DIW 2023: The Secret Millionaire

[619]

Sequel to DIW 2022: Lori's Law | Using lavelleuk's outstanding Alternative CornellVerse 2022 Mod

Quote

DIW's 2023 Roster

Show Index
(Jan) To The Extreme
(Feb) Hardcore Heatwave
(Mar) Blood And Guts
(Apr) Havoc
(May) Devil May Care
(Jun) Massacre
(Jul) Carnage In Canberra
(Aug) Hardcore Hallelujah
(Sep) Extreme Life
(Oct) Damage Control
(Nov) Chaos Engine
(Dec) War Machine
 

Part 1: The decision

Was it really a lack of ambition to stay somewhere you loved? The place you’d worked your whole adult life, where your husband and best friends were and where you’d been given opportunity after opportunity to develop? I thought so, which is why I said see ya to The Comedian (DIW’s owner), Shawn (my husband, Death Ref), Tatum (my best friend, DIW ref Richards), Cesar and Gyula (my long-term Ares Death Cult stablemates Sionis and Lakatos) and sped off to Cutting Edge Wrestling.

Just kidding. Two things happened between Gerard Knights’ call inviting me to work for CEW (his second such offer in five years) on Tuesday 27th December and the deadline he gave me of Thursday 29th December to make my decision a lot simpler.

Firstly, I replayed what Knights had said over and over again in my mind and realised that for all his words, he’d left out two key details. There was no mention of how much he planned to pay me, or even what my job would be. I assumed I was being offered the book, given that was my role in DIW, but seeing that their Dumfrey Pinn had been voted Booker of the Year by Aussie Wrestling subscribers on Wednesday morning before my meeting with The Comedian made me realise he almost certainly wasn’t putting me in charge, and instead envisaged me helping to execute someone else’s vision.

Secondly, The Comedian came through for me in a big way, which was a timely reminder of the fact he always had done throughout my career. He invited Shawn to attend my meeting with him and road agent Lou Brookmyre, which didn’t make much sense until we got there.

“I’m going to tell your wife something today that I know she will want to tell you, so I thought I’d make life easier for your both. I’ll need you to sign NDAs first. Lou already has.”

It was the least hardcore thing he’d ever done, and yet the solution to all my problems. I no longer faced a conflict over whether or not to tell Shawn that DIW suddenly had a few million in the bank, and I had a legally-binding reason why I couldn’t tell Tatum, Cesar and Gyula.

I couldn’t stand the boss at times, but he had given me a job when I had no experience, hired a booker who elevated me to the main event, introduced me to my husband and handed me an opportunity to be a booker. And now, when he had the budget to hire any booker he wanted and I hadn’t been easy to deal with, he was putting his faith in me again, and doing so in a way that wouldn’t compromise my marriage.

While I appreciated Knights’ interest, his dismissive attitude to The Comedian in our call was a turn off, even if I could relate to finding him annoying. He acted as though having more money made him better, oblivious to DIW’s sudden wealth. I felt confident enough in my decision that night to answer CEW’s owner a day early, and with far fewer words than he had bombarded me with the night before, simply texting him “maybe next time”.

Edited February 24, 2023 by 619

[619]

Part 2: The million dollar strategy

You know I decided to stick with DIW and that I had a meeting with The Comedian and Lou Brookmyre to plan for 2023 after our bizarre $5 million gift from deceased cryptocurrency millionaire Alf Kennedy (worth a little under $2 million post-tax), so you probably want to know the grand vision.

Would we start offering contracts to Revolution Australian Wrestling wrestlers? Would we furnish our home venue Marv’s with golden ornaments? Would Pat Rigsby win a match? No, the game plan was simpler and less spectacular: keep doing what we were doing.

It was hard to disagree with The Comedian’s logic. Our unexpected windfall wasn’t public knowledge and we didn’t have anything to gain in making it known at this stage. All that would happen was that our current roster would demand more money and so would anyone we tried to sign.

There wasn’t much benefit to doubling our roster or offering big contracts at this stage as they’d still be performing to 300 fans once a month, and we weren’t yet established enough to command a broadcasting deal, so we wouldn’t make enough money back on such investments.

Our 2022 shows had increased our fanbase, so the boss’ idea was to continue building that audience and, until we grew big enough, focus on infrastructure improvements to prepare us for when the money we had would become more important. We could increase our production budget, perhaps look at acquiring a building a bit larger than Marv’s. These were the kind of things that we might not have risked before, but had to opportunity to invest in safely now without making our newfound wealth too obvious.

One short-term benefit was that it would help make the hires I had planned for the start of the year a little more straightforward, as it was no longer essential to ensure the salaries of my new recruits perfectly matched those we were letting go. It was now possible to make offers slightly higher than before without the same panic that we might bankrupt the company. And while I was still spending carefully, I felt comfortable enough to upgrade one of the targets on my shortlist for an even more established act.

As mentioned above, there would be some departures to balance out the arrivals, as we weren’t significantly altering roster size or show lengths to avoid arousing suspicion.

Firing people by text before my first show last year, as advised by Cesar Sionis, had probably been quite effective in showing I wasn’t a soft touch. However, I wasn’t planning a repeat. Having booked those blokes for a year, I wanted to show them as much respect as possible, which also meant waiting a few weeks to deliver the bad news, rather than doing it over the holidays. Because, of that, I’ll wait until February to profile the DIW Class of 2023.

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Part 3: So where were we?

Our two main in-ring stories in 2022 saw The Barracudas (Blitz Simpson, Chopper Rourke and Vaughan) wage war on Ares Death Cult (Cesar Sionis, Gyula Lakatos and later Lloyd Banks, flanked by Death Ref and I) and Milton Hittlespitz and Rob Edwards fighting to regain the DIW Title after Edwards lost it to Milton at the final show of 2021 and retaliated by costing Crazy Blue it against Gyula at the start of 2022.

The Barracudas believed they’d won their war in November with a decisive six-man victory over Ares Death Cult, switching their focus to reclaiming gold in 2023. However, at the final show of the year, Cesar and Gyula won the Tag Titles, Banks won the Australian Title and, most shockingly, we recruited Edwards by helping him beat Milton for the DIW Title.

Death Ref declared that The Barracudas hadn’t won the war, it had only just begun. After all, if the prison gang’s new focus was on winning titles, Ares Death Cult now held all of them. And where did Milton fit into all of this? Would he enter into an uneasy alliance with The Barracudas to get revenge on The Human Weapon and reclaim the DIW Title, or had being betrayed twice by the new champion eroded his trust?

[AboardTheArk]

Let's. Go. 

 

As much as I think CEW are finally a good answer to RAW's dominance since they're full of pretty boys who can go hardcore, I'll always dislike them for stealing Pinn enterprises from their home. 

 

Thrilled to have ypu back. It's not lost on me that you were kinda sorta maybe teasing a women's division as year one was ending. Kickass, innovative DIW will hit different (also finally have some more talent on that midcard lol).

[619]

Thanks for following again @AboardTheArk. I only loaded Oceania when starting this game, which I kicked myself for after lavelleuk commented on the Canadian women's scene and then discovering everything IWW had to offer (either as a place to hire from, or a future destination for Lori). So women's wrestling is more likely to be an occasional attraction in DIW than a full division, but we'll see.

Part 4: Main event announcement

Our last seven shows all had a main event that had been confirmed at a previous show, helping us to build anticipation. That wasn’t an option for To The Extreme 2023 because, while I felt War Machine had set the stage well for 2023, it was more of a season finale than a set-up event for the next show, with Ares Death Cult winning every title and recruiting Rob Edwards.

