The Wonderful Wizard of Ottawa - Cverse

Pteroid · August 26, 2018

"LOCAL CURMUDGEON WINS 500,000 Dollars!"

Independent Wrestler Ted Brady won a landmark intellectual property case today against coffee chain Him Torton's after alleging that the beloved Canadian coffee shop had used his character of Matty Phatty the Cheeky Monkey in a series of commercials in 2015. Him Torton's pockets were deep and their lawyers numerous but the 41 year old had sheer stubborn force of will on his side which saw Torton's finally settle out of court to the tune of 500,000 dollars Canadian. When asked what he intended to do with the money, Mr. Brady responded-

"I'm makin' a wrestling company."

I looked up from the newspaper to the permanent scowl etched onto Ted Brady's face.

"And you want me to ref for it?"

Ted shook his head, "Nah Wiz, I want you booking it."

I was taken aback, certainly Ted and I had crossed paths a time or two on the indy scene up here but I'd hardly thought we were close. Frankly I had taken his invitation to sitdown at a Him Torton's (the brass balls of him doing so dawning on me as I read to story) expecting some kind of reminiscence and perhaps a plea for a loan rather than a job opportunity...

"I don't see what gave you the idea that I'm cut out for booking," I grimaced, "I'm just an old man who used to dress up in armor and wave a mace around."

"And I'm just an old man who used to dress up as a monkey and make d*** jokes," Ted scratched his neck, "You help me with this and I'll pay ya, Torton's coughed up big on this whole case and those commercials got people searching my name on that Dream website so I can probably nab us some sponsors."

"I suppose..." I looked from side to side, "But what kind of product am I booking exactly?"

"I dunno, you're all into that fantasy an' s***," Ted grunted, getting up, "Go wild, just have me win every once inna while and lemme cut whatever promos I feel like."

And with that, my new boss stood up, shook some dandruff out of his hair, and slurped down the rest of his coffee before trotting off, visibly scratching his ass as he did so. Charming.

I sighed, put down the paper, took out my phone and began listing off every interesting name I could think of...then I snapped my fingers.

The brief flash and stench of brimstone to my side confirmed the arrival of the familiar I had summoned, I turned towards the creature.

"GRAPPLE GOBLIN!"

"Oh good, you're suited to this job," I clapped my hands together and showed him the list of names, "I need you to deliver contract offers to these fine folks."

"Grapple Goblin?" The creature tilted its head, leaning in close and attempting to snatch the phone before I slapped its hands away.

"No no, memorize it, if you forget come back to me, I'm not letting you get your grubby mitts of my new Cyborg phone," I groused at him, "...by the way, you have any skill at wrestling?"

"Grapple Goblin."

"Alright, I admit, stupid question, now get going."

In another flash and a whiff of brimstone, the creature disappeared. With a sigh I stood up, adjusted the collar of my shirt and began making my way out of the coffee shop.

My name is Dace Lavoie, and I am...

THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OTTAWA

Poet Justice · August 26, 2018

Is that 500,000 in US dollars, or fake Canadian money?

Cheeky Monkey is the most profitable gimmick in pro wrestling...balanced as all things should be.

Pteroid · August 26, 2018

The Canadian Federation Of Wrestling Presents:

A Wrestling Show

Featuring:

Ted Brady vs Ant-Man

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent

K-Squared vs JOJI

And Tons More Wrestling Action

"Ted?"

"Yup?"

"What on earth am I looking at?"

"Match card."

"Yes but, what is this promotional material? That logo is preposterous!"

"It's crap on purpose. The kids love that kinda thing."

"I don't think..."

"You focus on makin' the show work, I'll give the people what they want, kay Wiz?"

"If you insist."

Poet Justice · August 26, 2018

Ted Brady vs Ant-Man

The worst figurehead of all time begins his reign of terror.

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent

I'm guessing either Tommy Cornell or Jack Bruce.

K-Squared vs JOJI

If Randy Bumfhole can be an SWF future World Champion, so can Kenny Kuntz.

Jaded · August 26, 2018

Brady

Mystery Opponent (please be a Paratrooper, they'll fit right in!)

K-Squared.

This looks great!

Greggyb · August 26, 2018

Brady

The Dreaded Question Mark

Kenny Kuntz

Hollywood · August 26, 2018

Ted Brady vs Ant-Man

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent

K-Squared vs JOJI

As an Ottawan, I would definitely go check out this show!

Rayelek · August 26, 2018

I'm always in for Grapple Goblin!

