Phantom Stranger Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Marat Khoklov vs. Danny Patterson Geena the Warrior Princess vs. Jeri Behr Soviet Union vs. Devastation United Eddie Cornell vs. Byron Spiros The Mighty vs. Sergei Kalashnov Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman2k3 Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 Marat Khoklov vs. Danny Patterson Geena the Warrior Princess vs. Jeri Behr Soviet Union vs. Devastation United Eddie Cornell vs. Byron Spiros The Mighty vs. Sergei Kalashnov Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 EWA Flashback http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWApast.jpg EWA Kollision Kourse 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManicopast.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohanssonpast.jpg Ding, ding, ding!!! “Here’s your winner, and the NEEEEWWWW EWA UNIVERSAL CHAMPION… “THE ALPHA NORWEGIAN”… BAM BAM JOHAAAAAANNNSSSOOOON!!!” Lawrence Young: I can’t believe it, Bam Bam’s done it! Bam Bam Johansson had defeated Louis Figo Manico for the EWA Universal title! Mark Stanford: He cheated! He had to have cheated! Quick, someone test his blood for steroids and that… that… that DAMNABLE BULL SHARK TESTOSTERONE!!! Lawrence Young: Two men entered the ring, and it’s The Alpha Norwegian who comes out on top! No one thought he had the skill to do it, but my word he did it! Manico is stunned and this audience is DEFEANING!!! Mark Stanford: This can’t be happening. Manico’s the better man, damn it, he’s worked his whole life to just have some roided up freak rob him of all his hard work?! Of everything he’s accomplished?! This is the greatest travesty in European wrestling history since Captain Hero beat Scheming Behemoth for the UCR World Combat title on a disqualification! Stunned, a wounded Louis Figo Manico slowly backpedals away from the ring, never taking his eyes off of Bam Bam Johansson who now flexes with the EWA Universal title proudly wrapped around one of his magnificent biceps. Cans of bull shark testosterone bites hit the ring, a lucky few being caught by Johansson mid-flex. The Alpha Norwegians downs a countless number of them with ease as he goes from turnbuckle to turnbuckle, flexing his satisfaction in winning the title. Soon he is joined by both Geena The Warrior Princess and Joey Beauchamp, his staunchest of allies throughout his ordeal with Manico. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/GeenaPrincesspast.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JoeyBeauchamppast.jpg Geena: I knew you had it in you, Bam Bam, I knew it all along! Bam Bam Johansson: It’s not just in me, baby, it’s ALL OF ME!! IT’S THESE GUNS, BABY, THESE GUNS!!! REGISTERED ASSAULT WEAPONS IN 59 COUNTRIES, YEAH!!!! Joey Beauchamp: That Spaniard bloke never stood a chance! Drinks and ladies are all on me tonight, Bam Bam… and I guess I can spare some of the ladies for you, too, eh sport? Bam Bam Johansson: HELL YEAH, BRO!!! I’m gonna be making ALPHA babies tonight! They only need nine DAYS to reach maturity, NINE DAYS!!! YEAH!!! GONNA EXPLODE INTO THE WORLD FLEXING ONE ARM AND GRABBING A NURSE WITH THE OTHER, YEAH!!!! Proudly, Geena and Beauchamp both raise one of Johansson’s arms in victory. With a tear in his eye, Bam Bam eyes his motorcycle at ringside. Joey Beauchamp: Go for it, Bam Bam. Be all the Alpha you can soddin’ be. With a somersault reminiscent of possibly underage Chinese Olympians, Bam Bam leaps clear over the top rope and lands easily on his motorcycle. He raises the EWA Universal title above his head as he hits the gas, roaring past the EWA tarp, through the back halls of the arena, and outdoors into the parking lot. Going EASILY 90 miles per hour (that 144 kilometers an hour for you metric folks), Bam Bam hits a ramp and flies over a pile of cars exploding underneath him, the EWA Universal title still waiving above his head. The image freezes with him in mid-leap, the fiery Yugos below finally serving a purpose in their agonized existence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Stranger Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Woo, it returns! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWAAlpha.jpg EWA ALPHA!February 2011 Week 2 From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and TAPED for Euro Cable Sports 1! Dark Show: The Hatt Gang vs. White Knight & Leigh Burton The Hatt Gang drew with White Knight and Leigh Burton in 5:40 following a double disqualification. E+ The Brothers Johansson vs. Hugh de Aske & Haiti Voodude The Brothers Johansson defeated Hugh de Aske and Haiti Voodude in 5:52 when Bam Bam Johansson defeated Hugh de Aske by submission with a Backbreaker Hold. C- Main Show: http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DannyPatterson.jpg Marat Khoklov vs. Danny Patterson For the second time in this young year, possibly the two largest workers in the EWA faced off. Once again, the fans ate up every moment of the slow, semi-brutal power brawling. For a trios of agains, Marat Khoklov picked up the victory after sending “The Tower of London” tumbling down with a Moscow Lariat. Marat Khoklov defeated Danny Patterson in 8:06 by pinfall with a Moscow Lariat. C+ With a flair of Spanish guitar, out comes YOUR EWA Universal champion, the one and only… Louis… Figo… MANICO!!! http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpg Calmly, Manico climbs into the ring with a microphone grasped in his hand. Louis Figo Manico: Ladies, gentlemen, and children… I would like to address a few concerns over my actions last week on EWA ALPHA!. Truly, apologies are in order for my actions against “El Brisa”. Violence is a necessary cog in the machine of this grand sport, but only in the same manner as football: both the real kind and the “sport” played by those silly Americans. But like those sports, the violence is meant simply as a part of the competition. Attacking another in a manner not pertaining to the competition is, even under extreme circumstances, uncalled for. Last week I let my emotions get the best of me, and before all of Europe I brutally assaulted that… well, coward. There is some solace in the fact that at least the manner of my revenge was as honorable as possible, given the circumstances. However… A dark rendition of “ole…ole, ole, ole” interrupts Manico midsentence, along with signaling the arrival of El Brisa. The faux-Luchador makes his way into the ringing, facing off with Louis Figo Manico. El Brisa: However, I for one grow weary of your charade. Come now, dear Manico, who do you think you’re fooling, the average wank in this crowd who’d rather spend what little money they have to see the outcome of steroid abuse in person rather than for free on television? Well, yes, they may be fooled. But ohhhh Manico… not me. NEVER. Me. It’s what you might call the ultimate punch- *BAH GAWD, EL BRISA DECKS MANICO WITH A RIGHT CROSS* -line. Manico scrambles to his feet, retaliating with his own barrage of frantic fisticuffs. Both men quickly tumble out of the ring, only pausing from firing punches at one another long enough to get to their feet. Manico fires in with a left! And a right! And another two to three rights! But El Brisa with a backhanded right! And a left! And towards the exit they awkwardly stumble, as both have decided that slowly walking around while fighting is the correct course of action! Soon they vanish behind the EWA tarp, the sounds of combat still echoing from behind it into the arena. B+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Geena.