That left me torn on whether it was a better promotional tactic to announce the main event in advance to generate hype, or if a more effective approach would be to reveal nothing and keep everyone guessing. I eventually decided to announce it 13 days before the show: Milton Hittlespitz v Blitz Simpson to determine whether the recently dethroned champion or a Barracuda got the next shot at Edwards’ DIW Title.

Two factors fed into that decision: alongside Edwards, Milton and Blitz were two of our three biggest stars right now, and they hadn’t fought once in 2022, so it would be a waste to give away such an attractive match unannounced. Secondly, it wasn’t a match people would’ve been expecting, so I hoped there would be extra intrigue about how it all came together.

Confirmed underneath Milton v Blitz at To The Extreme were Lloyd Banks’ first Australian Title defence, a tag team invitational to determine Cesar Sionis and Gyula Lakatos’ first challengers, Seth Wish taking on another handpicked opponent, an announcement from The Comedian and new DIW Champion Rob Edwards in the ring to start the show.

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Part 5: Talking women with Lou

There was no major conflict between road agent Lou Brookmyre and I over what I’d outlined for To The Extreme, so I instead decided to use our time together to pick his brain over something else that had been bothering me: Momoe Hamuera.

My initial plan in bringing her in had been to build up to DIW’s first ever women’s match. Being one of only two permanent female employees in the company’s existence, I was more conscious of our lack of diversity than my colleagues or our fans. And I was the first female booker in Australian wrestling history outside of women’s promotion Luxe, so it didn’t seem right to take an opportunity for myself without trying to create one for others.

The idea of Hamuera coming in to take me out after I’d ensured that no man in DIW could lay their hands on me was something I’d mapped out even before The Barracudas’ attack on me last February that set all that in motion. But now I’d brought Hamuera in on an initial three-appearance deal with a view to building DIW’s first women’s match, I had cold feet.

I knew deep down that Tatum and my appetite for such an occasion wasn’t universally shared. So rather than push on and risk hostility from fans and resentment from colleagues who thought I was putting myself over derailing what I hoped to achieve, I started to wonder whether it was better to wait.

What we’d done so far could easily be wrapped up without anyone suspecting a rewrite: we could say The Barracudas had hired her to neutralise me for the six-man tag, and I’d taken legal action to ensure that she couldn’t do it again. Our financial situation meant I could think more long-term now, that we could build to eventually having a women’s showcase more gradually.

Lou was surprisingly helpful. Being a traditionalist, I thought he’d be happy that I was thinking of abandoning the angle, but instead he argued that as long as I wasn’t counting on it being a main event, he didn’t see any reason not to persevere. People were more open-minded to undercard attractions, and we could use a few tricks if needed, creating enough chaos to get the crowd invested, or even integrating one or two of the male wrestlers.

Poking a bit of fun at me, he said he wasn’t sure how many people really wanted to see him get hit by a cane at War Machine, but it didn’t stop them from leaving the building thinking they’d seen the show of the year. He’d given me plenty to consider.

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Part 6: To The Extreme 2023

New DIW Champion Rob Edwards entered with the rest of us to new funereal Ares Death Cult music. Death Ref started by promising this year wouldn’t just be about the Cult and The Barracudas. Everyone in DIW had decisions to make as if you weren’t with us, we’d assume you were against us. He noted that Edwards picked his side at War Machine and chose well.

The Human Weapon said he held Milton Hittlespitz and The Barracudas responsible for costing him a year with his DIW Title, and he would do whatever it took to stop that happening again. Those blokes were snakes and he knew what their next move would be: uniting to try to take down Ares Death Cult. But we weren’t just tougher than them, we were smarter too. That’s why the only way to get to him was through each other. If Milton or The Barracudas wanted a DIW Title shot, they had to leave the other lifeless tonight to get it.

God Of War made a surprise appearance. He said Rob Edwards had sold out everything he stood for to be DIW Champion again. Edwards asked God Of War what he stood for, apart from losing? He said God Of War wouldn’t even last five minutes against him. This seemed to give him an idea as, after a pause, he offered to prove it. He’d put the DIW Title on the line right now under the stipulation that he had to win in five minutes. But when he did, that was it for God Of War in DIW. He could retire with what little grace he had left or go to the Original Legends Deathmatches retirement home. I know you’re not meant to give publicity to promotions that are beneath you, but I couldn’t resist feeding Edwards that line.

DIW Title 5-Minute Challenge: God Of War v Rob Edwards (c)
This was quite possibly the worst ever DIW Title match, and certainly the worst that I’d booked. The story was simple though: Edwards dominated at the start, God Of War rallied in the fourth minute and took The Human Weapon off his feet. He gestured for his powerbomb, but Edwards performed a leg takedown before he even got close to executing it and followed up with his Roundhouse Kick to win with around 25 seconds to spare.

The Anarchist appeared to take exception to Edwards dismissively kicking the defeated God Of War under the bottom rope. The Human Weapon asked if he wanted the same deal, but said this time the bar would be set at 10 minutes, and to consider that a mark of respect. While this was going on, I called an audible and replaced Death Ref in Edwards’ corner, sensing the chemistry wasn’t quite right between them.

DIW Title 10-Minute Challenge: The Anarchist v Rob Edwards (c)
The strategic thing to do was act slowly and try to frustrate the champion into rushing and making mistakes. Inevitably, The Anarchist chose anarchy instead, trying to take the fight to Edwards and wearing himself out. The Human Weapon only needed six of the 10 minutes he’d allotted himself, with a Roundhouse Kick completing his second defence of the night.

I dared Mamoe Hamuera to show up at Blood And Guts in March for a match and also dared someone to face Lloyd Banks for the Australian Title on the same terms Edwards offered: survive 10 minutes and the title’s yours, or come up short and wave goodbye to DIW. Soul Burner stepped up.

Australian Title 10-Minute Challenge: Soul Burner v Lloyd Banks (c)
Soul Burner had a better idea than God Of War and The Anarchist of how to reach his time limit, introducing a series of weapons to try to wear the champion out with. But when he knocked the Banks off the apron with a ladder, it gave the Barbed Wire Messiah a chance to retrieve his favourite weapon, sucker-punching the challenger with it when he went out to meet him. Banks threw him back in the ring and put him down for the count with a Piledriver. Ares Death Cult had started 2023 as strongly as we ended 2022, with three straight wins.

Seth Wish said he heard what everyone said last month when he picked Pat Rigsby as his opponent: that he was avoiding Kobra Khan, but he’d prove right here that he was ready for him.

Kobra Khan v Seth Wish
Wish made the stronger start, which wasn’t surprising given he’d been prepared for this match and his opponent hadn’t, but Kobra Khan took over as it went on, achieving two near falls. Wish rallied, only to miss his Suicide Senton, a move that often seemed to live up to its name against Khan. The masked man went to the top rope himself, only to get whacked clean in the forehead by a cane. Wish exploited the interference, hitting Dust In The Wind for the win. The winner embraced his accomplice, who many fans recognised as Con McReady.

Marv’s got louder when Two Badass MFers followed The Wrecking Crew, Saracens and The Warriors out ahead of the tag contender invitational. However, Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw said they weren’t taking part tonight, not because they didn’t want their titles back or because Death Ref’s “with or against us” speech had scared them, but out of principle as they’d already decreed that multi-team matches were beneath them. The crowd weren’t happy.