Ted Brady vs Ant-Man

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs A Mystery Opponent

K-Squared vs JOJI

Pteroid · August 27, 2018

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The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:

A Wrestling Show

Location: The George Kinneal Gymnasium, British Columbia

Attendance: 82

Rating: D-

The first-ever show of the CFW comes from the George Kinneal Gymnasium with an attendance of 82 and due to a clerical error with the people printing the tickets, it's technically a sell out! The handy team of Ted Brady's nephews armed with cellphone cameras get sweeping (and blurry) shots of the crowd as the speakers set up near the merch table blare out various pop and rock hits that would probably get the company sued if anyone knew who they were. Speaking of things at the merch table we gave a one-night contract to an announcer in the area when we realized we forgot to get one of those, let's meet him now!

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Nat Whitehouse:

"Hi there ladies and gentlemen, I'm Nat Whitehouse and this is the Canadian Federation of Wrestling! I've been invited here by Mr. Brady and Mr. Lavoie to guide you through a night of good 'ole fashioned Canadian Wrestling! No frills here, it's so much steak and so little sizzle, you'll wear your jaw out trying to chew!"

Hard rock music suddenly starts playing before Whitehouse can give out any more bad metaphors, heralding the arrival of...

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Ted Brady and Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

The founder and grumpy old man of CFW trundles out flanked by his self-styled protege in Chuck The Buck. The two enter the ring and pull out microphones as the crowd boo them.

Brady:

"Listen here you damn Millennials, this is my show so you'll show me some respect!"

The crowd, shockingly, boos the man telling them not to boo him.

Brady:

"See!? See!? This what's wrong with the world today, all you young people think you know better with yer smart phones and yer facespaces and yer Reverie and Chill! Well I've had it with all that and I'm gonna take wrestling back to the good 'ole days when an axehandle off the top rope was all we needed! That's why I went out and found one of the good ones, one of the young studs, a man among the little boys who play at bein' a wrestle today, Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance!

Chuck poses to even more boos because he's with Ted Brady which makes him a jerk by association.

Brady:

"Tonight we're gonna-!"

Voice:

"Uh...hello?"

An uncertain voice cuts off the two traditionalists, who turn towards the entrance curtain to see its owner.

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This Guy!

A confused looking young man in wrestling tights steps out, looking around and scratching his head. Dorrance opens his mouth to speak but Ted throws himself against the ropes, looking incensed.

Brady:

"DECOLT!"

Man:

"Huh? Do I know you? Do you know me? I just kinda woke up back there in these tights with a microphone in my ha-"

Brady:

"You get outta here ya damn DeColt, this is my show! My ring! You and your absurdly handsome family don't belong!"

Chuck:

"Uh his name's Ian boss, and he's-"

Brady:

"Ohhh tangled with him before, have you!?"

Chuck:

"I work with him, he's-"

Brady:

"Good! We shelled out the cash for you to wrestle Alan Parent but screw him, go beat up that damn DeColt! AND YOU!"

Brady points at Ian (DeColt?)

Brady:

"Get ready for the worst beating of your life! Go get'em, Chuck, and do it like I told ya!"

Chuck:

"Ok boss..."

Brady storms out of the ring and glowers at Ian, who awkwardly gets into the ring and gets jumped from behind by Dorrance! The bell rings and the first match in CFW history is underway!

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Ian? VS Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Dorrance opens the match fully in control, beating down on the apparent amnesiac with a flurry of clunky old school offense, we're talking back clubs, we're talking headlocks, we're talking the dreaded SCOOPSLAM! It's a horrible onslaught but suddenly something clicks into gear for the supposed DeColt and he ducks a clothesline from Dorrance and fires back with lefts and rights that send him stumbling away before slamming a picture perfect clothesline of his own before nailing a DeColt Driver (Death Valley Driver) to get the sudden pin and win! Post-match Dorrance stumbles off to lick his wounds while Ian poses sheepishly for the fans before following him backstage...

In a bout that had good heat and decent wrestling, Ian? defeated Chucky Dorrance in 6:11 by pinfall with a DeColt Driver D-

Whitehouse:

"An astounding first performance by the young...DeColt? Odd, I don't recall the DeColt family having a member that youthful. But fans there's more wholesome regular wrestling action coming your way and-wait why are we going backsta-?"

Whitehouse gets cut off as we switch to a cellphone feed backstage of Ian being mobbed by his fellow wrestlers backstage.

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"You're so skilled, Mr. DeColt!"

