Pteroid Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 Hawaii December 25, 2019 8:45 AM "You're crazy for doing this, man." Clark Alexander stands at the opening of a tent, the sun silhouetting him against the darkness as he addresses the person inside. If they hear him, they don't register it. Alexander: "Hey, you listening to me? I'm saying you're crazy, look I get it's for a good cause but the waves are crazy out there today, bro. I wouldn't go surfing in that, let alone in uh...well that." Again there is no answer from inside the tent, Alexander sighs. Alexander: "Your funeral, I guess. It's been nice catching the waves with ya, my man." A grunt of acknowledgement, possibly of brotherhood comes from the darkness as a massive figure stands. Alexander steps aside as the person he was talking to hefts a massive sack and carries it out onto the beach... "WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN TO THE FIRST EVER SURFIN' SANTA CHARITY EVENT! I'M SMOOTH C HERE TODAY WITH MY CO-ANNOUNCER:" "penfold perdition." Smooth: "Penfold we're here today to witness a historic undertaking, on this Christmas morning we will see the one and only Santa Claus catch a positively gnarly wave to deliver an assortment of gifts to the good girls and boys of Hawaii, ain't that somethin'?" Penfold: "yep." Smooth: "...bless him, he's not an orator, folks. But look, here comes Santa Claus!" Indeed the hulking red-clad Claus himself waves to the audience as he trudges through the sand, sack over his shoulder and surfboard under his arm. A triumphant instrumental of jingle bells playing him along as he makes for the ocean. Smooth: "Truly a sight to behold ladies and gentlemen, I hope you're documenting this because this will be a day to-" ------------------------------------------- ZEN: Art of Wrestling Offices, Christchurch, New Zealand December 25, 2019 7:50 AM (cuz timezones, ya see) "Remember what we agreed on when I gave you this job, Nidey?" "I never forget anything ever, who told you I forgot something? I'll put them in a triangle choke for a thousand years!" The owner and 'Warrior Relations' Official for ZEN: The Art of Wrestling are having a Christmas as tumultuous as the seas Santa seeks to surf one timezone over... Knight: "When I put you in charge of the hiring process here at ZEN I expected some level of integrity." Cyanide: "One we were both supervillains *cough*beforesomebodysoldout*cough* and two I have been nothing but integral!" Knight: "In the last few years that has clearly changed." Cyanide: "I beg to disagree!" Knight: "YOU HIRED AN ALIEN WARLORD! WE'RE PAYING HIM TO TRY AND DISINTEGRATE ME AND YOU PUT A CLAUSE IN THE CONTRACT THAT I SPECIFICALLY CAN'T FIRE HIM FOR THAT!" Cyanide: "Whoopsie~. But I dunno what you're all bent out of shape about, you vetoed the last fifteen hires I tried to make." Knight: "Because they all had 'Also Cyanide gets a world title shot, gimme Knight you coward you slime you scum' clauses in the fine print." Cyanide: "See this is how I know you're a square now, cool people don't read the fine print!" "Gentlemen, please, I am attempting to align my chakras to the cosmic ballet of the stars. Surely this argument can happen in a different place and time." Knight: "This is my office!" Guru Vishni: "Is not the workplace owned by those who work within?" Knight: "It's also mine and Nidey's apartment!" Guru: "Mere semantics. Now hush, for a disruption in mine ruminations could cause chaos~" Cyanide: "Ok but I like chaos tho soooo...OOH EEE OOH AI AI TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING-" BONK! Cyanide collapses in a heap of dazed rudo and cracked crockery as Knight rests his arm on the counter of the kitchen this entire conversation had been happening in. Knight: "What kind of chaos?" Guru: "Oh you know, plague of dragons, zombie apocalypse-" ----------------------- Hawaii December 25, 2019 9:06 AM Smooth C: "HURRICANE, FOLKS I DUNNO HOW THIS SNUCK UP ON US BUT WE GOTTA GO! EVACUATE THE BEACH!" Penfold: "every man for himself. trample the slow and weak." Smooth C: "WHA-NO DON'T DO THAT! DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS BLOODTHIRSTY MONOTONE MONSTER!" Chaos has erupted on the beach as the dark storm clouds and horrible winds seemingly spawn out of the blue. Amid the throngs of panicked crowds people stands Clark Alexander, looking shocked out at the sea as Santa Claus attempts to brave the choppy waters. Clark: "Come on man, you got this just hold it together just-" In an instant as though the ocean itself formed into jaws, the waters swallow both Santa and his gifts, disappearing into the waves. Clark: "NO! QUICK SOMEONE CALL THE COAST GUARD, WE'VE GOT A SERIOUS-" ZEN: Art of Wrestling Offices, Christchurch, New Zealand December 25, 2019 8:15 AM Guru Vishni: "-emergence of the mole people, submergence of the mole people, deafening silence of the lambs..." Cyanide: "WHY DO WE ALLOW YOU TO MEDITATE IF ALL THESE THINGS COULD HAPPEN!?" Vishni: "I believe the words in the contract you wrote for me were 'Funsies'." Knight: "That tracks. Anything else you want to add? Dinosaur invasion perhaps? Dimension hopping Justin Bieber pastiches?" SPLAT! Knight: "...Sudden spawning of soggy Santas?" Vishni: "You know that one wasn't in the terms and conditions, surprisingly enough." Cyanide: "AHA! AT LAST I CAN GET BACK AT THIS CHUBBY ELF FOR GIVING ME A CHEMISTRY SET WHEN I WANTED LEGOS WHEN I WAS TWELVE! TIME TO SUFFER IN AN INDIAN DEATHLOCK YOU NO GOOD-GLK!" As Cyanide rants a hand shoots up from the prone form of Santa on the countertop, throttling the skull-masked sadist. Sitting up our mysterious yet festive fellow finally shrugs off his hat and fake beard to reveal... "Milmk?" Knight: "I knew that 'You don't have to be crazy to work here but it helps' mug was a good investment..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 THE ZEN ROSTER THE EXEMPLAR, OUR CHAMPIONS THE VIGILANT CHAMPION, PUMPKIN JACK THE TWIN VICARS OF VIOLENCE, LERONE SLIM & REKHA THE DECORATED DEVIOUS DUO, WARP-JUMP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christmas_ape Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 I like that Milk thought it necessary to put a fake beard over his own. I suppose they aren't going to be your actual ZEN commentators but I hope that's not the last we see of Penfold. Regardless this is looking great! I appreciate the indirect geography lesson, I knew Hawaii was roughly speaking in between West Coast US and Japan but would not have guessed it to be in almost the same time zone as NZ, granted it's still a long way away. Hopefully close enough though for Santa's lost presents to wash up on ZEN's shores? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 ATTENTION: IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE ZEN MASTER ALL HAIL LORD ZERO! Reclining upon the throne in his distant palace, LORD ZERO regards the trembling camera man as he awaits the address of the tyrannical master of ZEN... But another man steps in front of the camera, a low voice addressing the viewers. "Did you honestly think your lord and master would lower himself to address the unwashed masses, unwashed masses? Behold the voice of ZERO and attend me properly for I am not one to repeat myself, repeat myself. My master brings grim tidings to the layabouts and lackeys of ZEN, for it is past time for a culling of the chaff, of the chaff. In the name of ZERO we declare the ZERO League, before the primary shows of ZEN there shall be a miniature show for our lord's amusement, our lord's amusement. In that show the scum and slime that infest the underbelly of ZEN shall do battle in lawless duels to glorify his Mastership, his Mastership. Already word has been sent to the rest of Oceania to bring their hungriest young warriors to compete, BUT BE WARNED, BE WARNED!" The Voice of ZERO Points at the camera. "THIS IS NOT THE ZEN TEMPLE, THOSE WHO BATTLE BEFORE OUR LORD MUST IMPRESS LESS THEY BE BANISHED IN THE NAME OF THE MASTER FOREVER, FOOOOOORRRRREEEEEVVVVVEERRRRR! SO SAYETH LORD ZERO..." He falls to his knees and raises his arms to the sky. "LOOOOORRRRRRDDDDDD ZEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOO!" ZERO nods in approval at the rather melodramatic display and the scene cuts to black. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 5, 2021 Author Share Posted November 5, 2021 ZEN Presents: WAY OF THE DREAMER Live From Christchurch! MASTER CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH LORD ZERO © VS DEVILFISH Pumpkin Jack vs C-W-A Cyanide & Damien Dastardly vs Killer B & Vertigo Conceptual Title Match Kalliope Woodchuck© vs Man O'War The Pink Spider Pretty Pummelings Open Challenge HalloWarped vs Halloween Knight & Crime Buster Harmony Title Match The Ghost Hunters © vs Aukland Raider & Booster Boy PRE-SHOW THE ZERO LEAGUE Azazel vs Urban Fox Other matches shroooouded in mystery~ The Alien Vanguard vs ??? vs ??? Blue Flea vs ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theheel Posted November 5, 2021 Share Posted November 5, 2021 First off I’m glad to see the return of Milk-a-Mania brother! MASTER CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH LORD ZERO © VS DEVILFISH Pumpkin Jack vs C-W-A Always go with Jack Cyanide & Damien Dastardly vs Killer B & Vertigo Double D is still the future of Zen Conceptual Title Match Kalliope Woodchuck© vs Man O'War Conceptually speaking Kalliope is kind of hot The Pink Spider Pretty Pummelings Open Challenge I’ll take the challenge whoever it is HalloWarped vs Halloween Knight & Crime Buster The Boss still has veto power, so he wins Harmony Title Match The Ghost Hunters © vs Aukland Raider & Booster Boy PRE-SHOW THE ZERO LEAGUE Azazel vs Urban Fox Other matches shroooouded in mystery~ The Alien Vanguard vs ??? vs ??? Blue Flea vs ??? Has Blue Flea ever won a match? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KyTeran Posted November 6, 2021 Share Posted November 6, 2021 MASTER CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH LORD ZERO © VS DEVILFISH Pumpkin Jack vs C-W-A Cyanide & Damien Dastardly vs Killer B & Vertigo Conceptual Title Match Kalliope Woodchuck© vs Man O'War The Pink Spider Pretty Pummelings Open Challenge HalloWarped vs Halloween Knight & Crime Buster Harmony Title Match The Ghost Hunters © vs Aukland Raider & Booster Boy PRE-SHOW THE ZERO LEAGUE Azazel vs Urban Fox Other matches shroooouded in mystery~ The Alien Vanguard vs ??? vs ??? Blue Flea vs ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christmas_ape Posted November 6, 2021 Share Posted November 6, 2021 MASTER CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH LORD ZERO © VS DEVILFISH Pumpkin Jack vs C-W-A Cyanide & Damien Dastardly vs Killer B & Vertigo Conceptual Title Match Kalliope Woodchuck© vs Man O'War The Pink Spider Pretty Pummelings Open Challenge HalloWarped vs Halloween Knight & Crime Buster Harmony Title Match The Ghost Hunters © vs Aukland Raider & Booster Boy PRE-SHOW THE ZERO LEAGUE Azazel vs Urban Fox Other matches shroooouded in mystery~ The Alien Vanguard vs ??? vs ??? Blue Flea vs ??? In all honesty it's very hard to go against much of what James The Animator put... Some of it was pretty much exactly what I was thinking and then the ones I don't have much clue I'm ready to ride his coattails until I get a better idea of things as he seems to know his stuff! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 6, 2021 Author Share Posted November 6, 2021 ZEN Presents: Way of the Dreamer Live From Christchurch Attendance: 459 PRE SHOW ZERO LEAGUE RESULTS The first ever ZERO LEAGUE show was presented live from the lair of the ZEN Master Champion with everyone generally confused how they got there. Truly the powers of the ZEN Master are vast and majestic- As his Voice is keen to tell us. Twice. But never repeat himself, of course. Positively giddy at the prospect of lives and careers getting ruined in the name of his master's purge of the company, the Voice begins to run down the card of tonight's sacrifices to his lord when- "G'day." A man with the physique of a greek god clad in hiking boots and exceedingly short khakis stepped out from the back and (after weathering a blistering dressing down from the Voice) introduced himself as Hack The Hunter. He declared that despite him giving up his spot in the International Shark Punching Federation's Grand Finals to come here he hadn't been granted a match and that just wasn't on. He was a man of action and if he didn't get into at least one fight a month the excess testosterone would poison the air. Seemingly both amused and disgusted by all this, the Voice of ZERO granted Hack his wish...as ZEN Veteran Eraser suddenly appeared behind him with a nightstick and smashed it into his spine! The first ZERO LEAGUE match was on! HACK THE HUNTER VS ERASER Well known to the ZEN faithful (ok technically recognisable), Eraser went into this bout intent on causing mayhem and the flurry of fists he and Hack exchanged were on track to deliver. However, sheer size isn't the only thing up Hack's...utter lack of sleeves as he shows an agility only slightly behind the exemplars of ZEN. After rallying from the initial cheap shot he utterly batters the masked mercenary and finishes him off with a Pounce that Eraser only barely avoids flying out of the ring from. The pin is academic and an impressive victory heralds the Hunter's career in ZEN. WINNER VIA PINFALL: HACK THE HUNTER With one glorious triumph heralded in the ZERO LEAGUE, the Voice is keen to get to our first scheduled match but unbeknownst to him a rather...small individual was pushing a lectern of similar stature into the ring. Once finished he cleared his throat. "AAAAAAAAAA-HEM-UH!" The Voice looked down at the little man who introduced himself as Dr. Taddeus Trollston, Doctor of...things, just many things, generally. One of which is experimental sciences which led to him creating the ULTIMATE FIGHTING MACHINE...well, more of a biological construct really, a frankenstein to use shorthand but- "GET TO THE POINT, THE POINT!" Half-shocked, half-offended Trollston points to the nearest corner, presenting his creation! "'sup, bruhs?" Uh...not him, the terrifying monster looming behind him. oh. crap. Flea doesn't seem to notice the man. Or anything really, considering it's Flea we're talking about here. Trollston awkwardly motions at his monster-who proceeds to fling Flea bodily across the ring as Trollston and the Voice flee. BLUE FLEA VS MAELSTROM Flea lands in a heap on the lectern, dazedly going to get up in time to eat a frying pan sized chop to the top of his head that splats him on the mat. Maelstrom treads on him for a pin that doesn't even seem necessary at this point. WINNER VIA PINFALL: MAELSTROM Post match a figure finally stirs from the throne. LORD ZERO has passed judgement and is stepping towards the ring. It seems he has decided that Flea is unworthy... Just as he enters the ring, Dr. Trollston intercedes, he offers that while Flea has been a worthless lout his entire time in ZEN a mind like Trollston's can improve him immensely. I mean the results of his experiments are clear with Maelstrom are they not? The Voice chides him for his arrogance but LORD ZERO seems intrigued, waving them off and returning to his throne...Trollston directs Maelstrom to take Flea to the back, giddy to already be so successful in the company. The Alien Vanguard vs... D-POD & DIZZY G vs... BOUNCE & FLIP BUCHANAN The minions of Karrg the Conqueror end the losing streak of established ZEN stars as they run roughshod over the Buchanan Bros. for the majority of the match. Dizzy and D-Pod seem more interested in demo'ing some fresh beats to folks at ringside but when Flip and Bounce are finally tossed from the ring Laguna and Beetle turn their attention to the free-wheeling duo. Putting up a valiant effort, the high-fliers are eventually ground down by the otherwordly power of their foes and an Anti-Human Device on D-Pod notches a win for the rudos. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: THE ALIEN VANGUARD AZAZEL VS URBAN FOX The 'main event' of the first ZERO LEAGUE show pit an up and comer against the picture of a stalled prospect. Fox came into this bout with confidence and Azazel, desperation. The fallen angel was keen not to fall a second time, be discarded by another higher power and so fell upon the Fox with all the unrestrained cruelty he could muster. However, a Fox is a clever combatant no matter their biome of origin and the Urban specimen twice as much as he began to see what Azazel's instincts would lead him to try next. Dodges became counters became flurries of offense as Fox turned the tide until Azazel tried to rip at the rookie's eyes behind the mask, using the distraction to climb to the top rope and leap off- To eat a dropkick that sent him hard to the mat. Utterly spent, Azazel quickly fell victim to an Implant DDT that put him down for the 1 2 3. WINNER VIA PINFALL: URBAN FOX Fox gets very little time to celebrate his victory as the form on the throne rises again. LORD ZERO steps to the ring, the permanent glare on his helmet giving Fox all the reason in the world to get out of his ring. There is no scientist to intercede on the fallen angel's behalf, there is no one who will stand in the way of LORD ZERO's wrath...as he looms over Azazel, the fallen one does the only thing he can do. He fights, throwing desperate angry blows at the ZEN Master, trying to create enough room to escape but- CRACK! A knee to the chin. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! Again and again and again, Azazel is in disarray and the crowd is aghast when- SNAP! A scything side kick puts Azazel down and LORD ZERO matter of factly steps away as his Voice declares that Azazel has been... BANISHED So ends the first ZERO LEAGUE event...a terrifying omen of things to come... 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Pteroid Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 And suddenly I realize that I literally could have just done the ZERO league as like lesser events. Oh well live and learn, main show will be up sometime tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiPlus Posted November 7, 2021 Share Posted November 7, 2021 I missed ZERO league, but I love anything you do Pteroid and am in love with ZEN at the moment. So will follow along closely. I already love the mouth piece you gave ZERO. It fits so well. MASTER CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH LORD ZERO © VS DEVILFISH Lord ZERO is lord for a reason. Pumpkin Jack vs C-W-A Jack is a former champion and should get up easily here. Cyanide & Damien Dastardly vs Killer B & Vertigo Skullduggery are just too good with Killer B and Vertigo are solid midcard acts while Damien is a future champion. Conceptual Title Match Kalliope Woodchuck© vs Man O'War While I love Man O'War I think Kalliope retains the title as she is money. The Pink Spider Pretty Pummelings Open Challenge No idea who he faces, but Spider wont lose his first open challenge. HalloWarped vs Halloween Knight & Crime Buster This is a tough match up, but Crime Buster may be too much of a burden for Halloween Knight to overcome. Harmony Title Match The Ghost Hunters © vs Aukland Raider & Booster Boy Love the pairing of Auckland Raider and Booster Boy. Considering I had the same idea to pair the duo up. Still Ghost Hunters should come away with the title. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 7, 2021 Author Share Posted November 7, 2021 Way of the Dreamer Attendance: Still 459 As the mood shifts from the dark confines of LORD ZERO’s lair to the main ZEN show, the ZEN Master and his Voice do not leave, instead the Voice is the one to (unfortunately) welcome the ZEN Faithful to this edition of Way of the Dreamer. “HEED ME, HEED ME! Faithful of ZEN, we enter this latest month of our Lord’s reign in jubilation, jubilation! For those of weakened constitutions who could not stomach the sight of his realm growing stronger, mere moments ago the chaff has been cut from the wheat as the Fallen Angel Azazel fell further yet into the depths of perdition and irrelevance, perdition and irrelevance! But know this cowards, you will not be able to escape the sight of your lord and ZEN Master destroying the technicolor waste known as Devilfish and making him wish he could join Azazel, Azazel!” As the fans boo the Voice’s speech the lights go out, when they come back on a third person has entered the ring turning those boos into raucous cheers. “Forgetting about someone, Zero?” ZERO takes a step back, hands clutching his Master title. Voice: “You have no right to be in LORD ZERO’s presence, spectre, spectre. ZEN is his domain now, he defeated the man who took this belt from YOU, from YOU. His superiority has been proven, been proven.” Jack: “And yet all know I am owed another chance at that title. I can smell your fear, ZERO, fear that you tried to disguise with the scent of burned bridges and ruined lives. But the clock is ticking and I will not be denied.” Voice: “CEASE YOUR THREATS OR BE SILENCED, GOURD, GOURD! YOU’VE A CLOWN ABOUT TOWN TO WORRY ABOUT SO SET YOUR SIGHTS UPON HIM INSTEAD OF CONCERNING LORD ZERO WITH YOUR TRIVIALITIES, TRIIIIIVIALITIEEEES!” Jack shakes his head and steps back. Jack: “Hide behind your barking lapdog all you like, Zero, soon I will return ZEN to its rightful state and give the Faithful a Master worth celebrating. The lights go out and come back on and Jack is gone, leaving a furious voice and ever impassive/imposing LORD ZERO to leave the ring in preparation for the main event. ZEN HARMONY TITLE MATCH VS THE GHOST HUNTERS © vs AUCKLAND RAIDER & BOOSTER BOY Raider and Booster boy were the last two standing in a pre-show battle royal to get this shot back in December and they seemed to at least have taken this opportunity seriously, giving the Hunters a run for their money they wouldn’t have if they’d spent the month-long gap slacking off. Unfortunately the Hunters are champs for a reason and their scientific approach to wrestling coupled with their experience advantage eventually enables them to hit ‘The Cleansing’ (Hart Attack) on Booster to retain their belts. WINNERS VIA PINFALL AND STILL CHAMPIONS: THE GHOST HUNTERS And Now It’s Time To… KNOW YOUR ZEN!! CRIME BUSTER (Literally Assigned Cop At Birth) Once upon a time in the humble burgh of Goodtime Valley, a crime was afoot! KABOOM! “Hahahaha, we’re robbing the Bank!” “By George those masked hooligans are robbing the bank!” “Sheriff do something, they’re robbing the bank!” The Sheriff looked to the goons, then to the woman holding her baby, then to the goons again who were clearly holding dynamite and guns. Thinking quickly he pinned his badge on the cooing babe in his swaddling! Sheriff: “I’m off, he’s the Sheriff now!” Mother: “WHA!?” The now ex-lawman flees the scene as the Mother of Goodtime Valley’s new sheriff looks terrified as the Goons approach carrying giant sacks of money. Goon: “What’cha got there, lady?” The woman, clearly terrified, holds up her adorable tot with his sheriff’s badge to the various criminals… Goon: “Why...he’s…” Other Goon: “ADORABLE! WHO’S A SPECIAL LITTLE GUY! IT’S YOU! IT’S YOU!” Goon: “THE MATERIAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSED MY MALFEASANCE ARE WASHING AWAY!” Other Goon: “I CAN’T DO CRIMES WHEN THE LAW IS THIS CUTE!” Goon: “I’M GONNA GO OPEN AN ORPHANAGE!” Other Goon: “I’M GONNA OPEN A NUNNERY TO TRAIN NUNS TO RAISE THE ORPHANS!” Both of the thugs flee the scene, leaving their weapons and ill-gotten money behind… Mother: “Huh...can’t believe that worked! Good job Sheriff My Kid, I got so excited with the robbery I forgot to name you! From this day forward you will be known as...Crime Buster!” And from that day forward this paragon of virtue served as the protector of Goodtime Valley well into his adulthood...until the day a horrible calamity struck his hometown: Aliens had parked their UFO over Goodtime Valley and used their tractor beam to pull up a local fire hydrant in an attempt to abduct the Mayor! Eager to track the malefactors down and give them a sternly worded warning, Crime Buster would soon find himself in the wacky world of ZEN under the tutelage of Halloween Knight himself in his own personal war with the Alien Invaders led by Karrg the Conqueror! What does the future hold for this dogged Do-Gooder? You’ll only find out by watching ZEN! VS Halloween Knight & Crime