ZEN: Got Malk? Er, Melk? Errr...Molk? Milmk...?

KyTeran · December 9, 2021

Apparently not!

I thought Pumpkin Jack lost to Lord Zero in February too, turns out he just lost a number one contender's match to Cyanide.

Tiberious · December 10, 2021

ZEN Presents: Way of the Jester

Live from Auckland

MAIN EVENT JESTER'S GAME BATTLE ROYAL

NONE WHOM ZERO HAS DEFEATED THIS YEAR MAY ENTER

TEN SPOTS OPEN TO ANYONE ELSE, WHO WILL CHALLENGE THE MASTER AT WAY OF THE WARRIOR?!

I'll go for a curveball and pick a returning Lone Shark.

Sir Silas Strange vs Cyanide

I like Strange's new gimmick, but Cyanide is a tough first opponent for him.

Crimebuster, Halloween Knight, & Devilfish vs The Alien Vanguard & Tremolo Rif

I now know what a Tremolo Rif is and she kicks ass, but the Alien Vanguard goons aren't the strongest partners.

Vertigo vs Mister Hyde

I'm not sure where Hyde rates as a singles competitor, but I am enjoying your take on Vertigo.

Damian Dastardly vs Killer B

I feel like Killer B needs something, either a gimmick tweak or maybe a new tag team partner, because he's just missing something to really push him past the "solid hand" threshold.

ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES

NO DQ MAIN EVENT

Urban Fox vs C-W-A

I don't particularly care for Fox, but you've done a good job building him and it seems the right time for him to get his big win.

Hack The Hunter vs Dazzler

Hack crushes another opponent.

Luchatron vs Kiwi Cool Kaia Marshall

Luchatron here to do what he does best.

D-Pod & Dizzy G vs Debuting WLW Sensations Next Level

D-Squad get another win to help build them as title contenders.

Also Debuting Naoji Azumi vs Auckland Raider

I don't know anything about Naoji, but Raider hasn't been particularly impressive so far.

Pteroid · December 11, 2021

ZERO LEAGUE

Live From Auckland, New Zealand

Attendance: 580

Interestingly for this edition of the ZERO LEAGUE, LORD ZERO’S throne was empty, his Voice declaring the LORD was busy preparing to oversee the Jester’s Game battle royal later in the night so it would be the Voice monitoring the performances tonight. A snarky quip or two from Sparky got him a threat of banishment which Dustin Thane practically begged the Voice to make good on.

Auckland Raider vs Naoji Azumi

The first of WLW’s three rookies to join the ZEN roster Naoji is…good looking. That’s about the extent of his personality we get unfortunately as Auckland Raider proceeded to beat the living crap out of him for roughly five minutes before putting him away with a ring shaking S.T.O to reestablish himself after his several month long slump.

WINNER VIA PINFALL: AUCKLAND RAIDER

Next Level vs D-Pod & Dizzy G

The second debut of the night went a bit better for the WLW competitors with Next Level being able to cross the daunting language barrier with the universal language of ‘Being a couple massive dirtbags’. Gaining an early advantage on Dizzy and D, Hosotani & Koroki got their hands on the bootleg ‘Music of ZEN’ CDs the tecnico duo were selling prior to the match and tried to extort a fan’s entire wallet for it until D-Pod got revenge on the debutants via suicide dive. Retaking the momentum the fan favorites managed to hit their stereo victory rolls for the victory to the cheers of the fans before giving the fan their opponents were extorting the CD on the house.

WINNERS VIA PINFALL: DIZZY G & D-POD

Kiwi Cool Kaia Marshall vs Luchatron

It was a day that ended in Y so it was another disappointing showing from Luchatron in a match with Kaia Marshall that saw Kiwi Cool get back on track after losing to the debuting Tremolo Rif last month. With Dr. Trollson throwing a tantrum at ringside, Kaia’s loosey goosey stylings overwhelmed the rigid robotic programming of Luchatron, ultimately cinching in a cobra twist that Luchatron’s preservation subroutines forced it to tap out from.

WINNER VIA SUBMISSION: KAIA MARSHALL

Post-match the Voice stood to seemingly banish Luchatron for his repeated constant failures when he was cut off by-

DR. TROLLSON!

Clambering into the ring and pounding away at the former Blue Flea, Trollson berated the robot for being a failure even he couldn’t salvage and that it was pure hubris to think one could improve upon nothingness. Zero times anything is still zero after all. Ultimately he brings out Maelstrom to batter Luchatron even further before promising to make up for wasting LORD ZERO’s time by giving him a true treat next month when Maelstrom destroys Hack the Hunter…in a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AUSTRALIAN RULES Match if the so-called Man’s Man wants to dare put his life on the line! The Voice is intrigued by the concept and signs off on the idea anyway, eager to see Trollson’s attempt at redemption…

Hack The Hunter vs Dazzler

If Hack the Hunter was intimidated by being set to battle Maelstrom in a match with no rules next month he certainly didn’t show it in his bout with Dazzler. The minion of Pink Spider flounced his way into the ring with his usual arrogant stride and loudly declared the huntsman to be in dire need of some cologne. One pounce later he was not talking so tough, or at all, or convincingly retaining a state of consciousness.

WINNER VIA PINFALL: HACK THE HUNTER (duh)

MAIN EVENT

NO DQ MATCH

C-W-A vs Urban Fox

C-W-A was on a mission to destroy Urban Fox in this one and he very much was keen on completing it. Every single dirty trick and whimsically violent prop he could use he did and it worked well to bludgeon the rookie for near fall after near fall, an unmitigated pummeling coming from the pierrot that Fox was barely able to fight back against even with the ZEN Faithful cheering him on. However in his eagerness to gain ZERO’s approval and put an end to Fox’s rebellious attitude, C-W-A sowed the seeds of his downfall when he revealed his ultimate weapon:

A Whipped Cream and Thumbtack Pie!

Setting the carnage-inducing confection on the mat, C-W-A took Fox to the top rope intent on a superplex. However Fox wasn’t done for just yet and a series of right hooks and a massive slam off the top rope put C-W-A smack dab in the middle of that pie. Thrashing and honking in pain, C-W-A scrambled up and directly into an Implant DDT that put him down for the three. It was at this point the Voice realized his master wasn’t around to keep him safe and very quickly excused himself before Fox could get his hands on him. More’s the pity…

WINNER VIA PINFALL: URBAN FOX

Dalton · December 12, 2021

Catching up on this and I am a big fan!!! Love Karrrrrrg

Pteroid · December 14, 2021

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Zen Presents: Way of the Jester

Live From Auckland, New Zealand

Attendance: 580

Way of the Jester opens on the Dojo of Skullduggery where Cyanide is pacing in front of his disciples…

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“Tonight’s the night boys (and Rekha), tonight Skullduggery gets back on the path to greatness! Does everyone know the plan?”

The other three nods.

Cyanide:

“Then let’s sound off! STEP ONE!”

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“Operation Murder Hornet!”

Cyanide:

“STEP TWO!”

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“Operation Dragon Slayer Slayer!”

Cyanide:

“Aaaaaand THREE!”

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“...”

Cyanide:

“Steeeeeep THREE! …DASTARDLY!”

Damian:

“Huh, oh right. It’s in my notes app one sec. Operatiiioooonnnnn…A Member of Skullduggery becomes No.1 Contender. How’s that supposed to work you already challenged for the Master Title and I’m a bit busy ruining Killer B’s life.”

Cyanide:

“Hah, don’t you worry I’ve got a ringer! We just gotta work together to make sure he wins the battle royal tonight and with our superior numbers, his superior strength, and most importantly my superior strategic mind it’ll be a cake walk!”

Slim:

“We got this bossman.”

Rekha:

“Way of the Warrior’s gonna belong to us!”

Damian:

“Yep.”

Slim and Rekha give Damian a pair of dirty looks as he keeps scrolling through his phone. The most devious man in ZEN stands up and shrugs.

Damian:

“It’s match time, get ready for your cue, rookies.”

As he walks away Rekha and Slim look to Cyanide.

Cyanide:

“What?”

Slim:

“Why do we hang out with that guy?”

Cyanide:

“I like him, he’s got gumption! Evil Gumption! Evumption!”

Slim:

“He said he’s gonna betray you!”

Cyanide:

“Ok so he’s honest, pobody’s nerfect. Now get to your places, we’ve got a plan to enact!”

Cyanide trots off, leaving Casual Violence to look at each other.

Rekha:

“Blackmail?”

Slim:

“Probably blackmail but the boss is the boss, if we gotta handle this in house we will, but for now we’re goin’ along with it.”

Rekha grunts and stands along with Slim and walks offscreen and it’s time for our first match.

<img alt="FpL0CTl.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/FpL0CTl.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />vs<img alt="TQVMaza.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/TQVMaza.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Damian Dastardly vs Killer B

To say B was angry at being put on the shelf by Dastardly for a whole month would be a bit of an understatement, a statement so under not even the most gifted of limboers could slip beneath it. He was ticked, very very ticked, and let Dastardly know it with a rather high impact version of his more acrobatic moveset. Gone were mere armdrags, flips, and hurricanranas but a plethora of high velocity kicks and forearms to those movie star good looks that sought to make resemble more of a slasher movie villain. This momentum carried him well through most of the match, keeping Dastardly on the backstep and defensive until-

”IT’S THE MAN!”

The fans reacted with shock and confusion as those words rang out over the speakers.

”IT’S THE MYTH!”

Killer B’s concentration was broken in an instant as he whipped his head around to the entrance stage as the second sentence of a familiar catchphrase bellowed out.

”IT’S THE SUB! URBAN! LEGEEEEEEND!”

The fans began cheering at the prospect of the return of B’s beloved tag partner but it quickly turned to boos when-

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Lerone Slim stepped out on stage!

Imitating Legend, Slim danced around and made a few intentionally crap attempts at rapping the old Knights Temple theme song which got both the attention of B and Herbie H. Reedman, who tried to get Slim to leave ringside as he danced down. This came to bite B as he was grabbed by Rekha who’d snuck back into the ring and slammed down hard with her Sit-Out Powerbomb! As his fellow member of Skullduggery slipped out of the ring, Dastardly slithered onto B and pinned him, getting Reedman’s attention for a disgusting pinfall win over his rival.

WINNER VIA PINFALL: DAMIAN DASTARDLY

Post-match Slim and Rekha head to the back and motion for Dastardly to follow but the Diabolical One has other ideas in mind. Snatching a microphone he squats down next to a prone B.

Damian:

“Oh B. B. B. B. B. B. You pathetic little WORM!”

Damian slams a kick into B’s ribs, leaving the technico writhing in agony.

Damian:

“You really thought your old pal was back, didn’t you? You really thought he was coming here to cheer you on as you showed that big bad Dastardly who’s boss. Don’t act like you didn’t, I saw that twinge in your face when that garbage catchphrase came over the intercom. I saw that need for him to validate your existence. Well here’s some cold hard truths for ya, friend. LEGEND. IS. GONE. And he’s never coming back because he got money thrown his way, so like the sellout he is, he wandered off onto the continent like so many cretins before him. Does that make me better than him? Absolutely. Does that make you better than him? No. No it doesn’t because without him you’re nothing, you’re what’s LEFT. And at Way of the Warrior I’m gonna put you out of your misery. Lucha De Apuestas, B, I win, you're out of ZEN forever! You win…well, you can fantasize over whatever pathetic revenge you want because it isn’t happening. Enjoy your last days of relevance you little chump.”

Damian drops the mic and leaves the ring, smirking wide as the fans shower him with boos.

<img alt="71cUXDQ.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/71cUXDQ.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />vs<img alt="DeM3lpG.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/DeM3lpG.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Mister Hyde vs Vertigo

Accompanied by Dr. Trollson for this bout, Mister Hyde seemed to have taken to this new partnership eagerly, listening to the Dr.’s hypotheses about the flaws in Vertigo’s aerodynamic stylings. However there is a difference between practice and theory which was borne out when Vertigo’s acrobatics and general force of personality overcame the big red PHD in roughneckery as the fans cheered him on. Trollson attempted to insert himself into Vertigo’s Superhero Symposium but the Socratic Method only gets you so far when your interlocutor is dropping legs from the top rope which you have a very hard time reaching. …science word science word Vertigo won.

WINNER VIA PINFALL: VERTIGO

Backstage Casual Violence were seen en route to the next part of Cyanide’s wicked plan, locked in heated conversation.

Slim:

“Look I’m just sayin’ if he can’t even be bothered to walk like a quarter of a football pitch with us and has to rendezvous, maybe we should just do this whole thing without him.”

Rekha:

“Boss won’t like that, he isn’t a fan of improvising.”

Slim:

“Well we’ll just tell him this was us betraying him and he’ll think we’re geniuses!”

Rekha:

“Eh…might work I-”

THMP!

Rekha:

“GRGH!”

Rekha slaps her neck and grits her teeth, staggering.

Rekha:

“This…again!?”

THMP-TING!

Seeing his comrade get hit in the neck with something again, Slim had managed to grab a stray wooden board from nearby and held up us as a shield in time to prevent…a dart of some kind from entering into his own body.

Slim:

“Son of a mother, who’s doing that!?”

Before the duo, someone stepped out of the shadows.

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“Diamond Dog to Haiku, Diamond Dog to Haiku initial neutralization failed, proceed to Plan B.”