Ian?:

"Uh thanks..."

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"[Your moves are a dead ringer for the DeColt family, could what Mr. Brady said be true? It's an honor!]"

Ian?:

"Oh come on, I don't need that kind of prai-wait why do I know how to speak Spanish?"

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"Inform me, citizen, what possessed you to go out there and interrupt that crusty curmudgeon?"

Ian?:

"I'm...I'm not sure, I just had that microphone and when I heard that rude guy ranting in the ring it made me just want to...stand up to him. I mean I didn't get far but it was so...instinctual."

Cocky Voice:

"Heh, who cares?"

The wrestlers and the camera turn to find the cocky man the cocky voice belonged to.

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"DeColt or not you just don't shape up compared to a talent like K-Squared."

Ian?:

"Who's K-Squared?"

K-Squared:

"Me, K-Squared is K-Squared."

Ian?:

"Uh, ok?"

K-Squared rolls his eyes and shoves past them, standing in front of the curtain to the gymnasium, he flashing a cocky handsign to the group.

K-Squared:

"Let K-Squared show you how its done."

Hip hop music starts blaring and K-Squared steps out...

Ant-Man:

"That Kenny Kuntz, ever since he got that new ring name he's become quite the delinquent!"

Ian?:

"...what a Kuntz."

With a look of determination, JOJI storms out after him to definitely not stereotypical J-Pop and we've got our second match!

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JOJI vs K-Squared

These two go full-throttle from the start but while JOJI started to pull away through his Eagle Kurasawa-backed training, K-Squared found the perfect counter to that tutelage by cheating. Like a lot. Eye pokes and rakes were just as likely to be busted out by the third person phenom as a moonsault or a springboard. In the end a sly low blow opens the way for K-Squared to hit his Special K (Shooting Star Press) finisher for the pin and the win! Special K proceeded to celebrate for a ludicrously long time in the ring, until head official Dace Lavoie attached a mirror to a fishing pole and lead K-Squard out through the power of arrogance!

In a decent match, K-Squared defeated JOJI in 7:49 by pinfall with a Special K. D-

Whitehouse:

"Well uhm...well fans I don't know if that was really traditional, Mr. Brady said we were gonna be like the Stones here, not the crazy stuff you see coming outta New Zealand..."

Voice:

"Oh you want the Stones, bubba?"

Whitehouse:

"Well yes, I would like the Stones."

Voice:

"Well too bad, brotha 'cuz ya got me instead!"

Whitehouse:

"Huh?"

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"Ah-uh-huh~"

Whitehouse:

"...goodness."

Guitar strapped to his back, Tennessee William struts down to the ring and proceeds to put on a live performance of "Hound Dog", the camera phones combing the audience of appreciative fans until they find one man in the crowd having a much better time than everyone else:

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"AHHHHHHHH! TENNESSEEEEEE OHMYGOOOOOOOD~!!!!"

Well you can't accuse him of not having a good time.

Whitehouse:

"I am so lost, I don't understand how this could get sillier..."

"GRAPPLE GOBLIN!"

Whitehouse:

"I'm sorry, what?"

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"NYEHEHEHEHEHE~!"

Whitehouse:

"what?"

Scrambling out from under the ring, the Grapple Goblin unscrupulously causes mayhem and mischief among the fans before storming into the ring and trying to yank away Tennessee's guitar to bring back to his Goblin nest below the mat. The ensuing tug-of-war lasts until Dace Lavoie returns from his wrangling of K-Squared and calls for the bell, we have a match!

Whitehouse:

"what?"

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Tennessee William vs Grapple Goblin

The match is nonsense from the word go, with Goblin repeatedly ducking out of the ring under the onslaught of William to either try and steal something from the fans, the merch table, or to make another grab for the guitar! William cuts him off again and again until Grapple Goblin successfully distracts him with a Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich and once again goes for the guitar, this time managing to get it and sneak up behind William, guitar lifted to try and bash him but an unlikely intervention saves the musician!

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The fan from before yanks the guitar away from Goblin and cradles it at ringside, eliciting a loud haranguing from Grapple Goblin who takes his eye off the ball and turns right around into a Devil's Crossroad (Swinging Neckbreaker) from Tennessee William who gets the pin!

In a bout that had a decent reaction from the crowd but terrible wrestling, Tennessee William defeated The Grapple Goblin in 5:20 by pinfall with a Devil's Crossroad following interference from Jeremiah Martin. E-

Post match, the fan climbs into the ring and hands William his guitar before embracing the superstar, who looks...rather uncomfortable with the whole thing until the fan is shepherded away by event staff and William heads to the back so we're set for our main event!

