WWE Goes WrestleCrap - **** Sells!

Russelrules44 · October 8, 2013

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Greylocke" data-cite="Greylocke" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>My home PC died. <img alt=":(" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/frown.png.e6b571745a30fe6a6f2e918994141a47.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> Trying to recover the data from it (which includes the document that I've been writing this diary in) while waiting for the new one to be delivered. I was halfway through Smackdown Hr 1 report before this happened, will have to wait and see if I'd have to re-write that part again.....</div></blockquote> Damn man, That sucks. Hope it'll be alright.

Greylocke · October 16, 2013

Will be getting my new PC this weekend! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

And I got most of my data back, including this diary, so I won't have to re-write everything.

Will get the next update posted over the weekend.

Russelrules44 · October 17, 2013

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Greylocke" data-cite="Greylocke" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Will be getting my new PC this weekend! <img alt=":)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> And I got most of my data back, including this diary, so I won't have to re-write everything. Will get the next update posted over the weekend.</div></blockquote> Awesome!

Russelrules44 · October 17, 2013

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="Greylocke" data-cite="Greylocke" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Will be getting my new PC this weekend! <img alt=":)" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/smile.png.142cfa0a1cd2925c0463c1d00f499df2.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> And I got most of my data back, including this diary, so I won't have to re-write everything. Will get the next update posted over the weekend.</div></blockquote> Awesome!

Greylocke · October 20, 2013

Smackdown Hour 1 Report!

WWE Smackdown, taped in front of 22454 people at the Amercian Airlines Centre, Dallas, Texas!

Dark Match: The Usos defeated Primo and Epico in 5:54 when Jimmy Uso defeated Epico by pinfall.

Usos control the match for the first two minutes before a distraction from Rosa Mendes allows the Colons to take over when Primo shoves one of the Usos off the top rope to the floor outside. Quick tags between the Colons for the next 2 minutes to keep that Uso isolated (still can’t tell them apart) until the Uso starts to rally and battle out of a resthold. Stupid attempt by Epico to regain control with a headbutt backfires, because we all know Samoans genetically possess harder heads. Hot tag to the other Uso, who cleans house, and gets a 2-count on Primo after a Samoan drop. Chaotic free-for-all in the last minute as all 4 men hit the ring. Uso dumps Epico out of the ring. Primo then dropkicks the Uso out. Other Uso superkicks Primo. Tag to the first Uso. Second Uso dives out of the ring on Epico. First Uso hits the superfly splash for the 3-count.

Rating: C

Main Show:

The show opens with a short clip of the GM of the Week, the Dean of Domestic Violence, Stone Cold Steve Austin, who is shown walking backstage towards his office. On the way, he passes by several workers, who all give him a wide berth……particularly the women, divas and staff members alike. Tamina Snuka, Rosa Mendes, Alicia Fox, Lillian Garcia……all are shown literally scurrying out of the way to avoid him and huddle against the walls and corners as he walks past. Stone Cold stops for a brief moment to snicker at them as he seems to enjoy the dread and fear he commands over the women. Fortunately, he doesn’t actually attack any of them……well, not yet, at least. He continues making his way to the office.

Angle: Austin arrives and divas are intimidated. (Rating: A*)

We move from one Attitude Era icon to another, for even as JR and JBL welcome the audience to Smackdown, the Rock’s music hits the arena, and the crowd is on their feet as the People’s Champion (who unfortunately no longer has a championship belt) makes his way out to the ring to announce that finally, the Rock has come back to Dallas, Texas! The Rock then goes on to tell his adoring fans that he was actually advised by his doctors not to be here tonight. He has not been medically cleared to compete, and won’t be until Extreme Rules, at the earliest. The doctors want him to stay home and recuperate so that he’d be at 100% come Extreme Rules. They told him that if he wanted to be here to sign a contract for his WWE Title rematch, he can always arrange for the contract to be brought to him instead. However, there’re several reasons that the Rock chose to come here to Smackdown tonight. First, because this is Smackdown, and everybody knows that Smackdown is the Rock’s show, where the millions (“and millions”) of the Rock’s fans want to see him come back and lay the smackdown on some jabroni’s ass like he always does; second, because this is Stone Cold Steve Austin’s final night here as the GM, and it’s been a long time since the Great One and Stone Cold are together in the same building, and he’s not going to miss the chance; and last but not least, in fact most importantly, he’s not going to sit at home and watch some giant M&M impersonator walk around with his championship belt claiming that he was the better man and spewing garbage about how he respects his opponent. So the Rock told his doctors to take their medical clearance and healthcare advices, roll them up into a ball, shine it up bright, turn it sideways, and stick it up their candy-

……The Rock stops in mid-sentence and winces and fidgets uncomfortably as he tries to inconspicuously reach back and rub his ass without being noticed. Clearly, he’s still suffering from the after-effects of anal bleeding, and the mentioning of sticking something up someone’s ass just brought the painful memory back to him. JBL uses this opportunity to remind the fans the details of how the Rock has suffered from anal bleeding since Wrestlemania, after he’d had a handful of breakfast cereal shoved up his ass by Cena. After squirming uncomfortably for a couple of seconds, the Rock decides to move away from talking about what he did to his doctors (using the excuse that “it’s too non-PG for this show”) and goes back to Cena. He admits that he’s watched every show since Wrestlemania, and that he heard everything Cena had to say to him, or about him, and that after spending through hours sifting through all the garbage Cena spewed for the past week, he’s finally found the one bit of truth amidst all that crap: the only thing that Cena said exactly what he meant, and that was the fact that he thinks that it’s time to end this whole rivalry between the two of them. The Rock bets that Cena really meant it when he said this; he bets Cena can’t wait for him to go back to Hollywood so that Cena can claim he beat the Rock out of the WWE. Well, that’s just not going to happen. The Rock has been gone a long time, but he still remembers how things work here. The Rock is entitled to his rematch for the WWE Title, and he’s not going anywhere until he’s claimed it! He’s here tonight to sign the contract for the rematch at Extreme Rules, which is coming up in about 5 weeks, but now that he’s thought about it, he doesn’t want to wait 5 weeks. Screw medical clearance, he wants John Cena tonight! He knows that Cena already has a match tonight, but that’s fine, the Rock will make it fair for him. He’ll make sure that the both of them will pull double-duty tonight! The Rock will walk back to Stone Cold Steve Austin right now and tell him to give the Rock an opponent tonight! The Rock doesn’t care who it is, it can be the Undertaker, the Brooklyn Brawler, the Gobbbledy Gooker……the Rock will lay the smackdown on whomever Steve Austin puts in front of him, and then he’ll move on to Cena……

……in fact, the Rock has a better idea, how about Cena come out right now, and we’ll open this show with the WrestleMania rematch while the both of them are still fresh! Because the Rock doesn’t want to wait another hour, he’s going to take back his WWE Championship right now! The crowd goes crazy at the prospect of kicking the night off with the WWE Title match, but JR informs the TV audience that to his knowledge, Cena has not yet arrived at the building. But of course, this is pro wrestling, and someone just has to come out to interrupt the Rock. In this case, it’s not Cena……it’s Mr Money-in the-Bank, the Show-off, Dolph Ziggler!

Dolph tells the Rock that the two of them have one thing in common, because like the Rock, Ziggler believe that what John Cena spewed about respect was a load of garbage, and that the only time when Cena said what he meant was that the Rock should call it quits and go back to Hollywood. And you know what, that’s also the one thing Dolph Ziggler actually agrees with Cena about. Dolph says he’s sick and tired of past nostalgia acts like the Rock coming back and taking the spotlight from guys who truly deserve it. Guys like Dolph Ziggler, who steals the show week in and week out, but everywhere he goes, the only thing people would talk about is Rock vs Cena. Ziggler says that he doesn’t know whose idea it was to give a World Title shot to some Hollywood actor who’s done nothing to earn it. When David Arquette was given a World title shot, he killed WCW, and it’s a miracle that the same hasn’t happened to WWE when the Rock somehow managed to win the WWE Championship. Well, miracles don’t happen twice, and he’s not going to allow the Rock make another attempt to kill his show.

The Rock stares at Ziggler in open astonishment as he speaks, and finally manages to raise a question:

“Who in the Blue Hell are you?”

Ziggler snaps that he knows what this is leading to, and he’s not going to fall for one of the Rock’s lame catchphrase baits. You see, that’s the problem he has with the Rock. The Rock really believes it doesn’t matter what anybody else’s name is, because he thinks none of them matters, doesn’t he? That what he hates about the Rock, and that’s what he hates about the Rock’s fans. Above all, he hates this mentality if you don’t come from this so-called “Golden Age” known as the Attitude Era, you don’t matter, because you’re not good as those fossils back from those times. The Rock left the WWE for 7 years, and when he came back, he acts like nothing has changed. He talked about fighting the Undertaker, the Brookyln Brawler, the Gobbledy Gooker, not once did he mention people like Dolph Zigger, who works his ass off every week on these shows so that people will tune in to watch them. To the Rock, none of these people matters. In particular, he has a problem with this interview that the Rock did a few years back……

A video footage is shown on the Tron of an interview that the Rock cut about 4 years back. It was an interview taped outside WWE, and the Rock is shown helping to hype a PPV World Title match between the Undertaker and CM Punk. Right before the interview, the Rock is shown laughing to someone off-screen: “By the way, who the hell is Dolph Ziggler?”

Dolph tells the Rock that he might have thought that silly little joke was funny, but Dolph didn’t find it funny in the least. Ever since that day, Dolph has wanted to find a way to make sure the Rock knows exactly who he is. But he never had that opportunity, because the Rock was too busy making his movies in Hollywood. And when he did come back he had eyes only for John Cena. Well tonight, that’s about to change, because Dolph Ziggler is “bringing it” to the Rock, and when this night is over, the Rock will never, ever again forget who Dolph Ziggler is!

The Rock tells Ziggler he needs to get this straight……Ziggler is volunteering himself to be the Rock’s opponent tonight? Ziggler wants a match with the Rock, is that right? Is that what he wants? Ziggler shouts that it’s exactly what he wan-

“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT!” the Rock shouts, and the crowd goes crazy again while Ziggler looks pi$$ed off that he’s taken the bait, after all. The Rock then goes on to tell Dolph Ziggler that he might not have known him back when he cut that interview years ago, but he has since learnt a lot about the name Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler is right, when the Rock came back, he thought nothing’s changed, because just like before he left there were people playing the same kind of roles, people making their way to the top in the same manner. Before the Rock left, there was a man called Triple H who got to the top by marrying his boss’ daughter Stephanie McMahon; after he left, there was a man called Dolph Ziggler who got to the top by sleeping with his boss Vickie Guerrero! Both of them worked their asses off to get to the top, but he’ll admit that Ziggler had to work a hell lot harder to stay on top, because Triple H never had to deal with a woman who weighs more than him! And just like Triple H, Ziggler always made sure there’s a woman in his corner doing all the fighting for him. When Chyna was literally growing a **** and decided to fight for herself, Triple H left her and went to Stephanie McMahon; when Vickie Guerero was growing too much excess weight for Ziggler to bear, he left her and picked up a 94-pound AJ. Well, tonight, Ziggler can bring all the chicks he wants with him, whether it’s that crazy psycho AJ, or that big black b**** with E-cup b00bies who calls herself Big E Langston, because since John Cena hasn’t had the guts to come out and answer his challenge, he’s going back to Stone Cold Steve Austin to make the match tonight: the Rock vs Deuce Bigelow!

Dolph Ziggler screams at the Rock not to make fun of his name again, and tells him that his name is DOLPH ZIGG-

“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! Dolph Ziggler, Deuce Bigelow, Doll’s Piccolo, whatever you call yourself, after tonight you’re simply going to be remembered as the man whom the Rock beat in his warm-up match before he goes on to lay the smackdown on John Cena to reclaim the WWE Championship! IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLA WHAT DA ROCK IS COOKING!”

Angles: The Rock calls out Cena. (Rating: A*)

Ziggler challenges Rock! (Rating: A*)

After a commerical break, Damien Sandow is shown standing in the ring with his entrance music still playing, as he’s getting ready to face the Celtic Warrior Sheamus in his scheduled match. As is usually the case, the Intellectual Saviour has a mic in his hand and a lecture to deliver to the ignoramuses of the Unwashed Masses. He tells the audience that everyone knows that his opponent for tonight, Sheamus, is nothing more than an uncouth and uneducated brute. But what Sheamus did this past week on RAW was an utter disgrace, which served not only to expose the sheer depth of his ignorance, but can also potentially cause irreparable damage to the image of the WWE, and more importantly, spread further ignorance amongst the unwashed masses. He is of course, referring to that “story” Sheamus told this past Monday night about a grizzly bear invading his uncle’s farm in Ireland. Sandow informs everyone that grizzlies, in fact, do not exist in Ireland, they are a species that inhabit only certain parts of North America. It is to be expected that an uneducated barbarian like Sheamus would not know about this, but the fact that he has the audacity to tell a story that spreads such outrageous geographical misinformation is simply unforgivable. As a WWE Superstar, it is his responsibility to try and uphold himself as a role model to the masses, especially the children; but what Sheamus did by passing on false information like he did to the already-ignorant members of the WWE Universe can potentially stunt the growth of an entire generation of younger fans! Imagine your children or grandchildren growing up believing that grizzlies actually do exist in Ireland! They’ll be the laughing stock to the rest of the world for such display of ignorance. Therefore, tonight, as your Intellectual Saviour, Sandow will unleash the full wrath of righteuous fury on the Celtic Barbarian for his most heinous crime, for the good of the WWE, for each an everyone of you, and for all your children. You’re welcome!

Sheamus’ music now hits, and out comes the Celtic Warrior……who also has a mic inhis hand. “Day-mo, fella! We all know that you’re an educated man. Surely a man as educated as you are must have heard of this saying: Why let facts get in the way of a good story? C’mon fella, you gotta admit, that was a good story!

“And speaking of good stories, I’ve got another one Oi heard from me grandmother many years ago that Oi think is rather appropriate. Ye see, back in Ireland there’re lots of magical folkolores about Leprechauns. Now there was this one man was hoighly educated, read a lot of books and stuff, and he went around acting loike he knows more than everyone else. He scoffed at those folklores about Leprehcauns, telling everyone he meets that Leprechauns and magic don’t exist. Well, one day he took a walks in the woods, and ran into a Leprechaun. Even when he was faced with one of them, his head was crammed so full of the stuff he learnt from books that he refused to believe what he saw in front of him. He told the Leprechaun, to his face, that he’s fake, and so is his magic. Well, as you can imagine, the Leprechaun wasn’t amused by that, so he used that so-called fake magic to swap his mouth with his ARSE. And so the educated man was forced to spend the rest of his life as a freak who talked out of his ARSE.”

“……I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.” Says Sandow sternly.

“Yeah? Well good, because we’re all sick and tired of listening to you talk out of your ARSE.”

The crowd, of course, pops at the mention of someone’s backside, like they always do, and Sandow goes goggle-eyed in a mixture of shock and outrage as Sheamus continues.

“And you’re right, the time for talking and stories are over, it’s time for the foighting to start! So you know what, fella? I’m gonna get down to that ring right now, kick your head off, then rip off that big mouth of yours and attach it to your ARSE so that all the crap comes out the right end!”

And with that Sheamus drops the mic and charges into the ring, and the match begins!

Angle: Sandow gives lecture on geopgraphy, and Sheamus tells story about Leprechauns, and someone’s ARSE. (Rating: A)

Match: Sheamus defeated Damien Sandow in 6:47 when Damien Sandow was knocked out by a Brogue Kick.

The match is intense from the moment it begins, as Sandow, clearly offended by what Sheamus just said about him, goes right after the Irishman. The Celtic Warrior is all too happy to trade him blow for blow, however, quickly out-brawling the Intellectual Saviour and driving him back into a corner with heavy blows. Sandow quickly sticks his upper-body through the ropes and yell for the referee to do his job and break it up. Sheamus is forced to back off, and Sandow tries to capitalise, but Sheamus catches his charging opponent with an Irish hammer, then another, followed by a third, before picking him up for the White Noise, but Sandow manages to wriggle free and scurries out of the ring to regroup.

The referee tries to stop Sheamus from leaving the ring to pursue his opponent, but Sheamus ignores the official and steps out through the ropes on the ring apron……and Sandow sweeps his leg out from under him and causes him to fall hard on the edge of the ring! Sandow then drops Sheamus on his neck outside the ring with an elevated neckbreaker off the apron! Quickly rolling Sheamus back into the ring, Sandow goes for the cover, but Sheamus somehow manages to kick out. Sandow keeps working on Sheamus’ injured neck, but it doesn’t take long for the Celtic Warrior to struggle back to his feet and he tries to power out of a neck vice. Sandow quickly transitions into a Side Russian Legsweep to take him back down again, followed immediately by the Elbow of Disdain for a 2-count. Frustrated by the Celtic Warrior’s refusal to stay down, Sandow sticks his opponent’s neck through the ropes and stretches it painfully against the ropes, using the full 4-count from the referee to add more damage to it before breaking the hold. As he backs off under the referee’s orders, Sheamus groggily rolls under the ropes and tries to pull himself up on the apron. Seeing another opportunity, Sandow eagerly rushes his opponent, clearly planning to send Sheamus flying off the apron for a painful fall……but Sheamus catches his arm just before the blow can land! Twisting the Intellectual Saviour around by force, Sheamus proceeds to give Sandow 10 clobbering blows to the chest, before releasing him, and then slingshotting himself over the ropes and knocking his opponent down with a huge flying shoulderblock.

Both men take a while to get back to their feet, but Sheamus seems fired up as he does so, running wild on Sandow with a running Irish hammers, a running shoulder-thrust in the corner, a running knee lift, and finally a rolling front Samoan drop for a near-fall. Sheamus then hammers his own chest as he signals for the Brogue Kick, but as he launches the devastating kick, Sandow ducks under it and drops Sheamus with a huge jumping neckbreaker! As Sheamus cradles his own neck in pain, Sandow drags him to his feet and signals for the Idolizer to finish it off, but Sheamus once again powers out, then scoops Sandow onto his shoulders and plants him with a White Noise! Sheamus then signals for the Brogue Kick once again, and this time Sandow is unable to duck out of the way, and the Celtic Warrior gets the win.

Rating: A

After another commercial, Randy Orton is shown backstage in the lockerrooms, pacing back and forth with an angy look on his face. Sheamus enters the lockerroom, still beaming happily after a good fight and a win over Sandow, but his expression changes when he sees Randy. He asks the Viper why he’s hear tonight, reminding that he’s still not medically cleared to compete, and Randy replies with a cold, “All thanks to you.” Sheamus tells Randy that he’d already apologized for the Brogue Kick on Monday night and besides, that wouldn’t have happened anyway if Randy had listened to the doctors and stayed out of the ring that night. What was he thinking anyway, coming out after the Big Show with a lingering concussion? Randy says that he stuck his neck out for the Big Show before WrestleMania and vouched for him, only for the giant to turn on him, so it’s only right that he gets to make the Big Show pay for his treachery. Sheamus tells Randy that he’ll take care of it, but Randy tells him angrily that he doesn’t need Sheamus to fight his battles, this is Randy’s fight. Sheamus corrects him by telling him that ALL fights are Sheamus’ fights, and nothing ever keeps him out of one. He wants Randy to promise him to stay out of the fight until his medically cleared, because he doesn’t want to be responsible for prolonging or worsening Randy’s condition again if accidents happen like they did on Monday night. Randy tells him coldly that that’s why it should be Randy who should go after the Big Show, because unlike Sheamus, Randy doesn’t miss by accidents, and when he hits someone with the RKO, you can be damn sure that it was deliberate. Randy then walks away with Sheamus glaring after him.

Angle: Sheamus asks about Orton’s condition. (Rating: A*)

We then move to GM Austin’s office, where William Regal is shown pleading with him to take him out of the Lingerie Pillow Fight. We learn that thanks to the fan votes on wwe.com, the match will be a 3-Way between Santino Marella, Heath Slater and William Regal. Regal tells Austin that they’ve known each other a long time and have been friends for many years, and asks why Austin is doing this to him. Ausin corrects him and tells him that he’s not the one “doing this” to Regal, the fans voted for him, and he’s all about giving the fans what they want to see. Clearly, they want to see Regal in his lingerie tonight. Regal pleads with Austin some more, begging the GM to let him retire with some measure of dignity, but Austin tells him that the fans tonight paid good money to see the match, and he’s not about to deny them the match. He orders Regal to go get changed for the match.

Angle: Regal protests against Lingerie Match. (Rating: B)

Regal isn’t the only one who isn’t happy about the Lingerie match, as 3MB are now shown backstage, where Heath Slater is shown freaking out to his partners about the match, and screaming that no true Rock Star like him should ever have to perform in a lingerie. Jinder and McIntyre voice their agreements, but neither can come up with an idea to help their buddy avoid the match. Jeff Jarrett is then shown approaching the group nervously, and Drew snaps at him to back off, as they’re not in a good mood. Jarrett apologizes for the intrusion and starts to leave, but Slater stops him. He tells Jarrett that they’ve reconsidered his appeal after Monday night, and they think he does have a little bit of potential, after all. He tells Jarrett that they will take him as ‘apprentice’ for 3 months to see if he can live up to that potential. Jarrett looks ecstatic, and thanks 3MB profusely for the opportunity. Slater then notices that Jarrett isn’t carrying his guitar, and asks him about it. Jarrett says that 3MB was right, and that real guitars are lame because air guitar is where it’s at today, baby, WOO! That’s why he’s dumped his guitar in the back alley, so he can concentrate on mastering his air guitar. Slater tells Jarrett that air guitars are for masters like 3MB, and that Jarrett isn’t up to that level yet. He wants Jarrett to go get his guitar back. In fact, he wants Jarrett to bring it along every time he accompanies them out to the ring. Until Jarrett becomes good enough to use the air guitar, he’d better stick to what he was good at. Jarrett nods his head happily and rushes off to retrieve his guitar from the back alley.

Angle: 3MB recruits Jarrett as ‘apprentice’. (Rating: C)

Match: Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne defeated Prime Time Playas in 8:01 when Evan Bourne defeated Darren Young by pinfall with an Air Bourne.

Back in the arena, the Prime Time Playas are in the ring wait for their opponents in their upcoming tag match. The announcers appear to have no more idea about who their opponents will be than the PTP themselves, even when Kofi Kingston shows up at the entrance. The surprise return of Evan Bourne gets a decent pop from the crowd as the re-united team of Air Boom make their way down to the ring in unison.

Despite all the ring time he’s missed due to injury, Evan Bourne doesn’t seem to have lost a step as he uses his quickness to evade Titus O’Neal in the opening part of the match, stunning the larger man with quick jabs and kicks before hurling him right off his feet with a running hurricanrana. Evan drags Titus over to his corner by the arm and makes the tag to Kofi, who comes off the top rope with a big clubbing blow to the arm of Titus. Kingston tries to maintain control, but Titus uses his size and strength to bull-rush Kofi into his corner, where Darren Young tags himself in. After pounding away on Kofi in their corner with some illegal double-teaming, Darren tries to hurl Kofi out of the ring, but Kofi catches the ropes and bounces back, almost catching Darren with a Trouble in Paradise on the rebound, causing Young to duck quickly out of the ring. As the PTP regroup on the outside, Kofi rushes across the ring, making the tag to Bourne as he dives through the ropes onto Darren on the outside. Before Tituts can help his partner, Evan Bourne comes flying off the top turnbuckle with a huge flying knee to take him down on the outside as well! The crowd cheers wildly as Team Air Boom poses over their fallen opponents outside the ring!

Rolling Darren Young back into the ring, Evan Bourne ascends the top turnbuckle, and it looks like Air Boom may be ending this bout early……until Titus O’Neal gets on the apron and pulls Evan’s legs out from under him and crotches him on the top turnbuckle! Titus then hurries over to his corner, where Darren manages to tag him in, before hauling Evan off the ropes and planting him with a twisting powerslam! Titus uses his size to bully his smaller opponent, tossing him around like a rag doll for a couple of minutes before Evan tries to fight out out of his opponent’s corner with kicks to the head. Momentarily stunning both opponents, Evan dived for his own corner……but gets caught before he can make the tag as Titus O’Neal pounces on him. Picking Bourne up in his arms, Titus turns around to face Kofi before dumping Evan behind him with a fallaway slam. He then does the dog bark tauntingly at Kofi, which gives Evan some much-needed opprtunity to regain his bearings. Titus turns around and charges his opponent for a corner avalanche, but Evan ducks between his legs to avoid the collision, and Titus cashes into the turnbuckles. Before Evan can get to his corner to make a tag, Darren tags himself in and stops him by grabbing his foot. As Titus leans dazed against the corner, Darren drags Evan back towards it, but Evan nails him in the head with an enziguri! Dazed from the kick, Darren nevertheless tries to maintain his grip on Evan’s foot, but Evan twists around and shoves him hard with his free foot, not only kicking him away, but also sending him face-first into his own partner’s crotch!

As Titus falls out of the ring grabbing his own crotch in agony from the inadvertant low blow from his own partner, Evan makes the hot tag to Kofi, who runs wild on Darren, flooring him with flying forearms, dropkicks, double-armed chops to the chest, flying reverse elbow, and finally a huge Superman punch that sets him up for the Boom Drop. Nailing the double-legdrop perfectly, Kofi signals for the Trouble in Paradise, but Titus, who’s finally shaken off the accidental low blow, re-enters the ring and charges at him withg a vicious big boot. Kofi ducks the boot at the last moment, and Titus inadvertantly nails his own partner full in the face! Cursing at another accident, Titus turns around, only to eat the Trouble in Paradise from Kofi in his partner’s stead! Titus falls out of the ring once again while his partner is still down from the big boot. Kofi points to Evan, and the crowd goes crazy. Kofi obliginly makes the tag, and Evan comes off the top rope with the Air Bourne on Darren for the victory and a triumphant return!

Rating: B-

We head back to the GM’s office, and this time it’s WWE Champion John Cena who’s shown arguing with GM Austin. Cena questions Stone Cold’s decision of approving the Rock’s match against Dolph Ziggler for later tonight. He tells Austin that the Rock hasn’t been medically cleared to compete. He shouldn’t even be here tonight, much less get in the ring. Austin tells him that the Rock was the one who requested the match, and if the Rock thinks he can compete, he doesn’t see why Cena should be complaining on his behalf. He also adds that the Rock has signed a waiver that releases not only Austin but also the entire WWE from any responsibility should he suffer any injury later tonight, so he sees no reason to refuse the match. Cena should be more concerned about defending his title against the Rock later, after he’s done with Ziggler. Cena says that they don’t even know for sure if the Rock will be medically cleared by Extreme Rules after the match with Ziggler tonight. Who knows what Ziggler, or Big E, may do to the Rock later? He says there’s no way he’ll agree to defend his title against the Rock until he knows for sure the Rock’s at 100%, and there’s no way he’ll do it tonight. Austin tells Cena that the choice isn’t up to him, as the rematch clause states that the Rock gets to pick the time and place.

The conversation is interrupted by the loud bang of the office door being thrown open, as Paul Heyman enters the office, flanked by the Beast, Brock Lesnar. Heyman apologizes insincerely for the damage done to the door, as Brock Lesnar really doesn’t know his own strength sometimes, and he was really excited to finally come face-to-face with the great Stone Cold Steve Austin. Lesnar steps up to Austin and stares him down menacingly, and Cena warns him not to try anything as he tries to put himself between the Beast and the GM. Cena tells Heyman that he’ll never be a Paul Heyman guy, and bringing in his pet monster to try and intimidate him isn’t going to change anything. Heyman tells Cena to calm down, and that while he still believes there will come a time when Cena will realise that there’s nothing bad about being a Paul Heyman guy, Cena’s not the reason Brock and him are here tonight. Lesnar tells Cena contemptuously that he doesn’t understand what Paul sees in Cena; for some reason, Paul thinks Cena will make a good Heyman guy, but Brock isn’t the least bit interested in Cena. Heyman says that speaking of Paul Heyman guys, here’s someone whom not everyone may know was once a Paul Heyman guy: Steve Austin. Heyman tells Austin that Brock has always wanted to meet him, and that even though they’re mainly here to deliver a message to Triple H tonight, Brock didn’t want to miss the opportunity to meet the great Stone Cold while he’s still the GM.

Lesnar cuts Heyman off, and tells Austin that Paul is right, he’d always wanted to meet the man who chickened out of a match with him 11 years ago. Here’s something else about the Almighty Stone Cold that many may not know: when Austin walked out of the WWE back in 2002, it was because of Brock Lesnar. Austin didn’t want to get in the ring with Brock Lesnar, because he knew Brock Lesnar would have ended his career. And you know what makes it more pathetic? Austin didn’t even manage to prolong his career for long after after that. Not even a year. And the most pathetic thing of all? The fact that the Rock gets the credit for putting an end to Steve Austin’s career at WrestleMania 20. The Rock, the man whom Brock Lesnar ran right through the previous year to win the Undisputed Championship. Lesnar tells Austin that because of his cowwardice, Brock Lesnar never got he honor and credit that should have gone to him. He never got to beat the great Stone Cold Steve Austin, the icon of the Attitude Era, even though they both know that had they ever met in the ring, Brock would have snapped Austin’s neck like a twig, just like he can do so right now.

Cena once again warns Lesnar to back off, telling the Beast that he needs to show the Hall-of-Famer some respect. He reminds Brock that he couldn’t even beat Cena a year ago. Brock tells Cena that he should be happy that he got lucky last year, and if he wants Brock to finish what he started last year, he’d be more than happy to. Austin tells Cena to step aside, as he can deal with this by himself, as he steps forward and stands nose-to-nose with the Beast. Heyman quickly interjects himself between all three men, telling that there’s no need for all the hostility. He reminds Brock that they’re here for Triple H tonight, and after what happened at WrestleMania, Brock needs to stay focused. He then thanks Austin for granting him and Brock the interview segment tonight for them to deliver their message to the Game. Finally, he tells Cena that he looks forward to talk to him again in the near future, and that he knows Cena will beat the Rock again, before leaving the office with Brock. Cena and Austin both glare after the duo as they depart.

Angles: Cena protests against Austin’s decision to let the Rock compete. (Rating: A*)

Lesnar confronts Austin. (Rating: A*)

And now we head to the third and final participant of tonight’s much-anticipated Lingerie Pillow Fight, Santino Marella, and it appears that Santino has already changed into his lingerie……or is it? The familiar figure dressed in the skimpy lingerie introduces himself……er……herself as Santina Marella, and tells everyone that she’s excited to be back in the WWE. She tells the WWE Universe that her brother is way too much of a man to dress himself up in lingerie, so she has volunteered to take her brother’s place, with GM Austin’s approval. She tells the fans how excited she is about her match, and that she will do her brother and their whole family proud tonight. However, she hopes that her 2 opponents will remmber that she’s girl and will not be too rough with her. She blows a kiss at the camera and tells “her brother Santino” that she knows he’ll be watching the match, and not to worry too much about her……and that she loves him.

(“This segment brought the crowd's mood down.” Clearly, the crowd doesn’t want to see a girl comptete in the Lingerie match. They want to see the real Santino in the match, dammit! This must be why Slater and and Regal both got better segment ratings.

……you know, if I HAVE to do an incest angle, maybe I should do one between Santino and Santina……???

……except that somehow, I think that might be too much even for Vince McMahon!)

Angle: “Santina” hypes Lingerie match. (Rating: C-)

Elsewhere backstage, the Prime Time Playas are shown arguing over what happened in their match earlier. Darren accuses Titus of costing them the match by kicking him in the face. Titus responds angrily that Darren wouldn’t have been in that position to begin with if he hadn’t stuck his face in Titus’ crotch earlier before that. Darren quickly protests that he didn’t and wouldn’t “stick his face” anywhere, and that it was Evan Bourne who shoved him into Titus. The two of them are interrupted by another familiar face approaching the group, and it’s none other than……Orlando Jordan.

Without even looking at Titus, OJ offers a handshake to Darren Young, and tells him that he’s heard a lot about him……professionally, and personally. He’d wanted to meet Darren for a long time. Looking confused, Darren hesitantly accepts the handshake……which seems to last a few seconds longer than he was comfortable with before OJ lets go. OJ tells Darren that they have a lot in common……in fact Darren reminds him a lot of himself. They need to have a heart-to-heart talk together, some day.

Orlando then walks off as Darren stares after him. Titus asks Darren what was all that about, and what did OJ mean about those last two remarks. Darren says he has no idea what OJ meant, then quickly changes the subject by telling Titus that they need to go to Steve Austin and ask for a rematch against Air Boom. Titus agrees, but then goes back to the question of OJ, asking “Did he mean what I think he meant?”, to which Darren snaps angrily that he isn’t a mind-reader, so how the hell would he know what Orlando meant? Darren then hurries off towards the GM’s office, while Titus runs after him and continues to perster him with questions about OJ.

(Orlando Jordan’s Gay gimmick gets a ‘B+’ Rating. Clearly, much like Steve Austin, he’s benefitting from the fact that he’s playing a character that’s close to his real-life persona!)

Angles: OJ greets Darren Young. (Rating: C)

PTP argue over OJ’s remark. (Rating: C+)

3-Way Lingerie Pillow Fight: Heath Slater defeated Santina Marella and William Regal in 4:55 when Heath Slater defeated Santina Marella by pinfall following interference from Jeff Jarrett. During the match we also saw Jinder Mahal run in and attack William Regal, and Drew McIntyre do the same to William Regal.

Finally, it’s time for the match that everyone is waiting for: the 3-Way Lingerie Pillow Fight! With a giant bed already laid out in the middle of the ring, Heath Slater makes his way down the ramp dressed in a tight skimpy lingerie, accompanied by his fellow 3MB buddies. Even Drew and Jinder appear to be giggling behind his back as they look at him, although of course they take care to keep a straight face whenever he’s looking at them. Slater looks mortified and embarrassed, as he screams at the fans not to laugh at him. William Regal comes out next, looking absoultely disgusted as he tries to adjust the lingerie that looks 2 sizes too small for him. Santino (or is it Santina???) is the only one who looks quite comfortable as he (she?) comes out dancing (to Santina’s entrance theme) and blowing kisses at the fans. She continues to wave and blow kisses to the crowd even after she gets into the ring. Neither Regal nor Slater look amused by her antics, and as soon as the bell rings, they both pounce on the diva (?) and toss her out of the ring.

As soon as they’re alone together in the ring, Regal turns on Slater and proceeds to lay into him viciously with knees and strikes, obviously venting all of his frustration on his opponent. The 2 of them collapse onto the bed in a flurry of fists and legs as they roll around in a catfight of sorts, most of it involving Regal trying to throttle Slater with either his bare hands or the bedsheet itself. Drew tries to assist his 3MB buddy by slipping him a pillow, but Regal almost immediately snatches the pillow and uses it to smother Slater. Jinder gets on the ring apron, and Regal, being the wily veteran that he is, immediately cuts off his attempt at interference by knocking him down to the floor with a big knee. Slater tries to capitalise on the distraction, but Regal cuts him off by pulling his lingerie up over his face before pounding away on the blinded Slater viciously while the latter tries to pull his lingerie back down. Drew McIntyre gets into the ring with a pillow of his own despite the referee’s attempts to stop him. The Scotsman takes a wild swing at Regal with the pillow, but Regal ducks it and kicks him right between the legs! As Drew doubles over in agony, Regal charges in and drills him right in the head with his running knee finisher! However, this time, Slater manages to take advantage of the distraction as he not only pulls his lingerie off his eyes but also drops Regal from behind with a jumping neckbreaker.

Just then, Santina finally gets back into the ring, as Slater immediately lunges for him, but Santina does her brother’s signature split to duck the clothesline, and catches Slater on the rebound with a big hiptoss……onto the bed. With Slater dazed, Santina grabs a big pillow to aim for a big finishing blow, and Slater cowers and screams like a little girl as if the pillow is the most lethal weapon in the world. Jinder rushes into the ring to his stablemate’s rescue, wrapping his arms around Santina to hold her back. Santina looks down, sees Jinder’s hands on her chest, and starts screaming in her high-pitched voice, screaming for the referee to get Jinder’s stinking hands off her. Jinder looks confused as referee Chad Patton admonishes him for putting his hands on a lady. Before he can recover from the confusion, Regal grabs him and dumps him over the ropes out of the ring. Slater then grabs Regal from behind and tips him over the ropes out of the ring as well! In a rare display of intelligence, Slater then picks up the bed in the ring and tips it over the ropes as well to send it crashing down on top of Regal (mercifully with the mattress side facing downwards), trapping the veteran underneath!

Clearly proud of his genius move, Slater poses c0ckily and strums his air guitar at the crowd. Meanwhile, behind him, Santina has recovered from Jinder’s molest earlier, and the crowd goes crazy as she pulls out the COBRA! But wait……it not the Cobra……it’s another Cobra……it’s the female counterpart to the original Cobra used by her brother Santino! Yep, it’s got lipstick painted on it, leaving no doubt that this particular Cobra is a lady Cobra. Slater turns around and takes the She-Cobra Strike to the neck! Slater is down, but referee Chad Patton is distracted by Jinder Mahal as Santina goes for the cover. Outraged, Santina goes after Jinder with the She-Cobra, causing Mahal to leap off the ring apron hurriedly and run for cover! But even as this is happening, Jeff Jarrett appears from the crowd and slips another pillow to Slater, who has recovered from the Cobra’s bite. As Santina turns back to him, he slams the pillow onto Santina’s head with a loud CRACK!(??)

Santina goes down from the blow as shards of wood come flying out of the pillowcase. Slater pins him for the 3-count and the win. After the bell has rung, Jarrett, Mahal and Drew (who’s still dizzy from the running knee) get into the ring and celebrate with their victorious 3MB buddy. As the crowd looks on, Slater pulls the shattered remains of Jarrett’s guitar out of the pillowcase and waves it at the unconscious Santina, laughing, before he embraces Jarrett. The rest of 3MB then hoist the lingerie-clad Slater onto their shoulders and parade him around the ring in triumph as he continues to wave the broken guitar that was hidden in the pillowcase over his head.

(“Putting Santino Marella in a match whose concept is based around being eye candy really turned the fans off. Putting Heath Slater in a match whose concept is based around being eye candy really turned the fans off. Putting William Regal in a match whose concept is based around being eye candy really turned the fans off. This match brought the crowd's mood down.”)

Rating: C-

Backstage, Antonio Cesaro is shown warming up for his upcoming non-title match against World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger. Alberto Del Rio enters the lockerroom and tells Cesaro that he hasn’t come to wish him good luck against Swagger, because he knows Cesaro doesn’t need luck to beat the All American Jackass. He just want Cesaro to know that he looks forward to watching Cesaro kick Jack Swagger’s Real American ass all over the ring later tonight. Cesaro smiles and tells Del Rio that he will.

Angle: Del Rio motivates Cesaro against Swagger. (Rating: A)

Meanwhile, there’s someone else shown also warming up for a match in the divas’ locker room: the Divas’ Champion, Kaitlyn. Layla approaches her and asks her if she’s really going out there for her match tonight. Kaitlyn tells Layla that it’s her job, she’s scheduled for a match, of course she’ll be competing tonight. Layla reminds Kaitlyn who’s in charge this week, and what happened on Monday Night RAW. She tells Kaitlyn that she’s sure this is another trap by Stone Cold Steve Austin. Layla herself is still sore from the Stunner she took, and Aksana is still out from the beating even now. Kaitlyn tells Layla that it’s not like she has a choice. She’s the Divas’ Champion, she can’t just refuse to compete because she’s worried about a trap. Layla reminds her that she only has to do it this once. Next week, Steve Austin won’t be in charge anymore, and it’ll be safe them all. Kaitlyn insists that she can’t just walk out of her scheduled match, as she’s been told that Austin will strip her of the title if she refuses to compete. She tells Layla that she appreciates the concern, and that she’ll be careful out there. Layla tries to persuade her that her health if more important than the title, but Kaitlyn will not be swayed, and she leaves the room.

Angle: Layla warns Kaitlyn against Austin. (Rating: C)

Match: Jack Swagger defeated Antonio Cesaro in 14:42 by pinfall following interference from Zeb Coulter.

As usual, the Real American World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger makes no attempt to hide his contempt for the non-American United States Champion, getting in his face and mouthing off to him for several seconds after the bell has rung before putting a hand cross his chants and declaring, “WE. THE PEOP-……”

……and Cesaro dropkicks him right in the face. The crowd erupts as the US Champion pounces on the floored World Champion and proceeds to hammer away on him on the mat. Swagger frantically tries to get away from his furious opponent’s onslaught, scrambling to the ropes to force a break. Using the brief moment of respite as the referee forces Cesaro back, Swagger charges back and lifts Cesaro off the mat as he drives him all the way back into a corner. Swagger tries to work over his opponent with corner shoulder thrusts, but Cesaro fires back with hard-hitting knees and uppercuts that send him staggering back. Swagger cuts off Cesaro’s rally of offense with a knee to the gut, then goes for the Gutwrench Powerbomb as he looks to put away the United States Champion quickly, but Cesaro powers out of it with elbow shots to the spine. Cesaro in turn tries to lift Swagger with a gutwrench, but Swagger fights out of it as well. The two men spend the next minute or so trying to gut-wrench each other. Swagger has the size and weight advantage, but Cesaro seems to be srtonger pond-for-pound, and neither is able to get the upper hand, each forced to release the hold after managing to lift the other briefly off the floor. After another half-a-minute, Cesaro seems to be making bigger progesss, as each of his attempts lifts Swagger higher off the mat before the World Champion is able to struggle free. Sensing that he’s losing the contest, Swagger changes tactics, and just punches Cesaro hard in the face. That doesn’t go down any better for him, though, as it prompts Cesaro to fire back with a big uppercut that sends him staggering back in a daze.

Cesaro pursues his retreating opponent, but Swagger comes back with a quick double-leg takedown before seizing Cesaro by the foot for the Ankle Lock. Cesaro quickly powers out of the move, however, shoving Swagger away and down onto the mat with a powerful thrust of his feet. Swagger comes back up on his feet quickly and charges back into the fray, but Cesaro meets him with a double-leg takedown of his own and pounds away on his face with lefts and rights. As Swagger covers up from the blows, Cesaro stands up and grasps him by the legs……and starts to spin round and round, carrying Swagger along in a Giant Swing! The crowd goes crazy as Cesaro swings the World Champion round and round for nearly a full minute before dropping him down hard. Showing no signs of dizziness despite that, Cesaro raises his arms and does his signature pose to the cheers of his frenzied fans, while Swagger rolls out of the ring dizzily.

Clearly having no idea where he is after the Giant Swing, Swagger almost gets counted out as he stumbles around ringside, bumping into security walls and heading back up the ramp in his befuddled state of mind. Zeb Coulter has to grab him by the arm and guide him back towards the ring, barely getting him inside in time to break the referee’s 10-count. Clearly still not recovered yet from the Giant Swing, Jack Swagger puts up almost no resistence as Cesaro gutwrenches him off the mat and dumps him over his head on the mat. Cesaro then picks up the World Champion and positions him for the Neutralizer, but Zeb Coulter gets on the ring apron to hurl verbal abuses at him, prompting the US Champion to turn and make a lunge for the old war veteran. Coulter barely avoids a swipe from Cesaro as he slips off the ring apron, but the distraction pays off, as when Cesaro turns back to his opponent, Swagger goes low and slams his shoulder into Cesaro’s leg to take it out from under the US Champion!

Finally getting his opening, Swagger is relentless as he now zooms in on the leg that he just injured, wrenching and stretching it with every painful maneuver he can come up with to soften it for the Ankle Lock. After several minutes of torture, Cesaro manages to battle his way out of a leglock by slamming the heel of his other leg repeatedly into Swagger’s face. Cesaro then tries to stand, but Swagger bull-rushes him into the corner and delivers a series of shoulder-thrusts to his gut. Swagger then backs away and charges in for a big tackle, but Cesaro catches him in the face with a boot. Cesaro tries to capitalize, but walks right into a spinning belly-to-belly slam. Measuring up his opponent lying near the corner, Swagger backs up before charging in and dropping the Swagger Bomb on Cesaro……for a 2-and-a-half-count. Looking like a shark smelling blood, Swagger pulls the straps of his gear off his shoulders before grabbing Cesaro’s foot for the Ankle Lock, but Cesaro catches him in an Inside Cradle for a nearfall of his own! Swagger powers out of the pin, and tries to charge back to the attack, but Cesaro catches him with a drop-toe-hold into the turnbuckles, buying himself precious time to make a rally. Cesaro mounts the ropes in the corner and pounds away on a dazed Swagger as the crowd counts along with each punch, but just before the 10th punch, Swagger powers out of the corner with Cesaro on his shoulders, looking to deliver a powerbomb on the United States Champion. Cesaro flips over Swagger and rolls him up with a sunset flip, but Swagger rolls through and seizes his foot for the Ankle Lock! Once again, Cesaro struggles out of the submission move by shoving the World Champion away with both legs. He rolls back up to his feet and lunges at Swagger in the corner, but Swagger catches him and drops him with a spinning powerslam! Swagger then goes for a second Swagger Bomb in the corner, but as he leaps over Cesaro onto the second ropes, Cesaro pops back up and rushes under Swagger to hoist him up onto his shoulders, before dropping the World Champion with a huge Electric Chair Bomb!

