Humorous fights or events?

dormammu · May 4, 2011

I just read this entire thread and am eager to hear more of my new hero Kobi. I think he should be included in every database made from now on. Hell, the game itself should insert him if he isn't there.

Anyway, to keep in the spirit of the thread, I don't have a screencap of this, but I was playing a real world mod in 1995. Art Jimmerson vs Jack McGlaughlin. (There's a reason you've never heard of either of them, though they did both fight in UFC at one point.) Both these guys have 0-3 records. Mcglaughlin KOs Jimmerson in 30 seconds and the match is rated fantastic and gets Match of the Night and KO of the Night.

I was extremely worried these two nobodies were going to retire with a Match of the Year star in their profile. (Thankfully, Oleg Taktarov and Bas Rutten tore it up later in the year in a title match and won Match of the Year, but I feel sure the 30 second match was a front runner prior to Taktarov/Rutten. Aside from the title fight, it was the only Fantastic match I had that year.)

As an aside, my #3 ranked guy Pound for Pound wanted to fight McGlaughlin after his win. He destroyed McGlaughlin in 90 seconds and I sent McGlaughlin packing after that.

Wehmer · May 5, 2011

Art Jimmerson? He's a legend in the sport.

Calinks · May 13, 2011

I love Nick Diaz!

http://img546.imageshack.us/img546/6008/nickd.jpg

- Nick Diaz vs. Tarec 'Sponge' Saffiedine

- From player-controlled event 'Strikeforce: Chagrin' (from the save game 'Calinks')

- Created 13 May 2011

>It's time for the main event of the evening! Nick Diaz squares off with Tarec 'Sponge' Saffiedine in the Strikeforce Welterweight division.

>All the promotional videos leading up to this event have featured this bout.

>It seems to have worked, as the crowd are absolutely buzzing in anticipation of a real battle.

>We are underway!

>There's a short stalemate as both fighters advance and throw strikes, but neither hits.

>Not comfortable in the pocket, Saffiedine steps back and creates some space.

>A quick exchange of strikes produces nothing worth mentioning.

>Diaz goes to the body and then to the head with a tidy combination to get Saffiedine to cover up, then shoots in.

>Diaz gets a single leg takedown! Saffiedine pulls guard off it.

>Diaz starts trying to work to get past the guard.

>He can't quite manage to get past guard on this attempt.

>Saffiedine reaches up and tries to lock up an arm.

>Diaz shows great skill by not only defending the submission, but using it as a basis to gain side control.

>Diaz begins trying to get himself behind Saffiedine.

>Diaz takes the back, Saffiedine could do nothing about it.

>We go past the halfway point of this round.

>Saffiedine is in increasing trouble, as Diaz gets both hooks in.

>Diaz, with both hooks in, attempts to get a rear naked choke fully applied.

>Saffiedine stops Diaz from getting his arm under the chin and completing the choke.

>Diaz attempts to complete a rear naked choke, having both hooks fully in.

>Diaz flattens Saffiedine out with the rear naked choke in deep and forces the tap!

>The winner, by submission, is Nick Diaz!

>Official Result: Nick Diaz defeats Tarec 'Sponge' Saffiedine (Submission (Rear Naked Choke) in 4:12 of round 1). The match was rated as being Decent.

Dead_Jester · May 15, 2011

Knowing his weight issues from a few trial games i played before settling into my long running GAMMA game, i moved John Rivero to the Heavyweight division where he struggled before being released in 2005. Since then Rivero has failed to make weight for any fight, bringing his total to 12 straight, across numerous companies including the likes of BCF, FLB, CCC and two tours of duty with Alpha-1.

With a record like that it's amazing the dude would find regular employment.

dormammu · May 20, 2011

Can't figure out how to actually get the image in a post (perhaps because it's 3am), so just take a look at the attachment. Anyway:

How do you feel about weigh in problems? Apparently TKO doesn't like it very much...

The headline amused me way too much.<a class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image" href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2011_05/443936589_DamnedWeighIn.jpg.8e18c17b9d7fd0352c9bf6fc44e51774.jpg" data-fileid="2195" data-fileext="jpg" rel=""><img data-fileid="2195" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt="443936589_DamnedWeighIn.jpg.8e18c17b9d7fd0352c9bf6fc44e51774.jpg" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2011_05/443936589_DamnedWeighIn.jpg.8e18c17b9d7fd0352c9bf6fc44e51774.jpg" src="<___base_url___>/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" /></a>

OctoberRaven · May 25, 2011

This just happened... sounds like a UFC Undisputed fight...

- Miesha 'Takedown' Tate vs. Jessica 'Jag' Aguilar
- From player-controlled event 'UFC 185: dos Santos vs Konrad' (from the save game 'UFC')
- Created 25 May 2011

