Pteroid Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 "Gaddang sum'b****in' so'n so..." The face of a man having a bad day. The last three years had not been kind to one Jethro J. "Giant Redwood" Jonas, first off he'd essentially sold his wrestling company to a conspiracy theorist talk show host- http://i.imgur.com/2zMADyI.jpg Fight Facts in hell, Joe Alexander... -who proceeded to turn the whole damned thing into a massive advertisement for his lead-filled vitamin supplements and drove half the damn roster away and then his good for nothing son, Giant Redwood Jr.- The Prodigal Son -had only gone and gotten hitched to some seductress down in Puerto Rico and retired at the ripe old age of...Jethro forgot how old he was, to chase his true passion of working the in stock room of a Walmart somewhere near San Juan, and THEN THE *********** FBI- These Jackholes! -made Dickie Eisen head for the hills which made Alexander lose his mind in the middle of his other fifteen lawsuits and drop Jethro like a bad habit. And so five bottles of Jack into ignoring housekeeping at his cheap motel room in Lousiville, Kentucky (he'd been banished from his ancestral home of Bogsworth, Georgia for...reasons, that barn burned itself down!) he pulled out that newfangled toplap or whatever Jr. had called it when he gave it to him and went searching for the old crew... Ekuma got his job back with the SWF...and seemed to have never actually not been working for them, weird. Hawkeye was back on Vessey's tit, the little jerk, never liked him... Anders Thunder was back in Sweden, disgraced from all the steroid use. He was vaguely sure he hallucinated Grapple Goblin. New York Red? Retired. And Sheiky? Dear sweet Sheiky? "COME ON DOWN TO SHEIK ALI AL AVATAR'S FREE DISCOUNT OIL EMPORIUM IN SCENIC MINDYOUROWNBEESWAX! I HAVE ILLEGALLY OBTAINED DRUMS OF OIL AND I AM PASSING ON THE LARCENIES TO YOU! BAD CREDIT?! NO CREDIT!? I SPIT ON YOUR CREDIT! HACKTOOEY! I PEE ON YOUR CONSTITUTION AND WAGGLE MY PASSPORT IN YOUR STUPID AMERICAN FACE! WHAT WAS I EVEN TALKING ABOUT!? I DON'T KNOW! COME ON DOWN TODAY!" He seemed busy. "What the hell am Ah gunna dooooo?" ...open a two month long pump and dump wrestling promotion and con a bunch of suckers into doing work for free then skip town with the venture capital? "Oh. That, I'mma do that." And so Wrestlers of Mass Destruction was reborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EBEZA Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 What an excellent take on doing a demo-only save! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted April 24, 2020 Author Share Posted April 24, 2020 http://i.imgur.com/oIa0sct.jpg WRESTLERS OF MASS DESTRUCTION THE RETURN LIVE FROM A VACANT LOT IN LOUISIVILLE KENTUCKY Featuring: MAW TAG TEAM TALENT IN ACTION VS THE HOT TAGGS OLD SCHOOL GRUDGE MATCH LEOPARD KING VS MAD DOG MORTIMER TEXAS HANGMAN VS WILD RED STALLION GARRY THE ENTERTAINER VS PEPPER PELTON BLUEGRASS DEATHMATCH ORIGINAL SINNER VS FEARLESS BLUE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted April 24, 2020 Author Share Posted April 24, 2020 http://i.imgur.com/oIa0sct.jpg WMD THE RETURN FROM: A VACANT LOT IN LOUISVILLE KENTUCKY ATTENDANCE: 120 (perks of free tickets, the cheap ****s) We start the show with the only real star on it: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAT'S RIGH' YA'LL I'M BACK!" "WHO!?" The random Lousivillian who rightfully (and thankfully until now) has never heard of Redwood before is sadly the instigator of this crowd's doom as - "YEW M'F***ER AH'LL TELL YEW EXACTLY WHO AH AM YOU **** **** **** ****************************** *** ********* *** *******-" Redwood bursts into an angry rant that were it upon tv the censors would probably break their fingers trying to unintentionally translate his screed into Morse Code. THIS GOES ON FOR TEN MINUTES and in that time roughly half the crowd in the vacant lot have dispersed just in time for our first match. BLUEGRASS DEATHMATCH vs Fearless Blue vs Original Sinner So one must be wondering, 'Narrator, what does a Bluegrass Deathmatch entail?', well