Both men are spent as they lie recovering for several seconds. At the referee’s count of 8, both struggle back to their feet and begin trading blows in the centre of the ring, and Cesaro quickly gains the upper hand, driving Swagger back to the ropes, stunning him with an uppercut, then whipping him off the ropes to catch him with a big back body drop. Cesaro then keeps up the attack as he blasts Swagger with a barrage of clotheslines and a charging uppercut in the corner. As a stunned Swagger topples over out of the corner, Cesaro mounts the second ropes and comes off with a huge double-footed stomp to his abdomen! This seems to have incapacitated the World Champion, but unfortunately also aggravates the injury on Cesaro’s leg. Unable to make the cover immediately, Cesaro is only able to get a long 2-count before Swagger barely gets his shoulder up. Trying to shake off the pain in his leg, Cesaro once agin positions Swagger for the Neutralizer, but Swagger gets in a big shot on his injured leg to break out of it before locking on the Ankle Lock! Cesaro struggles to reach the ropes, but Swagger falls back and grapevines the leg to increase the pressure. After several long, agonizing seconds, Cesaro finally makes it to the ropes. Swagger is unwilling to let go, however, and keeps the hold on for another full 4-counts before reluctantly releasing it. As the referee checks on Cesaro, Swagger heads to the corner and rips the padding off the turnbuckles. He then drags Cesaro over to the corner and looks to deliver a powerbomb into the exposed steel, but Cesaro blocks the attempt, and counters with a modified hurricanrana that sends the World Champion face-first into the steel instead! Cesaro then drops Swagger with the Neutralizer, but Zeb Coulter has the referee distracted! A furious Cesaro hobbles after Coulter to chase him off the apron, but the distraction allows Swagger to get back and charge at Cesaro. Cesaro lifts a foot to counter it, but Swagger catches the foot and hit an over-the-shoulder knee-breaker! As Cesaro collapses in agony from the aggravated injury in his leg, Swagger lifts him up and hits the Gutwrench Powerbomb to finally get the 3-count and the victory after a hard-fought battle.

(“Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro have great chemistry, and it showed in their performances.” FINALLY, a good chemistry that I can abuse……er, I mean, build up to a bigger re-match in the near future. Awesome.)

Rating: A*

----

Still to come:

Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar's message for the Game, Triple H!

John Cena vs Wade Barrett!

The Rock vs Dolph Ziggler!

Will the Rock get his WWE Title rematch against Cena like he demanded by the end of the night?

Will Kaitlyn become another victim of the Dean of Domestic Violence, Stone Cold Steve Austin?

All that and more, coming up in the Smackdown Hour 2 Report!

Greylocke · October 29, 2013

The Smackdown Hour 2 Report!

After the break, the Divas’ Champion Kaitlyn makes her way out to the ring for her scheduled match. We are told that neither JR nor JBL has any lead as to who she’s scheduled to face. Kaitlyn clearly has no clue, either, as she waits for her opponent in the ring……when the sound of shattering glass fills the arena! Out comes the Dean of Domestic Violence, GM Austin, just as Layla had feared. Kaitlyn seems frozen in terror as the Rattlesnake walks down the ramp, grinning like the cat that just cornered the canary. It’s only when he reaches ringside that Kaitlyn thinks of running away, but by then it’s too late. She rolls out of the ring from the opposite side, but Austin quickly circles the ring and cuts off her route to the ramp. She turns and runs the other way, but in her panic she slips and falls. Grinning sadistically, Austin stalks her slowly, enjoying every moment as she tries futilely to scramble away on her hands and knees. Finally, he corners her against the security wall, and it looks like the Divas’ Champion is about to have a mudhole stomped out of her……

……when Cody Rhodes’ music hits! Cody comes running out down the ramp, prompting Austin to stop and turn to stare at the 2nd Generation Superstar. Cody stops as well as he comes within 5 feet of the Rattlesnake. He looks nervous, but defiant, as he stares down the Rattlesnake, body tensed and fists clenched, ready to fight. The Rattlesnake, for his part, looks more amused than anything. He looks at Kaitlyn, then back at Cody, and chuckles, before turning away and heading up the ramp, mockingly gesturning for Cody to go to his lady friend. Cody steps aside warily as the GM walks past, still ready for a fight, but no blow is struck as Austin simply walks past him all the way to the back. Staring after the GM to make sure he’s left the arena, Cody finally approaches Kaitlyn and reaaches out a hand to help her up. Kaitlyn clings on to Cody’s arm for support as the 2 of them walk backstage together, the diva clearly still not completely recovered from the terror of being stalked by the Dean of Domestic Violence.

(“The performance of Steve Austin looked good.” All those practice he got in real life terrorizing wives and girlfriends really paying off here!)

Angle: Cody saves Kaitlyn from Austin. (Rating: A)

Another brief commercial break later, Brodus Clay is shown standing in the ring with his entrance music still playing as he waits for his opponent, whom we are told by JR and JBL will be the World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry! Even as they hype what would be a “battle of giants”, Mark Henry’s music hits, and the man himself comes walking down to the ring. Henry seems to lack the aggression and the eagerness to inflict pain that he usually displays, however, continuously looking behind his back worriedly as he walks down the ramp. The reason for this quickly becomes clear, as “FEED ME MORE!” blares from the speakers the moment Henry reaches ringside. Not even stopping to consider his options, Mark Henry immediately heads for the audience, clambering over the security wall as fast as his huge bulk would allow before pushing his way hurriedly through the crowd towards one of the arena’s back exits. Ryback is hot on his heels, however, making his way down the ramp in brisk, long strides and hauling himself over the barricades in pursuit of his food. The monster is wearing a big napkin around his neck and carrying a fork and a knife in his hands as he literally drools while he screams “CHOCOLATE!”, prompting a mix of “SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!” and “FEED ME CHOCOLATE!” chants from the crowd wherever he passes. JR and JBL inform the audience that “Sexual Chocolate” and “Feed Me Chocolate” are now trending worldwide as Ryback chases Henry all the way out of the arena, out of sight.

Angle: Ryback chases Henry into the crowd. (Angle: A)

With Henry walking……I mean, running out of his match, Lilian Garcia starts to announce Brodus Clay as the winner by forfeit, when GM Austin appears on the Tron to cut her off. He tells Brodus that the fans have been promised a battle of the giants, and Austin is not going to let Mark Henry’s cowardice ruin it for everyone. He says that there will be a replacement to take Henry’s place, and since Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn’t settle for second-best, he’s going to replace a giant with an even bigger and badder one. So here’s Brodus’ new opponent tonight: the Big Show!

Angle: Big Show takes Henry’s place in his match. (Rating: A*)

Match: The Big Show defeated Brodus Clay in 1:35 by pinfall with a WMD.

Brodus wastes no time going after the Big Show, attacking the giant even as he’s entering the ring, knowing full well that he needs to stay on the offensive in order to stand a chance against the World’s Largest Athlete. This seems to work for a few seconds, but the Big Show soon grabs him by the head and shoves him away with one hand. Brodus charges back to the assualt immediately……and walks into a big boot. Dragging the Funk-a-saurus to his feet, Big Show gives Brodus a few open-handed chops to the chest in the corner, then backs away for a running back avalanche. Brodus ducks out of the way at the last moment, and as the Big Show staggers out of the corner holding his sore back, Brodus bounces off the ropes and scores with a massive running headbutt to the chest! This knocks the giant back several paces as Show leans back dazedly against the ropes, and Brodus capitalizes by charging off the ropes again at the Big Show……and gets broken in half by a giant spear! The Big Show screams as he balls up his fist to signal for the WMD. Brodus can barely stand after the spear, but the Knockout Punch puts an end to his struggles, as Big Show pins the unconscious Funk-a-saurus to win in dominating fashion.

(Brodus Clay seemed off his game tonight. Seems like he’s not happy about getting squashed. Well, if you hadn’t kept whining about not being used, this match wouldn’t need to happen!)

Rating: B+

As the Big Show is still celebrating his victory in the ring, his music is suddenly cut off by the entrance theme of Randy Orton! The Viper runs down to the ring, clearly intent on getting revenge for WrestleMania. The Big Show takes huge swing at Orton as he slithers into the ring, but the Viper ducks the WMD and showers the Big Show with punch after punch, followed by a dropkick that staggers the giant. As the Big Show bounces back from the ropes groggily, Orton grabs the giant’s head and leaps up to deliver the RKO, but the giant powers out and drops Randy down hard onto the mat! Orton clutches his head as he writhes on the mat in agony, the hard fall clearly having aggravated his concussion. As he struggles groggily back up, the Big Show balls his fist again to signal for the WMD……when Sheamus comes rushing into the ring with a steel chair in hand and blasts it across the giant’s back! The Celtic Warrior gets in another blow before the Big Show stumbles around, screaming in agony. Sheamus raises the steel chair and goes for a finishing blow to the head……but the giant gets out of the way at the last moment, and the steel chair slams right into the head of Orton, who’s standing right behind the Big Show! Sheamus looks shocked as Orton lies out cold on the mat from the accidental chair-shot, while the Big Show seizes the opportunity to rolls out of the ring and escape up the ramp. Still in obvious pain from the two shots he took earlier, the giant nevertheless looks smug as he sees a concerned Sheamus checking on Orton and screaming for the doctors.

Angle: Sheamus chair-shots Orton by accident. (Rating: A*)

We head backstage again to the GM’s office, where former Smackdown GM Booker T is seen entering the office……or rather, he was dragged into it by his wife, Sharmell. Booker himself doesn’t look like he wants to be there, and he tells his wife that he doesn’t have to beg for any job. Sharmell tells him that they’re not here to beg for a job, they’re here demand for one, because everyone knows nobody does this job better than her man. She turns to GM Austin and tells her that her husband had been the greatest GM in Smackdown history, and if Austin is looking for anyone to help him run this show, she’s certain there’s no one better than the 5-time WCW Champion, Booker T, just as she’s certain that all future GMs will be looking to hire Booker for his experience and guidance.

Austin just gives her a cold stare before he turns to address Booker himself. He tells Booker that they’ve known each other a long time, and he respects Booker. Because of that, he’s going to do Booker the courtesy of a verbal warning before he does what he wants to do to his wife: get his skank out of Stone Cold’s face before he whoops her ass just like he’s done to the other women who’s crossed his path this week!

“Tell me you did not just say that!” Booker exclaims, even as his wife splutters in outrage. He tells Austin that no one talks about his wife like this, and Austin promptly tells him that he just did. In fact, if Booker doesn’t get his skank out of his office right now, he’s not only going to whoop her ass, but he’s going to do it 5 times, 5 times, 5 times, 5 times, 5 times! Booker makes a lunge for the Dean of Domestic Violence, eager to defend his wife’s honour, but surprisingly, it’s actually his wife who holds him back. Sharmell tells Booker to calm down, reminding him that Austin’s got the GM’s power tonight. They will get him when he’s no longer the man in charge. With some difficulty, she drags the enraged Booker out of the office.

Angle: Austin insults Booker T’s wife. (Rating: B)

Paul Heyman and his client, Brrrrock Lesnar, make their way out to the ring, and it’s now time to hear the message they have for Triple H. Heyman says that first, he would like to congratulate Triple H on his hard-fought victory over the Beast, Brock Lesnar, at WrestleMania. Shawn Michaels was absolutely right. When HBK and HHH are on the same side, they’re practically unstoppable. Now, he doesn’t want Triple H to take that the wrong way, nor is he making any excuses for Brock Lesnar, because Brock doesn’t need those. Triple H earned and deserved this victory. He did something that few in this world are capable of doing, he pinned the Beast’s shoulders to the mat, 1-2-3, and for that, he earned Brock Lesnar’s respect. But if Triple H believes he’s done with the Beast, then he can’t be more wrong. The way he sees it, Brock Lesnar that Triple H each own a victory over the other, and he’s sure the WWE Universe wants to find out once and for all which of them truly is the better man. Of course, the way Paul Heyman sees it, the answer can’t be more obvious. What was the difference between the match at Summerslam and their match at WrestleMania? The answer is, of course, that Shawn Michaels wasn’t in Triple H’s corner at Summerslam. Once again, Heyman stresses that he’s in no way trying to put down Triple H’s ability, and yes, he knows what the fans are thinking, that all Shawn Michaels did was to even the score at WrestleMania due to the fact that Brock Lesnar also has Paul Heyman in his corner. As honoured as he is to be considered a threat equal to one posed by a Hall of Famer and multi-time World Champion like Shawn Michaels, he proposes that Triple H and Brock Lesnar need to settle their difference once and for all in an environment where neither of them have to be worried about the Paul Heymans or Shawn Michaels at ringside. An environment in which, by the end of the match, neither man can possibly have an excuse.

As he said before, Triple H has earned Brock Lesnar’s respect. Therefore, Brock Lesnar believes that it will take much more than a simple rematch to find out which one of them is the better fighter. And Brock Lesnar wants to make sure that when he faces the Game for the very last, he will get Triple H at his very best. Therefore, Brock Lesnar challenges Triple H to a rematch at Extreme Rules, in a match that Triple H is most famous for, one that Triple H has won more than anyone else in the WWE. A match which, due to its environment, will render the presence of Paul Heyman or Shawn Michaels irrelevent, so that whatever the outcome, there will be no controversy. That’s right, at Extreme Rules, Brock Lesnar challenges Triple H to face him, 1-on-1……inside HELL IN A CELL!

Angle: Heyman and Lesnar challenge HHH to HIAC match. (Rating: A*)

R-Truth is shown backstage, cutting a promo to the camera. He looks excited as he talks about how a certain returning WWE Superstar will be making his re-debut next week on Smackdown as his tag team partner. He mentions no names, but reveals that ‘Lil Jimmy’ is not only a great fan but also a pen-pal of that Superstar. Throughout the promo, he apparently also talks to ‘Lil Jimmy’, while telling everyone how excited Lil Jimmy is to be finally meeting his idol and pen-pal. He can’t wait to personally introduce his new tag team partner to Lil Jimmy.

Angle: R-Truth (and Lil Jimmy) hypes new friend and mysterious partner. (Rating: C+)

Match: John Cena defeated Wade Barrett in 7:21 by submission following interference from The Miz.

“AWESOME!” The most must-see Superstar in the WWE and the Intercontinental Champion, the Miz, makes his way down to the ring just before the match between John Cena and Wade Barrett is about to take place. He joins and JR and JBL at the announcers’ table and puts on a headset to participate in the commentary as the two competitors make their entrances, each having a brief staredown with the IC Champion as they enter the ring. Short video footages are shown of this past week’s Main Event, where Cena appeared as a guest on Miz TV for an interview only to be interrupted by Wade Barrett, who viciously assaulted the host of Miz TV. The scene ends with John Cena, who’s been watching the beatdown on Miz without interference, finally attacking Barrett and delivering an Attitude Adjustment that drops him right on top of the Miz, before leaving the ring with both men down and out. JR and JBL both attmpt to probe Miz with questions about his thoughts on what happened on Main Event and how he intends to respond to either man, but the Miz merely diverts the questions to the match that's happening in the ring and focuses on calling the action.

Barrett and Cena lock up and exchange some holds in the centre of the ring, ending with a shove to the ropes by Barrett and a shoulder knockdown by Cena on the rebound. Cena gets down on the floored Barrett and grasps a headlock. After attempting to power out of it for a while without success, Barrett brings his bare-knuckle fighting experience into play, pounding Cena in the ribs with heavy punches to make the champ loosen the hold. Barrett follows up with a series of well-aimed shots to the head and ribs, forcing Cena to raise his arms in an attempt to cover up from the blows. Barrett forces Cena back into the corner with his barrage before the referee intervenes and forces a separation. Proud of his success, Barrett turns to the crowd and raises his arm to some boos from the crowd......and Cena comes bursting out of the corner and tackles him down to the mat, showering him with punches! Now it's Barrett's turn to cover up from the blows before the referee backs Cena off. Barrett tries to get back on offense with a big boot but Cena catches him by the foot and trips him down to the mat as he goes for the STF. Barrett scrambles frantically for the ropes and just barely manages to reach it before Cena locks the hold on. As the referee once again backs Cena off Barrett, Barrett pulls himself up by the ropes and staggers into the corner. Cena charges into the corner, but Barrett catches him with a side elbow. Barrett then goes for a big knee lift, but Cena sidesteps it and drops him with a big clothesline! Cena continues to control the match, hitting a couple more heavy clotheslines before whipping Barrett hard into the corner and catching him off the rebound with a running bulldog off the ropes for a 2-count. Barrett once again starts to pull himself up by the ropes, but Cena sends him tumbling over the top to the outside with a huge running clothesline.

Not giving his opponent a break, Cena rolls out of the ring after Barrett. Barrett tries to catch his opponent with a huge swing, but Cena ducks the swing and picks up Barrett before dropping his opponent on the ring apron with a modified version of his spinning sideslam! The announcers, of course, proceed to remind the audience how the ring apron is the hardest part of the ring as Barrett rolls limply off the apron to the floor, clutching his back in agony. Relentless, Cena picks Barrett up and gives him a fisherman supex on the floor, then drives him back-first into the ring steps, before rolling him back into the ring. As JR and JBL talk about the unusual display of aggression from Cena tonight, the Miz makes a remark speculating whether his question to Cena on Miz TV struck a nerve. Cena seems to have heard this, as he turns and glares at the Miz. The staredown goes on for a few seconds as the Miz takes off his headset to get ready from an attack, but Cena turns back to the ring. This distraction costs him, however, for as he gets back up on the ring apron, Barrett comes charging across the ring with a big boot that nails Cena squarely in the head and sends him crashing into the announce table on his way down to the floor!

Barrett quickly comes out and rolls Cena back into the ring for a pin, but only gets a 2-count. Barrett continues to pound away on Cena's head for a while, then goes to work on the shoulder that was bruised when Cena crashed into the announcers' table. However, it isn't long before Cena begins battle back and power out of the hold before he drops Barrett on his injured back again with high-impact back suplex. We then head into some VINATGE CENA moments as Cena breaks out his signature spots. Flying Shoulder Block! Spinning Side Slam! Five-Knuckle Shuffle! Cena goes for the finish as he scoops up Barrett for the AA, but Barrett slips out at the last moment and counters with the WASTELAND! Barrett goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out on 2, much to Barrett's frustration. He pulls up his elbow pad and stalks Cena for the Bullhammer, but Cena sidesteps the deadly elbow and catches him with a drop-toe-hold! He goes for the STF again, but once again Barrett immediately squirms his way to the ropes and holds on for dear life. As the referee orders a break once again, Barrett slips back out of the ring. Once again, Cena leaves the ring to pursue his opponent. He grabs Barrett to throw him back into the ring, but Barrett reverses it and throws Cena across the announcers' table......into the Miz! Barrett then picks up the stunned Cena and tosses him back into the ring, but then makes the same mistake that his opponent did earlier, as he stops to laugh at the fallen Miz. Enraged, the Miz gets up and lunges for his hated rival. Barrett rolls quickly back into the ring, and the referee stops the raging Miz from entering the ring. Standing in the ring, Barrett continues to laugh and taunt the Miz, unaware that Cena is getting back to his feet behind him. Barrett turns around and promptly walks into an AA. As the referee finally gets the Miz off the ring apron, Cena drags the stunned Barrett into the middle of the ring, well away from the ropes, before finally locking on the STF. With nowhere to go, Barrett quickly taps, giving Cena the win.

(John Cena looked good out there. Once again, a good 'ole Cena squash doesn’t disappoint, and brings in the ratings. And Barrett comes out of the match more popular than before. John Cena squashes = main event material, and good for business. The ratings don’t lie.)

Rating: A*

Even as the referee raises Cena's arm as he stands over the fallen Barrett, the Miz slips into the ring behind them, grabs Cena from behind, and drops him with a Skull-Crushing Finale......right on top of Barrett, driving Cena's head into Barrett's chest! With Barrett and Cena lying in a tangled heap in the ring, the Miz stands tall and raises his Intercontinental Title belt before leaving the ring as his music plays in the arena. The announcers once again remind us what had happened back on Main Event as they explain to the fans that the Miz is getting payback on both men for what they did to him on Main Event.

Angle: The Miz gives Cena a Skull-Crushing Finale onto Barrett. (Rating: A*)

A short video clip is played on the TitanTron. It begins with darkness, with eerie, suspenceful music playing in the background. A hollow, echoey voice is heard from the speakers.

"They told me I look like a rat......"

A face is shown on the screen, that of former NXT rookie Connor O'Brian, with an unpleasant grin on it.

"They made fun of me......"

Footage slowly reveals scenes of dark, dank sewers, with rats scurrying about.

"Little do they know......that rats shall rule the world......"

Some uncomfortablly up-close shots of rats feasting on ......something......is shown.

Finally, the video promo ends with a single line of text across the screen:

"Zodiac is coming."

Angle: Video hype for Connor O’Brian. (Rating: C)

Backstage, Dolph Ziggler is preparing for his big match against the Rock, when Big E Langston and AJ enter the room together. Ziggler asks Big E what he's doing here. As he can see, Ziggler doesn't need him, just like he's already proven on both Superstars and Main Event. He beat Kane and Alberto Del Rio all by himself, and he's going to beat the Rock without Big E's help, too, because he's that good! Big E tells Ziggler that he doesn't care about Ziggler's matches. He's here to prove a point to AJ. Big E turns to AJ and tells her this is exactly what he just told her. Dolph doesn't care about her. She got hurt trying to help Dolph on Main Event, and Dolph doesn't even look the least bit concerned. All Dolph cares about is himself. Ziggler tells Big E to stop trying to stir things up between him and AJ, because it's not going to work. AJ only has eyes for him, and neither of them need or want Big E around. AJ tries to calm both men down, but Ziggler tells Big E to stay out of his way during his match later, because he's sick of carrying a big baggage like him. An incensed Big E starts to go after Ziggler, but AJ holds him back as Dolph leaves the room for his match. AJ tells Big E that she will talk Dolph round, but Big E tells her that she needs to stay away from Dolph as he doesn't care about her. AJ goes crazy and screams at Big E, telling him that Dolph loves her. It's now Big E's turn to try to calm AJ down, but AJ pushes him away and screams that she won't let anyone ruin her relatonship with Ziggy, including Langston. She turns and runs after Ziggler while Big E looks frustrated.

Angle: Ziggler still doesn’t want Big E in his corner. (Rating: B+)

Match: The Rock defeated Dolph Ziggler in 9:44 by pinfall following interference from John Cena. During the match we also saw AJ Lee run in and attack The Rock, and Big E. Langston do the same to The Rock.

Back in the arena, John Cena is shown to have joined the announcers’ booth, still looking a bit pi$$ed off at the Miz’s attack on him earlier. He responds to JR’s questions by explaining that he needs to watch the next match up close to decide if the Rock is really ready for another title match. Personally, he believes that the Rock is too proud for his own good, that he’s far from being 100% right now, and that he should never have accepted the match with Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler now makes his entrance with AJ in tow, exchanging a passionate kiss with his girlfriend before heading down to the ring. The Show-Off mouths off at Cena as he passes the announcers’ table, making his signature flinging gesture to the champ to taunt him. The Rock, likewise, seems more interested in Cena’s presence at ringside than in his opponent, staring the champ down even after he’s entered the ring. Ziggler takes exception to the Rock not giving him his full attention, and shoves the Great One hard as he shouts at the Rock to look at him. The Rock responds with a big smack to the face that knocks down the Show-Off, prompting the referee to quickly signal for the bell to start the match.

Ziggler gets back up quickly, but immediately finds himself faced with a flurry of big right hands from the Brahma Bull, as the Rock drives the Show-Off back all the way into the corner with blow after blow. The Rock then whips Ziggler towards the opposite corner, but Dolph reverses the whip, and tries to follow up with a huge Stinger Splash, but the Rock sidesteps the move, and Dolph collides hard with the turnbuckles. The Rock then sends Dolph over the top with a huge charging clothesline before posing to the cheers of the crowd. JR remarks that the Rock certainly appears to be in top form tonight, but Cena insists that it’s too early to judge and that he doesn’t expect the Rock to keep this up for long.

The Rock starts to leave the ring to go after his opponent, but Ziggler shows off his athletism as he leaps onto the apron and catches the Great One with a kick to the head that stuns the People’s Champion. Ziggler then grabs the Rock by the head and snaps his neck over the ropes. As the Rock staggers away from the ropes, Ziggler gets back into the ring and tries to capitalise, but the Rock catches him with a series of deep arm-drags and an Inverted Atomic Drop before knocking him right out of the ring with another clothesline! As AJ hurries over to check on her beloved, the Rock leaves the ring to come after his opponent. AJ quickly places herself between the Great One and her boyfriend, screaming at the Rock to leave Ziggler alone. The Rock’s moment of hesitation allows Ziggler to seize advantage, as the Show-Off shoves AJ right at the Rock, prompting the People’s Champ to instinctively catch the diva before pushing her gently to one side……leaving himself open to Ziggler, who runs up and spikes his head into the floor with a huge jumping DDT!

The Rock appears to be out cold after the devastating move, and as Ziggler rolls himself back into the ring at the referee’s count of 8, it looks like he’s about to win by count-out……except the Show-Off doesn’t want a countout win and he stops the referee from continuing his count as he rolls back out of the ring to drag the Rock’s lifeless body back in for a pinfall. Unfortunately, the Rock returns to life and gets his shoulder up just half a count before the count of 3. Frustrated, Ziggler stomps away at the Rock’s head, kicking him back down each time the Rock tries feebly to pull himself up. Ziggler then proceeds to drop 10 consecutive elbow drops to the Rock……at least he almost delivered 10, but as he stops to pose dramatically before he drops the 10th, the Rock recovers sufficiently to roll to one side, and Ziggler bruises his own elbow on the mat! Cursing and holding his elbow in pain, Ziggler staggers over to the Rock, who rouses himself and fires back with a flurry of right hands. With Ziggler tottering from the blows, the Rock launches himself off the ropes for a finishing blow……and walks into a beautiful dropkick from the Show-Off! Ziggler regains control of his opponent as he locks on a Sleeper/Body Scissors combination on the Rock. After struggling futilely agains the hold for a while, the Rock starts to fade under the pressure. The referee goes and takes his arm to test it for signs of life……and upon the third drop, the Rock stirs back to life! With the People cheering him on, the People’s Champion battles out of the body scissors and struggles back into a vertical base, and begins to fight his way out of the Sleeper with big shots to the ribs. He finally shoves Ziggler free and sends him into the ropes. Ziggler bounces back and catches the Rock with a kick to the shoulder as the later goes low for a backdrop, then goes to whip the Rock off the ropes, but the Brahma Bull comes back with a big flying forearm to knock him down!

The Rock is now back on the offensive as he blasts Ziggler with a series of clotheslines, then a running splash into the corner. He pummels Dolph with a flurry of big right hands in the corner before landing his signature spit-punch, which Ziggler sells like he just got hit by a montser truck, flipping dramatically over the turnbuckles to the outside and hitting his shoulder on the steel steps on his way down! The Rock goes out and rolls his groggy opponent back into the ring before stalking him for the Rockbottom. Ziggler fights his way out of a Rockbottom attempt with a series of side elbows to the head, then catches Rock with a kick to the gut before going off the ropes for a Famasser, but the Rock sidesteps the attempt and plants Ziggler with a DDT for a 2-count! The Rock signals for another Rockbottom, but AJ now gets onto the ring apron and screams abuses at him to distract him. The Rock stares at the crazed, screaming diva as Ziggler slowly gets up behind him. Then, to everyone’s surprise (including AJ’s) he strides over to the diva and pulls her head in to plant a big kiss on her lips! Ziggler looks shocked as he completely forgets to capitalise on the moment. After several long moments, AJ finally seems to have gotten over the shock and realises what’s happening, and she struggles free from the kiss and leaps off the apron, screaming in disgust and wiping her mouth frantically. The Rock turns and grins tauntingly at Ziggler, who finally recovers from his shock as well, and charges the Great One in a rage. He grabs the Rock for another jumping DDT, but the Rock counters and drops Ziggler face-down onto the mat!

Ziggler pulls himself up groggily, and promptly walks into a spinebuster. The crowd screams in excitement as the Rock throws his elbow pad into the crowd to signal for the Most Electrifying Move in Sports Entertainment. The Rock bounces off the ropes a pauses over Ziggler for a moment to mock Cena’s signature “You Can’t See Me” taunt before dropping the People’s Elbow on the Show-Off. It looks like it’s all over for Dolph as the referee drops down to administer the 1…2……

……and AJ pulls the referee out of the ring! Before the referee can protest, AJ grabs him by the face and smothers his protests by planting a big kiss on his lips!

“That’s it! It’s finally happened!” shouts JBL. “She’s kissed every man in match, INCLUDING the referee!”

AJ lets go of the referee after a few seconds, but Charles Robinson still looks dazed as he stumbles around with a stupid grin on his face and his eyes glazed over. It seems like he’s in no condition to officiate the match for a while. Annoyed, the Rock leaves the ring and heads for AJ, who backs way towards the ramp in fear……and Big E Langston comes running down the ramp to her rescue as he charges past AJ and the referee (who’s still too out of it to realize what’s going on) and blitzes the Rock with a massive clothesline! Overjoyed, AJ screams for Big E to put the Rock back in the ring while she rushes over to Charles Robinson to shake some senses back into him. As Big E rolls the Rock back into the ring, Ziggler runs over and drops the Great One with the FAMASSER! Meanwhile, the referee finally seems to remember what’s going on and, at AJ’s urgings, gets back into the ring, while Big E walks off to the back in disgust. But the ref’s movements are still slow and sluggish, allowing the Rock to kick out on 2! Clearly agitated, Ziggler whispers something to AJ, who runs around the ring to grab Ziggler’s MitB briefcase and set it up in a corner of the ring. AJ then goes to distract the referee one more time while Ziggler picks up the briefcase to strike at the Rock…...and that’s when Cena leaves the announcers’table, gets on the ring apron, and stops Ziggler’s cheating attempt as he rips the briefcase out of his hands! Ziggler turns and screams at Cena’s interference. Cena returns a cold stare as he hops off the apron and puts the briefcase down by the steps. Meanwhile, the Rock is getting back up behind Ziggler, unbeknownst to the Show-Off……until AJ shouts a warning from across the ring. Ziggler turns around only too walk straight into a ROCKBOTTOM, and the Rock pins him for the 3-count.

(The Rock and Dolph Ziggler don't seem to click, and it made for an awkward bout. AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHH! Just when I thought I caight a break with the good chemistry note between Swagger and Cesaro, I get hit with this. Why do the bad chemistry notes keep up coming in my main events?!)

Rating: A

With the match over, Cena turns and starts to head to the back, but the Rock grabs a mic and asks Cena where he’s going. He reminds Cena that they still have unfinished business. He’s not going to wait for Cena to bring back another ugly spinner belt. He tells Cena to get into the ring, as he wants his rematch for the WWE Title right now! Cena stares at the Rock coldly and shakes his head. The Rock says that’s what he thought. Cena doesn’t have the balls to face him in the ring because he knows he can’t beat the Rock. This seems to have the desired effect, as Cena finally turns and head back to the ring. The Rock backs off and gestures at the open space in front of him, challenging Cena to take up his position, and JUST BRING IT! Cena slowly gets into the ring, fixing the Rock with a stoney stare and not saying a word. Referee Charles Robinson, who’s still in the ring, asks if both men are ready. The Rock nods eagerly, and the referee poses his question to Cena. Before Cena can answer, they are interrupted as Brock Lesnar’s music hits the arena!

The Beast makes his way down the ramp with Paul Heyman in tow, although Heyman seems to be trying to persuade Lesnar not to get in the ring. Ignoring his manager, Lesnar steps into the ring and stares down Cena as he advances on the champ. Staring back defiantly, Cena raises the WWE Title over his head. Brock Lesnar smirks at the champion……then turns around and demolished the Rock with a clothesline!

Still grinning at Cena maliciously, Lesnar picks up the half-conscious and defenseless Rock and hoists him onto his shoulders before dropping the Great One with an F5! Heyman, who appeared to be arguing with his client earlier, is now laughing as if this is what he expected all along. He screams at Lesnar to finish it, and the Beast complies by getting down and putting the Rock in the Kimura Lock! Just as he had done this past Tuesday night on Main Event’s Miz TV, Cena doesn’t lift a finger as he watches the massacre in the ring with a completely blank expression on his face. After watching the Rock scream and writhe in pain from the Kimura Lock for a few seconds, Cena turns and leaves the ring, slowly walking back up the ramp and not looking back at Lesnar or the Rock.

GLASS SHATTERS! The crowd erupts as GM Stone Cold Steve Austin makes his way down to the ring. The Rattlesnake pauses briefly as he walks past Cena on the ramp. Cena stops and stares back at the GM with the same stonefaced expression. Austin continues his way down the ramp and gets into the ring, and at his manager’s frantic warnings, Lesnar finally releases the hold on the Rock as he stands up to confront the approaching Rattlesnake. As if spurred on by the appearance of his long-time rival and fellow legend, the People’s Champion starts to get back up to his feet as Austin and Lesnar stare each other down in the midle of the ring. Paul Heyman seems to be pleading with both men not to fight each other, but both ‘Paul Heyman guys’ appear to be ignoring him. Lesnar starts bouncong from foot to foot as he sizes up the Rattlesnake……who abruptly turns around and delivers a STUNNER……to the Rock! The Rock sells it like he always does, doing a double-flip as he’s dropped by the devastating maneuever. Now smiling at each other, Austin and Lesnar now stomp away on the helpless Rock in unison, while Heyman screams encouragements from the side. Heyman even shouts invitations at Cena, who’s been watching from the ramp since Austin appeared, to join them, but Cena remains where he stands, watching the beatdown impassively.

On any other night, this might have been the one time where Stone Cold finally gets booed by the crowd……but tonight we’re in Texas, where Austin is bigger than God, so the crowd just keeps on cheering at his every move, as well as at his music, which plays as the GM calls for some beer to share a toast with Lesnar, and pouring half of them over the unconscious Rock as he drinks. Meanwhile, the announcers continue to speculate if Cena is in on the apparent alliance between Heyman, Austin and Lesnar, as the Champ continues to watch from the ramp with an expressionless face.

Abruptly, Ausitn’s music is interrupted……by Vince McMahon’s! The Chairman of the Board comes out and tells Austin that he’s glad to see Stone Cold’s enjoying his position as GM of the Week. He then tells Cena that it looks like Cena’s getting along pretty well with this week’s GM. He wonders if Cena will get along as well with the GM for next week. He is, after all, someone Cena knows very well……Ladies and Gentlemen, he presents to you, the General Manger of next week’s RAW and Smackdown, the Rated-R Superstar and WWE Hall-of-Famer, EDGE!

Edge’s music hits to a huge pop as he comes out and raises his arms on the ramp while pyros go off around him. Cena doesn’t look happy at the appearance of the man who’s arguably his greatest rival in history. The commentators speculate excitedly on what may possibly happen between the two next week and what the Rated-R Superstar has in store for next week’s shows as Smackdown goes off the air.

Angles: Cena watches Lesnar destroy the Rock. (Rating: A*)

Austin joins beatdown on the Rock. (Rating: A*)

Edge named GM of next week’s RAW & Smackdown! (Rating: A*)

Ovr Rating: A (This show might have hurt our popularity)

(OOC: Yep, the main event bad chemistry screws me out of an otherwise A* show. At least that makes me feel justified about taking the title off the Rock. I know the bad chemistry hurt the match, but Ziggler had bad chemistry with Daniel Bryan too, and they still put on an A* match. And Daniel Bryan was only at A popularity while Rock is at A*. I expect him to do better against an opponent like Ziggler, who also has A popularity and striaght ‘A’s all across his performance stats. So this disappointing grade is squarely on the Rock’s shoulders. Meanwhile, Cena has put on 2 consecutive A* matches with opponents of B-range popularity without any positive chemistry, despite being set to ‘dominate’ in those matches, which usually brings down the match grades. I can’t be happier with my choice of champion. Cena deserves a reward, which he will get on next week’s RAW. And the Rock deserves another handful of breakfast cereal up his candy ass.)

Greylocke · November 2, 2013

WWE Headlines: <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>A Rated-R RAW! With the man known as the “Rated-R Superstar”, Edge, having been announced as the GM for next week’s RAW and Smackdown by the Chairman of the Board, Vince McMahon, many have been expecting announcements of……“controversial” nature to be made for next week’s show. However, the first such announcement did not come from the GM, but from the WWE Champion and Edge’s longtime rival, John Cena! Although it appeared on last week’s Smackdown that the Champ was not thrilled with Mr McMahon’s choice for the GM of the Week, Cena had since stated in various interviews that he is in fact thrilled at the prospect of working with his greatest rival again to create the most memorable shows in WWE history. In fact, as a “tribute” to the Rated-R GM, and also to celebrate the debut of his new WWE Championship belt, with will happen on this coming Monday night’s RAW, John Cena has announced that he will be holding a major celebration……a LIVE SEX CELEBRATION! An event that had happened only once in the long history of the WWE, the Live Sex Celebration was known as the event that helped propell Edge’s 1st WWE Title reign into one of the highest-rated series of shows in years. Will Cena be able to re-create the magic of his longtime rival’s creation? Tune in on RAW to find out! Two Huge Matches to be Decided by the WWE Universe! The GM of the Week has not been idle, however, and has already announced 2 major polls to be set up on wwe.com, the first of which would determine the main event of next week’s RAW! After the main event of last week’s RAW between Sheamus and the Big Show ended in a double-countout, it is to be expected that a rematch will be required to determine a decisive winner. But as we know, the Celtic Warrior is not the only one who wants a piece of the giant! Randy Orton has been lobbying to get his shot at the World’s Largest Athlete for the entire week, but has so far been denied by former GM of the Week, Stone Cold Steve Austin. He has had relatively more success with the current GM and his former tag team partner, Edge, who is said to have “taken his request under consideration”. In addition to that, after having inadvertantly aggravated Randy Orton’s concussion (which was started by a Knockout Punch to the head at the hands of the Big Show) not once, but twice, over the past week, first with a missed Brogue Kick on RAW, followed by an accidental chair-shot on Smackdown, it is only to be expected that hostility is also brewing between Sheamus and the Viper. With only room for 1 of those 3 matters to be resolved on this Monday night’s RAW, Edge has decided to put the choice in the hands of the WWE Universe. So log on now to wwe.com to vote for your choice of the main even for this week’s RAW! Will Sheamus get to finish his week-long fight with the Big Show? Will Randy get his revenge on the Big Show for the latter’s treason at WrestleMania? Will Randy get a chance at some payback for the unfortunate “accidents” he suffered at the hands (and foot) of the Celtic Warrior this past week? You decide! Another poll that has been set up by the GM will be running for the entire week, closing only on next Sunday, and this will be determining an upcoming match at WWE’s next Pay-Per-View, Extreme Rules! After last week’s reign of terror, violence and abuse over all the women and divas in the WWE last week under the Dean of Domestic Violence, Stone Cold Steve Austin, there are many who are seeking revenge on the Rattlesnake on behalf of their friends and loved ones. Three of these men will be given the opportunity to have their wish granted at Extreme Rules. Over the course of next week, the Great Khali, Cody Rhodes and Hall of Famer Booker T will all be given the air time to try and convince the WWE Universe to vote for them to face the Dean of Domestic Violence at Extreme Rules! Which one of them will step up and defend the honor of the women they love? Again, you, the WWE Universe, gets to decide! Also on RAW: After coming close to a victory over the World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger in singles action, Antonio Cesaro looks accomplish the feat that was denied him last week by teaming with the No. 1 Contender to Swagger’s title, Alberto Del Rio, to take one the World Champion and his partner, Mr Money-in-the-Bank, Dolph Ziggler! Will the Show-Off be using this opportunity to possible cash in on a vulnerable champion? Will Alberto build momentum in his quest to regain the World Heavyweight Title? Will Cesaro truly cement himself as a World Title Contender in this match? Triple H answers Brock Lesnar challenge on RAW! Prime Time Playas get their rematch against Team Air Boom! Orlando Jordan looks to make a huge impact on his re-debut as he takes on one half of the Tag Team Champions, Daniel Bryan! The Bella Twins return to take on their rivals, the Funkadactyls, as Nikki Bella returns to the ring for the first time since her unfortunate “accident” before WrestleMania!</div></blockquote> Monday Night RAW Predictions: Tag Match: Alberto Del Rio & Antonio Cesaro vs Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler Daniel Bryan vs Orlando Jordan The Prime Time Playas vs Team Air Boom (Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne) The Bella Twins vs the Funkadactyls Who will be John Cena’s partner in the LIVE SEX Celebration on this coming RAW? Hints: 1) It won’t be Mae Young. 2) It won't be Lita. 3) It won't be Cen'a RL girlfriend Nikki Bella. 4) It won’t be a cross-dressing man. (or any man, for that matter, it WILL be female) 5) It won’t be a debuting new diva. (it’s someone who’s already appeared on TV) Fan poll on wwe.com: Which of the following 3 matches do you want to see on this coming RAW: a) Sheamus vs Big Show (in a rematch from last week)? b) Randy Orton vs Big Show? c) Sheamus vs Randy Orton? (OOC: The poll on Stone Cold’s opponent at Extreme Rules will be set up after Smackdown, even though narrative-wise it’s supposed to be up all week. The 3 candidates must be given the chance to present their arguments first!)

Russelrules44 · November 6, 2013

Monday Night RAW Predictions:

Tag Match: Alberto Del Rio & Antonio Cesaro vs Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler

Daniel Bryan vs Orlando Jordan

The Prime Time Playas vs Team Air Boom (Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne)

The Bella Twins vs the Funkadactyls

Who will be John Cena’s partner in the LIVE SEX Celebration on this coming RAW? An intoxicated AJ Lee! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Hints:

1) It won’t be Mae Young.

2) It won't be Lita.

3) It won't be Cen'a RL girlfriend Nikki Bella.

4) It won’t be a cross-dressing man. (or any man, for that matter, it WILL be female)

5) It won’t be a debuting new diva. (it’s someone who’s already appeared on TV)

Fan poll on wwe.com:

Which of the following 3 matches do you want to see on this coming RAW:

a) Sheamus vs Big Show (in a rematch from last week)?

b) Randy Orton vs Big Show?

c) Sheamus vs Randy Orton?

Greylocke · November 7, 2013

Are you voting for a tie between Bryan and Orlando?

Russelrules44 · November 10, 2013

Are you voting for a tie between Bryan and Orlando?

Yes....Just because I can.

Greylocke · November 18, 2013

Monday Night RAW: Hour 1 Report!

Monday Night RAW, held in front of 19698 people, LIVE at the KeyArena, Seattle, Washington!

Dark Match: R-Truth defeated David Otunga in 6:01 by pinfall with a Little Jimmy.

After making his entrance, R-Truth takes a mic and excitedly tells the crowd about a certain returning Superstar who will be making his redebut on Smackdown this Friday night as Truth’s tag team partner. This is basically identical to his promo on last week’s Smackdown, except it takes place in the ring instead of backstage. R-Truth is still telling everyone how this returning Superstar is both an idol and a pen-pal of Lil Jimmy’s, when Otunga’s music hits to interrupt him. The match gets underway as R-Truth dominates in the early going with quick high-impact moves. Otunga quickly points outside the ring behind R-Truth and shouts that “Lil Jimmy” just fell down. A concerned R-Truth turns around to check on his “little friend”, and Otunga floors him with a cheap shot from behind. Otunga then dominates the match with power moves, but spends a little too long posing to the crowd to show off his physique, and R-Truth manages to capitalise and turn the match back around. Otunga quickly tries the same trick again by pointing behind R-Truth and telling him something happened to Lil Jimmy. This time, R-Truth laughs at him and tells him that Lil Jimmy isn’t standing where Otunga’s pointing……he’s actually standing behind Otunga! Otunga instinctively turns around, and of course doesn’t see anybody. He turns back to Truth and this time he sees Little Jimmy……that is to say, he sees the finishing move delivered to him by R-Truth as the latter drives his face down into the canvas, and Truth pins him for the win.

