USPW: Where Ages 68 and Older Still Won't Retire

[J Silver]

Disclaimer: This diary is being done for fun. In other words none of it is to be taken seriously because let's face it, taking USPW seriously could seriously cause a need for anti-depressants. Also, please don't take me or what I say too seriously, I sure as hell don't.

 

The Pitch

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/male2.jpg

 

My name is Jacob Stranton, and I am, despite what others may tell you, a very promising, upcoming writer for television. I've only recently come up with the best idea of my entire career and today is the day I pitch my pilot to my boss.

 

"Look Mr. Washburn, I know you told me to just keep my young, ignorant gob shut and do my job-"

 

"So why the hell aren't you?" When do I ever?

"But I think I finally got it. A show that could give our network a chance in the ratings."

"Shut your ignorant gob and get back to doing your goddamn job Jacob!"

"Now today's youth still enjoy superheroes, but market research shows that they just can't relate to their messages of good will towards your fellow man, doing the right thing, being selfless, stealing is uncool, eat your vegetables, or thou shalt not kill or Superman will superpunch you in the balls."

"Jay, at this point I could get a monkey and it would be more productive than you." I concede to the monkey in productivity and cleanliness, but it just won't have the way with words that I do.

"Yeah, well just make sure it doesn't have the pox. Anyhow, todays youth want an edgy superhero, one they can relate to. One who steals, does drugs, makes love to a woman and never calls them again, insults people for no reason other than 'because I can' or 'look, he's different', drinks and parties hard, and who never actually accomplishes anything due to procrastination."

 

"Jay, if you don't stop pitching me these stupid pilots I'm going to fire you." No, you won't.

"Just hear me out on this one, it's perfect to capture the coveted 8-34 year old market."

"We have a good viewership in those markets." Yeah, 200 people. The only advertiser that wants a piece of that action makes cheese in his moms basement.

"But Mr. Washburn, it's a superhero show. It's a lot better than the crap that you have on now. It's called...

 

 

Get ready for it....

 

 

 

Get excited....

 

 

 

Pretends there's a drumroll here.....

 

 

 

Tension~!....

 

 

 

 

'The Adventures of Negativity-Rex and Douche-Lad!'

 

 

...Well?"

 

".... Get the hell out of my office."

"Now I know this may not seem to fit the companies image-"

"We're a sports network, not trash TV like Pop."

"But I really feel that people will actually watch this instead of the crap we already air."

"Again Jay, we're a sports network." Hah!

"Yeah, and a second-rate one to boot."

"Don't call my network second-rate." Third-rate any better, boss?

"But it is. Sports America: Airing the crap GNN won't. We don't get football, we don't get baseball, hell we don't even get hockey. We get badminton, indoor kart racing, eXtreme figure skating, Segway Polo, Pro Wrestling, Women's Basketball, and curling. Curling for f***s sake. Even Canada doesn't want curling."

"Have you ever actually watched curling?"

"No. Have you? And I'm pretty sure that making me goes against the cruel and inhumane torture act."

 

"Jacob, let me tell you something. You're lucky that you write the best captions for the website out of anyone else here." And an easy task really. I mean what other job is going to pay me this well to insult people? "But if you don't focus on getting that done I'm not going to keep you around. Understood?"

 

"I understand sir."

"Good."

"And thinking about it I don't think Sports America should be a sports network anymore. I mean not that it ever really was in the publics eye, more of a joke for D-list comedians to make fun of to feel better about themselves. I digress on that point though. You're in charge around here, you can totally do that."

"Jay, firstly think about our stockholders."

"You mean the cow farmer in Arkansas and the Eskimo blubber hunter? They're loyal to us Mr. Washburn. I mean they'd have to be. They bought stock when it was $ .24 and it's now down to $ .11 a share. I really don't think they expect us to improve much as is."

"We have more stockholders than those two Jay. Apart from that we appeal to a very loyal audience."

"And a very niche one at that. Public Access beats us in the rating on a regular basis. Public Access!" Seriously, The Stamford High School Televangelist Hour outdoes most of our programming in ratings. Production values too.

 

"Jacob, I'm going to count from five. If you're not out of my office before then and back at your desk doing your job I will fire you. Do you understand?" No comprendé.

"No, not really. I'm just trying to help out here Mr. Washburn."

"Five, four, three..."

"I really feel my skills could be better utilized than just writing captions."

"Two, one..."

"I feel my skills can be used to tell a great story, and I just can't see any realistic way to spice up Segway Polo."

"Zero. You haven't left."

"Nope."

 

"Clean out your desk."

"Am I fired?"

"Jacob, go clean out your desk."

"So, when will I get my severance pay? Or do I just collect unemployment? How's this going to work?"

"...Your new boss is going to work that out with you."

"New boss? You lost me there Mr. Washburn."

"Jacob, you're not being fired, you're being transferred to a show that I think your 'unique' talents will be better utilized."

 

 

"Oh, cool. Wait, what show? Please don't let it be curling sir, please no, anything but that sir! Anything..."

[mistaken]

straps in to prevent laughing pants off.

[Jaded]

Back? Cool!

[mad5226]

Love it already

[James Casey]

Hey, and indeed hey. Cool to have you back. See you on Valentines for the next post?

[Nightshadeex]

Hahaha, you're gonna get stuck on USPW. I saw the pro wrestling gag in what the network airs.

[Bigpapa42]

Sweetness. I would have followed regardless of what promotion you ended up choosing, but this definitely feels "right". Glad to be in from the start this time and looking forward to whatever you might have in store for us...

[angeldelayette]

Uh oh. There goes the neighborhood! lol. Good to see you back, J. Silver, and glad to see you running USPW. The promotion wouldn't be the same without you!

