DIW 2022: Lori's Law

[AboardTheArk]

I really enjoy this now that I've caught up. Booking patterns are clear and nothing draws more easy bucks that having someone on top you can easily hate. Also the struggle between the Lori character and the old guard adds a new dimension to this whole thing, and I was dumb to at first think the first person POV would get tiring. 

[619]

Thanks. The first-person POV of a historically minor player in Australia's sixth-biggest promotion definitely has a low popularity cap, and could well get tiring, so I appreciate the kind words.

[619]

Part 18: Bruised egos

I’d been getting more and more confident and comfortable in my new role. I never would’ve dared be so sassy with the boss last month without the belief that I was doing a good job. But at Havoc, I suddenly became really aware of what Big Jim Teasdale was great at and where I was most lacking: recruitment.

I’d deluded myself into thinking Shawn had found a prodigy when he told me about Carl Paris, so much so that I expected him to hang with arguably our best wrestler Rob Edwards in his debut match. No other booker would’ve been so naïve.

The stupid thing was that no real harm was done: he cost us next to nothing, anyone at the show would’ve just seen him as a youngster being outclassed by his more experienced opponent and, at 18, he had so many years to deliver on the potential Shawn saw in him. But in terms of feeling out of control and out of my depth, it was like being sent crashing through those tables all over again, only without the adrenalin rush.

To make it worse, I’d lashed out and hurt Shawn too. He was on a high after the show following his two good promos and standing tall in the main event, so I should’ve greeted him by telling him how brilliant he’d been, not saying “your boy stunk out the joint, huh?”

I realised my mistake quickly, and he didn’t hold any resentment – he was always great like that – but it must have been a kick in the balls for me to be so ungrateful over a job he was doing for free as a favour to me when he was such a star in the one he was paid for. And all because an 18-year-old was shaky in his first match. Talk about getting in your own head.

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Part 19: Road trip

I’d been an idiot after Havoc and wanted to make it up to Shawn, so I woke up the next morning with an impulse to do something a little out there, like we used to do before I became so obsessed with heat spots and head shots: “we’re going to take a long drive to Adelaide”.

What I didn’t tell him until we got there was that I’d been tipped off about an indy show taking place there that weekend, and thought it might be fun to check out some competition together. At least that way, if we signed someone on the card and it turned out they sucked, we could share the heat this time.

It was a bit disheartening that this thrown together indy show attracted more fans than one of my carefully constructed DIW cards. But I took confidence from how much better our last few shows were than this, especially the undercard. That included a match featuring our own Pat Rigsby, who I would’ve offered a lift to if I knew he worked Adelaide.

It was also cool seeing three women’s matches there. That would’ve been unthinkable a year or two ago. I’d love to bring women’s action to DIW, even if only as an occasional attraction rather than a full division, but I knew I wasn’t in a strong enough position yet to make that move.

The women on this card worked for Luxe Wrestling, a Queensland-based women’s promotion founded by a bikini company with its own TV show set underwater. I simultaneously admired the creativity and knew that if The Comedian caught even a second of it, he’d probably emigrate.

Those women worked without their cartoony names and gimmicks in Adelaide, but I was still sure The Comedian would block me using any of them on the grounds they’d disgraced his business. The woman I thought would fit in well in DIW wasn’t on this card, but when I said her name to Shawn, I could tell he liked the idea.

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Part 20: A RAW main event

“I’m an open-minded bloke and, as you know, I don’t push back against much,” opened road agent Lou Brookmyre as I tried to hide my incredulity at that claim behind a poker face. “But you’ve got to rethink that main event. It’s a RAW main event and, worse than that, it’s a RAW finish too. The boss will be furious.” RAW, for the uninitiated, is Revolution Australian Wrestling, Oceania’s top promotion, seen by many as more of a soap opera than a wrestling product.

“I knew you were going to feel this way,” I answered, again trying to keep my composure. “But, with respect, he’s not the booker and you’re not the booker. This is what I want to do at Devil May Care and nothing will change my mind. If you’re right and the boss hates it, all the heat will be on me. I’ll make it clear to him that you pushed back and I overruled you. So please just leave it there and help me execute this main event to the best of your ability.”

The planning meeting with Lou a week before the show wasn’t the only difficult conversation I’d have about it. When I arrived at Marv’s on the night of Devil May Care, Rob Edwards approached me: “Tonight’s plan: I’m not sure the fans are going to buy it.”

“I’ll be honest with you Rob, even Lou doesn’t buy it. But my job right now is to make you buy it and, when I do, it’s going to be your job to make sure everyone in attendance buys it too.”

I went on to lay out my plan not just for the night but for the next eight months to him, something I hadn’t done for anyone else on the roster. Hell, I don’t think I’d even told Shawn half of it. He listened intently without interrupting, making it unclear what he thought.

“Alright, I’m in,” he finally declared. “I stand by what I said before: tonight will be tough. But I’m looking forward to the challenge.”

Edited September 11, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 21: Devil May Cry 2022

The show opened with the newly strengthened Ares Death Cult walking to the ring: DIW Champion Gyula Lakatos, Cesar Sionis, new recruit Lloyd Banks, Death Ref and… me. I was back in front of the fans with a microphone. I condemned the sick misogynists at Marv’s for deriving pleasure from my suffering. Then I told them to enjoy the memory. I’d had my DIW contract reinforced to reflect my non-wrestler status. If any man in DIW hit me, it would be treated as a criminal offence and, given the Barracudas’ criminal records, they certainly couldn’t take that chance. Realising the difference between how I present myself and my apparent attorney-accosting actions, the crowd started chanting “she’s not punk”, a chorus that was easier to swallow than, well, the ones they used to sing about swallowing.