Rating: C

Main Show:

DA CHAMP IS HERE! RAW kicks off with the WWE Champion John Cena making his way down to the ring, as always, to a mixture of cheers and boos from the live crowd. The Champ is all smiles as he takes a mic and tells everyone that he’s really excited about tonight’s show. He knows everyone else here is excited too, because tonight, we’re going have ourselves a ‘Rated-R RAW’! But before we get to the fun part, there’s something he wants to get out of the way. Over the weekend, there’s been lots of people questioning him about what he did, or rather, what he didn’t do, during last week’s Main Event and Smackdown. He says he getting a bit tired of having to repeat himself, but for the last time, no, he’s still not a Paul Heyman guy, and no, he hasn’t ‘turned his back on his fans’. He addresses what happened on Main Event as the TitanTron shows a replay of what took place during Miz TV, where Wade Barrett assaulted Miz while Cena stood by and watched without interfering.

After the replay, Cena asks the fans if they think he should have done something, and the fans once again give mixed responses to that. Cena reminds everyone that the rivalry between Barrett and Miz is strictly between the 2 of them, and there was no reason for Cena to get involved. The Miz is a grown man and the Intercontinental Champion, he should be expected to handle his own business like a man, and Cena doubts that Miz would have asked for or appreciated his help anyway if given the opportunity. In fact, he’d go as far as saying that the Miz would have taken it as a slap in the face and a show of disrespect if Cena were to fight his battles for him. As for what Cena did to BOTH Barrett and Miz after the beatdown……well, what did you expect? Wade Barrett interrupted Cena’s interview time, he should have known that was coming to him.As for the Miz, Cena didn’t like the way the Miz kept trying to stir things up between him and his fans. Both the Miz and Wade disrespected him on Main Event, and they both seem to be under the impression that just because Cena does things the right way, the honourable way, that means he’s man who’ll turn the other cheek and let people push him around. That AA he delivered to Barrett and the Miz on Main Event was meant to be a wake up call to the both of them, and he hopes both of them got the message. If Wade Barrett wants to pursue his rivalry with the Miz, by all means, but he’s not doing it on John Cena’s time. And if the Miz thinks there’s a problem with the way Cena won the WWE Championship, that’s fine too, but he needs to stop hiding behind a microphone and an interview set. That’s what people like Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are paid to do. The Miz is a Superstar and a Champion, and if he’s got a problem with Cena, he needs to face him in the ring like a real man. Like he’s always said, if you want some, come get some!

With Superstars addressed, Cena then moves on to Smackdown, as the TitanTron once again shows a replay, this time of the end of last week’s Smackdown, where Cena distracted Dolph Ziggler in the main event to help the Rock pick up the win, but then refused to face the Rock in the rematch that the latter demanded. Smackdown ended with Brock Lesnar and Steve Austin hitting the ring and destroying the Rock as Paul Heyman cheered them on from the side, while Cena once again stood by to watch.

Cena says that for some reason, people have been pointing to that clip as “evidence” that John Cena has finally “turned bad” and joined the Alliance of Paul Heyman Guys, that he’s somehow afraid of the Rock and had therefore recruited the help of Heyman and his guys to take the Rock out. Cena reminded everyone that he could easily have just stood back and let Dolph Ziggler and Big E have their way with the Rock last week. There was no need for him to get involved, but he stepped in during the main event to stop Ziggler’s cheating attempt to ensure there was fair play. He didn’t have to, but he did, because he wanted to do things the right way, but did the Rock appreciate that? Clearly not, because the Rock insisted on calling him a coward after that, insisted on questioning his manhood in order to goad Cena to give him his rematch. The only reason Cena didn’t want a rematch for the title last week is because he knew the Rock wasn’t at 100%. If he were he wouldn’t have needed Cena’s help to beat Dolph Ziggler. Cena knew that’d be people taking that the wrong way, but for the Rock to do it after Cena literally just saved his ass from Dolph Ziggler……can you really blame Cena for what he did (or didn’t do) after that? The Rock hadn’t appreciated it before, and he still wouldn’t have if Cena had saved him from Lesnar and Austin. More importantly, the Rock needs to learn the hard way that he isn’t ready for his title rematch. He wasn’t supposed to be medically cleared until Extreme Rules, and he should have stayed at home and stayed out of the ring until then. Now, because of the Rock’s stubborness and his unwillingness to admit his own human frailty, he’s being forced to go back to the hospital after what Brock and Austin did to him last week. Last he heard, he may not even be able to come back by Extreme Rules. He’s sorry that the fans may be robbed of the rematch of Rock vs Cena 3, but that’s the Rock’s own fault for coming back too soon. Like Cena said before, sometimes you need to learn the hard way.

He doesn’t know why Lesnar or Austin attacked the Rock last week, or what their problems are with him. Maybe it had something to do with what Lesnar said to Austin last week. Maybe Lesnar didn’t like the Rock stealing the “honours” and “glory” of being the guy that retired Stone Cold. Maybe Austin decided that he couldn’t stand to have been retired by the Rock. Or it could be something else entirely. Let’s face it, as popular as the Rock is with his “people”, he’s not the most popular guy backstage thanks to that big mouth of his. Sometimes he even offends people without knowing it, and Dolph Ziggler was a proof of that. Who knows what else he could have said that ticked Brock or Austin off? It’s none of his business, and he’s not interested in finding out. All he wants to say to the Rock is: he hopes the Rock gets well soon, but he also wants the Rock to only come back when he’s really well. The Rock is a tough guy, but sometime a man can be too tough for his own good. Cena tells the Rock to come back when he’s at 100%, because that’s what he needs to be to have any chance of taking back the WWE Title. If he can do it by the time Extreme Rules comes around, that’ll be great, because it means the fans will be given the rematch that they were promised.

Edge’s music hits, and the Rated-R GM of the Week comes out to a huge ovation from the crowd. Edge tells his longtime rival that it was actually a pretty convincing little speech he’d just made. It would have been even more convincing if it weren’t for the fact he knows John Cena has been keeping himself updated on the Rock’s condition, and Cena knows very well that the doctors have already announced that the Rock will not be medically cleared to compete by Extreme Rules. That’s right, John Cena may not even have a No. 1 Contendor to his title at Extreme Rules, but Edge supposes that Cena will be perfectly happy to “give the Rock a chance” and wait till Extreme Rules and even beyond that to see if he gets back, won’t he? I mean, after all, Cena is a guy who always does the right thing, and the right thing is to give the Rock the first shot at his title because he’s entitled to his obligatory rematch, and it wouldn’t be right to for anybody else to jump the queue before the Rock is ready, would it?

Cena says that he knows what Edge is trying to do, but that’s okay. He’s willing to let Edge do this at his expense, because unlike the Miz, Edge isn’t a competitor any more, so using the microphone to stir things up is pretty much the only thing he can do to make the fans care, isn’t it? But no, Edge is wrong, if the Rock can’t make it back by Extreme Rules, Cena is perfectly happy to defend his title against any of the Superstars back in the locker room. However, he thinks it’s only fair that the Rock gets a chance to show that he may be able to do it. Certainly, if he can, then he deserves the shot more than anybody else. That’s part of being a champion, having the devotion and dedication to work his way back to full health before anybody else expects you to. Cena’s done it a few times himself, and if the Rock is capable of that, he deserves to be called champion.

Edge says that he guesses what this means is that Cena doesn’t think he should be defending his title until Extreme Rules, in case the Rock does come back to claim his first shot. He’d guessed as much. After all, Cena’s going to be debuting his new championship spinner belt, and he wouldn’t want to lose it the very night he got it, would he? That’s okay, because Edge isn’t making Cena defend his title tonight. He supposes Cena needs to conserve all his energies for later during his rip-off celebration ceremony. Cena laughs and says he thought Edge might take this the wrong way. The Live Sex Celebration isn’t meant to be a rip-off, it’s supposed to be a tribute to what’s possibly Edge’s greatest accomplishment in his entire career. Ladies and gentlemen, in case you didn’t know, Edge’s very first title reign brought us some of the highest-rated episodes of RAW in years! It only lasted all of 3 weeks, so you could have missed it, but for those who didn’t, surely they’d all remember this defining highlight of Edge’s career! A World Champion having sex in the middle of the ring! No one in history has ever done that before! What a revolutionary moment! Who wouldn’t want to watch that? That’s what Cena wants to pay tribute to, because it deserves all the attention it’s getting.

Edge tells Cena he can try to make a mockey of Edge’s first title reign all he wants. He’s gone on to win the World Title as many times as Cena had, and he has nothing left to prove. In fact, he wants Cena to enjoy his little celebration as much as possible, because he’s going to make a little announcement immediately after that which may ruin Cena’s mood. That’s why he’s going to hold off on that announcement for the time being. And that’s why he’s not even going to make Cena compete tonight. After all, the fans have been promised a great celebration, and he wouldn’t want to disappoint them by ruining Cena’s mood for it. And he certainly doesn’t want to disappoint Cena’s Live Sex partner tonight by having her find out that Cena no longer has enough energy to keep his mood – among other things – up for her, whoever she may be!

Cena says that speaking of that, he knows a lot of people are dying to find out who his partner will be. You should have seen all the wild speculation on the internet! Hell, some people even thought he’d be bringing back Lita just to stick it to Edge. That’s ridiculous, of course, since it was never his intention to “stick it to Edge”. Quite frankly, he’s been so busy over the weekend making all the arrangements that he hasn’t even settled on a partner yet. But there’s no hurry, there’s still more than 2 hours left, and they’ve got a locker room full of divas who’d probably want to play a part in this tribute to the Rated-R Hall-of-Famer, he’s sure he’ll find a partner by the end of the night! But before we get to that, Cena has another announcement of his own to make. It was actually a decision made by last week’s GM, Stone Cold Steve Austin, as his very last act as GM, but Cena was able to get him to keep quiet about it and let Cena break the news this week to everyone, especially to Edge. You see, before Austin left his position as GM of the Week, he made one last signing, and he signed a former Superstar that Edge knows very well. In fact, at one point, this returning Superstar was one of Edge’s best friend, and of Lita’s, too. That is, before they both stabbed him in the back. Ladies and gentlemen, oh, and Edge, with all due respect to the great DX, he’s got 2 words for you……MATT FREAKIN’ HARDY!

Edge looks momentarily stunned as another of his most hated old rival makes his entrance into the arena. Matt exchanges a cold stare with the Rated-R GM as he heads down to the ring and exchanges a handshake, then a hug, with the WWE Champion Cena. It only takes Edge a few seconds to recover from the surprise, however, and he congratulates Matt on getting a job again in the WWE. He tells Cena that this is a great signing on Austin’s part, he guess Austin must have anticipated Cena’s need for a Live Sex partner tonight, Cena now has the greates choice for his partner standing right beside him. He tells Cena to be gentle with Matt later tonight, because as Lita once told him, Matt’s too much of a pansy to take it rough. Matt looks enraged as he tries to leave the ring to go after Edge, but Cena holds him back. Edge continues to taunt them as Matt struggles against the restraint, telling them that they look eager to get it on already, so maybe he should have the bed brought out here right now!

Cena finally manages to calm Matt down, and tells Edge that he should have seen these jokes coming, but just in case some kids watching this are getting confused – and the WWE should never feed these misleading ideas to their impressionable minds – no, Matt isn’t here to be his partner in the celebration. He’ll be quite happy as an audience though, just like everyone else. Edge says he’s actually glad to hear that Matt isn’t Cena’s partner, because that means he wouldn’t need to save his energies for later. So how about Matt Hardy competes in a match tonight? Cena says that’s exactly what Matt is back for. Edge says that’s great, and obviously, Edge cannot just outright cancel out the contract Steve Austin offered to Matt last week……but he can make a stipulation for the match he makes for Hardy tonight. If Matt Hardy doesn’t win his redebut match tonight, then he’ll be fired! Both Matt and Cena start to protest about the stipulation, but Edge reminds them that the GM of the Week can do anything he wants while he holds that position. Oh, and Matt, he’ll be competing tonight against the Funkasaurus, Brodus Clay! Edge then leaves to his entrance music while Matt stands stunned in the ring and Cena tries to console him.

Angles: Cena explains his actions on Smackdown. (Rating: A*)

Cena & Edge trade barbs. (Rating: A*)

Cena brings out GM Austin’s last signing: MATT FREAKIN’ HARDY!! (Rating: A*)

Edge puts Hardy’s job on the line in a match. (Rating: A*)

Match: Air Boom defeated Prime Time Playas in 7:40 when Evan Bourne defeated Titus O'Neil by pinfall with an Air Bourne.

After a short commercial break, the Prime Time Playas are shown already in the ring as JR, King and Cole talk about their match last week on Smackdown against the newly-reunited Team Air Boom. As Air Boom make their entrance, footage is played to show how Even Bourne makes his triumphant return by pinning Darren Young with his Air Bourne finisher. Replays also briefly show the backstage arguments between PTP after their loss, as well as Orlando Jordan’s interaction with them immediately after.

Titus starts off the match aggressively against Kofi, battering him with a flurry of hard shots and heavy clubbing blows with his forearms and overpowering him with brute strength to force him into the PTP’s corner before making the tag. Darren continues to work on Kofi in the corner (with some illegal help and cheap shots from Titus) for a bit before going for an irish whip off the ropes, but Kofi reverses the whip and immediately goes for a Trouble in Paradise, and Darren only narrowly avoids it by grabbing the ropes to stop his own momentum. A spooked Darren quickly rolls out of the ring to regroup with his partner, but Kofi isn’t having any of it, as he comes charging across the ring for a big dive! Both members of the PTP quickly duck for cover, but Kofi was only feigning the attack, as he rebounds off the ropes back to his feet in the ring. The crowd laughs at the PTP for being fooled as they fume outside the ring, not realizing that Evan actually made the tag during Kofi’s fake dive. They are therefore completely unprepared as Evan comes off the top ropes with a diving knee onto Darren Young. Titus narrowly manages to avoid the attack, however, and as Evan gets back to his feet, he charges at the smaller man and runs him right over with a huge shoulder block!

Titus then rolls his own partner back into the ring near his own corner and tags himself into the match. Kofi tries to go help his partner, but Titus points him out, and the referee stops him from going near Titus as the large man grabs Evan and throws him back into the ring. Titus dominates his smaller opponent with power moves for a bit while Darren recovers, and then the PTP begin to wear Bourne down with quick tags. Evan tries to battle his way out of his opponents’ corner with some elbow and forearm shots. He manages to stun the PTP momentarily, but as he dives for his corner, Titus catches him in his arms and drops him with a big powerslam for a 2-count. Titus turns and poses with his signature Dog Bark taunt, and with a definite sense of déjà vu, Evan uses this as an opportunity to recover, and as Titus turns back, Evan stuns him with a kick to the head and crawls between his legs to get past him and make the tag! Kofi comes off the top rope with a huge flying forearm to take down Titus, then continues take it to Titus in what Michael Cole will describe as a “controlled frenzy”! Double-armed chop to the chest! Big dropkick! Flying reverse elbow off the ropes! Superman Punch! Titus is down as Kofi signals for the Boom Drop. Darren Young rushes in to save his partner, but Evan Bourne intercepts him with a high leaping kick to the head! A dazed Darren totters over his fallen partner for a moment, before falling over face-down on top of him……into an awkward ‘69 position’ where both men’s face happen to be facing the other’s crotch! This brings a small pop from the crowd, and Kofi stirs it up further by delivering the Boom Drop on top of both men!

This knocks some senses back into the PTP, and Titus finally realizes the awkward position that he and his partner are lying in. He hurriedly pushes Darren off and screams at him, demanding to know what he’s doing. A confused Darren pleads ignorance, and Kofi uses the distraction to launch the Trouble in Paradise behind Titus. Darren sees it coming and shoves Titus out of the way, eating the deadly kick himself and falling out of the ring. Titus tries to capitalize as he grabs Kofi and picks him up for the Clash of the Titus, but Kofi counters with a Monkey Flip! Kofi then makes the tag to Evan, who comes off the top rope with the Air Bourne on top of a stunned Titus to pick up the win!

Rating: B-

We head backstage, where Sheamus has stopped Edge on the corridor, and is voicing his objection about having to face Randy Orton tonight. He says that he should be facing the Big Show tonight to finish the fight they started at WrestleMania. Edge reminds Sheamus that it was the fans who voted to have Sheamus vs Orton tonight. Sheamus tells Edge that he shouldn’t have put Randy Orton in the polls in any case. Everyone knows that Randy can’t be ready to compete tonight, not after the chair-shot he took from Sheamus last week on Smackdown. He’s already caused Randy’s concussion to worsen twice in a row last week, he doesn’t want to be responsible for ending Randy Orton’s career tonight. Edge needs to cancel the match, for Randy’s sake, because Randy is way too stubborn to admit that he can’t compete tonight, and he’s going to get himself killed unless Edge stops the match.

Randy Orton appears at this point, and takes exception to Sheamus claiming that he will end Orton’s career of they were to fight tonight. Randy tells Sheamus that he wants the Big Show as much as Sheamus does, and he doesn’t appreciate Sheamus repeatedly trying to get in his way. Unlike Sheamus, he’s not going to ask Edge to cancel the match, because Randy Orton has a more direct way of doing things. He’d much rather be facing the Big Show tonight, but if he has to get Sheamus out of the way with an RKO in order to get to the giant, then so be it. Sheamus shouldn’t be concerned about Orton’s condition or about accidentally ending Orton’s career. He should be concerned about having his own career ended by the Viper if he doesn’t get out of the way fast. Unlike Sheamus, Randy doesn’t miss, and he doesn’t hit the wrong man by accident. When he strikes, he makes it count.

Edge tells them both that since they both want the Big Show this badly, then tonight’s main event is the perfect way to settle this. Tonight, the winner of the Orton/Sheamus match will go on to face the Big Show, 1-on-1, at Extreme Rules! Orton looks satisfied with this announcement, but Sheamus doesn’t look quite so enthusiastic. He tells Orton that for his own good, Randy needs to forfeit match, or he can’t promise that Orton will make it out of the arena on his own 2 feet. The Celtic Warrior then walks away, leaving the Viper glaring after him venomously.

Angle: Edge adds stipulation to tonight’s main event. (Rating: A*)

Back in the ring, the Great Khali and Natalya are there to try and convince the WWE Universe to vote Khali as the man to take on Stone Cold Steve Austin at Extreme Rules. We are told by the commentators that Hornswoggle is still out from injury after the beat down at the hands of Ryback last week. Natalya has the mic as she reminds the fans that Khali was a policeman back in India, and that he made a living bringing criminals and villains to justice. There’s no way the Punjabi Giant will stand by idly and watch a woman-beating criminal like Steve Austin walk free. Steve Austin didn’t even have the guts to face Khali himself last week on RAW, and had to hide behind the monster Ryback. But at Extreme Rules he’s not going to have that option, and if the fans vote for Khali, nothing’s going to stop the Punjabi Playboy from ripping Steve Austin’s head off his neck and bring him to justice.

Natalya then says that as everyone knows, the Great Khali isn’t a guy who talks much. He’s a man of action, and he’s going to let his actions do the talking. So, to convince the fans that he deserves to win their votes, Khali’s going to do a little physical demonstration of what he plans to do to Steve Austin when he gets his hand on him. He’s going to have an exhibition match right now, and his opponent tonight had better count his blessings, because as far as the Great Khali is concerned, his opponent tonight is Steve Austin, and he’s about to feel all the pain Austin himself will be suffering from at the hands of the Great Khali!

The sound of glass shattering fills the arena, and the crowd pops……at least, those who hadn’t noticed the slight difference between this sound and Austin’s usual theme. Those with a better sense of hearing will notice that it’s actually the sound of water splashing edited to resemble the sound of shattering glass. As the not-so-familiar entrance theme starts to play, the Great Khali’s opponent makes his way out into the arena doing his best Austin impression by mimicking his swagger and raising the middle fingers as he poses on the ropes. He’s actually doing a fairly decent impressionist act, but the mask he’s wearing kind of spoils the effect.

“Stone Cold” Shark Boy has come to the WWE!

(“The Great Khali looked lost out there.” He’s probably still trying to figure out what Natalya’s saying. The crew must have forgotten to translate the script for him. Again.)

Angle: Natalya hypes Khali as Austin’s opponent at Extreme Rules. (Rating: C+)

Match: The Great Khali defeated Shark Boy in 2:46 by pinfall with a Punjabi Plunge.

Shark Boy starts off the match in Vintage Austin style, wailing away on the Great Khali with a flurry of right hands. The giant simply shrugs off the blows, grabs Shark Boy by the fin, and shoves him halfway across the ring. Holding the struggling Shark Boy in place against the turnbuckles, the Great Khali proceeds to unleash some of the loudest, ugliest open-handed chops in WWE history to the Shark Boy’s chest. Natalya cheers her friend on enthusiastically as each chop keeps getting louder and harder than the previous one. Finally, Khali lets go of his opponent, and Shark Boy promptly collapses face-down on the mat. Khali places a foot on his chest, but Shark Boy show some fighting spirit (or massive stupidity) by getting his leg on the ropes. As Khali stoops to pick him up, Shark Boy gets in a shot at his knee, which finally staggers the giant. Seeing the slight opening, Shark Boy gets up and bounces off the ropes to deliver a low dropkick to the knee that topples the giant. As Khali struggles to get up from his kneeling position, Shark Boy hurls himself onto the giant with a modified Lou Thesz Press (since the opponent is on his knee rather than on his feet), and unleashes a flurry of punches to the attractive face of the Punjabi Playboy. Shark Boy then bounces off the ropes again and drops an Austin-style elbow drop onto his opponent before going for the cover, but Khali hurls him about 3 feet into the air as he powers out of the pin. As the giant is getting up, Shark Boy kicks him and goes for a Stunner, but Khali powers out of it, shoves him to the ropes, and catches him on the rebound with a big forearm. Khali knocks Shark Boy down a few more times with big clubs and clotheslines, then signals for the Brain Chop, but Shark Boy manages to move out of the way! Shark Boy gets in another low kick to the knee he targeted earlier, then bounces off the ropes again. Khali tries to catch him with a boot, but Shark Boy catches the giant’s foot and flips him off, which gets him a small pop from the crowd……which doesn’t do him any good as the giant just chops him right in the head in response. Khali then picks up the half-dead Superstar from the deep blue sea and drops him with the Punjabi Plunge for the decisive win.

Rating: C-

Once again we head backstage, this time in the GM’s office, and Mark Henry is shown pleading with Edge to cancel his match with Ryback at Extreme Rules. Edge asks Henry what’s wrong with him. He’s never known the World’s Strongest Man to back down from a fight, and he’s known him for many years. Mark Henry was a monster, a ruthless destroyer, a menace who makes others run from him. Now he’s running away from Ryback, a man whom he actually outweighs by over 100lbs? What on earth is wrong with him? What happened to the monster that everyone knew and feared? Henry tells Edge that he’s never been in the ring with someone like Ryback, and he doesn’t understand. Edge agrees that he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand how one of the biggest baddest and strongest monsters in WWE history has become such a coward. Mark Henry needs to show everyone that he’s still the monster deep down inside, because if he doesn’t then maybe he shouldn’t be in the WWE. He has just the idea that will bring the monster inside Henry back out to the surface. At Extreme Rules, Mark Henry is not only going to face Ryback 1-on-1……he’s going to face him in a Monster's Ball match!

Mark Henry is horrified, and shouts that Edge can’t do this to him. Edge says that not only can he do it, but he must. After all, the name of the PPV is called “Extreme Rules” and you don’t get much more extreme than a Monster's Ball match. This match needs to happen. Henry screams that he’s not going anywhere near that nutcase, and least of all in a Monster's Ball match. Edge tries to calm him down, but without much success, as the World’s Strongest Man begins screaming incoherently and flinging things off the GM’s desk (thankfully none of them appear to be breakable). Edge says that Henry needs something else to remind him of what he really is, and he knows just the person he needs……

……and that person turns out to be Mae Young! Henry is so shocked at seeing Mae that he actually stops screaming as he stares at his ancient sweetheart. Mae Young goes up to Henry and hugs him, telling him that she’s been watching what’s happening to him over the past week, and she knows that he’s better than this. She will remind him and everyone what she knows he’s capable of. She’s confident that at Extreme Rules, we will be seeing the old Mark back, and he will show her and everyone else that her Sexual Chocolate is still every bit the man that she knows him to be. Mae then engages Henry in a passionate lip-lock whilst the latter is clearly too shocked to put up any resistance.

(Who says the WWE doesn’t listen to the fans? We always listen, and we always do our best to give them what they want. They chanted “Fruity Pebbles”, so we gave them Fruity Pebbles at WrestleMania. Lots and lots of them. They chanted “Sexual Chocolate”, and so now we’re going to give them Sexual Chocolate as well! Let no one ever say that the WWE doesn’t care about its fans!

……Now, if only I can figure out how to give the fans this “WHAT” character that they keep chanting for……)

Angles: Edge makes Ryback vs Henry a Monsters’ Ball match! (Rating: A*)

Mae Young motivates Henry. (Rating: C+)

Elsewhere backstage, the Prime Time Playas are once again shown arguing with each other over their loss earlier. Darren is complaining about how he “took the bullet” for Titus earlier by shoving him out of the way and eating the Trouble in Paradise himself, but Titus still couldn’t get the job done. Titus accuses Darren of distracting him by putting his head between Titus’ legs again. Darren hotly denies doing any such thing, and claims that he was knocked out and didn’t see where he was falling. Titus expresses doubt and asks if it was actually deliberate. Darren gets wound up and angrily asks what Titus is trying to say. Titus replies that he’s thinking maybe there’s something to what Orlando said last week……Darren cuts him off quickly by snapping that he has no idea what Orlando was saying and neither does Titus. Anyway, they weren’t talking about Orlando, they were talking about how Titus cost them the match!

Speaking of the Devil, here comes Orlando Jordan himself! OJ tells Darren that he loved watching what Darren did out there earlier. Titus starts to ask him which move he means, but Darren cuts him off quickly and tells Orlando that they’re busy here. Orlando tells Darren he just wants to offer his compliments, because he loves watching Darren in action. He then reminds Darren that he himself will be in action next against Daniel Bryan, and he hopes Darren will be watching. Maybe next time they will have the opportunity to see some 1-on-1 action against each other. Orlando then walks away after a suggestive wink, and Darren glares after him while Titus continues to probe him with questions about the meanings behind OJ’s words.

Angles: PTP argue over tag loss and Orlando Jordan……again. (Rating: C+)

Orlando wants some “action” with Darren Young. (Rating: C)

Match: Daniel Bryan defeated Orlando Jordan in 0:25 by submission with a No Lock.

As Daniel Bryan makes his way out to the ring, a small split screen is shown to the bottom-right-hand corner of the big screen, where Orlando is shown cutting a short backstage promo that was taped earlier. Orlando says that beards are a symbol of manhood, and that he’s always had a thing for men with sexy beards. We cut back to Daniel Bryan, who’s shown to be watching the promo and looking a bit creeped out.

The bell rings, and Bryan gets ready to fight, but Orlando reaches out and gently grasps a handful of Bryan’s beard to admire them, stroking them lovingly. Bryan slaps his hand away and screams “NO! NO! NO!” at Jordan, but Jordan just laughs and runs his hand over Daniel’s face flirtingly. Bryan responds by grabbing Orlando’s hand, taking him down by the arm, and swiftly locks on the No Lock! Orlando struggles in agony for a few seconds, but quickly taps out.

JR: “BAH GAWD! Bryan just made Orlando tap out in 25 seconds!”

Michael Cole: “VINATAGE ORLANDO!”

(“Daniel Bryan looked good out there. Orlando Jordan is improving in Technical skills. Orlando Jordan is improving in Flying skills. Orlando Jordan is improving in Performance skills”. How awesome is Daniel Bryan? He can teach Orlando how to fly better just by making him tap out in 25 seconds!)

Rating: B

Meanwhile, John Cena is shown backstage giving a pep talk to Matt Hardy, who’s getting warmed up for his match against Brodus Clay. He tells Matt not to let the stipulation go into his head. He says that Brodus Clay may be bigger and stronger, but the Hardys are no stranger to battling against big odds and size disadvantages, and he knows Matt will come out victorious. Matt looks invigorated at Cena’s encouragements, and promises that he will deliver some Mattitude Adjustment to the Funkasaurus tonight!

Angle: Cena pyches up Hardy. (Rating: A*)

Back in the GM’s office, Vickie Guerrero is back once again to ask for a job. She reminds Edge about their history together, about how they used to dominate Smackdown together as the ultimate power couple in the WWE. Edge knows her capabilities better than anyone else. Edge tells her that he does know what she’s capable of, but he isn’t looking for an assistant. However, he does have something in mind for Vickie tonight. He’s planning to debut an all-new talk show tonight, hosted by a certain returning Superstar whose identity will be revealed later, and he thinks Vickie will be perfect as the very first guest of this new talk show. Vickie is overjoyed at the opportunity and tries to thank Edge with a hug and kiss, but Edge puts up his hands to forestall her, telling her that he thinks it’d be better if things remain strictly business between them. Vickie says she understands, and reassures Edge that he won’t regret putting her on the show.

Angle: Edge puts Vickie on new debuting talk show. (Rating: B)

The cameras move to yet another backstage area, and here we find Fandango trying to convince Josh Matthews to become his new personal ring announcer. Josh Matthews apologizes, but declines the offer, saying that he saw what Fandango did to his last 2 ring announcers, including his former broadcast partner Matt Striker, who’s still out from the injury suffered at the hands of Fandango. Josh explains that he doesn’t feel he’s up to the task. Fandango asks if Josh just refused him, and when Josh re-affirms his stance, Fandango tells him to leave……then grabs him from behind and slams him into the wall! Fandango then grabs the dazed Matthews and drops him face-first on the concrete floor with a swinging reversed STO. As backstage crew members and medics swarm into the scene to check on the unconscious Josh, Fandango stands over them and tells Matthews:

“Nobody says no to FAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHN……DAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHN……GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Another day, another crappy announcer written off my shows. Fandango is awesome. He’ll have a place on TV for as long as I still have announcers to feed to him.

Oh, and “Josh Matthews is learning to show more charisma.” Too bad he didn’t do it sooner, when I actually put him at the announce booth. I guess it’s true that some people have to learn the hard way!)

Angles: Josh Matthews declines to become Fandango’s personal ring announcer. (Rating: C)

Fandango attacks Josh Matthews for saying no to him. (Rating: B-)

Match: Matt Hardy defeated Brodus Clay in 6:41 by pinfall with a handful of tights.

The bell rings, and Matt immediately uses his speed to duck behind the Funkasuarus before trying a waistlock takedown, but is unable to move the behemoth. Instead, Brodus backs him all the way into the corner and knocks the breath out of him with a butt-thrust to the gut. Brodus then whips Matt across the ring into the opposite corner and goes for a big splash, but Matt catches him with a pair of raised boots to the face. Matt then pulls himself onto the second ropes and comes off with a big elbow into Brodus’ head. He then quickly gets back on the second ropes and delivers a second big elbow, before grabbing his stunned opponent by the head as he ascends the second ropes a third time. This time, he goes for a tornado DDT off the second ropes, but Brodus powers out of it and drops Matt face-first down on the mat!

Matt tries to stumble away from his opponent, but Brodus seizes a handful of his hair and drags him back before slamming his face hard into the turnbuckles. He then scoops Matt onto his shoulder and goes for a powerslam, but Matt slips out behind the Funkasaurus and tries to roll him up with a schoolboy……and once again finds it impossible to move the big guy. Brodus tries to capitalize on his position and he leaps up for a vertical sitout splash that would have flattened Matt’s face, but Matts move out of the way just in time! Looking shocked at the close call, Matt nevertheless possesses the veteran’s instinct to take advantage of the stunned Funkasaurus, and hits him with a huge low running dropkick off the ropes to the face for a 2-count.

With the big man still stunned from the missed vertical splash, Matt takes control of the match, hitting a big legdrop across his neck and then tries to wear down the grounded Funkasaurus with a sleeper. Brodus starts to fight his way back up, and Matt tries to keep him grounded by throwing his entire body weight on top of the Funkasaurus. But even that isn’t enough to keep the big man down as he slowly gets back to a vertical base with Matt on his back. Matt quickly slips off and hits a dropkick to the knee to bring the big man back down, then plants him with a kneeling DDT for another nearfall. He goes back to the sleeper for another minute or so, but once again Brodus starts to fight his way back up. Frustrated, Matt pummels Brodus in the head with a series of elbows and forearm shots, then climbs to the second ropes again for yet another big elbow aimed at the head……but this time he jumps straight into a massive headbutt to the chest!

Matt lies gasping for air after having his breath knocked out of him by the headbutt, giving Brodus the chance to shake off his dizziness from the punishment Matt delivered to him earlier. Matt slowly struggles back up but Brodus floors him again with a big uppercut. He picks Matt up and sends him into the corner before squashing him against the turnbuckles with a big splash. He hits a second avalanche splash, before catching his stumbling opponent in his arms and launching him over his head with a big T-Bone suplex! He goes for the finish with a running splash to the floored Hardy, but Matt rolls out of the way at the last possible second to avoid getting flattened! Both men look spent as the referee starts to count them down. Matt makes it back to his feet at the count of 6, and Brodus gets up 2 counts later, only to eat a kick to the gut as Matt goes for the Twist of Fate, but Brodus powers and shoves Matt into the corner. Brodus charges at Matt, but eats a big reverse elbow, and Matt hits the Side Effect off the second ropes……for a 2-count!

Matt looks frustrated, and signals for the Twist of Fate again, but as Brodus struggles back to his feet, Matt changes his mind and instead tries to pick Brodus up on his shoulder. He’s going for Cena’s Attitude Adjustment! Or Mattitude Adjustment, as he called it earlier. He actually manages to get Brodus off the mat by a couple of inches, but the weight is so much that he’s practically bent over from it. Nevertheless, he waves his palm in front of his face with Cena’s signature “You Can’t See Me” taunt……only to collapse on his face from the weight on his back! So much for Mattitude Adjustment. Fortunately, since he fell on his stomach rather than his back, it doesn’t count as a pinfall. Still, he looks to be out cold as Brodus Clay gets up and stands over him. Brodus stoops to pick him up……and Matt sends him face-first into the turnbuckles with a drop-toe-hold! Matt then rolls up the stunned Funkasaurus and grabs a handful of ropes for extra leverage to pin Brodus for the 3-count. Matt has won the match and saved his own job!

Rating: B-

Back from commercial break, Lilian Garcia gets into the ring to announce the arrival of one of the principal owners of the WWE, Stephanie McMahon! The Billion Dollar Princess gets into the ring as the commentators express their surprise at her appearance. They know that Triple H was supposed to be here tonight to answer Paul Heyman’s challenge, but none of them expected Stephanie to show up. As they’re still speculating about the reason for her appearance, Stephanie herself answers the questions. She’s here to answer Heyman’s challenge on behalf of her husband. She says that she cannot deny that from a business standpoint, Heyman’s challenge to Triple H is highly appealing. Triple H vs Brock Lesnar at Extreme Rules, inside Hell-in-a-Cell, is definitely good for business. Paul Heyman knows that, just as he knows that Triple H is never one to back down from a fight. He knows very well that his offer is far too appealing to be refused. Nevertheless, speaking as a wife and the mother of 2 kids……she’s officially declining the match on behalf of her husband Triple H.

The crowd boos loudly at this, and Stephanie says that she understands their disappointment, but she wants the fans to try and understand, to see it from the point of view of a wife and mother, she simply cannot allow her husband to risk his health like that again. Triple H already beat Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania, and as far as she’s concerned, he’s got nothing more to prove. The Hell-in-a-Cell is a match that have ruined lives and shortened careers, and she sees no sense in letting Triple H putting his own body in harm’s way just to feed Brock Lesnar’s ego. The crowd continues to boo, and some begin to chant for Triple H to show up himself, but Stephanie tells them that Triple H is not here, and he’s not going to be here tonight. Once again, she apologizes for disappointing the fans, but tells them that if they really love Triple H, if they are truly his devoted fans, they would not want him to endanger himself by putting himself with Brock Lesnar inside Hell-in-a-Cell either!

At this point, the Billion Dollar Princess is abruptly interrupted……by the arrival of the Shield! Stephanie looks shocked as Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns appear from the crowd and swiftly spread out to surround the ring. She warns the trio to remember who she is, and tells them not to do anything they might regret later. The Shield simply smirk at her remark as they slowly get on the ring apron, and it looks like there’s nowhere for Stephanie to run……

……when John Cena’s music hits! The Champ comes charging down the ramp at full speed to ringside, yanking Seth Rollins off the ring apron and tackling him to the ground before any of the Shield members can react. Ambrose and Reigns quickly hop off the apron and come rushing around the ring to their partner’s aid, giving Stephanie the opportunity to leave the ring and flee up the ramp. However, John Cena now has to face the wrath of the Shield himself as the Hounds of Justice converge on him. The Champ does his best to fight back, and actually holds his own for a couple of minutes, but just like all other victims of 3-on-1 assaults from the Shield, he eventually gets overwhelmed and beatened down. The Shield pick up Cena and drags his limp body back into the ring, where they signal for their patented Triple-team Powerbomb……

Pyros explode at the entrance as Kane and Daniel Bryan enters the arena with Stephanie McMahon right behind them, urging them to go to Cena’s aid. Team Hell No probably doesn’t need any urgings in any case, for they’ve had a bitter history with the Shield in the past months as well. The WWE Tag Team Champions charge into the ring and a wild brawl breaks out. Although also outnumbered for a while, Team Hell No manage to keep the Shield occupied long enough for Cena to summon up his Wolverine-like healing ability and get back into the action, and soon the 3 babyfaces stand tall in the ring, having forced the Shield to beat a hasty retreat. As usual, the Shield has decided not to pursue the fight when it looks like the numbers are no longer in their favour.

Angles: Stephanie declines Heyman’s challenge on behalf of her husband. (Rating: B-)

Cena rescues Steph from the Shield. (Rating: A*)

Team Hell No help Cena fight off Shield. (Rating: A*)

----

Coming up next in the Hour 2 Report:

- The All-Star tag team match between the team of World Heavyweght Champion Jack Swagger and Mr Money-in-the-Bank Dolph Ziggler against the team of No. 1 Contender Alberto Del Rio and United States Champion Antonio Cesaro!

- Cody Rhodes presents his case on why he should be the one to face Stone Cold Steve Austin at Extreme Rules!

- Vickie Guerrero to be featured as the first guest on an all-new debuting talk show hosted by a mysterious returning Superstar!

- The Bella Twins return to action against the Funkadactyls!

Stay tuned!

Greylocke · November 26, 2013

Monday Night RAW Hour 2 Report!

After the commercial break, Stephanie McMahon is shown in the GM’s office, looking very upset at what just happened out there. She tells Edge that her father and husband showed a lot of faith in him by appointing him as GM of the Week and granting him full authority, and she’d expected better from him. Edge explains that as soon as he saw what was happening out there, he sent Kane and Daniel Bryan out to help her. Stephanie snaps that something like that should never have happened in the first place. She tells Edge that when John Cena called her over the weekend and tried to tell her that Edge doesn’t have what it takes to maintain control over this show, that she shouldn’t put herself at risk by coming to the show this week, she didn’t believe him, but it seems like John was right, after all. Maybe her family should never have put their faith in Edge.If it weren’t for John Cena risking himself to save her earlier, who knows what the Shield could have done to her? She wants Edge to do something to assert his authority over the show! Her father would have never let those thugs run the circus when he was in charge! Edge tries to calm her down, but is abruptly interrupted by someone whom we were told wouldn’t be here: Triple H!

Stephanie looks surprised her husband’s appearance, and asks him what he’s doing here, and that she thought he was supposed to attend the meeting on her behalf. Triple H tells her that he should have guessed she wouldn’t want him to show up. After all, she went through the trouble of making sure he wouldn’t be here tonight so that she can decline Brock Lesnar’s challenge on his behalf, behind his back. Triple H says that Stephanie knows very well that he had every intention of accepting that challenge. He’s going to face Lesnar at Extreme Rules inside Hell-in-a-Cell, and he going to go out there right now and tell everyone that he accepts Brock Lesnar’s challenge, no matter what Stephanie said earlier. Stephanie screams at him that she’s doing this for his good, that she doesn’t want him to get hurt inside the Cell, and that there’s nothing to gain from taking the challenge. She tells HHH that everything she did, she did them for him, but what has he done for her? She was nearly mugged by the Shield just minutes ago, and does he care? Has he shown any concern for her? No, all he cares about is that stupid challenge from Brock Lesnar! Stephanie turns and storms out of the room in tears, and Triple H looks stunned. He asks Edge what was that about the Shield. It seems like he’d only just arrived, and hasn’t yet learned about the attack from the Shield. Edge briefly explains what just happened, and Triple H snaps that Edge is supposed to be in charge tonight, and that Triple H was the one who convinced Vince to put him in charge, and now Edge repays him by putting his wife in harm’s way?. He expects Edge to maintain control and not let just the Shield do whatever they want. HHH then turns to go after his wife before Edge can protest or explain.

The GM looks disgusted at all the blames levelled at him by the Game and Stephanie for the Shield’s action, and slams his desk in frustration. He then notices the Big Show watching the whole exchange from the doorway, and angrily asks what the giant wants. Not bothering to conceal his amusement at what he just saw, the Big Show explains that since the fans have voted to have Randy Orton and Sheamus face each other instead of him tonight, he expects that he’ll have the night off, and is just coming to tell Edge that he’ll be leaving now. Clearly not like the giant’s attitude, and already pi$$ed off by the exchange with HHH and Stephanie, Edge tells the Big Show that he can’t leave yet, and that he’s not going to have the night off. He won’t be facing Sheamus or Orton, but he’ll be facing 2 other men, in a handicap match! It will be the Big Show vs the Usos! The Big Show protests that Edge can’t abuse his authority like this. Edge says he can do whatever he wants, and since Stephanie and HHH want him to “assert his authority” he’s going to do just that, and he’s not going to let any of the guys in the locker room push him around and demand the night off whenever they want. He tells the Big Show to get out of his office and prepare for his handicap match. The Big Show seems to contemplate punching the GM out, but manages to control himself as he stomps out of the office in frustration.

Angles: Stephanie demands that Edge do something about the Shield. (Rating: A)

HHH argues with Steph about refusing Brock’s challenge. (Raing: A)

Big Show asks for the night off……and gets booked in a handicap match. (Rating: A*)

We switch to a backstage interview segment with Cody Rhodes, who now gets his opportunity to try and convince the fans to vote for him as the opponent for Stone Cold Steve Austin at Extreme Rules. Cody says that over the weekend, he’s heard that many have expressed skeptism at his intention to stand up for the divas in the WWE locker room, and he can’t really blame anyone but himself for that. He admitted that he was not proud of himself dressing up as a woman to take advantage of his female opponents at WrestleMania. This was the only time he’s ever regretted going along with his friend Damien’s idea. He’s not trying to push the blame to Damien or anyone else. He made a bad decision, and he paid for it. Now he’s trying to make up for it. He’s asking the WWE Universe to give him that chance, not only for him to make up for his mistake, but also for him to make things right for the divas, and show Stone Cold Steve Austin that there are consequences that man must face when he preys on helpless women.

Kaitlyn then approaches Cody and thanks him for coming to her aid last week on Smackdown. Cody says he’s just trying to make up for what he did before that, and that he hopes Kaitlyn can forgive him. He asks if Kaitlyn would accept him as a friend again, and Kaitlyn responds with a warm hug to show that all is forgiven. She tells Cody that she can’t speak for anyone else, but she hopes Cody will win the votes and teach Stone Cold a lesson at Extreme Rules, and that she will be voting for him. Cody looks ecstatic that he’s won Kaitlyn’s friendship back as the diva leaves.

Angles: Cody talks about wanting to face Austin at Extreme Rules. (Rating: A*)

Kaitlyn thanks Cody for saving her. (Rating: C+)

Match: The Bella Twins defeated Naomi and Cameron in 4:53 when Brie Bella defeated Cameron by pinfall by using underhanded tactics.

The Bella Twins make their entrance, and even though it’s obvious for everyone watching, the announcers make it a point to tell the audience that Nikki Bella has finally fixed the damage caused by the unfortunate “accident” that put her out of action before WrestleMania. Nikki proudly displays her now-evenly-proportioned “assets” for all to see as she poses with her sister in the middle of the ring.