Buster vs Warp-Jump Crime Buster came into this match the weak link for his team and the seasoned duo of HalloWarped & Toady took quick advantage by isolating the rookie peacekeeper from his more experienced partner, Warped constantly trying to get a rise out of his mentor Knight by reminding him of his latest run with the Harmony titles coming at Knight’s expense. Knight, however, is not swift to anger and picked his spot carefully to blind tag Buster and foil a double-team by Warp-Jump with a double dropkick on the duo! Running wild on ZEN’s longest running tag team, Knight failed to account for the ace up Warp-Jump’s sleeves: Guru Vishni. Their manager was quick to equalize things and soon the situation earlier in the match was reversed, with the ever-blind Steven Yale not even noticing the culmination of it all as Vishni slipped into the ring with his massive book of mantras to try and clobber Knight with it- FWEEEEEEEEEEEET! The piercing noise of a police whistle cut through the chaos and made everyone in the ring jump, just in time for Knight to slip out of the way and Vishni to smash the book over the head of HalloWarped! With Warp-Jump in disarray, Buster slipped into the ring and chased off Vishni (tweeting his whistle all the while) long enough for Knight to lock in the Pumpkin Patch on Toady and get the win for the tecnicos. WINNERS VIA SUBMISSION: HALLOWEEN KNIGHT & CRIME BUSTER! Knight and Buster have little time to celebrate before they’re ambushed! The Alien Armada Have Arrived! Storming the ring to lay a beat down on the Godfather of Ghouls and Law Enforcer, the minions of Karrg the Conqueror leave the weakened tecnicos lying before saluting the main stage. Where Karrg The Conqueror Stands Triumphant “Behold FOOOOOOLISH Skeleton the power of my Armada! A pity your other ally is focused on attaining glory in the main event, I would’ve relished the chance to destroy him too. Feel grateful for I do not care to disintegrate you and your companions tonight for I wish you to experience as much pain as possible as I conquer your company...AND THEN THE WOOOOORRRRLD~! KYAAAAAHAKHAKHAKHAK!” Laughing his evil alien laugh, Karrg returns backstage with his soldiers in tow, leaving the downed tecnicos to be helped to the back by the ZEN Staff… The ZEN Faithful are only given a few moments to process the beating before- “HEY WHY IS EVERYBODY SO DOWN, WE ARE HERE~!” Voguing their way out from the back come perennial pains in the neck, Pink Spider & Trevor Feather. Spider: “What a bunch of sad sacks you are. So a bag of bones and a cop guilty of crimes against fashion catch a beating and not even the presences of the prettiest princes of pink can get your spirits up?” Trevor: “So sad, Pinks.” Spider: “Totes sad, Trevvy. Well you all had better buck up because despite losing my rightful place as Conceptual Champion to that UTTER HUSSY Woodchuck last month I am back on track with a brand new segment, tell ‘em Trevvy~” Trevor: “It’s the Pink Spider Pretty Pummelings Open Challenge! Anybody that wants to take a crack at the cutest mug in all of ZEN can come on down and get that facial rearranging you never knew you needed. Come on down and get wrecked in front of every-” Suddenly a booming voice comes out over the intercom. ”MULK!” Spider: “...wat.” ”MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALK!” Who in the-!? A musclebound man storms down to the ring and nearly sends both of its occupants running as he storms around, continuing to say words that are very close to Milk but not quite. Spider: “...now when Trevvy said ANYBODY what he really meant was-WAH!” Spider is grabbed by his mask and dragged into the ring by the massive man and we have a match! vs Pink Spider vs Some Terrifying Milk Guy This is less of a match and more of a Benny Hill chase scene as Pink tries desperately to put some space between himself and the calcium-obsessed stranger who is constantly on his trail. Eating multiple power moves and clotheslines, Pink finally finds a chance at some offense by raking the eyes of his opponent and slipping behind to attempt a german suplex...which only garners him a hurt back. With Pink nursing his spine, the Milk weirdo gives him a swift chop to the affected area that appears to cure the flamboyant rudo. Ecstatic he goes to thank his savior before realizing who it is and getting lariated to the outside. Following the wise council of his partner in crime, Trevor Feather, Pink decides discretion is the better part of valor and...flees in terror rather than continue the match. The stranger, for his part, runs around the ring screaming words that are sorta like Milk before giving chase to the back. WINNER VIA COUNT OUT: THE MYSTERIOUS MILK WEIRDO After that fiasco, Kalliope Woodchuck makes her way out from the back for her scheduled Conceptual title defense before a door suddenly drops in front of her. She looks somewhat taken aback before being switching to annoyance when- "Oh please let ME get that for you, my dear~" Buckminster Snark quickly jogs out from the back and gets the suddenly appearing door for her. Snark: "Why Ms. Woodchuck, what a coincidence seeing you here!" Woodchuck: "Yeah...next to this door that just showed up specifically so you could open it for me." Snark: "Quite, quite. But since you're already out here-" Woodchuck: "For my title defense." Snark: "Yes for that, I think that'll have to wait as I've got my own match. You see I've heard your recent trouble with those Skullduggery scoundrels and I had an idea to challenge that nefarious Lerone Slim to defend your honor!" Woodchuck: "I'm preeeeetty sure defending my title defends my honor just fi-" Snark: "Why look here he comes now!" Snark trots along to the ring, ready to take on the disciple of Cyanide- "Hey pigtails, whassup girl?" Accompanied by Rekha to the ring, Slim smirks at Kalli as he slides into the ring for this bout with Snark. vs Lerone Slim vs Buckminster Snark It's clear from the outset this was more about impressing Kalli than actually winning a wrestling match for Snark as he obviously didn't do the homework on his opponent. Attempting to chain wrestle the prized student of Cyanide is the exact opposite of a good idea and though a competent athlete, Snark is not up to Slim's level. Especially with the bruiser that is Rekha in his corner. This becomes obvious when Snark tries to take a powder outside the ring and-while referee Herbie H. Reedman was trying to keep Slim from giving chase Rekha casually set up the door against ringside and slammed Snark through it, rolling him in for a quick Slimliner for the pin and the win in a frankly embarrassing display. WINNER VIA PINFALL: LERONE SLIM With victory secured in rather decisive fashion, Slim gets on the mic to address the Conceptual Champ as Kallie tries to check on Snark. Slim: "Yo pigtails, I wasn't lyin' earlier about how you look. Ya gonna look better when I take that belt so you'd best not lose it to captain spaceman tonight, y'here, peace~" With Rekha in tow, Slim struts to the back, confident in being the next Conceptual Champ. Kallie hands off Snark to the staff as Man O'War begins making his way to the ring for their title match. CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH vs If the beating Snark just got affected her in anyway it certainly didn't show in Kalliope's ringwork as she went up against ZEN turncoat and second in command of the Alien Armada Man O'War. A canny veteran competitor and former Conceptual Champ in his own right, Manny brought every bit of veteran cunning and alien trickery to this match but there remained something particularly special about Kalliope that mere cheating couldn't overcome. This was evidenced when a Woodchipper ended Manny's night at the 10 minute mark. WINNER VIA PINFALL AND STILL CONCEPTUAL CHAMPION: KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK We cut from Kalliope's victory to the seedy confines of the Skullduggery Dojo where evil is afoot! "-and that's when I hit 'em with the puppy!" "Mhm..." Cyanide is all maniacal energy as he's detailing another devious plot to achieve victory over the forces of good. Damian Dastardly is on