>Next up is a match in which Miesha 'Takedown' Tate battles Jessica 'Jag' Aguilar in the UFC Womens division.
>There's the opening bell!
>Tate doesn't get drawn in as Aguilar feints a kick.
>Aguilar steps back to avoid a kick to the body.
>A nicely executed one-two combination sets up a takedown attempt from Tate.
>Aguilar attempts to avoid Tate as she shoots in.
>Tate doesn't get the takedown, Aguilar avoided it.
>Tate throws three punches in quick succession, but Aguilar was out of range.
>Not letting Tate settle at all, Aguilar comes in closer.
>Tate avoids a quick jab and hits a superb combination of three quick punches to the body and a great right cross.
>Tate keeps her cool as Aguilar throws a feint to the left.
>We pass the halfway mark of this round.
>A tidy combination doesn't find a home, giving Aguilar the opportunity to counter with a crisp left hand punch.
>Advancing, Tate counters a left jab by using a hard right kick to the legs.
>A jab misses, allowing Tate to counter-strike with a kick to the body.
>Aguilar counters a wayward low right kick with a nice jab.
>Tate doesn't get drawn in as Aguilar feints a kick.
>We have one minute of the round remaining.
>Moving forward, Tate counters a left jab with a kick to the ribs.
>An exchange of strikes doesn't lead to any real damage.
>Time expires and we come to the end of round one.
>I have to give that round to Tate, but only a 10-9.
>There's the bell and round number two begins!
>Between rounds, her corner told Aguilar to take it to Tate in this round.
>A tight combination narrowly misses Aguilar and allow her to counter-strike with a solid left jab.
>Aguilar throws a left jab but Tate avoids it.
>Aguilar covers up in the face of a combination of short sharp punches, then fires back with a solid left.
>Aguilar counters a left jab by using a stinging left jab.
>Aguilar drops her shoulder and feints to step in, but Tate isn't buying it.
>Tate keeps her cool as Aguilar throws a feint to the left.
>Aguilar moves in quickly after a wayward punch and hits a spinning back fist!
>We move into the second half of this round.
>A left hand misses, allowing Aguilar to counter with a spinning back fist, staggering Tate backward!
>Aguilar throws a spinning back fist but Tate avoids it.
>Aguilar swiftly avoids a barrage of big punches.
>Tate counters an errant left jab with a couple of jabs and a beautiful right hook to the body.
>The end of the round is coming quick, there's under a minute left.
>Aguilar moves in quickly after a wayward punch and hits a spinning back fist!
>A tight combination narrowly misses Aguilar and allow her to counter-strike with a spinning back fist on Tate!
>Time expires and we come to the end of round two.
>I have to give that round to Aguilar, but only a 10-9.
>There's the bell for the start of the round!
>Aguilar avoids a nice combination and hits a crisp jab.
>Aguilar side-steps a barrage of big punches and hits a clean left.
>Both fighters come in and throw strikes, there is no real damage done by either.
>Having stepped in close to throw their strikes, they end up grappling.
>Tate is trying to muscle Aguilar up against the cage.
>She does so, and now has Aguilar pinned to the cage.
>Tate looks for an elbow strike, but Aguilar out-wrestles her and switches them around so that she is in the dominant position.
>Aguilar tries to use her dirty boxing skills, but Tate uses wrestling to prevent any strikes from being launched.
>Miesha Tate is looking really tired.
>Aguilar catches Tate with a knee strike to the thigh.
>We go past the halfway point of this round.
>Aguilar moves back from the grapple and looks ready to strike.
>Aguilar uses head movement to avoid a vicious right hand and fire right back with a straight left.
>Aguilar tries for a left jab but Tate uses head movement to avoid it.
>Aguilar slips past a tidy combination and hits a left jab to the cheek.
>Both fighters throw strikes, no significant damage is inflicted by either.
>Aguilar backs away to create some more space.
>We move into the final sixty seconds of this round.
>Aguilar looks like she wants to stand in the pocket and strike with Tate.
>The two fighters move closer, ready to strike.
>Tate throws an excellent combination but Aguilar covers up and takes them.
>A left jab misses the mark and allows Aguilar to counter with a sequence of quick punches.
>We reach the time limit and this fight is over.
>That round goes to Aguilar, 10-9 on my card.
>Here come the official scores.
>All three judges give a score of 29-28.
>Jessica Aguilar wins by unanimous decision!
>Official Result: Jessica 'Jag' Aguilar defeats Miesha 'Takedown' Tate (Unanimous Decision in 5:00 of round 3). The match was rated as being Decent.

Inky The Squid Boy · May 26, 2011

We need a petition to include Kobi as an official character in the next WMMA game/update. I've only played demos so far and I was rivetted by this man's epic tale. He's basically put money in Adam's pocket by sealing the deal on me purchasing the full game

Calinks · May 27, 2011

LOL Kobi is a prime time star. IMO he should be on the cover of the next game!

brashleyholland · May 27, 2011

[We see a close up shot of the grinning Cameron Leve, suited, booted and fake-tanned into oblivion. As the world famous fight announcer and notorious coke fiend introduces his show, stylised highlight clips play to the sound of a generic metal accompaniment]

Leve: "This week in Mixed Martial Arts, James Foster completes another defence his GAMMA heavyweight title...

[a clip of Foster bulldozing a helpless Tim Boyer into the mat, quickly followed by another of the champ unleashing some brutal elbow strikes]

...Will Kane comes up short against David Webb in the UK...

[a slightly grainier clip of the aforementioned Kane getting hoisted onto Webb's shoulder, before being deposited unceremoniously onto his back]

...and a special report on Alpha-1 Welterweight Champion Carlos da Guia, who has been training with 80's movie star and fouder of 'Tae Bo' Billy Blanks ahead of his next fight!

[a clip of Tae Bo 'legend' Blanks, with a 55 year old man's gut where his abs used to be, awkwardly showing de Guia an overly-elaborate spinning wheel kick. The champ looks on, confused]

Leve: All that to come, but first, we bring you a very special interview with...

[A wide shot of a room, pitch black save for a circular pool of bright white spilling from a single spotlight, illuminating the the faint mist of dry ice...a tall, aloof-looking figure steps into view with his back to the camera...slowly he turns, and the shot zooms in to reveal...]

Leve:...Kagetoki Kobe!

[The studio audience roars with approval as our host turns to the lead camera]

Leve: Lets go...Outside MMA!

[A montage of clips featuring all of MMA's biggest names, Foster, Fezik, Hughes, Morrisson, Humphries, Napier, Sukarno, Banner, Regurio and more dishing out punnishment is shown, overlaid by even more generic metal. The intro ends and we are back in the studio, with Leve sat opposite an empty chair. He's wearing dark glasses, fidgeting and looks like he hasn't slept for a month]

Leve: Thanks for joining us folks. We've got a lot of great stuff coming up for you this week, but first off we have a rare treat, an interview with a man unlike any other, the enygma that is...Kagatoki Kobi!!

["The Best Around" by Joe Esposito begins to play as dry ice fills the stage. A figure emerges, riding what appears to be a fat Unicorn, but on closer inspection is revealed to be a shoddily spray-painted donkey with a papier mache horn taped to it's head. Riding the donkey is none other than Kobi, and he's not only coming out to "The Best Around", he has a microphone in hand and is singing the lyrics himself]

Kobi: I'm the best, AROOOUND! Noone's ever gonna bring me down!

[The donkey casually craps on the stage floor as Kobi dismounts. Unfortunately for the MMA legend, he gets his foot stuck in the stirrup, and is dragged across the floor and through the donkey mess as stage hands rush to free him. He does not stop singing]

Kobi: Noone's ever gonna bring me DOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!

Leve: We'll be back after these messages...

[When we return from the commercial break, Kobi has taken his seat, his soiled suit replaced by an Outside MMA t-shirt and a pair of pants that are clearly too small for him. He's already deep in conversation with Leve]

Kobi: ...so while your guys were cleaning up the stage, I took that dishonourable Unicorn outside and punched it right in the face. I'm now 1-0 against mythical beasts. I intend to fight a Yeti next, those cowards have been ducking me for years!

Leve: Right...ok fans we're back here on Outside MMA after those technical difficulties...

Kobi: ...no difficulties! That beast attempted a pre-meditated attack, but I am always ready! Ous!