The Wrecking Crew (Mr. Pink and Wrecker) v Saracens (Cueball and Tank) v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
Two Badass MFers’ no-show spoiled much of the suspense over which team would win the right to face new champions Cesar Sionis and Gyula Lakatos next month. Wrecker secured an expected victory for The Wrecking Crew by planting Mr. Green with a Mighty Bulldog.

The Comedian said he launched DIW to take the fight to APW. He knew James McMinister’s millions couldn’t buy real Aussie wrestling. He thanked the fans for proving him right because DIW was now bigger than APW. While we sold out every show, the only sellouts they’d ever seen were those dingoes who had left here for there. He said next month one of the only assets that piece-of-crap organisation had left would debut in DIW. He threw some tinnies to the crowd for audience members to toast this apparent good news with him.

Milton Hittlespitz v Blitz Simpson
These two don’t have the best chemistry, but are so good that this was still probably the best match of my time with the book besides Milton v Edwards II and III. Milton sandbagged Blitz’s attempt to plant him with a Lifting DDT and then flipped him onto a turnbuckle that the Barracuda had exposed earlier. He signalled for a Flying Knee Drop but was pulled out of the ring by what looked to be Dexter Mattell. The newcomer threw Milton into the steps then locked in an STF, throwing him back in the ring and walking off once Blitz had recovered to finish him off with his new Nasty Neckbreaker.

Vaughan and Chopper Rourke joined Blitz in the ring to celebrate, with Vaughan thanking the slightly confused winner for earning him a shot, indicating that it would be the five-time DIW Champion rather than Blitz opposing Rob Edwards at Hardcore Heatwave.

[AboardTheArk]

I did not expect this to begin with buying out APW and bringing their (like 5) good wrestlers in. Dexter rules. Different and nice format for the show.

Edited January 22, 2023 by AboardTheArk

[619]

Thanks. Sad to report it's just one act coming directly from APW for now, though a buyout would've made for a more compelling dynasty with our secret windfall and all the APW connections.

Part 7: An unforced error

One of the successes of my time as booker had been the locker room atmosphere. Yes, I had faced cynicism about my suitability for the role, especially from The Barracudas, but there were no fights, no vendettas and no sniping. Everyone got on, at least until To The Extreme, when I did something that put all of that at risk, and ultimately reflected terribly on me.

I had brought in Dexter Mattell specifically to work with Milton Hittlespitz, oblivious to the fact they didn’t get on. If fact, my new recruit also had issues with DIW Champion Rob Edwards, and I would later find out there were also problems between him and someone else who was joining the company next month. All of this could probably have been smoothed over if I’d communicated more openly, discussing my plans with Milton before executing them.

But the bigger headache for me was that he was Tatum’s boyfriend so, to the rest of the locker room, it looked like I had signed someone as a favour to my friend, with no regard to how two of arguably my three most important fighters would feel about it. This perception would be increased by the fact that he wasn’t a natural fit for a hardcore promotion, being a more technical wrestler, so no doubt everyone would be questioning my motives.

It was true that I’d hung out with Mattell a bit. He’d always been easy company too, which is why I never suspected that bringing him in would be such a contentious decision. But it was what I’d seen of his work and his persona which convinced me he’d be a good addition. I knew he wasn’t a hardcore brawler, but “Raw Sex” had a hardcore attitude to cover that.

I resolved to try to find out from Tatum what the source of the heat was. I couldn’t be mad at her for not telling me as I hadn’t even notified her before signing him, conscious of not wanting her, him or anyone to think it was a favour. We met Milton at my birthday drinks without any drama, but when I checked in with Shawn about that night, he reminded me that Mattell had been working so wasn’t with us.

The one thing that reassured me slightly was that Milton, Rob and Mattell were all fairly easy-going in my experience so, even if they weren’t best friends, I hoped they were cool enough customers to stop the situation escalating into a locker room mutiny. I was also wondering whether to try to mediate between them, or if my interference would make things worse, especially with the perception that I was fighting Mattell’s corner. It was something for me to ponder before Hardcore Heatwave came around.

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Part 8: Ins and outs

You’ll be able to see the full DIW 2023 roster after our final addition at Hardcore Heatwave, but it was indeed true that God Of War, The Anarchist and Soul Burner were leaving the company after their To The Extreme defeats. I’d informed them all that I was letting them go a week before that show and pitched the idea of an on-screen write-off, and they were all magnanimous enough to go along with it and help get new champions over on their way out.

God Of War and The Anarchist had passed their primes, but all three blokes had always been fully professional and left with my best wishes, though I’m not sure if God Of War appreciated his stiff parting promo from Rob Edwards.

Meanwhile, Shawn had lost our debate over Janus. I still didn’t see anything in him and, at the age of 27, I couldn’t get more than five minutes out of him, so I decided to cut that experiment short. We’d soon see if he could thrive elsewhere and Shawn would get to say I told you so.

I felt our roster was fairly balanced. The only challenge I foresaw with losing four men from near the bottom of the card and having new blokes to establish in Dexter Mattell, Con McReady and our next arrival was some people who were booked fairly strongly last year getting lost in the shuffle.

We’d lost two of our older employees but also two of the youngsters, the result being that half of our wrestlers were still aged 32 or over. However, we’d brought in bigger names than we were losing, and had some new matches to look forward to so, despite those drawbacks and the heat on Mattell, I was fairly optimistic.

All our newcomers would make their in-ring debuts at Hardcore Heatwave, so I wouldn’t be sure if our fans had accepted them until then. It was shaping up to be a fairly stacked card, featuring Vaughan v Rob Edwards for the DIW Title, The Wrecking Crew v Ares Death Cult for the Tag Titles and an as-yet-unannounced first time match I was enthusiastic about.

Before all that would be a pre-show spectacle I was less excited for: me trying to mediate between Milton and Mattell. I’d asked Tatum why they didn’t get on and she thought it was because of derogatory comments Mattell had made about Milton in his APW days. Knowing it wasn’t anything deeper boosted my confidence the heat could be buried and it was worth interfering, especially as I needed them to work together. Heck, if things worked out, we might even be able to use it to our advantage.

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Part 9: Stalemate

I asked Milton Hittlespitz and Dexter Mattell to meet me an hour before showtime at Hardcore Heatwave, and Crazy Blue was the first to join me. I apologised, saying that if I’d realised he had heat with Mattell, I would have consulted him before signing him, let alone putting them both in the ring together.

Before he had a chance to respond, Mattell entered, seemingly oblivious to it being a bad look to be the last one in as both the newcomer and the cause of the conflict. I got straight to the point, quoting some of his comments from when he worked at APW, calling Milton an “oddball”, “a freak” and saying he “threw more chairs at Marv’s than he filled”.

Mattell said it was nothing malicious. He claimed he’d been pressured by his boss to take some shots at DIW, and Milton being the target was just a tribute to the fact he was the wrestler attracting so much buzz at that time. He stopped short of apologising, but said no offence was meant and if he was in that position again, he would’ve contacted Milton first.

I agreed that he handled the situation poorly but, if Milton could move past it, I thought we had an opportunity to make money from it. I said the story I had in mind before discovering their history was going to be pretty personal as I thought their characters were perfect adversaries. But if either of them were uncomfortable proceeding, I wanted them to be honest and I’d find another solution.