[J Silver]

The Fantasy Promotion

 

 

It's not curling, of that much I've been assured. Where I've been transferred and what I'll be doing still remains a mystery to me though as Mr. Washburn just reassured me that I'll 'enjoy' my new position. I'm not sure I believe him yet.

 

I walked back to my desk observing our withering studio as I did. All the viewers and advertising money that my vision of 'The Adventures of Negativity-Rex and Douche-Lad' could bring to this crappy station and Washburn passes on it. Sometimes I really wonder how he could've have earned that bachelor's degree in advertising turning down great ideas like mine. Oh well, time to clear out my desk and go wherever the one-way train ticket that's supposed to be on my desk takes me.

 

When I got to my desk I found my supervisor Randall Myles waiting for me. The good thing is that Randy actually likes me which is odd because most of my superiors either find me annoying, insufferable, tough to deal with or just a genral pain in the ass. Actually most of my relatives do too. Would be nice to be invited to Christmas dinner this year. "Going on a trip?" Randy asks as I walk up to him looking at the tickets "Yup, I just got transferred and a promotion" I answer. Randy looks at me quizzically, "To Florida?"

 

"Guess so. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, I'm just not aware of any Sports America divisions out there."

"Maybe I'm supposed to be the one who starts it up then."

"No offense Jay, but you?"

"Hey, I'm capable."

"Not saying you aren't, it's just that Washburn kind of, ya know, hates you."

"I'll give you a call when I get down there." I grab the envelope with my tickets from his hand, "Hope you're prepared to be wrong."

"And I hope you're prepared to accept that he actually went to the expense of paying for plane tickets-"

"Train tickets."

"Wow, that's really cheap of him. Anyway, as I was saying I hope you're prepared to realize he went through the expense of getting you train tickets-"

"Ticket."

"-Just to leave you stranded in Florida and far away from him."

"He wouldn't do that, it involves too much expenditure on his part."

"We'll see. Good luck out there."

 

I cleaned out my desk which mostly just consisted of an assortment of notepads and sketchpads detailing some of my ideas for 'The Adventures of Negativity-Rex & Douche-Lad' and other awesome ideas that Mr. Washburn passed on. I threw those and my laptop into a nice cardboard box and bid farewell to my co-workers, the next time they see me I'll be the only successful thing ever produced by Sports America. With a skip in my step I walked out the front door, the security guard being nice enough to escort me out. Never know what kind of crazies walk these Connecticut streets.

 

I took the city bus home as I always do and started packing up my stuff for my new future in Florida, land of sun, fun and hopefully hot women. In what I guess is a lucky break for me I didn't have much to pack, my last landlord tossed most of my stuff out and broke most of the rest of it. If only daddy had been more careful. I could hardly sleep that night envisioning what kind of exciting new adventures were just on the horizon for me when I get to Florida and go to this building that I've been instructed to by this little piece of paper. Maybe I'll be heading up a new division of Sports America, or maybe Mr. Washburn has connections and I got through to him with my newest pilot, or maybe Randy's right and he plans to leave me stranded out there. I'd rather not think about that last one, though it does give me an idea for an episode of 'The Adventures of Negativity-Rex & Douche-Lad.'

 

I awoke the next morning to the blaring sounds of my alarm, fell out of bed, had breakfast, took a taxi to the train station, boarded it and was on my way to my future. Two miserable days on a train with 5 year olds yelling and screaming around me and using me as their personal punching bag while their fatass mother just sat there and did nothing about it, actually kind of encouraging them by telling the little mistakes to leave her alone later I finally arrived in Sunny Miami, Florida. I picked up a map from a very nice bum on the street and went on my way to see the sights and settle into my new job, whatever that may be. After consulting my handy dandy new, only slight stained (I don't really want to know with what) map I realized I was only 4 blocks away from my ultimate destination. I also spotted a very intriguing location sort of on my way there, and being a true red-blooded American there was no way to pass up on something this beautifully American.

 

I walked up to it dragging my boxes behind me, the sign itself just so beautiful, Haulover Beach, Miami Nude Beach. A nude beach, being head of my own division, my writing finally being recognized for it's worth. It's like all of my dreams coming true in one day, I take back all of the bad things I said about Mr. Washburn, not the network though, that's still crap. I dropped my boxes and my backpack and waded through the bushes until I came out on the other side and saw the promised land, and it..... is ......blinding me. I feel lied to like when I found out it wasn't the tooth fairy taking my teeth from under my pillow and leaving me a toothbrush. The beach was lined with nude sunbathers, mostly women and every single one somewhere between 60 and 70 judging by the wrinkles. The wrinkles were everywhere. Everywhere. Where the hell are all of the young attractive people I was promised in those girls gone wild videos I asked myself as I hightailed it out of there as soon as I could. I'll never look at grandma the same way again...

 

Never had I been so glad to have been too broke to have lunch. I'd be liable to lose it right about now. I picked up my backpack and grabbed hold of my box again and made my way towards my destination. On the way there I noticed a somewhat strange phenomenon, everyone I passed on the street on my way there was old. I don't mean like in their 40's old, I mean white haired and retired 60+ years old. It was like a scene out of that horror movie 'Night of The Living Old' or whatever it's called. I had been in Florida for almost an hour now and not seen one young person, not even a child. What kind of bizarre, sick, twisted place had Mr. Washburn sent me? What could he possibly want me to run out here? Why did I have to take back all of the bad things I said about him? Conflabit, that was so naive of me, I should have thought about it over a nice glass of prune juice.