I handed the microphone to Death Ref. He’d promised The Barracudas would never enjoy a numerical advantage ever again, and he proved it with the initiation of someone who appreciated human sacrifice: The Barbed Wire Messiah, Lloyd Banks. He said it was now undeniable that Ares Death Cult were DIW’s most powerful ever unit, and management had kindly offered three bodies for us to demonstrate that on. He added that we would also show our superiority over the Barracudas again next month by generously gifting Chopper Rourke a DIW Title match to compensate him for missing Blitz Simpson’s last month.

Carl Paris, Janus and Soul Burner v Ares Death Cult (Gyula Lakatos, Cesar Sionis and Lloyd Banks)
My men took their time with this one, using their inferior opponents as a canvas to display their barbarism on. It was mainly a showcase for Banks, who used to lose a lot previously. He put Soul Burner to sleep with a repeat of his barbed-wire-assisted choke from last month.

The Barracudas were coming through the crowd at Marv’s looking for retribution but, despite all his talk of our numerical advantage, Death Ref directed us to leave down the ramp before they arrived.

Chopper Rourke v Cueball
The next challenger for the DIW Title showed why Blitz Simpson missed him when we seemingly prevented Chopper from appearing alongside him in last night’s main event with a dominant performance against the biker, signed off with his signature Spinebuster. After the bell, Blitz – presumably eager to work through his frustration after last month’s defeat to Gyula, signalled to Tank in the opposite ringside corner and asked “want to go, big boy?”, creating an impromptu match.

Blitz Simpson v Tank
They might not have got their hands on us, but Blitz completed a successful night for The Barracudas by beating the heavyweight Tank with his Lifting DDT. I thought Vaughan looked a little disappointed at ringside that there weren’t any other Saracens lying around for him to join in the fun with. Hopefully he didn’t hold that against me for getting rid of Shotgun.

Once they’d left through the crowd, Rob Edwards grabbed a mic and entered the ring. He said when he arrived at Marv’s and headed for the noticeboard, he saw he was in the main event and thought he was finally getting the respect he deserved. Then he saw it was a tag team match with Milton Hittlespitz. He swore it was a mistake so he found Lou in the locker room, but apparently it’s legit. He reckoned he’d sussed what was going on: management knew him and Milton couldn’t stand each other, and they didn’t want either of them in the title picture, so they’re making them face an unbeaten tag team, The Wrecking Crew, to put a loss on their records.

He said the plan wouldn’t work. Milton and him were also unbeaten as a team, beating the flaming Barracudas. And yes, he couldn’t stand Milton because he used him that night to get a title shot and steal his title (thankfully, the fans saw this false victimhood for what it was and booed loudly). But staying unbeaten and getting the DIW Title back meant more to him than punishing Milton. So as long as Crazy Blue followed his lead and stayed in line, he had no doubt they’d beat The Wrecking Crew later.

Kobra Khan v Pat Rigsby
Rigsby, DIW’s resident troll (in the ring at least, sometimes Lou felt like one to me outside of it), taunted Kobra Khan early on by signalling 1-0 with his fingers, the deficit Kobra faced in his Australian Title best-of-3 series. But once the masked man stopped letting the mind games get to him, he really shone, shutting up Rigsby with a combination of his Small Package Driver and Ripcord Knee.

Australian Champion Seth Wish had been watching at ringside, and Kobra Khan told him afterwards that last month he became the first ever man to beat him twice in a row, but he’d prove at Massacre that nobody will ever beat him three times in a row.

Tag Titles: Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw) (c) v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
There was never much doubt over the outcome, just which of the champions would get the pinfall and what they’d say after the bell. Here I learnt the danger of giving Two Badass MFers the chance to talk unscripted. In saying that if fresh competition didn’t come to them, they’d go and find it, they appeared to hint at either a new team debuting, or them leaving DIW, which wasn’t exactly what we’d discussed before the show.

Milton Hittlespitz and Rob Edwards v The Wrecking Crew (Wrecker and Mr. Pink)
Milton seemed disengaged early in the fight as Edwards insisted on starting, a combination of his general malaise and his dissatisfaction at teaming with the man who screwed him out of the DIW Title. However, after being begrudgingly tagged in by an irritated Edwards, he livened up, presumably enjoying having his partner out of his sightline and motivated by the challenge Wrecker and Mr. Pink were presenting. Taking his eyes off The Human Weapon was a mistake though as, when he went up for the Flying Knee Drop, Edwards tagged his back and entered the ring, striking Mr. Pink with the Roundhouse Kick to snatch the pinfall.

Tatum went to raise both men’s hands, but Milton refused to enter the ring, instead walking up the ramp. Edwards celebrated obnoxiously, offering high fives to fans on his way up the ramp but being met with middle fingers instead. When he got to the exit, he even took a bow, only to take a whack in the back from Milton’s famous steel chair, which hadn’t been seen for months. Milton proceeded to take all his fury out on the three-time former DIW Champion. Edwards was no longer able to return fire, but Crazy Blue didn’t stop, propping his lifeless body on a railing at ringside, heading back to the turnbuckle he’d been forced to retreat from a few minutes earlier and sailing towards Edwards with a lethal Flying Knee Drop.

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Part 22: Counting fans

The Comedian responded to Devil May Care exactly as expected: “That main event: enemies teaming up, one stealing the win from the other. It was all a bit…”

“RAW?” I replied.

“Exactly. Last month, I thought you had it. The barbed wire ambush. Shocking. Violent. That’s what our fans want."

“But don’t you think they were louder tonight?”

“Because you finally let Milton be Milton?”

“I’d argue they reacted so wildly because we made them so hungry to see it.”

“Look, here’s what we’ll do. Let’s see if we get more fans in the door next month. If we do, we got away with it. If not, you screwed up.”

“I’m not sure that’s a fair test.”