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JeriBehr.jpg Geena The Warrior Princess vs. Jeri Behr Generic hot chick versus hot chick match, with Geena eventually using the Amazon Plunge to pick up the win. On a disturbing note, it seems the EWA crowd would rather see a pair of burly, sweaty men grapple than a pair of relatively young and attractive women. Geena The Warrior Princess defeated Jeri Behr in 6:18 by pinfall with an Amazon Plunge. D- Elsewhere in the EWA arena… http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/StetsonHatt.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DanielJones.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BadNewsBruno.jpg Bad News Bruno: Where’d you want me to put this here stuffed coyote, boss? Bruno holds up the mangy looking stuffed canine an uncomfortably close distance to Stetson’s face. Stetson Hatt: Oh god! Just get that thing of my face, it’s just terrible for my allergies, just terrible! The bar, just set it on the side of the bar! Daniel, where’s Daniel?! Daniel Jones: Right behind you, boss! Issuing forth a girlish scream, a noticeably startled Stetson Hatt turns around to see Daniel Jones standing directing behind him. Stetson Hatt: GAH!!! How can someone as physically imposing as you be so sneaky? The sign, Mr. Jones, did you finish it? Daniel Jones: By dern it is, boss. Why dontcha take a big ol’ gander of it why dontcha? Jones hands Stetson a large plank of wood with the words “The Hatt Gang Salon” carved into it. Stetson Hatt: Salon? SALON?! This is supposed to say Saloon!!! Daniel Jones: Well HELL now that would make more sense now wouldn’t it? I been ponderin’ why you’d want us to cut hair. I done told ya me n’ Bruno ain’t barbers… Stetson Hatt: Don’t worry, we’ll just carve the “n” into an “o” and add a new “n” to the end. No sense in wasting a perfectly good plank of wood. Circle around partners… Grouping together, the trio overlook the ramshackle saloon they’ve managed to construct in what is now only vaguely identifiable as part of the arena. Stetson Hatt: Think about it boys: This is a new beginning for us. Here, people will pay us for our rugged outlaw services. We’re the meanest gang in these here parts, and now we’ve got our new saloon. I think our future in the EWA is bright, gang! Roughly ten seconds of tranquility are broken by the sound of shattering glass, as El Brisa comes flying onto the bar, sending glasses along it crashing to the floor! Manico comes in pursuit, raining down right fists with El Brisa’s back trapped against the bar. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpg Stetson Hatt: Oh god, outside, take it outside!!! This is just terrible!!! El Brisa thumbs Manico in the eye, backing him up long enough for El Brisa to get to his feet and grab the stuffed coyote. Bad News Bruno: RASCAL, NOOO!!!! Bruno’s plea is ignored, as the stuffed coyote quickly loses a pair of legs upon connecting with Manico’s skull. Manico stumbles backwards, instinctively snatching the “Hatt Gang Salon” sign of Stetson’s hands before snapping it half over El Brisa’s ribs. Stetson Hatt: Out, get these troublemakers out of my saloon! The Hatt Gang “quickly” (as fast as they can go, which isn’t very fast at all) attempt to intercept the brawling duo. Their effort is in vain, as Manico and El Brisa send each other tumbling over a table… which mysteriously bursts into flames, blocking The Hatt Gang’s path while the brawling men make their “escape” still throwing vicious lefts and right at one another. Stetson runs in circles screaming while Bruno and Jones try to douse the fire with alcohol, which clearly doesn’t work. Roadies armed with fire extinguishers hit the scene, leaving nothing but a cloud of white as the EWA heads to commercial! B- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/FrankDePain.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ScottVanDenBerg.jpg As sinister as a murderous emu, the eerie tune floats over the audience. Damned souls if they had them, the Wild Hagues emerge like Jason Vorhees from the lake. Except instead of a lake it’s just a blue tarp with the EWA symbol (poorly) emblazoned upon it. Making their way down to the ring, the vile entourage pauses briefly as Ruud Van Anger snatches a jumbo sized popcorn out of a rather rotund German boy’s hands. Van Anger holds the popcorn triumphantly over his head while the child bursts into a feverish sweat as he strains to stand up. Ruud Van Anger: NYAHAHAHAHA!!! I have stolen your popcorn! What now, little child? Whatever shall you do without your precious popcorn?! You want to eat it, but you cannot! Frank De Pain: NYAHAHA!! One could almost say, my dear Ruud, that you’re doing him a favor by not allowing him to eat his highly unhealthy treat. Ruud Van Anger: … You’re right! Here, child, eat the popcorn! May its high level of calories and cholesterol BE YOUR DOOM!!! NYAHAHAHA!!! Unable to avoid his fate, the German kid instinctively begins to devour the popcorn upon its return to his buttery hands, quickly forgoing the conventions of “chewing”. Meanwhile, the dastardly Dutch duo (plus the third Dutch guy, but trio would’ve ruined the alliteration) reach the ring, microphones in hand… And the EWA Tag Team titles firmly around the shoulders of Double Dutch. Ruud Van Anger: Behold, pathetic masses, your intellectual and physical superiors, your NEW EWA Tag Team champions… US! Frank De Pain: Technically, The Force are still the champions… Ruud Van Anger: Yes, but they have ONE MONTH to either announce or hold a title defense, or the titles or forfeit. Seeing as how we are obviously their superiors in every possible manner- Frank De Pain: And we are. Ruud Van Anger: And there’s no way they’d dare face us again during that time, it only makes since that we, begrudgingly mind you, accept the task of being the new champions for the greater evil of the company. Frank De Pain: However, unlike The Force WE have nothing to fear, and are more than happy to bring pain, suffering, and wishes of an early demise to any of the oversized meathead duos in the EWA. C’mon, who would like to demonstrate how inferior they are to us? The wait is short-lived, as out comes…. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Puffy.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/PoppaPunisher.jpg Devastation United? Ruud Van Anger: YAAAAWN, how tripe. No one cares about either of you, your parents in particular. OOPS, sorry, was that… RUUD of me?! Puffy The Sand Iron Player: Sod off ya wanker, you know damn well me and Poppa are- Ruud Van Anger: What part of YAAAAAWN was not clear? Well, I guess if no one else wishes to be embarrassed on international television… Devastation United and Double Dutch prepare to start up a match… possibly for the titles, but no one is really clear on that… http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpg The Big Bad: NO ONE IS REALLY CLEAR ON THAAAAT!!! To a beautiful, yet menacing Russian hymn, The Big Bad and Boris Kiriyakin of the Soviet Union appear from behind the tarp! Boris Kiriyakin: What is this you are doing, diminutive little Dutchmen? Giving a title shot on a first come first serve basis, much in the same manner as rich capitalists taking turns robbing the poor? Perhaps Commissar Kiriyakin shall propose a new deal to you, yes? Perhaps all of us lacking in gold should have opportunity to share in wealth equally? The Big Bad: COMMUUUNIIISSM!!! Boris Kiriyakin: Yes, as Comrade The Big Bad has said, perhaps it is a Communism of title contendership which this company sorely needs. Let us face it, little men, you only award a chance at gold to these inferior ones, knowing well that the hard working members of the proletariat would crush you given opportunity. Either give Soviet Union same chance at title shot as team no one cares about, or fall prey to your own vile capitalist’s ways. The choice, comrades, is yours. Ruud Van Anger: Interesting offer, particularly for one of such pathetically large size. Have it your way Kiriyakin. Face Devastation United, and from it we shall determine who truly deserves to face us for our titles! C+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Puffy.