despite his loss at WrestleMania, he has won John Cena’s respect.

Walking into WrestleMania, he thought he had everything figured out. He’d found the Rock’s childhood secret, his greatest fear in life. For the first time in John Cena’s career, he’d had to figure out not only how to best the Rock physically, which he’d always known he can do, but he also had to resort to mind games to give himself an edge. For this alone, the Rock deserves to call himself the greatest opponent of Cena’s life. But that’s not all. Like Cena said, he thought he had the Rock all figured out. Bring out the pinwheel, make the Great One recall his deepeest, darkest childhood nightmare, and use it to gain the psychological advantage, and the battle would be half-won. And that almost worked, too, like everyone saw at WrestleMania. Cena was sure he was going to win it without breaking a sweat. But no, the Rock came back and the Rock fought and clawed every inch of the way, and made Cena work for it. At one point, Cena even thought it was all lost for him, if only for the very briefest second, that was when the Rock took the pinwheel from him, and broke it in half. The Rock might have lost the match and the title, but just like Cena, he walked out a winner. He overcame his greatest nightmare, and he walked out a better, stronger man. Even though there can only be one winner to a match on paper, both the Rock and John Cena can walk out of WrestleMania with their heads held high and call themselves winners. He can’t think of a better end to this rivalry between them, and for that he would like to thank the Rock. Just as the Rock had helped motivate John Cena to become stronger by beating him last year at WrestleMania, he had helped the Rock become stronger by making him face the demons of his past. They’d both helped each other become stronger, and for this he says “Thank you” to the Rock. As cliché as this might sound, this is a fairytale happy ending for their 2-year long rivalry, and there isn’t a better way them to both move on from this, him as WWE Champion, and the Rock as a man free of his childhood demons to return to Hollywood, where he’s sure he’ll continue to be a major box office icon. Cena wishes him all the best.

“Really?” the Miz asks again skeptically. Cena says he doesn’t care if the Miz doubts him, but he knows the Rock respects him, just like he respects the Rock, and the Rock will understand that he means exactly what he says. The Miz tells Cena that he can’t speak for the Rock, and he doesn’t know if the Rock buys into his explanation or his little speech about respect. But he does know that there’s one thing in which the Rock doesn’t agree with John Cena, and that’s the idea that they should “move on” and that the Rock will just return to Hollywood. You see, while the Rock wasn’t medically cleared to appear on RAW, he’s been told that he will be cleared by the next PPV, Extreme Rules, and the Miz got this directly from General Manager Stone Cold Steve Austin, whom the Rock had contacted immediately after this week’s RAW. While it hasn’t yet been put down in black and white until the Rock can show up and sign the contract, Austin had revealed that the Rock has every intention of claiming his obligatory rematch for the WWE Title at Extreme Rules. In fact, Austin has told him that the Rock WILL be back this Friday night on Smackdown to sign the contract! The crowd goes crazy, and Cena for a moment looks stunned. The Miz says that Cena doesn’t look too happy at the prospect of facing the Rock again for the title. Is it because he knows he can’t beat the Rock in a rematch? Cena reminds the Miz that he just beat the Rock 2 nights ago, and he can do it again. The Miz begs Cena’s pardon, and says he meant if Cena thought he couldn’t beat the Rock without hitting him with a giant box of Fruity Pebbles. Cena says that the Miz is one to talk. He can recall all the things the Miz did to keep the WWE Title 2 years ago when Cena was challenging him for it. At least Cena didn’t need the help of the WrestleMania Guest Host to win in the main event of WrestleMania. The Miz admits that he will do absolutely anything he can to hold on to the WWE Title, but unlike John Cena, he never come out and tried to justify his action or paint himself as the good guy. Cena claims he doesn’t care what his doubters think, but the truth is that he really does care, doesn’t he? It’s unthinkable that he’ll ever be viewed by the WWE Universe as anything less than the honorable guy that he claims to be. So here’s the question he really wants to ask: when Cena talks about how he’ll never abandon his principle, that he’ll never change, and always uphold Hustle, Loyalty and Respect……who is he really trying to convince? The WWE Universe, or himself?