“Why not?”

“Well, everybody’s bound to show up when we tell them you’re on the show.”

It was a dangerous thought, but I felt like I was starting to figure out how to handle the boss. I’d heard his criticisms, countered them, ambushed him with the news I planned to use him at Massacre, and sabotaged his petty test. Even if the attendance did fall, he wasn’t likely to draw attention to evidence that he doesn’t draw any more. Lori 1-0 Comedian.

Edited September 13, 2022 by 619

[619]

Part 23: Defining hardcore

“DIW is no longer a hardcore promotion”

That was the headline of an article Tatum sent me, immediately setting off my nonsense radar.

Sure enough, it was former DIW Champion Mayhem Mulhoney mouthing off again. He’d read a report of our last show and, in the space of 90 minutes, we had enemies teaming up, the fan favourite losing his smile, a valet talking about some phony contract clause and one partner stealing the win off the other. Apparently, it was soap opera crap that never would’ve been allowed back when DIW had standards.

The criticism didn’t really bother me. Firstly because, as with the last time Mulhoney attacked me, I thought his motives were fairly transparent: to promote his less popular current company Original Legends Deathmatches as the true home of hardcore wrestling, and to bury me at the expense of our former booker, his friend Big Jim Teasdale. Yet I had noticed he didn’t think enough of Big Jim to get him a job at OLD.

But I also didn’t agree with the claims. If you took the most memorable moments from the five shows I’d booked, they were all hardcore high spots. The Barracudas’ attacks on The Comedian, Death Ref and I, Lloyd Banks choking out Blitz Simpson with barbed wire and Milton Hittlespitz’s suicidal lunge at Rob Edwards.

It was true that maybe there was a bit more balance, some brief breaks from blood and brutality but, to me, this allowed the most violent moments more room to breathe and more meaning, increasing their impact. Every match I’d booked had been no DQ and had a clear winner, and that wasn’t changing.

Not to mention, our crowds were up each month and we were bringing money in too, so there was nothing to indicate we were turning fans off, whatever he thought of my booking.

So it was easy for me to brush off Mulhoney’s moaning, but I wasn’t the intended audience. He was targeting The Comedian and Lou Brookmyre, playing into their biggest fears, so I had to hope they saw it for what it was. That’s if Lou wasn’t feeding Mulhoney his lines, as I still wasn’t entirely sure how hard he was pushing back against what I was trying to do.

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Part 24: Don’t you know who I am?

Despite Lou Brookmyre’s constant criticism of my plans, I’d booked five shows without any of the actual workers refusing to play ball. That streak would end at Massacre, and fittingly it was the boss, rather than one of my main eventers, doing the pushing back.

Well, that’s not strictly true. I hadn’t even got round to laying out the plan for the show to him. Just how we’d promoted his appearance on our website – Milton Hittlespitz plans to call out The Comedian – was enough to antagonise him.

“It’s not an ego thing,” he started, at which point I became fairly confident it was in fact an ego thing. “But I’m the most successful wrestler in DIW history. I’m still the most popular bloke here. The fans believe in me. We need that. Me showing up every six months to get punked out is bad business.”

I wasn’t used to him being so talkative. So much so that, when I thought I finally had a chance to respond, he carried on. “And what about The Barracudas? They beat me up five months ago. I’m showing up and not even referencing that.”

Just to repeat, we hadn’t discussed what he’d be doing at the show yet, this all came from him reading, or more likely being told about, eight words on our website. I reassured him that I didn’t plan to punk him out every six months – at least not in the ring – we would acknowledge what happened with The Barracudas and his legacy would always be protected.

He grunted a lot, paused a lot and maintained that sceptical stare, well, that last one wasn’t exclusive to this conversation, but eventually he seemed to approve of his role at Massacre, a show being headlined by Chopper Rourke challenging Gyula Lakatos for the DIW Title.

[619]

Part 25: Massacre 2022

Milton Hittlespitz started the show with a simple message: either The Comedian meets him in the ring in an hour or he quits.

Vaughan v Carl Paris
The 18-year-old Paris was no match for the five-time DIW Champion Vaughan, with the Barracudas leader securing a straightforward win with his Choke Sleeper.

The Wrecking Crew (Wrecker and Mr. Pink) v Saracens (Cueball and Tank)
Wrecker and Mr. Pink rallied after suffering their first defeat as a unit to Milton Hittlespitz and Rob Edwards last month at Devil May Care, with the Pink Thunder Bomb finishing off Cueball. Tag champs Two Badass MFers stepped out after the bell and said “you two, you’re not that bad”. Before they had a chance to issue a challenge, the champions were taken down from behind by The Inmates, Bile and The Anarchist, who stared out The Wrecking Crew.

The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange) v Cesar Sionis and Lloyd Banks (Ares Death Cult)
This was another short showcase (Mr. Green doesn’t have enough in his tank for a long showcase, congested as it is with cigarettes and alcohol) for how much Lloyd Banks’ fortunes have improved since joining Ares Death Cult. The Barbed Wire Messiah once again used his weapon of choice to choke out an opponent, this time an exhausted Mr. Green.

Australian Title Best-of-3 Series Fight 2: Seth Wish (c) 1-0 Kobra Khan
These two had shown previously that they can put on a mid-card spectacle together but this wasn’t one of those occasions, and it was my fault: I gave them too long and they got lost halfway through. The finish was solid best-of-3 psychology though (all credit to Lou). Seth Wish knocked Kobra Khan off the top rope and went for another quickfire Suicide Senton, but this time Kobra was ready, getting his knees up and then rolling through to level the series.