Whitehouse:

"i am so lost..."

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Ant-Man vs Ted Brady

The superheroic Ant-Man stormed the ring to a positive reaction from the fans, posing and flexing for them all until Ted Brady abruptly ran in and attacked him, beating down on the hero with all the old man rage he could summon (and trust me, there's a lot of that). However, Ant-Man's power came to the fore when he began to slam and toss and finally lift Brady up into a twenty-second long stalling suplex that got the fans popping! Ant-Man seemed poised to take the match with his Antidote Powerslam but suddenly-!

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Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance leapt up onto the apron and shouted angrily at Ant-Man, distracting him long enough for Brady to slip off his shoulders and roll him up with a handful of tights and Dorrance putting Brady's boots on the rope to secure the victory for the miserable veteran!

In a bout that had good heat and decent wrestling, Ted Brady defeated Ant-Man in 7:33 by pinfall after a distraction from Chucky Dorrance. D-

The bell has rung on the first main event of CFW's history but Dorrance and Brady aren't done, they beat down on Ant-Man with vicious stomps as Brady shouts that this is the fate that awaits every young punk that steps in his ring, but wait!

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In true DeColt(?) fashion, Ian runs out with a steel chair and smacks Dorrance with a shot to the back that sends him and Brady running, pacing around the ring with a look of half-anger and half-confusion as though his body were acting with a will of its own.

Whitehouse:

"Ok that's it, I'm done with this travesty, tradition my preparation-h smeared keister! This is ludicrous and I'm going home, you all can go step on a lego for all I care, goodnight!"

And with that glowing vote of confidence, Whitehouse storms out of the gymnasium and that's the end of the first ever CFW show...what a dork.</div>

cappyboy · August 27, 2018

Good first show. Can't wait to see what this roster can come up with. But an enquiring mind wants to know. Is there any way we can get Bob Casey as a corporate lackey trying to defend the honor of Him Torton's? He and Brady have had so many wars for me over the years the only thing left for them is for one to invade a promotion owned by the other. <img alt="

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Pteroid · August 27, 2018

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"Well that went well."

I looked up from the TEW.com report on our show with an eyebrow raised, "I suppose aside from our announcer quitting on his first night..."

Ted shrugged, "Eh, was gonna fire him anyway, he was a real goober. I'm talkin' about the bookin', crowd ate it all up."

"Most of it," I shrugged, swiping through the individual reviews of our characters, "We've got some strong stuff to build upon certainly."

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"Our three biggest successes are Ian's amnesiac DeColt gimmick, K-Squared's delusional big leaguer character, and the guy who pretends he's an ant."

Ted snickered, "Think Alex's gonna be steamed at us for running the gimmick his family's been hemmin' and hawin' about up in the land of the golden boys at our dinky little local show?"

"I don't think we register on their radar, Ted," I rested my chin on my clasped hands, "We lucked out in that they're our best in terms of workrate too."

"It all falls into place when ya with the Wiz," Ted smirked, taking a swig of Molson's.

"Let's move on to the next tier, shall we?" I waved my hand dismissively.

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"The next step down from them is-" I began.

"Ok, cut the BS, who IS this guy?" Ted cut me off.

"Who, The Grapple Goblin?" I asked, "He is an...exotic talent."

"Exotic talent, he's bitin' off Waldo Odlaw and we should be thankin' our lucky stars he doesn't play The Gremlin anymore or he'd be coming at us with staplers...or worse, lawsuits, I ain't gettin' hoisted by my own petard here," Ted groused, "Still...fans like the tubby weirdo."

"See a bit of yourself in him?" I asked with a grin.

"Ya callin' me fat?" Ted growled, taking a bite of his third twinkie.

"Wouldn't dream of it, next are our slightly above the norm..."

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"This level is JOJI, yourself, and Jerry," I nodded, "We got lucky with JOJI as I didn't really have time to give him focus, suffice to say he's probably over on his looks and in-ring talent which will have to do for now. Meanwhile your old school routine sticks out well among the more bombastic personas we've got, current day wrestling fans have it out for stick in the mud old-timers..."

"Welp," Ted burped, "-scuse me-I learned from the best, I've worked alongside every pissy old fart who ever feared leaving the ground, I can do a pitch perfect Giant Redwood impression."