Milton spoke up first, saying that at least my proposal gave him a chance to return fire. Mattell said his focus was on making a success of his DIW run, and he knew working with Milton would be a huge help with that. It wasn’t the reconciliation I was hoping for, but at least they were willing to cooperate and it hadn’t made things worse. The biggest positive was that I didn’t have to rewrite Hardcore Heatwave in the space of 40 minutes at least.

[619]

Part 10: Hardcore Heatwave 2023

Tag Titles: Wrecking Crew (Wrecker and Mr. Pink) v Ares Death Cult (Cesar Sionis and Gyula Lakatos) (c)
Wrecker briefly took the mic before the bell, rekindling an old rivalry to say that Two Badass MFers might be too scared to take on Ares Death Cult, but The Wrecking Crew weren’t. Those rare words would age terribly at the end of a progressively more violent bout when Mr. Pink abandoned the man who had his back since this same show last year when he went for a tag, walking off and leaving Wrecker powerless to avoid a Blood Sacrifice and defeat.

Vaughan entered alone through the crowd and told the fans not to make something out of nothing: Barracuda logic said that the next title shot always went to whoever had waited the longest, and boy had he waited. He listened to Rob Edwards last year, crying about how many months he’d been undefeated. Well, there was only one DIW fighter who wasn’t beaten in 2022, him, and he was finally going to take what he was owed. He called Edwards a fraud, saying he was no cultist and didn’t believe in Ares Death Cult’s cause, he just knew he couldn’t be champion without them. Death Ref interrupted, saying values were overrated, power mattered more than principles, and The Barracudas no longer had any.

Kobra Khan v Dexter Mattell
Mattell began his DIW debut match with a clear and effective strategy: let Kobra Khan wear himself out and start slapping on submissions once his reactions were slower. The fans hated the approach, but this only encouraged Mattell further. Kobra Khan rallied and positioned his opponent for a Small Package Driver, yet Mattell locked the arm and brought him down into an STF. The masked man resisted for over half a minute before tapping.

Mattell grabbed a mic after the match but ran to the crowd when Milton Hittlespitz’s music hit and he charged out with his customary chair. From a safe distance, Raw Sex observed that Milton’s frustration was a cautionary tale to all men of what happened when you spent more time swinging chairs than swinging your hips, not that he’d ever had those problems.

Blitz Simpson said Vaughan wasn’t the only Barracuda hungry for gold, noting that if Two Badass MFers were too cowardly to get their titles back, him and Chopper would have a sixth run with the belts instead. The former champions interrupted and Hendrix Hughes denied they were ducking anyone. They just didn’t lower themselves into contesting a multi-team freakshow. Seb Shaw said he only saw one other team right now, so how about they fight to determine the next challengers? I noticed a few fans had their ciggies out awaiting a shoutout from Hughes and Shaw, but Two Badass MFers were all business on this night.

The Barracudas (Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke) v Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw)
What a strange time this must have been for Two Badass MFers, so sure of their immortality when beating all challengers to achieve DIW’s longest ever Tag Title reign, yet suddenly being made to feel small by Ares Death Cult and The Barracudas’ return to the division. As against Cesar and Gyula, Hughes and Shaw showed a gutsiness not previously associated with them to stay in this fight, but the size and experience advantage was too much, and a Barracuda Sting tied Shaw’s shoulders to the ring.

Donovan Boon and Rusty Mills v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
The last thing Two Badass MFers needed as they trudged up the ramp was to be passed by our newest signings, Boon and Mills, one of the most decorated teams in Aussie wrestling history. The six-time APW tag champions set the stage for similar success in DIW with a dominant display against The Warriors, completed with a Double Down on Mr. Green. In a short post-match address, they announced their intention to set a new standard for tag team wrestling in DIW, and that’s why they would now be known as The Benchmark.

Carl Paris v Con McReady
Before this match, Seth Wish introduced Con McReady as his fellow Wild Thing. They both brought canes with them, and Wish used his to trip Paris from the outside as he attempted to build momentum. McReady secured a debut win with his Iron Fist, and Wish stepped between the ropes after the bell to strike Paris in the forehead with his cane in celebration.

DIW Title: Vaughan v Rob Edwards (c)
I’m not sure even I appreciated how big a spectacle this was: five-time champion v four-time champion, Barracuda figurehead v Ares Death Cult figurehead, with Vaughan unbeaten in over a year but having gone 27 months without winning the top prize. The fans did and the result was an even hotter main event than Milton v Blitz last month, made wilder by the presence of Blitz, Chopper, Cesar and Gyula at ringside, ahead of their Tag Title match next month. Those two teams ended up brawling into the crowd, with Death Ref frantically calling for Lloyd Banks to help as The Barracudas took control. In the ring, Vaughan was locking in the Choke Sleeper on Edwards and, with nobody else around, there was only one thing to do. I tried to put a sleeper of my own on Vaughan, predictably being overpowered and instead hoisted up into a Gorilla Press. But my intervention freed Edwards who, with Vaughan’s arms some eight foot in the air, had a clear shot for his Roundhouse Kick. It meant me taking that eight-foot fall face-first on the mat though, more importantly, it gave The Human Weapon an opening he wouldn’t waste, waiting for Vaughan to rise for one more Roundhouse Kick to be safe, retaining our title.

Edited January 27, 2023 by 619

[AboardTheArk]

The Duo are awesome signings, suddenly your tag division looks super strong with the Wild Things as well, which is great because the best hardcore spectacles are multi-man matches in my opinion. 

 

We are early in the year, I expect more as we go on honestly because we're in the Ares dominance season, the midcard is reshuffling etc. But it was a good show, top to bottom one of your highest quality I'd imagine, just hurt from the fact Vaughan clearly wasn't winning.

 

I imagine it must hurt having to depush the badass MFers lol 

Edited January 24, 2023 by AboardTheArk

[619]

Thanks for the comment @AboardTheArk. You were right: that show was a 56, so one behind War Machine (the one with all the title changes). Yeah, with Two Badass MFers, I liked the idea of letting two already cocky blokes run the tag division on easy mode for a year to get even smugger, then suddenly be forced to question if they're as good as they thought. It probably wasn't great booking to tank the division for a year just to achieve that dynamic though.

Part 11: The newcomers

Dexter Mattell had been on my radar ever since leaving APW last July. He wasn’t a hardcore wrestler, on the contrary he was a technician, but he was a hardcore personality, which to me was more important. I saw him as an ideal antagonist for the likes of Milton Hittlespitz, and also thought we could turn his incongruous style into a positive, riling our fans by having him slow down scraps by locking in holds.

While I liked him enough when playing the part of Tatum’s arm candy, I was pretty annoyed with the first impression he’d made in this new role on my roster. He didn’t give Milton the unreserved apology I thought he should have done to squash their heat, even turning up late to the meeting, and now Tatum told me he was annoyed I’d hired Donovan Boon.

I’d put heat on myself to hire him because two of my top three blokes disliked him (Milton and Rob Edwards) and yet he was criticising the same recruitment policy. It all sounded like insecurity to me anyway. Boon was a bit of a flirt and Mattell didn’t like him trying it on with his friend Stephanie Drucker in APW, and now feared him having a crack at Tatum in DIW.

Thankfully, I’d had no headaches from Con McReady, who I’d brought in as Seth Wish’s new ally to help solidify his recent character shift. McReady was a perfect fit for DIW in terms of his wild man persona and aggressive in-ring style. He was inexperienced, but his previous employer Shocking Hardcore Action rated him enough to crown him their King of Hardcore, a crown they curiously decided not to remove before he left them to start work with us.