This causes a buzz in the crowd, and Cena looks momentarily taken aback by the question. However, the Miz doesn’t get to hear Cena’s answer, because at that moment, former Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett appears out of nowhere and demolishes the Miz with the Bullhammer Elbow! Barrett then grabs the Intercontinental Title belt that the Miz just dropped on the floor and raises it over his head, screaming that it belongs to him. Not quite satisfied with the damage he’s already done, Barrett demolishes the Miz TV set in the ring before continuing to stomp away on the half-conscious and helpless Miz. Throughout it all, John Cena just stands in the corner of the ring watching, his face completely blank and unreadable. Barrett pulls the Miz to his feet and drops him again with the Wasteland before posing over him again with the title belt. As he’s doing so, Cena finally starts to move, as he positions himself behind Barrett. Finally satisfied with the beatdown, Barrett turns around……and Cena scoops him up onto his shoulders before dropping him with a huge AA……right on top of the Miz! Cena stares down at the two men lying in pain at his feet for a moment before turning and walking off to the back. Throughout the whole process, his face remains expressionless and unreadable.

Angles: Miz interviews Cena on Miz TV. (Rating: A)

Cena AA’s Barrett on top of the Miz. (Rating: A*)

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler is shown preparing for his upcoming match with Alberto Del Rio, when AJ and Big E. Langston enter the locker room together. Dolph asks what the two of them were doing together, and AJ explains that she was telling Big E that what happened on Superstars was a misunderstanding, and that Ziggler only shouted at him in the heat of the moment, and didn’t really mean what he said. She tells Ziggler that Big E understands, and will continue to support him in his corner tonight. Big E, on his part, doesn’t really look happy at that, but remains silent. Dolph tells AJ that she’s wrong, and that he meant exactly what he said Superstars, and he still does. He didn’t want Big E out there on Superstars, and he doesn’t want Big E out there in his corner tonight, either. He doesn’t need Big E, and he proved just that when he beat Kane on Superstars without Big E’s help. He doesn’t want Big E in his corner, and he doesn’t want him anywhere near his girlfriend, either. With that, he pulls AJ to his side, away from Langston. Big E tells Ziggler angrily that he would never have helped Ziggler if it weren’t for AJ, and Dolph jumps on that immediately, screaming that Big E just admitted that he was here for Dolph’s girlfriend. Big E shouts that he and AJ are just friends, and that as a friend he thinks AJ is too good for Ziggler. He’s seen how Ziggler used AJ’s kiss to distract his opponent and help him win matches, and a man like that doesn’t deserve a girl like AJ. AJ pleads for the two men to calm down, and tell them they need to be on the same page. Ziggler tells her he doesn’t want or need Langston, and he will beat ADR by himself tonight. Big E tells him that he wouldn’t help Ziggler if he begged him to. The two men go there separate ways, leaving a distraught-looking AJ looking both ways. After some hesitation, she stomps her foot and goes after Ziggler.

Angle: Ziggler doesn’t want Langston in his corner. (Rating: B)

Back in the arena, the Miz has somehow managed to get back into the announce table. He still looks bruised and banged up from the beatdown delivered by Barrett earlier, but looks determined to continue doing his job as commentator. Cornette, meanwhile, looks amused by the Miz’s plight. The two of them inform the fans Wade Barrett has challenged Cena to a match this Friday night on Smackdown, claiming that Cena has “stuck his nose in his business once too many times’, referring not only to what happened tonight, but also what happened on RAW this past Monday night, when Cena rescued Zach Ryder from a post-match beating at the hands of Barrett. Cena has accepted the challenge, and the match is now official. The Miz adds that he’ll be watching both men carefully during the match on Smackdown, obviously being none too pleased with either of them.

Angle: Cornette and Miz announce Cena vs Barrett for Smackdown. (Rating: A)

Match: Dolph Ziggler defeated Alberto Del Rio in 8:27 by pinfall following interference from Jack Swagger. During the match we also had AJ Lee run in and attack Alberto Del Rio.

AJ looks troubled by Big E’s absence as she makes her way down to the ring with Dolph, but Ziggler looks c0cky as ever as he once again exchanges a kiss with his girlfriend just before the bell rings. A lock-up and a shoulder knock-down from Dolph, and the Show-Off poses over his fallen opponent with a swivel of his hips and a flinging gesture at Del Rio. Another run off the ropes, and this time Alberto catches him and goes for a hiptoss, but Ziggler blocks the attempt and counters with a backslide for a 2-count before celebrating with a moon-walk across the ring.