Leve: Ok...so we're here with Japanese MMA...erm...star? Yeah, Japanese MMA star Kagatoki Kobi. Kobi, thanks for joining us on Outside MMA.

Kobi: I'm absolutely not pleased to be here.

Leve: Well thanks...it's...ah...great to have you. So look, lets talk about your big news, you recently won the BCF light heavyweight title! How does it feel to finally be a world champion?

Kobi: I'll be honest with you Carl...

Leve: Cameron

Kobi: That's what I said Clyde. I'll be honest with you John, I never really intended to take home that belt. As you know, I'm on a philanthropic mission to make other fighters feel good about themselves - I'm incredibly well revered and respected in the MMA game and a win over me can send a young fighter's career into orbit. As a kind and giving man, I usually allow my opponents to defeat me in order to help their careers.

Leve: So you're saying that you lose...intentionally?

Kobi: Nonsense, I never lose! Kobi is undefeated.

Leve: But you just said...

Kobi: I am undefeated.

Leve: I mean your record is 10-17...

Kobi: Undefeated.

[Leve just stares]

Kobi: I don't expect you to have the mental capacity to understand Carl. As I said, those fights in which my hand was not raised were acts of charity on my part. If I was not trying to win, then how could I lose?

Leve: So your ten wins...do...er...do they count?

Kobi: Of course! Victories of the greatest magnitude! But what is all this 'ten' nonsense? Kobi has fought more than ten epic battles this very afternoon...including that dishonourable Unicorn, I'm already 14-0 for the day!

Leve: 14-0 for the day? That's, ah...how did...um...fourteen fights? Today? Really?

Kobi: Yes, really, you stupid, stupid man.

[Kobi reaches to the table and lifts his coffee cup. He appears to struggle guiding the cup on it's journey from table to mouth, but eventually downs the whole thing in one giant slurp]

Kobi: 15-0.

Leve: What?!?

Kobi: 15-0.

Leve: That...that was a cup of coffee! Surely you don't...

Kobi: Was it a cup of coffee? Or was it an insolent vial of heated death, mocking me...nay, mocking us all...with it's bitter flavour and intending to deprive me of sleep with it's disrespectful caffeine content?

Leve: It's just a drink man, a cup of coffee...

Kobi: Correction Bob, it was a drink. It was a drink, then it faced Kobi, and now it is gone. 15-0.

Leve: Fine, fine, 15-0. Right...let's move on...ah, so you're the new BCF champ...why go after that belt?

Kobi: My jeans kept falling down.

Leve: ...

Kobi: My jeans, Colin, my jeans. Someone showed me a DVD of two huge Japanese individuals grappling, pushing and slapping each other wearing nothing but small underpants. There was an application to take part on the inside cover of the DVD. This was a sport I was unfamiliar with, but immediately I bulked up to 365lbs in order to compete and show the world that Kobi is the true master of all forms of combat.

Leve: Sumo? How did that go?

Kobi: Unfortunately there was a rare and gross miscalculation on my part...it appears that the footage I watched was actually fat chick porn and upon arriving for my audition I was informed that there was no competitive element. Sadly this was only a week before my BCF title fight, leaving me with just five days to cut 160lbs. Needless to say, I made weight. I never intended to take home the belt, pitiful piece of tin that it is, I simply needed something to hold my now vastly oversized trousers up on the flight home. I'd also like to thank my new sponsor, Dr Bob's Liposuction Clinic.

[Kobi proceeds to read off a small cue-card]

Kobi: Visit Dr Bob and ask for the Kagetogi Kobi special, because nothing sucks more!

[Leve stares, dumbfounded. Kobi simply meets his gaze as second after uncomfortable second passes by. Eventually the production truck cuts to commercial. When we return, Leve has had his 'medicine' and is back on form]

Leve: GodDammitWe'reBack! Yeah! Woo! Let's do this! I'm still joined by BFC champion Kagetoki Kobi...Kobi, lets look at the footage of your, some might say, controversial title victory and maybe you could talk us through the end of the fight?

Kobi: Controvertial? Nonsense! My technique is unparrallelled, my strength is unmatched, my speed is...

[Kobi is cut off as the video plays. We see a grainy shot of two men in a BCF cage. Sanya Golob, then BFC champion, is literally chasing a screaming, sprinting Kobi in circles around the cage. The Japanese fighter's corner can be heard yelling "Run away, he's going to kill you, for god's sake run away!"]

Kobi: Ahh, my legendary 'Track and Field' defence, many a great warrior has succumbed to it's might!

[The Tom and Jerry-esque chase in the cage continues. Kobi is dripping sweat all over the mat; eventually Golob, in an attempt to switch directions, manages to slip on a particularly large patch and stumbles into the surprised Kobi's path. The Japanese fighter panics and attempts to hurdle his falling foe, who careens straight into his outstretched foot, knocking himself unconscious]

Kobi: There! Head kick KO! I am the champion! Asanovic eat your heart out! Ahahahha!

[before the clip finishes, the crowd can be seen rioting and throwing garbage into the cage]

Kobi: Look how they adore their new champion. Showing me with gifts! I was truly an inspiration to them all that night. Ous!

[Leve looks out of shot to his producer]

Leve: Jesus Christ, really? Ok, so you're the BCF champion. Fans are saying that you're only fighting in BCF because of your...um...there's frankly no other way of putting it... disastrous runs in Alpha-1 and GAMMA. How do you respond to those comments?

Kobi: Lies! Garbage! Futile attempts to slander the great and honourable name of Kagetoki Kobi! Do you have any idea what this name means? What it represents?

[Kobi, despite wearing his usual aloof expression, appears to be losing it slightly]

Kobi: Are you even aware of the ancient Japanese translation of my name?

[Leve consults his notes]

Leve: It says here...'He who is without control of his bladder'?

Kobi: An outrage! How dare you! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Incontinence Pants Depot. Ask for the special 'Kobi BCF Title Fight Limited Edition', because if you're going to p*** yourself, p*** yourself like a champ!

Leve: Right, so...ah, what does your name actually mean then in, what was it, 'ancient Japanese'?

Kobi: It means "Go f*** yourself". Next question.

Leve: There was recently some controversy when your application for a fighters licence in California was denied on the grounds that you are certifiably insane. Care to comment on that?

Kobi: Lies. I'm intellectually unparalleled.

Leve: You were seen being led from the commission hearing in a straight jacket.

Kobi: Ah, Camilla, you are so regretfully missinformed! That was no straight jacket, that was a new type of Jiu-Jitsu Gi that the commission are forcing me to wear. It straps my arms to my body in order to give my opponents a fair chance. Come now, ask me a real question you pathetic little man!