"Uh, how about we don't go into that," I shook my head, "And of course we round out with Jerry, who's really into this 'overbearing fan' idea we've given him. Transitioning him into a more constant gimmick might be in the cards once this well runs dry but for now I think his storyline with Tennessee will make them both names in the area. Now to the middle of the road..."

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"Poor Chucky," Ted scratched some stubble forming on his cheek, "Of course ya ain't gonna get too over playin' second banana to the big bad, but he's got enough talent to be his own thing sooner or later."

"I agree, which leaves us with the one who's under-preforming."

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"Well I mean, didja think a lot of Canadians are head over heels for Elvis?" Ted tilted his head.

"We needed another babyface and I didn't want to debut Dreamer yet," I shrugged, "Thankfully we aren't looking at dead silence when he's in the ring so hopefully the character gets over with time."

Ted nodded along then finished off his beer and snacks, patting his growing belly, "Alright, welp ya got another gal debuting next month along with dreamer, hopefully the buzz we got from this first show leaks over...speaking of, is my drinking buddy gonna be good to go next time?"

I frowned, "Hopefully, I saw him knocking back whiskey shots earlier, we'll be needing him to get some of our mic-challenged workers over so the last thing we need is him off his face."

"And the old man?" Ted continued.

"He's good to go, happy to be working again even if it's just in the booth, just need the right guy to work with him," I clapped my hands together, "I got a line on someone so I may bring him in on a trial."

"Good work, Wiz," Ted grinned on the way out, "Work that magic of yours."

And he was gone, I sighed, snapping my fingers and bringing a broom and dustpan to life to sweep up the snack wrappers on the floor.

"I live a charmed life."

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The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:

Another Wrestling Show

Main Event Tag Team Match

Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler</div>

DanMTheMan · August 27, 2018

The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:

Another Wrestling Show

Main Event Tag Team Match

Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

GRAPPLE GRAPPLE

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler

Jaded · August 27, 2018

Awesome first show!

Ian/Ant-Man

Tennessee

Goblin

Dreamer

DarK_RaideR · August 27, 2018

It's The Return Of The Grapple Goblin! (grapple Goblin!)

foolinc · August 27, 2018

The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:

Another Wrestling Show

Main Event Tag Team Match

Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler

Greggyb · August 27, 2018

Main Event Tag Team Match

Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance by any means necessary.

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler

LlamaSquad · August 27, 2018

Main Event Tag Team Match

Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

GRAPPLE GOBLIN! Are we getting Vibert in on this?

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler

Never bet against ?????.

DarK_RaideR · August 28, 2018

Main Event Tag Team Match

Ian (DeColt?) & Ant-Man vs Ted Brady & Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

Tennessee Williams vs K-Squared

JOJI vs The Grapple Goblin

GRAPPLE GOBLIN!

Electric Dreamer vs A Debuting Wrestler

Pteroid · August 31, 2018

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The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:

Another Wrestling Show

Location: The George Kinneal Gymnasium, British Columbia

Attendance: 82 (0 Change)

Rating: D

The second ever CFW Wrestling Show continues as the first meant to go on with the same crowd in the same Gym with the same gaggle of gormless nephews and nieces recording on the same camera phones. However, a major difference this time is that we've sprung for a full commentary team!

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"good evening, i am jerome turner."

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"AN' I'M "HANDSOME" HERB STATELY DADDEH!"

Turner:

"welcome to cfw presents: another wrestling show, boy do we have a humdinger of a show for you tonight."

Stately:

"YA GOT THAT RIGHT, BABBEH, TONIGHT WE GOT OURSELVES A TAG TEAM GRUDGE MATCH WITH IAN "MIGHT BE A DECOLT" DECOLT An' MAN-ANT TAGGIN' UP AGAINST MAH PERSONAL FRIENDS TED BRADY AN' CHUCK DA BUCK DORRANCE! YA NEVER GONNA FORGET THIS NIGHT FOR THE REST OF YA LIIIIIVES!"

Turner:

"yes, and in singles action-"

Stately:

"HANG ON A HOT DOGGIN' MINUTE YA MONOTONE MUNCHKIN, WE GOT COMPANY! WHOOOOA NELLY!"

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Ian (DeColt?) and Ant-Man arrive to triumphant fanfare, the duo getting a hero's welcome from the 82 members of the CFW faithful. The two men climb into the ring and wait for the music to quiet down before addressing the masses...