A puff of smoke erupted behind Casual Violence to reveal another assailant.

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“Subtle methods fail

Firm hand over velvet glove

Nothing personal, kid.”

Shaolin threw a karate chop at Slim but Rekha intercepted, throwing clumsy shots as the ninja dodged this way and that. Slim faced off with Erase.

Slim:

“Ok, Militaire Sans Cerveau, don’t know why ya got a bone to pick with me and Reks-”

Eraser:

“The world calls for wet work and I answer. No greater good. No just cause!”

Slim:

“-but while she’s dealing with the haiku-botcher, I’ll take you out.”

Slim charged Eraser with the wooden board but the mercenary pulled out a baton and sidestepped Lerone’s swing. Lashing out with the baton he swatted Slim’s arm and forced him to drop his weapon before following up with a roundhouse kick Slim just barely dodged. Slim tackled the masked man into some crates and brawled with him as Rekha tried to take down Shaolin. As the ninja evaded her strikes, Rekha began to pant more and more until she finally dropped to a knee. Shaolin advanced on her, readying a double chop to the neck but was caught by a surprise headbutt to the belly and a spear to the ground, pounding at the face of her assailant before finally falling to the side as whatever was in the dart took hold, a pyrrhic victory for the big woman. Slim meanwhile managed to grab away Eraser’s baton and was smashing it into his belly again and again before holding it against the mercenary’s throat.

Slim:

“Talk! Who sent you!?”

Eraser:

“Glgh…”

Slim:

“Come on, I know you don’t work for just anyone!”

Voice:

“WHOA NOW CITIZEN!”

Slim’s hauled off of Eraser by-

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Vertigo!?

The self-proclaimed superhero grabbed away the baton.

Vertigo:

“WHAT HAS CAUSED SUCH DISCONTENT!?”

Slim:

“Get outta my way, idiot, I need answers!”

Vertigo:

“I CANNOT DO THAT, CITIZEN SLIM! YOU WERE CLOSE TO MURDERING THIS COMMON THUG!”

Slim:

“I can’t find out what he knows if he’s dead, just lemme-”

THWACK!

Vertigo slammed the baton into Slim’s head and left him lying on the floor.

Vertigo:

“My apologies, Citizen, even if you are my rival’s disciple this is far too-”

Voice:

“Excellent work, Vertigo.”

Vertigo grit his teeth and looked to the shadows where a man is clapping.

Vertigo:

“Does this release me from my debt?”

Man:

“Oh all that and more. Just remember that what you’ve done for me today stays secret, alright? You did sign an NDA.”

Vertigo:

“Very well but know this. She is not an idiot, she will learn what you’ve been doing in the dark.”

Man:

“Oh spare me, my company’s very good at cover ups. Which you’ll find out if you ever break that NDA.”

Glaring at the other man Vertigo turned away and stormed down the corridors, looking ashamed. The man turned his attention to his rising goons.

Man:

“What do I bother paying you two for? Feh, just take these two to a side room and lock it. I’m not letting their little gang have their way tonight, understand?”

Shaolin and Eraser nodded and set about their work as the man retreated once more into the shadows.

<img alt="q8pE1RE.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/q8pE1RE.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="NlDrj55.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/NlDrj55.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="ZObQDCX.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/ZObQDCX.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

vs

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Halloween Knight, Devilfish, & Crimebuster vs The Alien Vanguard & Tremolo Rif

The battle against the Alien Armada took a bizarre turn as Tremolo Rif fully aligned herself with the invaders in a trios contest against the defending contingent. The robotic bounty huntress berated the fans for booing her so loudly that Crimebuster was forced to write her a noise citation which she responded to by angrily pouncing him out of the ring and brawling with him for the entirety of the match on the outside. Fish and Knight, keen to get some measure of revenge on Karrg’s forces put a massive amount of hurt on the Vanguard, putting on an almost comical clinic that eventually saw Beetle tapping to a Pumpkin Patch while Rif fled from the match entirely with a cackle. What a weirdo…

WINNERS VIA SUBMISSION: KNIGHT, DEVILFISH, & CRIMEBUSTER

While the tecnicos were celebrating their victory, the fans were treated to a series of promos from fighters lined up to join the Jester’s Game Battle Royale:

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“LORD ZERO has been a blight on wrestling itself ever since he turned on Vertigo. Tonight I’m going to take the first step towards making things right again in ZEN when I claim the Number One Contendership and become the first Dual Champion in ZEN History!”

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“KYAAAAAHAKHAKHAK! That pathetic LORD ZERO has sown the seeds of his own destruction tonight! I, KARRG THE CONQUEROR, shall effortlessly lay down a beating on all who question my imperial rule of the ring before ascending to thrash ZERO and take both the title and this world for myself! And it will be even easier once my minions defeat those vile do-gooders and reclaim my raygun!”

“Uhm…your excellency?”

“What is it, Man O’War, can’t you see I’m monologuing?!”

“*whisperwhisper*”

“THEY FAILED!? FIND THEM! NOW!”

“Yes your excellency.”

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“MILK!? MILK! MILK MILK MILK! MILK! MILK! MILK!”

<img alt="IzaX22J.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/IzaX22J.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

“Honestly who else but an icon of glamour like myself would be a better fit for a clash at the grandest event in all of ZEN? Imagine me strutting my stuff down that catwalk and letting that bland so-called Master know that the color-flipped Darth Vader look is sooooo five seasons ago~”

<img alt="e0Y8gaT.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/e0Y8gaT.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="6ddeeAB.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/6ddeeAB.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /><img alt="CRgarZR.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/CRgarZR.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

“My students go into the match with the one advantage nobody else has: Camraderie! These two are the most decorated team in all of ZEN and working together no one can stand in their way, least of all a disunited brawling mass! And even if one of them falls before the end the remaining one will still have me and my vast-EXCUSE ME I’M TALKING HERE!”

<img alt="nOpNiXa.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/nOpNiXa.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

“Oh sorry I guess I got lost…pardon me.”

Vishni:

“Hmph, hussy. Where was I? Ah yes, ME AND MY VAST KNOWLEDGE BESTOWED UPON ME BY MY ANCIENT TOME! Which…is…right-WHERE’D THE BOOK GO!?”

Vishni and Warp-Jump begin looking around for the now missing tome of evil knowledge.

Vishni:

“IT’S THICKER THAN THAT MILK FREAK’S BICEPS HOW DID YOU TWO LOSE IT!?”

Toady:

“It’s YOUR book!”

HalloWarped:

“Where did you last see it?”

Vishni:

“Uh-well-I-you see-how-it-grrrrrgh! Oh to blazes with it, this just means you two will have to win tonight so I can use my cut of the ZEN Master salary to buy a new one…”

Toady:

“HAH, AS IF! I got much better things to spend it on-”

HalloWarped:

“You are not buying a PS5.”

Toady:

“SAYS WHO-!?”

The camera cuts off before this ‘promo’ can go on for much longer, briefly cutting to a very large very scary and very…familiar figure walking past the camera.

Figure:

“They’re all dead, they just don’t know it yet.”

A final cut and this time we see-

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MOLLY CUDDLE!

“That was a close one, thankfully that Guru’s so easily annoyed he didn’t notice you.”

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“Ya sure it wasn’t just my skill and cunning?”

Molly:

“Yes, Booster, it was definitely the speed and cunning.”

Canuckian Dragon:

“Hey it’s Canuckian Dragon now, I’m not taking this thing off until I’m sure ZERO’s not able to banish anybody no more, got it?”

Dragon, satisfied, hands over the book to Molly.

Dragon:

“Fox’s still recovering from that brawl with the crazy clown and your Knight’s preparing to take on Cyanide so like…what are we gonna do with this? Ya got some kinda super power spell in that thing to make me jacked so’s I can win the battle royal?”

Molly:

“No, Dragon, this is a book of summoning spells. The most I could do for you is replace you with a version from a timeline where everyone’s swole. No no, with this we shoud be able to put the nail in ZERO’s coffin. I just…need…to find the right spell.”

Dragon:

“Well be quick about it, I heard the Voice say that it’s first come first serve as far as the Battle Royal goes, it’d be a real pain if he got ninja’d.”

Molly:

“Just guard the door to the locker room until I can figure this out, if this works you won’t have to worry about ZERO any more and I can…well you won’t have to worry about ZERO anymore.”

Dragon:

“Sounds ominous but sure thing boss lady.”

Dragon leaves the locker room to stand sentry as Molly begins rifling through the book…

<img alt="bI7Mfua.png" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/bI7Mfua.png" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />vs<img alt="PpZoS1I.jpg" data-src="https://i.imgur.com/PpZoS1I.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" />

Sir Silas Strange vs Cyanide

The first ever in-ring outing for Knight Errant was a daunting one, Cyanide being an expert at technical wizardry and dirty tactics, but Sir Strange was eager to prove himself and threw himself into the bout with gusto. Helping him along was the fact that Cyanide was clearly distracted as things went on, constantly motioning frantically to the back for assistance that seemed unable or unwilling to come. As Strange proved his own wrestling skills were a match for Cyanide’s the masked mat masochist became frantic in his attempts to overcome the Knight but any monster hunter worth their salt has instincts to spare and while Cyanide’s various tricks work the first time he tries them, they were resolutely countered the second. Giving up the game a bit at the end, Cyanide was clearly shouting for ‘Slim! Rekha! Damian!’ to ‘GET DOWN HERE ALREADY!’ but none of the other members of Skullduggery materialized and an exasperated Cyanide was eventually forced to tap to an impressive Arm Triangle Choke before skittering off to the backstage, hoarsely yelling for his underlings.

WINNER VIA SUBMISSION: SIR SILAS STRANGE

A sudden emergency debriefing was being held on Karrg’s mothership! The Conqueror of Worlds, Scourge of a Billion Stars, Lord of All He Surveyed was…well he was in a bit of a bad mood to be honest.

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“-and I have never been so humiliated in all my life! I made promises that you three parameciums couldn’t keep and now what of me? What good is a Conqueror whose minions are so completely useless!? WELL!?”

Karrg shoved Laguna the Loyal.

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“[Various squishy cephalopod noises.]"

Karrg:

“Oh don’t you try and pass the buck, Laguna, you know I can spot a liar from a thousand parsecs! This all could have been forgiven if you’d have at least mugged that despicable detective for my raygun but noooooo, it’s still so far from my grasp! FOOLS ALL OF YOU! ALL OF-!”

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“Tremolo Rif has your raygun~”

Karrg:

“-you…WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO!? KYAAAAHAKHAKHAK! Excellent, truly excellent, all you need to do now is hand-”

CRUNCH!

Karrg:

“-it…”

MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH!

Karrg:

“...over?”

GULP!

Tremolo:

“Ingestion of weapon complete! Tremolo Rif thanks you for your contribution.”

Karrg:

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?”

Tremolo:

“Volume Maximatized: TREMOLO RIF THANKS YOU FOR YOUR-!”

Karrg:

“NO YOU DON’T GET TO SHOUT, I’M SHOUTING! THAT WAS MINE! GET HER!”

Beetle and Laguna advanced on Tremolo, who cocked her head and smiled wide.

Tremolo:

“Demonstration of new functionabilities requested. Request granted.”

In an instant with an electronic thrum Tremolo punched Beetle in the gut and sent him flying back against the wall. Laguna tried to tackle her but was grabbed by the face and quickly went into convulsion as more electrical sounds emanated from Tremolo’s arm. Smiling wider she looked to Karrg and Manny.

Tremolo:

“Logicisticianal process is as follows: The raygun was an illegal weapon, one you allowed to be pilferized into unwashed enemy hands. Tremolo Rif has ingested it and made it a part of her hardware thereby making it a part of her natural functionabilities, ergo not illegal in a ZEN Ring. Tremolo Rif Predictagnostics indicate a likelihood of an increase in victories for Client: Alien Armada and almost certaintifcation of world conquest.”

Karrg:

“...Well why didn’t ya say so!? WELCOME ABOARD YOU TERRIFYING MISUSE OF SCIENCE! KYAAAAHAKHAKHAK! Manny and I are going to go ensure my Master Title Shot occurs now, you…make these two clean up the mess when they wake up.”

Tremolo salutes.

Tremolo:

“By your singular commandment, Conqueror.”

Karrg beams off his ship with Manny and Tremolo looks around, satisfied.

Tremolo:

“Now wherefore would he keep the mops and buckets?”

MAIN EVENT

TEN PERSON JESTER’S GAME #1 CONTENDER’S BATTLE ROYAL

NO ONE WHO CHALLENGED ZERO THIS YEAR CAN ENTER

LORD ZERO and The Voice were stood by at ringside, overseeing the contest that would decide the former’s challenger at the grandest event of the year for ZEN. The ZEN Faithful were waiting with baited breath to see who would possibly be the first to stake their claim to a Master Title Match. The first entrant for the Battle Royal came as a shock to everyone in the arena…

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MASSACRE RETURNED TO ZEN!

The original big bully enforcer, founding member of FEAR, and all around personification of bad times Massacre made his way out from the back and made his stance clear: If anyone wanted that title shot, they were gonna have to go through him. Sparky and Dustin on commentary noted Massacre being close friends with Cyanide and if anyone the most likely candidate for Skullduggery’s ‘ringer’, it was him. Massacre’s challenge was soon answered:

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Strength through superior numbers: Harmony Champs Warp Jump hit the scene!