Leve: Well, we're actually out of time for this segment...

Kobi: What? You dare dishonour me in such a way? Nobody cares about that idiot Foster or that insignificant da Guia! The people want Kobi! I tell you what, bring them both out, I'll fight them right now!

[Kobi begins to furiously untie his shoes]

Leve: We'll they're not actually here...we just have reports...

Kobi: Cowards! They dare not face me! I will eat my Unicorn, bulk up to heavyweight and fight James Foster. Then I'll have Dr Bob suck 60lbs out of my and destroy da Guia on the same night!

Leve: Won't that...uh...kill you?

Kobi: Preposterous! I am immortal! I'd like to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Coffin Shack. Ask for the Kobi Premium Service, because noone spends more time knocked stiff on his back than Kagetoki Kobi!

Leve: Well that really is all we've got time for folks, thank the lord. When we come back...

[Kobi, infuriated at the premature end to the interview, leaps to his feet and kicks his chair across the room]

Kobi: 16-0!

Leve:...When we come back, more on James Foster's title defence and...

Kobi: He is a fraud, he never fought Kobi!!!

[The now hysterical Japanese fighter kicks one of the many production staff who are now trying to usher him off the set in the shin]

Kobi: 17-0!!! 17-0!!!!

[More studio staff, backed up by security, flood the stage. Kobi, sensing a challenge, attempts to pull off his shirt, only to get his head stuck and his arm and neck tangled]

Leve: (Shouting over the din):...our featured report on Carlos da Guia. Outside MMA returns after these messages.

[As the studio lights dim and the camera pulls out, we see Kobi flailing around the set, his shirt getting ever tighter around his head from all the struggling. Eventually he stops, slumps to the floors, writhes for a few seconds and taps his own chest with his free arm, before passing out as the garment cuts off the blood supply to his head]

Producer: 17-1?

brashleyholland · May 27, 2011

I love being productive on my days off. Now to the Cambridge Beer Festival!