Ian?:

"Thanks everyone, I'm happy to be back even though I can't tell you exactly why I'm here but...y'know coming out here to talk at the start like this? It feels right, feels like I've done something I'm supposed to, y'know? Oh, don't worry about where I've been living, by the way, Manny here's been letting me crash on his couch-"

Ant-Man:

"Yes indeed, the Intrepid Ian with a missing Identity has found a home in my burrow of bravery! What form of honorless hero would I be to not provide home and hearth to a fellow fighter for truth and justice!?"

Ian?:

"Mostly truth on my end. But yeah, he's also been giving me a hand with unraveling who I am and we actually think we can find the answers here. See that Dorrance guy said he and me worked together so I think I can get some clues from hi-"

Voice:

"HERE'S YER ANSWERS WHIPPER SNAPPER!"

CLONK!

Ian falls to the mat in a daze as Ant-Man reacts theatrically.

Ant-Man:

"Egads! What a horrid surprise atta-"

Another Voice:

"Sorry pal."

CLONK!

And down goes Ant-Man, who could have done such a thing!?

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Oh right, these jerks.

Ted Brady brandishes a steel chair alongside his similarly armed protege, strutting around the ring and crowing his 'old school' rhetoric (perhaps he meant 90's DaVE?) while Chuck just shrugs like the whole thing is just how stuff goes. Brady eventually grabs the mic.

Brady:

"Ya see, this is work ethic you young punks can understand!? Y'know how hard it was on my back to go all the way to the hardware store to get these here chairs!?"

Chuck:

"Boss ya could've just got them on Amazon-"

Brady:

"Quiet, Chuckster, this is just a preview of what you two losers are gonna get in the main event tonight, so get ready, you're about to get a lesson you'll neeeever forget!"

Brady storms out with Chuck in tow, the babyface regain their senses enough to limp to the back, with such a beating delivered to them do they even have a hope of claiming victory tonight?

Turner:

"what a heartless assault by a pair of no-good-"

Stately:

"HAHA! WHAT A SMACKDOWN, THEY GOT THOSE GOODY GOODIES DOWN ON THAT MAT AND THEY RUBBED THEIR DIRTY STINKIN' FACES IN THEIR OWN BLOOD, WHAT A SHOW, DADDEH!"

Turner:

"i don't think that's how we should look at that situa-"

Voice:

"NOW ALL YA'LL BETTER JUST LISSEN HERE NOW, YA'LL!"

Turner:

"why is everyone here so loud?"

On the heels of the beatdown another man with a mic comes out from the curtain.

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"MAH NAME IS BIG BOSS MCGHEE AN' I-!"

The crowd begins laughing at the very small very loud man dressed in biker leathers.

McGhee:

"OHHHH YA'LL THINK THIS HERE IS FUNNY HUH!? YA'LL GONNA LAUGH AT THIS HERE FELLA OUT HERE TALKIN' TO YA'LL OUT HERE, HUH!? WELL I GOT NEWS FOR YEW BECAUSE THAT THERE BEATIN' THERE THEM TWO FELLERS JUST GOT PUT THROUGH AIN'T NOTHIN' COMPARED TO WHAT THIS HERE LITTLE MASKED MORON-"

McGhee gestures at the ring where-

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Oh hey, Electric Dreamer's here!

Electric Dreamer has somehow already gotten into the ring. The young luchadora is small but practically towers over McGhee, who scoffs at her as he continues to rant and thankfully someone lowers the volume on his mic before he blows out a speaker.

McGhee:

"-ya'll call ya'llselfs Electric Dreamer!? Well that's fine 'cuz when mah monster gets through with ya you'll be countin' them Electric Sheep on Electric Dreamstreet, ya hear me!? So lemme bring her out, hope ya'll already went to the bathroom 'cuz ya all gonna mess ya'llselves when ya meet mah monster, the horrible, the terrifyin'...DANGEROUS DEBORAH YOUNG!"

Through the curtain comes...

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Lord...

The towering Deborah Young steps out to the ring to some knockoff horror movie music, glaring daggers at her smaller opponent as she steps into the ring with McGhee hyping her all the way. The bell sounds!

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"Dangerous" Deborah Young VS Electric Dreamer

The crowd are surprisingly into Dreamer despite her apparent role as the lamb to the living slaughter machine that is the amazonian Young, giving the young luchadora all the support she cans as she ducks and divers and tries to survive Young's opening salvo of swinging fists. However, the end to this was never in doubt and when Dreamer was in range of Young's muscular arms, the larger fighter planted her with a Sit-Out Powerbomb that scored her the victory.

