Eidenhoek Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 http://www.greydogsoftware.com/forum/showthread.php?t=511175 That's the topic that inspired this. I rant a bit in there. Check out page...four, I think, for my shot at this. In short: "Eidenhoek Avatar" is a worker that had 750 points to spend on his skills (Reputation and Resilience are free 100s). His goal is to headline a National-or-better company with a 95-or-better match. More details in the topic, but the main hindering block is that I cannot move from EIDENHOEK (best promotion abbreviation ever) to, say, SWF. I have to go Local->Small->Regional->Cult->National-or-better in that order. I assume I could regress, but that would only make me take longer to climb back up. Yes, this is my third simultaneous diary. Probably won't be crazily in-depth. Maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timber Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Just keep the Eidenhoek sense of humor and it'll be a fun read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eidenhoek Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26000355884.jpg I walked into the office of Dunton Hall, owner of Exit If Dead Enter Not Home Of Every Kid. On the door it read: E.I.D.E.N.H.O.E.K. Owner: Dunton Hall I sat across from the man, the genius, the mythical beast that was the smartest and, quite likely, most interesting man in the world. He opened a can of Dos Equis. Dunton Hall: Are you thirsty? Eidenhoek Avatar: I...I guess. But I'm 18. Dunton Hall: Then stay thirsty, my friend. He proceeded to drain the can in seconds before tossing the can into a recycling bin. The bin made some whirring sounds, then output a $1,000 dollar bill. Mr. Hall-that is, Dr. Hall, I presume-obtained the bill, then slid it across to me. Hall: That is your current budget. Avatar: This company has $1,000 to its name? I looked up from the bill, slightly bewildered. Said bewilderment increased as I noticed Dr. Hall was playing 8 games of chess online simultaneously. He also appeared to be bidding on some cookie jars. Dr. Hall walked up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I arose in a fright. Avatar: ZOUNDS! Hall: I see you have already met my hologram. I turned back to the desk. Everything was gone. Including the room. All I saw was white. I woke up seconds later, finding myself sitting in front of a desk in an office in front of Dr. Hall. Reaching up, I found some sort of device situated on my head. Hall: I surmise, then, that you have already telepathically dealt with your head booking position? Avatar: What? Hall: Good. I will see you tomorrow; we will speak in person from this point forward; I thank you for testing my new machine. And yes, $1,000 is your current budget. I expect you to make this company money. Further expectations will be found tomorrow and as I see fit. Mind your step. I nodded my head, then slowly walked to the door. I stopped. Two inches in front of my nose was a Masamune sword. Hall: Japan sends its greetings. As I said, mind your step. I slowly, carefully made my way out the door, avoiding killing myself oh-so-easily on the blade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crayon Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 oh Eidenhoek, you so craaaayzay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timber Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Brilliant start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eidenhoek Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 I awoke parched. Appropriately, parchment had been affixed to the ceiling above my bed. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26000515564.jpg As I walked through my house, reading the rules Dr. Hall had sent me, I looked for something to drink. Opening the refrigerator, there was no juice, no milk. Nothing I had bought. I got a cup from the cupboard. Turning on the sink, I found no water escaping the pipes. I turned the paper over. P.S. Stay thirsty. I would have cried, but I had no tears to shed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timber Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 P.S. Stay thirsty. I read that and laughed so loud i scared the cat out of the room and she tried to exit the house through the screed door, took a flip backwards, landed on her feet, then licked herself like she planned it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eidenhoek Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 As I went to get my mail, I noticed this small flyer