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/PoppaPunisher.jpg Soviet Union vs. Devastation United The match is relatively quick and brutal, with the Soviet Union easily handling Devastation United thanks to their superior size, strength, and hearts as cold as a true iron curtain. Following the Red Square, The Big Bad defeats Poppa Punisher. Soviet Union defeated Devastation United in 6:04 when The Big Bad defeated Poppa Punisher by pinfall with a Red Square. D+ Meanwhile, atop Mt. Olympus itself! http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg Spiros The Mighty screams through the fog towards unseen, though totally real, gods. Spiros The Mighty: Lord Zeus, I beseech thee… a request for the Trials has been… requested. ZEUS?: NONSENSE! NO MORTAL IS FOOLISH ENOUGH TO THROW AWAY HIS LIFE ON SUCH AN ENDEAVOR! Spiros The Mighty: But it is no mere mortal, my god-king, but the one known as Hercules. The great hero, presumed to be of your seed! ZEUS?: FURTHER NONSENSE! I ALWAYS USE PROTECTION… OH, HOLY CRAP, I FORGOT ABOUT THAT TIME IN CANCUN!!! TELL ME, DOES THIS HERCULES REQUEST THE TRIALS FOR HIS OWN GAIN?!! Spiros The Mighty: He does not. While the Trials were requested by him, they are meant to be undertaken by his brother, who while a mortal of great strength and commands the mighty bull shark with great ability, is not of godly lineage. ZEUS?: IF IT IS WHAT THEY WISHED, THEN SO IT SHALL BE! THE ONE KNOWN AS… UMMM… THE BROTHER OF HERCULES… SHALL BE PERMITTED TO UNDERTAKE THE TRIALS. TAKE THIS MYSTICAL ITEM, GREAT HERO, AND PRESENT IT TO HIM. Spiros The Mighty: Thank you, my lord. But the will of Mt. Olympus, it shall be done! RANDOM CRASH!! http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpg A white wall, previously blended expertly into the background by the fog, comes crashing down behind Spiros. The cause is quickly apparent from Louis Figo Manico now pinning El Brisa down against the other side of the wall, wailing on him with his right fist! El Brisa flips Manico over, sending both of them brawling right into the center of the top of Mt. Olympus! Spiros The Mighty: How did you two get here?! This place is off limits for mortals unless permitted by the GODS THEMSELVES!!! Leave here at once, or face the wrath of the gods. They will totally… go to a commercial!!! B http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EddieCornell.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Byron.jpg Eddie Cornell vs. Byron Who cares? Byron finally gets the upperhand, hitting the Upper Class to secure a rather pointless victory over Eddie Cornell. Byron defeated Eddie Cornell in 12:25 by pinfall with an Upper Class. C http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SergeiKalashnov.jpg Spiros the Mighty vs. Sergei Kalashnov Thanks to the gods clearly teleporting him all the way from Greece to the arena, Spiros arrives in time for his match. From the peak of Olympus, he has also returned with a black cloth bag, which he gingerly places under the turnbuckle before the start of the match. Empowered by the gods, Spiros makes quick and easy work of the hapless, and brain damaged, Kalashnov. Spiros the Mighty defeated Sergei Kalashnov in 15:42 by pinfall with a Spartanplex. B- With victory in hand, Spiros retrieves both the bag and a microphone. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg Spiros The Mighty: Brothers of the clan Johansson, I beseech thee! I have returned from the domain of the gods, and now I bear their message without aid of an owl capable of speech. Come forth, Johanssons, and give heed! The screech of hair metal guitar! The distinct lack of a motorcycle engine roaring to life! The Brothers Johansson walking down to the ring (or in Bam Bam’s case, stumbling)! They enter the ring, standing before Spiros. Spiros begins to speak, the lights in the arena dimming until the only one that remains illuminates the mighty Greek in an otherwise pitch black arena. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson2.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpg Spiros The Mighty: Carved from the first free weights in ancient Sparta by King Leonidas himself, the item now currently under my care has been sought after by men such as yourself for thousands of years. Many have sought the power it could grant them, but most of them were incapable of understanding the fact that only a chosen few are meant to truly wield it. It gave both the rise and the fall of the Roman Empire, was the true cause of the Tunguska Event, retroactively caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, and lead to the invention of the electric guitar, sports cars, and breast implants. And now, Bam Bam Johansson, the words of this… From the cloth bag, Spiros retrieves a large, ancient stone tablet and holds it high above his head. Spiros The Mighty: The Tablet Of The Trials Of The Alpha, falls upon you. Know well that if you are not of the chosen men you will surely perish. Bam Bam Johansson: Bro, I’m… GENETICALLY… DIFFERENT!!! My GENES chose *hic* ME, to be able to WEAR jeans as good as I do… YEAH!! Spiros The Mighty: He... is he totally wasted, AGAIN?! Hercules Johansson: I tried to stop Brother Bam Bam, but under layers of Gamma flab still beats heart of a champion. And that champion apparently craves copious amounts of vodka. Spiros The Mighty: Bam Bam Johansson, understand my warnings! Should you accept to undertake the Trials Of The Alpha, you will be committed to them until either your success or your demise. If you understand this mortal peril, and wish to continue… Bam Bam Johansson: Dude, BRO… just shut up and START the friggin’ things all ready, YEAH!!! Spiros The Mighty: Very well, foolish mortal… The Trials Of The Alpha… have begun… The final light in the arena shuts off, leaving the EWA in a state of perpetual darkness… for about five seconds, and then we go on to the show that comes on AFTER EWA ALPHA!, “Cooking With Hasselhoff”. B Overall Rating: B- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 Woo, it returns! It will ALWAYS return. I've just been very, very busy these last couple of months getting things in my life straightened out. But I've finally figured out what college I'm going to, I've got a job that both pays well and requires only a few hours a week... so I've finally got some free time to kick back, relax, and do some EWAing. FYI, the last show was written in pieces over the span of whenever my last show was. It is hands down my most disjointed piece of writing I've ever created. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 Also, I just got my first one star. I think I should be honored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nedew Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 The Big Bad, despite the sheer simplicity of the character, is executed superbly here. I love your comic stylings and would gladly see you pen a sketch show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA17.png Quick Picks: Spiros The Mighty vs. Eddie Cornell The Hatt Gang vs. Thompson & Patterson Hugh de Aske & Anna Ki vs. White Knight & Nina the Psycho Ballerina El Brisa vs. Byron Sergei Kalashnov vs. Adam Matravers vs. Louis Figo Manico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyde Hill Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 Spiros The Mighty vs. Eddie Cornell The Hatt Gang vs. Thompson & Patterson Hugh de Aske & Anna Ki vs. White Knight & Nina the Psycho Ballerina El Brisa vs. Byron Sergei Kalashnov vs. Adam Matravers vs. Louis Figo Manico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman2k3 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Spiros The Mighty vs. Eddie Cornell The Hatt Gang vs. Thompson & Patterson Hugh de Aske & Anna Ki vs. White Knight & Nina the Psycho Ballerina El Brisa vs. Byron Sergei Kalashnov vs. Adam Matravers vs. Louis Figo Manico Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWAAlpha.jpg EWA ALPHA!February 2011 Week 3 From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and LIVE on Euro Cable Sports 1! Dark Show: The Force vs. Jeri Behr & Miss Information The Force defeated Jeri Behr and Miss Information in 5:43 when Jed High defeated Miss Information by pinfall with a Sky High. C- The Brothers Johansson vs. Scott Van Den Berg & Beast Bantom The Brothers Johansson defeated Scott Van Den Berg and Beast Bantom in 5:58 when Bam Bam Johansson defeated Beast Bantom by pinfall with an Alpha And Omega. D+ Main Show: http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson2.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpg Spiros: Bow your heads, mortal and half mortal, for now… we begin THE FIRST TASK OF THE TRIALS OF THE ALPHA!!! Bam Bam Johansson: How about *hic* YOU… bow YOUR head, BRO!!!... YEAH!!! THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!! An un-amused Spiros the Mighty hoists the stone table containing the trials high above his head, illuminated by a “brilliant” florescent light. Hercules Johansson: Tell us, Spiros, what is the first trial brother Bam Bam must face? Spiros: Simple, Hercules son of Zeus. Beyond the door behind me is another world. Its denizens are beautiful, yet cruel. They are beautiful creatures who, while nothing more than the opposite gender of our own species, are as impossible to know as the depths of Poseidon’s deepest lairs. By the decree of the GODS THEMSELVES, a true Alpha shall make their body’s quake like the ground during a great tremor with their mere presence. GO FORTH, BAM BAM JOHANSSON… and do not return to us until you have either seduced one of these fair creatures, keeping in mind she must be of great physical attractiveness and not appear old or chubby in any manner, or until you have perished… in which case returning may be very difficult for you, though an Alpha would do it anyways… but you wouldn’t be one if you died from this… and… GO FORTH!!! Mighty Hercules, please accompany him to witness his success or lack there-of!!! Hercules Johansson: It is time brother, come with me. Bam Bam Johansson: Only if we BOTH PASS THIS TRIAL TONIGHT, BABY, YEAAAAHHhHHhhhhhh *hic*… I just TOTALLY threw up in my mouth a little… YEAH… With a pair of deep breaths, The Brothers Johansson enter (the camera, however, does not for obvious reasons)… Miss Information: AAAYYYYYYYIIIIEEEE!!!! Jeri Behr: OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN HERE?!?!? Bam Bam Johansson: WHO WANTS AN INJECTION OF MY BULL SHARK TESTOSTERONE, YEAH, BABY, YAAAHH!!!!! SLAP!!! Bam Bam Johansson: A MAYBE?! I like MAYBES… when it comes to the act designed for makin’ BABIES, BABY!!! But totally DON’T make any, I’m *hic* a LONE WOLF, on the PROWL, but making YOU TOTALLY howl at the MOON!!! SECOND SLAP!!! Bam Bam Johansson: That TOTALLY might bruise my face, but NOT MY EGO!!! NOT MY EGO!!! CHECK OUT MY BICEPS!!! BA-BOOM!!! BA-BOOM!!! LOW SOUNDING THUD!!! Bam Bam Johansson: Owww… My ego… YEAH!! C+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EddieCornell.jpg Spiros The Mighty vs. Eddie Cornell Eddie Cornell continues to give reasons of why MAYBE he should continue to have a job around here, managing to put on a solid bout with Spiros the Mighty. Unfortunately, he didn’t do well enough avoid a brutal Spartanplex. Spiros the Mighty defeated Eddie Cornell in 8:05 by pinfall with a Spartanplex. C+ To a jaunty Western piano tune, out comes The Hatt Gang, the wrestling members of the group dressed in ring attire. Stetson leads them into the ring with a microphone all ready in hand. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DanielJones.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/StetsonHatt.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BadNewsBruno.jpg Stetson Hatt: Oh geez, our business is doing just terrible, just terrible! No one thinks my boys are the toughest, most rootin’-tootin’est guys in these parts after that loud, terrifying sound! And then those men caused that brawl that nearly destroyed our brand new saloon, and the damages set us back most terribly! But my men ARE the toughest you’ll find in this most scrupulous line of work! I mean just look at em’! On cue, Bruno and Jones take center ring, posing menacingly for the audience. Stetson Hatt: Well I declare, Daniel Jones is as tall as a giant redwood, and twice as talented! And Bruno? Bruno once punched a horse out from under a federale down Mexico way, partners! But as a businessman, I KNOW what you all want to see! All the chatting in the world won’t sell them… but tarnations, how about a good ol’ fashioned demonstration? C’mon out, boys! Accompanied by generic music that we will never hear again (probably) the team of Danny Patterson and Joss Thompson emerge from behind the EWA tarp and enter the ring. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JossThompson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DannyPatterson.jpg Stetson Hatt: No we are going to have ourselves a little showdown here in the EWA! Go easy on em’ boys, we don’t want the law coming down on us for busting up their workers too badly. C- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DanielJones.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BadNewsBruno.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JossThompson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DannyPatterson.jpg The Hatt Gang w/Stetson Hat vs. Thompson & Patterson The Hatt Gang DIDN’T go very easy on Thompson, pummeling the smaller American with ease around the ring. Unfortunately, they DID go easy on Danny Patterson, who wasn’t so easily bullied around the ring. Bad News Bruno finally got the upperhand, but Stetson Hatt was not pleased with how long it was taking. Looking to end the match on a more “marketable” schedule, he swung a steel chair as Bruno attempted to Irish whip Patterson into the ropes… the only problem being that Patterson countered, sending Bruno careening into the chair shot. Stunned, Bruno stumbled forward and into a very awkward looking roll-up from Patterson, costing The Hatt Gang the match and leaving Stetson Hatt looking very distraught. Thompson & Patterson defeated The Hatt Gang in 6:24 when Danny Patterson defeated Bad News Bruno by pinfall with a quick roll-up. During the match we also had Stetson Hatt accidentally hit Bad News Bruno. D http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/FrankDePain.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ScottVanDenBerg.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Puffy.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/PoppaPunisher.