Followed by a rather sour looking Guru Vishni, Toady and HalloWarped hit the ring looking to divide and conquer the big man between themselves. Splitting to opposite sides of the ring before diving in, the two came at Masscare from the flanks and tried to blitz the big man with the big tag team maneuvers that were their bread and butter. However, Massacre’s brawn and durability were well documented and he eventually managed to goozle both young men and chokeslam them to the mat, the fans cheering this effort despite themselves. With Vishni on the outside clearly considering a change in clients, a fourth person joined the fray:

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The Conceptual Champion, Kalliope Woodchuck!

Cheered on by a crowd happy to have someone to not feel bad about cheering for, Kalliope skipped her way down the ring and rolled in to face off with Massacre. The big man was not one to take the first female on the ZEN roster seriously and pie-faced Kalliope back a few steps once, twice, only to receive a forearm to the face on the third attempt. Angry at the audacity of the Conceptual Champ, Masscare shoved her back into the ropes and prepared a spinebuster only for Kalliope to slip between his legs and use her momentum to bounce off the opposite ropes. Massacre turned around in time to eat a dropkick to the face that sent him stumbling back to the ropes where Toady and HalloWarped attempted to lowbridge him, the largest man in the fight only barely avoiding elimination by clinging to the bottom rope. Toady, Warped, and Kalliope all made to kick him off the apron when our fifth entrant hit the scene:

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Pink Spider sashayed his way to the ring!

Eager to be the center of attention, Spider slipped behind the fray and attempted to sneakily eliminate all three of Warp-Jump and Kalliope himself. It…didn’t exactly go well but the trio’s sudden need for self-preservation meant that Massacre evaded elimination for now. Kalli and Warp-Jump’s alliance lasted long enough to fend off Spider but Kalli would walk directly into a double superkick from the Harmony Champs that put her on her back. The tecnico down, Warped and Toady turned their attention to Spider, not realizing that where the Pink one goes someone else is bound to follow…

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CALCIUM IN LIQUID FORM! AKA Milk!

Storming the ring, the man who matched Massacre for size made a beeline for Spider who barely managed to duck, forcing Warp-Jump to take a double lariat from the big weirdo! Going wild on the rudo contingent in the ring, Milk eventually came face to face with Massacre and a brawl ensued with both fighters exchanging haymakers in the center of the ring that culminated in a massive headbutt exchange that left both men on their knees. Seeing an opportunity Warp-Jump looked to grab a powerhouse apiece and throw them out of the ring…and were promptly goozled for their trouble and chokeslammed to the outside (Toady’s fall getting broken by Vishni)!

WARP-JUMP HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED!

Pink Spider, terrified of facing Milk by himself quickly presented an alliance to Massacre who responded by grabbing the flamboyant arachnid and using him as a bludgeon against Spider’s current and past rivals in the ring. Standing tall above all others in the ring, Massacre bellowed another challenge to the back and was answered by:

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Man O’War marching out from the back and shouting insults to big man before-

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KARRG THE CONQUEROR SLID IN FROM BEHIND AND CLOBBERED THE SAMOAN!

With his ruler’s ambush successful, Manny slipped into the ring and joined him in assaulting Massacre! The big Samoan shoved his alien assailants back hard enough for them to bounce off the ropes but this only managed to yield a Mafia Kick and Neptune’s Trident at the same time to his face/belly! The Armada’s dominance wasn’t long lived as the Milk Man regained his footing and joined forces with Kalliope to brawl with the aliens as Pink Spider took a siesta dangerously close to Massacre’s prone form. This turned into a mistake as Massacre revived enough to grab Spider by the neck and drag him back into the fray as the bout devolved into a chaotic brawl only broken up when-

Kalliope Woodchuck leapt to the top rope and hit a moonsault on everyone! The crowd rose to its feet as the Conceptual champion let out an adrenaline fueled yell and locked eyes with ZERO. Turning back to the barely recovering pile of humanity, Kalli picked out Man O’War and went to chuck him out, however the crafty vet wasn’t so easily dispatched and reversed the momentum to toss Kalli instead! The Conceptual champ was only saved by her quick reflexes, skinning the cat and locking her legs around Manny as he charged in to finish the job, flipping him over the ropes in a hurricanrana that sent him to the floor and elimination!

MAN O’WAR HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Kalli had little time to celebrate as Pink Spider pounced at her, trying to shove her off the apron leading to a scuffle between the storied rivals as-

We cut backstage. Molly Cuddle was sitting in the center of an intricately drawn circle of symbols, illuminated by a ring of candles.

Molly:

“Oh please let this work, we’re running out of time…”

Dragon:

“MOLLY HURRY, WE’VE ONLY GOT TWO SLOTS LEFT, I’M SEEING FOLKS RUNNING FOR THE RING!”

Gritting her teeth, Molly begins reciting in an ancient unknowable tongue, reading carefully from the tome. Her chant grew louder and louder as it went, pitching up to a shriek that could be heard in the very ring until-

The lights went out.

”...i…think…it…worked…”

When they came back on there was someone the crowd hadn’t seen in ages on the stage.

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Jack! Was! Back!

The crowd went ballistic and so did ZERO and the Voice! As Jack strode down to the ring, Sparky Sparks was almost a bit too smug as he noted that due to ZERO doing everything in his power to keep Jack from getting a title shot, the biggest threat to his title was now free and clear to enter the battle royal! The Voice tried to block Jack’s path and received a backfist as ZERO dove to prevent Jack from entering the ring and the match, missing entirely as Jack slipped in and immediately went to town on Karrg, Massacre, and Spider! The numbers in the match between Rudos and Tecnicos evened it soon came to resemble a trios bout as Kalli and Jack worked together to keep Masscare on the backstep and Milk ran roughshod over Spider and Karrg! However in his pursuit of Spider the calcium colossus found himself a bit too overzealous and Karrg managed to pull down the top rope on a charge as the latter tackled Spider and sent both tumbling out of the ring!

PINK SPIDER & MILK GUY HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED

Taking a breather for the moment, Karrg surveyed Massacre’s attempts to overcome Jack and Kalli. The two tecnicos had the speed and stamina advantage but Massacre’s strength was nothing to discount as he countered a crossbody by Kalli into a military press that tossed the Conceptual Champ onto her ally! Seeing an opportunity, Karrg dove in from behind Massacre and chop blocked him to his knees. Yanking Massacre’s head between his legs, Karrg tried and failed to lift him for one Conquest Bomb, then again, then Jack and Kalli stepped in to try and help him and managed to lift the big man off the mat-until he shoved them all away in a definitive show of brute strength! With Karrg and Kalli sent into the ropes and Jack in a corner, Massacre charges across the ring and walloped Kalli with a lariat that sent her over the top rope!

KALLIOPE WOODCHUCK HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Then across the ring to do the same to Karrg!

KARRG THE CONQUEROR HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Roaring out in anger, Massacre cut his throat in ZERO’s direction (and got applauded for what it’s worth) before turning and stalking towards Jack. Grabbing him by the throat, he placed Jack up on the top rope and climbed up after him, keen on delivering a super chokeslam to the returning hero! Jack in desperation threw one punch, two punches, three punches then slammed an elbow down on the crook of Massacre’s arm! With both men precariously balanced on the top rope Jack tried one final move: A huricanrana off the top to the floor! Massacre tries his best to fight it, even seemingly close to countering into a powerbomb as his foe grabbed the ropes and struggled to overpower the big Samoan! As the crowd waited with bated breath Massacre finally slipped off the top and was slammed onto the apron, falling off and onto the floor!

MASSACRE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

The crowd broke out into a cheer as Jack crawled back into the ring and stood tall but Dustin Thane was the bearer of some bad news…

Dustin:

“Hey wait isn’t there supposed to be a tenth guy?”

Eyes turned to the stage, waiting to see who could possibly try and take advantage after such a wild bout…

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“OH YEAH BABY I’M GOING TO WAY OF THE WARR-”

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“OH GOD NO! GOD NO!”

CRACK!

Dazzler’s hopes of joining the match were immediately dashed when LORD ZERO smacked him with a superkick and stared at the ring. As Jack glared back at him behind his mask, ZERO raised his hand to the sky.

And snapped his fingers.

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FINAL ENTRANT: ANGUISH

With a flickering of the lights the bear of a man who’d been jailing and tormenting Jack for months was on the stage. At the direction of ZERO and The Voice, Anguish stormed the ring and made for Jack, throwing hands with the vigilante before slamming a headbutt and going to lift him onto his shoulders for a powerslam that rattled the ring. Anguish grabbed Jack by the mask and hauled him up off the mat for another powerslam! As Jack’s body began to grow limp Anguish lifted him again, lifting the vigilante up and pointing to the outside as he called his shot, running for the ropes to try and lawn dart the biggest threat to ZERO’s Title-

But Jack slipped off at the last second!

Anguish slammed bodily into the ropes and turned around to see his foe stumbling back into the opposite ropes! Roaring in frustration the colossal servant of ZERO charged into and was met with a knee to the chin! Forced back a few steps, Anguish howled and lunged for Jack again who swiftly dove out of the way and let the big man slip through the ropes, barely catching himself on the apron! As Anguish tried to haul himself back onto his feet, Jack threw a hail mary, leaping onto the top rope and coming off with a missile dropkick that hit Anguish flush in the chin…

AND SENT HIM TOPPLING TO THE FLOOR!

WINNER VIA ELIMINATION AND NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TO THE MASTER TITLE:

PUMPKIN JACK

The crowd went wild as ZERO and The Voice are forced to see their greatest enemy put in place to dethrone the LORD as ZEN Master. Jack fell to his knees, locking eyes with ZERO once more and just letting the realization that there’s nowhere left to run sink in. At Way of the Warrior it WILL be Pumpkin Jack vs LORD ZERO for the Master Title and the ZEN Faithful were already letting the champion know whose side they were on…</div>

Pteroid · December 14, 2021

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Zen Presents:

WAY OF THE WARRIOR

Live from Wellington

MAIN EVENT STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE ZEN MASTER TITLE

LORD ZERO © vs Pumpkin Jack

2 Out Of Three Falls Lucha De Apuestas!

If Dastardly Wins B is Banished, if B Wins ???

Damian Dastardly vs Killer B

4 vs 4 Grudge Match

The Alien Armada (Karrg the Conqueror, Man O'War, & The Vanguard)

vs

Halloween Knight, Crimebuster, Devilfish & A Mystery Partner

Special Exhibition Match

Vertigo vs Urban Fox

The Enemy (Massacre & Cyanide) vs Eraser & Shaolin

3 On 1 Handicap Match

Pink Spider, Trevor Feather, & Dazzler vs Milk Guy

Non Title Match

Warp-Jump vs D-Pod & Dizzy G

Conceptual Title Four Way Dance

Kalliope Woodchuck © vs Lerone Slim vs Buckminster Snark vs Rekha

ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AUSTRALIAN RULES MATCH

Maelstrom vs Hack the Hunter

Sir Silas Strange & Canuckian Dragon vs C-W-A & Auckland Raider

Kaia Marshall & Naoji Azumi vs Next Level

Don't Miss The Biggest Show of the Year!</div>

Blake Trask · December 14, 2021

that was awesome!

Rif has me absolutely rolling. she's incredible.

Tiberious · December 14, 2021

Great show, you've done an excellent job in making this upcoming show feel like the biggest one yet.

Zen Presents:

WAY OF THE WARRIOR

Live from Wellington

MAIN EVENT STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE ZEN MASTER TITLE

LORD ZERO © vs Pumpkin Jack

LORD ZERO is awesome, but he's running low on fresh opposition and having your biggest babyface win the title on your biggest show just makes sense.

2 Out Of Three Falls Lucha De Apuestas!

If Dastardly Wins B is Banished, if B Wins ???

Damian Dastardly vs Killer B

I'm 50-50 on this, but I feel like after last show maybe Dastardly tries to play the same trick again, but SubUrban Legend actually does come back and help Killer B win.

4 vs 4 Grudge Match

The Alien Armada (Karrg the Conqueror, Man O'War, & The Vanguard)

vs

Halloween Knight, Crimebuster, Devilfish & A Mystery Partner

The allure of a mystery partner is too much for me.

Special Exhibition Match

Vertigo vs Urban Fox

Bit of a weird matchup since both these guys are fan favorites. You've been pushing Fox so I wouldn't be surprised by him winning, but I find the version of Vertigo you've been writing to be more interesting so I'll take him.

The Enemy (Massacre & Cyanide) vs Eraser & Shaolin

Eraser & Shaolin is a fun pairing, but Massacre & Cyanide are both guys that belong in a ZEN Hall of Fame.

3 On 1 Handicap Match

Pink Spider, Trevor Feather, & Dazzler vs Milk Guy

This is a trio that can get away with taking some loses, but losing a 3 on 1 match would put them at Luchatron levels of incompetence.

Non Title Match

Warp-Jump vs D-Pod & Dizzy G

Champions without any clear challengers tend to lose non-title matches.

Conceptual Title Four Way Dance

Kalliope Woodchuck © vs Lerone Slim vs Buckminster Snark vs Rekha

Snark taking the title would certainly add some drama.

ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AUSTRALIAN RULES MATCH

Maelstrom vs Hack the Hunter

I think the Doctor's creation has some tricks up his robotic sleeves.

Sir Silas Strange & Canuckian Dragon vs C-W-A & Auckland Raider

Sir Silas just got a big win over Cyanide, so it would be odd for him to lose here.

Kaia Marshall & Naoji Azumi vs Next Level

I'm not sure what plans you have for any of the WLW folks, but I figure I'll take the team that has a full time member of your roster.

KyTeran · December 14, 2021

MAIN EVENT STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE ZEN MASTER TITLE

LORD ZERO © vs Pumpkin Jack

2 Out Of Three Falls Lucha De Apuestas!

If Dastardly Wins B is Banished, if B Wins ???

Damian Dastardly vs Killer B

4 vs 4 Grudge Match

The Alien Armada (Karrg the Conqueror, Man O'War, & The Vanguard)

vs

Halloween Knight, Crimebuster, Devilfish & A Mystery Partner

Special Exhibition Match

Vertigo vs Urban Fox

The Enemy (Massacre & Cyanide) vs Eraser & Shaolin

3 On 1 Handicap Match

Pink Spider, Trevor Feather, & Dazzler vs Milk Guy

Non Title Match

Warp-Jump vs D-Pod & Dizzy G

Conceptual Title Four Way Dance

Kalliope Woodchuck © vs Lerone Slim vs Buckminster Snark vs Rekha

ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AUSTRALIAN RULES MATCH

Maelstrom vs Hack the Hunter

Sir Silas Strange & Canuckian Dragon vs C-W-A & Auckland Raider

Kaia Marshall & Naoji Azumi vs Next Level

Pteroid · December 16, 2021

WRESTLEHEADLINES

Now in Impact Font~

ZEN To Begin Transfer To New Product & Internet Video Series, Dubbed 'Tres Ring Circus' & 'Moment of ZEN'

ZEN Alumni Necromancer in talks with BHOWTG, WLW Reaffirms Commitment to Excursion Deal

Buchanan Bros. Spotted On Independent Shows All Across America, Flip: "Weren't we supposed to be working for Coastal???"

Killer B Remains Mum on stipulation for match with Dastardly, @BigDDastardly: Like it matters lol

Pteroid · December 17, 2021

And here it is...

YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN!

The Road to the Way of the Warrior

Part 1: Dissension in the Dojo

Our scene opens like Way of the Jester did in the Skullduggery Dojo where spirits are NOT high.

"OKAY SO LET'S GO OVER WHAT WENT WRONG!"

"You and your idiot disciples dropped the ball, that's what went wrong."

Cyanide:

"Hey my disciples are not idiots!"

Massacre looms over Cyanide and glares.

Cyanide:

"Ok they're halfwits but not idiots!"

"Hey I didn't let anyone down."

"You let EVERYONE down! You were supposed to be with us when those three ambushed us."

Damian:

"I was there!"

"No you weren't!"

Damian:

"Ah what do you know you were unconscious or poisoned or something, I was totally in there boss fighting valiantly by these two's side."

Cyanide:

"Then where were you when I found them in the supply closet?"

Damian:

"I had...already woken up. Because I'm better than these two. Aaaand I went to go help our dear pal Massacre here-"

Damian slaps Massacre on the back.

Massacre:

"Don't touch me."

Damian:

"-ahem AND aaaand I got caught up in the-woof, press of bodies trying to get the ring towards the end. That's the truth."

Cyanide:

"Uh huh?"

Damian:

"Hand to god."

Cyanide:

"Well at least you tried, Damian and that's what matters. Y'know what, pal, I don't think it's good for you to have to sit here and take this slander from Lerone and Rekha."

Rekha:

"You can NOT be serious!"

Lerone:

"Boss he-!"

Cyanide:

"Damian you head on out and get some rest, you've got a big match with Killer B after all and I don't need you here for the lesson I'm gonna have to teach these two. Go take the Dojo Credit Card and get a nice big meal, you've earned it."

Damian:

"Heh, well alright, don't go too hard on them now. They were just confused from getting effortlessly clobbered by two of the biggest scrubs in ZEN history."

Damian yoinks the Skullduggery Dojo Credit Card from Cyanide and practically struts out of the room. There's a brief silence, Slim and Rekha go to stand.

Lerone:

"Boss you're making a huge mista-"

Massacre puts himself between Cyanide and Casual Violence.

Massacre:

"...I've heard that tone from you before, Cyanide. What's the plan?"

Cyanide cups his chin in one hand and strokes it before turning to the others, the lights behind him giving him a rather...intimidating aura as he speaks.

Cyanide:

"The plan is we win the Conceptual Title, crush those two interlopers before we move on to Vertigo, and then...well...we got locked in the supply closet too wouldn't ya know. So hard to get out of there once you're in. And have you SEEN the doors to the supply closets in Wellington? Not even Rekha AND Massacre here working together could get us out of them."

Massacre:

"Heh...never liked that little punk anyway."

Lerone:

"So we're betraying Dastardly?"

Cyanide:

"Yes, obviously."

Rekha:

"Finally."

Lerone:

"And here I thought you were gonna be all proud when he backstabbed you."

Cyanide:

"Well dear Lerone here's the thing. I would've been."

Cyanide turns away from the group and takes a long look at the Skullduggery banner hanging over the dojo.

Cyanide:

"But I never said I wasn't going to stab his back first."

Pteroid · December 20, 2021

<div style="text-align:center;">And here it is...

Your Moment of ZEN

The Road to the Way of the Warrior

Part 2: With Apologies to Pepe Sylvia

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My office's AC did little to keep the midsummer heat at bay, the old electric fan in the window making a poor tag partner in this grudge match again global warming. The heat made it hard to focus, but it sure made it easy to dwell on the massive failure I'd made of myself.

I'd lost the raygun, the strongest weapon in the arsenal of intergalactic conqueror, murderer, and traffic violator Karrg the Conqueror...

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"You'll never stop my invasion now, flatfoot! Nyaaaharghargharg-wait that's not what my laugh sounds like!"

Pushing away the doom and gloom of the situation I looked out the window, stroking the bottom of my mask. My partners on the force (of good) had given my the month off ahead of our climactic battle with the aliens to put myself together. If anything being alone with my thoughts was tearing me apart, harder than a woman named Lisa ever could. My mind drifted, my thoughts turned to the events of the past few month, something about it all pricked at the corners of my mind as though someone, somewhere was trying to tell me something-

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"STOP STEALING MY BIT YOU COP-YCAT! I DON'T CARE IF THE SAME GUY'S WRITING US!"

No not that, something someone had said in a moment of anger, he'd let something slip...something important...

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<div style="text-align:left;">"No Alien Invader’s going to be ZEN Master? Too late for that..."

</div>

<div style="text-align:center;">"Karrg wasn’t the first but he will be the last..."</div>

<div style="text-align:right;">"...his brother shall be surpassed..."</div>

"My...god."

ZEN Master, Karrg's brother was a ZEN Master but who? Who could it have been? The mystery had been left to simmer in the greater war with the aliens but surely if Karrg's brother was out there he would be an encyclopedia on the Conqueror's weaknesses...

My arms trembled, my vision blurred, before I knew it my wall had a corkboard connecting the various reigns of ZEN Masters throughout the ages before me, red strings and pins in my hand I sighed.

So much for vacation.</div>

Pteroid · December 27, 2021

And now here it is...

Your Moment of ZEN

The Road to the Way of the Warrior

Part 3: Sting of the B

Our cameras fade in on a sight few if any of the ZEN Faithful have ever seen before: The darkened halls of the ZEN Council's chambers where a lone man stands before the twelve members of the hallowed and mysterious tribunal...

"We have deliberated long upon your proposal."

"And?"

The Council Member, his robes adorned with the Mortarboard cap symbolizing his status as The Scholar shakes his head.

Scholar:

"It is a dangerous game you play here, young one. There is a reason such acts are the purview of those like-"

B:

"They only do it because they know tecnicos aren't willing to fight fire with fire. This isn't an eye poke or a low blow, this is a just punishment for a man who has spent almost a decade making life miserable for everyone he's come into contact with!"

Another council member, this one with the symbol of the Jester, snickers from nearby.

Jester:

"Justice is administered by the referees, is that not why I appointed Mr. Yale~?"

A third with the symbol of the Philosopher points accusatorially.

Philosopher:

"You appointed Yale for the sake of an infantile pun, it took us years to put things to rights."

Jester:

"Like Reedman is any less blind~"

Killer B:

"Do you accept my stipulation or not!? You seemed fine with him trying to end my career, how is my suggestion that much different?"

B's shout echoes through the chambers, his is regarded by all in attendance who despite their obscured faces seem annoyed at his brazeness.

Scholar:

"It shall, as all things brought before this Council be brought to a vote. Are you ready, my colleagues?"

The room mutters its assent and the voting begins.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes..."

"No."

"NO!"

"No~"

"Y-"

"YUP!"

"N-O."

"Nope."

B looks to the council members, teeth grit, fists clenching.

Scholar:

"Well it would appear it comes down to He who controls this grandest of our events. As the leader of this month's council his vote carries the power of two, so there can be no tie."

The camera looks deep into the darkness at the heart of the chamber where thumping footsteps signal the arrival of a final member of the Council: A bear of a man with robes emblazoned with many a weapon, this is...The Warrior.

"Young tecnico the stipulation you have chosen is...diabolical, merciless, I may even say cruel. We have lost our fair share to the uncaring dalliances with powers beyond even this Council's knowledge..."

B begins to protest but the Warrior holds up a hand.

Warrior:

"However, in War it is a fool who does not endeavor to know his enemy's intentions. Damian Dastardly has foolishly put himself in this position, and do we blame the ambusher for the laziness of one's scouts? Do we blame the tank crews for the fall of cavalry? Damian Dastardly has made war upon you, Killer B, and in his arrogance has left himself blind to the harshness of your reprisal."

"I."

"Vote."

"YES."

There is murmurring among the Council members but the Warrior merely turns -revealing a back not unlike a porcupines if instead of quills there were arrows, spears, and swords- and walks back into the shadows.

Jester:

"Hmph, drama queen."

Scholar:

"Enough, we have our answer. Killer B if you are victorious at Way of the Warrior, Damian Dastardly will-"

Philosopher:

"Hang on...who brought a camera in here?"

Scholar:

"Hm-wh-these chambers are private, who would dare to-"

Jester:

"Ooh ooh, Assassin, quick do something cool!"

As if in answer what appears to be a shuriken or kunai is thrown out of the darkness and shatters the camera lens, the feed is cut and we are left with our questions unanswered...

Until Way of the Warrior, that is~

Blake Trask · December 27, 2021

These are all fabulous.

Very very intrigued to discover B's stipulation.

Big Roguey · December 27, 2021

Really liked that ZEN Council stuff, it's a fantastic spin on it all. B's reasoning makes me think this might be the start of the path to darkness.

HiPlus · December 27, 2021

I have to agree with everything said. The council representing each event is something truly amazing. Really enjoyed it.

HiPlus · December 27, 2021

MAIN EVENT STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE ZEN MASTER TITLE

LORD ZERO © vs Pumpkin Jack

How could it not be LORD ZERO! I mean he has done everything right so far, been a dominating presence for the company for the company. Has his own league named after him. I am just enjoying him being presented as a dominating figure and not dropping the title so quickly.

2 Out Of Three Falls Lucha De Apuestas!

If Dastardly Wins B is Banished, if B Wins ???

Damian Dastardly vs Killer B

B because mysteries are always good things and we must find out what it is. That and it may be time for Skullduggery to turn their backs on the heir apparent.

4 vs 4 Grudge Match

The Alien Armada (Karrg the Conqueror, Man O'War, & The Vanguard)

vs

Halloween Knight, Crimebuster, Devilfish & A Mystery Partner

Mystery Partners are always a good thing. That and Crimebuster needs a win.

Special Exhibition Match

Vertigo vs Urban Fox

Urban Fox might do good things, but those good things wont happen just yet.

The Enemy (Massacre & Cyanide) vs Eraser & Shaolin

A comfortable win for Massacre to dominate in.

3 On 1 Handicap Match

Pink Spider, Trevor Feather, & Dazzler vs Milk Guy

Dazzler eats the pin, though Trevor Feather and Pink Spider are decent.

Non Title Match

Warp-Jump vs D-Pod & Dizzy G

Warp-Jump are just too high up the food chain.

Conceptual Title Four Way Dance

Kalliope Woodchuck © vs Lerone Slim vs Buckminster Snark vs Rekha

Buckminster Snark with a sneaky and surprise win. While I think most would go with Kalliope.

ZERO LEAGUE MATCHES

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AUSTRALIAN RULES MATCH

Maelstrom vs Hack the Hunter

Money is on Hack looking the strongest at the end of the feud, if it continues past here then Maelstrom may pick up a questionable win.

Sir Silas Strange & Canuckian Dragon vs C-W-A & Auckland Raider

Literal voin flip, but cant think of Auckland Raider doing anything.

Kaia Marshall & Naoji Azumi vs Next Level

Don't Miss The Biggest Show of the Year!