Brie and Naomi start off the match, and Naomi quickly gets the upper hand with her high-flying athletic moves. After taking a huge hurricanrana from Naomi, Brie rolls out of the ring, and while the referee stops Naomi from leaving the ring, Nikki sneaks into the ring to attempt another “Twin Magic” switcheroo. Due to the “size difference” (which Jerry Lawler now makes it a point to emphasize on every minute), however, the referee realizes the cheating attempt, and tell Nikki to leave. Nikki is reluctant to comply, and as she argues with the referee, Cameron charges into the ring and tackles her down, and a catfight breaks out, to the crowd’s delight. While both the referee and Naomi are distracted by this, Brie slips back into the ring and takes down Naomi from behind. As the referee manages to get Cameron and Nikki out of the ring, Brie takes control of the match.

The Bellas wear down Naomi with classic quick tags and double-teams, but can’t quite keep her down. The turning point comes when Naomi reverses an irish whip attempt and goes low for a back body drop, only to have Brie get behind her with a sunset flip as the latter tries to roll her up, but Naomi then counters by leaping up and coming down hard in a seated position……on top of Brie’s face (“Vintage Rikishi!”)! Both divas crawl over to their corners and make the tag, and Cameron gets tagged into the match for the first time. Although lacking her partner’s sheer athleticism, Cameron makes up for it with fire and enthusiasm, as she floors Nikki repeatedly with flying forearms dropkicks. She scores with a big headscissors takedown for a near-fall, only to have Brie come back in a break it up. Naomi runs in and takes Brie out with the Rear View. As Brie rolls out of the ring, Naomi goes high-risk as she catapults herself over the ropes at her, but Brie steps out of the way at the last second, and Naomi crashes and burns on the floor outside. Meanwhile, Cameron is pounding on Nikki in the ring, and the latter tries to escape the onslught by grabbing the ropes. The referee calls for a break and backs Cameron off. As he’s doing so, the camera catches Brie pulling out a handful of sponge out from the under the ring and stuffing them into her outfit to make her “assets” appear bigger, just like Nikki’s. She then quickly switches place with Nikki behind the referee’s back. The referee fails to notice the switch due to the clever disguise, and Cameron walks right into Brie’s finisher and is pinned for the 3-count.

(“Nikki Bella was really off her game tonight.” I guess there really are side effects from "enhancement surgeries".)

Rating: C-

After the match, the Bella Twins get on the mic and proudly announce that they’re back, and looks like they came back just in time, because while they were gone, even for just one week, the divas’ division here has been in shambles. They mock the rest of the divas’ locker room, saying that they heard about how entire locker room was terrorized by just one man over the past week. They’ve heard about how Stone Cold Steve Austin ran roughshod over all the other divas here, and none of them were able to do anything about it, not even the Divas’ Champion, who clearly doesn’t deserve to hold that Championship. The Bellas tell everyone that if they’d been here, they would never have let anyone, man or woman, push them around. They would have shown anyone who tried to bully them what being a true WWE Diva is all about……

An eerie but familiar laughter interrupts them, and the Bellas freeze in sheer terror as they recognize it! The crowd give a sizeable pop as the monster known to them as Kharma makes her return to the WWE! Despite all their boasts earlier, the Bellas now seem too terrified to do anything as the monster enters the ring and sizes her prey up gleefully. Finally, Brie seems to snap out of it and makes a lunge……and promptly gets knocked out cold by a vicious backfist! Instead of running to her sister’s aid, Nikki turns and scrambles to get out of the ring, but Kharma seizes her by the hair and drags her, sobbing and begging for mercy, to the centre of the ring. Her struggles are completely in vain as the monster lifts her and lays her out with the Implant Buster. Brie is only barely stirring from the backfist she took earlier, but Kharma shows no mercy, as she now picks up Brie as well and drops her on top of the unconscious Nikki with another Implant Buster. As Kharma finally leaves the ring, officials and doctors summon up enough courage to get in the ring and check on the Bellas. Almost immediately, one of the doctors start shouting at the top of his voice that Nikki Bella has just busted her implants……again.

(Kharma was a real star in this segment.)

Angle: Kharma returns and destroys the Bellas. (Rating: C+)

After the Bellas have been carried off to the back by the EMTs, Edge’s music hits again as he walks out from the entrance. He tells the fans that he’s been told by both Triple H and Stephanie to “maintain control of his show” and “assert his authority”. Specifically, they want him to do something about the Shield running roughshod over whomever they want. From what he’s seen and heard about the Shield thus far, apparently none of the former authority in the WWE have ever been able issue any sort of instructions or prohibition against those 3, mostly because no one has ever managed to find them and talk to them face-to-face unless they want to be found. Edge has decided that he’s not going to waste time trying to hunt those 3 down. He’s got a more direct way of doing things. As of this moment, the Shield have been officially banned from the building, and the security have been instructed to escort them out on sight. Not only for tonight, but for every other show this week, for as long as Edge is still in charge! If the Shield has a problem with that, they can come find him and talk to him about it. If they don’t get arrested first, that is!

Angle: Edge bans the Shield from the building. (Rating: A*)

We switch to backstage, where Jeff Jarrett is hanging out with 3MB and looking very excited and he warms up for an upcoming match. He tells 3MB how excited he is to finally have the opportunity to team up with a 3MB member (Drew McIntyre, in this case) for the very first time. Drew on his part doesn’t look at all pleased at the prospect. Totally oblivious to his partner’s displeasure, Jeff continues to talk about their upcoming match against Santino Marella and Zach Ryder, saying that tonight, “4MB” will continue on the roll it’s been on for the past week, ever since he’d joined them.

Heath Slater interrupts him and asks him what he means by that? Firstly, Jeff is only an apprentice, and not an official member. He needs to earn his stripes first. There is no “4MB”, nobody has given Jeff the permission to name himself as one of them. Secondly, what the hell did Jeff meant when he said “the roll they’ve been on “since he joined them”? Is he implying that 3MB is on a winning streak because of Jeff Jarrett? Jarrett points out nerviously that he did help Slater beat Jim Duggan and Santino last week, and Slater slaps him across the face, telling him that 3MB doesn’t need anybody’s help to win. Jarrett ought to feel privileged that they’ve decided to give him an opportunity by offering this apprenticeship. 3MB has been successful in spite of Jeff Jarrett, not because of him. Slater tells Jarrett that all the privileges he’s been granted has really gone into his head, and now he needs to be taught a lesson. His job is to do what he’s told, not to try and take all their credits. Therefore, he’s going to punish Jarrett tonight. Jarrett will not be teaming with Drew tonight, Mahal will! In fact, Jarrett won’t even be at ringside, he’s going stay here backstage and watch how 3MB beat their opponents without Jeff Jarrett clinging to their coattails and holding them back! Jeff begs for forgiveness and ask Slater to at least let him accompany them to ringside, but Slater refuses, telling him that this is a punishment to teach him not to steal credit from his masters in the future. Jarrett looks heartbroken as 3MB leave him backstage and head to the arena for their tag match.

Angle: 3MB refuse to let Jarrett compete with them. (Rating: C)

Team Cobro defeated Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal in 5:54 when Santino Marella defeated Jinder Mahal by pinfall with The Cobra. During the match we also had Heath Slater run in and attack Santino Marella.

Santino starts off by surprising McIntyre with a series of takedowns, showcasing his “Marella Martial Arts”. Overjoyed by his success, Santino raises his arms and poses proudly, and Drew floors him with a straight punch to the face. A dazed Santino staggers back and makes the tag to Ryder. Ryder scores a few takedowns of his own, but McIntyre once again stops his momentum with straight-up brawling as he scores a kick to the gut. McIntyre whips Ryder into the corner, but eats a face-ful of boots as he charges after him. Ryder comes off the second ropes with a missile dropkick to take him down. As Drew struggles back to his feet, Ryder goes for an early finish as he sizes Drew up for the Rough Ryder, but Drew catches him in mid-air and hurls Ryder behind him. Ryder uses the momentum to fly into the opponent’s corner and knocks Mahal off the ring apron with a big flying punch, then catches McIntyre with a back heel kick before hitting a running bulldog for a nearfall.

Heath Slater gets on the ring apron in an attempt to distract Zach. Santino immediately goes after Slater with his hand poised in the rearing Cobra’s position, causing Slater to jump off the apron again with a girly scream. But the distraction still worked, as Drew is able to make the tag while Zach’s attention was on Slater and Santino, and Jinder Mahal comes in with a big running high knee to the back of the head to knock Ryder down. McIntyre and Mahal then proceed to isolate Ryder in their corner and punish him for a couple of minutes. Ryder gets an opening when he catches Drew while the latter is bending down to catch him with a back body drop off the ropes, and the Long Island Iced Z grabs Drew by the head and slams it down face-first to the mat. Both dazed men crawl for their corners, but Jinder Mahal enters the ring before either side has made the tag, causing the referee to hurry over and cut him off. Meanwhile, Ryder is inches away from making the tag when Slater grabs Santino by the feet and yanks him off the ring apron, sending him face-first into the ring steps! Finding no one to tag, Zach Ryder turns around and promptly gets floored by the running dropkick from McIntyre.

McIntyre drags Ryder back into his own corner and continue to dominate with quick tags between him and Mahal, until Ryder gets a burst of adrenaline and fights his way out of the corner with repeated punches and elbow shots to both members of 3MB. One last big reverse elbow shot knocks Mahal off the ring apron, and the Long Island Iced Z dives for the tag, but Drew cuts him off in the middle of the ring and positions him for the Future Shock DDT……when Ryder counters by picking him up and dropping him with a flapjack! Ryder finally makes the hot tag to Santino while Mahal gets back on the apron just in time to receive the tag from Drew. Santino blocks Jinder’s first shot and showers him with a series of well-aimed punches before whipping off the ropes. A leg-split by Santino allows him to duck Jinder’s retaliating strike and catch him with a big hiptoss, followed by his signature falling headbutt. Santino goes for the cover, but Drew comes back in to break the pinfall attempt. Ryder comes back in to his partner’s aid, and hits a big dropkick on Drew that sends him sprawling back into the corner. Ryder follows that up with a running superman punch, and follows that up with his signature Broski Boot!

As a stunned McIntyre rolls out of the ring, Mahal hits a running high knee to the back of Ryder’s head to knock him out of the ring. He turns and picks up Santino……and gets caught with a split-legged stunner! As Jinder staggers away holding his jaw, Santino pulls out the COBRA, and the crowd goes crazy. Heath Slater gets on the ring apron again, and promptly takes the Cobra Strike to the head. This brief distraction may have cost Santino, however, as when he turns around to deal with Jinder, the latter grabs him by the wrist to block the Cobra. Both men engage in a furious struggle as each try to gain control of the Cobra until finally, with a massive tug, Mahal rips the Cobra socko off Santino’s hand! Santino stares at his own hand in shock while Jinder laughs triumphantly and waves the Cobra socko tauntingly at Santino……and gets hit by a vicious, socko-free Cobra strike from Santino’s bare hand! Jinder stumbles back from the unexpected strike, bounces off the ropes, and gets caught by a small package for the 3-count.

Rating: C

Backstage, Brad Maddox is shown bragging to Alicia Fox about his recent accomplishments, including how he outlasted 19 other men in the WrestleMania Pre-show Battle Royal to earn himself a shot at the United States Title in his very first week after being signed as an official WWE Superstar. Alicia reminds him that he didn’t manage to win the title on Main Event, but Brad claims that he “took the US Champion to the limit” and that he’ll succeed the next time he gets a shot. More importantly, he’s finally achieved his dream. He says that for years, many people have been telling him that he didn’t have what it takes to become a WWE Superstar, that he was too small, that he doesn’t look like a star……well, he’s proven them all wrong. He is a Superstar, and now everybody knows his name……

At that moment, Maddox sees John Cena walking by.

“Hey, ’sup, Champ!” Maddox greets the Champ enthusiastically.

“’Sup, Braden Walker!” Cena replies absently as he continues on his way without stopping.

Brad Maddox’s smile drains out of his face at that reply, while Alicia bursts out laughing beside him.

Angle: Cena doesn’t remember Maddox’s name. (Rating: A)

Back in the arena, the crowd breaks into a chorus of boos as the familiar scream of “EXCUSE ME!” blasts from the speakers. Vickie Guerrero walks out towards the ring through an ever-growing wave of boos as she tries to tell the fans (with some difficulty as she tries to shout over all the booings) how honoured she is to have been invited by her ex-husband back on RAW. She tells the fans how privileged they are to have a GM who possesses the wisdom to look past any personal bias and recognize the fact that having Vickie Guerrero on his shows is good for business, unlike that brute Steve Austin last week. With that said, she’s thrilled with anticipation as she awaits the reveal of the mysterious Host of this new talk show which she has been invited to appear on. She has no idea who this mysterious host is going to be, but she trusts that our great GM will give us the best possible host that will help complement Vickie’s greatness……

Just then, the following is heard from the speakers, cutting Vickie off:

The ringing of siren is then heard through the arena as the returning Scott Steiner heads down the ramp to the ring. Vickie looks puzzled at the revealed identity of the new Talk Show Host, but greets Steiner with a smile as she tells him how glad she is to be invited as the very first guest on Big Poppa Pump’s new talk show. Steiner cuts her off and asks Vickie if she has any idea what this talk show is all about, and why she’s was picked as the first guest. Vickie says she’s not sure what the talk show is meant to be about, but she’s really excited to find out. As for why she was invited as its first guest, it’s obviously because Edge had the faith in her to believe that she will bring the ratings to this new show……

“No, it’s because you’re FAT!” Steiner tells her.

Vickie is shocked at this announcement as the crowd roars its approval. She screams “EXCUSE ME!” loudly at Steiner, but Big Poppa Pump tells her that she’s not excused, because she’s got no excuses for being this FAT! Vickie continues to scream her protests, but Steiner pretty much ignores her as he talks right over her, telling the fans that his new talk show is all about calling out fat people who are too lazy to work out and keep themselves in shape, or people who eat too much. He’s not sure which one Vickie is, but it’s probably both. Or it could be in her genes, because most people can’t be this FAT even if they’re trying to be. Either way, she’s FAT! Vickie continues to scream incoherently at Steiner for some time, but all to no avail, as all it does is to prompt Steiner to come up with more and more graphic descriptions of how FAT she really is. Finally, after standing there screaming and taking the insults for 5 minutes (she’s a glutton for punishment, too), Vickie runs away screaming in tears.

(“Vickie Guerrero is developing better performance skills.” Remember guys, calling people fat and making them scream and cry helps them get better! Oh, and Scott Steiner’s Rude Chat Show Host gimmick gets an A* rating! Not really, surprising, since it's mainly letting him do what he does best: calling people fat!)

Angle: Steiner calls Vickie fat for 5 minutes. (Rating: C+)

Match: The Big Show defeated The Usos in 4:43 when The Big Show put Jey Uso down with the WMD.

Steiner doesn’t stick around for long after his guest ran off, which is probably a good thing for him, as shortly after he left, the Big Show makes his way out to the ring, clearly in a foul mood due to being made to compete in a handicap match when he was expecting the night off. Steiner would probably have eaten a WMD right away if he had hung around long enough to try and call Big Show fat. Since he hadn’t, it’s now the Usos who will be facing the giant’s wrath.

The Usos are well aware of the danger they are in, despite their advantage in numbers. They split up and enter the ring from 2 different sides, so that the Big Show cannot target the both of them at the same time. The giant has Jey Uso by the throat as he’s entering the ring, but Jimmy quickly charges in from behind and clobbers him in the back, prompting him to let go. The Usos utilize their numbers advantage in the first minute or so, chopping the giant down to size with low double-team shots to bring him down to his knees before laying him out with a double-thrust kick. The referee finally manages to call for some order as he tells Jimmy Uso to leave the ring while Jey goes for the cover. The Big Show powers out and hurls Jey about 3 feet into the air. Jey makes the tag quickly, and Jimmy slingshots himself over the ropes with a crossbody splash onto the giant before he can even get up, pinning him for another 1-count. The Usos continue to dominate in this manner for the next minute or so, making quick tags and quick pins on the giant to wear him out without even giving him the chance to fully get back to his feet. This actually works well for a while, until Big Show catches Jey Uso springing over the ropes with a firm grip on the throat! Finally getting back up, the Big Show shoves Jey hard into his brother, sending Jimmy flying off the ring apron.

The Big Show then proceeds to maul Jey with brute force, unleashing on him with powerful chops and body shots, and even dropping his 500-pound frame across his throat at one point with a big legdrop, which nearly gets him the win before Jimmy narrowly breaks up the pin. Jey Uso finally catches a break as he narrowly avoids a running back avalanche in the corner that would have flattened him, and makes the hot tag to his brother. Jimmy bursts into the ring and unleashes a series of running clotheslines and flying forearms on the staggering giant, but can’t quite topple the massive man. Big Show finally stops his momentum by seizing the Uso brother by the throat, but before he can pull off the Chokeslam, Jey runs in and breaks it up with a low dropkick to the knee. Things break down from here despite the referee’s best effort to maintain order, as the Usos once again go every thing they can to maintain their advantage with double-teams. Double corner whip! Consecutive running corner splashes! Double-thrust kicks to the gut! Double-DDT! Jey finally leaves the ring as Jimmy goes for the pin……and Big Show powers out at 2! The Big Show struggles back to his knees, but Jimmy knocks him back down with an uppercut and a thrust kick. He makes the tag to Jey, who has climbed to the top rope for the Superfly Splash……and jumps right into the hands of the Big Show, who catches him by the throat! The Big Show gets back up, still hauling the struggling Uso by the neck. Jimmy leaps off the top rope to his brother’s rescue……and Big Show catches him with his other hand! At the very last moment, the Usos battle out of the double-chokeslam attempt with simultaneous kicks to the knees. They go for a double-irish whip, on the giant, but Show reverses and sends them both into the ropes……and destroys them both with a double-spear! The giant then balls up his fist and K.O.s Jey with the WMD for the win.

(The Big Show shone in this match. If Fandango is my official solution to whiny, useless announcers, then Big Show is my solution to whiny Superstars. Brodus Clay, Jey Uso, you 2 will be the examples to the rest of the locker room. As of now “wanting to be used” = “wanting to be squashed by the Big Show” in my book. And Jimmy, I know you didn’t complain. Blame your brother for this. At least you’re not the one getting knocked out and pinned!)

Rating: B

Backstage, Big E Langston is on his way out to the ring, and the announcers inform us that he’s scheduled to take on Chris Jericho up next. He runs into Dolph Ziggler, who’s accompanied by AJ, and once again we have a hostile confrontation between the former allies while AJ tries to play peacemaker. Big E taunts Dolph by reminding him that Dolph thought he could beat the Rock without his help, but Dolph was the one who got beat at the end. Dolph blames Big E for getting involved in the match despite being told by Dolph earlier that he doesn’t need Big E. The argument between the two keeps getting louder and louder as they both ignore AJ’s pleas for them to get along, which causes the diva to become increasingly agitated, until she suddenly screams shrilly for them both to shut up. Both men stop talking and stare at her, stunned by the sudden outburst. AJ screams that she’s had enough of the both of them ignoring her, and they can both kill each other or go to hell, she doesn’t care anymore! The crazed diva storms off, leaving both men gaping after her in shock. Dolph is the first to recover, and he snaps at Big E, “I blame you for this!” before turning and running after AJ. Big E looks like he wants to go after them as well, but at that moment one of the backstage staff informs him that it’s time for his match, and he needs to get out there to the ring. Reluctantly, Big E continues his way to the ring as the announcers once again hype his match with Jericho, coming up after the break!

Angle: Dolph argues with Big E, & AJ goes crazy……ier. (Rating: B)

Match: Chris Jericho defeated Big E. Langston in 8:43 by pinfall. During the match we also had Fandango run in and attack Chris Jericho.

The two men lock up at the start of the match, and Big E displays his incredible strength by shoving Jericho halfway across the ring. Big E beats his chest in triumph, and challenges Y2J to try again. Jericho obliges, and this times turns the collar-and-elbow tie-up into a side headlock, but Big E powers out and shoves him into the ropes before knocking him down with a big shoulder-block. Beating his chest in triumph again, Big E now charges off the ropes himself. Jericho drops prone to duck the first charge, leapfrogs over a second one, and goes for a hiptoss on the third, but Langston is too big and sturdy, easily blocking the attempt. He goes for a vicious short-armed clothesline at Jericho, but Y2J ducks it and hooks his arm, catching him with a quick backslide for a near-fall!

Powering out of the pinning attempt quickly, Big E gets back up and charges his opponent, but Jericho flips over him with a sunset flip and catches him with another pinning attempt for a near-fall. Rolling back up to his feet quickly, Big E is quickly caught by yet another pin combination as Jericho dives over him with a charging schoolboy roll-up, for another nearfall! This time, instead of letting go after Big E kicks out of the pin, Jericho maintains a grip on the big guy’s legs as he stands up and goes for the Walls of Jericho! Big E once again showcases his great strength as he not only twists his way out of the deadly submission hold but also throws Jericho completely off his feet! Landing near the edge of the ring, Jericho starts to pull himself up, but spots his opponent charging in as he does so. The veteran Jericho quickly ducks down and drags the ropes down with him, low-bridging Big E and sending him sailing over his head to land painfully on the outside! As Big E struggles groggily back up, Jericho uses the ropes to execute a huge springboard dive out of the ring on top of the big man to take him back down! Rolling Big E back into the ring, Jericho climbs back up the ring apron and seem to be heading for the top turnbuckles when Fandango’s music hits!

Jericho pauses to stare at the entrance, where Fandango has appeared and seem to be just performing his usual dance routine. This brief distraction is enough to cost Jericho, as Big E catches Jericho off the top-rope dive and plants him with a huge bell-to-belly powerslam! Satisfied with what he has done, Fandango dances his way backstage and doesn’t come out again. Meanwhile, Big E hits a backbreaker on Jericho for a nearfall of his own, then proceeds to torture Jericho further by continuing to stretch his injured back across his knee in that same backbreaker position. After struggling against the hold for nearly a full minute, Jericho starts to battle his way out as he delivers a series of knees to Big E’s head. Having stunned the big man, Jericho comes charging off the ropes……right into a huge spinebuster from Langston! Langston gets a 2-count off that, before he goes back to working on Jericho’s weakened back.

Jericho fights hard and after some time, manages to stuggle back to a vertical base again. He forces Big E to loosen his grip with a series of forearms shots to the ribs and gut, then proceeds to to unleash on the big man with hard chops and kicks. He goes for an irish whip, but Big E reverses it easily. Jericho comes back with a huge crossbody……but is caught right in Big E’s arms! The big man flips Jericho onto his shoulder and signals for the Big Ending, but Jericho slips out behind him and, as he turns around, jumps up and catches him right in the temples with his signature enziguri kick. Both men are down as the referee begins his count. Both men get up at the count of 7, and Jericho drives Big E back towards the corner with a barrage of knife-edged chops. Once again, he attempts an irish whip which is reversed, but this time comes back with a flying forearm to knock the big man off his feet. Jericho follows up with a dropkick that sends Big E staggering back into the corner, then follows up with a massive corner clothesline that sandwich him against the turnbuckles, and follows that up with a bulldog out of the corner. He goes for the Lionsault, but Big E brings up his knees to counter it……and Jericho counters that by catching him by the legs! He tries to go for the Walls of Jericho again, but Big E once again powers out by sheer brute strength, hurling Jericho off his feet into the corner.

Big E gets up and charges at Jericho, but gets sent face-first into the turnbuckles by a drop-toe-hold. With Big E slumped forward in the corner, Jericho charges up behind him and slams both knees hard into his spine! Jericho then grabs his stricken opponent by the head and hits a huge tornado DDT off the second ropes……for a 2-count. Not letting up one bit, Jericho immediately follows up with a flying uppercut off the second ropes, then a missile dropkick off the top rope, each getting a 2-count. Jericho measures Big E up for the Codebreaker, but Big E blocks the move by catching Jericho and hurling him hard into the nearest corner! Jericho bounces back from the sickening collision, and Big E comes charging off the ropes and nearly decapitates Jericho with a massive clothesline!

Down goes the straps, and Big E signals for the Big Ending. He hauls Jericho onto his shoulder, but once again Jericho slips out behind him. Big E turns around, only to have his legs pulled out from under him by a double-leg takedown. Third time’s a charm as Jericho finally gets the Walls of Jericho locked in! Howling in pain, Big E struggles for the ropes, and by sheer force of power manages to drag himself to the ropes. Jericho drags him back towards the centre of the ring before he can seize the ropes however, and Big E looks like he’s about to tap……but then he clenches his fist and holds on. Somehow, he manages to drag himself to the ropes a second time, and this time forces Jericho to break the hold by grabbing the ropes.

Jericho looks visibly frustrated as he wonders what else he can throw at Big E. Still hurting from the deadly submission hold, Big E painfully uses the ropes to pull himself up on the ring apron. Spotting his vulnerable position, Jericho tries to take advantage with his signature springboard dropkick, but Big E intercepts the attempt and nearly decapitates him with a vicious lariat from the apron! Jericho looks to be barely conscious as Big E steps back into the ring and stalks his prey. As Jericho slowly pulls himself upright in the corner, Big E charges in and spears him against the turnbuckles. This seems to have knocked Jericho out cold as he slumps motionless against ropes, and Big E looks to finish him off with a second charging spear……and Jericho abruptly hauls himself up over the ropes, causing Big E to soar under him and crash shoulder-first into the ring post! Jericho then flips over the stunned Langston and rolls him up from behind, keeping his shoulders down just long enough to secure the 3-count for a hard-fought win. As Jericho staggers up the ramp, exhausted but triumphant, the announcers marvel over how close Big E came close to upsetting the former and 1st ever Undisputed World Champion.

(“Chris Jericho and Big E. Langston have great chemistry, and it showed in their performances. Chris Jericho came out of the match looking good. This match lifted the crowd.” Awesome, another good chemistry. And now that something good just happened, the main event bad chemistry curse will probably strike again tonight……)

Rating: A*

As the announcers hype the upcoming tag team match between the team of Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler facing the team of Alberto Del Rio and Antonio Cesaro, Jack Swagger’s music hits, and the Real Amercian World Heavyweight Champion comes out to the ring, accompanied by his founding father, Zeb Coulter. Zeb tells the fans that where WWE Champion John Cena is content to sit back and rest comfortably waiting till Extreme Rules to defend his title, the World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger is a true fighting champion, and ever eager to uphold the standards of a Real American. Therefore, even though he already has a scheduled title rematch against Alberto Del Rio at Extreme Rules, Jack Swagger is already getting prepared to pick his next challenger because, let’s face it, there’s no way he’ll lose the title to that thieving Mexican slavedriver at Extreme Rules. He understands that due to Alberto Del Rio’s rematch clause, they're contactually bound to give the first title shot to the Mexican, but that doesn’t mean they can’t pick out a new No. 1 Contender for after Extreme Rules.

This is why right now, Jack Swagger is officially making an open challenge known as the Jack Swagger’s Real American International Challenge! You see, tomorrow night on Superstars, Jack Swagger will step into the ring against any Non-American Superstar who has the courage to take up the challenge……in a non-title match. If by some miracle he manages to win, then Jack Swagger will grant that Superstar a future shot at the World Heavyweight Title. However, before some people at the back start getting excited, he’s making one thing clear: there are 2 men back there who will not be qualified to answer that challenge despite both of them being non-Americans that sneaked across our borders. One of them is of course Alberto Del Rio, because he already has a title shot at Extreme Rules, and that’s more than he deserves. The other man is Antonio Cesaro, whom Jack Swagger already defeated last week on Smackdown. He wants to make it clear that the Real American International Challenge is a privilege for these thieving criminals to have the honour being in the same ring as Jack Swagger, and privileges like this are once-in-a-lifetime. So since Antonio Cesaro already had that opportunity, and just like all of his kind, he completely blew it, he’ll never, ever get such an opportunity in his lifetime, because quite frankly he doesn’t deserve it. Hell, he didn’t even deserve that first shot!

Alberto Del Rio’s music cuts Zeb off, and the No. 1 Contender makes his way out to he ring to confront the Real American Duos. He tells Coulter that he has a lot of nerve, talking about naming a new contender when no one even knows whether Jack Swagger will still be champion after Extreme Rules. No, actually, he knows Swagger won’t be champion after the Extreme Rules, because the World Heavyweight Title will be back where it belongs: around the waist of Alberto Del Rio. But, Del Rio tells everyone, he doesn’t want whomever that answers Swagger’s challenge tomorrow night to think that he’ll be working for nothing, because after he takes the World Title back from Jack Swagger at Extreme Rules, he’ll be more than happy to defend it against the man who will kick Swagger’s Real American ass tomorrow night on Superstars! Just like he will be more than happy to defend that title against Antonio Cesaro, who put on one hell of a fight against the Real American Jackass. Because unlike Jack Swagger, Alberto Del Rio is a real fighting champion, he doesn’t care if you’re American, Mexican, Swiss, French, or any other race; if you want a fight, Alberto Del Rio will give it to you!

Alberto then tells the enraged Zeb (who isn’t pleased about being interrupted) that he has a challenge of his own to make. Last week on Main Event, he challenged the little rat Ricardo Rodriguez to come out a face him like a man, but so far we have heard nothing from Alberto’s former ring announcer. Del Rio tells Zeb that Ricardo used to have more cajones than this. Is this what being a Real American has done to Ricardo? Has it turned him into a spineless coward who hides behind his old “brother” and his goon and doesn’t even possess the cajones to face the consequences of his action?

Zeb tells Alberto sternly that first of all, his name is Richard Coulter, and now that he’s reunited with his real family, he’ll never, ever answer to that Mexican slave name again. Also, Alberto should know very well why Richard isn’t here tonight. Last Monday night on RAW, Alberto nearly broke his arm with that Cross Armbreaker. Alberto must be really proud of himself, attacking a man who was never really properly trained. Alberto’s father and uncle did everything they could to make sure that poor little Richard lacks the real training to ever become a serious threat to their precious prodigy Alberto. But despite their best efforts, Little Richard had heart, and tons of talent. That is why right at this very moment, Richard is not only healing up his injured arm, he’s also been training. He’s training with the very best, the World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger. With his talent, and with Jack Swagger’s training, Richard will not only come back with his arm at 100%, he’ll be coming back a better wrestler than Alberto can ever hope to be. It took a lifetime for Alberto to achieve the level of meagre success that he now enjoys, but all Richard needs to attain that level of achievement is one month. That’s right, in one short month’s time, Richard Coulter will be ready to return, and he’ll be ready for vengeance against Del Rio and his family, starting first with taking out their beloved protégé, Alberto himself! That’s why even though Jack Swagger will beat and humiliate Alberto at Extreme Rules, just like he did before, he will do his best to hold back and leave Alberto relatively in one piece, so that Richard can pick up where he left off and destroy Alberto for good. That’s right, Zeb is officially accepting Alberto’s challenge to Richard on his behalf. After Jack Swagger retains his title at Extreme Rules, Richard Coulter will return from his training and will take on Alberto Del Rio at the aptly-named Payback PPV……where he’ll finally gain the Payback against his former slave masters that they so richly deserve!

Alberto tells Zeb that he’s right about one thing: Payback is a great name for the event where Alberto Del Rio finally gets his hands on Ricardo……or Richard Coulter, whatever you call him nowadays. It doesn’t matter what new name you give to him. You can name him Captain America if you want, but at Payback, Alberto Del Rio will make Zeb’s “little sister” cry like the little girl that he is!

(The reason “Richard Coulter” hasn’t been seen for so long is because he’s currently scheduled to be off-screen 1 month for a gimmick change. Since I need to wrap up the Swagger/Del Rio feud before I move on to Del Rio/Ricardo, this schedule suits me just fine. And like Del Rio and Zeb said, I think “Payback” is the perfect PPV theme for their encounter anyway.)

Angles: Zeb Coulter announces Jack Swagger’s Real American International Challenge. (Rating: A)

Alberto calls out Richard Coulter again. (Rating: B+)

Zeb accepts Del Rio’s challenge to fight Richard……at Payback. (Rating: B-)

Match: Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler defeated Alberto Del Rio and Antonio Cesaro in 14:50 when Jack Swagger defeated Antonio Cesaro by submission following interference from Zeb Coulter. During the match we also had AJ Lee run in and attack Antonio Cesaro.

Dolph Ziggler comes out with AJ by his side, but for once there’s no passionate kiss exchanged at the entrance. AJ still appears to be sulking after the outburst backstage earlier, and Dolph seems to be doing his best to sweet-talk her as they walk down the ramp. Antonio Cesaro comes out last, and the match is set to begin. Alberto Del Rio starts the match for his team, and looks eager to lock up with his opponent at Extreme Rules, Jack Swagger, but Swagger tags out to Ziggler instead, much to Del Rio’s displeasure. Ziggler teases a lock-up with Del Rio, only to pull his hands back to touch his hair Ric Flair-style, before doing his trademark flinging gesture to taunt the No. 1 Contender. The Show-Off turns to AJ and swivels his hips proudly, but Del Rio isn’t amused, and delivers a sharp kick to the back of his thigh to bring Dolph’s attention back to him.

Del Rio continues to kick away at Ziggler’s thigh as the latter does his best to hop and dance awkwardly away. Ziggler tries to block the kicks with his hands, but Del Rio seizes the opportunity to grab his arm, twist it around, and kick it hard in the joints. He drags the struggling Ziggler to the corner and tags in Cesaro, who comes off the ropes with a big stomp to the arm! Ziggler stumbles away and practically dives for the tag, and Swagger enters the ring. Cesaro seems eager to lock up with the World Champion one more time as well, and the two tie up. Swagger tries to use his size to his advantage, but Cesaro straight up overpowers him despite his comparatively smaller frame, and forces the World Champion down to his knees! A desperate World Champion surprises Cesaro with a headbutt to break off the Test of Strength, and goes for an irish whip, but Cesaro blocks it and score with a big hiptoss, followed by a hard kick to the spine.

Holding his back in pain, Swagger scrambles back to his corner and tags Ziggler back in. Ziggler tries to utilise his speed and he charges in with a full head of steam, duck a big clothesline from Cesaro and catching him with a beautiful dropkick as he turns around. Ziggler struts around the ring c0ckily before turning back to his opponent……and promptly eats a dropkick himelf as Cesaro returns the favour. Cesaro gets on top of Ziggler and, despite the latter’s amateur wrestling expertise, completely dominates him on the mat, maneuvering him around from hold to hold before ending up sitting astride his back and messing up his hair before getting off him. Outraged at being embarrassed on the mat, Ziggler picks himself up quickly and lunges for his opponent……and walks into a stinging uppercut that knocks him loopy. Cesaro scores with a double-leg takedown, then grips the Show-Off by the legs and begin to spin him around! He givng Ziggler a ride on the Cesaro Swing, just like he did to Swagger on Smackdown! The fans start counting along as Cesaro begins to spin faster and faster, swinging Ziggler around like he weighs next to nothing for nearly 1-and-a-half minute before he finally lets go and dumps him onto the mat. Clearly having no idea where he is, Ziggler stumbles around groggily and puts up almost no resistence as Cesaro positions him for the Neutralizer, and it looks like he may be ending the match early! Jack Swagger charges into the ring at Cesaro, but without even letting go of Ziggler, Cesaro stoops and catches the charging Swagger on his back before backdropping him over the ropes to the outside!

An agitated Zeb Coulter gets on the ring apron, and Alberto Del Rio immediately heads over to warn him against getting involved. As the referee is busy warning them to stay away from each other, AJ gets into the ring and jumps onto Cesaro’s back, biting, clawing and screaming shrilly in his ears until Cesaro finally lets go of Ziggler in order to pull the crazed diva off his back. The distraction cost him dear, as Swagger uses the opening to get back in and takes out his right leg with a huge diving shoulder tackle, while at the same time Ziggler leaps up and catches the toppling Cesaro with a high-impact jumping DDT! This vicious double-team seems to have knocked out Cesaro completely……but the US Champion somehow gets his shoulder up on 2 when the referee administers the count! Ziggler quickly drags Cesaro deep into his own corner while the latter is still clearly hurting from the chop-block/DDT combo, and tags in Swagger, who now proceeds to target the injured leg with painful precision to soften it up for his Patriot Lock. Ziggler quickly follows suit as the 2 utilise the classic quick tag/double-team routines to wear down Cearo rapidly. The two of them manage to cut Cesaro completely off from his corner for several minutes as they punish the US Champion. Frustrated that they can’t quite seem to keep the Swiss Superstar down, Swagger and Ziggler decide to try and get creative in their double-team offenses. They go for a variant of the Doomsday Device and Swagger puts Cesaro on his shoulders while Dolph goes for a crossbody from the top. Cesaro counters at the last second, twisting around and giving Swagger a Frankensteiner that sends him head-first into the turnbuckles, while Ziggler comes crashing down on the mat behind them!

With both opponents down, Cesaro turns and crawls slowly for his own corner, but as he crawls past Ziggler, the Show-Off grabs his leg and clings on for dear life to stop his progress. As the two struggle on the mat, Swagger recovers and charges across the ring, knocking Del Rio right off the ring apron. As an enraged Del Rio tries to get into the ring for revenge, only to be stopped by the referee, Swagger and Ziggler drag Cesaro back to their corner and continue their domination. After a few more minutes of beatdown, Swagger plants Cesaro with a belly-to-belly slam in the corner, then charges across the ring, makes the tag, and drops the Swagger Bomb on Cesaro in one fluid motion. Immediately after that, Ziggler gets into the ring as well and makes a running leap onto Swagger’s shoulder as the latter twists around to powerbomb his partner on top of Cesaro in another piece of creative offense. Once again, their attempt at being creative leads to their downfall, as Cesaro somehow drags himself out of the way at the last second, leaving Swagger to simply powerbomb and knock his own partner out on the mat! Cesaro dives for the cover again, but Swagger seizes him by the foot! Swagger tries to maneuver Cesaro into the Patriot Lock, but Cesaro powers out and sends him sprawling to the mat with a big shove from his good leg, and makes the tag!

Alberto comes in like a house of fire as he lays into Swagger with a barrage of clotheslines. A dropkick sends the World Champion staggering into a corner, but as Alberto prepares for his trademark corner enziguri kick, Ziggler comes charging back in to make the safe……only to get dumped over his head by a vicious German suplex! Swagger tries to capitalise as he charges out of the corner towards Alberto……and gets drop-toe-holded straight into the turnbuckles in the opposite corner. Del Rio measures up Swagger briefly before nailing the corner enziguri, then hits the jumping armbreaker takedown that leaves the World Champion grovelling on the mat in pain. Del Rio grabs the arm and signals for the Cross Armbreaker……and Ziggler breaks it up by driving him face-down to the mat with the FAMASSER! Cesaro hobbles back into the ring and Ziggler lunges at him for a pre-emptive strike, but Cesaro catches him and launches him 3 feet into the air before drilling him with a big uppercut! Cesaro clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring, but Swagger comes up behind him and takes out the injured ankle with a chop-block! Down goes the straps as Swagger signals for the finish, eying the injured ankle hungrily as he gets ready for the Patriot Lock……and Alberto drops him from behind with a BACKSTABBER! Still grimacing from the pain in his ankle, Cesaro nevertheless struggles to his feet and asks for the tag. Alberto obliges by tagging him in, and then slingshots himself over the ropes to take out a recovering Ziggler on the outside!

Left alone in the ring with Swagger, who’s still writhing on the mat in pain from the Backstabber, Cesaro signals for the Neutralizer once again as he maneuvers Swagger into position. At that moment, AJ gets on the apron and gets into an argument with the referee, while Zeb Coulter sneaks into the ring and blasts Cesaro across the back with it! Cesaro looks more angered than hurt by the shot, however, and as Zeb raises the chair to strike again, Cesaro seizes the chair and ripes it out of his hand! Tossing the weapon to one side, Cesaro positions Zeb for the Neutralizer instead as the crowd roars its approval. Unfortunately, he’s rudely interrupted by Swagger as the World Champion snatches up the chair and drives it into the back of Cesaro’s bad ankle! As Cesaro collapses in agony, Swagger secures the Patriot Lock while Zeb drags the chair with him out of the ring. Cesaro hangs on despite the intense pain on his already-injured ankle for several seconds, but when Swagger falls back and grapevines the leg to put extra pressure on it, the US Champion can finally withstand the pain no longer, and taps out.

Rating: A*

As Swagger releases the hold and celebrates his hard-fought win, he’s abruptly dropped from behind……by a ZIG-ZAG! Standing over the fallen World Champion for one brief moment, Ziggler snatches up his Money-in-the-Bank briefcase and shoves it towards the referee, screaming for him to start the match! After the referee confirms that Ziggler wishes to cash in the contract, he announces the intention to Lilian Garcia, who in turn conveys it to the crowd, who screams their heads off in approval. As the referee leaves the ring to put away the briefcase, Ziggler sizes up the still-unconscious Swagger eagerly……and has the lights knocked out of him by a vicious superkick from Alberto Del Rio! Ziggler is out cold! Luckily for him, the bell hasn’t yet rung, which means he hasn’t wasted title shot. AJ screams abuses at Alberto as she drags the unconscious Ziggler from the ring and hug him close. On the other side, Zeb is doing the same to Swagger. Alberto is left standing in the ring with the discarded World Title belt lying on the mat (it was handed back to Swagger while he was celebrating, and then dropped when he got Zig-Zagged). Del Rio picks up the title belt and raises it over his head as his music plays. As Swagger and Ziggler are both assisted by their respective manager/girlfriend up the ramp, the announcers speculate at the sight of Del Rio holding the World Heavyweight Title belt, wondering if this is what we will be seeing at Extreme Rules.

Angle: Del Rio foils Ziggler’s cash-in attempt. (Rating: A)

-----

And here ends the hour 2 Recap (to be honest, that last tag match started at the end of the second hour, but actually goes way into the 3rd hour, but it feels "right" to end each hour's report with a major segment/main event of sorts)!

Still to come:

- Booker T takes his turn at presenting his case as to why you should vote for him to face Stone Cold at Extreme Rules!

- Randy Orton battles Sheamus for the right to face the Big Show at Extreme Rules!

- And of course, the "main event" that everyone is waiting for: LIVE SEX WITH JOHN CENA AND MYSTERIOUS PARTNER!

- Last but not least, Edge's "announcement" which he claims will "ruin Cena's mood" (and therefore shall only be made after Celebration)!

Greylocke · December 3, 2013

Monday Night RAW: Hour 3 Report!

After the break, Booker T’s music hits, and the crowd cheers as the former Smackdown GM and his wife make their way down to the ring. The announcers remind us that it’s now Booker’s turn to try and convince the WWE Universe to vote for him to be the one to face Stone Cold Steve Austin at Extreme Rules to defend the honour of his beloved wife, who was subject to verbal abuse from the Dean of Domestic Violence.

Instead of Booker, however, it’s Sharmell who actually gets the mic, and as Booker reaches to take it from her, Sharmell ignores her husband and begins a ranting tirade towards Steve Austin for what he said to her last week. She then says that perhaps her man has been the Smackdown GM for way too long, and some people have forgotten what truly made her husband the Hall of Famer that he is. He’s a 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, World Champion in WCW and a former World Champion in the WWE as well! He’s not going to take insults like this from anybody, not even Stone Cold. It’s time for Booker to remind everyone what he’s capable of in the ring, and at Extreme Rules, he’s not just going to beat Steve Austin, he’s going to make Austin get down on his knees and kiss her feet and beg her forgiveness for insulting her.

Booker is seen trying to take the mic from her to say something each time she pauses for breath, but Sharmell doesn’t appear to notice, or care, as she continues her rant without paying any attention to her husband. Sharmell is now telling the WWE Universe that her husband should never have been removed as the GM of Smackdown. In fact, he should have been the GM for both RAW and Smackdown every single week. If he had been, then all those diva abuses would never have happened last week! She announces that the WWE Universe should not just stop at voting her husband as Stone Cold’s opponent, they should be petitioning for him to become permanent GM of the WWE! Booker will not only run the shows better than any of the weekly GMs, but he will make the shows 5 times, 5 times, 5 times, 5 times, 5 times more entertaining! Now CAN…YOU…DIG… THAT……and here Sharmell finally lets Booker talk, as she shoves the mic in his face and expects him to finish the catchphrase. Seeming a bit embarrassed and a bit annoyed at his wife, Booker looks reisgned as finishes the quote with a loud “SUCKA!”