Boon and Rusty Mills were arguably our most eye-catching addition. I think it was the first time we’d ever hired directly from APW, and they were one of Oceania’s most decorated tag teams, holding APW’s titles six times to earn themselves the billing of The Duo.

In truth, I was originally considering signing the company’s MMA pair The Kennedy Brothers. And yes, if we were publicising our inheritance from Alf Kennedy, I would have been tempted to push The Comedian to let me indulge in a little soap opera writing by introducing them as nephews of our dead benefactor trying to reclaim their family’s fortune.

But they had a reputation for being selfish, so I was worried they might upset the locker room dynamic, which was ironic, given I had no such concerns bringing in Mattell, who did all that on his own. With the budget a little looser now than it was when I first put together my shopping list, I decided to set my sights a bit higher and swoop for the proven commodities.

That was how I planned to present them too, renaming them The Benchmark to represent that they were standard bearers in tag team wrestling that every DIW team had to measure up to. Taking two of APW’s finest was also a small gift from me to the boss, giving him the chance to take a victory lap over James J McMinister, who used to revel in stealing our top stars when we were starting out and he thought that he could dominate Aussie wrestling.

The thought had crossed my mind that taking Mills and Boon might cause APW to give the Kennedy Brothers more exposure, enabling us to bring in a more polished and mature team once The Benchmark had run their course, but time would tell.

For now, we had four new faces who were a lot more accomplished than the four we’d let go, and who our fans seemed to have taken to during their in-ring debuts at Hardcore Heatwave. Trying to heat them all up without dropping the ball on long-term DIW stars and creating resentment would be tricky, but on balance it was a good problem to have.

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Part 12: Class of 2023

Apologies to anyone who hadn’t read the diary of my first year booking DIW for making you wait 12 parts to run through the roster. I won’t keep you waiting any longer:

DIW Champion Rob Edwards
We were so lucky to have him as our champion: he’s so well rounded and a great bloke too. The Human Weapon was DIW Champion three times before on his own but, after struggling to reclaim his rightful place in 2022 made the shocking decision to align with Ares Death Cult.

Tag Team Champions Gyula Lakatos and Cesar Sionis
This was the original Ares Death Cult members’ record-equalling fifth reign. The European bruisers had been a constant presence at the top of the card since aligning with Death Ref and I, with Gyula even enjoying a seven-month reign as DIW Champion in 2022.

Australian Champion Lloyd Banks
The Barbed Wire Messiah was going nowhere until Death Ref identified his appreciation of human sacrifice as making him the perfect Ares Death Cult recruit in April 2022. He won seven of his next nine matches, beating Kobra Khan for our second singles title in December.

The Barracudas (Blitz Simpson, Chopper Rourke and Vaughan)
These three legitimately met in prison and had been a unit since. They had all held the DIW Title, five times in Vaughan’s case. Chopper and him were now a step slower, but Blitz was irrepressible, with his new Nasty Neckbreaker solidifying his status as our most over fighter.

Milton Hittlespitz
Crazy Blue had been a DIW fan favourite for 11 years, but it reached a crescendo in late 2021, driving him to a first DIW Title. He lost his first defence to Gyula in January 2022, regaining the gold in August, only to be denied again in December as Edwards joined Ares Death Cult.

Dexter Mattell
Raw Sex ended his nine-year affiliation with APW last July, joining us six months later and immediately targeting Milton, denying him a DIW Title rematch. This technical wrestler had a hardcore attitude and a mouth that had gotten him in trouble inside and outside of the ring.

The Benchmark (Donovan Boon and Rusty Mills)
The six-time APW Tag Team Champions became the first ever wrestlers to leave APW for DIW, reflecting the change in both companies’ fortunes. Rebranding themselves as The Benchmark, they had challenged DIW’s existing tag teams to step up to their level.

The Wild Things (Seth Wish and Con McReady)
Seth Wish started out as Milton-lite, defying his size to win matches and fans, but changed his attitude after losing the Australian Title to Kobra Khan in 2022, a self-inflicted wound in proposing a best-of-3 series and losing the final two. Newcomer McReady aligned with him.

Kobra Khan
The masked lightweight became a three-time Australian Champion in 2022 and main-evented Extreme Life, losing a DIW Title ladder match to Milton. He dropped his title to Banks in the final show of the year and followed up by losing his first two outings of 2023.

Wrecker
The 24-year-old found his calling as a vigilante in 2022, riding to the rescue of Mr. Pink after he was discarded by The Warriors. They became a regular team, achieving seven wins together, until Mr. Pink abandoned him during a Tag Title challenge at last month’s show.

Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw)
How had these excellent workers and talkers fallen so low down the list? In December 2022, they were our longest reigning tag champs ever, unbeaten in over a year, but they hadn’t recovered from Ares Death Cult taking their open challenge and their titles, humbling them.

Mr. Pink
The masked bank robber thrived after being ditched by The Warriors, with his new Wrecking Crew team with Wrecker becoming our second best team. However, he left his partner to be beaten by Ares Death Cult, clearly spooked by Death Ref’s “with us or against us” threat.

The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
The decision to dump Mr. Pink hadn’t worked well for his fellow masked bank robbers but, despite their limitations and losing records, their standing hadn’t really been diminished.

Saracens (Cueball and Tank)
This team were also cut from three to two in early 2022 when I let Shotgun go, and hadn’t achieved much as a duo. With new teams arriving, it was hard to see them climbing the card.

Pat Rigsby
DIW fans never tired of their resident troll taking a kicking, though after two particularly heavy ones against Edwards and Wish at the end of 2022, he hadn’t been seen for a while.

Carl Paris
The youngest roster member was still looking for his first win. He hadn’t shown enough to get the fans to rally behind him yet, but hadn’t been involved in any total duds either.

And beyond our 24 full-time wrestlers…

Lori and Death Ref (managers)
My husband and I were Ares Death Cult mouthpieces and manipulators. I acted to ensure no man in DIW could touch me after The Barracudas put me through tables in February 2022, but nine months later they hired rugby international Momoe Hamuera to take me out.

Momoe Hamuera (special attraction)
The former New Zealand rugby forward annihilated me to help The Barracudas beat Ares Death Cult in November 2022. She was signed for two more appearances and, in my thirst for revenge, I invited her to Blood And Guts to participate in DIW’s first ever women’s match.

Tatum Richards (referee)
DIW’s referee was my best friend, Mattell’s partner and didn’t take crap from anyone.

Lou Brookmyre (road agent)
He felt like my chief critic when I started out as booker, resistant to new ideas after so long collaborating with my predecessor Big Jim Teasdale, but the rapport was slowly improving.

The Comedian (owner)
The only ever six-time DIW Champion retired in 2020 and now helped Lou with the road agent workload and me with business decisions. He still appeared on shows and remained a commanding presence, though I tried to use him fairly sparingly so he was always a big deal.

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Part 13: Surveying the scene

It wasn’t just us shuffling our roster at the start of 2023. In fact, what we were doing was nothing compared to the activity of Athletic Empire, until now Oceania’s fourth biggest promotion, which left me wary of a talent raid.

They signed eight people to exclusive full-time contracts in one weekend, having previously only given wrestlers show-to-show deals, and three of those recruits had held titles in top promotion Revolution Australian Wrestling: Rick Stantz, Cole Taylor and Maurice Jackson.

The most optimistic reading for us was that they were only recruiting proven stars, but one of those contracts went to Gareth Case, from the ostensibly bigger Cutting Edge Wrestling. He wasn’t much more established than Blitz Simpson or Rob Edwards, so it was a concerning development.