Blitz Simpson v Pat Rigsby
I couldn’t be sure whether the fans agreed, but I had convinced myself that Rigsby’s troll persona means it doesn’t matter if he loses all the time, he’s always just one provocation away from everyone wanting to see him take another beating. This time, his method of attack was telling Blitz nobody feared The Barracudas anymore, and Ares Death Cult were in charge. Blitz’s method of attack was much more effective: kicking, pummelling and eventually putting Rigsby down with the Lifting DDT. He threw up two fingers, signalling that The Barracudas had won twice on the night, heading into the main event. But before that…

Milton Hittlespitz was back out, and was indeed met by The Comedian. Crazy Blue said ever since winning the title, he’d been goaded and goaded and goaded. His first title defence was against an undeserving bloke who got a shot for almost paralysing him. He got cheated that night but he never got a rematch. Instead, he was being disrespected, hidden at the bottom of the card, set up for Ares Death Cult and Rob Edwards to taunt him, then made to team up with Edwards and be screwed around by him all over again. He’d always been told “never sell the rib”, but everyone had their limit. He reached his, and Edwards deserved what he got. He’d never got a title rematch and he’d won every match since. He won’t be messed around another minute.

The Comedian said if Milton wanted a rematch, why hadn’t he asked? And if he didn’t want to be screwed around, why hadn’t he done what he did last month sooner? He said Milton had always been good, but if he wanted to be great, he had to learn not to take any crap any time from anyone. He said next month it would be Milton v Cesar Sionis. If Milton won, he’d get his rematch at Hardcore Hallelujah. If not, he’d go back to the bottom. This brought Rob Edwards out gingerly, apparently still hurting from last month. He said it was BS that Milton was getting the next shot, and it looked like they would come to blows, but The Comedian stepped between them. He said Edwards had his rematch and lost. Keep winning and he’d get another shot just like Milton. He said he didn’t know Edwards as well, but two things he was sure of were that he wanted the DIW Title back, and that he’d prefer to beat Milton for it than anyone else. So he advised The Human Weapon that his best chance of getting what he wanted, hell, the best way for both of them to get what they wanted was to stay out of each other’s way for a bit and take care of business. Milton grinned and exited, while Edwards stewed, contemplating what the boss had said restlessly before leaving.

The Comedian didn’t want this to turn into a talk show, but had one more thing to take care of before the main event. He dared Chopper Rourke to be man enough to come out alone. Chopper granted his wish, looking very relaxed. The Comedian said he took a lot, a lot of persuading not to kick the crap out of The Barracudas tonight. The only thing stopping him was being shown a projection of how much money it would cost him if his fans saw a 46-year-old destroy three main eventers. So he told Chopper to pass on to his boys that as long as they didn’t pull a stunt like To The Extreme again and kept making him money, they’d be fine, but step out of line one more time and he wouldn’t be so merciful. Chopper grinned, seeming undaunted but happy to accept the truce rather than be distracted from his title fight.

DIW Title: Chopper Rourke v Gyula Lakatos (c)
A few minutes into the match, Death Ref, Cesar Sionis and Lloyd Banks came to join me at ringside. With Chopper Rourke looking to the aisles for support, Death Ref gave him the bad news: “they’re not coming, you’re on your own”. Chopper fought valiantly but, every time he built momentum, we made it our mission on the outside to disrupt it. I made the key intervention, climbing on the apron when Chopper appeared to be lining up his Spinebuster. He clenched his fist and I provoked him, asking if hitting me was worth going back to jail for. Before he could decide, Gyula was back up, clubbing him in the back and then putting him down with a Choke Bomb. We’d won again.

Edited September 16, 2022 by 619

[AboardTheArk]

Another good show. It's tough to make chicken salad out of this thin roster, but you're getting closer each time.

[619]

1 hour ago, AboardTheArk said:

Another good show. It's tough to make chicken salad out of this thin roster, but you're getting closer each time.

Haha, thanks. Running with the starting roster probably doesn't make for the most exciting dynasty but, as it's quite different to the roster in the original data, I wanted to give everyone half a chance to establish themselves (though God Of War probably feels he's been given more like an eighth of a chance). I promise the shortlist is getting longer though.

[619]

Part 26: “You sold out”

Last month, I was bragging about being a step ahead of The Comedian, but it looked like I had been too cocky and too hasty.

I thought I had been smart in spoiling his plan to judge the success of my Milton Hittlespitz booking based on attendance by telling the boss that I wanted him to appear at Massacre, and what happened? I got my first sellout, and he got to take credit for drawing a crowd that we’d been building up to in each of my six months with the book. Lori 1-1 Comedian.

Somewhat ironically, the best attended of my six shows was probably the worst quality-wise, a consequence no doubt of not having Rob Edwards or Milton wrestling. But I wasn’t too concerned as I felt the show got us where we needed to be.

Milton was back in the main event next month, and the month after as well if he won. Our Australian Title series was going to a decider. We’d made the tag division feel a bit more competitive, and the addition of Lloyd Banks had given Ares Death Cult the edge over The Barracudas, just as Death Ref promised.

Road agent Lou Brookmyre had two main grievances before the show: the lengthy talking segment before the main event, and that we had four key figures in the ring consecutively – Milton, Edwards, The Comedian and The Barracudas’ Chopper Rourke – but finding reasons not to fight. I didn’t defend my corner quite as fiercely this time as I thought he raised a fair point. Instead, I worked with him to add more violent undertones – Milton and Edwards being pulled apart, Chopper not fully backing down – and promised more physicality in the shows ahead.

I hoped Milton’s actions over the last two shows had at least calmed the boss and Lou’s main complaint that I wasn’t using him properly, though I was sure it wouldn’t be long before they found something new to give me crap for.

[619]

I decided to post two parts today as they're a bit shorter than usual, with Carnage In Canberra on the way tomorrow.