attached: http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26001224529.jpg Truth be told, I was confused: How could this not be managed given that this company ws entirely unpopular now? I figured Dr. Hall was either testing me in some way or, possibly, giving me an easy goal so as to boost my confidence. In either case, I awaited the vast line of potential employees I had recently contacted. In but a few days, EIDENHOEK would hold its first show. The name? Oh, he put that on the other side. EIDENHOEK: XX And a note: Use Roman Numerals to designate which iteration of this event is currently being held. Also, watch your step. I looked down. There was a cat. A cat with fangs. I backed away slowly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanityisforbidden Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Moar... and post your roster soon so I can leech a few. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C0NTR4l34ND Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Definitely awaiting any and all future posts in this thread. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowjorden Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Yeah, this is a sweet read so far. Keep up the good work. So much creativity and funny moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eidenhoek Posted September 18, 2011 Author Share Posted September 18, 2011 Saturday, the first weekend of January. My office looked nice, I suppose, given that I just now had found it. There's a desk, a chair for me, two for anyone who chooses to enter. No name on the door, sadly, but that will come. Dr. Hall informed me-via the intercom system that I did not know until now existed-that there was a bit of a line of people to see me. I was excited. Today? Today I negotiated. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26014084452.jpg Avatar: Mr. Kenney. He took a seat, then opened a can of Dos Equis. Avatar: I see you've already met Dr. Hall. Dale: He greeted me at the door. I think. Might have been a robot. Anyway, let's start this little rodeo. Avatar: How does 15 months, $250 per appearance sound? Dale: I'm fine with the time, but you gotta pay me for it. And since I gotta get here from allll the way in Oklahoma, think you can cover travel for me? Avatar: Oklahoma is in the Mid South. Dale: What? Sorry, just quenching my thirst here. So this is the feeling of bloodlust. Avatar: $250. Kenney: You got yourself a deal. See you...when the hell is our show? Avatar: I'll call you. He left. In his place, another referee. Things were about to get awkward. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26014141817.jpg Avatar: Mr. Gray, I'll be straight with you-wait, is that Dos Equis? It was. Avatar: This has got to be a joke. And it's already played its course very much by now. Alan: Hey, my hats are awesome! Dr. Hall collects cookie jars. Can't wear a cookie jar, can you? Point taken. Avatar: Okay, here's the deal: Dale Kenney's already got the job as referee. Now I could just send you out the door. Alan: Bye bye bye? Avatar: ... Alan: ... Avatar: Did you just reference a boy band? Alan: I'm sorry, did you just reference a boy band? Avatar: YOU DID THE DAMN HAND MOTION! Alan: Sorry, I have earbuds in. Can't see them because of the hat. I'll take them out. Yes, this was bloodlust. With my vision getting more and more red-tinted, I hurriedly explained the situation. Avatar: I'm going to throw out an offer, but I got to be honest: you make me go above $250/appearance, just leave. Kenney's twice the ref you are. Alan: That hurt. Avatar: You are a lot younger, though. I'll just slide across this paper here... Alan: 15 months, $50 per appearance? Avatar: Yep. Alan: I'd rather not work that long, especially for that pay. And I'm from Canada; think you can spring for a jet plane down here? Avatar: 12 months; $100. Alan: Deal. As he walked out the door, I hit a conundrum: Alan was twice less expensive than Kenney; why should I use Dale when Alan will suffice? We won't be putting on any 8-star classics, so a block of wood might as well be the ref. And you don't have to pay wood...well, Larry, yes, but other wood, I mean. Apparently I had contacted a lot of referees, because Gregory Chapman was the next to enter. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26014335537.jpg Avatar: So you're 40, from Canada. Decent ref; better than one of ours, worse than the other. Chapman: I...guess so? Avatar: If you beat Dale Kenney's price, I'll let you on. But if not...YOU'RE FIIIRRRRREEEEDDDDDD!!!!!! Chapman: But I wouldn't have been hired yet, anyway. Avatar: ...dammit. Chapman: So what's the offer? Avatar: 15 months for $100 per appearance. Chapman: Could I get a bit more money, and possibly a trip down from Canada? Avatar: How about a buck fifty? Chapman: FROM CANADA. Avatar: That is, somehow, a $100 trip. Actually...how the hell is it only $100 to travel from Canada to...Kansas? Chapman: Are trains that cheap? Avatar: Maybe I'm buying you a boat. Chapman: So you'll accept? Avatar: I could accept, then immediately re-negotiate and steal your boat, possibly for a $50 raise. Sure, you'll be cheaper than Kenney at that point, but I have to ask myself one question: NEXT! I pushed a button under my desk. A hole appeared underneath Gregory Chapman's chair, and he disappeared to the wailing sound of...himself, wailing. Because he was falling. I know Rancors don't exist, but this is Dunton Hall we're talking about. So...I might have just killed a man. *shrug* http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26014393964.jpg http://pic.phyrefile.com/l/lo/lockouthiphop/2011/02/05/oh-yeah-i-like.jpg Avatar: I'll be straight with you- Honey: Most men are. http://static.thehollywoodgossip.com/images/gallery/chris-brown-oh-yeah.jpg Honey: Are you done staring at my rack? Avatar: Nope. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26014511622.jpg Honey: Look, I'm 29. Don't have a lot of time to sit here for free. So either make me an offer to work for your company, or make me an offer to take off my clothes. Avatar: Would you consider a position with the company where you take off your clothes? Honey: No. Avatar: DAMMIT! Fine. 15 months; $250 per appearance. Honey: Ha ha ha...I'm fine with how long you want me- Avatar: ALL NIGHT BABY! Honey: -okay, maybe not. But that's a little cheap, don't you think? Avatar: If we're looking at your merits as an announcer, not really. Sure, you have a ridiculous amount of charisma, but we need someone who can anchor the show. http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/celebrity-pictures-bell-brand-boobs-three.jpg Avatar: Point taken. I'll give you $300, but can you work 18 months? Honey: Sure. Realizing that I had been thinking with...not my brain...I immediately contacted two other announcers to see if they'd consider working for less. Though they didn't have Honey Golightly's assets-nor her ass, lol-they would be of more benefit to the company. And I hadn't received any notification from Dr. Hall as to whether or not he wanted a harem. Perhaps he already had one. The first wrestler walked into my office, and what a way to start: http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26015015479.jpg DWN: Finally the Triple Threat HAS COME BACK- Avatar: You never were here... DWN: -to...to...to run his mouth ON ALL YOUR CANDY ASSES! Avatar: You're from Toronto. You're in the Mid South. DWN: Oh. Avatar: How does 18 months, with $200 per appearance sound? DWN: Toronto isn't close by, kid. Give me some travelling money. Avatar: That's about $240! DWN: I'm waiting... Avatar: You do realize I'm just going to re-negotiate, right? DWN: Yep. Avatar: So a week later you'll work for $200, maybe $250. DWN: Yep. Avatar: You still want that travel fee, don't you? DWN: http://cdn2.mixrmedia.com/wp-uploads/girlybubble/blog/2011/07/troll-face.png Avatar: Fine. With that, we had a roster. Technically, I could have stopped here; with DWN and myself, we could wrestle. Dunton Hall at the desk with Honey-DAMMIT-one of the referees in the ring. Did I contact any road agents? Craaaaaaap... I looked through my rolodex-ha, as if I had one of those. A rolex, maybe. Rolodex? What am I, 49... ... And immensely successful and awesome and the best boss ever? Hall: Nice save. Roger Rogers was the only man unpopular enough to consider being a road agent. But he really was a colour commentator. On that note, Dr. Hall mandated that I spell everything British. Hall: Britishly. Britishly. So I decided that I needed a wrestler to be the road agent. Or possibly Dale Kenney, who was an ex-wrestler. Regardless, there was a line, and I had to attend to it. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26015122751.jpg Avatar: Ah, "The Ladder." Ladron: "The Thief," hombre. Avatar: Hombre? Did you see Honey Golightly walk up in here? How I took a look at that? For some reason, Ladder-man hit his face with his hand. Avatar: I'll forgive your slur, for the moment-GOD DAMMIT WHY ARE YOU DRINKING BEER? Ladron: Come on. Seriously? Avatar: What? Ladron: Dos Equis. Avatar: What? Ladron: I'M FROM MEXICO! Avatar: And...? Ladron: I speak Spanish. Avatar: ...And? Ladron: Dos. Equis. Avatar: I don't follow. Ladron: TWO ****ING Xs! THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS. TWO Xs! I AM DRINKING BEER OF MY LANGUAGE! Avatar: Yeah sorry I'm not into pokemon. He stormed out of the office. Avatar: I have money... He stormed into the office. Ladron: How much; how long? Avatar: 15/$100. Ladron: Not enough; give me merchandise; I need travel. Avatar: $150. Ladron: TRAVEL HOMBRE! Avatar: I...am...fine. Fine. Have your ****ing travel. I was prepared to take a break for the day, but in walked the single greatest man in the history of our sport: http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/thumb/9/26015184167.jpg Avatar: The legend of Calgary, Alberta, Canada. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/thumb/9/26015184167.jpg Avatar: If I pay you $50 per appearance, will you work for us for 15 months? http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/thumb/9/26015184167.jpg Avatar: Is that a yes? http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/thumb/9/26015184167.jpg Avatar: Uh...$100? http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/thumb/9/26015184167.jpg Avatar: With travel? He vanished. I assume that meant he accepted. I fainted from the sheer torment of having spoken to such a charismatic star. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timber Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I think i sprained my funny bone with that post. HA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhd1 Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 While I can see your promotion only lasting about six shows, your writing is very good and, like Timber, I really do find this funny, which isn't always the case in 'comedy' diaries. I'll be a-reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanityisforbidden Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Superb-ish-gazam... yeah nice work up so far, if it last six shows it will be the best six shows ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C0NTR4l34ND Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 Wow, this is some awesome stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiquidSwords Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 This is hilarious and I will be following. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eidenhoek Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 I hopped off the plane at LAX. Was I dreaming? Why am I here, again? Welcome to the land of real big chests; which pair will I jump in? Jumped into a cab; here I am for the first time. I looked to the right saw the Hollywood sign. Wait. Wait a second. LAX...that's California. Not...not the Mid South. And who the hell is Jay Z? HALLLLLLLLLLLL I woke up. I was, in fact, dreaming. Yet my hands were, regardless, in the air. I was ashamed. Ashamed, and apparently asleep at my desk. Remember how I said I was taking a break? Yeah. Seems Dr. Hall was testing some sort of knockout gas through the ventilation. He's English, right? ... Dear god. Dunton Hall is Q. Oh, hi...El Medico. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26020320654.jpg Medico: I see you are a bit groggy hombre. Avatar: Don't start that bull-wait. You're American. Medico: Si. Avatar: With a mask. Medico: Si. Avatar: In a company based in the Mid South. Well, I guess that makes sense, being close to Mexico and all. Texas, especially the southern part of Texas, has a large hispanic influence. Medico: You're wearing a mask too. Avatar: What? No I'm not. Medico: Yes you are. You said you were earlier, in that other topic. http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnihe4324v1qb3jnqo1_250.gif Avatar: Irrelevant. I'll offer you the standard deal: 15 months, and let's say...$100 per appearance. Medico: "Let's" say a little more money, maybe some merchandise, and...well, we are a bit far from my home- Avatar: Do you want to have a head on your neck? Medico: It's a ways to travel to get here is all I'm saying. Avatar: YOU'RE AMERICAN YOU'RE NOT EVEN MEXICAN WHAT THE-fine, fine, whatever. How about $150, same deal? Medico: That'll cover the merchandise, but it won't covere the road trip. Avatar: This is getting stupid, real fast. Fine, see you in a week. There are things you learn when you're head booker of a company. Namely, that everyone will gladly come to the meetings for free, but give them a job? Oh, suddenly I have to give them gas money. Actually...maybe that's all they wanted in the first place. Well now I'm a tool. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26020442326.jpg Avatar: OH GOD! Spirit: You will be visited by three ghosts tonight... Avatar: Bob Marley? Spirit: Jacob Marley. Avatar: You have dreadlocks. Bob Marley. Spirit: I'd argue with you, but I don't speak-a your language. Avatar: I suppose I'm suppose to smile and give you a vegemite sandwich, right? Spirit: Nah, Dunton gave me a Dos Equis. I'm good. Told you to stay thirsty, though. http://files.sharenator.com/Headdesk_Emo_funnys-s449x337-111462-475.jpg Avatar: 15 months, $100. Spirit: Remember what El Medico said? Avatar: I don't speak Spanish. Spirit: And I don't speak English. Point is, up the dollars, give me merch, and pay for my travel. I'm from the East. Avatar: Wouldn't it be closer to travel East, actually, to get here? Spirit: I'm waiting. Avatar: $150. Spirit: Travel. Avatar: Done. No sooner did Evil Spirit leave than I heard some trippy music. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26020503543.jpg Joey: Wot did you say, guvna? Avatar: Come to think of it, I don't think this song has any mention of breeze... Joey: No, it doesn't. When the roof caved in and the truth came out... Avatar: What happened to your accent. Joey: I'm cool. I'm the breeze. Avatar: Cute. Possibly due to copyright infringement lawsuits, you're too expensive. Say hi to Anna for me. And he blew out the door. Like, he turned to dust and floated out the door, like there was a breeze. Hall: Did you like my friend's hologram? I thought the display, especially that exit, was exceptional. Right, sound system. How could I forget. I tried to collect my thoughts after mis-hearing earlier lyrics. Now would be the perfect time to link to "Thunder and Lightning," but sadly, that link no longer exists. Stupid Google Videos no longer existing. Hmm, I wonder who the next interviewee is? http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26020570232.jpg Avatar: You're...Lightning Lomas. Lomas: Indeed I am. Avatar: And you contacted me before Jason Thunder. Lomas: That's true. Avatar: Which totally goes along with the joke, right? Lomas: Let's see... YES YES YES IT'S STILL HERE YES YES YES YES YES 16:56 later. Avatar: Dude they are going to be so ****ing pissed off now...Oh, right. Uh, 15 months, $100. Lomas: That's a little low, and Canada's kind of far away. Avatar: $150. Lomas: Canada is still kind of far away. Avatar: Fine. And thus I continued forward in my search for talent. Cheap talent, mind, but talent. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26021021179.jpg Avatar: I have heard very little good about your product. Lobo: What? Avatar: I heard rumors that somehow Hitler got the Holocaust past Odin and Heimdallr in your mythos. Lobo: The hell are you talking about? Avatar: You know, the Nordic gods that can PERCEIVE EVERYTHING? Lobo: No, I mean...what do you mean by "your product"? Avatar: Oh. That's not you. Lobo: Correct. I'm not a publishing company, or whatever the hell they are. Avatar: In that case, how does 15 months of $200 per appearance sound? Lobo: A little light on the cash and warranting some travel fare. Avatar: You do realize you're asking DWN-level funding, right? Lobo: Take it or leave it. Avatar: You know what? I'm actually going to leave it. Good luck. With that, I wished him the best in his future endeavors. Given that he worked for SOTBPW, his future was a hell of a lot brighter than my own. Next man in was part of what I expected to be much of my roster, a man from ACPW. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26021065610.jpg Avatar: Malik Cash. Cash: Sup. Avatar: Don't suppose you'll go for 15 months at $100, would you? Cash: Nope. Avatar: $150? Cash: Travel, dog. Avatar: CANADIANS DON'T TALK LIKE THAT-fine, whatever. Sadly, Jay "C-Note" Becker didn't have the requisite Basics to be in the company. Moving on, another ACPW denizen. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26023243928.jpg Avatar: Hello. Mimic: Hello. Avatar: You cost too much. Mimic: You cost too much. Avatar: Bye. Mimic: Bye. Another tag team split; if I get Dagger, no Mimic to go along. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26023284314.jpg Avatar: Ricochet Ramon. Ever think of calling yourself "Razor" Ramon? Ramon: Why? There's a "Razor Valentine" up in Europe and he sounds stupid. Avatar: Eh, no matter, then. Hey, I got a song I want to sing. Ramon: What? Avatar: When you're a jet you're a jet all the way... Ramon: They were the Americans. The sharks were the Puerto Ricans. Avatar: ...I almost kicked you out for that right now. Ramon: What? Avatar: I was Baby John. You know what happens to Baby John in the movie? Ramon: I think you're thinking of Tony. Avatar: I think you're forgetting of Act 2 when Anita meets the Jets. And sure, I'm not trying to trivialize what happens to Anita; what I'm saying is, as an actor, playing Baby John? Definitely not the highlight of my career. Ramon: What was? Avatar: Whowoodenwannabeajet? Ramon: What? Avatar: 15 months, $100. Ramon: Too low; give me travel. Avatar: $150. Ramon: Travel. Avatar: Later. And I mean it; you'll see me soon. It's a torrid scene, the one I referenced. Well, not quite torrid. Sexual? Sort of. But no passion. God, no passion. That...probably my least favorite scene in the show. And people die in that musical, spoilers. And that's not the worst part for me. Eh, moving on. A woman! http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26023364322.jpg http://www.kaboodle.com/hi/img/2/0/0/59/f/AAAAAgcAlLUAAAAAAFnylQ.jpg?v=1183930259000 Avatar: Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba! Roz: You looked that up online. Avatar: Yep. Roz: Also, I'm Canadian. Given that I speak french fluently, probably from Quebec. Not Africa. Avatar: Not my problem, Nala. Roz: I will cut you. Avatar: 15 months at $200? Roz: To cut you? Are you some kind of freak? Avatar: ...I'm a supah freak, supah freak... Roz: Anyway, I'm going to need more money and some travel expenses. Avatar: No, you're going to need another employer. http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfellzn2pQ1qb3e6ho1_400.jpg The final potential employee of the day. No, no Europe. He's Mexican. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26023413786.jpg Avatar: BOOYAKA BOOYAKA! Velocidad: ??? Avatar: Who's that jumping out the sky? Velocidad: ??? http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26023423171.jpg http://www.clipartguide.com/_small/1386-0901-1123-4422.jpg Avatar: So how about 15 months at $100? Velocidad: I think you know the game by now, kid. Avatar: I'll chalk that up to your "passable" English. $150? Velocidad: Travel. Avatar: Done. And I was done. For the day. Finally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eidenhoek Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 A quick, brief OOC apology. I had stuff written up, and now it's gone. I'm especially mad because I can't reset the game due to auto-save, so I'm not sure I recall how many people I missed. I will attempt to recreate the conversations. That said, perhaps this iteration will be less stupid and more amusing. I appreciate the comments; I want to note that this diary should not slow down my other two by much; the NYCW plods along slowly anyway, and the EPW diary is waiting a few more days for the show to be posted. So you can predict there if you want; I think I have two right now. Anyway... ~~~ I woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. Or Puff Daddy. Sean Combs? Who the hell is he? I didn't brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, though, because that's stupid. 1. Bottles don't have bristles and are thus ineffective as brushes. 2. Using Jack (Daniels) as a mouthwash does little to help one's hygiene. A case could be made that the alcohol destroys whatever bacteria is present in one's mouth, yet I feel that the bad taste and lasting bad breath outweighs the potential benefits. In short, she's an idiot and I hate her. Speaking of idiots who I will hate in a second... http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26116331336.jpg Avatar: JUST A SMALLTOWN GIRL! Elegance: Don't. Avatar: LIVING IN A LONELY WORLD! Elegance: God...why? Avatar: SHE TOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOING ANNNNNYYYYYWHEEEEEERE! Elegance: Now that you're done JUST A CITY BOY! Elegance: I'm a woman. Avatar: BORN AND RAISED IN SOUTH DETROIT-oh, right. He's from Detroit, not the chick. Well then. Let's get down to business. Elegance: To defeat the Huns, I suppose? Avatar: What? No. That-what? Here's the thing: Alan Gray's workign for $100, and he's a bit better and a bit younger than you. I'm offering you 15 months at $50. Elegance: I'm worth more, especially without travel. Avatar: No, you're not. You're an idiot. Bye. See, that's why I hate her. She tried to negotiate when she was clearly in the worse position. Speaking of positions... http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26116443510.jpg