dear reader it entails Giant Redwood getting falling down drunk a day before the show, blowing roughly three hundred bucks on miscellaneous Home Depot inventory items, throwing them in these two's general direction and telling them to 'Figure it out'. The end result was a separated shoulder for Fearless Blue, a bruised eye socket for the winner Original Sinner, and roughly half of the half of the crowd remaining running away in disgust. WELCOME TO WMD! Winner via Pinfall: Original Sinner vs Texas Hangman vs Wild Red Stallion Two future stars of pro wrestling clash in the middle of a city that doesn't give one iota of fecal material about cowboys vs indians with a road agent (guess who) whose wrestling knowledge is almost entirely squashes and forgot to tell them who the face and heel were. The match is a confused brawl which thankfully only drives off a few of the crowd before Hangman during a fiery comeback sequence gets pulled aside and angrily jawed at by Redwood and quickly pins Stallion with his feet on the ropes. Winner via Pinfall: Texas Hangman vs Garry the Entertainer vs Pepper Pelton Who are these two? Why are they fighting? Well the word 'Cheap' can answer many questions, my friends, those two included. Garry and his freaky chimp puppet scared off more audience members just by themselves who were honestly rooting for the varsity jacket-wearing heel Pepper to beat the hell out of him and booed Garry's chimp-assisted comeback sequence which was suddenly interrupted by- JERRY PEPPER (no relation) Who stormed out and started beating down Garry along with Pelton, oh the humanity, can anyone stop this assault!? This injustice! Who will save the day!? ... I said who will save the day!? ............................................................. **** he forgot his cue- http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg GRAPPLE GOBLIN! Hey there he is! The cholesterol addled heart and soul of WMD, the Grapple Goblin storms out with his sack of ill-gotten goodies to...mild confusion and apathy! He starts swinging his sack around with glee, leveling Pepper and Pepper repeatedly with it before hitting a big splash on Pepper and pinning Pepper to beat Pepper and Pepper..........Pepper. Winners via Pinfall Because It Became A Tag Match Somehow: Garry and the Goblin vs The Hot Taggs vs Two Guys From MAW Ah the best part of being a low rent indy crapshow, leeching off the talent of better companies, oh the mystery of it all! Who did Redwood lure away from Sam Keith's construction site for tomorrow stars? Who are gonna come down here and beat the living crap out of these two smelly lumberjack-looking weirdos with the bad team name? Who I ask!? Who!? oh. Keith Vegas and Johnny Needham...whose very presence make what's left of our dwindling crowd perform a mass exodus as the least charismatic man this side of Ron Greenhorn (thankfully not in attendance) and the less interesting member of the Heartbreak Express wander out to generic music to go with their generic looks. The match is a farce with Vegas and Needham literally looking at their watches to make sure they can get back to the real promotion in time for the next show and the Taggs not selling when they're supposed to be steamrollered. Leave it to Redwood to somehow not even do a squash properly. Winners via Pinfall: Keith Vegas and Johnny Needham Main Event Two Out Of Three Falls Grudge Match! vs Leopard King vs Mad Dog Mortimer Ever see a two out of three falls match go twelve minutes? Ever see both participants in said match get gassed at minute three? Well if you were one of the five people still in that vacant lot you certainly saw both those things! Y'know what you also saw? Far too much of Leopard King, Jesus Man Tarzan wears a loincloth not a speedo, yeesh. Anyway this classic bout ends with Mad Dog finally getting his revenge on his old rival from a rivalry only people in like three locations in Georgia would remember at best by bashing him with a spiked dog collar behind the refs back and getting the decisive third fall. What a way to end a show, with a wheezing 42 year old on top of an equally wheezing 30 year old in front of roughly three homeless people gathering wood from the smashed tables from the opener to burn for warmth. What a mess. Winner Via Pinfall: Mad Dog Mortimer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foolinc Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 There is a special place in my heart knowing that Mad Dog Mortimer is still wrestling in the C-Verse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaos Zarak Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 I think this made my day seeing the return of grapple goblin... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 <p><span>http://i.imgur.com/oIa0sct.jpg</span></p><p> <strong>WRESTLERS OF MASS DRESTRUCTION</strong></p><p><strong> MOTHER OF ALL BADASSES TOURNAMENT 2020</strong></p><p><strong> LIVE FROM THE HOME DEPOT PARKING LOT IN LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> Featuring:</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> FIRST ROUND ACTION</strong></p><p><strong> GRAPPLE GOBLIN VS TEXAS HANGMAN</strong></p><p><strong> GARRY THE ENTERTAINER VS PEPPER PELTON</strong></p><p><strong> KEITH VEGAS VS ORIGINAL SINNER</strong></p><p><strong> JOHNNY NEEDHAM VS MAD DOG MORTIMER</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> WHO WILL BE CROWNED THE MOTHER OF ALL BADASSES!?</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> Also Featuring An Exhibition Of Women's Wrestling (ya'll nerds like that these days, right? Right.)</strong></p><p><strong> </strong></p><p><strong> TICKETS ARE FREE, NO REFUNDS FOR REFRESHMENTS, BRING YOUR OWN SEATS</strong></p> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foolinc Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 I want to do a prediction, but you already showed me the result. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Trask Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 D...did grapple goblin just win a match he wasn't in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XMultiGames Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 I usually try to post a reasoning, but with this kind of company, all logic flys out the window in a good way, so it would not make sense for me to find the logic of the booking where probably Redwood didnt have any reason or logic in booking it. But is entretaining as hell. GRAPPLE GOBLIN VS TEXAS HANGMAN GARRY THE ENTERTAINER VS PEPPER PELTON KEITH VEGAS VS ORIGINAL SINNER JOHNNY NEEDHAM VS MAD DOG MORTIMER Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herrbear Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Grapple Goblin Vs texas Hangman garry The Entertainer Vs Pepper Pelton keith Vegas Vs Original Sinner Johnny Needham Vs mad Dog Mortimer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted April 28, 2020 Author Share Posted April 28, 2020 http://i.imgur.com/oIa0sct.jpg WMD The Mother Of All Badasses 2020 From: The Home Depot Parking Lot Attendance: 153 (We're counting the people honking at the people around the ring to get out of the way) MOAB TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg vs Grapple Goblin vs Texas Hangman Two winners (heavy parentheses for one of them) from the last show face off! You would think that now that he knows he's a heel that Hangman would put on a better match but jokes on you, dumbass, he's against Grapple Goblin, and a match with Grapple Goblin means one thing! Sack swinging! ...not like that you degenerates, BSC closed like a decade ago! Grapple Goblin's assortment of stolen goods are swung around and countered only by Hangman swinging his noose around to defend himself! The audience is confused, wondering if this is performance art until Goblin strikes true and pins Hangman who will be trying to destroy all records of this event well into the future. Winner By Pinfall: Grapple Goblin SECOND TOURNAMENT MATCH vs Garry the Entertainer vs Pepper Pelton The match so nice we did it twice but nobody from the last show's watching this one so it might as well be the first time, HEYO~! ..........................Pepper's