his phone presumably trolling a nine year old on twitter or something. Cyanide: "Now this bit is important, Damian, are ya listening?" Damian: "Absolutely not." Cyanide: "Great, because I need you to run down to the smuggler docks at the norther side of the island where my shipment of elephant ivory is coming in, we'll need it for the caltrops I'm going to dump all over Knight's side of the apartment for sacking me from the hiring manager job!" Damian: "We have a match in like two minutes, my dude." Cyanide: "HUH!? Oh crumbs I lost all track of time somewhere around having the Guru summon a bunch of mole people to drag that Milk guy down to the hollow earth." Damian: "I cannot wait to double cross you." Cyanide throws an arm over Damian's shoulder. Cyanide: "Me too, m'boy, me too." Arm in arm the rudo duo head to ring for our next bout... VS Vertigo & Killer B vs Cyanide & Damian Dastardly It's a match of ZEN luminaries as the Killer B & Vertigo attempted to merge their combined tag team acumens against the Rudo Dream Team that is Damian Dastardly & Cyanide. At first it seems to work with the two's high-flying stylings coming together well but if there is one man who knows how to ground a flyer in ZEN it's Cyanide. And if there's also one man who knows how to cheat like a completely irredeemable monster it's Damian Dastardly who effectively neutralizes Vertigo with by twisting his mask around and shoving him into a german suplex off the apron by Cyanide! With Killer B isolated, the homegrown talent put up a valiant fight but it was a swift Dastardly Cunning from Damian that put this as a win for the rudo faction. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: CYANIDE & DAMIAN DASTARDLY VS Clown With Attitude vs Pumpkin Jack Rolling into our semi-main event, ZEN's leading tecnico, Pumpkin Jack taking on perennial rudo threat C-W-A. The clown's been a touch adrift since finally being forced to let his grudge with longtime rival Vertigo well...go but he still throws a punch as good as anyone as Jack finds out in the early goings. A strategy of attempting to just pound the high flyer into submission has worked for the clown in the past but Jack's a cut above your average fair and is able to brawl with the best of them, taking control back from the rudo to dazzle him with his acrobatic maneuvers culminating in an Orange Bowl that puts the clown down permanently. WINNER VIA PINFALL: PUMPKIN JACK VS LORD ZERO © VS DEVILFISH A long awaited rematch of the bout that saw ZERO ascend to the title of Master and take the name LORD, Devilfish had made no bones about feeling cheated about that night back in december but here he has his match and he makes a good accounting of himself. Bereft of allies following the Armada's assault on Knight and Buster the mischievous tecnico puts all his energy into putting LORD ZERO on the back foot which works for a time but while men like Devilfish concern themselves with honor and acrobatics, those of LORD ZERO's type focus on victory at all costs. It's somewhere at the fourteen minute mark that a positively vile knee connects with Devilfish's chin and knocks him into a stumbling mess that leaves him open for the ZERO HOUR triangle choke that puts him into a slumber that nobody's going to break him out of too soon. Both Steven Yale and Herbie H. Reedman have to pull Devilfish away from hold before LORD ZERO releases him and stands victorious, a silent imposing reminder that this is his world and all others for the time are just living in it... WINNER BY SUBMISSION AND STILL ZEN MASTER CHAMPION: SUPER ZERO So ends the Way of the Dreamer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 8, 2021 Author Share Posted November 8, 2021 ZEN Presents: WAY OF THE SCHOLAR Live From Wellington ZEN MASTER NO. 1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Cyanide vs Pumpkin Jack Karrg The Conqueror & Man O'War vs Halloween Knight & Devilfish Damian Dastardly vs Vertigo Trevor Feather w/Pink Spider vs The Milk Guy ZEN CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH Kalliope Woodchuck w/(regrettably) Buckminster Snark vs Lerone Slim w/Rekha Warp-Jump vs The Buchanan Bros. Killer B vs Bruce Strange w/Mister Hyde The Alien Vanguard vs ZEN Originals The Horror Show Also Featuring ZERO League Matches: Booster Boy vs Urban Fox Hack the Hunter vs Auckland Raider Dizzy G & D-Pod vs Dr. Trollson's Creations Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christmas_ape Posted November 8, 2021 Share Posted November 8, 2021 ZEN MASTER NO. 1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Cyanide vs Pumpkin Jack Karrg The Conqueror & Man O'War vs Halloween Knight & Devilfish Damian Dastardly vs Vertigo Trevor Feather w/Pink Spider vs The Milk Guy ZEN CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH Kalliope Woodchuck w/(regrettably) Buckminster Snark vs Lerone Slim w/Rekha Warp-Jump vs The Buchanan Bros. Killer B vs Bruce Strange w/Mister Hyde The Alien Vanguard vs ZEN Originals The Horror Show Also Featuring ZERO League Matches: Booster Boy vs Urban Fox Hack the Hunter vs Auckland Raider Dizzy G & D-Pod vs Dr. Trollson's Creations Loved the show. The Voice is just perfect for setting the feel of the diary. And of course Crime Buster's origin story was great, I'm definitely ready to KNOW MORE ZEN! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 10, 2021 Author Share Posted November 10, 2021 ZERO LEAGUE should be up in a few days or so, Way of the Scholar by the end of the week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joshbrady91 Posted November 11, 2021 Share Posted November 11, 2021 ZEN MASTER NO. 1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Cyanide vs Pumpkin Jack Karrg The Conqueror & Man O'War vs Halloween Knight & Devilfish Damian Dastardly vs Vertigo Trevor Feather w/Pink Spider vs The Milk Guy ZEN CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH Kalliope Woodchuck w/(regrettably) Buckminster Snark vs Lerone Slim w/Rekha Warp-Jump vs The Buchanan Bros. Killer B vs Bruce Strange w/Mister Hyde The Alien Vanguard vs ZEN Originals The Horror Show Also Featuring ZERO League Matches: Booster Boy vs Urban Fox Hack the Hunter vs Auckland Raider Dizzy G & D-Pod vs Dr. Trollson's Creations Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KyTeran Posted November 11, 2021 Share Posted November 11, 2021 ZEN MASTER NO. 1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Cyanide vs Pumpkin Jack Karrg The Conqueror & Man O'War vs Halloween Knight & Devilfish Damian Dastardly vs Vertigo Trevor Feather w/Pink Spider vs The Milk Guy ZEN CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH Kalliope Woodchuck w/(regrettably) Buckminster Snark vs Lerone Slim w/Rekha Warp-Jump vs The Buchanan Bros. Killer B vs Bruce Strange w/Mister Hyde The Alien Vanguard vs ZEN Originals The Horror Show Also Featuring ZERO League Matches: Booster Boy vs Urban Fox Hack the Hunter vs Auckland Raider Dizzy G & D-Pod vs Dr. Trollson's Creations Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 11, 2021 Author Share Posted November 11, 2021 ZEN Presents: WAY OF THE SCHOLAR Attendance: 502 THE ZERO LEAGUE The show opened in the lair of LORD ZERO where D-Pod and Dizzy G were already in the ring ready for their bout with the creations of the maniacal Dr. Trollson and the Doc hit the scene quickly to oblige them. Already accompanied by Maelstrom, Trollson hyped the debut of what he's turned Blue Flea into, an inhuman melding of Man and Machine designed to lay to waste all in its way. Behold: LUCHATRON! "LOADING GREETING.exe...'sup, bruhs?" Not exactly cutting the most imposing figure, the former Blue Flea trundled out onto the stage, body almost entirely covered in grey metal armor. The D-namic Duo didn't seem to take him too seriously, which they came to regret when Maelstrom broke free from his restraints and tossed the flailing cyborg directly onto them. The D-Namic Duo (D-Pod & Dizzy G) vs Luchatron & Maelstrom The tag team aspect of this bout broke down rather quickly into something more along the lines of an acrobatic tag team against a very large strong man armed with a limp metal dummy. Still, giving Maelstrom a weapon rather than an ally might have helped more than hindered the Frankenstinian abomination considering the absolute pummeling he delivers on the opposing pair. In the end Luchatron gets the pin oddly enough when Maelstrom bodily slams him atop D-Pod for the victory. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: LUCHATRON & MAELSTROM As Trollson attempts to repair Luchatron and Maelstrom roars his victory out over the lair, a newcomer surveys the scene. "G'day. Again." Hack the Hunter has arrived, possibly the only man in the ZERO LEAGUE to match the size of Maelstorm. He's in the ZERO LEAGUE to fight the roughest and toughest fighters in all of Oceania and he'll be darned if Maelstrom doesn't fit the bill. Maelstrom seems receptive of this but Trollson gets in front of his creation and calls Hack a vulture trying to pick the bones of someone who just took a hard fought victory. Nobody's buying it but Trollson declare it will have to wait until next month's show to be a proper battle. Hack folds his arms but accepts this, staying to prepare for his own bout with Auckland Raider... HACK THE HUNTER VS AUCKLAND RAIDER Hack is already for a fight and an eager to prove himself Raider is keen to give it, the two big men slammed shot after shot into each other in an unrestrained brawl. However, Raider's edge in experience in the ZEN ring does little to counter Hack's size and athletic prowess. Another pounce puts Raider down for the three count that has Sparks and Thane worried for his career, but ZERO doesn't budge from his place, apparently not ready to banish Raider...yet. WINNER VIA PINFALL: HACK THE HUNTER ZERO LEAGUE MAIN EVENT BOOSTER BOY VS URBAN FOX Urban Fox main events a second ZERO LEAGUE show in a high stakes match against Booster Boy. The smug sunglasses aficionado is uncharacteristically nervous in this setting and it's something that Fox takes advantage of in the early goings, wrestling circles around his opponent until Booster's rudo leanings gain him some momentum. Trying to ape Damian Dastardly's tactics last month he attempts to twist around Fox's mask to set him up for his Moon Landing double stomp, but Fox is able to roll out of the way and use Booster's attempts to right himself to adjust his mask and boot him in the belly for an Implant DDT and the sudden victory. WINNER VIA PINFALL: URBAN FOX As Fox rises victorious, so too does LORD ZERO, striding with the Voice in tow. ZERO looms over the defeated Booster who gets to his knees, sunglasses falling from his face with a look of absolute terror. He clings to the ZEN Master's legs, begging him for mercy- CRACK! A knee silences his pleas and Booster falls on his back. BANISHED! ZERO looks down at the fallen Booster, shaking his head before noticing Urban Fox hasn't left the ring. The usually jovial tecnico looks rebellious, even as the Voice demands he vacate ZERO's ring. Shaking his head Fox leaves, and so ends the second ZERO LEAGUE... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 Zen Presents: WAY OF THE SCHOLAR Attendance: 502 vs The Horror Show vs The Alien Vanguard Our opening contest saw the return of Nightmares Slasher and Stalker in a contest against the nefarious Alien Vanguard. No strangers to villainy themselves, the Horror Show were still treated like heroes by the ZEN Faithful hopeful that someone could stop the rise of the menace from beyond the stars. However, the fans’ hopes were dashed when Laguna and Beetle ran roughshod over the vintage duo in record time, notching another victory for the bad guys with an Anti-Human Device (which apparently also works on Nightmares). WINNERS VIA PINFALL: THE ALIEN VANGUARD As the Vanguard begin putting a post-match beating on the Horror Show, their leader hits the scene. “KYAAAAAHAKHAKHAKHAK! FOOOOOOLISH FACEPAINTED THUGS, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE NO MATCH FOR MY SUBLIME SOLDIERY!” Karrg enters the ring, Man O’War trailing behind him, silent as he has always been since his betrayal of ZEN. Fishing around inside his imperious robes, Karrg retrieves a raygun and points it at the two recovering Nightmares. Karrg: “SUFFER FOR YOUR ARROGANCE!” The lights flicker as zappy noises are heard! When they come back up, the two stalwarts of ZEN’s early days are gone, distintegrated by the evil alien! Karrg: “AND LET THAT BE A LESSON! TO THE SO-CALLED HEROES IN THE BACK AND TO EVEN THAT WANNABE DARK LORD TEMPORARILY IN CHARGE AROUND HERE! TO CHALLENGE THE ARMADA IS TO INVITE YOUR DESTRUCTION! SOON I SHALL RULE OVER ALL OF ZEN! KYAAAAAHAKHAKHA-” FWEEEEEEE! “OI! DISINTEGRATIONS ARE NOT ON, MATE!” Armed with his baton and police whistle, Crime Buster storms the ring, Karrg barely has time to level the ray gun at him before it’s batted away and swiped by the lawman. Crime Buster: “Right you lot, I’ve had quite enough of all this, I’m half tempted to write you all a citation right now!” Karrg: “FOOOOOOLISH LAWMAN, YOU’RE NOT EVEN HOLDING MY WEAPON THE RIGHT WAY AROUND!” Buster blinks...then turns the raygun around. Karrg: “Uh oh. CHEESE IT, BOYS!” Scattering like cockroaches, the Alien Armada escapes before Crime Buster can put their weapon to good use (not that it seems he would). Huffing and gathering up the ashes of the Horror Show into a dustpan, Buster goes to return to the back to presumably present this evidence to Knight. vs Bruce Strange vs Killer B Attempting to bounce back from defeat at the hands of Skullduggery last month, Killer B was drawn into a highly technical bout with Bruce Strange. While about as far from supernatural as one can get in ZEN, Strange made no bones about finding B suspicious because of how absurdly generic he is, declaring something beyond the norm must be causing it. Needless to say the pot didn’t take kindly to the kettle’s taunts and B styled on the Harmony Champ and reminded him why his best work was in the tag ranks with a B-Sting for the win. WINNER VIA PINFALL: KILLER B B gets little time to celebrate his win with the fans as- “ ‘sup?” Casually strolling onto the stage and rolling his eyes at the boos greeting him, Damian Dastardly twirls a mic in one hand while scrolling Squawkr on his phone. B glares at the rudo as finishes resquawking a war criminal or something and looks up at his most recent rival. Dastardly: “Heyyyyy, so like Cyanide says I’m supposed to run you out of ZEN? How’s that grab ya there, B-Boy?” B grits his teeth and makes to exit the ring. Dastardly: “But I’m a generous guy so I figured I’d let you have the opportunity to walk out of here before you’re dragged. So what’ll...it…” Dastardly arches an eyebrow as Killer B gets in his face. Dastardly: “...heh, be?” B: “You’re not running me out of anywhere, Dastardly, they’ll have to take me out in an ambulance.” Dastardly: “Y’know I’d say I had one on speed dial but sadly this isn’t America so there isn’t an app for that yet. But don’t worry, ambulance, hearse, same dif when you think about it.” B brushes past Dastardly who smirks a wicked smirk. Dastardly: “This...will be fun. Toodles everyone, I’ve got a life to ruin~!” All gleaming eyes and wolfish grin, Dastardly slips into the back, clearly relishing the chance to destroy someone for his own amusement… With that scene out of the way we cut backstage to where some reconciliation is taking place- “YOU BETTER HAVE A MAKEGOOD READY, OLD MAN!” -well, ok, maybe not. “Young Tadpole, wouldst I have cut off all communication for a month with the two of you if I did not have a quote ‘Makegood’?” “Yes.” Guru: “You wound me, oh Warped one!” Toady: “He’ll get in line behind me if you don’t start talking!” Guru: “Peace my disciples, I see it will take the impure material to soothe your souls so you’ll happily know I was in correspondence with Lord Zero all this time bargaining for some fodder.” HalloWarped: “Fodder?” Guru: “Just so, for you see in order to swim with sharks, one must first devour guppies and our Lord has delivered two here tonight. Destroy them, mine students, and you shall feel the strength return to you!” Toady: “It wasn’t strength that was the problem you just-” Guru: “OH LOOK IT’S MATCH-O-CLOCK, QUICKLY, PUT MINE