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpg Returning from commercials (the last being one for Crazy Gideon’s House of Atomic Pancakes), Double Dutch (and Scott Van Den Berg!), the Soviet Union, and Devastation United are all milling about in the ring. Notably, Boris Kiriyakin doesn’t look very comfortable next to a drooling Poppa Punisher… Boris Kiriyakin: … Poppa Punisher: I just wanted to thank you for the punishment you gave me last week. It was… ecstasy… oh yeah… yeah… ANY time, I mean… If you ever want to do that in a private manner, just give ol’ Poppa a ring eh? Boris Kiriyakin: Th-… thank you? Thankfully for Boris, Double Dutch manage to turn all attention towards them. Ruud Van Anger: Thank you all for coming on such short notice! Frank De Pain: Even if it meant making one of you leave in the middle of a shower, only half clean. The Big Bad: SHAMPOOOOOOOO!!!! Ruud Van Anger: We, your vast superiors in all manners other than beastliness, would like to take this time to award the *snicker*, the new number one contenders for the EWA Tag Team titles. Frank De Pain: Because we all know the titles might as well be ours now! Ruud Van Anger: So, without further delay… here are OUR number one contenders for the EWA Tag Team titles… Double Dutch approach the Soviet Union, starting to raise their arms as they announce… Double Dutch: DEVASTATION UNITED (while dropping the SU’s arms and points at Devastation United)!!! The Big Bad: DEVASTATION UNIIIIITTEEDD??!??!?! Ruud Van Anger: Oh, did we neglect to mention a stipulation for the match? Frank De Pain: Yes, I believe we did… but which one? Ruud Van Anger: Was it that none of their feeble and oversized bodies dare compare to ours, so that the winner will not matter either way? Frank De Pain: No, no, no, we made that point quite clear… Ruud Van Anger: Was it… oh YES! It was the LOSER of the match who would be number one contenders! How RUUD of me not to tell you! Boris Kiriyakin: By Lenin’s beard, what treachery is this!? Little capitalist swine, the Soviet Union shall not forgive this transgression! Soviet Union will crush you with an iron fist for- SCRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCHHHH!!! That unbearable screeching noise pours out of the PA system, sending all seven men in the ring crumpling down the ground! Poppa Punisher: Oh yes… OH YES!!! GOD, I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BERRIES!!! GOD, PUFFY, GIVE ME YOUR THREE IRON!!!! OHHHHHH YEEEEESSS!!!!! Crippled from the noise, the Soviet Union are unable to pursue the Wild Hagues as they (slowly) crawl out of the ring to make their DASTARDLY escape! Instead, all the mighty Soviets (and less concerned Devastation United) can do is stare up at the ominous message on the Euro-tron. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/run.png C http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HughdeAske.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AnnaKi.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/WhiteKnight.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Nina.jpg Hugh de Aske & Anna Ki vs. White Knight & Nina the Psycho Ballerina A shameless way of getting the female stars of the EWA more in-ring time! Go get your bratwurst dogs, Communist Bibles, and Louis Manico shirts, folks! Hugh de Aske and Anna Ki defeated White Knight and Nina The Psycho Ballerina in 6:25 when Anna Ki defeated Nina The Psycho Ballerina by pinfall with a handful of tights. D http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpg We’re in a locker room with Louis Figo Manico. What else do you want, an in-depth description of it? Want to know that the walls are beige and Manico has his own bathroom 2.1 meters away from the door to the hallway? Well, now you do. Louis Figo Manico: Come, gather around my friends. Let me… Louis… Figo… MANICO… discuss this coward who dares call himself a man, the masked marauded known only as “El Brisa”, a name of which I am confident to not truly be his. And yes, I understand, many Luchadores do not go by their given names, and that is not the point I am trying to make. There is no record of a Luchadore known as “El Brisa” in any corner of the globe until just last year. Do not fool yourselves, for often cowardice is accompanied by devilish cunning. The name, the mask… it is all part of the ruse, of the plan to play games with my mind. He is like the Batman, si? Attempting to make those fear the unknown, hiding his name and face to replace them with something of his own creation. Unlike the Batman, this “El Brisa” fights not for justice, but for his own vile purposes and delights. He hides his face not to strike fear into the wicked and protect the innocent, but because he does not have the courage to show who he truly is to me, so that he may return to the shadows and leave me none the wiser. Know this: your acts of villainy will not faze me, “El Brisa”. All of your underhanded tactics will reward you with failure, disappointment, and dishonor. I will know who you are. WE will know who you are. And when we do, my main man, your games will be put to an end once and for all. A http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Byron.jpg El Brisa vs. Byron El Brisa didn’t looked fazed by Manico’s words, with an excellent showing against Byron. Well, mostly. He still felt it powerfully necessary to use the ropes for leverage to pin Byron, just to be sure. El Brisa defeated Byron in 12:03 by pinfall, illegally using the ropes for leverage. C+ Meanwhile, in the women’s locker room… http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson2.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DonnaMarino.jpg Bam Bam Johansson has planted himself in a chair in the center of the ring while staring at the ground with glassy eyes. Donna Marino enters the room and prepares to scream at sight of Bam Bam, but is quickly pulled aside by Hercules Johansson. Hercules Johansson: Please leave him alone, my brother is totally having a bad day. Donna Marino: Why, what’s wrong with him? Has he run the bull shark into extinction while feeding his steroid habit? Hercules Johansson: No, it is far worse… Donna Marino: Oh? Hercules Johansson: You see, brother Bam Bam… well, he had this… this pet cat… named… ummm… Mr. Whiskers. And, well, father just called him thirty minutes ago to tell us… *sniff* to tell us that Mr. Whiskers has… *sniff*… has… that poor Mr. Whiskers will not make it to Christmas this year. The prognosis is most grim… yeah. And poor Bam Bam, he’s barely said a word since he heard the news. Oh how he loves his Mr. Whiskers… Donna Marino: Have you tried talking to him yourself, Hercules? I mean, you ARE his brother. Hercules Johansson: I totally have tried, but it is too much for me to bear to see my brother like this, and I know he doesn’t want me to. Donna Marino: Gosh, men. Always trying to play the tough guy when their heart is breaking inside… Don’t worry, Hercules, I’ll take care of it. Calmly, Donna approaches Bam Bam and places at arm on his shoulder, lowering it just as he starts to lift it into prime flexing position. He starts to speak, but Donna quickly silences him. Donna Marino: Shhh, it’s okay big guy, I know… I know how you feel. You know, I always thought you were not just LIKE the rest of the meatheads in this company, but easily the worst of the lot. How could I be so wrong? How could I overlook that… that gentle soul of yours. To think I fell for that “I’m the Alpha Norwegian” act of yours! Back when I was a little girl, I lost a Mr. Whiskers, too. The pain was, well… well it’s what you feel now. But you can’t wallow on it Bam Bam, you can’t! And I won’t let you! So, please… if there’s anything… *anything* I can do to take your mind off of it, just let me know so I can help you through your hour of need. Confused, Bam Bam blinks absent-mindedly at Donna. Donna Marino: You don’t have to say anything, I know what you need. Come with me, it’ll be all okay. Gingerly, Donna