Part 27: The Fighting 30s

Though I was happy with the direction Massacre took us in, the unremarkable main event did play on my mind a bit. Gyula Lakatos’ previous four main events were all entertaining, so I didn’t see him as a problem. But it was also true that those matches featured Milton Hittlespitz, Rob Edwards and Blitz Simpson, and Chopper Rourke wasn’t quite on their level.

Chopper and his stablemate Vaughan also seemed a step slower than before, though as they were never as accomplished between the ropes as Blitz, the drop-off wasn’t too alarming. But the fact remained that all six of those headliners were in their 30s and our other one, Cesar Sionis, was about to turn 40.

That didn’t bother me too much in terms of my plans for the rest of the year, but it was clear we’d have to step up our future planning. Part of that would involve looking down our roster, where I was already trying to heat a few blokes up, but it was also likely that I’d have to start taking recruitment a lot more seriously.

Part 28: Writing finishes

I was about to break my deal with road agent Lou Brookmyre.

When I became booker, I told him I’d oversee angles, match line-ups and winners and he’d be in charge of everything else between the ropes. I had two motivations: I knew he was more qualified than me for deciding what should happen in the ring, and I hoped the extra authority would make him less sceptical of my promotion to booker. Half a year into our partnership, I wasn’t sure the second part of the plan had worked.

He pushed back on a lot of my ideas, which was understandable. He’d worked under Big Jim Teasdale for over a decade so, for him, Big Jim’s way of doing things was the way to do things. At times, my attempts to adapt that formula had almost seemed to offend him.

So I expected a hostile reception when I pitched a specific match finish idea to him for the Carnage In Canberra main event between Milton Hittlespitz and Cesar Sionis. After all, he hated my direction enough in my own sphere of influence, without now polluting his.

Nothing could’ve prepared me for his response: “I love it”. Had I made a breakthrough?

Edited September 18, 2022 by 619

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Part 29: Carnage In Canberra 2022

The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange) v Ares Death Cult (Gyula Lakatos and Lloyd Banks)
The Warriors proved their masks weren’t the only clown-like thing about them by deciding they wanted more of Ares Death Cult. As Cesar Sionis was facing Milton Hittlespitz in the main event, DIW Champion Gyula Lakatos partnered Lloyd Banks. It was the Cult’s newest recruit who got the victory, wiping Mr. Orange out with his barbed-wire-assisted chokehold.

Death Ref got on the mic after the match and made mischief. He said he’d heard people speculating that The Comedian was working with Ares Death Cult at Massacre, calling Chopper Rourke out to deliberately leave Vaughan and Blitz Simpson exposed to an attack. He declined to comment further though, saying that was for The Comedian to address.

Seth Wish v Pat Rigsby
DIW’s troll had plenty of material here, telling Seth Wish that he messed up (but in swearier language) by offering Kobra Khan a best-of-3 series for the Australian Title rather than a one off. Wish built some momentum for next month’s series decider by hitting Rigsby with Dust In The Wind.

The Barracudas (Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke) v Saracens (Cueball and Tank)
Saracens asked for a tag match after losing to The Barracudas in singles action at Devil May Care. It wasn’t their smartest decision, especially with Blitz Simpson in such fantastic form. His hot tag definitely lived up to the name, and Cueball had no response to his Lifting DDT.

Vaughan made an intriguing comment after his gang’s win, appearing to acknowledge that Ares Death Cult recruiting Lloyd Banks had put The Barracudas on the back foot by admitting it was time for a change of tactics. However, he didn’t reveal what it would be.

Ahead of his Australian Title best-of-3 decider with Seth Wish next month, Kobra Khan pointed out that he could be the next challenger for the DIW Title – that being an extra reward for the series winner. Therefore, he wanted to test himself against a former DIW Champion. Rob Edwards answered the call.

Kobra Khan v Rob Edwards
Kobra Khan started well in this clash of the DIW Title hopefuls, but Edwards punished him ruthlessly when he missed a Ripcord Knee, trapping him in the ropes and unloading with a flurry of precise kicks and punches. Once a disorientated Khan got back to his feet, the Human Weapon was ready to put him back down for the count with his Roundhouse Kick.

Two Badass MFers entered next, with Seb Shaw contesting a singles triple threat match with members of The Wrecking Crew and The Inmates. Shaw said this wasn’t what he had in mind when Hendrix Hughes promised him a three-way. He said that while Shaw would be smoking outside the ring, he’d be smoking members of these second-rate tag teams inside it.

Seb Shaw v Wrecker v Bile
Bile tried to form alliances with both his opponents early on, undermining them by jumping his allies each time their backs were turned. The treachery backfired, with Shaw and Wrecker grabbing a cane each and taking turns to strike The Criminally Insane Kingpin. Once he was out of action, Shaw and Wrecker agreed to put down the canes for the next part of the fight. Wrecker acted first, but Shaw had second thoughts and charged at Wrecker, only to get caught with a Mighty Bulldog onto his own weapon. Wrecker had scored a victory for The Wrecking Crew over Two Badass MFers.

Milton Hittlespitz v Cesar Sionis
Armed with upbeat new music, Crazy Blue was back in full crowd-pleaser mode as he entered, not just high-fiving fans but pausing to talk to some of them. The support wasn’t enough to stop Ares Death Cult’s numbers from overwhelming him, or so it seemed. A commotion in the crowd indicated the arrival of The Barracudas. Death Ref signalled to Lloyd Banks, Gyula Lakatos and myself to join him in scouting one side out each. Milton hadn’t been distracted by the commotion, grabbing his steel chair instead and smashing Cesar in the head with it, ending the battle with his Flying Knee Drop.

Milton bowed to the fans after the bell, suggesting that they had helped him to dupe Ares Death Cult. As we came back to ringside after him, he dived over the barricade to the fans, who crowd-surfed him to safety. He would get his DIW Title rematch at Hardcore Hallelujah.