WISDOM INTO ACTOIN!” Looking annoyed, Warp-Jump do as bade and head to the ring. vs WARP-JUMP VS THE BUCHANANS BROS. While agile as always, the Buchanans very much lived up to their stated purpose of being fodder here, between Toady’s punkish bullying and Warped’s stoic sadism the two rookies never stood a chance. With Guru brandishing his holy tome at ringside, a powerbomb followed up by a moonsault secured a quick and easy victory for the veteran duo. WINNERS VIA PINFALL: WARP-JUMP With Warp-Jump back to their winning ways we head back to the tecnico locker room where- CLUNK! “Ok...I think…that’s the last of it.” “You think or you know?” Snark pants, leaning against an extremely large pile of weapons he’s apparently removed from his sharp three-piece suit. He taps his chin, racking his brain before snapping his fingers. Snark: “Oh right, I had Jeevesby duct tape a rubber mallet to my back before I left the house this morning!” Kallie: “...” Snark: “...” Kallie: “Do you want me to-” Snark: “I mean if you insist, I literally don’t think I can reach back there to retrieve it. I was just concerned for your well-being, Mr. Slim is a dangerous competitor and that Rekha-well you saw what she did to me!” Kallie: “I don’t care about your concern, Snark, you’re lucky enough I agreed to let you stick around ringside. I’m gonna defend this belt the right way, no dirty tricks, understand?” Snark: “Hah, no, not at all but if it’s what you want, who am I to disagree?” Snark waltzes just off frame, Kallie reaches into the back of his suit as he walks past- RRRRRIP! Snark: “OUCHIE MAMA!” Kallie holds up the mallet and tosses it behind her. Kallie: “Okay, let’s do this.” CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH vs KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK VS LERONE SLIM Kalliope is the picture of a fighting champion taking on Skullduggery’s smoothest member, even with the extremely nonplussed Snark watching on at ringside. Unable to match the power she receives from the fan support, Slim reveals his strategy early, goading Snark at ringside into attempting to intervene and distract the object of his affection. Whenever Kallie starts yelling at Snark to get off the apron, Slim has the opportunity to use a dirty trick to switch things to his advantage. Still, Kallie has the heart of a champion and her on again off again feud with the likes of Trevor Feather and Pink Spider has given her an eagle eye for such shenanigans and a swift knee to the head from an attempted Slimplex enables her to hit a Woodchipper! Moving to go for the academic pin, Kallie’s pounce onto her opponent hits nothing but mat when Rekha yanks Lerone out of the ring. Herbie H. Reedman admonishes the massive woman who responds by putting herself between Slim and the ring to give her partner a chance to get a breather… Which provides just enough cover for Snark to yank Slim’s legs out from under him and drag him around the outside of the ring to toss him back in on another side! Rekha notices this only when Slim is back in the ring and starts chasing Snark up the ramp, removing both from the equation as Slim dazedly tries to get back up. Kallie begins to admonish Snark for getting involved but Slim attempts to waylay her with a Slimeliner that she only barely counters into her La Magistral Cradle for the victory! WINNER VIA PINFALL AND STILL CONCEPTUAL CHAMPION: KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK! vs MILK WEIRDO VS TREVOR FEATHER Pinkie and the Vane loudly complained about this match going in and made it Steven Yale’s problem at an almost Karenian level, angrily telling him they should be allowed a two on one until the Milk guy hit the scene and made his way to ring. Pinky, in a heated argument with Yale, managed to distract the blind ref long enough for Trevor to spritz perfume from a hidden bottle into the eyes of the mysterious calcium obsessed newcomer. This early advantage would be pressed at every opportunity by the glamorous duo who tore into the Melkman at every chance they could while running circles around Steven Yale until catastrophe struck! And by catastrophe I meant the Mulk guy. Many times. To Trevor’s head. Very hard. The strength of these blows leave Trevor stumbling from pillar to post, leaving him open to being hefted up and knocked noggin to noggin with Pink Spider when his partner hops up on the apron. With Spider nearly knocked out on the mats outside, the big weirdo holds onto his impromptu weapon and gets a running start across the ring, with a hefty cry of ‘MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLK!’ he hits a massive running powerslam and the win is academic from there. WINNER VIA PINFALL: MELK GUY KNOW YOUR ZEN! C-W-A, No Funny Business… Straight outta Christchurch Clown College, the red nosed menace known as C-W-A has been an enigma to the ZEN Faithful since his debut all those years ago. Indeed all that’s known about him is his love of gags and pranks…and his undying hatred of humanity at large. We’re honestly thankful he just talks in cartoon honking noises because those in the know tell us his language is positively filthy. With him legally prohibited from facing Vertigo in the ring after the Great Clown War Armistice of 2019, we decided to interview Mr. With-Attitude on some prospective new nemeses, these were his thoughts: Kalliope Woodchuck ”HONK.” (Translation: “How much chuck could a clownhunk chunk if a clownhunk could chunk chucks? Just the one, but I’d get a belt out of it!”) Killer B ”HONK.” (Translation: "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyways. Because that’s the only way anyone will love him without Legend around~”) Crimebuster ”HONK.” (Translation: “Honk the police.”) Milk Guy ”HONK.” (Translation: “That guy really…sours my mood.”) He then brandished a bowling pin at us and chased us in a clown car. Such is the way of the clown. Who will this perverse pierrot menace next? Find out only by watching ZEN! VS VERTIGO VS DAMIAN DASTARDLY Two other quarters of last month’s tag match faced off in a singles match, one to try and salvage his momentum, the other to add on to his. Vertigo has a good showing early on demonstrating that he’s wise to the cheap tricks of the various rudos in ZEN, but when it comes to doing evil you’d be hard pressed to find an innovator like Damian. This showed itself when Dastardly caught a kick meant for his belly and handed Vertigo’s foot to referee Herbie H. Reedman, aghast the official handed it back to Damian who proceeded to hot potato it back to the ref and again and again as Vertigo hopped on one foot in clear confusion. Frustrated by these monkey shines, Reedman threatened to disqualify Dastardly if he tried to hand off the tecnico’s captured leg to him again, Dastardly once again received the foot and ducked in time to avoid the enzugiri from Vertigo that almost took Reedman’s head off as well! With Reedman looking the other way and thanking his lucky stars he didn’t get kicked in the head, Dastardly hit a dirty low blow to a rising Vertigo and followed it up with a Dastardly Cunning! Pinning the tecnico after, the most devious among the rudo ranks basked in the boos of the fans, clearly enjoying another plan going off without a hitch. WINNER VIA PINFALL: DAMIAN DASTARDLY “HEY EVERYBODY!” Poking his head out from behind the curtain as his acolyte Dastardly walks past on his phone is Cyanide, mic in hand. The fans are already annoyed at Dastardly win boo the living crap out of the merciless mat masochist who cackles in response. Cyanide: “Just dropping in to let everybody know much like everyone in Skullduggery -that wasn’t waylaid by a silver spoon sucking SIMP- tonight I am going to beat the living tar out of your hero and get on the track to RULING ZEN AS ITS TYRANNICAL OVERLORD ONCE MORE!” The booing, naturally, intensifies. Cyanide: “Awwww truth hurts, ya sycophants! Look at the title history and ask yourself, who beat Jacky Boy the first time!? MOI! Unlike Snark with Woodchuck, I got that freak’s number and nobody but nobody’s gonna get in my way to the top! So get your crying towels ready, nerds, because when this night is out they’ll