In a bout that had decent wrestling but non-existent crowd heat, Deborah Young defeated Electric Dreamer in 1:48 by pinfall with a Sit-Out Powerbomb. E+

As the farce of a match ends we head just outside to the parking lot where someone is just arriving to the show...

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"Y'know how hard it is to park a pink cadillac? Ah-uh-huh~!"

Guitar over his shoulder, Tennessee William begins making his way to the gymnasium...

Voice:

"TENNEEEESSSSSEEEEEE!"

William:

"Ah-huh-wuh?"

William turns around to find-

<img alt="vcWayDj.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/vcWayDj.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Oh no...

The fan that saved William at the last show is standing behind him, all smiles...all creepy creepy smiles, he approaches the Elvis impersonator.

William:

"Now hold on there, little buddy, I got a match before too long, I gotta go TCB in the CP-Dub so maybe we can wait until after the show's over."

Fan:

"Mr. William I'm very sorry but I'm just such a big fan, I've followed your career for years and I just want you to know if there's anything at all you ever need, I can make it happen."

William:

"Well that's a heckuva thing and definitely not creepy, bubba, how about an autograph, will that send ya home happy?"

Fan:

"Ohmigosh, yes! Here!"

The fan rips off his shirt and thrusts out his chest looking expectant. William grimaces but signs his name on it. The fan squeals in joy and goes running into the gym while William shakes his head.

William:

"Welp, at least he's a fan."

Meanwhile back in the gym we've got another match about to take place!

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Grapple Goblin vs JOJI

A strange match by any margin as Grapple Goblin seems to occupy himself with attempting to steal the stuff in JOJI's hair more than wrestle which sees JOJI dominate the match for the most part until Goblin takes a powder to the outside and catches JOJI after a suicide dive with a sneaky low blow! Goblin proceeded to batter him on the outside before tossing him back inside and cutting off a brief comeback by JOJI into a roll up with the tights for a pin! Post-match the Goblin disappeared under the ring with some more of JOJI's hair decoration.

In a bout that had a decent reaction from the crowd but sub-par wrestling, The Grapple Goblin defeated JOJI in 7:01 by pinfall with a handful of tights. E-

Turner:

"a despicable move by the goblin, how can he sleep at ni-"

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"Ok everyone you can rest easy, the main event has arrived!"

Turner:

"i can't get a word in edgewise..."

K-Squared struts out from the back with a smug grin on his face, mic in hand.

K-Squared:

"Before K-Squared styles on the fool they've put me against tonight, K-Squared has a special message for the owner of this podunk wannabe federation, Ted Brady. Ted, you cheap piece of garbage you think K-Squared hasn't noticed this promotion doesn't have a belt? You negligent chump, are you senile or are you just scared because you KNOW K-Squared would win that sucker and never let it go? Stop worrying about fake DeColts and get K-Squared a title, pronto or K-Squared will be forced to take drastic measures!"

K-Squared tosses down the mic and poses until he's cut off by the strum of a guitar...

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"Ah-uh-huh~"

Tennessee William struts out from backstage and enters the ring, beginning a performance of 'Don't Be Cruel' before K-Squared is just that and rips the earmic right off Tennessee and sliding his guitar out of the ring! What a Kuntz.

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K-Squared vs Tennessee William

A hard-hitting clash for such a goofy lead-in, William's southern brawling stylings battling it out with K-Squared's all-around game. The momentum shifts again and again, with K-Squared taking shortcuts to get ahead of William's more energetic straightforward approach. This all comes to a head when K-Squared is sent sprawling from the ring from a big uppercut and looks to take a shortcut with that trusty guitar, sneaking into the ring with it but the threat of the guitar getting destroyed incurs the wrath of-

<img alt="vcWayDj.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/vcWayDj.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Oh no not again!

The mysterious fan, who slides into the ring, yanks the guitar away and boots K-Squared in the gut! This saves the instrument but grants the victory to K-Squared by DQ, who bails out of the ring and celebrates like he just won the main event of Supreme Challenge...

In a decent match, K-Squared defeated Tennessee William in 9:53 when Tennessee William was disqualified when Jeremiah Martin ran in and attacked K-Squared. D-

Post match, the fan tries to storm out of the ring after K-Squared but he gets pulled back by William who shows him the guitar and tries to calm him down. Eventually the fanboy comes down from his rage and follows William to the back...