ovoj · May 29, 2011

<blockquote data-ipsquote="" class="ipsQuote" data-ipsquote-username="brashleyholland" data-cite="brashleyholland" data-ipsquote-contentapp="forums" data-ipsquote-contenttype="forums" data-ipsquote-contentid="29954" data-ipsquote-contentclass="forums_Topic"><div>[We see a close up shot of the grinning Cameron Leve, suited, booted and fake-tanned into oblivion. As the world famous fight announcer and notorious coke fiend introduces his show, stylised highlight clips play to the sound of a generic metal accompaniment] Leve: "This week in Mixed Martial Arts, James Foster completes another defence his GAMMA heavyweight title... [a clip of Foster bulldozing a helpless Tim Boyer into the mat, quickly followed by another of the champ unleashing some brutal elbow strikes] ...Will Kane comes up short against David Webb in the UK... [a slightly grainier clip of the aforementioned Kane getting hoisted onto Webb's shoulder, before being deposited unceremoniously onto his back] ...and a special report on Alpha-1 Welterweight Champion Carlos da Guia, who has been training with 80's movie star and fouder of 'Tae Bo' Billy Blanks ahead of his next fight! [a clip of Tae Bo 'legend' Blanks, with a 55 year old man's gut where his abs used to be, awkwardly showing de Guia an overly-elaborate spinning wheel kick. The champ looks on, confused] Leve: All that to come, but first, we bring you a very special interview with... [A wide shot of a room, pitch black save for a circular pool of bright white spilling from a single spotlight, illuminating the the faint mist of dry ice...a tall, aloof-looking figure steps into view with his back to the camera...slowly he turns, and the shot zooms in to reveal...] Leve:...Kagetoki Kobe! [The studio audience roars with approval as our host turns to the lead camera] Leve: Lets go...Outside MMA! [A montage of clips featuring all of MMA's biggest names, Foster, Fezik, Hughes, Morrisson, Humphries, Napier, Sukarno, Banner, Regurio and more dishing out punnishment is shown, overlaid by even more generic metal. The intro ends and we are back in the studio, with Leve sat opposite an empty chair. He's wearing dark glasses, fidgeting and looks like he hasn't slept for a month] Leve: Thanks for joining us folks. We've got a lot of great stuff coming up for you this week, but first off we have a rare treat, an interview with a man unlike any other, the enygma that is...Kagatoki Kobi!! ["The Best Around" by Joe Esposito begins to play as dry ice fills the stage. A figure emerges, riding what appears to be a fat Unicorn, but on closer inspection is revealed to be a shoddily spray-painted donkey with a papier mache horn taped to it's head. Riding the donkey is none other than Kobi, and he's not only coming out to "The Best Around", he has a microphone in hand and is singing the lyrics himself] Kobi: I'm the best, AROOOUND! Noone's ever gonna bring me down! [The donkey casually craps on the stage floor as Kobi dismounts. Unfortunately for the MMA legend, he gets his foot stuck in the stirrup, and is dragged across the floor and through the donkey mess as stage hands rush to free him. He does not stop singing] Kobi: Noone's ever gonna bring me DOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!! Leve: We'll be back after these messages... [When we return from the commercial break, Kobi has taken his seat, his soiled suit replaced by an Outside MMA t-shirt and a pair of pants that are clearly too small for him. He's already deep in conversation with Leve] Kobi: ...so while your guys were cleaning up the stage, I took that dishonourable Unicorn outside and punched it right in the face. I'm now 1-0 against mythical beasts. I intend to fight a Yeti next, those cowards have been ducking me for years! Leve: Right...ok fans we're back here on Outside MMA after those technical difficulties... Kobi: ...no difficulties! That beast attempted a pre-meditated attack, but I am always ready! Ous! Leve: Ok...so we're here with Japanese MMA...erm...star? Yeah, Japanese MMA star Kagatoki Kobi. Kobi, thanks for joining us on Outside MMA. Kobi: I'm absolutely not pleased to be here. Leve: Well thanks...it's...ah...great to have you. So look, lets talk about your big news, you recently won the BCF light heavyweight title! How does it feel to finally be a world champion? Kobi: I'll be honest with you Carl... Leve: Cameron Kobi: That's what I said Clyde. I'll be honest with you John, I never really intended to take home that belt. As you know, I'm on a philanthropic mission to make other fighters feel good about themselves - I'm incredibly well revered and respected in the MMA game and a win over me can send a young fighter's career into orbit. As a kind and giving man, I usually allow my opponents to defeat me in order to help their careers. Leve: So you're saying that you lose...intentionally? Kobi: Nonsense, I never lose! Kobi is undefeated. Leve: But you just said... Kobi: I am undefeated. Leve: I mean your record is 10-17... Kobi: Undefeated. [Leve just stares] Kobi: I don't expect you to have the mental capacity to understand Carl. As I said, those fights in which my hand was not raised were acts of charity on my part. If I was not trying to win, then how could I lose? Leve: So your ten wins...do...er...do they count? Kobi: Of course! Victories of the greatest magnitude! But what is all this 'ten' nonsense? Kobi has fought more than ten epic battles this very afternoon...including that dishonourable Unicorn, I'm already 14-0 for the day! Leve: 14-0 for the day? That's, ah...how did...um...fourteen fights? Today? Really? Kobi: Yes, really, you stupid, stupid man. [Kobi reaches to the table and lifts his coffee cup. He appears to struggle guiding the cup on it's journey from table to mouth, but eventually downs the whole thing in one giant slurp] Kobi: 15-0. Leve: What?!? Kobi: 15-0. Leve: That...that was a cup of coffee! Surely you don't... Kobi: Was it a cup of coffee? Or was it an insolent vial of heated death, mocking me...nay, mocking us all...with it's bitter flavour and intending to deprive me of sleep with it's disrespectful caffeine content? Leve: It's just a drink man, a cup of coffee... Kobi: Correction Bob, it was a drink. It was a drink, then it faced Kobi, and now it is gone. 15-0. Leve: Fine, fine, 15-0. Right...let's move on...ah, so you're the new BCF champ...why go after that belt? Kobi: My jeans kept falling down. Leve: ... Kobi: My jeans, Colin, my jeans. Someone showed me a DVD of two huge Japanese individuals grappling, pushing and slapping each other wearing nothing but small underpants. There was an application to take part on the inside cover of the DVD. This was a sport I was unfamiliar with, but immediately I bulked up to 365lbs in order to compete and show the world that Kobi is the true master of all forms of combat. Leve: Sumo? How did that go? Kobi: Unfortunately there was a rare and gross miscalculation on my part...it appears that the footage I watched was actually fat chick porn and upon arriving for my audition I was informed that there was no competitive element. Sadly this was only a week before my BCF title fight, leaving me with just five days to cut 160lbs. Needless to say, I made weight. I never intended to take home the belt, pitiful piece of tin that it is, I simply needed something to hold my now vastly oversized trousers up on the flight home. I'd also like to thank my new sponsor, Dr Bob's Liposuction Clinic. [Kobi proceeds to read off a small cue-card] Kobi: Visit Dr Bob and ask for the Kagetogi Kobi special, because nothing sucks more! [Leve stares, dumbfounded. Kobi simply meets his gaze as second after uncomfortable second passes by. Eventually the production truck cuts to commercial. When we return, Leve has had his 'medicine' and is back on form] Leve: GodDammitWe'reBack! Yeah! Woo! Let's do this! I'm still joined by BFC champion Kagetoki Kobi...Kobi, lets look at the footage of your, some might say, controversial title victory and maybe you could talk us through the end of the fight? Kobi: Controvertial? Nonsense! My technique is unparrallelled, my strength is unmatched, my speed is... [Kobi is cut off as the video plays. We see a grainy shot of two men in a BCF cage. Sanya Golob, then BFC champion, is literally chasing a screaming, sprinting Kobi in circles around the cage. The Japanese fighter's corner can be heard yelling "Run away, he's going to kill you, for god's sake run away!"] Kobi: Ahh, my legendary 'Track and Field' defence, many a great warrior has succumbed to it's might! [The Tom and Jerry-esque chase in the cage continues. Kobi is dripping sweat all over the mat; eventually Golob, in an attempt to switch directions, manages to slip on a particularly large patch and stumbles into the surprised Kobi's path. The Japanese fighter panics and attempts to hurdle his falling foe, who careens straight into his outstretched foot, knocking himself unconscious] Kobi: There! Head kick KO! I am the champion! Asanovic eat your heart out! Ahahahha! [before the clip finishes, the crowd can be seen rioting and throwing garbage into the cage] Kobi: Look how they adore their new champion. Showing me with gifts! I was truly an inspiration to them all that night. Ous! [Leve looks out of shot to his producer] Leve: Jesus Christ, really? Ok, so you're the BCF champion. Fans are saying that you're only fighting in BCF because of your...um...there's frankly no other way of putting it... disastrous runs in Alpha-1 and GAMMA. How do you respond to those comments? Kobi: Lies! Garbage! Futile attempts to slander the great and honourable name of Kagetoki Kobi! Do you have any idea what this name means? What it represents? [Kobi, despite wearing his usual aloof expression, appears to be losing it slightly] Kobi: Are you even aware of the ancient Japanese translation of my name? [Leve consults his notes] Leve: It says here...'He who is without control of his bladder'? Kobi: An outrage! How dare you! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Incontinence Pants Depot. Ask for the special 'Kobi BCF Title Fight Limited Edition', because if you're going to p*** yourself, p*** yourself like a champ! Leve: Right, so...ah, what does your name actually mean then in, what was it, 'ancient Japanese'? Kobi: It means "Go f*** yourself". Next question. Leve: There was recently some controversy when your application for a fighters licence in California was denied on the grounds that you are certifiably insane. Care to comment on that? Kobi: Lies. I'm intellectually unparalleled. Leve: You were seen being led from the commission hearing in a straight jacket. Kobi: Ah, Camilla, you are so regretfully missinformed! That was no straight jacket, that was a new type of Jiu-Jitsu Gi that the commission are forcing me to wear. It straps my arms to my body in order to give my opponents a fair chance. Come now, ask me a real question you pathetic little man! Leve: Well, we're actually out of time for this segment... Kobi: What? You dare dishonour me in such a way? Nobody cares about that idiot Foster or that insignificant da Guia! The people want Kobi! I tell you what, bring them both out, I'll fight them right now! [Kobi begins to furiously untie his shoes] Leve: We'll they're not actually here...we just have reports... Kobi: Cowards! They dare not face me! I will eat my Unicorn, bulk up to heavyweight and fight James Foster. Then I'll have Dr Bob suck 60lbs out of my and destroy da Guia on the same night! Leve: Won't that...uh...kill you? Kobi: Preposterous! I am immortal! I'd like to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Coffin Shack. Ask for the Kobi Premium Service, because noone spends more time knocked stiff on his back than Kagetoki Kobi! Leve: Well that really is all we've got time for folks, thank the lord. When we come back... [Kobi, infuriated at the premature end to the interview, leaps to his feet and kicks his chair across the room] Kobi: 16-0! Leve:...When we come back, more on James Foster's title defence and... Kobi: He is a fraud, he never fought Kobi!!! [The now hysterical Japanese fighter kicks one of the many production staff who are now trying to usher him off the set in the shin] Kobi: 17-0!!! 17-0!!!! [More studio staff, backed up by security, flood the stage. Kobi, sensing a challenge, attempts to pull off his shirt, only to get his head stuck and his arm and neck tangled] Leve: (Shouting over the din):...our featured report on Carlos da Guia. Outside MMA returns after these messages. [As the studio lights dim and the camera pulls out, we see Kobi flailing around the set, his shirt getting ever tighter around his head from all the struggling. Eventually he stops, slumps to the floors, writhes for a few seconds and taps his own chest with his free arm, before passing out as the garment cuts off the blood supply to his head] Producer: 17-1?</div></blockquote> ohh, mate. that was hilarious. ridiculously funny. havent laughed that much in a while. i literally have tears in my eyes. good one. very nicely done