 

I finally made it to the building that was listed on the piece of paper. I walked into the front foyer and looked at the listing on the side, I was looking for suite 3. I looked down the list and found it, my future. I read it aloud to myself, "USPW, United... States.... Pro ......Wrestling?"

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/USPWLogo.jpg

 

 

Wrestling? Wrestling?! Goddammit! That's two fantasies ruined in the same day....

<hr>

Thank you for the comments everyone.

Sweetness. I would have followed regardless of what promotion you ended up choosing, but this definitely feels "right". Glad to be in from the start this time and looking forward to whatever you might have in store for us...

Well that's good, I'm used to doing the wrong thing. And believe me, I have plenty in store for this dynasty.

Uh oh. There goes the neighborhood! lol. Good to see you back, J. Silver, and glad to see you running USPW. The promotion wouldn't be the same without you!

Which is odd because it sure as hell ain't the same with me, I make sure of that.

Hey, and indeed hey. Cool to have you back. See you on Valentines for the next post?

No!

 

.... Christmas. Hey, wipe that smug smile off your face.

 

 

One more backstory post before getting to the show which'll be up on this Wednesday. As though anyone's actually going to believe that...

[Dragonmack]

One more backstory post before getting to the show which'll be up on Wednesday. As though anyone's actually going to believe that...

 

no one doubts you will have the show posted Wednesday. The only questions is which of the 52 wednesdays this year it will be.

[J Silver]

65 And Older Need Not Apply

 

 

Well, now I understand a little better what he meant when he said I was getting a promotion. He meant a wrestling promotion. Maybe I can just go into unemployment, I hear it's a growing field these days. I contemplated that route, but after giving it thought I figured maybe wrestling isn't such a bad option. I mean it's basically just a violent, somewhat sensical soap opera meant for men and dirty, horny old women, right? I decided I'd try this out. What's the worst that could happen?

 

I walked up to the office and ventured in. This place was almost as much of a dump as Sports America Headquarters. I walked up to the receptionist who looked to be well into her 60's. She was doing her nails and talking to her girlfriend on the phone. "Hi." I walked up and said uneasily. She turned her head and stared at me for a moment, "Rhonda, I'll call ya back." She said into her phone before hanging it up. "So, what can I do for you handsome?"

 

"I'm, uhh... I'm here about a job."

"Well doll you'll just need to fill out on of these applications."

"Actually I was transferred here by Mr. Washburn."

"Washburn? Oh, that network jerk. Mr. Strong's been waiting for you and may I say you're much better looking than your file photo." I think she's hitting on me.

"He has? Really? Well, can I see him?"

 

The secretary picks up her phone and dials a few numbers, "Mr. Strong, your new booker's here. Mhmm... yeah.... of course.... I'll send him right in."

 

"Mr. Strong's waiting for you in his office. It's straight down the hall and to your right. You can't miss it, it's the only door that actually closes."

"Thank you for your help ma'am."

"Just call me Mathilde, hot stuff." She than proceeded to wink at me. I'm glad I still haven't had lunch yet.

 

I walked down the hall and just like Mathilde had said none of the doors, but one actually stay closed. Not even the bathroom door, another chance to have lost my lunch. Maybe I should just stop eating or maybe I'm onto the next big miracle diet, making you not want to bother with food, you'll just lose it when you walk past the bathroom anyhow. I made it to the door, it staying closed wasn't the only thing giving it away. A very large, vertically and horizontally, bald, angry looking black man stood next to the door, Strong's bodyguard I presumed. I went to open the door and he stood in my path looking down at me with a pissed off expression on his face, the guy had the build of a bear. Of course that wasn't what I was thinking at the moment, I was thinking 'Wow, someone not 65 and older.' "You mind getting outta my way, I have an appointment or something with Mr. Strong." He just peered down at me, a mean expression on his face as though he could kill me. Then he totally blew that illusion when he opened his mouth. "Step away from the door." he said in a high pitched voice sounding as though someone was squeezing his family jewels.

 

"Maybe I should introduce myself, I'm Jacob Stranton and I'm here to be a booker or something, I think that's what she said."

"I don't care if you're the Queen of England, you don't get by unless I get a call on this radio to let you through."

"Is your radio on?"

"Of course my radio's o-" He looks at his radio and obviously notices it's not on. He turns it on and pretends it was on the whole time. "It's on."

"Tiny, has that network stooge showed up yet?" Network stooge? I'm no stooge, I'm more like the network jester if anything.

"Yeah, he here."

"Well then let him in and let's get this over with brother."

"You can go in now."

"Yeah, sure. Oh, and thanks for the warm welcome there Sasquatch."

 

I walk into the room and find Sam Strong sitting behind his desk. He's not alone though, sitting on his couch was a very large, fat man with a red beard and a bald head. Standing right next to him was what looked like an old, washed up wrestler who was walking around with a title belt on his waist. Wonder if he walks the streets with that thing on. Standing next to the couch was a man with a beard, sunglasses and a ponytail. Yeah, a ponytail, the guy has to be old and senile to think those are still in fashion. "Sit down brother, we have a lot to discuss." Strong said as I walked in. I took a seat in the chair in front of his desk.

 

"Now, do you know why you're here brother?" Because Washburn hates me?

"No, not really. I just was told I was transferred." And various other lies.

"You're here to be a booker, my head booker in fact brother." Why does he keep calling me brother?

"Oh, okay.... What's that?"

Strong looked at me with a look best summed up as 'Are you f***ing kidding me?' "Are you f***ing kidding me brother? You were transferred here and you don't even know what that is?"

"Nope."

"Okay, tell me something, do you know who I am brother?"

"Mr. Strong?"

"Let's try something else, do you know who he is?" Sam said pointing at the couch.

"Uhh... Redbeard, The Morbidly Obese Pirate?"