[AboardTheArk]

Yet another good show! Milton being more over than ever is truly a testament to the booking having worked, but one could also call this a regression, which means more twists could come... 

In any case, Hardcore Hallelujah is the first time the Cult might actually lose which makes it extra exciting, and the past few shows keep being improvements on one another so it says a lot.

[619]

Thanks. The regression comment may be true: I wanted to try something different with Milton, but I'm not sure the brooding babyface really suits DIW, so conveniently him getting to vent his frustrations over the last few months has made him a little less melancholic.

Part 30: Bye bye Bile

If you asked me which of our stars we’d lose first, I would’ve guessed Two Badass MFers, who had the personalities to make an impact in any promotion, or Rob Edwards, the youngest of our main eventers and an excellent all-rounder.

I never would’ve picked Bile, the weaker half of veteran tag team The Inmates, who was 41 and didn’t seem to have an offer from a bigger company on the table. It wasn’t a big loss, but the timing was lousy as I’d recently put the team in the Tag Title picture.

In a miscommunication with Lou Brookmyre, I hadn’t changed the finish of the triple threat match at Carnage In Canberra between our initial planning meeting before I found out about Bile and the show to have him take the fall instead of Seb Shaw. I’d originally wanted the title holder to be the one beaten to build up the sense of jeopardy but, knowing he wouldn’t be there again, it should have been Bile looking up at the lights.

The other detail that infuriated me was how in the dark I felt. It wasn’t like we had lengthy conversations at every show, but he never complained, never gave the impression he was unhappy and never disclosed a reason for handing in his notice. And, as far as I could tell, he had no plans to stop working for DIW copycats Original Legends Deathmatches, who from a distance appeared to be booking him like a loser, so I couldn’t understand why he’d rather stick with the imitation than the real thing.

If nothing else, the experience helped me find some common ground with The Comedian. In our call to discuss the news, his verdict was “screw that bloke”, and I felt exactly the same way. Suddenly, I found the boss’ ability to treat people he’d worked with for years as though they were dead to him a lot easier to relate to.

[619]

Part 31: Nine key relationships

The way I saw it, there were nine key relationships determining whether I could be a successful DIW booker. For the first time, I had the sense that more of those were going well than badly.

I was slowly adjusting to The Comedian and Lou Brookmyre’s ability to always find something to grumble about, so I tried my best now not to take it too personally, or let it derail my plans. I had increasing faith that as long as business was okay, I had some job security no matter how much they distrusted some of my ideas.

Every day, I counted my blessings that I’d been paired with Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis before being made booker. If I didn’t have an existing relationship with them, I had no doubt they’d be my most vicious critics (they still were at times, but away from the locker room and with good intentions). Instead, they always had my back. Not just because they trusted me to book them favourably. I think they saw themselves the same way I saw them: as my protective big brothers.

I’m still not convinced Milton Hittlespitz was thrilled with how I’d booked him, especially in the first few months, but got the impression he appreciated being given something a bit different to sink his teeth into, and being consulted on it, so I wasn’t too concerned about that relationship. The same was true with Rob Edwards: I think we made a breakthrough at Devil May Care when I asked him to make the fans believe in my direction for the show, and told him long-term booking plans that nobody else on the roster knew.

Instead, it was the relationship I’d probably worked hardest on that still felt like the weakest: The Barracudas. I’d shown them a lot of trust. I had them take out The Comedian, show up late for Hardcore Heatwave, powerbomb me through two tables and always presented them as a major threat since, but it hadn’t really built a rapport between us.

Sure, they’d joke in the locker room that we should do the powerbomb again some time, but it was all superficial, no substance. They didn’t engage me beyond that, and any booking plans I relayed to them were greeted with the same sceptical looks. I think part of that was the nature of the group, only trusting one another, and perhaps the Barracudas/Ares Death Cult feud was realer than even I realised. In a sense, the two groups really were competing to be the company’s controlling force, and that didn’t leave much room for friendship.

I felt like I’d always treated them with respect. As much as I wanted everyone in the locker room to like me, if the relationship wasn’t any stronger after what we’d been through together this year, it was unlikely to change, so trying to force it was only going to make things worse. I just had to accept I was never going to be The Barracudas’ buddy.

[619]

Part 32: Hardcore Hallelujah 2022

Australian Title Best-of-3 Series Fight 3: Seth Wish (c) 1-1 Kobra Khan
Lou had the idea to lean into the messiness of their second fight by having this match wrestled at a frenetic pace and both men struggling to pull moves off, partly because they had each other well scouted from their previous showdowns, and partly as Wish was rushing to try to get the win. The champion’s over-eagerness would cost him as he missed his Suicide Senton three times, crashing into the mat each time. When he got back up the third time, he walked straight into Kobra Khan’s Ripcord Knee and a new champion was crowned, winning a DIW Title shot too as part of the agreement.

Saracens (Cueball and Tank) v Cesar Sionis and Lloyd Banks (Ares Death Cult)
One-upmanship was on the agenda here: Ares Death Cult had seen The Barracudas lay waste to Saracens last month and wanted to show we could do it even better. Cueball and Tank got a few early shots in, but never recovered from Death Ref introducing the barbed wire, which Banks would utilise to help choke out Cueball, scoring his fourth straight win.

Vaughan was in the aisle with a microphone. He told Ares Death Cult to settle down, he’s not heading for the ring. He said Lloyd Banks had been on quite the run since joining the Cult, but he’d choked out one bloke too many. Vaughan explained that he’s the DIW fighter who puts his opponents to sleep, and he wanted to fight The Barbed Wire Messiah next month, with the loser retiring their chokehold. Death Ref accepted on Banks’ behalf.