Calinks · May 29, 2011

[We see a close up shot of the grinning Cameron Leve, suited, booted and fake-tanned into oblivion. As the world famous fight announcer and notorious coke fiend introduces his show, stylised highlight clips play to the sound of a generic metal accompaniment]

Leve: "This week in Mixed Martial Arts, James Foster completes another defence his GAMMA heavyweight title...

[a clip of Foster bulldozing a helpless Tim Boyer into the mat, quickly followed by another of the champ unleashing some brutal elbow strikes]

...Will Kane comes up short against David Webb in the UK...

[a slightly grainier clip of the aforementioned Kane getting hoisted onto Webb's shoulder, before being deposited unceremoniously onto his back]

...and a special report on Alpha-1 Welterweight Champion Carlos da Guia, who has been training with 80's movie star and fouder of 'Tae Bo' Billy Blanks ahead of his next fight!

[a clip of Tae Bo 'legend' Blanks, with a 55 year old man's gut where his abs used to be, awkwardly showing de Guia an overly-elaborate spinning wheel kick. The champ looks on, confused]

Leve: All that to come, but first, we bring you a very special interview with...

[A wide shot of a room, pitch black save for a circular pool of bright white spilling from a single spotlight, illuminating the the faint mist of dry ice...a tall, aloof-looking figure steps into view with his back to the camera...slowly he turns, and the shot zooms in to reveal...]

Leve:...Kagetoki Kobe!

[The studio audience roars with approval as our host turns to the lead camera]

Leve: Lets go...Outside MMA!

[A montage of clips featuring all of MMA's biggest names, Foster, Fezik, Hughes, Morrisson, Humphries, Napier, Sukarno, Banner, Regurio and more dishing out punnishment is shown, overlaid by even more generic metal. The intro ends and we are back in the studio, with Leve sat opposite an empty chair. He's wearing dark glasses, fidgeting and looks like he hasn't slept for a month]

Leve: Thanks for joining us folks. We've got a lot of great stuff coming up for you this week, but first off we have a rare treat, an interview with a man unlike any other, the enygma that is...Kagatoki Kobi!!

["The Best Around" by Joe Esposito begins to play as dry ice fills the stage. A figure emerges, riding what appears to be a fat Unicorn, but on closer inspection is revealed to be a shoddily spray-painted donkey with a papier mache horn taped to it's head. Riding the donkey is none other than Kobi, and he's not only coming out to "The Best Around", he has a microphone in hand and is singing the lyrics himself]

Kobi: I'm the best, AROOOUND! Noone's ever gonna bring me down!

[The donkey casually craps on the stage floor as Kobi dismounts. Unfortunately for the MMA legend, he gets his foot stuck in the stirrup, and is dragged across the floor and through the donkey mess as stage hands rush to free him. He does not stop singing]

Kobi: Noone's ever gonna bring me DOOOOOOOOOOOWN!!!

Leve: We'll be back after these messages...

[When we return from the commercial break, Kobi has taken his seat, his soiled suit replaced by an Outside MMA t-shirt and a pair of pants that are clearly too small for him. He's already deep in conversation with Leve]

Kobi: ...so while your guys were cleaning up the stage, I took that dishonourable Unicorn outside and punched it right in the face. I'm now 1-0 against mythical beasts. I intend to fight a Yeti next, those cowards have been ducking me for years!

Leve: Right...ok fans we're back here on Outside MMA after those technical difficulties...

Kobi: ...no difficulties! That beast attempted a pre-meditated attack, but I am always ready! Ous!

Leve: Ok...so we're here with Japanese MMA...erm...star? Yeah, Japanese MMA star Kagatoki Kobi. Kobi, thanks for joining us on Outside MMA.

Kobi: I'm absolutely not pleased to be here.

Leve: Well thanks...it's...ah...great to have you. So look, lets talk about your big news, you recently won the BCF light heavyweight title! How does it feel to finally be a world champion?

Kobi: I'll be honest with you Carl...

Leve: Cameron

Kobi: That's what I said Clyde. I'll be honest with you John, I never really intended to take home that belt. As you know, I'm on a philanthropic mission to make other fighters feel good about themselves - I'm incredibly well revered and respected in the MMA game and a win over me can send a young fighter's career into orbit. As a kind and giving man, I usually allow my opponents to defeat me in order to help their careers.

Leve: So you're saying that you lose...intentionally?

Kobi: Nonsense, I never lose! Kobi is undefeated.

Leve: But you just said...

Kobi: I am undefeated.

Leve: I mean your record is 10-17...

Kobi: Undefeated.

[Leve just stares]

Kobi: I don't expect you to have the mental capacity to understand Carl. As I said, those fights in which my hand was not raised were acts of charity on my part. If I was not trying to win, then how could I lose?

Leve: So your ten wins...do...er...do they count?

Kobi: Of course! Victories of the greatest magnitude! But what is all this 'ten' nonsense? Kobi has fought more than ten epic battles this very afternoon...including that dishonourable Unicorn, I'm already 14-0 for the day!

Leve: 14-0 for the day? That's, ah...how did...um...fourteen fights? Today? Really?

Kobi: Yes, really, you stupid, stupid man.

[Kobi reaches to the table and lifts his coffee cup. He appears to struggle guiding the cup on it's journey from table to mouth, but eventually downs the whole thing in one giant slurp]

Kobi: 15-0.

Leve: What?!?

Kobi: 15-0.

Leve: That...that was a cup of coffee! Surely you don't...

Kobi: Was it a cup of coffee? Or was it an insolent vial of heated death, mocking me...nay, mocking us all...with it's bitter flavour and intending to deprive me of sleep with it's disrespectful caffeine content?