cracks a small, warm grin as she takes Bam Bam by the hand, leading him into a changing room out of the camera’s watchful eye. Whistling the Norwegian national anthem, Hercules slides his hands into his pockets and quietly exits the room. The empty room remains that way, with only the odd grunting noise from the changing room entering its realm. As quietly as Hercules exited, Spiros the Mighty enters. He charges the changing room’s door and, well… Spiros: DO NOT BE ALARMED, FOR I AM HERE TO WITNESS THE TRIALS!!! Donna Marino: AAHHHHH!!! OH MY GOD, DON’T YOU KNOCK?!?!? WHY DON’T YOU KNOCK?!?!?!? Spiros: DO NOT BE ALARMED!!! Bam Bam Johansson: Yeah, BABY, ICE CUBE CAN’T SLAY THIS ANACONDA, YEAH!!! SLAP!!! Donna Marino: PIGS!!! Barely covering herself, Donna Marino storms out of the locker room. Spiros: Congratulations from myself AND THE GODS, my mortal friend, for you have PASSED THE FIRST TASK OF THE TRIALS!!! NOW WE CAN… can… wow, those are some funny looking… huh… Bam Bam Johansson: BRO, stop staring at my junk, YEAH!!! Spiros: THIS IS AWKWARD!!! B- http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA_Universal.jpg http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SergeiKalashnov.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AdamMatravers.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpg Sergei Kalashnov vs. Adam Matravers vs. Louis Figo Manico©: EWA Universal title Kalashnov spent most of the match drooling in the corner, and Matravers hobbled around on his one good leg. C’mon, did either of them stand a chance? With Matravers unable to gimp his way over to break up the pin, Manico secures victory over Kalashnov following a Madrid Maul. Louis Figo Manico defeated Sergei Kalashnov and Adam Matravers in 12:10 when Louis Figo Manico defeated Sergei Kalashnov by pinfall with a Madrid Maul. Louis Figo Manico makes defence number 4 of his EWA Universal title. B http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpg In typical EWA fashion, Manico’s celebration over this most minor, and predictable of victories is short lived. El Brisa arrives, sneering beneath his mask… not that you can really see it. El Brisa: Wow, big props to ya boyo! Ya beat a retard and a cripple. Hey, Matravers, go put on a leather mask and act like the gimp from Pulp Fiction! Poppa Punisher oughta appreciate it! Louis Figo Manico: Look what Bam Bam's likely fictional dying cat dragged in. What do you want from me... El Brisa: Well, for starters- Louis Figo Manico: Louis… Figo… MANICO!!!! El Brisa: Oh, ha ha ha ha, what a LAUGH! It’s almost as funny as these sods cheering for a wank like you, ain’t it? You know what’s even funnier, “my main man”? The fact that you call ME a coward, when we both know that you have a yellower belly than the dead lass in Goldfinger. So how about I give you EVERYTHING you desire? How about we BOTH admit the cowards we are and allow someone ELSE to do the dirty work for us? Louis Figo Manico: Coward? You call ME, a coward, you lowly scoundrel? El Brisa: Come now, you haven’t even heard what I’m proposing! How about we both go halfway on proving some form of bravery, eh? We come together and have ourselves a little… tag team match at EWA Road To Rome. How does that sound, mate? Louis Figo Manico: A tag team match? And what would be the stipulations of this… deal with the devil? El Brisa: Nothing major. We each choose a bloke to be our partner and then we face off under, let’s say… Lucha Libre rules! If I or my partner should be pinned, then I’ll happily take off my mask. Louis Figo Manico: And should you or your partner win, then what? El Brisa: Then you give me that title shot that I deserve. I mean, you of all people, my dear Manico, should know how much I deserve that title shot. Louis Figo Manico: I refuse to shake your hand to formalize this you treacherous snake, but… you have a deal, my main man. OH MY!!! TAG TEAM LUCHA LIBRE MATCH, ONLY AT EWA ROAD TO ROME!!! A Overall Rating: B- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EWA18.png Quick Picks: The Brothers Johansson vs. Eddie Cornell & Haiti Voodude Frank De Pain vs. Puffy The Sand Iron Player Ruud Van Anger vs. Poppa Punisher Donna Marino vs. Miss Information vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title Joss Thompson vs. El Brisa Louis Figo Manico vs. Boris Kiriyakin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigpapa42 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Awesome show. Love everything involving Bam Bam, as usual. Great work. The Brothers Johansson vs. Eddie Cornell & Haiti Voodude Frank De Pain vs. Puffy The Sand Iron Player Ruud Van Anger vs. Poppa Punisher Donna Marino vs. Miss Information vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title Joss Thompson vs. El Brisa Louis Figo Manico vs. Boris Kiriyakin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman2k3 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 The Brothers Johansson vs. Eddie Cornell & Haiti Voodude Frank De Pain vs. Puffy The Sand Iron Player Ruud Van Anger vs. Poppa Punisher Donna Marino vs. Miss Information vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title Joss Thompson vs. El Brisa Louis Figo Manico vs. Boris Kiriyakin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remianen Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Bam Bam Johansson: Yeah, BABY, ICE CUBE CAN’T SLAY THIS ANACONDA, YEAH!!! OH MY GOD! How do you get Mountain Dew out of a keyboard? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hyde Hill Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 The Brothers Johansson vs. Eddie Cornell & Haiti Voodude Frank De Pain vs. Puffy The Sand Iron Player Ruud Van Anger vs. Poppa Punisher Donna Marino vs. Miss Information vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title Joss Thompson vs. El Brisa Louis Figo Manico vs. Boris Kiriyakin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remianen Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Also: PUSH LAURA (McKenna)!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comradebot Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWAAlpha.jpg EWA ALPHA!February 2011 Week 4 From Bayern Stadion in front of 2000 fans and TAPED for Euro Cable Sports 1! Dark Show: The Hatt Gang vs. Byron & Spiros the Mighty Byron and Spiros the Mighty defeated The Hatt Gang in 5:51 when Byron defeated Daniel Jones by pinfall with an Upper Class. C The Big Bad & Marat Khoklov vs. White Knight & Danny Patterson The Big Bad and Marat Khoklov defeated White Knight and Danny Patterson in 6:23 when Marat Khoklov defeated White Knight by pinfall with a Moscow Lariat. C+ Main Show: http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson2.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/EddieCornell.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HaitiVoodude.jpg The Brothers Johansson vs. Eddie Cornell & Haiti Voodude Curses! Somehow, all the muscles in this match couldn’t elevate to be better than the dark matches, both of which also were filled with more steroids than Barry Bonds’ biceps. The random team up was no match, with the dreaded Alpha and Omega dropping Haiti Voodude, allowing Bam Bam to pick up the pin. The Brothers Johansson defeated Eddie Cornell and Haiti Voodude in 7:57 when Bam Bam Johansson defeated Haiti Voodude by pinfall with an Alpha And Omega. D+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/FrankDePain.