The announcers wonder if Booker really had more to say as his music hits, and the former Smackdown GM leaves the ring with his wife.

Angle: Sharmell hypes her husband as Stone Cold’s Extreme Rules opponent. (Rating: B-)

Backstage, John Cena runs into Brooke Hogan, who sidles up to him to introduce herself. She tells Cena that she’s a big fan of his, and has always wanted to meet the man whom many consider to be “this generation’s Hulk Hogan”. Cena tells her wryly that some people actually meant that as an insult to him, but personally he’s actually extremely honoured to be compared to her father, the man who’s arguably the greatest legend in Sports Entertainment history. Brooke tells him that he deserves every bit of it, as she thinks he’s just like her father in many ways. Not just in terms of his popularity and his position as the face of the WWE, but also in many physical aspects……like these big, manly muscles of his. She begins running her hands flirtingly over Cena’s bulging biceps and pectoral muscles. Cena seems to be enjoying her attention as he admits that he’s something of a gym freak, and spends lots of time working on his conditioning. Still touch him seductively, Brooke tells Cena that she used to like touching her father’s pecs like this, too. She asks him whether he’s heard of the saying that most girls tend to be attracted to guys who are like their fathers. Cena admits that he had, but he had no idea whether that’s true. Brooke just giggles as her hand continues to wander all over Cena’s body, getting lower and lower until even Cena starts to look a little uncomfortable. Not so much that he doesn’t enjoy her attention, but rather for the fact that he’s still kind of conscious of the fact that the camera is on them while this is happening. Brooke doesn’t seem to notice, however, and goes on to tell him that she’s always had some fantasies about her father, and she hopes that tonight, Cena can help her fulfil some of those……she leans close and whispers something in his ears. Cena has a big grin on his face as he tells her he’ll be more than happy to help her fulfil those fantasies. The two of them walk off together, with Brooke clasping Cena’s arm close to her body.

(Not exactly an incest angle, but the implication that Brooke has “fantasies” about her own father should be a good teaser for Vince and whet his appetite while I continue to figure out what the real incest storyline is going to be. Too bad Hulk Hogan is still locked in a written contract with TNA. I quite sure Vince would have been delighted to have an incest angle involving the Hogan family on his shows. As it is, I’ll have to look for other options)

Angle: Brooke Hogan hits on Cena. (Rating: A*)

Randy Orton is seen heading for the ring as the announcers hype his match with Sheamus, coming up next. He is intercepted on the corridor by Sheamus, however.

“What, you got some stories from your grandmother that you wish to tell me? Or some more of those stupid jokes about your homeland or your uncle’s farm?” Orton asks him sarcastically.

Sheamus doesn’t look amused at that, and tells Randy that no, he doesn’t have any stories or jokes for Orton. There’s a time for jokes and good fun, but this is dead serious. He's telling Randy for the very last time: don’t go out for the match, forfeit the match, and take the doctors’ advice. If Randy wants to fight him that badly, they can always do it after Randy’s recovered from his concussion. Sheamus will happy to wait for him. But not tonight, unless Randy wants to get himself killed.

Randy tells Sheamus that his concern is misplaced. He should be more concerned about himself getting a concussion after Orton lays him out with an RKO in the middle of the ring and beat him for the 1-2-3 before going on to do the same to the Big Show at Extreme Rules. Sheamus tells Orton that he’s way too stubborn for his own good, and while normally he admires that kind of stubborness, is not going to stop him kicking Randy’s head off. As much as he hates to do this, once the bell rings, Sheamus is going to show no mercy.

Randy tells Sheamus that there’s the difference between the 2 of them. Sheamus “hates doing this” to his opponent just because he had a concussion. To Randy, that doesn’t make a damned difference. He doesn’t care what kind of medical condition his opponent is in, because he’s a cold-blooded killer. Unlike Sheamus, when Randy Orton RKOs a man, concussion or not, he enjoys every second of it! It doesn’t matter who’s in front of him, the Big Show, a former ally like Sheamus, a man with a concussion, a man with broken arms and one leg……once that bell ring, they’re all the same to him. They just victims to his RKO.

With that, Randy turns his back on Sheamus and continues towards the ring.

Angle: Orton insists on competing despite his concussion. (Rating: A*)

Match: Sheamus defeated Randy Orton in 14:19 when Randy Orton was knocked out.

Randy Orton walks out for his match, looking very much like his usual self, showing no signs that the concussion he’s known to be suffering from may be hampering him, physically or otherwise. In contrast, it’s actually Sheamus who looks very much different from his usual jovial self. For once, the Celtic Warrior does not look eager for a fight. Despite what he said to Randy earlier, Sheamus still looks unwilling to attack his former partner even after the bell has rung. Instead, he walks up to Randy, point outside the ring, and tells him to leave. Orton responds by punching him right in the face. Sheamus reels from the blow, but quickly shakes it off. He looks angered by the blow, but somehow manages to contain his rage and once again gestures for Orton to leave the ring while he still has the chance. Orton slaps Sheamus across the face, yelling at Sheamus to hit him back. This time, Sheamus snaps, and retaliates with a HUGE Irish hammer that knocks Orton clean off his feet.

Orton hurriedly picks himself up, but the raging Celtic Warrior now allows his fiery temper to take over, and slams into Orton relenelessly with one vicious charging blow after another, knocking him down hard again and again. The Viper staggers back into a corner to regroup, but Sheamus promptly crushes him against the turnbuckle with a charging shoulder-tackle. The Celtic Warrior then comes of the ropes for a huge knee lift……but runs into a big dropkick from the Viper. The counter allows Randy to recover from Sheamus’ early onslaught and take control of the match. For the first time, though, the concussion seems to be having some effect, as Orton is shown clutching his head for a few moments even as he delivers his tradmark methodical stomping over various parts of Sheamus’ body. Shaking off whatever he was feeling in his head, Orton then caps off the stompings with a big knee-drop to Sheamus’ head for a 2-count, before slapping on a rear chinlock on wear down his opponent.

After some struggles, Sheamus starts to fight his way back up to a vertical base. He tries to get out of the headlock by using the ropes to shove Randy off, but Randy keeps the hold on and he uses the momentum to pull Sheamus back down to the mat with a headlock takedown into another rear chinlock. This time, Sheamus takes a couple minutes longer to fight his way back up, but once again, he makes it back to his feet. This time he fires away at Randy’s torso with heavy side elbows to knock the hold loose, before charging off the ropes for a running attack. Randy tries to counter again with a dropkick, but Sheamus catches his legs in mid-air and goes for the Cloverleaf! Randy hurriedly powers out of the attempt by using his legs to shove Sheamus back into the ropes. He gets back to his feet, but Sheamus comes slamming back into him again with another irsh hammer! The Celtic Warrior now controls the pace and he lays into Orton with hard-hitting atttacks. Another irish hammer to the face! Running reverse side elbow! Running shoulder-thrust into the turnbuckles! Running knee-lift off the ropes! Rolling front Samoan Drop! With victory seemingly close at hand, Sheamus head into the corner and pounds at his own chest as he signals for the Brogue Kick to finish it off as Randy struggles groggily back to his feet. Waiting for Randy to turn around, Sheamus launches his devastating kick……but Orton ducks it at the last second and counters with his patented inverted backbreaker!

A hurting Celtic Warrior crawls for the ropes and pulls himself up on the ring apron, and the announcers naturally start talking about how that’s not a good position to be in when you’re facing Randy Orton. Sure enough, Randy comes over and grabs Sheamus to set him up for the elevated DDT through the ropes, but Sheamus powers out and turns Randy around! Holding him firmly against the ropes, Sheamus hammers away on Randy’s chest as the crowd counts along with each blow. Almost putting a dent in Randy’s chest with 10 consecutive heavy clubbing blows, Sheamus lets go of his opponent and tries to slingshot himself over the ropes at Randy with a flying shoulder-block……but Orton somehow manages to leap up an counter with a mid-air dropkick! Sheamus goes crashing off the apron down to the floor outside, seemingly out cold, as Randy collapses on the mat as well, favouring the wounds he just took as well.

The referee starts to count Sheamus out, but it looks like Randy wants more than just a countout win, as he rolls out of the ring to go after Sheamus. He pulls Sheamus to his feet and rams him into the ring apron, then into the announcers’ table. He then starts to throw the Celtic Warrior back into the ring, but the latter reverses, and hurls him headfirst into the ring steps! This seems to have aggravated the concussion further, as the Viper stares into space blankly for several seconds with his eyes glazed over, and the referee hurries out to check on Randy and asks if he wants to continue, while Sheamus looks on in concern. Randy is unable to answer the referee for seome time, but eventually confirms that he wants to continue the match. Sheamus starts arguing with the referee about letting the match continue when Randy is clearly in no condition to compete, when Randy spins him around and stuns him with a series of vicious European uppercuts to prove him wrong. Randy throws Sheamus hard into the ring-post, making the commentators speculate whether Sheamus would get a concussion of his own from that. Still pressing his attack relentlessly, Randy then goes on to hurl Sheamus into the barricade, then gives him a back suplex onto the security wall! Randy rolls back into the ring briefly to break the referee’s count, then places Sheamus on to of the barricade and positions him for the elevated DDT, but Sheamus wriggles off the wall and rams Randy back into the ring apron. He rolls Randy back into the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckles for a flying battering ram. Randy drops prone on the mat to duck the battering ram, but Sheamus lands with a roll and comes back up on his feet quickly. He turns around and goes charging back at Orton……and runs into a big scoop powerslam.

Now looking fired up, Randy picks up his opponent and drags him through the ropes, once again going for his patented elevated DDT. Sheamus tries to battle out with some big shots to Randy’s ribs and abdomen, and succeeds for a brief moment, but Randy follows up by grabbing the Celtic Warrior’s head and snapping it over the ropes to incapacitate him long enough to attempt the elevated DDT again, and this time he scores with the devastating move! Randy drops prone and sidles close as he signals for the RKO! As Sheamus struggles groggily to his feet, Randy grabs his head and leaps up for his devastating finisher, but Sheamus grabs the ropes firmly to block the maneuver and sends Randy crashing down to the mat himself! Randy clutches his head once again in apparent agony from hard fall, and the referee starts to call for the doctor……but once again is stopped by Randy himself, as the Viper stubbornly refuses to forfeit the match. Looking visibly conflicted, Sheamus pushes past the referee and picks up the stumbling Orton before planting him with the White Noise! He then heads over to the corner and positions himself as he waits for Orton to get back up. This time, he doesn’t pound his own chest with enthusiasm, but just stares at Randy in a mixture of anger and concern. Anger wins over as the Viper finally makes it back to his feet, only to be dropped again by a devastating BROGUE KICK! Looking somewhat relieved that this is finally over, Sheamus goes for the pin……

……and Randy kicks out! Sheamus is shocked as he questions the refere to confirm that it was only a 2-count. Frustrated at his opponent’s stubborness, Sheamus drags Randy up by the ears and scream in his face for him to stay down. Randy looks like he doesn’t even know where he is, or who is talking to him, which just makes Sheamus even more upset as he screams at the Viper to listen to him and stop fighting him, that he doesn’t want to do this, that he needs to stay dow--RKO!!!!! Randy just dropped Sheamus with the devastating maneuver and the Celtic Warrior is down and out! However, Orton doesn’t go for the pin. In fact, it looks like he may not even be aware of what he just did, or that there’s a match going on. He slowly crawls over to the ropes and leans against them, his eyes glazed over as he tries to pull himself up. The referee starts to count both men down, clearly wanting to end the match as much as Sheamus did. Sheamus actually makes it back to his feet before Randy did, getting up at the count of 6 while Randy is still on his knees holding his head with both hands. Grimacing from the pain inflicted by the RKO earlier, Sheamus shakes the cobwebs from his head and staggers back……right into a rising Orton, who barely makes it back to his feet at the count of 9. Sheamus quickly spins around and dances back as he faces his opponent, but quickly realize that Randy still has no idea where he is. Once again, Sheamus looks conflicted as Randy stumbles around, thrashing ineffectively at the empty air around and looking like he can collapse again at any time. Sheamus grits his teeth as he battles the emotions within himself, before finally coming to a decision. He launches a second BROGUE KICK at Randy, nailing him full in the face. Orton goes down like a sack of bricks, and this time, after checking on Orton briefly, the referee calls for the bell, announcing that Orton is out cold and unable to continue.

Rating: A*

Sheamus’ music hits as he’s announced the winner, but the Celtic Warrior is in no mood to celebrate, as he quickly gets down to check on Randy. The referee is already calling for the doctors to examine the fallen Viper. Randy’s eyes are now open, but he doesn’t reply or responds to the doctor’s questions in any way, and just continues to stare blankly into space. Finally, the trainers assist him back to his feet and guide him step by step as they head to the back. Sheamus follows them, looking angry at himself. The commentators speculate as to what is going through the mind of the Celtic Warrior, and how this state of mind may affect his eventual match with the Big Show at Extreme Rules.

Angle: Orton is checked on by EMTs. (Rating: A)

Another video package is played to hype the coming of Connor O’Brian. Actually, this is the exact same video that played on Smackdown, which shows O’Brian talking about how people made fun of him because he looks like a rat, how rats will rule the world, and also footages of a pack of rats feeding in the sewers. Once again the clip ends with the following words displayed on the screen:

"Zodiac is coming."

Angle: Hype Video for Connor O’Brian and “Zodiac”. (Rating: C)

MAIN EVENT TIME! With the large bed set up in the centre of the ring, John Cena comes out to the ring still carrying the old title belt debuted by the Rock as the announcers remind us that this will probably be the last night we’ll be seeing that belt. Cena tells everyone that tonight, they're celebrating the debut of his brand new custom-made WWE Championship belt. The design was chosen by YOU, the WWE Universe via your votes on wwe.com. He promises the WWE Universe wear the new belt with pride, honour and dignity. But before he brings out the new belt, there’s one last thing that needs to be addressed. He’s talking about the title belt that he’s currently holding his hand. This was the belt that was brought in by the Rock. As everyone knows, shortly after the Rock debuted this belt, he destroyed the old Spinner belt that was debuted over 8 years ago by Cena. Cena says that unlike the Rock, he’s not going to do the same to the Rock’s old title, because he understands the meaning of respect. He knows there’s a chance that the Rock may yet return at Extreme Rules to claim his rematch. Therefore, until then, he’s going to hold on to the Rock’s championship belt as a reminder, a reminder to himself of how hard he had to fight for the past year to gain it back from the Rock. He also wants to keep it as a motivation for the Rock. If Rock wants this belt back, he’ll have to work hard and get himself back to 100% so that he can try to win it back from him! And if the Rock doesn’t make it back, by Extreme Rules, Cena will officially retire the belt and keep it as a momento, a trophy to show his children and grandchildren that he’d beaten one of the greatest icons ever in this business.

Now with that said, let’s bring out the NEW WWE Title! The new shiny belt, set with a multi-coloured rainbow Spinner, encrusted with Fruity Pebbles, is lowered from the rafters, and the Champ unhooks the belt and raises it high above his head as he parades it around the ring for all to see. As the cameras zoom in close to the spinner, the announcers note that the Fruity Pebbles on it appear to be quite real, and perfectly edible. Cena continues to prance around with the belt, soaking in the mixture of deafening boos and cheers for several minutes before he stops and says that he senses some unhappiness in the crowd. This, of course, prompts the boos to get ever louder. Cena says that he knows what they’re complaining about. He was so caught up in the moment that he almost forgot what these good people really came for! Never fear, John Cena always keeps his word. They’re here to watch a LIVE SEX Celebration, he’s going to make sure they get just that! So without further ado, please welcome his partner for this historical event, the daughter of the legendary Hulkster, BROOKE HOGAN!

Hulk Hogan’s Real American theme song starts playing as the daughter of the Hulkster makes her way out to the ring. Holding the ropes open for her as she enters the ring, Cena tells her that it’s and honour to have her as his partner for this monumental moment. Brooke tells Cena that the honour is all hers, and besides, she can’t thank Cena enough for agreeing to help her fulfil her childhood fantasy, and it’s the least she can do. Cena tells her that the “favour” she’s asking of him is pretty easy for him, since he spent his childhood watching tapes of her father. If she’s ready, they can begin right now. Brooke tells her that she’s never been readier, and Cena tells the crew to hit the music again! Once again, “Real American” starts playing from the speakers……and Cena starts to perform Hulkamania’s signature poses! He rips open his own shirt, Hulkamania-style, and proceeds to flex his biceps and pecs in various familiar poses made famous by the Hulkster. Brooke looks absolutely smitten at his impersonation of her dad, and finally she can contain herself no longer. She steps forward and wraps herself around the still-posing Cena before engaging him in a passionate kiss, to the cat-calls from the crowd! Cena actually looks a bit disorientated for a few seconds by the kiss, but quickly shows himself to be enjoying it the longer it lasts. When the two of them finally break the kiss as the music ends, Brooke thanks Cena for making her dreams come true. Cena tells Brooke that she really helped to put him in the right mood for this occasion, and since he already has his shirt off while to the impersonations, he suggests that they should “get on the same page”. Smiling, Brooke responds by removing her own shirt to even louder hoots and catcalls from the male fans. Cena says perhaps they should get more comfortable before they continue, and starts to put his new title belt down……but Brooke stops him. She tells Cena that she’d always wanted to know if his “Fruity Pebbles” taste as good as they look!

That causes an even bigger buzz in the crowd, but Cena responds by holding the belt up for her so she can lick the colourful cereals encrusted all over the spinner. She tells Cena that they should keep this with them, and Cena apparently agrees as the 2 of them get onto the bed while still holding the belt before snuggling comfortably under the covers. They disappear under the blankes for a few seconds, prompting some loud boos from the crowd, but quickly resurface again as Brooke slowly and seductively pass out her the rest of the clothing from under the blanket and drop them on the mat, including her bra and panties. On the other side, Cena passes out his trademark jean shorts and drops them on the mat as well! With only they heads and bare shoulders visible outside the blanket, the two of them start to make out again, alternating between kissing each other and kissing the Fruity Pebbles on the title belt that lies on the pillow above their heads. As the kissing gets more intense, the two of them start to focus more on each other than on the belt, and some of the crowd begin yelling for them to throw the blanket off even as Cena pushes himself on top of Brooke on the bed……

……and that’s when Edge’s music hits! Some of the crowd actually begin booing at the interruption of this all-important event, and Edge apologizes to Cena for not waiting until the celebration is over like he promised earlier. He understands that Cena meant for this to be a tribute to him, so the way he sees it, since Cena chose to ruin his celebration 7 years ago, it’s only fitting that this current celebration ends in the same way. Cena reaches out from the bed and pulls his jean shorts back under the cover to some laughter from the crowd, and Edge tells Cena to calm down. Unlike Cena, he’s not going to storm the ring and attack him like Cena did to him years ago. He’s a better sport than that. What he's out here to do, is to share with him some important news that he knows Cena will want to find out. There’s good news and there’s bad news. The bad news is, he just talked to both the Rock as well as his doctors, and it’s been officially confirmed that the Rock will not be medically cleared in time to claim his title shot at Extreme Rules.

This causes a loud wave of boos from the crowd. Edge tells Cena that he knows Cena is disappointed, but at least he can take heart in the fact that this time, the Rock is actually going to heed Cena’s advice, and stay at home to recuperate and rehab until he’s back at 100%. And he will be back, he’d promised that much……just not at Extreme Rules. But this brings him to the good news: since the Rock has officially forfeited his claim at getting the first shot at Cena’s WWE Title……it means the way is now cleared for new contenders to get their shot at that title! Cena no longer has to wait till Extreme Rules to defend that title! He can even defend that title tonight! Edge forestalls Cena’s protest and tells him that he’s not going to make him defend it tonight, because he understands Cena must be getting weak in the knees after that arduous workout with Brooke in the ring. However, he will be defending the WWE Championship this Friday night on Smackdown! And his opponent will be this man…RYBACK!

Ryback’s music hits as the monster comes out and heads straight for the ring. Cena hurriedly gets out of the bed, and it looks like he somehow managed to get his jean shorts back on under the covers while Edge was talking. He rushes forward to meet the monster as the latter gets on the ring apron……and Ryback grabs him by the neck and shoves him halfway across the ring! Cena quickly gets up and launches his trademark flying shoulder block at the monster……only to bounce right off him without seeming to hurt the monster in anyway! Ryback returns the favour with a big shoulder-block of his own, then presses the stunned Champion over his head before tossing him over the ropes out of the ring. He turns around and stares coldly at Brooke, who seems to finally think of running for the very first time. Screaming in terror, Brooke rolls off the bed, taking the covers down with her as she wraps them around her body even as she rolls out of the ring, leaving all her clothes still scattered all over the ring. Staggering up the ramp and barely holding the bedcovers up to cover her nudity, she stumbles over to the side of the retreating Cena, and huddles close to him for protection. Putting one arm around her while clutching his new title belt to his chest with his other arm, Cena stares at the monster in the ring with obvious apprehension as he slowly backs away up the ramp. Meanwhile, Ryback waves his arms and chant “FEED ME MORE!” with the fans for several seconds, before stooping to pick up the mic that’s been left in the ring. Staring the Champ full in the face, the monster points at his new title belt, and issues one last, ominous message:

“FEED……ME……FRUITY……PEBBLES!”

Angles: LIVE SEX CELEBRATION! (Rating: A*)

Edge books Ryback vs Cena for the WWE Title on Smackdown! (Rating: A*)

OVR Rating: A* (This show can be considered a success, it should have increased our popularity – DUH! You can’t go wrong with Live Sex as your main event!)

Greylocke · December 8, 2013

WWE Headlines: <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>A Real American’s Challenge! This past Monday night on RAW, Zeb Coulter made an open challenge on behalf of the World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger, to all non-American Superstars on the roster, looking to prove both the fighting spirit of the Real American Champion as well as the superiority of the Real American over the rest of the world. The founding father has promised a future World Title shot to any non-American who can defeat Swagger in a non-title match this week on Superstars! Although he will not be getting his shot before former champion Alberto Del Rio (who gets his obligatory rematch against Swagger at Extreme Rules), the No. 1 Contender has given his word that he will be more than happy to give anyone to who is successful in the challenge a shot at ‘his’ World Title after the PPV, in the event that he should walk out of Extreme Rules as the champion. With a future World Title shot all but guaranteed for anyone who gets a win over the Real American, which non-American Superstar will take up the challenge? Tune in to Superstars to find out! Miz TV Goes Wildlife: Interview with a Walrus! Last week on Main Event, the host of Miz TV and Intercontinental Champion, the Miz, looked to unveil the truth behind the recent controversies involving the newly-crowned WWE Champion, John Cena, by arranging an interview with the Champ himself. Unfortunately, that interview was abruptly interrupted by a violent and vengeful attack from the Miz’s rival, and the man whom he beat for the IC Title, Wade Barrett. Not quite satisfied with the answers (or lack thereof) that he managed to glean from the Champ himself, the most Must-See Superstar in the WWE has decided to approach this from another angle, by gaining an interview with the man who played a major role in the recent controversies surrounding John Cena, the man who interfered in the main event of WrestleMania, Paul ‘Walrus’ Heyman! Will the Miz have more success in gaining the information that he seeks from the Paulrus this week on Superstars? Will this week’s edition of Miz TV come to a similarly abrupt and violent end like how it did last week? All that and more, to be revealed on the upcoming episode of WWE Superstars! Feed Him More! This past Monday night on RAW, the returning Matt Hardy had to fight to keep his job in a match against the Funaksaurus, Brodus Clay, and was able to come out on top. Hardy has no time celebrate, however, as he now faces an even bigger challenge on this upcoming edition of Superstars. This time, his job is not on the line, but considering who his opponent is, his life might very well be! Before he takes on John Cena for the WWE Championship, the monster known as Ryback will get a 'warm-up match' against Cena’s newest friend Matt Hardy, While the clear underdog in this matchup, the Sensei of Mattitude is no stranger to fighting (and often beating) the odds against overwhelming size and power disadvantage, as he proved on RAW against Brodus Clay. Will Hardy once again overcome the odds and help soften up the monster for his new friend by dishing out some Mattitude Adjustment? Or will he become just another one of the many victims that have been fed to the monster?</div></blockquote> Superstars Prediction: The Real American International Open Challenge: Jack Swagger vs ??? Ryback vs Matt Hardy Which non-American Superstar will answer Jack Swagger’s Real American International Challenge? Which 2 Superstars of the same Tag Team will be featured in the musical parody segment of the week? Fan poll on wwe.com: Which of the below should be the official name for Scott Steiner’s all-new talk show? a) The Steiner Recliner? b) Steiner’s Fat Chat? c) The Pig Pen? d) Big Poppa Pumps the Plump? Updated card for WWE Extreme Rules (no predictions yet, more matches to come!) World Heavyweight Championship match: Jack Swagger © vs Alberto Del Rio Monster’s Ball Match: Mark Henry vs Ryback Sheamus vs The Big Show

Russelrules44 · December 8, 2013

Superstars Prediction:

The Real American International Open Challenge: Jack Swagger vs ???

Ryback vs Matt Hardy

Which non-American Superstar will answer Jack Swagger’s Real American International Challenge?

Yoshi Tatsu!

Which 2 Superstars of the same Tag Team will be featured in the musical parody segment of the week?

Primo and Epico in Illegal Alien (parody of Titanium)

Fan poll on wwe.com:

Which of the below should be the official name for Scott Steiner’s all-new talk show?

a) The Steiner Recliner?

b) Steiner’s Fat Chat?

c) The Pig Pen?

d) Big Poppa Pumps the Plump?

Greylocke · December 19, 2013

Sorry for the inactivity. Most of the "hyped" matches and angles (in the "headlines" section) have already been scripted, but it took me a long time to fill up the gaps in between. Mostly, I've been thinking about the future direction for Superstars and Main Event, and I've finally come to a decision. Neither show will be cancelled, at least not for the next TV season. With the RAW/SD brand extension pretty much non-existent by this point, I will be gradually moving towards making the two 1-hour shows their own separate brands. At the very least, it should stop people like CM Punk whining about not appearing on the B-shows every week. Most of the week had been spent assessing the roster and deciding who goes where.

Superstars should be finished in the coming weekend.

Greylocke · December 22, 2013

WWE Superstars, taped in front of 19448 people, in the Valley View Casino Centre, San Diego, California!

Dark Match: The Great Khali defeated Scott Steiner in 4:50 pinfall after the latter was assaulted by Natalya.

Before the match, Natalya is shown whispering words of encouragement to Khali before she leaves the ring. Steiner goes up to her and flexes his biceps as if trying to impress her. Nattie glances at him briefly in obvious contempt, before turning her attention back to Khali. Steiner takes offense at this and points at her, shouting “You’re FAT!” Natalya looks like she’s about to attack Steiner herself for the insult, but Khali beats her to it by chopping Steiner across the head with his gigantic hand. Steiner goes down, and the referee quickly signals for the bell as Natalya exits the ring to let the match commence.

Steiner rolls out of the ring almost immediately, clearly dazed from the big chop to his head. He spends several seconds leaning against the ring apron trying to shake it off, but Khali reaches over the ropes and palms him by the head to haul him onto the apron and then toss him over the ropes back into the ring. Khali works on Steiner in the corner with big chops and side elbows for some time. Steiner tries to fight back with some backhand chops, but Khali just shrugs them off. A desperate Steiner goes for the eyes, and this finally seems to have some effects. Steiner tries to capitalise as he comes charging off the ropes for a big shoulder-block, but runs into a brick wall that sends him stumbling back into the ropes. Khali goes for a spin-kick, but Steiner ducks and pulls the ropes down, and Khali’s leg gets hung up in the ropes. Steiner chop-blocks his other leg out from under him and takes over.

Steiner works on the giant’s leg, as most of Khali’s opponents tend to do, but doesn’t forget to pause every so often to show off his physique as he flexes his arms and does push-ups on Khali’s chest. Khali rallies and starts to make a comeback, but Steiner cuts him off by choking him with the ring ropes. Natalya gets on the apron to protest about this, and the referee orders Steiner to release Khali from the ropes. As the referee checks on Khali, Steiner once again flexes at Natalya proudly……and Natalya gives him a stinging slap across the face! A stunned Steiner stumbles around and walks straight into a massive Brain Chop from the recovered Khali, who pins him for the 3-count.

As Natalya dances with Khali in the ring in celebration, Chris Jericho and Kevin Nash, who have been calling this match in the announcers’ booth, talk about how Khali successfully avenged the insult on his lady friend tonight, and speculate on whether he’ll be able to do the same at Extreme Rules against Stone Cold Steve Austin.

I haven’t been doing dark matches on Superstars and Main Event before, because those were usually taped before RAW and Smackdown and were pretty much used like “pre-show matches” for them. But now that I’m holding separate taping nights for Superstars and Main Events (Tuesday and Wednesday, respectively, while Smackdown gets shifted to Friday), it makes sense to give these shows their own dark matches to make full use of them.

Rating: C

Main Show:

As the show officially kicks off, Chris Jericho is shown standing in the ring as he welcomes the fans to SUPERSTARS IS JERICHO! As most of them probably already knows if they’ve been watching the shows, Josh Matthews, Scot Stanford and Matt Striker, the guys who usually commentate on this show, have all been taken out recently by the same person, a man who’s known by many names, but whom he personally likes to call FAN-DUNG-HOLE! Chris Jericho tells everyone that until the WWE management have decided on a permanent replacement commentary team, they’re going to let Y2J be the voice of Superstars for 2 reason: firstly, because he’s the Best in the World at Everything He Does, as he showed last week right here on this very show as a guest commentator. He did his job so well that people even forgot that Josh Matthews was here! Secondly, and more importantly, the WWE management realise that this show needs a commentator who’s not going to be easily put on the shelf by FAN-DUMBO, and who better than the man who’d actually beat FAN-JANGO at WrestleMania in less than a minute, the King of Bling Bling himself, Chris Jericho? Jericho says that FAN-DINGBAT is welcome to try and take him out tonight if he wants, since he still doesn’t seem to have gotten over his embarrassing loss at WrestleMania, because Jericho will be more than happy to beak that pretty face of his again with another Codebreaker.

But who will be Jericho’s partner in the commentary booth? Jericho says that quite frankly, he doesn’t need a partner. He can run the entire commentary booth all by himself. But the WWE management seem to think that it makes for better TV to have 2-3 guys doing commentary for every match, so for each match tonight, there will be guest commentators out here with him. Jericho says he doesn’t know who those guys will be, but it doesn’t matter, Chris Jericho is the one whom all of you will know to be the Voice of Superstars, because tonight, SUPERSTARS IS JERICHO!

Angle: Jericho welcomes the fans to SUPERSTARS IS JERICHO! (Rating: A*)

Back behind the announcers’ table Jericho hypes the matches for tonight, which includes World Champion Jack Swagger’s “Real American International Open Challenge”, and Ryback vs Matt Hardy, as advertised on wwe.com. However, a further match has been added. This match, featuring two tag team partners facing off against each other 1-on-1, will be coming up next! But first, let’s take a look at how this match came about……

Recap footages are shown briefly of the miscommnications between the Prime Time Playas during ther matches, as well as the comments made towards Darren Young by Orlando Jordan backstage, which generated much curiosity from Darren’s tag partner Titus O’Neal. Finally, some excluisve footage is shown of a backstage altercation last night, after the show, which had led directly to the upcmong match:

Titus is once again shown pestering Darren about the meaning behind all of Orlando’s “cryptic” comments. He tells Darren that he’s heard a lot of rumours about Darren recently. Darren hotly denies that any of those “rumours” are true. Titus says that he hasn’t even told Darren which rumours he’s talking about, so Darren doesn’t have to get over-defensive about it. Darren practically shouts that he’s not getting defensive about anything. Titus tries to calm him down, telling him that it’s ok, they’re partners, and friends, Darren knows he can trust him. Besides, it’s the year 2013, people are quite open-minded about such things these days. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Darren snaps that he doesn’t know what Titus is talking about, and if he doesn’t have anything important to say, Darren’s going to GM Edge to try and request another rematch with Air Boom. Titus tells Darren that Air Boom isn’t the problem, the problem is between the Prime Time Playas. If they want to work well as a team, they need to trust each other, and open up to each other. Darren asks Titus what he’s trying to say. Titus replies that he just wants Darren to know one thing……

And at this point, music starts to play in the background……music from the Award-winning Broadway musical, Avenue Q!

TITUS (sings):

If you were gay……

DARREN: Wha……?

TITUS (sings):

that'd be okay!

DARREN: I’m not……what?

TITUS (sings):

I mean 'cause hey

I'd like you anyway

DARREN: ……

TITUS (sings):

Because you see

if it were me

I would feel free to say

That I was gay!

DARREN: <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/redface.png.900245280682ef18c5d82399a93c5827.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

TITUS (sings):

...but I'm not gay!

DARREN: …Look, Titus, stop it, okay? I’m not what you think I am, and that’s final! C’mon, let’s go to the GM’s office to get our rematch……

Darren starts to walk away. Titus follows him, but the music doesn’t stop playing, and Titus keeps staring him from the side like watching some strange exhibition. Finally, Darren stops and glares at his partner.

DARREN: ……WHAT?!

TITUS (sings):

If you were queer…..

DARREN: Uggh! Titus, cut it out!

TITUS (sings):

I'd still be here

DARREN: I said…….

TITUS (sings):

Year after year,

Because you're dear to me

DARREN: Argh!

TITUS (sings):

And I know that you

Would accept me, too!

DARREN: No, I will not if you don’t shut-

TITUS (sings):

If I told you today,

"Hey, guess what, I'M GAY!"

DARREN: O_o

TITUS (sings):

...but I'm not gay!

DARREN: -__-

TITUS (sings):

I'm happy just being with you!

DARREN: >___<;

TITUS (sings):

So what should it matter to me

What you do in bed with guys?

DARREN: <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/eek.png.0e09df00fa222c85760b9bc1700b5405.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /> I……what…..you…….I don’t……

TITUS (sings):

IF...YOU…WERE…GAY!

DARREN: I said stop it!

TITUS (sings):

I'd shout HOORAY!

DARREN: ……I’m outta here.

Darren starts to walk away, but Titus follows him, still singing.

TITUS (sings):

And here I'd stay

DARREN (with his ears covered): LA LA LA LA LA!

TITUS (steps in front of him to block his way):

But I wouldn't get in your way

DARREN: AAAAH!

TITUS (sings):

You can count on me

To always be…

Darren turns around and tries to get out of here, but Titus just keeps circling around him to block him whichever way he’s going, and both the singing and the turning/blocking keeps getting faster with the music……

TITUS (sings):

Beside you everyday

To tell you it's okay

You were just born that way

And as they say: it's in your D-N-A

You're GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

DARREN: I AM NOT GAY!!!

TITUS (sings):

If you were gay……

DARREN: AAAARRRRGGGHH!

Darren slams a steel chair over Titus’ head, and the scene fades to black……

Angle: Musical parody of the week, starring the Prime Time Playas! (Rating: C)

Match: Darren Young defeated Titus O'Neil in 7:32 by pinfall while using the ropes for leverage.

As we head back to the ring, where Darren Young is already waiting in the ring for his partner-turned-opponent, Orlando Jordan is shown to have joined Jericho at the announcers’ booth as guest commentator for the upcoming match. Jericho asks Orlando if this is what he wanted to see: the Prime Time Playas turning against each other as a result of Orlando’s allegations about Darren’s supposed “alternative lifestyle”. Orlando tells Jericho that the only thing he wants to see is Darren be truthful to himself and come to terms with what he really is.

Meanwhile, Titus O’Neal makes his entrance, wearing a bandage around his head to show where Darren had hit him with a steel chair the previous night. The big man looks pi$$ed off as he goes straight after his usual tag partner. Darren backs away and raises his hands as he pleads for Titus to calm down. He appears to be apologizing to his partner, and telling him that they don’t have to do this. Titus simply points at the bandage on his head and screams that Darren will regret hitting him with that chair. He shoves Darren hard, which angers Darren, as he abruptly leaps back at Titus and surprises him with a flurry of big right hands. Rocking the bigger man with some heavy blows, Darren launches himself off the ropes for a knockdown blow……and runs into a vicious big boot that nearly takes his head off.

Titus stands over his fallen opponent and roars his trademark dog-bark before proceeding to punish Darren on the mat. Darren tries to battle his way out of an angular armbar by hammering away at Titus’ abdomen area with his free hand as he slowly struggles to a vertical base, but Titus increases the pressure on the hold to force him back down again. Darren’s blows steadily grow weaker, and soon resorts to scrabbling and scratching instead, which doesn’t seem to have much impact on the big man……until his hand starts to wander into the “lowers regions”, which causes Titus to freak out and release the hold. Darren doesn’t seem to have done that on purpose, though, as he still looks too dazed from the pain to capitalise. He rises unsteadily to his feet……and is promptly decapitated by a vicious clothesline.

Titus pauses to complain to the referee about what Darren just did, before resuming his attack on his usual tag team partner. A hard whip into the corner is followed up by a big avalanche splash, before Titus catches Darren staggering out of the corner and plants him with a sidewalk slam for a 2-count. Titus continues to punish Darren for another minute or so before Darren once again fights his way back up to his feet, twisting out of a kneeling surfboard and managing to lift Titus off the mat to hit an atomic drop. Titus staggers around and is promptly hit with an inverted atomic drop! Darren finally gains control of the match as he floors Titus repeatedly with a series of big running clotheslines. He goes for a big running crossbody, but Titus catches him bodily and goes for a fallaway slam. Darren wriggles out of it and counters with a Side Russian Legsweep! He heads for the top rope, but Titus cuts him off, crotches him on the turnbuckles, and pulls him off the ropes to drop him with a big powerslam for another 2-count.

Titus pauses again to perform his dog-bark at the crowd……and Darren rolls him up from behind! Darren grasps a handful of tights in an attempt to secure the pin, but Titus manages to power out despite that. He quickly pulls himself far away from Darren as he adjusts his trunks, looking freaked out over the fact his partner almost pulled them off a second ago. Meanwhile, at the announcers’ booth, Jericho and Orlando begin speculating whether that was a deliberate psychological attack on Darren’s part. Taking a moment to recover from the shock, Titus charges back at Darren, but gets sent head-first into the turnbuckles by a drop-toe-hold. As he pulls himself up, Darren slams into him from behind with a double-knee! Darren goes for the finish as he picks Titus up for the Gutcheck, but Titus powers out of the move, shoves Darren to the ropes, and floor him with another vicious boot! He picks up Darren and goes for the Clash of the Titus, but Darren counters into a sunset flip roll-up for a 2-count. Darren tries to follow up, but gets caught by a huge running shoulder-block. Titus hauls Darren onto one shoulder and goes for a running powerslam, but Darren slips out and counter with the GUTCHECK!

Titus rolls out of the ring before Darren can go for the pin, however, and a frustrated Darren follows his partner out of the ring. He rolls a seemingly unconscious Titus back into the ring before climbing back in himself, but Titus proves to be playing possum, as he delivers a vicious knee that knocks Darren off the apron and send him crashing down head-first into the edge of the ring! Darren looks out cold as Titus drags him back up on the apron and goes to suplex him back into the ring, but Darren abruptly floats over him and rolls him up from behind, grabbing a handful of ropes for leverage as the referee administers the 3-count to win the match! As soon as the bell rings, Darren flees from the ring, smiling in triumph as his confused and furious partner screams his protests at both him as well as the referee.

(Titus O'Neil and Darren Young don't seem to click, and it made for an awkward bout.)

Rating: C+

Backstage, Jim Cornette is shown talking to William Regal. Cornette seems to be on one of his rants about how McMahon and his brand of “Sports Entertainment” have ruined the business, and that he must do something to bring the dignity back to the sports. He then brings up Regal’s humiliating and embarrassing involvement in the Lingerie Pillow Fight last week on Smackdown. He says that Regal is one of the most experienced and one of the toughest veterans in this business, and deserves much better than this. He should be respected and revered, but instead McMahon and everyone else in the WWE management have no appreciation of his contributions to the business. Throughout the past thirteen years of working for this company, Regal has been forced to literally kiss Vince McMahon’s rear end, he’s been forced to play nursemaid to Eric Bischoff’s retarded nephew, he’s been made to put on women’s clothes……he had to go through all kinds of crap just because someone in the higher ups think that those will be “entertaining”. What’s making it worse is that the fans are being brainwashed to agree with them, to the point that they even voted for Regal to be in that Lingerie match last week! Cornette tells Regal that something must be done to salvage the business that they both love and have sacrificed so much for. Somebody needs to stand up and re-educate the public on what pro-wrestling used to be about, and should still be about! He asks if he can count on Regal’s support in his cause. Regal shakes Cornette’s hand and tells him that he could not have said it any better, and that Cornette can count him in. Cornette looks pleased as the two of them part ways.

Angle: Cornette convinces Regal to join him in his cause. (Rating: C+)

The cameras then bring us to the pantry, where Renee Young is interviewing a smug-looking Daniel Bryan. Renee shows us a brief recap of how Bryan made Orlando Jordan tap out in 25 seconds on Monday night RAW, and asks him about his thoughts. Bryan tells Renee that making an opponent tap out in 25 seconds would normally be a major accomplishment, but to a submission expert like him, it’s no big deal. He thinks it would be more interesting to see if there are other things he can accomplish in 25 seconds……like making a cup of coffee. Renee remarks that there’s something oddly familiar about this scenario……something gives feeling of déjà vu. Bryan says he has no idea what Renee is talking about, and promptly tells her to set the timer while he tries to make a cup of coffee in 25 seconds. Renee obliges, and Bryan proceeds on his little experiment. He doesn’t seem to be going as fast as he would have liked, however, and as the timer starts to run down, he tries to speed things up……

……and at that moment his tag team partner Kane walks in, catching him by surprise and causing him to spill the coffee on his partner! Kane looks down at the smudge on his outfit caused by the spilled coffee, and it looks like he’s about to explode in outrage……

……only Bryan beats him to it, and starts screaming “NO! NO! NO!” in his face, berating the Big Red Monster for “ruining his timing” and preventing him from finishing making coffee in his record 25 seconds, and telling him that he owes him an apology. Kane responds by grabbing his partner by the beard and slamming him into the cabinets behind him. A chaotic brawl breaks out in the pantry as Renee Young flees in terror!

Angle: Daniel Bryan spills coffee on Kane. (Rating: A)

Back in the arena, Orlando Jordan is shown to have already left the announcers’ table (and thus spared from having to answer awkward questions about him tapping out in 25 seconds). Chris Jericho comments on what we just saw earlier, saying that he wishes Daniel Bryan good luck, and that he knows exactly what it’s like to have antagonised the Big Red Monster Kane by spilling coffee on him. He’s done that himself over a decade ago, and it still feels like it was only yesterday. He hopes Bryan understands what he just got himself into.

At that moment, “AWESOME!” is heard throughout the arena as the Miz makes his entrance. The Intercontinental Champion makes his way to the ring and welcomes the fans to the most Must-See talk show in WWE, Miz TV! He tells the crowd that as most of them probably know by now, the Rock will not be medically cleared in time to claim his WWE Title rematch against John Cena at Extreme Rules, thanks to the beatdown last week on Smackdown at the hands of Stone Cold Steve Austin and Brock Lesnar. He then orders a brief recap of that scene for the benefit those who might not have watched it last week, and the footage seems to place extra emphasis on the fact that Cena just stood by and watched the beatdown without interfering throughout the entire beatdown. The Miz then goes on to talk about how Cena had gone on to claim ignorance about the alliance between Stone Cold and Lesnar, as well as about their motives for assaulting the Rock last week. In short, John Cena had denied any involvement whatsoever in what happened after the main event of last week’s Smackdown. It looks like he’s going to stick to that claim, at least until some actual evidence can be produced to prove otherwise. The Miz tells the fans that quite frankly, he doesn’t believe in a single word Cena said, but admits that he doesn’t really have the evidence to prove him wrong. There is, however, one man who certainly cannot plead ignorance of this whole affair. The man whom, in fact, he’s pretty certain is the mastermind behind all the controversies surrounding John Cena lately. So without further ado, please welcome the guest for tonight’s Miz TV……

At this point, the Shield’s music hits, cutting off the Host of Miz TV in mid-sentence. The Miz immediately drops his mic, takes off his jacket, and loosens his shirt as he prepares for a fight, although it’s clear that he doesn’t stand a chance against the Hounds of Justice all by himself. However, as Ambrose, Rollins and Reigns haul themselves over the security walls to surround the ring, the music of the GM of the Week, Edge, hits the arena, and out comes the Rated-R Superstar, leading about 2 dozen security guards behind him. Edge warns the Shield not to take another step, as the security guards spread out to surround the ring and block the Shield from reaching it. Edge asks if the 3 of them thought he was going to neglect this show like Steve Austin did last week, just because it’s not the “flag ship show”. Edge tells them that as GM of the Week, he takes his responsibilities very seriously, and he’s going to make sure that there will be no anarchy on any of his shows, not even on Superstars. Like he said last night, the Shield will all be banned from the arena as long as he’s in charge, so he’s going to have the security escort the 3 of them out of the building, right now! The Shield huddle together briefly to discuss their options, but it doesn’t take them long to come to a decision. Even though they look anything but intimidated by the wall of security guards facing them, they have evidently decided not to put up a fight, this time. They turn and head back through the crowd out of the arena, with the security guards following them to make sure they leave.