Pteroid · December 29, 2021

ZERO LEAGUE

Live From From Wellington

Attendance: 630

Before the beginning of the ZERO LEAGUE we were treated to the ZEN Master LORD ZERO and his Voice addressing the LEAGUE’s roster. The Voice put great emphasis on ZERO’s victory tonight being inevitable and made it clear that when it happens the ZERO LEAGUE will be catching up on some sorely missed banishments, including tracking down the missing Buchanans to be scattered to the winds along with the likes of Urban Fox and his allies.

With a dismissive gesture, ZERO took his seat in his throne with the Voice at his side. The first match quickly got underway…

Kaia Marshall & Naoji Azumi vs Next Level

An interesting match up including three of the newcomers from WLW and undoubtedly the most chill prospect in all of ZEN, Azumi and Marshall gelled surprisingly well for a first time pairing and brought the fight to the more seasoned duo Next Level. Next Level tried to use their own brand of dirty tactics take control of the match but Azumi’s history with them helped Kaia to counter the various tricks in Next Level’s arsenal, culminating in Marshall and Azumi getting eye raked and tossed from the ring in stereo by their opponents only to land on their feet on the aprons and sprint to the turnbuckles to scale up to the top ropes. Confident in having caught some breathing room, Next Level turned to find themselves getting hit with stereo crossbodies from Marshall and Azumi that secured the tecnico duo’s victory.

WINNERS VIA PINFALL: KAIA MARSHALL & NAOJI AZUMI

C-W-A & Auckland Raider vs Canuckian Dragon & Sir Silas Strange

Sparky gave a helpful update to the Faithful that Dragon and Strange’s team had taken the name ‘Donjons & Dragons’ after the card got announced and this odd new pairing looked to settle a score against the minions of LORD ZERO. With their master looking on and the price of failure hanging over their heads, Raider and C-W-A threw their a-game into this match with a blitzkrieg of brawling and roughneck rulebreaking above and beyond even their usual output. However, the honorable Sir Silas seemed to have a similar talent for technical grappling as his descendant and that combined with the roguish knowhow of Dragon proved more than a match for the rudos as springboard dropkick from Dragon incapacitated C-W-A long enough for Sir Silas to lock in what was identified as a ‘Slaying the Dragon Sleeper’ on Raider for the tapout victory. Donjons and Dragons celebrated their first win as a team as Raider and C-W-A were forced to scuttle off after LORD ZERO, who reacted to this failure by abruptly standing from his throne and leaving, his minions begging forgiveness for yet another defeat.

WINNERS VIA SUBMISSION: DONJONS & DRAGONS

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE AUSTRALIAN RULES MATCH

Maelstrom vs Hack the Hunter

A hotly anticipated grudge match between the two largest and most dominant fighters in the ZERO LEAGUE, Hack and Maelstrom clashed with the fury of two enraged bears and it was a wonder how there’d even be a ring left in time for Way of the Warrior. Power move for power move, fist for fist, weapon for weapon the towering bio construct and seasoned huntsman put on a bout rarely seen in the likes of ZEN, with highlights including Hack nailing an impressive delayed suplex on his gargantuan opponent, a chokeslam through a table set up by Dr. Trollson by Maelstrom, and the aforementioned Dr. getting a chair he was going to use on Hack booted back into his face. With his manager down Maelstrom went into a rage, pummeling at Hack with unrestrained anger that only Hack’s keen survival instincts helped him weather. With Maelstrom slowly tiring himself out, Hack saw an opportunity and rallied against his nemesis before going for his signature pounce-

Only to receive a clubbing blow to the back of the head by Mister Hyde!

With the fans booing the interference of the other big man, Hyde shook Maelstrom out of his funk and directed his fellow colossus to join him in a beatdown of Hack. Together the two of them battered the tecnico down before finishing him with a double power bomb that saw Maelstrom pick up the pinfall victory over the only man in the ZERO LEAGUE that could rival him. Hyde picked up the limp Dr. Trollson and commanded Maelstrom to the back, the alliance that began in the Harmony title match apparently cemented here tonight to the fans’ great displeasure. ZERO LEAGUE ends with Sparky questioning if such tactics from the rudo half of the roster could mean the fans are in for a bad night on the main show…

WINNER VIA PINFALL: MAELSTROM

Pteroid · January 1, 2022

WAY OF THE WARRIOR

Live From From Wellington

Attendance: 630

We open on a darkened room, those who’ve followed the Moment of ZEN series will recognize it as the chambers of the Council of ZEN, eleven of the twelve members are seated as the heavy tread of the one who leads this group echo out from the darkness. Within moments he steps into view, hands behind his back as he looks into the camera…

“In this world there are many roads a human being may travel down…”

We cut abruptly to the throne room of LORD ZERO, the ZEN Master drumming his fingers on the belt that denotes his station as the Voice paces back and forth, a nervous energy in the air.

The Warrior:

“Some discard all that they were before, choosing a path of domination and despotism…”

We cut again to a lockerroom at the arena, Devilfish and Halloween Knight in animated discussion when the door busts open and they’re joined by an out of breath Crimebuster. The camera focuses hard on them so fans can read the apologies for tardiness on Buster’s lips, further conversation is cut off as the door opens again and the view adjusts to see the reactions of the three men: Knight’s nod of respect, Crimebuster’s awe, Devilfish’s grin growing to match his mask’s…

The Warrior:

“Other’s band together in times of hardship, forming bonds unshakeable, unbreakable in the face of overwhelming odds…”

A peek into Skullduggery’s locker room has Cyanide doting on his heir apparent Damien Dastardly as the other three look on. Massacre tapes his knuckles while Casual Violence conspire with one another, four of the five in this picture know a reckoning is upon the fifth even as he remains oblivious…

The Warrior:

“While fouler pacts sour as paths diverge…”

Elsewhere in the building Kalliope Woodchuck laces up her boots, looking up in time to see Buckminster Snark arriving rather late to the show. He offers her a hand to stand up from the bench, with a smile playing across her face, Kalliope takes it.

The Warrior:

“But perhaps it is better to diverge than even try to seek a partnership doomed to fail? Hmm…”

Backstage the uhm…interesting gentleman of mystery stares intently at something just offscreen. The camera moves slightly to see it is in fact a gallon of Vitamin D Whole Milk.

The Warrior:

“Even as we find our meaning in even things many deem mundane or absurd…”

In a more secluded spot of the building Killer B throws fists and kicks at the air, eyes filled with determination in the face of his showdown with Dastardly…

The Warrior:

“We must always remember…”

Pink Spider and Trevor Feather are getting last minute makeup touches from a team of stylists as Dazzler checks himself out in a nearby mirror.

The Warrior:

“This. Is. ZEN.”

Karrg orders around his soldiers, gleefully anticipating his ultimate victory over Halloween Knight’s alliance of do-gooders…

The Warrior:

“And at the end of it all only one Way will truly decide everything…”

Pumpkin Jack regards the arena from a nearby alleyway, giving the camera a cutting glare as he begins striding towards the place where he’ll meet his destiny, revealing behind him a poster advertising the event as the Warrior speaks one final time:

The Warrior:

“The Way of the Warrior.”

CONCEPTUAL TITLE MATCH

vsvsvs

Kalliope Woodchuck © vs Buckminster Snark vs Lerone Slim vs Rekha

A match that has been brewing since the start of the year started the night off with fireworks as all four combatants came into this with an unmatched fury. To start things resembled little more than a tag match as Snark and Kalli had to contend with Lerone’s technical acumen and Rekha’s pure strength. Early falls very quickly came off the back of Rekha’s might with the big woman nearly claiming the Conceptual title with only interference from Snark and Woodchuck breaking up falls on each other standing in the way (Slim, notably, was allowing his partner to pin unimpeded). Rekha’s frustration, however, came back to bite her as attempting to charge both of the non-Skullduggery competitors saw her lowbridged and sent tumbling from the ring. Seeing an opportunity to fly, Kalli capitalized with a suicide dive on her larger foe taking both out. Snark looked around and seemed poised to follow his paramour out of the ring but ate a superkick from Slim on the approach and only barely managed to flop out of the ring following a Slimliner to avoid a pin.

Perhaps over-eager to capitalize on his finisher, Slim chased after Snark out of the ring and soon found himself waylaid by a crossbody from Kalliope off the apron. Helping Snark up she and Buckminster begin putting a beatdown on Lerone that’s cut off when the crowd starts screaming at a horrifying development:

Rekha’s on the apron and charging. (Possibly one of the scariest sentences in the human language, up there with ‘Madman Boone has a chainsaw’ or ‘Ron Greenhorn has a mic’)

To the terror of all involved, Rekha throws herself off the apron like a cannonball and slams into the other three wrestlers in a move that frankly should’ve made the ground tremble. The big woman stands and roars at her accomplishment to some grudging respect from the crowd. Managing to pick up her tag partner, she tosses Lerone back into the ring and follows him up with Kalliope, leaving Buckminster on the ground outside. Helping Lerone come back to his senses after flattening him, Rekha directs traffic as the two of them begin dismantling the Conceptual Champion, doubleteaming her with a weather eye towards where Buckminster was still on the outside in case he tries to play knight in shining armor. Unbeknownst to them, Snark has been crawling his way around ringside, searching for the timekeeper’s table and -more importantly- the chair the timekeeper was sitting in. This is little comfort to Kalli as Casual Violence hits her with one, two, three double powerbombs (the last one being Rekha’s signature sit-out version) and Lerone goes for the pin.

1…2…

CRACK!

The steel chair slams into Lerone’s back and he writhes around on the mat in pain. Rekha moves to attack but Snark rams the thin end of the chair into her belly and raises it over his head-only to find the big woman’s reaction time is fast enough to catch the chair as it comes down! The two struggle with it for a few moments before Rekha headbutts him and snatches it away, sending Buckminster stumbling back. Rekha hands off the chair to Lerone and yanks Snark by the arm into a lariat, keeping a hold of him to bring him back up and restrain him, barking orders for Lerone to smash him in the face with the chair! Snark’s on spaghetti legs as Lerone gets in his face and talks some unheard trash until Snark responds by spitting in the other young star’s face. Face contorted in rage, Slim steps back and lets loose a massive chair shot-that Snark ducks and smashes into Rekha instead, the big woman staggers back into a corner in a daze as Slim turns and tries to hit Snark again but runs directly into a Snark Bite! The crowd is going crazy as Snark looks around, realizing victory is in his grasp and yet…

And yet…

He scrambles over to the still prone Kalliope, checking on her and patting her face. Shutting his eyes tight he drags her to a corner and tries to keep resuscitating her from the beating she just received. Kalli’s eyes flutter open and Snark finally seems satisfied enough to turn around and try to pin Lerone-only he finds someone else standing in the way: An extremely pissed off Rekha. Defiant, Snark punches her once, twice, three times before going to bounce off the ropes and quickly finding himself in a powerbomb position as Rekha turns them towards the center of the and gets a running start for a sit-out powerbomb! Rekha moves to pin Snark but Kalliope launches herself at the other woman, pounding on her back in a desperate attempt to save the man who’d been trying to woo her for nearly half a year. Rekha shoves Kalliope off and stands in time for Kalliope to bounce off the ropes and throw a dropkick, sending Rekha back and bouncing off the ropes herself into a Woodchipper! Rekha staggers and stumbles but doesn’t fall, Kalli runs in and hits another Woodchipper! Rekha’s on spaghetti legs and the fans are going crazy as Kalli goes to run the ropes one more time-

And eats a superkick from Lerone Slim!

Kalli’s stunned, Slim goes to pull her into position for the Slimliner but Snar intervenes, shoving him away only to get waylaid by Rekha who pounds the back of his head and sends him staggering into Slim’s waiting arms! Rekha grabs the dazed Kalliope at the same time and a sit-out powerbomb/Slimliner combo puts to bed any hopes of a comeback from the Champion and her rudo suitor. Rekha and Slim…pin both of them at the same time? It’s counted but…what? What!?

WINNER AND NEW CONCEPTUAL CHAMPION: REKHA? LERONE SLIM? Uh…-

Lerone and Rekha stand, raising their hands and pantomiming a double lifting of the Conceptual Belt. Sparky can’t believe the audacity of them to try and both claim the belt at the same time while Dustin Thane notes that theoretical gold could have been Snark’s but he chose sentimentality over success…

As things are calmed down at ringside we cut backstage where-

“Yo yo ZEN Faithful, how you doin’ tonight!? It’s ya boy D-Pod!”

“And ya other boy Dizzy G, and we are-”

D-Pod:

“D!”

Dizzy:

“And G!”

Both:

“Funk! Factory!”

D-Pod:

“Now listen listen listen listen list-EN, folks and folkettes we got ourselves a special night tonight, don’t we G?”

Dizzy:

“Oh yeah, D, we got ourselves a chance to get our names on the big bad map. What with the old guard of tag teams dropping like flies around Doc Trollson’s bio-bot’s exhaust port-”

D-Pod:

“STANK!”

Dizzy:

“The ZEN Council decided to give our two enterprising young bright-eyed selves a crack at the Harmony Champs and ya’ll know when it comes to D&G we are all about that-”

Both:

Haaaarmonyyyyyy~!

D-Pod:

“Aw beautiful, chills, literal chills.”

Dizzy:

“So it goes like this, we knew that our usual brand of quality wasn’t gonna cut it on the big stage so innovators we are, we got ourselves a little somethin’ special, dig?”