Hendrix Hughes v Mr. Pink v The Anarchist
The three feuding tag teams again fought in singles action, this time featuring the men who sat out last month. It looked like The Wrecking Crew had got the better of Two Badass MFers for the second show in a row when Mr. Pink hit Hughes with his Pink Thunder Bomb, only for The Anarchist to club him from behind and hit the masked man with an A-Bomb for the win.

An uncharacteristically flustered Seb Shaw grabbed a mic after the bell and said enough with this singles crap. Two Badass MFers are a unit, the clue is the name, and no tag team in this company or this country were on their level. He told The Wrecking Crew and The Anarchist – if he even still had a tag team partner (the crowd cooed at this, having heard the rumours and noticed the absence of Bile) – that it would soon be time for them both to take their shots and eat a loss.

Janus v Rob Edwards
Edwards vowed back in March that he wouldn’t lose another match until he was given another DIW Title match, and The Human Weapon was laser-focussed in achieving his fifth straight victory. A Roundhouse Kick finished off Janus who, for all Death Ref had said to me about his promise, seemed totally lost against arguably the best wrestler in the company.

Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke (The Barracudas) v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
The Barracudas joined Ares Death Cult in the game of “anything you can do, we can do better” by challenging The Warriors. Even Mr. Green and Mr. Orange knew this was a foregone conclusion, and the latest in their long list of losses to The Barracudas was confirmed when Blitz Simpson hit Mr. Green with his Lifting DDT.

DIW Title: Milton Hittlespitz v Gyula Lakatos (c)
Like last month, Milton appeared incredibly relaxed before the bell, engaging front-row fans in conversation as he came to the ring. We were determined not to let him build momentum this time and, every time he took Gyula down, either Cesar Sionis, Death Ref or I were ready to disrupt him. Just like in Canberra, there was a commotion in the crowd, but Death Ref laughed it off and implored us not to fall for it. It wasn’t a trick this time though: The Barracudas were here. Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke took the fight to Cesar and Death Ref and Vaughan backed me up the ramp. I still had legal protection against attack, but was so disorientated by their appearance and unsure of their intentions that I wasn’t taking a risk. Gyula was leaving the ring in pursuit of Vaughan when Milton struck him drive-by style with a trash can, quickly following up with his Flying Knee Drop to regain the title.

The crowd were euphoric, but there was no celebration. The second Tatum raised Milton’s hand, Rob Edwards levelled him in the back of the head with a Roundhouse Kick, thumping him in the face with an even more sickening shot when he got up. The Human Weapon laid the DIW Title on top of the fallen new champion, demanding that he take care of it for him.

[AboardTheArk]

Great culmination of this good run of shows! Loved the chokehold wager, Edwards vs Milton will be a very hot program, and even the idea of a show being headlined by both a Faction warfare multi-man tag match and a title match between two of the best three wrestlers in the company is very exciting! Also will be interesting to see what happens with the midcard title shot, as in the base game (which is easier, lol) you can have a robust midcard scene but in this mod it seems to be these two guys, maybe Wrecker.

[619]

Thanks a lot for such a kind comment. I’m also pretty content with how those top two stories are building too, but you’re definitely right that the midcard situation is rather ugly. You’re just more generous than me in blaming the mod rather than the booking, haha.

[619]

Part 33: Revolutionary

For the first eight months of my booking career, the main criticism against me was that DIW was losing its identity. It was no longer hardcore enough, and I was tampering with things that didn’t need to be tampered with.

By the start of September, I began to notice a new line of attack which completely contradicted the original one: I’d been given the book to shake DIW up but, in reality, I’d changed nothing. The roster hadn’t changed, the list of title holders barely had, and everyone was in pretty much the same position on the card I’d found them in.

This one hit me harder than the “she’s not hardcore” silliness because, well, it was kind of true. When I told the roster in January they’d all get a chance to prove themselves, I meant it. If I broke my first promise, I knew I’d never be given the opportunity to make a second one. And, unlike in my own life, I treated financial stability as the top priority. The Comedian told me to fire before I hire and I was confident enough in the roster I inherited and what I wanted to do with them to put that financial improvement ahead of any roster rebuilding.

Eight months in, I believed I’d made the right decisions. Crowds were up, income was up, morale was up and our most lucrative matches were still ahead of us.

So the criticism that I hadn’t been enough of a revolutionary didn’t concern me hugely in terms of job security, mainly because I’d never heard anything like that from the boss or Lou Brookmyre. But it irritated me because I kind of wanted to be a revolutionary, and revolutionaries probably shouldn’t put financial and locker-room management above changing the world.

Revolutionaries probably shouldn’t file away their grand plans for a convenient point in the future either, but I had. I’d known for a long time what the final DIW moment of 2022 would be. Now I was starting to piece together how it would allow me to alter the landscape in 2023.

[619]

Part 34: A historic main event

I should have known for certain, having worked for the company throughout its existence, but I wasn’t a thorough chronicler before I got the book. However, I was fairly sure our upcoming DIW Title match between new champ Milton Hittlespitz and new Australian Champion Kobra Khan was the first champion-versus-champion main event in DIW history.

I hoped the uniqueness of the occasion would make up for the lack of prior interaction between the two fighters on an Extreme Life card that would feature two undercard matches we’d built up to: Vaughan v Lloyd Banks where the loser would retire their chokehold and a tag title match. We also announced another big fight between two men who had hoped to be in the night’s main event: Seth Wish and Rob Edwards.

I was optimistic for the final four months of 2022, believing the main events I had planned for each show were ones that fans would really want to see, and would build anticipation for 2023 too, when I planned to shake things up a bit.

My confidence was boosted by an unusually upbeat Extreme Life planning meeting with Lou Brookmyre. We both seemed to agree on the plan for the show*. Things going well and older colleagues being receptive to my ideas was almost unsettling: it felt too good to be true.