However, I was happy to see Shocking Hardcore Action react to us taking Con McReady off them by hiring DIW alumni Shotgun and Soul Burner. Firing people messed with my conscience, so it was reassuring to know their careers hadn’t ended the second I kicked them out of DIW, even if it was far from certain they’d get the money they’d been promised by their sleazy new boss Horrie Fowler.

Going back to Edwards, I was catching up with The Comedian after Blood And Guts, and one thing I wanted to ask about was the possibility of signing the DIW Champion to an exclusive deal. He continued to work for New Era Wrestling and had lost his last four matches there. We were a bigger company, so it didn’t make much sense for our champion to regularly be seen losing in a smaller organisation. I hoped we now had the resources to act on that.

[619]

Part 14: Symmetrical booking

I hadn’t done it deliberately, but I’d noticed that every show we’d run so far this year had a striking parallel with the same event a year earlier. To The Extreme was establishing a tradition of Milton Hittlespitz being screwed in the main event, Hardcore Heatwave was an event where Ares Death Cult had won every title defence they’d ever participated in.

Now, for the second year in a row, it was Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke v Cesar Sionis and Gyula Lakatos headlining Blood And Guts, this time for the DIW Tag Titles. I actually had a few other mirror bookings planned for later in the year too, though those were intentional rather than these happy accidents.

Two other contests were confirmed ahead of the show, also involving the title-rich Ares Death Cult. I had challenged Momoe Hamuera to a match, eager to avenge her attack on me last November, and Mr. Pink had been awarded a shot at Lloyd Banks’ Australian Title by Death Ref in recognition of him declaring his allegiance to Ares Death Cult and disowning Wrecker last month.

Elsewhere, Milton Hittlespitz and Dexter Mattell would both be in action, Seth Wish and Con McReady were making their debut as a team and Rob Edwards had demanded time to address the subject of who his next DIW Title challenger would be.

[619]

Part 15: Blood And Guts 2023

Momoe Hamuera v Tatum Richards
The New Zealand rugby international got a decent pop on her second DIW appearance. I stepped on the ramp and said I challenged her to come to Blood And Guts for a match, but I never said it would be against me. I said she could face Tatum, who was in the ring expecting to officiate. I introduced Death Ref to take over her duties. Hamuera started with a rugby tackle, dominating DIW’s first ever women’s match and winning with her Sin Bin.

Death Ref was a bit slow to raise Hamuera’s arm after the bell and it soon became clear why as I blindsided her by launching a rugby tackle bag at her head, knocking her off her feet. I added an extra insult by introducing a rugby ball that I punted across the ring in her face, provoking the crowd by asking my darling Death Ref to raise my hand.

Carl Paris v Dexter Mattell
With Tatum in the back for treatment, Death Ref prolonged his unforeseen officiating return as we tested our fans’ tolerance levels by following our first ever women’s match with a clash between two of our more technical fighters. Mattell needed almost twice as long as Hamuera to put his opponent away, but extended his perfect DIW start with his trusted STF.

Milton Hittlespitz was out next. Mattell opted not to stick around and throw fists, instead retreating to the aisle he spoke from last month. Crazy Blue said 2023 had started like 2022 with people screwing with him, only this time he wasn’t taking any crap. He claimed Raw Sex was a stupid nickname, speculating that Mattell put Raw in his name to try to impress a company who didn’t even know who he was, and he probably had as much experience of sex as he had of RAW. Milton told Mattell that if he ever stopped running from him, he’d be happy to show him what a main event looked like. I suspect Milton found this promo cathartic.

Milton Hittlespitz and Kobra Khan v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
Milton and Kobra headlined a show together six months ago, but neither had won a match since November, and these were the ideal opponents to put that right against. The Warriors introduced weapons at each available opportunity to try to overcome the gap in quality, but it continually backfired on them, most disastrously when Kobra Khan’s Ripcord Knee sent the trash can lid Mr. Orange was holding crashing into his face for the win.

DIW Champion Rob Edwards took to the ring, tellingly waiting until Milton had made his exit. He said people had questioned his commitment to the Ares Death Cult cause, claiming he was only with them for his own benefit, but this announcement would benefit his brothers. His last challenger was chosen by “Barracuda logic”, with Vaughan getting a shot because he’d waited the longest. He swore Barracuda logic would never be used to pick a challenger again because, over the last year, all three of them had a DIW Title shot against Ares Death Cult and all three of them had lost. No, there was only one way to another DIW Title shot for The Barracudas, and that was through each other. He’d arranged a triple threat match for them at Havoc, and looked forward to facing the best of a bad bunch at Massacre in June.

Australian Title: Mr. Pink v Lloyd Banks (c)
Tatum Richards limped back out for this match, getting a small pop both for her gutsiness and the fact she’d prevented Death Ref from being able to officiate a match involving an Ares Death Cult member. Mr. Pink got this shot as a reward for abandoning Wrecker to allow Cesar Sionis and Gyula Lakatos to retain the Tag Titles, and it looked like Banks might regret it when he scored a series of near falls. Frustrated at his inability to finish the job, Mr. Pink went outside for a weapon but was greeted by Wrecker, who hit a Mighty Bulldog onto the floor and threw his former partner in the ring for a Piledriver he couldn’t get up from.

Wrecker couldn’t enjoy his moment of revenge as Seth Wish and Con McReady started wailing on him with canes, having seemingly been summoned by Death Ref. The Wild Things threw Wrecker into the ring where Banks hit him with a Piledriver and Mr. Pink had the final say with a Pink Thunder Bomb.

Saracens (Cueball and Tank) v The Wild Things (Seth Wish and Con McReady)
Those same canes helped ensure Wish and McReady’s first match as a team was a success, before Con McReady’s Iron Fist left Cueball on the mat. Donovan Boon and Rusty Mills said after the match that The Wild Things might think they made the safer choice in apparently aligning with Ares Death Cult, but it meant they had a problem with The Benchmark now, and it was one they would take care of at Havoc.

Tag Titles: The Barracudas (Blitz Simpson and Chopper Rourke) v Ares Death Cult (Cesar Sionis and Gyula Lakatos) (c)
Two key moments determined the outcome of this violent main event, both appearing to indicate that we were a far more cohesive unit than The Barracudas right now. The first saw Death Ref and I point out Edwards watching from the crowd to send Vaughan off in pursuit of him. Then, as Blitz had Death Ref lying prone on a table outside the ring and Chopper signalled for a Spinebuster on Gyula inside it, Banks ran into the ring. Chopper saw him charging towards him and used his momentum to throw him back out, but he’d forgotten Blitz was on the apron and Banks sent him crashing through the table, which I had nudged Death Ref off at the last second. Gyula and Cesar quickly capitalised with a Blood Sacrifice on Chopper for the win, and a bitter defeat for The Barracudas ahead of next month’s triple threat.

It was our night again as I helped a pained Death Ref and Banks recover on the outside and Tatum raised Gyula and Cesar’s arms inside, except none of us noticed Two Badass MFers swiping the belts at ringside quick enough to stop them using the titles they once held as weapons to strike the champions in the head with. They retreated before we could get to them, saying from the top of the ramp that if anyone thought they’d politely go to the back of the queue, they were smoking stronger stuff than them, and hurriedly inviting a lively crowd to put their ciggies in the air for the greatest tag team in DIW. This was quite a moment for the former champs after not being presented on these teams’ level recently.