D-Pod reaches down and holds up something…peculiar.

“Sup bruhs?”

D-Pod:

“Don’t go gettin’ the holy spray bottle just yet, folks, it ain’t possessed. Our homeboy’s in there courtesy of Dr. T!”

Dizzy:

“After ‘ole mini-mean went and destroyed poor Luchatron all that was left was his metal mind, so the two of us decided to use our bootleg experience to-“

Bluebox:

“I’m like a Boombox now, bruhs, I got like…no physical needs and the only expectations people have are I put out the tunes. I’m like, in heaven. Shame I can’t smo-“

D-Pod:

“We’ll pop in some Bob Marley for ya later my man.”

Bluebox:

“Radical!”

Dizzy:

“But first we gotta teach the Guru’s Goons how to groove, so let’s hit it!”

D-Pod hefts the boombox onto his shoulder and the duo head for the ring.

NON TITLE MATCH

vs

D&G Funk Factory vs Warp-Jump

A battle of the experienced young champs and hungry up and comers, a tale as old as time right down to the magical guru at ringside getting annoyed by a sentient boombox. The Bluebox, macabre it may be, proves to have a rather…abnormal effect on D&G in that the music it plays gives them a boost no matter the situation. For some reason it really likes 90’s Jock Jams, a far cry from the chill being it used to be but hey if it works it works. Vishni for his part tries and eventually succeeds in seizing the Bluebox and turning it off, allowing the champs to regain momentum and put the hurt on D&G, isolating Dizzy G with the sort of double-team rudo tactics Warp-Jump built a career off of. Even with the Faithful’s support, G seems hopeless with the ring cut in half like this…

But D-Pod’s got a plan, stealthily slipping his way around the ring to where Vishni has the Bluebox, he artfully cranks up the volume and blasts it in the Guru’s ears. In the ring G seemed about ready to be devastated by a double superkick from Warp-Jump when-

”U Can’t Touch This!”

The dulcet tones of MC Hammer cause G to bend backwards in a mood that would make Neo proud and leave both rudos to stumble over him. In an instant they regroup and go for a double clothesline as G unbends himself but-

”U Can’t Touch This!”

Dizzy does the splits with an almost supernatural awareness and sends them stumbling into and over the ropes pulled down by D-Pod who joins his partner in the ring for an impromptu dance party after depositing the Bluebox in a safe corne. A half-deafened Vishni tries to marshall his troops on the outside as G and D pull off some athletic moves in the ring to the crowd’s delight. Finally Warp-Jump storm the ring behind D&G’s back but-

”STOP!

Are stopped in their tracks by both of the opposing team putting up a single hand. Toady and Warped look at each other before charging again and-

”HAMMER TIME!”

Get nailed by stereo Pelé kicks from D&G! The crowd is going crazy as D&G flank their opponents and nail their stereo victory rolls with clasped hands!

1!

2!

CRACK!

Guru Vishni like an avenging angel of squareness, leaps into the fray and cracks Dizzy G with one of the Harmony belts before scuttling away. The bell rings and the fans erupt in a chorus of boos as Vishni shoves away D-Pod and quickly retreats with his charges in tow, both looking shocked at how close they were to losing to this far less experienced pairing. D-Pod goes to check on Dizzy who’s out of it and glares at the backs of their cowardly opponents, clearly this isn’t the end of things between both groups…

WINNERS VIA DISQUALIFICATION: D&G FUNK FACTORY

Backstage we see one side of our next match preparing to meet their destiny…

“Alright my daaaarling Trevvy…and Dazzler, are you two ready to put an end to this infernal Milkman once and for all?”

“Always my perfectly pedicured prince of pretty.”

“I’m beyond ready to show that brute how intolerant of lactose I am! …quick question!”

Pink:

“Yeeees?”

Dazzler:

“I know there’s three of us but uhm…he’s big. Very very big. And strong. And mean. And also big. How are we going to…survive?”

Pink:

“Oh Dazzler, sweet innocent naive Dazzler, haven’t you realized by now I’ve got a plan for every occasion? I’ve had some…unique product brought in from America for this bout and I need YOU to ensure this goes off without a hitch, can you do that for me sweetie honey?”

Dazzler:

“I would dye for you.”

Pink:

“Excellent, Trevvy give him the goods.”

Trevor hands over a rather…perfume bottle shaped object covered in a black cloth, Dazzler moves to open it but Pink stops him.

Pink:

“No no, not yet, I need you to hide that on your person and keep yourself out of the line of fire. When I give the high sign, take that cloth off and spray yourself with what’s inside!”

Dazzler:

“Will…will this give me super powers?”

Pink:

“Honey when you spray that on you, you’ll be all that calcium-obssesed lummox can handle, I know it.”

Dazzler smiles wide and hides the bottle in his ostentatious leotard, giving his confederates the thumbs up before prancing out of the room. Spider and Trevor smirk at each other before following him out…

vs

Pink Spider, Trevor Feather, & Dazzler vs The Milk Guy

Even with the numbers advantage facing off with the musclebound hulk known as…well Milk Guy is an order about as tall as a certain Aussie named Bruce. Still in a bizarre strategy, Pinkie and the Vane go it alone with Dazzler in reserve, nervously hanging on at the periphery of the bout as the Milk Weirdo batters his way through the attempts of Spider and Feather to put him on the backstep. Trevor briefly gains the upperhand for the rudo squad by pulling the bandanna Milk Guy wears down around his eyes allowing for a plethora of cheap shots on his and Pink’s end until Milk Guy gets wise enough to rip it off and resume the clobbering. Still the creativeness of the two pastel punks keeps this from being a squash as a gut buster by the Milk Guy on Trevor gets him in an odd position for an adhoc shining wizard by Pink who steps up off of his own partner’s back. A double fujiwara armbar from Pinkie and the Vain see the Milk Guy struggling, his inability to say anything other than the object of his obsession making it impossible for him to verbally submit. However, with the ZEN Faihtful behind the massive (in every sense of the word) weirdo, he manages to break free with pure brute strength and grabs Trevor for a headbutt flurry that sends him sprawling out of the ring.

Beating his chest and bringing his attention back to Spider, Milk Guy stalks after the subject of his wrath for months at this point, hands outstretched and ready to batter him once more when-

Pink:

“NOW DAZZLER NOW!”

Dazzler:

“YOU GOT IT BOSS, HEY FREAK! CHECK THIS OUT!”

Dazzler yanks off the black cloth of his contrband perfume and reveals it to the world-

What…what would that even smell like?

Not bothering to read the label, Dazzler starts spritzing himself down with the dubious cologne…and immediately starts gagging and retching.

Dazzler:

“I SMELL MILK AND GASOLINE! WHY!? HOW!? THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! WHAT WAS IN THAT THING!?”

Sadly Dazzler’s woes aren’t restrained to the olfactory as Milk Guy’s eyes widen and he charges the narcissist. Gabbing him by his leotard straps he yanks him into the ring and delivers a beating beyond anything he’d done before, powerslamming Dazzler once!

Twice!

Thri-Spider shoves Herbie Reedman in the way!

Milk Guy stops just short, realizing an innocent is in the way of his rampage. As he sets Dazzler down however, Reedman’s eyes turn to the abused rudo just long enough for Spider to slam a low blow into his nemesis and roll him up, feet on the ropes with Trevor hanging onto his boots in desperation. The count is academic with every possible advantage on the rudos’ side, a heartbreaking loss for milk enthusiasts everywhere as the Milk Guy is left by the celebrating rudos to crawl away, morale clearly shaken by his beloved milk betraying him. I mean that’s what I get out of it, you kinda have to make your own narratives when it comes to a guy with one word in his vocabulary.

WINNERS VIA PINFALL: PINK SPIDER, TREVOR FEATHER, & DAZZLER

We’re taken away from the action to the lair of LORD ZERO where things are tense to say the least…

“Honk.”

“LORD ZERO grows tired of your excuses, excuses. How many times have you been called on to serve the ZEN Master and how many times have you failed, failed?”

“H-hey look it isn’t our fault, you can’t expect to go to the super bowl with a fresh lineup, even with the best coach!”

The Voice:

“Quiet you, we have saved you from rightful banishment time after time and how have you repaid us, repaid us?”

CWA:

“HONK!”

The Voice:

“Do not take that one with me or LORD ZERO, LORD ZERO! You’re lucky we had to return Anguish to his dimension after his battle with Pumpkin Jack otherwise we-...we…?”

The Voice looks over as his master walks past him and towards C-W-A.

“...”

Even C-W-A’s hard edged exterior cracks a bit as he comes face to face with the ZEN Master. Raider takes a step away from the clown…

The Voice:

“My Lord, I believe you should…not make hasty decisions, decisions. True they failed to exterminate those who nip at our heels but a far greater threat requires greater numbers, greater num-”

ZERO goes to look at Voice and C-W-A makes a very big mistake: He throws a punch at the distracted ZEN Master, a punch that is swiftly deflected and countered with a hook kick! C-W-A falls to his knees and finds his arms seized by ZERO and-

HONKA!

A knee is rammed into his big red nose.

HONKA!

Again.

HONKA!

And again.

HONKA! HONKA! HONKA!

With all the ferocity that ZERO can manage, it’s a scene as surreal as it is brutal, The Voice attempts to pull ZERO off his victim but it’s no use now. In the next instant the clown is down and ZERO is stepping back to his throne, hand raising and with a snap of his fingers C-W-A disappears…banished like all the rest. The Voice turns to Raider.

Voice:

“Run. Run. Now. Now.”

Raider does as bade and flees the lair, The Voice looking back to ZERO and exhaling. If nothing else, the ZEN Master isn’t keen on taking it easy on anyone tonight…

vs

The Enemy (Cyanide & Massacre) vs Eraser & Shaolin

In many ways thrown to the wolves, Eraser and Shaolin attempt to make the best of a bad situation by pooling their collective bags of tricks together against one of the most dominant teams in ZEN history. It goes about as well as you’d expect for anyone on the opposite side of the ring from Massacre, that is to say a complete and utter drubbing. Cyanide barely has to do any of the work as his old partner in crime batters his way through the opposing team, culminating on a Black Descent on Eraser followed by Cyanide tagging himself in and pinning the masked mercenary.

WINNERS VIA PINFALL: THE ENEMY

Post-match Cyanide directs Massacre to do two more Black Descents to both of their opponents before casually nailing Shaolin with a Skull Splitter and grabbing a mic.

“That! That right there was just the second part of Skullduggery getting back on track! I’m one of the most devious minds in the world of wrestling, I should be ZEN Master again right now-!”

“Excuse me?”

Cyanide:

“I should be…BEST FRIENDS with the ZEN Master right now! But you see, somebody wanted to mess with my students, somebody wanted to mess with ME! Newsflash to those just joining us, THAT’S A VERY VERY BAD IDEA! Vertigo I don’t know what led you to shake hands with these two chumps but if you needed them to take down Slim and Rekha, then imagine -just imagine- what it’s gonna take to stop ME and big bad Massacre! Tonight I put out the word: Anyone who dares to help Vertigo is as good as dead, anyone who hides him, anyone who gives him ten bucks, and DEFINITELY anyone STUPID enough to fight with him! Are you listening to me, Vertigo!? THIS! IS! WAR!”

Cyanide slams the microphone down and storms off, Massacre looks rather annoyed and follows after, hands on hips.

SPECIAL EXHIBITION MATCH

vs

Urban Fox vs Vertigo

If Cyanide’s words fazed him at all it doesn’t show on Vertigo’s face as he engages the rookie in a high flying and exciting bout that sees the rookie matching Vertigo step for step throughout the early goings. Never one to slip his foot off the gas, however, Vertigo’s superior conditioning gives him the edge against his enthusiastic opponent and despite nearly falling victim to the Implant DDT a fair few times. A counter of the DDT into a Northern Lights suplex puts Fox on the mat long enough for the RADAR Legdrop to give Vertigo the win.

WINNER VIA PINFALL: VERTIGO

Post-match it’s Vertigo’s turn to speak but he doesn’t seem to even care about addressing the man whose threatened anyone who so much as looks at him, instead he’s fully focused on Urban Fox.

“Well fought young Fox! An exemplary effort! I can see how you got the upperhand on that HORRIBLE CLOWN-”

Vertigo coughs a bit at that outburst, old wounds still unhealed.

Vertigo:

“But now is not the time to dwell on the past, let us speak of the future my friend! I see within you potential, potential to match the bravery you needed to stand up to ZERO! What you need is a mentor, a teacher who can mold you into the superstar you were always meant to be! I, Vertigo, am offering you that tutelage, take my hand young man and within a mere matter of years you will be a champion! What do you say!?”

Urban Fox looks to the crowd who seem supportive of the decision if there are a few boos…and shakes Vertigo’s hand.

Vertigo:

“EXEMPLARY! Come with me, together we’ll have you reaching champion caliber in no time!”

Leading his new student off, Vertigo is all smiles, it’s not entirely clear if Fox realizes this puts him in Skullduggery’s crosshairs…

As soon as the supposed dynamic duo make their way offscreen, the Alien Armada make their own entrance, soaking in the boos of the ZEN Faithful, eager to bring conquest to ZEN and the world thereafter. As his minions taunt the crowd, Karrg retrieves a microphone and well…

Karrg:

“KYAAAAHAKHAKHAK! HERE IT IS, FOOLISH EARTHLINGS, THE FIRST STEP ON MY PATH TO DOMINATION OF YOUR PATHETIC WORLD! TODAY I-”

“NYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEH!”