Leve: It's just a drink man, a cup of coffee...

Kobi: Correction Bob, it was a drink. It was a drink, then it faced Kobi, and now it is gone. 15-0.

Leve: Fine, fine, 15-0. Right...let's move on...ah, so you're the new BCF champ...why go after that belt?

Kobi: My jeans kept falling down.

Leve: ...

Kobi: My jeans, Colin, my jeans. Someone showed me a DVD of two huge Japanese individuals grappling, pushing and slapping each other wearing nothing but small underpants. There was an application to take part on the inside cover of the DVD. This was a sport I was unfamiliar with, but immediately I bulked up to 365lbs in order to compete and show the world that Kobi is the true master of all forms of combat.

Leve: Sumo? How did that go?

Kobi: Unfortunately there was a rare and gross miscalculation on my part...it appears that the footage I watched was actually fat chick porn and upon arriving for my audition I was informed that there was no competitive element. Sadly this was only a week before my BCF title fight, leaving me with just five days to cut 160lbs. Needless to say, I made weight. I never intended to take home the belt, pitiful piece of tin that it is, I simply needed something to hold my now vastly oversized trousers up on the flight home. I'd also like to thank my new sponsor, Dr Bob's Liposuction Clinic.

[Kobi proceeds to read off a small cue-card]

Kobi: Visit Dr Bob and ask for the Kagetogi Kobi special, because nothing sucks more!

[Leve stares, dumbfounded. Kobi simply meets his gaze as second after uncomfortable second passes by. Eventually the production truck cuts to commercial. When we return, Leve has had his 'medicine' and is back on form]

Leve: GodDammitWe'reBack! Yeah! Woo! Let's do this! I'm still joined by BFC champion Kagetoki Kobi...Kobi, lets look at the footage of your, some might say, controversial title victory and maybe you could talk us through the end of the fight?

Kobi: Controvertial? Nonsense! My technique is unparrallelled, my strength is unmatched, my speed is...

[Kobi is cut off as the video plays. We see a grainy shot of two men in a BCF cage. Sanya Golob, then BFC champion, is literally chasing a screaming, sprinting Kobi in circles around the cage. The Japanese fighter's corner can be heard yelling "Run away, he's going to kill you, for god's sake run away!"]

Kobi: Ahh, my legendary 'Track and Field' defence, many a great warrior has succumbed to it's might!

[The Tom and Jerry-esque chase in the cage continues. Kobi is dripping sweat all over the mat; eventually Golob, in an attempt to switch directions, manages to slip on a particularly large patch and stumbles into the surprised Kobi's path. The Japanese fighter panics and attempts to hurdle his falling foe, who careens straight into his outstretched foot, knocking himself unconscious]

Kobi: There! Head kick KO! I am the champion! Asanovic eat your heart out! Ahahahha!

[before the clip finishes, the crowd can be seen rioting and throwing garbage into the cage]

Kobi: Look how they adore their new champion. Showing me with gifts! I was truly an inspiration to them all that night. Ous!

[Leve looks out of shot to his producer]

Leve: Jesus Christ, really? Ok, so you're the BCF champion. Fans are saying that you're only fighting in BCF because of your...um...there's frankly no other way of putting it... disastrous runs in Alpha-1 and GAMMA. How do you respond to those comments?

Kobi: Lies! Garbage! Futile attempts to slander the great and honourable name of Kagetoki Kobi! Do you have any idea what this name means? What it represents?

[Kobi, despite wearing his usual aloof expression, appears to be losing it slightly]

Kobi: Are you even aware of the ancient Japanese translation of my name?

[Leve consults his notes]

Leve: It says here...'He who is without control of his bladder'?

Kobi: An outrage! How dare you! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Incontinence Pants Depot. Ask for the special 'Kobi BCF Title Fight Limited Edition', because if you're going to p*** yourself, p*** yourself like a champ!

Leve: Right, so...ah, what does your name actually mean then in, what was it, 'ancient Japanese'?

Kobi: It means "Go f*** yourself". Next question.

Leve: There was recently some controversy when your application for a fighters licence in California was denied on the grounds that you are certifiably insane. Care to comment on that?

Kobi: Lies. I'm intellectually unparalleled.

Leve: You were seen being led from the commission hearing in a straight jacket.

Kobi: Ah, Camilla, you are so regretfully missinformed! That was no straight jacket, that was a new type of Jiu-Jitsu Gi that the commission are forcing me to wear. It straps my arms to my body in order to give my opponents a fair chance. Come now, ask me a real question you pathetic little man!

Leve: Well, we're actually out of time for this segment...

Kobi: What? You dare dishonour me in such a way? Nobody cares about that idiot Foster or that insignificant da Guia! The people want Kobi! I tell you what, bring them both out, I'll fight them right now!

[Kobi begins to furiously untie his shoes]

Leve: We'll they're not actually here...we just have reports...

Kobi: Cowards! They dare not face me! I will eat my Unicorn, bulk up to heavyweight and fight James Foster. Then I'll have Dr Bob suck 60lbs out of my and destroy da Guia on the same night!

Leve: Won't that...uh...kill you?

Kobi: Preposterous! I am immortal! I'd like to thank my other sponsor, Dr Bob's Coffin Shack. Ask for the Kobi Premium Service, because noone spends more time knocked stiff on his back than Kagetoki Kobi!

Leve: Well that really is all we've got time for folks, thank the lord. When we come back...

[Kobi, infuriated at the premature end to the interview, leaps to his feet and kicks his chair across the room]

Kobi: 16-0!

Leve:...When we come back, more on James Foster's title defence and...

Kobi: He is a fraud, he never fought Kobi!!!

[The now hysterical Japanese fighter kicks one of the many production staff who are now trying to usher him off the set in the shin]

Kobi: 17-0!!! 17-0!!!!

[More studio staff, backed up by security, flood the stage. Kobi, sensing a challenge, attempts to pull off his shirt, only to get his head stuck and his arm and neck tangled]

Leve: (Shouting over the din):...our featured report on Carlos da Guia. Outside MMA returns after these messages.

[As the studio lights dim and the camera pulls out, we see Kobi flailing around the set, his shirt getting ever tighter around his head from all the struggling. Eventually he stops, slumps to the floors, writhes for a few seconds and taps his own chest with his free arm, before passing out as the garment cuts off the blood supply to his head]

Producer: 17-1?