Del Rio comes back with kicks to the arm to soften Dolph up for the Cross Armbreaker. Dolph tries to fend off the kicks and gets luck as he catches Del Rio by the foot. He goes for a Dragon Screw, but Alberto rolls through with the move and counters with a snapmare takedown followed by a hard kick to the back of the seated Ziggler that causes him to scream like a little girl. Del Rio gets down on Ziggler and continues to work on the arm for a bit before Ziggler breaks free with a rake to the eyes. He scrambles for the ropes as Alberto comes for his arms again, and manages to stick his body halfway through the ropes just when it looks like Del Rio is about to lock in the Armbreaker. The referee hurries over to break up the fighters, and during the struggle, Dolph reaches over the referee and slaps Del Rio across the face! A pi$$ed-off Del Rio pushes the referee aside and tries to follow his opponent out to the apron, only to be suckered in into a huge knee lift. With Del Rio stunned as he stands with his upper body sticking out through the ropes, Dolph goes for the Famasser that would drive Del Rio face-first into the ring apron……

……and misses! Del Rio pulls back just in time as Ziggler drops himself down hard on the ring apron. Screaming in agony, Dolph staggers away from the ring clutching his butt, and Del Rio capitaises with a running dropkick through the ropes into the Show-Off! Pulling his opponent back up, Alberto continues to press his attacks, literally kicking his opponent’s ass as he focuses his attack on the sore butt, delivering kick after kick to it until AJ Lee gets between him and Dolph. The crazed diva screams Del Rio, who hesitates uncertainly……giving Ziggler the opening to launch himself past AJ and drive Alberto hard into the ring steps.

Having finally gained control of the match, Ziggler rolls Del Rio back into the ring and nails him with 10 consecutive elbow drops for a 2-count. He then works on the back that was driven into the steel steps earlier to aggravate the injury. He then locks on a modified Bow-and-Arrow stretch on Del Rio, stretching the No. 1 Contendor horizontally across his knees for nearly 2 minutes before Alberto struggles out of it and flip over on top of Ziggler, nearly pinning him to the mat for a 3-count. Ziggler kicks out of the pin, and regains control with a neckbreaker for a 2-count of his own. He measures Del Rio up for another Famasser attempt, but Del Rio dodges at the last moment and drops Ziggler on his head with a huge release German suplex! This gives Del Rio the much-needed opportunity to recover from the damage he took earlier, and as both men make it to their feet, Del Rio regains control and he unloads on Ziggler with clotheslines and dropkicks. Ziggler scrambles for the corner, and Del Rio goes for a corner running enziguri, but Ziggler ducks the kick at the last moment and counters with the Famasser! Del Rio kicks out on 2, however, much to Ziggler’s disbelief.

Ziggler then heads for the top rope, but Alberto is right there to cut him off. The No. 1 Contendor stuns Ziggler with a series of blows before going for an inverted suplex off the top turnbuckle. Ziggler blocks the attempt the knocks Del Rio off the ropes with back elbows, but as he tries to regain his own footing on the top ropes, Del Rio comes back with an amazing leaping enziguri to the back of his head! Ziggler comes crashing down to the mat, and the crowd apparently think this is all over as Del Rio goes for the pin……but the Show-Off kicks out!

Del Rio looks stunned at his opponent’s resilience, but not for long, as he signals for the superkick. AJ Lee gets on the ring apron and starts screaming at him, which prompts the Mexican to turn to her and warn her not to get involve. AJ responds by grabbing him by the face and planting a liplock on him! The referee looks unsure of what to do, as he’s clearly never had to disqualify any competitor due to his opponent getting kissed. As Alberto struggles to free himself, Ziggler grabs him from behind for the ZIG-ZAG……but Alberto has the sense to grab the ropes firmly, blocking the move! Ziggler lands on the mat and rolls back up to his feet again, lunging for his opponent just as Del Rio finally breaks free from the kiss……and the No. 1 Contendor sidesteps his attack and causes him to run into his own girlfriend! Just like at WrestleMania, AJ is inadvertantly knocked off the apron by her own boyfriend, except this time there’s no Big E to catch her, and the girl lands hard on the floor outside. Not even hesitating for a second, Ziggler turns right back to Del Rio, but eats a kick to the gut before the Mexican grabs his arm and signals for the Cross Armbreaker. Ziggler rolls through with the move, however, and goes on to counter with a huge leaping DDT that drives his opponent’s face hard into the mat……for another 2-count.