Cutting off the rantings of the invader is Halloween Knight, flanked by Devilfish and Crimebuster, holding his own mic.

Knight:

“Ohhh wow that angry rambling, the threats, the signature laugh. Y’know I haven’t had the time to really bring this up but I see a LOT of myself in you, Karrgy. Takes me back to a simpler time, really brings back such lovely memories…mostly of beating of Devilfish here-”

Fish:

“Hey!”

Knight:

“If it weren’t for the whole attempting to destroy my company and to a lesser extent the world, I think we coulda be bosom pals but it simply wasn’t meant to be. Because unlike you, I’ve got a history in this place, and history is where you happen to find your best allies and that’s just what I did, I-”

Fish:

“You had me make a call to the mainland.”

Knight:

“...yes, yes I did to bring forth a prodigal son for a one night only return! BEHOLD EVERYONE, THE GRAND RETURN OF-”

”ARE YA READY KIDS!?”

”AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!”

Knight seems a bit annoyed by getting cut off again but make way along with his teammates. In the ring everyone looks confused except for Man O’War who is terrified. The fans, meanwhile, are ecstatic.

”I CAN’T HEAR YOOOOOU~!”

”AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!”

”OHHHHHHHHHHH~!”

”WHO CHOMPS ALL THE RUDO SCUM UNDER THE SEA?”

”YOUR PAL LONE SHARK!”

The crowd erupts as the long lost tag partner of Devilfish sprints out on the stage and past his teammates, dancing through the aisle to his theme song!

”AGILE, AQUATIC AND BOUNCY IS HE?”

”YOUR PAL LONE SHARK!”

Lone Shark slides into the ring and dances around further, hopping onto each turnbuckle and posing for the fans.

”IF NAUTICAL LUCHA BE SOMETHING YE WISH!”

”YOUR PAL LONE SHARK!”

”THEN DROP ON THE MAT AND FLOP LIKE A FISH!”

”YOUR PAL LONE SHARK!”

”YOUR PAL LONE SHARK! YOUR PAL LONE SHARK! YOUR PAL LONE SHARK!

YOUR! PAL! LONE SHAAAAAARK~!”

Lone Shark finally comes to a stop in the middle of the ring facing off with the Armada. A stillness hangs in the air.

Lone Shark:

“...anyway hi Manny!”

Karrg:

“GET HIM!”

The Armada pounce on Lone Shark and a brawl ensues that the returning luchador barely slips his way out of.

Shark:

“Hey fellas I might need some help!”

Crimebuster:

“Is he always this impulsive?”

Knight:

“Yes.”

Devilfish:

“Ain’t it great!?”

Knight:

“Alright, boys, pincer attack, CHAAAAARGE!”

ATOMICOS MATCH

vs

The match is chaos from the start like you’d expect, especially with Steven Yale having to evict Tremolo Rif from the ring before he can even start working on getting those meant to be in the match in order. Devilfish and Lone Shark work together like they haven’t missed a day, going toe to toe with the Vanguard while Buster takes on Man O’War and Knight battles Karrg. These battlelines don’t last long though and it’s a constant state of double-teams, surprise attacks, and fighting on the outside that eventually makes the blindest ref in the game throw up his hands and just try to survive the mess. Early on Lone Shark proves his worth when he swantons over the top rope with a boost from his teammates onto the rudos regrouping on the floor! With the crowd going wild the tecnico squad has the aliens on the ropes however Karrg has a trick up his sleeve…

“Sleeve entry unfeasible, cheap shot deemed acceptable alternative.”

While Yale’s already impaired attention is directed elsewhere, Tremolo Rif intervenes on behalf of Karrg to slam her taser fist into the small of Crimebuster’s back. The resounding BZZZZZZT causes the lights to flicker as the lawman goes down hard on the mats and Rif assists Karrg in dragging him under the ring. The match now becoming a five-on-three the tecnicos still fight the good fight, the sheer experience advantage of the good guy squad helping to counteract the numbers game as a double chopblock from Knight and Shark allows Devilfish to turn an attempted Anti-Human device into a poison rana on Deathwatch Beetle! With Laguna stranded on the top rope, Knight slams a shotei into his chin and climbs up, brawling with alien before falling back on his old tricks and poking him in his single eye. Knight calls for a superplex, unaware that behind him Man O’War and Karrg landed a Neptune’s Trident and Mafia Kick on both Devilfish and Shark! Eager to end the match, Knight with an almost liquid grace locks in the Pumpkin Patch on Laguna after impact and-

Eats a Mafia Kick to the face!

With Knight down, Karrg kicks Beetle and Laguna awake, making them pounce on Fish and Shark as Karrg orders Manny to drag Knight back up to his feet. With the Godfather of Ghouls in a daze, Karrg slaps him across the face no less than three times before Manny shoves Knight’s head between Karrg’s legs. A Conquest Bomb seals the fate of ZEN’s found and possibly…the world…

WINNERS VIA PINFALL: THE ALIEN ARMADA

It is a dark day for ZEN as Knight’s limp body is kicked from the ring, the Alien Armada pose in victory as the heroes who arrayed themselves against them limp away, forced to lick their wounds on the grandest stage in ZEN…

Dustin Thane, ever the rear-entrance kisser, happily notes the outsized amount of rudo victories tonight, theorizing that if it keeps up like this they’ll have to rename the show Way of the Rudo in perpetuity. Little dingus.

TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS

ZEN CAREER VS SOMETHING B WON’T TELL US ABOUT!

vs

Killer B vs Damian Dastardly

The hatred between these two hangs heavy in the air like a fog as they stare each other down, the last few months’ clashes being the crescendo of years of disdain. Killer B, a man who lives and breathes ZEN against Damian Dastardly, a man whose contempt for everyone and everything in the world has seen him reach the cusp of stardom in New Zealand’s biggest (and only) lucha league. The bell rings, they charge and-

Dastardly slams a field goal kick between B’s legs.

Winner of Fall #1: Killer B…yikes.

As B falls to the mat in agony, Damian cackles and shakes his head, ignoring Steven Yale’s admonishments for rulebreaking so flagrant even HE knew what happened. Damian struts around the downed B, kicking and stomping at his body with a sadistic glee, locking in a Mexican Surfboard Hold on his rival and shouting for the ref to shut his mouth at each ask for a submission. This is not about just victory for Damian, not even about ending B’s career, this is about a sheer desire to inflict agony on another human being at the biggest show of the year. Ref’s be damned, rules be damned, even giving that person an on-paper advantage be damned, Damian Dastardly is there to destroy a man and that’s exactly what he plans on doing. Eventually releasing the hold, he drags B by the hair into a corner to choke and gouge and bite at him, luxuriating in Steven Yale’s warnings and eventually laughing in his face when the referee has enough and yanks him off. As Yale threatens to end this, B lashes out and grabs Damian by the hair, yanking him into the corner instead and begins laying into him with desperate rights and lefts as the crowd explodes.

Yale seems a bit reluctant to start a five count but eventually relents and forces B to back off, but soon has to dive out of the way as B pounces back into the corner and sends Dastardly flying with a monkey flip! Energized by his own rage, B falls on Dastardly like the fury of an angry god and starts pounding on him again, rolling off only to begin stomping at his hated rival before yanking him by the hair and-

Taking a rake to his eyes!

Dastardly’s dirty tricks once again come to the for as he takes advantage of B’s impairment to catch him in an inside cradle that garners a nearfall until B reverses it into a pin of his own, the two maneuver for a pin for a few exchanges before Dastardly is forced to kick out and tries to seize one of B’s arms in the ensuing tangle to lock in an armbar! Dastardly being Dastardly he can’t resist scraping his boot across B’s face a few times before his opponent seizes his foot with his free arm and twists as hard as he can. Dastardly’s forced to let go with a yelp of pain, limping up and checking his ankle as B manages to stand and rush the rudo. Dastardly panics and goes for a superkick only for it to get caught and B hooks him, B goes for the B Sting but Dastardly slips free, spins him around and SPITS IN HIS FACE! B furiously tries to punch at his opponent but to the shock of everyone gets hit with a Dastardly Cunning out of nowhere! Pin! 1! 2! 3!

Winner of Fall #2: Damian Dastardly

Dastardly falls back into ropes, eyes wild but a massive grin across his face. As B lies in agony on the mat, Dastardly slips out of the ring and grabs a microphone, slipping back into the ring to lie next to B and get in his face.

Dastardly:

“Is it…sinking in yet, B? Are you realizing how insignificant you are? The only reason you still have a chance right now is because I gave you one. You hear how the crowd’s gone silent? They don’t believe in you anymore…they’re only gonna start chanting now because I brought. It. Up.”

The crowd defiantly does start chanting for B.

Dastardly:

“God you people are so easy to play they should just give you out in music class instead of recorders…I want you to soak in this B, I want you to experience it because this? This is the reality check your entire career has been leading towards. You. Are. Nobody. You aren’t a champion, you aren’t even a bit player, you absolutely aren’t the m-”

”IT’S THE MAN!”

Damian’s eyes go wide as his tirade is cut off, he turns towards the stage, scrambling up onto his feeet.

”IT’S THE MYTH!”

Dastardly:

“Heh…heheh…ok Lerone, that’s real cute but like Skullduggery in general I don’t NEED you right now so go! AWAY!”

”IT’S THE SUB! URBAN! LEGEEEEEEND!”

Strutting out onto the stage to Dastardly’s shock and the crowd’s delight is none other than SubUrban Legend, grinning ear to ear with a mic in hand.

Legend:

“Ohhhhh ZEN Faithful, even if it’s just for a night you know the Legend is glad to see you all again. But one mean mug I’m not happy to see is this likeness stealing son of a mother hubbard in the ring right now!”

Dastardly spits some venomous words out of range of the mic, angrily pointing at the stage.

Legend:

“Oh somebody’s angry, what Double Dutch you think I’mma come in that ring and make this a two on one? Nah nah nah that’s now how I operate. I’m just here to give my friend a REAL reality check. B you been listening to this scumbag talk his trash for months but somewhere along the way you forgot something: Damian Dastardly is the most evil man in ZEN but he’s also a LIAR!”

Dastardly’s body goes rigid at those words, he lifts his mic but Legend keeps going.

Legend:

“He lies to the fans, he lies to his friends, I bet when the doctors spanked his bottom and said it’s a boy the first words out of his mouth were ‘Nuh uh!’ So you listen to me and you listen good, you’re Killer B, you think I woulda been by your side all those years if I thought you were worthless? Man that’s so insulting I should smack you myself! The fans don’t cheer for you because they remember me, they cheer for you because you’re making brand new memories for them every time you step through those ropes! So get up and beat this chump like I and everyone in this building knows you can-”

Dastardly:

“SHUT UP! SHUT YOUR FACE AND GO BACK TO MCMINSTER’S WALLET YOU WASHED UP SELLOUT! YOU THINK YOU’RE HELPING B BY DISTRACTING ME!? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!”

Legend:

“Who’s distracting? I wasn’t even talking to you. Though my buddy there might wanna have some words. Heh, have fun, buddy.”

Legend turns and walks away, Damian’s eye twitches as he turns around and finds B staring at him from across the ring. There’s no sneak attack, no unfair advantage, just a man who suddenly remembers that he IS good enough, that he isn’t just what’s left of something great. Killer B is focused, confident, and has the glint of a warrior in his eye.

And Damian Dastardly is terrified.

As B advances, Dastardly tries to step in and toss the microphone at him, but B ducks and comes up with a rising knee that sends Dastardly bouncing off the ropes and into a Japanese Arm Drag which he stumbles up from into another and another and another before Dastardly has the sense to leave the ring altogether. This doesn’t save him long, however as B gets a running start and smashes into his foe with a tope con giro that he comes up from to a roar from the crowd. The ZEN Faithful are on their feet as B grabs Dastardly and tosses him into the ring, going to keep him right where he wants him. But a cornered snake is the most dangerous kind and Dastardly has awful aim when it comes to eye gouges, blinding B and desperately attempting another Dastardly Cunning!

B shoves him away.

Dastardly seizes Steven Yale’s walking stick

Dastardly swings and time…slows…

As B dodges the blow and slips behind the most evil man in ZEN.

It’s almost as though Damian realizes what’s about to happen as he turns, preparing for a B Sting-

What he gets is the same inside cradle he tried to use earlier.

1………2……….3!

WINNER OF THE THIRD AND FINAL FALL: KILLER B

As the crowd goes wild for this defeat of the most hated man in ZEN, B slowly rises and raises his arms-

And takes a mic to the back of his head.

Dastardly’s eyes are wild as he rampages around the ring, letting out a scream of rage into the mic before leaning down to berate B again.

Dastardly:

“YOU THINK THIS MEANS ANYTHING!? ANYTHING AT ALL!? YOU IDIOT! YOU MORON! THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING! I AM DONE PLAYING AROUND WITH YOU! YOU THINK SOMETHING LIKE CUTTING MY HAIR WILL STOP ME!? NO! BANISH ME FROM ZEN!? ALL I’D HAVE TO DO IS PUT A BANDANNA ON AND START SAYING BROTHER AND THE FECKLESS MORONS THEY HAVE FOR SECURITY WOULD THINK I’M SAM STRONG! YOU WRETCHED LITTLE WORM! YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME! I’M BETTER THAN YOU! I’M BE-”

Dastardly’s silenced as the lights go out.