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Puffy.jpg Frank De Pain vs. Puffy the Sand Iron Player Hell hath no fury like a man stuck in the sand trap… of life. With a “shot at the titles” coming this weekend, Puffy showed that maybe his forgettable team will be remembered after Road to Rome. With a not-so-picture perfect Under Par, Puffy managed to pin half of self-proclaimed EWA Tag Team champions. Puffy The Sand Iron Player defeated Frank De Pain in 5:45 by pinfall with an Under Par. D MEANWHILE, in the lair of the Soviet Union… http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/TheBigBad.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpg Boris Kiriyakin: Commissar Khoklov, these vile capitalist swine MUST be punished for their transgressions against Mother Russia! Double Dutch declared the match under flag of equality, but their own greed shown through after Soviet Union victory. Instead, they avoid proletariat threatening position of power! Marat Khoklov: Patience, Comrade Kiriyakin… The Big Bad: PAAATTIIIEEENCE!!! Marat Khoklov: Tell me, Comrade… what does Stalin 23:13 say in Soviet Bible? The Big Bad: STAAAALLLIIIIIN!!! With a slight sigh, Boris Kiriyakin retrieves the red leather bound book, emblazoned with a sickle and hammer, and reads the passage aloud. Boris Kiriyakin: Stalin 23:13- “It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” Marat Khoklov: Wise words from second wisest man to rule Motherland, yes? Gnomish little Dutchmen think they are in control, that they decide own fate. Their capitalist greed blinds them, Comrade! Soviet Union count votes… Soviet Union shall decide fate… and CRUSH THEM… but all in good time. All Khoklov to remind you, Comrade Kiriyakin, Khoklov has more pressing matters on agenda this weekend, yes? The Big Bad: PRESSIIIING MAAAATTTEEERSSS!!!! Boris Kiriyakin: Very well, Commissar Khoklov. If it is the Will of Marx, then I assure you I will wait for our Red Justice against tiny Dutch buffoons. Just promise me that their deeds against the greatness of Communism will not go without consequence. Marat Khoklov: HAH! Comrade, when Soviet Union done with them the ring will run as red as our beloved- GASP! A loud knocking interrupts Marat Khoklov as he begins his supervillian-esque monologue! Curses! Marat Khoklov: ENTER! The Big Bad: EEENNTTEEEEEERRR!!! Not the slightest bit intimidated by the significantly larger Russians, the little cowboy Stetson Hatt marches into room. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/StetsonHatt.jpg Stetson Hatt: Well, tarnations ya big Russian hosses! Ya see, I was just in the area and couldn’t help but overhear your problems with a certain… pest problem. The Big Bad: ROOOOAAAACHEEES?!??!?! Stetson Hatt: Now, I just wanted to let you good ol’ folks know that The Hatt Gang would be more than willing to, say, perform a little extermination on yalls behalf in exchange for a… reasonable amount of monetary value. Marat Khoklov: Let Khoklov get this straight: You wish to have Soviet Union pay you money for services? Stetson Hatt: Well, YEAH “comrade”! Ya see, me and the rest of The Hatt Gang have started our own “protection company” and- Marat Khoklov: And allow Khoklov to cut you off there. You dare tread upon Soviet soil in order to… to… to peddle wares of non-government owned business? Khoklov turns to face the giant painting of Lenin in their over the top, Communism themed locker room, and rubs his own beard as he speaks. Marat Khoklov: If great Lenin was alive, he would not let you leave room in same condition for insult to Motherland. Khoklov, however… will give you five second start. Stetson Hatt: Oh, c’mon, we’re desperate here! Please, just- Marat Khoklov: Three seconds. With The Big Bad and Boris Kiriyakin rising to their feet, redder than red blood pumping ever so faster through their veins, Stetson Hatt lets out a girlish scream, fleeing the locker room. Boris Kiriyakin: The swine grow bolder every day… C+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/PoppaPunisher.jpg Ruud Van Anger vs. Poppa Punisher Poppa Punisher spent most of the match attempting to spank Ruud Van Anger, and didn’t seem to mind too much when RVA grabbed a handful of his tights to pull out a tainted victory over the larger half of Devastation United. Ruud Van Anger defeated Poppa Punisher in 5:51 by pinfall with a handful of tights. D+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/PoppaPunisher.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/RuudVanAnger.jpg Realizing it cost him the match, Poppa Punisher begins to rant about the cheating tactics of Ruud Van Anger to the referee! With his opponent’s back turned to him, Ruud Van Anger hops around as if he’s in desperate need of Riddlin, his maniacal laugh adding the final piece to the puzzle. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ScottVanDenBerg.jpg%5B/img%5B/center%5D http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/DonnaMarino.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MissInformation.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/AnnaKi.jpg Donna Marion vs. Miss Information vs. Anna Ki©: EWA Female title[/b] Shameless reason to get the female wrestlers a little more TV exposure! The folks who didn’t take this opportunity to purchase their third jumbo glass of beer (that’s right, we sell freakin’ MUGS of beer at EWA! None of that plastic cup BS) witnessed Anna Ki end the skin revealingly heavy match with a Ki-D-T to Donna Marino. Anna Ki defeated Donna Marino and Miss Information in 6:14 when Anna Ki defeated Donna Marino by pinfall with a Ki-D-T. Anna Ki makes defence number 4 of her EWA Female title. D http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpg Louis Figo Manico: I ask of you, be my partner tomorrow night at Road To Rome. I know you care as much about the health and future of European wrestling as myself, so you must understand the dire results of a treacherous coward like El Brisa having an opportunity to hold the most prized title on all of the continent! What say you? Will you fight the good fight next to me? His eyes fixated on the view of his unreasonably tight pants in the mirror, Byron seems… pre-occupied. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/Byron.jpg Byron: Do these pants make my butt look big? I mean, I don’t want to look like I’m smuggling pancakes back there, but… Nah, nah these pants don’t make my butt look big. It looks perfect. I look perfect. Who looks perfect? Yeah, that’s right, you do you sexy bitch. Louis Figo Manico: Byron, stop ogling your own posterior! A man with a yellow heart yearns to be the focal point of the EWA! YOUR EWA! Together we can overcome him and whatever ilk he brings with him to Road To Rome! Byron: Rome? Why on Earth would you go there? All the buzz is in Milan, darling. Louis Figo Manico: Because you schedule the show to be in Rome almost a year ago? Because you… are you even listening to me? No, he’s really not. Instead, Byron has burst into an impromptu posing practice in front of the mirror. Louis Figo Manico: Nevermind, Byron. Clearly your priorities lie in other endeavors. I… Louis… Figo… MANCIO, shall find another willing to aid the EWA in its time of need. B+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/JossThompson.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpg Joss Thompson vs. El Brisa Yawn. El Brisa kicks the crap out of Joss Thompson. El Brisa defeated Joss Thompson in 10:21 by pinfall with a Breeze Block. C+ The room is dark, crawling with shadows. The imposing form of two might Norwegians is silhouetted in what little light enters through the varying cracks and slits in the walls. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/SpirostheMighty.jpg Spiros: BEHOLD! THE NEXT TRIAL!!!! Fluorescent lighting flickers to life above, revealing the Brothers Johansson staring at a very, very hefty set of weights. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BamBamJohansson2.jpghttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/HerculesJohansson.jpg Spiros: For this trial, Bam Bam Johansson, you must get totally, and utterly, jacked. You must bench a rep of these 500lb weights… five… HUNDRED... times. Bam Bam Johansson: Is that it, bro? C’mon, I could TOTALLY do that 200 times just using my di- Spiros: SILENCE!!! Understand, mortal, that once THE TRIAL HAS BEGUN, that you must either complete it… or die a painfully death as the weight crushes upon your ribcage. Bam Bam Johansson: This is child’s play, YEAH, baby, YEAH!!! I get totally RIPPED and JACKED like this at LEAST twelve times a day, and that’s only if I miss a couple of sets to do all kinds of crazy flips and stuff in my helicopter, YEAH!!! FREAKIN’ WHIRLY BIRD!!! Following some rather impressive stretching (who knew Bam Bam could bend that way?), the Alpha Norwegian places himself under the bar. With a deep breath, he lifts the bar. It goes down… And back up!!! ONE!!! TWO!!! THREE!!! Hercules Johansson: Feel the burns, my brother, feels it! And… What the hell? A commercial for USPW?! Who the hell is this “Giant Khoklov”? And why is there a man riding a tiger around? Whoops, there it goes… Hey, are you tired of only getting “kinda” hot chicks? Can your buttcheeks only crack peanuts, but you’re ready to move up to coconuts? Is regular bull shark testosterone not getting you “jacked” or “amped” enough to elevate you to THE EXTREEEEEEME?!?!??! THEN STEP UP TO BULL SHARK TESOSTERONE X EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEME! AND THE X ALSO STANDS FOR EXTREEEEEEEEEEEME FOR A DOUBLE DOSE OF EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEME!!!! Made from the most ALPHA of bull sharks, meaning the most ALPHA ANIMALS IN THE WORLD, BULL SHARK TESOSTERONE X EXTREEEEEEEEME IS GUARANTEED TO BE THE MOST MANLY SUBSTANCE IN THE WORLD, OR YOUR MONEY BACK!! BUY NOW!!! Aaaan we’re back. FOUR HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE!!!! Bam Bam Johansson: Bro, my muscles are TOTALLY feeling funny… like… rubber. Is this what being weak feels like, YEAH?! But… NO!!! Hercules Johansson: Hold on, brother, for I haves… *Hercules looks directly at the camera, holding up an oddly familiar can* Bull Shark Testosterone X Extreme, now with a doubles dose of extreme! With a mighty squeeze, the contents of the can hurdle into the air, landing directly in Bam Bam Johansson’s mouth! With a might heavy, the weight is tossed off his chest, into the air, AND STRAIGHT THROUG THE CEILING!!!! FIVE HUNDRED!!! Bam Bam Johansson: WOAH, I just did five hundred STRAIGHT reps of five hundred pounds, YEAH!!! Hercules Johansson: And you can thanks all of that to Bull Shark Testosterone X Extreme! Bam Bam Johansson: Now available in Cherry, Banana, and CocoNUTZ flavors,baby, YEAH!!! B+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpgVShttp://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/BorisKiriyakin.jpg Louis Figo Manico vs. Boris Kiriyakin BAH GAWD, Manico’s raw skill versus Boris’s… versus Boris Kiriyakin! The big Russian was, again, not quite enough to handle Manico. A Madrid Maul later and Manico was victorious… or… was he? Even in defeat, a sly grin grew across Kiriyakin’s face as he retreated backstage Louis Figo Manico defeated Boris Kiriyakin in 12:23 by pinfall with a Madrid Maul. C+ http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/LouisFigoManico2.jpg Clap… Clap… Clap… Clap… Likely not as impressed as his clapping may imply, El Brisa emerges from the EWA tarp, a microphone tucked neatly under his armpit. You know, so it doesn’t get in the way of his clapping. http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/ElBrisa.jpg El Brisa: Bravo, Manico, Bravo… Tell me, is this your greatest achievement? Do you feel good knowing you can defeat Boris Kiriyakin, the smallest and generally least entertaining of the Soviets? Don’t get me wrong, Boris, you’re the glue that keeps those bloody whacky Commies together and we love you for it! But perhaps you’d like to take on… more sizeable… challenges? Whaddya say, ol’ sport? Are you ready to meet MY partner for Road To Rome? Are you ready to face… The ground itself quivers, almost like footsteps. Following yet another bad joke from Mark Stanford about how “it’s probably just the power trying to come back on”… El Brisa: Are you ready to face… http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d12/JodoKastTRL/EWA/MaratKhoklov.jpg MARAT!!!! KHOKLOV!!!? El Brisa: Tomorrow night, Manico, you WILL be on the losing side, and I dare say you WON’T find anyone willing to face both myself AND Khoklov on their own free will. Come now, Manico, you know that- With a loud “thump” sound, Khoklov snatches the microphone from El Brisa’s hand. Marat Khoklov: Khoklov say now not time for words, little Mexican. Little Mexican tell Khoklov of opportunity to face “Greatest Fighter From The West”, so Khoklov accept, yes? And now, to show Mother Russia’s TRUE MIGHT, Khoklov shall CRUSH “Greatest Fighter”! Unwavering, Manico continues to stare down El Brisa and the Russian Giant. If he is intimidated by El Brisa’s choice in a tag partner, it does not show in the least. A Overall Rating: B- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jman2k3 Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 Good show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Celt Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 This is one of the most Alpha diary I've ever just caught up with, yeah baby YEAH! Two things: White Knight totally needs to play to his fitness instructor deal and Voodude totally needs to do more Voodoo. Also Marat is a little unused for all his stats and overness. But otherwise... ALPHA! BALLS IN YO JAWS! Why? Because this dairy is GENETICALLY DIFFERENT, yeah! It was born this way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waghlon Posted November 15, 2009 Share Posted November 15, 2009 [Cultivated gentleman with monocle accent] I have to say my dear sirs, i want the Soviet Union to invade Norway and create THE SOIVET NORWAY (typo and capitalization intended). I do believe my dear sirs, that it would be totally ALPHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and as of such is a perfectly brilliant idea. May i also suggest a UCR in CV97? The possibilities of pre-millenial ALPHA!!!!!!!!! is limitless! [/accent] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beeker Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 That Bull Shark Testosterone X Extreme Double Extreme commercial might be the best single segment I've ready in ages. Seriously, this whole diary needs to come with a disclaimer. WARNING: Those unsuitably Alpha may become girly, pregnant and break down into pathetic BetaOmega B!tches! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ping von Erich Posted November 16, 2009 Share Posted November 16, 2009 The Big Bad = my hero. If Ryland dosen't pattern EWA in TEW10 after this diary I'm going to be utterly disapointed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonmack Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Finally caught up and thouroughly enjoyed it. In fact, I plan to incorporate the 'bulls shark testosterone' as part of my gimmick for Honest Frank and Tank Bradley I have going in a SCCW game if I ever get it to diary. I have them as fitness fanatics ( with bulging blubber bellies) and will hawk BST as the secret ingredient of their energy drinks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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