The Miz thanks Edge for his actions, telling him that he appreciates the General Manager making the effort to restore order to his shows. He then brings up the fact that it’s a curious coincidence for the Shield to decide to interrupt his show tonight, knowing who his guest tonight is going to be. The Miz reminds everyone that his guest is known to have, at one point, paid for the service of the Shield to ensure that one of his clients can become the longest-reigning World Champion in the modern era. Without further ado, please welcome his guest, the walrus, PAUL HEYMAN!

Heyman makes his way down to the ring, looking a little put out by the “Walrus” chants from the crowd that are no doubt at least partly due to the Miz’s introduction. Nevertheless, he greets the Miz civilly, and tells him that before the Miz makes any form of allegations, he just wants to make it clear that he did not pay for the Shield to come out and interrupt the show. He did not even know they were going to be here tonight! How could he, knowing that our great GM has publicly announced last night that those 3 men were to be banned from the building? Besides, he certainly doesn’t want Miz TV to be interrupted, or he would not have accepted the Miz’s invitation to be here tonight in the first place! He welcomes the opportunity to speak his mind on Miz TV, because there’s a lot of things he wants to say, and he wants to thank the Miz for giving him this platform. He knows that everyone is talking about the shocking turn of events that took place recently. We see a side of one of the most respected man in WWE history that we never thought we’d ever see. Such a blatant display of cowardice and lack of integrity from a man whom we all once thought highly of, sullying his own image for a woman this past Monday night on RAW. He’s, of course, talking about……Triple H.

Heyman says that it’s no secret that he and Triple H have had a lot of unpleasant things to say about each other over the years, but one word he’d never thought he’d be using to describe the Game is “coward”, but last Monday night, the COO of this company sank to a new low by proving that he’s just that: a coward. Now, it’s no shame for most people to admit that there’re afraid to step in the ring with Brock Lesnar for a third time, and there’s certainly no shame in admitting that you don’t want to be locked inside Hell in a Cell with the Beast. He understands perfectly that Triple H wants to retire while he still has the use of all his faculties, that as the COO, multi-time World Champion and future Hall-of-Famer, he has nothing to lose by not accepting the challenge from Brock Lesnar……well, nothing to lose except for all that money the WWE would have made from a HiaC match between the Game and the Beast. But still, he understands perfectly why HHH would be afraid to answer that challenge, but what puts the Game one step below all the other men who are afraid to take on Brock Lesnar is the fact that Triple H didn’t even have courage to admit that he didn’t want the match. No, he had to hide behind his wife and use her as an excuse to refuse the challenge. C’mon, who’s really buying this? Since when does Triple H let his wife do his talking for him, make his life decisions for him? What’s she going to do, divorce him for taking the match? And since when has a McMahon ever turned down an offer than would make them as much money as that? The truth is, Stephanie McMahon would have been more than happy to see that match happen at Extreme Rules, because just like her father, she knows a money-making match when she sees one, and to a McMahon that’s all that really matters, what’s good for business. Triple H is the one who doesn’t care to take the match, because he knows what it’s like to step in the ring with Brock Lesnar, but of course, he can’t possibly admit that, can he? It would be unthinkable for the Cerebral Assassin and King of Kings to admit that he wants to run from a fight. And that’s a real pity, because through his recent action on RAW, what little respect HHH has managed to gain from Brock Lesnar and himself through their last match at WrestleMania have been completely lost. Brock Lesnar has no respect for cowards, and even less for a man who hides behind a woman-

The Miz finally cuts Heyman off and tells him that he’s said enough. Heyman knows very well that the Miz didn’t invite him here to talk about Triple H tonight. The Miz doesn’t care about Brock Lesnar. What he’s interested in, is the relationship between Heyman and the WWE Champion, John Cena! Heyman warns the Miz that he needs to choose his words carefully, because while most people don’t like Brock Lesnar, no one can say he doesn’t care about the Beast. The Miz tells him that this is his show, and he can say anything he wants. He tells Heyman to stop trying to divert from the subject at hand. What exactly is his relationship with John Cena? Heyman says he’s certainly not trying to avoid the subject, because he’s already made it very clear. He’s a “John Cena guy”, and he’s doing his best to convince John to be a “Paul Heyman guy”. There’s no secret behind his motives, because let’s face it, who wouldn’t want the WWE Champion to be their guy, especially someone who’s as celebrated as John Cena? Just imagine this: Brock Lesnar and John Cena working as a team, managed by Paul Heyman, they would be the most unstoppable force in WWE history!

The Miz then brings up his next question: what exactly did Paul Heyman say to both John Cena and Steve Austin last week to convince them to spring that little trap on the Rock last week on Smackdown? Heyman says he has no idea what the Miz is talking about, He didn’t say anything to Cena or Austin last week. There was no collusion between the 3 of them, and John Cena certainly wasn’t involved in that beatdown in any form. Cena has already told everyone why he chose not to get involved, and as much as Paul Heyman wants to be Cena’s confidante, it’s not something he’s yet managed to do, so just like everyone else, he can only take John at his word. There was no trap and no conspiracy last week. What everyone saw last Friday night was a case of the stars aligning, and every Superstar out there doing what they wanted to do and finding themselves to be of like mind, and is it really that surprising? After all, great minds think alike! Brock Lesnar was out there because, like he said before, he’s disgusted at the fact that someone like the Rock stole the honour of being the man who put an end to Stone Cold’s wrestling career. Brock felt that the honour should have gone to him, and that he was robbed of that opportunity, and that it should have gone to someone more deserving, instead of a guy who was never able to beat Brock Lesnar, a man whom Brock Lesnar easily defeated at Summerslam 2002 to win the Undisputed Championship. John Cena turned his back on the Rock because, just like he explained on RAW, the Rock wouldn’t have appreciated the help, and quite frankly the Rock deserved it for not listening to the doctor’s advice, and Paul Heyman agrees with every word of that! As for Steve Austin, Heyman admits that he hasn’t spoken to him since that night, because even though he was a “Paul Heyman guy”, as everyone knows, Stone Cold was never a guy who wants a confidante. That would have gone against his famous DTA code. Maybe it’s just like John Cena guessed, that Steve didn’t want his career to end at the hands of the Rock. That could be why he’s accepted the WWE’s offer to give him a match at Extreme Rules against the Great Khali, Cody Rhodes or Booker T. Heyman doesn’t know for sure, and he can’t speak for the Rattlesnake, but he’s sure Steve has a good reason for what he did last week.

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Really?”

“Yes, REALLY!”

That went on about 5-6 more times before the Miz finally breaks off and tells Heyman that he really has to hand it to Heyman. It was such a convincing speech, delivered with such conviction as only Paul Heyman could have done, that if Miz didn’t know him for the lying, conniving snake that he is, he would have bought every single word he said. Just like how many people would have been convinced that Heyman didn’t pay the Shield to help CM Punk retain his title last year if someone didn’t manage to catch the evidence of his plots with the Shield on video. Fortunately, this time, Paul Heyman will once again find out that he’s been busted by actual physical evidence, no matter good he is at talking himself out of trouble. Heyman demands to know what the Miz is talking about, and Miz tells him that he’s managed to come by a little video footage that will show them the truth……

……and HERE COMES THE PAIN! The crowd erupts as Brock Lesnar makes his first-ever appearance on WWE Superstars. Once again, the Miz gets up and gets ready for a fight, and it looks like it’s one that he actually expects this time. The host of Miz TV lunges for Lesnar even as the Beast leaps onto the ring apron, but Brock is too powerful, and shoves the smaller man all the way across the ring. Miz is up again quickly, but is almost immediately tackled down to the mat, Lesnar quickly takes control with his combination of size advantage and superior technical skills. Beating down the Miz mercilessly for several minutes and busting him open, the Beast finally picks him up into position for the F5……

“WOOOOO!”

The Nature Boy Ric Flair comes out dressed in a custom-made suit, but clearly preparing himself for a fight as he whips off his jacket and throws it down on the ramp as he makes his way towards the ring to help out his protégé. Brock stares at the 16-time World Champion with a smirk on his face as he watches the living legend approach. However, this distraction allows the Miz to slip off his shoulder and hit him with a huge chop block from behind! As the Beast goes down with a howl of pain, Flair stops on the ramp with a smile on his face as he watches Miz grab Lesnar by the leg and lets out a loud “WOO!” to signal for the Figure 4 Leglock……

……and that’s when Wade Barrett makes his presence felt, rushing down the ramp and nailing Flair from behind to knock him down! This time, it’s the Miz who gets distracted, and Brock Lesnar uses the opportunity to power out of the Figure-4 attempt and shove the Miz into the turnbuckles. As the Miz comes staggering back out of the corner, Lesnar hoists him up on his shoulders and destroys him with a thunderous F5! The Beast stands over the shattered remains of the Miz triumphantly as his music hits. Meanwhile, on the ramp, Wade Barrett continues to beat down Ric Flair, only pausing slightly to step aside to let Brock and Heyman pass as they walk up the ramp backstage. Barrett’s beatdown isn’t quite as impressive as Brock’s, but certainly no less effective as he soon leaves the Nature Boy a shattered wreck. Back in the ring, the Miz tries feebly to crawl to the aid of his mentor, but the damages he’s taken from Brock earlier slows him down considerably, and he can only watch helplessly as Barrett lands blow after blow on his idol while laughing tauntingly at Miz. In the end, it’s a group of officials who actually break up the attack, pulling Barrett away and calling for the doctors to give Flair some much needed medical attention. One of the doctors try to check on Miz as well, but the Miz shoves him aside as he finally struggles back to his feet, and staggers unsteadily to the side of his fallen idol to check on him, screaming at the other doctors to help Flair. By this time, Barrett has already left, but the Miz glares after him at the entrance with hatred as Superstars goes into commercial break.

Angles: Edge has the Shield escorted out of the building. (Rating: A*)

Brock Lesnar crashes Miz TV. (Rating: A)

Flair gets ambushed by Barrett. (Rating: A)

Match: Ryback defeated Matt Hardy in 6:53 by pinfall with a Shell Shocked.

Back from the break, Matt Hardy is making his entrance for the match, and we’re shown that Edge has joined Jericho at the announcers’ table as guest commentator for the upcoming match involving his old rival Matt. The commentators briefly talk about what transpired earlier during the Miz TV, before moving on to the match. Matt, waiting for his opponent, is staring a hole into the Rated-R GM seated at ringside. Jericho asks if Edge booked this match as a punishment for his old rival Matt Hardy. Edge replies that far from it, he’s actually giving John Cena a good chance to scout his opponent against whom he will be defending the WWE Title this coming Friday on Smackdown! Since Cena and Matt appear to have formed some sort of partnership between them, he’s giving Matt a taste of what Cena will be facing this Friday night, so he can pass it on to Cena to help him better prepare for his title defense!

Ryback makes his entrance, and the referee signals for the bell. As soon as the bell rings, Matt Hardy ducks out of the ring to avoid confrontation with the monster. As Edge calls for Matt to get back into the ring and face his opponent like a man, Matt turns to Edge and screams at him for having a personal vendetta against him to book him against the monster. While he’s busy exchanging words with the GM, Ryback rolls out of the ring and grabs him by the head from behind, dragging him kicking and screaming as he rolls him back into the ring. As Ryback is getting back into the ring himself, Matt tries to take advantage by dropping a leg across the back of the monster’s neck. He goes for a quick pin, but Ryback powers before the referee barely even reached a 1-count. Ryback tries to get up, but Matt immediately bombards him with a series of low dropkicks and legdrops to keep him down, before climbing onto the second ropes and doing his signature pose before leaping off with a big elbow aimed at the monster’s head……and jumps right into the monster’s hands as the latter catches by the neck!

“STUPID!” the monster screams at him before hurling him hard into the turnbuckles with such force that Matt rebounds from the collision and staggers out of the corner……only to be crushed back into it as Ryback slams him back against the turnbuckles with a massive shoulder tackle. Ryback drives his shoulder into Matt’s guts several more times before lifting him up into a vertical suplex position, marching a few rounds in the centre of the ring to show off his amazing strength, and then driving him hard into the mat to complete the suplex, getting a 2-count. Hardy crawls desperately for the ropes and seizes a firm grip as he screams for the referee to back the monster off. As the referee tries to force a break, Matt reaches across his back to poke the monster in the eye, finally buying himself some time to regroup. As monster is recovering from the eye-poke, Matt gets up on the ring apron and climbs quickly up to the nearest top turnbuckle before leaping off with a huge crossbody, but once again the monster catches him in its arms, and this time hoists him up onto its shoulder before dropping him with a ground-shaking powerslam!

Ryback signals for the finish as he heads into the corner, flexing his arm in readiness for the Meathook clothesline. The monster charges as Matt makes it back to his feet, but Matt goes low with a dropkick to the knees to take the monster off his feet! He then follows up with a big DDT to the kneeling monster, before going for the pin, but once again Ryback kicks out before the referee can even reach a 2-count. Screaming in frustration, Matt mounts the grounded monster and showers him with punches before locking on a sleeper in an attempt to keep the monster down. It doesn’t take long for the monster to struggle his way back up, however, not only making it back to his feet, but actually lifting Matt off his feet as he tries to power out of the hold. Matt clings on to the monster’s thick neck in desperation, but it’s all for naught as Ryback quickly maneuvered him into position on his back and counters into a backpack stunner!

As both man make it back to their feet, Ryback bursts into the offense, smashing Matt with series of hard-hitting moves, including a reverse running elbow, a big shoulder-block, and a massive spinebuster that sets him up once again for the Meathook. This time, as the monster charges in for the kill, Matt narrowly counters it by catching him with a reversed STO that sends the monster face-first into the turnbuckles behind him! Maintaining his grip on the monster head and arm, Matt then hits a huge SIDE EFFECT out of the corner and hurriedly goes for a cover……

……and Ryback kicks out! Matt seems to be losing it as he screams at the referee for not making a fast-enough count to put the match away. Turning back to Ryback, he starts to signal for the Twist of Fate……then abruptly changes his mind. Instead, he stands over Ryback and waves his palm in front of his face as he channels John Cena with the latter’s signature “You Can’t See Me” taunt, before trying to hoist Ryback up onto his shoulders for the Mattitude Adjustment. As he struggles to lift the monster, Ryback battles out of the attempt with a powerful shot to the spine. He then lifts Matt off his feet and presses him high above his head in a military press. Matt wriggles out and lands on his feet behind the monster before charging off the ropes to hit Ryback with John Cena’s signature flying shoulder-block. Ryback reels slightly from the attack, but remains on his feet. Matt quickly runs across the ring to come off the ropes with another flying shoulder as the monster turns around. This time, Ryback doesn’t even budge in the slightest, but just beats his own head and roars in defiance. Undeterred, Matt hurls himself off the ropes for a third time……and runs into a big boot.

With another scream of “STUPID!”, Ryback picks Matt up by ears and hurls him across the ring all the way into the opposite corner. Colliding hard with the turnbuckles, Matt bounces back and stumbles straight into a devastating Meathook clothesline as the monster comes off the ropes himself and slams into the Sensei of Mattitude at full speed. Behind the announcers’ desk, Edge looks visibly pleased as Ryback picks up Matt’s lifeless carcass and drops him again with the Shell Shocked for the 3-count. As Ryback struts around the ring screaming “FEED ME MORE!”, Edge reminds everyone that this is what John Cena will have to face this coming Friday, on Smackdown!

Rating: B+

Backstage, Mark Henry and Mae Young are shown watching the last match, and Mark is looking increasingly agitated as he watches Ryback marching around the ring to chants of “FEED ME MORE!” He asks Mae Young If she just saw that. This is what he would have to deal with at Extreme Rules. No, in fact it’ll be worse than this, because he has to face Ryback in a Monster’s Ball match! Mae Young tells Mark that he’ll be just fine, but Henry shouts he’ll not be fine! Does Mae even understand what he’ll be going through? A Monster’s Ball match is one of the most brutal, violent matches in history! Anything goes! That means Ryback can come after him with that shotgun again, like he tried to do a couple weeks ago! It means he can try to run Henry over with a truck again!

Mae Young tells Henry that he's fretting too much, and she knows just the thing to help Mark feel better. She’ll go get Mark some food so that he can stop thinking about the match. Henry gets even more agitated at the mention of food, however. He tells Mae that participants of a Monster’s Ball match will have to be locked inside a small room without food for 24 hours before the match! He can’t possibly bear that! He needs food to keep him strong! He’s going to be in no shape to face Ryback after being starved for 24 hours! He probably won’t be able to stand after being deprived of food for that long! Mae Young points out that Ryback will be starved for the same amount of time, too, but Henry exclaims that Ryback is most dangerous when he’s hungry, and at Extreme Rules he’s going to be more aggressive than he’s ever been! Henry shouts that the match is totally unfair to him, and he should never have been put in such a situation……

……and this is when Jim Cornette walks into the room and tells Henry that he’s absolutely right. There’s no reason that the WWE authority should be putting Henry in such barbaric matches just for their own sadistic pleasure! Henry’s the World’s Strongest Man, a world-class athlete. He deserves better than this. He deserves to be competing in legitimate matches with proper rules, not some hardcore garbage freak shows. This is what happens when the company cares more about pulling in “ratings” and creating “entertainment” than actually putting up quality competition to showcase the athletic abilities of its performers. Just think about it, how often has Mark Henry been made to do all kinds of ridiculous and disgusting stuff on TV just to “entertain the fans” over the past decade? He’s dated a woman with a penis, he’s given birth to a hand, and worst of all, he’d had to pretend that he was in love with some 90-year-old mummy……

Mark Henry cuts him off angrily and tells him that he has no right to talk about Mae like this! Henry didn’t have to “pretend” to be in love with Mae. Mae is the love of his life! If Cornette doesn’t get out of his sight this minute, Mark Henry will show him just how barbaric and violent he can get! Cornette quickly backs out of the room, and Henry slams the door behind him. With the World’s Strongest Man now out of sight, Cornette plucks up the courage to scream through the door, telling Henry that he’ll regret this, and that he hopes Ryback tears him apart and eat him whole!

Disgruntled, Cornette turns to leave……and sees the World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger coming down the corridor, for once without Zeb Coulter at his side. He hurries over to the champion and tells Swagger that he’s just the man he’s looking for. Swagger asks him what he wants, and Cornette replies that he has been following Swagger’s career closely even before he came back to the WWE. Jack Swagger was a world-class amateur wrestler who held the record for the highest number of pinfall victories in a single season in NCAA. He’s one of the most talented athletes to have ever stepped foot in the WWE, and the fact that he holds the prestigious World Heavyweight Championship is a testament to that talent. With skills like that, he shouldn’t have to rely on all that racism propaganda garbage as a gimmick to get himself over. What he needs is a proper platform to showcase his athletic abilities, a platform where actual fighting ability is valued more than the ability to “pull in the ratings”. It’s a travesty that despite being the Heavyweight Champion of the World, Swagger has been constantly overlooked. He won the most prestigious title in the WWE at WrestleMania, but the only thing everyone is talking about is that “novelty attraction sideshow” involving a Hollywood movie star and a rapper wannabe who had to stoop to using cheap media stunts like Live Sex to pull in the ratings. This needs to change. Jack Swagger should be the focus of the shows. The face of this business should be a wrestler like Jack Swagger, not a low-brow Sports Entertainer like John Cena. That’s why he has a proposal for Swagger……

At that moment, Zeb Coulter appears at the far end of the corridor and tells Jack that it’s time for the ‘Real American Challenge’. Swagger tells Cornette that he needs to go to the ring now. Cornette tells him that he’ll talk to Swagger again when the opportunity arises. Meanwhile, he hopes the Champion will think about what he just said. Swagger has a thoughtful look on his face as he turns and heads for the arena with Zeb.

(Mae Young’s ‘Horny Senior Citizen’ gimmick only got a C+ rating??? WTF? Nobody does this gimmick better than Mae Young! Oh well, at least Cornette got an ‘A’ as the Loud Mouth Promoter.)

Angles: Mae Young encourages Henry. (Rating: C)

Cornette fails to recruit Henry. (Rating: B)

Cornette makes a proposition to Swagger. (Rating: B)

After the commercial break, we see that Jim Cornette has joined Jericho behind the announcers’ table as guest commentator. He hypes up Swagger as the man who should be the Face of the WWE as the World Champion makes his entrance with Zeb Coulter. Jericho asks Cornette exactly what he’s up to with his recent campaign where he’s been seen approaching various wrestlers backstage attempting to recruit them to some unknown cause. Cornette says that he has no intentions of revealing his plans publicly until the time is right, but if Jericho is interested, he has an offer for him, too, and maybe they can have a little talk after the show is over. Meanwhile, Swagger and Coulter get into the ring, and Coulter reminds everyone that any non-American Superstar in the locker room not named Alberto Del Rio or Antonio Cesaro will be eligible to challenge the World Champion in this non-title match, and that in the highly unlikely event that he manages to sneak out with a win, that man gets a future World Title shot, after Jack Swagger has destroyed Alberto Del Rio at Extreme Rules.

As the commentators speculate about which Superstar will take up the challenge, Jericho laments that he’s made an agreement with WWE management that he will not be getting physically involved in matches while he’s doing commentary duties, as he has half a mind to take Swagger up on this challenge. At that moment, Edge’s music hits again, and the crowd goes wild! Jericho reminds the audience that Edge is a Canadian, and therefore eligible to enter the Real American Challenge, although he’s not sure it would be a wise decision to make, considering he had been forced into retirement over a year ago by his neck injuries. Zeb Coulter tells Edge sternly that he should have expected this. Edge was hired as an Authority, not as a competitor, but being the sneaky non-American that he is, it’s hardly surprising that he will be abusing his authority to attempt to insert himself into the main event of his shows, and steal the spotlight from a Real American Champion like Jack Swagger. Edge tells Coulter to calm down, because he has no intention of entering the Real American Challenge himself. He’s already held that World Title more times than he can remember, and he has nothing left to prove. However, he does know another fellow Canadian who wants that title very badly, a man who lives for only one more opportunity to get a shot at that title, a man who’s back for……one……more……match!

The crowd erupts as Christian comes out to his entrance music and embraces Edge on the ramp. Captain Charisma then makes his way to the ring as Edge heads over once again to the announcers’ table to join both Jericho and Cornette on commentary.

Angle: Christian returns! (Rating: A)

Match: Christian defeated Jack Swagger in 10:06 by pinfall following interference from Edge. During the match we also had Zeb Coulter run in and attack Christian.

Swagger gets the early advantage, scoring with a series of quick takedowns and utilising his amateur training to dominate the early goings. With Christian down on the mat, Swagger goes for the ankle early, and Christian hurriedly squirms to the ropes to force a break. Swagger backs off at the referee’s command, looking pleased with his success as he thumps his own chest and mouths off tauntingly at his opponent. Christian picks himself up and reaches out cautiously for another lock-up……but this time quickly ducks under Swagger’s arm and catches the champion with a stinging slap to the face as the he turns around! As Swagger is stunned from the blow, Christian pulls his legs out from under him and tries to turn him over into a Cloverleaf submission hold, and now it’s Swagger’s turn to squirm desperately for the ropes to force a break before Christian can fully lock on the hold. The crowd roars its approval as Christian breaks the hold and claps his hands to get them riled up.

Angered by the literal slap in the face, Swagger lunges for his opponent, but Christian takes advantage of his impatient and reckless attack by ducking under it and rolling Swagger up with a schoolboy for a 2-count. Captain Charisma then goes on to pick up about 3-4 more nearfalls with a series of roll-ups and pinning combinations before Swagger, at Zeb’s frantic screamed instructions, roll out of the ring to regroup. Christian doesn’t give much time for that either, however, as he catapults himself over the ropes on top of Swagger to take him down on the outside! Rolling the World Champion back into the ring, Christian gets up on the ring apron and heads for one of the corners. Swagger pulls himself back up and rushes to knock Christian off the apron, but Captain Charisma blocks his strike, turns him around, and snaps the back of his neck over the ropes! As the Real American falls down on his face, Christian continues to the corner and starts to climb to the top turnbuckles.

Zeb Coulter gets on the ring apron to hurl verbal abuses at Christian, distracting him briefly, but long enough for Swagger to get back up and pull Christian’s legs out from under him. Captain Charisma falls awkwardly across the top ropes and slips off, and his right leg gets caught up in the ropes. Seizing the opening, Jack Swagger hammers away at the exposed ankle while his opponent is tied up in the ropes for several seconds before the referee forces him to back off and frees Christian’s foot from the ropes. As Christian slowly tries to pull himself upright into a sitting position on the turnbuckles, Swagger strikes again, grabbing his foot and pulling Christian off the turnbuckles with one mighty tug to send him crashing down hard onto the mat. Swagger then follows up with a Swagger Bomb off the second ropes for a 2-count!

The Real American Champion now proceeds to work on the injured ankle relentlessly to set up for the inevitable Patriot Lock, and for the next few minutes, it’s all Christian can do to weather the constant batterings on his leg as he make a few futile attempts to break free. Finally, Captain Charisma manages to slip his uninjured leg free and slam its heel hard into Swagger’s face several times to force him to relinquish the hold for a moment. Christian struggles back up to his feet, hobbling unsteadily as he tries to get back on the offense, but Swagger takes him back down with a big chop block. Clearly growing confident at his opponent’s lack of mobility, Swagger taunts for Christian to get back up again before taking him down with another chop block. Now more concerned with hurting and humiliating his opponent than actually beating him, Swagger taunts for Christian to get up again before going for a third chop block, but this time Christian manages to hop over the attempt and retaliate with a big slap to the face! As Swagger spins around unsteadily from the slap, Christian runs off the ropes for a running attack……and runs into a huge boot to the face that nearly takes his head off!

Screaming in a mixture of anger and aggression, Swagger plants Christian with a belly-to-belly powerslam and looks to finish him off with another Swagger Bomb……only for Christian to leap up and catch Swagger while he’s jumping onto the second ropes! Hoisting the struggling World Champion on his shoulders, Christian falls back and drops Swagger with an Electric Chair Bomb! Both man are down and out as the referee begins his 10-count, but both slowly make it back to their feet when the referee reaches 8. Still groggy from the impact of the Electric Chair, Swagger swings wildly at Christian, but Captain Charisma easily ducks the poorly-aimed blows and strikes back with stinging slaps to the champ’s face with pin-point accuracy. He lifts his right hand to cap it of with the Mother-of-All-Slaps, and Swagger quickly ducks for cover, but Christian just drops down on one knee and hits him from below with a stinging uppercut that echoes throughout the arena!

Christian whips the dazed Swagger towards the corner, but the champion retains enough of his senses to manage to reverse the whip. Christian catches himself in the corner to avoid a collision with the turnbuckles and catches a rushing Swagger in the gut with a back heel kick, then leaps onto the second ropes to come off with his signature sunset flip to roll Swagger up into a pin……but Swagger rolls through and grabs his foot to counter into the Patriot Lock! Howling in pain, Christian squirms for the ropes, but Swagger uses his power to drag Christian to the centre of the ring. Twisting around, Christian uses his free foot break the hold by shoving Swagger back into the corner. Swagger quickly charges back out, but Christian catches him in an Inside Cradle for a near-fall! Powering out of the pin, Swagger catches Christian with a massive clothesline to cut short Christian’s rally.

Now looking to put an end to the challenge, Swagger pulls his straps down to signal for the finish as he picks up Christian for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Christian slips out behind him and hooks him into a back-slide for another near-fall. Swagger powers out of the hold hurriedly and tries to cut off Christian’s rally again with another charging clothesline, but Christian sends him throat-first into the ropes with a drop-toe-hold! In a Vintage Christian moment, Christian slingshots himself over the ropes to land outside the ring before delivering another ringing slap to the face of the Real American Champion in the ropes! Captain Charisma winces and hobbles slightly from landing partially on his injured ankle, but even that is not enough to slow him down as he climbs to the top rope and comes off with a missile dropkick on the World Champion. Clapping his hands together to signal for the finish, Christian now sizes Swagger up for the Killswitch, but Swagger blocks the attempt and counters with a back suplex! Christian flips out of that and lands on his feet behind the champion, before shoving him into the ropes and going for another roll-up from behind. Swagger once again powers out of the pinning combination, and the momentum in turn shoves Christian towards the ropes. At that moment, Zeb Coulter pulls the middle ropes down, causing Christian to fall through the ropes out of the ring!

The referee did not see Zeb’s interference as Swagger has his attention occupied……but someone else did! Taking off his headset, Edge leaves the announcers’ table and goes to confront Coulter. Coulter backs off from the angry GM until Swagger leaves the ring and puts himself between Edge and Zeb. The referee warns Edge not to get involved as Swagger, still glaring at the GM, picks up Christian and rolls him back into the ring. Swagger gets back into the ring himself, but he spent too long staring down the GM, giving Christian precious seconds to recover as Captain Charisma rolls him up from behind! Once again, however, Swagger rolls through and seizes the ankle to lock on the deadly Patriot Lock! Fighting through the pain in his ankle, and spurred on by the screams and encouragements from both the crowd and from his best friend Edge, Christian works his way to the ropes and grabs it for a rope-break……but the referee doesn’t see it, as Zeb Coulter gets on the apron on the opposite side to distract him! Swagger seizes the opportunity to pull Christian off the ropes back to the centre of the ring. Edge quickly rushes around the ring and drags Coulter off the apron. With a murderous look in his eyes, Edge advances on Coulter, causing the latter to back away and raise his hands to plead for mercy. Seeing that the GM has no intention off letting him off lightly, however, Zeb finally turns and flees from the ring. Edge pursues him all the way up the ramp, not really in any apparent hurry, but obviously wanting to make sure that Zeb stays away from ringside.

Seeing what’s happening outside, Swagger gets distracted, and Christian counters the Patriot Lock by catching him with another Inside Cradle! Swagger powers out of the pin, but is forced to break the Patriot Lock at the same time. Trying to maintain the offense, Swagger comes up swinging and makes a mad dash at his rising opponent……who sidesteps the charge and sends him shoulder-first into the ring post! Christian then drags the stricken World Champion out of the corner and plants him with the KILLSWITCH to get the 3-count! Christian has pinned the World Heavyweight Champion on the very first night of his return!

Rating: A*

Ecstatic after his huge victory, Christian celebrates in the ring with tears in his eyes……when the Shield strikes! This time, they did not come out to their entrance theme, but simply appeared from the crowd and hit the ring before anyone even realise that they’re here! Beating down the already-exhausted Christian easily with their 3-on-1 assault, Rollins and Ambrose place Christian onto Roman Reign’s shoulders before destroying him with their trademark Triple-team Powerbomb. Edge comes rushing back down the ramp to his friend’s aid, screaming for both doctors and security at the same time, but the Shield retreat back into the crowd before either arrives, having made their statement. Cradling the head of his unconscious friend on his lap, Edge stares after the Shield with murderous hatred in his eyes as Superstars goes off the air.

Angle: The Shield beats down Christian. (Rating: A*)

OVR Rating: A (This show can be considered a success, should have improved popularity)

Greylocke · December 28, 2013

I glared across the room at the 2 men standing on the opposite side of the room. Trying to do that to both of them at the same time actually causes some difficulties, since they were trying to stand as far away from each other as I would allow them to. “So,” I begin, my voice deceptively calm, “I guess you two really want to be in that storyline we talked about last time?” “No, sir.” The replies came simultaeously. “Then why,” my voice turns into a growl, “are you two testing my patience? Johnny turning up late on Monday night, I was about to take that as a coincidence and let it go, but then you, Miz, showed up late last night, when you knew very well that your segment was supposed to be one of the main features of Superstars! What’s this, a game of one-upsmanship? A competition to see which one of you can pi$$ me off and push my buttons more and get away with it?” “No, sir.” “Or is it because you’ve heard that I’ve already chosen my candidates for the incest storyline, and therefore you feel you can now get away with misconducts without punishments? Let me assure you that my booking plans can change any time, and at any rate that storyline hasn’t even been debuted on TV yet! You two can still take her place in that storyline if I want you to! I’m sure she’s going to be grateful for you two getting her out of it!” “No, sir.” “You two should be happy to have something to do on TV every week!” I snapped. “Over the past couple of weeks I’ve heard grumblings from dozens of guys backstage about not being put on TV beccause I haven’t yet come up with a new gimmick or storyline for them. Meanwhile, you two are both in major storylines! You, Miz, I gave you the Intercontinental Championship and was planning to let you have a good long reign with it, and I’ve been putting you in major segments with guys like Cena, Lesnar, and Ric Flair. And you, Johnny, I gave you your first match at ****ing WrestleMania! Yes, you lost in less than a minute, but you knew as well as I do that I was going to continue that storyline building up to you getting your first big win at the next PPV! Maybe I’ve treated you both too well, and your heads are starting to swell, is that it?” “No, sir.” “Well, know that you are both on Strike 2!” I growled. “You’re lucky that I don’t like to alter my booking plans for the 2 of you, but one more ‘incident’ from either of you, and we’re going to have a new tag team called the Brothers of Incestuous Love! Get it?” “Yes, sir!” “And don’t think I’m letting this last incident go, either! You two are both going to be punished! I’ve already made alterations to both your storylines in the near future. Nothing that can’t be salvaged if the two of you behave, but let this be my last warning to the both of you! Now get out of my office!” As I watched the office door close behind them, I sighed and rubbed my temples to quell the throbbing headache. I turned my eyes to the one piece of good news that I’ve received today: the ratings charts lying on my desk before me. In the past 2 weeks, while ratings, for the most part, have grown in places where our shows are airing outside the States, the ones in the US, most significantly USA Network, have gone down. Many in the back who have been unhappy with the directions of my booking have been using that as their reason to push for my removal from Head Writer position.Vince McMahon, however, had held firm in his support for me. He told me that he’d expected a fall in ratings in the short-term, as the departure from our usual style is sure to turn off some viewers. This week’s RAW, however, has seen a ratings spike in every channel that RAW has been aired thus far, including USA Network. Cliché as it may be, no one can deny this: Sex Sells. You just can’t possibly go wrong with two people performing Live Sex in your main event! That’s not going to be enough to silence all the critics, but it’s certainly going to help. Of course, when you’re working for Vince McMahon, every good news comes as a mixed blessing. The chairman of the board has seen this success as a sign to push this further, and already I’ve been told under no uncertain terms capitalise on the success of the Live Sex segment. This time, I’m not even going to have a month’s time to plan like I do with the incest angle. Vince wants his new idea to be implemented on the very next episode of RAW, to “strike while the iron is hot”, in his words. That’s probably not the only thing he thinks is hot, too, since I’ve seen him watch the re-play of last RAW’s main event again and again over the past 2 nights…… ---- WWE Headlines: <blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>Battle of the Brutes! This week on Main Event, monsters collide as the 7-feet, 450-pounds Big Show takes on one half of the Tag Team Champions, the Big Red Machine Kane! Neither man has been in a good mood as of late, the former having been forced to wrestle a 2-on-1 handicap match whilst the latter had coffee spilt on him by his own tag team partner. What will happen when you put two angry behemoths in the same ring? Tune in to Main Event to find out! Tag Titles Contenders to be determined! Kane has more than just an angry giant to be concerned about this week on Main Event, as a 4-way Elimination has been announced to determine the team that will be facing him and his partner Daniel Bryan at Extreme Rules for the WWE Tag Team Championship! The newly-reunited Team Air Boom has been on a roll this past week, picking up 2 consecutive wins over the Prime Time Playas. Will their winning streak continue this week on Main Event? Or will the time off from the ring due to injury for Evan Bourne play a part when he and his partner have to outlast not only 1, but 3 other teams? Besides Air Boom, Primo & Epico are the only other team in this match who has tasted tag team gold. It’s been quite some time since they’ve last held the straps, which can only make them lust after them more. Will this hunger motivate them to success this Wednesday night? At a combined weight of nearly 800 pounds, Tonnes of Funk are by far the biggest tag team in the match, but also the least experienced as a team. Will their size and power advantage be sufficient to bring them the victory or will their inexperience be their downfall? Speaking of tag team experience, there’s certainly no lack of that in the Usos, brothers who have trained and tagged together since their youths. It’s a testament to the level of competition in the WWE’s tag team division that a team as experienced and as talented as them has yet to be able to capture tag team gold. Will the brothers finally officially solidify their status as one of the best tag teams in the WWE by earning a shot at the titles? Which of these 4 tag teams will emerge victorious to take on Team Hell No at Extreme Rules? Find out this week on Main Event, on ION Television!</div></blockquote> ---- (OOC: No predictions for Main Event this week……the reason will be clear once the show is posted. And the game sure isn’t kidding when it tells you in the Promotion Styles page that Technicians will find it hard to get over – and stay over – in a Sports Entertainment fed. I put Swagger over Del Rio to bring his popularity just barely into the A-range, which tanked Del Rio’s popularity in turn. One tainted loss to Christian – who’s only like 0.2 points less popular than Swagger – and Swagger drops back to B+ again. Meanwhile, for comparison’s sake, Christian’s popularity shot up by 5 points just for that win, because he’s an Entertainer. Now I can see why WWE stopped pushing Swagger into the main event. >.> )

Greylocke · January 6, 2014

Main Event Report!

WWE Main Event, taped in front of 24702 people, in the Vanderbilt Stadium, Nashville, Tennessee!

Dark Match: Air Boom vs Primo and Epico, The Usos and Tons of Funk ended in a No Contest in 10:14 when the referee lost control and stopped the match. The match also had a lot of interference: Seth Rollins targeted Evan Bourne, Dean Ambrose attacked Evan Bourne, Roman Reigns attacked Kofi Kingston, Roman Reigns attacked Jimmy Uso, and finally Dean Ambrose interfered against Jey Uso.

This Fatal 4-Way Elimination match to determine the No. 1 Contenders to the Tag Team Titles kicks off with only 2 out of the 8 competitors from different teams being allowed in the ring at a time. Being the only heels in the match, Primo and Epico control the first portion of the match as they quickly isolate their smallest opponent, Evan Bourne, and try to wear him down with quick tags and double-teams in their corner. Evan manages to fight his way out and almost makes it to his corner for the tag, but Primo beats him to it and knocks Kofi off the ring apron. Unfortunately for him, he forgets that there are 4 other guys Evan can tag, and he does just that as he dives to Tons of Funk’s corner and tags in Brodus Clay. The Funkasaurus promptly cleans house on both of the Colons, squashing them in against the turnbuckles in opposite corners and dropping Primo with a T-Bone. Epico heads for the top rope, but jumps straight into a headbutt from Brodus and knocks himself out. Sweet T cuts off Primo before he can capitalize on his partner’s interference. This being an elimination match, no one else has any incentive to make the save on Primo as Brodus flattens him with a big splash and pins him at about the 4th minute mark.

The Usos then get involved for the first time in this match, and the next 3 minutes is mostly between them and Tons of Funk and they trade controls in the ring, the Usos utilizing their tag team experience to their advantage whilst Brodus and Tensai try to utilize their size and power advantage. Tons of Funk manage to isolate one of the Usos in the ring for a while, using their huge bulk to cut him off from his own corner. Uso tries what Evan did earlier as he goes to tag Air Boom instead, but Brodus prevents that as well as he knocks Kofi and Evan off the apron! Tensai then goes for his rolling cannonball on Uso in the corner, but Uso moves out of the way at the last second and makes the tag to his brother. The fresh Uso charges in, knocks Brodus off the apron, and proceeds to knock the lights out of an already-groggy Tensai as the latter is still dazed from the turnbuckle collision. In an amazing feat of strength, Uso manages hit a Samoan drop on the bigger Tensai, almost getting the pin as a result before Brodus breaks it up. Seeing the other Uso getting into the ring, Brodus charges at him to cut him off, but Uso ducks him and sends him into the ropes, where Air Boom – probably to get back at him for knocking them off the apron earlier – pull the ropes down in unison and sends the big guy toppling out of the ring! The Usos then floor Tensai with a double-thrust kick and finish him off with a Superfly Splash to eliminate the largest team from the match at about half-past 7 minutes!

It’s now down to the Usos and Air Boom, and the 2 teams go back-and-forth in a fairly evenly-matched contest in the last 2 minutes, trading the advantages constantly. Getting the hot tag from his partner, Kofi Kingston goes into his vintage state of controlled frenzy as he hits his trademark spots on the Uso in the ring. Hitting the Boom Drop squarely, Kofi makes the tag to Evan before diving out of the ring on top of the other Uso on the outside. It looks like Air Boom has this won as Evan ascends the top rope for the Air Bourne……

……and Seth Rollins comes out of nowhere and sends Evan crashing to the outside by shoving him off the top rope! Dean Ambrose now appears from the crowd as well and proceeds to beat down the helpless Evan on the outside while Rollins puts his boots to the fallen Uso lying in the ring. Realizing what’s happening, Kofi rushes back into the ring to save his partner, but Roman Reigns destroys him with a devastating SPEAR, before turning around and giving one to the other Uso as well! The referee is already frantically calling for the bell, but that makes no difference to the Shield, as Ambrose points to the first Uso, and the trio pick up the helpless Samoan and drop him with their Triple-team Powerbomb. The Hounds of Justice then pose over their fallen victims as their music plays while the commentators speculate on who should now be the No. 1 Contenders to the Tag Team Titles, as there was no official winner.

Rating: C+

Main Show:

As Main Event finally officially goes on the air, the program kicks off with a video recap package, showing what just took place during the pre-show and explaining how the Fatal 4-Way Tag Titles Contenders’ match was interrupted by the arrival of the Shield, who are actually officially banned from the arena by GM of the Week, Edge. Once again, the Hounds of Justice has broken the laws laid down by the GM, and it seems like no one can stop them, as they left both Air Boom and the Usos destroyed in the ring.

Angle: Recap of Shield attack during dark match. (Ratings: A*)

Since the 4-way match was advertised for the show on the website, the commentators, mainly Road Dogg and the Miz, apologize to the fans for being deprived of the match due to the action of the Shield (the video package was edited in such a way as to make the TV audience believe that the match was interrupted when it barely got started, but the live crowd got the bonus of seeing most of the match before it was stopped). Jim Cornette isn’t quite as critical of the Shield. While he doesn’t totally condone the Shield depriving the fans of a great competitive match, he puts most of the blame on Edge, saying that the GM should never have banned 3 huge talents like the Shield from the building, and that what happened earlier was the result of mismanagement by the incompetent authority who was drunk with the power placed in his hands. He then follows up by expressing his disdain of the “Sports Entertainment Stunt” by Vince McMahon in his decision to put his shows under the control of a different GM every week, saying that this will only result in a string of irresponsible authority figures who don’t care about what long-term damage they may bring to the shows, knowing that they won’t be in charge the next week so it’s no longer their problem.

Before he can go further into his tirade against Vince McMahon and Sports Entertainment, the Miz and Road Dogg cut him off by telling the fans that while the 4-way tag match was ruined by the Shield, they should stay tuned, as the featured “Main Event” of Main Event will be coming up next! Tonight, it’s a battle of the giants as the 450-pound Big Show takes on one half of the Tag Team Champions, Kane!

Angle: Announcers hype Kane vs Big Show (Rating: B-)

Kane’s music hits the arena as the Big Red Monster makes his way out for his match. The announcers talk briefly about how Kane is in a bad mood after his partner spilled coffee on him this past Tuesday night on Superstars. His mood is about to get a lot worse however, as before he can even reach the ring, the Shield materializes out of the crowd and proceeds to beat down the monster on the ramp. Kane does his best to fight back, staggering his assailants with some heavy right hands, but as is usually the case in Shield beatdowns, the numbers game prove too much to be overcome, and soon Kane finds himself getting stomped down repeatedly against the barricade.