“Enough.”

When the lights come back on the ring is filled with the members of the ZEN Council, surrounding Dastardly who looks around wild-eyed and giggling.

Dastardly:

“Oh so now you’re here, huh? What? I say something bad? Teacher gonna punish me? Don’t make me laugh! You’re all jokes too, you can’t make me-”

The Warrior:

“You will abide by the stipulation.”

Dastardly:

“Hah, sure I will sure I will, that’s me alright! I would never do something so underhanded as IGNORE A STIPULATION! I mean what even happens if I don’t!?”

The Warrior:

“You will abide by the stipulation.”

Dastardly:

“SHUT UP, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS, YOU’RE NOT GETTING RID OF ME! YOU CAN’T GET RID OF ME!”

Voice:

“You’re right…”

Slowly pulling himself up on the ropes, Killer B gives Dastardly the same steely eyed glare as before.

B:

“You’re too clever…there’s nothing I could do to get rid of you…”

Dastardly smirks.

B:

“So what if…I just got a better you instead?”

Dastardly’s expression drops, a realization is coming over him…

Dastardly:

“No…no no no NO NO NO NO! YOU CAN’T! YOU WON’T! YOU’RE TOO GOODY GOODY TO DO THAT! EVEN VISHNI ONLY DID IT BY ACCIDENT! THAT’S-”

B:

“Exactly what you deserve…”

Warrior:

“And you will abide by it.”

The Council begin to close in on Dastardly, who drops the mic and tries to flee but he can’t escape, as they close in her screams in a rage and dives for B as the light flickers and goes out.

When it comes back on…he’s gone.

B pants and falls on his back, the crowd is silent.

Warrior:

“Security will be dispatched to find…him. I hope you will not come to regret this decision. Now go, there is still one last battle for tonight.”

B nods, rolling out of the ring and limping to the back, the ultimate victor of this war between himself and Dastardly.

The fans are given a little time to decompress as the steel cage is erected for the main event. As the cage is erected Sparky Sparks tries to go over some famed cage matches in ZEN’s history while Dustin Thane wants to speculate on what just happened, bringing up multiple possibilities as to where he was sent and what version of him we now have.

The crowd explodes as the guitar cover of Toccatat and Fugue blasts of the PA and out comes the man challenging for the Master Title tonight:

PUMPKIN JACK

The Tricky Treat steps out onto the stage and regards the steel cage with determination. Standing alone before the adoring Faithful he makes his way down to the ring amid the strains of the classic spooky music. Shedding his everpresent long coat he steps into the structure and stretches before facing off with his most recent nemesis…

”ALL HAIL LORD ZERO! LORD ZEEEERROOOOOOO!”

The boos for the Voice of ZERO are almost immediate and only intensify when the champion himself makes his way out onto the stage. Holding his title high above his head, LORD ZERO steps towards the cage and the only man he views as a threat to his title. His minions are gone, his mercenaries banished, all he has left is his Voice who trails behind him in fear. He steps into the cage and glares menacingly at the other masked man. Slowly the cage door is closed and locked, it is time.

ZEN MASTER TITLE CAGE MATCH

vs

From the word go these two are on each other with malice, ZERO desperate to keep his Master Title and Jack eager to reclaim it and get vengeance for his imprisonment for most of the year so far. Athletics and acrobatics mix seamlessly with martial arts strikes and submission attempts as two of ZEN’s best warriors battle it out within this imposing structure. ZERO is naturally the first to use the environment to his advantage, slipping free of a Pumpkinhandle Suplex attempt to push kick Jack into the cage and body slammed him further into it.

The inherent brutality of the cage match clearly favors the merciless ZEN Master and this is shown when he traps Jack between the ropes and cage and slams a devastating rising knee to sandwich him in for an extremely close nearfall. However what’s good for the goose is good for the gander and an attempt at the ZERO HOUR saw Jack managing to power his way out and bash his opponent’s body into the walls of the cage himself before Northern Lights Suplexing the ZEN Master to the mat for his own nearfall.

Sensing trouble for his master, The Voice of ZERO retrieves a tonfa from his robes and slides it into the ring. Jack sees this and stomps the Voice’s fingers but the weapon manages to find its way into ZERO’s grasp who uses it expertly to lay a beating on Jack as the fans boo. Relishing his advantage, ZERO moves to choke out Jack with the weapon, the once emotionless hero now sadistically enjoying the slow demise of his nemesis until…

Jack’s elbow finds ZERO’s ribs once, twice, three times breaking the grip and allowing Jack to seize the tonfa for himself. Showing himself to be no stranger to the weapon Jack throws his own swings at ZERO who barely dodges until a high kick attempt is launched at the same time as Jack swings again and both men are downed by the blows to their heads! The crowd watches with bated breath as champion and challenger crawl to the ropes in an effort to return to a vertical base. As they stare down one more time this feels as though this may be the deciding clash…they charge!

And commence with an exchange of strikes few have seen before in ZEN. Not even bothering with defense the two men attempt to pound each other into submission with fists and palms and kicks as it becomes a test of pure strength and endurance that leaves Dustin and Sparky speechless at its brutality. Jack is finally the first one to block a vertical chop from ZERO before push kicking him into the ropes, ZERO springboards off and surprises Jack with the ZERO HOUR b-but no! Jack has it scouted and goes for the Northern Lights suplex again-ZERO flips through onto his feet but Jack’s already turned around behind him! PUMPKINHANDLE SUPLEX! PIN!

1!

2!

2.9 KICKOUT FROM THE MASTER!

The crowd is chanting Jack’s name at a deafening volume, he looks around and to the corner, could he be looking for the Orange Bowl!? As ZERO tries to return to his senses on the mat, Jack scales to the top rope-

But the Voice of ZERO has scaled the cage with the mate to the first Tonfa and is attempting to jab it into Jack’s side through the bars! Jack sees it coming and struggles with him as ZERO steps in with the first weapon, eager to smash Jack in the head with it when-

The Voice’s grip fails and Jack forcefully pulls the second one through the bars, backhand slamming it across ZERO’s face! The ZEN Master topples to the mat in a daze, the Voice of ZERO is nursing his ankle from where he’s fallen off the cage. Jack looks to the crowd for a moment…

Then ascends, climbing to the very top of the cage and looking out at the throngs of the Faithful. He jumps.

And SMASHES into ZERO with the Orange Bowl! PIN!

1!

2!

3!!!

WINNER AND NEW ZEN MASTER CHAMPION: PUMPKIN JACK!

The crowd explodes in cheers as Steven Yale presents the Master Title Belt to Pumpkin Jack. Confetti falls from the ceiling as the now Three Time ZEN Master raises the belt over his head and Sparky notes that we won’t be calling the show Way of the Rudo after that colossal misstep by the Voice. Jack once again scales the cage and lifts the title overhead, beating his chest as LORD ZERO has to be dragged from the ring by the Voice and Way of the Warrior comes to a close…

EPILOGUES

“Ngh…”

In a locker room backstage, Kalliope Woodchuck places some ice on her neck after the heartbreaking loss in the opener. The now former Conceptual Champ tries to keep a positive expression even as this setback weighs on her mind.

“Room for one more?”

Buckminster Snark looks down at Kalli who gives him a smile and pats the bench next to her.

Snark:

“So I uh…that was…not the most ideal outcome, huh?”

Kalli:

“That’s one way of putting it, heh…”

Snark:

“Whoever told that woman she could just defy physics like that should be in jail I have no idea where she got the idea that she can run headlong off an apron and-”

Kalli:

“Bucky?”

Snark:

“Ahem, hrm, uhm…yes?”

Kalli:

“Thanks. You didn’t need to check on me like you did, you could’ve won it all but…well…you said you wanted me to see Snark Corp. HQ?”

Snark:

“Why yes, actually, I think you’d love it there our gymnasium has only the best equipment and the cafe in the lobby has the best imported sushi straight from-”

Kalli:

“You don’t gotta give me the sales pitch, Buck.”

Kalli pats him on the shoulder and smiles.

Kalli:

“It’s a date.”

Buck blinks and breaks out in an exceedingly goofy smile.

Buck:

“Ab-absolutely, I will dress in my finest suit, I’ll ensure the entire staff knows you’re coming I’ll I’ll-”

Kalli:

“Kindly let a lady go get a shower before you start putting an itinerary together?”

Buck blushes.

Buck:

“That uh, that too.”

Buck stands up rigidly and goes to leave the locker room. Kalli shakes her head and walks off screen. We hear a shower start running and the camera slowly makes its way to the door to the hall and picks up some…interesting conversation.

Buck:

“Yes it went just as you wanted it to, sir. She is no longer Conceptual Champion.”

A voice answers Buckminster, seemingly coming from the other end of a phone.

Voice:

“And you?”

Buck:

“She trusts me I think. I will work harder to expand that trust in the coming months.”

Voice:

“Good, get her to put her sights on the Master title as well.”

Buck:

“Sir that doesn’t match the original time table-”

Voice:

“You’ve seen what’s been going on, the time table’s moved up. We need her to achieve her potential sooner rather than later. The Master Title is the key, guide her to it…

”And she will become the weapon we need.”

Buck:

“Ahem, yes sir, as you command.”

Voice:

“Good boy. Oh and your mother says I should thank you I suppose. Your Father’s Day gift was acceptable.”

Click.

Buck:

“...love you too.”

—--------------------------------------

We see footage of Pumpkin Jack’s title win from multiple different angles.

In the locker room of Pink Spider’s crew, the aggravating arachnid applies lipstick to his mouth while watching the seen. As the screen freezes before the show goes off the air, he leans in and kisses it, leaving a lipstick mark over the ZEN Master title…

On the mothership in orbit above earth, Karrg the conqueror steeples his fingers at the viewscreen showing Jack’s triumph. Even as his army celebrates around him, he punches commands into the console at his side and the viewscreen zooms in on Jack’s face with the words:

NEW TARGET

Apppearing in red…

In the Skullduggery Dojo while Rekha and Lerone celebrate their capture of the Conceptual Title, Cyanide holds a heavy bag steady as Jack’s victory is shown in the background. Massacre is pounding the bag like a madman and we get a glimpse of a snapshot of Jack’s face as the primary target taped to the equipment…

Meanwhile in the rafters of the building, on a gantry above the seen a fifth figure observes the celebration in person. Leaning on a railing we see a smirk slowly cross the face of a man not seen in ZEN for quite some time…

And then we cut.

—-------------------------------

Stumbling through the streets of Wellington is a blurry figure, the rain coming down outside the building making it hard to get a good look at who this person is. He groans and staggers, pressing his shoulder against a wall as he shakes his head. The rapid steps of multiple people are heard offscreen and a flashlight is illuminated on the man’s back as to show he’s wearing an all white outfit. Voices can be heard offscreen.

Voice 1:

“This is security captain DiMarco to Council Actual, we have made contact, repeat, we have made contact.”

Voice 2:

“Sir, can you hear me, sir?”

Man:

“Nngh…sorry…just a bit disoriented, can…can I help you? Can you help me? I seem to be a little…lost…”

Voice 1:

“Mr. Dastardly we’re going to need you to come with us, you’ll be debriefed on your situation in the Council’s Chambers.”

Man:

“Dastardly? My name is…Damian…”

The man turns.

“Damian Dashing.”

END OF SEASON 1

neslo024 · January 1, 2022

Bravo. That was excellent. I loved everything about that show and can't wait for season 2.

eayragt · January 1, 2022

As a season finale that was fantastic.

Blake Trask · January 1, 2022

Buck? Buck noooo.

That was a smashing show! Great from bottom to top and a ton of laughs throughout.

oooh Killer B you got an edge as a babyface

Pteroid · January 2, 2022

THE FUTURE OF ZEN

Is the Diary Over?

Naw, just a bit on the backburner as I formulate new ideas (some long term plans got wrecked because of a certain Japanese company what is on fire....)

So What's Next?

I got something in the works that's been long overdue RE: The Thunderverse, keep an eye on the dynasty space for the next few days.

Did you seriously put together a post for all of two questions?

Ye.

Pteroid · April 5, 2022

Hey so remember when I said this’d be back? Stay tuned.

Pteroid · April 6, 2022

ZEN Presents:

WAY OF THE LIAR

Live From Auckland

MAIN EVENT MATCH FOR THE ZEN MASTER TITLE

The Enemy (Cyanide & Massacre) vs Devilfish & Milk Weirdo

Kalliope Woodchuck vs HalloWarped

Killer B vs Trevor Feather

ZEN HARMONY TITLE QUALIFIER

Flying Foxes (Vertigo & Urban Fox) vs D&G Funk Factory (D-Pod & Dizzy G) vs The Alien Vanguard

PLUS:

CASUAL VIOLENCE CONCEPTUAL TITLE VICTORY CEREMONY

PUMPKIN JACK DECIDES THE FATE OF THE ZERO LEAGUE

UPDATES ON DAMIAN 'DASHING' & LORD ZERO

Sign In

ZEN: Got Malk? Er, Melk? Errr...Molk? Milmk...?

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