buddy Pepper beaned Garry with his own scary chimp puppet and Pepper pinned Garry as Pepper celebrated. Pepper. Winner By Pepfall: Pepper Peppelton THIRD TOURNAMENT MATCH vs Keith Vegas vs Original Sinner It's a ruthless untamed killer vs a man so interesting the narrator forgot to check if he even still worked for MAW when he hired him, take that me. Anyway Sinner can't work his way out of the same paper bag Keith can't talk his way out of so this is just painful to watch, mostly Keith playing underdog to Sinner stiffing the living hell out of him until Redwood, pissed at Sinner for making the other guy look bad climbs up on the apron and shoot clocks the deathmatch wrestler letting Vegas get a small package roll up victory! Yay? Winner By Pinfall: Keith Vegas FOURTH MA- "HEY YA'LL! TURNS OUT JOHNNY NEEDLEHAM DONE HAD TO WORK TONIGHT SO I GOT ME A BUY INTO THE SEMMY-FINALS!" "what? he said he was gonna get me a job at maw again. oh noooooo..." "What do I do?" "pin me so i can try and catch up with him, quick..." "WELL ALRIGHT!" SEMI FINAL MATCHUP vs Keith Vegas vs Mad Do- 1! 2! 3! Ding ding ding! WELP Winner By Pinfall: Mad Dog Mortimer (this tournament is a farce) SPECIAL FEMALE WRESTLING EXHIBITION vs Joy Ryder vs Serena Star So fun fact, the creator of this diary (read: Me) set out to make a crappy outlaw indy mudshow Cornette buzzword garbage fest and he (again, me) was keen on the idea of describing two scantily clad women doing a classic WWE peebreak match in front of a bunch of hotblooded Kentuckianans in a Home Depot parking lot for yucks. In my hubris though I forgot to turn on Women's Wrestling as being acceptable so I guess this entire match happened in front of a booing assemblage of Puritans. Live and learn. Oh and winner by pinfall: Joy Ryder TOURNAMENT SEMI-FINAL ACTION! http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg vs Grapple Goblin vs Pepper Pelton Pepper is understandably salty about how Grapple Goblin mustard the courage to pepper (but the vegetable) him with...relished aggression? ...seasoning puns, cayenne't get more than a few out. Sriracha. Also Grapple Goblin bonked him with the sack and won, I remind you he's supposed to be a face. Winner via Pinfall: Grapple Goblin THE GRAND FINALS OF THE MOAB TOURNAMENT http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg vs ...seriously? I don't think even Giant Redwood is sure how we got here but by god this is happening. Pepper and his associate Pepper are still at ringside and just decide to bumrush Goblin and beat him down because DQ's are a myth in this company. For no reason Original Sinner comes running out to join in as Mad Dog laughs like a prospector in the corner, can anyone save this injustice!? Why yes for from the Home Depot comes... http://i.imgur.com/yt2lPbF.jpg THE SKUNKAPE! The Grapple Goblin's old nemesis comes out onto the scene to general confusion of everyone and begins laying waste to the heels with headbutts, lariats, and other assorted bigman moves! Mad Dog tries to flee but finds himself caught by the Goblin who nails him with a belly to belly suplex (holy hell an actual wrestling move!?) and pins him out of nowhere! Winner and MOAB Tournament Winner: The Grapple Goblin! Goblin and Skunkape celebrate in the ring until- "STOP HIM!" "HE LOADED UP ALL THE MONEY IN HIS TRUCK!" "SO LONG YA F******** IDIOTS! HAHAHAHA!" Peeling out of the parking lot goes Giant Redwood, dollars from all the venture capitalists he conned into funding this nonsense fluttering in the breeze as everyone is left to stand, mouths agape at what just happened. The Skunkape looks at everyone else and takes off his mascot head. "...he said ya'll were gonna help clean up this s*** from in front'a my store." http://i.imgur.com/S7E95jc.jpg ".........................................................Grapple Goblin!" G'NIGHT EVERYBODY! THE END Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wonk Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 A wonderful experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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