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Ian (DeColt?) and Ant-Man vs Ted Brady and Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance

With the setup from the start of the show it seems like this bout is almost a lock for the heel duo, who spend the match isolating Ant-Man and beating the living crap out of him with devious move after devious move straight out of the old school playbook helped along by the easily baited Ian distracting the ref from their skullduggery whenever he's taunted. However, a miscommunication between Brady and Dorrance allows Ant-Man to slip away and make a tag to the angry possible DeColt, who batters both the heels in a flurry of suplexes, slams, and good 'ole fisticuffs that has the fans rocking and Ted Brady taking a spill to the outside.

However, seeing his mentor down and out has a strange effect on Dorrance, who manages to halt Ian's assault with a sudden barrage of athletic high-flying maneuvers that catch the other man offguard. Heretofore Dorrance was merely a carbon copy of his mentor but it seems while the cat is catatonic the mice will soar as Dorrance's berserk blitz has Ian on the ropes and as the audience despairs, a tornado DDT puts Ian on the mat and gives Dorrance the opportunity to go to the top rope, signalling with his hands pointed to the sky...

Until he notices his mentor glaring daggers at him from the ring apron, causing him to sheepishly join his hands together into an axehandle and shout for Ian to get up. This is a foolish move as Dorrance's attempted leaping axehandle nets him on the receiving end of an instinctual DeColt .45 (Superkick) that puts him out long enough for Ian to get the pin while Ant-Man holds off Brady!

In a bout that had good heat and decent wrestling, Ian? and Ant-Man defeated Ted Brady and Chuck Dorrance in 12:19 when Ian? defeated Chuck Dorrance by pinfall with an DeColt .45. D

Our victorious duo celebrate with the fans but the game isn't up just yet, Ian decks Ted who takes a tumble to the outside again and stalks after Dorrance who is limping towards the locker room curtain. Ian whirls Dorrance around and shoves a finger in his face.

Ian?:

"Alright you weasel, talk! You said you worked with me!"

Dorrance:

"Work! Present tense! I-I don't get what this is! You're totally like yourself literally every other time I see you, why are you so weird here!?"

Ian?:

"Oh yeah!? Well what am I like when I'm 'normal' then because I don't recall seeing you at all since I got here!"

Dorrance:

"Listen you psycho I-"

CLANG! CLANG!

Double chairshots in quick succession! Dorrance and Ian are down, but who has done this terrible act-

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Oh right, this D-Bag, that tracks...

K-Squared:

"K-Squared said he was tired of this farce so let K-Squared make it clear, K-Squared is here to win a title and if he's gotta take out this buncha chumps to get this company on the right track, well then K-Squared's gonna do just that!"

His piece said, that Kuntz storms back to the back and we are left going off the air in tragedy as Ant-Man and Brady attend to their friend and charge respectively...</div>

Jaded · August 31, 2018

Ian? is the best gimmick I’ve seen for SO LONG! Awesome show. <img alt="

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DarK_RaideR · August 31, 2018

Your portrayal of Stately has all the wrong parts of Lawler and Flair in and I love you for it (daddeh)

foolinc · August 31, 2018

I'm more than fine getting every pick wrong in this insanity.

LlamaSquad · August 31, 2018

GRAPPLE GOBLIN (grapple goblin) STEAL HAIR!

Pteroid · August 31, 2018

<div style="text-align:center;"><img alt="uwZzW0H.png" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/uwZzW0H.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

The Canadian Federation of Wrestling Presents:

A Third Wrestling Show

Main Event Singles Match

Ian (DeColt?) vs K-Squared

Ted Brady & 'The Old School Enforcer' -whoever that is- vs Tennessee Williams & Ant-Man

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs Electric Dreamer

Grapple Goblin vs Cheriel-Uh I Mean- Ariel Breaks

"Dangerous" Deobrah Young vs JOJI</div>

DAVEFAN95 · August 31, 2018

Ian (DeColt?) vs K-Squared

I'll go with Ian for two reasons, overness and I think it makes sense storyline wise, maybe even a DQ

Ted Brady & 'The Old School Enforcer' -whoever that is- vs Tennessee Williams & Ant-Man

gotta give it to the boss, I'm sure Williams' fan will get involved somehow

Chuck "The Buck" Dorrance vs Electric Dreamer

Yeah, I think it makes sense that "The Buck" wins, he far more over

Grapple Goblin vs Cheriel-Uh I Mean- Ariel Breaks

Guess

"Dangerous" Deobrah Young vs JOJI

DESTROY!

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