Ziggler begins to complain about the referee’s ‘slow count’, when Big E comes running out to the ring. Not even looking at Ziggler, he picks the fallen and seemingly unconscious AJ up onto his shoulder and walks off to the back. Ziggler sees this and starts screaming at Big E to put his girlfriend down, but Big E ignores him. Taking advantage of this distraction, Alberto drops Ziggler with a Backstabber before locking on the CROSS ARMBREAKER! Just when it looks like Ziggler is about to tap, Zeb Coulter comes running out to the ring and gets on the apron, prompting the referee to hurry over and stop him from entering the ring. Jack Swagger then appears from the crowd and gets on the ring apron from the other, side, but Del Rio releases Ziggler and nails him with a huge enziguri to knock him off the apron before he can get into the ring. Unfortunately, that’s all the distraction Ziggler needs, as he hits Del Rio from behind with the ZIG-ZAG to get the pinfall victory.

Rating: A*

Jack Swagger gets back into the ring as soon as the bell has rung, and the World Champion joins Mr MitB as the two of them continue to put the boots to the No. 1 Contendor while Coulter screams verbal abuses at him. With his former ring announcer having turned on him, it looks like there’s no one left to come to Del Rio’s aid……but out comes the United States Champion Antonio Cesaro! The US Champion from Switzerland charges into the ring, and Ziggler, who sees him coming makes a lunge for him……and Cesaro Uppercuts him out of the air! As the Show-Off rolls, stunned, out of the ring, Jack Swagger bullrushes Cesaro into the corner and drives him hard into the turnbuckles with shoulder thrusts. He then picks up Cesaro for the gutwrench powerbomb, but Cesaro slips free behind him before spinning him around and drilling him with a huge uppercut! Swagger gets spun around by the blow……right into a superkick from Del Rio! Cesaro then dumps Swagger right over his head with a gutwrench suplex of his own as the crowd goes crazy at the feat of strength. Coulter drags Swagger out of the ring and the two of them retreat up the ramp, staring at the US Champion in shock. Ziggler lies hurting and exhausted against the wall at ringside. Del Rio and Cesaro stand tall in the ring, challenging for the heels to come back in, and when it becomes apparent that neither are willing to, the two of them pose on the ropes to the cheers of the crowd as Main Event goes off the air.

Antonio Cesaro’s face turn went pretty well.

Angle: Cesaro saves Del Rio from Swagger and Ziggler. (Rating: A)

Ovr Rating: A (Road Dogg was used far too much. This show might have hurt our popularity overall.)

(OOC: Maybe Main Event is the show I should be cancelling……WWE is at A* popularity all over US, so any show with a lower grade than that is going to result in popularity loss. At least Superstars also airs in Europe, where WWE still has room to grow. Main Event only airs in the US, so it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be gaining anything from it. I’m not going to throw away 2-3 A* matches every week on a B-show just to prevent popularity bleeding.)

Greylocke · September 25, 2013

I sighed, and rubbed the back of my hand across my eyes. I looked down at the various pieces of paper laid out before me, all displaying multiple diagrams and scribbled notes. Then I looked up at the two men that had just been brought into my office by the road agents. Both stood with their backs straight, their hands behind their backs and their heads hung low, like schoolboys awaiting their punishment from the discipline master……which, in a way, they were. Even the sullen looks on their faces reminded me of such. I sighed again. I really didn’t need this, not now.

“Alright, what’s this about a fight? Miz, you’ve been here for, what, about a decade now? You’re a veteran! Hell, you’re a former WWE Champion! You’re supposed to set a good example for the boys at the back! I expected better from you!”

“He started it.” came the sullen reply.

“And like I said, I expected you to be the more mature one.” I turned my gaze to the other other culprit. “Johnny? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“He got into my luggage!” said Johnny Curtis, known to most of the WWE Universe as Fandango. “He stole a pair of my trunks and paraded round backstage wearing them and making joke of my gimmick!”

“Your gimmick is a joke!” the Miz retorted.

“Enough!” I snapped. “There will be no more fighting in the locker room, you hear me? Johnny, any grievances can be reported to me, or one of the road agents. I will not tolerate anarchy backstage as long as I’m in charge. Is that understood?”

“Yes Mr Russo.” The reply sounds every bit as sullen and resentful as the complaint.