Oh, if you were wondering about the arguable main event plothole, why Hamuera didn’t come back for me, we published footage on our social media accounts after the show revealing that Wish, McReady and Mr. Pink had been tasked by me with barricading her in the locker room, deciding this was a more acceptably hardcore explanation than concussion protocol after her two earlier headshots.

Edited January 27, 2023 by 619

[619]

Part 16: A three-step plan

“Did Blitz Simpson tell you what happened?” The Comedian asked me.

“No, he’s never too talkative around me,” I replied.

“All Pricks Wrestling (APW) made a move for him. Of course, he told them to shove it. But they want retribution for us taking Donovan Boon and Rusty Mills.”

“There are lots of reports about CEW adding to their roster too.”

“If it happens, it happens. We’ve lost blokes before and got stronger. Everyone’s replaceable.”

I didn’t take this as a threat, just The Comedian being The Comedian. I pitched him my idea to try to make Rob Edwards exclusive to stop him eating losses in New Era Wrestling. He said if I could do it without paying silly money then give it a go.

I asked about our expansion plans and he said that, while nothing is guaranteed, he thought we were on course to get a streaming deal by the end of the year.

He outlined a three-step plan:
1) Get our monthly events broadcast
2) Look into acquiring a DIW-exclusive venue once we had an idea what impact that had on attendance (we were turning people away from Marv’s lately as 300 seats weren’t enough)
3) Once we’d been streaming for a few months, we’d assess if a weekly show was viable

The thought of going from booking 90 minutes of action a month to potentially four times that was a scary one, but it was also exciting. What we were discussing seemed unthinkable when I took over just over a year ago.

And contrary to what you might think, this wasn’t all about the money. Even with our four new recruits and our recent production upgrades, we were still profitable with only one more behind-the-scenes change needed – the admittedly expensive act of getting a studio to do our own music and video – to be broadcast-ready.

The couple of million in the bank was just acting as security: we probably wouldn’t have risked trying to broadcast a few months ago with only a few thousand in spare change as one or two loss-making months could’ve killed us off. Now we could afford to take the risk and see if it was viable long-term. That was all that changed. It was hard work that had made this possible more than the Alf Kennedy inheritance that still wasn’t public knowledge.

But we weren’t there yet and even The Comedian’s prediction that we’d get there before the end of the year could be sabotaged if he and the Aussie wrestling rumour mill were right that talent raids were imminent, so I couldn’t get too excited about growth or terrified about an increased workload.

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Part 17: Women’s wrestling

Believe it or not, what went down at Blood And Guts was always my plan for Momoe Hamuera’s second appearance. It hadn’t been influenced by my concern over whether our fans were ready to truly embrace women’s wrestling.

I saw it as a win for everyone. It gave Momoe someone to squash and establish her dominance. It gave Tatum the accolade of being in DIW’s first women’s match and, while fans understandably didn’t fully take to her in the role having been used to her as a referee, she looked tough in returning to her officiating duties later in the night.

It gave me a chance to outsmart my rival without making her look weak, increasing people’s appetite for wanting to see her eventually destroy me. And it gave the crowd a taster of women’s wrestling to help them adjust before serving them our main women’s attraction of me versus Momoe.

I understood that not everyone shared my perspective. A bait and switch like this was risky, not just in antagonising our own fans but the wider community. We promoted the first ever women’s match in our history between an outside star and me, one of our most established villains, and served up a sham fight with a referee instead.

Before getting to do the job for real, I used to belong to an online community that fantasy-booked promotions from imaginary universes, and I never forgot how much one bloke was hounded when he booked the top American promotion’s first ever women’s multi-person ladder match, only to have a man retrieve the prize. He faced such a huge backlash that he retconned the whole thing. I knew some people might find my booking similarly offensive.

But most of all, my approach to Blood And Guts had bought me time. Both to build up to that eventual Lori v Momoe showdown – and train a bit for it too – but also to decide whether we could pull it off as a one-on-one match or should add some extra star power by maybe making it a mixed tag with male Barracudas and Ares Death Cult members involved.

Oh, you’re probably wondering what The Comedian made of it all. He wasn’t completely dismissive, but did make a point of saying he wasn’t sure the crowd were ready for it. He was right. We’d built to Momoe stepping in a DIW ring for four months but, despite all the foreshadowing, it was as though someone had forgotten to press a button telling everyone at Marv’s to prepare themselves for the occasional dash of women’s wrestling. We’d make sure they were ready next time.

[619]

Part 18: The Barracudas triple threat

The women’s match wasn’t my only divisive booking decision at Blood And Guts. I’d also announced a Barracudas triple threat between Blitz Simpson, Chopper Rourke and Vaughan at Havoc to determine the next DIW Title challenger. It was probably the closest thing to a dream match that we had to offer: three former DIW Champions and long-term main eventers who had never exchanged punches owing to their gang loyalty.

But that didn’t make things easy. Some of our fans didn’t want to see them fight, such was their strength as a unit, while others believed that a match of this magnitude needed much more than a month of build-up.

So why was I doing it now? Firstly, it seemed like a natural story progression. The Barracudas had been vocal about getting the top gold back in 2023, but Ares Death Cult held the power, so it was logical for us to use both factors to put our enemies in an uncomfortable position.

And secondly, yes, perhaps we would have spent a year building up such a showdown in an ideal scenario, but time wasn’t on our side. All three Barracudas were 36 or older, Chopper and Vaughan had already slowed down a bit and Blitz was being pursued by rival promotions.

So I would much rather do the match now, without a big build but at a perfect time for the main story we were telling, than try to save it for a special occasion that might never arrive.

Were The Barracudas on board? That was never easy to tell. I tried to handle the situation as sensitively as possible, sending them the bullet points of my plan by text ahead of Blood And Guts to allow them time to think it over and discuss it together and let me know before the show if they had any objections before we announced the match for Havoc.

They seemed quite jovial when we met, saying it was about time they gave one another a bit of what they gave the rest of the roster, and playfully (I think) observing that an all-Ares Death Cult match would never be as much of a draw of this. The conversation closed with Chopper getting in my face and sharply interrogating “I’ll be the one going over, right?” and a tense pause, before they all started laughing, pleased with themselves for unsettling me.

[619]

Part 19: Havoc 2023

Two Badass MFers (Hendrix Hughes and Seb Shaw) v The Warriors (Mr. Green and Mr. Orange)
Havoc started as Blood And Guts ended, with Two Badass MFers in the ring and the crowd in the palm of their hands. The Warriors enjoyed some early offence with the help of a steel sheet, but it was one-sided after Shaw was tagged in, and he put down Mr. Green with his Spinning Brainbuster.

Hughes returned to the back-of-the-queue analogy after, saying they were VIPs and they waited for nobody, people waited for them. Just as they invited the fans to put their ciggies in the air, Cesar Sionis, Gyula Lakatos and I interrupted. Hughes and Shaw’s eyes were locked on the tag champs, meaning they didn’t see DIW Champion Rob Edwards emerge from behind them and level Shaw with a Roundhouse Kick. Hughes took the fight to The Human Weapon, but Cesar and Gyula were close behind to take him down with the Blood Sacrifice. Cesar used the steel sheet still in the ring to smack Hughes in the side of the head, while I handed Gyula a chain that he wrapped around his fist, punching Shaw several times to the extent he drew blood. They finally stopped to pose with Edwards as I watched on.