*Well, Lou did think it was stupid that I was making Milton Hittlespitz v Kobra Khan a ladder match just because there was a ladder on the Extreme Life logo and I thought fans might claim false advertisement if it was a ladder-less show, but you can’t have it all.

[619]

Part 35: Extreme Life 2022

Carl Paris v Gyula Lakatos
The recently dethroned DIW Champion started the show accompanied by the rest of Ares Death Cult against rookie Paris and slowly and violently took out his anger on the 18-year-old, finishing the job with his Choke Bomb.

We all entered the ring after the bell with Death Ref demanding that The Barracudas come down and face us. Unlike in last month’s main event, when they ambushed us to cost Gyula the title, the call went unanswered, causing us to retreat moodily up the ramp.

Seth Wish v Rob Edwards
Both these blokes were furious: Wish for losing the Australian Title and a shot at the DIW Title to Kobra Khan last month, and Edwards because he thought he would finally get his crack at Milton Hittlespitz tonight. The Human Weapon did a far better job channelling his anger though, with Wish too hurried in his offence, leaving himself unprotected against Edwards’ lethal strikes. In a scene we’d seen a few times recently, Wish went for a Senton Splash with his opponent not yet out of contention and, by the time he dragged himself back off the mat, Edwards caught him flush with a Roundhouse Kick for the win.

Edwards grabbed the mic for a moan. He’d kept his promise of going unbeaten, he hadn’t lost for over half a year, so where was his title fight? The Comedian made a surprise appearance, telling him he’d face the winner of Milton Hittlespitz and Kobra Khan’s ladder match next month. He wasn’t here for The Human Weapon though. He wanted to talk to Wish. He told Wish the fact Kobra Khan is holding his Australian Title and challenging for the DIW Title tonight must make him feel like a jackass. He would’ve seen the back of Kobra Khan five months ago if he didn’t turn their series into a best of 3. He said he should feel like a jackass, and should use that as motivation to never given an inch to an opponent again. The boss told him to take time off if he needed it, but make sure he learnt from his mistakes.

Tag Titles: Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw) (c) v The Anarchist and God Of War
We thought this would be a three-way with The Wrecking Crew, but Two Badass MFers announced that they’d decided triple threats were beneath them. The fans came to see Two Badass MFers, and it wasn’t fair on them if they didn’t get maximum exposure to Australia’s top tag team. The Wrecking Crew would just have to wait their turn. The question of who The Anarchist, who won a triple threat against Hughes and Mr. Pink last month, would team with now Bile was gone had a curious answer: God Of War. Hadn’t he seen him wrestle this year? The Anarchist tried to keep him out of the ring as much as he could here, but he was forced to tag after blood affected his vision after being tripped into the ring steps. Shaw had an assist from his partner to put God Of War down with a Spinning Brainbuster.

Vaughan v Lloyd Banks
After a Cold War phase broken by The Barracudas costing Gyula Lakatos the DIW Title last month, this was the first match between them and us in three months, and the loser would retire their choke. Vaughan was unbeaten this year, but with rumours that he’d lost a step, while Banks was on the longest winning run of his DIW career since joining Ares Death Cult in April. Any pretence of this being a one-on-one match was spoiled by the warring factions at ringside intervening the first time that Vaughan and Banks respectively looked to lock in their chokes. Eventually, the onlooking Barracudas and Ares Death Cult engaged in a full brawl. Death Ref tried to capitalise on the distraction, handing Banks his barbed wire but, as he tried to wrap it around Vaughan’s neck, the heavyweight ripped it in two in his bloody hands, lashing The Barbed Wire Messiah with what remained, Powerbomb-ing him and then locking him in the Choke Sleeper.

Banks was out, the bell was rung but Vaughan didn’t break the hold until Death Ref went after him with barbed wire. That brought the other Barracudas into the ring, with Cesar Sionis and Gyula following. There was only one man capable of stopping the war, The Comedian, who did so by telling the two teams they would fight in a six-man match in two months at Chaos Engine. Both teams would pick a man for a match next month at Damage Control, with the loser banned from the six-man showdown for the first five minutes.

The Wrecking Crew (Wrecker and Mr. Pink) v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
This was presented as an impromptu match demanded by The Wrecking Crew after their anticipated title match didn’t materialise, and The Warriors certainly performed as if they weren’t prepared. Mr. Pink secured a win for his new team against his old one, sending Mr. Green to the mat with his Pink Thunder Bomb.

DIW Title Ladder Match: Milton Hittlespitz (c) v Kobra Khan
Australian Champion Kobra Khan made a fast start to his first ever DIW Title match. While both men used the ladder as a weapon and to assist with running and aerial strikes, neither tried to retrieve the title in the first 10 minutes. Instead, it was only when Kobra Khan laid the champion out with his Ripcord Knee that he made the ascent. He focussed so much on the steps that he didn’t spot Hittlespitz drag himself up using the ropes, climb the turnbuckle, jump to join him on the ladder and then send the challenger to the floor with a belly-to-belly throw. Crazy Blue remained on the ladder, but chose to hit his Flying Knee Drop on Kobra Khan, before climbing again to complete his first ever successful DIW Title defence.

Just like last month, Rob Edwards made a beeline to the ring after the main event to jump Milton, measuring him for a Roundhouse Kick. But he didn’t see Crazy Blue catch a chair thrown from a fan at ringside, launching it at the unsuspecting Human Weapon and following up with a dropkick. With Edwards now down, Hittlespitz lined him up for a hard chair shot to the face, celebrating with the DIW Title.

Edited September 24, 2022 by 619

[AboardTheArk]

That Chaos Engine stipulation is really fun, nice to have a feud that spans the whole year.