"Who the hell are you calling obese needledick!?" Temper, temper.

"Calm down Redwood, the kid's an idiot."

"I don't give a **** if that little **** is a ****ing idiot, nobody calls me fat and doesn't get the **** beat out of their ****ing ***!"

"What's your name kid?"

"I'm Jacob, Jacob Stranton."

"Now do you know why I won't just tell you to pack your bags and then have Tiny throw you out of this building brother?" Because you're much nicer than the beached whale over there?

"No sir."

"Because your boss, Mr. Washburn made it very clear. Either I give you a job and keep you out of his hair or American Wrestling gets pulled from the line-up at Sports America. Now do you know what you're going to do for me?" I shake my head no. "You're going to go with Danny here. He's going to take you to our tape library and you're going to watch the last years worth of show and then you're going to start your job in a week. Now I don't care whether you have Christmas plans with your family." I don't. Grandma still won't invite me to any family gathering since that whole Ostrich incident. "Cancel them brother. Understand?"

"Yes sir, I got it."

"Good, because if you don't you're going to be in for a world of hell brother. Danny show him where the library is."

 

The ponytailed man walked me out into the hall and pointed to the door with a black and white copy of a video reel on it and then walked off. I walked down to the door and pushed it open. I looked at just how many tapes there were to watch.

 

 

I hear unemployment is nice this time of year...

<hr>

 

Official Preview for USPW American Wrestling

 

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

 

Prediction, comments, feedback, etc. welcome.

[angeldelayette]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

At least there is one younger guy, right?

 

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

The Champs are faces so it is likely that the heels go over here.

 

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

Sorry Lexa!

 

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

Non Title favors the Challenger.

 

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

Enygma is not losing here.

 

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

Bad guys go over here to continue the feuds.

[Dragonmack]

getting some serious deja vu with that last post J Silver

 

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

lets see, biggest star of your last opus vs someone who I don't think you even used past the first month. Wild guess who wins

 

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

I know the tag division has never been a focus for you, but your current one must have you planning on never dealing with sobriety again.

 

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

I give it a month before the Giant Oak sightings

 

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

non title between even competitors = champ losing

 

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

except in the case of enygma, because he is worthless losing.

 

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

They'll win the match but be left laying as you don't need to have Umaga anymore. Strong brought in a local monster to fill that role much better for you.

[Nightshadeex]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

Darryl gets the slow build.

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

ToP is a good team that actually has a place to be pushed.

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

Needledick, needledick, needledick!

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

By DQ for some reason.

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

Got to have a little face love tonight.

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

Heels win to set up future stuff.

[BYU 14]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

Youth carries the day

 

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

TOP should be your top team

 

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

Timberrrrrr

 

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

Sets up a title match and gives Belle a rub

 

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

Even without the strap on the line gotta go Enygma

 

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

Win by DQ or some other means that keeps the Titans strong

[mistaken]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood (giant redwood is still going to be your favorite guy to bury!)

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

[xopher316]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

 

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

 

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

 

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackson

 

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

[SeanMcFly]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

Darryl will probably dominate the old guy, as Captain can't wrestle at all.

 

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

I'm a big fan of Danny Rushmore, and it seems logical to push them when I book them, so here's hoping

 

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

C'mon, at least one Old guy has to win right ?

 

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

If I'm correct, Belle's a better wrestler, so you should push her

 

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

Simple, push your better wrestler

 

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

Faces should win in the tag encounter while the Heel should win in the Singles (Providing it's a Justice / Baine feud you're going for

[MaxxHexx]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

[Bigpapa42]

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

[Jammy Dodger]

Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood

-Non-Title- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden

-Non-Title- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackosn

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans (Baine & Rex)

[J Silver]

OOC: A show posted when I said it would be? Welcome to the new USPW.

<hr>

USPW: Where Ages 65 and Older Get Free Backstage Passes.

 

Sam Strong likes his groupies. On with the show.

<hr>

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/68AW.png

USPW American Wrestling

Wednesday, Week 1, January 2010

Held at The Washington State Gymnasium

Att. 2,000 (Sold-out)

 

 

Dark Matches

 

 

-In a match that had an average crowd reaction and some decent in-ring action, The People's Team defeated Anger and Andre Jones in 9:47 when Freddie Datsun defeated Anger by pinfall with a Patriot Press. (D+)

 

 

Main Show

 

 

We start off the first show of this quiet new era in USPW as Danny Jillefski, Shane Sneer and Sam Strong welcome everyone at home to USPW American Wrestling and assure everyone to the best of their acting skills that this is going to be a good show. Personally I have my doubts.

 

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/CaptainUSA.jpg vs. http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/Darryl-Devine-Heel.jpg

-Captain USA vs. Darryl Devine-

 

And what a better way to start off this supposedly exciting night than with one of our youngest, most talented up and comers facing off against ... a 51 year old with arthritis and Alzheimers. Sure to be action packed. The match starts with Devine taking aim at Cap's legs to immobilize him. Mission easily accomplished. Devine dominated from here showing a mean streak that the usually pessimistic competitor hasn't shown before. Devine lifted the dead weight back to his feet and plants him face-first into the mat with a Devine Dream Drop (RKO/Cutter). Devine made the pin and it was lights out for the Cap'n.

 

Winner: Darryl Devine in 6:19

Rating (D-)

 

 

-The match is over and Devine calls for a mic. The timekeeper hands him one and Devine kicks USA out of the ring.