Tag Titles: Saracens (Cueball and Tank) v Ares Death Cult (Cesar Sionis and Gyula Lakatos) (c)
Two Badass MFers were too beaten up to witness this insult being added to their injuries as we put up our tag titles against far less worthy challengers than themselves. Tank’s power helped him land a few shots, but he was ground down eventually and Cueball didn’t prove a hot enough tag, being taken out by Gyula’s Choke Bomb.

I signalled for Cesar and Gyula to head to the back as Edwards and I entered the ring. I started by commenting that I knew Momoe Hamuera was back on the after-dinner speaking circuit for the next few months, and advising her to stay there safe from more concussions from me. Then I handed over to Edwards, who said he was planning to take a seat among the fans tonight and enjoy The Barracudas beating the crap out of one another for a shot at him at Massacre, but he’d been told by The Comedian earlier that no DIW Champion could go that long without a title defence, so he’d be in action tonight too. That brought out Kobra Khan.

DIW Title: Kobra Khan v Rob Edwards (c)
Let’s start with the positive: this was a brilliant match, one of the four best of my time with the book. Edwards was on such good form that he made Khan look a credible threat without any build. Even when the challenger missed a few spots, they were able to make it part of the story, and the crowd ate up the finish, which saw Edwards catch Khan’s Ripcord Knee millimetres from his face, throw him into the turnbuckle and then seamlessly connect with a Roundhouse Kick. But that couldn’t disguise terrible booking: a title defence against a fairly credible opponent should never have been given away unannounced in the first half of a show, and the quality of the match illuminated the mistake even further.

That’s enough negativity for now though. Next out was Milton Hittlespitz, giving me a sense of pride in our current roster depth. We’d gone from Two Badass MFers to Cesar and Gyula to Edwards and now Milton, and we still had The Benchmark and The Barracudas to come. Crazy Blue said he wasn’t messing around anymore. Dexter Mattell had cost him a DIW Title shot and ducked him ever since, and he had waited long enough. Mattell appeared on the ramp but ventured no further. He knew Milton was anticipating a response to having his Raw Sex credentials questioned, but there would be a time and a place for that. But Mattell was ready to take the former DIW Champion up on his offer of introducing him to the main event, and asked if he was free next month. Milton answered yes, but told Mattell he didn’t have to wait until then. The New Zealander teased heading to the ring, before walking off.

The Benchmark (Donovan Boon and Rusty Mills) v The Wild Things (Seth Wish and Con McReady)
Wish and McReady’s canes looked like being a difference maker, but when The Benchmark sought respite, it emerged that they too had stored two canes in the front row earlier in the night. What followed started out a little slapstick, with the two teams, well, slapping sticks, but the mood changed when Wish lost control of his. It flew from the ring into the barricade, luckily landing too low to hit a fan. He tried to sneak out of the ring to retrieve it, leaving himself exposed to multiple shots from Boon. McReady struck Boon in retaliation, but The Benchmark were a man up now and Mills stole McReady’s cane from behind, snapping it with his feet. A Double Down on McReady sealed The Benchmark’s biggest win yet in DIW.

It wasn’t time for the main event yet, but The Barracudas made their entrance through the crowd. Vaughan said he hated to ruin Ares Death Cult’s evil masterplan, but The Barracudas always planned to have a triple threat this year. The only difference was they had wanted to win the DIW Title first and do it on their terms. He told Edwards he could never destroy a 17-year friendship that survived prison, the streets and The Comedian, promising that whichever Barracuda won, the other two would be in his corner at Massacre to see him win the title.

Wrecker v Pat Rigsby
Wrecker’s first solo match since being deserted by Mr. Pink was against someone eager to constantly remind him about it in Rigsby. The street fighter didn’t let the mind games get to him though, scoring a decisive win in under nine minutes with his Mighty Bulldog. Death Ref and Australian Champion Lloyd Banks stepped onto the ramp after, with Mr. Pink barely visible in the background, to let Wrecker know he could have a title shot at Devil May Care.

Blitz Simpson v Chopper Rourke v Vaughan
The trio did their usual crowd walk as a show of solidarity but, once Tatum rang the bell, all signs of friendship were gone as the trio hit stiff and often. They didn’t use weapons as they didn’t need to: the crowd were there for the novelty of them fighting one another and the pace and aggression made for a vicious enough spectacle, gleefully observed from a front row seat by DIW Champion Edwards. The finish saw Blitz have Vaughan down and signal for his Lifting DDT, only to be pulled out of the ring by Chopper and Spinebuster-ed onto the hard floor. On his return to the ring, Chopper underestimated Vaughan’s condition and got caught in the Choke Sleeper. It was unclear whether Vaughan hesitated over choking his partner or decided to change strategy, but he released the hold and gave him a Powerbomb instead. However, Vaughan didn’t see Blitz re-enter the ring, suddenly and slickly nailing him with a Nasty Neckbreaker and covering Chopper for the win.

Blitz pulled Chopper and then Vaughan back to their feet. The trio stared at one another, milking the tension with a pause that seemed to last forever but probably wasn’t actually that long before Chopper raised Blitz’s right arm. Another pause ended with Vaughan lifting his left arm as Blitz signalled that the DIW Title would be around his waist soon. A scan of the front row showed that Edwards had somewhat disrespectfully already vacated his seat.

[AboardTheArk]

Yeah, these shows have started getting stacked. Really successful show and it was mostly setting things up for a bigger card, which speaks volumes on your work. Apparently Kobra Khan is excellent, that's an intriguing addition to the main event scene. 

[JoshGallie]

I have never been interested in the Cverse, but these entries are getting me into familiar territory with the characters I'm missing out. Great quality diary all around.

[619]

Thanks for such kind comments. @AboardTheArk, yes it was an interesting time for Kobra Khan to be in such a hot match having dropped down the card recently. @JoshGallie, I can relate as I'm not too Cverse-aware either beyond DIW and @AboardTheArk's CGC dynasty has had that effect on me.

Part 20: April Fools’?

I was sure it had to be an April Fools’, and yet we were now in the final week of the month and it was still being reported as fact.

Big Jim Teasdale had been haunting me for 16 months. It was as though he wrote the manual on booking hardcore wrestling and, every time I veered slightly away from its teachings, Lou Brookmyre was on hand to quote an extract to show me the error of my ways.

It appeared he was finally back in work after his acrimonious DIW departure, only he wouldn’t be promoting barbed wire brawls, he’d be booking bikini-clad beach babes. Yes, the gorefest guru I was relentlessly measured up to had been hired as booker for what was now Australia’s second swimwear-wrestling crossover promotion, Beach Babes.

Part of me was eager to taunt Lou about it, aware how mortifying it must have been for him that someone he held to such a high standard had lowered his own so dramatically. But Lou had been a lot less hostile recently so it didn’t make sense to antagonise him, plus it would probably have seemed a bit heartless to fire such shots as the person who’d taken his job in DIW, provoking the odd career change. So I decided to bite my tongue and save any sharp remarks for the next time Lou critiqued my plans by telling me what Big Jim would’ve done.

Besides, it wasn’t all fun. Here we were with a few million hidden away and we still couldn’t find a broadcaster, and yet a second company filled with bikini models had been gifted a TV deal with none of the history and hard work that we’d put in.

The Comedian was already determined to get more eyes on DIW, but this Beach Babes development was a whole new motivation. Now he started to treat it like a public duty: Australians needed to be able to see proper wrestling before it was too late and they wrote off the whole industry based on the crap they were being served up on multiple channels.

“Now there are more Australian promotions for bikini models than actual wrestlers,” as he put it to me in one conversation.