be wetter than Knight’s mask when he forgets to take it off in the shower, HAHAHAHAHA! ..K bye!” What a jerk. VS HALLOWEEN KNIGHT & DEVILFISH VS KARRG THE CONQUEROR & MAN O’WAR The upper echelons of the Alien Armada went into this battle with momentum on their side and chips on their shoulders as they did battle with two pillars of ZEN. The Alien strategy was clear: Use the fatigue of battling LORD ZERO against Devilfish and utilize every dirty trick they could to keep him from tagging in the far fresher Knight. However if a fish is one thing, it’s slippery and the former Master champ’s agility swiftly came to the fore when he took advantage of a missed Neptune’s Trident by Manny to tag in Knight! Running wild on the extraterrestrial duo, Knight nearly sealed the deal with a Pumpkin Patch on Man O’War before a massive yakuza kick courtesy of Karrg broke it up! The match swiftly broke into chaos from there with moves being hit at a moment’s notice on every participant leading up to a massive, devastating- Four-way kick to the head of Steven Yale. Ow. With the official down, the chaos only grows as there’s no one to even attempt to reign it in. Karrg dodges an attempt by Knight to throw him from the ring, stalking behind Devilfish as he removes Manny, hand going into his everpresent cape for this DISINTEGRATOR RAY- That he doesn’t have because Crimebuster grabbed it earlier. Realizing his most powerful weapon is no longer in his inventory, Karrg begins to back away before Fish slams a high-velocity dropsault into his face! The fans cheering him off, Fish, runs to the ropes for his Fish Finger Shuffle and goes tumbling as Manny pulls the ropes down. Moving to help his lord, Manny gets blindsided by Knight who locks in the Pumpkin Patch to secure a submission win over the turncoat! Karrg flees the scene as Knight and Fish secure Manny with the help of a suddenly appearing Crimebuster. WINNERS VIA SUBMISSION: DEVILFISH & HALLOWEEN KNIGHT “BOW, WORMS! WORMS! YOUR LORD HATH ARRIVED, ARRIVED!” The mood quickly turns as the Voice of ZERO arrives, heralding the arrival of- LORD ZERO The ZEN Champion takes a seat at ringside, presumably here to scout his prospective challengers before the title match next month. With the Voice at his side, LORD ZERO, MAIN EVENT NO.1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH VS PUMPKIN JACK VS CYANIDE Neither man in this match is a stranger to the other, Jack has clashed with every member of the old FEAR stable and as Cyanide said it WAS he that ended Jack’s first title reign. The fans are electric for this bout and the participants do not disappoint with a battle fit for a Master title match in itself, let alone contendership! At every turn Jack’s acrobatic powers were matched with Cyanide’s rudo cunning, the technical acumen of both fighters tipping the balance back and forth between them. Jack’s connection with the fans helped to build his momentum against the vicious leader of Skullduggery, their approval giving him the boldness to throw himself more and more against Cyanide, putting him on the backstep and sending him tumbling out of the ring! With the fans cheering him on, Jack climbed to the top rope and hit a massive moonsault onto Cyanide, The Voice, and LORD ZERO on the outside to the raucous enthusiasm of the ZEN Faithful. With everyone buzzing, the beloved top tecnico of ZEN raised to his feet and beat his chest, the cheers drowning out the ten count of Steven Yale as Cyanide tried to recover. Ever the helpful fellow, Jack grabbed him by the mask and singlet and tossed him into the ring, looking back at ZERO with scorn before- The Voice let out a sharp whistle...and a pair of hands grabbed onto Jack’s boots from under the ring apron! Held in place, Jack struggled against his restraints as Cyanide recovered enough to notice his opponent unable to move. Summoning his strength he bounced off the ropes and clocked Jack with a baseball slide that knocked him onto his back! The hands dragged Jack beneath the ring as the ref’s count reached 10! The bell rang out and Cyanide cackled gleefully, prancing around the ring and making belt motions to an unappreciative crowd. The Voice shepherded ZERO towards the back, both glaring back at the darkness under the apron, their dark plan coming to fruition to the faithful’s utter rage… WINNER VIA COUNT-OUT: CYANIDE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 WRESTLE-HEADLINES ALL HEADLINES ALL THE TIME! "I know journalists who write more than eye-catching clickbait and they're all cowards!" -Scooter Wrigley, Our Founder ZEN ENTERS TALENT TRADING/EXCURSION AGREEMENTS WITH CZCW & WLW! SENDS SOME GUY NOBODY'S HEARD OF TO JAPAN! TEW.COM ACKNOWLEDGES LIKE SEVERAL DOZEN PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN FEMALE WRESTLERS! "IT'S LIKE THEY JUST SUDDENLY APPEARED ONE DAY!" SAYS DINGUS SITE EDITOR! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pteroid Posted November 17, 2021 Author Share Posted November 17, 2021 ZEN Presents: WAY OF THE HEALER Live From Auckland ZEN MASTER TITLE MATCH LORD ZERO © VS CYANIDE KILLER B VS DAMIAN DASTARDLY CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK © VS SHAOLIN GUY WHO CAN'T PRONOUNCE MILK VS AN OPPONENT HAND PICKED BY PINK SPIDER ZEN HARMONY TITLE MATCH THE GHOST HUNTERS © VS HALLOWEEN KNIGHT & DEVILFISH BUCKMINSTER SNARK VS LERONE SLIM WARP-JUMP VS PINKIE AND THE VANE ALSO FEATURING ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES: URBAN FOX VS AUCKLAND RAIDER KIWI COOL KAIA MARSHALL VS THE LEGENDARY CANADIAN DRAGON HACK THE HUNTER VS DR. TROLLSON'S CREATION REKHA VS THE BUCHANAN BROS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KyTeran Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 ZEN Presents: WAY OF THE HEALER Live From Auckland ZEN MASTER TITLE MATCH LORD ZERO © VS CYANIDE KILLER B VS DAMIAN DASTARDLY CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK © VS SHAOLIN GUY WHO CAN'T PRONOUNCE MILK VS AN OPPONENT HAND PICKED BY PINK SPIDER ZEN HARMONY TITLE MATCH THE GHOST HUNTERS © VS HALLOWEEN KNIGHT & DEVILFISH BUCKMINSTER SNARK VS LERONE SLIM WARP-JUMP VS PINKIE AND THE VANE ALSO FEATURING ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES: URBAN FOX VS AUCKLAND RAIDER KIWI COOL KAIA MARSHALL VS THE LEGENDARY CANADIAN DRAGON HACK THE HUNTER VS DR. TROLLSON'S CREATION REKHA VS THE BUCHANAN BROS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blake Trask Posted November 17, 2021 Share Posted November 17, 2021 gosh but this makes me giggle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joshbrady91 Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 I really enjoyed that show! ZEN MASTER TITLE MATCH LORD ZERO © VS CYANIDE KILLER B VS DAMIAN DASTARDLY CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK © VS SHAOLIN GUY WHO CAN'T PRONOUNCE MILK VS AN OPPONENT HAND PICKED BY PINK SPIDER ZEN HARMONY TITLE MATCH THE GHOST HUNTERS © VS HALLOWEEN KNIGHT & DEVILFISH BUCKMINSTER SNARK VS LERONE SLIM WARP-JUMP VS PINKIE AND THE VANE URBAN FOX VS AUCKLAND RAIDER KIWI COOL KAIA MARSHALL VS THE LEGENDARY CANADIAN DRAGON HACK THE HUNTER VS DR. TROLLSON'S CREATION REKHA VS THE BUCHANAN BROS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christmas_ape Posted November 18, 2021 Share Posted November 18, 2021 ZEN MASTER TITLE MATCH LORD ZERO © VS CYANIDE KILLER B VS DAMIAN DASTARDLY CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK © VS SHAOLIN GUY WHO CAN'T PRONOUNCE MILK VS AN OPPONENT HAND PICKED BY PINK SPIDER ZEN HARMONY TITLE MATCH THE GHOST HUNTERS © VS HALLOWEEN KNIGHT & DEVILFISH BUCKMINSTER SNARK VS LERONE SLIM WARP-JUMP VS PINKIE AND THE VANE ALSO FEATURING ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES: URBAN FOX VS AUCKLAND RAIDER KIWI COOL KAIA MARSHALL VS THE LEGENDARY CANADIAN DRAGON HACK THE HUNTER VS DR. TROLLSON'S CREATION REKHA VS THE BUCHANAN BROS. A packed card for sure, and another great show previously. It's hard to pick favourites. As I've said I love Voice/Zero pairing, but I definitely enjoy Karg and Guru's segments as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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