 

DD: "When is enough enough? I've been with USPW for the last 7 years of my life. I've been with this damn company since 2004 and what do I have to show for it?! 7 years here and neither 'The Legendary' Sam Strong or Commissioner Doom think I'm worth more than a match with a man that needs a walker. I'm sick of this, I'm sick of being held back, I'm tired of meaning nothing to this company, I'm tired of everyone in charge around here being incompetent and enough is enough.

 

I have been with this company longer than Sam Strong, I've been here longer than Enygma, I've been busting my ass here longer than Baine. I have been putting my heart and soul into this company to help it to grow, to become what it's become. Every time I think that it's my time to have a chance in the spotlight someone comes along and steals it from me. I'm sick of seeing these has-beens come to USPW, the company I helped build and leech off of my hard work! Where were they when USPW was struggling? Where?! Where was Enygma when USPW could barely pay it's workers? He was collecting a big fat check from Eisen and when Eisen won't pay him what his ego thinks he's worth do you know what he does? He comes here, to the company I sweat to keep alive while he just shows up and collects a check.

 

Where was James Justice when USPW couldn't get a tv deal? He was happy to be with TCW, because he didn't have to do any of the heavy lifting. But then fail a drug test, just come to USPW. Where was Tyson Baine when USPW needed more star power? He was trying, unsuccessfully may I add to become TCW World Champion. TCW can't pay him the extravagant amount he demands? Come to USPW, they'll pay up! I've sat by and idly watched as these rejects from the big two couldn't hack it in their promotions, so they came here to leech off of Sam Strong's name and money. Let's take Andre Jones for example. The kid was a nobody in the SWF, all of a sudden he comes here, beats a few geriatrics a good decade past their prime and thinks he's hot sh*t. I got a message for you kid, you're still nothing.

 

And what about Bruce the Giant. SWF start hiring more giants and suddenly you're nothing special anymore so you come here thinking you'll beat up on geriatrics and midgets. Well Bruce, you're not so tall when you're staring up at the lights. Peter Valentine, how could we forget you ya narcissistic prick. Your tricks and your games wouldn't work in TCW anymore after everyone started to see you for what you are so you came here and got in Sam Strong's ear. You came to USPW where all of a sudden you were sadly enough considered one of the young up and comers. You can't wrestle for sh*t Peter and you won't be holding that National Championship for long. Jumbo Jackson, A joke in SWF you were and a joke here you still are shrimp. Let's not forget about Freddie Datsun now, SWF didn't want you and TCW wouldn't take you so what do you do? You come here. You come here and there goes Devine back to beating Captain USA for the millionth time!

 

Every time I think it's time for me to get my chance to shine, to prove myself one of you leeches shows up at our doorstep wanting to use this companies popularity and money for themselves, but never having earned a damn bit of it for themselves. I'm tired of it. I've been waiting for the last 7 years of my life! I'm tired of waiting! No more, no more will I sit by! No more will I let others decide my fate! No more will I wait around for my chance just to have another has-been take it away from me! No more!

 

USPW, prepare to face my Divinity."

(D)

 

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/Java.jpghttp://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/TribalWarrior.jpg vs. http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/DannyRushmore.jpghttp://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/MickMuscles.jpg

-Savage Fury vs. The Towers of Power-

 

Wow, this turned out a watchable. Color me thoroughly surprised. The match was nothing if not formulaic. The heels beat down the faces, the face made the hot tag, took control for a bit, but the Towers overpowered them in the end. Mick Muscles dropped Java with a Bulldozer Bomb and took the win for his team.

 

Winners: The Towers in 7:36

Rating (C-)

 

 

-The entrance music of USPW's Television Champion hits the speakers and out come Andre Jones. He struts down to the ring and grabs a mic.

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/AndreJones_alt.jpg

 

Jones: "Yo, listen up. I'm out here to prove a point right now, and that point is that Andre Jones is tha baddest man in this company and a fighting champion. Now I don't care what that punk Devine says, I ain't no nobody, I'm the TV Champion. That's why I'm out here. I'm issuing an open challenge for anyone who thinks they bad enough to take this belt from me to meet me in the ring next week and try to take my gold away from me. Andre Jones is the baddest mofo in USPW and I'll beat anyone to keep my gold. So next week anyone who wants a piece, come and get some. If you got the guts."

(D)

 

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/NickyChampion_alt.jpg vs. http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/GiantRedwood.jpg

-Nicky Champion vs. Giant Redwood-

 

And Champion ran circles around Redwood here. I mean that literally too, Champion unbalanced the super heavyweight by making him chase him. Champion wore down Redwood, not that that took long and then put him away with a Hawkeye Hammer to pick up another win.

 

Winner: Nicky Champion in 5:39

Rating (D+)

 

 

-Nicky Champion grabs a mic now and proceeds to call out the National Champion, Peter Valentine.

 

Champion: "Peter Valentine, I know you're listening to this right now so I'm going to come right out and say it, I challenge you to a match for the USPW National Championship at Frozen Dreams! You've gone far too long making a mockery of what that title is supposed to stand for, for the spirit of fair competition, for may the best man win, for honor. You're a disgrace to that belt and to this company Peter, and I'm going to do my mentor, Sam Strong a favor by ending that mockery. I won't let USPW have a weaselly coward like you as a champion anymore. At least come out here and face me like a man, Valentine."

 

Champion turns to the entrance way and waits for Valentine to come out and take him up on his challenge. Champion never sees it coming as Valentine sneaks through the crowd and slides into the ring behind Champion. Valentine slips his championship belt down off his shoulder and into his hand. He charges at Champion from behind. The stomping in the ring alerts Champion who turns around just in time to be clocked between the eyes with that shiny gold belt. Champion goes down like a sack of bricks. Valentine clutches the belt close to his chest as he trash talks a nearly unconscious Champion. Valentine picks up the mic and answers Champions question.