Daniel Bryan’s music hits, and the crowd erupts as Bryan comes running out to his partner’s aid……only to be bisected by a devastating SPEAR from Roman Reigns! Reigns rears back and roars in triumph as Ambrose calls for the Triple Powerbomb. Kane starts to show some signs of life again as he fires away on Rollins while his teammates are distracted with Bryan, but his rally is short-lived as, a second Spear from Reigns takes him out as well. The Shield picks up Bryan and drops him with the Triple Powerbomb onto the steel ramp before posing once again over the lifeless carcasses of their victims.

Daniel Bryan’s face turn was a complete success.

(OOC: Yeah, I didn’t even notice that Daniel Bryan was set as a heel in the data, since I recalled that Bryan was pretty much already babyface by the time WrestleMania came around. This angle gave me an opportunity to correct that discrepancy. And Bryan managed an A* match against an opponent he had bad chemistry with despite it being heel vs heel! Take a look, Rock, THIS is the kind of performance I expect from my Main Eventers! Bad chemistry is no excuse!

And of course, it’s now clear why there were no predictions this week, because one of the hyped matches didn’t get a proper ending and the other never got started. This is a little experiment of mine to attempt an All-Shield invasion show. Surprisingly, without doing any Advanced Booking due to my “invasion plan” this show somehow wound up getting my biggest TV taping attendance, ever! Which makes me wonder if I should even bother doing Advanced Booking in the future! <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/tongue.png.ceb643b2956793497cef30b0e944be28.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />)

Angle: The Shield ambush Team Hell No. (Rating: A)

Edge’s music hits, and the GM of the Week makes his way out with a bunch of security guards in tow. This time, however, the Shield does not retreat in the face of the numbers disadvantage. Instead, they get into the ring, Ambrose calling for a mic even as security spread out to surround the ring. Ambrose asks Edge mockingly what he’s going to do, throw them out of the building again? That’s actually fine with them, because they’ve already done what they came to do. The question is, what’s Edge going to do after that? He knows very well that majority of the locker room have already left on the flight to another city to prepare for the Smackdown taping. It’s going to take a few hours for him to call some of those guys back from Smackdown to perform here tonight, and Edge knows he doesn’t have that time. Who’s left on this show for Edge to make matches with? His main event has been ruined. The few remaining Superstars he had at his disposal have all been destroyed by the Shield. How’s he going to run a show without anyone left to compete? The way Ambrose sees it, Edge’s got 2 choices. He can either have the Shield escorted out like he was planning to, and let the fans down, because there’s no one left to wrestle on this show, or he can swallow his pride by letting the Shield stay and compete. Of course, either way, the Shield has proven that Edge is an utter failure at being the GM of the Week, as he can choose to either let his show fall apart or choose to break his own words by letting the Shield stay in his arena while he’s still in charge, and that is the price for the injustice he carried out by unjustly banning the Shield from the building. So what’s it going to be, GM?

Edge admits that Ambrose is right, that he doesn’t have a lot of options. He’s man enough to admit that the Shield picked their time well and caught him off-guard and short-handed tonight. They have out-maneuvered the Ultimate Opportunist, and just for that, they do deserve to get the chance to stay in the arena and compete. However, he’s still the GM here, and by volunteering to compete tonight, they’ve just put themselves in his power, because he still makes the matches. Ambrose laughs and tells him to be their guest, because who else does he have left to throw at them tonight? They have no one to fear. And if Edge thinks he can drive a wedge between the Shield by making them fight each other, that’s not going to work, either. They respect each other’s ability and relish the chance at some friendly competition amongst themselves. Tonight, it’s all about the Shield, Main Even is their show, so no matter what Edge does, they are the winners. Edge tells the Shield that they will not be competing against each other, but all 3 of them will be competing in individual matches tonight. You see, everyone knows by now that the Shield is unstoppable as a team, but how good are they when their all on their own? Because that’s what’s going to happen tonight, every member of the Shield will be on their own as they each compete in singles match against an opponent while their teammates are barred from ringside during the match! The security guards surrounding the ring will make certain that there will be no interference in any of those 3 matches.

Ambrose asks mockingly just how Edge is going to come up with not just one, but 3 opponents for the Shield tonight. Edge admits that he’s working on the other 2, but he has just the opponent for Roman Reigns. He reminds them of who else was supposed to compete in their main event tonight, and since the Shield just took out his opponent, he thinks it’s fitting that one of them should take his place. Roman Reigns will take on the BIG SHOW, and his match starts, right now!

The Big Show’s music hits, and out comes the giant, looking none too pleased. He tells Edge that he’s had enough of the GM putting him into situations like this. First he put him in a 2-on-1 handicap match on RAW against the Usos, now he’s making him fight one of the Shield? Everyone knows that when you fight one member of the Shield, you have to fight all of them, and this is going to become a 3-on-1 fight. The Big Show deserves better treatment than this. The Shield and John Cena were right: Edge is a horrible GM, and doesn’t have what it takes to control his own shows, and guess what, he doesn’t have what it takes to control the Big Show, either. You see, the Big Show still has an ironclad contract given to him by John Laurinaitis, and because of that, he answers to nobody, not even the McMahons, and certainly not to a power-drunk fool like Edge. And he had a big fat bonus, too, which means he doesn’t really need the extra money from winning meaningless matches like this, either. The Big Show tells Edge that he’s getting the hell out of here, and there’s not a damn thing Edge can do about it, just like how there’s not a damn thing he can do about the Shield overrunning his shows! The Big Show then leaves to the massive boos from the crowd.

Edge looks infuriated as the Shield laughs at his misfortunes. Ambrose says that it looks Edge has trouble coming up with even one opponent for them, so why doesn’t just stop embarrassing himself further and just leave, and let the Shield run the show? Who else is he going to make them fight now, these puny security guards? That’ll put butts in seats for sure!

At this point, the Road Dogg stands up from behind the announcers’ table and tells Edge that he’ll take Big Show’s place and fight Roman Reigns tonight. He says that he and his DX buddies still have a score to settle with the Shield, and since the rest of DX isn’t here tonight, and since for once the Shield is going to be deprived of their numbers advantage as they comepete in singles match, he can’t find a better opportunity for DX to strike a retaliation blow to the Shield in 1-on-1 action. Edge tells Road Dogg that he got the match, and then tells security to escort Ambrose and Rollins out of the ring, because the match between Roman Reigns and Road Dogg will be starting right now!

Angles: Shield announce that they’re taking over Main Event. (Rating: A*)

Edge books Roman Reigns against Big Show. (Rating: A*)

Big Show walks out of his match. (Rating; A*)

Road Dogg volunteers himself as Reign’s opponent. (Rating: B)

Match: Roman Reigns defeated Brian James in 4:51 by pinfall with a Spear.

Ambrose and Rollins leave the ring and head to the back without protest, since it’s clear that neither of them see Road Dogg as much of a threat to Reigns. And their contempt turn out to be quite justified as the match is little more than a glorified, extended squash for Reigns. Road Dogg tries to duck and weave his way around Reigns and get in some jabs in the first minute of the match while avoiding the powerful blows and grapples from the powerhouse, but one successful hit was all Reigns needed to get the upper hand, and he does just that as he catches the Dogg off the ropes and knocks him loopy with a vicious Superman Punch! Reigns then dominate the match, easily cutting off a few weak attempts by Road Dogg at a comeback. He takes his time, clearly enjoying the punishments he inflicts on the DX veteran, until he takes a little too long while going for another Superman Punch, this time in the corner, and hits the turnbuckles face-first as Road Dogg manages to fall out of the way at the last second. The crowd gets behind Road Dogg as he makes his first and only rally that lasts more than a few seconds, staggering the powerhouse with some hard shots and finally getting him off his feet with a dropkick. Road Dogg then hits his patented knee drop on Reigns and signals for the Pumphandle Slam as Reigns gets back up. Reigns struggles out of the attempt and shoves Road Dogg into the ropes before catching him with a ring-shaking Samoan Drop that knocks him half-conscious. It’s all over from there, as Reigns takes his time waiting for his opponent to struggle weakly back to his feet before breaking him in half with a nasty SPEAR for the decisive victory.

Not quite satisfied with the damage he has done, Roman Reigns picks up the lifeless remains of his opponent and drops him with a sick-looking powerbomb before Edge calls the security into the ring to prevent him from doing further damage. Reigns allows himself to be escorted backstage by the security, wearing a sadistic smile on his face as medics rush to the ring to check on the unconscious Road Dogg.

Rating: B+

We now head into our obligatory RAW Recap segment of the week, showing footage of the Live Sex Celebration between John Cena and his partner Brooke Hogan as well as the debut of his new custom-made championship belt, encrusted with Fruity Pebbles. Before the two of them can finish this all-important celebration, however, they were interrupted by GM Edge, who told Cena that the Rock will not be returning to reclaim his rematch for the WWE Title at Extreme Rules……but Cena will have to defend his title this coming Smackdown against the monster known as Ryback! Ryback himself then stormed the ring and literally dumped Cena out of the ring, putting a decisive end to Cena’s “celebration ceremony”. The video package ends with the scene of Ryback pointing at Cena’s new title and demanding that the champ “Feed him Fruity Pebbles”.

Graphic is then shown to hype the upcoming title match while the announcers speculate on the outcome of the match. Cornette uses this opportunity to express his disdain for Cena’s new belt, accusing it of being turned into another cheap piece of “worthless sports entertainment junk” and claiming that a man who disrespects a pro-wrestling title belt like this is not fit to be the champion and face of the company.

Angle: Obligatory RAW recap video package. (Rating: A*)

We go from one recap segment to another, this time a brief recap of what happened on Superstars this past week, when Paul Heyman was invited as a guest on Miz TV. The interview segment was interrupted by none other than the Beast, Brock Lesnar, who destroyed both the Miz TV set and the host himself, with a little distraction help from Wade Barrett as the latter ambushed the Nature Boy Ric Flair, who attempted to make the save on his protégé the Miz.

Some exclusive footage is then shown of what happened after the vicious attack, as Flair was shown loaded into an ambulance while the Miz is seen demanding to know about the Nature Boy’s condition from various medical staff, ignoring their attempts to check on him for damage after Lesnar’s beatdown. A nervous-looking Renee Young is then seen approaching the Miz and asks him what he has to say about what took place on Miz TV. Barely able to speak coherently through his rage, the Miz says that he will make Wade Barrett regret every shot he took at Flair.

Angle: Miz vows revenge on Barrett for attack on Flair. (Rating: B)

We cut back to ringside where the Miz is sitting behind the announcers’ desk with Jim Cornette. Miz admits that he has a lot of things on his mind, and a lot of things he wishes to say about the incident we just saw in the footage moments ago. However, he also has a lot of people that he wants to confront and say those things to them face-to-face, so until then he gets that chance, he’s just going to do his best to put those things aside and just do his job tonight.

At that moment, the Shield’s music hits the arena again, and for the first time the trio actually come in via the entrance instead of through the crowd, probably because they’re still being escorted by a bunch of security guards. Ambrose asks Edge if the GM has managed to dig up a new opponent for Rollins. Not that it matters, because it doesn’t matter who Edge picks, the Shield are going to make it 3-for-3 in a clean sweep tonight. All the security guards in the world aren’t going to help, because the Shield doesn’t even need the 3-on-1 advantage, as Roman Reigns just proved earlier to Road Dogg. There isn’t a single person left in this building tonight that can stand up to any one of them.

At this point, the Miz takes off his headset and stands up, grabbing a mic. He tells the Shield that if they want an opponent, they’ve got one. He hasn’t forgotten what happened last night on Superstars, when the 3 of them tried to interrupt Miz TV, only to be foiled by the GM. The Miz is now giving them a chance to finish what they tried to start last night. Since neither Wade Barrett nor Brock Lesnar is here tonight, and the Miz needs to let off some steam, the Shield would be his next best choice. Tonight, Seth Rollins is going to get a taste of what the Miz will be doing to Wade Barrett the next time the 2 of them are in the same building.

The Miz starts to take off his jacket in preparation for the match, but Edge comes out and reminds him that he hasn’t fully recovered from Brock Lesnar’s attack last night, and the doctors have advised him not to compete for the next 3 days. The Miz says he doesn’t give a damn what the doctors say. Edge allowed Randy Orton to compete on RAW despite the doctors’ orders, so don’t even think about trying to stop him now. Edge admits that Miz just made a very tempting offer. The truth is he’s spent the last several minutes talking to a certain someone backstage, trying to get him to agree to compete tonight, but that person had insisted that he’s retired. That man hadn’t left on the flight with the rest of the locker room, because he has his own private jet, so he can afford to wait. That person is in this building right now and since Edge can’t quite persuade that man to step into the ring tonight, and since the Miz has offered to compete, he sees the opportunity for a perfect trade-off. Edge tells the Miz to get ready for his match because it’s coming up next after the break. Meanwhile, allow him to introduce Miz’s replacement in the commentary booth for tonight: John Bradshaw Layfield!

(Apparently, JBL isn’t satisfied with calling just 1 show out of 4 every week, and has been complaining about not being used enough. Since I planned to let my other Main Event commentators compete tonight, JBL is brought in to fill in their positions for one night.)

Angles: The Miz volunteers to fight Seth Rollins. (Rating: A*)

JBL replaces Miz on the commentary team. (Rating: B)

Match: Seth Rollins defeated The Miz in 7:56 by pinfall after using a foreign object.

Back from commercial break, the Miz is standing in the ring, having changed into his ring gear, but his ribs and one of his shoulders are wrapped up in bandages to show the wounds he took from Lesnar’s beatdown last night. Seth Rollins is practically slavering at the sight of these vulnerable targets on his opponent’s body, and as soon as the bell rings, he goes right after those bandaged spots like a fly is attracted to blood. The Miz does his best to avoid or parry the blows, but his mobility is somewhat hampered by his injuries as well, and some of these blows connect with their targets. Realizing that trying to outmaneuver or out-quick a guy like Rollins isn’t likely, the Miz sucks it up and starts trading blows instead, driving Rollins back with a series of big right hands and ignoring the blows thrown at him at the same time. Stunning his opponent with a big kick to the guts, Miz then connects with a big knee lift off the ropes, then runs off the ropes again for a running boot……but Rollins counters with a big knee to his injured ribs that knocks him right off his feet.

Rollins hits a low dropkick for a 2-count, then proceeds to work relentlessly on the bandaged ribs and shoulder. Battling valiantly against the pain, the Miz starts to fight his way back up, but a big knee to his bandaged ribs leaves him doubled over and gasping for air, giving Rollins the opening to run off the ropes for a big knockout blow……which the Miz ducks! Seizing his opponent from behind with an inverted facelock, the Miz hits a backbreaker across his knee and then turns it into a big neckbreaker! Unable to go for the cover immediately due to the damage done to his injured ribs, the Miz nevertheless buys himself a few precious seconds to recover and get back to his feet. Making hi way over to Rollins with some difficulty, the Miz stoops and pulls Rollins up to his feet……but the Shield member has been playing possum, and now grabs his opponent and rushes him into the corner, driving the back of his ribs hard into the turnbuckles! With the Miz slumped in the corner gasping in pain, Rollins backs into the opposite corner and goes for a running dropkick……and Miz dodges out of the way! Rollins crashes and burns in the corner, and now it’s the Miz’s turn to head into the opposite corner to set up for his signature corner flying clothesline! Miz scores with the maneuver, sandwiching Rollins against the turnbuckles, and as the Shield member staggers out and collapses, the Miz heads for the top rope. Once again, it’s clear that his injured rubs is slowing him down, but the Intercontinental Champion is persistent, and makes it to the top rope as Rollins struggles back up groggily. Miz jumps off the top rope at his opponent……but Rollins meets him with a leaping enziguri that nails him squarely on the injured shoulder!

With Miz almost knocked out by the blow, Rollins crawls eagerly into the cover……but Miz kicks out! Clearly frustrated now, Rollins rips the bandages off Miz’s ribs and shoulder against the referee’s protests, then leaves the referee to check on his opponent……while he proceeds to untie the turnbuckle paddings behind his back! Just as he’s finished doing this, the Miz comes up from behind him and rolls him up! Rollins tries to grab the corner turnbuckles to block the move, but the untied turnbuckle now proves to be his undoing, as the padding comes off his hand, leaving him with nothing for leverage as the Miz rolls him up for a 2-and-a-half count! Powering out of the pin, Rollins uses the momentum to shove the Miz rib-first into the exposed turnbuckle and does a roll-up of his own……for another near-fall! Staring in disbelief at the resilience of his opponent, Rollins heads to the top rope for a big flying knee to finish him off. Waiting for his opponent to get up and turn around, Rollins leaps off the ropes and aims his knee at the Miz’s head……but the Miz sidesteps it at the last second! Hooking his oppponent’s arms from behind, the Miz goes for the Skull-Crushing Finale, but his injured shoulder affects his execution, allowing Rollins to block the attempt and flip the Miz over his shoulders. Rollins tries to capitalize on this, but Miz scores with a huge boot to the face that resonates throughout the arena! With his opponent down and out, the Miz grabs his legs and locks in the Figure-4 Leglock!

Rollins howls in pain from the submission, but he’s too close to the ropes, and quickly makes his way over to them and grasps a handful to force the break. As the referee backs Miz off, Rollins pulls himself up on the ring apron and tries to use the ropes for a springboard flying attack at his opponent, but the Miz catches him by the legs in mid-air and slams him down hard onto the mat before going for another Figure-4! Rollins counters quickly, using his foot to shove Miz towards the referee! Miz manages to avoid a full head-on collision, saving the referee, but also putting him out of position. Turning back to his opponent quickly, Miz charges Rollins……who catches him and gives him a reversed STO into the exposed turnbuckle! Unfortunately, the referee hadn’t turned around in time to spot his illegal tactic, only in time to see him make the cover, and Rollins gets the 3-count on the Miz with the help of the exposed turnbuckle.

After the match, the Miz is slow to get up, his injuries clearly taking a toll after the brutal batterings he took from Rollins. Medics rush to the ring to check on him as we once again head into commercials.

(Seth Rollins and The Miz have pretty good chemistry, and it lifted the match. Seems like my luck with chemistry issues have finally improved.)

Rating: A*

Yet another replay of the commercial package that hypes the coming of the rat-like Connor O’Brian and “Zodiac”, whatever that is. Yep, a hype video on every single show of the week, you can totally tell we’re trying to push this guy as a big deal.

Angle: Hype video for Connor O’Brian and “Zodiac”. (Rating: C-)

Back from commercial break, all 3 members of the Shield are back in the ring, which is again surrounded by security guards. Ambrose says that it’s 2 down and 1 more to go before the Shield makes it a clean sweep and establish their dominance over Main Event. The only question is, who else is the GM going to send at them? Road Dogg, the Miz……is that the best he can come up with? Two color commentators, both of whom are now on their way to the hospital thanks to the Shield. Is he going to send the rest of the commentary team at him, too? Is JBL actually going to have to step into the ring, after all? Or maybe he’ll send Jim Cornette to fight him. At this point he won’t be surprised if he does, because it’s clear to him that Edge is a desperate man, a man who realizes that outclassed but just can’t bring himself to admit that. Who knows, maybe he’ll even be desperate enough to step into the ring himself! How about that, GM? The Hall-of-Famer, the 11-time World Champion, Edge, 1-on-1 against Dean Ambrose, right here tonight! He’s let the Miz compete despite the doctors’ orders, why let a broken neck and an early retirement stop him from doing the same?

While the Shield are waiting for Edge to respond, JBL re-iterates from behind the announcers’ desk that he’s retired, and he won’t be competing tonight, while Cornette stresses that he’s not here as a competitor. Finally, Edge makes his way back out. He tells Ambrose that he’s just made a very intriguing suggestion, and to be quite honest, Edge is tempted by that suggestion. Under different circumstances he might just have taken up on Ambrose’s challenge, but tonight he doesn’t need to, because he’s found Ambrose an opponent. Edge reveals that there is in fact one other Superstar who hasn’t yet left with the rest of the locker room, and quite frankly, he has the Shield to thank for this, because the only reason he’d remained behind was because he was sent to the doctors after taking a beatdown from the Shield, and therefore was unable to catch that same flight in time. He had been resting in the hotel until he heard what’s happening up here in the arena, and now he’s here to get much-warranted payback. Edge then introduces Ambrose’s opponent for tonight: the man who earned himself a future World Heavyweight Title shot by defeating Jack Swagger in the Real American Challenge last night on Superstars: Christian!

Angles: The Shield taunts Edge. (Rating: A*)

Christian revealed as Dean Ambrose’s opponent! (Rating: A*)

Match: Christian defeated Dean Ambrose in 10:42 by pinfall with a Spear.

As Christian enters the ring, Edge joins Cornette and JBL in the commentators’ booth, where both commentators question whether Christian is ready for the match after the brutal assault he took from the Shield less than 24 hours ago. Edge seems confident that his best friend is ready for the fight tonight, however, and likewise, for the first time tonight, the other 2 members of the Shield appear to be a little reluctant to leave their competing teammate alone in the ring. However, Edge once again orders the security to do their duty, and Rollins and Reigns finally allow themselves to be herded out of the ring to the backstage area.

The two competitors lock up in the middle of the ring, and proceed to exchange a series of standing switches and hold reversals for the first couple of minutes, with neither getting a clear advantage. The exchange leads to Christian hooking Ambrose into a backslide for a 2-count, and as the Shield member flips hurriedly out of it, Christian catches him with a ringing slap to the face that sends echoes throughout the whole arena. Enraged by the humiliating move, Ambrose charges Christian, but gets drop-toe-holded right into the middle ropes, and Christian promptly follows that up with a slingshot over the ropes to land on the outside to deliver another big slap to Ambrose’s face in the ropes!

Captain Charisma is shown wincing slightly from the landing, and it appears that he’s feeling some pain in his right ankle. The announcers bring up the fact that Christian had faced Jack Swagger in the Real American Challenge the previous night, and the World Heavyweight Champion had targeted that ankle relentlessly throughout the match after it was caught up in the ropes. As they speculate on whether Christian is still bothered by the injuries he took last night, Captain Charisma begins to climb to the top rope. Ambrose turns and charges Christian in an attempt to take advantage of his precarious position, but Christian reacts quickly by jumping off the ropes right over Ambrose’s head to avoid the attack. However, once again the landing seems to have aggravated the condition of that bad ankle, and as Christian stumbles slightly, Ambrose seizes the opening to hit a big chop block that takes down the former World Champion.

Ambrose stomps away aggressively on Christian’s injured ankle, clearly enjoying the pain he’s dealing out to his opponent. After enduring the constant batterings to his ankle for over 2 minutes, Christian manages to struggle upright with considerable effort, and goes for an enziguri, but the wily Ambrose ducks the kick, still holding onto the bad leg, and shakes his finger tauntingly at Christian……then falls back and wrenches hard on the leg in the same motion, bringing out a scream of agony from his opponent! For the first time, even Edge begins to express his concern over Christian’s condition as he wonders if he should stop the match right now. Ambrose now has Christian in a modified leglock on the mat, but Captain Charisma manages to squirm his way to the ropes and grab them to force a break. As the referee barely holds Ambrose back, Christian drags himself up by the ropes, but Ambrose doesn’t give him a moment’s break as he slams into Christian with a running dropkick against the ropes!

With Christian slumped, seemingly lifelessly, against the ropes, Dean Ambrose runs and him and launches a second running dropkick……but this time Christian seizes his legs in mid-air and gives him a slingshot that sends the Shield member sailing over the ropes and land hard on the outside! Christian promptly collapses after that, too worn down to capitalize on his success further, but merely lies recovering on the mat while the referee begins to count Ambrose out. Ambrose makes it back to his feet by the count of 6, and groggily crawls back into the ring. Christian makes it back to his feet at about the same time, and the two men slug it out in the centre of the ring. After trading a series of blows, Christian gets the upper hand as he literally spins Ambrose around with a stinging slap, then promptly hooks his arms from behind for the KILLSWITCH! Ambrose wriggles free and tries to counter with a back suplex, but Christian flips out and lands on his feet behind Ambrose, then grasps an inverted facelock and drops him with a reversed DDT! Ambrose barely manages to kick out on two, however. Now fired up, Christian pauses briefly to point at Edge, then heads over to the far corner and signals for the Spear!

With the crowd (and Edge) chanting “Spear!” along with him, Christian charges Ambrose to deliver the devastating finisher, but Ambrose catches him coming with a big knee lift! As Christian stumbles back, stunned, Ambrose plants him with a big neckbreaker for a near-fall. Ambrose now measures up Christian for the Headlock Driver, but Christian counters and flips Ambrose over his shoulders. Rolling back up to his feet quickly, Ambrose turns and lunges for Christian just as the latter is pulling himself up in the corner, but Captain Charisma catches him coming with a back heel kick! Christian then leaps onto the second ropes and comes off with a sunset flip that rolls Ambrose into a pinning combination, but Ambrose rolls through and comes right back up to his feet. He charges with a big running boot aimed at the seated Christian’s face, but Christian falls back to duck the kick and rolls Ambrose up with a schoolboy to get a 2-count! Kicking out of the pin, Ambrose then promptly breaks the momentum that Christian has been building by catching him with a vicious clothesline that turns him inside out!

Clearly annoyed at how he can’t yet put his opponent away, Ambrose lifts Christian onto the top turnbuckle and attempts a high-risk maneuver, but Christian fights back and stuns him with another slap before shoving him off the second ropes. Ambrose gets up quickly, but walks right into a missile dropkick off the second ropes. Hobbling on one good leg, Christian somehow manages to make his way to the top rope and comes off with a flying upper cut on Ambrose. Clapping his hands to rally up his fans, Captain Charisma tries for the Killswitch again, but Ambrose once again slips free, and this time shoves Christian hard into the corner turnbuckles. The Shield member then makes a lunge for his opponent, but Christian slips out through the ropes and catches Ambrose in the face with a pendulum kick! As Ambrose falls back onto the mat in a daze, Christian makes his way to the top rope once again, and this time comes off with a big diving Frog Splash……for another 2-count!

Christian is shocked that he didn’t get the win, and pauses to question the referee to confirm that it wasn’t a 3-count. As he turns back to his opponent, Ambrose kicks him hard in the injured ankle to bring him painfully down to one knee, and then drives him face-first to the mat with a huge DDT! Ambrose goes quickly into the cover……but gets another 2-count! Nearly tearing his hair out as he screams in frustration, Ambrose now heads for the top rope himself. As he launches himself off the top rope at his opponent, Christian ducks to evade the attack, but Ambrose lands skillfully with a roll and comes right back up to his feet. Not realizing this, Christian runs for the ropes, clearly intending to capitalize on what he thought to be a bad landing for Ambrose, not realizing that Ambrose is in fact right behind him even as he reaches the ropes. Ambrose drives his knee hard into Christian as he turns around and leaves him gasping for breath against the ropes. Grinning mockingly at his opponent, Ambrose turns and runs for the opposite ropes himself……and is met with a huge SPEAR in the middle of the ring as he comes back off the rebound! Christian quickly hooks the legs of his stricken opponent as he pins Ambrose in for the 3-count, Ambrose kicking out a split second too late after the referee has called for the bell! Christian has beaten Ambrose and ruined the Shield’s attempt to get a clean sweep tonight!

Rating: A*

As soon as the match is over, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns appear out of nowhere and attack the exhausted Superstar! Somehow, they managed to get past security and sneak back into the arena from a different route. Edge once again starts shouting for the security, but even as he does so, the Shield is picking up Christian to position him for the Triple-team powerbomb! Realizing that security won’t reach there in time to save Christian, Edge rips off his headset and charges into the ring to the aid of his best friend. Showing no signs of being a man who retired 2 years back, the Rated-R Superstar grabs Ambrose and throws him right out of the ring before the Shield can even see him coming. Roman Reigns makes a lunge for him, but the GM sidesteps it and lets the powerhouse throw himself face-first into the turnbuckles, then grabs him by the head from behind and drops him with the Edge-O-Matic! On the other side of the ring, Christian battles back against Rollins and throws him out of the ring as well! The 2 good friends embrace in the middle of the ring to a huge pop from the crowd.

Shaking off his dizziness, Roman Reigns picks himself up and charges the two men in the ring for a double-spear, but both men sidestep him simultaneously and take him back out of the ring with a double-clothesline! Ambrose and Rollins try to get back into the ring……but Edge and Christian cut them off simultaneously with dual SPEARS! The Shield is in full retreat as Edge calls for a mic. Edge tells Ambrose that the more he thinks about Ambrose’s earlier suggestion, the more he likes it, so this Friday night on Smackdown, the Shield will NOT be banned from the building. They will be allowed to do what they do best: competing in a 6-Man Tag Team match! It will be all 3 members of the Shield, versus the 7-time Tag Team Champions, Edge & Christian, and a partner of Edge’s choosing! That’s right, this coming Friday, not only is the Rated-R Superstar returning to the ring like Ambrose suggested, but the greatest tag team in WWE history, Edge & Christian, will finally put an end to the biggest menace in WWE known as the Shield!

Angles: Edge & Christian fight off the Shield. (Rating: A*)

Edge & Christian challenge Shield to 6-Man Tag match on Smackdown! (Rating: A*)

OVR Rating: A* (Edge was used far too much. This show can be considered a success and should have increased our popularity.)

(OOC: I know, not enough WrestleCrap on this show. In fact there's hardly any. I wanted to keep to the story where most of the roster aren't around for this show (which is why the Shield gets to dominate), which in turn means that most of my WrestleCrappy characters can't be around, and I still haven't come up with a good WrestleCrap angle for the Shield. Don't worry, Smackdown will be back to its WrestleCraptastical glory.)

Greylocke · January 6, 2014

I probably won't be active for the next 2 weeks as I prepare for my exams. I'm not ending this though, I have Smackdown mostly drafted already, and I will be back as soon as I've finished my exams.

Greylocke · January 11, 2014

Like I said, busy with my exam preparations, so won't be doing my usual full "Headlines" segment for Smackdown this week, but here're the highlights for the upcoming show:

This week on SmackDown!:

- John Cena makes his first title defense since winning the WWE Championship at WrestleMania as he faces the monster Ryback!

- The Rated-R Superstar and Hall-of-Famer Edge makes his in-ring return, teaming with Christian and an unknown partner to take on all 3 members of the Shield!

- The Great Khali, Cody Rhodes and Booker T get one last opportunity to convince the WWE Universe to vote them for Stone Cold's Extreme Rules opponent as they face each other in 3-Way contest! The ladies whose honor they seek to defend at the PPV will be in their respective corners!

- It's a battle of mysterious partners as R-Truth teams up with the returning Superstar (and Lil Jimmy's idol) to take on Orlando Jordan and his mysterious partner! (yes, 3 mystery partners in one night! Overkill)

- Fandango looks to end his losing streak as he takes on Long Island Iced Z, Zach Ryder!

- Kharma makes her official in-ring debut on TV as she takes on Brie Bella!

- Jim Cornette's crusade against Sports Entertainment continues!

Smackdown Predictions:

6-Man Tag Match: The Shield vs Edge & Christian & Mystery Partner

Triple Threat Match: The Great Khali (w/ Natalya) vs Cody Rhodes (w/ Kaitlyn) vs Booker T (w/ Sharmell)

Mystery Tag Match: R-Truth & Mystery Partner vs Orlando Jordan & Mystery Partner

Divas Match: Kharma vs Brie Bella

Who will be Edge & Christian's mystery partner? (hint: he's a returning Superstar who was a former ally - but never full-time partner - of them both)

Who will be R-Truth's mystery partner? (hint: another returning Superstar who had one of his gimmicks inspired from a backstage encounter with Truth)

Poll on wwe.com:

The World Heavyweight Title Match at Extreme Rules needs some extreme stipulations to be more fitting for the theme of the PPV. Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio both want to name their own stipulations. Who should get to do it? How should it be decided?

a) A singles, non-title match on next week's RAW between them, winner gets to name the stipulations for their Extreme Rules match?

b) A Pick-Your-Poison, Beat-the-Clock challenge on RAW, each man gets to name the other's opponent, winner in the shortest amount of time gets to name the stips?

c) No more stipulations! We want a straight wrestling match! Extreme be damned! Cornette for President!

Greylocke · January 26, 2014

“It’s been, what, nearly a month now? When are you putting me back on TV?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes, but otherwise kept my eyes fixed on the screen of my laptop as I replied. “We’ve been through this before, Punk. You’re off TV because you’re supposed to be selling your injuries from WrestleMania. You got Tombstoned through an exploding casket, for God’s sake! People have been out of action much longer for less than that! And no, actually, it’s been barely 2 weeks, nowhere close to a month!”

“Yeah? Well, Cena got chokeslammed through a giant exploding spotlight a few years back, and he showed up on TV the very next week!” he retorts.

“Yeah, but that’s Cena……returning early from injuries is, like, part of his gimmick.” I replied lamely, refusing to admit that Punk actually made a fair point. I went on hurriedly before Punk can make his counter-point. “Anyway, I told you we have major plans for you this year, so why don’t you just take this opportunity to rest and heal up and prepare for that?”

“It would help if you let me know just exactly what those “major plans” are. That tasteless thing with the caskets and Paul Bearer didn’t exactly do me any favours.”

“What? Haven’t you seen the online ratings? Your storyline with Taker was graded A*! Peopla loved it!”

“What ratings? And just who are the people doing this supposed ‘grading’?” Punk demanded.

“The ARSEHOLES.” I murmured absently, distracted by something that just popped up on the screen of my laptop.

“The What?”

“The Adam Ryland Statistical Evaluation Honorable Online Librar……” I blinked. “Wait, what was I……..uh, wait, nevermind……forget you heard that…….”

“Oh no, you’re not going get away with that. Hey, look at me when I’m talking to you, will you? What the hell are you so busy looking at anyway?”

Before I can protest, he grabs the edge of my laptop and turns the screen around to face him. He spends the next several seconds staring at the new pop-up window on the screen. “What the hell is this?” he asks finally.

“EWR……it’s, uh……a fantasy booking game……you know……for wrestling.” I replied sheepishly.

“A game? I’m standing here trying to discuss the future direction of my career with you and you’re playing a game?” He pauses and stares at the screen suspiciously. “You’re not getting your booking ideas from this……this game, are you?”

“Oh, no!” I lied. “This is just……leisure, you know, to help me relax and think better, nothing more.”

He stares at me disbelievingly, but at that moment I was saved from further questioning by an unexpected source.

“Mr Russo?” A gentle knock later, the door to my office opens as Sophie pokes her head in. “Sorry to interrupt, but you did say to inform you as soon as Mr Cabana is here.”

“Cabana? Oh, right, of course, send him in immediately, please!”

Punk glances at the departing back of my assistant for a moment before turning back to me. “Cabana? Colt’s here?”

“Yeah, you did push for WWE management to re-hire him, didn’t you?”

“That was pretty long ago.” He admits. “And they weren’t interested at the time.”

“Well, good thing for your friend that there’s now a change in the people running things here, huh? Look, Punk, believe me when I say we do have big plans for you. This time-off is strictly temporary. I’d love to discuss the details with you, but I’ve got some contract negotiations to go through right now, as you can see, so how about we talk some other time? You wouldn’t want your friend Colt to miss his big contract signing, would you?”

“Very well,” Punk said grudgingly, “I’ll see you again later.”

He starts to leave……then stops and glares at the screen of my laptop once more. Looking up at me, he jabs his forefinger at the small pop-up window in the screen. “And don’t you dare use that as an idea for your ‘major plans’! Is that clear?”

Before I could answer, the familiar knock is once again heard outside the door. “He’s here, Mr Russo, shall I send him in?”

“Yeah sure, Mr Punk is just leaving!” I called out, and smiled at Punk expectantly. Muttering under his breadth, and with one last glare at my laptop screen, Punk turns and leaves the office. As I hear him exchanging greetings with Colt Cabana outside, I take the opportunity to turn the laptop back around to face me. A wide grin forms on my face as I stare at the message on the pop-up window of my EWR game that Punk was pointing at:

“CM Punk has admitted to having drug addictions issues.”

------

(OOC: I back! Just finished running Smackdown in the game yesterday, and I'll get back to writing up the full shows today.

Seems like my one active reader has left. At least the fan poll this week doesn't involve any matches that are actually on Smackdown, so I could still finish the show without it. I'm still hoping that there are silent readers who're still following this, so I'll figure out a way to set up polls elsewhere and post the links here (for possible readers who haven't registered an account on this forum, if there are any). Meanwhile, the predictions will still be posted here every week in the hopes that one day, there might actually be enough participants to make it a contest. (Hey, I can dream! ) )

WWZone · January 26, 2014

I've been watching for while, good show. I'm pretty much on the same boat as you with my NJPW dynasty about hoping people watch my stuff regularly even though I haven't posted much, I'll do so in the future.

Greylocke · February 9, 2014

The Smackdown Hour 1 Report!

WWE Smackdown, taped in front of 23987 people, in the Kauffman Stadium, Kansas City, Missouri!

Dark Match:

Bra & Panties Match: Layla defeated Aksana in 3:40 when Aksana was stripped after being attacked by Mae Young.

Layla dominates the first minute of the match, quickly grounding her opponent and ripping her top off. Aksana gets lucky as she catches her opponent with a drop-toe-hold that sends Layla throat-first into the ropes, which incapacitates her long enough for Aksana to even the score by pulling off her top. As she’s prancing around celebrating and twirling Layla’s top over her head, out comes Mae Young to some stripper music as she walks down to ringside and starts to take off her own clothes. Offended by her attempt to steal the spotlight, Aksana leaves the ring to confront the Hall-of-Famer. Mark Henry comes down to ringside as well to try and talk Mae out of the striptease. Aksana naturally finds herself drawn to the Sexual Chocolate and starts flirting with him……which angers Mae Young, who tackles her to the ground proceeds to b****slap her. The referee quickly leaves the ring to help Mark pull Mae off Aksana. Aksana flees back into the ring to escape the wrath of the old lady, but Mae isn’t done yet, and starts to get on the ring apron to go after the woman who tried to seduce her Sexual Chocolate, and it’s all Mark and the referee can do to hold her back. Aksana taunts Mae from the safety of the ring……and gets rolled up from behind by Layla, who then rips her pants off and leaves her in her bra and panties. Aksana runs to the back screaming in embarrassment (despite the fact that she’s really not showing any more than what she did a week ago in her striptease performance with Brooke). As Layla celebrates her win, Mark Henry finally manages to wrap a towel around Mae and escort her backstage.

More complaints from Aksana about not being used, hence the match. Seems like she really enjoys getting naked on TV. I actually already have a storyline written up for her, but it’s due to start next week, so a filler match tonight to shut her up……and to prepare her for what’s in store for her in her future storyline!

Rating: C

Main Show:

Smackdown kicks off with the World’s Largest Athlete, the Big Show, making his way to the ring. The giant gets on the mic and says that for the past few days, he’s been hearing speculations about how he’s going to get “punished” for walking out of his scheduled match on Main Event. Well, here’s a newsflash for all of you idiots who haven’t been paying attention: no one can punish him. The Big Show signed an ironclad contract a year ago that grants him 100% job security and guaranteed money, so there’s nothing anyone can do to punish him. Not Edge, not the McMahons, and not even the Board of Directors. The Big Show will do what he wants, whenever he wants, and if anyone has anything to say about that……well, they can “talk to the hand”, because the Big Show will just literally let his right hand do all the arguing (balling his enormous fist threatening as he says this). With that, the Big Show announces that he’s going home, and he’s not going to wrestle another match until he gets the match he wants: a shot at either the WWE or World Heavyweight Title. He knows that Edge is busy tonight trying to salvage whatever he can in his futile fight against the Shield, but hopefully, whomever that takes over as GM next week will pay attention and give him what he wants. If not, well, then it’s not such a bad life to sit at home collecting his paycheques from the WWE.

Edge’s music hits, and the Rated-R GM comes out to address the World’s Largest Athlete. Edge tells the Big Show that he’s got some “newsflash” for the Big Show as well. It looks like the Big Show doesn’t have a good grasp on what the word “contract” means. Edge doesn’t blame Show for this, as he admits to having a lawyer go through this with him for the past few nights as they went over Show’s “ironclad contract”. It turns out that, in order for a contract to be valid, both parties who signed it has to agree to an exchange of terms, and if one side isn’t fulfilling the terms that he agreed to, the other party has a valid reason to not fulfill his end as well. The Big Show signed the contract to work in the WWE as a Superstar, and part of that job requires him to compete in matches that he’s been assigned to. So while it’s true that no one can fire the Big Show, or cut his pay, as long as he’s fulfilling his own end of the contractual terms, the fact that the Big Show outright refused to compete 2 nights ago means that he has in effect violated his own agreements in the contract, and the WWE has every argument to take this to the courts and declare the contract null and void. Granted, the lawsuit may yet go in Big Show’s favour in the end, but Show can bet that he won’t be getting his money as long as the lawsuit is going on, and he knows very well that the WWE has the resources to endure a long lawsuit where Show doesn’t. However, the Board of Directors don’t really want a lawsuit, because as everyone knows, it’s “bad for business”, so they want to give the Big Show one more chance. In fact, Edge will grant him one more favour: Big Show can go ahead and go home to take the night off to think about this. But next week, unless he wants his ironclad contract voided and a lawsuit on his hands, the Big Show will show up next week on RAW to compete one-on-one in a match……against the man who beat the World Heavyweight Champion this week on Superstars, Christian!

Edge adds that he understands that he will no longer be the GM next week, and that whomever that takes over his position will have the power to cancel that match……but he doubts that will happen, after what the Big Show just did. No authority wants his power challenged like this, and after the stunts that Big Show tried to pull, he doubts whichever authority that takes over next week would want to do him any favours. Who knows, they may decide to add on to the match and make Show compete in another handicap match! In fact, given how likely this is to happen, the Big Show is going to need all the preparations he can get, so right now, as the GM of the Week, he informs Show that his services are no longer required for tonight, and that he’s free to leave. He wants the Big Show to go home and get his beauty sleep, take plenty of rest, and come back next week to prepare to take the beatings.

His face a mask of fury, the Big Show storms out of the arena as some of the crowd sings “Nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye!” at him on his way out.

Angles: Big Show declares his independence. (Rating: A*)

Edge books Christian vs Big Show for next week’s RAW. (Rating: A*)

Backstage, Jim Cornette is shown looking around, possibly looking for new recruits for his recent anti-Sports Entertainment crusade, when Zeb Coulter intercepts him. Zeb is angry about what Cornette said to Swagger on Superstars this past week when he called Swagger and Coulter’s recent movements to be “racism propaganda garbage”. Zeb tells Cornette that people like him are part of the problem, and why America has sunk to its current state today. Jack Swagger didn’t join his movement to “get over”, as Cornette put it, and it’s certainly not a gimmick! He’s doing this because he’s a Real American, and a true role model, and he’ll not have someone like Cornette trying to poison his patriotic mind.

Cornette tells Zeb to calm down. He says that it’s possible that he might have misjudged Swagger and Coulter’s motivations behind their actions, but he’s enough of a man to apologize for that. He meant no offence to either Swagger or Coulter, and in case Zeb’s worried about this, he’s certainly not trying to steal Swagger from his founding father. In fact, both of them can have a place in his crusade. He assures Zeb that he’s not enticing Swagger or Coulter to do anything that’s against their patriotic ideals and principles. In fact, he’s offering something that can only help them, a better platform for them to continue voicing their freedom of speech without fear of repercussions from the politically correct upper brass. He suggests that Zeb come with him to talk about this further. Looking somewhat pacified, Zeb agrees to hear him out.

Angle: Cornette extends his offer to Coulter. (Rating: B-)

As we head back to the ring, the United States Champion Antonio Cesaro is standing there with a mic in his hand. He reminds everyone that this past Tuesday night on Superstars, World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger challenged any non-American Superstar to a non-title match with the promised reward of a future World Title shot if they win. Cesaro also reminds everyone that Swagger and Coulter have banned him from answering that challenge, and the only reason for that is they know Cesaro would have won if they’d given him another chance. But of course, we all know how his little “Real American Challenge” turned out, and for those of you who missed it, here’s how it ended!