“And Miz, no more stealing of other guys’ wardrobe. If you like those colourful pants that much I can come up with a new gimmick that puts you in one of those. Then you can wear them all the time! Is that what you want?”

“No sir.”

“Good. The next time something like these happens, I don’t care who started it, BOTH of you are going to be suspended, you hear me?”

“Yes sir.”

I looked at their faces, and know that this isn’t over by a long shot. Both men are still staring daggers into each other. I didn’t think my threat was quite getting through to either of them. And I know that, this being the first incident I’d had to handle since I started working here, I need to make my threats stick. The boys in the back are all watching.

I glanced down at my desk again. The diagrams, the accursed diagrams! Mostly, they were of family trees of Superstars, not just those within the company, but also some outside who might have family relations with members of our current roster. Sophie had collected and collated them under my instructions, to help me figure out suitable candidates for the upcoming incest storyline that I’d been order to do by Mr McMahon. So far, all they’ve done is make my head spin as I try to mentally shuffle the relationships in order. Then a light bulb appeared over my head.

“Say,” I remarked, looking up at the two Superstars, “have the two of you heard about Mr McMahon’s latest idea? Actually, no, you don’t have to answer that. I know you do know about it. There’re no secrets in these locker rooms, are there?”

Both of them exchange puzzled looks, neither knowing where this is leading to.

“I have to say, I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of possible options after doing a bit of research.” I went on, gesturing at the charts of family trees laid out on my desk. “Interesting how many legit families are connected to the business. The McMahons, the Harts, the Rhodes, the Hogans, the Guerreros, the Hennigs, the Flairs, the Colons, the Samoans……why, guys like you, with no other family members involved in the business, are almost a rarity in comparison.”

Curtis and Miz smile back nervously in response to the one I give them.

“But of course, the huge list of options is rather deceptive, isn’t it? I mean, if Mr McMahon’s own children felt that the angle is too……controversial for them, I don’t think I’d be able to find that many in the locker room who’d feel comfortable at doing it.”

Another smile of uncertainty from the two trouble-makers, and probably for the first time both were wishing they never started the stupid fight.

“And then it occurred to me,” I continued happily, “that the Superstars in this storyline don’t really have to be related, do they? After all, it didn’t matter that Kane and the Undertaker aren’t really brothers. Hell, Paul and Katie Lea Burrchills weren’t really siblings, back when Mr McMahon wanted to put them into the incest angle.”

The men are looking really worried now.

“And of course, new relationships can be created amongst existing Superstars even now! Why, just this week, I turned Ricardo Rodriguez into Zeb Coulter’s long-lost brother! Fancy that!”

Both men are now looking at each other warily while pretending not to be looking at each other. And slowly shifting themselves away from each other.

“And now that I see the two of you standing here, side by side……I can’t help but notice the little resemblences. I mean, you even like wearing the same type of pants!”

“Now, look here, that was just a harmless joke……” the Miz begins.

“I don’t look anything like him……” Curtis objects at the same time.

“So many options,” I went on, pretending not to notice their objections, “it’s almost giving me a headache……which is why I want you to understand that I don’t really need the extra headaches from ‘incidents’ like petty backstage fights.”

“Of course, we understand, Vince.” The Miz says hurriedly. “We just got caught up in the heat of the moment……I can guarantee that there won’t be anymore problems like that ever again.”

“We’ll be on out best behaviour!” Johnny adds.

“Good to hear that. So……you two wanna kiss and make up?” I asked.

“NO!” both men shouted simulatenously.

“I didn’t mean literally.” I said mildly. “What I meant was: are you two going to put your differences behind you? No hard feelings, so to speak?”

“Sure! We’re best buddies, aren’t we, Johnny?” the Miz laughs, quickly draping an arm around Curtis’ shoulder.

“Yeah, sure, best buds,” Johnny’s laughter sounds every bit as forced.

“Good to know. You two are such model examples to the rest of the locker room, I want you to make it known to the rest of the locker room. And tell them about the recent headaches I’ve been having over this.” I gestured at the charts and diagrams laid out on my desk once again. “But tell them they don’t have to worry too much, because I’ve figured out that when you got too many headaches, all you gotta do is put them together, and they cancel each other out.” I beamed at the two men still awkwardly holding their arms around each other’s shoulder. “Right, guys?”

“Of course.” The Miz answers. The muscles on his face are twitching from the effort of keeping his smile on.