 

Valentine: "Not on your life, kid."

 

Valentine throws the mic at Champion and escapes back through the crowd before Champion can regain consciousness.

(C+, C)

 

 

-We go backstage now to see Shane Sneer, leader of Sneer Corp talking to someone. The camera pans out to reveal 'The Demon of The Deep' Baine. Sneers looks to be talking up Baine who happens to be managed by Sheik Mustafa, and it doesn't look like Sneer's just talking about the weather either.

 

Sneer: "Now do you know why you're not champion, Baine? Incompetent leadership. Mustafa can't manage worth squat and you'll never get anywhere with him."

 

Suddenly Sheik Mustafa runs in on this scene with T-Rex in tow, "Hey, hey, hey! What do you think you are doing Sneer?"

 

Sneer: "Just having a nice conversation with Baine here, not that it matters who he talks to."

Mustafa: "You stay away from him Sneer. Do not talk to him or else."

Sneer: "What are you Sheik, his mother? He's a grown boy, he can make decisions for himself. Isn't that right Baine?"

 

Baine just grunts.

 

Sneer: "See? He's a grown man, he can make his own decisions. You should make the decision not to concern yourself with this, things could happen to you. We wouldn't want that, now would we?"

Mustafa: "Your threats do not work on me Sneer, I see right through what it is you are trying to do and I will warn you, do not mess with me or my clients."

 

Sneer just chuckles at Mustafas threat. He takes out one of his business cards and hands it to T-Rex. Sneer walks past Mustafa stating to him "Sneer Corp gets what Sneer Corp wants."

(C-)

 

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/Enygma.jpg vs. http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/JumboJackson.jpg

-Non-Title Match- Enygma vs. Jumbo Jackson w/ Shane Sneer-

 

Not a bad match at all here as Jumbo Jackson took on the mysterious World Champion, Enygma. Jackson used his power to try to keep Enygma down, but Enygma showed resilience and fought back hard against Rex. Sneer was there to intervene as much as he possibly could whenever Enygma would take control of the match. Enygma continued fighting back, but Jackson was able to nail him with a Jumbo Avalanche. The ref made the pin, 1....2..... rope break as Enygma gets his foot on the bottom rope.

 

Jackson celebrated in the ring thinking he'd just won the match. Sneer frantically tried to warn him that he hadn't won yet, but it was too late. Enygma sprang off the ropes and caught Jackson with an Enygmagiri Kick (Hard enziguri) that took the big man down and then locked in the Enygma Variation (Scissored Ankle Lock). Jumbo screamed in pain in the center of the ring. He tried to hold out, but couldn't as he tapped out giving Enygma another win.

 

Winner: Enygma in 12:12

Rating (C)

 

 

-And we're back after a word from our sponsor, Garys Good Gouda Cheese, it's full of homemade goodness. That means it's made in his mom's basement. Anyhow, we return from commercial to find Jumbo Jackson angry and throwing stuff around his lockerroom while yelling at Sneer because he didn't win his match against Enygma. Jackson is really destroying the room just taking his anger out on everything and berating Sneer who stands in the doorway unphased.

 

Jumbo: "I should've won that match Sneer! Why didn't I win that match, huh?! Where were you?! What the hell do I pay you for if you can't do that!?"

 

Jackson continues on like that until he runs out of things to break. Jackson unwittingly calms down now. Sneer puts his hand on Jacksons shoulder, "Let's go work out Jumbo and forget about what happened tonight, you'll get him next time."

(C-)

 

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/RavenNightfall_alt2.jpg vs. http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/WandaFish.jpg

-Non-Title Match- Raven Robinson vs. Belle Bryden-

 

A great women's match here as the Women's Champion faced off against the former champion here and they just seemed to click in the ring. Raven skipped out to the ring high-fiving the fans as she went, really wanting to give the fans their moneys worth. "The Beautiful" Belle Bryden however just flaunted to the crowd, teasing them. When she got into the ring she put her purse down in the corner, pulling a compact mirror out first and checking her make-up. As the bell rang Bryden got serious and went after Raven relentlessly. Bryden took control of the match and worked Robinson over, wearing down at her knee mostly trying to get her ready for a Blonde Ambition (Figure 4). Robinson fought back, but Bryden used any dirty tactic she could to keep Robinson down.

 

Eventually though Robinson caught a second wind and came firing back at Bryden. Brydens dirty tactics weren't enough as Robinson started to work over Belle now softening her up for a Night Crawler (Liontamer). Raven takes Bryden down with a Night Faller (Reverse DDT). She gets up and grabs her legs rolling her over into a Night Crawler. Belle screams in pain and crawls towards the ropes. It doesn't look like Bryden can hold out much longer in this move. Miraculously though she's able to hit the ropes and get the break from the ref. Bryden crawls towards the corner as the ref tries to get Robinson to let go of Bryden.

 

Robinson shoves him out of the way as she grabs a handful of hair from Belle. Bryden shoves her back, knocking her into the ref. Robinson goes right back for Bryden, but gets a face full of powder in her eyes for trying. Belle ditches the make-up in her purse and rolls Robinson up with a schoolboy grabbing a hand full of tights while she's at it. The ref crawls over and makes the count, 1....2....3.

 

Winner: Belle Bryden in 12:22

Rating (C)

 

 

-Bryden isn't done with simply winning the match, she wants to send a message. Belle gets out of the rings and wrestles the Women's championship belt away from the timekeeper. Bryden gets into the ring and lays in wait for the champion to get back to her feet. She doesn't get the opportunity though as Alicia Strong rushes down to the ring and slides in. She goes straight for Bryden who takes a swing with the title belt. Alicia ducks under it and rebounds off the ropes nailing Bryden with a dropkick. Bryden crawls away from Alicia and to her corner. Alicia follows after her, but she too gets a face full of make-up powder blown in her face. Bryden gets out of the ring and yells at Strong and Robinson that this isn't over. Alicia wipes the powder out of her face and helps Raven to her feet.