At Cesaro’s request, footage is shown of how a returning Christian answered Swagger’s open challenge and picked up the win over the World Champion. Cesaro congratulates Christian on the win. He doesn’t know which one of them will be taking the World Title from Jack Swagger, Alberto Del Rio or Christian, but whomever wins the title, he looks forward to facing either one of them for the World Championship. But that is in the future, so let’s talk about the present now. Now, he’s still the United States Champion. Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter have claimed that Swagger is the true champion worthy of representing the United States, and Cesaro looks to prove him wrong. Since Swagger is afraid to face him in the ring again, Cesaro has decided that he needs to do better than Jack Swagger at what Jack Swagger does. He might not have been born in America, but as the United States Champion, he still represents America, and he’s going to do what Swagger failed to do, and that is defend his title against all comers, regardless of race, language or nationality. That’s right, he’s issuing his own Real American Challenge! But unlike Jack Swagger, there’re 3 things he will not do. One, he’s not going to make his challengers beat him in non-title matches before granting them a title shot. He’s defending his title in this open challenge right now, because he’s the true fighting champion! That’s right, whomever that walks down this ramp gets an immediate title shot against him! And two, he’s not going to limit himself to just one opponent. He’s going to defend this title against Superstars from all over the world all at once! So whomever back there that wants a title shot, he doesn’t care which country you represent, Canadian, Mexican, Indian, New Zealand……Antonio Cesaro is fighting you for this championship! And three……unlike Jack Swagger, he’s not going to lose!

3MB’s music hits and all 3 official members, plus ‘apprentice’ Jeff Jarrett, make their way out. Heath Slater tells Cesaro that tonight, a 3MB member is bringing home the United States Championship, as both Drew McIntyre (representing Scotland) and Jinder Mahal (representing India) accept Cesaro’s open challenge!

Drew and Mahal make their way down the ramp, and it looks like we may have what’s essentially a handicap match coming up……when Justin Gabriel’s music hits. The Cape Town Werewolf tells Cesaro that he respects what the US Champion is doing, taking challenges from all comers, but that doesn’t mean Gabriel’s going to hold back later in their match when he lands his 450 Splash on Cesaro to bring the United States Champion back to his hometown in South Africa!

Even before Justin Gabriel has reached the ring, Yoshi Tatsu’s music hits, and the Japanese Superstars comes out with a mic in his hand to tell Cesaro that on behalf of Japan, the US Championship will be coming home with him!

Cesaro actually looks happy to have this many challengers As a referee hurries down to the ring to take the title from Cesaro, the 5 Superstars in the ring take up positions to prepare for battle. But just before the referee can ring the bell, one last challenger reveals himself as Santino Marella comes out to a big pop. Not even bother to say anything, Santino just power-walks his way to the ring in his trademark swagger. Cesaro laughs as Santino proceeds to power-walk 2 rounds around the ring while making motions at his waist to indicate that he wants the championship. As Santino finally gets into the ring……he’s promptly knocked out by a huge kick to the face from Drew McIntyre as the referee quickly signals for the bell to start the match.

Angle: Cesaro makes an open challenge. (Rating: B+)

Match: Antonio Cesaro defeated Santino Marella, Drew McIntyre, Jinder Mahal, Justin Gabriel and Yoshi Tatsu in 10:07 when Antonio Cesaro defeated Drew McIntyre by pinfall with a Neutralizer. During the match we also saw Heath Slater run in and attack Antonio Cesaro, and Jeff Jarrett do the same to Santino Marella. Antonio Cesaro makes defence number 2 of his WWE United States title.

And thus our impromptu US Championship match begins with one of the challengers, Santino Marella, lying unconscious outside the ring while the other 5 competitors battle it out inside the ring. A loud “USA” chant breaks out from the crowd, despite the fact that none of the competitors in the ring are Americans. I guess they want to root for Jeff Jarrett standing at ringside. Or maybe Heath Slater. That’s a scary thought. To retain what’s left of my sanity, I’m just going to convince myself that they’re cheering for the all-American referee Scott Armstrong. McIntyre and Mahal pile onto the US Champion immediately after the bell has rung while Gabriel and Tatsu exchange kicks and strikes on the other side of the ring. Cesaro battles back against the 2-on-1 odds, driving both members of 3MB back and taking them both out of the ring with a double-clothesline over the ropes! At the same time, Gabriel ducks a high kick from Yoshi and scores with a big spinning heel kick, and the stunned Japanese Superstar rolls out of the ring, leaving Gabriel and Cesaro as the only guys in the ring.

Cesaro and Gabriel size each other and circle each other warily for a few seconds before tying up. Cesaro quickly gains the advantage as he takes the fight down to the mat, but Gabriel manages to slip out and tries to quicken the pace as he comes off the ropes with a springboard crossbody…….and gets caught by Cesaro. Once again showcasing his amazing strength, Cesaro manhandles Gabriel in his arms with little effort and quickly arranges him into gut-wrench position as he prepares to dump his opponent over his head. Gabriel wriggles out and counters into a sunset flip and a near-fall before the champ powers out of the pin. Ducking a wild swing from his opponent, the Cape Town Werewolf then hooks Cesaro into a backslide for another near-fall. A legsweep trip takes the US Champion back down on the mat for yet another nearfall before a somewhat disoriented-looking Cesaro scrambles frantically away from Gabriel and scurries into a corner to regroup. Gabriel grins at his discomfited opponent as he hangs back and waits for Cesaro to get back up. Looking a little annoyed with himself, Cesaro nevertheless smiles and nods in approval at Gabriel before charging back into the fight. Gabriel catches his opponent and quickly positions him for an STO, but Cesaro blocks the attempt, powers out of the move, and tries to position Gabriel for the Neutralizer! Gabriel escapes by pulling Cesaro’s legs out from under him and flipping over into a bridging pin for another near-fall. Cesaro powers his way up by bridging his own shoulders off the mat, wrapping his arms around his opponent’s waist, and then twists around and deadlifts Gabriel right off his feet! He hurls Gabriel over his head with a Gutwrench Suplex, but he’s standing too close to the corner, and Grabriel manages to land on the second ropes behind Cesaro. Catching the champ with a back heel kick to the face as he turns around, Gabriel comes off the ropes with a big tornado DDT!

Gabriel heads for the top ropes for his signature 450 Splash, and the crowd goes crazy……but Jinder Mahal kills the buzz as he jumps on the apron and sends Gabriel crashing to the floor outside with a shove! Meanwhile, Drew McIntyre tries to capitalize on the vulnerable position of the US Champion as he launches himself off the second ropes from another corner with a big elbow drop……and misses as Cesaro rolls out of the way. Cesaro drops him with a belly-to-belly powerslam for a 2-count before Jinder rushes into the ring and breaks up the pin. Jinder pounds away on Cesaro on the mat for a while, then calls for a double-team with his 3MB teammate as he and Drew drag Cesaro up for a double-irish whip. Cesaro blocks the irish whip attempt by pure strength, however, twisting around and sending both members of 3MB crashing into each other as he pulls his arms back! Flooring Drew with a vicious uppercut, Cesaro then drops Mahal with a big dropkick before getting onto the second ropes and coming off with a wince-inducing double-stomp to the Indian’s guts before going for the pin. Drew breaks up the count at the very last split second to save the match for himself and his 3MB buddy, and lays into Cesaro with a series of right hands. The US Champion battles back with stinging uppercuts, staggering the Scotsman. As he tries to pursue his reeling opponent, however, Mahal grabs him by the foot to hold him back, and this distraction is enough for McIntyre to come back with a big running dropkick to take the champion down.

As the 3MB members pause briefly to discuss their next move while they stand over the fallen champion, neither of them notice Yoshi Tatsu on the top ropes until the last second before he comes flying off with a big spinning heel kick that nails McIntyre full in the face! As the Japanese Superstar gets back up, Mahal hurls himself at him, but Tatsu sidesteps the attack and lets him crash headfirst into the corner. Yoshi then capitalizes with a big charging double-knee on Mahal in the corner, followed by a rolling snapmare and capping it off with a big kick to the dazed and seated Mahal. Tatsu goes for the pin, but Drew breaks up the 3-count. Drew tries to overpower his smaller opponent, but Yoshi drives him back with a barrage of kicks. As he goes for a finishing kick to the head, however, Jinder once again provides a critical distraction as he grabs Yoshi from behind, just enough to create an opening for McIntyre to nearly behead Tatsu with a huge boot to the face.

Justin Grabriel gets back up on the ring apron, finally recovering from the vicious landing he took earlier when Mahal shoved him off the top turnbuckle, but McIntyre spots him coming and lunges for him. Gabriel catches him coming with a vicious shoulder-thrust through the ropes. The Cape Town Werewolf then tries to flip himself over the reeling Scotsman into the ring, but Jinder rushes up and catches him with a vicious running knee that sends him tumbling back out! Jinder turns around and sees Cesaro getting back up and rushes to keep him down, but the US Champion catches him and drops him gut-first across his knee! Cesaro grabs the stricken Mahal for the Neutralizer, but Drew chop-blocks his leg out from behind, and Jinder follows that up by catching him with a big DDT! As the commentators talk about how Drew and Mahal have dominated the match by actually working as a unit, the first cracks finally start to show in the alliance as Mahal goes for a quick pin on Cesaro, but Drew pulls Mahal off, realizing that only one of them can win to become US Champion, and each of them want it to be himself. As Drew and Jinder argue about which one of them should get the pin, Santino Marella finally makes it back into the ring for the first time since the bell. Pointing at both 3MB members with a warcry of “SUNOVAGUNN!”, Santino charges into the fray to the wild cheers of his fans, ducking a clothesline from Drew and firing away at both of his opponents, front and back, with big right hands, alternating between the 2 of them. Jinder try to grab his opponent from behind to hold him still for Drew’s attack like he did before to Cesaro and Tatsu, but Santino catches him with a split-legged stunner! Santino then drops into another split to duck under Drew’s charging clothesline, and the Scotsman inadvertently nails his own 3MB stablemate with the clothesline! Drew turns and walks into a big hiptoss before Santino comes off the ropes with a big falling headbutt for a 2-count! Santino gets up and starts to channel the Ultimate Warrior as he shakes the ropes like a wild man, but Jinder cuts him short by grabbing his legs from behind and tipping him over the ropes out of the ring!

Smirking at the stunned Italian lying outside the ring, Jinder turns around……and gets floored by a big clothesline from a rejuvenated US Champion. Seeming all fired up, Cesaro now takes the fight to both Drew and Jinder, knocking them down repeatedly with a series of clotheslines and uppercuts. Squashing Jinder against the turnbuckles with a big charging uppercut, Cesaro drags the dazed Indian out of the corner, pulls his legs out from under him and positions him for the Cesaro Swing! Drew rushes up at the champ, but Cesaro simply catches him with a double-leg takedown so that he falls on top of Jinder. Seizing both 3MB members by the legs to a HUGE pop from the crowd, Cesaro proceeds to swing both 3MB members round and round with the Cesaro Swing! With 2 men in his arms, the Swing doesn’t last very long, but that’s enough to drive the crowd into a frenzied state before Cesaro drops both disoriented opponent onto the mat and drags Mahal back to his feet for the Neutralizer. Drew struggles to his feet despite the dizziness and rushes up to save his 3MB partner, but Cesaro stoops and backdrops McIntyre right over the ropes to the outside while still holding Mahal in position!

For the first time in the match, only one 3MB member is in the ring all by himself, and it looks like no one is there save Jinder……until Heath Slater gets on the ring apron to distract the referee. Furious at the distraction, Cesaro releases Jinder and chases Slater off the apron with a huge swing. Barely avoiding the blow as he jumps off the apron, Heath continues to scream abuses at Cesaro to keep him distracted long enough for Mahal to score with a big high knee to the back of the champ’s head! Slater laughs triumphantly as Mahal locks on the Camel Clutch on Cesaro in the ring, unaware that Santino has just gotten up behind him and has pulled out the Cobra! Slater turns around and walks into a COBRA-STRIKE to the neck, ensuring that he won’t be interfering further in this match. Santino stands over Slater and celebrates by raising the Cobra above his head……when Jeff Jarrett comes to the aid of his 3MB mentor by smashing his guitar over Santino’s head! Even as Santino goes down in a blaze of broken guitar and wooden shards, Justin Gabriel launches himself off the ring apron and gives Jarrett a hurricanrana that hurls him into the security wall! Not pausing for a second, Gabriel gets back up on the apron and springboards himself over the ropes, even as Cesaro is slowly but surely powering out of Jinder’s Camel Clutch by making it back to his feet and literally piggy-backing Mahal on his back in the process! Justin crashes into both Cesaro and Mahal with his springboard missile dropkick to take them both out, then climbs to the top rope once again! He pauses only briefly as he surveys his 2 targets lying in the ring before deciding on one of them, landing the 450 Splash on Jinder!

It looks like the South African is taking home the gold……but Yoshi Tatsu breaks it up at the last second with a Shining Wizard to Gabriel! As Gabriel rolls dizzily out of the ring, Tatsu turns and measures the groggy Cesaro up for his signature finishing kick……until another vicious running boot from Drew McIintyre turns him inside out. Screaming in triumph as he surveys the carnage both in and out of the ring, Drew realizes there’s no one left to stop him as he grabs the seemingly still-dazed Cesaro for the Future Shock DDT……only for Cesaro to counter and pull his legs out from under him! The crowd pops once again in anticipation for another Cesaro Swing, but this time Cesaro decides not to drag it out, and instead gives Drew a big slingshot that sends him face-first into the corner turnbuckles. As Drew stumbles back out of the corner, Cesaro drops him with the Neutralizer to get the 3-count and retain his title.

(Antonio Cesaro looked good out there.)

Rating: C+

Backstage, Cody Rhodes is seen putting on his gear as the announcers remind us that he’s preparing for an upcoming Triple Threat match against Booker T and the Great Khali. Damien Sandow enters the locker room, telling Cody that they need to take advantage of this great opportunity handed to them by what happened 2 nights ago on Main Event. Cody looks confused at this, and asks Sandow what he meant. Sandow reminds Cody (and the fans) that a 4-way match was held on Main Event to determine the No. 1 Contenders for the WWE Tag Team Championship, but that match didn’t have a winning team because the Shield interrupted it. That means, as of this moment, there’s still no No. 1 Contenders for the Tag Team Titles. Damien says that it’s a travesty that Team Rhodes Scholars, the best and most intelligent tag team in the WWE right now, wasn’t in that 4-way match, and this is their God-given opportunity to correct this. He tells Cody that the two of them need to go to Edge right now and demand to be put in the next contenders’ match for the titles.

Cody reminds Damien that he’s one of the 3 men who may be facing Stone Cold Steve Austin at Extreme Rules, and he needs to focus on that. He’s sure Team Rhodes Scholars will get another opportunity at the titles, but right now he can’t afford to get sidetracked. He may be facing the greatest Sports Entertainer of all times, and he doesn’t want the distraction of having second match at Extreme Rules, especially one as important as a Tag Team Titles match. He apologizes to Sandow, but tells him that he will try to get them a title shot as soon as he’s done with Steve Austin. Damien scoffs at this, and asks Cody if he really expected the WWE Universe to vote for him as Steve Austin’s opponent. Those slack-jawed mouth-breathers of the WWE Universe are far too dim-witted to recognize Cody’s superiority over Booker T and the Great Khali. Nobody’s going to be voting for him. Those idiots will be voting for the neantherthal Khali, because he’s big, or for Booker T, because he was marginally relevant 10 years ago. Cody should focus his effort on helping to get them a Tag Team Titles shot, because having gold around your waist is probably the only way you can get some of those ignoramuses in the WWE Universe to recognize your superiority.

Cody tells Damien that he appreciates Damien’s recognition of his abilities, he really does, but he’s trying to convince the WWE Universe to vote for him by his sincerity, so he’d rather not have Sandow offend the fans on his behalf. Sandow actually laughs at this, and tells Cody that as great an actor he is, not even the ignoramuses of the WWE Universe can possibly be convinced by his act. Surely, he doesn’t expect anyone to actually believe that the reason he wants to fight Steve Austin is to stand up for the divas’ locker room, does he? Everyone knows that he’s doing this to win Kaitlyn’s affections, and from what happened on RAW, he’s already achieved that. Kaitlyn cannot possibly blame Cody if the WWE Universe chooses not to vote for him, so there’s no need for Cody to actually fight Steve Austin. Cody admits that he does want Kaitlyn’s forgiveness, and it means a lot to him, but he also meant every word he said on RAW, that he meant to make up for the past mistakes he made, and he intends to do that by punishing Steve Austin for his actions.

Sandow continues to laugh as he compliments Cody for “keeping up a good act”, but tells him that he’s not fooling anybody. Cody starts to get angry and tells Sandow that he knows nothing of what Cody wants. He’s going to fight Steve Austin at Extreme Rules, he wants that match, and he’s going to do everything he can to convince the WWE Universe to vote for him, and he’ll do just that later to night, when he beats both Booker T and the Great Khali in that Triple Threat match. Sandow finally seems to realize that Cody really wants the match……and he gets upset with Cody, asking him if he’s turning his back on the team and looking out only for himself. He accuses Cody of looking to gain the fame and glory of beating the legendary Stone Cold Steve Austin, and would rather sacrifice a tag titles shot for the team for the sake of his own personal glory. Cody tells Damien angrily that this has nothing to do with him wanting fame and glory for himself, it’s about him wanting to do the right thing, to make things right. Damien tells him that he may have had that air-headed diva Kaitlyn fooled, he may even end up fooling all those ignoramuses of the WWE Universe, but he’s not fooling the Intellectual Saviour. Cody shouts at Damien not to insult Kaitlyn, because for all their friendship, he won’t hesitate to slap the taste out of Sandow’s mouth if he makes another derogatory remark about Kaitlyn. Sandow looks like he might take Cody up on the challenge, but manages to restrains himself as he storms out of the room with his nose in the air.

Angle: Team Rhodes Scholars tease a break-up. (Rating: B+)

We head over to the GM’s office, where Fandango is telling Edge that he can’t compete until he’s found a suitable personal ring announcer who can pronounce his name right. Edge tells Fandango that he’d better look harder, then, because he’s not going to cancel his match with Zach Ryder tonight. Ring announcer or no, Fandango will be competing tonight. Fandango protests at the “unfairness” of this, saying that he can’t possibly focus on his match when people are butchering his name. Edge refuses to change his mind, telling the dancer that he’s sick of people giving him stupid excuses not to compete. If the Big Show can’t get out of his match with an ironclad contract, Fandango’s certainly not going to wriggle his way out with a lame excuse like that! Edge tells Fandango that he has approximately an hour left to find himself a ring announcer, so perhaps he should stop wasting his time, get the hell out of his office, and start looking! And if Fandango is thinking of walking out of his match again……he will be fired! Fandango storms out of the office in a huff.

Angle: Fandango wants out of his match. (Rating: A)

Elsewhere in the backstage area, we see Orlando Jordan trying to convince Darren Young to be his partner for the upcoming tag match against R-Truth and his mystery partner. Orlando tells Darren that it’s obvious the 2 of them belong together. He reminds Darren of how his former partner Titus had dropped him after learning what Darren really is. Darren cuts him off angrily and tells Orlando that it’s all his fault for the Prime Time Playas’ break-up, and he wants nothing to do with Orlando. He’s not what Orlando thinks he is, he’s nothing like Orlando, and he wants Orlando to stay the hell away from him! Orlando tells Darren that he can hide all he wants, but it won’t last. What Darren needs to do is to not only admit, but to embrace what he truly is. Only then can he find peace within his inner self. He’s not doing this for Orlando, but for his own sake. With that, Orlando leaves, as Darren glares after him angrily.

(Darren Young has now switched to a Ambiguously Gay gimmick. It only gets a ‘B’ rating, as opposed to Orlando’s ‘B+’ for being blatantly Gay. Clearly, it’s a sign of the WWE Universe appreciating the fact that Orlando is portraying his RL persona more openly.)

Angle: Darren refuses to tag with Orlando. (Rating: C)

Match: Kharma defeated Brie Bella in 1:53 by pinfall with an Implant Buster.

As Brie Bella waits alone in the ring for her opponent, JR and JBL remind us that Nikki Bella is still not cleared to compete after having her implants re-busted by the aptly-named Implant Buster, the devastating finishing maneuver of the monster known as Kharma. JBL goes on to tell everyone that the only reason Brie wasn’t sent to the hospital like her sister was because of the handful of sponge she stuffed down the front of her gear in order to impersonate her sister and execute Twin Magic during their tag match with the Funkadactyls this past Monday night on RAW. Thus, even though Brie had taken an Implant Buster like her sister, the sponge helped cushion her from the worst of the blow. JBL says that she should do the same in this next upcoming match if she wants to survive it. Brie doesn’t appear to have stuffed anything down the front of her gear for this match, however.

Brie looks terrified as Kharma makes her way down to the ring, and she tries to get the first blow even before the bell has rung in order to catch her opponent by surprise. Kharma simply catches the lunging Brie with one arm easily, ignoring the flurry of blows that Brie is raining down on her back and shoulder with her fists, and hurls her back across the ring with such force that leaves Brie dazed and gasping in the corner. The monster charges in to squash her against the turnbuckles, but Brie just manages to fall out of the way. She tries to roll up the stunned monster with a schoolgirl, but Kharma doesn’t even budge in the slightest. Shaking off the blow of the collision quickly, the monster reaches down and literally hauls Brie up to her feet by the hair, slams her back again into the corner turnbuckles, and knocks her out cold with a spinning backfist! Kharma then picks up her unconscious opponent and hits a rather unnecessary Implant Buster before pinning her for the win.

Rating: C+

Heading back to Cody Rhodes backstage, Kaitlyn is now seen approaching him, as the Divas’ Champion asks Cody if he’s ready for his upcoming Triple Threat match. Cody assures Kaitlyn that he’s more than ready. He’s ready for Booker T and Khali, and most importantly, he’s ready for Steve Austin at Extreme Rules. Kaitlyn reminds him that he doesn’t know if he’ll get the match yet. Cody tells her that after they watch him win his match tonight, the WWE Universe will know that he’s their best choice to vote for. He then goes on to thank Kaitlyn for agreeing to be in his corner for tonight. Kaitlyn tells Cody that while Booker T is fighting to avenge his wife, and Khali for his best friend Natalya, she believes Cody when he said on RAW that he’s fighting to make up for his past actions, to put things right for the entire Divas’ division, so as the Divas’ Champion, it’s only right that she gives him her full support. That doesn’t seem to be quite the answer Cody is looking for……and it looks like Kaitlyn knows it, too. After some hesitation, Cody asks Kaitlyn if she’s willing to go out with him after the show’s over. Kaitlyn appears to consider it for a few moments, then tells him that she’ll give him an answer after watching his performance in his match tonight. She then gives him a good-luck kiss on the cheek before she leaves, and Cody looks all fired up for his match!

Angle: Cody Rhodes tries to get a date with Kaitlyn. (Rating: B+)

It’s now time for the “mystery tag match” where R-Truth and Orlando Jordan will be competing in opposite corners in a tag team match, each with a mysterious partner to be announced. Orlando is the first to make his entrance, and he enters with a mic in his hand as he addresses Darren Young. He tells Darren that he had hoped that this would be the night where they make their inevitable union, but it looks like Darren still needs more time to accept who and what he is. Orlando tells Darren that he’s only delaying the inevitable. Darren cannot change what he is, no matter how hard he tries to deny it. He needs to reach within himself and get in touch with the “real” him inside. You know who isn’t afraid to embrace his inner self? Orlando, obviously, but he’s also found another who proudly acknowledges what he is, and therefore he will be Orlando’s tag team partner for tonight. He’s WWE Hall-of-Famer, the first ever Intercontinental Champion, Pat Patterson!

The Hall-of-Famer comes out to his music comes out to the ring dressed to compete, and he and Orlando exchange a big hug in the middle of the ring that seems to last a little too long, before they’re interrupted by R-Truth’s music.

“Pat Patterson’s heel turn was a complete success.”

(OOC: Not that it matters, since I’m not really planning to give him any on-screen role in the long-run. But the momentum boost from the turn is always welcome for better match ratings. <img alt="" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />)

Angle: Orlando reveals his partner. (Rating: C-)

R-Truth comes out with a mic as well, but he doesn’t walk all the way to the ring, nor does he say anything. In fact, after exchanging hi-fives with “Lil Jimmy” at the entrance, he just stops and waits for his own music to die down. As the announcers speculate excitedly on who his mystery partner is going to be, the music of the song “Kung Fu Fighting” starts playing from the speakers……and out comes Kung Fu Naki, who exchanges a hi-five with Truth, then one with “Lil Jimmy” as well! R-Truth and Kung Fu Naki then proceed down the ramp to the ring side by side, the latter pausing every few steps to perform a martial arts stance while the former does his usual dance……while singing along with the music:

"Everybody Loves Kung Fu Naki

Even When He Drink His Sake

He Rides a Ka-Wa-Saki

And he loves watchin' Hock-ey

His body is short and stocky

’cos he is Kung Fu Naki…"

(OOC: When I decided to do musical parodies for Superstars, I set the “Music Usage” under the Production control to “Major Licensed” to reflect the fact that WWE is using well-known musical tracks on their shows instead of those they produce in-house. Since we’re paying money for it every month anyway, might as well make full use of it here.)

Angle: R-Truth sings Kung Fu Naki to the ring. (Rating: C)

Match: R-Truth and Kung Fu Naki defeated Orlando Jordan and Pat Patterson in 2:43 when Kung Fu Naki defeated Orlando Jordan by pinfall with a Crane Kick.

R-Truth starts off the match with Pat Patterson, and Truth extends a respectful handshake towards the legendary Hall-of-Famer. Pat accepts the extended hand……and starts to stroke the hand lovingly, prompting Truth to snatch his hand back, looking freaked out. The two lock up in the middle of the ring, and Patterson gets behind Truth with a standing switch……and starts to swivel and grind his body against Truth’s. Truth panics and starts grabbing frantically for the ropes, but Pat takes him down and proceeds to mount and hump him on the mat. After struggling desperately for several seconds, R-Truth finally manages to pry himself free and wriggle out from underneath the Hall-of-Famer, scrambling into a corner for safety as Pat gets up and prances around the ring, actually getting some cheers from the crowd. R-Truth complains to the referee, but the ref spreads his hands to indicate that there’s little he can do, as Pat didn’t do anything against the rules.

R-Truth points at Orlando and tells Pat to tag his partner, clearly wanting no more part of the Hall-of-Famer. Patterson obliges and tags in Orlando……who comes in and proceeds to prance around with the demeanor of a teenage girl, which only causes R-Truth to freak out even more. Orlando then stops and drops the little girl act and instead starts to swivel his hips as he runs his hands over his body suggestively. R-Truth rushes to the side of the ring and screams for Lil Jimmy to “Close your eyes and don’t look or you’ll go blind!”, and Orlando seizes the opportunity to jump him from behind, suddenly losing all prior feminine demeanor as he hammers away on Truth on the mat aggressively. R-Truth fights back with some hard right hands which leaves Orlando reeling, then goes for an Irish whip. Orlando reverses it and goes low for a backdrop, but Truth hangs on to the ropes to avoid it. Truth then does his signature pelvic thrust taunt at his opponent to pop the crowd……and Orlando reacts by reaching for his crotch. Once again, R-Truth recoils in terror from his opponent’s groping hand, retreating all the way to his corner tucking his upper body out through the ropes as he screams for the referee to “get the freak away from him”. As the referee backs Orlando off, Orlando does a little twirl in the centre of ring and poses to the crowd, clearly happy at how effective his antics have proven to be against his opponent. Unfortunately for him, he’s so busy playing to the crowd that he didn’t notice R-Truth making the tag to his partner. Kung Fu Naki comes in behind the still-posing Orlando and strikes up a stance……and Orlando turns around right into a devastating Crane Kick from the Kung Fu Master, taking it full under the chin! Kung Fu Naki pins Orlando for the 3-count before celebrating with R-Truth and Lil Jimmy, Truth continuing to sing his own version of the theme song while “Kung Fu Fighting” plays throughout the arena while Kung Fu Naki performs some more martial arts stance in the ring.

(“R-Truth seemed off his game tonight.” Well, who wouldn’t be, after he just got felt up the crotch by Orlando Jordan?)

Rating: C

We head backstage again, where Lilian Garcia is shown to have been cornered by Fandango. The dancer tells Lilian that even though she’s been doing a poor job of announcing his entrance and butchering his name, he’s a nice guy, and he forgives her. He knows what her problem is. She’s been too distracted by having to announce everybody’s entrance. All she has to do is to agree to become his personal ring announcer, and focus on only his entrance introduction, and he’s sure that she will prove to be satisfactory after some training. Lilian declines Fandango’s offer (or demand) nervously. Fandango asks her if she saw what happened to Josh Matthews when he said no to him. As much as Fandango would hate to hurt a beautiful lady like her, he cannot tolerate such show of disrespect. He’s going to give Lilian one last chance to change her answer. Lilian looks terrified as Fandango in leans closer to hear her answer, forcing her to cower back in fear against the wall……

At that moment, Alberto Del Rio walks into the scene and tells Fandango to back off. The No. 1 Contender to the World Heavyweight Championship tells Fandango that he needs to stop picking on defenseless women and untrained staff members, and actually grow some cajones to face some real fighters in the ring. Fandango tells Del Rio to mind his own business, and tells him that he’s just jealous because his own personal ring announcer just ditched him at WrestleMania. Alberto is understandably angered at the mention of Ricardo. He tells Fandango that he remembered when Fandango tried to steal Ricardo from him before WrestleMania. Well, when that little rat Ricardo comes back, Alberto is going to break his arm and send him right back to the hospital, but if Fandango really wants his own ring announcer so bad, maybe he should break Fandango’s arm right now, so he can join Ricardo in the hospital and ask to hire him again. Fandango backs off at this threat, but tells Lilian and Del Rio that this isn’t over, before he leaves.

Lilain starts to thank Alberto for his help, and Del Rio tells her that it was his pleasure. Before they can continue the conversation, Christian walks into the scene. Sensing that the two men have something to say to each other, Lilian excuses herself and takes her leave. Christian and Del Rio stare each other down for a few moments before the latter offers a handshake to welcome Captain Charisma back. Christian thanks him for that, and wishes him good luck in his title match against Jack Swagger. Del Rio tells him that he doesn’t need the luck, but he appreciates the sentiment. He then tells Christian that he knows Christian came back for one…more…match for the World Title, and when he’s beaten Swagger for the title, he’ll be more than happy to give it to Christian. Christian says he glad Del Rio is game enough to honour the agreement that was made by Jack Swagger and not him. For that, he wants Del Rio to know that even though they haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, he respects Del Rio as a champion……provided, of course, that he actually does win the title at Extreme Rules. Del Rio assures Christian that he’s going win the title, but Christian won’t. Not because he isn’t good, but because he’ll be fighting Alberto Del Rio for it. Christian laughs and reminds Del Rio that he actually won his very first World Title from Alberto 2 years ago……at Extreme Rules, no less! Del Rio tells him that it’s never going to happen again. Christian should stop thinking about 2 years ago, and worry about surviving the Shield tonight…..and by the way, good luck on that 6-Man tag match. Despite the competitive words between the 2, neither show any open hostility towards the other, and they exchange another smile and a pat on the arm as they go their separate ways.

Angles: Del Rio saves Lilian from Fandango. (Rating: B-)

Christian wishes Alberto luck. (Rating: A)

Natalya and the Great Khali are then shown on their way to the ring, the former trying to pump up her giant friend further with words of encouragement. Jim Cornette intercepts them and demands to know what Natalya is doing. Natalya replies that they’re on their way to the ring for Khali’s Triple Threat match with Cody Rhodes and Booker T. Cornette tells Natalya that it’s not what he’s asking about. He meant what Natalya is doing associating herself with that oversized joke. Natalya has been raised and trained by the most prestigious family in pro-wrestling. She should be upholding the tradition of that great family by working to bring class and dignity back to wrestling, back to WWE’s Women’s Division – he refuses to use that “silly Sports Entertainment term” Diva – but what has she done? She puts herself in the company of a giant clown who dances, does “Kiss-Cams”, and all that Sports Entertainment crap to gain popularity, because he doesn’t have the in-ring ability to do so without them. Natalya doesn’t need all that. She has both the skills and the pedigree to lead the WWE Women’s Division out of its state of slum into a whole new era. All she needs to do is to dump this giant lard of deadweight and join him in his crusade.

Natalya stares at Cornette with deadpanned face for a few seconds, then turns and whispers something into Khali’s ears. She then turns back to Cornette and tells him that she’s just translated what Cornette said about Khali to the giant, and that Cornette has approximately 3 seconds to leave before Khali decides to rip his head off. Cornette scurries away in fear, screaming back at Natalya that she’s a disgrace to the Hart Family!

Angle: Cornette tries to recruit Natalya. (Rating: C)

Booker T is shown in his own locker room getting ready for the Triple Threat match as well. Beside him, his wife Sharmell is telling him that he absolutely needs to win this tonight. Those people have forgotten why he’s a Hall-of-Famer, why he was a 5-Time WCW Champion and 6-Time World Champion. Booker needs to go out there and show them tonight, to remind them of just who he is.

Angle: Sharmell psyches up Booker. (Rating: B-)

Match: Cody Rhodes defeated Booker T and The Great Khali in 9:46 when Cody Rhodes defeated Booker T by pinfall while using the ropes for leverage. During the match we also had Sharmell Sullivan run in and attack The Great Khali.

As soon has the bell has sounded, Cody lunges for Khali, but the giant grabs him and sends him tumbling back halfway across the ring with one big shove. Booker T goes for a lock-up, and promptly suffers the same fate. Cody gets back up and charges back into the fight, but runs into a massive boot from the giant. Booker gets up and tries to do the same, but Khali knocks him back off his feet again with a giant headbutt. Quickly realizing that the giant is the biggest threat, Cody and Booker swiftly form an alliance, and pounce on Khali simultaneously driving him back into the ropes. The Punjabi Giant does his best to fight back, using his size and strength to shove his opponents back time and again, but he’s unable to keep them both away at the same time, and the double-team quickly wears him down. With the giant looking dazed and slumped against the ropes, Cody and Booker back up before charging forth at him together with a double-clothesline to send him over the top……but Khali somehow pulls himself up hits them both with a double-clothesline of his own!

Khali pulls Cody up by the head and gives him a massive open-handed chop to the chest. As Cody falls groveling in agony, Booker fires away at Khali’s chest with a series of backhand chops, but the giant shrug off the blows easily and fires back with a chop of his own that knocks the Hall-of-Famer down to his knees and leaves him gasping for air. Meanwhile, Cody has crawled out under the ropes to regroup on the ring apron, and Khali heads for him to give him another chop for good measure……and Cody grabs his head and snaps his neck over the ropes! As Khali staggers back, Booker catches him square on the chin with a big thrust kick that sends him reeling back against the ropes. Slipping back into the ring quickly, Cody works with Booker to tip the giant over the ropes and send him crashing down to the floor outside!

With the giant temporarily eliminated from the fight, Cody promptly turns on his former ally, and rolls him up from behind for a near-fall. Kicking out of the pin quickly, Booker then blocks an irish whip attempt and twists around to counter with a side kick that catches Cody in the face. As Cody staggers back into a corner, Booker follows him and proceeds to light up his chest with a series of stiff backhand chops. With his wife Sharmell cheering him on enthusiastically from ringside, Booker mounts the second ropes and pounds away on Cody’s head with punches as the crowd counts along with each punch. As he reaches the 9th punch, however, Cody manages to wriggle out of his position and maneuver himself under Booker's legs before lifting him off the ropes and planting him with a huge Alabama Slam out of the corner! It is now Kaitlyn’s turn to cheer enthusiastically as Cody goes for the cover and gets a 2-count. As Cody continues to wear down Booker on the mat by targeting his back, Sharmell takes exception to Kaitlyn’s cheering for her husband’s opponent, and starts hurling verbal abuses at the Divas’ Champion. Kaitlyn turns and advances on Sharmell, causing her freak out and screams for the referee’s help as he backs away from Kaitlyn quickly. Kaitlyn looks tempted to pursue her, but manages to restrain herself as the referee warns both women not to cause a commotion at ringside. Meanwhile, Booker starts to battle his way out of a surfboard and make it back to his feet. He finally breaks the hold as he twists around and scores with a big knee to the guts. Driving Cody back with big right hands, he turns and runs for the ropes……but is caught on the rebound with a high knee, allowing Cody to gain another near-fall. Cody controls the match for another minute or so before he spots the Great Khali trying to get back into the ring. He quickly releases the hold on Booker and rushes to spring off the ropes and deliver a Disaster Kick to Khali, knocking him back off the ring apron!

Cody turns back to Booker, but the distraction has allowed the 5-Time WCW Champion to recover and he fires back at Cody with big right hands. Driving Cody back into the rope, Booker goes for an irish whip, but Cody reverses it……and gets floored by a flying forearm off the rebound! In a burst of offense, Booker runs wild on Cody with a series of clotheslines, a high kick that sends him stumbling off the ropes, and a high-impact spinebuster that lays him out on the mat. The Great Khali once again tries to get back into the ring, but Booker knocks him off the apron again with a big heel kick before coming off the ropes with a big knee drop on Cody for a near-fall. As Cody tries to struggle back up, Booker goes off the ropes again for his signature Axe Kick, but Cody sidesteps it at the last moment and capitalizes on Booker’s miss by hoisting him up onto his shoulders for another Alabama Slam! Booker wriggles out of it and counters with a Sunset Flip roll-up for a near-fall, however, and as Cody kicks out of it and charges back at Booker, the Hall-of-Famer catches him with a huge Flapjack that drops him right on his face! Booker T signals for the Book End on Rhodes, but Cody battles out desperately with a series of side elbows to the head. Cody then goes for the Cross Rhodes, but Booker counters that as well and shoves Cody into the ropes, and both men collide in the centre of the ring with a dual cross-body that knocks the wind out of each other!

With both men down and out on the mat, the Great Khali finally makes it back into the ring, and as Natalya cheers him on, proceeds to dominate the action taking advantage of both of his worn out opponents. Hauling Cody up by the head before hurling him head-over-heels to one side, Khali then picks up Booker, hurls him into the corner, and proceeds to cave in his chest with a barrage of open-handed chops. As the giant starts to choke Booker out in the corner with his massive boot, Sharmell gets on the ring apron and screams at Khali to distract him. Natalya immediately rushes to her friend’s aid, pulling Sharmell off the ring apron. Outraged at Natalya putting her hands on her, Sharmell screams at Nattie and slaps her across the face! The next moment, she’s screaming and running away as the irate Natalya comes after her for revenge. As she runs around to ring to escape Natalya’s wrath, Kaitlyn steps in front of her to cut her off. Realizing that she’s trapped between the 2 divas, Sharmell pleads for mercy, but Natalya would have none of it as she goes to take Sharmell’s head off with her discus clothesline……but Sharmel ducks out of the way at the last second, and Natalya inadvertently nails Kaitlyn with the discus clothesline! Looking shocked at what she just did, Natalya gets down to check on Kaitlyn in concern, allowing Sharmell to flee to the opposite side of the ring.

Meanwhile, all the commotion outside has not only the referee but also Khali distracted, and Cody capitalizes on it as he hits Khali with a second DISASTER KICK to the face! The blow spins Khali around as he doubles over clutching at his face……and Booker comes off the ropes with an AXE KICK to take down the giant! Ecstatic, the 5-Time WCW Champion drops to one knee and signals for the Spinneroonie, and the crowd goes wild! Too caught up in the moment, Booker forgets for a moment that the match is still going on as he goes for his signature maneuver……and Cody catches him in mid-Spinneroonie with an Oklahoma Roll! Booker struggles desperately to kick out of the pinning combination, but Cody puts a foot on the ropes to gain just enough leverage to keep him down for the 3-count!

Rating: B

As Cody celebrates his win, Natalya goes to check on Khali……when an enraged Kaitlyn gets up and tackles her down to the mat from behind! Clearly upset at being hit with the discus clothesline earlier, Kaitlyn pounds away on Natalya before Cody (who for the first time notices what’s going on outside) pulls her off and tries to calm her down. Unfortunately, it’s now Natalya’s turn to get upset, as she gets up and hurls herself bodily towards Kaitlyn……and hits Cody, who’s been doing his best to put himself between the 2 angry divas. This angers Kaitlyn even more, and soon the 2 divas are rolling around the floor in the vicious catfight while the referee and a slightly-dazed Cody try to break it up with little success. Meanwhile, Booker rolls out of the ring from the other side and heads up the ramp to the back, hanging his head in shame while his wife loudly berates him for his loss. Finally, a recovered Khali joins Cody and the referee and manages to pry the 2 divas apart, but they continue to struggle to leap at each other’s throat, with the 3 men barely managing to restrain them as they are dragged backstage.

Angle: Catfight between Natalya and Kaitlyn. (Rating: B)

Back from commercial, it’s now time for the huge 6-man Tag Match that pits the Shield against the 7-time Tag Team Champions, Edge & Christian, and their mystery 3rd partner! The Shield members make their usual entrance through the crowd before Ambrose calls for a mic. Ambrose says that recently, there have been some people claiming that the Shield is no longer fighting for justice, that they’ve become just like any other “invading group”, like the nWo, the Nexus, trying to take over the shows for their own personal gains. Well, these people are wrong. The Shield is still the symbol of justice, and the 3 of them still battle against the blatant nepotism rampant in this company. Every attack they’ve made had purpose. Do you think it’s fair that the power-hungry despot of a GM makes his workers compete in handicap matches like Edge did to the Big Show? Is it justice that the 3 of them got unfairly banned from the building because they fight for what’s right? Is it right for the GM to hand his best friend Christian a shot at becoming the No. 1 Contender to the World Title on the very first night of his return, when any other returning Superstar would have had to earned his way back up from the bottom? Edge and Christian deserved everything the Shield has done to them just like they deserve everything the 3 of them will do to them and their “mystery partner” again in a few minutes’ time, once their 6-Man Tag match has begun.

And as for Air Boom and the Usos……why were they even in that 4-way match in the first place? Why should either of them get a shot at the Tag Team Titles when everyone knows that the Shield has been the greatest tag team in the WWE since their debut. How many All-Star super-teams have they already beaten? And haven’t they already beaten Team Hell No before? Not only have they not been given the title shot that they deserve, but they’ve been unjustly banned from competing for the past week and forced to watch 4 other inferior teams fight for the title shot that they should have gotten. What happened to the Usos and Air Boom was in fact a dose of much-needed justice being served. As for Team Hell No, what happened on Main Event was just receipt for them trying to stick their ugly faces where they don’t belong by getting involved in the Shield’s business on Monday night RAW……oh, and speaking of which, don’t think they have forgotten about you, John Cena. The Shield thought they solved the “John Cena problem” when they beat his ass at Elimination Chamber 2 months ago, but it looks like they were wrong. Well, after they’ve dealt out justice to the despot GM and his lapdog tonight, Cena’s going to be next. Believe that, and believe in the Shield!

The crowd gives a standing ovation as Edge and Christian come out to their old entrance them and pause briefly on the ramp for one of their classic 5-second poses. Edge then calls for a mic says that the Shield think they are the greatest team in the WWE, but judging by the reaction of the WWE Universe, they beg to differ. They know that the best tag team in the WWE is standing right here on this entrance ramp right now, and that is the 7-time Tag Team Champions, Edge & Christian! Tonight is the opportunity for everyone to find out not only can the Shield be beaten as a team, they can be destroyed, because that’s what Edge and his partners plan to do: beat the Shield so bad that their little stable gets taken out permanently. On Main Event, Ambrose and Rollins found out what it’s like to get Speared by WWE’s greatest tag team. Tonight, they’re going to feel it again. Not only are all 3 of them going to get Speared, but they’re going to get……GORED! GORED! GORED!

Rhyno’s music hits as the returning Superstar comes out and bumps fists with his old friends and allies. The re-united Team R.E.C (minus Kurt Angle) then charge down to the ring in unison to begin the match!

Angles: The Shield taunts their quarry. (Rating: A*)

Rhyno revealed as mystery opponent. (Rating: A)

-------

And here is your Smackdown Hour 1 cliffhanger! Coming up in Hour 2:

- Will the Shield back up their claim to being the greatest tag team in WWE by beating the 7-time Tag Team Champions Edge & Christian and the ManBeast Rhyno?

- Will Fandango manage to find a personal ring announcer for his match later tonight against Zach Ryder?

- And last but not least, will John Cena find a way to hold on to his championship when he faces the monster known as Ryback?

Stay Tuned!

Greylocke · February 9, 2014

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="WWZone" data-cite="WWZone" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="36215" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>I've been watching for while, good show. I'm pretty much on the same boat as you with my NJPW dynasty about hoping people watch my stuff regularly even though I haven't posted much, I'll do so in the future.</div></blockquote> Thanks man. Wish I could return the favour, but I don't follow puro so I find it hard to get into Puro Diaries. Nevertheless, I do hope you get more readers in time. This section of the forum needs more life and activities! <img alt=":D" data-src="//content.invisioncic.com/g322608/emoticons/biggrin.png.929299b4c121f473b0026f3d6e74d189.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

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