“So let them know that any attempts at creating extra headaches for me backstage will all be happily considered voluntary attempts to help me solve the headaches I’m having in my booking plans. And tell them that I have a certain gift for seeing similarities between guys that others might not see, and a flair for figuring out and putting together family relations that they themselves might even not know exist.”

“I’ll go tell them right away!” Miz is practically shouting in forced enthusiasm by this point.”

“Well, run along then!” I say cheerfully. They don’t need a second invitation, as both men hurry out of my office while doing their best not to break into a run. I waited for the door to shut behind them before dropping my smile and slumping back in my seat.

Well, at least that should keep the locker rooms quiet, for a while……

(OOC: Yep, the Miz and Fandango had a fight backstage, just when they happen to be feuding in real life WWE. Strange how these coincidences come about.)

----

WWE Headlines:

Two Huge Returns on SmackDown!

This week on Main Event, John Cena appeared as a guest on Miz TV. It was during this interview when the Host of Miz TV himself revealed the breaking news that the People’s Champion, the Rock will be making his first appearance since WrestleMania on this Friday’s Smackdown! It was also revealed that the Rock will be medically cleared by the next PPV, Extreme Rules, and that the reason he’s making a premature return is to finalise the contract signing for his rematch against John Cena for the WWE Title at the PPV! With the Champ himself having been booked in a match on Smackdown against former Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett, what will happen when the Great One and the Champ cross paths on Smackdown? Tune in and find out this Friday night!

But the Rock isn’t the only Superstar who will be making his return this Friday night! Paul Heyman has revealed via Twitter that this Friday night also marks the return of the Beast, Brock Lesnar. Heyman stated that the Beast has a personal message to deliver to the man who faced and bested him at WrestleMania, the COO of the WWE, Triple H. The COO has yet to respond to this news. What will Brock have to say to the Game? Will Triple H be there personally to receive the message?

Champion vs Champion!

After walking out on his own tag team partner in their match last week on Smackdown, the Real American, Jack Swagger, will go on to win the World Heavyweight Championship from Alberto Del Rio at WrestleMania. But his betrayed partner has no intention of letting the matter rest, and the United States Champion Antonio Cesari got some measure of revenge this past week on Main Event, when he ran in and helped even the odds for Alberto Del Rio as the two of them fought off the duo of Swagger and Mr Money-in-the-Bank, Dolph Ziggler in a post-match attack. Swagger and founding father Zeb Coulter have claimed that Cesaro, a non-American from Switzerland, is unfit to hold the championship title that represents the United States. Will the US Champion prove them wrong when he takes on the Real Amercian and the World Heavyweight Champion 1-on-1 in the middle of the ring tonight? Or will Swagger solidfy his claim of being the only champion worthy of representing his country and people?

Supersters’ fate to be determined over Lingerie Pillow Fight!

This past Monday night on RAW, GM of the Week Stone Cold Steve Austin, in an attempt to assert his authority, threatened to put the Viper Randy Orton in a Lingerie Pillow Fight. While the GM didn’t actually carry out his threat, the idea clearly appeals to him, so much so that he has since announced that there WILL be a certain WWE Superstar who will compete in a Lingerie Pillow fight this Friday night on Smackdown!

However, the man to whom he delivered the threat, Randy Orton, will not be able to compete on Smackdown. Already suffering from a concussion after being the victim of the Big Show’s Knockout Punch at Wrestlemania, the Viper’s condition was further aggravated this past Monday night at the end of RAW, when Sheamus inadvertantly Brogue-Kicked him in the head. With Orton medically unfit to step in the ring, GM Austin has yet to decide on the man who will replace him. Instead, he has decided to leave this decision in the hands of the WWE Universe. So come vote now for the Superstar whom you want to see compete in a Lingerie Pillow Fight! The poll is now open on wwe.com!

Smackdown Predictions:

Champion vs Champion non-title match: World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs United States Champion Antonio Cesaro

John Cena vs Wade Barrett

Sheamus vs Damien Sandow

Which former NXT rookie will have a video hyping his debut this week on Smackdown (Hint: He was in one of the first 4 seasons of the original NXT, but has never been on any of WWE’s main shows)?

Poll on wwe.com:

Which of these Superstar do you want to see compete in a Lingerie Pillow Fight?

a) Santino Marella (he possesses undeniable successful track record in the divas division)?

b) William Regal (Austin really liked how good he looked when dressed up as Pirate Burchill’s buxom wench)?

c) Heath Slater (he looks like Wendy, nuff said)?

d) All of the above?