(D)

 

 

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/Liberty.jpghttp://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/ChrisCaulfield_alt1.jpg vs. http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/TysonBaine.jpghttp://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t206/Jsilver532/T-Rex_alt1.jpg

-James Justice & Chris Caulfield vs. The Titans w/ Shiek Mustafa-

 

A pretty good match here with a great amount of heat. The faces fought hard against The Titans, but the two monsters of men overpowered them quite easily. Caulfield and Justice weren't so easy to give up and fought back against The Titans taking control of them by using quick tags and a surprising amount of teamwork. It didn't last though as Mustafa involved himself giving his Titans a distraction to capitalize on. From here Rex and Baine worked over Caulfield and Justice. Never during this match though did it look like The Titans were out for a win, just to punish the two faces.

 

Their appetite for destruction got the best of them though as Justice was able to get in a Justice Big Left Hand punch to the face as Rex showboated to the crowd. Justice crawled for his corner, but Rex held onto his boot trying to pull him away. Justice summoned the strength and made the tag to Caulfield who came in from the hot tag like a house of fire taking it to Rex and Baine, knocking them down multiple time and unleashing his arsenal of moves on them both. Justice was able to get back up to his feet and help out his partner. The two double teamed The Demon of The Deep for a good bit, but Baine fought back taking both men down with a double clothesline.

 

Showing impatience Rex hopped out of the ring and threw the timekeeper out of his seat and took the steel chair. He got back in the ring and nailed Caulfield over the head with it. The ref called for the bell giving the win to Caulfield and Justice by disqualification.

 

Winners: Justice & Caulfield by DQ in 15:24

Rating (C+)

 

 

-Of course The Titans couldn't stop at just one chair shot. Justice received one as he made it to his feet. The ref tried to stop The Titans from doing and further damage, but Baine just sets him up for a Hades Bomb. He gets ready to pick him up for it when the arena lights go out. On the tron appears the signature calling card of Enygma, a question mark. The lights come back on and Enygma stands behind Rex and Baine. Rex raises the chair above his head preparing to nail the World Champion, but Enygma gives him a thrust kick right to the chair propelling it back into his face. Enygma picks up the chair as Rex goes down and nails Baine over the head with it.

 

The chair is dented as he lifts it, but Baine is still standing. He roars at the World Champion challenging him to take another shot, which he does. Baine grabs the chair in mid-swing and rips it out of Enygma's hand. Baine tosses it and throttles Enygma by the neck. He lifts him up for a Chokeslam to Hell. He lets go as Caulfield nails him with that chair he tossed aside. Baine turns his attention to Caulfield now who nails him again. Baine falls to his knees this time. Caulfield looks to finish him off, but gets a Big Boot to the face courtesy of T-Rex. Justice is back up now and he goes after Rex. The two spill out onto the outside of the ring and start brawling though the fans as they leave the ring area.

 

Enygma helps Caulfield to his feet and the two punch and stomp away at Baine trying to keep the Demon down. They look like they may actually succeed before the entrance theme of one Bruce The Giant hits the speakers. Bruce stands atop the entranceway now. Caulfield grabs a chair and heads out of the ring taking the fight right to the giant. The two brawl their way backstage as just Enygma and Baine are left in the ring now. Baine reaches up and grabs Enygma by the throat. Baine makes his way back up to both feet and lifts the World Champion up into the air.

 

Enygma connects with an Enygmagiri Kick to Baines head. Baine falls to all fours and Enygma is quick to lock on an ankle lock. Before he can vine it Baine powers up and rolls through sending Enygma flying forward. Baine kicks Enygma in the gut as he stumbles into him. Baine sets up and connects with a Hades Bomb that looks like it breaks Enygma in half. Baine stands up and walks over to grab the World Championship belt that the now destroyed Champion brought out with him. Baine stares intently at the belt standing over the fallen World Champion as we fade to black.

(B-)

 

 

Final Rating ©

Cable Rating (1.06)

-Well, could've been worse.

 

The Alzheimers Post Show Recap:

 

-Darryl Devine defeated Captain USA (D-)

-The Towers Of Power defeated Savage Fury (C-)

-Nicky Champion defeated Giant Redwood (D+)

-Enygma defeated Jumbo Jackson ©

-Belle Bryden defeated Raven Robinson ©

-James Justice and Chris Caulfield defeated The Titans by DQ (C+)

[grj1234]

Really glad you're back doing a dynasty. I'm actually doing a USPW dynasty myself soon and found myself actually am putting time into writing a story around TEW game for once in my life. I'm not sure what is it about USPW ... it's just a spectacular train wreck that one cannot ignore.

[J Silver]

Thank you for the comments and predictions everyone, they're always welcome.

getting some serious deja vu with that last post J Silver

And plenty more deja vu moments to come too.

<hr>

 

How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

 

 

The dimensions of the room were about the size of a prison cell I'd say, then again I may be giving too much credit to this room. Bookshelves full of tapes lined the walls and opposite the door was a rinky dink little 19" tv that I'd assume is from before the turn of the century. Boy, Sam Strong sure knows how to treat his employees well. So, I'm stuck here until I've watched the last years worth of TV episodes and Events so I can familiarize myself with the product. Let's see, that's only about.... 102 hours worth of programming to watch this week. Crap, that really is going to take me all week. Faced with an insurmountable amount of work to do I did the only thing I could do.