I believe it's safe to say that this is the greatest single post I have read on these forums! Absolutely funny, you have mastered the essence Kobi! I hope you get "productive" like that again soon!

brashleyholland · May 31, 2011

Glad people liked it :-p I may have to continue the legend of Kobi at some point...

RedsRule · May 31, 2011

Brashley +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1 +1

PyroFalkon · May 31, 2011

Absolute brilliance, Brashley! You gave me about seven quotable lines that I'm going to have share with a few people.

I agree that we all need to put Kobi in our games. I haven't played in a few months but re-reading this thread makes me want to start up again. Adam should totally get the guy in as a permanent character for the next database update (or WMMA4, if/when it ever comes to be).

I wonder if Kobi can cross over... I think he'd be damn good in TEW! Of course, Kobi would probably work too stiff and start actually punching everyone in the face for the hell of it, but it would be an entertaining ride for the sold out arenas across the country!

June 2, 2011

John "The Ripper" Rivero missed weight 5 straight fights.

dude-1981 · June 2, 2011

A re-gen about 24 years old or so called Dennis Hunt (don't know of who) had risen to no. 2 P4P in the World by being 11-0 with Alpha-1 but had only ever made weight at HW twice. So he was called a SHW and not ranked at HW. He was also the Alpha-1 HW Champion as of course one of the times he made weight was in his title match.

I noticed that for some reason he had become non-exclusive and immediately signed him and put him in a fight with Fujimoto. He missed weight, but lost a 30-27 decision. As soon as he comes back from the injury he picked up, I am going to put him in another tough fight. Possibly against Satinho who's coming off a title loss. Must already be a couple of years since the A1 HW title was defended due to all the weight loss. I might stop booking him if I can get him to lose 3 or 4 in a row and let A1 book him in a title fight.

LoNdOn · June 9, 2011

Introducing to you, the infamous, undefeated, Kagetoki Kobi........

http://i761.photobucket.com/albums/xx252/LoNdOn_BeAsT/WMMA2%20renders%20for%20Mr%20Ryland/KagetokiKobi.gifhttp://i761.photobucket.com/albums/xx252/LoNdOn_BeAsT/WMMA2%20renders%20for%20Mr%20Ryland/KagetokiKobi-1.gif

OctoberRaven · June 13, 2011

Awesome render, but I dont see him as Kobe.

I see him as looking less wacky Japanese fighter, more... Japanese version of Ocelot from MSG3.

Calinks · June 14, 2011

Maybe Kobi had a kid at 12 and that's him.

WeeMan · June 14, 2011

Now I get why Kobe Bryant is such an awesome basketball player... he must be related to Kobi! Kobe-Kobi... Get it?

MrSelfDestruct · June 15, 2011

not neccesarily humurous, but a little funny. Bryant wins the first round and gets his jaw broken by a jab. ending the fight between rounds.

- Fletcher 'The Drummer' Merman vs. Wally 'The Giant' Bryant

- From player-controlled event 'SFC 6: Defiance' (from the save game 'STORM')

- Created 15 June 2011

>Another match is about to begin; Fletcher 'The Drummer' Merman takes on Wally 'The Giant' Bryant in the SFC Heavyweight division.

>If this match lives up to the pre-fight expectations then we're about to see some fireworks.

>The fight begins!

>Merman avoids a jab.

>They both meet with strikes, but neither does any damage.

>Bryant slips out of the way of a flurry of punches.

>An exchange of strikes doesn't really lead to anything.

>In close proximity from the strikes they threw, they fall into a messy clinch.

>Bryant hits Merman with some short strikes to the side of the head while grappling.

>Bryant tries to wrestle Merman backward and up against the cage.

>Bryant achieves it, pinning Merman to the cage.

>Breathing very hard, Wally Bryant is looking ragged.

>Merman eats a short right uppercut that rocks him.

>Showing how good he can be at controlling opponents, Bryant keeps Merman stuck against the cage for over sixty seconds.

>Bryant attempts to wrestle Merman to the ground.

>Bryant has the takedown, using the fact that Merman was pressed against the cage to his advantage.

>The takedown leaves Merman seated with his back pressed against the cage.

>From the looks of things, I don't think Wally Bryant has much energy left.

>Not liking his options, Bryant looks to get a better position over Merman.

>Merman keeps Bryant close in, not letting the mount happen.

>Merman hits Bryant with a few weak strikes to the back.

>Not liking his options, Bryant looks to get a better position over Merman.

>Bryant isn't able to mount Merman this time around.

>Merman hits some weak punches to the upper back, but they're more out of frustration than anything.

>We pass the halfway mark of this round.

>Bryant begins trying to get himself into a more dominant position.

>He finds himself unable to get the mount on this attempt.

>The gas tank looks empty on Wally Bryant.

>Merman hits several frustrated punches to the back, but they're not going to do any damage.

>The clock runs down as Merman is being smothered against the cage wall by Bryant.

>Bryant looks to get a more dominant position by pushing Merman from a seated position onto his back.

>He finds himself unable to get the mount on this attempt.

>Merman hits some weak punches to the upper back, but they're more out of frustration than anything.

>With no progress being made, the referee separates the two fighters.

>Merman looks to move in and stand in the pocket.

>Standing his ground, Bryant looks happy to engage Merman in the pocket.

>Bryant gets tagged with a crisp jab.

>Merman hits a nice crisp left jab.

>From the looks of it, that shot may have smashed the jaw of Bryant.

>We're into the final minute of the round.

>From the pocket, Merman connects on Bryant with a stiff jab.

>A left jab misses, giving Merman the chance to hit back with a crisp left.

>Merman throws a left jab but Bryant uses good head movement to make sure it slips by.

>Time expires and we come to the end of round one.

>I have to give that round to Bryant, but only a 10-9.

>Bryant slumps back on his stool, and can be heard dejectedly telling his corner that his jaw has been broken.

>In comes the towel! Bryant won't be coming back for another round, his corner aren't going to risk it!

>The winner, by TKO due to corner stoppage; Fletcher Merman!

>Official Result: Fletcher 'The Drummer' Merman defeats Wally 'The Giant' Bryant (TKO (Corner Stoppage) in 10:00 of round 1). The match was rated as being Poor.

Daffanka · June 17, 2011

http://i54.tinypic.com/hs8k1x.png

Two Texan cowboys in Eastern Asia fighting for the KDM FC heavyweight title.

Eidenhoek · June 24, 2011

Kobi sounds like TEW's Big Smack Scott.

Who should also cross over.

Saviourv2 · June 29, 2011

Teila Tuli defeated Dan Severn by TKO(Strikes) at 1:55 of Round 1 to become UFC 5 Winner

:D:D

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