http://images.bidorbuy.co.za/user_images/034/445034_091102181819_SilverJubileeSilverAZ.jpg http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101202090725/southpark/images/8/8c/Thumbs-up-low-res.jpg Avatar: So I hear you're friends with Honey Golightly. Sara: I have her name tattooed on my ass, if that's what you mean. http://rlv.zcache.com/oh_yeah_shirt-p235878430667527455qmbd_400.jpg Avatar: There's just one problem. Sara: Can't get it up? Avatar: Actually...kind of. If by "it" you mean "my monetary offer to you". See, Dr. Hall has a policy about not spending overmuch on talent. Sara: That's funny. I just saw him and he gave me a Dos Equis, lit a cigar, slapped me on the ass, then told me to go have fun. Avatar: What? Sara: Well, that was after we spent the night together. Avatar: WHAT? Sara: By "we" I mean Dunton, myself, Honey http://i659.photobucket.com/albums/uu312/Lady-Sasha/nosebleed.jpg Sara: Let's see...I'm sure Dharma was there, Alexis, Heather...Neptunes, Sweet As Candy...Roxy, Sprite...you know, maybe everyone was there. http://newsimg.ngfiles.com/40000/40492_gh04_07.JPG Sara: So I don't know about this "hiring policy" of his. Avatar: Maybe it's a policy of mine. Look, as hot as a threesome between you, Honey, and me would be-at least for me, I guess-the fact is that I'm not running a harem. I'm running a wrestling company. Hall: I can change that. Avatar: So yeah, can't hire you. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. It did. Apparently Dunton Hall had interfaced with all the doors so that he could feel what they felt. And they felt good. Figuring that I'd lose my recently-won man card if I kept the intake of estrogen, I decided to hire some male superstars. That came out wrong. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26117295283.jpg Avatar: How's dad? Alan: Dead. Avatar: Oh. I'm sorry. How's your mother taking it? Alan: Pretty well, all things considered. Avatar: Oh, that's good, I guess. Alan: Since she's dead. Avatar: Ah. What'd she die of? Alan: Abusive son. Avatar: Man, that's tragic. Not a good way to hey, so how about you work for us, say, 15 months at $100. Alan: I'm not too good with lengthy commitments. What you're asking is a little cheap. I'd like to have some merchandise out there, and maybe a little dough for the travel. Avatar: I hear you. How about, instead, I make it 12 months at $150? Alan: That's alright. Since you're not offering travel, I'll just live with you, then. Avatar: Ha, see, I forgot to check that box. Travel, yes. Welcome aboard. There are two kinds of people you don't want to mess with in this world: 1. Dudes that have hot girlfriends after you've "accidentally" hit on said girlfriend. 2. Dudes that have shanked their parents. I'm not saying Alan was in the second group, but I am saying that if I was Parent's parent, I'd probably have shot myself because that sounds really stupid. Speaking of people with stupid last names... http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26117361448.jpg Avatar: Seriously? Alistair: What? Avatar: SHUFFLEBOTTOM. Alistair: Yeah...that's my name. Avatar: That's the worst name. Ever. Alistair: I knew a guy named Jason Assbutt in college. Avatar: ...Touche. How does 15 months of $50 per appearance sound? Alistair: Like Assbutt. Avatar: Will you drop the travel complaint if I offer you $100? Alistair: Nope. Avatar: Have it your way. Alistair: This isn't Burger King. Avatar: Later, Assbutt. I decided that was enough for a morning. With all the blood I had lost with Sara Silver, I'm pretty sure I would need to refresh my fluids. ... DAMMIT DUNTON Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C0NTR4l34ND Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Wow. haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayelek Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 The "Stay Thirsty" gimmick cannot go too far. I want your avatar to use a "Dehydrated" gimmick in the ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1234 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 YES YES YES IT'S STILL HERE YES YES YES YES YES 16 minutes, 56 seconds later. Why the **** did I trust Eidenhoek enough to watch an almost 17 minute video. But on a more positive note, the rest was so crazy its funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eidenhoek Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Back to work, once again ending this pitiful existence by talking to people. Yeah, no, don't think I could do this job if I was suicidal. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26201120633.jpg Avatar: So you aren't going to be a trouble backstage by pulling any antics, are you? Antix: You looking to get punched upside the head? Avatar: Chill. 15 months, $100. Antix: You're mocking me. I'm worth more than that. I'm worth some merchandise, and you oughta pay me for travel. Avatar: $150. Antix: Travel, kid. Avatar: Okay, kid. One down...something like twenty to go. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26201155570.jpg Avatar: How's Montreal? Cal: I'm from Winnipeg you idiot! Avatar: That hurt. 15/$100? Cal: Mo' money, mo' merch', mo' travel. Avatar: They should call you Mighty Mo, then. How about $150? Cal: Travel. Avatar: Fine. Travel it is. Goodbye. He's a lumberjack and, I suppose, he's okay. Who's next? http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26201184827.jpg Avatar: Canadian Crusher. Care to work for 15 months with us, for $100 per appearance? Crusher: CANADA CRUSH! Avatar: I think you wanted to say, "Smash!" but how about $150? Crusher: I still need travel. Avatar: No problem. I realized that I might want to re-unite the Kelowna Playaz, now that I had Antix. Then I realized that they don't like each other, so I went with the next guy. Yeah, it took me awhile to do my research, but I did it in the end. So there. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26201384491.jpg Avatar: So, Captain Brazil, care to do our oh-so-common 15/$100 deal? Brasil: I'm "Captain Brazil" Jr., first. And second, no. I need more money and probably some travel. Avatar: Why are you Mexican and not, I don't know, BRAZILIAN? Brasil: What's the offer? Avatar: $150. Brasil: Still need travel. Avatar: Yeah yeah, see you later. I thought I was done for the day. I was very much wrong. As many people as I still had to talk to, I'd have to go through later anyway. Oh well. I shrugged. http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26201434381.jpg Avatar: Oooo look at you, "The Graduate". Chris: That is my nickname, yes. Avatar: Where'd you graduate from, LOSERVILLE? http://files.sharenator.com/kelso_burn_RE_An_awkward_moment-s284x129-138155-580.gif Chris: Anyway... Avatar: Aren't you from Tron? Chris: If that even exists, no. That'd be Kevin, or possibly Sam. Although, given what day it is, Sam doesn't exist. I think. Avatar: So you can't get Olivia Wilde to join us? Chris: Dude, if I knew Olivia Wilde, don't you think I'd be taking her to bed right now? Avatar: It's only 12:46 AM. Chris: ...yeah... Avatar: Oh, right. 15/$100? Chris: I'm going to need a bit more money, and also fare to travel all the way here on a light-cycle. Avatar: I KNEW IT! Chris: So...? Avatar: Oh, right. Again. $150? Chris: Spring for travel and you got a deal. Avatar: Done. With that negotiation done, I contemplated how House was able to bag Olivia Wilde. Sure, mixing reality and characters, but come on! http://ewinsidetv.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/house-olivia-wilde_320.jpg I'd hit it. Don't even need names. Don't need no silly games. Something something makeouts AND I http://img1.UploadScreenshot.com/images/main/9/26202002129.jpg http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_K5IIY6T5-v0/THtMpDeQkTI/AAAAAAAAWgQ/P771ltTpOyI/s1600/batman+spit+take.jpg Information: The hell? I'm extremely conservative! http://demotivationalposter.despair.com/thumb/8292267761316498363.jpg Avatar: So is there a...Mister Information? Information: Hall's already in line for that, kid. Avatar: Dammit! Information: What? He's English. Avatar: DAMMIT WOT WOT! Information: And he's got a real big heart but I'm looking at his Avatar: $200 if you stop talking now. Information: No. Avatar: Ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha. I think. Extremely conservative. Ha. I had to sleep after that one because...SERIOUSLY? http://files.myopera.com/andrewjamesbow/albums/5613212/Torrie-Wilson-School-Girl.jpg People like that are not extremely conservative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanityisforbidden Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 picture of Torrie automatically gives you another 100 stars! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juggaloninjalee Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 2 Pages in without a show and I am glued! Love the Road to Glory Challenge. Really enjoying the negotiations. Very witty and simple. Can't wait until some shows get going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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