 

I knocked on Mr. Strong's door before I entered, it's the polite thing to do, and then I walked in. Mr. Strong looked like he was in a business meeting with a cute blonde, some douchebag and a teenager. I later learned that was Alicia, Biff and PJ. I cleared my throat to grab their attention.

 

"If you're going to choke to death don't do it in my office brother."

"Just a question sir."

"What is it brother?"

"Am I getting paid for this?"

"For standing around in my office looking like an idiot?"

"No, I meant for watching that crapload of videos."

"You're salaried brother."

"Oh, so how much do I make a month?"

"However much I feel like paying you."

"Which is?"

"To be determined brother. Now get out of my office before I have Tiny throw you out."

 

Well, that wasn't particularly helpful. I figured if I'm stuck doing this I may as well make myself comfortable and grab some grub. I found vending machines some long ways down that damn hall. Can Strong really not afford to get those doors fixed? I took out my last dollar and pondered what to use it on. Normally I would just buy chips, but this machine was full things I've never even heard of. Dried fruit, a baggy of granola, Pita chips, All-natural non-meat meaty jerky, Organic cookies, a stick of celery, electrolytes-n-sh*t brand gummi bears, Vegan burgers (though those are just two buns and some ketchup), and a head of cabbage. It all looks so appetizing. I glanced over and noticed the janitor. Maybe he knows if any of this crap is good.

 

"Hey, janitor."

"I'm cleaning sir. I swear I am."

"... Yeah, okay. Anyhow, I was just wondering if any of the crap in this vending machine is any good."

"No, not really."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Know anywhere I can get something good for a dollar?"

"I have an extra sandwich if you'd like."

"That would be great. I mean, if you don't mind of course."

"No, no, I'm full."

 

He hands me the sandwich. I look at it unsure of what kind of sandwich it is.

 

"Thanks Mr. ... uh... I didn't get your name."

"It's Nibbler, but my friends just call me Erik."

"Well thank you Erik. What's in this sandwich anyways."

"Cat."

"Cat?"

"Yes, cat. It goes well with a side of mouse intestine. I have some left over if you're interested."

"Ha, good one buddy. You had me going there. But seriously, what's in this?"

"Cat."

 

I don't think he's kidding.

 

"You know, actually I'm not really hungry anymore. Trying to watch my figure after all. You can have the sandwich back, you know, you may get hungry later and I wouldn't want you to be hungry." Because who knows who else you'll eat.

"That's okay, you can have it."

"That's quite alright. Here, here's the sandwich. I have a lot of work to do. I'll talk to you later Erik."

"I'm looking forward to it. I have so few friends." I wonder why.

 

I back away from Nibbler slowly, not wanting to turn my back on him until I round a corner. What the hell kind of place is this? Everyone here is either old, crazy, or just plain strange. Why can't I meet someone normal here? I'm still hungry too. Maybe I should just pass a bathroom door, that'll make me lose my appetite quick. I figured I'd probably be safest in the viewing cell, so I decided I'd make my way back there and get this misery over with. I walked down the hall looking up at the ceiling tile because I really don't want to be looking into most of these rooms and because I need to do something entertaining before I have to watch about 4 straight days worth of pro wrestling. Naturally I couldn't see where I was going, I figured everyone would probably just avoid me, they do normally. I bumped into someone who had their face buried in a book. We both fell onto our asses. The young, blonde haired kid got right back to his feet and extended his hand to help me up.

 

"Sorry, about that. I should probably be looking where I'm going."

"Yeah, I probably should too. Sorry."

"Hey, you're the new booker, aren't you?"

"Yup, Jacob Stranton's the name. And you are?"

 

It seemed like I struck a nerve with this kid. He just stared at me as his shoulders slumped down and his head hung low. In an exasperated tone he mumbled, "Great, I'm here seven years and you don't even know who I am. Wonderful." before walking off. I headed back to my viewing cell this time looking where I was going. I sat down in the chair and popped in the first tape, USPW American Wrestling, Wednesday January 4, 2009 and began my long journey into oblivion. And I'm still hungry.

 

 

On the bright side I only had 6,120 minutes left to go...

<hr>

Prediction Contest Results:

 

angeldelayette- 15 pt

Dragonmack- 18 pt

Nightshadeex- 9 pt

BYU 14- 18 pt

mistaken- 15 pt

xopher316- 18 pt

SeanMcFly- 15 pt

MaxxHexx- 12 pt

Bigpapa42- 12 pt

Jammy Dodger- 9 pt

 

So congratulations to Dragonmack, BYU 14 and xopher316, I'm obviously too predictable for them. Prediction contest prizes will be figured out whenever I figure them out. Suggestions welcome.

<hr>

Official Preview for USPW American Wrestling:

 

-USPW TV Championship Match- ??? vs. Andre Jones ©

-Women's #1 Contender Match- Miss York vs. J-Ro vs. Brazzle vs. Tatiana (Agent 69)

-Non-Title Match- The Peoples Team (Datsun & Davids) vs. ???

-Chris Caulfield vs. Jumbo Jackson

-James Justice vs. Tyson Baine

 

As usual 3 pts for correct winner, 1 pt for correct match rating and what the hell, 10 pts if anyone can get either of the ??? correct. (Here's your hint, they're new signings). Next show will probably be up on Saturday.

(Edit: Well, I'd like to see someone get the ??? so here's clue #2. The singles ??? was never in USPW: 65, both wrestlers in the tag team ??? however were featured in USPW: 65)

[ampulator]

I remember your shows in your first diary, and how craptastic the ratings were.

 

You're already pulling a C in 3 matches, and some D's. No E's so far. I won't be shocked if you get a B- pretty soon.