Russelrules44 · September 28, 2013

WWE Headlines:

Quote:

Two Huge Returns on SmackDown!

This week on Main Event, John Cena appeared as a guest on Miz TV. It was during this interview when the Host of Miz TV himself revealed the breaking news that the People’s Champion, the Rock will be making his first appearance since WrestleMania on this Friday’s Smackdown! It was also revealed that the Rock will be medically cleared by the next PPV, Extreme Rules, and that the reason he’s making a premature return is to finalise the contract signing for his rematch against John Cena for the WWE Title at the PPV! With the Champ himself having been booked in a match on Smackdown against former Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett, what will happen when the Great One and the Champ cross paths on Smackdown? Tune in and find out this Friday night!

But the Rock isn’t the only Superstar who will be making his return this Friday night! Paul Heyman has revealed via Twitter that this Friday night also marks the return of the Beast, Brock Lesnar. Heyman stated that the Beast has a personal message to deliver to the man who faced and bested him at WrestleMania, the COO of the WWE, Triple H. The COO has yet to respond to this news. What will Brock have to say to the Game? Will Triple H be there personally to receive the message?

Champion vs Champion!

After walking out on his own tag team partner in their match last week on Smackdown, the Real American, Jack Swagger, will go on to win the World Heavyweight Championship from Alberto Del Rio at WrestleMania. But his betrayed partner has no intention of letting the matter rest, and the United States Champion Antonio Cesari got some measure of revenge this past week on Main Event, when he ran in and helped even the odds for Alberto Del Rio as the two of them fought off the duo of Swagger and Mr Money-in-the-Bank, Dolph Ziggler in a post-match attack. Swagger and founding father Zeb Coulter have claimed that Cesaro, a non-American from Switzerland, is unfit to hold the championship title that represents the United States. Will the US Champion prove them wrong when he takes on the Real Amercian and the World Heavyweight Champion 1-on-1 in the middle of the ring tonight? Or will Swagger solidfy his claim of being the only champion worthy of representing his country and people?

Supersters’ fate to be determined over Lingerie Pillow Fight!

This past Monday night on RAW, GM of the Week Stone Cold Steve Austin, in an attempt to assert his authority, threatened to put the Viper Randy Orton in a Lingerie Pillow Fight. While the GM didn’t actually carry out his threat, the idea clearly appeals to him, so much so that he has since announced that there WILL be a certain WWE Superstar who will compete in a Lingerie Pillow fight this Friday night on Smackdown!

However, the man to whom he delivered the threat, Randy Orton, will not be able to compete on Smackdown. Already suffering from a concussion after being the victim of the Big Show’s Knockout Punch at Wrestlemania, the Viper’s condition was further aggravated this past Monday night at the end of RAW, when Sheamus inadvertantly Brogue-Kicked him in the head. With Orton medically unfit to step in the ring, GM Austin has yet to decide on the man who will replace him. Instead, he has decided to leave this decision in the hands of the WWE Universe. So come vote now for the Superstar whom you want to see compete in a Lingerie Pillow Fight! The poll is now open on wwe.com!

Smackdown Predictions:

Champion vs Champion non-title match: World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs United States Champion Antonio Cesaro

John Cena vs Wade Barrett

Sheamus vs Damien Sandow

Which former NXT rookie will have a video hyping his debut this week on Smackdown (Hint: He was in one of the first 4 seasons of the original NXT, but has never been on any of WWE’s main shows)? Percy Watson!

Poll on wwe.com:

Which of these Superstar do you want to see compete in a Lingerie Pillow Fight?

a) Santino Marella (he possesses undeniable successful track record in the divas division)?

b) William Regal (Austin really liked how good he looked when dressed up as Pirate Burchill’s buxom wench)?

c) Heath Slater (he looks like Wendy, nuff said)?

d) All of the above?

LMFAO! Keep it up!

Greylocke · October 8, 2013

My home PC died. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/frown.png.e6b571745a30fe6a6f2e918994141a47.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Trying to recover the data from it (which includes the document that I've been writing this diary in) while waiting for the new one to be delivered. I was halfway through Smackdown Hr 1 report before this happened, will have to wait and see if I'd have to re-write that part again.....

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